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#yes im being desperate

theprodigypenguin · 7 months

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I think a big difference between Luffy and Dragon is that Luffy sails because he's chasing his dream while Dragon sails because he wants other people to be able to chase their dreams.

I don't think being a revolutionary is what he always dreamed of doing. I don't think it was ever his dream to be the person who acted first. It's simply what happened.

#one piece #revolutionary army #monkey d dragon #monkey d luffy #but thats just me #good dad dragon #i will say that yes taking down the gorosei and celestial dragons is what he wants #and yes everyone being equal and free is something he desperately wants #he wants it badly enough that he founded an army #but i dont think its his dream #i think his dream would be something a lot simpler #like luffy #idk if that makes sense or if im explaining it well #i just think about him a lot ok

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hualianisms · 4 months

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finally got a copy of the revised tgcf novels and skimmed book 4 and the fenglian breakup hurts so much more in the revised version... fx's whole line about "i really don't know, then why have i followed you all this time" is removed. instead what happens is, right after xl says "no, it was the past me who was crazy", xl directly tells fx to leave:

XL: "You should go." FX: "What?" XL: "I said, I don't need you anymore, you should go."

all the other parts of the scene are the same. these revised lines, though, are so painful... it also makes it obvious that fx did not abandon xl, he only left bc xl literally dismissed him as a servant and directly told him to leave 😭

#tgcf #xie lian #feng xin #fenglian #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #either way fx did not abandon xl!!! i will die on this hill!!!#i think it's also impt to rmb that this scene takes place right after xl comes back from being stabbed 100 times #xl is not himself at all and is extremely traumatized #me desperately reminding myself: postcanon they are happy and best friends again it's literally canon that they are reunited and friends #again and happy #oh god this is genuinely so painful in a way that i was not prepared for #im sorry for the new year angst; my copy of the revised novel just happened to arrive on jan 1 😭😭😭#my translation #mp: tgcf #i need to see what else changed but its gonna take me forever to actually read all 244 chapters omfg #oh yes mulian is gayer in the revised version btw

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ge · 1 year

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okeyyy...i know this acc is preddy much good and dead, rest in peace all my dearly beloved tgcfmdzs mutuals and followers who moved on to smth else in the yrs since mdzs ended, ....but i still have a big enough active audience methinks soooo i wanted 2 promote a korean novel thats REEALLY unappreciated in the eng community ITS SO GOOD its my favourite novel atm and i really want it to catch on w western audiences bcuz i swear it has the potential to be as big as mxtxs novels were if given the opportunity to blow up...

RETURN OF THE MOUNT HUA SECT (aka, officially, RETURN OF THE BLOSSOMING BLADE) is an action, fantasy, comedy korean novel by BIGA on Naver, with a webcomic by STUDIO LICO on Webtoon

THE WEBCOMIC IS CURRENTLY ON BREAK AFTER THE COMPLETION OF ITS FIRST “SEASON” (will be returning sometime mid 2023) AND THE NOVEL IS STILL ON GOING WITH 1494 CHAPTERS (as of 4/15/2023)....if uve read tgcf in its entirety pls dont let that chp count scare you..rotmhs is a very bingeable novel... while rotmhs doesnt have an official english translation, the ongoing fan tl has 379 chapters translated (as of 4/15/2023) [LINKS PROVIDED BELOW]

MY SYNOPSIS: the story follows the main protagonist chung myung, a member of the mount hua sect who was formerly known as the legendary ‘plum blossom sword saint’, reincarnates into the body of a beggar child a hundred years into the future after dying following the beheading of the demonic cult leader, chun ma, who slaughtered his clan members as well as countless other sects during the war. when he wakes, he discovers that his once proud and respected sect has fallen into ruin during the century following its defeat. chung myung, hiding his identity as a fabled hero from the past, rejoins the mount hua sect under the guise of being nothing but a beggar to help restore the mount hua sect to its former greatness while making friends as well as enemies along the way..

the official (webtoon) synopsis:

When Cheongmyeong of the Mount Hua Sect awakens a hundred years in the future, his last memories are of a bloody battle against the Leader of the Demonic Cult, the evil Cheonma. The battle almost saw the end of the Ten Great Sects of ancient China, when Cheongmyeong ended the hard-fought struggle by striking down Cheonma. Soon after, he succumbed to his wounds, filled with regret at their pyrrhic victory. All is not lost, however, as he awakens to his second chance at life. Shocked to find his beloved Mount Hua Sect reduced to a mere shadow of itself in the present day, Cheongmyeong embarks on a journey to restore Mount Hua to its former glory.

while the official synopsis does make it seem like the story is going to be heavy and action focused, the novel itself is more comedic than its led on to be and its action scenes are rlly fun and exhilarating to read..

the main cast are extremely likeable and their relationship w each other is very funny and heartwarming... that being said i feel like if uve come from any of the popular danmei novels and r interested in reading rotmhs (PLEASE BE INTERESTED) i feel like i shuld mention that THERE IS NO ROMANCE IN THIS NOVEL... its not a BL, theres no romantic connotations between any of the main characters, this novel is more focused on found family and the bonds between friends than anything BUT PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT LET THE LACK OF ROMANCE DISSUADE YOU..

AIIISSHH THIS IS GETTING LONG ENOUGH soo basically here are links 2 where u can read ROTMHS please consider reading it PLEASE bc im sick as hell of not having enough fics or fanart of it or ppl to talk to abt it with..feel like im rting art on my priv to brick walls....!!!!!!!!!!

(official) NAVER (1494+ chapters, korean) https://series.naver.com/novel/detail.series?productNo=4130558&isWebtoonAgreePopUp=true

(official) WEBTOON (73 chapters, english) https://www.webtoons.com/en/action/return-of-the-blossoming-blade/list?title_no=2849&page=9

FANTRANSLATION (379+, english) https://skydemonorder.com/projects/return-of-the-mount-hua-sect

one last also before let yall have at it, if u’ve read the webcomic and dont feel like rereading the entire novel up to the webcomic stopping point, jump to chapter 117 on the fantranslation.. chp117 is right where the webcomic leaves off👍

OKAYYY HAVE FUNNNN PLEASE READ RETURN OF THE MOUNT HUA SECT PLEEEASEE SHARE THIS POST W EVERYBODY OR ILL KILL MYSELF IDK YAYYYYY YIPPEEEEE ROTMHS SUPREMACY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if u do end up reading and liking it please god..talk to me about it..... im literally shaking scratching my neck rocking in a corner crying sobbing sniffling snotting

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tweetsongs · 2 months

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HE REACHED OUT. IS THE THING. HE REACHED FOR LOVE EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S WHAT IT WAS. IT DIDN'T SAVE ANYONE (except for one person, once, in the beginning. except for those that loved him, and were saved by that love). IT DIDN'T FIX ANYTHING (but it did create everything. the story, the characters, the end of the world, the dream that remains despite it all). IT DIDN'T CHANGE THE ENDING (but for the hands that wrote it. every scar, every callus, every voice that came together and believed that it could turn out differently). BUT THE LOVE WAS THERE, IN THAT STORY, FOR THAT READER, AND IT MATTERED TO HIM, AND HE MATTERED TO THE WORLD.

#orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #hi hello yes im so normal right now why :)#it's about kdj being saved by a story. but no. he was saved by a person. small hands that created the world for him.#large hands that did not know yet what they were shaped to hold #so much love poured into words. into a story to tell a child that he is seen #it's about kdj and od both being seen. always. always. they wanted to be known. they were known.#the gentlest saddest cruelest gods in the universe screaming for help #not knowing how many hands were desperately trying to reach them

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m4ndysk4nkovich · 10 months

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reminder to gallavich stans that hate debbie:

she convinced mickey to go see ian when he got out of the hospital

she convinced ian to man up and marry mickey

she motivated ian and mickey to get married despite terry’s actions

she faked being the bride and missed their wedding so that her brother could actually marry the love of his life

SHE IS NOT THE ENEMY!! WITHOUT HER NONE OF THIS WOULD’VE BEEN THE SAME!!

#shameless #gallavich #debbie gallagher #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #im so tired of debbie haters like grow a pair #all of her hate is rooted in misogyny. ALL OF IT.#i love her and i will die on this hill #deborah margaret gallagher i love you #also she created franny like???#shes iconic sorry not sorry #you guys forgive fiona for doing horrendous things #like she excuses everything with it being cus shes a gallagher #and debbie actually takes accountability #i love them both but the fandom can be hypocritical towards debs #she was really just a kid desperate for love and attention #yes she did some bad things but she also did many great things #anyway thats my rant

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alteredsilicone · 4 months

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The best part about Loid taking care of Albrecht after his Void venture is that being a full-time carer for someone is such an intimate affair, especially considering the fact Albrecht tore his own face open and needed more than just clean slippers and dinner.

Loid gently caressing Albrecht's face to see if the skin has healed properly...

#wf tag #loidposting #i think i hauve covid #do you think they explored each others bodies (yes)#it all started with a desperate embrace #the imagery of love and rebirth #IM NOT OKAY #i feel like loid would be too afraid to make any advances #regardless of their relationship he is always acutely aware of being Albrecht's servant #which is why Albrecht offers him a tender lover's embrace #to remind Loid that he is loved #he is more than just an assistant #my loid my albrecht etc etc #(going insane in the club)

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soldier-poet-king · 8 months

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Expericing the Horrors this morning in SO many different ways.

Like. Having to acknowledge my compulsive people pleasing and the way it fuels my martyr complex, even tho mostly I simply Do Not See It and pretend it's a virtue or doesn't exist. My notions of Duty and Obligation, which are good and my only reason to keep going sometimes, are also morphing into a genuine obsession and fueling said inability to say no or even thinking I'm allowed to say no. Wrestling with the fact that sm of this is an attempt to remain in control of the situation, to keep people placated bc they can't get mad at me then, but also still living with my parents who made me like this in the first place, because that's the best financial decision for me rn. Guilt or anxiety or whatever about the fact that my coping mechanisms/thoughts could be worse but also could definitely be uh..better. ongoing frustration with work and my workplace. [Redacted] happening suddenly at work this morning, which while not impacting me directly, has definitely made all of these emotions Worse.

#franposting #u can ignore this i just needed to write it out so it wouldnt be in my brain #or would be like. less in my brain #unfortunately i have to go actually so my job #probably just gonna put on tmg and try not to freak out #its uh. oh. realizing i am not doing as well as i thought i had been. or im backsliding a lot #its like yes i am better and autonomous and independent #and yet i am 27 and people pleasing and afraid and still a desperate child wanting everyone to get along and stop being cranky #terrified of the unpredictability of it and the passive aggression #so ofc my job is to rake myself over hot coals for everyone elses comfort. bc if i do that they wont be mad and wont be mean to anyone else #if I just suck up all the badness in myself itll spare everyone else yknow #and besides. what else am i good for? yknow? like. im just me. i have to make up for my existence somehow #the rational part of myself is very small and realizes this is absolutely fucked #but yknow. what else is there. what other evidence is there that life can be different. for me at least #there is nothing new under the sun. everything stays the same. etcetcetc #ah well. theres little joys i can find in the meantime. stay sane. stay kind and good even if im turning myself into a non person

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martyrbat · 1 year

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the snow queen – batman tales: once upon a crime

[ID: Victor Fries (aka Mister Freeze) trapped in ice. His head is light blue and is enclosed in a jagged glass helmet. Red goggles hide his eyes as The Snow Queen delicately kisses his temple. In the next two panels, Victor's skin is no longer discoloured and his goggles are off. He melancholically talks to Batman, his icy comatose broken by her kiss.

Batman asks him why did he come here and Victor replies, “This place holds special meaning. It's where she first skated. It's where we first met. My Snow Queen... my Nora. I realize now, my memories of her have kept me frozen in time.” Batman wraps his arm around Victor to help support him as he guides him to safety. He sympathizes, “Sometimes it's not just bad memories that stop us from living, but good ones, too” END ID]

#just this part because im still so >:/ at that recent characterization of him as maliciously cruel and selfish #instead of a man desperately clinging to the memory and belief that somehow someday he can have the love of his life back #yes its still selfish in a sense of 'she wouldn't want this/look at what you've becomed in the name of your love' but the intent??#btas peaked :// having sympathetic villains isn't weak writing or makes the final showdown have less stakes or whatever #it makes your character leave an impact by being a reflection to the uglier side of emotions and what anyone is capable of doing #especially for a character like bruce !!! like !!!!#they both fight for love. they're both criminals wanting to protect what they love. theyre both the embodiment of mourning #anyways.#c: batman tales: once upon a crime | the snow queen #crypt's panels #mister freeze #nora fries #victor fries #batman

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padfootastic · 1 year

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Saudade

You can also read it on Ao3

Remus knew he was a coward.

It’s why he always preferred to blend in. He couldn’t afford not to. It’s also why, to his eternal shame and regret, he’d never bothered to even question the circumstances of Sirius’s imprisonment. His betrayal.

Because he knew if he looked even slightly below the surface, it’d shatter.

(He’d shatter)

Because he wasn’t just a coward, was he. He was also helpless.

No.

Powerless.

He was powerless.

It didn’t matter if he knew Sirius was innocent, if not of the murders then definitely the betrayal (because he knew, didn't he, that Sirius Black would never—as long as he had breath in his body, magic in his veins, life in his heart—do anything to hurt James Potter. It was a fundamental truth of life. There were five exceptions to Gamp’s law of elemental transformation, the sun set in the west, and Sirius was unfailingly loyal to James. Isn’t that how it's always been?)

Because even if the truth was not what it seemed, he couldn’t do anything about it.

So he lived his lie. Didn't bother to look past the newspapers blaring the inevitability of a Black turning to the dark side. It validated his own feelings, his mistrust, his circumstances.

It was a profoundly selfish act, but it was all Remus could do.

x-x-x-x

There was…one moment when he tried, just the bare minimum, really, in hindsight but it was enough to, if not soothe, then push down the constant guilt gnawing at him.

“Mr. Lupin.” Dumbledore looked down at him through his half moon glasses. “What can I do for you?”

Remus didn’t know whether to appreciate the even tone or not. In the past month, his entire life had collapsed around him. He’d gone from being part of a whole, one of four, to completely alone. Even putting one step in front of the other was getting too much for him and on some days, he forewent even that small action. Laying in bed, contemplating his entire life and how it went so wrong in less time than it took to blink—that was all he had the energy for these days.

So to hear Professor Dumbledore refer to him like that, almost pleasantly, as if they were still back in school and Remus had just bumped into him in the corridor—it was equal parts relieving and maddening.

He chose to ignore that for now, though. He had enough going on without discovering new things to be bothered about. Not like he had the energy for it, either.

“Headmaster, I—“ Remus gulped nervously. Now that he was here, it felt much more daunting than he could have imagined. What would he even say?

“Yes?”

Remus took a shaky breath and tried again. “Professor, are you—is it completely without doubt that Sirius—“ He couldn’t finish the sentence but he knew the other man understood what he was trying to say.

“Mr. Lupin…Remus,” Dumbledore started gently, and already Remus was regretting this little excursion. “I know the past month can’t have been easy for you. I wouldn’t even presume to understand how bad it must’ve been. None of us thought that Mr. Black could…” He trailed off, eyes staring at a door behind Remus. He didn’t think he’d imagined the sadness that flashed in his eyes, a meagre reflection of his own agony.

It was only a momentary slip, though, as his eyes hardened and steel coated his next words. “But what’s done is done, despite the tragedy of it all. Mr. Black made his choice, and now it is time for you to do the same.” He gave a sad smile, a damning one that spoke of his finality in the matter. “It is always harder to be the one left behind, Mr. Lupin, and your fate is one I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I can only hope that you find the strength I know you have in you, and use it to move on from this episode.”

Remus could only sit there, stunned and numb and feeling like his skin was tearing itself apart from the inside, the way it did on full moons except worse.

An episode, Dumbledore said, as if he wasn’t talking about his family, his entire life. As if this was a schoolyard skirmish, an encore of that horrid ‘prank’ in fifth year, one he could forget if he so wished to. As if it was that easy to carve away the parts of himself that were entwined with the rest of his brothers (which made up most of him— mind, body, soul, and magic). As if he would even want to.

Remus didn’t try again after that, not with Dumbledore and definitely not with anyone else. If the man who was their leader seemed so sure, then who was Remus to go against his word?

(He’d never regretted anything more in his life, perhaps with the exception of the belief that caused this in the first place)

x-x-x-x

They didn’t talk about it.

At first, there was the whole thing with Pettigrew and being on the run and everything that came with it. Once that got sorted, though, there was no excuse other than it was easy.

Easy to ignore the ache in his heart when the distance between them reared it’s ugly head.

Easy to turn away when he saw the way Molly and Dumbledore treated Sirius in his own house, because isn’t that what he’d been doing so far?

Easy to stay away, altogether.

Sirius never brought it up either. Perhaps on purpose, too, because the pain in his eyes never lessened. Remus could pick out multiple instances where he opened his mouth to say something before abruptly shutting down.

That was another difference. Pre-azkaban Sirius wouldn’t have hesitated like that, not with Remus.

It only drove the knife further in. But did he have anyone to blame but himself?

It was just after Hogwarts had closed. Harry, who’d finished his fifth year, had gone back to the Dursleys but not for long because in a turn of events no one could have predicted, Sirius’ case had completely upended itself in the aftermath of the DoM debacle. Remus still didn’t like to think about it, how close he—they’d come to losing Sirius (again) and how it was only sheer dumb luck—a rock that made him stumble sideways instead of back—that saved him from falling into the Veil.

Perhaps the only positive of the evening was the Minister seeing Sirius Black fighting unequivocally for the Light and against the Death Eaters. In Remus’ opinion, it would be quite some time before anyone forgot the image of escaped inmate Sirius Black laughing at Bellatrix Lestrange in a strange parody of his actions fifteen years ago. The cold laughter juxtaposed with the deadly spells he’d been aiming at his cousin was enough to stun everyone not in the know and that was how an enquiry had been conducted into the case, leading to where they were today.

Remus, however, had spent every minute he could hiding away, even more than before. He couldn’t bear to show his face at Grimmauld Place—the idea of seeing Sirius actually sent a wave of shivers down his spine.

But, as he’d always known, his time did run out.

x-x-x-x

“So are we talking about this then?” Sirius’ voice is tired, perpetually exhausted as it seems to be these days.

They were sitting at the dining table, cups of tea long gone cold in their hands. It was the first time in months Remus has allowed himself to be in the same room as Sirius (it shouldn’t be like this. it never was before. how did it all go so wrong) and the other man wasn’t stupid. Even if Remus hadn’t initiated the conversation, he knew they’d have it. Of course it was Sirius who poked the sleeping dragon. He had always been the braver of the two. Of course, if it was a competition, then James Potter would’ve come leagues ahead of either of them, his passion and intensity unmatched.

(But James isn’t here right now and that’s really the cause of half their problems, is it not?)

Sirius was…quieter, more focused, but plenty brave enough. If Remus allowed himself to think about it, it’s no surprise he brought it up first. In fact, it’s more surprising that he hadn’t so far.

Still. “Talk about what?” he regrets the words almost as soon as they slip out of his mouth. Sirius only looks at him steadily.

Of course he knows what this is about but it’s easier to cling to what you’ve been hiding behind all this while, is it not? But is it fair, to him? More importantly, is it fair to Sirius? Does he not deserve an honest answer, an honest friend?

It’s that which pushes him to try again.

“I-I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure you did, Remus.”

“Alright,” he amended. “I shouldn’t have meant that.” And that at least is true. It gets a wry smile out of Sirius.

“There’s a lot I shouldn’t have done,” he continued, which neatly drives the mirth away. Remus looked down, at his fingers, the bitten down nails and ink stains, so he didn’t have to stare into the consequences of his actions.

‘I should—apologise.”

“Do you want to?”

His head snapped up, the sting of the comment settling under his skin like an itch. How could he think—? One look at Sirius’ face, however, devoid of any malice or cruelty, and the indignant feeling in him dies out as quickly as it rose.

It was a fair question. He hated the fact but couldn’t deny it.

How would Sirius know about the hundreds of hours he’d spent screaming and crying and begging someone, anyone to turn back time, to make things better, to give him a second chance?

Sirius couldn’t know about the time Remus hadn’t been able to get out of his house for seven months, two weeks, sixteen days straight, surviving only on dry crackers and tepid tea and stale bread and feeling guilty for doing so. He’d spent the entire time staring blankly at the sickly green wall of his bedroom, living in a haunting loop of his memories and wishing he was back in them.

Sirius hadn’t seen any of that.

(Would it have made a difference, if he had, Remus thinks. They weren’t indicative of anything but his own guilt, certainly didn’t stem from any moral conviction in Sirius—and what value did it have for someone who was being tortured day and night? living with the knowledge that he’d been left behind without so much as a second thought?)

It’s not something he’s thought about before—in those fantasies where everything is as it was before. Sirius apologises, Remus apologises, they hug it out and it’ll all be better again—but now, now he can’t help but wonder about the efficacy of platitudes.

He hated Sirius’ matter of fact resignation even more, like there was no other way for Remus to react except defensively. (It wasn’t always like this. The Marauders, James & Sirius, they’d always been his biggest believers. They’d made him capable of touching the sky and the stars and everything in between and Remus has been untethered ever since that fateful halloween. There was a time, when anyone expecting any less of Remus—even himself—than they should would’ve gotten all of Sirius’ hackles raised—‘our Moony’s worth a dozen of you and you should only be so lucky to get to see that’—so it stung particularly bitterly when it was the same man expressing this apathy.

The juxtaposition of the two Sirius’ in his head was enough to give Remus a headache at the best of times, let alone now.

So he takes a deep breath, lets the feeling wash away, and nods.

“You don’t have any reason to believe me, and I don’t blame you for it, but I do. Want to, that is.”

Sirius didn’t reply but Remus continued, undeterred.

“I didn’t for a long time. I didn’t want to, not at all. Because it would be my fault, you know? And I was so tired, Sirius, god. I was exhausted trying to keep up this pretense. I just needed to get the burden off.”

Sirius just looked at him, silent. Remus could see the way his eyes flick around the room, however, and how his fingers trembled ever so slightly. He might’ve been out of Azkaban but the signs would last a long time.

“What made you change your mind, then?” There's a note of curiosity in Sirius’ voice and Remus cannot articulate the relief that fills him at hearing it. Anything, even anger or blame, was better than that bland apathy that made his skin itch.

The question itself makes him pause, however. Because he’s guilty, nay, he’s ashamed of the answer he’s about to give. He contemplated shutting up, or perhaps leaving the room altogether, and it takes longer than it should for him to banish the thought.

“Remus?” Sirius asked again and it’s the knowing look in his eyes that made him close his eyes in defeat. He should’ve known he couldn’t have avoided this. This was a man who knew him better than anyone else who’s alive right now—how could he ever have thought he’d be able to hide things from him?

So he takes a deep, fortifying breath. Releases it slowly, grounding himself in the process.

“When I came to Hogwarts.”

“The time I broke out?

Remus tilts his head in the barest hint of confirmation. Sirius nods like he’d expected that.

Again, Remus wanted to be offended—but how could he?

“How’d you—“

—know?” Sirius finished. Remus nodded, a sharp, jagged thing that’s barely an answer.

Sirius smiled ruefully. It looked wrong on him, like a shirt stretched out and shrunk back down with a charm. “Because I know you, Remus. And though it hurt, I always knew you didn’t believe in me, at least not at the end there.

I’ve had nothing but time all this while. Time to think, to wonder where it all went wrong, what I could’ve done—time even to curse James out,” he lets out a hollow chuckle at that, one that Remus echoes because just the idea of Sirius cursing at James is so absurd, there’s nothing you can do but laugh at it, morbid though it may be in the moment.

“And the only thing I can think of is how bad we messed up. I don’t— you know the worst part about this, Remus?” Sirius asks, in his tired, broken voice. Just hearing it makes him want to flinch and hide away. Instead, he brings himself to give another shaky nod.

“I wouldn’t have cared one bit if you’d thought I was a mass murderer. Hell, even being a Death Eater could be believable under the right circumstances and you were away so long, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d entertained the thought.”

Remus waited for the ‘but’ with his heart in his mouth, tasting ash and regret and guilt. He knew what was about to come, had wondered the same thing hundreds of times, going round and round in circles with no relief to be found.

“But how could you ever, even just for a second let alone 12 years, think I could do that to Ja—“ here, his voice broke, unable to even finish the name. Sirius’ trembling hands clenched into fists, hard enough that he could see the knuckles losing color. The words were just as devastating as he could have imagined, if not more. Coming from another’s mouth and not just whirling in his thoughts, it seemed even more damning in the light of day.

And that was just it, wasn’t it. It was this that confirmed what Remus had known from the moment he’d been made aware of Sirius’ innocence.

There would be no forgiveness here. The most he could hope for was closure, perhaps a chance to clear the air, as it were, and that was only if Sirius was feeling merciful. Which, when it came to James, he seldom did. Remus would know; he’d seen the aftermath of what happened to those who dared touch James Potter.

And Remus? Ne hadn’t just hurt Sirius—that was almost inconsequential in the larger scheme of things—no, Remus’ biggest mistake was besmirching the legacy, the honor of James Potter.

Sirius had destroyed people for far less.

It was this realisation that weighed heavy on him, head bowing until his chin touched his chest, unable to hold it up anymore, not knowing what to say and unsure whether he should.

“I can forgive you almost anything, Remus, you know that. I wouldn’t have cared one whit about anything else but that you could think that—that anyone who knew us could—it was that, more than the dementors, more than the crazed prisoners, more than the taunts and insults and torture, that’s what almost broke me in Azkaban.”

A sob broke out from Remus’ chest, ugly and desperate and entirely unfair on his part. Sirius didn’t need his guilt, nor his despair. Remus didn't deserve to be unhappy in front of him. He had made his own bed and now he was to lie in it. He couldn’t even be happy about the hint of steel he could hear underlying Sirius’ words, a faint echo of his past self. Because the implications it held for him were devastating. Remus knew he wouldn’t lose Sirius completely—they had too much history for that, but he’d lose everything that made Sirius him. He’d been spoiled, allowed into the small, small circle of people Sirius truly let in, and he knew there would be no going back. There would be perfect civility, and amicable conversations, but he’d never have his Sirius back. He’d get the Sirius Black the rest of the world saw, the one with the impeccable masks, who was always in control—but not Padfoot, never Padfoot anymore.

And that was to be his penance.

“I am—I truly am sorry, Sirius. You’d never know how much. I just—I couldn’t—I don’t think I’ve taken one full breath since that night, everything was too fast and I couldn’t think and I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t used to being alone anymore,” he said, leaning forward desperately, wanting to explain (not justify, never justify), not wanting Sirius to leave thinking this was—this was what Remus wanted. because he didn't, never could’ve imagined things ending up like this.

It was almost humbling, this ignoble end of the Marauders. They’d considered themselves untouchable, rulers of the world, sitting atop a throne only they could see. So many promises, a seemingly unbreakable bond, the best of the best.

And look at them now.

All of them in varying stages of decay, dead and dying.

“And I know, dammit I know that doesn’t count for shite. But please, I just—you have to know—“ his hands pressed together, pleading, as the words came out in a defeated plea, “I never meant for it to be like this.”

“The worst part of that,” Sirius smiled, small and broken and not even worth a shadow of his usual brilliance. “is that I know you mean that, Remus. I believe it too.”

A second passed, then two, before he delivered the final blow.

“I just wish you’d fought for us the way we had for you.”

#sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #he’s not here in person but he’s mentioned enough to be an imo character #but then when is he not when it comes to me #i edited the whole thing and added punctuation + capitalisation and lowkey prefer the og raw unedited one lol #it felt more fitting to this style of writing #but idk if that’s even readable to people lol #so we gotsa make lil creative sacrifices #please read and tell me what u think!!!#very desperate here. basically biting off the last of my fingernails #gonna be anxiously looking at all my notifs lmao #gimme feedback ok?#i wanna know what remus fans think tbh #yes yes im being v annoying and v greedy but. let me have this. pls.#i have—so many thoughts about this that i’ve held myself back from adding #bc i didn’t wanna tell too much #or add unnecessary shit just bc my brian wouldn’t stop #but i don’t think i can stop talking about this if anyone wants to lol #ok that’s enough of me now have fun!#pen’s writing

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koalemosz · 11 months

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thing is if leo wasn't the type of person he was to make this questionable decision I wouldn't love him so much. like he's not chosen any European club bc he loves Barca too much, u could see psg was just for wc training and at the end of the day he's a father & husband who wants what's best for his kids and not to ferry them around everywhere and that's what I love about him. he sacrificed himself so Barca players wouldn't be sold, he is finishing his European on top of the world and I'll always support him

#rambling #in a ferry desperately trying to connect to the wifi so just got the news 😭#am i gutted hes not in europe anymore? yes #but on the other hand he gave us almost 20 years of his life being scrutinised and compared and had the enormous pressure #of being the “goat” at like. 22 #he said he wants a break.#and i cant blame him #now hes got what he wanted most & has everything u can win in the game #really the only thing that he would still be playing for in europe would be for his fans #but hes already given us so much #anyway hes not retiring or dead 💀 im gonna 100% be watching him flop in the mls #its called soccer !! ! !!#leo messi #ALSO I CAN STOP STRESSING OVER HIS TRANSFER YAY

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