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spvcejams · 3 years

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Azriel + his Shadows

There seems to be a big debate within this fandom when it comes to Azriel and his shadows. Why this is even a debate is beyond me but I digress. In this meta, I am going to pinpoint all of Azriel and his shadows' interactions. It is very important to note that Azriel's shadows are a separate entity. They are not him. Moving on.

Quick little disclaimers:

1. This is going to be a long post.

2. You will notice that certain characters do, in fact, have a bigger emphasis on Azriel and his shadows vanishing (which is not a bad thing).

3. This is my interpretation of the shadows based on the context of the text. I also included the chapters if you so choose to read the quotes in context as well.

Some key terminology that, unfortunately, needs to be defined:

Cleared: rid of objects or obstructions

Stark: severe or bare in appearance or outline

Disappear: cease to be visible

Eddied: move in a circular way

Recoil: suddenly spring or flinch back in fear, horror, and disgust.

Skitter: to move lightly and quickly or hurriedly

These definitions will also be present among the text once it is noted.

BACKGROUND ON AZRIEL

"Shadowsinger. Yes- the title, whatever it meant, seemed to fit.

"Like the daemati," Rhys said to me, "shadowsingers are rare- coveted by courts and territories across the world for their stealth and predisposition to hear and feel things others can't."

Perhaps those shadows were indeed whispering to him, then. Azriel's cold face yielded nothing. (ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

"A new bastard in the camp- and an untrained shadowsinger to boot. Not to mention he couldn't even fly thanks to-" (ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

"I don't really know where I fit in anymore," I admitted [...]

"I've been alive almost five and a half centuries, and I'm not sure of that, either,' Azriel said." (ACOMAF, Chapter 22)

But Azriel, locked in his father's dungeons like some criminal until he was eleven, denied the ability to fly, to fight, to do anything his Illyrian instincts screamed at him to do... (ACOWAR, Chapter 18)

A corner of Azriel's mouth curled up, the shadows about him sliding over his neck like living tattoos, twins to the Illyrian ones marked beneath his leathers.

Shadows different from anything my powers summoned, spoke to. Born in a lightless, airless prison meant to break him.

Instead, he had learned its language. (ACOFAS, Chapter 7)

I held his gaze, though. Held that ice-cold stare that still sometimes scared the shit out of me. I'd seen what he'd done to his half bothers centuries ago. Still dreamed of it. The act itself wasn't what lingered. Every bit of it had been deserved. Every damn bit. (ACOFAS, Chapter 7)

Based on these excerpts from the books, we know that Azriel was not born with his shadows and his shadowsinging abilities. He acquired them when he was living in darkness and fear. They provided him company during his time of loneliness. He learned their language. They became his friends. They brought him comfort and provided him a defense mechanism when needed. They are not him.

It is important to realize that while Azriel's shadows are not him, they sense his emotions. While Azriel learned the language of wind and stone, the shadows, in turn, learned how to read Azriel's language and emotions and act upon them.

Side note: I'm going to go ahead and add this little jewel as well, just for fun:

Rhys said to Azriel, "If I had not met a shadowsinger, I would not have known that it is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters. I would not have known what it is to truly hope, even when the world tells you to despair." Azriel bowed his head in thanks. (ACOWAR, Chapter 69)

INNER CIRCLE

Let's start with conversations amongst the Inner Circle. We know that the IC is Azriel's family (see quote above) and he trusts them. We see throughout the books that not only are there calm conversations but there are also tense ones as well.

The gift of a violent, warmongering people," Amren added. Azriel nodded, shadows wreathing his neck, his wrists. Cassian gave him a sharp look, face tightening, but Azriel ignored him.(ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

This is Feyre's first time meeting the Inner Circle at the House of Wind. Feyre is getting the basic background of all of the members and we see from the quote above, Feyre is getting the background of Cassian, Azriel, and Rhys's heritage. This is where we first get a hint about Azriel's hatred for his own people. The way his shadows start to swarm him. They sense his hatred and disdain for Illyrians and they swarm to protect.

... I scrambled for something to ask and said to Azriel, those shadows gone again, "How did you- I mean, how do you and Lord Cassian-" (ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

We then see his shadows disappear. In context of this quote, Cassian makes a light-hearted joke when it comes to looking good while wearing the Siphons. Cassian's sense of humor helps ease Azriel and his disdain for Illyrians that was reemerging at the time.

(1) Azriel lingered by the window, comfortably ensconced in shadow, a light flurry of snow dusting the lawn and street behind him. And Amren... (ACOMAF, Chapter 19)

(2)... Azriel emerged from his wreathing shadows to ask the most questions; his face and voice remained unreadable. (ACOMAF, Chapter 19)

This quote (1), in context, presents the fact that both Azriel and Cassian were waiting for Rhys and Feyre to return from the prison. Not only is Azriel surrounded by his shadows, but Cassian also expresses "a coiled-up energy" while waiting. Both Azriel and Cassian present the same emotions when it comes to Rhys/Feyre and the prison. While Azriel's facial expressions remain unreadable, his shadows make it known what he's feeling (2).

I assumed Azriel was nearby, seeking sanctuary in the shadows. Hopefully, he'd gotten some rest after dealing with the Attor- and would rest a bit more before heading into the mortal realm to spy on those queens. (ACOMAF, Chapter 28)

Here we now have Feyre associating Azriel with his shadows. She has, for most of the time, seen them surrounding him. "Seeking sanctuary" is an interesting word choice because it shows that she also sees that Azriel uses his shadows for sanctuary.

We searched, but the missed arrows had been snatched up by our attackers- and even the shadows and wind told Azriel nothing, as if our enemy had been hidden from them as well. (ACOMAF, Chapter 42)

This is one of our first indications that Azriel's shadows essentially work for him. They spy for him, they hunt for him. They work for him. So, not only do his shadows read his emotions, they're essentially his employees.

Azriel, his face a mask of beautiful death, silently promised them all endless, unyielding torment, even the shadows shuddering in his wake. I knew why; knew for whom he'd gladly do it. (ACOMAF, Chapter 42)

The Hewn City. A disturbing and evil place that Azriel (along with the Inner Circle) clearly hates. In this quote, it's very clear Azriel is pissed- mainly for the fact that Keir, Mor's father, is the Steward for the Hewn City. His shadows are, again, reacting to his rage that he has for Keir and the Hewn City in general.

Within a heartbeat, Azriel had vanished into shadows and was gone. Keir didn't even turn. (ACOMAF, Chapter 42)

Our indication that not only do the shadows read his emotions, protect him, and work for him, they're also a means of quick transportation.

"He remains alive," Azriel answered, shadows curling around the clawed tips of his wings, so stark against the snow beneath our boots. "So do the others." (ACOWAR, Chapter 13)

This scene takes place right after Azriel and Cassian rescue Feyre and Lucien from Eris and his brothers. The shadows surround Azriel while speaking about Eris, whom we all know he does not like.

Cassian took up a place against the banister, crossing his arms with an arrogance I knew meant trouble. Azriel remained beside me, shadows wreathing his knuckles. As if battling High Lords' sons was how they usually spent their days. (ACOWAR, Chapter 14)

Back in Velaris after rescuing Feyre and Lucien from Eris and Co. Yet again, still pissed.

Cassian gave her a vulgar gesture that made Lucien choke on his green beans. "I was a young Illyrian and didn't know better," he said, then pointed his fork at Azriel. "Don't try to blend into the shadows. You said the same thing."

"He did not," Mor said, and the shadows that Azriel had indeed been subtly weaving around himself vanished. [...] (ACOWAR, Chapter 17)

This scene is a good way to show that the Inner Circle knows and is aware that Azriel does, in fact, use his shadows to hide. In this scene, Cassian acknowledges that Azriel begins to hide when talking about a joke amongst the boys referring to wanting more women within the group to "look at all day". Then we have Mor, who speaks up to defend Azriel and his shadows vanish. Mor makes him comfortable in an uncomfortable moment.

Azriel shook his head, shadows twining around his wrists. "It's not the same. When you're older, the fears, the mental blocks... it's different."

None of them, not even Amren, said anything. (ACOWAR, Chapter 18)

Azriel offers to help Feyre with flying. Whenever talking about his childhood and/or Illyrians, the shadows make an appearance. A source of comfort for him when talking about something he despises. The entire IC is aware of his past and feelings towards it; so much so that it's emphasized that Amren doesn't even say anything.

As the shadows wreathing him cleared, Azriel sized up Nesta and Cassian, then threw a vaguely sympathetic look in my direction. "I need to start our lesson early." (ACOWAR, Chapter 19)

Azriel appears at the HoW to pick up Feyre for their first flying lesson. With his amusement of the banter between Nesta and Cassian, along with the fact that Rhys sent Azriel to "rescue" Feyre from it, we see the shadow around him disappear.

Cleared: rid of objects or obstructions

Disappear: cease to be visible

Too far- this was pushing them both too far. I tried to catch Cassian's gaze but he was monitoring them closely, his golden-brown skin unnaturally pale. Azriel's shadows gathered close, half veiling him from view. (ACOWAR, Chapter 27)

After the Hewn City, Mor finds out that Azriel knew about Rhys working with Eris. Mor feeling betrayed by both Azriel and Rhys makes Azriel angry and uncomfortable. He wants to hide from it all.

"Call off your dog," Amren said with the lethal tone.

Because the shadow in the corner behind Amren... that was Azriel. The obsidian hilt of Truth-Teller in his scarred hand. He'd moved without my realizing it- though I had no doubt the others had likely been aware. (ACOWAR, Chapter 27)

Duty calls, even when it's against someone like Amren. A heated discussion when Amren found out the Feyre went to the Bone Carver to ask about the Ouroboros mirror. Amren is clearly pissed about it and, to protect his High Lord and Lady, Azriel moved behind Amren via his shadows.

And as if he'd summoned him, Azriel stepped out of a pocket of shadow by the stairs and scanned us from head to toe. His eyes lingered on the blood crusting Rhys's hands. (ACOWAR, Chapter 32)

Another example of how Azriel uses his shadows as means of transportation. He was guarding the townhouse with Elain inside after Feyre and Nesta were attacked in the library.

Azriel, wreathed in shadows by the front door, chuckled quietly. Cassian shot him a glare. "I don't see you spouting poetry, brother."

Azriel crossed his arms, still smiling faintly. "I don't need to resort to it." (ACOWAR, Chapter 41)

Before the High Lords meeting in Dawn. Tensions with the upcoming meeting and war are high but that still doesn't stop friendly banter between the IC.

Azriel instantly vanished. First to arrive- first to see if any trap awaited. (ACOWAR, Chapter 41)

Spymaster duty calls. More means of transportation.

Azriel squeezed, Eris thrashing beneath him. No physical brawling- there had been a rule against that, but Azriel, with whatever power those shadows gave him...

"Enough, Azriel," Rhys ordered. Perhaps those shadows that now slid and eddied around the shadowsinger hid him from the wrath of the binding magic. The others made no move to interfere, as if wondering the same.

Azriel dug his knee- and all his weight- into Eris's gut. He was silent, utterly silent as he ripped the air from Eris's body. Beron's flames struck the blue shield, over and over, but the fire skittered off and fizzled out on the water. Any that escaped were torn to shred by shadows. (ACOWAR, Chapter 45)

Not only does it seem as if Azriel’s shadows have more power than just hiding/comfort/spying, but they seem to be giving into Azriel’s wrath towards Eris while, all at the same time, hiding him and destroying the flames that managed to escape the shield from his Siphons.

Eddied: move in a circular way

Azriel's eyes slid to Eris, the High Lord's son panting beneath him. And the shadowsinger leaned down to whisper something in his ear that made Eris blanch further.

But the shield dropped. The shadows lightened into sunshine. (ACOWAR, Chapter 45)

Azriel is done attacking. He drops his shields. His shadows lighten but don’t disappear. What a guy.

(1) But I looked to Azriel, currently leaning against the wall beside the floor-to-ceiling window, shadows fluttering around him. Even the birds in their cages nearby remained silent. (ACOWAR, Chapter 47)

(2) I frowned at the birds in cages throughout the room, still silent in Azriel's shadowy presence. (ACOWAR, Chapter 47)

(3) Azriel barely spoke, those shadows still perched on his shoulders. Mor barely looked at him. (ACOWAR, Chapter 47)

After the disaster of a High Lord/Lady meeting, Azriel is fuming. His shadows are providing him comfort and ease while he doesn’t involve himself with the rest of the Inner Circle.

Still fuming, still brooding. Azriel hasn’t moved from his position by the window. What’s also worth mentioning, as well as with the previous quote, is that the birds in the bird cages turn silent and stay silent in Azriel’s presence.

Azriel, shadows wafting from his shoulders and trailing at his feet, ignored him as he passed. The shadowsinger hadn't shown a flicker of emotion, however, to Mor when he'd met us in the foyer. (ACOWAR, Chapter 48)

After the High Lord/Lady meeting and after Mor's one-night stand with Helion. Azriel, and literally everyone there for that matter, saw what was going on between Mor and Helion, saw them leave together. Needless to say, he's probably a combination of angry, confused, and hurt.

I closed my eyes. During that time, I'd have to get across the battlefield before us, find wherever he kept the Cauldron.

"My shadows are hunting for it," Azriel said to me, reading my face as I opened my eyes. His jaw clenched at the words. He was supposed to be searching for it himself. He flared and settled his wings, as if testing them. "But the wards are strong- no doubt reinforced by the king after you shredded through his at the camp. You might have to go on foot. Wait until the slaughter starts getting sloppy." (ACOWAR, Chapter 69)

This is a perfect example of how Azriel’s shadows basically work for him. While he is with Feyre during the battle, he has his shadows scouting around, looking for the Cauldron. Even his shadows are unable to locate the Cauldron based on the wards that the King placed on them.

"I can fight on foot," Azriel said to Rhys.

"No." There was no arguing with that tone.

Azriel seemed like he was debating it, but Amren shook her head in warning and he backed down, shadows coiling at his fingers. (ACOWAR, Chapter 69)

Azriel is wanting to fight and Rhys is refusing to let him do so. Not to mention that it even takes Amren giving Azriel a warning not to go against Rhys’s orders. Clearly, Azriel isn’t too happy about it with his shadows surrounding his fingers.

Amren snorted, and we fell into flanking positions around my sisters. A glamour of invisibility would hopefully allow us to skirt the southern edge of the battlefield- along with Azriel's shadows as he monitored from behind. But once we got behind enemy lines… (ACOWAR, Chapter 70)

Another example of how Azriel’s shadows not only work for him, but are separate from him. Feyre and Amren are escorting Nesta and Elain to get to the other side of the battlefield. Azriel, talking to Rhys and Eris about their plans, sends some of his shadows as means of protection/invisibility for the group on the move.

Feyre cleared her throat. "All right, Az. Let's hear it."

Azriel folded his wings, shadows writhing around his ankles and neck. "Queen Briallyn has been busier than we thought, but not in the way we expected." (ACOSF, Chapter 20)

It’s very typical for Azriel’s shadows to be present when he’s discussing tense topics and situations with the Inner Circle. Talking about his recent spying missions about Briallyn, we learn that, in the context of the book, he had to torture the information out of many people. Although we know that Azriel literally tortures people for a living, it still doesn’t make the situation any less tense for him to discuss.

Then Rhys inhaled sharply, his body full of movement again. Azriel asked, his own shadows gathering at his shoulders, "What happened?" (ACOSF, Chapter 29)

Nesta’s nightmare that causes the entire House to shake and bring Rhys to help bring her out of it. When Nesta slips into unconsciousness, what the three brothers witnessed strains them. Azriel is not the only one who is surrounded by his own shadows. Rhys’s own are surrounding him as well.

(1) Feyre slid into the seat beside his, but Cassian, Rhys, and Az remained standing, the shadowsinger leaning against a pillar, half-hidden from sight. Feyre asked, "Are the soldiers enchanted?" (ACOSF, Chapter 41)

(2) "Just the Harp remains at large, then," Azriel said. He remained leaning against the pillar, swathed in shadows. (ACOSF, Chapter 41)

Discussions about the Autumn Court soldiers that were in the Oorid that Cassian and Azriel took with Helion, along with discussing the Dread Trove objects. Typical that Azriel makes his presence known, all while at the same time being hidden as well. What a guy.

Azriel stepped forward, shadows trailing from his shoulders. "Kallias, Tarquin, and Helion might be willing to kneel. Thesan will kneel if the others do." (ACOSF, Chapter 42)

Amren discusses with Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel about Gwydion and Narben, along with discussing the possibility of Rhys becoming High King (ew, no. I hate any High King talk). This is also the same time that the brothers are ‘messing’ with the weapons that Nesta made; dangerous weapons that they were advised not to touch (typical).

RHYS

The argument with Rhys this morning had been swift and brutal: Azriel insisted he could fly- fight with the legions, as they'd planned. Rhys refused. Cassian refused. Azriel threatened to slip into shadow and fight anyway. Rhys merely said that if he so much as tried, he'd chain him to a tree. (ACOWAR, Chapter 69)

After Azriel went to the Hybern camp to rescue Elain, he came out extremely injured. Because of this, Rhys felt the need to pull rank and order Azriel to stay on the ground and not fight. We know that Azriel is loyal but this is one of the examples that shows that when it’s something that’s important to him, pulling rank goes only so far. The ability for Azriel to “slip into shadow” is not only a means of transportation but a way to go against Rhys’ orders.

One glance at Azriel's unreadable face and I added, "Don't bother to answer that."

A corner of Azriel's mouth curled up, the shadows about him sliding over his neck like living tattoos, twins to the Illyrian ones marked beneath his leathers. (ACOFAS, Chapter 7)

There are times we see Azriel’s shadows disappear around members for the IC. With that being said, when certain topics are being discussed, topics that do not sit well with Azriel, he is surrounded by his shadows. With this conversation with Rhys, they are talking about a potential Illyrian uprising. Here, Rhys makes a comparison about Azriel’s almost-constant shadows being almost like tattoos.

"The Illyrians are pieces of shit," he said too quietly.

I opened my mouth and shut it.

Shadows gathered around his wings, trailing off him and onto the thick rug. "They train and train as warriors, and yet when they don't come home, their families make us into villains for sending them to war?"

"Their families have lost something irreplaceable," I said carefully.

Azriel waved a scarred hand, his cobalt Siphon glinting with the movement as his fingers cut through the air. "They're hypocrites." (ACOFAS, Chapter 7)

Still talking about Illyrians, whom Azriel very much hates. He’s surrounded by his shadows when it comes to topics like this; in this case, his hatred for the Illyrians. Like, he really fucking hates them so I think Azriel is the last person who would help “fix” Illyria. He would rather watch it burn.

"Send Lucien, then. As our human emissary."

I studied the tenseness in Azriel's shoulders, the shadows veiling half of him from the sunlight. "Lucien is away right now."

Az's brow rose. "Where?"

I winked at him. "You're my spymaster. Shouldn't you know?"

Az crossed his arms, face as elegant and cold as the legendary dagger at his side. "I don't make a point of looking after his movements."

"Why?"

Not a flicker of emotion. "He is Elain's mate."

I waited.

"It would be an invasion of her privacy to track him."

To know when and if Lucien sought her out. What they did together.

"You sure about that?" I asked quietly. (ACOFAS, Chapter 7)

Azriel gets tense and hides half of himself in his shadows when Rhys brings up Lucien. This is clearly a conversation that Azriel doesn’t enjoy and we see that it is because Lucien is Elain’s mate and he not only respects her privacy, but does not want to see if Elain and Lucien have any type of interactions with each other.

"You mean to tell me that you weren't bluffing when you said you didn't track Lucien's every movement?"

Nothing. Absolutely nothing on that face, on his scent. The shadows, whatever the hell they were, hid too well. Too much. Azriel only said coldly, "If Lucien kills Graysen, then good riddance." (ACOFAS, Chapter 7)

Two things come to mind with this quote.

One: Azriel really does not enjoy talking about anything Lucien and Graysen related because his shadows are surrounding him during these specific discussions. (Azriel basically says that Grayson can just drop dead- love that.)

Two: his shadows are known for hiding him in tense situations but with this quote, his shadows also hide Azriel’s scent. Not only is hiding your scent important for a Spymaster, but does he hide his scent around others as well? (I love this man)

"Azriel nodded his agreement, his shadows twining around him. Most of the camp women had ducked into their homes when he'd appeared.

A rare visit from the shadowsinger. Both myth and terror. Az looked just as displeased to be here, but he'd come when I asked." (ACOFAS, Chapter 26)

Talks about the upcoming Blood Rite with Rhys and Cassian. Azriel is willing to interfere with the Blood Rite in order to kill Kallon. (Again, he doesn’t give a shit about Illyrians, being Illyrian, and their traditions) While in Illyria, he’s constantly surrounded by shadows due to his hatred for his heritage. Rare for him to show up, but since he is loyal to Rhys, to an extent, he would go if asked.

FEYRE

A wisp of shadow curled around Azriel's ear, and his eyes snapped to mine. I schooled my face into bland innocence. (ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

The first time Feyre meets the entire IC, she notices Azriel’s shadows, as anyone would have. She also notices that they seem to disappear whenever Mor is around. In this quote, we see one of Azriel’s shadows essentially alert him that he is being watched as he immediately looks at Feyre when his shadow whispers into his ear.

The spymaster had waited in silence. I tried not to look too uncomfortable as he scooped me into his arms, those shadows that whispered to him stroking my neck, my cheek. (ACOMAF, Chapter 22)

Going to the human lands to see her sisters, Feyre requests to be flown by Azriel. While not quite comfortable in Feyre’s presence yet, along with the need to be on alert when it comes to flying over lands, his shadows surround them both. Feyre makes note that the shadows whisper to him, implying there’s a language between only Azriel and the shadows.

Another impact struck the ice behind us. Shadows skittered in its wake. Azriel. (ACOWAR, Chapter 13)

Rescuing Feyre and Lucien from Eris and his brothers. As we see, more shadows. He’s pissed, Especially since it’s now known that Feyre is not only Rhys’s mate but also their High Lady.

"In the blinding sun off the turquoise water, his shadows were gone, his face stark and clear. More... human than I had ever seen him." (ACOWAR, Chapter 29)

Probably one of my favorite quotes about Azriel. During a break from Feyre’s training lesson, Feyre sees that the shadows are gone and Azriel’s face is clear. With the mention of him looking “more human” it is meant to show the reader that Azriel, just like the rest of these characters, carry burdens. Whether it be war, heartache, and/or feeling lost, they have them. In this scene, Azriel’s shadows are gone and his face shows that at the moment, he’s not burdened by his internal and external battles.

Stark: severe or bare in appearance or outline

Azriel had made us invisible- shadow-bound.

We sprinted between tents, feet flying over the grass and dirt. "Hurry," he whispered. "The shadows won't last long." (ACOWAR, Chapter 65)

During the rescue of Elain, dawn is approaching and Azriel knows that all of his shadows won’t last in the sunlight. Since he is making them invisible, it would be difficult to continue that in the light of day.

MOR

Both Illyrians turned toward her, Cassian bracing his feet slightly farther apart on the floor in a fighting stance I knew too well.

It was almost enough to distract me from noticing Azriel as those shadows lightened, and his gaze slid over Mor's body… (ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

When Feyre first meets Azriel, she instantly notices how his shadows lighten and almost disappear in the presence of Mor. We later find out that Azriel has been in love with her for the past five centuries. This shows that whenever Mor is around, he gets put at ease.

Mor patted Azriel on the shoulder as she dodged his outstretched wing. "Relax Az- no fighting tonight. We promised Rhys."

The lurking shadows vanished entirely as Azriel's head dipped a bit- his night-dark hair sliding over his handsome face as if to shield him from that mercilessly beautiful grin. (ACOMAF, Chapter 16)

Any thought about Mor, any touch from Mor, causes Azriel’s shadows to completely vanish. His shadows have learned Azriel’s emotions and language, therefore, know when they are needed and when they’re not.

Yes- Azriel, who kept a step away, whose shadows trailed him and seemed to fade in her presence. (ACOMAF, Chapter 22)

Mor is telling Feyre her backstory and mentions Cassian and Azriel. Everyone associated Azriel with his shadows but in the short time of knowing him, Feyre is able to acknowledge that when his shadows fade in Mor’s presence, they have history. We later find out that that history is him being in love with her for so many years.

Shadows curled around Azriel's shoulders, whispering in his ear as he stared down Eris. (ACOWAR, Chapter 26)

Knowing the history that Mor, Eris, and Azriel share, Azriel is always on edge and angry when it comes to Eris. Azriel was even willing to challenge Eris in a dual for what was done to Mor. His shadows swarm him as they whisper to him, a form of comfort in a tense situation.

CASSIAN

Cassian was trying. Azriel had lunged into the fray, nothing more than shadows edged in blue light, battling his way toward where Cassian fought, utterly surrounded. (ACOWAR, Chapter 56)

During the battle with Hybern, Azriel uses his shadows to fight and move as he tries to get closer to Cassian, to reform the lines.

Cassian hadn't told anyone about the step he'd found with the clear finger holes burned into it. He wondered if Azriel had somehow learned of them, the news brought to him on his shadows' whispers. (ACOSF, Chapter 22)

Another good quote to show that the shadows give news to Azriel about things that he doesn’t specifically see for himself. He’s a spymaster. Not only does he get his information from his own eyes, but he uses his shadows to gain the information as well.

"I thought I'd do some training myself before heading out for the day," Az said, his shadows lingering in the archway, as if fearful of the bright sunlight in the ring. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" (ACOSF, Chapter 23)

As we know, Azriel’s shadows tend to sometimes disappear in the sunlight but not always (see quote below). Azriel seems to be perfectly fine with his shadows lingering in the archway. He’s not concerned about it so why are you? Moving on.

"Where have you been exercising these days?'

"Here," Azriel said. "At night." After he returned from spying on their enemies.

"Can't sleep?" Cassian took up a fighting stance.

A shadow curled around Azriel's neck, the only one brave enough to face the sunlight. "Something like that," he said, and settled into his own stance across from Cassian.

Cassian let it drop, knowing Az would have told him already if he'd wanted to share what had been hounding him enough to exercise at night, rather than in the morning with them. (ACOSF, Chapter 23)

Here, Cassian is questioning Azriel about his training and why he now tends to train at night. Something (Elain) is weighing on Azriel’s mind so he uses training at night as an outlet. That being said, going back to how his shadows provide comfort to him when he’s feeling down, a shadow of his is “braving the sunlight” to provide a little bit of comfort to Azriel as Cassian brings up this topic.

The air parted, and Azriel appeared at his heels, unsteady and bobbing, but flying. Darkness rose behind them, confirmation that Az wielded his shadows to hide their captives. (ACOSF, Chapter 34)

As Azriel and Cassian leave after fighting with Autumn Court soldiers, Azriel uses his shadows to hide them from anyone who might find them, until he can get back to them for questioning.

"I think the better question is if Eris is still alive," Azriel murmured, shadows whispering in his ear. "I can't get a read on it." (ACOSF, Chapter 67)

As we read ACOSF, we know that the Inner Circle has formed some type of alliance with Eris. In this quote, Azriel is trying to locate Eris’s whereabouts and if he’s alive but he can’t tell. His shadows are searching but they whisper to him that they can’t tell.

Cassian rolled his eyes. "I stopped spying because it bored me to death. I don't know how you put up with this all the time."

"It suits me." Azriel didn't halt his sharpening, though shadows gathered around his feet. (ACOSF, Chapter 68)

Spying and waiting for Eris to appear. Cassian is out of his mind due to Nesta being in the Blood Rite while Azriel sits in wait, sharpening Truth Teller, with his shadows present, waiting to alert any movement to him.

The shadows deepened around Azriel, his Siphons gleaming like cobalt fire. "You-we-trained them well, Cassian. Trust in that. It's all we can do." (ACOSF, Chapter 68)

The trio being involved in the Blood Rite is worrisome. Cassian is going out of his mind while Azriel attempts to calm him. Azriel, having not only experienced the Rite but knows how Illyrians are, causes his shadows to deepen.

MOR & CASSIAN

It was an effort not to stare at Azriel as he watched them head up the steep street, arm in arm bickering with every step. The shadows gathered around his shoulders, like they were indeed whispering to him, shielding him, perhaps. His broad chest expanded with a deep breath that sent them skittering, and then he set into an easy, graceful stroll after them. (ACOMAF, Chapter 29)

Feyre, the prophet herself, is the one to point out that seeing Azriel’s shadows gather around him as he watches Mor and Cassian is a sign of protection. This is her very first time experiencing Azriel display some form of longing and jealousy towards Cassian and Mor’s dynamic. His shadows seem as if they were whispering to him, to relax him. Honestly, his shadows here skitter due to unexpected air movement.

Now, please continue to tell me that when his shadows disappear, that it’s a bad thing. This quote right here literally proves otherwise. When the shadows disappear, he does not need them.

Skitter: to move lightly and quickly or hurriedly

Mor elbowed him in the ribs. Cassian nudged her right back as Azriel shook his head at both of them, shadows coiling around the tips of his wings. (ACOWAR, Chapter 16)

Slight jealousy about the dynamic between Mor and Cassian but not as much as the quote mentioned above. The Inner Circle is also discussing war against Hybern as well. Both instances bring out his shadows.

ELAIN

Azriel arrived first, no shadows to be seen, my sister a pale, golden mass in his arms. He, too, wore his Illyrian armor, Elain's golden-brown hair snagging in some of the black scales across his chest and shoulders.

He set her down gently on the foyer carpet, having carried her in through the front door.

Elain peered up at his patient, solemn face.

Azriel smiled faintly. "Would you like me to show you the garden?" (ACOWAR, Chapter 24)

By the time we get to this point within the series, we know that Azriel’s shadows are not always present. We see this here when he carries Elain down to the townhouse. This is not the first time Azriel has been in Elain’s presence. We know that they met at the Archeron estate back in ACOMAF (“the only two civilized ones here”) and we all know the ending to ACOMAF in Hybern.

With that being said, it is important to note that his shadows are nowhere to be seen when escorting Elain down to the townhouse. Just like he is when he is in the presence of Mor (and sometimes his family), he is comfortable enough to have no need for his shadows.

"I can help her," said Azriel, stepping to the table as Elain silently rose. No shadows at his ears, no darkness ringing his fingers as he extended a hand.

Nesta monitored him like a hawk, but kept silent as Elain took his hand, and out they went. (ACOWAR, Chapter 30)

Just like when he escorted Elain from the HoW to the townhouse, when he volunteers to escort Elain to the garden, there are no shadows. Again, he is at ease and is comfortable. I would also like to note that, not only does he volunteer to take Elain, but he’s also not hiding from the sunlight like I know some people like to think he does. Azriel craves sunlight, just as much as any person would, after being deprived from it for the first 11 years of his life.

Behind me, Mor took Nesta and Cassian by the hand, readying to winnow them to the camp, while shadows gathered around Azriel, Elain at his side, wide-eyed at the spymaster's display.

[...]

Rhys cleared his throat, and nodded to Mor. Then she was gone, Cassian and Nesta with her. Then Azriel, gently taking Elain's hand in his own, as if afraid his scars would hurt her. (ACOWAR, Chapter 50)

Without going too ‘pro Elriel’, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Elain has never been afraid of Azriel and his shadows. She has looked at them with wonder and has never cringed from them. In this quote, Azriel is using his shadows to transport both him and Elain to Illyria.

Azriel stepped out of shadow. "What is that,'"he hissed.

My brows rose. 'You hear it?'

A shake of the head. "No- but the shadows, the wind... They recoil." (ACOWAR, Chapter 63)

As we know, Azriel’s shadows are different from winnowing. Azriel literally steps out of shadow when he uses them for transportation. We see that in this quote, along with the mention of the Cauldron and the noise it is making. The sound that the Cauldron gives off makes his shadows recoil.

Recoil: suddenly spring or flinch back in fear, horror, and disgust.

From shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, "I'm getting her back."

Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel's hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows.

Nesta said, "Then you will die."

Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, "I'm getting her back." (ACOWAR, Chapter 64)

Elain has been taken by the Cauldron to the Hybern camp. Azriel is surrounded by his shadows in anger. With the knowledge that he could potentially die, he does not hesitate to be the one to rescue Elain. By this point within the series, we know that when the shadows surround Azriel, he’s uncomfortable, brooding, angry, or all three.

Azriel silently faded into blackness- until he was my own shadow and nothing more. (ACOWAR, Chapter 65)

Feyre accompanies Azriel to Hybern’s camp to rescue Elain. With Feyre taking the form of Ianthe, Azriel uses his shadows to blend in with Feyre’s shadow as they enter- a form of stealth.

But through the laughter and singing and music, over the roar of the fire... Screaming.

A shadow gripped my shoulder, reminding me not to run.

Ianthe would not run- would not show alarm.

My mouth went dry as that scream sounded again.

I couldn't bear it- to let it go on, to see what was being done-

Azriel's shadow-hand grasped my own, tugging me closer. His rage rippled off his invisible form.

We made a lazy circuit of the revelry, other parts of it becoming clear. The screaming-

It was not Elain. (ACOWAR, Chapter 65)

While being Feyre’s “shadow” as she enters the camp as Ianthe, Azriel’s presence remains solid. When hearing a scream, Feyre can feel Azriel holding her back. In doing so, both of them have no idea whether or not it is Elain. We see Azriel’s fury at the thought of the screaming being Elain's when his shadow-covered hand grabs Feyre’s and she can literally feel his rage coming from him.

Azriel emerged from the deep shadows in the corner of the tent a heartbeat later. He jerked his chin toward the curtains in the back. I began intoning one of Ianthe's many prayers, a pretty speech I'd heard her say a thousand times at the Spring Court.

We rushed across the rugs, dodging tables and furniture. I chanted her prayers all the while.

Azriel slid back the curtain-

Elain was in her nightgown. Gagged, wrists wrapped in steel that glowed violet. Her eyes went wide as she say us- Azriel and me-

I shifted my face back into my own, raising a hand to my lips as Azriel knelt before her. I kept up my litany or praying, beseeching the Cauldron to make my womb fruitful, on and on-

Azriel gently removed the gag from her mouth. "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it.

"You came for me." The shadowsinger only inclined his head. (ACOWAR, Chapter 65)

Elain’s rescue from the Hybern camp. Before this scene, it is noted that Jurian was aware of Azriel hiding in shadow. He emerges from the shadows in the tent to rescue Elain while Feyre continues the ruse of pretending to be Ianthe. I’m sorry, I couldn’t bring myself to cut half of this scene.

I saw the painting in my mind: a lovely fawn, blooming spring vibrant behind her. Standing before Death, shadows and terrors lurking over his shoulder. Light and dark, the space between their bodies a blend of the two. The only bridge of connection... that knife. (ACOWAR, Chapter 69)

Before the battle of Hybern, Azriel gives Elain Truth-Teller, his prized dagger whom he has let no one in his entire life touch until Elain. From Feyre’s point of view, she pictures this scene in a poetic way- with Death itself standing before the Maiden, both who have formed a bond.

Side note: Throughout the ACOTAR series, it’s important to note that whenever Feyre thinks of a specific scene as a ‘painting’, it means that it’s pretty significant. All of her ‘paintings’ that she has pictured have been some type of foreshadowing or major event within the story.

"What now?" Elain mused, at last answering my question from a moment ago as her attention drifted to the windows facing the sunny street. That smile grew, bright enough that it lit up even Azriel's shadows across the room. "I would like to build a garden," she declared. "After all of this... I think the world needs more gardens." (ACOWAR, Chapter 80)

Another scene with Azriel’s shadows lightning when it comes to being in Elain’s presence. Everyone has just survived the war and is back in Velaris. For Elain, the one who took becoming Fae the hardest, smiled so bright that, not only did it brighten the entire room, but it brightened the shadows. Another sense of ease and comfort throughout Azriel and the entire IC.

The shadowsinger was clad in a black jacket and pants similar to Rhysand's- the fabric immaculately tailored and built to fit his wings. He still wore his Siphons atop either hand, and shadows trailed his footsteps, curling like swirled embers, but there was little sign of the warrior otherwise. Especially as he gently said to my sister, "Happy Solstice."

Elain turned from the snow falling in the darkness beyond and smiled slightly. "I've never participated in one of these." (ACOFAS, Chapter 19)

This is a good example that shows that yes, even in the presence of Elain, his shadows are sometimes still there. Azriel and Elain are not alone, they are in the presence of the entire Inner Circle. Azriel’s shadows are present for comfort, should he need it.

Azriel cleared his throat, and Cassian blinked. "What?"

"I said, are you two ready to head down to the river house?"

"Two?" He blinked through the cloud or arousal.

Azriel chuckled, shadows skittering. "Did you listen at all last night?"

"No."

"At least you're honest." Azriel smirked. "You and Nesta are wanted down there."

"Because of the shit with Elain?"

Azriel stilled. "What happened to Elain?"

Cassian waved a hand. "A fight with Nesta. Don't bring it up," he warned when Azriel's eyes darkened. Cassian blew out a breath, "I take that as a no regarding the meeting topic, then."

"It's about what I discovered. Rhys said he requires you both there."

"It's bad, then." Cassian surveyed the shadows gathered around Az. "You all right?"

His brother nodded. "Fine." But shadows still swarmed him.

Cassian knew it was a lie, but didn't push it. Az would speak when he was ready, and Cassian would have better success convincing a mountain to move than getting Az to open. (ACOSF, Chapter 19)

I put this quote in the Elain category because it obviously has to do with Elain. Two things need to be said about this quote.

1. Once again, his shadows skitter due to unexpected air movement. When Azriel laughs, his shadows skitter. They literally move away from him. Remember that.

Skitter: to move lightly and quickly or hurriedly

2. Azriel is at the HoW to inform Cassian and Nesta that they’re needed at the Riverside estate. He is taken off guard when he learns there was a fight between Nesta and Elain. Cassian makes note of the shadows that are building up and swarming Azriel. He even questions if he’s okay because he notices the change. Azriel was fuming at the thought of Elain being hurt and/or upset. Cassian even knows it’s a lie when Azriel tells him he’s fine.

“Look who decided to grow claws after all,” she crooned. “Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.”

Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike. (ACOSF, Chapter 21)

Listen, this is the same energy as the time when Cassian was briefly telling Azriel about the fight Nesta and Elain previously had. Quick recap: Azriel got pissed at the thought of Elain being hurt by Nesta. Shadows gathered around him because of how pissed he was. The end. Again, same energy.

Azriel is in the room when this scene is taking place. Nesta doesn’t want Elain being involved when it comes to tracking the Dread Trove’s. Elain fights back because she wants to help. Nesta decides to be a bitch about it. Everyone in the room can see how Nesta’s words affected Elain. Azriel, witnessing this all take place, is pissed yet again. Hence how his shadows are getting prepared to strike at Nesta, Elain’s own sister. This same exact phrase was used about Azriel himself being done with Nesta. Please, refrain from saying that the shadows hate Elain. If they hated her, they would literally just say “you’re on your own with this.” Miss me with that b.s.

NESTA

Azriel said coolly, "I don't need to resort to threats." The shadows coiled around him, snakes ready to strike. (ACOSF, Chapter 8)

Nesta is in a bad mood. Azriel is in a bad mood. Nesta threatens and challenges Azriel. Azriel’s shadows react to his mood, ready to protect him from a threat. Case closed.

Azriel turned to them fully this time, eyes narrowed. Like those shadows had whispered something to him. (ACOSF, Chapter 44)

Cassian is telling Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn about his time with the Valkyries. The rebirth of the Valkyries is a pretty big fucking deal and since Azriel was not with Cassian during his time spent with the Valkyries during the first war, he does not know much about them. As Azriel is training the other priestesses, Cassian is telling his story. Before this quote, it is stated that Azriel is monitoring every word and gesture that Cassian is making. Azriel’s shadows seem to whisper to him to listen because it’s a big deal.

Azriel lingered near the door, quiet enough that when Feyre and Mor began talking about some of her painting, Nesta went over to him.

"Why don't you sit?" She leaned against the doorway beside the shadowsinger.

"My shadows don't like the flames so much." A pretty lie. She'd seen Azriel before the fire plenty. But she looked at who sat close to it and knew the answer.

"Why did you come if it torments you so much?"

"Because Rhys wants me here. It'd hurt him if I didn't come."

"Well, I think holidays are stupid."

"I don't."

She arched a brow. He explained, "They pull people together. And bring them joy. They are a time to pause and reflect and gather, and those are never bad things." Shadows darkened his eyes, full of enough pain that she couldn't stop herself from touching his shoulder. Letting him see that she understood why he stood in the doorway, why he wouldn't go near the fire.

His secret to tell, never hers.

Azriel's face remained neutral. (ACOSF, Chapter 58)

In this scene, Azriel uses his shadows as an excuse as to why he is standing away from the fire, lingering in the doorway. Nesta can see through his lie and learns the real reason why he cannot be near the fire. *cough* Elain *cough*

Queue Sarah Janet Maas: “Nesta learns some of Az’s secrets.”

Azriel blushed and stepped back, shadows swirling. (ACOSF, Chapter 58)

When Azriel gives Nesta her gift at Solstice, she jumps up and hugs him, surprising everyone. Due to slight embarrassment, his shadows are around him, just in case he feels the need to shield himself from the embarrassment.

Cassian lingered at the doorway as Nesta murmured to Gwyn, "You've got this." Azriel came up beside him, silent as the shadows that wreathed his wings. (ACOSF, Chapter 60)

Both Cassian and Azriel are watching the trio do more Valkyrie training. Azriel’s shadows continue to surround him. Enough said.

Az's shadows danced around him. "Since there's no chance in hell any of you will finish the course, we didn't bother to get a prize." (ACOSF, Chapter 60)

Azriel is talking to all of the priestesses, along with Nesta and Emerie, about their upcoming obstacle course. Cassian and Azriel are having fun with this because they don’t see any of them accomplishing the course.

Note: This quote seems to be a hot topic when it comes to Azriel and his shadows. The word danced is just used as an analogy for movement, a word that SJM uses often. If you’re interested, check out my small post here for examples.

AZRIEL & THE SHADOWS

Azriel's dark breeze was different from Rhys's. Colder. Sharper. It cut through the world like a blade, spearing us toward that army camp. (ACOWAR, Chapter 64)

Feyre here is explaining the difference between Rhys’s shadows and Azriel’s. Basically implying that while Rhys may have shadows sometimes, especially with winnowing, Azriel’s are different.

Cassian soared over the House of Wind to find Azriel there, hovering in place, a heavy pack in his hand. Whether that had been from a separate warning from Rhys, or Az's own shadows whispering, he didn't know. (ACOSF, Chapter 47)

Again, another example of how Azriel’s shadows basically hear everything, report back to him, and Azriel can do what needs to be done.

Even Azriel's own shadows kept tucked behind his wings. Koschei laughed, and Azriel stiffened. Like his shadows had murmured a warning. (ACOSF, Chapter 71)

Meeting Koschei, Azriel’s shadows seem to be just as terrified of him as Azriel does. Koschei speaks on the wind, Azirel’s shadows speak on the wind as well. Koschei said something to his shadows through the wind, causing them to warn Azriel who, in turn, then had “pure terror” on his face. He then grabs Eris and flees.

AZRIEL POV

Az snickered to himself, to the listening shadows around him.

Sleep, they seemed to whisper in his ear. Sleep.

I wish I could, he answered silently. But sleep so rarely found him these days.

Coming from Azriel himself, he speaks and listens to his shadows in their own language. They seem to want what’s best from him and his health, as they’re telling him to get some sleep because he gets so little.

But even the silence weighed too heavily, and though the shadows kept him company, as they always had, as they always would, he found himself leaving the room. Entering the foyer.

Confirmed. Whenever the shadows are around, they keep him company. Now please, tell me more about how his shadows disappearing is a bad thing. Next.

Lie. Well, the second part was a lie. He didn't need his shadows to read her tone, the slight tightening of her face.

“He didn’t need his shadows”. This is literally telling us that he uses his shadows to get a feel for what a person might be thinking. The fact that Azriel doesn’t need to depend on his shadows to read Elain should tell everyone just how close their dynamic with each other is.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

Again with the word ‘skitter’. This time, his shadows skitter due to the sound Elain makes. This is not a bad thing. Azriel’s shadows skittered back when Azriel himself laughed. C’mon now. Please see the definition for skitter below. Azriel also recognizes that his shadows vanish in Elain’s presence. This is basically implying that it’s not a bad thing. Like I said before, if Azriel isn’t concerned, why are you?

Skitter: to move lightly and quickly or hurriedly

[...] Azriel let his shadows whisk away the box as she said softly, "Put it on me?"

Here we have his shadows essentially working for him. Not much else to it.

Azriel winnowed into shadows before she could say anything, appearing at the doors to Rhys's study a heartbeat later. His shadows whispered in his ear that Elain had gone upstairs.

Here Azriel uses his shadows to transport himself to Rhys’s study. They also seem to be keeping watch over Elain, as they report to him that she had gone upstairs when he left.

(1) He found it already occupied. His shadows had not warned him.

(2) “It's fine. I came to retrieve something I forgot." The lie was smooth and cool, as he knew his face was. His shadows peered over his wings at her.

(3) The young priestess smiled--and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows.

(4) “How was the party?" Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music.

(5) Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.

(6) Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer.

Okay, here’s the deal. I’m combining all of the quotes about Gwyn because it’s easier to explain all at once. So, first things first, his shadows did not warn him when he was flying to the training ring (1). Very strange, based on the fact that his shadows tell him literally everything else. His shadows not warning him should not be taken as a good thing, let’s be real. We also have his shadows sitting on his shoulders and peering over his wings (2, 5). As seen in the quote above, Azriel knows and is aware that his shadows are there to also provide him comfort. This is coming from Azriel himself. Once again, Azriel’s shadows being present is a sign of comfort, protection, and/or work.

Gwyn also seems to be more interested in the shadows rather than Azriel himself (3). This correlates to how his shadows react to Gwyns breath and singing (4, 6). AGAIN, his shadows are the one’s reacting to Gwyn, not Azriel. I, personally, find it a little odd that the shadows react to Gwyn’s breath/singing the way they do. Very similar to how Nesta’s power within her reacted to Gwyn’s singing as well.

Yes, I’m going to be that person and say that all of these interactions with Gwyn pretty much confirm her being a Lightsinger. I am not saying that Gwyn will be evil (my god, I can’t believe I have to even say that about every Gwyn post), all I’m saying is that there's a pretty good chance that she is. Whether she’s being manipulated or she has no clue, who knows. Long story short, Azriel’s shadows are basically trying to figure out Gwyn’s “secret” (see ACOSF, Chapter 9 for more details).

BONUS

Elain stepped out of a shadow behind him, and rammed Truth-Teller to the hilt through the back of the king's neck as she snarled in his ear, "Don't you touch my sister." (ACOWAR, Chapter 74)

I debated whether or not to add this but why not. Elain was using Truth-Teller, Azriel’s dagger. Were these Azriel’s shadows? Elain’s shadows? Does using Truth-Teller give a connection to Azriel and his shadows? Who knows.

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #feyre archeron #rhysand #cassian #morrigan #amren #inner circle #elain archeron #nesta archeron #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #i'm sick of these shadow arguments #move on please #mine

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nightshade-minho · 3 years

Text

Blue Book -(13)-

wc: 5k+

warnings: making out, some uncomfortable situations, angst, smut, oral, degradation, unprotected sex etc.

It was the day after the kiss, and you still hadn’t gotten over it. How could you? You could still feel his lips against yours, still remember the way he tasted. If the night hadn’t ended so abruptly, you wondered where it would have gone.

Sobering up Minho hadn’t been a difficult task. Thankfully he was mature enough. He listened to you, drank the water you gave him, and went back to sleep as soon as the two of you reached your home. You were glad he knew how to cooperate with you, thankfully your best friend knows when he’s gone too far.

He was still asleep, now. Usually he liked waking up earlier, but today was clearly an exception.

You sighed as you made yourself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, your eyes staring into the milk and wishing you could drown in them, when Minho walked into the room. He let out a small sigh under his breath as he saw you at the table. Last night was a blur, and he could barely remember anything. His brain was swimming with a million different emotions and thoughts as he ran his eyes over you. Hm.

He yawned, stretching and plopping down on the seat opposite you.

“How are you feeling?” You asked groggily, not looking up.

“Better. A lot better, actually.” He sighed, leaning forward. “I’m so so sorry, Y/n. It was irresponsible of me, I feel so bad for making you leave the party and cutting your night short.”

“Well, when one of my best friends is drunk and having a breakdown in the bathroom, what else am I supposed to do?” You sighed and sat back, staring at his remorseful face. “What was that all about, anyway?”

Minho sighed. There was no way he could tell you, no way he could express the guilt he was feeling.

"I don't know. I was just...crying for no reason at all. Alcohol can do that to you, I guess. No biggie."

You sighed. "No biggie? I- you know what, whatever." You sat up. "If you don't want to tell me what's bothering you, that's fine. Just don't do it again."

You looked at Minho, his expression twisting your heart. He just looked so….sad. It made you regret your words.

"Hey, Min…" You shifted your chair closer to his. "You know I'm here for you, right?"

He sniffed at that, looking away and at his feet. "Are you?"

"Yeah."

"Doesn't seem that way." He mumbled, thinking back to last night. He'd been way too drunk to recall it properly, but he could still vaguely remember you and Chan, standing too close for it to be anything innocent. What had the two of you been doing before he’d interrupted?

"What?" Your eyes narrowed in confusion as you stared at him, his words puzzling you. “Min-"

He shook his head, patting your hair. "It's okay, Y/n. Forget I ever said anything, okay?" You opened your mouth to protest but he placed his finger over your lips before you could say anything. "Shh. Let's watch a movie or something, I just want to get my mind off everything that’s happening.”

You groaned, ready to protest again as soon as he pulled away from you. However he'd already grabbed the remote by then, switching on the TV and dragging you over to the couch. There was a random movie already playing onscreen, a scene of a ballroom filled with dancing couples catching your eye.

"Min, gimme a second, I haven’t even washed my bowl-“

"Shh."

He chuckled as he suddenly began twirling you around the room, ignoring your whiny protests as the classical music flooded the space.

"Come on Y/n. Just let go. We didn't get to finish our dance last night anyway." He whispered in your ear, suddenly picking you up by the waist and swirling you around.

You let out a squeal, holding onto him tighter. "M-min, put me down-"

He did so, continuing to dance. "Y/nnie~ You know you want to~" He smirked, giggling softly as he observed your expression change slightly.

His laugh had always been contagious. You let a small smile grace your face, making his grin grow wider. You rolled your eyes and started following his rhythm, giggling.

"Yes! Finally.” He excitedly continued your little waltz, looking down at you. You'd started to co-operate, and he felt himself smile at the sight. He felt so happy whenever he was spending time with you. So calm and at ease.

He loved watching you smile. And being the reason behind it only made him happier.

"You're perfect, Y/n." He mumbled softly under his breath, his eyes running over your face.

You didn't hear him properly, the music drowning out his voice.

He couldn't help but bite his lip as he looked at you. Fuck, how did he ever find it in himself to hurt you the way he had all those years ago?

He could stare at you forever if he could. His eyes carefully took in each eyelash, the curve of your cheeks, the slope of your lips- he wished he could freeze this moment forever, so that he would never forget how you looked happy and smiling.

If there was one thing Minho knew he regretted, it was his behaviour back then. He knew he'd been a terrible person. Perhaps he could compare himself to a black hole, one that sucked out all the positivity and happiness in a room.

There'd been a time when all he felt as soon as he saw your face was hatred. Clouded judgments that had messed with his decisions, making him act like a complete asshole. All he had in his mind back then was rage, directed at you and the man you were linked to. The man who had ruined his family’s life.

But now, when he looked at you, he only felt calmness and a sense of safety. It just felt right, you being in his arms. After all, now he knew you’d been a victim as well. You’d gone through it all too, the same abuse and abandonment that had happened to him. It was the same man who had brought the two of you down.

You smiled at him as you gave in completely, dancing with him and letting go of your inhibitions. The music overtook your heart as you went along, dancing with him as you stared into his eyes and wondered what he was thinking about.

He came to a halt as the music slowed, staring at your face adoringly. Your beautiful, smiling, happy face. His eyes carefully took in your features once more, a soft smile gracing his lips.

And somehow, he just couldn't hold himself back anymore. The sight of your big doe eyes looking up into his was affecting him too much.

This was a bad idea...

He knew that all too well. It was the opposite of what he'd decided to do last night, which was to let you go and set things right.

But...but why not?

Fuck it. Maybe it was a reckless decision, but who cares? He deserved happiness too, right?

Minho let the hand on your waist drift up to your cheek, and before you could even process what was happening…

His lips were pressed to yours.

For a minute, you didn't know how to react. It was a foreign feeling, and you hadn’t really expected something like this to happen.

Although it didn’t feel entirely unpleasant, you still felt surprise and confusion overtake you as your eyes widened. You could barely process it, your thoughts flitting all over the place frantically.

Minho frowned as he noticed your lack of reaction, your lips barely moving against his.

He pulled away quickly, stumbling over his words.

Shit, what had he done? "Fuck, I'm sorry, Y/n-"

You looked up, blinking as you stared at his worried face. His eyes were frantic as they flitted around, his brain clearly overrun with thoughts as his mouth opened to blurt out more apologies.

As you stared at his heaving chest, your eyes wandering up to his lips, a sudden thought flew into your brain.

You weren’t quite sure where it came from or whether you should even follow it... but as the seconds went by, the more the urge took over you. You’d never really felt like this before.

You didn’t know what it was in you that prompted you to do it...a need for revenge on Chan? Or did you actually have feelings for your best friend? You weren’t sure.

You pulled Minho back towards you quickly, kissing him back desperately. He responded almost immediately, whining against your lips at the force with which you were kissing him.

You didn't know what you were feeling, though.

It felt nice kissing him,definitely...it felt comfortable, and his lips were so sweet and soft.

However...there was an evident lack of passion. At least from your side.

It was just rough. That's all you could feel from the kiss- roughness. And that was your fault really...Minho's initial approach had been much softer. You’d been the one to turn the kiss into what it was now.

Minho gripped your hips, moving you over to the wall. He pinned you against it, molding his lips against yours in another angle.

It still didn't feel right. Chan's kisses were so different...his lips were so much softer and plumper, and the way he kissed you made you feel like you were on top of the world, even when it was rough.

He’d been your first kiss. You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect one, really. You’d felt safe and secure in his arms, even as the thunderstorm raged in the background. His lips had made you forget it all, made you focus on nothing but how wonderful it felt to have him pressed against you.

You snapped back to the present and realized Minho had moved onto your neck, leaving kisses there as his hand migrated down your body to play with the waistband of your sweatpants.

Oh. Shit, you were making a mistake.

You pushed him away suddenly, regretting it as you accidentally did it with a little too much force. Minho looked at you in confusion, his chest heaving as he stared at you.

“Y/n?”

“No.” You scrunched your eyes shut, taking in a shaky breath. “We can’t do this.”

“But- but why?”

“It’s just wrong. It feels wrong.”

The flash of hurt in his eyes made you regret your choice of words. You scrambled to fix your mistake, standing up straight and stepping around him.

“I’m sorry...uh, it’s just- don’t you think it’s weird?” You bit your lip, staring at him as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Weird?”

“Us. I just never thought you felt that way about me. I’m your stepsister-“

He frowned, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair as he glared at you.

He frowned, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair as he glared at you. “What? No. I’ve never seen you in that way.” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s not the kind of relationship we have, and you know it too. That would have been the case if that bastard was still alive, but he isn’t. He isn’t a part of our lives at all, he doesn’t even fucking exist to me!” He shouted, blinking rapidly and breathing heavily as your words bore into his brain.

Was that really what you saw yourself as? His stepsister? The thought disgusted him. He’d never viewed you in such a light, and thinking of you seeing him like that was unsettling, to say the least.

Minho was suddenly feeling an urgent need to throw up.

“Any link created by him is not real, Y/n. We’re not fucking related.”

“But- look, I just-“ you stared at the ceiling, trying to find the right words to say. The man in front of you looked devastated, and that in turn made your heart ache. “We share a sister. And, I don’t know, you were always just my best friend. I never thought you felt anything for me.” You mumbled out, not even knowing what you were saying. You’d never actually seen Minho as your brother- but you’d never seen him in a romantic light either.

“I think I made it pretty fucking obvious.”

“No you didn’t! I just thought you were being a good friend. And how could I ever think you’d have feelings for me after the way you treated me when we were younger?”

He looked back up at you, his eyes narrowing. “Y/n…I thought you’d forgiven me for that. You said you did.”

“W-well…I haven’t forgotten.” You sighed and pinched your forehead, taking another step back.

“I’m sorry, Minho. I really am.” Deep down, you knew it was just an excuse. It all was. You felt terrible at the moment...it wasn’t really his fault.

You knew the real reason already. Your heart belonged to somebody else, unfortunately.

He just shook his head, sinking down onto the couch as he stared at the ground. “It’s okay.” He said in the softest voice possible.

“Are you sure?” You asked, looking at him, your heart clenching as you observed his expression. Heartbroken and covered in silent devastation. It was new, seeing him like this. Minho rarely let things get under his skin, so seeing him on the verge of tears was disturbing.

“Yeah, whatever.” He said, sighing. “Just want you to be happy.” He added in a mumble- but you couldn’t hear him.

There was an awkward silence for a while, as you shifted from one foot to another. The room suddenly felt heavy and nauseating, your heart pounding in confusion.

“C-can I step out for a bit?” You asked, twisting your fingers. “I just need to clear my mind.”

He nodded slightly, leaning back against the sofa and staring at the TV silently, his eyes glazed over as the screen continued playing the gaudy movie.

Taking that as a yes, you went over to the front door, putting on your shoes with some difficulty as you tried to focus.

Looking back one more time, you left without a word.

***

It was raining lightly, and you groaned as you walked down the street without an umbrella. It wasn’t heavy enough to soak you, but it still felt a little unpleasant as your clothes started sticking to your body.

You hadn’t wanted to hurt Minho, but you evidently had. Surely you could have handled it some other way? Now you’d hurt your best friend, the one person you’d trusted besides Felix. And all for what?

Did Chan even like you? Was it all still just a bet to him? Had the kiss meant anything?

Who were you even reserving your heart for?

Your mind was filled with thoughts as you reached your home, unlocking the door and stepping in silently. Your clothes hadn’t gotten that wet, so you didn’t bother to change clothes as you headed straight to your room. The whole apartment was kinda dark, and you couldn’t really see anything.

Opening your door, you stumbled through the dark room and climbed into your bed, pulling the blankets higher up and closing your eyes. You were just so tired, and all these intrusive thoughts didn’t help one bit.

A nap might clear it all up, hopefully.

***

Isn’t it funny how one could manage to lose everything important to them, all in the span of a few minutes?

Minho sat on the sofa, feeling like he’d lost everything. Everything that ever meant anything to him, all because of his reckless, impulsive decisions and terrible judgment.

But he’d known this would have happened, sooner or later. There was no point in being angry at himself, or Chan, or you- or anyone, really. He couldn’t have held his feelings in forever, and he should have known the consequences that such a choice could bear.

Was this what karma felt like?

Minho leaned back in the couch and buried his face in his hands, relishing the darkness that graced his eyes.

It was all his fault. Everything was.

Always had been. He deserved this.

***

You didn’t know how long you’d slept for, all you knew was that you were well rested now. Turning around sleepily, you reached for your phone, switching it on.

The first thing you saw was a bunch of messages from Minho, your phone pinging with so many notifications that it nearly vibrated off the table.

I’m sorry.

I fucked up, Y/n

Please come back

Y/n?

I want to explain, I want to talk to you

I have some things to tell you.

I’m sorry please forgive me, I don’t know what came over me

You mean so much to me. I don’t want to lose you.

You blinked as you read the messages, tears pricking your eyes as you sat up. You checked the time, it was afternoon. You wanted to sleep just a little more, and then maybe have lunch. After that, you’d head back to Minho’s apartment to talk, and hear him out on whatever he wanted to say.

You sighed, sliding back down. Needing something to hug and make you feel better, you turned around and felt around for your pillow. Inching closer, you wrapped your arms and legs around the soft warmth next to you.

Wait. This...this definitely wasn’t a pillow.

Fuck.

You shot up in bed and screamed, scrambling away from the sleeping body next to you. Your infernal scream caused the person to shoot up too, them rubbing their eyes as you made out their silhouette getting up quickly to switch on the lamp.

“Y/n!?”

“CHAN?”

It was him, alright.

Chan.

Shirtless Chan.

Fuck, Chan was sleeping in your bedroom. In your bed. Shirtless. And he’d been right next to you all this time, being hugged by you.

Did I mention he was shirtless?

You swallowed, your thoughts flitting all over the place as your dry mouth tried to come up with something to say. “What the fuck are you doing in my room!?” You asked, sitting up and glaring at him. “Get out!!”

“Felix let me sleep here! Why would he make me sleep on the sofa when there’s an empty bed right here- wait, when the fuck did you sneak in anyway?” He swore, running his hands through his hair. “Jeez, You scared the shit out of me.”

“You did! You scared me!”

“You’re the one who sneaked in without any prior notice!”

You stood up from the bed and walked towards him, crossing your arms. “Well I never gave you permission to use my room! So get out before I make you.”

“Too bad I don’t give a fuck.”

“God, you’re so infuriating!” You shot out, exasperated as you buried your head in your hands, trying to control yourself from snapping his head right off.

“You’re one to talk.”

“Just shut up!”

He smirked, stepping closer to you. “Why don’t you make me?”

Of course. Of course he’d use that infamous line.

You weren’t going to fall for his bait though.

Or were you?

It’s just that Chan’s lips looked incredibly soft right now. Plump. So welcoming…

Not to mention, he was breathing very heavily and clearly worked up from your little tiff.

Fuck. You were going to regret this.

You’d overestimated yourself. In a second, you were all over him, leaning up to press your lips to his soft ones needily and passionately.

His reaction was lightning quick. Groaning into your lips, he quickly lifted you up, holding you against the wall much like Minho had. You felt a flash of guilt run across your mind, but it was quickly replaced as Chan bit your bottom lip harshly, groaning past your lips.

"I hate you." you mumbled, pulling away as he stared into your eyes, his own wild and alive.

"Feeling's mutual." He groaned, attaching his lips to your neck and sucking on the skin roughly.

"Wait, no marks-"

"Shut up and take it, you little slut." Fuck, Chan had been wanting to do this since the first moment you decided to be a brat to him. He’d been itching to teach you a lesson, show you some discipline.

He rubbed himself against you, his eyebrows furrowing as he felt the wetness soak through your panties.

He pulled you away from the wall, dragging you over to the bed and throwing you on it.

“You’re dripping, aren’t you? So much for hating me.” He let out another mocking chuckle as he leaned down, pressing a kiss over your clothed folds.

You whined, squirming slightly and causing him to hold you down. He looked up at you, warning flashing in his eyes. “Careful, my little whore. You better not piss me off any further.” He grabbed the waistband of your panties and slowly slid them down, pulling them off your legs.

His attention slowly went back to your soaked pussy, licking his lips as he leaned in again.

“Is this all for me?”

You didn’t say anything- which was a mistake. For chan placed a solid slap on your pussy, causing you to cry out as you looked down at him tearily.

“Tell me.”

You hated to admit it...but it was the truth. “Yes.” You said softly, looking at him with an imploring gaze. “All yours.”

“That’s what I thought.” Growling, he placed his plump lips on top of your clit, sucking on it slowly but harshly. The overwhelming pleasure caused you to arch your back, your thighs threatening to close if Chan wasn’t holding them apart so harshly.

“Such a little whore we have here.”

He slowly explored your pussy with the tip of his tongue, relishing every whimper and whine that left your tongue. You tasted so fucking good, he felt like he could never get enough.

Pulling away, he let a sole finger trace your wetness, gently dipping past your entrance. “Do you always get this wet?”

You shook your head, your cheeks turning red as he smirked up at you. “Interesting.” He leaned back down, suddenly taking your clit between his lips and sucking harshly. The sensation caused you to throw your head back, the feeling too profound.

You couldn’t believe this was happening.

His lips released your sensitive bud after a few seconds, still gently lapping at it with his tongue as he sat up, pulling down his sweatpants and pulling out his thick, veiny length. You looked down at it, your eyes widening.

So this really was happening.

He moved closer, pumping himself as he pressed his tip against your clit. He slowly slicked the head of his cock through your folds, coating it with your juices and letting out a soft groan. He’d spent so long imagining how you felt, this was like a dream come true.

Slowly, he pushed the head of his cock in. You whimpered softly, feeling how snug it felt within your walls. He was big, a lot more than you’d expected. Regardless of whether or not you’d be torn in half by the end of this, you still pulled him down towards you.

Your eyes wandered over his lips, before flitting back to his own. He gazed at you, sliding in and stretching you out just a little further as he leaned forward to press his lips to yours.

It was gentle this time, yet felt every bit as passionate. You’d never felt like this before. Chan kissed you softly yet urgently, as he pushed in all the way, bottoming out and making you let out a soft whimper.

You’d never felt so full, so satisfied. You felt one with him. It was perfect. In fact you felt like you could stay in this position forever, if the universe permits.

Chan pulled away, his lips throbbing. You looked perfect under him, eyes blown out and hair fanned out around you. Beautiful, just like how he’d pictured it all these years.

Originally, he’d planned to fuck your brains out. Ram into you so hard you would forget your own name, teach you some good behavior.

Right now though, he was consumed with the overwhelming need to make love to you, make you his. To treat you like his princess.

But then he remembered.

You weren’t his.

The anger which had disappeared was back, as Chan gritted his teeth. No, you were his and you always will be. He had to make sure you knew that, needed to make sure you would leave him before long.

It was hopeless though, and he knew that. You belonged to someone else, as much as he wished you didn’t.

Chan had to live in the moment.

And so he drove his cock deeper, causing you to whine out as he pulled out once more. The drag of his length against your walls was so pleasurable it almost drove you to tears. You found yourself wishing he would hold you close to him like this forever.

But you couldn’t fool yourself. This was probably going to be a one time thing. There was no way the universe was going to hand you your happy ending on a platter just like this...right?

You were shook out of your thoughts when Chan slammed back in, jolting you up the bed with the sheer force of his thrust. It brought tears to your eyes, tears borne of pure pleasure.

Soon, he was fucking you deep, his thrusts consistent. His lips slid over your neck, occasionally making their way back up to your mouth.

You clutched onto him tightly, whining at the extreme pleasure. Chan grunted at how tight you were, his core tightening with every thrust.

“You’re so wet, so tight. Fuck, babygirl…” he pulled out all of a sudden, causing your eyes to widen as you looked up at him, pouting. “What was that for?”

He leaned back against the headboard, patting his lap. “Come here and ride daddy’s cock.”

Your cheeks flushed at those words. Carefully, you sat up and crawled over to him, pausing in front of him.

You know you were supposed to have him inside of you once more, but you just couldn’t resist. You wanted to taste him…

And so you leaned down, taking the head of his cock into your mouth. Chan’s eyes widened in surprise at the move, his hooded eyes watching you. “Princess, I thought I told you to-“ he groaned, sucking in a breath between his teeth when you ran your hot tongue over his slit, your drool dripping all over his cock.

He stared at you, sighing to himself as you slowly took him in deeper. You could only be described as a perfect mess to him, sweat beaded on your forehead as your swollen lips wrapped around his tip, sucking slowly.

“F-fuck...are you teasing me, baby girl?” He hissed, taking a handful of your hair and pulling you off his cock. He swallowed as he noticed the string of his pre-cum that was still attached to your mouth. The sight was so sinful it could have made him cum right then and there.

“As much as I’m loving this princess, I really need to be inside of you right now.” He said firmly, pulling you onto his lap. He gripped your hips tightly as he moved you forward, letting his tip press up against your soaked folds.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited for this moment, Y/n? You and me?”

You didn’t say anything, your eyes widening slightly as you heard the words. You were just about to reply when he thrust into you abruptly, sheathing his entire cock in your snug pussy.

You let out a long drawn out whine. It had been a while since you’d had someone inside of you, and you were still getting used to the feeling of his girth.

“How does that feel?” He asked gently when he saw your expression, his scary dom persona shed for a few seconds as he stroked your back.

You looked at him, tightening your arms around him as you pouted. “You’re just so...b-big. I can barely breathe.” You mumbled, clenching experimentally around his rigid length and making him hiss. He clutched your hips immediately, smirking up at you.

“And your pussy is so tight and warm...all for me…” he mumbled, his finger gently flicking your clit.

You moaned, blinking and letting out a soft whine as he slowly moved a little. “Ready?” He asked, tilting your chin up to press a kiss to your nose. You inhaled deeply, before nodding. “Yes, daddy.”

He groaned at the name, running his eyes over your innocent face. He leaned up to kiss you as he thrust his hips, driving them into you slowly at first. Nipping at your bottom lip, he grabbed you by the waist and lifted you up until the tip was barely grazing your pussy.

The way he was holding you up as if you weighed nothing was making your whole face turn red. Groaning softly, Chan winked at you before suddenly slamming you back down onto his cock, making you cry out in pure pleasure.

It felt so…incredible, for lack of a better word, as he kissed you deeply before guiding your hips, making you bounce on his cock.

You felt helpless as your moans grew louder, Chan fucking you on his cock relentlessly. He pounded into you from below, lifting you up again and slamming you down in time with his thrusts.

“You’re so perfect, you know that?” You whined loudly and shook your head. “I- I don’t know.” You cried out softly, his cock ramming into you roughly. Barely able to continue your sentence, you moaned as he grabbed your ass cheeks tightly, spreading them apart.

“Shut up. You are, and that’s final.” He grunted as he suddenly got up, still shallowly fucking you. He stumbled over to the wall and pressed you against it, attacking your neck and covering it with bruises as he tore apart your insides.

“I’m- fuck!” You gasped when you felt him bite your nipple lightly, your hand coming up to his face. “I’m c-close, please-“

He chuckled, his hand slithering between your bodies to rub slow circles on your clit. “So you’re telling me I control your orgasm?”

“N-no I meant-“

“You meant what you said, baby.” He chuckled and kissed you. “It’s alright though, I’ll let you cum, babygirl. All you have to do is beg.”

“B-but…” you whimpered and pouted at him, but he merely shook his head.

“Go on, now.” He said strictly, slightly slowing down his thrusts.

You groaned in frustration as he reduced his speed. Your eyes wide and innocent as you looked up at him.

“Please, daddy, wanna cum so bad, need it...”

He pretended to think for a second, before nodding and smirking as he rammed into you so hard you’d probably never walk again. You never knew he had so much stamina, so much brute force.

Each thrust was like a burst of fire within you.

Soon enough, you felt your orgasm crash down on you, leaving your entire body shaking in the wake of it.

The overstimulation was blinding, and yet you suffered through it so you could feel Chan’s cum inside you, your abused core tingling as he pounded into you.

Finally after a few minutes he slammed into you one last time, filling you up with his seed. There was so much of it that it dripped out, past his length and your pussy. You’d never felt so full.

“That was...beautiful.” He groaned, resting his forehead against yours. The two of you breathed heavily, your chests heaving as you stayed in that position.

Staring into your eyes, Chan found something there which he hadn’t seen for years. He missed that look...he really did.

“You’re beautiful.” He mumbled, pressing a soft kiss on your head. You could barely reply, your words stuck in your throat. All you could do was stare at Chan in adoration, feeling helplessly in love as your heart pounded against your chest. Your mind was filled with persistent thoughts, but one seemed to be more prominent than the rest.

This wasn’t going to end well, was it?

***

Felix sighed when he saw the two of you cuddled on the couch, smiling to himself and shaking his head as he set his keys down. He’d known this would happen sooner or later.

At least now he wouldn’t have to deal with any more bickering. Yawning, he headed towards his room, right after switching the lights off so the two of you could lay in darkness.

An eventful day, for sure.

#bang chan smut #chan smut #skz smut #bang chan x reader #lee know smut #minho smut #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #bang chan imagines #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #lee know x reader #minho x reader #minho angst #chan angst

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dragon-kazansky · 3 years

Text

Dangerous | Helmut Zemo

AU! Race car driver Zemo 😎

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Masterlist]

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Part 6

The eve of race day. You had woken up early as planned. Zemo would be here soon to pick you up. You had packed a little case for the weekend, but you had spent the entire in nervous excitement.

You would be staying with Zemo. At his place. Just the two of you.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket.

Zemo: I'm outside.

You grab your bag and head outside, locking up behind you. Not at all surprised to find another car of his waiting for you. He was leaning against the hood of the car.

You smile as you approach him.

"Miss me?" You asked, teasing him.

"Every day since I left."

You laugh softly, but you could tell he meant his reply. Your poor heart was going crazy.

Zemo takes your bag and puts it safely in the car. You climb in while he does. Once he's in, you settle for the long drive down to the track. The radio plays quietly in the background.

"You can sleep if you like, I promise there won't be any speed racing along the way," he chuckles.

You smile as you get as comfortable as you can in a car. "I think I'll do that, an hour or so."

You're didn't even make an hour before you woke up, but a lot of distance had been covered. Zemo smiles at you as you shift in your seat, waking up fully.

"Coffee?"

You glance down to see two take out cups, steam still rising from them, slotted between you in cup holders. You smile as you take one.

"Thanks. You stopped for coffee?"

"The least I could do for coming to get you so early," he smiles sweetly. "I can pull over at the next stop if you're hungry, but we won't be on the road for too much longer now."

"I'll wait then. Thanks." You open the cup and inhale that delicious scent. A beautiful way to wake up.

Conversation is kept causal for the rest if the trip. Soon Zemo pulls up at a nice house. He wasn't kidding when he said it was bigger than your little apartment.

You climb out of the car and look up at it.

"This is nice."

"Thank you. It's just one of my houses." He comes to stand beside you. You eye him in slight suspicion.

"One of your houses? How many houses do you have?"

"Several. Most of them in Europe."

You continue to look at him with suspicion.

"I figured you had money because of all the cars, but I'm thinking there's more to it than that."

He gives a cheeky grin as he walks up to the front door.

"Perhaps."

Who is this man?

You follow him to the door and then enter as he opens it for you. The inside is super nice. Doesn't exactly looked lived in, but you can tell it's his place.

"Now this suits you," you say, looking around the room.

"Does it? You fit in quite nicely too."

You smile as you make yourself comfortable. Zemo drops your bag by the door and comes over to sit with you.

"I have something I want to ask you. I don't need an answer right away, but I want to ask you now."

"Why is it?" You turn tour body so you're giving him your full attention.

"I have been debating this for days, but what you say if I asked you to work for me?"

Your gaze flickers between his eyes, your brain trying to catch up with what he just said. Work for him? Like... work for him? What would you even do?

"You do realise I'm no mechanic. I make coffee for a living."

"I'm aware."

"What can I possibly do for you?"

"Assist me? Manage me?" He sat their smirking at you.

"Manage you? I don't know what in doing most of the time, and you want me to manage you? Don't you have a manager?"

"Myself."

"You can do that?"

"I can," he chuckles. "If you worked with me, you could be at every race. I would get to see you every day."

"You are honest to God serious?"

"I am."

You gaze down at your lap in thought. He was actually offering you a job. You would have so much to look up before hand, but what if you took it?

You look up to see him looking at you.

"I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask for," he says, smiling. He gets up and heads into the kitchen to make you breakfast.

You're already pulling out your phone, researching what you may need to help him.

It would be pretty cool to tell people you were the manager of Helmut Zemo. Certainly more exciting than the barista who makes nice coffee.

You eat, Zemo shows you the room he had made up for you, and then you both head out to see the car. You spend all day watching him go up and down the airstrip, beating his own record.

He was ready for tomorrow.

Race day. You're both up early. Zemo talks you through the day and what he has prepared for you. You're on the list for his crew, so you'll have access to the areas he team do. You still get to watch from his stand.

Of course, you arrived together. He parks up and you walk into the stadium. You're keeping your eye out. Zemo knows what for.

It's not until you're outside waiting for Zemo to change when you see them. Stark has arrived, in his gear, your friend under his arm as they wave at the crowds. All cameras on them.

He did it. He made it public.

Your friend was smiling away and waving at people, kissing his jaw and placing her hand on his chest.

Despite the display, it didn't seem real to you. She couldn't see it, but you could.

A hand is placed in your shoulder. You look up to see Zemo standing beside you. His eyes are on you, but you know he saw them.

"She may not forgive me, but I will not forgive him for breaking her heart when the time comes."

Zemo says nothing and nods once.

You turn your eyes away from the 'happy couple' and look at the car. It looked all shiny and new.

"You've got this today," you say, turning to smile at him.

"I know," he replies with a cocky smile.

You find yourself teaching for his hand and smiling softly at him. His fingers curl around yours.

"I'll be right here when you cross that finish line," you tell him.

"And then drinks."

"Ah yes, our date. How can I forget?"

"I have one more request before I go out there."

"Oh?"

Zemo brings you entwined hands to his lips and kisses yours softly.

"Call me Helmut. I want to hear you say my name at least once."

You smile.

"Alright. Then, this is for you, Helmut." You lean in and press a firm kiss to his cheek, caressing the other one with your free hand.

He smiles.

The way you say his name sets alight all those feelings be bad been trying to contain.

You pull away.

"You better go."

You can hear the racers being called to the starting line. He squeezes your hand and reluctantly lets go. You pick up his helmet and give it to him. Once it's on, he climbs into the car and you watch as he follows the other drivers. You quickly climb over the barricade to the stands and watch from up there, wanting to see his car for as long as you could.

You hadn't noticed the way your friend had been looking at you from across the way.

You stand on edge. You had this really good gut feeling in your stomach. Something was telling you this was going to be the day.

The lights change. The engines rev. You close your eyes to listen to the sound. It's the greatest sound in the world. The flag waves, tyres spin. They're off.

You don't even realise you're holding your breath.

The cars are out of sight so quickly, you then your gaze to the screen. Right there in front of you is Stark and Zemo.

They move in perfect sync around the track, not once colliding with the other. It's almost as if they're playing a careful game. Your poor lip will be so sore from your nervous nibbles.

Stark takes the lead for quite some time, but Zemo is right there behind him.

"Please. Please." You're whispering to yourself. You have fingers crossed, you're unable to stand still as you watch, you're pleading with whoever is listening.

The last leg of the race is approaching.

The standard across from you cheer loudly. That's Stark's lot.

You're beginning to doubt that feeling you had.

It all happens so quickly.

Just as you blink, that purple beauty of a car pulls ahead. It's as if it had been saving it's energy for the last hurdle. You gasp sharply as he pulls so far ahead, even Stark is confused. You're not sure if you dreamt it or it as that car speeds across the finish line.

You can't contain how happy you are. You run from the stands, jump the barricade and run as fast as your feet will take you. By the time you get down to the arena, all cars have crossed the line. No casualties on this day.

Zemo is out of his car, helmet taken from him by one of the others. He sees you coming and opens his arms. You're off your feet as soon as your arms around him. He's laughing in your ear.

"You did it! You did it!" You're laughing, smiling, cheering.

He puts you down, but he doesn't let go. You hold onto him tightly. People gather to take photos or to try and interview him, but neither of you care.

You pull back enough to look at him.

He kisses you.

Right there in front of everyone. Cameras are flashing, people are shouting his name.

No one else matters.

You smile against his lips.

You only let go when you have to. He gets taken off for his award, but you're not far behind. You're so proud of him.

Stark looks at him from the second place podium. Your friend on the other side from where you stand.

She doesn't look happy.

Once the formalities are over, Zemo returns to you and puts his arm around your shoudler. You're both smiling like fools as you walk back.

He beat Stark. He did it.

And he kissed you!

You're over the moon. This could honestly be pinned as the best day of your life.

It's not until you're out of sight from the press when he pins you up against the wall and claims your lips again. You melt against him, letting him kiss you over and over.

Neither of you were even bothered about the race anymore. He just wanted you.

You part, but only slightly.

"Zemo-"

"No."

"Helmut," you chuckle, "I'm accepting the job offer."

"That didn't take much convincing," he teases.

You roll your eyes and pull him back to you, kissing him again.

Meanwhile, in Stark's locker, your friend was going crazy. She was looking at her phone which was blowing up with images of you and Zemo kissing.

Today was suppose to be the day she could proudly go public about her and Stark, but even that had been stolen from them.

Tony looked at her from across the room.

"Let me tell you something interesting," he said, not all sounding affected by his loss today.

She goes over to hear what he has to say.

@ajeff855 @moonstuffsteve @sky-writes-stuff @lieutenantn @lostghostgirl94 @friday18eo @yaskna @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @gingerwriter97 @lunamooney2406 @wilder-fangirl @nectav @whovianayesha @thesuitkovian @cathrin2405 @deathtothepatriarchy @belle82devart @dxrksxul06 @killeromanoff @alex-the-nb @latenightartist-author @hb8301 @goddessofmischief03 @xxidontwikeitxx @themeanestlittlewitch @scuttle-buttle

#helmut zemo x reader #zemo #zemo x reader #helmut zemo #baron helmut zemo #AU #marvel #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier

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lunarflux · 3 years

Text

"i felt your arms reach for help, and not a muscle in my body could keep me from holding onto you so tightly"

lee felix x reader

genre — fluff!au

tw: suggested abusive relationship

suggested background music: x

note: i like to put a bit of my life into my writing - i had a dream the other night that i saw my abusive ex and hid behind a member of skz lol

You never usually went out on the weekends. It's always been that way. Maybe once a month, you'd entertain the occasional invite out for dinner and drinks, but it had been a while since you'd gone out so casually with your small group of friends.

Clubs were always dark, and you were never the type to run into the crowd. So there you stood by the bar, watching your friends as you nursed your beverage, the sweat from the glass dripping down to the floor. You wanted so badly to have fun, but this just wasn't your scene anymore.

After the departure of your ex-boyfriend, you realized just how much you missed out on. Your friends no longer waited for you because they'd just expected you to say no. It took over a year to realize your relationship had grown toxic, and no partner should ever keep you from experiencing life. Being in a relationship meant sharing a life - not becoming someone else's.

The need to be alone washed over you, remembering the last argument with your ex over reprioritizing your life. To him, friends came second. You just couldn't live like that anymore.

You're free now - and you still haven't adjusted to that feeling.

Club patrons would stand next to you and try to strike up a conversation, but as cold as ever, you avoided their gaze and sipped from the now watered down beverage, still dripping down your hand.

One in particular didn't try to talk to you. In fact, he stood at the bar much like you did, checking his watch, his phone, whatever he could to seem occupied. He glanced at you every now and then. Through the chaotic lights, he'd catch your eye, and he'd smile.

All you could see were the faint hints of the freckles scattered across his cheeks.

After about the fifth time noticing him check his phone, you leaned over. "Did your date bail on you or something?"

He chuckled. "No. I'm just killing time, so my friends stop bugging me about hanging around their apartment so much."

The conversation died as soon as it started, but you two stayed in place. You'd toast with him to every new glass, and then you'd go back to how you were - standing by the bar, killing time.

"y/n - "

Steadying yourself, you looked past your freckled partner only to find a familiar - unwelcome - face.

Staring your ex in the face for the first time in three months, the only thing you could do was stare. Your legs locked in place, and it felt like this club was just another nightmare.

"What are you doing here -" The familiar stranger took a step towards you.

It was a reflex.

All at once, you dropped your glass and found yourself gripping onto the denim sleeve of your drinking partner.

The blonde looked down at you, noticing the vice grip on his arm. He swore he could feel the tension built up within you as you just stood there, holding onto him like a scared child even though he was nothing but a stranger for the night.

Your view changed, and now you were looking at his back. Your drinking partner stood in front of you, his hand holding yours protectively.

"Can I help you?" He said to your ex who merely examined the sight before him like it couldn't possibly be happening.

"You her boyfriend?" Your ex spat with a matching sneer.

"I said, can I help you."

Trying to maneuver around your shield, he laughed, and it was a cruel sound. "So two years just in the fucking trash, and now you've moved onto this guy?"

You whispered into your protector's sleeve. "Please leave."

"Go - " The still nameless blonde nodded his head towards the crowd. "Before I call security for harassment."

"No need." Your ex took a swig of his drink. "You can have her."

The interaction only lasted a minute, but you swore you couldn't breathe. They never tell you about this kind of aftermath from a bad breakup. You were supposed to feel elated that this villain was out of your life after years of over-controlling behavior and manipulation tactics. This was supposed to be your new life.

Still stuck in place, you followed robotically as your protector pulled you up the stairs and out into the street. It was only then that he let go of your hand to cradle your face, wiping away the tears from your cheeks with his thumb.

"Are you okay?"

"I -" You let out an uneasy breath. The fresh air almost hurt to inhale. "Yes, I'm fine. I just didn't.... expect to see him so soon."

"What's your name?"

"y/n"

"y/n, my name is Felix. Have you eaten yet?" He took off his hat and placed it on your head, securing it tightly like it was a new shield to keep you safe.

Shaking your head, you let him lead you down the street to the closest night market. It was a little past midnight, but it was still crowded. Bumping into patrons, Felix grabbed your hand again and led you through the crowd.

Stopping in front of a dessert cart, he guided you to stand next to him. "Well?"

"It's fine, I should go."

Felix squeezed your hand. "Come on. It's late. You're clearly shaken up. I don't think anyone should be alone like that."

He was right though it pained you to admit it. Your fun Friday night went from decent to shit in less than five minutes, and now this handsome freckled stranger was the one to try to comfort you.

"I have a thing about sweets." Felix looked up at the selection of ice cream. "Brownies and ice cream - it's like my comfort food."

"Mine, too." You finally noticed how warm his hand was.

He held up two fingers to the part-time worker before letting go of you to grab both of the treats.

"I can pay you back." You took a spoonful of vanilla. "I'm sorry. I think I ruined your night out."

Felix shook his head, clearly enjoying the frozen treat. "You didn't ruin anything. I'm just sorry your night got cut short because of... your ex, right?"

You nodded quietly. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

"Well, I - "

"I've only known your name for ten minutes, and you've apologized to me twice already." Felix's freckles were much more visible now, and it suited him. He looked kind, and his smile was bright before softening to concern. "Did he make you feel like you had to apologize for everything?"

Poking your spoon around your ice cream, you couldn't find the words. Felix took your silence as a 'yes.'

"That doesn't seem like any way to treat your girlfriend."

"I mean, some of it might have been my fault - "

Felix interrupted your excuses with a spoonful of chocolate. "Stop."

"But I -"

"- am single now. And I am not him." He grinned again. "So just erase everything he made you feel like you needed to do, and just be in the moment with me. Okay?"

"It was just," you tried to find the words. "I don't know. I haven't done this in a really long time, and I know not everyone is like that. But I don't even really know you."

Felix placed his hand on your head, his smile still comforting and genuine. He pulled you close to him. "Well, I guess we're going to have to change that."

It was another Friday night, but now these nights were taken up by Felix dropping by your apartment with freshly baked brownies and a new movie.

He never passed the boundaries of holding hands and hugs. It almost made you wonder how you ended up here with this person who was nothing more than a fellow bar patron at some point.

"Can I ask you something?"

Felix was scooping ice cream onto the brownies. He offered you a spoonful, "What's up?"

The words got caught in your throat again. It's only been two months. You hadn't returned to the club since, and you were finally sleeping well again. It was almost like having Felix kept the nightmares away. Simply knowing he was there did more healing than anything else ever did.

You didn't want to ruin it.

"Never mind." You grabbed your bowl and settled in front of the TV.

Felix looked back at you. Lately, it was like you always started out tense in front of him, and he was dying to know why.

An hour into the movie, Felix finally noticed that you weren't paying attention. Your dessert was left half unfinished which was unusual. You just sat there beside him, staring at the floor.

He poked your cheek before reaching over to pause the movie. "What's on your mind?"

"It's nothing."

"y/n, come on." Felix sighed. "What is it? Are you having nightmares again? Did you see him again?"

It shouldn't feel odd, but you didn't expect him to find you so predictable. "No, I just have a lot on my mind."

"Okay, so tell me."

The silence filled the room again.

"Is this something you can't tell me?"

"That's not it, I just don't know how to tell you -"

"Try!" Felix laughed. "I haven't seen you this speechless since the night we met."

Thinking about that night brought so many mixed feelings. It was like seeing the evil witch and meeting your prince charming all at once. After your ex said those things, it was like something just held you back. It just always seemed too soon to say anything - no matter how much you liked Felix, no matter what he did you help you heal and just be happy. If this is what a relationship is supposed to be like, you didn't know how to operate. This was a book on love you'd never dared to read before.

"It's nothing." You said quietly.

Felix almost looked disappointed. He looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet together. "Should I leave?"

"What? No -"

"I just feel like I'm bothering you."

"You're not bothering me!" You grabbed his hand. There it was again, one of the two romantic gestures that wouldn't be pushed any further.

Felix held your hand gently, stroking your thumb with his. "So do you want to tell me what's on your mind?"

You leaned forward, resting your head against his arm so he couldn't see how flustered you were.

"I just don't know when the right time is."

"Meaning?" Felix had every right to be confused.

"How long is long enough to be over someone and move on?" You kept your head down. You didn't want him to see you crumble like this. You felt so weak and tired at the thought of exposing yourself like this.

You and Felix sat in silence for a moment. His grip on your hand was tighter than usual, but his demeanor was difficult to read.

"Is that what's been bothering you? You don't want me to think you've moved on too quickly?"

You nodded against his arm, still hiding your face.

He pulled you up and into his arms again, holding you securely. He smelled like vanilla and musk today. He hid his face in your neck, and you stayed like that. This was the safest you've ever felt, and being here with him finally stopped that awful feeling of not knowing what it was to want to share your mornings with someone. Felix wasn't a burden. He was the sunshine, and his warmth was your safety.

Taking a deep breath, Felix finally sat upright nodding to himself. "Okay, so let's talk."

"Talk away." You almost giggled at the flush on his cheeks.

He brushed the hair away from your face, keeping hands cupped on the sides of your neck.

"There is no time limit for being ready, okay?"

Felix's eyes stayed on yours.

"If you're over him, then you're over him. Fuck that guy, he was awful. And I know you think that with the timing - meeting me that night - it was a burden, wasn't it? Because there was no way you could ever tell if you were ready or if you'd just found a distraction." Felix smiled softly. "Do you trust me?"

You nodded quietly, eyes feeling awfully heavy.

"Well, I trust you. And I trust you know that this burden of never knowing will go away on its own, okay?"

"I just don't want to hurt you." You tried to pull away with no avail.

Felix released another heavy sigh.

He searched for something in your eyes before making his decision.

His kisses were like his hugs - warm and comforting. He was gentle, rubbing the edge of your face with his fingers. The small pitter-patters of his breath against your cheeks tickled.

Felix kissed you sweetly in silence. The moonlight had already set on the apartment, but he just stayed with you in the moment, feeling like if there was ever a time, it was now.

Leaving a final kiss on the tip of your nose, he sat back.

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

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jaeqtstuff · 3 years

Text

― 𝑔𝒽𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊

words count: 1.7k

playlist: ghost by justin bieber (recommend to listen to it while reading, just to get the feels because im suck at angst lol)

pls note that english is not my first language. but i had fun writing this so i hope you too! xx

[10:15pm] after escaping the most boring blind date that your friend set you up with, you came across the usual late night bar that you used to go during your days with beomgyu. yeah, your famous ex among your peers.

everybody knows how in love, how insanely perfect the two of you were for a love story but that was during high school. college was a whole different story. it suddenly becomes so toxic that it drained both of you. waking up every morning was a burden to the point you can't even breath in each other presence. you didn't know what went wrong, neither did he but as years passed, it was all because of childish reason. the most hurtful thing about this one is, you knew it could be saved but you didn't do anything. and neither did he.

"whiskey on the rocks." you choose to sit far from others, wanting more privacy. the bartender seems to recognise you by the way his mouth formed a big smile as if he was welcoming a friend. you smiled back, nonetheless.

let's just call it off. it's better this way. i mean can you do this everyday? doesn't this itch you?

you shut you eyes close as you slowly savouring every drops of it. why does it taste bitter? it shouldn't taste like this. i should've just go home.

fucking sick of it. fucking sick of everything and just piss off. don't you get tired of me? honestly i am. so get lost from my fucking sight.

the more you sip, the bitter it got. you didn't enjoy it. maybe that's the reason why some people avoid old places but you were there, drinking alone in the most romantic set up you could ever imagine for a late night bar, the low dimmed lights and slow soul music playing in the background and not to mention all the couple around you. you hate it so much but you can't deny the obvious fact that you missed it. you miss how this place used to caress you with memories you still keep in the deepest part of your heart.

"do people still come over to sing?" you casually asked the bartender as he slips your second drink. you remember how beomgyu used to say that he will sing at the small stage and dedicate a song for you infront of everyone in the bar but he never did.

"well yes. in fact, we're preparing for one." he replied, with much excitement at you. you look passed your shoulders, eyes fixed to the small stage at the corner. they were getting ready with the mic and there was single stool with a guitar at the side.

"he's a good singer." the bartender commented as he was wiping all the utensils he had used just now with a clean cloth. "really?" you look away from the stage and bring your glass close to the mouth. without wasting much, you gulped down the rest of the drink in one go before taking out your purse to pay. you could hear the soft melody of guitar playing at the back but you were more focus with the text displayed on your home screen. "it's weekend. leave me the fuck alone." you hissed under your breath.

Youngblood thinks there's always tomorrow

I miss your touch on nights when I'm hollow

I know you crossed a bridge that I can't follow

Since the love that you left is all that I get

I want you to know that if I can't be close to you

I settle for the ghost of you

I miss you more than life

you shut the phone away and bring the card out to pay. you waited for the bartender to notice you but you were now interested with the song. your head unknowingly move with the beat, fingers tapping slowly on your bare legs. the lights on the stage were too dimmed and you couldn't see well who was the one singing but his voice was causing a whole war flashback in your head.

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy

I miss you more than life

you never knew a song could break you so much, not when you least expected it but the one singing was also not helping the situation any better. he was singing his heart out, as if he was the one writing the lyrics from some kind of painful experience he ever had in his life. anyone in the bar could say the same thing.

Youngblood thinks there's always tomorrow

I need more time but time can't be borrowed

I'd leave it all behind if I could follow

Since the love that you left is all that I get

I want you to know that if I can't be close to you

the more you listen, the more your heart ached. all these years, you thought you moved on from him. you can finally accept the fact that you can live without him by your side. in those years, it's a lie if you say you never thought of him during those drunken nights with your friends. but tonight was brutal. you could relate to the lyrics so much that you had trouble holding yourself back from any breakdown that would cost you every time you said you were good without him.

I'll settle for the ghost of you

I miss you more than life, yeah

you were never good.

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy (oh)

I miss you more than life

you were never calm after both of you called it off. you forced yourself to drink every night so that you can sleep without thinking of him but the terrible headaches every morning was torture. the moment you get up, he was all over in your head. you remember how you wanted to run back to him every night, tell him to forget all the bad pieces and just start new but by looking at the sight of it, it would make you throw up. you definitely knew it will make things worse.

you looked at the stage, still trying to see who was the one singing. heart still hurting but deep down, you were expecting something out of wicked love story. the tears building up in your eyes were not helping as your visions got blurry from the lyrics. blinking the tears away, you were nervous to look back to the stage again.

So if I can't get close to you

I'll settle for the ghost of you

But I miss you more than life

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy

you breathed in deeply, struggling to gain your composure. nonetheless, the shaky eyes went back to the stage where suddenly, the lights around the stage were slowly looking brighter. you could clearly see how he was playing the guitar effortlessly with his eyes closed. the expression on his face was tormentingly raw or maybe it was just your eyes telling the lies to the mind, telling you that he was also in much pain just like you were. one thing for sure, you eyes couldn't lie the one infront of you.

I miss you more than life

how can you forget his voice? you gasped for air, breathed in every sharp air you could get because you knew, the night will only get worse, will only wreck you even more than it did before. you could never get better from it.

the people around you start clapping, telling you that he was done singing on the stage. you could hear the soft giggle from the mic before the countless thank you from him. you carefully eyed him at the stage before taking out the cash from your purse, putting the card back inside. you couldn't be bothered about the points because the last thing you want was beomgyu seeing you in this helpless state. smudge eyeliner and mascara because of the tears and also the short lacy black dress you were wearing. it was too obvious.

so you left without looking back. and oh boy, the moment the cold air hit your face, you couldn't hold back the tears. no, you were weeping, sobbing, almost throwing up on the side road. walking to home will be hard but you were quick to stop a cab.

thank god the tears stop the moment you were in the cab. the warm seat kinda cool you down a bit but your heart was eager. you didn't stop there and pulled out the phone from your back. eventhough you didn't contact each other, you knew where to find him and in those nights like this, you always check on him. last time you did was two years ago and maybe it should just stay unchecked.

the moment it hits you, there i knew i am still holding on to the past just like how i always did. and perhaps it's because you are always there. not leaving me nor forget about me. i will just settle like this, holding on to that life i miss most. ― 15 minutes ago

wish you can stay longer so that this night would not be lonely again but it's not what i thought it is. i'm sorry. ― 2 minutes ago

you lost at the last words and now fighting your own mind, telling the cab to turn around but you couldn't get the words out from your mouth. you knew beomgyu saw you, he probably saw you in that bar. sitting alone at the furthest table from the rest. he probably saw how you were struggling in your seat, looking so pathetic in that dress.

he was right. beomgyu was right.

this night will only get lonelier. if only you stayed, maybe things could change but you knew, it can only work if both of you wanted it. he had his chance but he didn't use it. in between those tears, you laugh it off, thinking how stupid could you be with just simple words like 'i'm sorry', you were ready to throw yourself again to the deepest pit of hell with him.

choi beomgyu,

the only man who wreck you this much. the only man who can prove to you that there will be no other lover like him.

"choi beomgyu."

#choi beomgyu #choi soobin #choi yeonjun #beomgyu boyfriend #beomgyu txt #beomgyu #kang taehyun #heuningkai #tomorrow x tomorrow #txt timestamps #tomorrow x together #have fun #kpop imagines

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procrastination-queenie · 3 years

Text

Baby | JJK

Pairing: husband!au Jeon Jungkook x Wife!au reader.

Warning: c-section surgery, nothing too detailed. Baby fever. Very slight mention of smut. Fluff. The reader is a foreigner. Mentions of cultural differences.

The part written in italics is a flashback

Synopsis: You and Jungkook agreed not to have babies right away after your marriage, yet you find yourself witnessing a cute situation that leaves you thinking otherwise.

A/N: I am begging you guys for the gazillion time to please let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.😊

Word count: 4,178.

This part can be read as a continuation to Marry you.

Babies! Oh God! You cannot express how fed up you were because of that word. After you and Jungkook got married, your family members had nothing to talk about to you except babies. It's like they were pressuring you, well scratch that, they were, but unconsciously though. You couldn't blame them. You grew up in a culture that was not really open to the idea of "we are gonna wait a few years until we feel like we're ready."! Yeah, this ideology does not exist!

"Wait until when? I am not living more than I already am!" Your grandma would say, or "wait for what? Are you still getting to know each other after a five-year relationship?" Your grandpa would scoff, and your favourite one was "Hunny, are you kidding? You'll never be ready! No one is ever really ready! … You think me and my sister had you, kids, because we were ready?" Your auntie would say in disbelief laughing lightly at your logic with said sister, your mum, sitting next to her shaking her head in disappointment with a "can you believe her?" murmured in annoyance.

You didn't have the heart to blame your family that's how they were raised for generations, and for you to try and change their mind-set would be difficult, almost impossible. That is until you and Jungkook refused to talk upon the matter anymore saying that this is your life and you're free to do whatever you both agree on, only then did they stop nagging you; however, you knew they were not happy about it.

Jungkook on the other hand never really minded the idea of babies, in fact, if you told him that you were ready, he would gladly help you right away, if you know what I mean, but knowing your concerns, not only did he comfort you, but also respected that you were not there yet, mentally. You would always tell him "I sometimes think that I am still a baby, myself. How can I have one when I think like that!" He would chuckle, patting your head and cuddling you closely "Baby, it's okay. We don't need to have one right now! Why are you so worried about it?" He asked looking down at you since he was resting his chin on your head. "I mean, aren't you bothered about it? Don't you want to have your own child?" You pouted thinking that maybe you're holding one of Jungkook's wishes back which can make you feel that you're not good enough for him. "Well, baby, of course, I want a child, but I want to have it with you, and if you're not ready that's totally fine! I mean when I think about it, it is a huge deal, you're going to house a human being in your body for 9 long months, and your body would go through drastic changes, plus you'd have to not only take care of yourself but the baby growing inside you, as well!" Jungkook cradled you to his chest moving aside a lock of your hair behind your ear. "It's all amazing, but you're the one who's carrying a baby, I would never pressure you to do that if you're not ready!" He said looking into your eyes sincerely. "Oh, I love you so much!" You said giving him a few repetitive pecks on his lips. "How did I end up with such an amazing man!" Your lips barely meeting his, whispering before you closed the small gap between you, kissing him with all the passion and love you held for this wonderful husband of yours.

That all changed when one day you were at the hairdresser's getting a new hair cut. You were looking through your phone waiting for your turn until you noticed a woman entering the shop. She had this unusual aura to her, like something about her seemed to interest you, she walked around as if she had accomplished something amazing but wouldn't brag about it as if to let her accomplishment speak for itself. You understood why you felt that because minutes later, two identical accomplishments followed her suit. They were two identical boys who were probably 4 or 5 years of age. You were in awe when you saw them following their mummy, like lost puppies. They resembled her greatly, and behaved very well as if their mum promised to buy them Disneyland if they did. They stood next to her looking up at her as if she is their whole world.

For a moment you imagined that with Jungkook, and what would it feel like to have a baby in both of your lives. How would it feel to have a child of your own looking at you the way these boys looked at their mum.

For weeks to follow, you were almost obsessed with the twin boys you saw at the hair salon. How they dressed, how they behaved, how they sat obediently eating their sweets waiting for their mum to finish, how their mother would look at them through the mirror every once in a while to check on them, how they cutely complimented her saying that "mummy is the prettiest girl ever!" With wide eyes looking up in amazement and cute small sticky fingers from the sweets reaching up in the air in excitement. The whole thing kept repeating over and over in your head which led you to look up some photos of babies and reading more about them and what's new in the parenting world that parents try and apply with their kids. You even reached the point where you would stop at the babies section, racking through cute onesies, making Jungkook arch an eyebrow in amazement. "Are you pregnant or something?" He would ask eyeing your belly before looking up at your face trying to see what's going on inside your head. You would shake your head slightly before reluctantly letting go of the tiny baby clothes and taking Jungkook's hand to move to another department of the store.

Jungkook, too, could feel a change in your behaviour, like how you would gaze longingly at kids playing at the park when you had your picnics there, how you would pause to listen to a show that talks about babies and how to care for them, he even caught you reading a book about pregnancy. His heart skipped a beat when you went to visit your brother after his wife delivered a healthy baby girl; you kept holding her the whole time refusing to let anyone hold her unless it was your brother's wife because she needed to feed her. He even took a photo of you, you were looking at your niece so lovingly when you looked up at Jungkook smiling brightly as if she was your own. He put it as a background for his phone.

"Yaaah! If you want a baby that bad make one of your own!" Yoongi yelled playfully at Jungkook who wouldn't stop looking at the photo. "Ay! Don't pressure the kid." Namjoon said looking disappointedly at Yoongi for saying that. "Well, there's no pressure. It's just … I don't know y/n has been acting weird lately!" He took a last look at his phone's background before it displayed his worried features as he closed the screen. "What do you mean weird?" Jimin asked looking at Jungkook quizzically. "I don't know… it's… she'd stare at baby clothes when we go shopping even though there's no one we know who's going to give birth soon. I mean I could have brushed it off thinking that she wants to buy some as a gift or something, but no." Jungkook ruffled his black locks resting his elbows on his knees. "And you know she looks at them as if … as if she's imaging them on a certain baby, not the way she'd look at them as if inspecting the design or something, do you understand what I mean?" He looked up at his hyungs waiting for a confirmation that he's not imagining things. Namjoon nodded "you mean she inspecting the clothes as if she's buying it for her own baby, not just going through them?"

"YES!"Taehyung jumped at Jungkook's sudden outburst. "Sorry Hyung!" Jungkook muttered to Taehyung before focusing on Namjoon again. "Well, it's easy she wants a baby!" Hobi said shrugging and looking at Jungkook as if he's dumb and that this was as obvious as the sun. "No shit Sherlock! I know that. It's just she never said anything about it ." Jungkook was bewildered he didn't understand your sudden change of attitude, and if you had a change of heart about having a baby, then why didn't you tell him? "Just talk to her about it. See if she's ready or not, maybe she is, but something is holding her back, you never know!" Jin said patting Jungkook on the back. "we are definitely having a talk." Jungkook sighed lighting up his phone's screen to look lovingly at your photo holding your niece.

"Baby, you home?" Jungkook looked around the house for you while taking off his shoes and closing the door. "In here!" You answered from your bedroom. You heard his footsteps on the stairs knowing very well from the sound of it that he was skipping some. You rolled your eyes at your husband's child-like behaviour. "BABE!" He suddenly opened the door to your room, a huge smirk on his face as he stepped slowly towards you. "What? What's wrong? Why are you giving me that look?" You looked him up and down as if he's gone mental. Out of nowhere, he pounced on you like a cat making you put your book aside as you squirmed beneath him. "Oh my God, Kook get off. What's wrong with you!" You started laughing because he started leaving small pecks on your neck, and it was ticklish. "Tell me!" He suddenly stopped and looked into your eyes. "Tell you what?" You searched his face thinking that he might be drunk. "Tell me what you're not telling me!" He said, face getting closer to yours as you backed yours from his. "Are you drunk?" You said laughing, again. He was being unusual. "Nah, I am not. I just want to know what's wrong. Lately, you've been acting weird as if you're hiding something." He claimed as he sat beside you, taking you in his arms as your upper half laid on his bent knee; this was your position when you both had deep talks, he'd let you rest your back on his bent knee as he held you closely, usually playing with your hair locks. "You keep on checking baby clothes whenever we go shopping, you're reading a book about pregnancy and parenting, you listen to anything related to babies on the T.V. are you not telling me something?" He asked with concern filling his doe eyes as he caressed your cheek. "I … I've..." You sighed closing your eyes; words were not getting out of your mouth. "What? What is it baby? You can tell me." His thumb brushed your cheek in a soft motion encouraging you to speak up. "I … I want a baby." You said out of nowhere and looked at Jungkook to see his reaction. "Well, baby that's great. You know I don't mind, then what stopped you from telling me?" Jungkook flashed you his bunny smile, happy to know that you're ready to take this step with him. "It... It's just, you know I have been reading about it, pregnancy and stuff." He nodded, a sign for you to go on. "And it's all great and everything, but what if something went wrong?" You looked worriedly into your husband's confused eyes. "Like what if I have a miscarriage? What if something happens to the baby? Like what if …"

"Hold on, hold on … baby why are you trying to predict everything? Why can't you focus on the positive side?" He said trying to calm your raging thoughts. "What if my body is not strong enough to have a baby?"

"Baby,nooo!" Jungkook pulled you closer into his arms. "No, none of this is going to happen, we are going to keep checking up with a doctor, and everything will be fine. I'll always be by your side." He said pulling your head under his chin, then he pulled back to look you in the eyes, "and even if something happens, We will go through it together. I know it will be harder for you, but I swear that there's nothing in this life that could be offered to help you lessen your pain that I won't do it." He whispered sincerely, holding your face between his big warm hands. You hugged him tightly, "I love you so much, I don't even know what I did to deserve you!" You said crying over the fact that a man like Jungkook existed, a man who's willing to do anything for you. "Ah, baby I love you, too so much. I don't want you to doubt us or the future. You know why?" He chuckled feeling you shake your head. "Because the future is never guaranteed, but the only thing that is guaranteed is us, and I know that we're strong enough to face anything life throws at us, together." He said hugging you tighter. "Okay, baby?" He pulled back to look at you. You nodded as he wiped away your tears. "Now, about that baby..." He smirked as you laughed at his goofiness. He always knew how to make you laugh. Always.

Now fast forward a few years, you and Jungkook are parents now. It didn't take that long to get pregnant thanks to Jungkook's stamina. Your pregnancy went on smoothly and nothing bad happened. Just as Jungkook promised, he was always right there for you, for everything; from the moment you both found out, to birth-giving, till now. Speaking of which, the poor thing was so terrified when he knew that your doctor would perform a C-section and that you wouldn't be giving birth naturally.

"Is she supposed to be awake during the surgery?" Jungkook worriedly asked the doctor as he could see that the medication they have given you were not putting you to sleep. "Oh don't worry, Mr Jeon. She won't feel a thing, we drugged the part that we will be working on, and it's normal for her to be awake." Your Doctor smiled kindly at him knowing that this was his first time undergoing something like this. Jungkook was dressed in scrubs holding your hand to keep you from panicking, the doctor also hung up something like a sheet in front of you so you won't see them perform the surgery. "Are you okay?" Jungkook whispered, trying to make small conversation with you as you kept looking at him. You nodded still looking at him as he was getting more anxious by the minute because of your intense staring, "Jungkook why are you panicking, I am the one who's having her stomach open, not you." He laughed squeezing your hand, his nerves easing a bit. "How are you so cool with this?"

"I don't think me panicking right now, would do us any good, you know." Jungkook chuckled then kissed your forehead.

An hour has already passed by when they informed you that you delivered and that the surgery was almost over, they needed to stitch you up. "Jungkook go with the nurse!" You said urgently turning to look at him. "No baby, it's okay, your mum and my mum are waiting outside, I'll wait with you here." He said calming you down, he promised that he won't leave your side until you both get out of the surgery's room together. "But, this means that they'll know!" Jungkook chuckled at your worried expression. "It's okay baby, let them know." He said kissing your forehead. "You did great, and I am so proud of you!" He was tearing up because he could not understand how women could go through all of this, he was truly amazed. "I love you." You said looking into his teary eyes, "I love you, too baby so much!" He pecked your lips before the doctor announced that you were good to go.

It definitely wasn't easy, but with Jungkook there, everything was better.

Right now, you and Jungkook were asleep in each other's arms, appreciating the few hours of silence before everything turns back to its chaotic state in the morning. Since you've given birth, you could swear that you became a light sleeper. Your mum brushed off your marvellous discovery with a laugh claiming that it's normal for most mums to become light sleepers because you're always worried.

Just like now, your ears perked as you felt tiny footsteps softly padding towards your bedroom. And you were right, as you slowly turned in Jungkook's arms, so not to wake him up, you found your 3-year-old, Haneul, standing quietly by the door, sucking on his thumb and trying to search for you in the dark. "Haneul, baby I am here." You whispered and got up to see what's wrong. He padded softly towards you in his Stitch Kigurumi onesies that he insisted you buy from your last trip to Disneyland because that's his favourite character. "Oh baby what's wrong." You picked him up and held him in your arms cradling him as if to protect him from all the world's evil. You already knew what's wrong, he needed to change his diaper. "Come on baby, let's go to your room, daddy's still asleep." You left the room quietly hoping not to wake Jungkook up.

Haneul whimpered lightly in your arms seeing that he was irritated because of his diaper and he was still super sleepy. "Okay baby I'll change it for you, just please be quiet, your brother is still sleeping!" You prayed than Haneul won't throw a fit and wake up his twin, Hyun, from his sleep. It was too early to wake up the whole household right now.

"There, all done!" You whispered enthusiastically as he flashed a bunny-like grin at you just like his father. "Thanks, mummy." He grinned shaking his body cutely from side to side still laying on the changing table. "Anything for you baby!" You dived your head to his stomach attacking him with kisses as he squirmed beneath you. "Come on let's get you back to bed." You said putting him back in his crib and giving him a goodnight kiss. Before you could shut the door to the boys' room, you saw Haneul still standing in his crib giving you puppy eyes as he whimpered. You heart squeezed in your chest at the sight of your baby in discomfort. He wanted to sleep with you and Jungkook, but you can't let them get used to it. "Mummy!" Haneul whimpered reaching his tiny arms out for you. You sighed, your heart was too weak to leave him alone in the dark, you just couldn't do it. His eyes were starting to tear up as you went up to him. "God, you guys are my weakness." You muttered to yourself. As you were about to pick Haneul up, Hyun started to turn in his sleep, slowly waking up. Another pair of doe eyes slowly opened up, fluttering due to the dark smooth locks that were getting in its way. "Mummy!" You sighed great now both of them are awake and they will refuse to go back to sleep in their cribs.

Jungkook woke up to an empty bed, he jolted awake thinking you must be with the kids and that you might need his help, but didn't wake him up. He walked to the kids' bedroom to see you holding Haneul in your arms with him sucking on his thumb, drowsy eyes fighting sleep as you looked at Hyun who was carefully climbing out of his bed. "Careful baby!" You seemed to be fine, but your voice told otherwise, it was laced with worry, fearing that his leg might slip and he would get hurt. Hyun climbed down carefully then went up to you tugging on your nightdress and whimpering grumpily. Jungkook entered the room, "come here, buddy." He said scooping Hyun in his arms. "Baby, you woke up!" You frowned not liking the idea of him getting up so early. Since giving birth to your beautiful baby boys, Jungkook has put you and the boys as his top priority, and he was always there making sure you don't need anything. You didn't want him to wake up so early for once so that he could enjoy his sleep before going to the studio. "I didn't find you in my arms, so I got up to look for you." He said gazing at you lovingly. You kissed him on the cheek, he smiled and told you to go to bed with Haneul "I'll change Hyun's diaper and come right behind you." He said planting a kiss on your forehead. "Okay, baby." You said pulling Haneul closer to your chest.

A few minutes later, Jungkook and Hyun joined you and Haneul in bed. Haneul was fast asleep with his head resting on your chest, and Hyun was still awake looking up at Jungkook. "Come on buddy, go to sleep," Jungkook whispered running his fingers through Hyun's black locks that he inherited from his dad. "Appa!" Jungkook hummed softly in response. "Sing to me." Hyun traced his small fingers over Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook smiled closing his eyes for a few seconds enjoying the feeling as he started singing softly and quietly so that Hyun would go back to sleep.

You smiled, recalling all the things you've been through up until this moment. You remembered how you both were shocked when you found out you were having twins. That day was the best day of your life, you cried in happiness so much that Jungkook thought it was your hormones getting the best of you. "No... I'm just … I'm so happy." You said whipping your tears. That night you sat on the bed with Jungkook holding you in the same position that he would hold you when you're both having a deep conversation. You told him about the twins you saw that day, and how you were so fascinated by them and how they interacted with their mum. Jungkook smiled softly at you as he rubbed your belly. You both decided that you wouldn't tell anyone that you were having twins, and that it would be a surprise to your family and friends. The shock on their faces when they entered the room to congratulate you to find each of you holding a baby was priceless.

"Oh my God, are...are... You gave birth to twins!" Your grandma said in tears astonished by the surprise. "Oh, my dear bless you." She cried as you nodded with a big smile on your face. Your mum and Jungkook's mum were the ones who were in great shock because they were the ones who were waiting in the waiting room to suddenly find two nurses coming out with two babies. "How could you not tell us something like that?" Your mum asked whipping her tears as she looked at Haneul who was sleeping soundly in Jungkook's arms. "We wanted to surprise you." Jungkook replied as your dad smiled with tears in his eyes as he kept looking between you and Jungkook. "Congratulations sweetheart!" He planted a kiss on your forehead, proud of you. "Thanks, dad."

To say that the boys were shocked is an understatement. Poor Hobi kept looking left and right at each baby. "What the … twins?" Jimin burst in excitement as Yoongi grinned down at Haneul and Namjoon patting Jungkook's back smiling at Haneul, too. "They're so cute!" Jimin said excitedly as you handed him Hyun. "Careful, hyung!" Jungkook said worriedly, eyes watching Jimin like a hawk. "Look at our Jungkookie being a protective father," Jin said laughing with Taehyung bursting in laughter.

The boys kept pampering your kids to no end. Jin and Jungkook would even make sure that you and Lilly, Jin's wife, have play dates for the kids, seeing that Jin and Jungkook are the only fathers in the group. Life was treating you good with everyone surrounding you with love and care.

"What are you thinking?" Jungkook whispered. You looked at Hyun to find him fast asleep. "Nothing I was just remembering the day the boys blessed us with their existence." You smiled patting Hyun's back as you lifted the blanket to his shoulder. Jungkook's eyes gleamed at you as he smiled, probably remembering that day, too. Having kids is a huge deal to any couple but with Jungkook being there as he promised, you felt that everything is alright, and you didn't have anything to worry about. You and Jungkook fell into a deep sleep holding each other's hands as both Haneul and Hyun slept soundly between the two of you.

A/N:

Haneul means heavenly 🌌

Hyun means bright or intelligent.🤓

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dannyboyzone · 3 years

Text

Why these Lookism Bad Guys are liked, a rant by me

Alright, so I have came across a post talking about how Johan is hated on despite being a "bad person", and trashing other characters for absolutely no reason other than guilt tripping people. I personally think the post is immature, but due to my own personality and mental state, it has still got me kind of pressed, because it all sounds ridiculous. This post will be about some people in Lookism that are viewed as a bad people and or are hated on, and why I think they are liked. I won't speak for everybody liking these characters, and it will include some characters that I hate. This post is just to give a general idea for people who are really ignorant about why some characters might receive love. You might have come across that post, and if not, I am talking about this one below. - Well, only a small part of it, that threw me off. -

I didn't include the person's username out of respect and also so they don't feel attacked or anything of the sort.

Before starting this off, there are a few things I would like to say. If I sound petty, I truly don't care. I never saw anybody hating on Johan, at max maybe give criticism, I also don't hate Johan or try to disvalidate anyone's feelings, just get some things straight. Liking someone's looks does not immediately mean you are attracted to them, neither does liking the person's look you are attracted to mean you are toxic. It means you are loving. If you like someone's personality, you will find them beautiful consciously or subconsciously. If someone finds a character handsome, it is not a crime, people have types and preferences, and if they do it's none of your business. Hating good looking people doesn't make you woke, neither hating on people who are attracted to good looking people. What are you, Crystal Choi? And yes, people will be attracted to looks, it's a normal human act. People will notice if they find someone more attractive or unattractive which is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing when they start treating people different because of it. I assure you, most of the lookism fandom that I have came across doesn't do that.

This post will not include Seong Yohan because I never saw him get hated and I don't think nobody knows where he is coming from.

Samuel Seo

Yeah, so what seemed to be a surprise for me is that not a lot of people like Samuel, or at least understand why the people liking him would. Now, I personally feel no romantic attachment towards him. - Which is yes, normal, even if he is fictional. It's called fictophilia and I better see no judgement about it. - However, I do love Samuel a lot, and would love to care for him and grow a strong bond. To me, Samuel is not a monster. At all, believe me, Samuel isn't liked only for his looks. For me, personally, I love him so much because I can relate to him. I absolutely hated him at first, but grew to love him because he is human. He is complex, has a hard life and isn't perfect. That's exactly why I love him, and someone else I really adore does too. Yes sure, as you grow to like someone's personality, you find them handsome and or pretty. It's so much easier to say someone is pretty than to say, 'Hey, I love this person because they helped me go through so much.' Not everyone has the same love language, not everyone is comfortable with blunt affection. Besides, Samuel can and will achieve anything he wants. He has SO much sides to himself, not just 'good looking violent guy with big tits'. That's not Samuel at all. Besides, if PTJ oversexualises him, it's hard to not notice his body.

Yes sure, Samuel hits women, but I personally, don't f%cking care. Your vagina doesn't define if you deserve violence or not, your behaviour and the person's you face personality does. I am personally someone that doesn't mind violence as long as the person deserved it, because some scumbags in this world do. If they happen to be a woman, that's not on me, they shouldn't have done whatever they did. If you are not a violent person, I am not even sorry to tell you this, but you are probably sexist. It's not like all women are fragile and unable to get hit. Besides, if his violence is the problem, why is it fine that he hits men? Because men can handle it? According to statistics women have a higher pain tolerance. By your logic, you should call him out for hitting anyone in his way. Stop acting like hitting women is a necessarily bad thing, start saying that hitting innocent people is a bad thing.

If you must hate on him, maybe use the fact that he killed his abusive and neglective parents. Don't give a hard time to others for liking him though.

Ahn JongGun

Does Gun seem like a bad guy? Absolutely, he has done some horrible things. Then why do we like him? Because he seems to have a smaller character development coming, he has so many things to him and he is an absolutely incredible and complex character. I am very curious of his background and what caused him to be so violent and yet so calm. I like him because he allows himself to be human. From his religion, to his knowledge of material arts, to his adoration towards Vasco's material arts teacher - I forgot his name, so excuse me for that -, to his attention to details, to his fashion sense, it all makes him human. It's nice to see someone be a human, instead of just 'hot guy' or 'villain'. He is a nice character that brings many depth to the story. I could list a hundred of reasons why I love him, and no, none of it is his "weird" fashion sense. I do find him incredibly stylish, I just think some people in this fandom don't understand fashion. - Oops, I guess. - My main reason to liking him is that he is most likely either bisexual or pansexual. That he has a crush on Daniel. I might seem like I have a weird fetish or something, or that I am a crazy "fangirl". That's not the case though. I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and while not huge, I adore the hell out of the representation. It's nice to see such a smart, elegant and powerful guy be the representation. Because he is a character that's not there simply to be gay and full of stereotypes. Like, no hard feelings if you fit into stereotypes, but as a person who doesn't fit into them, it's a refreshing thing to see someone that's allowed to have many sides to himself other than just 'the gay friend'. Of course I am sure there are a lot of people who have many other reasons to love him, like his endless knowledge of material arts. There is so many reasons to be interested in his character, and just because you can't see it that doesn't mean others are blind to it too.

Yeah, he might have slept with countless women, but the main reason you can't count it is because he never stated the amount of women he slept with, neither did anyone else. Sure, he did say that Daniel is better than any women he ever slept with, but for all you know that could have been 3. Even if, it doesn't matter. He could have slept with 3, or 70 women. It doesn't matter, because not everyone's sexual life will reflect your own. And other people's sexual life is none of your business. Sure, you can say it's only fiction, and that I am overreacting, but when it comes to such small or personal details, people tend to put their own personal view into it. It's really not fine to shame others for their sexual life. As long as he uses protection, and didn't make anyone pregnant and doesn't play with the feelings of anyone, who gives a f%ck.

Some people tend to lash out sexually if they experience trauma or stress, and no, I don't mean they go and r%pe people, I mean that they go and have sex with different people who give consent. Even if he doesn't do it because of that, why does it bother you so much? Sex isn't a disgusting act. Some people like it, some people don't. Whatever their decision is, as long as no one is hurt, you should respect their decision.

Kim JoonGoo

Alright, this got me f%cked up. Goo is such a good character, and no way he would ever cheat on his S/O. He has morals and a lot of good sense in himself. Sure, he might have said that Samuel will be his secret friend, which led OP to believing Goo would cheat, but that's... a terrible reason, in my opinion. Gun knows that Samuel works for Goo, and Goo owns up it too. Besides that, nothing, absolutely nothing would lead to the fact that Goo would cheat. Because he wouldn't.

Now, why do I like Goo, and why some other's might like him too. He is such a well put together character, unpredictable yet so simple. He damages people to a point they have to retire, doesn't get scared of murderer, is a money maniac and hates his boss. You would think, he is dirty and fits the "gangster" stereotypes. That's not the case at all. He is more hygienic than most of the characters of lookism, if not the most hygienic one. He hates drinking and smoking, doesn't have tattoos - not that there is anything wrong with that - and is incredibly patient.

He might be a money maniac sure, but his ability to control money so well the way he does just shows how high his IQ is. I find that amusing, since it's something hard to do. What I completely love to the moon and back about Goo is his creativity.

When he gets into fights, he is patient and maybe let's himself get hit a few times. That's a good thing because he has time to learn about what he is facing. I think that's neat, because not a lot of people think about that during fights, and he taught me to do that. Also, the way he harms people is very creative too, no matter how harsh that sounds. He stabs people with chopsticks, kicks people with a glass piece stuck in his shoe and harms people with a katana. It's all so unpredictable yet fits him so well. I really love the way he fights and handles situations because it tells so much about him. Also, he is so fun, who would do karaoke after beating a bunch of guys unconscious? Only your one and only Kim JoonGoo. He is such a fun person to study and to read about.

So, no, I will not put up with the bullsh%t that he would cheat on his s/o, because he is a very respectful and none judgemental person. Just because his fights look violent to you, and his friendship with Gun unstable, that doesn't mean he is a bad person. It just means he is different from you, and yeah, he does f%cked up things, I won't deny that. That's exactly what makes him an interesting character.

Xiaolong

Now, I personally don't like Xiaolong that much, so this will not come from heart, but a place of logic. For a disclaimer, I am not caught up on the latest chapters, because I want to binge read it.

Now, even though I do not like Xiaolung, I can see why other people would.

He is a responsible person, who takes good care of himself even though he has to look after Vivi 24/7. He is not only good in his job, but takes it very seriously too. He isn't afraid to take action to make sure his job is going smoothly, and that everything is on it's place. He would do anything to protect Vivi, which can be appealing to some.

And from what I saw from spoilers, he is very strong. No, admiring his strength does not make the person toxic or fragile. It means they find the place in their heart to appreciate the type of struggle and hard work he puts into it. He has an unique way of fighting, which I could only see a small portion of. However it's clear that he must be impressive. I completely understand if people find that neat.

Also, Xiaolong seems like such a f%cking loyal person. That's so incredibly important. A lot of people can find that appealing, for various reasons. I am aware there are poly people, or anything similar to that, but loyalty is so important for some people and can form a very deep sense of love.

Yeah, he might take care of Vivi when she is drugged and let her get away with drugs but consider this that's his job. He is payed to do that and swore to do his best in it, as it's very important to him.

Outro;

Yeah, I don't care, like who ever you want to and defend them, but if you drag down other characters and guilt trip people because of liking specific characters, you are not going to be "woke" or special. And I will find you, and e a t you. - For legal reasons, that's a joke. -

That is not the only post that I saw shame those characters and people who like them, but is the one that made me messed up.

This fandom absolutely loves shaming people if they love the character design and looks of their favourite character. Let me tell you something though; You are missing the point of the whole manhwa you are reading.

Finding people attractive and beautiful is completely normal. Treating them differently because of that is not. As far as I am concerned, I never saw any lookism fans hate on characters they find less attractive. - Rather on the attractive ones. -

People have a type and that applies to looks and personality. Literally everyone does, even if it's unconsciously.

If you want your favorite character to get more love, don't make other people's comfort characters look bad on purpose, because in their eyes they aren't simply the bad qualities you see in them. And if you highlight them at least make sure they are true or at least reasonable bad qualities.

Well yeah, that was my little rant. And I didn't even mention the psychological aspects of why each character is like, or in other words what people they might attract. Or, the difference kind of personal life experiences people had to go through to appreciate each kind of little detail about the characters.

Yeah, this is the end of my little rant. If this post will get actual mature answers and discussions, I will make a similar one for Vinjin, Logan, Olly and Jiho. Yeah, I hate all of them, but other people might not.

END

#lookism #외모지상주의

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miss-dr-reid · 3 years

Text

This is calm, and it's, Doctor #10

Warning: mention of penis, but no touchy touchy of anything like that

My house keys were on the same keychain as my car keys. I told Spencer which one was for the front door, and he opened it, letting me in first. I walked in and started my 'getting home routine'.

"Hey google, I'm home." I said, smirking at Spencer.

All of the lights in my lounge room and kitchen came on and music started playing in the background. My house wasn't anything fancy, so I enjoyed little upgrades where I could get them. Spencer looked up from what he was doing, to see everything in action, his mouth slightly agape. He finished closing the door, ensuring that it was locked before finally coming inside to look around. I showed him around the basic parts of my house.

Firstly the kitchen, which was to the left of my front door,

"Feel free to get yourself a drink or anything you like while you're here." I told him, gesturing toward the fridge and cupboards, continuing my tour of the house. next was the living room, and then into the hallway where the bedrooms and bathroom reside. Once we had reached the bathroom, I realised that I was desperate for a shower.

"I'm gonna have a shower, and then we can put some aloe gel on our burns." I told him, walking into the bathroom with a towel in my hand. Spencer followed me in,

"You know, you really don't have to-"

"I told you, I would look after you That's also been the job assigned to me, so it's what I'm going to do." he interrupted.

"What are you gonna do, shower with me?!" I laughed.

"If I have to!" the comeback was unexpected, and suddenly, there were butterflies in my stomach at the thought of he and I being naked together - showering together.

I told him to sit on the toilet if he insisted on not leaving my side and he did. I hopped into the shower - still fully dressed- and closed over the curtain. I undressed, throwing y clothes over the top of the glass walls, hearing the soft 'flop' as they hit the ground. Turning on the shower, I realised that Spencer probably needed a shower, too.

"You haven't showered yet, either..." I called over to him, peaking through a gap I made in the curtain, and his head tilted up to look at me, "You're welcome to join me. At least you'll be right here if anything happens." my tone was more suggestive than I had intended, but I ran with it. Spencer stood up almost immediately,

"Would that be alright with you?" his question came out fast, and I nodded.

"Yes, Doctor, that's fine with me." I said, looking at him. His nose and cheeks were red, his hair frizzy from the excitement of the day, and his skin dry from the salt water.

I popped my head back into the shower, closing the curtain over once again, and he got undressed. once he was done, the shower curtain opened and he stepped in. I took the brief moment that he was looking at the ground, to look him up and down, my eyes growing wide when they landed on the place below his belly button. He had finally made it all the way in, and I stepped back, snapping my eyes away from his body and up to his face. He laid his head back into the stream of the shower, rinsing his head, droplets rolling down his face as he did so. His long fingers ran through his hair, ensuring all of it was wet, the veins in his forearms, protruding through his skin - from being dehydrated, I assumed.

He turned to face the stream one his hair was wet, and started rubbing his face and chest. I looked over his body once again, admiring the length of him. His back was long and toned. as my eyes traveled down his body, I noticed a scar just above his knee. Before I could return my eyes back up to his head to ask about the scar he turned around, and everything was on display. I suddenly stopped, my eyes growing wide again and my mind filling with thoughts that no one should have about a co-worker. I snapped my eyes back up to his head, my finger pointed out toward his leg.

"I got shot." he said, looking down at the scar continuing to explain about how he got shot, he suddenly stopped when he noticed all I was doing was nodding. "Are you okay?"

Honestly, I was just trying hard to get the thought out of my head, thoughts of him naked. even though, I didn't have to think about it, he was right there,

"Yeah, I..." I hesitated which only made him more concerned, "Look, you've got a really nice body." I said to him, trying to redirect my attention anywhere but there.

"That's not what's bothering you, please tell me what's wrong." he pressed, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Spencer, your penis is quite big." I said as quick as I could while focusing my eyes on the shower wall.

"Oh... Well the average size of a penis in the US is approximately three point six one inches while flaccid, with an erection they are approximately five point one six inches. Mine is slightly bigger than aver-"

"Spencer, you don't have to say anything. I shouldn't have been looking in the first place." I interjected. Even though I loved to listen to him list of facts, this was one I didn't need to know. I got out of the shower not long after that, I had made things awkward by saying what I did. I got out and grabbed my towel off the rack. barely wrapping it around myself before heading to my bedroom.

I sat on the edge of my bed, my towel coming slightly unwrapped on my back. My head fell into my hands and I sighed.

"Why do I have to be so awkward?" I whispered to my self, "Idiot!"

"Y/N.." Spencer's voice called from the door and my head snapped up to see him standing there, towel around his waist, "you're not an idiot. If you don't want to do anything like that again, we don't have to. I accepted your offer, not only because I really needed a shower, but because I wanted to be close to you, too." his voice was soft and sincere.

I looked over his body, his hair had been pushed back out of the way, a few stray droplets falling down his face. As well as the few stray droplets falling down his body and being soaked up by the towel. My eyes made their way back up to his beautiful chocolate browns, they were staring at me, looking for some type of answer.

"Spencer... I want to be close to you, too. I don't want anything bad to happen, because I like you Spencer. I really like you." My voice cracked slightly at the thought of losing Spencer. It was silly to be feeling this way, we haven't even known each other that long.

He walked over to me and cupped my face in his hands - forcing me to look into his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right here whenever you need me." his words were soft, but firm. Tears brimmed my eyes and soon started rolling down my cheeks. I was pulled into a hug, and Spencer stood up, taking me with him, my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist. I buried my face in his neck as I started sobbing.

He held me there until my body had calmed, his arms were holding me so close against him. I pulled back, looking him in the eyes, keeping my hands on his shoulders. His eyes were tinged red, and tears were welling on his lower lash line.

"Don't cry for me Spencer, please..." I pleased softly, the sight breaking my heart. He tried to blink it away, but it fell down his cheek instead. I wiped it with my thumb, "Thank you for being here."

He didn't say anything else, only pulled me back into him. we were tangled together once again and I wanted to stay there forever.

Alas, it was not to be, He soon enough puled back once again, bringing once hand to the back of my head and guiding my head toward his own, only to kiss me on the forehead before putting me back onto my bed. My legs had managed to undo his towel, as it fell once I was detached from his body, my own towel following suit.

I grabbed my own towel, averting my gaze from his while he scrambled to catch his before it hit the ground. I let out a small laugh, which caused Spencer to laugh, too. It was good to see a smile on his face.

Spencer left to go get a new change of clothes and I pulled out a nightie from one of my drawers. This nightie is one of my favourites, the soft flowing material, lined with lace. It hugged in all the right places and flowed everywhere else. I slipped it on, throwing my towel on top of my drawers and headed for the kitchen.

I made my way to the fridge, bopping along with the music that was still playing in the background, and opened it. My eyes landed on the bright orange bottle of Sunkist, Ironic, I thought to myself as I grabbed it. I shut the fridge as Spencer was making his way into the kitchen, and I offered him a drink. I grabbed out two glasses, set them on the bench and poured, finally sliding his glass over the bench to him.

"So, what brings you here?" I asked him, trying to make any sort of conversation happen.

"I am here, looking after you - like I was told." he said, seeming genuinely confused on why I would ask that question.

"Spence, I - I was just trying to make small talk." I told him, and he admitted he was not very good at small talk. He didn't really understand the point, when there are so many other things to talk about. Fun new things to learn, he didn't understand why small talk was even a thing people did.

I was interested to learn new things, always up for a challenge to test my brain. Spencer was extremely happy to tell me fun facts, while he did repeat a few things I had heard before, I never stopped him, instead asking more in-depth questions about certain things that really intrigued me. He was so happy to be talking, after being cut off so often by everyone else, I would never have the heart to tell him to stop. But all good things must come to and end.

Soon, my back started hurting and the yawns escaping me, came at closer and closer intervals. I looked at the time displayed on my microwave 0124 it read.

"We should probably go to bed, Spence." while he was sighing contently a himself after finishing another fun fact. We had ended up on the lounge, opposite ends from each other, our legs tangled together. "Are you coming?" I said getting up from the lounge, looking down at him.

"I didn't think you'd want me to be in bed with you." he was taken aback at my proposal and there was no way he could hide the sight excitement in his eyes.

"Don't be silly, come on." I said, tapping his shoulder as I walked past him and down the hallway, gesturing for him to follow when he hesitated.

I made it to my room and climbed into bed, getting under the covers. I called out for google that it was bedtime, and the lights turned off and the music was replaced with Rain sounds. Spencer was climbing into bed as I was pulling up the covers. I laid my head on my pillow, laying on my side, facing him. He mirrored me, his head on the other pillow. I didn't want to close my eyes, I just wanted to stare at him, his features lit by the gentle moonlight seeping through the window.

He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, it was a sight to see. I had got so lost in thought, admiring him, I didn't realise I had scooted closer to him until he wrapped his arms around me. I smiled at myself, and fell asleep there. Safe in the arms of Spencer Reid.

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff

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shoichee · 2 years

Note

May I request a matchup please?

I go with she/her and I'm Straight! Pretty outgoing at some point but mostly is that calm sunshine in the group (or that's what I've been told) I am a Virgo and an ENFP! You see where the energy is coming yes? Hehe

Anyways,Hobbies,, You can say almost anything fun. I love sports especially Volleyball and basketball. I definitely enjoy singing, drawing, painting, writing and so many things- I just can't stop haha!

Strength? The ability to talk to Everyone easily! Communication! I love interacting with people and I honestly think its one strong point for me! I usually get pissed at people easily but Somehow they turn around and become nice to me so It doesn't bother me much anymore!

Weaknesses,, Stress is the biggest one. I can't function straight with stress and I lose my control and focus. I get really vulnerable and weak under it and like,, oops. Also Insecurities are part of the whole thing but that goes with Everyone I guess.

My interests revolve around almost everything. Curiosity. Mhm. Oh and Also I LIVE for making Others feel better. No matter who I try to take care of Everyone around me and all. Even if other people thought they were bad and Hideous. I just give the person a chance and then,,,, I get easily attached. Help.

Ah, I am not the tallest but Is 5'475 tall? Hehe,, lets not talk about the rest- Long dark hair with some hazel highlights and slightly tanned skin.

Hmm what else. Ah yes! One main thing that I LOVE is Roller Coasters.

I hope that's enough?? Haha Hope you have a good day/night! Stay Hydrated!

I just saw that another anon Said that they forgot something and since mine is in the askbox I was wondering if It's okay to add some small things? Minor details? If so here are mine🥺 (I don't remember if I submitted as an anonymous or not but I'm the ENFP gal who has a lot of energy uhh Volleyball basketball gal?)

I am a big softie who EASILY gets attached to people/things/animals and even numbers. If I liked someone and they liked this specific number, this number is now one of my favorites. Colors as well. Anything that resembles someone I really like. Plushies? If anyone got me one I'm definitely cherishing it but best gifts would be colorsets. I love coloring so any color set makes me happy.

I am a total softie. I would appear to be confident and more mature but I have this soft side in me. (And that side who squeals and screams in horror movies as well) I cry while watching shows and Whatever happens that makes me happy makes me soft like 🥺

Food makes me happy as well (Idk I'm hungry had to put that in)

Sorry If that caused you confusion and if that was messy-

Hope you have a Lovely day/night Darlin!!💖💖

AHHHHH HI, I AM BACK AND READY TO DO YOUR MATCHUP FELLOW ENFP(and ENTP oof) HERE TOO I RELATE KEKE YOU SOUND SO WHOLESOME AND SWEET JUST AHHHHHH– anywho….. I am…. Sincerely sorry I went on an unannounced hiatus–

Best Matchup…

Sakurai Ryō

listen, HEAR ME OUT

he’s an INFP first off, the butter to your ENFP bread and he’s a virgo too

he’d probably be intimidated by you first by how chatty you can get ✋😭 but he’ll always be in the background, noticing your presence, being that the very observant guy he is

but you’re always hanging around the basketball courts and he has that curiosity in him that he can’t bring himself to shake off

everyone calls you the oh so wonderful “calm sunshine” and the mega-softie that he can’t help but want to get to know you, but he doubts your reputation and rumors about you just a smidge bit when he sees you yelling your ass off at Aomine, because let’s face it, he brings out the worst sides in everyone LMAO and he’s NEVER OUTWARDLY NICE (Aomine—stop making things harder for everyone, I’m begging–)

of course, noticing Sakurai doing his own shooting drills many times while you hang around the courts, you’ve tried a few times to approach him to say a quick “hi” and a chat, but he IMMEDIATELY books it out the door every time, all while frantically chanting “sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

you’re here like: “??????????? What did I do?”

it was by pure chance when you guys ended up in the same class that spring, I just know it

it was during a break when you, who were seated pretty close to Sakurai, couldn’t help but take a quick peek on his desk when you realized he was moving his pencil in a way that only an artist would do: he was drawing something

oh no… someone got a wee bit excited at that, totally not you right now or anything

even when he was half covering the paper while timidly sketching, you could totally see that he was drawing some manga panels and quickly outlining some dialogue bubbles

you made a suppressed delighted noise and he INSTANTLY scrambled to cover his sketch with his entire body on the damn desk and snapped his head up to look at the source of the sound: you

“Uh-uh..Uhm…! I’m sorry!”

“No, no!” you tried to reassure him. “I should be sorry for looking at your art without asking…”

“Oh…” he hesitated, before sitting properly again… though his arm still protectively covered the paper. “It’s fine… so…”

“But by the way!” you chimed. “I really love your art style! I draw too, so I was just really excited to see you did too, sorry if I scared you… I never meant to, ehe.”

he dares to try to glance at your figure at your giggle, but he immediately averts his gaze away in embarrassment… does he have an eensy crush on Touou’s “calm sunshine?” he doesn’t dare to even think

I would think for the next few weeks, you would be the one to initiate all the conversations with him in class, talking about manga and sharing your own drawings to make him feel better, even bringing up basketball as a topic frequently

he slowly becomes more comfortable with you, now realizing that you aren’t here to hassle/embarrass/bully/take advantage of him… poor guy

I suppose this is where your comforting side kicks in a lot more; you’re very protective of him in general, because LOOK AT HIM and tell me he isn’t the SOFTEST GUY YOU’VE EVER MET?

you’ve slowly led him to have more agency on himself + with others and have a little more self-esteem on all the encouragement and reassurance?? and you always try your best to make him feel better?

he likes that you’re the more “mature” and “put-together” one out of the two, you’re someone he can rely on in that sense

there’s gonna be a LONG TIME where he thinks he can’t be with you because he thinks he doesn’t deserve you—someone help this poor guy out

and you’re probably giving the most OBVIOUS signs that you’re smitten with him and everyone around you two are just slapping their faces like: “DUDE… you’ve GOT to be kidding me…”

fast forward where you’re probably the one who confessed and then you two get together

he’s surprisingly calm under large amounts of pressure (he has to, that’s his entire life on the courts), and when it’s with you (someone who he really, REALLY cares about) he’s willing to steel himself to be someone you can rely on during periods of high-stress and vulnerability

he gives sound advice, being really down to earth

as much as he has tons of insecurities on his own, when you have your own bouts of insecurities, he’s rushing to reassure you so adamantly and vehemently that it’s almost comical how passionate he is to dispel your negative thoughts

like, he understands you down to a T because he faces the same struggles himself

you BOTH can cry and squeal at all the types of movies together in a collective sobfest for movie marathons

bonus: there was a time when you gifted Sakurai a mushroom plush, as per his team’s suggestion… not knowing that they were snickering the entire time

“Wha-wha…? What’s with everyone associating me with mushrooms…?”

“Hm? I thought they were your favorite food? And your team told me you would love something like this…”

“Uh… erm… I guess… though I don’t think I’ve ever said any of that.”

a light bulb went off in your head, then a very large irk mark replaced it… you immediately turned and stormed off to find the conniving Imayoshi to yell his damn ear off… leaving a very confused Sakurai behind

his gifts for you on the other hand, are impeccable and well-thought out, always giving you art supplies and trinkets and plushes you might fancy

Runner-Up Matchup!

Kiyoshi Teppei

I was debating between Sakurai and him SO MUCH

let’s just say both are great matchups to you

Anyways, our local ENFJ here is just as sunny as you here

with you two together? godamn, it’s too bright looking at you two standing next to each other, flashing everyone the brightest smiles out there like there will never be rain (cue the sunshine anime sound effect with all of the yellow rays coming off of you two)

both of you guys are quite the conversationalists, livening up any place you guys go to

like… you guys are really similar to each other, no really

it’s not hard to believe for anyone that you two would become great friends and then accidentally fall in love with each other eventually, and it feels all too natural

the only thing that distinguishes him from you is his very strong will and strong mental state overall

he isn’t the “Iron Heart” for nothing

he would definitely keep you grounded on your feet when things get mentally tough, always being there to say the right things and help you relieve the stress through massages and doing some work for you (if he can); also canon because he does this for the Seirin team

and he’s always there to stop you from being too nice to people (especially if these people were vicious and awful to you one moment and then become nice to you the next)... or instead of stopping you from doing anything, he LETS you be nice and chatty, but while you turn around to leave/do something different, he gives them a quite threatening (knowing) smile of his own as a warning not take advantage of you

he’s… not adept with his hands in terms of arts and crafts, so while you stare at wonder at his basketball techniques, he admires your dexterity with a pencil and brush… you’re like the Renaissance goddess to him or something

“Please Teppei, It’s not THAT much of a masterpiece.”

“(y/n), you know you should give yourself some cre~dit.” He would cheekily say while mussing up your hair (he, in fact, quite loves that your highlights really do remind him of sun rays)

“Hey!!”

both of you are literally holding onto each other for dear life when you two thought it was a bright idea to sit down and watch a horror movie together; it’s canon that a horror movie caused him to develop a huge fear of rats… so I’m just saying

“(y/n)! You sing?? Wow, lucky me, getting free front-row seats.”

“And who said I sing for free?” you playfully chided, and he gave a good-natured smirk of his own

“I’m glad you asked, because I can be the instrumental backing to your vocals, so I’ll be technically working to support you, as always.” he reaches into his back pocket to pull out…

a harmonica

a fucking harmonica

“How am I gonna sing to THAT?”

“Let’s try it out, shall we, (y/n)?”

bonus: imagine the hellstorm the Kirisaki Daichi team is gonna get when you see Teppei in a horrible state after that match

Honorable Mention!

Kise Ryōto

did you say your interests revolve around everything??

did you say that you like to sing?

did you say you like to talk with people?

say less, for you have summoned the one and only Kise

canonically, Kise is pretty much the only guy with dyed hair (he actually has brown hair while everyone else has natural black), so when he spies your hair also being a bit different from the rest, he remembers your face

he noticed how sociable you are and how you got along with most people around school

and he finds you a bit more intriguing than your average person to be honest

why did I not put this guy at the top of your matchups? it all lies within his twisted personality

Kise, being an asshole that he is, would talk to you frequently and have you wrapped around his finger (YIKES, aka the people Teppei would warn to stay away from you)

I can already imagine the drama between the two of you and all the misunderstandings things are gonna cause–

see, you’re a great communicator, and contrary to popular belief, Kise really isn’t the best communicator at all—always keeping his real feelings to himself, accidentally assuming things at times, jumping to conclusions, hiding his motives at times

you’re an ultimate softie at heart and get attached really easily, and Kise at first, chalks you up as any other fangirl he’s met (OUCH)

and even when he finally reveals a more sinister side to himself, and you get pissed off and storm off, he’s a bit… thrown off… when you’re back to begrudgingly talk to him again the next time you encounter him

like, you guys will be going through 75282 hurdles before you guys truly see eye-to-eye with each other, but IF THAT HYPOTHETICALLY DID HAPPEN ALREADY…

you guys would be softies together!! he glomps on you, gets all childish on you, and you’re the sentimental person crying and being emotional

when you’re unbelievably stressed, he’s automatically by your side to support you and your needs

and when his team loses again in another match/tournament, and Kise is THIS close to crying again, you do everything you can in hopes of comforting him

people would probably look at you two and go, “eurgh, cheesy”

frequent karaoke night trips!!

you guys just share hobbies and try everything like it’s a trading card game

always going to the fairs and amusement parks to try on all the rides for fun

insanely tooth-rotting fluff in a nutshell if you can get past the huge initial obstacles

#milestone matchups #500 followers #500 follower milestone #kimi09 #knb matchup #knb matchups #knb x reader #knb x y/n

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yumehoxo · 3 years

Text

Convinced- eren x reader

(⚠️WARNING⚠️ -this story contains substance use, strong language, sexual content and more)

*Ding*

Connie:

-Yo imma pick you up at around 7:30-ish to be ready.

"Ughh I hope I'm making the right decision" you thought to yourself.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

It's was already 7:12 pm and you haven't even gotten up to change yet, you look at the time one more time and see how late it has gotten and frantically rush to your closet to get something to wear. 'This is such a drag. Why did I even bother to say yes'. You chose a short miniskirt and a cropped shirt and put them on as fast as you can. You ran to the bathroom and fixed your hair and makeup. As your in the middle of doing your make-up Connie calls you. 'Oh no. don't tell me he's here already it's only 7:20' you whined. You pick up the phone call and Connie says.. "Yo I'm in the neighborhood but I'm having trouble finding your complex, mind giving me some directions again?" you sighed, " You have been to my apartment over 20 times now how do you not remember??" You asked. "Look bruh it's really confusing and you already know ian good with directions!" Connie said frustrated. "As soon as you enter the neighborhood you take a right, then two lefts." You said pissed off. "OH YEAHH I REMEM-" you ended the phone call. As you finished off your lipgloss, you grabbed your bag and debated on if you should wear shoes or heels 'I don't even know if I remember how to walk in those' you said looking at your heels, you grabbed your shoes instead. Then you heard it, a rapid knocking at the door, indicating Connie was here. You grabbed your things and did a little jog to the door.

"Woah you smell so good!" Connie said. He was wearing sweatpants and a Dolce & Gabbana long sleeved shirt. You couldn't lie he was a good looking guy and he knew how to dress, and on top of that he's one of the most funniest people you know.

"Thanks Connie" you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. "Who's hosting this party anyways?" You ask as you lock your door.

"It's this guy named Jean or something like that" Connie says.

Your eyes widen to the name 'well now I know Alessia is going to be there'. "Wow I guess that's just my luck huh?" You say.

"What do you mean that's 'just your luck'?"Connie asks. The expression on his face is pure confusion.

"We used to date in high school, that's all" you state with a relaxed attitude.

Connie presses the elevator button to get back down to the first floor and he asks "Isn't that, kind of a big deal, like what were the odds that you both went to the same out of state University?" Connie asks.

"I dunno I guess it is." you shrug. 'I mean he isn't wrong I haven't seen him since senior year and I'm now a sophomore, that like what almost 2 years?' Your thoughts get interrupted... "Y/n ... Y/n... Y/N??" Connie basically shouts, gaining your attention back to reality.

"W-what do you want, goddamn?" You ask irritated by his loud tone.

"You weren't answering me, I was trying to ask you are you going to drink tonight?" Connie asks.

"Uhh I don't know yet, I'll see how crazy the party is when I get there, and if it's bad then I probably won't drink much" you say as you open his passenger side car door.

"Drink much?? SO YOUR GOING TO DRINK?" Connie asks excitedly.

"Why the fuck are you screaming I'm literally right next to you? But yeah I am." You respond back.

"O-oh sorry I don't realize how loud I get..." he says scratching the back of his head with a nervous expression.

As you guys are driving you don't even realize that it's almost dark outside as the yellow sunset hits your skin in the car. Connie's music was playing way to loud but you would have to get used to it anyway once you get to the party, 'at least his taste in music isn't bad' you think to yourself. As (s/n) plays in the background. You've been to parties before but since it's been so long, your nerves are through the ceiling and the butterfly's in your stomach are giving you mild cramps. 'Just take a deep breath, you've done this before.'

Before you know it, you and Connie are already at the party, it's being hosted in a big house with it's own gate (that was left open). You can see the flashing lights coming through the windows and as you drive closer you can feel the bass of the music. Connie parks his car off to the side so it's easy for him to get out, and you both exit the car.

"We won't be on the first floor, all the secondary people who didn't get invited personally by the owner or the owners friends stay on that floor" Connie says.

"Reiner invited me since we've been friends since Freshman year" he states.

"Oh okay, hopefully it's more calm upstairs.." you say as you guys walk to the front door.

As soon as the the huge double doors open you can see a sea of people partying. All packed together like it was a concert or something. You see couples making out, girls grinding on guys, people throwing up because they can't take what's in their cup any longer, there are girls without any clothing on waist up exposing their breasts to a group of guys. Connie grabs your hand and leads you threw the crowd. He can see the look of concern and disgust on your face.

"Sorry that you have to see this." He says rolling his eyes.

He grips on to your hand a little tighter since the crowd was getting more packed the further down you go. The finally you guys reached it, the stairs. There is a velvet rope indicating that only a certain few are allowed up there. Two men stood there, one of them smoking a cigarette and the other holding a list of names.

"Name?" The man with the list asks coldly. He had dirty blonde hair and tattoos on the sides of his face.

"Connie. Connie Springer." Connie says back equally as coldly.

You can feel the eyes of the other man landing on you, you can feel him looking at your body and then breasts.

"Your good to go." The blonde boy states.

'Finally' you think to yourself in relief. Just the fact that someone was probably just thinking of having sex with you without even knowing you made you feel uncomfortable. You start walking up the stairs and you can still feel his eyes on you, specifically your ass. You were fuming up 'does he have no shame?!' You think angrily to yourself. You've had just about enough you were about to turn around and tell him off.. then Connie walks right up behind you so it's blocks the mans view. You sigh out in relief.

"Sorry about that, some people just have no self control." Connie whispers in your ear so the man doesn't hear anything.

You and Connie make your way up the spiral staircase, you can imminently feel how much more quieter it gets when you get up there. In front of you guys is a hallway with 3 doors on each side and double doors at the end of the hall. You notice the doors have signs on them. "Vacant" or "Empty". Only two of the doors had the sign flipped to "Vacant".

"There for people who want private rooms, like if only a certain group of people wanted to do something together or if you wanted to hookup with someone." Connie says.

"Yeah I figured, that's really smart." You respond back. You can feel the vibrations of the music downstairs at your feet.

"Thank god were not down there" you say in relief.

"Yeah, that place is crazy all the time I don't know how people find that fun." Connie says rolling his eyes.

Connie opens the door for you. To the right there's a T.V hooked onto the wall and a group of 10 people sitting together just talking. To the left is a mini kitchen. You can see that behind the kitchen is a table with food, drinks, and cups there. You noticed the cups were color coded, three colors, neon blue, neon pink, and neon green. In front of each cup was a sign. In front of the neon blue cups was the sign "Taken", I'm front of the of the neon pink cups was "Not looking for any relationship", and in front of the Green cup was "Single". Connie went ahead a grabbed a blue cup and poured himself the fruit punch and alcohol mixture. Connie was currently dating Sasha but she was on a trip with her family for the holidays leaving Connie all alone. You went ahead a grabbed a green cup for yourself and poured (f/d) in it instead. You weren't going to have alcohol until a little later since it was only 8:13 pm.

"Come on let me introduce to everyone I know" Connie says taking your hand leading you to a room in the back.

Connie leads you to the room which contained a Billiardo table to the very right which two men were using and there was a couch at the back that had a group of people sitting there. You could see Jean sitting on the floor in between a black haired girls legs while throwing darts to the wall. His hair was grown out and he looked much more mature. Next to the black haired girl on the couch was a blonde boy with an undercut. On the couch on the other side was a brown haired boy with long hair tied back into a messy bun, he has tattoos on his right arm and some on his left, and he had stud piercings in his ears. He was wearing grey sweatpants with a shortsleeved shirt with the word "Primitive" on the front. They shirt wrapped perfectly around his sculpted biceps. You looked away to make sure nobody notices that your staring. Next to him is a blonde girl she was somewhat tall and had facial bangs. There are two girls on the floor, another blonde girl but she was short and more petite and another girl next to her with brown hair and freckles flirting with her making the blonde one blush. You realize Jean and the black haired girl cups are blue. You also see that The blonde boy and the girl next to the brown haired boy guys are also blue. Everyone else's cups were green. 'A lot of taken people' you think to yourself.

"WOAH NO WAY" you can hear Jean scream locking eye contact with you "IS THAT REALLY YOU Y/N?" He says while getting up. You can tell the black haired girl is staring him down.

"Y-yeah. It's been so long!" You say while side hugging him. You can smell the faint scent of marijuana on him. The black haired girls eyes reach you staring you down, looking at your breasts and body figure. You turn your head to the back of the room Where a tall brown haired boy and blonde hair boy make their way to you.

"Yo Reiner!" Connie says while dapping him up.

"Yo Connie!" He says back. His eyes land land on you, locking eye contact.

"Connie who'd you bring with you?" He said with a smirk on his face looking at Connie and then right back at you.

"Oh this is y/n, she's normally a homebody but she finally agreed to come with me to one party" Connie said while rolling his eyes.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Reiner." He said while sticking his hand out indicating to shake hands with him. You shake his hand, and he holds on a little longer instead. You manage to let go without being awkward or rude a flash a smile at him. 'What the fuck.' You think to yourself . You can see the brown haired boy next to him seems nervous and a little shaky. He look at him and smile and he gives you a nervous smile back.

"H-hi my n-name is Bertolt" he says clearly shaken up. Connie slaps his hand onto Betolt's shoulder and says..

"No need to be shy Bertolt just be yourself! Nobody is going to like you if your going to act so shy." Connie said with a cheeky smile on his face.

"Hey, I'm Y/n" you say with a smile on your face, making him blush even harder.

"Anywaysssss enough of that" Connie says while taking you to the group of people at the sofas.

"Everyone, this is Y/n L/n" Connie says 'I can introduce myself dickhead' you think to yourself.

"I'm Armin, nice to meet you!" The Blonde boy says sweetly. 'He's like a cute cinnamon bun' you think to yourself. You smile sweetly back at him.

"I'm Annie. I've actually seen you around we have a class together." She says with almost little to no expression on her face but you can tell that's the way she is. "Actually i remember you; you sat next to me in that chem lecture one time!" You say back.

" I'm Mikasa." She stated coldly. 'Damn mad at me already? I barely fucking did anything.' You think to yourself but not daring to say it out loud. You force yourself to smile 'I hate these type of things everything seems so forced' you think. "Nice to meet you" you say while giving her a fake smile.

"H-h-hi I'm H- histori-a" the blonde girl said barely managing to get any air as the brown hair girl is choking her from behind. "And I'm Ymir" she says with a huge grin across her face. You start laughing at their greeting. "Y'all seem close " You say as you sit yourself next to them Connie following behind you, finding a seat facing it backwards, and then sitting in it so his chest could be resting in the back side.

"I'm Eren, Eren Yeager." The brown haired boy said in a relaxed tone but you noticed his eyes went to the top of you, to your feet, and back up. 'Goddamn who gave him the right to be so hot' you thought to yourself. "Nice to meet you, Eren." you say in a relaxed tone making sure you hide your nervousness.

As the night went on, Reiner and Bertolt came to join you guys. After many attempts of Reiner trying to flirt with you he gave up as he got a drunk. They talked about all the drama that's been going around, who's dating who, who got arrested, who got so fucked up "that one time". They more they talked the more they drank. After awhile you saw it was 11:15 pm and you finished what was in your cup. You left the room and made your way to the kitchen to see if they had any good alcohol drinks, you open the fridge and grab and vodka bottle and pour yourself a shot. You jump up and sit on the counter and took a look around, everyone who was once watching infront of the T.V were either asleep or on the balcony outside. 'Ahhh some peace and quiet' you think to yourself then you remember that Alessia told you she hooked up with a guy named Jean 'wait a second something doesn't add up how could have she hook up with Jean if Jean has a girl friend?' You go on your phone to see if she put anything on her story and she did.. she was a black haired boy who was tagged with the name "Jean". 'ohhh okay so it wasn't the Jean I knew' you thought to yourself relieved. You grabbed your bag to get the blunt that you rolled before you came... as your looking you realize you can't find it, you frantically search through your bag"what- where is it I swear I brought it?!" you say frustrated.

"Brought what?" A familiar voice asked, you froze for a slight second startled by it. You turned to to see who said that, it was Eren. He was even taller then he looked when he was sitting down.

"O-oh my god you scared me" you responded back sounding startled.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean too, I thought you heard me open the door." Eren said. 'Wait is that piercing on his-' you realize your staring too long.

"It's fine don't worry about it, but I brought a blunt with me before I came but I can't find it now." You say back.

"Damn maybe you dropped it somewhere." He responded not breaking eye contact with you as he comes into the kitchen.

"Y-yeah maybe.." you say back. 'Why's he coming over here?' . He walks over to the fridge and grabs a drink, leans his back against the fridge (which is right in front of you). After 15 seconds of silence he strikes up a conversation

"If you want I have a blunt? But we have to share." Eren says.

"Wait are you sure?" You ask him feeling guilty.

"Yeah it's no big deal" he says while smiling at you.

You were right he does have a tongue piercing.

"Thank you so much" you say back.

As you guys share the blunt you both start talking about your school schedule, turns out that you have the same lunch break and most of your classes are the same just with different teachers. By the time the blunt is finished both of your eyes are bloodshot. You look at his arm he has a tattoo of a dragon, 'that's the same one I have' you think to yourself in utter shock 'how did I not notice?'. Just to make sure you ask him..

"Do you mind if I see your tattoo really quick? You ask him.

He walks closer to you and lifts up his sleeve exposing the whole tattoo and arm. 'Wow he's so built' you think to yourself. You take a good look at his tattoo it confirms your theory, it's the same tattoo that you have. You got it the second you turned 18, it symbolizes 'strength' a lot of people have it but it's still quite rare to see someone else have it.

"Wow I was right!" You say excitedly.

"Right about what?" Eren asks confused. You lift up you one side of your crop top exposing the right side of your rib cage, showing him your tattoo. He puts down his drink next to you and asks..

"May I take a closer look? Only if you don't mind though." Your face turns a little red the thought of him being that close to you kind of scared you.

"Y-yeah s-sure." You say nervously. He brings his face closer and looks up at you realizing how red you are. He smirks. He traces over your tattoo with his thumb. Just his touch makes you shiver a little 'goddamn why do I have to be so nervous he's not even doing anything!' You feel your face getting hotter as he traced it. Then you feel it, he places his whole hand on your waist and pulls you closer.

"W-what are you doing? You ask him super embarrassed as your face flushes an even darker shade of red. He gets up close to your ear and whispers.. "What? Are you just going to act like you haven't been thinking about this all night? I've seen the way you've been looking at me." Eren said with a smirk on his face. Just the way his breath feels on your ear made you shiver. You slightly spread your legs a little open so he can fit right in front of you. He grabs onto both of your thighs and pulls them more towards him making your entire body come closer to his. You can feel your skirt slight hiking up the more you legs spread apart. He looks you up and down before leaning in and gently kissing you once, his lips felt soft against yours, you can smell the scent of mint and weed mixed together, you can feel him smile against your lips. He clearly knows how much your enjoying this. He kisses you again this time more passionately, you feel his hand move to your lover back pulling you even more closer, you wrap your hands around his neck and give in. He bites softly on your bottom lip making you moan slightly, he takes this chance to force his tongue inside, asserting his dominance. You fight to not let him win,you try your best, but you lose. He slowly stops, and kisses your lips tenderly one more time. Then he places his lips on your neck playfully nibbling at your neck, he finds your sensitive spot, causing you to stifle a moan, you can feel his smile against your skin. The coldness of his piercing against your skin makes you want more. He continues sucking,kissing, and licking your neck for a little longer and then he stops. He gets up close to your ear and says...

"Why don't we take this a private room? I would hate if anyone interrupted us." he said with his eyes full of lust.

Authors note:

This took me awhile to write I have a headache now lmao

Anyways if y'all could please lmk if I should change anything or if there any errors I would appreciate it 😌💞✨

#eren x reader #eren yeager smut #aot modern au #attack on titan #tonguepiercing #x female reader #anime #eren yeager #x reader #anime reader #aot x reader

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boop-le-snoot · 3 years

Text

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 13

first time readers click here 💖

TWs/Summary: In this house, we ship Reader/Tony's Rolls-Royce. Reader and Tony being dorks on a date. That's it that's the chapter. Lots of sass and Tony being Tony.

A question for my readers: Are you still invested? How's the slow burn? Is everything realistic? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

As usual, my beta is @miscmarvelwritings . I love her.

"Nice digs, Cupcake."

"Nice ride, Tin Man."

The sass fell from my lips, warm and familiar, paving the way for our upcoming debut like the old, soft living room rug. Any awkwardness I had expected there to be left the moment I saw Tony pull up to my front gate in his Royce: the man was just that extra. The size of my estate, the five-figure outfit of mine - it paled in comparison to his own clout.

In a world where my choices were usually distributed between stuck-up rich boys or insecure middle-class men, Tony was a fresh drink of water with his absolute indifference towards my and his own net worth.

I wasn't afraid to admire said ride, either. Being a huge petrolhead was what got me interested in engineering, physics and computer sciences in the first place. The desire for speed grew into thirst for knowledge: how to get more horsepower, how to tune, how to mod. No mechanic took an eighteen year old rich-girl seriously even when I had all the lingo right, I had to be a step ahead, at all times, if I wanted my ride to be the best. And I never settled for less than that.

"No driver?" I inquired for the reason behind the unusual behaviour. After all, a Rolls' wasn't the kind of car you drive personally. All the amenities it had, it had in the back.

"Gave Happy a day off," Tony remarked absently. I noticed the small quirk of his eyebrow, however. He was intrigued.

I decided to give it a shot. "So what, this thing packs, what, about five-fifty horses?" I mused, watching Tony nearly swerve into the opposite lane. "At two and a half tons, it's still gotta be pretty quick with that V12-turbo. How fast it go?" The satisfaction was immeasurable, as pleasant to my soul as sitting in a heated leather chair with the smell of a new car, engine quietly rumbling in front of me. And by quietly I mean, it was focus-or-you'll-miss-it kind of quiet.

"Well aren't you full of surprises, baby girl," Tony grinned; a happy, excited grin even. It made his face lose ten years of age just like that. "Zero to sixty in five and a half seconds," He said after a moment.

"Not bad," I said, sounding impressed. I already knew that but I wasn't planning on robbing Tony out of well deserved praise for his choice in vehicles.

"Got a ride of your own?" He asked with a smile, like he didn't know it already. No background check would have skipped my three speeding tickets, but I concur. This game was fun.

"I do, actually. It's a 2008 Range Rover. Supercharged," I added in the end, just to emphasise.

"A big car for such a little girl," Tony whistled playfully.

"I'm compensating," I deadpanned. "I'm a little slow on the uptake, y'know, so my Rangie with five hundred horses makes up for it. Gotta keep it balanced."

Tony chewed on his lip. "Five hundred? Haven't heard about that, it comes with three-ninety-five in stock," His eyebrow wiggled. "Tuned it?" He cast me a contemplative glance.

"Yup," I exclaimed happily. As far as the date, I would have been utterly ecstatic to talk about cars all evening. Screw the boring "where do you see yourself in five years" questions, talk to me about your favourite engine swaps. Concept cars, give me those. Monster trucks? Yes, please. Vintage low-riders? Couldn't wait to get my grubby little hands on one. Gimmee!

Tony kept his silence and kept his press smile starting the moment we set foot on getting out of the car. The place he'd taken me to was ridiculously upscale and fancy; the valet hesitated only for a second before catching the keys Tony so carelessly tossed in his direction. There was almost no fear in his body language when the boy approached the massive, expensive vehicle.

The hostess smiled big at Tony and gave me the world's biggest stink-eye when he looked the other way but what else is new? As soon as she left us in the privacy of our booth, I didn't hesitate to stick my tongue at her retreating back. A brief lapse in maturity, if you will.

Tony cackled, growing suddenly serious. "Did she bother you? I can get her fired. I should get her fired."

"Nah," I shrugged. "Don't really care, just wanted to showcase my amazing sense of humour." Snorting, I gave Tony a wink and a secretive grin.

"You really don't give a fuck, do you," His eyebrows twitched again, a sign of mild interest that I noted during our routine sciencing time together. Tony was incredibly expressive if one took the time to observe.

"I could suck your dick under the table right now," I answered honestly. "It's just that when God gave out things like dignity and shame, I wasn't home. Too many fun things to do, y'know," I spoke as casually as I could even though I was dying of laughter inside.

Eyes bulging, jaw hanging mid-way to the floor. Tony was serving Looks™ and I didn't mean just the white tee and purple blazer combo. "Princess, you're going to be the fucking death of me!" He took a sip from his water glass, smirking.

Finally releasing my mirth, I gathered my hands in a lock in front of me. His own, warm and calloused, reached over - I allowed the brief intimacy, clasping them, fiddling with the leather band of his watch. For a moment, it was just us, sitting in the dim light, discovering each other anew to Robert Johnson singing the blues and NYC bustling with life just behind the wall.

The waiter took our orders - and if I totally butchered the Italian, Tony was gentleman enough not to make any remarks.

"Somehow, every time I am with you, you both manage to meet my expectations to a T and surprise me at the same time," I wasn't able to completely ignore my nerves. My hand was still loosely in his and he didn't mind at all, me messing with his watch.

"How so?"

"I'm going to loosely quote someone, bear with me." Mr Davies's words popped into my mind just as I was wondering how to best articulate my feelings. "You're eccentric and interesting because it's, well, it's you, because it would be much weirder if we'd be sitting here and making boring small-talk and asking each other the genetic get-to-know-you questions," I briefly paused to sip my Dom Peringon and stare at our hands. Gathering my wits. "That would be why I don't do dates. It sounds so tedious on paper, just sorting through people until a person that's not absolutely mind-numbing comes around."

Tony was silent for a moment, the sheen of his eyes, the faraway look; he was lost in memories. Probably remembering all the girls he had charmed before. I didn't doubt it was easy for him: his smile was distracting and people usually were attracted to shiny things. He shone plenty. Also, most people were stupid, they never cared to look past the golden wrapper. I was convinced there was a diamond under it. But then again, I was biased.

"I've never thought about it that way, but I guess you're right," He finally said, serious. "With Pepper, at least, it was. Come to think of it, we never had that much in common, besides Stark Industries and her willingness to put up with my shit." It was painful for him to talk about her, that much was obvious. His laugh was forced and sardonic.

I, on the other hand, never understood why they got together in the first place. Or maybe I did - but the cold, composed Pepper and the chaotic, energetic Tony reminded me too much of my own parents. All four people in this fucked up equation could have been much happier if they choose... What? Being alone? That was terrifying, too.

I kept quiet, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

"You know, this is so bizarre. Even an eighteen year old kid has got it figured out," He suddenly said, his tone bitter like the coffee that he loved.

"Woah, slow down," I put up a hand. "I never said I know what to do. I just said I know what NOT to do." The 'kid' remark would have made me eye-roll so hard my skull would crack any day. In this context, however, it was pretty spot on.

Tony snorted. "And how did you come by that information, pray tell, Baby?"

I huffed. "Have you met my parents?" We simultaneously cringed and I hurried to erase that mental image. "I make fun of myself for being into old dudes all the time," I made air quotes around the phrase that made Tony scoff, "But, honestly speaking, I've never even been on a date. Like a real one. Usually it's twenty minutes and I'm falling asleep mid-conversation. People can't seem to keep up with me or something," I felt genuinely dejected. "So many meaningless questions, so many downright idiotic comments. From men," I pointed out the obvious. "My mother used to tell me she thought I was gay because I didn't act like a girl... Whatever that means."

"That sounds pretty shitty," Tony was studying me like one would have been looking at an exotic animal in a zoo. "That said, I agree."

"That I don't act like a girl?" I teased him, the left corner of my mouth tilting upward. "Fuck that noise. I want to drive fast cars, drink straight liquor and have orgasms. If that makes me a dude... I look pretty good for a dude in a dress."

We laughed in unison, tension evaporating under the shared, mutual understanding. With Tony, it was easy. The waiter brought our selected dishes. Blink-and-he's-gone. Top notch service.

"A dude in a dress, can't say I'm surprised 'bout your lack of dates," He remarked conversationally, happily digging into his food. The noises he made were intriguing, to say the least, and I followed suit on my own food, finding it absolutely delicious. A delicious meal with a delicious man at my side. I refused to feel guilty about my thoughts.

"I guess I have exactly one (1) date on my ledger now," I raised my argument.

The fork clattered as Tony once again, came to a sudden realization. "Holy shit, you weren't kidding."

"No shit," I gave into the urge to roll my eyes. "But on the upside, my first date was with the most gorgeous, intelligent and witty bachelor of the city. I'd say I don't have it all that bad," I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Aw, you're making me blush," Tony recovered quickly, grinning. "And don't be shy. The most desired bachelor of the country, if not the world."

I shook my head. "No, the world's most delectable bachelor is one of the Saudi princes. What's-his-name, the one who posts goat and horse pics on Insta," I snapped my fingers a couple of times, trying to remember the name as Tony looked at me all offended. "Anyways, you get my point. I could have a go at him, don't you think?" Cocking my shoulder, coyly twirling the strap of my dress, I gave Tony my best come-hither look and was rewarded with an appreciative once-over. His eyes were growing hungry again.

"You're a million dollar baby," He finally said, voice low. "And the extent of people I would be willing to share you with is very small."

That got me interested, sudden heat prickling underneath my skin. The conversation took a turn I didn't expect it to; and there lied the delight of being around Tony. He was always ready to surprise, in the best way. "Tell me," I requested politely.

"That's a conversation for another time," He was enjoying the chit-chat, desire beginning to creep into his features.

"Mmm, you think?" I allowed the strap of my dress to slip down my shoulder, exposing a collarbone, showing him just how far I was willing to go to satisfy my curiosity.

He swallowed audibly. "I think... You're smart enough to figure it out," He finally gritted his teeth, finishing off his dinner and immediately calling for the check.

I wasn't done yet, however. The possibility of riling him up, taunting him into a lustful frenzy - I was in heaven. Karma had favoured me that evening, it had given me a chance to get Tony back for all the times he unknowingly made my mouth water and my brain go blip. "Must be Steve then," I bit my lip in thought.

Honestly? I was as clueless as the couple next table over. Steve it wasn't, that much I knew for sure, he and Tony had their little love/hate dramatic connection that always ended in a massive ego standoff. Tony would be on the frontline fighting against Steve if the blonde dared to show anything even remotely resembling romantic interest towards someone Tony himself had his eyes on.

"Princess," Tony growled, sarcastically raising an eyebrow.

"Not Steve," I replied, cracking a smile. Success! "You know, I'm really bad at guessing who's into me. Unless someone is balls deep in me," My face was mere inches away as we quickly shrugged on our coats. "And even then, I can't be sure."

My giggling was accompanied by Tony shaking his head in exasperated fashion; he took my hand nonetheless and I happily swayed it between us, poster child for "not a care in the world". He allowed it, maintaining the same exasperated air about him, and I let him. Fondness and happiness seeped through that anyways.

"Brat," His voice was kind. And his kiss tingled where he left it on the corner of my mouth, sweet and short. "Here, have a go," Before I could react, the keys to his Rolls Royce were placed in my palm and he was making his way around the car to the passenger's side.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway (it finally let me tag you)! @softie-socks @schemefrenzy

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #tony stark x y/n #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x you #bruce banner x y/n #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you #party favours #bun writes

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