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alexhalcyonwriting · 1 year

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Once, and Always

“How would you feel if he started dating again?” Taehyung asked him gently. “And you missed your chance again?”

Jimin swallowed and shook his head. “I really don’t want that,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Then you’ve got to decide what you want to do: move on, or fight for him.”

Jimin was quiet for a moment. “Suddenly you get a boyfriend and you’re some kind of relationship expert?” He scoffed. “Jeez, you’ve been watching too many of those rom-coms Kookie likes.”

the yoonmin sequel to London, Baby (happens on the same timeline)

Pairing: yoonmin, side taekook

Rating: M+16, sfw

Tags: one-shot, friends au (based on ross x rachel but way better), friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, mild angst, mutual pining, insecurity, working out their feelings

Warnings: idiots in love being idiots

Word Count: complete, 18.4k

summary: it's taken jimin a long time to see yoongi as more than just the nerdy older brother of his best friend, but he sees and loves him - but it's too late. yoongi's getting married. to someone else.

Reposting and/or translating is prohibited. Works are available on my ao3 or twitter

Jimin doesn’t really remember the first time he met officially Yoongi. He was fourteen, and his best friend Jungkook had invited him over to his house for the first time. He was distracted messing around with his friend, not interested in anything but the game that he and Jungkook were immersed in playing. Yoongi arrived home and (apparently) introduced himself before retreating to his room. According to Jungkook, Yoongi was shy and liked to study, and to fourteen-year-old Jimi that meant he was boring.

There were times when Jimin looked back at his teenage self and shook his head. He’d been a typical teen: self-absorbed. Not that he was a complete ass of a person, but he lived in Jimin-Land where all the things that mattered to him revolved around himself. It had taken a reality check in college for him to grow up and realize that he was not, in fact, the centre of the universe. Losing touch with Jungkook had been part of that. When they’d first started drifting apart, Jimin had been upset. Why wasn’t Jungkook contacting him? Why wasn’t he coming to see him? Why wasn’t he putting in any effort? But after some time, Jimin began to understand he was at fault too. He wasn’t putting in the time or effort either.

He questioned who he was as a person, and it was a period he looked back on with regret. But at the same time, life might not have worked out the same way if he hadn’t been a bit selfish as a kid. Maybe he and Jungkook would have gotten into an argument and stopped being friends altogether, and Jimin would never have been put in contact with Yoongi and found a roommate in Taehyung. Their group of friends may never have come together. He’d found that life, generally, worked out. Not always, but a lot of the time things came together in the way they were meant to. So it wasn’t much of a shock when Jimin realised that somewhere around 14 years since their first encounter, Jimin felt more than friendship for Yoongi.

It wasn’t like it came out of the blue. The feelings had been slowly creeping up on him for months, ever since a particular few days when Jimin had been really sick with the flu. Yoongi had brought him over some home-cooked chicken noodle soup, and stayed and took care of him. When he was recovered and he thought back on the few days they'd spent together - the careful way Yoongi watched over him and silently anticipated his needs while just being there - Jimin wondered why he felt like he’d neverseenYoongi before. It was as if the lenses of ‘Jungkook’s older brother’ and ‘the guy who had a crush on me but I’ve never been attracted to’ were removed and before him was someone new.

He wasn’t Yoongi, the guy who used to blush a furious red whenever Jimin teased him because he knew that Yoongi had a crush on him. He wasn’t the Yoongi who gave stuttering compliments, or who was too shy to approach Jimin at school. He was no longer the nerdy upperclassman who only had a couple of friends, and always had his nose in his books. He was Min Yoongi. A man who was kind and unassuming, but passionate and intelligent. Who wore glasses and a suit as well as he wore his worn, old leather jacket, jeans, and ray-bans. A renowned architect, a photography hobbyist, a lover of music and the type of older brother everyone wished for.

It blew his mind realising that he’d spent almost half his life blind to who Yoongi really was, but once he saw, he couldn't stop his feelings. They grew deeper and planted firmly in his heart, latching on tight and refusing to budge. If he was honest, he didn’t mind at all. Aside from his romantic feelings, Jimin had grown to genuinely adore Yoongi as a person and friend. They spent a lot of time together, which had given Jimin the opportunity to discover more and more about him.

The only thing he regretted was confessing how he felt to Taehyung and Jungkook. It had been a few months of secret pining, and he was reaching a point where if he didn’t say something, he would explode - and that wasn’t something he was ready or willing to risk around Yoongi. He didn’t expect to have to deal with their over-enthusiastic support and the constant and unsubtle watching they did. Although the way they acted did make Jimin feel more confident that he wasn’t alone in his feelings, that maybe Yoongi felt the same way he did.

He did his best to ignore his friends pressuring him to confess. He didn’t want the start of anything between them to come from outside influences. Instead, Jimin tried to be more intentional with Yoongi. Whenever possible, he made sure that they spent time together, just the two of them. He wanted to see if he could confirm if Yoongi really did care for him as more than a friend, and that it was more than a childhood crush. Just because everyone seemed to believe it, it didn’t mean it was true. Yoongi's high school crush on Jimin had been the running joke of the group for years. That alone stole away its credibility. Besides, Jimin preferred to manage his relationships on his own unless he was in serious trouble.

As time passed, things changed between him and Yoongi. It wasn’t anything big, but there was a feeling, a change in the tension. It was something in the way they interacted. Something in the way they looked at each other, in the lingering hugs and touches. In the way they seemed to gravitate to one another almost unconsciously. Jimin began to feel his courage rise as the days and weeks passed, until he was was absolutely certain about one thing: he didn’t want to just be friends with Yoongi anymore. He was no longer satisfied orbiting around him; he wanted to fall into his gravity. Jimin daydreamed of spending his mornings waking up wrapped in the warmth of Yoongi's embrace, melting from the softness of his smiles, and relishing the roughness of his sleepy, morning voice.

He arranged to meet Yoongi for a casual dinner and drink, prepared to finally lay his heart out. When his nerves were settled enough from the intake of alcohol, and he was in the process of turning the conversation into a confession, Yoongi dropped news that shattered his heart so instantaneously that he honestly thought he was trapped in a nightmare. But it was real, and it haunted him during the waking hours. His nightmare was a woman named Ailee Lang.

They’d been dating for a few weeks, apparently, and Yoongi hadn’t said a word. Not to their friends, and not to him, despite how close they’d become. That, maybe, was the hardest thing for Jimin to take. That Yoongi had hidden it from him just when he thought that something, anything, might be happening between them. When he talked about her, he smiled that smile that showed all his gums. He even had a photo of them together in his phone. He wondered if he had a right to feel betrayed and hurt.

He faked smiles. He faked happiness. He faked his kindness toward her. He waited until he was alone in his room, in the dark and buried alone under the covers, before he let go and just cried and cried. He hated that all he could think about was if Yoongi ever felt this hurt over him, and how much he hated himself for being such an idiot and wasting all these years.

It was a struggle not to snap at the worried looks he was being shot. At the well-intentioned questions of how he was feeling. Jimin told his friends he was fine; that he was happy that Yoongi was dating, that it was nice to see him happy. Part of it was the truth, but mostly he lied. He couldn’t help it. He was bitter, and when Yoongi asked him if he could make an effort to get to know Ailee because he was his 'most important friend’ Jimin wanted to scream. But he did it for Yoongi, despite wanting nothing more than for her to disappear because, Jimin quickly realised, love made people self-sacrificing idiots.

Ailee didn’t disappear, and two months turned into three, then into four and five, and suddenly they were engaged. Jimin had been genuinely shocked into silence. He’d been in denial about their relationship being serious that he’d somehow convinced himself that Yoongi would be single again in no time. He'd been sure that Ailee was just temporary and all the obstacles in their long-distance, international relationship would force them to go their separate ways.

If he’d thought his heart was breaking when Yoongi first introduced her, their engagement had made it clear that Jimin had no idea just how much pain heartbreak could cause. The day he received his invitation in the mail, Jimin had been torn between wanting to rip it up, crawling into his bed for hours on end to stare blankly at the wall, or slapping Yoongi into oblivion. He was forced into the fourth option, which included Taehyung, Jungkook, and copious amounts of alcohol that induced waterfalls of tears and a reckoning with his deep regret that, after all those wasted years, he really was too late.

Yoongi had moved on, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Yoongi was going to be married in less than 36 hours and Jimin was going out of his mind.

The apartment was too quiet. Taehyung’s record player hadn’t been touched since he left for London, and absence of the usual hum of background music amplified just how alone he really was. There were no obnoxious visits from Jungkook or Jin, walking in at any and all hours like they owned the place. Jimin hadn’t bothered turning on the television. He had a stack of his student's homework on the coffee table; half were graded, but the other half had been abandoned because Jimin couldn’t focus on anything other than the fact that Yoongi was going to be married in less than 36 hours.

Yoongi was getting married.Yoongiwas gettingmarried.

Jimin picked up a cushion from the couch, held it to his face and screamed into it for a good few seconds. The release was completely unsatisfying. He didn’t feel any better. Dramatically, he threw the cushion back at the couch. He stomped around the apartment, cursing Yoongi, cursing himself, cursing Jungkook for becoming his friend in the first place. (He didn’t mean that, of course. He loved Jungkook like the brother he never had and wouldn't trade their years of friendship for anything.)

Yoongi was getting married and Jimin didn’t know what to do. He felt volatile. He didn’t want to be the one at the altar with Yoongi - he wasn’t ready for that - but he didn’t want that option taken away by someone else. Someone who didn’t know him like Jimin did, who hadn’t even known him for ayear. What the hell was Yoongi thinking, getting married to someone he metsix months ago?That was insane to Jimin, and he knew their friends thought the same thing, so why had no one tried to talk him out of it?!

“I’m so selfish,” he lamented to his ceiling. “Stupid and selfish and stupid, stupid, stupid.”

He sighed, long and heavy. In the depth of his mind, he looked back and hated himself for being so condescending and selfish as a teenager. The regrets of his life became glaringly obvious with each second that passed, and illuminated exactly how much of an idiot he truly was. Why? Because 90% of his regrets were about Yoongi.

Jimin stopped his stomping around.

He hated regret. He hated the tight, hurt, and bitter feeling in his chest that radiated through his entire body. It made him feel nauseous to the ends of his fingertips. All he wanted to curl into himself and run from the stupid choices that had led him to this point in his life. He didn’t want to carry around the regret. So he wouldn’t. He clenched his fist, determined. He was going to do something about it. Something crazy, but crazy was all he had left.

An hour later, Jimin was en-route to the airport.

He was getting married today.

Yoongi laid in his bed. He stared up at the ceiling and a smile tugged at his lips. Inside, his stomach churned with nerves. He wasn’t sure why, but marriage was something wasn’t sure he’d ever actually do in his life. It wasn’t something he’d spent much time imagining in comparison to living in New York, or his career. Well, that wasn’t entirely true if he was honest. Hehadimagined a happily married life when he was younger, but that was a teenage fantasy he’d long since abandoned.

His brow creased at the thought of the only one of his friends missing the wedding. Jimin had said it wasn’t possible for him to come because of his job, but Yoongi knew how well-loved he was at his school; he would've been able to miss one day without any issues. He didn’t understand why Jimin refused to come. He thought they’d grown closer over the last year. He thought he’d be happy for him. Only Hobi and Namjoon’s words of advice (orders, more like) to leave him be and not to push him had stopped Yoongi from confronting him.

With a sigh, Yoongi sat up and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t want to think unhappy thoughts on his wedding day, so he turned his mind to his fiancee. Ailee Lang was beautiful, and smart, and she made him feel happy. He loved her. He knew it was fast, but despite Jungkook’s doubts, Yoongi was sure this marriage was what he wanted. He wanted to make his relationship with Ailee work, and getting married felt like the right thing for them to do for their life together to begin.

He pushed back the bed covers and picked up his phone, smiling at little at the messages of encouragement from Hobi and Joon, before he plodded sluggishly to the bathroom for a shower.

He was just pulling on his shirt, his hair still damp, when there was a knock at his door. With a frown, he quickly walked over and peered through the hole, and froze in surprise at who he saw.

It was Jimin.

Something thudded in his chest, unidentifiable alongside his confusion. He quickly reached for the handle and opened.

“Jimin?”

Jimin looked harried. His eyes were puffy and bruised, his hair wasn't styled. It was rare he ever looked so unkempt; he usually put a lot of effort into his appearance. But even so, he was Jimin, which meant that even harried, he was still beautiful.

“Hey, Yoongi.”

Yoongi’s eyes drifted down to the unadorned hands playing with the strap of the bag crossed over his chest. He looked back up to Jimin’s face.

“What - what are you doing here?” Yoongi asked, dumbfounded. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

“Can I come in?” Jimin asked, with a strained, nervous smile.

Yoongi immediately stepped aside and Jimin entered his room. He glanced around and gave a low whistle.

“Nice room,” he murmured.

It was a nice room. It was a four-room suite, with a bedroom, ensuite, kitchen/dining, and a living space. Yoongi had never spent so much money on a hotel room before, but he was glad he had. But that was the last thing on his mind. Instead —

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said, slightly uncertain he meant it. “But I thought you said you couldn’t come?”

Jimin turned around, and Yoongi’s confusion shifted into concern when he noticed how tense Jimin was.

“I took a last minute flight,” Jimin told him, clutching the strap of his bag. “I, um, I had to come. I have - I have something I need to say to you.”

Yoongi felt something heavy drop into his stomach and he wasn’t sure he wanted him to say anything. Jimin took a deep breath, let out a short laugh, and shook his head.

“I seriously can’t - this has got to be the stupidest thing - ”

Yoongi had never seen Jimin so out of sorts. All he could do was wait as Jimin muttered under his breath, cutting himself off.

“Are you okay, Minie? You’re kind of worrying me,” Yoongi eventually asked, stepping forward and reaching out. He was surprised when Jimin stepped back, eyes wide.

“Don’t - don’t come closer to me or I’m going to lose my nerve and I can’t do that,” Jimin said hastily. “I’m already doing something stupid, just - just stay there and let me speak.”

Yoongi gave a hesitant nod.

“Okay. Fuck, okay, here it is.”

Jimin looked directly at him for the first time, and Yoongi was almost intimidated by how hard he was staring at him.

“I love you.”

Yoongi's lips parted and his eyes widened. He wasn’t sure that he was understanding.

“I’m in love with you,” Jimin continued. “And I know you’re getting married and I know I’m too late, but I couldn’t stand it anymore.” Yoongi was frozen by the words that fell from Jimin's mouth in rapid succession. “I had to tell you how I felt. I’m sorry, I know I’m selfish and you’re with - with Ailee and you’re happy. I don’t want to ruin that, or anything. I just - I had to tell you how I feel.”

The space between them filled with the loudest of silences. Every word Jimin had spoken was strung between them on a taut, invisible thread. Yoongi stared disbelievingly at Jimin. He had no idea what to say, or how to respond, or what had even happened. Had he just fallen into one of his teenage dreams? Was it real life? The longer the silence stretched, the more he stared at Jimin’s face, the more the words sunk in and he frowned.

“Jimin, I - ” He cut off and looked away. “This was - I’m getting married today." He was getting progressively more stressed and upset. “That's - what are you even saying? You love me?”

Jimin swallowed and nodded. He looked down.

“You can’t - you can’t just say that to me.”

Yoongi could barely make sense of the words he was speaking, or of the words Jimin had said. They were the things he’d wanted to hear for years and years, but he'd long ago given up on ever hearing them. This was not what he wanted - it wasn’t okay.

“Today of all days; the day I’m getting married. That’s so - soselfish.”

Yoongi felt an ache deep in his chest when he saw Jimin wince and curl in on himself.

“I know,” he replied quietly.

He lifted his head and Yoongi could tell he was holding back his emotions by the way his lips trembled slightly. Usually seeing that expression on Jimin would pull at an instinct in Yoongi to comfort him, but his own emotion, growing incredulity and indignation stopped him from doing anything but crossing his arms over his chest and staring.

“I just had to tell you,” he said, finally letting go of the bag and allowing his arms to hang at his side.

He gave a small shrug, accompanied by a smile that seemed sad and shamed and strained. It was an expression filled with emotion that made Yoongi increasingly uncomfortable.

“I love Ailee,” Yoongi stated. “I’m going to marry her.”

Jimin took a step forward and Yoongi almost stepped back on reflex, but he remained still. Hesitantly, Jimin came closer, until they were chest to chest, and then he wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Yoongi stood stiff under his embrace. He didn't hug him back.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin whispered. Yoongi could hear he was on the verge of tears. “I’m really sorry. I know you love her and I know I’m selfish. Please be happy, Yoongi. That’s all I want for you. Just be happy.”

Yoongi’s throat felt tight and his chest squeezed and when Jimin pulled back. He clenched his hands to stop from reaching out to pull him back into him. They didn't speak again, and Yoongi watched as Jimin turned and left. The door clicked softly shut behind him, and Yoongi was alone in the quiet of the room again. Without anything else to distract him, his mind replayed the last ten minutes over and over and over again.

Yoongi remembered a time from when he and Jungkook were kids, and his little brother had told him all about a movie he'd seen about destiny, and true love, and soulmates. He was adamant that he believed in it all, and certain that one day he was going to meet his destined someone. They'd get married and have a big happy family. Yoongi recalled thinking it was a nice dream, but he didn’t really buy into the whole concept of ‘the one’ or destiny like Jungkook had. He still didn't. Jungkook was the romantic soul between the two of them. Yoongi was more of a pragmatist; it had proved helpful to him in a lot of ways.

His work, for example, was less romanticism and more functionality and aesthetics. He was easily able to compartmentalize between the different areas of expertise required on each project he worked. He could see where there should be angles and sharpness, versus soft curves and blunted edges. He enjoyed the elegance of architecture; how simple, or how intricate it could be, or a perfect combination of both.

His pragmatism made things more difficult in romantic relationships. As much as he’d indulged his silly teenage crush, Yoongi had always known that Park Jimin, and people like him, were not the type to end up with someone like him. But Ailee was different. He and Ailee understood each other’s pragmatism. She was like him in all the ways that someone like Park Jimin was not. Where Jimin was a constant light in any room, Ailee hummed a dimmer but comforting glow. Where Jimin was ever-changing in his appearance and constantly giving Yoongi whiplash, Ailee was consistent and calm.

Ailee would never have considered flying half way across the world to confess her love on the morning of someone’s wedding, and then proceed to leave with a hug, a wish for happiness, and teary eyes, acting like it was something she just had to do.

Yoongi glanced at the door of the church, far away behind the guests lining the pews. He could hear their chattering, he could see the flowers lining the aisle, and smell the faint whiff of their perfume. But in his mind, all he saw was Jimin.

Jimin at fourteen-years-old laughing with Jungkook in the living room of his childhood home, and making his sixteen-year-old heart stutter and cheeks go pink for reasons he couldn’t put into words.

Jimin, who he watched grow up. Who he heard from his room while he and Jungkook chatted, complained, and studied from Jungkook’s room down the hall. Jimin, whose laughter was his favourite sound.

Park Jimin meeting Kim Taehyung - an encounter that had made Yoongi nervous beyond anything because Tae was everyone’s type, and the two of them looked good beside each other.

Jimin on the day of his and Jungkook’s high school graduation, with his hair freshly dyed orange - a colour that should not have worked on anyone, but did on him - and smiling so widely and brightly that Yoongi could barely look him in the eyes long enough to say congratulations.

The Jimin who he’d met again after years of not seeing him, who took his breath away once more, because fuck - it was Jimin and he'd really matured into himself. His hair was longer and back to his natural black. He wore rings on his fingers, and had two piercings in each ear, but he was still smiling the same as he always had.

Jimin who he considered one of his closest friends of the last six years, showing up at his door on the day of his wedding, and telling him he loved him and wanted him to be happy - that was it. He didn’t ask for anything else. He didn’t ask for the wedding to be stopped. He didn’t ask for him to love him back. Jimin just wanted Yoongi to know he loved him.

Yoongi flinched as a tall, dark, figure suddenly appeared in his vision and rested a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw it was his brother.

“Yoongi, you good?” Jungkook asked, voice full of concern and face frowning.

“Kook.” Yoongi's his panic fully set in and made it hard to breath. God, he needed to take his stupid tie off. “Get - get me out of here.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I - I - ”

Yoongi tried to explain that he couldn’t do it: he couldn’t marry Ailee. Not when he couldn’t even imagine her walking down the aisle. That his head was full of Park fucking Jimin, and everything was turning insane.

Grateful Jungkook knew him well, he allowed his brother to lead him away from the guests to somewhere off to the side and more private. His chest seized with fear and his hands started to tremble at the prospect of what he was about to admit.

“Kook, I can’t do this,” he whispered. “I can’t marry her.”

To his credit, Jungkook merely stared at him a moment. He didn’t seem very surprised, but he was clearly shaken.

“Okay, okay. What - what do you need, Yoon?”

Yoongi tensed at the sound a shoe scuff coming in their direction. But whoever it was stopped when Jungkook turned around.

“To go,” Yoongi whispered. “I just - fuck, get me out of here, please, Kook. Please.”

Yoongi had never felt such a desperate need to escape before, nor had he ever felt more like the younger brother of the pair of them. He’d never felt so reliant on Jungkook, he’d always felt more like the protector. He was the big brother, that was his job, but right now he felt as emotionally and mentally small as he was physically in comparison to Jungkook.

“Okay.” Jungkook’s voice was strong and determined and filled Yoongi with relief. “Just stay here for one second and I’ll be right back and we’ll go. Okay?”

Yoongi gave a weak nod and sunk into a crouch against the wall, his head hung forward in his hands as Jungkook quickly walked away. He glanced to the side and through his fingers he saw Jungkook talk to Taehyung, who seemed surprised but gave a few nods. Faintly, Yoongi heard Taehyung say he’d take care of the church, and through the slowly calming panic in his brain, made a note to thank Tae later on for being such a great friend. Jungkook returned and helped Yoongi to his feet. They quickly made their way out of the church through a backdoor.

“Thanks, Kook,” Yoongi said weakly as they stood outside in a backstreet and waited for the taxi Jungkook had ordered on his app.

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh, feeling shamed and pathetic. Jungkook smiled.

“Don’t thank me, Yoonie,” he said softly. “I’m here for anything you need, even if you wanna run away to Africa.”

Yoongi snorted at the unexpected comment and cracked a grin.

“Doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” he muttered. “Mom is going to kill me.”

Jungkook snorted. “I’m sure she’ll find a way to kill me too.”

Jimin had found himself in a few compromising positions before, but he had never found himself hiding behind a pot plant and praying so hard that he wasn’t going to get caught. He didn’t dare breathe, move, blink, even though the plant was tickling his face so much he wanted to scream - he couldn’t, not until Jungkook and Yoongi were safely locked away inside the elevator and the doors were closed. When they were, he let out a long breath of relief and then his heart thundered in his chest at the realisation: they’d hardly been gone an hour. It was way too early for them to be back.

Slowly, and with a bashful smile at the staff who were watching him with an eyebrow raised from across the lobby of the hotel, he stepped out from behind the plant, smoothed down his clothes and then rushed back over to the elevators while pulling out his phone and frantically sending Tae a million messages. All he could think was that if Yoongi was here, he wasn’t at the church, and if he wasn’t at the church, he wasn’t getting married.

What did that mean?What did that mean?

He paced around his room, running a hand through his hair and keeping his eyes plastered on his phone on the bed, waiting for a message. He was surprised when instead of Taehyung calling him, it was Namjoon.

Tentatively, he picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jimin.” Namjoon sounded tired. “Taehyung asked me to call you. He’s busy trying to smooth things over with the families and guests in Yoongi’s stead.”

Jimin’s heart raced again.

“You - you know I’m here?” He asked in a small voice.

Namjoon hummed. “Tae filled us in,” he replied.

Jimin slumped down onto the bed. “Oh.”

He heard Namjoon sigh down the other end of the line. “It’s not great what you did, Jimin, but I understand and honestly,” he lowered his voice, “I’m kind of glad Yoongi decided not to go through with the wedding. I’m not saying it was your doing, and it doesn’t excuse you at all, but I think this is the best outcome for him long term.”

“I didn’t want to stop him from being happy,” Jimin whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Namjoon sighed. “I believe you, but I don’t believe you didn’t want the wedding to be called off,” Namjoon said bluntly. “You’re not that naive, Jimin. You were hoping he’d race off into the sunset with you, so don’t try and make it seem like your intentions were all innocent.”

Jimin swallowed, feeling the sting of Namjoon’s harsh but softly spoken words.

“Anyway, Kook and Yoongi are probably back at the hotel by now and we’ll be back soon too. Most of the guests that travelled aren’t going to waste a party with free food and alcohol, and it’s all paid for anyway. Hang on a second — ” In the background, Jimin heard Namjoon talking to someone else and faintly recognised Becky’s voice.“Yeah, I’ll tell him now,” Namjoon said.“Can you and Hobi go save Tae? He looked ready to snap.”He returned to the phone call. “Jimin, hey listen, I doubt Yoongi will join the party, so come and have a drink with us. No one is mad at you, I promise. Just a bit confused.”

Jimin bit his lip. He wasn’t sure he could face any of his friends, to explain anything to them. He didn’t think he was ready for that.

“I think I’ll stay in my room,” he murmured after a moment. “I’ve done enough damage today.”

Namjoon was quiet.“Okay,”he said eventually.“I won’t push you, but you shouldn’t hide away either.”

“I think I might deserve to,” Jimin answered.

“You don’t,” Namjoon replied.“We’ll come to you when we can, how about that?”

“Sure,” Jimin replied reluctantly.

“Send me your room number then. I’ve got to go, the cars are here,”Namjoon said.

“Bye, Joonie.”

Jimin hung up and dropped his phone on the bed beside him. He pulled one knee to his chest and rested his chin on it as he sat at the end of the bed, contemplative and regretful and conflicted. Namjoon was right, like usual. Jimin really wasn’t sure what he expected from Yoongi, but part of him had hoped that the wedding would be called off, and then it was. But he also really meant it that he wanted Yoongi to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him -one day he might have been able to learn to accept it and move on.

But in the end, Jimin’s thoughts kept coming back to the one simple truth that was making his heart leap with sparks of joy and hope:

Yoongi wasn’t getting married.

“This is the most irresponsible, ridiculous, and downright embarrassing thing you have ever done, Min Yoongi.”

His mother was furious. She sat with her arms folded, legs crossed, and a scowl of glaring disapproval on her face. She wasn’t the kind of woman who screamed and yelled when she was upset, she cut at you with sharp and cruel words. Jungkook had taken the brunt of her displeasure for all their lives for whatever twisted reason, but that hadn’t meant Yoongi was spared, he’d just made sure to hide it from his little brother when he could. Now, there was no escaping it, or the heavy disappointment rolling off his father in waves, who always took their mothers side.

“I have never been so embarrassed in all my life,” she continued, lips pursed. “To have to watch my own son run away from his wedding - a wedding that many people paid a lot of money to travel across the ocean to watch - in such a shameful display. It was mortifying.”

Yoongi wondered how it was possible that she managed to make the entire debacle about her, instead of asking how he was feeling, how he was doing, why he’d done it in the first place.

“There are many ways to go about breaking an engagement, but doing so at the alter is not the act of the man I thought we raised you to be,” his father contributed.

That hit Yoongi hard. He already felt ashamed of what he’d done, it hearing it from his father like that made him feel even worse than hearing Ailee’s tears over the phone.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

There really wasn’t anything else he could say.

“And where on earth is your brother?” His mother questioned with irritation. “He shouldn’t be flitting about when his family is in crisis.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “He’s not ‘flitting about’,” he said. “He was with me earlier but I told him to go and take a break.”

His mother’s fingernails tapped on her forearm and her lips pursed further. Yoongi picked up his phone and sent a text to Jin to find Jungkook, knowing it would be better for him to come sooner rather than later considering the way their mother was looking now. Thirty minutes later, with growing impatience clear on both his parents faces, Yoongi felt relieved when he heard a knock on the door. His father moved to answer it.

“Who is it dear?” His mother asked.

“Jungkook,” his father replied, stepping to the side so Jungkook could enter.

“Oh, so he’s finally decided to show his face then?”

Yoongi grit his teeth with frustration, seeing the way that Jungkook’s shoulder’s curled slightly and he seemed to shrink under their mother’s gaze as she eyed him up and down.

“It’s amazing you found time to freshen up when we’ve been dealing with a crisis,” she said to him.

Jungkook’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t say anything in response, and Yoongi had enough of seeing him unfairly treated for no reason.

“Mom, leave him be,” Yoongi said, tired and annoyed. “Nothing about this is Jungkook’s fault, he only did what I asked of him.”

“He shouldn’t have listened to you,” their mother retorted swiftly, voice displeased. “I mean, honestly, Yoongi. Running out on your own wedding is one thing, but Jungkook - you let him?” She shook her head and once again, and Yoongi felt his own impatience at her rise. He clenched his fist on his thigh and looked at their father, who seemed content to say nothing.“You should know better.”

Jungkook clenched his jaw and looked away. “Is that all you wanted to see me for?” He asked. “To berate me and make me feel like a dick when I didn’t do anything wrong?”

“Didn’t do anything wrong?” Their father questioned sharply. “You aided your brother in destroying his chance of happiness with a perfectly good woman. You’re not a child anymore, Jungkook. You should know your actions hold consequences.”

Yoongi could hardly believe what he was hearing. It was ridiculous, and he hated that Jungkook had been right when they were leaving the church: somehow they would always find a way to turn things on him.

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook muttered under his breath.

“Oh, speak up, Jungkook,” his mother sighed. “I hate it when you mumble.”

Jungkook plastered a fake smile on his face, but before he could snap, Yoongi was up and by his side, a hand on his arm.

“That’s enough,” he said, voice hoarse but firm. He he glared at their parents, who seemed surprised by his outburst. “If you’re going to be rude to Jungkook when he’s done nothing wrong, then you can leave. You’ve been harsher to him in the last three minutes than you have been to be in the last half-hour. What the fuck is your problem?”

“Yoongi, watch your language, son,” their father said warningly. “You don’t speak to your parents like that.”

Yoongi scoffed.

“Doesn’t matter, Yoongi,” Jungkook murmured. “I’ll just leave.”

Yoongi shook his head, hating that he could hear the hurt in Jungkook’s voice. “No. You stay. They go.”

“Excuse me? I am your mother, Min Yoongi. You don’t get to order me around like that.”

Yoongi stared at her, unflinchingly and hard.

“Get. Out.”

A tense silence filled the room, and Yoongi felt his hand tighten around Jungkook’s forearm. His brother was not leaving.

“Fine. We’ll see you in the morning when you’ve calmed down,” their mother sniffed. ��Clearly you’re in no state to speak rationally.”

They left and Yoongi sunk back down into the couch with a heavy sigh and Jungkook did the same beside him.

“Sorry, Kook,” Yoongi apologised. “I don’t know why they’re so…”

“It’s fine, I’m used to it,” Jungkook answered tiredly.

Yoongi frowned. “You shouldn’t be,” he said. “I’ll talk to them.”

Jungkook shook his head. “Don’t. Won’t help.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll always be the disappointment in their eyes.”

“Maybe I should leave another bride at the alter and see if that changes,” Yoongi joked lamely, his voice a little lighter in an attempt to make Jungkook smile.

His brother chuckled, and that was satisfying enough for his protective instincts. They sat together on the couch for a while in silence.

Jungkook broke the quiet. “How was your chat with Ailee?” He asked.

“About as you’d expect,” Yoongi scoffed. “She’s furious and hurt and embarrassed. Called me every name under the sun.”

Jungkook hummed in response, and Yoongi wondered what he was thinking, if he agreed with Ailee.

“But… thanks,” Yoongi said, picking at his slacks. “Thanks for listening to me in the church. It was for the best I think.”

“Me too,” Jungkook replied, a little hesitantly. “I know you’ve said you moved on, but, I don’t think you have. Not completely.”

There it was: Jimin. Yoongi knew he was going to be brought up sooner or later. In the quiet of his hotel suite, with just his little brother as company, Yoongi finally let himself be a little honest.

“No.” Yoongi let out a long sigh. “I don’t know if I ever will, to be honest. I’ve tried, but I just - everything comes back to Jimin in the end.”

“What are you going to do?” Jungkook asked.

Yoongi was silent, his lips pursed as he thought. “I’m so fucking angry at him,” he blurt out, surprising Jungkook and himself with the fierceness of his words and how much he really meant them. He was confused, yes, but more than anything he was really, really angry. “I can’t face him right now. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to hear his voice. I really - I’m so angry.”

Jungkook put a hand on his thigh and gave a brief squeeze before letting it fall away and again. It was a comforting touch, a silent communication of being understood. They fell into a companionable and comforting silence, one they’d had their whole lives. Neither of them were extroverted, so talking for comfort was more exhausting than anything else. The other just being there was enough for them.

“Ailee doesn’t want the honeymoon,” Yoongi said after a while. “I don’t know what to do. It’s all paid for and non-refundable.”

“You could give it to Hobi and Becky,” Jungkook suggested after a few moments.

He hadn’t thought of that. The only thing he’d thought of was how insane and pathetic it would be if he went to Greece alone using their honeymoon package.

“Oh. Yeah. That’d be good if they can get the extra time off work,” Yoongi nodded. “I’ll call them to come so I can ask.”

They fell into silence again for a moment and Yoongi picked at his slacks again absently, thinking that he needed to do what Jungkook had done: shower and change into something more comfortable.

“Should I go to see him?” Yoongi asked quietly, staring down at his legs. “Jimin, I mean. I’m angry, but I - I don’t know. What do you think?”

Yoongi looked at him and saw that Jungkook hadn’t been listening at all.

He blinked and glanced at Yoongi. “Huh?”

Yoongi gave a small roll of his eyes. “Don’t worry, it’s not important. I’m gonna call Hobi and Becky. Do you want to stick around?”

Jungkook swallowed, and Yoongi was glad he could read Jungkook pretty easily. He could see he was torn. He would stay if Yoongi asked him, but it was clear he wanted to go.

“Just go,” Yoongi pushed his shoulder with a small smile. “Clearly you’re distracted by something.”

Jungkook gave him a searching look. Knowing what he was looking for, Yoongi’s expression softened.

“I’m okay, Kook. I just want to rest.”

“Just call me, okay? Love you, Yoon.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Yoongi looked away. “You too.”

I love you.

The words echoed in his head, and Yoongi closed his eyes and let his head and neck fall back on the couch.

Everything was such a damn mess.

Jimin sunk into his seat and kept his head down and his eyes on his phone, taking small, quick opportunities to surreptitiously glance at Yoongi who was sitting across the airport lounge. He was firmly ignoring Jimin’s existence, which Jimin had been warned by Jungkook would happen. At least they were sitting in different sections of the plane and the chance they’d run into each other was extremely low - unless they used the bathroom at the same time or something. Jimin was determined not to let that happen, and apparently Yoongi was too, he didn’t see him at all for the entire duration of the flight - not until they were going through customs and Jimin happened to see him a few rows down, passing through the gate.

Their first communication came while waiting for a cab home. Yoongi was waiting for him, which surprised Jimin. Without warmth and without looking him in the eyes, Yoongi told Jimin they were sharing a cab home since they lived on the same block. It wasn’t a question and he left no room for argument, and Jimin was too nervous to speak, terrified that he’d say something wrong and Yoongi would snap at him, so he just nodded. The cab ride home was long, awkward, and tense. Even the driver didn’t speak to them and kept the radio on low. Yoongi spent the whole time looking out the window, and Jimin tired to do the same and distract himself with the familiar sights of the city as they drove. The dull grey of the early morning reflected his mood pretty well: a bit lifeless, wallowing a little.

They pulled up to the curb in a space somewhere almost halfway between their places, and before Jimin could offer, Yoongi paid for the ride. When they were both on the street, bags in hand, Jimin quietly told him that he’d transfer money for his share of the ride.

“Don’t bother,” Yoongi answered shortly. “I don’t want anything from you.”

Jimin winced at the snap in his tone and the way the words sounded so final and harsh. He gave a small nod and looked away. He heard Yoongi give a sigh.

“Jimin, I - ” Jimin looked back at him, but Yoongi had turned away and was shaking his head. He looked back at Jimin, but again didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I need time,” Yoongi said finally, his lips pressed into a firm line and his brow creased.

“That’s fine,” Jimin replied slowly. “I understand.”

“I really don’t think you do,” Yoongi said sharply, causing Jimin to frown in confusion. “I need time away from you. I can barely even look at you right now.”

Oh.Jimin swallowed, feeling his heart thump painfully inside his chest and his stomach twist with bitter regret.

“That’s - okay. I’ll just… go then.”

Slowly, Jimin turned away from Yoongi. He was waiting for some kind of sign that maybe Yoongi would change his mind, but nothing came. Yoongi remained silent and all he could hear was the sounds of the city; cars honking, faint voices, windows opening and doors closing. Jimin felt his throat tighten and his eyes prick with unshed tears.

This was fair, he supposed. After all, he had been warned that Yoongi was angry, and he knew that Yoongi often needed time and space to sort through his emotions before confronting them. He had basically be the catalyst for ruining what was supposed to be the most important day in his life. Being dismissed was to be expected.

Each step he took from Yoongi was heavy and difficult, and he wondered if he was imagining the feeling of eyes boring into his back as he walked away.

Jimin eyed Taehyung suspiciously from across the living room as he smiled down into his phone, not paying attention to the movie they were supposed to be watching. It was obvious that he was texting someone, and it was clear that the conversation was with someone special. People didn’t smile like that in conversation with regular friends.

He bit the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. Taehyung hadn’t dated anyone in a while. Over the last few years, Jimin had noticed that he’d become a lot more picky with who he let in. Not that Taehyung was a serial dater before, but he had been a lot more willing to put his heart out on the line. He didn’t know exactly what had changed, but he remembered one night when they’d been drinking and Taehyung had confessed he was tired of feeling like people didn’t care to actually get to know him, they just liked the way he looked. That, Jimin could understand. Taehyung was one of the best looking people he’d ever met, and he knew there was a few people that Tae had dated in the past that had just wanted him to be a trophy on their arms. It made Jimin both angry and sad.

As much as Jimin wanted to pry, he watched Taehyung bite his lip to try and stop the smile that was spreading over his face, and decided to keep quiet. If Tae was finally opening up to someone, and looking as happy as he was, Jimin didn’t want to jinx it. Tae would tell him when he was ready.

Jimin turned his attention back to the movie, but he wasn’t really paying attention either. His mind was turning with anxiety at the evening festivities that had been planned in their apartment. It was nothing to special, just a group get together, but whether or not it would actually happen was up in the air. It had been six weeks, and Yoongi had avoided Jimin like he was a plague. He never stayed when Jimin arrived, he never spoke to him, he didn’t look at him. Jungkook said that he was just being stubborn now, but Jimin wasn’t so sure. Over the last few weeks, after his emotions had settled, he was filled with so much regret and shame and embarrassment.

A few hours later, Jin and Jungkook waltzed into their apartment, arms filled with plates of food for them all to eat and Jin loudly questioning why they were the ones that had to do the cooking every time, and Taehyung playfully reminding him that he offers every time.

While Taehyung and Jungkook set up the food on the coffee table, Jimin found himself alone in the kitchen with Jin, who was looking at him with his arms folded over his chest. Jimin raised an eyebrow at him.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Jimin questioned.

“Namjoon said Yoongi’s coming tonight,” Jin said.

Jimin tried not to show too much emotion, he just nodded slowly.

“Have you spoken to him?” Jin asked.

“He doesn’t want to speak to me,” Jimin replied. “So, no.”

Jin let out a little huff. “Stubborn,” he muttered. “Well. I hope things change soon.”

Jimin gave Jin a tight smile. “Me too,” he said quietly.

Within the next hour, everyone except Yoongi had arrived and were all sitting in the living room, on the couches or on the floor around the coffee table that was laid out with food and plastic cups of wine because they were classy people.

Jimin, apparently attuned with the front door, heard it open above the sound of Hobi and Jin’s loud laughter, and froze with wide-eyes as Yoongi quietly arrived. He watched as Yoongi slipped off his jacket and laid it over a chair in the kitchen, and greeted the others who called out to him with small eyebrow pumps and nods of acknowledgement.

He looked down at his hands on his lap and picked nervously at his fingernails, waiting with bated breath for Yoongi to make some excuse as to why he was only going to stay a short time. But nothing was said, and Yoongi sat down on the space left to him on the couch.

The whole room was silent, and Jimin felt his skin crawling with nerves and attention and he didn’t trust that something wasn’t going to happen. That Yoongi wouldn’t leave, or that he should stay. Just as he was about to stand up and retreat to his room, to give Yoongi the space he wanted, the tension was broken.

“Well, all right then,” Jin said loudly, clapping his hands once. “I didn’t slave over this food for no one to eat it.”

Jungkook snorted. “I cooked half of it, don’t try and claim credit.”

And just like that, with Jin and Jungkook bickering, and Hobi reaching for more food, for the first time in six weeks, Jimin glanced at Yoongi and felt a tight knot loosen inside his chest.

“So you finally decided to stop torturing Jimin.”

Yoongi looked up from his work bench to the doorway of his office at Namjoon, who was leaning on the doorway with a coffee tumbler in each hand, looking at him with slight amusement in the way his eyebrow was quirked and lips lifted in a slight smile.

“That better be a coffee for me,” he grunted out, ignoring Namjoon’s comment.

Namjoon walked over and placed one of the tumblers on his desk before sitting down in one of the chairs by his work desk. Yoongi took a sip of the drink and gave a sigh of satisfaction at the taste of the coffee.

“Thanks,” he muttered, turning his attention back to the blueprints he was looking over.

“Sure,” Namjoon responded. “But I’m not dropping the subject.”

Yoongi closed his eyes briefly and then looked back up at Namjoon, who was just staring at him expectantly. Yoongi knew that Namjoon wouldn’t let it rest, not now. He’d asked for space from everyone, not just Jimin, but now that had changed and Namjoon was someone he wanted to confide in.

“I wasn’t torturing him,” he grumbled. “I told him I needed space.”

Namjoon hummed. “Six weeks is a long time to ignore someone’s existence.”

Yoongi narrowed his eyes and Namjoon held up his coffee-less hand in defence.

“I’m just saying. I get it, I do. It was a long time, that’s all,” he said, pausing for a moment. “Yoongi, are you okay, really?”

Yoongi sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m okay.”

He was. He had to admit, although it had taken a few weeks to come to terms with it, that not marrying Ailee was the right thing. That, at the very least, Jimin’s confession and his subsequent breakdown had resulted in something good. He didn’t love her - he was fond of her, yes, and he missed her company and friendship, but love? His real feelings had been obscured with good intentions and settling.

So, Yoongi was okay. “I’m just tired,” he told Namjoon.

“Of what?” Namjoon asked.

Yoongi shrugged. “Being angry, feeling confused.” Emotions in general, in a wider sense. He walked and sat down heavily on the chair beside Namjoon. “It’s exhausting.”

Namjoon chuckled. “Anger is exhausting” he agreed, taking a sip of his coffee. “So.” He leaned forward, eyes intent and it made Yoongi lean back slightly, a little wary of what he was going to say. “What are you going to do about Jimin now?”

“I don’t know what you mean?” Yoongi replied evasively. He didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Jimin,” Namjoon flat and unimpressed. “He told you he — ”

“I know what he said,” Yoongi snapped, quickly cutting him off with a glower.

Namjoon leaned back. “So you’re just going to ignore it then?” He asked. “Pretend that it never happened? Is that your plan?”

“And so what if it is?” Yoongi questioned defensively.

“He loves you, Yoongi,” Namjoon shot back, narrowing his eyes. “You can’t ignore that and pretend it never happened.”

“I’m not pretending anything,” Yoongi snapped. He shifted in his chair. “I don’t - I’m not in love with him.”

Namjoon let out a long sigh and sat back on his chair.

“Okay.”

Yoongi looked at Namjoon, who was looking away and drinking his coffee. He frowned.

“I’m not,” he reiterated.

Namjoon looked at him. “Okay,” he repeated.

“I’m not, Namjoon,” Yoongi’s frown deepened.

“I said okay,” Namjoon said with a shrug. “If that’s what you believe, then I believe you.”

“I don’t have to believe it, it’s the truth.”

“Okay,” Namjoon said again.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Yoongi snapped. “Stop saying that.”

“Then stop lying to yourself,” Namjoon replied calmly. “You’ve always loved Jimin and that’s why you couldn’t marry Ailee. Stop pretending it’s not true and admit your fucking scared to face it.”

Yoongi’s fist clenched around his tumbler and he glared at Namjoon, who looked back at him, unaffected. He wanted to tell Namjoon to shut up, to tell him that he was wrong, but the words were stuck in his throat and he couldn’t get anything out. Instead, he sat silent and fuming and Namjoon sat just as quietly beside him.

“Fuck you, Namjoon,” Yoongi said without any bite, the tension leaving his body as he spoke. He sighed heavily, his free hand rose to his face and his fingers and thumb rubbed at his temples. “Why do you know me so well,” he muttered.

“Yoongi,” Namjoon said his name softly. “I know we’ve teased you about your feelings for Jimin in the past, but isn’t this what you wanted since you were a teenager?”

Yoongi bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at the coffee in his hand.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” he said quietly. “I moved on.”

“Did you?”

No.His mind supplied the answer immediately and without hesitation. No, he didn’t. Yoongi didn’t think he ever would. Jimin was - he was Jimin. There wasn’t any other explanation that he could give as to why. Everything that ran through his mind as he stood at the altar was proof of that Jimin was an existence so big and full of feeling that Yoongi couldn’t erase him, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Jungkook - ” Yoongi paused. “I keep asking myself why now? Why after all this time did he decide to - to have feelings for me now?” he said, starting again. “But then, Jungkook and Taehyung both told me he’s had feelings for me for longer than I knew Ailee. I just - ” he cut off with a frustrated sigh. “I don’t understand him. He - He knew.”

Yoongi felt his face get warm, speaking truths he’d kept hidden for a long time, but couldn’t hold back any longer. Not with Namjoon, who he trusted as much as he did Taehyung - he just couldn’t talk about this with Taehyung, who was so close with Jimin.

“He knew, even as a teenager. He always knew how I felt. He never said anything, he just - teased.”

“Maybe he was scared,” Namjoon offered.

“Of what?” Yoongi asked, looking back at Namjoon. “Rejection?”

He scoffed like it was a bad joke, because to Yoongi, the idea of rejecting Jimin was a joke. One that made him feel bitter and regretful whenever he remembered that morning in London, which was every single day. He was haunted by the look on Jimin’s face, by him walking away, by the confusion and guilt he felt over that had long overtaken the anger he’d felt.

“Everyone is scared of rejection,” Namjoon said softly. “Even people like Jimin, who can flirt and tease with the best of them. I don’t know, Yoongi. I wish I did, but I don’t know what Jimin was thinking. You should talk to him.”

Yoongi pressed his lips together. He knew that the conversation was long overdue. He knew he should talk to Jimin, but actually doing it? He didn’t know if he could, because —

“Even if he still, still feels for me, he won’t for long,” Yoongi murmured into his coffee. “He’ll move on. It’s just familiarity.”

He didn’t look at Namjoon, but he could feel the wide-eyed stare at the side of his face.

“I’ll never understand why you think so lowly of yourself,” Namjoon said after a few moments, his tone sad. “You’re worth more than any other guy Jimin has dated over the last few years, and he’s finally realised it. Don’t be so unkind to yourself.”

Yoongi didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and changed the conversation to work. Namjoon gave him a resigned look but didn’t try to keep pressing him. His words stuck with Yoongi for the rest of the day, fighting against his own insecurities until he walked into his apartment and silenced his mind by blasting music through his speakers for an hour.

Hoseok called by unexpectedly at 8 p.m. Yoongi invited him in, taking in the nervous expression on his face with a slight frown and offered him a beer or some food. The food, he declined, but he accepted the beer and sat down at Yoongi’s dining table, staring hard at the wood until Yoongi sat beside him and questioned what was on his mind.

It turned out he wanted advice that apparently only Yoongi could give because everyone else in their friendship group was single.

He was going to propose to Becky.

“Finally,” Yoongi said with a teasing smile.

Everyone had just been waiting for it to happen. They’d been together for three years, lived together for two, had two dogs, and every thought they were married anyway - that was how in-sync their energy was. Hoseok gave him a little smile, tight but there was a flush of embarrassed happiness in his face too. From the pocket of his jacket, he pulled out the ring box and laid it on the table before sliding it over to Yoongi.

“What do you think?” He asked, voice worried.

Yoongi snapped open the box and his eyes widened slightly at the ring. From the brand stamped on the box he’d been able to tell it was expensive, but seeing the ring itself only confirmed it. The diamond was pink and pear-cut. The brilliance was off-set by the silver band, encrusted with smaller diamonds. He didn’t know much about jewellery, but he knew Becky and he was sure she’d love it.

“Jesus, Hobi. How much did this cost?” He raised an eyebrow.

Hobi laughed, a little higher in pitch than his usual laugh.

“I’ve been paying it off monthly for a year,” he admitted. “Pink diamonds are fucking expensive, but it - I just saw it one and day and I couldn’t not get it, you know?”

Yoongi closed the box and handed it back over to him with a nod. He didn’t have the same experience of a special proposal with a ring or anything with Ailee, theirs was more of a spur of the moment decision and they bought a ring together a few weeks later. But he could understand Hobi - probably Jungkook would understand better in that romantic heart of his, but Yoongi did get it.

“She’ll love it,” Yoongi said with certainty.

Hoseok let out a breath and nodded, and then laughed. “I don’t know why I’m so damn nervous,” he said. “We’ve talked about getting married and having a family for over a year. She’s going to say yes, I mean, I hope she will, but I also know she will? Does that make sense? God, I think picking this ring up just made everything real and I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about right now.”

Yoongi smiled at his rambling. Hoseok didn’t often ramble. He was excitable and often spoke quickly, but he rarely ran his mouth out of control, he was a surprisingly composed person.

“Just take a breath,” Yoongi told him. “You’re thinking about this too much. Take it from me, you’re not going to fuck anything up. You love her and she loves you, and this is something you both want. It’s Becky, and it’s you - not some crazy dramatic shit you see in the movies.”

Hoseok took a deep breath and nodded before taking another sip of his beer.

“You’re right. Yeah, you’re right, Yoongi. I knew I made a good choice coming to you instead of Jungkookie. He’d be to excited to give me good advice,” Hoseok grinned.

Yoongi chuckled. “Yeah, he’d be excited, but I’m sure he could still give you better advice than me. I mean, I fucked up my own marriage and I’m not exactly an expert on romance.”

Hobi made a face. “You didn’t fuck anything up. You just made the right choice at the very last second.”

Yoongi wondered again why every single one of his friends had apparently been against him marrying Ailee but no one said anything. Except Taehyung, albeit he never said it outright, just kept asking if he was sure. Instead of responding, he drank some more of his beer and asked Hobi when he was planning to propose.

Hobi brightened. “Ah. Well. We’re planning to go on a trip to see her family in Mexico in a few months, so I think it’s a good time. I can ask her parents for permission face-to-face instead of over the phone and all that. She’s very family oriented so I think she’ll like it.”

“You know her best,” Yoongi said with a small nod. “Sounds like a good idea.” He snorted. “Asking for permission makes it sound like we live in the 50’s or some shit.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Hoseok laughed. “It’s still important to show respect to your future in-laws.”

“In some cases,” Yoongi murmured.

“Jungkookie would agree with me.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Jungkook is too pure for his own good.”

“That’s why we love him,” Hoseok smiled.

Yoongi felt a surge of fondness and nodded.

“I can’t wait til he brings someone home he’s serious about,” Hoseok said suddenly. Yoongi quirked his eyebrow at his amused tone. “It’s going to be hilarious to watch you be all protective and interrogate him.”

Yoongi pursed his lips. “Yeah, well, he needs someone to find the bad in people sometimes.”

Hoseok snorted. “I’m pretty sure you’re just overprotective.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes he needs that too,” Yoongi said defensively.

He didn’t, not really, and Yoongi knew that. Jungkook was a good judge of character, and in the few instances when he had thought someone was a better person than they were, he did listen to Yoongi. That was the good thing about their relationship, they trusted one another to have their best interests at heart, even if they were talking about something difficult.

When Hoseok left an hour later, he was calm again and Yoongi smiled into his empty apartment, glad that at least someone was happy.

He paused at his bookshelf on the way back to the living room, and reached out to take one of the photo frames in his hand. The picture was about five years old now, and it was one of his favourites. It was a candid photograph Taehyung took of him, Jungkook, and Jimin. It had been a warm spring Saturday, and Jimin had convinced them to go to Central Park Zoo for the day to ‘recapture their youth.’ It was an excuse, he just wanted to see the penguins.

The photo had been taken moments after Jungkook had tripped and accidentally smashed his ice-cream into his chest. Jimin and Yoongi had been laughing hysterically, with Jimin hanging off him and Yoongi clutching tightly onto him as Jungkook stared with hysterical disbelief at his ruined shirt. The image captured all the laughter and hilarity, and it was a moment frozen in time that reminded him of a great day. But what Yoongi would never admit to anyone else was that he loved the picture because he could hear Jimin laughing in it, and that he’d been captured at a perfect moment where his mouth was open and eyes scrunched closed and he looked so unbelievably full of joy that Yoongi sometimes found it hard to look away.

He put the frame back and sighed.

I love you. I’m in love with you.

Yoongi wanted so badly to believe it was true.

Things fell into a weird state of almost-normal between Jimin and Yoongi.

It began after Jimin tentatively messaged him one night after a show they both watched was on TV about what had happened, and to his surprise and relief, Yoongi replied ten minutes later with a small rant on how the shitty writers were messing up the plots with poor decisions. Jimin had clutched his phone to his chest and scrunched his face closed with happiness and smiled when the response came through. From there, they began to talk more often, both in person and over text. Yoongi no longer avoided him, and although the conversations began a little strained and awkward, as the weeks passed they became more natural and easy, and Jimin felt lighter than he had in months.

The only thing that bothered Jimin was that they very obviously avoided the topic of the wedding and his confession. He really didn’t want to relive the humiliation of being rejected, and he didn’t want to risk the rebuilding of their friendship, so he let the topic lay untouched and ignored. Having Yoongi as a friend was better than not having him at all. At least that was what he told himself, but it was hard to believe it when midnight rolled around and he couldn’t sleep and instead he lay in his bed alone, curled into himself, his heart aching with loneliness and longing for something more.

The gym was one of Jimin’s escapes, and the slowly growing stress over the months due to not discussing his confession with Yoongi, had meant he had a lot of excess and restless energy to burn. So he spent a little more time there than usual, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise when he was suddenly approached by a tall and handsome man who wanted to introduce himself since they were there at the same time and could spot each other, or something.

Jimin knew what the ‘or something’ entailed, but he kept quiet about it although he did flirt back with the man, Eunwoo, just a little. It was nice to feel wanted, and he could tell that Eunwoo was attracted to him. Whether he wanted sex or more, Jimin wasn’t sure of, but as time passed on and he and Yoongi remained the same, the more lonely Jimin began to feel, Eunwoo was beginning to look more and more attractive.

Jimin eyed Taehyung’s phone with annoyance as it lit up and buzzed incessantly while he was trying to read over the emails he’d received about some newly proposed school policies. He didn’t know who the heck was messaging him so much, but whoever it was clearly needed him, and Taehyung was in the bathroom.

With a sigh, Jimin put down his mixing spoon and moved to pick up the phone and take it to Taehyung, only to pause when he saw the notifications were from Jungkook - that his screen name had a heart beside it, and, Jimin squinted at the preview of the message that just came through before he opened it and promptly shouted in shock.

Faintly he heard the door to the bathroom open and Taehyung’s footsteps rush over. But all Jimin could see was the messages and the picture and —

“What the fuck? What the fuck?” He breathed in confusion.

“Chim, you’re scaring me,” Taehyung walked over tentatively. “Why’d you scream?”

Jimin spun around, eyes wide and disbelieving, and shoved Taehyung’s phone into his face. Taehyung leaned back to avoid being hit by it.

“What the fuck is this?” Jimin demanded.

Taehyung leaned back and blinked, then he saw what Jimin was showing him and his face drained of colour. He gaped and snatched his phone back.

“N-Nothing,” Taehyung stammered. Taehyungnever stammered. “Why are you looking through my phone?!”

Jimin stared at him incredulously. “Nothing?” He folded his arms over his chest. “Nothing?! Jungkook is sending you nudes and sending texts calling you baby and boyfriend and it’s nothing?” His voice was high and questioning and demanding of an answer. “You better explain this right now, Kim Taehyung!”

Taehyung gripped his phone tightly and then exhaled in defeat.

“Um. Because he is my boyfriend,” Taehyung answered with a wince.

Jimin’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock, and before he could let out the exclamation of expletives on his tongue, Taehyung lunged forward and slapped his hands over his mouth. Jimin grunted in annoyance.

“Don’t make a scene, please, please, please, Chim,” Taehyung pleaded, eyes wide. “Just - I’ll text him to come over and… yeah. Okay?”

Jimin narrowed his eyes and gave a quick nod, and Taehyung slowly dropped his hands from his mouth. Jimin huffed and folded his arms over his chest while Taehyung frantically sent off a series of texts to Jungkook, who arrived practically thirty seconds later, bursting through the door and looking wide-eyed and slightly terrified.

Jimin stared at the two of them and pointed to the kitchen table.

“Sit. Now.”

They sat.

Jimin began his interrogation with the simple questions: is this real, and who else knows, and then,how the fuck did they not tell him before Becky and Hobi?

The responses were also simple and he expected better ones later on when the pair weren’t so shellshocked about being found out so unexpectedly, but he didn’t find himself as surprised by them as he thought he would be, and he didn’t know why. It was Taehyung and Jungkook, but also… it was Taehyung and Jungkook. He watched with curious eyes when Jungkook said he really had to go back and finish his work, then leaned over to press a kiss to Taehyung’s temple before he left, and watched Taehyung blush and avert his eyes.

“Did you not trust me?” Jimin asked when he and Taehyung were alone again. “Is that why you didn’t tell me? I mean, I guess it makes sense after I completely fucked up Yoongi’s wedding.”

Taehyung shook his head vehemently at that suggestion.

“No, no Chim. That’s not even close,” Taehyung stressed. “It was just - well, it’s like we were in our own little world in a way? Just the two of us knowing felt like there was less pressure and we could just be. It’s not that we don’t want people to know, we’re going to tell everyone, just…” he shrugged. “It was nice to be just us for a while.”

Jimin narrowed his eyes again. “And you didn’t know how to tell Yoongi,” he said flatly, surmising the biggest reason for the secrecy.

Taehyung gave a slightly hysterical laugh. “Yeah. That too.”

Jimin let out a sigh. “Well, I get that, I suppose,” he murmured. “He’s really protective of Jungkookie, and you guys have that stupid pact from college too.”

Taehyung ran his hands through his hair and nodded.

“He might surprise you though,” Jimin said after a moment. Taehyung raised an eyebrow and Jimin shrugged. “You never know. Listen. I have an appointment to get to soon, but I’ll be back for dinner. So you and me, we’re going to have a long, long chat about this tonight, okay?”

That night Taehyung was with Jimin, and he demanded to know every detail about his two best friend’s relationship, and he smiled when he saw the relieved look on Taehyung’s face. He knew that Taehyung was bad with secrets, so he was sure he’d been finding it hard to keep quiet as well. They sat across from each other on Jimin’s bed, sharing a plate of brownies and a homemade mojito each.

“So, when did it happen?” Jimin asked eagerly, ready for the detailed answers he’d been craving for. “How did it happen? Why did it happen? Oh my god, this is so unexpected!”

Taehyung laughed and scratched at his cheek shyly. “Um. London actually,” he said.

“In London?!” Jimin exclaimed. No wonder Taehyung had seemed distracted and kept disappearing when he was looking for him.

Taehyung nodded.

“That’s almost five months ago, and you kept it secret all this time?”

Taehyung nodded again. “To be honest, I don’t really know how it happened. It was the night before the wedding and Jungkook had a tough time because of his parents.”

Jimin grimaced. Yoongi and Jungkook’s parents really sucked.

“I felt bad and wanted to cheer him up - ”

“So you fucked him?” Jimin questioned with a laugh.

“What, no!” Taehyung reached over and pushed his shoulder, laughing with disbelief. “We were just hanging out and watching a movie in my room. And then, I don’t know. We were talking about being single at a wedding and one thing led to another…” Taehyung blushed at the memory.

“Ohhh, and then you fucked him,” Jimin grinned slyly.

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Yes, Jimin,” he said with some exasperation.

Jimin laughed and then scrunched his nose. “Ugh. Imagining Jungkookie with someone gives me the heebie-jeebies. I’ve known him too long.” He paused. “Is he good?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes again and then looked away while he answered with a tiny little smile that endeared Jimin.

“Don’t tell him, or I swear to god I’ll castrate you, but fuck - he’s the best I’ve ever been with,” he admitted in a rush.

Jimin fell back with laughter at that. “Okay, okay, don’t tell me anymore though or I’ll throw up,” he said. “So, what next! Tell me everything. I can’t believe it’s been since London.”

“Me either, really.” Taehyung smiled, soft and affectionate.

Jimin tilted his head and peered at Taehyung. “Oh. Tae.” Taehyung looked up at him. “You really like him don’t you?”

Taehyung blinked. “Huh?”

Jimin smiled softly. “Are you in love with him?”

Taehyung opened his mouth and then closed it. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, Chim. I’m so in love with him.”

Jimin felt like he was about to cry, but not because he was sad, because he was so relieved and happy for his friends. Taehyung, notoriously picky with dates, looked so, so happy in a way that he hadn’t seen for a long while, and Jimin knew Jungkook was good.

“Hey, Chim. I need to tell you something. Um, you remember when you first told us about how you felt about Yoongi?” Jimin winced slightly but nodded. “Well, it was around that time when I sort of started to like Jungkook too.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jimin asked, shocked at the admission.

Taehyung shrugged, pursing his lips sadly. “I don’t know. I figured it was just a little crush, and it would go away. It did, mostly, I guess, or at least enough that I could ignore it. Plus, you were all in your head about Yoongi back then, I didn’t want to make you have to think about this too.”

“Tae, even if I was like that, I’d still liked to have been there for you,” Jimin reprimanded him gently. “Does Jungkook know? Did he have feelings for you too?”

Taehyung shook his head. “No and no. I haven’t told him, so you don’t tell him either. And don’t tell him that I love him, I haven’t even told him yet.”

Jimin scoffed. “Of course I’m not going to tell him.”

They both ate a brownie each.

“Is he good to you?” Jimin asked, needing the confirmation despite already being sure of the answer. “Because if he’s not, I’ll beat him up. I don’t care that he’s stronger than me. I’ve known him practically my whole life, I know all his weaknesses.”

Taehyung smiled, happy, shy, and warm and it made Jimin’s heart melt.

“You don’t need to beat anyone up, Chim. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

A little while later, their mojito’s drunk and their brownies demolished, Jimin and Taehyung were laying back on the bed, and finally Taehyung brought up Yoongi.

“So what about you?” He questioned. “How are things with Yoongi?”

Jimin gave a low hum. “I’m sure Yoongi’s told you already.”

“Nope,” Taehyung shook his head, and Jimin was surprised. “He’s pretty much refused to talk to any of us about you unless we force him. Maybe Jungkook knows something, or Namjoon, but they won’t say anything even if they did.”

Jimin sighed. “I just feel like things are never going to be the same between us,” he said sadly. “I get it, I do. I just wish we could be friends without this invisible wall between us. I know it’s my fault, but…” he trailed off. “I miss just spending time together like we used to.”

“Maybe you guys just need a little more time,” Taehyung suggested.

“That’s not it,” Jimin shook his head. “Something has changed and it’s never going to change back.”

Jimin felt the longing gape in his chest.

“Do you still love him?” Taehyung asked quietly.

Jimin glanced over at him, trying not to show that he felt like crying. This time, out of sadness.

“More than ever,” he whispered, smiling sadly. He sniffed and looked back up at the ceiling. “But it’ll never happen, not for us, not now. I’ve been thinking about dating again.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. There’s a guy that goes to the gym with me and he’s been dropping hints about going out together sometime. He seems nice,” Jimin replied. “His name is Eunwoo.”

“But - Jimin, are you sure? I mean, I’ll support you but I really think you need to have a real talk with Yoongi before you decide anything for certain. You know what he’s like, he’ll never talk about something unless he’s confronted with it.”

“I know,” Jimin said, his voice frustrated. “But he knows how I feel. I literally confessed to him. To his face. I flew across the freaking world to do it, and he rejected me.” Jimin sat up and let out an irritated sigh, then rubbed his face tiredly, his longing being replaced with frustration. “I know he didn’t get married, and I’m sorry for causing him so much pain, but why am I the one that has to risk my pride again?”

He wrapped his arms around his knees and bit down on his lip. Beside him, Taehyung sat up slowly beside him and pulled Jimin into a hug, which Jimin fell into easily, needing the comfort.

“I just don’t want you to regret anything,” Taehyung murmured. “Yoongi’s always loved you, since he was 16. But he’s never really believed anything could happen between you two, and when you confessed, it was when he was literally about to get married. He was confused and scared. But Chim - he didn’t go through with the wedding, and the only reason why was because of you.”

Jimin pulled back and stared at Taehyung, his lips pouted and worried that it was true, and that it wasn’t.

“How would you feel if he started dating again?” Taehyung asked him gently. “And you missed your chance again?”

Jimin swallowed and shook his head. “I really don’t want that,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Then you’ve got to decide what you want to do: move on, or fight for him.”

Jimin was quiet for a moment. “Suddenly you get a boyfriend and you’re some kind of relationship expert?” He scoffed. “Jeez, you’ve been watching too many of those rom-coms Kookie likes.”

Taehyung just grinned.

“Yoongi, I think we should go,” Jimin said again, sounding insistent. “I promised Tae he’d have the apartment to himself tonight. We shouldn’t be here.”

Yoongi sighed. “Why are you trying to get me out of here so badly?” He questioned. Jimin’s eyes went wide and Yoongi frowned. He’d only been joking with the question, but now, seeing Jimin’s reaction, maybe there was a reason. “Is Tae on a date or something? Can’t we hang out for a little while and then go? I’m tired.”

Jimin chewed on his lip. “We really should go,” he murmured nervously.

Yoongi walked over to the fridge and took out a can of soda and opened the cupboard to find a packet of chips.

“Five minutes,” he said to Jimin, who reluctantly nodded.

Yoongi watched as he pulled out his phone and frantically began to type. What the heck was Taehyung doing tonight? Murmurs came through the front door, and Jimin snapped his head toward it. He reached out to grip Yoongi’s arm.

“Let’s go to my room,” he said, pulling him.

“Jimin, let me go,” Yoongi pulled his arm back with annoyance.

The front door opened and Jimin sucked in a breath. Yoongi turned to see Taehyung stumble in, wrapped up in a passionate embrace with —

“What. The. Fuck.”

Jungkook and Taehyung froze. Yoongi stared at them, at the hands on each other, at the way they were kissing, and he didn’t understand. But then his eyes drifted from their surprised faces to Taehyung’s hands at Jungkook’s belt and something inside him snapped. What the hell was Taehyung doing with his brother? What the fuck was his best friend doing to his little brother?

“What the fuck?” Yoongi asked again, louder, angrier. “What the fuck is going on?”

Taehyung let out a slew of unintelligible sounds and gripped Jungkook’s forearm tightly. Yoongi’s eyes narrowed in on the hand.

“H-hey Yoongi,” Jungkook stammered out.

Yoongi put down the things he was holding.

“Taehyung.” Yoongi growled his name and Taehyung flinched. “What are you doing with my brother? What the fuck are you doing kissing my little brother?”

He took a step forward and Taehyung took one back.

“Yoongi - Yoon, please. I can explain - ”

“Yoongi, wait, don’t - ”

Jimin stopped talking when Yoongi’s head whipped around to glare him into silence. Yoongi took another step forward and Taehyung stepped back again, and was surprised when Jungkook quickly gripped Taehyung’s hand and pulled him forward again. He paused and narrowed his eyes dangerously at their hands.

“Stop it, Yoongi,” Jungkook said, straightening up.

“You don’t speak,” Yoongi snapped, and Jungkook immediately deflated again. “I’ll deal with you in a minute. Taehyung, you better start talking right now. Are you - what the fuck, are you sleeping with my brother?” Yoongi strained out.

Taehyung looked terrified and “Uh, technically yes, but - ”

Yoongi saw red.

Taehyung’s hand slipped out of Jungkook’s and he was off running. Yoongi took off after him, wanting to throttle him for - fordefiling his brother. But, fuck — he forgot how wily Taehyung could be.

They ended up at either end of the couch, and every time Taehyung moved, Yoongi did too. It was just a matter of time before Tae would make a mistake and he’d get his hands on him.

Taehyung feinted one direction and then shot out the other and tried to run over to Jungkook, only for Yoongi to lunge for him and tackle him to the ground.

“Jesus christ,” Jimin muttered from somewhere behind them.

“Yoongi! Yoongi! Stop. Stop!” Taehyung strained from underneath him, pinned him to the ground. “Yoongi stop, I’m not just sleeping with him. I love him!”

Suddenly room went still. Yoongi froze and stared at Taehyung, who used the second of shock to push Yoongi off him and scramble up to his feet and away from him. Slowly, he raised his head and looked over at his friend, the outrage draining from him as he saw Jungkook staring at his Taehyung with a look of surprise, but something so tender that Yoongi felt his chest clench with affection and protectiveness.

“You love me?” Jungkook asked in a quiet, trembling voice.

“That’s not how I wanted to say it,” Taehyung murmured. “But yeah, Kookie.” He reached out and took Jungkook’s hands. “I love you.”

Yoongi swallowed and he watched Jungkook’s expression soften, a small smile on his lips.

“I love you, too.”

Jimin moving toward him, slow and cautious stole his attention from his brother for a moment. Yoongi felt Jimin’s hand wrap around his own for a moment and squeeze, grounding him back to reality.

“I love you so much,” Jungkook continued. “I was going to tell you tonight, make it special, you know?”

Taehyung huffed a small laugh. “That’s why you organised such a romantic date?”

Jungkook nodded. “You deserve it to be special.”

Taehyung smiled softly. “So do you.”

The moment was so… touching. He almost didn’t want to interrupt, but he had too many questions that needed to be answered. Yoongi cleared his throat and the two of them turned around.

“Can someone - what is happening right now?” He asked, lost and stressed.

Taehyung and Jungkook looked at each other and smiled. They stood side-by-side, holding a hand between them.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you,” Jungkook started. “But Taehyung and I have been dating for a few months now.”

Yoongi blinked in shock. That was not what he’d been expecting at all.

“They didn’t tell anyone,” Jimin said quietly from beside him. “I only found out because I saw something I want to erase from my memory on Tae’s phone.”

“So this isn’t just - you’re not just messing around?” Yoongi questioned uncertainly.

“No,” Taehyung shook his head. “Yoongi - I really love him. I have for a long time. This is real, I promise.”

Yoongi looked at him, and Taehyung looked back, and he read the silent plea for understanding and apology in his best friend’s eyes. He also saw the nervousness and part of Yoongi hated that. He knew Taehyung, he knew that he was picky with who he dated, particularly in recent years. This was a lot to take in though. It was his little brother. His gaze shifted over to Jungkook, lingering for a moment on their entwined hands.

“And you?” He asked Jungkook, his voice quieter. “You’re - you’re happy?”

Jungkook nodded. “I’m happy, Yoon. Taehyung makes me so happy.”

The room was quiet again while Yoongi took it all in. He looked down at the ground with a frown, half expecting to feel that outrage from earlier, but surprisingly all he felt was relief. He looked up again when he noticed Jungkook walk over, and he allowed his younger brother to wrap him into a hug. Yoongi held on to him tightly.

“It’s all okay, Yoon,” Jungkook whispered.

Yoongi didn’t reply, he just squeezed a little tighter and then let him go and cleared his throat. Jungkook looked back over to Taehyung, who also moved forward to Yoongi.

“You - ” Yoongi swallowed as he looked at Taehyung, who paused. “You take care of my brother then,” he said, folding his arms over his chest and giving Taehyung a weak glare. “I don’t care that you’re my best friend. You hurt my brother and no one will find your body.”

Jungkook broke into a grin. Taehyung looked torn between being frightened and amused, which made Yoongi almost smile and lifted a heaviness from his chest.

Jimin laughed from beside them. “You know what. I think we should leave these two to their date, Yoongi, since we apparently interrupted what was supposed to be a night of romantic confessions.”

At that, Yoongi went red with shame. “Sorry about that,” he murmured in apology. “I’m going to need some fucking bleach for what I saw earlier though.”

The four of them all burst out in laughter and Yoongi felt light and happy seeing Jungkook look so happy. He was practically glowing, and Yoongi couldn’t remember the last time he saw his brother like that with someone he dated. Taehyung too.

It was going to take some getting used to, he thought. But, judging from the adoration in Taehyung’s eyes, and the blush on Jungkook’s cheeks, it seemed like it would turn out okay.

After Yoongi found out about Taehyung and Jungkook, the pair became sickeningly couple-like together in a way they hadn’t been able to before. But as much as Yoongi complained and rolled his eyes and gagged, Jimin caught all the relief and fondness in his expression when they weren’t looking. He could tell that the protective brother and friend in him was satisfied with what he saw in their relationship, that he was happy the two of them were happy.

Jimin was happy too. He really was. Taehyung confided in him that everything felt so easy with Jungkook, and Jungkook told him that he’d never felt anything so natural and free before. They were in love with the right people at the right time.

His happiness gave way to loneliness when his heart ached in the nights, thinking about Yoongi. He wanted so badly to feel the love and security that his best friends had found in each other, he wanted to feel warm and free and easy, to hold someone’s hand and kiss their shoulder while watching a movie.

He didn’t wantsomeone, not really, he wanted all of that with Yoongi. His feelings hadn’t faded, had stubbornly remained and strengthened their hold on his heart and mind. Now that they were talking again, friendly again, spending time with each other again, Jimin had to catch himself from showing the truth of the depth of his feelings on more than one occasion. He didn’t want to push anything onto Yoongi, not again.

Yoongi glanced across the table at Jimin laughing and bit the inside of his cheek. They were out for dinner with Namjoon, and Jin. There wasn’t an occasion they were celebrating, but everyone else was busy and they were bored after a long week at work. The conversation flowed easy and amusing, growing slightly more raucous with each glass of wine they drank - or at least it did for the other three, Yoongi stewed over his drinks in a brooding quiet that didn’t go unnoticed. All three of them tried to pull him out of his head and into the conversation at various points, but when it failed they left him be - except for the furrowed brow and concerned glances that Jimin kept throwing at him.

That night in bed, sleep evaded him as his mind churned with thoughts that wouldn’t stop coming, all of them about Jimin.

It had been six months since Jimin confessed to him in London. Nothing had felt like before in those six months, but the last two had been somewhat normal - but that was what grated at Yoongi. The normalcy. The constancy of sameness between him and Jimin over the last however many years.

It was maddening.

He wanted it to change, he wanted it to be different.

But he didn't know how, and after pining alone for so long, he wasn't sure he had the courage to make the first move.

Implosions happen when things are left untouched that shouldn’t be ignored, and Jimin and Yoongi’s relationship was one of those things. The constant skirting around the topic, the squashing of any thought to discuss it, the unacknowledgedsomethingbetween them had reached a point for Jimin that he couldn’t bear anymore. Something had to change.

If he was with any other person, he could consider the evening a date. But he was with Yoongi, and it was just dinner with a friend in a fancy restaurant with a candle on the table for two in a secluded corner of the room, with wine and quiet conversation. Not a date. He sipped his wine as the conversation lulled, Yoongi glancing at him with a slight frown as if trying to figure out why Jimin had been so quiet and short with him tonight. Their food was finished, they had been debating on dessert, and Jimin had had enough. The implosion was imminent.

He swallowed another small sip, looking over the rim of his glass at Yoongi, taking him him. His black hair was soft and looked as if he’d run his hands through it a lot during the day. His glasses were further down his nose than they should be, and Yoongi had a habit of pushing them back up. His cheeks were slightly tinted pink from the wine and the warmth of the restaurant. He looked nice. Good. He looked fucking good and Jimin almost couldn’t stand it. He lowered his glass back to the table, unable to stop the slight bite to the words that spilled out of his mouth.

“So. I’m going on a date tomorrow.”

He wasn’t. Yes, Eunwoo from the gym had finally asked him out on an official date, but he hadn’t said yes to it. But hecouldbe going on a date. That was the point he wanted to make, that was what he wanted Yoongi to know so that he could gauge his response and decide once and for all to give up or not.

“I’m letting you know early on since you never said anything about Ailee, and that sucked for me, since we are supposed to be friends who tell each other things.”

Jimin hoped Yoongi could hear the silent plea in his voice, but from his lack of reaction, the vacant stare he was receiving, he didn’t think so. Jimin’s heart clenched and fell when Yoongi slowly nodded.

“You’re going on a date? Congratulations.”

His voice was flat and emotionless, which made Jimin’s jaw clench.

“Thanks,” he grit out.

A silence taut with frustration - from Jimin - fell between them. Jimin stared hard at Yoongi, who stared back before averting his eyes, raising a hand and calling for the cheque from the waiter.

Jimin scoffed. It was clear Yoongi didn’t want to talk. He never wanted to talk, so they didn’t. If that was the case, then Jimin was tired. He just wanted Yoongi so say something, anything. He stood and grabbed his coat from his chair.

“Jimin, where are — ”

“I’ll pay you back,” Jimin snapped, cutting him off. “Good night, Yoongi. Thanks for dinner.”

Jimin stalked out of the restaurant without looking back, halting on the curb to hail a cab. But before he could get one, Yoongi was beside him, panting a little and looking upset.

“What the hell are you doing, Jimin?” He questioned, annoyed.

Jimin gave a tired laugh. “Oh. Good question. What am I doing?” He let out a long breath and looked up to the light-polluted sky. “What have I been doing the last six months?”

He heard the inhale of breath from Yoongi. A flash of headlights out the corner of his eye caught his attention and he held out his arm and walked onto the street a few steps to hail the cab. He turned back to Yoongi, who was staring at the ground with a ground and tense shoulders.

“You coming or what?” He snapped out.

Yoongi looked up and gave a short nod. The cab ride was tense and silent, much like their ride home from the airport, Jimin recalled. Like their ride home then, they stopped at Jimin’s apartment complex and Yoongi got out with him, deciding to walk to his from there. As soon as they were both out on the empty street and the cab was away, Jimin turned on Yoongi, who seemed to be expecting it.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Yoongi said quickly.

Jimin heaved a shuddering breath, trying to maintain his composure.

“That’s the problem, Yoongi. You never want to talk about it, but we have to, because I’m going insane.”

“What then?” Yoongi shot at him rapidly. “What do you want me to say?”

“Anything!” Jimin exploded. “Something! It happened, Yoongi. I told you — ” He cut off. “I ruined your wedding and we haven’t said anything about it. I can’t pretend anymore.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, and I don’t know why you’re bringing this up now when you have a date with someone else,” Yoongi said, looking away and sounding somewhat bitter, but maybe that was just Jimin’s imagination.

Jimin opened his mouth to tell him he wanted to know what Yoongi thought, to accept or deny him once and for all, but before he could say anything Yoongi spoke again.

“You ruined what was supposed to be the most important day of my life. Fourteen years, I’ve known you for fourteen years and you knew how I felt about you, and that was the day you decided to fuck with my feelings?” Yoongi’s eyes were blazing. “And now you want to talk about it? You’re the only reason why things are fucking weird between us now. Fuck, Jimin, you’ve always been a little selfish, I just didn’t think it was this much.”

Jimin felt like he’d been slapped. He recoiled from Yoongi, whose expression immediately dropped and he paled.

“Wait, no — I didn’t mean that,” Yoongi backtracked.

Jimin shook his head. “No. You did. And you’re right, I was selfish. I have been all my life, but I’m more than aware of that and I try and work on it every single day.”

Jimin grew more impassioned with every word he spoke, and Yoongi seemed to shrink before him. Jimin hated that his eyes were beginning to burn with unshed tears, that having something he was knowingly working on - that Yoongi had known, that they’d discussed years ago - thrown into his face like that, hurt far more than he wanted to admit.

“But you have no right to throw fourteen years in my face, Min Yoongi. No. Fucking. Right.”

Jimin punctuated each word with anger and glared at him, before he shook his head and felt like all his words were wrapped in a cotton wad of anger in his mouth, and he couldn’t untangle what he wanted to say from it. So instead, he walked away, with quick firm steps up the stairs to his apartment complex. Yoongi held the door open before he could close it. Their faces were close together, his eyebrows drawn in tight with a frown.

“You can’t just leave now,” Yoongi said.

Jimin pulled on the door, trying to close it, and huffed with frustration when Yoongi held it open firmly.

“I can and I will. You don’t want to talk, right?” Jimin retorted.

“You started this!” Yoongi shot back.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one ending it, not me!”

The silence from Yoongi made it clear to Jimin that he knew exactly what Jimin had meant with that, that he wasn’t talking about their current conversation at all.

“It never started.”

Jimin stared at Yoongi for a moment.

“Never started,” he murmured. “So it meant nothing to you. London was nothing to you.”

Yoongi said nothing. Jimin pursed his lips and nodded.

“Okay. Okay, have it your way, Yoongi,” Jimin said angrily. “I will start dating again then.”

Yoongi scoffed. “Of course you will.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

Yoongi shrugged. “Nothing. Go ahead, date. Nothing ever means that much to you anyway.”

Jimin looked at him incredulously. “Are you implying — oh, you know what, Yoongi. I’m done. Fuck you.”

Jimin turned away and stormed up the stairs. His eyes were burning and his mind churning with humiliation and regret and hurt and anger, he couldn’t focus on anything except his next steps. He had to get away from Yoongi. From that emotionally constipated man he was too fucking in love with to think straight around, especially right now when everything they’d just said to each other was making Jimin more angry.

He turned his keys roughly, their jangling loud and insistent, and flung the apartment door open and slammed it shut. He stormed into his apartment with barely now contained anger, clenched fists and jaw pressing his teeth together so hard he almost felt pain in his gums. Everything he’d been pushing down for months was coming up.

He spun around quickly when the door opened and closed again and Yoongi stalked inside, eyes intent and focused on him.

“You don’t get to walk away angry like that, Jimin,” Yoongi ground out through gritted teeth. “We’re not done with this conversation.”

Jimin rounded on him and gave a scoff of angry disbelief.

“I think we are,” he answered. “We were done the minute you laid all the blame for this on me. I’m not the only one at fault here! I don’t know what you want from me, Yoongi!” Jimin exclaimed. “You say that you’ve forgiven me and that we’re friends. Fine. But that’s it, that’s all we are. What gives you the right to judge me for wanting to date someone else?”

“I’m not judging you!”

“Then what are you doing?” Jimin shot back. “I’m just trying to move on, Yoongi. You rejected me, remember?”

“You confessed to on my wedding day, Jimin! What did you expect me to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jimin answered, throwing his hands up. “But I never expected you to be this petty.”

“Petty?” Yoongi sounded outraged. “How am I being petty?”

Jimin rolled his eyes, wondering if Yoongi had always been so damn dense, wondering if he’d meant to imply Jimin was a shallow flirt.

“It’s been over six months, and this whole time I’ve been doing my best to make it up to you. I know how much I fucked up that day, and I’ve apologised for it. But I don’t know what to do anymore.”

He felt like he was about to cry, his throat ached and burned, but he kept going, needing to get this out, because finally they werehaving the conversation.

“Just tell me what you want from me, because I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay with how things are. I feel like you’re just dragging my feelings around to punish me. I don’t want to be in love with you anymore if you’re never going to love me back the same.”

The silence stretched out between them, and Jimin stared at Yoongi, begging him with his eyes to respond, to please just respond to him.

“I’m not dragging around your feelings to punish you,” Yoongi said quietly. “I don’t - I didn’t know you felt like that.”

Jimin huffed quietly. “How could you? You never asked.”

Yoongi seemed to take that in with some surprise. With hesitation, he stepped forward, and Jimin stepped back.

“No - don’t come closer,” Jimin said, suddenly feeling scared of the change in Yoongi’s eyes, the change in the atmosphere between them. “I can’t - I can’t do this with you, Yoongi.”

“Do what?” Yoongi asked, frowning slightly, but not out of frustration, but curiosity and confusion.

“This - this weird tension and, and whatever unresolved feelings between us,” Jimin answered, exasperated. “Just talk to me,please,” he pleaded. “If you can’t tell me what you feel, then I can’t do this anymore.”

“I don’t - ” Yoongi cut himself off with a frustrated sigh. “You’re Park Jimin. You’re beautiful and smart and witty and everybody wants you. I’m not - ”

“We’re not in high school anymore, Yoongi,” Jimin cut in firmly.

“I know that,” Yoongi snapped. “But you’re always going to be that unattainable, teasing Park Jimin that was my little brother’s best friend.”

“Unattainable. You - oh my god,” Jimin mumbled, realisation dawned on him.

“What did you say?” Yoongi questioned.

Jimin snapped his head up, exasperation poured out of him.

“You never even tried to attain me!” He exploded. “Never once, never once have you ever even tried to date me. You never asked me, you never gave any hint, you never did anything! Is that your excuse? That I was unattainable so you never bothered to try?”

Yoongi was silent, he looked almost ashamed.

“I cannot believe you, I seriously can’t,” Jimin said, upset and defeated.

He shook his head, a heavy sadness falling on his heart. Him and Yoongi were never going to work out, not like this, and that realisation hurt, and made him angry. He had to get away, he started toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Yoongi asked, almost timid.

“Out,” Jimin snapped. “I can’t be near you right now. Maybe I will go on that date after all. At least I’ll be with someone who has the guts to ask me out.”

He knew the words could hurt, he knew that. But he wanted a reaction, he needed one. But every step felt more and more like defeat as the door loomed before him. Was Yoongi really going to let him go? Was it really over before it began?

“Don’t go.”

Jimin’s heart, feet, body, mind, froze.

“Please don’t go,” Yoongi said again, his voice straining.

Slowly, Jimin turned around. “Why?” Jimin demanded.

Yoongi took a deep breath, looking down at the ground. He was holding onto his coat tightly. He looked like he might have been shaking. Jimin felt his stomach flip with nervous anticipation.

“Because I don’t want you to date someone else,” he said, looking up and staring Jimin right in the eyes. “I don’t want you to stop being in love with me.”

Jimin’s heart unfroze and thundered in his chest. With cautious steps, he walked back to Yoongi, who was standing still, with nervous eyes and pink cheeks.

“Why?” Jimin asked again, softer, but still demanding.

The silence this time was intense in a different way. It was waiting, it was the heavy quiet of a moment that could be everything or nothing.

“Because I love you.”

It was everything.

Jimin struggled to maintain his composure. He was sure Yoongi saw his breath catch. He swallowed, blinked, took a breath and bit down on one side of his lower lip to catch at the smile threatening to bloom.

“You love me?” He questioned, imploring with growing happiness.

Everything felt lighter somehow. Like the last half-hour of fighting and difficulty was washed away, and all that was left was this moment between them.

“That’s what I said,” Yoongi replied.

Jimin felt like his eyes shined when he saw the slight lift in Yoongi’s lips.

“Say it again,” Jimin ordered, taking a step forward.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, amusement in his eyes.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve spent six months thinking you might hate me, and have just been tolerating me, so say it again and I’ll believe you.”

Jimin was smiling. He was smiling from his heart and his entire body felt like it was buzzing, because the look on Yoongi’s face was one of relief and fondness and amusement.

Yoongi sighed and rolled his eyes, but he indulged Jimin.

“I love you.”

Jimin’s heart soared. Then he grew concerned when the nervousness reappeared on Yoongi’s face.

“Do you still love me?”

The question was quiet and vulnerable, but it was unnecessary. Jimin stepped into Yoongi’s space and threw his arms around his neck in a tight hug, nuzzling into his neck. He felt Yoongi’s arms wrap around him and smiled.

Jimin pulled back. “Yeah, I love you, Min Yoongi.”

He didn’t think he’d ever seen Yoongi smile so brightly. He surged forward, their lips coming together in a crash of inevitability, and it felt like coming home, it felt so right that Jimin was smiling and he didn’t care that their teeth hit each other, he was kissing Yoongi.

Both Yoongi and Jimin flinched at the sound of something knocking over and the quiet cursing from Taehyung’s door. Which was open, and occupied, by Taehyung and Jungkook, who were crouched on the floor, looking like deer-in-headlights and staring back at them.

Yoongi let out a quiet sigh, and Jimin glared.

Taehyung cleared his throat and rose to his feet.

“To be fair,” Taehyung said slowly. “You guys are the ones who didn’t notice we were here first.”

Jimin looked at Yoongi, who glanced back at him.

“I guess this makes us even?” He said with a shrug.

Jimin smiled, and ignored the teasing coos coming from his best friends. He pressed a quick kiss to Yoongi’s cheek and loved the way that he went red, and that he could hear Jungkook choking in the background.

Yeah. Maybe it took him almost fourteen years to realise it, but he was so in love with this man, and he was going to keep him around for a long, long time.

#bts fanfic #yoonmin fanfic #alex halcyon bts au #bts one shot #yoonmin #yoongi #jimin fanfic #yoongi fanfic #bts jimin #bts yoongi #taekook

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