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mtfstuff · 3 years

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Becoming Officer Bradley part 1

I was sitting alone in the room I'd rented for my special project. Some days ago I got pulled over and should have gotten a speeding ticket. Of course I did this intentionally. I looked out for the cop who was on oatrol that day and drove with 18mph over limit past him. He pulled me over and wanted to give me a speeding ticket. I excused myself that my child was sick and that I had to drive home fast. I gave him a card that he could get some free massages if he would let me go with a warning. Of course He didnt know that this was all a bait. He agreed.

Now waiting in this room I hoped that this hunk would enter. And he finally came.

It already got dark outside but I saw how his police car drove onto the driveway. As he entered with big steps I remembered why I chose him. Standing about 6"4, he was intimidating with his muscular physique, big biceps, broad shoulders, big hands, muscular calves,...

He had this cheeky but nice grin no one could resist. As he entered he looked around.

"Looks like you have nothing to do.", he said. His deep baritone voice made me shiver.

"My last customer left an hour ago.", I lied.

He pulled the card out of one of his vest pockets.

"I want to redeem this.", he said.

He holds it into the air. I acted as if I didnt recognise it from the start.

"Oh yeah, of course.", I answered. I gestured towards a massage bench. "Which ones do you want?" I handed him a card with multiple kind of massages. He sat down on the bench and reads the card. He chuckled at one point, looked at me and then read further. I bet he read my feet massage.

He handed the card back and looked at me, again with his cheeky smile.

"You know, after such a long day of work, my feet are really tired. And after that I'll take a back massage.", he said quiet cocky.

"Good choices. Do you want anything else? Maybe something to drink?", I said.

He laid down onto the bench, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I'll take a glass of water."

I went into a back room and mixed a sleeping pill into a glass of water and brought it to him. It would make the future process easier. He took and glass and a big sip out of it.

"Do you want me to straighten up the bench?", I asked. I hoped for a yes so he would see how I'd work on his feet until he was completely servant.

"Yeah, that'd be great.", he answered.

I pulled up the head part of the bench and sat down at his feet. They looked incredibly massive in those black combat boots. I could no other than letting out a gasp because of it. He chuckled.

"I know I have big feet.", he said. From this position he looked really nice. What a shame.

I took his left foot in my hand and searched for a zipper but it didnt have one so I untied his laces. It took some time as it was tied really tightly. As I finally managed to pull his first combat boot off by having one hand at the heel and one at the tip, his formerly tucked in pants fell onto his ankle. I wanted so bad to raise his boot to my noise but it had to wait as he was watching. I put it to the ground and as I turned to his ither boot I could finally smell his sweaty feet. It was a real turn on and I was happy that he couldnt see how my dick raised against my pants. I untied his second boot. This time I had to wiggle it a bit more to get it off. He finished his glass water and relaxed.

"Do you want me to keep your socks on?", I asked. I just wanted to see his bare feet.

"Ehh... keep 'em on.", he said. His face looked kind of confused.

"Alright. I always ask customers what they prefer.", I said. He nodded and leaned back again. I started to massage his left foot. I made sure to hit the spots to make him completely servant. He started to moan silently and closed his eyes. It looked like he enjoyed it. I finished his left foot and took on his right one. He must've liked it so much that he started to touch his dick beneath his good looking pants. Good, he's loaded there too. It showed that my technique started to work. As I finished I took both of his combat boots in my hands. Without opening his eyes he said:"If you're finished, you can put my boots back on."

"Well, there is this thing I always wanted to do.", I said.

He leaned forwards and opened his eyes. He looked incredibly tired. Another proof that it's working.

"What exactly do you want?", he asked not so nice anymore.

"It feels so wrong to bribe a cop.", I said holding a $50 bill. I made a pause. "I'd love to smell your boots and socks."

"Oh, you're one of those. I've heard of you guys. People who live to smell people's dirty feet.", he gestures to hand him the bill. I do so. "Go ahead. Knock yourself put.", he said, putting the bill away.

I raised his boot to my nose and took a deep breath. His smell overwhelmed me. Such a manly smell. I could imagine just by this smell what he did the whole day with his imposing, good looking body in this sexy uniform. I licked the inside of his boot and he didnt notice it. Next, I rolled up one of leg of his pants till I reached his knee. He wiggled his toes on the yellow tip of his sock. I ran my fingers down his leg until I reached the start of his black otc socks. I pulled it over his muscular calve to his feet and then off of it. I took a deep breath as he said:"Now put 'em back on."

"Well...", I pulled out another bill.

"Yeah?", he didnt seem to be turned off by me.

"Can I lick your sole?"

"Hmm... I'll do it for twice of that.", he pointed to the bill. I took out another and handed them over.

I let my tongue slide over his bare foot, from heel to his toes. I started to suck on each toe as his body started to twitch slightly. That was it. It was done.

I stood up, the young cop's eyes followed.

"Who are you?", I asked with my firmest voice.

"Police off... I-I'm your boy. Aiden Bradley.", the cop stammered.

"Good boy."

I pulled off my shoes and put his combat boots on. They were way too big for me but it still felt great and got my blood pumping through my dick. I tucked my cargo pants in and tied the laces. I walked around the bench so I could stand behind him. I took his police badge and waved it in front of his face. "Looks like you wont need them anymore."

I started to take off his heavy vest by opening the velcro and the zipper beneath it. I pulled both of his muscular arms out of the vest and put it next to me on the ground.

I opened his heavy equipment belt and put it to the ground. I unzipped his pants to pull his shirt out of it. I started to unbutton it slowly, feeling his chest muscles beneath the tight fitting shirt. I pushed him forwards to pull it off of him. I grabbed him by his breast muscles and pulled himself back towards me. I walked around the bench again.

I started to peel off his other sock. Next I grabbed him by the ankles and pulled him towards me, his calves now hanging in the air. I grabbed his uniform pants und pulled them off of him. I pushed the crotch area against my face and took a deep breath. The sweet smell of cum and sweat filled my nose. I dropped them to admire that beefcake in front of me. Aiden Was just sitting there wearing nothing but a small jockstrap, smiling at me.

"Who's the boss now?", I asked with a devilish grin.

"You are.", he answered.

"Stand up boy."

He got off of the bench and stood in front of me. He was towering over me by at least 8 inches. Even though I was wearing his boots and he didnt. I ran my fingers over his sweaty abs until I reached his jockstrap. With a quick pull it was laying on his feet. He stepped out of it.

"Now be close to me and strip me off my clothes.", I ordered and he followed.

He turned me around and pressed his hips and dick against my back. I felt how it pulsated and pre-cum dripped against my shirt. He carefully unbuttoned it with his massive hands. Standing there I could smell his manly sweat.I turned my head to smell his armpits. He pulled my shirt off and opened my belt pants. He turned me around again. His dick now touched my flat and pale belly and mine grazes his inner thigh. Only now being so close to him, I realised how tan he was. It definitely complemented his abs.

He bowed down to lift at first my left and then my right feet to untie and pull off his old boots and my socks. After that he pulled off my pants. He looked surprised that I didnt wear something beneath as my dick popped out of it right in front of his head.

While I bet that his beautiful lips would give an amazing blowjob I pulled him up on his feet and pushed him onto the bench again.

"Spread your legs boy!", I ordered. He lifted his massive legs to reveal his hole. I couldnt believe I was losing my viriginity to this beefcake.

#body switch #male body switch #body swap #male body swap #male possession #possessed #possession #male body transformation

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hockeylvr59 · 4 years

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Lost and Found || William Nylander

Requested: [x] yes [ ] no

Authors Note: Request was for #4 of the soulmate prompts. I loved the suggestions so much. I know it took me forever but hopefully, you see it and enjoy it.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1,413

______________

“You have to get lost before you can be found.”

Growing up you were in awe of the quote your parents had painted on your bedroom wall. When you were really little they told you that the quote applied to knowledge, to personal growth. It wasn’t until you were a teenager that you learned that it actually applied to finding your soulmate. You see, though no one knew how it worked, when someone lost something it was magically found by their soulmate. It only worked, however, when something was truly lost, you’d know because you’d tried to circumvent the system a time or two “losing” things like a piece of paper with your phone number on it or pictures of yourself. No...destiny seemed to know when you were trying to cheat the system and she wasn’t a fan.

By your early twenties, you’d given up trying to rig the system and settled with waiting to meet your soulmate...hoping that it wouldn’t take too long. You’d known from the time you became a teenager that he existed, there was no question about it. You knew it because you were constantly finding random things. Ticket stubs, men’s socks, even once a jockstrap. The more things you found, the more you questioned just how scatterbrained your soulmate could be. Lately though, your finds have been less gross and more….green. It seemed like once a week that you were finding money lying on the ground, tucked between the couch cushions, in a jacket pocket. And while for the most part, they were small bills, you’d found hundreds more than once.

The first time you’d found money you questioned what you should do with it. And for a while, you tucked it all in an envelope in your nightstand. But then the money kept coming and well it certainly seemed like your soulmate was well enough off and he was your soulmate so you found yourself spending some of it here and there grateful for the little boons in your life.

Now it wasn’t like you hadn’t lost things yourself before. You’d lost money a few times yourself, earrings would fall out on occasion, and you were certain that your soulmate had a collection of ponytails and bobby pins a mountain high by now. But you’d never really lost anything important.

So when you stepped outside of Scotiabank arena and reached into your pocket for your phone to find it missing, you panicked. Losing your phone was everyone’s worst nightmare and while you were someone comforted by the fact that your soulmate would likely find it rather than some stranger a part of you reminded yourself that your soulmate technically was a stranger. Thankfully you’d driven yourself to the game so you had both keys and a car because you couldn’t imagine being stranded in Toronto without a phone to order an Uber. Still, by the time you made it home you were in tears about the fact that you’d lost something so important. You didn’t fully understand the blessing it would turn out to be.

~~~

Basking in the feeling of a hard-fought win and a goal, Will smiled his way through media before returning to his locker to change. Pulling his pants up over his hips he reached down to grab the fabric of his dress shirt and instead his fingers made contact with something hard. Looking down, he spotted a phone tucked into his pile of clothing….a phone that definitely hadn’t been there earlier. The first thing that came to mind was whether this was part of some prank by his teammates. But the phone case was a glittery leafs logo and when he picked it up and pressed the lock button a photo of a group of girls including the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen appeared.

His heart stopped for a moment before it began racing, his brain finally establishing that this was something his soulmate had lost. For years he’d wondered what she was like and now he somehow knew that he was looking at her. As the sounds of his teammates filled his ears, Will quickly pocketed the phone, throwing the rest of his clothes on before heading out to his car. It was only once inside that he pulled the phone from his pocket, his finger hovering over the home button.

To his surprise, the phone unlocked.

Though he didn’t want to invade her privacy, William reasoned that he could only get the phone back to her if he did a little snooping. Deciding that opening her messages might give him a lead of who could get him in contact with her, he pressed the icon and the last active conversation opened. Inside was a string of sent pictures….pictures of him.

Following the pictures was a received text: Fuck you’re so goddamn lucky. Damn chemistry for keeping me from being there right beside you.

I know right? He looks so cute tonight. I might need you to revive me later when I recap the game for you.

She had been there. She had watched him score, had taken pictures of him and he didn’t even know she was there. She was attracted to him and didn’t even know that he was her soulmate. It was almost cruel and unusual punishment when he had been waiting to find her for so long. Staring at the phone for a moment longer he ran his fingers through his hair before composing a message.

Hey so uh...I’m your friend’s soulmate and she lost her phone at the Leafs game tonight and uh...I’d like to get it back to her.

The moment the message sent Will started overthinking it. Of course, this was her soulmate, who else would have found her lost phone? And did he sound too creepy? Would her friend think he was crazy and refuse to help him?

She’s been freaking out! Where did you find it?

William really didn’t know how to answer that without admitting who he was so he decided to stay vague.

Was between two articles of clothing when I went to change.

That was totally both true and vague not saying where he was when he found it.

So uh...she said to give you her address if you don’t mind dropping the phone off tonight? She’s kind of going crazy without it.

Yeah, no problem.

He would drive to Buffalo if it meant meeting her. The address came through quickly and after plugging it into his navigation, he pulled out of the parking garage. Driving through downtown, his palms began to sweat and by the time he stopped in front of the building his GPS directed him to, he honestly felt like he was going to pass out.

With her phone gripped tightly in his hand, he stepped into the building and rode the elevator up to the proper floor. His body ran solely on autopilot until he was standing in front of her door, his fist raised to knock.

Three short raps against the wood were going to change his life forever. William’s heart was in his throat as he waited for the door in front of him to open but once it did, he felt a wave of peace crash over him.

“My phone. Thank god.” She proclaimed. Suddenly his eyes met hers and a breathy ‘no way’ fell from her lips.

“I think this is yours.” He mumbled, offering the phone out to her.

“You….you’re….” Suddenly feeling shy, Will nodded, his left hand reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck.

Taking the phone, Will watched as she slipped it into the pocket of the sweats she was wearing. Then suddenly she was stretching onto her toes and her arms wrapped around his neck, drawing him down into a soft kiss. She tasted like heaven and Will dropped his arms to drape gently around her waist. Standing in her doorway they kissed until they both needed to breathe and when she pulled away the smile on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen.

“Suddenly that crush makes a whole lot more sense.” She whispered, a sparkle in her eyes. A booming laugh filled Will’s chest making her smile even brighter if that was possible. Stepping back, she reached out a hand silently inviting him inside and Will eagerly accepted, ready to spend the rest of forever losing himself in her.

#william nylander #william nylander imagine #toronto maple leafs imagine #toronto maple leafs #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #tleafs #031

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pjworld · 4 years

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DASH'S MEET AND TINY

Hey you all good people. Thanks you so for all the support you all.

This is a story request I did for my buddy Corey ( @inanimatetffantasies ).

Corey was excited, maybe too much. Nerves rose from the tip of his feet and his legs trembled with excitement as he followed closely behind the man dressed in a suit, an electronic agenda and a fake smile. He was his manager ...

"This way, boy." The man reminded him when he began to see him distracted by the names on the locker room doors, the people, the staff everywhere talking to each other and trying to bet on the next match. Corey already knew who was going to win.

After what seemed like an eternity of walking, he came to a brown wooden door in which a golden plaque marked a name in carved letters. That was a special name for Corey, as it was the name of his favorite wrestler: DASH WILDER.

He took a deep breath before the manager knocked on the door, keeping all his nerves inside no matter how impossible it was.

"Come in, it's open." He heard Dash say from the other side of the door. A thick, deep voice with a strong southern accent.

The manager turned the metal knob and opened the door. Corey thought he was going to be mowed by such a man he found inside. Well, you may be wondering why Corey is there meeting Dash Wilder before a fight. The boy had won an impromptu meet and greet that had been done on Instagram. Good lucky him!

He walked into the dressing room after the manager and then he saw Dash, his broad back. His heart began to beat fast, as if she had run a 70-kilometer marathon in 6 seconds.

The fighter wore nothing more than a yellow shirt that fitted perfectly to his body, showing the curves of his waist and the muscles of his arms. A tight gray jockstrap that he wrestled with and black & white boots.

"Hey Buddy!" Dash greeted as he spun, with a kind smile that didn't seem pretended. When he turned around he could see that the shirt was stamped with a drawi from his wrestling group, The Revival, and his thick beard. Dash strode closer, his muscles moving as he do. Corey start to get thirsty. "My name is Dash, but I guess you already knew me. How about you?"

Corey was freaking out about his southern accent, about having his idol in front of him, just a few meters between them. Hiis hands were shaking but he didn't notice it.

"Co ... Corey ..." The boy started to say, his voice cracking with emotion. "Damn, Dash, it's crazy to actually be in front of you after all this time watching you on a screen."

Corey watched as Dash started laughing at Corey's sudden reaction. It was amazing to hear him laugh from so close ... Corey had made Dash Wilder laugh!

The manager left after nodding to Dash and close the door behind him.

"Well Buddy. It's always nice to meet a fan who gets so excited like you." Dash walked up to him and put a hand on his back. Corey was going to melt of the excitement right there. "Come on, come on, sit here."

Corey was guided by Dash's protective arm to a couch and timidly sat on it. Dash sat on his side in a relaxed manner, his back resting on an armrest and his left arm on his back.

"By the way you speak I see that you are European ..." The wrestler began to say, speaking calmly and relaxedly, as if he had known Corey all his life, although by his question it was clear that he didn't .

"Yes, that's right. I have an Irish accent ..." Corey tried to be a little more comfort in his seat. "Dash ... I always wondered how you do it. The amazing wrestling and impressive skills ... I'm sure you won't lose this match."

Dash smiled warmly as he scratched his right forearm.

"Thanks buddy. I'll do my best to don't lose it." Dash said gratefully. "And well, it's all thanks to years of practice and training. If you start in a few years you could be a great wrestler too." Dash flexed his left arm, revealing his massive biceps. Corey gulped ... "Come here Buddy, touch it"

Corey nodded and stood up. He timidly approached and touched her bicep with his hands. Dash's warm skin and flexed muscles under his fingers.

"Heavens Dash, it's amazing! You are like a giant full of muscles. You are sound out!" Corey let out impressed and excited.

"You like it?" Asked the eldest. Corey nodded. "Do you want to play more, buddy?"

Dash began to touch his left chest with his free hand. It was large and meaty, protruding through the shirt.

"Really?"

Dash nodded. Corey slid his hands down to Dash's muscular chest, feeling the bulging pecs under his hands, trapped by the narrow shirt. Dash took a hand from his wrist, lowered it, and tucked it between the fabric. When Corey understood, Dash released his hand and let the boy work. His hairy skin felt like a sea of madness under his fingers, he was shocked to be touching the body of his idol, as if it were a dream.

"You are amazing Dash, it seems carved by the gods."

Dash nodded but didn't speak, he was struggling not to moan there, as Corey gently squeezed one of his pecs.

A knock on the door startled them.

"Dash, 5 minutes." The voice of his manager said from the other side.

Dash was startled. They had completely forgotten about the fight. Corey stepped back and sat down on the couch.

"Shit ..." Dash cursed as he jumped up from the couch. Corey sat on the couch, ashamed. "You can stay here watching the fight" he said as he turned on a TV embedded in the wall. Then he looked straight at him, pointed a finger at him, and winked playfully. Corey began to feel strange. "We can continue our… little game later."

The boy watched as everything around him grew larger, slowly until the floor seemed to be a mortal fall away.

What the hell had happened to him? Because everything was so big and because Dash was a monstrous giant.

Dash looked at him and smiled. He approached and Corey backed away in fear. But Dash bent down and kissed him on the forehead ... the difference between the two was huge and he looked like a giant kissing a toy.

"I will play with you later." Dash said before heading out the door, leaving a miniature Corey there on the couch.

Corey ... was scared but the nerves from before were gone. He felt something in his chest as he wondered what Dash meant by what he was going to play with him later.

#male tf #macrophilia #request #dash wilder #First Stories

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chillguy563-blog · 6 years

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The frustrated bear, fantasy (gay)

There I am, doing my job, bagging groceries for hundred of customers. I’m bored, tired, hangry and just straight up done with my job. All I could think about was how much I would enjoy quitting. When a burly, lumberjack looking man come up to my lane.

His cargo denim shorts sagging past his knees. His calves covered in thin dark hair, veins popping out. His socks barley poking out the top of his steel toed work boots. His thighs hidden under the baggy shorts. He had a red flannel looking button up tucked slightly into the front of his shorts, showing off a slight bulge of his guy, hanging ever so slightly over his belt. His shirt was tight, showing off his large pecs and wrapping tightly around his thicc arms. The top two buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned exposing his thick curly chest hair, and broad neck. His neck and head almost flowed into one, there was hot destinct jawline and his cheeks were hard but round. His face covered in a short, thicc dark brown beard. His hair was buzzed short so you could see his scalp. His eyes were a glazing green, if you stared long, and deep enough you would fall into a daze, as if you were floating in space sarounded by shimmering cryptonite.

He must have noticed me studying his body because he gave me a strange look after he was done paying for his groceries. He gave me a head nod and asked if I would help him unload in his truck. His voice was deep, soft and masculine, as if he had been trying to assert dominance in a almost passive way. I followed him to his truck because 1. He asked me to, and 2. It’s part of my job so I had no choice, but like why would I say no anyway.

I walked behind him, following at a respectable distance for a stranger. For how loose his pants were, they were sure tight on his plump muscled ass. His cheeks slightly bounced up and down with ever step. I was staring so hard as his ass I tripped on the curb and almost fell. He didn’t notice though so we continued our silent walk to his truck. He had parked in the very back of the parking lot, far away from the building. He opened the passenger door and the door to the backseat. He told me to put the groceries in the back as he climbed into the passenger seat. I was curious as to why he did that but just supposed he was waiting on someone else who was the driver. I finished putting his groceries in the back seat and stepped up to the passenger door to bid him adue.

My face dropped and eyes shot wide open, to my surprise he was sitting sideways legs facing out the door. His shirt was fully unbuttoned, allowing his muscled chest covered in thick curly hair to feel the breeze, his muscles yet husky belly was pushed out over his waist. His belt was undone and short were unbuttoned and unzipped. Pulling the opening to his pants apart exposing the top of his jockstrap he said

“Now you gonna help me unload?”

I’m a deep seductive voice, he placed a burning cigar between his lips, took a hard drag and raised his eyebrow. He blew the smoke above my head and winked. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t help but step forward. I reached out with both hands and caressed his hard muscled calves. I moved my face toward the bottom of his shorts, placing my cheek on his knee taking a whif of his musk flowing out his pant legs.

I moved my hands up his legs over his shorts, feeling his broad thicc thighs until my fingers met the bottom of his belly. All the while my eyes were glued on the bulge of his jockstap poking through the zipper of his shorts. I raised my head looking up to his masculine dad like face. With a wide grin, cigar stuck in the corner of his jaw, he slowly closed his eyes and opens them again.

“Go ahead, we both want this to happen. I haven been touched by my wife in weeks, so I need this.”

“Idk man, I’m still on the clock and my boss will be looking for me.”

“You’re gonna have to make this fast then.”

Deciding that this doesn’t happen everyday, and that I would be doing him a favor I decided to grasp the top of his shorts and give them a tug. He raised his hips, allowing me to pull his shorts to his ankles. His frustrated, manly musk enveloped my face, I was so turned on I didn’t even care about my job anymore. His large balls were popping out the edges of his jock a little bit, and his semi chub was pushing his jock way form his body. I shoved my face right into his crotch, opening my mouth and licking the outside of his jockstrap. I could feel his cock harden and one of his balls escaped their cage. It was loose and hairy, I could tell he had not shaved in a long while. I immediately slipped his ball into my mouth sucking on it and pulling away. It made a popping sound as is slipped out of my mouth. I pulled his jock towards me exposing his whole sack and pulsing cock. I slipped the fabric to the side and plopped his cock into my mouth, sucking pretty hard and moving my lips down his shaft, he arched his back and let out the most beautiful masculine moan. Almost like a growl. I moved my hands behind him grasping his sweet tight ass, pushing my face into his waist. His thick curly pubes pushed into my closed eyes, his hairy belly resting on my forehead, his loose hairy balls enveloping my chin, and his thick, cut, vibrating cock deep down my throat. I gagged and had to pull back. A string of spit and precum leading from my chin to his cock. He didn’t want me to stop and neither did I. His burly large hands grabbed the back of my head forcing his cock deep down my throat. My hands still gripping tight on his ass, he moved my head back and forth quickly, saliva and precum filling my mouth. Catching quick breaths everytims my nose escaped his perfect belly. I refused to disappoint him, not allowing the suction of my mouth to release, sucking his cock vigorously and quite loudly.

His body shook, his deep man growl getting louder, my grip on his ass and his grip on my head tightended. His big, warm load shot down my throat. I felt like was going to choke on it but I forced myself to swallow as much as I could. He released my head and released his cock. My mouth drilling so much spit, and what was left of his cum, his breathing was loud, manly and quick. I rubbed his belly and pecs for a minute and said

“Wow! That was awesome!”

“You’re telling me, I needed thag so bad. That was better than anything my wife has ever done”

I cleaned my face with a rag he pulled form the glove compartment. He gave me his phone number and asked when I’m available to do this again. I told him anytime on the weekends. And walked away. My uniform completely clean, my raging cock bulging at the seems of my pants. I looked back to see him pulling his shorts up and buttoning his shirt. He walked over to the driver side and drove away. I walked into work, hiding my boner with an apron my cashier had behind the counter. I am still yet to get a response from the last text I sent him.

Our conversation went like this:

Me: hey there, that was fun.

Him: indeed it was bub, thanks for the help.

Me: so we gonna do it again soon?

Him: oh yes, definitely!

Me: alright just let me know when and where, hope your wife doesn’t find out.

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tricksters-captain · 7 years

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Cheryl Blossom x Female!Reader - Practise

AN: This was a few requests back in my inbox: “Could you write some kind of Cheryl X female reader at some point? Something where the reader could be a football player or something, you could take it from there.” I didn’t know if you meant english football or american football so since I know nothing about american football, it’ll have to be english aha

Summary: You’re a soccer player and you can't help but catch the eye of a particular red head

Pairing: Cheryl x Female!Reader

Word count: 1,150

Warnings: None

You watch the ball you had just kicked towards the goal fly past the goal keeper and a smile grew wide on your face as you heard the eruption of cheers and screams from your fellow teammates.

Your final goal had just won the first game of the season.

You laughed as the girls surrounded you, hugging you and jumping up and down with joy. With you as team captain, they knew it was going to be a good season for Riverdale High.

From the corner of your eye, past the heads of your teammates, you saw Cheryl Blossom stood by the sidelines. She had a gym bag on her shoulder and was still in her yellow and white gym shirt so you figured she had just finished cheer practise.

She noticed you watching her so quickly turned on her heels and fled the field.

You decided to ignore it, it was Cheryl Blossom after all.

After a pretty uneventful weekend, you returned to school Monday to spot Cheryl Blossom’s spies watching you from across the hall as you opened your locker.

You tried to think of anything you could have done to make Cheryl target you but there was nothing. You hadn't even spoken to Cheryl before.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and continued to class.

“Hey, (Y/n), remember practise is during lunch because the jockstraps need the field after school today.” One of your teammates reminded you as she passed.

You told her you remembered then disappeared into your english class.

When lunchtime hit, you grabbed an apple from the cafeteria then quickly changed into your tight black gym shorts and soccer shirt.

“Okay, we need to work on long distance passes today so I want everyone to split up across the field. This will also help you keep distance from each other, you’re all to close together which is why they managed to snag the ball from us a good few times, because there was no one far away enough to get the ball out of the crowded area.” You told your girls as you lifted the bag of balls closer to the team. The girls broke away to start to warm up before doing as you told them.

You usually coached the practises during lunch since your coach only attended after school practises but this is why you’re team captain.

You finished practise sweaty and left yourself just enough time to shower before next period but unfortunately for you there was an obstruction in the way of your cold shower.

“(Y/n), good playing. Your winning goal last Friday was really quite impressive.” Cheryl slid in the way of your path to the locker room and you had to repress a groan.

“What do you want Cheryl?” You asked, folding your arms across your chest and shifting your weight onto your right hip.

“Who says I want anything?” Cheryl asked as innocently as she could whilst her minions behind her shared a look.

“Come on, Cheryl. You and your shadows have been watching me since Friday. Now I don't know what I’ve done but––”

“––Fine... Maybe I do want something.” Cheryl abruptly interrupted you and you waited for her to continue. “I want you to come to homecoming with me.”

“What? We’ve never even spoken before and now you want me to be your date to homecoming?” You laughed out of disbelief and Cheryl’s face suddenly hardened.

“If you’re going to say no, just do it.” Cheryl became defensive, the previous softness about her now gone.

“Cheryl, we don’t know anything about each other.” You reminded her.

“Well, if you’re going to be like that then why don’t we go on a date? This Saturday. Get to know me.” Cheryl tried to negotiate, flipping her luscious red hair.

You stared at her for a split second and watched her eyes dart to the ground then back up to you.

“Okay.” You accepted the offer, “I’ll pick you up at 8.” You said, slipping past her to get to the locker room.

“Wait! No... I’ll pick you up.” Cheryl showed a spark of panic as she yelled wait. You then figured her parents doesn’t know she likes girls and to be frank you didn’t realise either. You turned to face her as she spoke.

“Okay, 8 sharp, don’t be late.” You teased the girl then span around, swishing your hair as you did.

You continued to spot Cheryl watching you throughout the week and you even noticed her watching some of your practises. On Thursday evening, Cheryl had just left cheer practise and you were clearing up after soccer practise when you watched her walking across the field towards the parking lot.

“Heads up!” You called after her as you kicked a ball her way.

The ball landed a few feet in front of Cheryl since you didn’t kick it that hard.

“Kick it back!” You told her, smirking as you waited to see what she’ll do.

Cheryl rolled her eyes and kicked the ball so that it landed a few feet behind you. You collected the ball and she started walking towards you.

“Good kick.” You told her, smiling as you tucked the ball into the ball bag.

“Not too bad yourself.” Cheryl flirted with you, her perfect red lips spreading into a small smile of her own. “You still on for Saturday?” Cheryl asked, somewhat nervous.

“Of course.” You slung the ball bag over your shoulder and started tugging it to the lock up.

“Why did you say yes to our date?” Cheryl asked after a few moments of silence.

“What do you mean?” You chuckled softly.

“No one ever does anything for me unless they're scared of me but you’re not so why did you say yes?”

“Because you’re a beautiful girl, Cheryl. I know you’ve got a reputation of lean, mean bitchy machine but like I said before, we don’t know each other. Why should I say no based on rumours I’ve heard?” You admitted completely honestly.

Cheryl stopped in her tracks and you followed, looking back at her.

“What?” You smiled,

“Nothing, it’s just no one but Jason is ever this nice to me.” Cheryl told you.

You walked towards her and touched her face, leaning in as if to kiss her.

“That’s because no one but Jason knows the real you.” You whispered.

Cheryl nodded,

“That’s true.”

“We should probably get going.” You smiled at her and she returned the toothy grin.

You pulled away and tossed the bags inside.

“Oh, and (Y/n)...” Cheryl stopped herself from walking away and you peered over at her. Within seconds, Cheryl had strutted over to you and so gently pressed her lips against yours. “See you Saturday.” Cheryl smirked at the lipstick she left on your lips then did her trade made hair flick before leaving.

AN: I haven't edited this so sorry if there’s any mistakes. It was just a short one shot I decided I’d try and write so I can have something other than FP on my blog right now 😂

#cheryl blossom #cheryl blossom x reader #cheryl blossom imagines #riverdale imagines #riverdale #imagines #imagine #one shot #madelaine petsch #betty cooper #jughead jones #archie andrews #veronica lodge

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just-jordie-things · 7 years

Text

Off To The Races - Archie Andrews

listen to the song here

My old man is a bad man,

but I can't deny the way he holds my hand

And he grabs me, he has me by my heart

“Fuck Arch you’re getting so much better at this” You panted, and the boy fell of from you as he came down from his climax.

“Are you trying to tell me I wasn’t good before?” You managed a slight chuckle, and swatted lazily at him, the back of your hand coming into contact with his bare chest. “Because you scream just as much” You rolled on your side, giving him a look.

“You really wanna bring down everything we’ve built up Archiekins? Because I think you’d really missed me if I broke off this special friends deal we have going” He panicked, and it was clear in his face as you threatened him. But in seconds his expression changed to a smirk, and you sighed internally. He was about to get all cocky. The red head rolled onto his side, before straddling himself over top of you, just as he had been moments ago.

“You wouldn’t cut it off if you tried” He said, hands clasping over your wrists.

“Wouldn’t I? I mean.. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but, I think Reggie would be just as thrilled to be friends with benefits” You said, smirking back at him. Archie grimaced, and leaned over you, pressing his lips hard against yours and catching you by surprise. A small sound came from the back of your throat at the sudden movement. When he pulled back, you opened your round eyes and stared at him in shock.

“First of all, you did sound arrogant, and second of all, if you even think about leaving me- this- for a piece of shit jockstrap like Reggie, I will make sure Pop’s never serves you another burger”

You stared at each other intensely for a long period of time, before you broke down into giggles.

The best part about hooking up with your best friend, no strings attached, was the moments like these.

But for Archie… there was maybe one string in particular that could possibly ruin what he had with you. Because you weren’t supposed to fall in love with your fuck buddy. Well, fuck best buddy.

Swimming pool glimmering darling

White bikini off with my red nail polish

Watch me in the swimming pool

“Come on! Come join us!” Veronica said from the pool in her backyard. She beckoned Archie over, as did Betty. Who was sitting on Veronica’s shoulders. But the ginger boy just shook his head, still sitting in the chair in just his swimming trunks, and writing down words to a new song he was working on.

“y/n!” Betty called, and you looked up from where you were talking to Kevin outside of the swimming pool, and about en feet away from Archie.

“Yeah?” You hollered back, and walked closer to the pool so you could talk to her better. Giving Archie the clearest view on how well your white bikini fit your curves.

“You wanna tell your lame ass friend that if he doesn’t get said lame ass in the pool, that I’m going to rip of is testicles and feed them to him on one of Pop’s burgers?” You laughed, covering your mouth with both red painted nailed hands.

“Yeah yeah” You said between stifled giggles. “Hey Arch!” You called, and walked closer to the boy, and out of earshot of the girls. He have you a bored look, but his eyes said otherwise as they shamelessly scanned up and down your dry body.

“Yes?” You smirked, having seen him obviously checking you out. You stooped over close by his ear.

“If you get in the pool now so they shut up..” You whispered. “Then I’ll let you fuck me in it later” You said. “Well… then after I’m gonna need a shower so the chlorine gets out.. Maybe if you’re extra good-”

He’d already shot up from the chair and ran over to the pool to cannonball into it.

Light of my life, fire of my loins

Be a good baby, do what I want

Light of my life, fire of my loins

Give me them gold coins, give me them coins

You were in the Andrews’ kitchen one morning, Mr Andrews having already left for work, and not knowing you’d spent the night. Which… well it never happened before.

Usually when you were at his house, you’d hang out with Archie after school, study, watch a movie maybe, or just talk. All the best friend stuff. Then later on, once the man went to bed you ‘went home’ and then snuck back up into Archie’s room through the window, and your fun would begin. A quick round or two, maybe even three if it was a special occasion. Or other stuff. You two were pretty open minded

But last night was after a big football game, and the both of you were exhausted. Him from all the ‘sporty action’ as you called it, and you from all the cheering and screaming in the stands with Kevin. Seriously, it was the laziest sex ever.

But you weren’t expecting to wake up in his bed the next morning, wearing his green sweater that he must’ve put on you last night, and wrapped up in his arms. You’d looked up at the boy, an expression of confusion written on your face because you’d never slept slept together. Like… actually fell asleep together. Maybe at the drive in he’d wrap an arm around you and you’d sit closer than usual, but this was waaayyy different. He was holding you, cradling you like a lover rather a… fuck buddy. Archie was sleeping peacefully, maybe even happily. He had the slightest hint of a smile on his face, and you felt yourself blush. You? Blushing? You’d never!

You hadn’t when he’d seen your boobs for the first time. So what the hell was this?

And I'm off to the races, cases of Bacardi chasers

Chasin' me all over town 'cause he knows I'm wasted,

Facin' time again on Rikers Island and I won't get out

Because I'm crazy baby, I need you to come here and save me

I'm your little scarlet, starlet, singin' in the garden

Kiss me on my open mouth

Ready for you

Your hips were swinging around as you hummed a song you didn’t remember the name of. The bowl of batter in your hand being whisked around cheerfully as you got to the hook and actually sang the words around. Your bare feet dancing with the music as well. (you’d decided Archie’s sweater hadn’t looked half bad on you)

And speak of the devil he’d chuckled, walking right into the kitchen and sitting at the breakfast bar. “Are you making breakfast?” He asked, and you spun around, not embarrassed to have been caught, but shocked to see him awake so early.

“I am, pancakes as a matter of fact” You said with a smile, before turning your back to him, and pouring a circle of batter onto the pan. “And what are you doing up so early Andrews? It’s eight and you usually sleep till eleven on the weekends” You looked at him over your shoulder (and not catching him admiring you in his clothes).

“I dunno bed got cold” He replied with a shrug, and you turned back to the food, pretending to be invested in the pancake. Were you the reason the bed got cold? Again, your cheeks heated up in a scarlet blush. Were fuck buddies supposed to make you feel this way?

My old man is a tough man but

He's got a soul as sweet as blood red jam

And he shows me, he knows me

Every inch of my tar black soul

He doesn't mind I have a flat broke down life

In fact he says he thinks it's why he might like about me

Admires me, the way I roll like a Rolling Stone

A few days later, you were sitting in the student lounge next to Kevin and across from Jughead. Kevin and Jughead were in a discussion about Jason Blossom, one which you did not feel the need to join. So you sat on your phone playing games and snap chatting until Jughead said something that brought your attention back to the boys.

“That sweater is a little big for you, isn’t it y/n?” Your face flushed as you looked down to your outfit, seeing that you were indeed wearing an oversized, green, pine smelling, men’s, sweater.

“Uh-uh yeah Archie let me borrow it the other day I spilled my milkshake on myself at Pop’s and I guess I forgot to give it back” You said sheepishly, tucking your hair behind your ear. Jughead nodded, unamused. Kevin’s mind was already clicking with a million other, and quite frankly juicier possibilities with how you could’ve gotten that shirt.

“And you just accidentally wore it today. To school. Your outfit was completely unplanned” Jughead deadpanned, shutting his laptop. You swallowed at the action. He was onto you.

“Yeah I was in a rush this morning” Which was true, you’d spent the night at the Andrew household for the third time this week. Jughead pursed his lips and nodded. “I’m uh.. I’m gonna go and see If V wants to go get a burger or something” You said, and picked up your bag, walking quickly out of the student lounge. You looked back for a short second entering the empty hallway. Well almost empty. You crashed into the only person there, making their things fall to the ground. “Sorry-!” You looked up to see Archie, and sighed in relief.

“Why’re you in such a rush?” He asked, and you shrugged.

“Juggie being weird, I needed a breather” You said, kneeling down to help him pick up his books and folders.

“Thanks” He said, and you both stood again. “What was Jughead doing?” You bit your lip, pulling on the shirt you wore. Archie smiled slightly, before chuckling.

“It’s not funny, what if he knew?” You hissed, and Archie shrugged.

“So what? Jughead’s my best friend. Besides, I don’t think he’d care, and he probably already does” You thought about that possibility, and licked your lips. You and Archie were pretty bad at being discrete, and the more you thought about it, the more you realized it. “Look if it bothers you-”

“It doesn’t” You told him, shaking your head. “It doesn’t bother me” Another sile broke onto his face.

“Great”

“Cool”

“Fuck you”

“You can later” You had to laugh, shaking your head as you collected yourself.

“I’ll see you later Andrews” You said, adjusting the strap of your bag before walking off down the hall. Archie turned and watched you leave, a slight sigh blowing through his nose.

“Ask her out” The redhead jumped, spinning around to see Jughead standing behind him.

“It’s not that easy-”

“You’re already screwing her how hard could it be” Archie looked back to where you’d just left the school, the door swinging shut.

“Really fucking hard”

Likes to watch me in the glass room, bathroom, Chateau Marmont

Slippin' on my red dress, puttin' on my makeup

Glass film, perfume, cognac, lilac

Fumes, says it feels like heaven to him

“And why is the school ball important?” Archie asked from your bedroom while you were doing your makeup in the bathroom. Your wet hair from a previous shower, a super steamy one because Archie thought it’d be easier on the environment to share water and hey. One second you’re shampooing and the next you’re screaming his name and thanking God your parents went grocery shopping.

“Because I can go and look nice”

“You always look nice” He said back, and you rolled your eyes but blushed in the mirror.

“Thanks, but I mean boyfriend nice”

Archie choked.

“Boyfriend? Why boyfriend? You don’t need one you’re an independent person”

“Thanks Arch but I’m also an incredibly single ass person”

“Well I happen to like your single ass how it is” You looked out at him through the doorway, tugging on the green sweater that you wore casually. By itself.

“What’s wrong with me wanting to date?” You asked, shaking your head and furrowing your brow.

“Nothing it’s just you’ve never mentioned wanting to before”

“Well between saying ‘fuck me’ and ‘shit i have to study more’ I haven’t exactly had the time to bring it up” You said with a slight giggle, and Archie smiled to himself, pretty frickin’ proud he took up your time. But if you started dating someone else, then goodbye fuck buddies. And probably a hell of lot of time you spend together as just regular friends. Studying, going to the movies, hanging out at Pop’s, all things you’d do with your new… boyfriend…

“Yeah I just you don’t seem like that kind of person” You looked at him funny again. “Like I didn’t think… I don’t know I thought you were happy” You winked, and walked back into the bathroom to finish up your eyeliner.

“Well tonight will be an extra happy night if all this girly stuff works” You said.

Archie sighed quietly, playing with the blankets on your bed to distract himself. WHy weren’t you happy? Why couldn’t you just be happy with him? You didn’t need the makeup and fancy dress to impress him, you blew him away in just his sweater and a towel on your head.

I'm off to the races, laces

Leather on my waist is tight and I am fallin' down

I can see your face is shameless, Cipriani's basement

Love you but I'm going down

God I'm so crazy, baby, I'm sorry that I'm misbehaving

I'm your little harlot, starlet, Queen of Coney Island

Raising hell all over town

Sorry 'bout it

“Thanks for driving me” You said as you and Archie got out of his car. He nodded, walking next to you towards the school. You smield over at him, before hooking your hand under his bicep, and staying a little closer to him as you went up the steps of the school.

“Look, uhm, y/n” Archie said uneasily, and you looked over at him. “I just uh… if your evil little plan works tonight and you start like.. Goin’ out with somebody I can’t…” You waited patiently as he found the right words to say. “I can’t keep up the fuck buddy thing if you have a boyfriend” You chuckled a little at his bluntness, but he saw the sad look in your eyes.

“Yeah… yeah I know” You whispered, and you stopped walking in the hallway, just in front of the doors of the dance.

“So.. so it’s not happening anymore” You smiled sadly, looking down at your feet as you nodded.

“Yeah I guess it is” You said quietly again, and Archie stepped forward, cupping your face in his hands. “It was fun while it lasted?” You offered, and he nodded.

“Yeah.. it was” He breathed, and you pecked his lips lightly. More of a comfort kiss really.

But somehow, as you both walked into the gym and went your separate ways, it felt painfully like a breakup.

My old man is a thief and I'm gonna stay and pray with him till the end

But I trust in the decision of the Lord to watch over us

Who else is gonna put up with me this way?

I need you, I breathe you, I'd never leave you

They would rue the day I was alone without you

I said "Hun' you never looked so beautiful as you do now, my man."

You were trying not to cry, you really weren’t though the water works behind your eyes were strong. You sat alone at a table, trying to ignore the sharp pain of rejection in your chest. Rejection and guilt. Guilt for leaving Archie. It’d been an hour, and this dance was just making you miserable. V had come over to you about ten minutes ago, asking for you to have fun and dance but you’d turned her down. Now there was a mix of slow songs playing, all the couples enjoying each other’s company on the dance floor.

That was when a familiar figure stood in front of you, smiling slightly.

“You look sad” Archie said, and you nodded.

“Feelin’ sad” You replied, and he held out his hands, palms up to you.

“Come dance with me” He said softly, and you nodded, slipping your hands into his and letting him pull you up to stand. He walked backwards, bringing you closer as you found your own secluded but not cornered spot to dance. You laid your hands on Archie’s shoulders, and his on your waist. “What’s got you so down y/n?” He asked, and you licked your lips, careful not to ruin your lipstick.

“I asked out Johnny”

“From the football team?” Archie looked over to where Johnny was smoking in the corner. Of all people she wanted to date that cancer breathing jackass?

“Yeah” You whispered weakly. “He told me to fuck off and that uh..” You licked your lips again. “Well he called me a slut-” Archie jerked, looking towards Johnny’s direction but you tugged him back. “Stop” You murmured, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Stop don’t fight… please” He huffed out a breath, and you pushed yourself closer to him, nose pressing against his shoulder. “I just wanna dance with you right now” You mumbled into his suit jacket, and Archie nodded faintly, wrapping his arms around your waist now.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, it was one rejection I can get over it-”

“No I’m sorry I even let any of this happen” His hands rubbed your sides slightly, and you shook your head.

“What do you-”

“y/n I have to tell you something right now” Your brows raised and you nodded.

“Okay” You whispered, and he could hear your nervousness.

“y/n I-” He paused, staring you in your wide, beautiful y/e/c eyes. He raised his hands to cup your face, like he’d done earlier that night. “I broke the only rule we had” You bit your lip, not even caring about the lipstick anymore, because you knew the rule he was talking about.

“I did too” You whispered, eyes flicking between his honey brown ones.

“You did?” You nodded, giving a small ‘mhm’. “Well then fuck the speech” He muttered and pulled you closer, ducking his head down to crash your lips together in a passionate kiss. Yeah you’d kissed before, but this was a whole new kind of kiss, it wasn’t hungry and needy, it was sweet, and loving. When you pulled back, Archie’s thumbs were caressing your skin softly, still holding your face. “I love you” He whispered, and you blinked, a soft smile spreading on your lips.

“I love you too”

And we're off to the races, places

Ready, set, the gate is down and now we're goin' in

To Las Vegas chaos, Casino Oasis, honey it is time to spin

Boy you're so crazy, baby, I love you forever not maybe

You are my one true love, you are my one true love

You were curled up in Archie’s side bare skin pressed together. He was humming a new tune he was working on, and playing with your hair while you drew patterns with your finger on his chest.

Hell yes you went back to your empty house and had sex. Hell no it wasn’t just fucking this time. You’d giggled when you finished, and Archie told you that now it was ‘making love’ and you’d swatted at him calling him lover boy. A nickname you could easily get used to.

“y/n”

“Hm?”

“It wasn’t recent” You tilted your head up slightly, enough to look at him properly.

“Mm what wasn’t recent lover boy”

“Well I didn’t recently fall in love with you” You raised a brow, prompting him to continue.

“Alright, well remember the summer we used to play in my backyard all the time, and we’d always be up in the treehouse?”

“Arch we were seven then”

“Yeah well that’s when it happened” He said, and you smiled, rolling onto your stomach, the top of your chest pressed against his.

“How?” You folded your arms over his collarbone and rested your chin on top of them.

“I don’t really know, I don’t have anything romantic about it” He chuckled, and you laughed softly too. “I just… I just looked at you and you were giggling and those loose strands of your hair was falling out from your ponytail and I just… I just knew” You leaned up, stopping for a short moment as your eyes glanced from his eyes to his mouth, before pressing your lips against his. Archie hummed, a hand coming up to cradle the back of your head as your mouths moved softly together.

“Sounds pretty damn romantic to me” You whispered.

You fell asleep in his arms that night, wearing your favorite green sweater as he held you protectively, your head tucked into the crook of his neck. Your legs were tangled together under the covers, and it was impossible to be closer. Well, impossible while sleeping.

You are my one true love

#riverdale #riverdale imagine #riverdale scenario #riverdale x reader #riverdale fanfiction #archie #archie andrews #archie andrews imagine #archie andrews scenario #archie andrews x reader #archie andrews fanfiction #kj apa #kj apa x reader #kj apa imagine #kj apa scenario #kj apa fanfiction

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thotyssey · 7 years

Text

On Point With: Lady Bearica Andrews

This anything-goes entertainer makes up one third of the self-deprecating nightlife collective The Nobodies, who are finally getting their props as of late: a Glam nomination in December, and the the go-ahead from Bob the Drag Queen herself to take over the Slam Awards in January. Let’s catch up with Lady Bearica Andrews and get the T on the Ki!

Thotyssey: Hey Bearica! Welcome back! You've been traveling--tell us a little about your journeys.

Lady Bearica Andrews: I just returned from a much needed trip home to the West Coast. I was there to see one of my best friends tie the knot... and to give shows for the first time in the LA area.

Side note: love weddings... all of them. I'm going to have a major gay wedding someday with all the Hetero-Normative-Wedding-Accouterments.

I hope you do! Any madcap adventures out there?

Nothing crazy--although on the first night back I went to every fucking gay bar in Long Beach. Dropped a certain New York queen's name in order to have an “in” with Morgan McMichaels (fucking sweetheart, that one).

Had a chance to hook up with one of my longest all-time crushes on New Years Eve night...but turned him down. WHY?! Ugh. Who goes on vacation and becomes a prude?

The biggest potential mishap was booking a show in LA the night of my friend's wedding, which was a billion miles away in Orange County.

But luckily I have amazing friends, who'll pick me up anytime, any place, and feed me full of booze when we get to wherever I'm supposed to be--much like [my cohorts] Ariel Italic and DJ Accident Report at any given Nobodies show.

So, is Cali is your native land?

NOOOO! I'm a Kansas boy...Born in Coffeyville, Kansas (on the border of Oklahoma) and raised in Chanute, Kansas (home of some really great people and a huge fucking Wal-Mart).

At 25, I decided it was time to finish my Bachelor's and get out of Kansas and see something else, so I moved to Long Beach, California.

I got residency. Became a townie. Fell in love. Blacked out a few times. Long Beach is one of the most diverse cities in the US. I relished being a “minority” for the first time, learning the nuances of race and nationality, and culture. I also realized, despite my perceived open-mindedness, no matter how much I thought I had educated and separated myself from the small-minded privileged behavior I was raised in, ignorance runs deep.

I'm still learning about my privilege. Like every fucking day. While, I grew up surrounded by what I still consider to be mostly good people; people who'll change a tire on the side of the road; give you the shirt off their back; I started to see the cracks.

Many people live their entire lives without ever seeing the cracks!

I had always been envious of people deeply routed, and continually involved their culture and history. I didn't feel I had that at the time. Living in California, is when I first realized 'Gay' or 'Queer' is a culture. It has a history. And I got angry that I wasn't taught this. And my Voice started to grow.

What were you studying in Long Beach, by the way?

I went back to do film & poli sci/history. I got scared of the idea of learning to make films and missed performing, so I went back to theatre. But I tried to study as many other things as I could. Lots of history. A little Film. A little poli sci.

The Great thing about the theatre department at Cal State Long Beach, is that they made an effort to educate us, and encourage us to educate ourselves in other areas.

Did you create the Bearica character there?

Short answer: no. Theatre helped me to become more myself. And to learn that you are the character, and the character is you. How can there be a separation? I forget where/who this phrase comes from: "It's (the character) not me, but it's not not me.” Which is kind of what's interesting/confusing about nightlife and drag to me.

So what eventually got you to New York?

I wanted to move here, turned 30, and decided it was time.

Did you have a plan for what you wanted to do here?

After college, I didn't know that I wanted act anymore; I lost interest in theatre. My first professional audition, I forgot to bring a headshot, and while that may be just a rookie mistake, I saw it as a sort of sign, or whatever.

I moved home to Kansas to 'root myself'. Fell in Love. Made some really good friends. Fell Out of Love. And then moved back to California to take a class that had been life-changing for many of my peers. I still didn't know I wanted anything to do with performing; I just knew I needed to take this class, with this teacher, before I moved on.

I was also writing a play about a fictionalized drag queen during Stonewall. So that was another excuse to be here

Oh, sounds interesting! Did you ever complete that project?

I haven't. But this class was where the idea was born. The teacher was Alexandra Billings, who is now on Transparent. She is the single most phenomenal person I've met in my life. She gets it. She saw me. She can probably see you too. No need to meet. She's that person.

youtube

How did Bearica make her debut?

Drag was born out of perceived necessity, right? Shakespeare needed a ‘woman’ on stage. I needed to take a view from that stage, rather the dressing room, in order to write this character. Really, I just needed to give myself permission to get up there.

I haven’t completed this play yet, maybe I won’t. But, drag has most definitely taught me how to tell a story in a way that seems less daunting than putting pen to paper.

Bearica, originally Bearicunt Lotta (LOL!), born on a Halloween like all of us queens, actually debuted at the Monster, on the very same stage as this year’s Slam Awards! Holly Dae’s monthly competition. Sandi Beaches, who is sadly on an indefinite leave of absence, helped name me, and pushed me to the stage. She’s my OG drag sister.

I did some crazy mashup of “Rose’s Turn” and “Glitch Mob” in a straight-jacket. Everyone was confused. I was elated. Holly forgot my name. I love that kind of contradiction. I love a mashup.

So, the Slammies are part of the Nobodies' history! Your right-hand gal Ariel italic told us how you two sort of became the Nobodies at the 9th Ave Saloon after a Slam ceremony.

Yeah, that's where we met. everyone else was headed to Westgay. Ariel and I are old, and way less cool than most, so we ended up holding up the bar at 9th Ave (my favorite spot in HK), made the bartender laugh, and weaseled our way into hosting Drag Race--much like we weaseled our way into hosting The Slammies. This Friday is pretty special. Full circle moment in many ways. At the end of the day, ask for what you want, yes?

Tell me a little about the Nobodies, which consist of you two and DJ Accident Report. You've hosted eclectic shows in Brooklyn and Manhattan and beyond, including the viewing parties and a pageant you all created at Eastlands over the summer: Mx. Nobody!

Mx Nobody! What a great privilege, to be able to provide a space for such a diverse group of artists to come together and push themselves, and each other. Can't wait for Mx. Nobody 2017!

One element that defines you all is this ruthlessly self-deprecating sense of humor. Where does that come from, you think?

Self deprecation? Doesn't that just come natural to all of us?

The tongue in cheek title of our first show 'Nobodies Hosting Drag Race' clicked with people--it felt different, so we went with it. It took the pressure off us too, and allowed us just to have fun, making fun of ourselves before anyone else had the chance to.

Nightlife can be a really difficult world to navigate, especially when there are about a billion other artists (believe me, I counted) raising their voices to be heard. We just wanted to carve out our own space. Once that show was over, Accident Report joined, and The Nobodies were born; and for that I must say I'm sorry and you're welcome.

Which "type" are you in the Nobodies? Like, if you can break it down to one-dimensional character types like in the Spice Girls (the slutty one, the butch one, the one who can sing, etc.) which one are you?

Well... Eric, DJ Accident Report, is definitely the Angry one (we actually have a segment in our 'Nobodies Talking Shit' shows called 'Shit Eric Shorey hates”). I’m the Late one, and Ariel is the Let's Get It Together one. We all pop out of the same garbage can, though.

It was nice to see you three nominated for a GLAM this year, though. Did that catch you by surprise?

Yeah. We fucking freaked out! I was in Kansas City hanging out in my cousins living room, probably high af. Ariel texted me and I made some kind of yelp-laugh-noise that made their dog jump. I mean, I was secretly hoping for a nomination, and that validation was really motivating.

Oh! And so glad to have presented Ari Kiki with her award! She's been such a great Nobodies supporter, like a jockstrap for your tuck. So glad to have her performing at [this year’s] Slammies!

Congrats on your win, by the way. Well-deserved! I personally loved your “uncle jacket!"

Haha, thank you.

What really caught me by surprise was the misprint on the card I was presenting Best Photographer from.

Wait what was the misprint?

Oh, it was a very Steve Harvey moment. The card had double one name and left out another.

Yikes!

But the screen had it right. The crowd was, like, chanting the name left off, and off course it was a Brooklyn girl--Santiago. So when I finally turned around saw his name and said it, everyone thought he was the winner and started cheering. The stage manager was so mad. I was like, 'Sorry for your technical difficulty, girl.” Whatevs.

So, you all are hosting the SLAMs (aka the Slammies) this weekend, at Monster. What a great fit! The Slammies, of course, are the nightlife awards that cruelly/lovingly reward the “worst” of nightlife, all in good fun. Bob the Drag Queen used to host them, but had to abandon them when Drag Race fame called.

The Nobodies of course have personal ties to the Slammies, but what specifically motivated you all to want to take up the hosting duties for the revival?

You're right... it is a good fit. And it's where Ariel and I met. I don't know though...we just really wanted the event to happen.

We had another segment in our Talking Shit show called 'Drag Queen Drama' where we'd do dramatic readings of the drama from the previous week. I think holding up a mirror in this community, and poking fun at our missteps is funny. We all get drunk together and do/say stupid things...it’s not that deep! Let's laugh about it.

It's been an interesting transition for us, going from random shows in front of a pool table in a sports bar in Bushwick to taking on such a beloved / divisive event as the Slammies. From the beginning, the intent was to bring all different types from every borough together to shake hands, slap asses and laugh. The previous Slammies were very, very Manhattan-centric, and we saw an opportunity for The Nobodies to be the East River that connected everyone; we're the garbage floating on top. if you need to walk on us to get to one another, so be it.

There’s been some drama with the changing of the guard, though!

I've heard some talk about our “perceived intentions,” and I'd like to clear a couple things up: the nomination process was left up to the public. If there's anything we've learned this year, it's you need to fucking vote!

Did we have to make some decisions on the final candidates? Yes. Some of the categories are confusing, but so is the concept of an Anti-Awards Show. I remember Erika Klash saying something at the last Slams, like "I don't know whether to be honored or embarrassed,' but she just went with it. And that's the spirit. Do we really think you're not going to be on Drag Race? No! Well, maybe. Who cares?

I think we made a mistake by not opening ourselves up for noms, though. The Slammies are meant to be about the community, bringing it together, ya know? but if it makes you uncomfortable, let me know, I'll take you off the ballot, silently and discreetly. But come direct. And I appreciate those who have.

How do you think the show will go?

Here’s's the Real Deal: I am really excited to bring in a fundraising component to the Slam Awards. All the door proceeds will be going straight to the Trans Justice Funding Project. and I am so thankful for the support of our co-producer, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, who'll be provided us with some scents to give out at the door: first come first served, with a door donation of $15 bucks or more.

With BPAL, our local sponsor House of La Rue, Mitch Ferrino and the Monster Bar, and the support of our Nobabies and friends, I think we have put together another kick ass show. And Bob the Drag Queen, she was probably just sick of us talking about it. Really though, I have to thank her for trusting us to do this show. Oh, and Jessye Herrell will be taking photos!

So come. Have fun. Maybe make a new friend, or a family, like Ariel and I did. We have performances by GLAM AWARD winners Will Sheridan & Ari Kiki, and Mx. Nobody contestant Miss Cuntstrude. Also, a Secret Surprise Award!

Madness! Do you have any predictions on who will "Misty Meaner" the shit out of the proceedings this time around (i.e., cause a scene and destroy shit)? The actual Misty Meaner again, maybe?

Hopefully! There has been some talk about it. She is nominated for Cunt of the Year, so...

Anything else coming up for you and the Nobodies?

Well, we've been talking to Catland in Bushwick. The owner is amazing, and she has a really great space. We did an event there in October called “Nobodies Worshipping Satan.” It went really well, and I am excited to get back into that space.

Also, “Nobodies Hosting Drag Race” will return, of course. And personally, I am excited to introduce cousin Shelley to NYC. I think she is flying in Friday from Kansas, so she'll surely be at the Slammies. Come over and help me give her a warm New York welcome:

Hi Shelley! Okay, last question: what's something that the world may not know about Lady Bearica, but should?

Oh God. that’s a toughy...

First and foremost, I'm a fan of drag, I'm a fan of people. I want to support you. I may not be at every show, but if you need me, let me know. Going through the Mx. Nobody Pageant at the same moment as the Pulse shooting, really tested me as an artist and person. It changed me, like it changed so many others.

Take a moment to check in with each other, look each other in the eye. We are a community: the T the L the G the B the I the Q. Don't forget to be where your hands are... stay present.

Wow. okay. There you have it, Serious moments with Bearica.

Also... #wearethenobodies!

Thanks Bearica, see you Friday!

Lady Bearica Andrews and the Nobodies will host the SLAM Awards at Monster on Friday, January 13th (7pm). She can be followed on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube.

#ladybearicaandrews #thenobodies #slamawards

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