#yes it’s about twilight stfu i know
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love is weakness 4 | kai parker
Aaaand here´s part 4, hope you enjoy!
(english´s still not my first language, so have mercy)
~
In which secrets are found out and traps are made.
~
“How is she?”, Kai asked worried.
“She's going to be fine. Elena and Damon are looking after her”, Jo explained.
They were meeting in the Grill, not yet knowing how close to y/n Kai was able to be without hurting her.
“Because last time Damon was only nice to her”, Kai grumbled, playing with the knife on the table.
“Now tell me exactly what our father told you.”
“The spell Dad put on her will literally kill her if you get too close to her for too long. Apparently the whole coven helped him. He wanted to make sure that you never get to be with her again, if you ever got out.”
The siphoner growled, clenching his fists. “That bastard.”
Jo nodded softly. Even though she didn't hate their father like Kai did, she was angry at him for that spell. And she never really forgave him for killing y/n.
“How do we destroy the curse?”
The woman shook her head. “I don't know. Dad didn't want to tell me. I think he knows you're back. And I mean, if he needed a whole coven to do the spell, I think we're a bit low on magic.”
Kai chuckled. “Oh sissy, trust me, I have a lot of magic.”
“Not enough.”
“Alright”, Kai stood up to leave. Apparently he had to find a way to reverse the spell himself.
“Kai, there's something else.”
“What now, dearest sister”, he snarled.
“The reason why y/n's still young, the reason why she's even alive.”
Kai looked at her expectantly.
“She isn't. Alive that is. She's actually not alive nor dead. She's a ghost.”
“Let me out of here!”, y/n shouted, slamming against the door.
After her break down in the living room, she gained conscience again in one of the bedrooms, apparently still in the Salvatore mansion. She still didn't know why she suddenly felt like dying a few hours (or maybe it's already been a day, she didn't know) ago, but Elena mumbled about something like a spell, when she brought her food about two hours ago.
They weren't in Harry Potter, dammit. Everything was so weird here. Spells, superspeed (at least with Damon), a man she didn't know but somehow did know. It was like her life turned into a bad twilight fanfiction.
Cursing, y/n tried to open the windows in the room again, failing again. Not like she could jump out of a window five meters above the ground anyway. She was clumsy and she didn't have a death wish.
What was wrong with these people? First they wanted to ‘get to know her’, then they nearly killed her and now they were holding her prisoner. Pouting y/n dropped onto the bed. God, her roommate and her neighbor were surely already worried! And of course, Damon took her phone, before locking the door.
Suddenly the door opened and Jo slipped into the bedroom.
Abruptly y/n sat up, looking at the witch suspiciously.
“You must be confused.”, Jo started, causing y/n to roll her eyes.
“OK, so it's a long story…”
“I'm a what?!”
“I know it must be hard but-”
“No, no, no, no. It was hard believing you, that Elena and Damon are vampires. It was hard, believing you that you're a witch, that your twin brother is one too and is only younger than you by, what, 15 years because he was trapped inside a prison world. It was hard believing you that you know me, that this Kai knows me because I was your friend when I was younger.”, y/n rambled, angrily walking around the room.
“All that was hard! It's impossible to believe you that I was born in the 70s, that- that I was killed by your father, that I'm- that I'm a freaking ghost! That's unbelievable!”
Finishing her monolog, y/n had to sit down, pushing her hair over her shoulder. God, she knew at least parts of Jo's story were true.
While explaining…everything, Jo showed y/n her magic, let Damon and Elena show her their vampire teeth (who disappeared soon afterwards to ‘take care of something’) and also showed y/n pictures. Pictures of y/n and Kai sitting at a table, laughing heartily over a game. Of a young Jo and y/n, sitting in pyjamas on a couch at a sleepover.
And while Jo was talking about their time together, y/n realized that she didn't really have any memories of her childhood or in general her life til two years ago. She knew she was born in Portland, knew how her house looked and her parents but she realized she didn't know why she never visited them, she just never felt like she wanted to.
And now it made sense. If she died 20 years ago, showing up at her parents door now would be kind of difficult to explain. Her whole life was a lie.
“So your father accidentally killed me in the night Kai murdered your family and then resurrected me after he imprisoned him. And then he deleted my memory every few years so that I would never question how I couldn't get older? God, he's such a freak!” Y/n growled.
How did her live turn upside down in, what, 24 hours?
“He wasn't able to resurrect you completely, though. That's not really possible. You're alive but not”, Jo stated, repeating again what she said earlier.
Y/n nodded. “And that's why I don't have to eat or to drink and why I don't have a heart beat and why I never get a cold.”
These were things she also realized. God, now it did make sense why she always felt so different. But she couldn't say that she was happier now knowing all that.
“You said Kai and I were close, and that our relationship was special”, y/n said after a while, looking at the picture of them. Again she got that weird feeling. Looking at the picture felt like home.
Kai felt like home.
“Yes, you and Kai were so unbelievable close. You were the only person he ever loved I think.”, Jo's eyes dropped.
“You should probably rest now. I know it was a lot to take in.” Y/n nodded shakingly, still looking at the picture.
She faintly heard the door open and close. Walking over to her bed, she layed down.
She fell asleep shortly after that, holding onto the polaroid.
A few days later, y/n still lived in the Salvatore mansion.
After explaining everything to her and Kai, Elena, Damon, Jo and Alaric decided that it was best to just let her go.
Y/n stayed with them though, not because she couldn't bear to be without her friends (which she could, considering they had threatened her life) but because they were her best shit at figuring out what to do with her life (and how to stop Jonah Parker to delete her memories again) and how to destroy the curse.
“We're going to meet Kai now at the Grill”, Elena said, walking into the kitchen and taking a blood bag out of the fridge.
That's something that was still weird for y/n.
Y/n nodded, feeling strangely sad about having to stay here. My God, she believed them that Kai and her were really close but he had murdered his family and being near to him would kill her (as she found out 3 days ago) so she shouldn't even want to be near him!
“About the deal to leave the town?”, y/n asked then, sitting down with her lunch.
Elena nodded her head faintly. “About that, but also about the curse and the memory stealing.” She whispered the last part.
Y/n knew that Damon thought it was good that she was cursed. That way they wouldn't ever have to worry about Kai stealing her away and them losing their ‘hostage’.
But even Damon said last night, that Kai didn't even touch anyone since he saw her.
So apparently their deal was working, at least kind of. Kai was still in town (and said to Jo that he won't leave until they knew exactly what was going on with y/n) but he behaved like a normal citizen.
It was already dark outside when Jo called y/n. The ‘ghost’ or whatever she really was, was sitting on the couch, watching Netflix while the others were still talking to Kai.
“What's up?”, y/n asked, muting the TV.
“Y/n! We found a way to to lift the curse!” Y/n sat up excited.
“What? How?”
“It's complicated but we think we can do it! You just have to come here!” Y/n nodded, standing up and getting her jacket.
“You're still at the Grill?”
“Yes! But hurry up we don't have much time!”
“I'll be there in 10!”, y/n said, ending the call. Leaving the house she smiled, everything was going to be right.
Jonah chuckled, throwing away Jo's phone.
It was so easy to transform your own voice into someone else's with little magic.
Jo struggled against the magic chains that tied her to a chair. Alaric laid unconscious on the floor, Elena and Damon next to him with snapped necks.
“Don't you touch her!”, Kai growled, running towards his father in pure rage. “Motus”, Jonah Parker said, making Kai fly into the wall of the Grill, knocking him out.
“Oh, Malachai. I'm only making sure that you will never have her.”
~
wellll that was that.
taglist: @kikii-stfu @panic-naran @bizzlepotter @kxttykatmichael @mrsobrien888 @omg-lexiloveyou @lareinadelaluz @teehxk @ammyy2018 @heda-mikaelson @sallyp-53 @mariesgalaxy
(if your url looks like that, I somehow can´t tag you)
(want to be added to the taglist? Just write it in the comments!)
#kai parker#malachai#malachai parker#chris wood#tvdedit#the vampire diaries#elena gilbert#damon salvatore#delena#josette parker#josette saltzman#alaric saltzman#gemini#bonnie bennett#stefan salvatore#the originals#legacies#imagine#oneshot#fanfic
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THE GOOD DOCTOR 2X02 REACTION (possible spoilers)
*HiiiJack Kicks into chat* OKAY. LETS GET TO IT!!!!
shaun exposing his lies...
"take claire”....okay. shaire confirmed for season 3.
this patient has me crying in the club. i gasped at her mentioning FGM.
I see morgan. don’t fuck this up.
okay...i kind agree with her on the FGM stuff.
THEY WANT TO SAVE HER. the audacity of the writers finally giving him lines and it’s that bs. NEXT.
Shaun isn’t excited nor happy. i wouldn’t be tbh.
but claire is so cute and wants him happy.
NO NOT CANCER...ALWAYS THE REAL ONES
shaun just spilling tea when he didn’t intend to.
morgan hasn’t disappointed me yet.
DAMN GOOD DOCTOR. BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB.
so i am confusion on what’s happening to this patient
I suddenly stan morgan. i knew she had a heart.
this interaction is just so pure.
okay...stress levels are rising.
andrews is some kind of angel...bless him.
the audacity of lea. you can’t keep just showing up unannounced.
“i can’t be honest if i don’t know how i feel.”
LIM IS THE G.O.A.T.
she just wants her to have a better life. i love one doctor.
“do you think you’re better than them?” yes. i love glassman so much.
Glassman listens to “fuck dying” by ice cube as a morning routine
GLASSMAN AND SHAUN ARE THE ONLY SHIP I CARE FOR.
this cancer just keeps getting worse.
next up on the twilight zone. WHY AM I STANNING MORGAN.
everyone has a tragic backstory...okay.
this surgery is raising my stress levels. i can’t!!!!
Park and Morgan looking at each other is a mood.
SHIT...A FLATLINE. i knew this would happen.
OKAY STOP THE BLAMING. he just wanted you all happy.
Shaun here to save the day. the marvel superhero we deserve.
claire happy at shaun taking paul’s advice.
LIM>
lea...are you serious?!? it’s not your place to be.
“that’s sweet” stfu.
tbh...don’t really care for lea this ep.
GLASSMAN...be safe.
Final thoughts:
I like that they touched on FGM, wish it was executed better on Lim’s part, but still happy with the out come. R.I.P Paul...you were a real one that was taken too quick. I now stan a pile of trash named Morgan Reznick. ALL THIS SHAIRE HAS ME LIVING. Wish Park’s three lines were better than what the writers gave him. Glassman and Shaun finally speaking about the elephant in the room really moved me. Also Lea needs to get a clue. So That is all for this week my kätzchens, i’ll be floating around the internet until next week. -Hayl
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Other Choices Questions Part 3 Results
yo what up bitches its that time again for the survey results so let’s jump right into it
Q1:
Results: 30.5% of you said Endless Summer (it is endless so like I don’t blame you) and the least amount of votes was #LoveHacks with 10.2% of the votes. The runner-up was Mustard Whale aka Most Wanted with 21.6% of the votes
Fav Responses:
“um who else forgot hero was a thing i thought it was a cracked out dream i had”
“the freshman? she went missing in 2017 we need to find her”
“ze lesbian one. Help us in our time of need.. it is 20 gayteen”
Also people asked why I didn’t put It Lives and I don’t think It lives is dead yet? Like the writers have been talking too much about it for me to consider it dead so let’s hope it isn’t lmao
Q2:
Results: A lot of people--31.1%--thought it was Craig and a close second was Sean with 28.3% of votes. Personally, I think it was Sean too but I guess we’ll never know... Aleister, not surprisingly, only got 1 vote.
Fav Responses:
“Cetus. Don’t act like it isn’t canon”
“rourke obviously. Have you seen that PAINTING and that STATUE um DILF”
“whomever he wants he deserves EVERYTHING”
“bitch I don’t know but I do care!”
Q3:
Results: 65.1% of you were not shook at all but you enjoyed the art work. I personally think PB handled it really well cuz like wow they had no idea they were a robot like???? this book is 10/10 imo
Fav responses:
“*shocked in spanish*”
“I fucked a robot”
“A bitch been known”
Q4:
Results: 29.2% of you say 10/10 book and 22.9% of you say that twilight is shaking in its boots which like tru lmao 6 of you say the vampire troupe needs to die.
Fav Responses:
“blease pb,,,,,,,,, give us a male mc,,,,,,,,”
“i just want queen Kamilah to suck me dry but pb hates me”
“i would pay Kamilah to sTEP ON MY THROAT”
“Welcome to your male li book 9?”
Q5:
Results: 27% of you say it’s good but not your fave, and only 7% of you say you love the series. 13% of you live under a rock I guess and you said whom so yee
Fav responses:
“maxwell’s squid outfit can perish”
“I dont care i just want to marry already”
“*looks at smudged writing* the...... rules of engagement?”
“hfth > trr”
“Maxwell should have died bu t other than that its alright”
Q6:
Results: 41.3% of you said you picked the third option, 26.3% of you are like me and still haven’t finished the book (I’ve played all three endings like four times and I still haven’t ended the book) and only 2.9% picked the first ending
Fav responses:
“I’ve played all 3 with every love interest due to my lack of a life”
“I killed MC to get some angst unLIKE ANOTHER BOOK COUGH COUGH”
“Y’all think I’m going to let endless summer... end?”
“The one where I hack choices and make all the books endless summer”
Q7:
Results: 23.5% of you still have so many questions like bitch me too
Fav Responses:
“mike really just went boom again after like two chapters damn”
“why did pb change plots where everyone could have been our exes that would have been a hit. hits BLUNT”
“I still feel cheated that it was impossible to beomce soulmates with Quinn”
Q8:
Results: 40.6% of yall want to be basic and have the stupid “we have to renovate this place” quote in your room while 3.5% of you want “home scapes help save the mansion”
Fav responses:
“Austin needs to die”
“i downloaded the app but I’ve been stuck on this one level for a year now fuck you austin”
“like they sold the house why renovate????”
“homescapes? is that another sequal to the freshman?”
“ok but uhhhhh what that booty look like Austin”
Q9:
Results: 34.6% of you think Austin would say the same thing he always says like he some sort of robot, and 21.6% of you think he would throw himself out of the window which like same
Fav responses:
“You can only renovate this place if you collect 500 donuts in 12 moves” ITS NOT POSSIBLE AUSTIN”
“He will appear in book 3 chapter 7 jessica told me”
“okay now I’m getting fomo over this meme”
Q10:
Results: 20.3% of you think the series is a car wreck and you can’t look away and 4.1% of you stopped playing after book 1 chapter1
Fav responses:
“i only play for becca bye”
“NO I BETTER GET TO MARRY MY BITCH”
“i will fight you with a stick you try to take my becca”
“I want it to end because its bad, but also, it cant end its classic”
“bold of you to assume I’m still playing that book”
Q11:
Results: A lof of people, 39.4%, said if their roommate ate their cake it would a deal breaker. Only 4.8% of you said if they threw your notes away
Fav responses:
“I’m a weak bitch like mc”
“They talk to me”
“They were going at it all night like that one ad”
“they’re all morons”
Q12:
Results: 38.1% of you said it’ still strictly professional
Also yes I spelled Adrian’s name wrong I wasn’t paying attention so everyone stfu I KNOW lol
Fave responses:
“Where’s Kamilah?”
“You spelled Kamilah wrong”
“*runs*”
Q13:
Results: 34.3% of you would pick Cetus, and only 3 of you would pick Brian or John Tull
Q14:
Results: only 8.6% of you said I should do my homework well guess what bitches it’s summer so I can do whatever the fuck I want. 24.8% of y’all want to know who Diego had a crush on lol
Fav Responses:
“I stan you 10/10 would hug”
“YOURE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE”
“excuse me why are you making it sound like being friend withs cetus is a chore he would be a great friend fuck you”
“austin was driving the car that hit tyler pass it on”
“Girllllll you looked bomb for your formal” (lol I know thank you everyone was shaking in their boots)
“i can’t believe you have an endless summer blog when your name is kenna what a FAKE F-”
“lmao do you honestly think ur funny???? like girl no” (um well I make myself laugh at least ten times a day so like fuck off and my mom thinks I’m funny lol)
“What is your real name if not kenna???? i feel fineesed” (it’s Emma but honestly it can choke I hate my legal name lol)
“I miss Sean Marcus Gayle”
“Kenna is bi bi bi “
“Sean Gayle was singlehandly the best li pb will ever make!!! no one can convince me otherwise!!! Drake and Maxwell can EAT MY ASS”
“austen doesn’t deserves this harrassement”
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watching TENET
-do non-american countries even have THIS sort of militirized forces?
-there are very close close-ups and it makes me uncomfortabe
-oh god the boat conversation makes me want to scream. “there’s a cold war, cold as ice”. oh???? stfu
-doing pull-ups on a ladder like 5m off the floor. god why is this so extra. like who asked this of you?
-there’s something about this movie that makes me think it was written to be a cool trailer
-”no.” long pause “something worse”.
-you know what i mean? like it’s a scene from the trailer, but it’s also a scene FOR a trailer
-robert pattinson to me has only now aquired a face and it’s the priest from “devil all the time”. like he had a face yes, but since he shed twilight nothing really stuck to him, imo, but now it’s that priest. and in this movie he’s that priest but in a fancier suit.
-that scarf tho, rob, nice
-i’m watching the “heist” part in the airport and there’s no tension. i feel nothing
-when rob didn’t kill the dude in the hangar, like, obv he’s a double agent or smtn
-Priya’s a weapons dealer, but because she said the T word suddenly it’s fine and we’re friends? I dunno man
-is the abuse plotline there so that i won’t find him sympathetic? cos otherwise he’s pretty sympathetic. “handle the plutonium better than that”. hah.
-I can now see how the previous 2 points in this list perfectly sum up certain gender dynamics. not to say I don’t like Priya, I do, but I don’t think the plot should.
-it’s interesting how our protagonist instantly trusts everyone he meets. cold war? cool. time reverse? okey dokey. we’re gonna base-climb this building? BFFs/
-i take i back i’m not sympathetic after that ENOUGH scene
-i thought our protag explained the time-reverse thing to rob? then why is rob now in charge of the timey-whimey?
- nolan my dear, abused mothers leaving their children with their partner are not, like, monsters or something. it’s not nice but they’re victims
-so it was herself she saw dive from that boat. it was her own freedom she envied. deep.
-oh no rob’s handsome
-how sad to know ur buddy’s dead before you’re even buddies
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CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 22 - ch 48
Full video here.
CH 22: Baby, it’s hot in here
Like, baby it’s cold outside?
Sooooo much internal monologuing about her first boyfriend and how no one has made her feel like Jaxon does…
“The big picture is that the most popular boys in school are obsessed with you”
“He looks at you like it physically hurts him not to be touching you. Baby, if he wanted you anymore he’d spontaneously combust”
Macy wants the tea about her and Jaxon
She says flint and him had a “massive pissing contest over her” lmao
“Are you trying to be reassuring or scare me?” “yes”
She tells heather ttyf? Am i stupid??? What does that mean?
TALK TO YOU FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
“It sounds like every cliche in the book, but he’s different around you. Somehow less intense, but more intense.”
“You can trust me, we’re family” and grace almost starts crying :(
CH 23: never bring an ice cream scoop to a gunfight
Macy FINALLY comes clean re: flint and jaxon are mortal enemies
“What is this the breakfast club? Even they figured out they could all get along” grace just be quiet and let the girl who actually knows wtf is up at this school tell you wtf is up. You been wanting her to talk for so long, be quiet.
Ooh something big happened a year ago that made them all break up into factions
It’s about hudson jaxon’s brother!
Or is his name spelled Hyudsin because stupid spellings
Ooh macy warned grace not to become the chew toy between flint and jaxon
CH 24: waffles are the way to a girl’s everything
I want to hate this but i fucking love waffles so like…
Someone’s texting her about her ankle...i thought it was jaxon...AND IT IS!
“I don’t know the punchline to whatever knock knock joke you’re setting up” I BURST OUT LAUGHING BECAUSE “he’s funny over text” ma’am...this isn’t funny? Maybe a lil snarky, but funny?
Now she’s telling jokes over text and we’re having a whole long stupid text fucking exchange….i hate this so much
Then he tries, “what do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite” and my soul leaves my body because what in the 8th grade twilight fanfiction is happening…
She texts him brb instead of just responding when when she was done peeing and then he stops answering her, this used to happen to me with the toxic dudes i talked to in high school...am i reading too much into this? Idk yet
And then she’s spiraling about why he stopped texting and UGH I REMEMBER THIS FEELING!!!!!!!!!
Jaxon has food sent up to her room from the...cafeteria? Wtf…
He says he doesn’t like the food and she says “So what do you like to eat” and then is like “wow that sounded suggestive” lmao
And he says “i don’t think we’re there yet but let me know when we are” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
CH 25: truly madly deeply bitten
And we’re really just gonna keep texting 21 questions
She loves tatbilb...i mean same lana condor is the loml, but
Jaxon loves rogue one………
I don’t care AT ALL. NOT ONE BIT DO I CARE, TRACY WOLFF.
“I wish i could ask the real jaxon vega to please stand up” i rolled my eyes but i also giggled
“You suck” “you have no idea how much” i threw up in my mouth.
Niall horan reference, hozier reference, rhianna reference
JAXON’S. FAVORITE. SONG. IS. TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.
INSERT SNAPCHAT OF ME CRYING LAUGHING HERE
Gambino reference, beethoven reference???, and then brown-eyed girl which personally offends me because my mom used to sing that to me
This makes her hands shake
She plays brown eyed girl a bunch of times
Then another woman comes to deliver a package to grace...from jaxon...it’s a library book
It’s twilight
Insert snap of me screaming stfu here
Macy is laughing her ass off about this because she isn’t stupid, she knows what jaxon is
And grace says she never read it when it was popular all those years ago…
Baby you said you liked reading. No way did you survive middle school without reading it.
And then he shows up!!!!!
She makes a shitty joke to lighten to the mood
He’s massaging her hurt ankle...oh shiiii
They ALMOST kiss
He gives her a little note wrapped in a ribbon
“I wonder how i’m going to keep this beautiful, broken boy from cracking my already battered heart wide open”
Hades voice: we were so CLOSE!
CH 26: the uniform doesn’t make the woman, but it sure brings out the insecurities
He ripped a page out of anais nin’s journals that says some shit like “i dreamed you, i wished for you”
So cute sentiment but you ripped a book my dude? Cardinal sin
Grace is finally going to class
The cafeteria is goth as fuuuuck
The music is “creepy af”
Jaxon sits next to her in front of everyone
CH 27: 10 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to “the cool kid’s table”
He sits in the super ornate chair backwards and it makes her horny
The order is kind of ragging on jaxon about being cute to grace which is funny
We get all the dude’s names at one - raphael luca liam mickey?? I think
“A dark and devastating desperation” in his eyes
And then we got byron who’s more angsty than jaxon - “mad bad and dangerous to know” just like his namesake
CH 28: “to be or not to be is a question, not a pick-up line”
Jaxon walks her to class
Wanting him feels like opening a vein
“I love the way your hair smells”
“My heart is beating like a heavy metal drummer”
We were so close!!!!!!!!!
We’re doing hamlet in class ofc
The teacher says “although you look like the shy type despite your association with katmere’s most notorious student”
Instead of just saying the halls are like playing frogger she describes the old video game where you try to get the frog across the road...is it just people in the south that say playing frogger when describing crossing traffic? Or is this a well known phrase??
Apparently there’s hidden tunnels so flint takes her to them
Her intuition is like BITCH DON’T GO IN THE TUNNELS but she ignores it AGAIN
CH 29: with friends like these, everyone needs hard hats
There are beds with shackles?!?!?!?!
Leah shows up and turns out they’re going to the same class? But flint insists on walking her to class…
Leah and flint are NOT friendly
Damn she offends flint with a buffalo bill joke
There’s bones in the tunnels and a giant chandelier in the rotunda that’s also made of bones…
There’s an earthquake!
CH 30: you make the earth shake under my feet, and everywhere else too
And it stops as soon as they get out of the tunnel
Jaxon is there and being a dick to flint and grace has HAD it
CH 31: big girls don’t cry, unless they want to
Grace gets hit with a basketball in gym
All the order has been walking her to class because jaxon knew she was mad at him
Does jaxon cause the earthquakes somehow?
She finally reads the texts jaxon had sent and feels bad for being mad at him when he was just worried - no he acted like a dick. Be mad.
She’s making sooooo many excuses for his anger: the earthquake, the fact that he’s already rescued her before so of course he’s worried…
Aww a student is playing autumn leaves which was her dad’s favorite song :(
She starts to boo-hoo “grief is a wild thing within me”
Civil twilight AGAIN
Jaxon is standing there when she finally stops
CH 32: it’s not a coincidence that denali and denial use all the same letters
He opens the door in the alcove and it’s like a clubhouse? Oh it’s his dorm room???? Confusion
So it’s like the living room and NOW he’s leading her into his bedroom
She says she’s terrified of him touching her because of the intensity but then says she has no trepidations about doing or being anywhere with him...ya just said...nvm
They go out to the roof
CH 33: Madonna’s not the only one with a lucky star
Please decide if grace is a silly teen who doesn’t know what frogger is or an old soul who loves madonna pls
She asks if he’s an alien…
And she tells him he’s the hottest person ever and that his scar makes him sexy as hell and he's all like “me?!” which is a nice role reversal
This is his favorite place
And there's a meteor shower!!
CH 34: all’s fair in love and earthquakes
Thanks i hate this
When she touches him she realizes how cold he is and thinks it’s from being outside which makes him act all weird
Someone please just tell this girl what’s going on!!!!!!!!! I HATE when the reader is 8,000 steps ahead of the MC
“A craving in his eyes” WE’VE SAID THE TITLE FOLKS!
She makes the move to close the space and says she’s dazzled, GUYS
She’s making the MOVE! “Did you ever want something but you were scared of taking it?” “yes” “what did you do” “i took it anyway” and then he kisses her!!!!!!
The kiss is as soft as a snowflake, as delicate as the permafrost
Then “his mouth goes crazy on mine lips tongue teeth, it’s a cacophony of sensations, a riot of pleasure”
“My knees go weak at his tongue on mine, just like one of those heroines in a novel”
His hands are vices on my biceps...his hands were around her back at first which seems way more romantic than manhandling her arms??
There’s an earthquake...and jaxon is like you have to go
A window breaks and cuts her and then she blacks out????
CH 35: baked alaska is more than just a yummy dessert
Intimidating af is the nurse
The glass nicked her artery!!!!!! The FUCK. or did jaxon bite her?????
Her mom died like that… yikes on bikes
He fucking bit her...this is a lie...i’m calling it…
FINN ABOUT TO COME CLEAN!!!...but the nurse stops him.
Macy is an OG bff she is the best
Or is grace the one making shit happen??
Grace notices the sheets are fixed but that macy never went to the bed
Macy asked what they were doing when the earthquake hit...WHY
CH 36: no harm, all foul
Grace goes after Jaxon and he’s like “our kiss didn’t matter”
He says he put her in a lot of danger by being around her, a “target on her back” and wants her to stay away from him but he can’t pull himself away
But then he does
CH 37: don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer
Leah drops the bomb that she and Jaxon are expected to carry on like a family dynasty sitch since Hudson died
CH 38: nothing says “i like you” like a fang to the throat
She’s freaking out of course
Mickey says jaxon def didn’t bit her and she’s even more confused and me too
Jaxon is in the mountains...he wants her to wait but she’s pissed
“I take a deep breath and hold onto it with both hands” ….?????
Because i have to hear it out loud, “what did make these marks?”
Say it, out loud
CH 39: there’s never a hallucinogen around when you need one
She’s furious and she should be! I’m glad she’s not replying to Jaxon
We finally get to the bottom of it all!!!!!!
Macy admits Jaxon is a vampire
Leah is one too!!!!
Flint is a dragon!!!!! CALLED IT
He’s got fire? With a name like flint how could he not PUKE
“Who needs LSD when you go to monster high?” Shut UP
Macy is a witch DUH
“You should have been one too”
CH 40: be careful what you witch for
GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THIS TITLE
Grace’s dad was a warlock but he lost his power when he fell for grace’s mom...oh no was their accident like a magical mafia hit??
“What kind of witch are you if you can’t do something an 11 year old can?” “the kind that doesn’t come from JK Rowling’s brilliant imagination”...THAT aged poorly…
“This is a less bloody version of game of thrones” shut UP
The school nurse bit her because jaxon used his vampire venom to heal her cut, and it worked too well so she needed to cut through the healed skin with her vampire teeth
Because this is twilight satire so of course they have venom…
“So vampires can just override each other’s venom?”
Most of the vamps would have had a hard time not draining you dry, but not jaxon
I absolutely called it: witches, vampires, dragons, and werewolves confirmed.
CH 41: Vampires dragon and werewolves, oh my
This physically hurts
She’s kind of categorizing the students now that she knows which is totally something i would do
God almighty is flint just a jacob clone…
CH 42: good thing pancakes aren’t on today’s menu
The chandelier is falling onto her and someone pushes her out of the way - it’s jaxon!
His eyes smolder at her
She dresses his cut on his head and his arm
“I wouldn’t have had to save you if you were in your room where i told you to be” he grinds the last part out through clenched teeth
He finally lays it out that someone has been getting her hurt on purpose
CH 43: what doesn’t kill you still scares the hell out of you
Her uncle wants to talk to her before she sees jaxon again and i smell an info dump coming
Dangerous af
“Macy told me she spilled all the tea” said her UNCLE with no hint of like “is that what you kids say these days”. GTFO
“I wait for the other shoe to drop even though 100 have already fallen” that’s not how that idiom works
She’s like “how could he think i wouldn’t figure it out i knew something was wrong” no ma’am! No you didn’t!! You kept shrugging it off until chapter 24 at the EARLIEST when you settled on aliens
Getting the tea on the turf war between dragons and vampires - so it’s not like twilight because it’s not the werewolves. Whatever.
Uncle says it was probably some witch who got too loose with her powers and grace is like yeah no absolutely no one is trying to kill me it was yet ANOTHER freak accident
Uncle wants to sent her back to cali
CH 44: Sweet home alaska
So she doesn’t wanna go because of jaxon, not because her only family in the world is in Alaska….
It’s only been a WEEK
“I know jaxon can be...seductive” says her UNCLE
the guys in the order are born vampires, not made, it’s a v big deal
Info dump city re how vampirism is a genetic mutation…
There are 6 ancient families of vampires...this all sounds like the first draft of my new wip where I was trying to figure out how the secret society worked…
Then he says he’s not in the habit of talking students with other students….we just did...this whole chapter…
Another earthquake???
Ch 45: I always knew there was fire between us, I just didn’t know it was your breath
Dude shut up
She goes to the library and wonders if the books about vampires etc would be under non fiction or biology lmao
The librarian is a native Alaskan with elemental magic….yikes
She does a weird eye swirling “you’re more than you think you are” thing to grace
Flints in the library and she asks him about dragons and I swear to god if we get a chapter devoted to learning about each species via info dump I will burn this place to the ground
He singes the marshmallow with his fire breath, loves it
And he can breathe ice? He cools the water down
He can bloom flowers in his hand????
“They’re beautiful” “you’re beautiful” “but I’m not hitting on you??”
Because when I hit on you, it’ll be because you want me to!!!!! We Stan flint!!!
Ch 46: I’ll get you and your little dog too
Enough
Dry throat around flint now, oh shiiiiiii
Oh shit the order is on the move!! There’s trouble
She chases them into a classroom and sees jaxon making shit fly everywhere with just his mind...is he a vampire and a witch??
There’s a werewolf vampire brawl
Damn jaxon can freeze everyone with his mind!
She tries to stop him but he’s put up a barrier
She breaks through!!!!
And jaxon bites cole!!!!!!! ALMOST KILLS COLE!!!!!!!!!!!
“This is your only warning”
CH 47: the first bite is the deepest
Jaxon pulls grace away, this whole time grace’s inner monologue is her feeling responsible for the carnage
“I won’t hurt you” “I know” “you know? do you have a death wish?”
But jaxon is so disgusted at himself that she's just like “well did he deserve to almost be killed?” She has accepted this shit with sociopathic speed
“The power you wield...it’s unfathomable” sis has turned the corner
“You don’t scare me jaxon”
They flipped the script and she breaks down his defenses and it’s kind of hot ngl
She tells him she needs him and he bites her??????
Ch 48: is that a wooden stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
They’re getting worse
But it’s not a hurting bite it’s like a sex bite…like she describes an orgasm basically..
Then they kiss
The earthquakes are jaxon! Called it
At this point I am sooooo annoyed because just make him a witch!!!! We really wanted the twilight combo so badly we made him a telekinetic earth-shaking vampire?????????
They go to his room...and she goes to his drum kit instead of his bed, you dumb bitch
Now they’re talking in the bed
The jokes are just so fucking bad
He cuts them off by pulling her on top of him and kissing her!!! In bed!!!! We ain’t in twilight no more henny
“The kiss curls my toes but the yank curls everything else” wut
“I don’t want you anywhere near that world, and I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you” - someone. Anyone. Take a second pass
~~~
#bookreviews#book review#cringe review#cringe books#crave#tracy wolff#jaxon vega#negative review#booktube
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Celeb crushes people who have followed me since this blog started have endured:
Jonny Lee Miller (eternal, since 1995, never gonna be over it)
Leighton Meester (my ethereal pop queen who likes not having a career I guess :/ GO WATCH LIFE PARTNERS ON NETFLIX IT’S ABOUT GAY GIRLS AND BEST FRIENDS)
Lee Pace (situation has cooled since its fervor when I joke watched the Twilight movie he was in. Friends, joke-watching something and developing thirst is the opposite of dignity)
Rosario Dawson (we kind of broke up since she became a BernieBot, her twitter killed me during the 2016 election. Also Daredevil sucked but she’s still hot. Classic issues of wanting your fave to stfu, tho)
Anthony Rizzo (ongoing, king of baseball in my heart, actual cinnamon roll, responsible for the final out of the greatest game ever, precious, precious boy)
Javy Baez (also ongoing, stronger since the ESPN Body Issue)
Jake Arrieta (over but I have fond memories, Jake. I really do.)
Natalie Dormer (STILL BURNING HOT AND BRIGHT. I WANT TO BE HER. I ALSO WANT TO MARRY HER. I WANT TO BE HER DOPPELGANGER WIFE.)
Pedro Pascal (this lasted about a minute when he was on Game of Thrones but lbr he still looks like he knows how to fuck like a champ amirite)
Giancarlo Stanton (broken up. Fuck you Jeets. Fuck you Yankees!)
Richard Madden (burning hot. IS ACTUALLY IN GOOD PROJECTS ASIDE FROM GOT. Like. Well done on the script selection Richard honestly not much I’ve watched for you has been terrible. Lady Chatterley’s Lover wasn’t great but had some good messaging and female-gaze looks at Richard so... good.
Bridget Regan (still simmering. Still responsible for one half of my truest OTP of Richard/Kahlan. Calmed since Agent Carter canceled and I ended up thinking Jane the Virgin was bad, sorry)
Hayley Atwell (I met her and she was perfect love love love)
Craig Horner (i love you bb but stop making bad music and get some more work acting)
Lumen Pierce (okay fictional character by Julia Stiles here so not really a celeb crush but she is legit the first fictional character whose tag I tracked and I made multiple Tumblr mutuals just on Lumen Love alone so she gets a nod AND YES I STILL LOVE HER
Henry Cavill (goddammit Henry I need more than The Tudors which is bad and Superman moves which aren’t my bag. Oh well. Keep looking good.)
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132 Thoughts I Had While Watching the PLL Finale
OMG Bridget Woo LOL nice throwback
This is like a dream sequence or someone’s imagination, right?
Definitely has to be Mona’s imagination.
Lucas WTF
Ha the girls don’t seem the least bit enthused with him “Hey Lucas”
"Remember when we used to look up murder weapons, indistinctive traits of psychopaths exhibiting signs of hyper-reality disorder” IM YELLING
JENNA! BITCH YOU IS BLIND WHY ARE YOU RIDING A HORSE?
I low-key love all of the truth tea they’re spilling, even though it’s not real
HA I KNEW IT WAS MONA’S CRAZY ASS
So Mona gets to know who A.D. is first?
OMG THEY ALL DID THE SHHHH
Aw Ezria y’all are cute.
YASSS ARIA OWN THAT UGLY CRY
OMG EMISON TWINS FUCK THEY’RE SO CUTE
Lily and Grace are such sweet names
DOMESTIC EMISON!!! HEY NOW HEY NOW THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF
MAMA PAM YES
Melissa and Spencer getting along? Ehhhh idk about that
OW MY SPOBY HEART
Oh my god she re-bought his truck? I love Spencer so much.
Hey that’s Marlene’s son!
ADDISON YOU BITCH STFU
Alison would END YOU
Who bullies someone just because they’re deaf?
And there’s Jenna tapping along��
OH YES END HER JENNA
Lolololol she became a life skills teacher I love it
Haleb is still cute even when they’re fighting
MONA’S BACK YES
Of course she would be obsessed with game shows
Spencer’s love for interior design making an appearance, I love it!
SPALISON IS SO CUTE
Aria’s dress here is really cute!
"Wait for it”
Lol but I could so see them all going on a group honeymoon to Paris together
Oh shit where’s Mona?
"That’s exactly why we eloped." Only in Rosewood y'all
This scene was all Ian haha
They’re such a cute family OWW MY HEART
MELISSA???
Ella could take down Diane in a SECOND
Love me some Spanna!
EMISON IS ABOUT TO GET THEIR SEXY ON
LOL everyone casually sneaks off to go have sex and then there’s just Spencer and Toby
THEY’RE PLAYING SCRABBLE FUCKKKKK
Damn Ezria get it. Nice throwback to 5x05 with Aria pulling the sheets over her!
JESUS EMISON LET ME BREATHE
Emily has that sex hair right now!
"I’m trying to get pregnant” “You’re scaring my ovaries” Oh Hanna.
MELISSA STOP BEING CREEPY
OH MY GOD IT'S HAPPENING. SPOBY PARALLELS TO 1x19 OMG
Aria baby what’s wrong?
OF COURSE IT’S MONA UNDER THERE
So now Mona’s working for A.D.?
Aria I’m so heartbroken for you baby!!! (ALSO IS THAT THE SONG FROM THAT SUPER SAD SCENE IN SEASON ONE AHHH THE FEELS)
LOL Mona you sly bitch
Uhhh Spencer what are you doing?
ARIA APOLOGIZING FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE KIDS IM SOBBING
HOPE BREEDS ETERNAL MISERY OMG
Oh Hanna baby what is you doing?
Byron you big softie!
Poor Ella, but THE WINE MOMS ARE BACK YASSSS
OH MY GOD THEY’RE DISCUSSING HOW THEY GOT OUT OF THE BASEMENT LOLOLOL
Toby and Emily are such an underrated friendship
WOAH WAIT that girl is Maya’s niece? HOW SWEET
Spoby I miss you so much
LIMERANCE
Ah looks like the Wine Moms had a fun night
Ezria stop fighting right this second YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED
THIS EMISON PROPOSAL GOT ME CRYING AGAIN
“You wanna make a baby?” OMG STOP THEY'RE SO CUTE
SHIRTLESS TOBY MAKING A COMEBACK
FUCK ME UP this is so hot!!!!
UH SPENCER, weren’t you just with Toby doing the sex?
Oooh that’s the song that played when Spencer was sitting outside of Toby’s apartment crying her eyes out back in season 3!
MONA OMG. I do love the parallel to 2x25 though with that slap
FUCK FUCK FUCK I KNEW IT!!!! TWINCER IS REAL BITCHES!!!!
Emison is 500% done with Mary’s shit lol
Ohhhh this is how Wren is connected to this shit show
ALEX DRAKE
Of course he ordered a vodka soda
“It’s a lot to process, would you like a sedative?” YES PLEASE
Spencer wants to fuck this bitch up so badly lololol
Oh jesus she’s going to become Spencer? What a twisted sister!
I KNEW THAT SCENE WITH HANNA AND THE ONE WITH EZRA AT THE AIRPORT WAS OFF. I didn’t catch the one where she was looking through the family album though and GOD DAMN IT THAT WAS HER KISSING TOBY IN 6x20 AND HAVING SEX WITH TOBY IN 7x18
Like Mother Like Daughter BROOOO
Damn Alex is just batshit crazy and I’m kinda loving it.
I do feel bad for her though.
Woah hold up this bitch had Wren shoot her so she’d look EXACTLY LIKE SPENCER, like down to the scars she has. Damn she’s committed, I’ll give her that.
SHIT SHE REALLY IS INSANE SHE TURNED WREN INTO A DIAMOND
Awwww Aria looks so beautiful! GIRL I’M CRYING TOO
I’m gonna just pretend like that’s all of our girls taking that selfie
HOLY SHIT WREN IS THE BABY DADDY
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR LUNCH MARY
That’s actually so sad about what Alex’s parents did to her. I get why she’s so angry, she’s had a miserable life.
Mary really does love Spencer
OH GOOD SHE REMEMBERS THAT SPENCER CAN PICK LOCKS
Aria baby noooo don’t cry
I figured that Alex had Ezra…
Do-it-yourself dungeon I’M YELLING
Lol the look on Spencer’s face says “Bitch stop copying me”
Ezra must feel like a dumb dumb now
Oh so Alex shot Spencer, intending to kill her and take over her life but Mary saved her. Alright.
Alright that’s kinda cute how Alex and Charlotte bonded
Alex, Wren, Charlotte, and Archer were a SQUAD
Uh Charlotte, the only really terrible one is Peter Hastings!
No wonder Alex was so pissed when Charlotte was murdered, she was the only real family she had ever known.
UGH I’m just gonna pretend this is Team Sparia
Uh-Oh the horse knows it’s not really Spencer
Of course Jenna could SMELL that Spencer wasn’t really Spencer
Alright so these dummies have been trying to figure out who A is after all these years and they just immediately get it right now? That was so easy and ironic thing is that they didn’t have Spencer to help them figure it out.
Mary ships Spoby and I’m living for it
Damn Alex, psychotic much?
I always figured it was A.D. who bought Toby’s house
RUN BITCHES
Alex with that hatchet is giving me “The Shining” vibes lol
HOLY SHIT IT’S THE DOLLHOUSE 2.0
EZRA YOU GOOD THERE HOMEBOY?!
Oh my god Alex copying Spencer like that gives me the creeps
TWIN FIGHT
God dammit WHICH ONE IS SPENCER?
AWW TOBY YASSS BABY YOU REMEMBER HER FAVORITE POEM
OH MY GOD THIS WEDDING IS SO CUTE I CAN’T BREATHE
Look at the babies!
MARLENE KING OMG she did the Shhh and everything
My babies happy… I LOVE THIS SONG
Aww Hanna’s pregnant!!!
STOP THIS LAST OT5 SCENE IS TOO MUCH FOR MY HEART TO HANDLE RIGHT NOW
Ok Mona having a doll shop in France is literally the cutest thing ever
She totally should’ve ended up with Mike though TBH
BROOO Mona literally won the game I’m so proud of my child
YOOOO THIS IS SOME SHIT OUT OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE. HAVEN’T YOUNG GIRLS IN ROSEWOOD LEARNED NOT TO HAVE SLEEPOVERS ON STORMY NIGHTS?
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Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic
I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.
Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.
For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.
Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.
I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.
AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!
I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.
btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !
Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!
no critisism pls!
Oops.
tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!
The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.
EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)
Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.
love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx
Aww. That’s kinda cute.
UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)
Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.
i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.
Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.
Altantiana
Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.
Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).
Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.
Notice the middle name? Subtle.
I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!
This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.
My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.
It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.
My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.
I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.
I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.
Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.
Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.
They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)
I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.
Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.
The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.
Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!
Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.
Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.
I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.
I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.
I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!
Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.
It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.
Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.
I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.
I mean… you just moved in with them.
My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.
Foreshadowing!
Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.
Presumably because she’s too ethereal.
I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.
That could have something to do with why they’re staring.
I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!
God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.
Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!
Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.
My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.
I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.
Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.
My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.
I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.
Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.
Could’ve fooled me!
I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!
That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.
I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!
I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.
Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.
I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.
God, what a sentence.
I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.
Something like… bad writing?
The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!
There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.
At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.
Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.
It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.
Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.
I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!
Foreshadowing! Again!
A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.
Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.
She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.
The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.
So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.
Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.
As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.
Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.
I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.
This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school.
I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!
Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.
"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)
So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.
In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.
In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.
Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.
"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”
Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.
It was the hawt pale guy!
Dun dun dunnnn!
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