Now that Javier experienced Lloyd sacrificing himself do you think he will still want him to go and sacrifice himself and save others or will he be now fine with Lloyd wanting to runaway especially with what he heard through the door?
that's such an interesting question.
to start with javier never wanted lloyd to sacrifice himself. just to be clear. that's not something javier ever wanted of him. he hoped he would try to help others even if it meant risking his life which is different but i guess the difference can be a little tricky.
that being said.
i don't believe javier would ever want lloyd to put himself in danger ever again, not for him, not for the estate, not for anyone else. but. i do think he would subconsciously expect it from him. you get what i mean?
like. he'd never want or think to ask lloyd to risk his life again, he'd do everything in his power so lloyd is never in a situation where he would have to, just like he swore to do in ch 384
And on the other hand, he made a promise. He was determined.
I will protect that stupid friend even more firmly. No matter what happens. No matter what situation comes. I will protect that coward who pretends to be calm.
‘So don’t whine that you don’t want to die. Because that won't happen. If that moment comes, I will be the one who dies. for you... I'm willing to do that.'
so like. as far as javier is aware he would never let lloyd do something like that.
but. he would expect it. because that's what lloyd got him used to. which is,, very important to remember imo. i don't think it's fair to get upset at javer for feeling disappointed when lloyd says he won't put his life at risk for the sake of others when time after time lloyd has shown that he's very much willing to do so. and has explicitly said he will do so. like!! talk about giving mixed signals here!
remember the mastodons incident?? that time javier got upset precisely because lloyd kept putting his life in danger?? and lloyd was the one that told him that sorry but he would keep doing it anyway??
"I fully get what you are saying," Lloyd continued. "And I know you have good intentions. You're telling me to run safely and don't take things into my own hands when danger arises. Right?"
"Yes," Javier confirmed
"But you're upset because I always get winded up in this situation by risking myself, totally ignorant of my place. I'm right on this one, too, right?" asked Lloyd.
"Yes, that's right."
"But what else can I do? I don't think I can be more careful in the future."
"Why is that?" asked Javier.
"There are people that trust and work for me."
Javier wanted to refute and fight back. But he couldn't come up with anything, so he stayed silent. Lloyd continued to speak amid his silence.
"Of course, I don't want to be in danger, either. I'm scared. And I hate dying all the more. But you see, everyone has their own responsibilities," said Lloyd.
like?? i don't think it's unfair for javier to expect lloyd to try to help others even if it means putting his life in danger when this is an actual conversation they had.
the misunderstanding here was that when lloyd said he had a responsibility to others, he meant the people that worked for him, the ones under his care, the people he's in charge of. he owes them that protection because they put his trust in him and he's not gonna betray that even if it means his life.
but javier thinks they have that responsibility with everyone. he thinks it's their duty to protect those than can't protect themselves, even if they're not part of their estate or territory. he believes they owe them that protection because they are stronger than they are and it's their responsibility to do their best to help even if it means their lives.
and guess what! lloyd always ends up coming back to save everyone anyway! despite his fears, despite his protests, he always ends up risking his life for strangers anyway!... okay, mostly for javier but still! javier doesn't know that! he doesn't know that the major reason lloyd disregards his safety is because he cannot stand the idea of javier dying while being a hero! why would he! they're both very stupid when it comes to the other!
as far as javier knows lloyd always ends up doing the altruistic thing despite his words to the contrary. why wouldn't he expect him to do it again even when he doesn't want him to.
so like. yes javier would be okay with lloyd running away but he wouldn't actually expect him to and it would be a jarring surprise to him if lloyd did.
and the thing is. i think if lloyd suggested running away and javier accepted, it would even more jarring for lloyd, because that's just... not what he would expect from javier. which i believe would then send him down a spiral of anxiety and mixed feelings about being the reason javier gave up one of the things he most admired in him that would end up with him deciding to stay and help. thereby confirming exactly what javier expected of him. again.
but again. that's just what i think ajskdjskdfds
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Before I run off to reply to comments and write for today... Can I take a second to talk about Fit's song choices last night? In particular, We'll Meet Again. Because he's always very intentional, so I'm sure he knows the history around the song.
I don't know how well known it is in America, but it's a very famous song in the UK. It was released early in the second world war and performed by a woman named Vera Lynn (known as The Forces Sweetheart, later made a Dame). It is for obvious reasons heavily associated with soliders going to war and making promises to their darlings - and also their families, promising to wait for them back.
Which... Okay you do get enough of this from the lyrics, but also in context - WW2 in the UK was conscription based. Every man 18-41 who was not exempt due to medical conditions or being in protected work (critical infrastructure design/repair, medicine, some farming and food-based jobs, etc). Those with moral or religious exemptions were required to argue their cases in court. Generally speaking, though, 'every man' is the assumption.
Certainly, a man like Fit would be required to go.
Let's say goodbye with a smile, dear
Just for a while dear we must part
Don't let this parting upset you
I'll not forget you, sweetheart
And thus we come to my analysis of it - Fit knows he doesn't have a choice but to continue with the very dangerous mission he's been put on, and to complete it. He has his deadline, and he has his task, and he has the threats looming over him. Backing out is not an option. Staying with Pac and Ramon (and Mike and Tubbo and Phil and everyone else) is not an option. He has to leave them, and he has to comply with the demands of someone with more control than he.
But, for all he likely won't fully explain himself, he's not abandoning them. He doesn't mean to hurt them, he doesn't want them to be destroyed, he doesn't want to loose them.
We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day
He's not saying goodbye forever - he knows he might die, and knows he will be irrecoverably changed - but he's not saying goodbye. He's promising he'll remember, he's promising he'll come back, he's promising this isn't the end, but also...
Fit's asking them to wait for him, to wait for his deeds to be done, to forgive him what he is being forced to do, to love each other in his stead and to be there when he returns.
It's just a question of if they will or not.
Keep smiling through
Just like you always do
'Til the blue skies chase those dark clouds far away
(He could also be referencing Dr Strangelove in which it plays while a nuke wipes out humanity, but I'm supposed to be here with the copium today)
And I will just say hello
To the folks that you know
Tell them you won't be long
They'll be happy to know
That as I saw you go
You were singing this song
We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day
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