#yknow i wouldn't have such a fucking problem if this wasnt such. the two times ive considered giving this fucking ship a chance its highligh

[sisyphus-prime]

.

#vent #nothing like trying to make content peacefully for a fandom and having the most toxic au shoved down your throat because its popular because #-awe angst between the immortal demon who is young for a demon and the teen human who hate each other- but its glorifying obsession. #Totally chill to beg someone to make content when they've ignored the submissions and say in the rules that they dont like thr ship #yknow i wouldn't have such a fucking problem if this wasnt such. the two times ive considered giving this fucking ship a chance its highligh #ting obsession. and one in a POSITIVE WAY. that it was okay yhe demon literally kidnapped the kid #and dont get me started on that nsf.w fic thst pops up i have so many issues with that #i just #go off i guess l//mk fandom

[crystu-cii]

XDD

I f e e l that pain in my soul-- my older sister uses cologne sometimes and it is sO STRONG AND WILL NOT STAY CONFINED TO HER ROOM-- AMD SOMETIMES SHED DO IT IN THE DOORWAY LIKE HELLO-- XDD

YEAH WH GET SOME SLEEP LEAVE THE STAYING UP TO US-- XDD

YES BABY JAIL, INTO THE UPSIDE DOWN LAUNDRY BASKET YOU KNIFE-WIELDING HEATHEN-- XDD oms XDD well I don't know them but I love them- YESSS THEYRE SO FLUFFY-- I'm actually curious what images pop up first imma check-- FLUFFY PUPPIES-- we've actually never owned ones that fluffy(those actually look more similar to shetland sheepdogs than the shelties we've had so far?? Very similar/similar enough where if someone doesn't know a sheltie we mention shetland sheepdogs), our current one is a purebred that we got for free(she was being given away bc her family never came back for her and the lady taking care of her couldn't afford the time to take care of a second dog long-term think) and she's got pretty short fur in comparison- still fluffy enough, but not quite so long of fur-- she's a blue merle(absolutely gorgeous fur, she's like 8 now with a lot of health problems but she's super loving still 💕💞) anyways about the fur, so long as you brush regularly you should mitigate most of that, and it mostly collects in corners- but like.. be prepared to eat and wear dog fur for the rest of your life-- (actually there's a thing called a fur zapper we bought recent that you put in with your clothes when you wash/dry them(I think it's dry but idk??) that's supposed to get a lot of hair off your clothes in that process? Also lint rollers are your best friend--) AND roombas are really helpful(we bought a knockoff one and rarely have to sweep ever so 👀) XDD WHEEZE I can't even imagine what you did-- but like you could ask for a budgie/parakeet /hj I mean, they aren't very expensive (actually they're pretty cheap) but they're very loud, need a lot of attention(especially if you want them to bond to you!) and you need to research into them a lot to make sure you're doing things right-- loads of vids online!! Loads of websites too!!! I'd know I have one- JUST A WARNING, FEATHERS AND SEED HULLS GET ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR XD p l u s like you have a friend who knows stuff about birbs :3 anyways ENOUGH RAMBLING FROM ME WOW THAT GOT LONG--

💕💕 I feel that XD OMS-- I WISH-- WHAT A D R E A M - s n a k - Awww but what a mood XD

XDDD oms YES-- EXACTLY-- XDDDD another good thing you should try eventually is SWEET POTATO CASSEROLE WHICH IS APPARENTLY DELICIOUS??? I TRIED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME(AT LEAST IN A WHILE) TODAY AND IT WAS SO FUCKIN TASTY????

H E A THEN-- XDD how cool of them to try tho :3 whEEZE Y 'A LL-- XDD

WHEEZE I SUCK WITH INSTRUMENTS SOOOO-- DAMN THA'S SOME BAD LUCK MY DUDE-- MAYBE YOU'RE CURSED DAMN-- oms wOWW--

Yesss-- ooh I've never played 👀 seen some stuff but never played-- (see: my computer sucks XD) I h a v e played Portal 1 and it is SO GOOD and SO SHORT and I WISH I HAD GOTTEN PORTAL 2 INSTEAD BUT THATS OKAY CRIES-- YESSSS THE SONGS SLAP--- ALSO THERE ARE ACTUALLY TWO WHOLE MORE CANON(PROBABLY KINDA MAYBE NOT?? IDK) SONGS, ONE FROM A LEG DIMENSIONS GAME("You Wouldn't Know") AND ONE THAT WAS CUT FROM PORT TWO("Don't Say Goodbye"(Harry101UK made an edit to make it Glados' voice!!)) THERE ARE ALSO A BUNCH OF GOOD FAN SONGS SO YEAH-- ALSO NOT TO BE A SIMP BUT GLADOS' VOICE? PERFECTION. I LOVE HER. ALSO I COULD LITERALLY DETAIL THE PORTAL LORE I AM INCREDIBLY EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS GAME-- ALSO THERES A CLIP THAT SOMEONE MADE USING A (VERY GOOD) GLADOS TTS TO HAVE GLADOS SAY TRANS RIGHTS AND ENBY RIGHTS AND IF I FIND IT AGAIN ILL SEND IT TO YOU-- YOU COULD PROBABLY FIND IT IF YOU LOOM UP GLADOS SAYS TRANS RIGHTS? IT HAS A VIDEO WITH TRANS FLAG COMPANION CUBES ACCOMPANYING IT-- ALSO YES THE PORT MODS(/ADD-ONS? MAYBE? THEY'RE COMMUNITY MADE I THINK BUT IDK ALL I KNOW IS THAT THEYRE COOL AF--) (also I apologize for all the screaming? XD it's like, four am and I was talking about portal so.. whoops?)

Right like wth???? I???? Okay but like December to February babies just fuckin DONT EXIST IN THIS GEN OR SOMETHIN-- CAUSE I FIND N O N E -- Maybe there are more December babies but there are definitely like NO January to February babies it is So Weird--

NEJFQOBGKW WOWW d an g like-p l e a se s t op over sp r aying-- xD and LEGITTTT LIKE- THAT WAS M Y ROLE TO STAY UP LATE- XDD

WHEHEHEZE- LAUNDRY BASKET TIME- G E T I N XDD anD YESS- any doggo is just such a cute doggo 😭💞💞 but for me- fLUFFY ONES ARE WHERE ITS A T- and ohhhh i see- FOR FREE?? W H A T A S T E A L XDD but awwww the poor doggg at least she's with you now ! ;0;; 💞💞😭 aaw such a lovable puppup 😭😭💞 and oHHH i see :00 but oh no- xD i also have a friend that has two dogs and whenever he would give me gifts- there would be dog hair on them no matter what- XDD and ooOhhh those sound really helpful! omg- i swear i dont have to have a pet for the need of a roomba- i already shed so much hair myself its so crazy-- xDD and oH MAN loud animals are really gon get my mom fired up- and OO birds just look so cuteee i always fantasize of having one- but then again- with the noise and all xD the more i think about it i dont think we are prepared to have a pet at all xD but i still dream of at least having one pet in my lifetime!

and OO that sounds awesome!! i have no clue if i even tried casserole before- man- sometimes i just eat food without even knowing wth it is XDDD but THAT SOUNDS so gooodddd :O

and LEGITT LIKE- TF IS HAPPENING WITH MY SCHOOL LIFE- XDD and oh my god- IT GETS WORSE- that year there was a FREAKINGG FIREEEEEEE- it wasnt that dangerous thank god- but it had to get a whole ass room renovated because of it- and guess what room it was- THE ORCHESTRA ROOM- AND GUESS WHAT M A D E I T W OR SE- that year- it was the first time the school replaced those 10+ year old instruments with new ones- NOW THEYRE B U R N T- and mind you that the school's budget isnt so- gr e a t- like oh my god i am still so bewildered over HOW MUCH chaos HAPPENED that year- and i thought that year was gon be the year- yknow? like UGH

and OHH MANN playing portal sounds awesome! but i just dont think the game would be worth my money cause i know the plot- and even with the mods and all my brain would be broken as i would possibly have no clue what to do- xDDD

and HOOOO MANNN game fan songs are just so AWESOMEEE- and those sound pretty cool! :OO and HOLY SHIT FUCK YEAH- GLADOS SAYS TRANS AND ENBY RIGHTS Y A LL- now im gonna look that up and let my ears be blessed by such words- XDDD and DONT WORRY BOUT SCREAMING ALOT- i scream a whole dam lot too XDD

and LEGITTT- finding someone's b-day in january and feb is so rare all of a sudden like wh a t - XDD

#the rambles of crystu #even tho we are legit friends on discord- ima still answer these XDDD

[tamiddyinyourcity]

8:57pm.

How's it going?

Thursday, February 20th of 2020.

Happy 02/20/2020.

Get crunk wit dit. :)

Anyway.

What's going on?

I slept the entire morning. Yay. :)

I got cold Chipotle. Microwaving a chipotle salad that is slathered in sour cream and guac..... is difficult. The lettuce is soggy and hot now. Its not fun.

I am so drained from several uber experiences gone badly (the rude one, and a guy who literally drove past my location instead of parking, and instead of doing a u turn or circling around, cancelled the ride....) + the awkward "comedy show" i spent so much money on, just to hate, aaaaaand several other things... that i feek exhausted.

If I wanna drink my worries away, I gotta.... ahem.... find a way to re-obtain my favorite wine again. A bad day and an empty, too soon finished bottle of wine that cannot erase a bad day, has no real use to me.

The guy I want to do nothing but lay with and vibe with and fuck and date is sadly gone from my life. Its sad. In any other dimension or reality, as if my life is a choose your path adventure game, maybe reality would be different. But, I'm pretty sure there's nothing I could've done, that wouldn't have been enabling mistreatment for the sake of staying with someone who wasnt ready for a relationship anyway. (Like.... the bar was within reach, and they chose to not even try. Amaaaaazing.)

And I just feel...

Hopeless.

Is it really hopeless for me, or do I just feel unsure of what to do?

.....

Yeah. I kinda do.

....

I do wanna go out more. 5 free days a week. I can see other people, travel, explore, freestyle....

I finally have a decent amount of money saved, too.

So I don't have any reason to be afraid.

Just.... not prone to risk taking these days.

.....

Yeah.

.....

Hard to explain.

Alright; the big two problems on my mind:

All of my laundry needs to be done. But due to unfortunate circumstances, may or may not be in some disrepair. Do I wanna cough up 80 to 200 dollars for someone else to clean it; or deal with two huge bags of clothing by myself?

Patrick. :)

So....

I guess for the clothes, I did try to get my laundry done sooner. My mom chastised me for not asking her for help. (Since she never genuinely helps; and usually whatever she does leads to her threatening me or something along those lines.)

So when she swore up and down that I was foolish for trying to go it alone instead of asking for help, she ended up not doing my laundry, which she said would get done "that very weekend"..... ended up being left undone for maybe 2 and a half weeks later. Before she eventually told me the truth, that she couldn't afford to get it done as promised.

THIS is why I don't ask for help. Why leave me on hold for two weeks before finally being honest? Make it make sense, my friend.

And now not only has my laundry situation upgraded from "pretty damn severe but not unfixable" to "i dont even wanna open the laundry bags", but..... its been even longer since then. (Due to me working two different jobs, and not having the time, coins, or resources to do a load of laundry that weighs about as much as I do.)

Hard to go out and feel good on dates if I can't even wear my favorite sweaters, lingerie, or feelgood jeans. I don't wanna show up to a date with my ratty coat on, or my grey sweatpants. I want to look like I do on a normal basis; ridiculously hot.

I'd much prefer to be ridiculously hot... in clean and matching clothes that would fit my color tone... yknow?

.....

The horrors of those two oversized laundry bags may kill me. But it may be worth it to see if whatever mildew from my last failed laundromat visit even exists, or, if I just imagined it all in my head.

I can:

Deal with all the terror myself, since I don't like relying on anyone else. Plus, imagine paying 80 to 200 dollars, just for them to return your clothes uncleaned..... i dont wanna risk that shit.

Just recognize that I have a decent amount of money saved, and get them to clean only ONE of the big bags. If they do well, then great. If they fail, just write a Yelp review and pray that their business gets their shit together someday.

That seems doable. :)

Cool. No more sleeping in, feeling like I've only got two miserable options to deal with. That feels good. Thinking of a plan. Executing it too. Awesome. :)

And... the latter.

....

The phone call the other night.

I don't know why I called him. There's not much to explain my actions, other than "I felt the need, and did".

Aaaand instagram, stalking me, as usual, randomly went from recommending me creepily relatable posts like "don't wait up on a man to tell you whether you are or are not the shit", "whatever you're not changing, is a choice", and "a relationship where your texts go unanswered while everyone else's is, is because he's trying to get rid of you! Set yourself free sis!"

To some mildly inspiring, "Make that text. Call that person. Tell them how you feel. Curse them out. Cut them off. Love yourself. Tomorrow is never promised", post that made me, in a "am i crazy? or am i not crazy?", state of mind, go, "That sounds like a GREAT idea."

And it was.

Once I shift my mindframe from the typical "right versus wrong", or "smart versus stupid", then, life gets simpler, really.

Since is it right or smart to call up an ex the day after you basically got into an altercation on their front porch at midnight?

One would say its not.

But did it end up resulting in something productive, or mind opening, and the ends justify the means?

Just maybe.

....

He was hesitant, obviously, at first. Conversation eased more. Once I decided to push through my nerves, or going "I already know the answer to that" with the questions I asked him, (for clarity, since he lies sometimes,) then.... it got easier.

All I remember is that he did say how the letter felt.... what was the word he used? "Romantic on purpose?" (It was. I literally wrote a whole paragraph explaining why I l-worded things about him. If anything, I would question his sanity if a whole paragraph describing how I enjoy his eyes, smile, and more was taken as.... "platonic", you see?)

I told him that was the point.

But also made it clear that it was specifically a letter where I didn't hold back on how I felt, and told him all of my feelings, before ending our dynamic as a whole.

It makes sense. Like, idk, I'd want him to know how I felt. Honestly. If I just ghosted him, it would haunt me for years, never at least telling him how manipulative and maladaptive he gets under stress. And it would also haunt me, if I ghosted him, and he saw it as a "Oh, she must have found someone else", or a "hmm, she probably wasn't into me, oh well."

No, fam. It was me leaving, since despite my feelings for you, I wasn't gonna stay on a sinking ship with holes in it, and being the only one making the repairs.

I wasn't gonna submit myself to that.

And....

I don't know. Consider the letter like a "13 Reasons Why", but without the death. A note that tells you all of my feelings about you, but I simply end my time in your life, and not my own life.

So, yes. I wanted him to know that I liked his eyes, our movie talks, his smile, his skin, the late nights and the dates we had. And everything. (Oh cool, the tears are flowing right now.)

I wanted him to know that I would have never done half of what he's done to me without caring for my feelings, and how disappointed I was by.... our several moments.

And overall, that I remember him as a good boyfriend.

Even if I went home that night thinking, "Fuck this dude"..... I liked him. I'd much rather him have a physical copy of a letter that told him I would see him as a good guy post breakup, than some of the ill things that went down recently being the last memory between us ever had.

But, cest la vie i guess.

....

Yeah.

...

I guess he got a little in his feelings that night.

He asked me what I felt was missing in our most missing attempt with our relationship. Something about the way he said it... had me on edge. Yknow, in the same way a teenager might get nervous if a cute girl randomly comes up to them saying, "You got a girlfriend?"

Since just like that, I was thinking, "Why would you want to know? Unless you have some sort of motive, that I am unaware of?"

I don't recall most of the conversation, but my intuition was right.

He admitted that sending me that text about wishing he did kiss me, was since he reciprocated the feelings in my letter.

(Entering stage from the left, is chest pains.)

I HAVE ANGINA

Cool. Odd. But. Alright. I didn't know how to react, kind of needed him to elaborate a few times. "Can you rephrase that please? I don't wanna.... interpret that the.... wrong.... waaaaaay.... yknow?"

And yep, same answer. Oh, dear.

Anyway. I then just proceeded to raise an eyebrow, (not like he could see, as it was a phone call,) and ask why he, REPEATEDLY, the night I asked to talk to him, said he had no romantic feelings for me.... whatsoever. He claimed he didn't remember that. And me, not being a fan of repetitive gaslighting, said word for word each moment he, both provoked and unprovoked, told me he lacked any remaining romantic attraction for me.

(It's not super surprising that he, yet again, lied to me. And definitely not surprising to lie about having feelings for me. He's done that before, on multiple occasions... dude.)

He said it was since he felt like he was obligated to make what he believed to be the right choice, and to put aside whatever romantic ambiguity he had to stay strong and not agree to a relationship.

I may not like his defeatist attitude, but you gotta admit; he's got mental strength. Unlike me, who sent him a three page letter, since breaking up face to face would have shattered me like a mirror. :)

He's very Lawful Neutral; even if he's not sure what he does is always great emotionally, he sticks to what he believes is a plausible route. (I wouldn't mind this, if he actually connected emotionally enough to EXPLAIN his actions, before solidifying them. Would have solved many problems in the past if he was honest for once.......)

And then proceeded to inquire what I felt was missing, from our fwb dynamic.

Well...

From his perspective, he got the best of both worlds. Got to have pussy and sex, without limiting himself to me. Got to cuddle or joke around, without fully commiting, or having to help pay fora meal. He got to enjoy his friendship and the peace of his parents not knowing I existed, while still occasionally remembering to text me back..... He could meet me for emotionless sex, and a mild hangout, and live life satisfied that way.

Of course.

Since if he goes in with the mindset of "Cool, sex, and still hanging out. As long as I ignore her messages sometimes, and stay emotionally distant enough, then hey, i can have exactly what i want; something emotionless and enjoyable, with no strings attached."

But to a girl who goes in, with her highest of hopes being "maybe we might end up dating again", and the lowest level of expectations, like any FWB, being "i still want someone i can be close with, enjoy without guilt, and open up to while relying on as a friend."

Theeeeeen..... she will be miserable, having sex and getting her texts ignored for hours, or even days. Not having someone to hang out with, unless its a hyper specific "we need to hang out when none of my family is home, none of my friends surprise me with a hangout, and i still intend to be as open and inviting as a locked door toward you whenever we talk." Sitting like a foot apart in a bed. No opening up, no joking about our sex lives, no talking about his friends. And no actual dates.

Then its just..... pathetic.

Hell, it was just becoming a sad booty call level situation anyway.

I hate booty calls. I told him when we first EVER started having casual sex in the first damn place.... I like intimacy on several levels, and booty calls are the least satisfying ones.

Who do I look like, showing up to a guy's house for nothing but a weak bang, no real foreplay or aftercare, and a quick kick out? You got the wrong bitch, fam.

Naaaaah. And not a fan of FWB dynamics with extreme rules, hostilities, or blurred lines.

When we first had our original FWB dynamic? It was lit. We could have sex, and ten seconds later, just straight up cuddle, talk about things to try, then watch Murder Party and critique it's edginess as it was playing. I could be the big spoon and just vibe, and not think it was weird.

It was nice. Like an unspoken, "you're like, not my boyfriend and you're probably gonna go back to college someday soon, buuuuut.... you're also fine as hell, so lets just cherish what we got."

So with the cool closeness we had before, its hard to do that..... now. Post relationship ending.

Dude is too scared to sit closer than 7 inches within me, and its basically the "five feet apart, 'cause they're not gay", meme.

Texting was depressing, and its a whooole specific type of trauma of mine to even dive into rn. (I don't like feeling useless or made to wait for extremely long amounts of time, due to several relationships that seemed positive ending from a lack of communication and with hostile ghosting. Whoohoo, traumatic relationship endings that made me question my value to those around me! Yay! Whoohoo!)

And it does eventually hurt, when every time you meet a guy with the intentions of even a platonic hangout, he looks glum, and says he is feeling... (insert big word for "sad" here.)

"Somber"/"Melancholy."

"What's that mean?"

"Oh. It means, like, its a big word for sad."

"Oh. Why are you sad?"

Then, he went quiet. Or would mention guilt, and brush it off, i suppose.

Angst. :/

So if my standard for an FWB is "i want someone i can have really good sex with, chill with, talk to without a care in the world since i am not dating them, and can be casual yet vulnerable with".....

And its a FWB that makes me feel un-chill, that i cannot hang with, (and not in the intimate or casual way id want,) and have to walk on eggshells in conversation with...

Then it's not the hyper sexy, vivacious, amazing dynamic I want from someone.

Did I like him? Yeah, I don't write letters to people unless they meant something to me. You think I want a motherfucker to have ANYTHING with my fingerprints on it at my house, post breakup? Fuck no.

God, this quote better not be used in some sort of documentary someday..... its a joke, people.

But, why stay? I could tell he was never gonna date me or make a move. He wasn't gonna be the type of FWB I could lounge around with, my legs strewn over their lap, talking about my life with, or make out with to Netflix. He wasn't a guy that I was unemotionally attached to, to ask about the other people they bang, or their fun sexual experiences with. (Plus, i was his only one.... I still really appreciated that, ngl.)

There was too much history, and not enough future.

If Valentines Day didnt happen, who knows? Maybe I'd have settled for it. But it did. And it made me go, "This man is going out of his way to keep me at arms length at all times from his life, and will keep pushing me away. Make it easier for the both of us and leave."

So, I left.

.....

I'm still mad at him for texting.

No response was what I needed. It would have shown me I meant little to this guy.

And sending me a message that he wanted to kiss me means nothing, if he's not the type to come to my house, call me to come outside, and kiss me like its a shitty romcon movie, that I would watch, knowing how gushy and kitschy that it was.

I made it clear who I was.

I'm a take it or leave it sort of person, when it comes to stressful relationships.

I say what I'm looking for. And either I'm taken, or I'm leaving. Easy.

So either I was gonna leave his porch that day with cut ties, or leave with my previous title of his crush back.

And its like....

His response gave me both, and yet, also neither.

What good does that do for me?

He lied to me the night he could have told me that. Claimed he didnt want to "annoy or confuse me further".

......Why tell me now, anyway? Not like I was annoyed, but I definitely just..... Gosh. Why make me blush with the knowledge of you reciprocating feelings, just for my face to stay hot with irritation at you being unwilling to ever give things a shot?

What was the fucking reason, man?

......

11:01pm.

Time flies, when you're staring at a screen, venting about old relationships.

....

He just....

I get his reasonings for things. But, logic doesn't work as the only answer for every single situation.

If I used logic that night, it would have resulted in me never calling him, and inevitably doing something foolish one way or another. Not gonna elaborate. :/

But, I didn't. Something in me went, "Just call him, nothing to lose."

And all I lost was a little bit of sense, but still gained knowledge.

Useless knowledge, but important. Since nothing was more confusing than, "You literally have no reason to be in this porch, why do you insist on staying with me and talking despite the huge conversation ending event that happened?"

And of course, "Why would you want to kiss a girl, that you have no romantic feelings for whatsoever? Even if she offered, you rejected it. Why suddenly want to kiss a girl you don't like, in any way, one last time?"

The answer he originally told me was "i dont know", or him deflecting. Or acting fuckboyish, as a cover-up. :)

And the real answer was, "I reciprocated the feelings you said you had for me in your letter, but still, felt it better to pretend I wasnt interested to avoid starting up something difficult or confusing for us."

He's.... an odd mix of intelligent, but, not always wise. Him lying so much just ruins my faith in him, which is really sad.

Since yknow, it sucks knowing a person no longer feels able to open up to me any more.

(Cool, tears flowing again.)

But whatever. He lied, and it made him look like a huge asshole that night. All I could think was, "He must have only said that to spite me. Either he purposely wanted to have me pine for him; or he's refusing to admit he likes me, and is just being a dick about it, to hurt me even more by getting my hopes up for something that will never fucking happen."

......

Imagine if he were honest that night.

........

You probably cant, since i havent told you all that happened. And probably wont. But, maybe it wouldve gone differently.

Still the same answer of "he likes me and is hiding it", but instead of him leading me on just to shoot me down again as some sort of weird revenge tactic for trying to breakup over letter after pulling on his heart strings, (some men do that, to avoid being the one left alone with the aching heart, and to hurt the other person for their own confidence gain. Like how some girls when after a break up, try to "flex on their ex" by getting ridiculously hot, posting hella date photos online, and doing The Most to hope their ex ends up the one hurting and losing out on potential romance instead of them....)

Instead of him doing that, it was less him trying to be a dick, but moreso him being a pussy.

"This girl just told me she loved me and DIPPED? fuck her, ima tell her i wanted to kiss her, then pretend i didnt mean it. Show her how it feels!", is much more hostile than, "I hold feelings for you as well, but, am too nervous at the potential of us dating and working out."

Still scummy as the latter.

Not gonna lie.

So, i am pissed for that reason as well.....

Even before the incident happened that night, it still says the truth; he needlessly told me he wanted to kiss me, and showed me emotions, that he never would have shown me before the letter had been exchanged to him.

But of course when back in his life, he takes it all back.

That's.... so fucking lame.

I hope he knows it is. And.... god, its like he somehow always chooses the most logical, but least easy, answers when it comes to me.

(Until it actually comes to "just fucking leave Tamia", i guess.)

Sigh.

Alright, done writing for now. He hasn't texted me back. I'll take that as a signal. Peace. :/

#exes #yep #yikes #i like this dude but he literally makes every single thing harder #by lying or hiding the truth #it should be a reminder to myself to not trust him #since god hes done this too many times now #jesus christ