#yikes*.. i dunno. i don't look at that particular anime anymore bc of certain transphobic bullshit the english translation in particular pu

[mxbitters]

hhhhhhh it’s so weird being transmasc and attracted to men because like how do you even explain that Yes you are attracted to men but even before you came out it was always like.  exclusively in a gay way 

#like ok irl i would just copy how cis girls like acted around guys but like otherwise?? #i mean ok aside for like joe jonas i can't think of any like. Famous Men i was attracted to as a kid but uhhhhh #idk.. i hate saying it but i guess the first time i really like started understanding my sexuality and how it related to my gender was uhhh #with.............certain...............anime series and the path that kind of takes you down when you're 12 which i'm embarrassed as shit to #talk abt* but like........ idk it introduced me to at least vaguely mlm narratives for the first time so yeah.... #i guess in retrospect the way i viewed certain narratives made sense but that doesn't make up for the REALLY weird fetishizing in the fandom #like i kind of hyperfixated on this one ship that at the time was fine i guess because they were both characters my age so of course #i'd kind of focus on characters my age since like yeah of course and they were a relatively healthy place for me to project my identity ig.. #but now???? yikes yikes yikes because looking back that fandom was CREEPY and definitely not kids my age or queer at that. yikes yikes yik #yikes*.. i dunno. i don't look at that particular anime anymore bc of certain transphobic bullshit the english translation in particular pu #pushes* (the original source material isn't innocent but the creator at least TRIED.. english decided to misgender aforementioned trans char #character* COMPLETELY but um.. yeah.. even putting that aside though i could not make myself watch that now. #like sure it made sense when i was 12/13 and like just abt on the brink of starting to understand my identity buut... #yeahh. yikes. i think i had a tumblr back then (don't think i recycled it for this blog lmao) but luckily i didn't engage with like ACTIVE #fandom.. so glad abt that. even though....................................p*nterest was bad enough of a fandom ig #y'all basically know which anime i'm talking about but yeah. idk. viewing it as a queer person is one thing but like #literally making really creepy source material and then translating it to also be transphobic and then like #a majority of cishets in the audience fetishizing MULTIPLE things that definitely should not be even looked at by them.. #no real excuse for the original content or how several communities interpret it but like #as a young closeted queer person i guess you take what you can get and cling on to it for dear life no matter how awful it is ig.. #ok but putting THAT thing aside i think the real way i found out i was not-looking-at-men-in-a-straight-way was by dating a girl actually #she was kinda my best friend of sorts at the time????? #she was uhh. exploring her sexuality so like we dated for like three days (i said 'hey maybe..no' after the third day) #and i was like this feels weird. but not in a gay way like in a 'how did i get here and why am i walking you to class' kind of way #like i guess i was put in the more masc-coded role there and it was just.. Not For Me #so like yeah.. that was my.. ~only ~m/f relationship aside for the person who detransitioned.. no judgement to her but it's complicated to e #explain* #anyway yeah that former best friend i think she identifies as lesbian now so like good for her ig even though i don't appreciate #how she misgendered me in front of sharptooth when i agreed to take her to warped tour like three years ago. haven't seen/heard from her si #since*