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silverwhisp-headcannons-blog · 6 years

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Fan Made Injustice/ MKX Style Intros 2:

Intros/Clashes Batman/ Jaune Arc Introduction 1: Batman: Why should I train you? You can barely fight. Jaune: It doesn’t matter if I can beat you. I will stand up to you. Batman: Alright. Lesson one. Introduction 2: Jaune: People find that costume scary? Batman: What do you think? Jaune: To be honest. It’s kind of dorky. Introduction 3: Batman: You’re still holding in the anger towards her. Jaune: Cinder will pay. Batman: Anger consumed Jason. I won’t let that happen again. Clash 1: Jaune: I’m doing better than I thought. Batman: You’re learning. Clash 2: Batman: Use the shield as a weapon as well. Jaune: I’m trying. Raiden/ Korra Introduction 1: Raiden: I sense great spiritual energy within you. Korra: His name is Raava if you’re curious Raiden. Raiden: Let us see if you are worthy of his trust. Introduction 2: Korra: My world has a Raiden to. Raiden: Does he serve his elder gods? Korra: No. He’s one of six beings that protect the world. Introduction 3: Raiden: You remind me of Jacqui Briggs. Korra: Yeah. I can see why. Raiden: Lets us see if you’re just as skilled. Clash 1: Raiden: You are indeed powerful. Korra: So are you. Clash 2: Korra: Wouldn’t be the first time I beat a god. Raiden: Impressive. War/ Cecada Introduction 1: War: I did not know mortals could wield a blade like my own. Cecada: And I thought the horsemen were a myth. Looks like we’re both surprised. War: We are more than just a mere myth. Introduction 2: Cecada: We have something in common, horseman. War: What could you have in common with me other than weapon choice? Cecada: I was betrayed by my master to. Introduction 3: War: This ‘Ozpin’ says you’re one of the most skilled hunters alive. Cecada: I could be. But I haven’t met all of them. War: Let us spar and see if it is true. Clash 1: War: You are indeed strong. Cecada: Right back at ya. Clash 2: Cecada: So. What do you think? War: You are quite skilled mortal. Death/ Connor Arcadia Introduction 1: Death: You wield scythes as well human? Connor Arcadia: Technically it’s a shield first then scythes. Death: Interesting. Introduction 2: Connor Arcadia: My semblance lets me see all sin and guilt you know. Death: Then you see what I have done. Connor Arcadia: But you regret it. That’s what makes you better. Introduction 3: Death: You do not fear me? Connor Arcadia: Death comes for us all. Just not today. Death: *Chuckle* I respect your courage human. Clash 1: Death: Not as nimble as me. Connor Arcadia: Sorry I can’t do three flips in the air. Clash 2: Connor Arcadia: Damn you’re almost as fast as Ruby. Death: If I ate that many sweets I would be just as fast. Fury/ Pyrrha Introduction 1: Fury: Polarity? What does that mean human? Pyrrha: I can manipulate magnetism and use it to control metal. Fury: Fascinating. Let us test this power. Introduction 2: Pyrrha: I thought it was Death, War, Pestilence, and Famine. Fury: *Chuckles* But Famine and Pestilence lead to Death, no? Pyrrha: Makes sense. But, what about Conquest? Introduction 3: Fury: I’ve always liked you humans. Pyrrha: Keep being friendly and we’ll like you to. Fury: So smart and brave. Even against unfathomable odds. Clash 1: Fury: Your skill is surprising. Pyrrha: Well. Thank you? Clash 2: Pyrrha: Never underestimate an opponent. Fury: That stops now. Ezio Aduitore/ Deathstroke Introduction 1: Ezio: So, you’re the most skilled Assassin of your time? Deathstroke: So, what if I am? Ezio: The standards for that title have fallen. Introduction 2: Deathstroke: There are legends about you. Ezio: Then you should know what you’re up against. Deathstroke: Let’s see if legend equals fact. Introduction 3: Ezio: Who brought me here and away from Roma!? Deathstroke: As if I would tell you. Ezio: Then I will beat the answer from you. Clash 1: Ezio: Seems you’re struggling. Deathstroke: I’m not done with you yet. Clash 2: Deathstroke: Seems the legends were wrong. Ezio: *Chuckles* No.They weren’t. Blake Belladonna/ Catwoman Introduction 1: Blake: You’re a thief? Catwoman: It sounds so bad when you say it like that. Blake: Why fluff up the truth? Introduction 2: Catwoman: You sure you don’t want to join me? Blake: I was a criminal once. Never again. Catwoman: Alright, have it the painful way. Introduction 3: Blake: How could you side with Superman? Catwoman: When you get tortured you can judge me. Blake: What makes you think I wasn’t? Clash 1: Blake: You’re missing. Catwoman: Damn doppelgangers. Clash 2: Catwoman: This will be the Purr-fect ending. Blake: Oh oum. Another cat pun. Hellboy/ Dante Introduction 1: Hellboy: Half demon half human? Dante: Yep. And the best demon slayer around. Hellboy: Man, what an ego. Introduction 2: Dante: You’re not like the other demons are you? Hellboy: What gave it away pal? Dante: Well the smartass mouth is one dead giveaway. Introduction 3: Hellboy: You really want to team up? Dante: Yeah! We both have good looks. What’s not to love? Hellboy: Well when you put it that way. Clash 1: Hellboy: Those weapons are crazy. Dante: Have you seen your hand? Clash 2: Dante: You’re almost as strong as Mundus. Hellboy: Who the hell is that? Superman/ Adam Taurus Introduction 1: Superman: You don’t belong here! Adam: For an alien, you sound so much like humans. Superman: I gave you a warning. Introduction 2: Adam: I’m impressed you corralled the humans so easily. Superman: Make no mistake. I’d corral your kind to. Adam: And here I thought I found an ally. Introduction 3: Superman: Finally, someone who understands how the world is. Adam: Humans are weak and scared things. Superman: Maybe I should see if you are good enough to join my team. Clash 1: Superman: I wonder how much force you can take. Adam: Much more. Clash 2: Adam: Just as weak as the humans. Superman: You’re making a mistake! Thor/ Raiden Introduction 1: Thor: Thou claims to be the god of thunder? Raiden: One of many I’m sure. Thor: Lets us test your might then! Introduction 2: Raiden: Do you protect Earth Realm to? Thor: We call it Midgard but yes I do. Raiden: Let us see if you are worthy to be its protector. Introduction 3: Thor: Do you not wish to try and pick up my hammer? Raiden: Mjolnir chose its wielder. And it chose well. Thor: Let us test our power than Raiden! Have at thee! Clash 1: Thor: Its seems our powers do not work. Raiden: Then skill decides it! Clash 2: Raiden: I will protect the mortals. Thor: Prove it to me! Gabriela Angela/ Cyborg Introduction 1: Gabriela: Interesting. My semblance can’t control you. Cyborg: My firewalls are impenetrable. Gabriela: Then I will beat you into submission. Introduction 2: Cyborg: What’s your deal anyway? Gabriela: I fight evil. That’s why I’m fighting you. Cyborg: We are not evil. Introduction 3: Gabriela: It’s a shame someone like you has fallen. Cyborg: All my friends died in Metropolis. Gabriela: That is no excuse for your evil deeds. Clash 1: Gabriela: Your fire wall is cracking. Cyborg: You’re not getting in my head. Clash 2: Cyborg: Who trained you? Gabriela: Myself! Lady/ Red Hood Introduction 1: Lady: You just kill criminals? Red Hood: Not all criminals to be fair. Lady: I wasn’t criticizing. Introduction 2:

Red Hood: Have enough guns Lady? Lady: Hm… Nope. I want yours. Red Hood: Come and try to take them. Introduction 3: Lady: You should be fighting Superman. Red Hood: Batman wouldn’t let me kill him Lady: Oh. Maybe you should make a Dark League. Clash 1: Lady: I thought you’d be better. Red Hood: Shut up and get beat down. Clash 2: Red Hood: Maybe we should get pizza after. Lady: Did you just ask me on a date?! Nora Valkyrie/ Harley Quinn Introduction 1: Nora: We should break Superman’s legs! Harley Quinn: How about slaps and tickles at ten paces? Nora; Oh! Breaking his face is even better! Introduction 2: Harley Quinn: You and Ren are so cute together. Nora: We’re not together, together. Harley Quinn: Boring! You totally should be! Introduction 3: Nora: Stop! Harley Quinn: Hammer time! Nora: *Laughs* So funny! Clash 1: Nora: Where’s your big red nose? Harley Quinn: Not that kind of clown. Clash 2: Harley Quinn: I like your hammer better. Nora: Get your own.

#injustice #mortal kombat #intros #clashes #dc comics #oc #rwby #legend of korra #devil may cry #hellboy #marvel #Assassin's Creed #darksiders

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daresplaining · 7 years

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Iron Fist Countdown: 4 Days

K’un-Lun, the Immortal Weapons, and the Capital Cities of Heaven

Heart of the dragon! With only a few short days left before the show, we’re doing a deep dive into the details of the Iron Fist mythos and the eternal city of K’un-Lun!

K’un-Lun, the Shining City

Occasionally, early Iron Fist comics will refer to K’un-Lun as a city hidden deep in the Himalayas-- but that doesn’t come close to describing its remoteness. Technically, it only exists in the same physical space as the Himalayas for a single day, once every ten years. The rest of the time, K’un-Lun is located in an alternate dimension, on an alien planet called H’ylthri. Not much is known about the actual rest of the planet (the citizens of K’un-Lun don’t tend to venture far from the city), but we do know that it is inhabited by a race of maneating sentient plants, also called H’ylthri, and that the valley surrounding the city is infested with extremely aggressive, possibly crazed wolves.

[Power Man and Iron Fist vol. 1 #75 by Mary Jo Duffy, Kerry Gammill, and Christie Scheele]

The ten years rule is really more of a guideline than anything, and since practically the moment it was introduced, writers have been scrambling to find ways around it. The city is only accessible in the normal way once every ten years, yes-- but any number of portals and magical forms of travel can get you there. Lei Kung the Thunderer (who we’ll talk about in a moment) once ripped through the fabric of spacetime(!) to make a temporary entrance into the city. Inventor Phineas Randall, the father of former Iron Fist Orson Randall, built a steampunk-style gateway that allowed for passage between the worlds. And Danny once linked the city to his heartbeat to pull it onto the earthly plane permanently-- which worked out about as well as you might expect.

[Iron Fist/Wolverine #1 by Jay Faerber and Jamal Igle]

Referred to as paradise by its inhabitants (and the “City of the Damned” by the H’ylthri, who are kind of bitter about its presence on their planet), K’un-Lun is an ancient civilization, laced in magic and long-held traditions. The people who live there are functionally immortal-- that is, they can be killed in combat, but will otherwise live forever. Those not born in the city can be gifted with immortality, if they are deemed worthy of it, and those who break serious enough laws can have their immortality revoked.

[Iron Fist vol. 4 #4 by James Mullaney, Kevin Lau, and Omar Dogan]

K’un-Lun is ruled by a hereditary monarch called the August Personage in Jade (or Yu-Ti, if you’re nasty). He is advised by a council of Dragon Kings, who occasionally turn into actual dragons. While functionally immortal like the rest of the citizenry, there is a reasonably regular turnover of the line of succession, because kings always have short lifespans-- particularly in militaristic societies like K’un-Lun’s. Nu-An, the most recent long-serving Yu-Ti, is a particularly bad egg, engaging in everything from corrupt business dealings on Earth to alliances with malevolent gods. He also indirectly killed Wendell (his adopted brother) and Heather Rand, so Danny isn’t a huge fan.

The city faces many threats-- from the H’ylthri (who can get pretty violent, for plants), from the other Capital Cities (we’ll get to those in a minute), from internal unrest, and even occasionally from Earth-based forces. The responsibility of maintaining K’un-Lun’s national security falls partly on the city’s war-master, the Thunderer. This position has been held for the past few hundred years by a super cool guy named Lei Kung.

[Immortal Iron Fist #8 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, and Roy Allan Martinez]

Lei Kung is a fascinating character, and someone who we’re hoping will get his live action due in the Netflix show. He is often the voice of reason in the midst of K’un-Lun’s internal conflicts. He is respectful of tradition, yet able to see when and where laws need to be broken for the betterment of the city. And he is a strict-yet-caring teacher, responsible for training all of the young fighters in both physical combat and moral fortitude. Plus, as those for whom he has played father figure over the years would probably attest, he has a soft spot for misfits. (He’s not a great father to his biological son, but that’s another story...)

[Iron Fist: The Living Weapon #3 by Kaare Andrews]

When we talk about formal martial arts training in K’un-Lun, of course, we’re talking about men. The city upholds a strict occupational gender divide: Boys are trained in the martial arts, women are taught academics, and the two life paths are kept rigidly separate. (So yes, for anyone who may have been wondering-- Danny probably still has a fourth grade education level when he returns to Earth). Teaching a woman martial arts results in very serious punishment for everyone involved, and hitting a woman can get a man kicked out of the city.

[Marvel Premiere #24 by Chris Claremont, Pat Broderick, and Phil Rache]

For this reason, Danny is initially thrown off-balance by the fact that the first two friends he makes upon returning to New York, Colleen Wing and Misty Knight, both kick serious butt-- in public!-- on a daily basis.

However, this is one rule that has been undermined for probably centuries. There is a long history of women illegally learning martial arts, and most of the K’un-Lun women who show up in the comics know how to fight. This recently became an organized movement, with Lei Kung helping to train an entire army of women in secret.

[Immortal Iron Fist #14 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, and Tonci Zonjic]

K’un-Lun is currently in a bit of a mess, but it’s very likely that when it is restored to its former glory, this rule is one that will be consigned to the garbage heap of history.

No word on whether men will get to study academics, though.

K’un-Lun Slang

Listen. If they can make “Sweet Christmas” work in the context of the MCU, they can give us some of this hip K’un-Lun slang too, right?

The Iron Fist Legacy and the Ch’i-Lin

Bei Ming-Tian: “I am the Iron Fist. I stand before the unstoppable hordes... and I hold them back. That’s what I do. What I’ve always done.”

[Immortal Iron Fist #1 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, and Travel Foreman]

The rest of the responsibility for defending K’un-Lun falls, of course, on the Immortal Iron Fist. Sixty-six of these dragon-powered warriors have protected the city over the span of nearly a thousand years, and more will continue to do so far, far into the future. The Iron Fist legacy began partly by chance, born out of a period of great darkness in K’un-Lun’s history. According to the most recent version of continuity, a creature called Changming summoned a horde of monsters to terrorize the city. One of them was a dragon with the snappy name of Shou-Lao the Undying.

Immortal Iron Fist #23 by Duane Swierczynski, Tonci Zonjic, et al.]

Shou-Lao found a home in a cave just outside the city and settled in for a long stay. It was thought to be unkillable (note the “Undying” epithet) because its heart was outside of its body, hidden deep inside the cave. To kill the dragon you had to get to the heart-- and obviously, Shou-Lao felt pretty strongly about not letting that happen. The dragon continued to terrorize the citizens of K’un-Lun, until a young man named either Bei Ming-Tian or Quan Yaozu (depending on which writer you ask) had an idea. He ventured out to the cave and fought the dragon. When the opportunity presented itself, he grabbed Shou-Lao around the middle and used his body to block the hole in the dragon’s chest through which its heart had been removed. This cut off the flow of chi between Shou-Lao and the heart, causing the body to die. Having survived this, the young man went over to Shou-Lao’s still-beating heart and plunged his hands into it (because why not?), absorbing the dragon’s chi and becoming the very first Iron Fist. And that’s how it’s been done ever since.

[Immortal Iron Fist #7 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, Leandro Fernandez, et al.]

Thus began a sustainable source of magical warriors for the city-- because Shou-Lao always comes back. A certain period of time after dying, an egg appears in the cave, which eventually hatches and grows into another Shou-Lao, ready to be killed by another future Iron Fist. While the procedure for winning the dragon chi has remained the same since the beginning, a certain amount of ritual has been added since. Having acquired the chi of Shou-Lao, Iron Fists are now forced to test their new powers in the Challenge of the Many and the One, in front of the entire population of K’un-Lun.

[Iron Fist: The Living Weapon #5 by Kaare Andrews]

During the periods of time between the death of one Iron Fist and the rise of another, the graduating classes from Lei Kung’s school will annually fight to win the right to face the reborn dragon. It’s not an easy feat, and most of those who try to kill Shou-Lao end up dead, so there can be long periods between one Iron Fist and the next. When there is an Iron Fist, anyone else who thinks they have what it takes can, seemingly, challenge the current champion to a formal duel and try to take their chi.

[Iron Fist vol. 2 #2 by James Felder, Robert Brown, and Mike Thomas]

But as it stands, most Iron Fists don’t last long. As warriors and adventurers, they lead dangerous lives anyway, and nearly all them have died at the age of thirty-three at the hands of a creature called the Ch’i-Lin.

[Immortal Iron Fist #18 by Duane Swierczynski, Russ Heath, and Matt Milla]

This creature eats Shou-Lao’s eggs-- and to do so, it hunts down Iron Fists by tracking their chi. It travels around in a human host who uses the name Zhou Cheng (remember that name.) This chi awareness makes the Ch’i-Lin almost impossible to fight. It can predict any move that the Iron Fist it is hunting might make, and the chi of Shou-Lao has no effect on it. Having beaten the Iron Fist into submission, the Ch’i-Lin will rip out their heart and use it as a gateway to K’un-Lun. Once there, the K’un-Lun army will try and prevent it from getting to Shou-Lao’s egg. If the egg is eaten, the city will lose its chance of having any future Iron Fists-- so this is kind of a big deal. Only two Iron Fists have managed to survive their encounters with the Ch’i-Lin: Orson Randall, who drugged himself up on opium to the degree that the creature could no longer detect his chi; and Danny Rand, who had the advantage of teaming up with the other Immortal Weapons.

The Immortal Weapons

K’un-Lun is not alone in the cosmology of magical, dimension-shifting cities. It is part of a collective referred to as the Capital Cities of Heaven. Officially, there are seven cities, each cycling through spacetime at a different rate, and all intersecting with Earth at various points. Each city has its own champion, with their own chi-based powers, who operates along the same lines as the Iron Fist. These superpowered badasses are collectively known as the Immortal Weapons:

[Immortal Iron Fist #8 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, David Aja, and Matt Hollingsworth]

The traditions surrounding each of these champions vary, as do their powers and methods of acquiring them. As Weapons, they are intended to be “wielded” to best serve their city’s interests. All interactions between Weapons can thus be seen as diplomatic in nature. The capital cities maintain a delicate power balance, and past aggressions between Weapons have been enough to create long-held animosity between their corresponding homelands. One of the most important job requirements for the Immortal Weapons is to battle each other every 88 years, during the rare period when all seven cities intersect. The outcome of this pan-dimensional tournament determines the celestial cycling for the next 88 years, and how frequently each city will have access to Earth.

[Immortal Iron Fist #9 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, David Aja, and Matt Hollingsworth]

Because as far as the Iron Fist mythos is concerned, when you get past the complex worldbuilding and endless minutiae, it all comes down to cool kung fu fights. And we wouldn’t want it any other way.

We are extremely eager (and just a little bit nervous) to see how all of this will be adapted into the relatively grounded world of the Netflix shows. We really hope they go all out with it. After all, this is Iron Fist. They knew what they were getting into when they picked the character.

Certain minor details in the trailers have suggested to us that K’un-Lun may exist in an alternate dimension in the MCU. We really hope this is the case, because that’s a detail they could have easily not used. If so, they may at least have changed the interval at which it intersects with Earth from ten years to fifteen, since that’s how long Danny is gone in this universe. Unless it takes him five years to find his way back to New York-- which isn’t out of the question.

There have been only a few suggestions of what form K’un-Lun will take in the show. While ideally, we’d love to see the ancient, complex, drama-filled city of immortals fully explored in live action, it seems likely that it will be downsized for the sake of storytelling convenience. Since so much of this season will be taking place in New York (as it should-- this is Danny’s origin story, after all) it probably won’t have the time to delve deeply into all of the details of K’un-Lun, or to develop it on the scale at which it exists in the comics. The biggest piece of information we have so far on the subject is from the recent Empire Magazine article, in which it is referred to as an “all-male monastery”. We’re not sold on this idea, but of course, we’re going to reserve judgement until we see how it is handled. Danny has also been referred to as a monk in some of the promotional material, which suggests a level of spirituality in his training that is absent in the comics. No one would ever call 616 Danny a monk-- even in DnD terms. He is a warrior all the way.

The actual role of the Iron Fist will be pretty much the same: serve and protect K’un-Lun. Since the Hand have been tied into all of this in this universe, the Iron Fist’s tasks will also include directly battling them. We know that-- like in the comics-- MCU Danny will have to juggle his duties and identity as the Iron Fist with his responsibilities on Earth, which will be a lot of fun to watch. Furthermore, we know that the Ch’i-Lin (or at least, Zhou Cheng) will be making an appearance-- but it’s anyone’s guess what form he might take.

We also know that the concept of the Immortal Weapons is alive and well in the MCU. Apart from Danny, the only other Weapon that’s definitely been confirmed so far is Bride of Nine Spiders.

But if there are two, there have got to be more, right?

Only four more days (well... three days and a few hours) until we find out!

#Whooo... this was a fun one #Iron Fist #K'un Lun #Immortal Weapons #Lei Kung the Thunderer #Shou Lao the Undying #Commentary #IF Countdown

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girljeeproad · 7 years

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Can you help me understand what caused the pants shortage at the Grammys?

Monday mornings in the office certainly have their moments with respect to getting the ole brain switch to ‘on’ when you get into the office after being off for a couple of days, having been spoiled over the weekend by some flat-out amazing 70-75 degree sunny weather in February, of all months. Y’all know what I’m talking about. This Monday morning was one of those mornings where – as an example – you kick it off thinking to yourself, “Self. I have got some pep in my step this fine Monday morning which is most excellent,” but then you are abruptly thrown into the “nope, this is just another case of the Mondays” as you are mid-conversation with a colleague about ‘tomorrow’ which you for sure think is Wednesday. Well tomorrow isn’t Wednesday, it’s Tuesday. Dammit. That’s a real-time example, folks. That was my Monday morning. And as my work colleague kindly said, “Sarah, tomorrow is not Wednesday” and promptly followed that up with, “off to a rough start today” I had already started to playback the last 12ish hours to find the source of my Monday morning foggy-brain syndrome. After taking a beat, I realized exactly what the issue was. I was still completely perplexed by the Beyoncé performance at the 59th annual Grammy Awards.

Yep. My brain was still trying to process the sights and sounds of the ‘biggest night in music.’ I only have a Fire TV, I kicked cable out of my house over a year ago because I’m too cheap, so I don’t have regular network TV. Meaning that I had to go out of my way to catch the Grammys. I enjoy and listen to all kinds of music and have always been a fan of the Grammys and other similar awards shows; I like the variety of performances (although I candidly think the association has gotten a little out of hand with all of the absurd collabs) more so than the awards (which is great considering they award like 90% of the Grammys out earlier in the day at the pre-Grammy Grammy ceremony – the logic of that is absolutely baffling to me, but hey, that’s the biz for ya I guess). I just simply like to be entertained. This year’s Grammys certainly didn’t disappoint for many reasons; whether you watched it or not, it was utterly entertaining in many ways. Here’s a recap.

The Opener: Adele, Hello If you caught the Grammys last year, Adele performed a song off her 25 album (I think it was All I Ask – an Adele-style piano ballad) and had some out-of-her-control technical issues with the audio.

Quick back story – We hadn’t see or heard from her in years, but she was coming off of a major and highly anticipated album drop (25) in late 2015 (after the 2016 Grammy submission deadline) and a huge, ridiculously ridiculous, mega-hit in Hello. I’m sure you have heard it at least once – voluntarily or involuntarily. At the very least, you hopefully saw the mega-hilarious SNL Thanksgiving skit about the song. Please you tube that and watch it repeatedly – it is hysterical the first time and the 400th time.

Anyways, her performance at the 2016 Grammys was her first in several years so it was super hyped-up. And the second mic in the piano fell over, and all we heard was the sound of piano strings completely taking over her more than likely flawless performance. Props to her as she kept on singing because it was live and well, what was she going to do, grab the mic out of the piano and chuck it into the audiencein a fit of diva rage? No. She’s a professional. I felt so bad for her, as did the vast majority of humans who were watching I’m sure. Fairly certain it did not impact her sales though. Phew.

So opening the 2017 Grammys with her ridiculously ridiculous mega hit was her big chance at a little redemption (not that she really needed it in my opinion). It’s not your typical opening gig – obvi. It’s Adele. The Adele. She’s out of control talented. She’s got major pipes; the kind that gives you goosies. That song is killer. It’s outrageously excellent. And she nailed it. All she was missing was a Lady Gaga-Super Bowl-style mic drop at the end. Maybe next time.

The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk, I Feel It Coming All I have to say is what a difference a hair makes. I mean a year. What a difference a year makes. The Weeknd has been on a roll and it looks like his success finally landed him a stylist, or at a minimum a hairdresser. I don’t know if you recall last year, when he took the Grammys stage with a hairstyle like I’ve never seen before. It looked like the hand from a walker in the Walking Dead coming out of his head. It was, well it was certainly original. Thank goodness he has a phenomenal voice because that hairstyle alone could have easily landed him in a lifetime of toothpaste commercial jingles versus global vocal fame. But, the man got himself a haircut. Turns out he’s quite attractive when there isn’t a weird hand or tree thing protruding from his head. His voice is still superb. And he was joined, apparently in a come back of their own, by Daft Punk or as I like to call them, those two robot looking dudes whose skill set I’ve not quite nailed down yet but hey they look cool. Pretty solid performance I thought – ended up being one of my favorites. Daft Punk tinkering on the pink podium things…now that was some next-level action. For sure.

2016 Grammys Hair

2017 Grammys Hair

those two robot looking dudes and their pink podiums

John Travolta It seems the networks have learned their lesson on allowing John Travolta to read from the teleprompter. You know, since he has proven he is incapable of doing it successfully. And also considering he has a history of being a bit of a loose cannon when there’s a camera nearby. Google him introducing Idina Menzel (the gal who brought that catchy Frozen number Let It Go to the homes of Frozen-obsessed tiny humans) at the Oscars a few years back. Adele Dazeem, anyone? It explains A LOT. I bet those cue cards he snatched from his coat pocket make a whole lot more sense now.

Twenty One Pilots Acceptance Speech Why? Just why? Seriously, where are your pants? This is the Grammys. It’s formal wear, like black-tie formal. Not formal wear, pants optional. They just took their pants off. Poor Sturgill Simpson got a view and performance he did not plan to get while attending the Grammys. At least we were blessed with a precious story that maybe semi-justified the lack of pants. Precious and borderline unsettling – why are people just watching the Grammys in their delicates? That’s odd, right? Frankly, the dude with the yellow hair seemed very uncomfortable – like he had a “bro I was joking about the pants thing and I didn’t prep for this” look on his face the whole time. But really, put your pants back on; it’s the Grammys not the MTV awards or VMAs or whatever that nightmare of the scantily clad is called.

James Corden (The Host) Put your pants on!!! Good lord. I mean I get the need for the host/comedian to make fun of Twenty One Pilots’ pants-free acceptance speech. They were easy targets. But again, put your pants back on!

Ed Sheeran, Shape Your Body Ed Sheeran is another exceptionally talented artist. And he took the stage – with his pants on – and reminded us how utterly talented he is by playing a very stripped-down (pun intended) version of his hit tune. It was one of my favorite performances of the show. I believe he played 3 instruments all by himself. Ridiculous. What a show-off.

Kelsea Ballerini & Lukas Graham collab First, why? Second, that’s fine if you want to put together a collaboration from two seemingly random artists from very different genres, but for all of us at home – please mix a better mash-up of their songs so it at least sounds decent. Third, as a fan of all music – country music included – give those country music folks a little stage time! They work just as hard as the other genres! Yes, Carrie and Keith had a great performance earlier in the show, but at least give the country artists that are tossed in the collabs 50% of the time. Seven Years is a really great song, but poor Ballerini barely got any of her song squeezed into that mash-up. At least they both had pants on.

Beyoncé – A very very pregnant-with-twins Beyoncé Before I go on, I must say that I like Beyoncé. I think she’s very talented and her voice is ridiculously stunning. To sum up, I am a fan. And I was looking forward to the performance, just like I was looking forward to Adele (in case that wasn’t made clear earlier). That being said… What. The. Hell. Was. That? I honestly had no words. Which is fitting, since she used so few words during the 7-minute long performance. I was for the most part confused; I had no idea what I was watching. It was one of those things where I really wanted to like it but I just didn’t get it – it was a little trippy. I do get that it was directly tied to the style of the album.

It was reported after the fact as a breathtaking medley of 2 tunes from her Lemonade album (a ballsy, cutting edge album that was arguably worthy of the top award of the night), which I found utterly hilarious since I think she only sang for a total of maybe a minute, give or take (and it was fabulous when she did, especially when she went into Sand Castles). Can we really call it a medley when there is so little singing? And it is safe to say that we all have different definitions of breathtaking. Call me a traditionalist, but I want to hear people singing.

But props to Queen B for even doing a performance at all. If it were me, I’d have sat that one out, and said thanks but no thanks Grammy association, I’ve got two buns in the oven and my cankles are out of control. But B doesn’t get cankles (that lucky B). And she gave us a golden performance. Literally. I remain perplexed by the performance. It threw me off my Monday morning game today. Totes obvi. *Side note – great speech*

Bruno Mars, That’s What I Like I just need to know what material their pants were made out of. They looked like they’d be extremely hot to wear, much less dance in. I was sweating just watching that performance (which was solid). But again, at least they all had pants on. I suppose any remarks of such a trivial matter like textiles can be overshadowed by the fact they were wearing pants on a night where apparently pants were optional.

Alicia Keys & Maren Morris collab So Alicia Keys is on her kick about not wearing any make-up. Which I can respect, as one who does not wear make-up. I mean I wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to do with it if I owned any. Anyways, she’s been going strong on this no make-up thing for quite some time (like a year or so I think – imagine the money she has saved). So in knowing that, did anyone else lay issue with the fact that while she sported a make-up free visage, she had obviously glittered up her girls for the performance. Or it was residual glitter from the glitter onesie she was rocking. Either way, isn’t that make-up? And Maren Morris. Stellar vocals. But, just when you think we had moved past Pantless Sunday at the Grammys, Maren, too, forgot her pants. Both ladies had mad pipes, but we still came up short on the pants. Pantless Sunday at the Grammys continues.

George Michael Tribute by Adele Well her first performance was basically flawless. This one was not. But rather than continue the song as she had to in 2016 when we were all serenaded by mic-ed up piano strings (not her fault), Adele said well f-it so what if it’s live TV and well, literally drops an f-bomb on live TV, apologies for missing the mark on the song, and asks for a re-do. Her re-do was essentially flawless and once again she was back to giving us all goosies.

I’m sure the network was less than pleased by the extension, but let’s be honest…they always go way over time AND they gave Beyoncé roughly 7 minutes to sing next to nothing. So it’s really a wash, right? I was not familiar with the song Fast Love, and some local critics felt it was overly somber (guys, it’s a tribute to a well-known artist who died on Christmas day, it can be somber) – I didn’t mind it at all; I just wish I knew the song. As an aside – she did give the backstory for the tribute and the song choice during a backstage interview after the show for those who want to hear it. But two thumbs up for the mulligan. If anything, it made the pants optional show a little more interesting and less about…well, less about pants.

Chance The Rapper I like his story. I did not like his baseball hat. It’s the Grammys, leave the ball caps at home. His enthusiasm, however, made up for the wardrobe gaffe. And. AND. He was wearing pants!! They were borderline clam-diggers, but dammit they were pants.

Metallica feat. Lady Gaga Super bizarre. Perhaps the success of her Super Bowl performance has gone to her head. Or perhaps the pop-rocker turned vixen extraordinaire just cashed her Super Bowl check and stopped caring for the night. Either way, pantless (yep – you heard me – she was in cut-off ‘shorts’, the term ‘shorts’ being used very loosely) crowd surfing both seemed and looked like not the best idea. And for the love of Pete, turn the mikes on. It’s Metallica. How else are we to hear the loud, raging vocals if the mic isn’t on. The Metallica frontman looked pretty pissed as he chucked his guitar off the side stage at the end of the performance. Way to be, Grammys. Way to be.

Sturgill Simpson Damn. Go buy that album folks; it is excellent. One of my favorite performances of the night by far. That being said, Dwight Yoakam came off as a little terrifying in the intro. In his defense, he did get accidentally whacked on the back of the head by the two dudes that took off their pants near the top of the show. I’m certain that wasn’t intentional.

Celine Dion Cannot express how old it made me feel when she said she won Song of the Year for My Heart Will Go On 18 years ago. Ouch.

Welp, I’m 5 pages in on this recap and I missed a couple of the late performances (I have a bedtime), so I’m going to do a quick wrap up on the 2017 Grammys:

Favorite Performances:

Adele, Hello

The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk

Ed Sheeran, Shape Your Body

Sturgill Simpson

Most Confusing Performance:

Queen B

Best Acceptance Speeches:

Adele for Album of the Year

Beyoncé

Number of Pantless Sunday Situations:

Pantless Sunday – round 1

Pantless Sunday – round 2

Pantless Sunday – round 3

Pantless Sunday + Crowd Surfing = Not the best idea ever

Suggestions for Future Grammys:

Make sure the microphones are turned on.

Give Beyoncé an Album of the Year Grammy.

Don’t forget about Country Music – they sing good too (grammar error intentional)

Bring some random awards to prime time, like Best Comedy Album or Songwriter of the Year or Best Children’s Album – mix it up and let them perform!

Trends that Need Not Continue at the 2018 Grammys:

Pantless Sunday

Can you help me understand what caused the pants shortage at the Grammys? Can you help me understand what caused the pants shortage at the Grammys? Monday mornings in the office certainly have their moments with respect to getting the ole brain switch to ‘on’ when you get into the office after being off for a couple of days, having been spoiled over the weekend by some flat-out amazing 70-75 degree sunny weather in February, of all months.

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