#you are shamed if you can't afford to pay for your treatment (the state pays them too btw) but you can't really have a job

[toxicparentrants]

My fiance, son, and I are stuck living with my mom and her boyfriend until we get our house bought in another state, we had wrecked our car and her boyfriend bought one to work for us until we get another car fixed. My fiance spent all day cleaning the house for my mother to come home and start screaming that I didn't do it, I ignored it and asked if she had feminine products as that started for me and I got told to f off. My son was sleeping, thank God bc she was way too drunk as well, I went to my room with my fiance and locked our door. She ended up coming to my door yanking on it and demanding me to open it for me to tell her no so she began punching, kicking, and body slammimg the door. I told her she was being violent and aggressive and I feel unsafe around her being she will assault me (she has before and I successfully defended myself and a few months ago she assaulted my fiance) she continued to scream and beat up my door, while telling me she is cutting all electric and heat to our bedroom (it's like 20 degrees here) this is all happening outside of my sleeping son's room as well. All this bc I asked for tampons and the house was spotless. I then tried to leave to go get some from a friend that told me not to waste the money bc they have plenty, I was threatened that she'd have me arrested for stealing the car that my name is also on the insurance for and they voluntarily gave me the keys to, I got so many harassing texts from her and her fiance for trying to get a necessity so I went back into the house to say I have to go get these, it's now an emergency, I was also now covered in blood and the pizza guy showed up and saw me and heard me talking about needing them and he also heard her refusal in the words "sit and suffer in your own blood that's your own problem I'll put you in jail and come Monday I'm taking your son with cys", it literally took the pizza guy judging and shaming her to let me leave to get those. this is only something that happened today. I have too many experiences with her. I just hope this house thing gets done sooner than later. I want to leave and never see or talk to her again. She tries to use my son as leverage and has made me lose jobs by holding the car over my head that I pay for gas, oil, new parts, insurance, etc for. My mother is an abusive narcissist with a substance and alcohol issue. She has her boyfriend completely snowed even though he's witnessed her starting stuff with my fiance and I just to take the heat off of her getting caught cheating with their mutual friend.

I just need to vent. I've been holding my experiences in without ever talking about them since I was a child. My fiances parents both passed away this year, if they hadn't we wouldn't be here right now, we'd be at their house. I miss them and I'm beginning to become physically ill due to depression and anxiety bc of my mother's poor behavior and treatment of us. It's affecting my son at this point as well. It's all embarrassing and upsetting. We're trying to find somewhere to rent here to wait it out, but can't find anywhere with 2 bedrooms bc my town sucks honestly.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that. You don’t deserve that neither does your son or fiancé. I was in a position where i went from one volatile home to another and it was being an adult living with other people that are very toxic and bad to you but not being able to find or afford your own place it’s terrible. I hope that you guys can be in a better place soon away from all of that. Your emotions are valid and you shouldn’t be treated that way.

#rant #vent #anon vent #toxic parents #abuse #toxic #child abuse

[1zashreena1]

What do you consider growing up middle class?

I am going to answer as honestly and sincerely as I can based on my own experience

If your parents told you to just focus on your studies instead of get a job because they need your help to pay the electric bill

If you were ever gifted a car of any age/maintenance state

If college was a given assumption and not a silly kid pipedream

If you had an icemaker, central air, and washer-dryer

If you didn't use every last edible centimeter of fruits and vegetables

If you paid someone else to clean your house

If you could get new glasses AND see the dentist in the same year

If ordering pizza was a routine event rather than a special occasion

If your back to school shopping consisted of completely new clothing

If you had hobbies that cost money or required your parents to invest time and effort (like traveling to tournaments or getting you specific gear/equipment)

You took a family vacation more then twice growing up and those vacations weren't just visiting extended family a little ways away because staying with them is free

You went on a class/school trip

You flew anywhere as a child

You had a passport

Your parents didn't hoard extra prescription meds so that the next time you got sick you could just take the leftovers and not require paying for another round of Dr visit and pharmacy costs

You had more than 1 bathroom in your home

You were allowed to pick something out every time you went grocery shopping

You didn't really worry about how you were perceived when walking into stores/restaurants because you weren't desperately hoping that no one could tell your financial status from the state of your clothes

You didn't have to learn how to run a household by 16 because you had parents who could afford to be home and awake to do that for you

Your only hope of escaping your hometown and breaking free wasn't selling your entire existence to a deeply disturbing national war machine by enlisting in the military or similarly selling yourself by marrying rich

The best paying jobs available weren't physically damaging or dangerous (like how I destroyed my back unloading trucks because it paid way more than cashiering or waiting tables or how I knew multiple people doing construction at the risk of severe accidents or corrections to get paid more while risking violence)

You could afford to take time out/off when sick, whether it be the flu or full on depression

I'm sure I could think of more but just some things off the top of my head. Please remember that my experiences are directly related to the specific area/culture/time period in which I grew up and are not universal. Do not come for my parents who were doing the best they could with what they had, understand that me working to help pay the bills was while they were working 2 jobs and 70 hours a week simultaneously, they were not abusing me in this regard, it was just our reality. Also, on that last point, I am not shaming people that can't or don't work for whatever reason, I am stating that the option of recuperating in peace was simply not available to me, and I was previously diagnosed with major depression, have attempted suicide multiple times, and am now known auDHD with pmdd. So I understand the need but could never have it (and yes this has resulted in huuuuge life problems for me).

I am lower middle class now at 38 because I was able to put myself back thru school twice while still working and "married above my social station" (lol) and my partner has been able to take care of me in ways I considered as fairy tale movie stuff (like pay for my health insurance so I could get cancer treatment). I could not have done so without them. So I get it. I do take time off now, I do have a passport and take international vacations, I do get my glasses AND contacts at the same time, I do buy myself new clothes and even expensive purses, I do get necessary medical care. Yes I am still a little bitter and I do have permanent damage/issues from this stuff. And don't get me wrong, I had a lot of privilege in other ways and I know it. But what I came from is part of who I am and that's just reality.

Here, have cat rewards for making it to the end

#thank you #this is a longish read #but you asked (and i say that not flippantly) #i have had to start over from rock bottom #but i have also had help sometimes #im not a bootstrappy bigot i swear #i do not think it should be this way and actively work to change things #but people cant change what they don't know about #so i took your question sincerely and responded sincerely #i hope its taken in the spirit it was meant #and i hope that people get what they need #i do my best to do my best #...but dont downplay the motivational power of Spite*tm #if you know me then you know lol #zash irl #lower class #childhood poverty #growing up poor #poor-ish at least #the american dream #i refuse to let it kill me

[passingthetime]

Ngl this psychiatric hospital feels a little culty sometimes. I don't know if I just watch too many videos on the topic and just got paranoid, or if something really is off, but I'm not so sure if I wanna continue my treatment here after the first two weeks are up...

#there's just so many weird rules and customs there #punishment for breaking the rules is usually a form of public humiliation which is very heavy in a community where #most people suffer with anxiety #you are even 'punished' for feeling sexual/romantic attraction towards someone even if you do not act on it at all #medications keep being messed up for patients and they are allowed little to no control over medicine and that includes even vitamins #leaving before the maximum stay period is very much frowned upon (they do emphasize it is allowed though) #you are shamed if you can't afford to pay for your treatment (the state pays them too btw) but you can't really have a job #you can't go to any doctor outside the hospital without them sending you there a guy had to sleep with a broken arm once #idk it's scary #but then again i do get paranoid #and most red flags i could probably see either true therapeutic purpose to or at least genuine incompetence in... #rambling #just had to get this off of my chest #the vibes are baaad #but maybe that's just how psychiatric hospitals are #actually i think this isn't even hospital #but psychiatric therapeutic center or something...

[leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid]

I can't hold a job for more than about 8months. My anxiety and chronic migraines (almost every day, some worse than others)make it hard enough, but my PTSD takes the cake. I am an extremely hard worker, very detail oriented and truly concerned for customers, but I get overwhelmed and freeze or fight when a trigger is tapped. I almost killed a server at my last job and don't even remember it. Im too poor for treatment, and 3weeks away from being homeless if I dont get another job, but am i ready?

Sweetheart there are always services and help out there. Government programs that can help you out while you get on your feet. There are also programs to help you get treatment. I myself can't afford treatment without help from my state government. I have family and friends who get disability checks to keep them in their homes while they can't work. It's never too late to reach other to places and see what kinds of help are available. Even local churches sometimes help pay a month of rent so you aren't on the street. Start googling for resources in your neighborhood and do what you have to to stay in your home while you get back on your feet. There is no shame in asking for a little bit of help sometimes. Good luck sweetheart and hopefully your life is about to turn around for the better.Sundae's Sunday Confessions