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#you broke me first
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#harry potter#this comic was very cursed#once I finished it the program crashed and deleted both the lineart and every speech bubble except 'sir I got severly burned'#I think it was Snapes ghost#but it was probably for the best because the Snape from the first panel looked way too hot in the first version#and no matter what I did he would not stop looking uncomfortably hot#it might have been the scarf and the fingerless gloves#I love fingerless gloves!! they look so cool!! I wish I had cooler looking fingers#when I wear them it just looks like I put mini hot dogs in a sock#it's been such a long time since I uploaded a Potter comic!! I feel like I'm visiting old friends :)#I keep drawing those but they also made me a little sad because I'm so disappointed about how the author of the books turned out#but the fandom is so good and I think it might be it's own thing at this point?#what do you think? D:#also we've got a new couch today!!#it's great! it's grey and very comfortable#we've also already broke it#turns out if a screw is stuck and you use a hammer the thing can break what is the name#is it nut? the nut is loose?#the nut is loose in the armrest and now we have no couch arms#but I still could eat a big burger on it! and it came with those long couch pillows that look like baguettes#I wish I had a dog so the dog could run around with one of those pillows in their mouth#a dog recently moved upstairs maybe I should ask them#also thank you who congratulated me on defending the master thesis!! it made me feel very happy :')#thank you so much!!!
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itssaturdaytoday · a month ago
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Haikyuu: How they hurt you.
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☏︎ I love hurting myself with my own daydreams. do y'all ever make yourself sad on purpose? Inspired by this , this, you broke me first and Heather♡︎
Warning⚠︎: Angst? . Tell me if I miss smth♡︎
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Hanamaki texts you "Goodnight I'm gonna sleep ttyl" but you still see him liking posts, commenting and sharing them into his page 1 hour after he texted you that.
Seeing Oikawa's eyes stay a little too long for your liking at his pretty fangirl whom you've always been insecure about. And gets mad at you, telling you how you're overthinking it if you try to question him about it.
Bokuto confessing out of the blue on how much he loves you and how important you are to him and that he hopes you will accept him as your boyfriend. just when you are about to say yes. he asks you "was that good?" And tells you that he was just practicing before confessing to his actual crush.
Matsukawa looking at another girl the same way he first looked at you when you started dating while laughing at the joke you made.
The way Atsumu's eyes lit up while talking about a girl he had an encounter with at the stadium while you weren't there. Him recalling how pretty and sweet she was. How come his eyes don't lit up like that when he talks about you?...
Akaashi pushing you away since he doesn't think he deserves you, he always says "you deserve someone better, someone you can rely on, someone who is strong enough to be your pillar, someone who can make you happy, someone who is not me" but what if I want you?
Forgets to compliment you his Significant other, but Nishinoya seems to have no problem telling other girls how cute they are.
Ushijima constantly reminding you every.second.of.the.day how you can't get things right.
How Semi looks at another girl in the audience while singing even if he knows you are there. Didn't he say he wrote that song for you? then why does it look like he's singing it for her?
Iwaizumi says he is willing to wait for you. But just when you were about to tell him you are finally ready, he moves on with someone new.
Osamu introduces you to his teammates as his "friend" rather than "lover" which made you question if he truly does love you.
Taking couple pictures with Suna, but the ones he posts on his page are the ones without you. none of his posts were ever about you. Not one single picture of you can be found no matter how much you've look.
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Note ☏︎
triple update 😜 totally did not shed a tear or two while imagining this. Will I make a part two? Idk depends. Reblogs are cute ♡︎ and I hope tumblr will NOT remove this once it hits 26 notes 😭🙏.
If you did not understand Mattsun's part, I read an article once that says "if someone makes a joke and everybody laughs, people tend to look at the one they like while laughing"
If someone pulled a Bokuto on me I will break ♡︎
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angrythingstarlight · 6 days ago
I'm not even remotely sorry for this 🤣. But this is how Bill greets you when you come home 😂😏
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Pairing: Bill (chris) x Reader
Warnings: All of them (mostly oral and that mustache touching your poor innocent cl*t) . Crack fic.
A/N: .....sings you broke me first @thedarkplume......@the-soot-sprite please ignore this. Please for me.
****
Turning the key in the front door, you push it open with your hip and shake your umbrella a few times before snapping it shut. Wiping the stray cold raindrops off your face, you prop the umbrella in the corner, water pooling under it as you close the door with your foot.
"Welcome home baby," Bill suavely greets, sweeping his index finger across his mustache. "We missed you."
Your skin prickles and a shudder rattles across your shoulders. Taking a calming deep breath, you shrug off your coat and place it on the hook beside his oversized brown tweed jacket.
Placing your forehead on the wall, you count to ten as you toe off your heels. You stare at the crack in the plaster recalling the happier times before it arrived in your life. He made that jagged crack when you both stumbled in one night after he got recruited, both drunk off cheap beers and each other, not able to make it to the stairs before he was inside you.
But now it was here and you haven't touched him because it won't let you.
"C'mon baby, say something."
You turn your head fighting the urge to grimace. Bill is on the stairs, blocking your path to the guest room. You try to focus on his blue eyes, still so vibrant and stunning but you see it in your peripheral vision. You drop your head with a pained cry.
Bill sighs, "you have to accept us."
"I can't, its so-" you choke out, shoving your fist over your mouth, bile burning the back of your throat.
"Don't talk about him like that," Bill warns, the dull thud of his footsteps making your stomach plummet. "He's part of me now and you've promised to love me no matter what."
"I said through sickness and health, the pastor didn't say anything about that monstrosity on your lip." You look around the small hallway, quickly realizing that he's getting closer. You'll never make it to the kitchen, he's already a few feet away. Think, think, don't panic, don't panic. He's getting close, oh god don't panic.
You can run back outside. Yes. Run. Run.
You turn on your heel, squealing when he grabs your arm and pushes you into the wall. His hands slamming beside your head. He leans down close enough that you can see the lint clinging to the corner of his mustache.
"Bill please back up," you say, closing your eyes, you push at his chest. "I can feel it touching me." Your skin crawls when he takes a step closer, his bulge pressing into your belly. You had nightmares about this, being trapped by his mustache this is worse than you could have imagined.
Bill runs his thumb over the mustache, dislodging the lint. He looks at it with a small humph and flicks it away. "Not yet but you will."
He drops to his knees with a dull thud, muttering ouch at the impact. Before you can hiss out a that's what you get dumbass, your skirt is being flipped up. Don't panic, don't panic.
You slap at his hands moving up your thighs. Bill cranes his head back, "I know you're horny baby. I hear you at night trying to get yourself off but you cant. You miss my cock."
Your hands fall to your sides, A thick heavy silence filling the hallway, the door rattling as the storm outside rages. fuck. I mean you do, fuck you why does he have to be such a good fuck.
Bill raises a brow, "and I know you miss this," he wiggles his pink, very wide tongue at you.
Why are you attracted to men? Why do this to yourself?
He flattens his tongue making it even bigger and your pussy pulsates. You do, damn it, you do, he can do this thing with the tip of his tongue that has made you almost pass out.
"You're going to touch it and soak it," he promises, ignoring your dry heaves as you try not wretch, he parts your thighs with his large hands. "And then you're going to stop spiking my shampoo with nair."
"It was one time," you protest, your stomach flexing in when he runs his tongue over his top lip, the hairs swaying. You whine in disgust.
Bill stares up at you with a pointed look. "And see what happened," he gestures to his head. The short buzzcut haunts your dreams. Yeah, that was on you, at least he could hide behind his long hair but you had been overzealous with the nair and ended up losing his beautiful locks in the process.
"Now you're going to be a good girl and take this free mustache ride."
Before the bile can rise back up, your panties are twisted to the side and his nose is sliding through your folds. "You're wet baby," he hums into your pussy, "knew you wanted us."
"Oh god the fuck I am," you deny, sobbing as you push at his head. You immediately pull your hand back when you feel the grease in his locks smear across your palm.
"Ew, oh-" you gag as he licks up your pussy and his mustache bristles across your skin.
He tilts his head back, shame pools in your belly and claws up your spine, tears form in your eyes. His musta-, you close your eyes, bringing your arm across your lids. It's wet. Because you're-a broken sob breaks through your chest-you're wet.
"That's alright baby," he grins as your mascara streaks down your cheeks. "I can already smell you on him, I'm not even going to wash him anymore, your pussy is my new conditioner."
A loud wail of pure despair echos through the house. Bill dives back in, eating you out as if you were his last meal. Short firm licks, followed by long deep sucks that have your traitorous pussy throbbing and dripping over his face.
Sensations, a mix of pleasure and disgust warring in your belly. Pressure building as he lifts your leg over his shoulder, you're forced to put your hands in his hair, more tears spilling down.
Damn his and his talented tongue because you're so close to cumming despite trying to hold it back. Your lips pressed together to stamp down the moans in your throat.
Then he does the unthinkable.
He brushes his mustache over your swollen clit. Your gag is twisted by the moan, a choking sound ringing in your ears as the pressure bursts, a dam of shame you'll never be able to take back flooding your body s the coil snaps.
Your body jerking as your orgasm slams into you, waves of pleasure rocking you with each bump of his mustache on your bundle of nerves.
Bill pulls away, letting you sink to the floor as you cover your poor mound with your greasy hand. "Told ya you would like him,"
You lift your glossy eyes to his pleased ones and make a vow to chop it off in his sleep.
Bill shrugs, the fire brimming in your gaze making him even harder. "Oh and baby, you do anything to him and I'll grow a mullet."
Your face crumbles and you weep. Bill moves his lips up until his mustache is pushing into his nose and he inhales, a deep groan slipping through his mouth. "That's the good stuff right there."
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surviving-hero · a year ago
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minbbyy · 3 days ago
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You Broke Me First | social media au
{jimin x y/n x jungkook au; fakedating!au}
who did you hurt for yours?
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emery-lh · 2 years ago
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“After we said goodbye I thought hating him would be easier than loving him but I couldn’t do it. No matter how hard I tried my heart still skipped a beat at the mention of his name.”
—No one teaches you how to move on—
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minbbyy · 4 days ago
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You Broke Me First | social media au
{jimin x y/n x jungkook au; fakedating!au}
i genuinely do not care
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taglist: @jikooksgirl19 @sherizaraiyah @notvantaes @atomickokorox @beeeb05 @bbyjoonies @kim-ji-hyeons-world @hajiraa06 @lochness-butmakeitsexy @rjsmochii @thequeen-kat @xxxanimangxxx @preciouschimine @lidda @tae165 @missmadwoman @jiminho-s @lizzzaaaaaaaaaaa @etherealyoonghwa @mooniyooni @thesweetest-peas @rlynotme @anpanman-sonyeondan @halesandy @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @lyndseygoregasmxo @semphie @parkjiminstan16 @secretlycrazyhummingbird @angietdcc @lachimolala-2l @ggukkieland @seokjinnie-writes @monstathedisco @immafuckyoutilyouaint1 @binniebutter @neverthefirstchoice @fiantomartell @whitepinkish @seoul-sunsets @kim-jias-den @oknymz @taecupreads @seolaquotes @nyamnomnamujoon @ellesalazar @wearenot7withu @embrace-themagic @goldenroses @itsyaapollochild
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minbbyy · 11 days ago
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You Broke Me First | social media au
{jimin x y/n x jungkook au; fakedating!au}
the real reason
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taglist: @jikooksgirl19 @sherizaraiyah @notvantaes @atomickokorox @beeeb05 @bbyjoonies @kim-ji-hyeons-world @hajiraa06 @lochness-butmakeitsexy @rjsmochii @thequeen-kat @xxxanimangxxx @preciouschimine @lidda @tae165 @missmadwoman @jiminho-s @lizzzaaaaaaaaaaa @etherealyoonghwa @mooniyooni @thesweetest-peas @rlynotme @anpanman-sonyeondan @halesandy @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @lyndseygoregasmxo @semphie @parkjiminstan16 @secretlycrazyhummingbird @angietdcc @lachimolala-2l @ggukkieland @seokjinnie-writes @monstathedisco @immafuckyoutilyouaint1 @binniebutter @neverthefirstchoice @fiantomartell @whitepinkish @seoul-sunsets @kim-jias-den @oknymz @taecupreads @seolaquotes @nyamnomnamujoon @ellesalazar @wearenot7withu @embrace-themagic @goldenroses @itsyaapollochild
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whendidmythoughtsgocrazy · 6 months ago
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Maybe you don’t like talking too much about yourself but you should’ve told me that you were thinking about someone else.
k.b. // conor maynard - you broke me first
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thegeminisage · 2 years ago
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Liz's Giant Supernatural Skip/Watch List
For better or worse, I am in the apparently somewhat unique situation (???) of having sat through all 300+ (at the time of writing) episodes of Supernatural. I've been asked multiple times by multiple people about making skip/watch lists for one section or another, so I decided I might as well take this curse and make something good out of it: I present for your consideration a whole-ass spreadsheet of each and every last good, bad, & fugly Supernatural episode there is.
If you used to watch Supernatural and were thinking about catching back up for old times’ sake, if you heard it got good again while you weren't looking, if you heard [your favorite character here] came back and wanted to see what the fuck THAT was all about, or even if you’re thinking about jumping in for the first time and you’re overwhelmed by the sheer SIZE of it all, here's your good news of the day! Better still: each episode comes with a small description, so if you JUST wanted to watch for the Dean/Cas parts or the Mary Winchester parts or whatever, you need only Ctrl+F it and skip through at your convenience. (Unfortunately, this spreadsheet does look/work better if you are able to access it on a computer.) I will keep updating this list for as long as I keep watching Supernatural—which at this point is beginning to look like the rest of my natural life probably.
EDIT NOVEMBER 2020: I’ve been asked a few times if I’m going to complete this list. The answer is yes, but it’s not very high on my priorities list, because in order to do that I’m going to need to rewatch Season 15, which is a rollercoaster ride for many reasons, mainly my not particularly enjoying some of it very much. You can expect an update anywhere from a couple of weeks to several months from now. Sorry.
In the meantime, I have a VERY rough guide on which of the missing episodes I’d personally skip/watch right here. This isn’t very refined or detailed, but hopefully it’ll hold everyone over until I can get around to filling it in properly. Happy watching!
[spn masterpost]
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minbbyy · 12 days ago
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You Broke Me First | social media au
{jimin x y/n x jungkook au; fakedating!au}
i wanted it to be you
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taglist: @jikooksgirl19 @sherizaraiyah @notvantaes @atomickokorox @beeeb05 @bbyjoonies @kim-ji-hyeons-world @hajiraa06 @lochness-butmakeitsexy @rjsmochii @thequeen-kat @xxxanimangxxx @preciouschimine @lidda @tae165 @missmadwoman @jiminho-s @lizzzaaaaaaaaaaa @etherealyoonghwa @mooniyooni @thesweetest-peas @rlynotme @anpanman-sonyeondan @halesandy @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @lyndseygoregasmxo @semphie @parkjiminstan16 @secretlycrazyhummingbird @angietdcc @lachimolala-2l @ggukkieland @seokjinnie-writes @monstathedisco @immafuckyoutilyouaint1 @binniebutter @neverthefirstchoice @fiantomartell @whitepinkish @seoul-sunsets @kim-jias-den @oknymz @taecupreads @seolaquotes @nyamnomnamujoon @ellesalazar @wearenot7withu @embrace-themagic @goldenroses @itsyaapollochild
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You broke me first
Fandom: Criminal minds  Pairing: Spencer Reid x reader Word count: 4.1k of my finest Angst Summary: Based on 'you broke me first' by Tate McRae  - You didn't notice that your relationship with Spencer was failing as it happened, you only noticed when the lies and the distans got too much, but even when you think that you're finally able to move on, Spencer has a way to try and drag you back Warning: This is high class angst, implied intercourse, implied cheating (not on reader tho), more swearing than usual, you might cry, Spencer Reid is a certified asshole Requested only by myself and whatever is up there where usually there's a brain, but the song was suggested by my beautiful @sirkekselord
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Maybe you don't like talkin' too much about yourself But you should've told me That you were thinking 'bout someone else
You knew from the beginning that a relationship with Spencer Reid would be complicated. With his job taking him out of state for weeks at a time and putting him constantly in danger, with his ridiculously high IQ that made him know just about everything and with his antics that you adored. But ever since your third date with him you had known that you loved him and you decided that you’d do your level best to make this relationship work. And at first everything was perfect, of course you missed him when he was away for a case but you’d talk on the phone almost daily, but the time he was home made more than up for it. You shared everything with each other and you had never felt more confident in a relationship than that. Maybe that's why you didn’t notice the change until it was too late. The signs started to appear slowly. He would stay at work longer even when there wasn’t a case and after he’d tell you he was tired and go to his apartment instead of yours or inviting you, he’d stop answering most of your calls when he was out of state and he stopped talking to you. Of course he didn’t stop actually talking to you, you were still having conversations, but suddenly all your conversations were made up of smalltalk and the occasional work story from your side. There was not a hint of emotions and for someone else it would probably sound like two coworkers who rode the elevator together. When you realized what was happening, you knew that it would take a great effort and communication to mend what was breaking, but you also knew that you couldn’t do that alone, so, when he came back from a case in Louisiana, you asked him to come to your apartment to talk, but he told you that he was too tired and would just crash into bed at his place and even though you didn’t want to let it simmer any longer you also knew that his job was exhausting so you’d give him the night before you’d finally make him talk to you again. Your friends - who knew about your conundrum - decided that you wouldn’t waste the night anxiously losing yourself in your thoughts, so they made you dress up a little bit fancy and took you out to go to a bar and maybe it was just a cruel wink of fate or it was pure coincidence, but as you walked into the bar all your senses immediately directed towards a table near the window where a group of people from which one was eerily familiar. Sitting there, laughing and having his arm around the shoulder of a beautiful blond woman sat Spencer, obviously not exhausted at all, in the middle of a conversation with the people who you assumed were his team. Suddenly the dam that held all your fears and worries back crashed and they came flooding over you like a wave that you were drowning in. He had lied to you. You had told him that you wanted to talk and he had lied without even hesitating. How often had he done that before? How many nights had he told you he went home to sleep when he was actually out and about with his team or doing good knows what? And like the pink glasses shattered you suddenly knew that there was nothing to salvage left of your relationship, but for some reason - maybe because you really loved him still - when you called him the next day you didn’t mention that you saw him the night before, you didn’t mention that you knew he lied, you didn’t mention any of it. You just said that you thought that the two of you needed a break. And he agreed. He didn’t even try to find out what was wrong, which a part of you was thankful for, he just agreed and said that he’d call you again in one or two weeks so that you could make a decision. You decided that maybe a bit of time off was what you needed so that you could learn to be like before again.
You're drunk at a party Or maybe it's just that your car broke down Your phone's been off for a couple of months So you're callin' me now
It was three weeks later that the thought that he wouldn’t call you dawned on you, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was on cases all the time, he was busy - had been before the time off too - so obviously it could take a bit longer for him to call. Not to mention, that you never clarified the terms of the break, no you just said you needed one, maybe he just tried to give you some more time or maybe he needed some more time. Then three weeks turned into two months and all the excuses that you tried to make up fell apart as you realized that there was no real reason for him to not call you for that long. You knew that you couldn’t go on like that, spending day and night awaiting the call that you knew wouldn’t come and keeping yourself from talking to any guy in anything other than a polite and friendly manner since theoretically seen you were still in a relationship, so you made a decision and after a couple of glasses of wine for bravery, you sent him the final message that told him that whatever the two of you still had or didn’t have was over. That the break had shown you that you couldn’t go on like before and that you wished him all the best and that you meant no hard feelings. When you woke up the next morning, already dreading an answer, you saw that he had read it only an hour after you sent it. But no answer. Not even an ‘okay’ or anything. Just nothing. Knowing that it was truly over, you put all the things that he had left in your apartment in a box that you put by the door in case that he’d come over to pick them up and you even attempted to delete the pictures of the two of you that you had on your phone, even though you restored them all immediately after, unable to finalise the end of that part of your life.
Spencer didn’t pick up the box, instead it started to gather up dust over the next two months in which it stood there unmoved, reminding you of just how little he must have cared about you. To say that it didn’t hurt would be a lie, but you knew you had to live on and so you did, you kept on going to work and going out with your friends, but there was one thing you couldn’t do yet. Your friends tried to get you to date again - maybe even find a rebound guy - but you couldn’t do that to yourself or the potential guy. You were still too broken. And then - four months after you had last talked to him (and that not even in person) - suddenly his voice was at the other line of the phone when you picked it up without checking the caller ID. “Y/N?” his voice sounded tired and exhausted, but even if it had been happy it would have still stabbed your heart as hard as it did. “Spencer-” you answered in no distinguishable tone, it wasn’t a question, but also not really a statement, and thousands of questions gathered in your mind - How are you? Are you on a case? Is everything okay? Why haven’t you called me in the last four months? Do you really care so little about me? Why was I not even worth an explanation? Why did you lie? - but none of them were appropriate for the situation nor did you really want to hear the answer so you just settled for a simple “Why are you calling?” For a few seconds the line was silent and you almost thought that he had maybe just hung up again, maybe you were just imagining all of this, maybe it was just a dream, but then he spoke up again. “I know we haven’t talked in months and this is pretty out of the blue, but could you possibly pick me up? My car broke down and I’m only ten minutes away from your place.” The hesitation in his voice was obvious and it made you feel slightly better about the fact that he knew that his request was more than unreasonable. “Spencer, we’re broken up,” you just stated, hoping that he would understand what you meant by that. “I-I know, it’s just- We just came home from a case and it was- I just really don’t want to think about it and I don’t think I can see any of them - my team members I mean - right now,” he sighed and you felt your heart clench together, “I didn’t know who else to call…”
I know you, you're like this When shit don't go your way You needed me to fix it And like me, I did
You weren’t sure when exactly the two of you had decided that he’d come with you to your place instead of you dropping him off at his apartment, but the only thing he had said on the car ride - with the tension between you so unbearable that you almost felt like you were suffocating because of it - was that he didn’t want to be alone and with the part of your heart, that small slowly dying part, that still loved him beating faster you had offered him your company. After all, if you really thought about it, the two of you hadn’t broken off on any really ‘bad’ circumstances. He needed you right now and even if he broke your heart before that didn’t mean it had to be anything more than a friend offering another friend some comfort and company. It was nothing more. Or at least you told yourself that. But you knew him, you tried to tell yourself, it wasn’t like he had been distant and lying for all of your relationship, no, only towards the end, so you knew that he didn’t mean no harm. You also knew that his job sometimes took a real toll on him so it was okay that you tried to cheer him up for a bit. It was nothing more and nothing less. … Until you walked through the door of your apartment. “You kept my stuff,” Spencer said as he noticed the box that was still standing besides your entrance and you couldn’t help but feel dumb for not putting it away - even though logically you knew that you had no reason to - so you shrugged. “I thought you might want it back,” you muttered even though the implication of you never did was heavy on your tongue. Walking towards the kitchen to offer him something to drink you were stopped by his hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry that I didn’t call, I was just- I’m just sorry.” There were the words which you had waited for for so long and even though every part of your brain screamed at you that they came just about three months too late, you let Spencer turn you around and look into your face and suddenly it was like the pink glasses never shattered. Like he had never lied. Like he had never ignored you. Like you never broke up with him. And before you could really think about anything else his lips were pressing against yours and you didn’t fight back. His hands started exploring your body, like they had done back when you were still happy, and you just let yourself melt into it. Because suddenly above all the screaming voices that told you that this wasn’t a good idea, that it would end badly, was a whisper that told you that maybe everything could go back to the way it was. That you and Spencer could be happy together again.
But I ran out of every reason
When you woke up a feeling of coldness enveloped you, but it wasn’t because of your lack of clothing or the blanket that was only covering half of you, no it wasn’t a physical coldness, it was a coldness that seeped through your brain and through your heart and through your spine, because he wasn’t there. The same whisper from the night before was telling you that it was okay, he was probably just in the kitchen making breakfast like he had been so often when he slept over at your place in the beginning of your relationship, but the screaming voices were finally overpowering again and they told you to listen. And listen you did. There was complete silence and nothing else. No clinking of utensils, no footsteps, just nothing. He had called you asking for company and you had given it to him only for him to leave without saying a word. The pink glasses were completely gone now, not even shattered or broken, just gone. A sense of embarrassment and shame crept over you that you had never felt before and the anger for trusting Spencer after all that he had done to you overpowered even the sadness that you felt. Never again would you let him - or anyone for that matter - use you like that, never would you do something selfless for someone that was only thinking of themselves. After a hot shower that you hoped would burn away the echoes of Spencer’s touches you dressed yourself to go to work when you saw it. The box - the last physical remnant of what you and Spencer had - was gone. And like a switch flipped you decided that this was it. This was the final straw. Not trying to let any rational thought stop you, you opened your phone and deleted the pictures that you had struggled with two months before - and you let them stay deleted. It was a weird feeling of relief, like a weight had been taken off of your shoulders, but it suddenly felt like your heart may be able to recover again, in a while anyways.
Took a while, I was in denial when I first heard That you moved on quicker than I could've ever You know that hurt
I was only two weeks after that you saw him again. Again, you didn’t know if you had to curse fate or the coincidence of it all, but as you were out shopping for groceries you saw him sitting in a café that was joined with a bookstore - the kind of place you would have loved, the kind of place he’d have taken you - with a women. It wasn’t any of the women you had seen in the bar so you knew that it wasn’t a colleague, but it was a glance at his hands that told you all that you had to know. Because his hand was holding hers. Two weeks. It had taken him two weeks to move on from whatever the hell it was that you had that night to the next possible women. Or had he already been with her and used you to cheat? Spencer would never do that, right? You also thought that Spencer would also never lie to you, you thought and considered going over to them and asking, because you didn’t want another woman to feel the way you did. But then you remembered, nothing selfless anymore. You couldn’t let yourself be hurt like that anymore, especially not voluntary. So, even though your heart felt like it could quite literally break any second, you just turned around and continued your shopping as quick as possible so that you could leave, go home, and drown the feeling of betrayal and hurt in some ice cream. As you shot them a last glance a realization hit you. He had never cared about you the same way you had, had he?
Swear, for a while, I would stare at my phone Just to see your name
After that day - after seeing him with her - you felt more conflicted than ever. You wanted to just forget him and do the same thing he did. Move on, find a guy who’d actually appreciate and love you in a way that Spencer never had, but for some reason you weren’t able to do that. It was like all the things that were left unspoken between the two of you were like a barrier keeping you from going on with her life, from going on without thinking about him every two hours. For minutes at a time you’d just hover with your finger about the call button, his number prominently displayed, but you never went through with it. Because, even though you had told yourself you wouldn’t, had promised yourself that you wouldn’t, you feared that he would be able to sweet talk you. That in some crazy scenario, he might tell you that what you had seen in the café was something else entirely, that he had only left because he didn’t feel worthy of you, that he’d say all the things you had tried to tell yourself so that you could sleep in peace, even when deep down you knew that they weren’t true. None of them were. And you had to accept that. But alas, you kept on staring at his number almost every night, imagining the conversation that could possibly ensue, imagining all the things you could say and throw at him, imagining all the ways you could find closure.
But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say
And then, while you were thinking about these scenarios, your phone started vibrating and the caller ID showcased the very thing you were dreading. Spencer Reid All the nerves in your body actively went into fight and flight mode and your brain went on overcharge trying to decide if you should answer or not. But, no matter how much you wanted closure, you didn’t want to answer. You didn’t want to let yourself be played with again. You deserve better than that. Better than him. You had promised it to yourself. You wouldn’t accept the call. But what if it was an emergency? He wouldn’t call his ex-girlfriend in an emergency, no again at least. What if he really wants to apologize? Then he should’ve called weeks ago, no, months ago. What if he loves you? … … … He doesn’t, you thought and hung up, effectively ignoring the call and turning your phone off. Because even after imagining all kinds of conversations with him you knew that if it really came to the situation, you wouldn’t know what to say, because there were no words that could do justice to what you felt and to what he deserved to hear. So, if you couldn’t put your anger into words, you’d just have to stay silent.
Now suddenly, you're askin' for it back Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?
You had almost forgotten the unanswered call two weeks later, somehow actually managing to suppress the thought of Spencer Reid for hours at a time, when a knock on your door made you shot up from where you sat hunched over your laptop working. It was almost eleven p.m. so you were wearing an oversized shirt - one that you had bought from the men section after you finally managed to throw the one shirt you had stolen from Spencer at the start of your relationship away - and shorts, but you didn’t care much since you had no actual idea who would be at your door at such a time. As you looked through the peephole your breath stopped. It was him. He was standing there like it was the most normal thing in the world, his hands in the pockets of his coat, and you almost felt inclined to just leave him standing there. And yet, you opened the door, because you wanted to know what he was doing here. What had brought him to you after all this time and all the hurt. “What are you doing here?” you asked, not especially polite or friendly since you saw no point in trying to hide your disdain for him anymore. “Y/N,” he breathed out like he didn’t expect to see you ever again, before his eyes wandered over your body - or rather your clothes - and got slightly colder, colder and sharper. “That’s not my shirt,” he said with an edge to his voice that you really, really wanted to identify with anything other than jealousy. “I know, we broke up almost half a year ago, remember,” you rolled your eyes, trying to actively ignore the ‘incident’ that had happened only two months after you had actually broken up. “Who’s shirt is it?” he asked, completely ignoring your statement and looking beside you into the apartment like he expected to see someone. “That’s none of your Business Spencer, what are you doing here?” “I’m here, because- You have a boyfriend?” Every inch of subtlety that you had in showing your annoyance disappears and you crossed your arms in front of your chest. “I don’t for that matter, not that I have any reason to tell you that. Where the fuck did you get the nerve to come here in the middle of the night and ask me if I have a boyfriend? You lie to me, you ignore me and you’re distant for weeks and once I break up with you and think I can finally move on you come crawling back and use me only to disappear without a word, and yet you still think you have the right to come to my home and ask me personal questions? Newsflash Spencer: You don’t!”
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
For a few seconds he at least had the audacity to look caught and ashamed, but then he took your hand in his. “I’m here because I missed you, I miss us. I know that I screwed up badly, that I was an assholed and I'm so sorry, but I miss you so much. Because even though I’m a genius I was a real idiot for not realizing what I had right in front of me, and for letting it get away from me. “Please, I know you have no reason to, but please give me another chance, let me show you that I can be different, that I can be worthy of your love.” At the end of his confession he just looked at you with these pleading eyes that would have made you move heaven and hell for him not so long ago, but now you felt nothing but anger and annoyance.
But I don't really care how bad it hurts When you broke me first You broke me first
With a sharp movement you snapped your hand away and poked his chest to get him to move away and take a step back. “How dare you?” you asked breathless, but when he opened his mouth to answer you quickly continued. “Do you think I give a flying shit about what you think you can be, or that you know what a piece of shit you were? Do you even know how it was for me? I tried everything - literally everything I could - to save what we had when you didn’t even move a single finger. You lied to me for weeks before I realized that I was trapping myself on a sinking ship. Because that is what we were. And you still want me to give you another chance? Because let me remind you, you had another chance, I let you come into my home, I let you kiss me, I let you-” you cut yourself off for a second to take a calming breath.
What did you think would happen? I'll never let you have it
“You had your second shot and you didn’t give a fuck, in fact, you cared so little that you didn’t even leave me a message or anything. No, you just left like the selfish bastard that you are. So screw you Doctor Spencer Reid. I really hope that one day you’ll find someone who you won’t emotionally ruin, but I’ll not be that person. Never again.” And with that you slammed the door shut right in his face, not caring if he had any more to say, because that was the closure you had needed, because now you could finally move on with your life. Spencer Reid may have broken you first, but you had repaired yourself in a way that he could never even imagine.
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