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#you can acknowledge something has issues without tearing it apart
heeliopheelia · 11 months
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𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐒/𝐎
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part 2
genre: angst, established relationship
word count: 2.9k
warnings: curse words (and some of the boys are really cruel to yn :()
masterlist
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LEE HEESEUNG
"Please, can we talk about this tomorrow?" Heeseung groans as he slumps down on the couch, rubbing his face with his hands. He really doesn't want to get mad at you at such late hour but he can't help it when you keep talking his ear off from the moment that he's walked into your shared apartment. "I'm dead tired, just let it go for now, okay?"
"I'm not sleeping with you today," you scoff, not even daring a look at him so that he doesn't notice the tears of frustration that have started brimming in your eyes.
You've just found out from one of Heeseung's friends that he's been out with his ex for almost the entire day. Without telling you a word about it. Normally, you weren't the jealous type as you trust your boyfriend with your whole heart. But after hearing that he's been having the time of his life with the girl that once has broken his heart, while you were at home waiting for him to come back, your thoughts drifted onto a completely different track.
"Why? Fuck, so what if I saw her today?' He exclaims, slapping his thighs with a breathless laugh. "Nothing happened! She just wanted to talk, YN! Talk. Stop trying to turn it into something that it's not."
"Then why didn't you even bother telling me that you were meeting her?" You ask, involuntarily letting yourself get emotional and raising your voice as well. "Who even does shit like that?"
"I just didn't think it would matter so much to you, that's all. I thought you trusted me a little more!"
"So you're saying that if I were to hang out with my ex and didn't tell you anything about it, you'd be fine with it?" You snort when he nods his head. "Alright, yeah. Watch out cause I almost believed you."
"God, you're just like her! Why would I ever think of cheating on you with her when the two of you are exactly alike?" Heeseung ignores the hurt look on your face and keeps on talking nonsense, fueled up by anger. "Both have trust issues. Both are ridiculously jealous. Both are way too clingy for anybody to bear. Fucking twins!"
You laugh in disbelief as you stand up from the couch. "Why are we even in this relationship if I'm so fucking unlovable to you?"
"Good question," he quietly murmurs.
You don't bother to wait for his apology or pleads for you to stay as you know he's way too deep in his anger to even start acknowledging your feelings now. You don't even have the strength to slam the door, so you just quietly let them shut behind you as you walk out on the dark street.
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PARK JAY
You cross your arms over your chest, watching as your boyfriend finishes getting dressed for work. He said he would take the day off today but he obviously forgot to do so and now is leaving you hanging onto another empty promise.
"You're twisting my words! I just said you promised you would stay with me today, that's all."
"Well and I said I forgot! End of story," Jay grumbles at you, dismissing you with a wave of his hand. "Whatever, I don't have time for this right now."
"You never do!" You raise your voice involuntarily and turn your face away as you feel the tears gathering in your eyes. How could he forget? "Not even once have I ever been prioritized while being in this relationship with you! And it's not like you even have anything important to do today!"
"We're not having this conversation again," he laughs breathlessly, threading his fingers through his hair. "My boss called me and said he needs my help. Of course my job is gonna come first in a situation like that, YN! After all this time, I thought you'd be more understanding by now."
"Yeah, it's just there are days where I want to be put first for a change. It's not like I ask you for that every week!"
You can't help but let the tears drop down your cheeks, failing to hide your emotions for any longer. You're right, though. Jay knows it too. You never complained about his work or asked him to take the day off, unless the date was important to you. It's just too bad he was too much in his own head to think about it for a little longer.
"I can always take the day off next week!" Jay says with a roll of his eyes. "And, god, why do you always have to cry?"
"Because it's my fucking birthday, you asshole," you breathe out in a broken voice before standing up from the bed.
Jay's eyes almost double in their size as he lets your words repeat in his mind. Birthday. It's your birthday. He tries to grab your wrist as you walk past him but you jerk it away from him.
"YN, I-"
"I don't wanna talk to you right now."
You rush out of the bedroom. Slamming the bathroom door behind you, you slide to the ground and bury your head in your hands, finally letting out the sob that's been weighting on your throat throughout the entire morning. 
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SIM JAKE
As you walk out of the restaurant angrily, you dial Jake's number. It's the fourth time you've been stood up by him like that, sitting completely embarrassed and alone at the table reserved for two. Jake was supposed to meet you here forty minutes ago and while at first you waited patiently for him, knowing his schedule is rather tight, after half and hour of having your calls not answered, you started losing your cool.
"Hi, baby. What's up?" You hear his cheerful voice from the other side of the phone.
"Nothing much besides the fact that I've been stood up by my boyfriend once again this week," you reply in a rather passive aggressive manner as you open the door of your car. "How was your day, babe?"
Jake keeps silent for a second or two before a groan leaves his throat. "Fuck, it completely slipped out my mind. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you should be," you nearly growl, starting your car. You curse quietly when the engine stutters and chokes but doesn't want to start by the first two times. "I waited forty minutes for you, jackass."
"Shit, are you still there? Just wait a little more and I'll be there soon, I promise."
You scoff loudly. "You've got some nerve, I'll give you that, Jake."
You can hear him sigh heavily and you can just picture how he's pinching the bridge of his nose at the moment. "Can you stop that? I already apologized. I'm sorry that I have to work."
"Oh, you're very welcome." You grit your teeth, keeping your phone pressed between your ear and shoulder as you drive out of the parking lot. "Would it really kill you to remember about me even once?"
"YN, you're not being fair right now," he says and you know he's pushing himself to his limits to not raise his voice at you. "Look, one of us has to actually make some money. I can't keep my head wrapped around everything."
"Oh, yeah? So you're at work right now?"
He stutters slightly. Got him. "Well, no I-"
"Jake, are you coming, man?"
Hearing Heeseung's voice shouting on the other line makes your fingers clench on the wheel tightly. You breathe in sharply and let out a short laugh. "Good to know what your priorities are, Jake."
"No, wait, I'm-"
You interrupt him again before ending the call, "Don't bother."
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PARK SUNGHOON
You breathe out in relief when you hear the familiar sound of Sunghoon's car pulling up on the driveway. He hasn't been answering any of your calls since the afternoon and you really started getting worried. You've been arguing with each other throughout the couple past weeks and you took notice of how distanced he's become towards you. You've attempted to fix that but it's a really hard task to do with your boyfriend being as stubborn as he is.
"Oh my god, I was so worried about you," you say the second when Sunghoon walks into your house. "Where have you been?"
He only nods his head at you in acknowledgement and toes his shoes off wordlessly. You frown slightly at his sudden muteness and put the sizzling pan aside.
"I made you dinner, figured you'd be hungry," you start again and only get disappointed when he dismisses you curtly.
"I'm not."
Pressing your lips together, you nod your head slightly before following him to the living room and taking a seat next to him, not close enough to irk him any further though. The two of you sit in silence, mindlessly watching the random channel that Sunghoon played. He has his arms folded on his chest and you wonder what went so wrong that he suddenly turned so cold towards you.
So you try again, speaking with a soft voice. "Why didn't you answer my calls today?"
You feel your whole body tensing when he lets out a groan. "Cause I didn't want you distracting me."
"Okay, what the hell is up with you, Hoon? Why the attitude?" You ask, turning away from the TV screen to look at your boyfriend's frowned up face.
You don't miss the roll of his eyes as he clicks his tongue. "For fuck's sake, if I knew you'd be this needy today, I would've stayed out longer."
You try not to show how much his words hurt you but the look on your face tells him a completely different story. You clear your throat and decide on voicing the thought that's made itself way too comfortable in your mind during the past few weeks. "Sometimes I just feel like you don't love me anymore."
"Well, maybe I would've loved you a little more if you stopped being so clingy. Seriously, fifteen calls, YN! Who the hell does that?"
Silence. His hurtful words linger in the air heavily and you both say nothing. You avoid his eyes, lips slightly trembling from the heartbreak. Sunghoon still says nothing as you stand up from the couch and leave the room in a rush.
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KIM SUNOO
"Do you even hear yourself? Why would she be lying?" Sunoo shouts at you as he crosses his arms defensively.
You're gripping the edge of your sleeve tightly, trying to prevent yourself from raising your voice as well. Even though you're keeping cool, his words and accusations stab your heart with dozens of needles. Having your boyfriend believing his friend rather than you has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
"And why would I be lying?" You ask, glaring him down. "Why would I, your girlfriend, lie about my whereabouts? For fun?"
He scoffs at you,. "Well, you didn't tell me you were hanging out with Sunghoon, did you?"
"No, because I wasn't hanging out with him, we just stumbled upon each other on my way back," you explain calmly as you clench your sleeve even tighter from frustration. "We literally talked for five minutes."
"That's not what what I've heard."
You roll your eyes at his stubbornness. "Yeah, cause what else would a person that's been in love with you for two years tell you?" You can't really help the sarcastic tone that's sneaked itself into your speech and you can see it only irks Sunoo more as he nearly scowls at you.
But all that you've said is the truth. Since the beginning of your relationship, you've noticed his best friend's spiteful looks thrown your way along with the heart-eyes directed at Sunoo. You've kept quiet for all this time, not saying a word even when he ditched you for her or made plans without your knowing. But this, this is just too much for you.
"You don't know what you're talking about," he has the audacity to laugh at you.
"No, Sunoo, it hurts me, you know?" You finally let all of your feelings that have been crumpled inside you for all these years. "Do you ever even try to acknowledge my feelings when you hang out with her?"
"Don't turn this on me right now. And I'm not allowed to have female friends now? What kind of a girlfriend even are you?"
You get up from his bed and scoff at him. "And what kind of a boyfriend accuses his girlfriend of cheating while he sneaks out without her knowledge to meet up with his best friend?"
With that, you turn on your heel and leave his apartment, slamming the door behind you.
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YANG JUNGWON
"That's not what friends do, YN! Are you even listening to me?"
"I am but you're being ridiculous!" You bite back at your boyfriend, walking back from a lunch with your best friend.
Throughout the entire meal she's been throwing jabs and snarly remarks at you, and although you've already grown used to her attitude, Jungwon just couldn't let that slide. He thinks it's illogical that someone you've been calling your friend for such a long time, would act so mean and nearly insulting towards you.
"I don't understand how can you let her speak to you that way," he breathes out in disbelief. "I wanted to spit in her face after an hour of talking to her, why do you let her do this to you all the time?"
"Because she's my best friend, Won!" You try to stay your ground as you dig into your purse, looking for your keys. "That's just how she is. I've learnt not to take any offence in that. You shouldn't either."
"I just care about you, so forgive me for not liking it when someone insults my girlfriend!"
You sigh, feeling tired from the night and the ongoing argument. "I know you do but I don't see it that way. She's just rough around the edges, that's all."
"Of course you don't see it. All you need is constant validation. You just can't live with the thought of somebody not liking you. You'd let a stranger walk all over you only if it meant you had gotten his approval. That's not fucking healthy, YN!"
"How can you even say that to me? Why would you-," you stop yourself from engaging in this conversation and slump your shoulders with resignation. "I don't wanna do this anymore."
Jungwon sends you a confused look. "What do you mean?"
"I just want to be alone right now," you say and Jungwon can clearly hear the exhaustion in your tone. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for walking me back."
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NISHIMURA RIKI
The moment that you hear the door slamming, you sigh as you realize it's one of these days again. For the past week or so, Niki has been coming home frustrated beyond words but not even once has he said what was bothering him. Sure, you've tried to intervene and ask him what's was it all about but he always dismissed you quickly. It hurts you to think that maybe he doesn't trust you enough to confide in you like that.
"Hi," you greet him as you stand up from the couch. You walk over to your boyfriend and wrap your arms around his neck in an attempt of hugging him but only get disappointed when you feel his body tense up. You pull away and look at him pointedly. "Another bad day?"
Niki hums and moves away from you, going into the direction of the kitchen. You follow him, feeling worried for him as you know he has the tendencies of bottling up his emotions inside.
"Wait! Don't ignore me again," you scolded him slightly, forcing yourself to stay calm and speak with the soft tone. You grab him by his forearm. "Niki?"
"Let go of me," he breathes out, voice heavy and your heart screams at the thought of him deciding to struggle with all of it by himself again.
You do as he asks and free his arm instantly. "Okay. Just talk to me, please?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Yn!" He snaps at you and runs his hand through his hair. "Stop pressing me!"
"No, you always keep acting like everything's fine when it's clearly not! I don't want you to keep it all to yourself. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about stuff like that," you explain, trying to keep him on your side. "I want to help you!"
"I don't need your help, though!" He scowls, sending you a sharp look. "If I knew you'd be sticking your nose into my business the second I walked through the door, I wouldn't even bother coming back."
"Hey, that's so cruel and uncalled for, Niki," you gasp slightly, feeling his words pulling at your heart again. "You're my boyfriend, of course I care about you! I hate seeing you like that but you just won't let me understand what's going on with you!"
"Are you my psychiatrist or my girlfriend? Jesus, I'm not in the mood for that right now," he sighs heavily and walks past you straight for the door.
"No, wait!" You call after him but you're too late and he's already slamming the door behind his back.
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permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19
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thywheelof-fate · 5 months
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I know you said you will not elaborate but pls elaborate I just know that if I was Durge seeing Ketheric being such a dedicated father when mine is...yeah the worst I would collapse.
Ketheric: lol,i betrayed shar for some quasi-god to have my daughter back and even if she hates me idc I still have her letter in my pocket all the time. Bhaal: *order your sister to kill you,even when you were like doing THE plan to make him powerful again*
ok ok I will elaborate just for you, beloved anon
To Durge, Bhaal's- and therefore a father's- love is something not freely given, something used to justify pain and hurt and suffering, something that seeps into every cell they have and chokes them out.
Then there is Ketheric- who loves his daughter deeply, despite her hatred. A man whose love grasps at forgotten echoes and wants to hug that little girl, not choke her. Ketheric, whose morals are based around his child, who has a child that he does not bend and break around his morals (he wishes she were by his side, but that is because she is his own).
A man who frets. Who worries. Who grieves. Who does this without expecting that child to pay back the debt of raising them.
Seeing this would tear them apart, but they wouldn't be able to articulate why. They'd assume that Thorm is too soft, too weak, too unambitious. Still part of them grieves. Still part of them wonders.
And then there is Enver- whose love feels like Bhaal's, but there is something else, too. A sense of respect, of admiration that is not a one way street. Suddenly it is not so bad to choke, so long as the hand wrapped around their throat will caress their face afterwards. Enver knows they like it. He can see it in their eyes, feel it in the tips of his fingers that were scorched by hellfire and betrayal when he was still a child. He sees Bhaal's love and forces his own over it, smothering it as much as he could.
Love and power and lust blend together. The power part is key: Enver still has a bit of control over them, or at least he likes to pretend to and the Dark Urge allows it. They admire him, so they must admire the way he treats them, no? That's how it always has been with Bhaal.
They worship Bhaal, so they must worship the way Bhaal treats them. Bhaal loves them, so Bhaal must love the way He treats them.
So, in summary. Seeing Ketheric causes Durge to acknowledge and work through their daddy issues a bit. Seeing Enver causes Durge to acknowledge their daddy issues and also spiral deeper into them, thanks to some crossed wires.
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rabbitenn · 6 months
Note
Tenn, Yuki, Momo, and Gaku with an s/o that asks to live with them for a few weeks because of a situation out of their control? And how they would treat their new roommate lol
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HEAVENLY VISITOR.
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As much as he’d rather you didn’t have to forcefully move out of your house, he has to admit his home wouldn’t feel like one anymore without you in it.
ft. Kujo Tenn, Orikasa Yukito, Sunohara Momose, Yaotome Gaku x gn! reader.
cw/genre: fluff with some angst.
hey, hey nonnie ! here is your request ! I hope this is according to what you wanted, forgive me for the long wait…
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♡ KUJO TENN
— Your landlord had made it clear in the lease: no pets allowed.
— And no, he is not making any exceptions, no matter how polite the pet in question looks.
— But can you really be blamed, for taking pity on a small white cat that was left alone in a particularly bad storm, his fur all stained in mud, his body so thin after who knows how many days of starving?
— So, of course, you adopted the little one, taking him into your arms with no second thought, consequences be damned.
— And well, the kitten’s meows were not exactly totally silent, nor were the hairs he left around completely invisible either.
— So it was just a matter of time before your landlord found out.
— He was not pleased. He made it clear that either the kitten goes or you lose the apartment.
— Well, you can start packing your bags already, because there is no way you’re abandoning your fluffy companion.
— Sighing heavily, you pick up the little one in your arms, as you haul a big backpack plus a wheeled briefcase into the elevator, descending it for the last time.
— Snowflakes are beginning to flutter around, as if fallen from the stars themselves. It seems you will have no choice but to ask your boyfriend to stay with him, if only for tonight.
A few seconds pass, the ringing on the other end, the tether that isolated you from the rowdy world outside.
“[Y/n], hello?” His voice greets you.
You take a few moments to close your eyes, a relieved smile curling your lips, Tenn’s voice always made you believe things would be alright.
You grip your phone tighter, hands going numb at the cold.
“Tenn…” You practically breathe, holding in tears at the solace of hearing him. “I… uh… Wanted to ask you something…”
“What is it, my love?” His tone sounds a little worried now.
“Please don’t worry, Tenn. It’s just… Can I stay at your place? Only for tonight, I kind of… ran into some issues… and I’m with someone who can’t stay in the cold for long.”
As if in acknowledgement, the kitten nestled in your free arm meows.
“Is that a cat?” Your boyfriend questions. You can imagine the warm smile on his pretty face.
“Yeah… I just… well, it’s a little long to explain…”
“Don’t worry now, [Y/n].” He soothes. “Come home. Where are you? I’ll meet you halfway.”
— And so, that is how that night, you end up walking hand in hand with your lover (he made sure to disguise himself, somehow. You think he looks so cute with his glasses) under snowy city lights.
— Tenn insisted on carrying your suitcase, claiming you already have the kitten (who, by the way, seems to have taken a liking to your partner) and your backpack
— When you arrive at his apartment shared with his two friends, a wave of comfort wraps around you. Nice lighting, a cozy and homey atmosphere, and the company of his groupmates.
— Not wanting to be teased and reduced to a blushing mess in front of you, though, Tenn ushers you into his room, the kitten instantly jumping from your arms and into his bed.
— You thought Tenn would be mad at you for losing your house just to save a cat. Turns out that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
— “You did the right thing.” He tells you, playing with the little friend, holding his paws in his hands delicately. A melancholy shadow passes over his rosy autumn tinted gaze, and you know too well how he’s abandoned something important just to save who needed it most.
— Tonight, you cuddle together under his soft covers, his arms around you, the home you had lost, freezing compared to Tenn’s loving embrace.
— As it turns out, that wouldn’t be the last night you would spend together.
— You had been looking for new apartments that allowed pets and that were rented for a reasonable price. And yet, it seemed your boyfriend didn’t really want you to leave.
“Why must you go?” Tenn asks, as he hugs you from behind, starlit lashes fluttering closed, as his face rests on the crook of your neck, his nose delicately brushing against your skin.
“Tenn…” You smile sadly, turning around in his hold. You want nothing more than to hug him tightly right here and now, relishing in the care of his embrace, the softness of his black turtleneck sweater, his subtle sweet scent. “You know I can’t stay here forever… I’ve imposed enough…”
“No, you haven’t.” He levels you with a pleading gaze, reminding you of a certain kitten that’s currently popping up from behind his legs. “Stay. Please.” Your boyfriend begs, his forehead leaning against yours.
As if to remark on the idol’s point, the white cat meows, pawing at your legs, then circling around you and Tenn.
And for the second time, you just can’t say no to such cute eyes (your boyfriend’s this time).
“Are you sure, my angel?” You ask, cupping his cheeks with your hands.
“More than anything I’ve ever been certain of.” Your angel promises, with a kiss to your palm.
“Alright.” You whisper, softly, your lips delicately pecking his.
This home feels complete now.
♡ YUKI
— You knew renting an old apartment came with its cons. Occasional chipped paint here and there, no air conditioning, humidities…
— But it was cozy, its vintage feel, nice. The cracked white paint of the wooden furniture had a certain charm to it, as if it had stories on yellowing pages waiting to be found inside its drawers.
— And the old lady who rented it to you was lovely. She often brought you homemade cake, you listened to her stories in exchange, and brought her chocolates sometimes.
— And then one day, the ominous announcement came: the building was too ancient, and it was to be demolished. That’s what they claimed, but offices from a multinational company were to be built in its place.
— Outrageous. You were thankful the old lady had a family to stay with and care for her, as her own flat was the one above yours.
— Now only one problem remains: where will you be staying while you look for a new place?
— With a last sad look at what’s been your home for the last few years, you take off, bags in hand, to the one place you know you can temporarily take shelter.
Evening has just settled the moment his doorbell rings.
Looking up from the vegetables he was cutting up, he notices his phone vibrating too.
The notification popping up when he unlocks the device shows your name:
[Y/n] 19:24: Yuki, it’s me at your door right now.
He smiles, you always warned him when you showed up unannounced, lest it be some stalker or crazy fan.
When he opens the door, however, he observes your disheveled hair, how you’re panting and the amount of luggage you’re carrying.
“Dearest, you know I’m not fond of the outdoors, so I’d rather not go camping…”
“It’s- not like that…” You manage. “Can I stay here tonight?”
“Sure, but what’s with all the bags?”
“I kind of… got kicked out of my apartment… yeah…” You bashfully reply, scratching the back of your neck.
“What?” The usually calm and cool idol lets out, his gaze like a crystalline stream, widening in horror at the prospect of you being left without a place to stay.
“Yeah… They’re building some offices from a big firm there… I need to start looking for a new home starting tomorrow.”
“You have a home here. You can stay for as long as you need to or want.” He blurts out, with a straight face.
“Yuki? I can’t do that… this is your place, I can’t just walk in and not leave…”
“What if that’s exactly what I want?” He retorts, mischief dancing in those icy eyes of his.
“Wha- I- You- What do you…”
He chuckles, picking up the bags you had left on the floor.
“Welcome home, [Y/n]. Dinner will be ready soon. Geleé vegetable soup, my specialty.”
— From then onwards, you two are practically like a married couple.
— You cook together, you, making sure no sharp knives are on sight when he’s around; him, hugging you from behind as you chop vegetables, gently swaying to the background music you have on.
— Nights are young when you’re by his side, not having to worry about returning home afterwards, you’re already at the best one you could ever imagine.
— You stay up with him when he writes songs well into the night, bringing him coffee or any snack he could want, combing through his hair to help him relax when he struggles with a part in particular.
— Moments of comfortable silence are also a frequent pastime you enjoy together. Just you and him, cozy blankets around your frames, as you cuddle on his couch, admiring the scenery through the window before drifting off into sweet dreams.
— You certainly did have a home here. In him, in the warmth of shared intimacy and small moments, in the lingering touches and little gestures.
— And neither of you would ever trade it for the world.
♡ MOMO
— At this point, you were used to people being unreliable.
— What you did not expect was for your roommate to leave the apartment you were renting together. Just like that. They were going to live with a group of friends from now on, in another part of town.
— How are you supposed to pay the full rent now? It was pricey enough splitting it in half… but this… They could have at least warned you sooner…
— Well, no use moping about it now, you better start packing your things and looking for somewhere more affordable to live at from now on.
— For this evening, however, you’ll ask your cute boyfriend if you can rest at his place. Your apartment feels too empty with half of the stuff gone, plus all your things are packed. You’ll text Momo.
Momo’s phone screen lights up at the same time a vibration resonates through his headphones, currently blaring some j-rock’s band's last single.
Now, Momo always replies almost instantly to texts, but seeing it’s from you, he pauses his music, vibrant rose eyes sparkling at the fact you just texted him, even if you’ve been together for some years by now.
[Y/n]-chan 💓: Momo, can I come over, please? <3
Pink tints his cheeks, with a dopey smile to match. It didn’t matter how many times you had already stayed or slept at his place, your visits always made the idol’s heart flutter.
Excitedly, he texts back:
Momo 🩷🍑: ofc you can, baby ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ I can’t wait! >///<
You chuckle to yourself, he was always so cute when texting.
Typing back a response, you exit your now former home. While this isn’t good, at least you get to spend some time with your lover today. You’ll look at that bright side.
— And well, if you were stressed because of your situation earlier, your nerves certainly ease once shiny hibiscus hued eyes greet you, comforting arms wrapping around you before you’ve even had the time to cross the threshold.
— When you explain the problem, Momo is obviously worried about you, but he also adores the fact you’ll be staying with him until you find a place for yourself, to be able to spend practically every moment with you… He’s just very very happy on that part.
— And you realize living with him is a delight.
— You smile more, feel happier and more energized. You help him stay organized and do laundry; he cooks his favorite meat for you (if you like/eat meat); and because he’s more of a morning person, your sleep schedule is healthier than it used to.
— Days turn into weeks that merge into months, and before you know it, your clothes have made its way into his closet; both your favorite ingredients are mixed in the fridge; and you always end up borrowing each other’s shampoo.
— But like all things, the time comes when you look back at these halcyon days with a sad smile. You’ve found an apartment that looks good and is affordable enough.
— And Momo knows, he knows he should be happy for you, but instead, he finds his hand catching your wrist, stopping you the day you had planned to go see your new to be home.
“Momo?” You ask, a little taken aback, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. His grip is not strong enough that you can’t pull away if you so wish, but he’s trembling, his manicured fingernails digging onto the fabric of your sleeve.
“Don’t go. Not yet…” He utters, head hung low, two-toned bangs falling in front of his teary magenta eyes. “This… When you’re here… It feels like home…” Your boyfriend averts his stare to the side, letting go of you, his voice cracking a little at the last words.
You bunch your hands in your chest. It is true that in the time you’ve been staying here, you’ve truly learnt the meaning of the word ‘home’ as well… And still, why can’t you stop the guilt hovering above you at the thought that you’ve been living with your partner rent free?
“But Momo… I just… I feel like I’m taking advantage of your kindness if I stay any longer…”
“Not at all! I want you here. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my days! So, please…” Momo trails off, his gaze glossy with tears he will shed if you go.
You fully turn towards him, catching one of his hands in yours.
“Is this okay, Momo? Is it okay for me to stay here?” You question, squeezing his hand.
“More than okay, my [Y/n]-chan…” He assures, squeezing back.
“I have one condition, though…” You begin. “Let me pay half the bills at least? I have a job too, you know, it’s the least I can do…”
A tender smile draws on your idol’s face, his sharp canines peeking adorably.
“You’re stubborn, huh…” Your boyfriend utters, wrapping you up in a hug. “We’ll figure it out later… Now let me stay like this for a bit longer.” Are his words as you hug him back.
♡ YAOTOME GAKU
— Of course, to you, this turn of events didn’t come as a surprise at all.
— You knew your family never liked you, often belittling your interests and trying to monitor your every action, berating you on how this or that is not acceptable or respectable.
— You were done. You are an adult, and they still treat you like a child, never supporting any of your decisions.
— You had had enough. You tried for so long to be what they wanted, but now you were suffocating in this household.
— And well, it eventually happened. You were kicked out of the house.
— Your parents simply informed you they were not covering for any of your expenses anymore, since if you had time to support those idols and dedicate your college life to studying music and arts, you might as well have time to provide for yourself, including finding a home on your own.
— Tears of rage and hurt roll down your eyes once the door of what once had been your house, never a home, separates you from your parents.
— You were literally homeless right now. Jobless. With college fees to pay. You could perhaps afford that if you got a part-time job, but how are you going to make enough money to cover for your daily necessities and an apartment?
— Not having anywhere else to go, you find yourself retracing the steps towards your boyfriend’s (who, obviously your parents didn’t even know you had) shared house with his two groupmates.
Carrying your belongings, you finally reach TRIGGER’s residence, ringing on the doorbell and attempting not to drop anything while doing so.
A voice that’s not your lover’s answers you. It’s gentle, like sunny days at the beach.
Ryu.
“Hi…” You hesitate, “Is Gaku at home?” You ask.
“Ah, hello, [Y/n].” Gaku’s friend greets. “Yes, he’s here, come in, please.”
As the door opens, you are greeted with Ryunosuke’s warm eyes and smile.
You try to return it, him and Tenn were always very kind to you, and you considered them part of your true family… except your smile comes off like more of a grimace, the hurt in your soul still very much lingering.
Then you spot Gaku already making his way to you upon hearing you’ve come to visit.
And you’re not sure why, and you hate that you can’t control your emotions, but you run to him, your face buried in his chest, as you hug him tightly, tears flowing down your cheeks.
“[Y/n], what happened?” He asks, concern laced through his tone. He runs one of his hands through your hair, smoothing it over, the other tracing soothing patterns along your back.
Then, his eyes land on all your luggage. His stare hardens, he knew of your family situation.
“[Y/n], did your family…?”
You nod, your sobs dying down, as you just rest your cheek against Gaku’s heartbeat, now quickened, he’s livid.
“Yeah… they just… kicked me out…”
The idol’s hold on you tightens, teeth clenching; he hated those who didn’t cherish their family, and what your parents had done to you was just inexcusable.
“My dear,” Gaku begins, “Stay here with me, with us.” He suggests. “You deserve a home with people who love and appreciate you.” A kiss to your temple. “And you’ll always have that here.”
You look up at him, tears clinging to your lashes like dying stars.
Gaku didn’t like to see you cry, even less when it was your own family who caused you this pain.
“Can I really do that?” You breathe out. On one hand, you’re happy to be with your boyfriend; him and his friends were your real family; on the other, you don’t want to be a burden.
“I insist.” He tells you, softly, his face level with yours. “And I’m sure Ryu and Tenn will agree with me.”
“I’m always happy to have you here, [Y/n].” Ryu smiles, warmly.
“Hey, guys, what’s- Oh, hello, [Y/n].” Tenn greets with that angelic smile of his. “It’s good to see you. Did anything happen?” The center of TRIGGER questions, head tilted to the side.
“You guys,” You rub at your eyes, in an attempt to wipe away your tears, that just keep coming. “Thank you so much.” You say, with a grateful smile parapeted by a rainfall of fading teardrops.
That night, for the first time since you have memory, you felt truly warm.
— From here onwards, things start looking brighter for you: you find a part-time job at a CD and vinyls shop, compatible with your interests and that allows you to cover for your college expenses.
— Because you have knowledge in music and are studying it, you often watch TRIGGER practise, making mental notes of all the things you can learn.
— And the best thing: you get to spend most, if not all of your free time, with Gaku.
— From watching movies, to going around for drives, to helping him when he works at his grandfather’s soba shop… You do so many things together!
— Not only that, but you find the siblings you never had in Ryu and Tenn. Helping Ryu cook, making sure Tenn is not overworking… You enjoy the memories you’re creating with them too.
— And well, Gaku can’t help but look at you with a smitten expression. It warms his heart to see you get along so well with his closest friends.
— Perhaps destiny was on your side, for all the events to lead to this present.
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Giving something a name is the hallmark of becoming attached, and Steve knew he had a reason to proceed with caution when Billy brought “Miss Whiskers” in off of the street. When he said that he was just going to clean her up, that he’d try to re-home her once she was in better shape.
Every bone in Steve’s body was against the idea when he saw the sickly little kitten for the first time. He’s always considered himself an animal lover, though he’s more partial to dogs than anything else, so that’s not the reason for his wariness.
Steve knows that Billy is a cat person. He also knows that his boyfriend, bless his heart, loves so fiercely and without abandon that sometimes he winds up hurting himself in the process.
So, yes, Steve approaches the situation with a great deal of caution.
The first day is fine. The two men spend the afternoon hovering over the kitten, bathing her and checking for fleas. Cleaning her face and feeding her ever so carefully with a syringe full of goat’s milk, which they learned is a safe substitute for kittens to drink after some research.
Miss Whiskers, aptly named for her long, scraggly whiskers, is clean and cozy on her first night in their apartment.
Deathly thin, but still. She’s purring and Billy looks so happy swaddling her in a fluffy blanket, so Steve is content. He starts to consider how to go about training Whiskers to not scratch the furniture in the future. Thinks about buying a litter box and scheduling for her to get her shots at the vet, just because he can never say no to Billy. Especially not when he gets so excited.
But Billy also has abandonment issues. It occurs to Steve that maybe he should really learn to say no to his boyfriend more often, even when it feels like the wrong thing to do.
The second day is spent in grief.
Something vicious stabs at Steve’s soul when he and Billy are sat on the back porch, looking out at the grass as the wind gently swishes the blades together. Neither of them acknowledge the fresh patch of upturned dirt near the base of the wall at the other end of the yard.
“I’m sorry, Billy,” Steve coos. He reaches around the blond’s shoulders and gently draws him into an embrace. “You gave her a good last day. She got so many pets and kisses that she wouldn’t have gotten without you.”
The blond sniffles. His shoulders shake with it, and his tired eyes are red and still streaming with tears when Steve looks at him.
He’s never seen him cry like this before.
“She didn’t deserve to die,” Billy rasps.
“I know, love.”
“She wasn’t even… here for that long.” Billy squeezes his eyes shut and leans into Steve’s shoulder. “She was so little, Stevie. She didn’t get to enjoy her life at all.”
He tightens his fist in Steve’s shirt, and the brunet wraps him up in a tight hug. Shushes him and rocks him back and forth as the sobs rattle out of him, broken and raspy.
“At least she had someone love her before she moved on, right? I’ve never seen someone fall in love with a kitten so fast.”
That earns a sad laugh.
“Yeah.”
“Whiskers is a lucky girl, if you ask me.” Steve cards his fingers into Billy’s hair. “You would’ve made her the happiest cat who ever lived, baby. Today just wasn’t her day.”
Billy’s breath hitches and he grips Steve tighter. They sit there for a while, just until Billy has calmed down enough to relax his hold and regulate his breathing again.
Steve takes him out for a burger and a milkshake that evening, and smiles when the blond insists on sitting beside him in the booth.
They’re inseparable for the rest of the night. Even after they’ve gone to bed, Billy is tucked into Steve’s chest, arms and legs wrapped around him like a koala. And maybe it’s a lapse in judgment that causes the brunet to have these thoughts, but…
He’s pretty sure they’re going to spend their next night off combing the streets for strays to keep.
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luna-rainbow · 1 year
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jdorama autumn 2022
We'll start off with the medical shows.
PICU / Paediatrics Intensive Care Unit (10.3%) Stars: Yoshizawa Ryo, Yasuda Ken
I really wanted to like this drama. Yoshizawa Ryo has improved a lot in his acting, and most of the supporting actors (Yasuda Ken, Kimura Fumino, Kikuchi Rinko) are all veterans. There are some good lessons in it - for example, the root cause analysis in the first episode, and the ethical issues of discussing treatment plans without the guardian present.
But even then, it was hard to suspend my disbelief, and it looks like people in Biei are protesting about the unrealistic portrayal of the local services. The central idea that they set up a PICU (paediatrics ICU) with ONE nurse and three doctors already threw me. Dafuq? You can't run a unit with one nurse (* not that places haven't tried), much less an 8-bedded ICU - which by definition means one on one nursing 24/7. Or even small things like doing a root cause analysis meeting immediately after a death while everyone is still upset and shaken. Yes no doubt it is important to review where things went wrong, but the most important thing (apart from checking the family is coping) is supporting your own staff's mental health, and it's not done by hounding the most junior staff until they're in tears.
Inori no Karute / The Records of Hope (6.5%) Stars: Tamamori Yuta
Like PICU, there are things I really like about this show and there are things that really threw me. Firstly, I really like how the interns were rotating between specialties. I don't know if this is a new thing in Japan, because my understanding is they used to go directly into their specialty, but I always give extra points to medical shows that make the effort to acknowledge there is more than one specialty in hospital and that in fact medical treatment isn't all surgical or crit care!
The second thing I really like is the focus on medical records (although that message seems to have gotten diluted in following episodes). Good records capture something beyond the clinical diagnosis and treatment, and it fleshes out the person -- their social supports, their way of dealing with grief and conflict, their motivations and fears. Sometimes even without the note-taker actively trying, you can glimpse these in the notes. There is value in diagnostics, there is value in good communication...but this show acknowledges there's value in historical documents that contextualises the present and gives us clues as to why someone is seeking help this time.
That said, there are lots of small things that threw me as well. Some things being disclosed when it would clearly violate privacy. Some of the interns being way too invested in the private lives of the patients (to the point it's crossing major professional boundaries). Or the fact that in the first episode, the entire friggin hospital turned up for a Code Blue. Please. You've all got work to do!
Travel Nurse (11.9) Stars: Okada Masaki, Nakai Keichi
Written by the team that brought you the 7 (or was it 9) season power fantasy Doctor X about an independent-minded anti-authoritarian doctor who did surgery for hire...comes a story about an independent-minded anti-authoritarian nurse who does...nursing for hire.
I did like: the fact that there's two main characters, and that the younger character has already made a few mistakes that gets corrected by the older one, so he's not in the "I never fail" league that Daimon Michiko is in (which gave me the shits anyway so good riddance). I have a soft spot for Okada so it's nice to see him back on TV. I also did like the introduction of nurse practitioners, which is not something you see a lot...but...
I didn't like: the idea that one nurse practitioner can do the jobs of 10 nurses is probably a little insulting to nurses. Apparently Japan doesn't recognise nurse practitioners? So the main character is legally not allowed to use his nurse practitioner skills in daily practice? So it remains to be seen why him being a nurse practitioner is relevant to the story. The scene where the older nurse was literally going to watch someone under his care suffocate until he agreed to something deemed good. Personally, this is a huge transgression. Health workers are not jury or police. Your job is to provide healing to people, not to judge their actions and decide whether they're worth saving. That's a massive slippery slope with huge ethical ramifications. Just. No.
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your-royal-momoness · 3 years
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People in the atla fandom should try actually watching Avatar: The Last Airbender. I think they’d really like it
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Paul's Lullaby | part one
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"Sam?" Paul was, he was in pain. He respect Sam and Emily's privacy, but he needed to talk to Sam now.
Paul wasn't angry, he was in pain. He felt like the world had opened up and swallowed him whole. He ruined his own life, and he didn't know where else to turn.
"Paul?" Sam asked, opening the door. Emily was behind him, face covered in concern.
"I imprinted tonight," Paul said, "but she hates me. She really, really hates me."
"I'm sure it's nothing you can't fix," Sam said, ushering Emily to come closer.
"Sam, I'm not exaggerating, she told me that she hates me. In fact, she should hate me." Paul looked at his feet, but only to try and hide the distress on his face. "If anyone treated her that way I used to, I'd rip them apart."
"Paul," Emily said, reaching out. Paul flinched back.
"I don't deserve your sympathy. I just, I don't know what to do."
"Be patient. Maybe you just have to prove you're a different man now," Emily offered a sad smile, but it was the exact thing Paul didn't want. He shouldn't pitied, he didn't deserve it. He could feel his heart bruise and falter. He broke his own heart and has no clue on how to fix it.
Emily had to go back to sleep, but Sam sat up with Paul for a while longer.
When Paul finally left, it was almost two in the morning. He took off running through the woods, shifting when he knew he was hidden by the tree line. He tried to outrun the heartbreak, but obviously it didn't work.
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You were sitting at your desk, staring at your computer. You wanted to work on your writing, but you were so angry at the audacity that Paul had.
You had done everything you could to avoid him the last couple years - and you managed to make it to the first day of summer after graduation. You'd run into him on the beach.
He was just such a jerk, acting like his words had no effect on anyone. Like he could just laugh behind your back and it wouldn't hurt.
But he used to tell people nasty rumours about you. Until nobody really wanted you around them. And then he had to take it that much farther, when you were both fifteen, he took you on a date, acted like he'd changed and grown. And right before he kissed you he said, "I know you fall for it."
That date alone triggered years of trust issues. You'd felt alone ever since.
Back to the beach, he was blocking the trail you needed to head down to get to work on time. You'd hoped that putting your head down and just trying to slide passed would work, but he recognized you. He tried talking to you, but you ignored him.
After taking a couple steps down the path he said, "don't be like that."
This made you look up, astounded that he would even say something like that. Until you finally looked into his eyes, and you recognized how beautiful he was. He also looked stunned, like he'd run into a glass door. He reached out to you, but recoiled, dodging his touch like he was on fire. Somehow, you'd felt even lonelier than ever.
One look at his face and you felt like you were missing something. You tried to keep your cool but you just couldn't. Tears brimmed at your eyes, and his friend Jared Cameron coughed, before walking to the water just to give you two some space.
"Y/N," he said, his voice low and hesitant. Making you panic, thinking he was toying with you again.
"Stay away from me," you warned, taking a defensive step back.
That hit Paul harder in the heart than you would ever know. His soulmate, his imprint, recoiling away from him defensively. He found the person he was supposed to protect, to be needed by, and you couldn't stand the sight of him.
"Just wait a second," he begged, not moving towards you again. He didn't want to scare you.
"I hate you," you whispered, and then louder said it again. And louder again. Until you had screamed it, and the tears had taken over your cheeks. Every time you said it was an arrow to Paul's heart. He nodded, and let you turn around to run off without another word.
You didn't notice him run into the woods, followed by his friend.
You called work saying you had a personal emergency, and then went back home for the night.
Back in the present, you were tearing up at the memory of it. You were sick, you think. Addicted to red flag behaviour because there was no way you were thinking of Paul's hurt face, and feeling bad for causing it. He should feel bad for all the pain he caused.
You looked at the clock, it was almost three in the morning, but you were too caught up in all your feelings to send yourself to bed. You walked to the window, and noticed some kind of animal by the tree line. You lived in the middle of the woods, in an old cabin your grandma used to live in. You moved in when she got sick but never moved out. You liked it. It was cozy. It was private.
Finally relenting, you crawl into bed and did your best to sleep.
The next day, you were walking along the same path on the beach. You offered to cover the shift of the girl who had covered yours at such last minute.
Paul was in the same spot, but alone this time. You tried to walk passed him without acknowledging him, but something stopped you. You didn't want to see him sad again, it hurt you. And it made no sense why, you'd spent two years hating him.
You were only a few steps passed him, so you turned around, gripping the end of your sweater sleeves in each hand.
Paul had his head down, but looked up when he heard you sigh. You were standing in front of him, looking so terrified to speak to him. Paul could've started crying.
"I'm sorry about yelling at you like that yesterday," you said. "I should've just walked away so... sorry."
"Don't be sorry," he said, a flash of excitement crossed his eyes, and you mistook it for something sinister. You tried to remain calm, but you were feeling lightheaded. You just couldn't trust his motives. "I deserved it."
Now that, threw you for a bit of a loop.
Fool me once, you thought.
"I still think we should just keep our distance," you said. "You kind of broke my heart."
"I'm really sorry about that, I was trying to impress the seniors. I was a tool. An idiot."
"Finally we agree on something," you said. He looked at you, and you both let out a small smile. He pushed some sand with his foot. His bashfulness made you want to believe him. "I work just up the hill. You can walk me if you want."
"Can I walk you home when you're done?" he asked, quickly falling in perfect tandem with you.
"No," you said. "But you can walk with me right now."
"I'll take it," he said.
"Why do you want to talk to me anyway? I thought you hated me," you said.
"I could never hate you," he said. "I do hate how I treated you though. Not my finest hour."
"I think your finest hour remains to be seen."
Paul stayed quiet after that. And you were oddly comfortable in the silence. You're not even sure why you invited him to come along, but some sick part of you wanted him to. You wanted to reach out and touch him. His arms just looked so welcoming, and the way he stretched his hand open and shut made you think he wanted the same thing. But you couldn't let him in, not after one day.
"Have a good shift," he said, putting his hands in his pocket.
You smiled at him ,and thanked him for walking you. When you smiled, he smiled. And you caught onto that.
Paul had been standing in the same spot every day to walk you to work. Out of curiosity, on one of your days off, you snuck close to the spot to see if he was there. And he was, leaning against the same railing, in the same spot that he waited for you everyday.
You got comfortable in a cozy little spot in the trees. You wanted to see how long he waited for you. You dozed off before you could get your question answered.
You woke up hours later, when the sun was already setting. You hated walking through the trees in the dark. You started walking on your own, but you had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. So you swallowed your pride and called someone you knew would answer.
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Paul was sitting at Sam and Emily's table, enjoying the dinner she made while waiting for his turn to go on patrol. It was Jared and Quil out there now. Paul could hear Seth snoring on the couch, making him laugh. Things that used to annoy him, didn't really seem to annoy him anymore. Not since you started letting him walk you to work. He even got Sam to let him change his patrol times to make sure he could be there every day.
His phone rang, and with a mouthful of food checked the number. He almost chocked on his food when he saw your number. He answered, hitting his chest to dislodge the food.
"Y/N, hi," he said, big grin on his face as he stood up and walked outside. Behind his back, Emily and Sam shared a knowing look, and he leaned in to kiss his wife.
Paul noticed Jared sitting nearby with Kim, and didn't think too much of it with you on the line.
"This may sound stupid," you said, "but can you walk me home? I don't like to go in the dark."
"You never let me walk you home," he said.
"If this is a bad time, it's okay," you said, disappointment clear in your voice.
"No, no... where are you? I'll be right there." He stepped back inside the house to grab his shoes, but the sound of you gasping stalled his movements.
"I'm by our meeting spot," you said. His grin returned when you called it that. "It's so dumb, I wanted to see if you went there when I didn't work and fell asleep."
"You were spying on me?" he asked. You were silent on the other end and he laughed. "I'll be right there."
"Who are you?" you asked.
"Huh?"
He heard you scream, as did Sam and Emily who's cheeky glances turned to concern quickly. "Y/N?" he asked, panicked. He was already running outside, Sam on his heals.
"Jared!" Sam shouted, "Why aren't you on patrol?"
"Seth said he'd do it!" Jared yelled back. Paul dropped his phone, and shifted, running top speeds to where you said you were.
Never in his whole life had he been this scared. He could hear Jared apologizing for the mixup in his thoughts, but Paul didn't really care what he had to say. If you were hurt, Paul would die. Paul would simply die.
He needed you to be there safe.
I knew something was wrong, Embry thought. Paul didn't even see him show up. Sorry I didn't act on it.
Shut the shit up and run, dammit!
When he got to the meeting point, you were gone, but your bag was abandoned nearby. Paul sniffed it, getting your current scent memorized. He took off when he found the trail. He also smelled a retched, filthy bloodsucker. It wasn't one of the Cullens. No, this was different. And it started at the water, that's how it got passed their lines. Not that they had enough people around.
Paul howled, the pain in it was evident for anyone around. It was him saying get here, or suffer the consequences.
I don't smell their blood, Jared thought.
You don't get to talk about them. This anger didn't derive from a bad temper, it was fear. It was just fear talking.
Paul kept running, catching a fork in the scent trails. One way was Quil, Leah and the bloodsucker. And the other was you, all alone. Alone but alive. If he couldn't hear Leah or Quil think, that was a good sign. Meant that they'd changed back, and Leah would never do that unless she killed them.
Go to her, we'll find Leah. Sam nodded at Paul.
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You were crying as you ran, clumsy feet stumbling over tree roots and your own blurred vision totally betrayed you. Someone had come out of the water, eyes red like rubies. And they were so pretty that you just had to look at her. Until the showed her teeth, forcing you to flee in fear. She was faster than you, but you think she was playing with you.
And then if that wasn't scary enough, when she was jumping down from a tree to kill you, a wolf jumped from the shadows and grabbed the woman. And it was her turn to flee. Another wolf jumped out, and you were sure you were a goner.
But it just chased after the other two. Leaving you alone and confused.
You stumbled back to your feet, running as fast as you could towards your cabin. You would be safe in there. Maybe. It was the best you could do right now.
You cried harder when you thought you heard more rustling in the trees. You were at your door, struggling to get your keys out and unlock the door. When you did, you slammed it shut and locked it behind you. You dove over the sofa and kept your eyes on the door, as if that's all it took to keep you safe.
Your phone was lost somewhere in the woods, but you could still hear them. Out there. Maybe it wasn't real.
There was a feverish knocking on your door, and you couldn't peel yourself away from the couch.
"Y/N! Are you in there," Paul shouted. Oh my God, thank everything, it's Paul.
"Paul, I'm coming," you struggled, fighting through your tears to answer. It killed him, but he was so happy you were okay.
You opened the door, and cried even harder when you saw his face. You couldn't hate him now, now when he came running for you. He ignored his usual boundaries and pulled you in for a hug. He was so warm wrapped around you. Your arms were still tucked into your chest. And his totally encompassed you.
"Just breath, honey," he said, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You tried to take his advice, but you couldn't focus.
"You came for me."
"I always will, you can always call me. I will always come running," he said. And you believed him.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" you asked, pushing yourself away from him enough to look up at his face. His features were uncharacteristically soft as they looked down at you.
"Of course," he said. He kissed your forehead, and you felt the instinct of pushing him away - but you ignored it this time.
"On the couch," you said.
"Sure, honey." He brushed his hands up and down your biceps, helping you take a few deep breaths. "I'm not going anywhere, don't worry."
"I don't understand what happened," you said, pushing yourself away from him. "She came out of the water, and then she..."
"It's okay," he cooed, "you don't have to say anything."
"And this doesn't change anything," you said. "I trust you with some things but not other things."
"Some things?" he asked, more amused than anything.
"I trust you with my life, not my heart."
"We'll work on it," he said, pulling you in close for another hug.
"Yeah," you agreed. "We'll work on it."
[requested] [part 2?]
I kind of love this?
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silver-tongued-bby · 3 years
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Devotion - Part I
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Pairing: Dark!Loki x Nun!Reader
Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!! This is a Dark!Loki fic and it explores sexual and dark religious (catholic) themes, including mind control (paralysis), loss of faith, oral sex (m and f receiving), loss of virginity, knife play, blood play, dirty talk, a dom/sub relationship, and general blasphemy. Read at your own risk!!
Words: 3,668
Summary: You chose to devout yourself to God. But did you choose the right one?
A/N: If there is a hell, I think I'll be going straight to it for this one. Please remember this is a work of fiction- if you take issue with the themes mentioned above, please do not interact.
...
It was late when you finished your prayers- much later than usual. You’d stayed by the chancel, kneeling on the soft velvet of the hassock well beyond the sunset, your Sisters excusing themselves one by one. The votive candles were mostly out by the time you stood on shaky legs, the feeling slowly coming back to them as you extinguished the remaining flames.
You sighed, hoping that the twelve hours of prayer today would be enough to rid yourself of the dream. Walking behind the altar, you turned off the lights. Things were still somewhat illuminated by the soft glow of the moonlight coming through the stained glass.
Moving back around the altar towards the nave you stopped, seeing the outline of a figure before you, your heartbeat in your ears as you held a palm to your chest. You tilted your head, blinking furiously in the darkness, attempting to make sense of the form. It looked like a person- a man, standing by the open doors. Must be a trick of the light, you thought as you squinted in an attempt to make out the tall shadow.
Sighing, you gingerly stepped down the altar’s carpeted stairs to slowly approach the form, keeping your eyes on it. Suddenly, you stopped, the hairs standing on end at the back of your neck. This was how the dream started. A figure- a dark figure is what you’d see before it would float towards you, wrapping you up in its darkness and consuming you whole. You’d wake gasping for air, your eyes wet with tears.
You took a deep breath, chastising yourself for your foolishness. You were awake, and the dark mass in front of you was likely a shadow from outside, or the coat rack, or the monstrance- Sister Anne always left the monstrance out after she buffed it.
Shaking your head, you stepped down onto the cold stone floor. Then you thought you saw the figure move. Your heartbeat was loud in your ears as you stopped once more, trying to make out the shapes in the shadow. You attempted to calm yourself down- you were awake, this wasn’t a dream. Besides, in the dream you always heard that laugh- the dark, velvety laugh ringing out in the silence. There was no laugh now.
You pinched yourself for good measure, nodding when you felt the pain, ensuring that this was not a dream. Huffing, you decided to speed-walk down the nave, your steps ringing out as you approached the shadow.
You were about four paces away when you finally saw the glint of two eyes in the moonlight. You gasped and scrambled backwards, the figure before you now clear.
“At last.” A voice- the voice from your dream. It was deep, dark velvet ringing out through the silence. A sliver of moonlight was hitting two green eyes, illuminating pale skin and a dark brow. You could see the inky, black hair that fell around his face in waves.
You were stunned, and wanted so desperately to turn and run but you couldn’t bring your body to move. You opened your mouth to scream but no sound came out, just like the dream. You began reciting The Apostles Creed in your mind, attempting to calm yourself and awake from whatever this was.
The familiar deep chuckle hit your ears. “Your prayer falls on deaf ears, little one. As they always have.” He stepped closer, then slowly circled your paralysed form.
Undeterred, you kept praying, shouting each word within your mind at the presence before you.
A hand came to grip your face firmly, long fingers digging into your delicate skin. “No more of that, little one.” With that, your thoughts were silenced. Held in place like the rest of you.
Your breath was loud against the silence, shaky puffs coming in and out as the entity observed you. You were struck by the beauty of this presence, his chiseled face more breathtaking than the paintings of Christ. He stood tall, before you, lithe figure covered in a crisp black suit.
“Your god has long since abandoned you. All of you, worshipping an entity who simply flicked the switch to humanity, who left once the beginnings had been set in motion.” He let his hand fall from your face and circled you once more.
“Yet you continue to pray, to worship, to adore him. And this Jesus Christ you vow yourself to,” he laughed pitifully, “a mortal. Long gone.”
“So much work, so much devotion, to an absent god. A god who cannot solve your problems, empower you, or answer your prayers.” He stopped in front of you and reached to pull at the veil covering your head, letting it drop to the floor. Tears were welling up in your eyes, obscuring your vision.
“Beautiful,” he breathed against your ear, “what god would ask for such beauty to be hidden away, like a dirty, little secret? What god would tell their most devout followers to vow themselves to never be touched,” he lightly traced your cheekbone with his knuckle, “be pleasured by another?”
His eyes searched yours for a moment, and you felt the hold on you release. “You may answer,” he watched you as you blinked and shivered, a tear falling down either of your heated cheeks.
“You can’t know that- that He isn’t with us,” you frowned at him, your voice small.
He gave you a pitying look, his head tilting slightly. “Oh but I do, little one. And so do you.” He clasped his hands behind his back, regarding you darkly. “You prayed to your god for twelve hours this day, ten hours each day before. I heard you. I watched you.”
Your eyes widened. How could he have known? How long has he been watching you?
“A long time, little one. I heard you praying to your god to take away the dream I sent you. The dream foretelling you of my arrival.” He circled you again, leaning in to speak close- so close to your ear. You shivered. He could read your thoughts.
His mouth quirked upwards in acknowledgement before he continued. “If your god is with you, why did he not answer your prayers and protect you from me?”
“I- He must be testing me,” you said, the tears still falling.
“If your god is here with us, why is he not striking me down for standing on his ground? Speaking such blasphemy, in his own house?”
“I- I don’t know,” you said, a quiet sob shaking you. You felt alone, scared, and lost. If He was not with you, how could you carry on devoting yourself to Him? Was any of this His will? Or were all the rituals, the sacraments, fabricated by man?
You’d been having doubts for a while- since the dreams started. Instead of opening up to your sisters about it you held your tongue. Saying it out loud would have made it all so real. As it is now.
“Hush now, little one. Tears won’t do a thing.” He touched under your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes.
You felt defeated and betrayed by the cause you’d so devoted yourself to. Pointless. What were you to do now? Without your faith you had nothing, no one.
“You started down the wrong path.” His eyes were locked with yours, a glint of something beneath the blue-green. “I can help you correct it. Worship me, and I’ll hear your prayers. Devote yourself to me, and I’ll answer them. Adore me,” he brushed his finger tips across your lips, “and I’ll empower you.”
You felt a thrill with his words, his actions, and his darkening stare. “What must I do?” You asked, your heart racing.
“Get on your knees.”
You knelt in front of him, bowing your head to his towering form, your hands clasped together in your lap.
“Eyes on me. Always.” He said, and you brought your face up to meet his stare. Before you were fully aware of what was happening he’d taken himself out, his hardened member before you.
Your eyes widened at it- you’d never seen a phallus up close in person. The vow you took promised yourself to your lord. You weren’t even supposed to touch a man, and had stuck to that for the majority of your life. You were nervous, unsure of what to do, how to please this dark entity before you. You also realised you’d never even asked him his name.
He chuckled darkly. “I am known to many as Loki, but you may call me Master. Now, bring yourself closer to me.” You leant forward. “Good. Open your mouth, little one.”
You did as you were told and he laid his thick member over your tongue, the taste of his skin salty, his heady scent enveloping you.
“Use your lips and tongue to worship me. Show me your devotion,” he angled his hips forward so more of his length filled your mouth.
You kept your eyes on his as you started to run your tongue along him, pursing your lips slightly. You took him deeper until he hit the back of your throat, which made you gag, tears springing to your eyes.
“Relax, little one. Breathe through your nose,” you did as you were told, consciously relaxing the muscle at the back of your throat. You found you could take him further, more of him pressing into you as your saliva dribbled around your lips.
“Good,” his voice sounded deeper, a small edge to it. He grasped your head, his nails lightly scraping against your scalp, bringing a little hum from you at the sensation. He twitched at that, and you took note, humming and groaning around him as he began to move you back and forth over his length.
His lips were apart as he moved you over him, his eyes running over your features. The lustful approval of his gaze made your heart flutter, and your core ache. You were so pleased to serve him, to have a God you could so tangibly show your devotion to. You wanted him to use you, use your body and soul for his pleasure.
He grunted, teeth clenched as his grip against your scalp became harsher. His hips stuttered and he groaned, his warm essence spilling into your mouth and down your throat. You were filled with pride to receive his seed, eagerly swallowing and revelling in the taste. You cleaned him off, his length remaining hard as he watched you work below him.
“Very good, little one.” He removed his hands from your scalp, gently brushing the hollows of your cheeks as you continued to suck his length. “What do you say after such a gift?” He asked.
You let him fall from your mouth, licking your lips. “Thank you, Master.” You said breathlessly.
He nodded at you in approval then motioned you to stand from the cool stone floors. You stood on shaky legs and he held up one hand, palm upwards. You tentatively put your hand in his and he gripped it lightly as he guided you towards the altar.
Once up the steps, he turned to you and in a flash of green he held a dagger. He hooked the blade into your tunic, tearing the fabric as he brought it downwards. The linen opened to expose the virginal white of your underwear. He pushed the cloth off your shoulders, letting the tunic fall to the ground. He did the same with your underwear, tearing the soft white fabric of your bra and panties to shreds, leaving you naked before the altar. He flipped the knife in his hand, catching it before disappearing it in another flash of green.
“Present yourself to me,” his eyes were busy running over your exposed skin.
“Yes Master,” you said, moving up against the altar before settling upon it and spreading your legs, exposing yourself to the cool air. You laid back, looking up at him from heavy-lidded eyes. Remembering all the times you’d prayed staring up at this altar made you ache for your new Master, needing him to feel your worship.
“So wet and needy for me,” he brushed a knuckle over your heat, forcing a shudder from you. “Though since it’s your first time, I will ready your body to take me.”
“Thank you Master,” you said again, resting on your elbow so you could maintain his gaze.
He smirked at you and bent a knee to bring his face closer to your heat. Your muscles twitched in anticipation as he lowered his gaze to your wet heat, his hands sliding up from your calves to your thighs, stopping so they could grip your tightly.
“Have you ever been touched here by another, little one? Kissed?” He asked, his breath ghosting over your heat.
You swallowed, shaking your head. “No, Master. N-never.”
“So pure,” his eyes ran over you before capturing your gaze once more. “Have you ever touched yourself here?”
You cast your eyes downwards, “yes, Master.” You whispered, feeling shame bubble within you, your face hot.
His hands tightened around your thighs. “Look at me,” he commanded, and you quickly met his gaze. “Never feel ashamed for taking your pleasure. Worship me through it. Give into your pleasure, give into me.” He licked a slow stripe up your folds, and you cried out, your back arching against the hard wood of the altar.
From the angle of your gaze you could see the crucifix, inverted at your position. Blinking your eyes up at the sculpture of Christ, you felt your Master’s tongue swirl over your bundle of nerves and you moaned, still gazing up at the crucifix, as if you were expecting it to come to life.
You heard a low chuckle. “I told you. He’s long gone, little one.” Your brow furrowed- you still felt your Master’s tongue over your centre, hot and wet. How could you hear him?
“Look at me,” you heard his voice once more and pulled yourself up on your elbows to meet his icy gaze as he dipped a finger within you, causing you to shudder. “Do not question. Surrender,” he curled the finger on a spot that had you seeing stars, “surrender to me.”
You nodded, licking your dry lips as you panted. You were close. His hand was pressing hard into your thigh, while the other was quickly moving in and out of you, his tongue moving in tandem. “Let me feel your euphoria, little one. Let me drink it from your very soul.”
It was all so much, the feel of his fingers within you, the flick of his tongue against your most sensitive part. You were lightly moaning, the sound of your voice and his ministrations echoing off the stone of the church. His eyes were cold steel, demanding your gaze as he steadily stoked the fire within you, the flames licking at your skin.
“Oh! Oh my…” you trailed off, “God.” He finished darkly, and you came undone, writhing against the altar. As you rode out the waves of your high you whispered, “thank you Master,” over and over in prayer, your eyes slipping to those of blue-green below.
“Very good, little one. You’re ready to take me now. To feel me deep within you.” He pulled his fingers from you and stood, eyes roaming over your naked form. He ran one finger, wet with your excitement down from the hollow of your throat to the soft tufts of hair between your legs and you shivered, the cool air kissing the trail he’d left.
Smirking down at you he gripped himself, coming closer to run the head of his length up against your dripping core. You inhaled sharply, your hand gripping the wood of the altar below.
“You were built for worship. Body and soul,” he spoke, his voice rough. He slowly pushed in an inch, your channel tight around him. You squirmed, feeling a sharp pain as he continued to push in.
“Relax. Deep breath, little one.” You did as you were told, filling your lungs with air and he slid the rest of the way in on your exhale. The pain turned sharper still, and you whined, your breaths quick and pained.
“That’s it. Don’t cry,” he brushed a stray tear from your cheek. “It will feel better soon. But I need you to feel the pain. I need you to feel me stretch you, to feel me break you.” His eyes went to the skin where your bodies met, where he was stretching you, holding still while you desperately tried to relax your muscles, your nails digging into the wood of the altar.
He brought his hand down, swiping around your folds. Bringing his fingers before you, you could see they were wet with slick and bright red with your blood. He brought his fingers to your lips and swiped them over your tender skin. He bent to kiss you, his tongue running along your lips. He hummed at the taste before kissing you deeply, the metallic-tinged taste lingering in your mouth.
He started to move his hips, pulling back out of you before coming forward. Your back arched, the pain mingling with some deep sort of pleasure as he began setting a pace. He moved to whisper foreign words over the shell of your ear.
You felt a warmth wash over you, the pain slipping away with it, leaving the pleasure. He came away from you, standing back up to his full height as he looked at you, his head tilted. “Does that feel better, little one?”
“Yes, Master,” you moaned, your hips moving in time with his thrusts. His hands gripped either side of your waist, long fingers pressing into the skin as he continued to move with you.
“That’s it little one, worship me as I fuck you. Worship me as I taint you.” He continued to thrust into you, the stained glass windows of the church framing his dark figure. He gave a little flick with his fingers in the air and you felt a pressure on you- similar to finger tips, gently rubbing at your clitoris. You cried out, and he bent forward to clasp his fingers over your wrists, pulling them upwards to hold them firmly on the altar over your head as he continued to thrust within you.
You were writhing against him, the soft, woven material of his suit rubbing up against your sensitive skin, the phantom touch still continuing below. He was grinning at you, the glint in his eyes that of pure sin as he watched you lose control. You came fully undone beneath him, giving in to the pleasure he was wringing from your body, every nerve alit with it. Your vision blurred slightly but you kept your eyes open, his smirk taunting you as you came thanking him at the top of your lungs.
The touch below had continued as you rode out your orgasm, coming back in full force once your breath settled. He moved to grip your wrists with one hand, the other coming to firmly grasp your jaw, pushing your face to the side. You felt his tongue against the shell of your ear and you cried out at the sensation. He chuckled lowly before taking your earlobe between his teeth, marring the flesh then running his tongue over the heated skin. Your breaths were quick puffs, your chest rising against his as he continued to nip, bite and lick at your skin.
“You will cum once more, little one. Cum for your Master and I will reward you,” he nipped at your earlobe once more, “I’ll fill you little one. Would you like that?” His voice was divine, the dark tone of it bending you to his every will.
“Y-yes please, Master, please fill me,” you stuttered, your hips arching towards his thrusts, angling you slightly off the altar.
He chuckled once more, “good. Now, little one,” he licked the skin beneath your earlobe, “cum now.” With that he bit you- you could feel his teeth break the skin of your neck as you moaned, the pain mingling with the pleasure sharply bringing your release. The pleasure electrified you, you couldn’t keep your body still as it fully overtook your every sense, clouding your vision.
As if it were far away you heard your Master moan. His muscles tensed against you, and you felt him twitch within you. As your breath returned he pulled out of you, stepping backwards to admire your form.
He smirked and brought two fingers to your dripping hole, swirling them in the wet there. Removing them, he traced a line down your chest in the slick, forcing a shudder from you.
He connected the vertical line with one horizontal, painting a cross over your breasts. You flinched when his fingers skimmed across your nipples, your body still overstimulated.
“Perfect,” he breathed, his hand moving to close his trousers.
His eyes falling back to you, he held a hand out towards you. You took it and he guided you to stand, the cum dripping down the insides of your thigh.
He snapped his fingers and suddenly you were clothed in a tight fitting tunic, the neckline low and the colour a rich emerald green. A golden pendant hung between your breasts, a small, detailed snake on the end with emeralds for eyes. You could still feel the cold wet slick on your chest and between your legs- he hadn’t given you any underwear. “That will do,” he nodded, “very fitting of a high priestess.”
He swiftly turned on his heel, heading down the steps and down the nave. Your heart beat loud and fast in your ears as you watched him walk away, unsure if he wanted you to follow. Stopping at the final pew he turned, long fingers of one hand beckoning you.
“Come along. You have work to do, little one.”
Part II here.
End Notes: There will be a part 2! Keep your eyes peeled- let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list.
I apologise if I got some aspects of the church wrong- I spent some time researching but I am in no way an expert.
Want to read more Loki fics of mine? My masterlist is here.
And as always, thank you for reading!
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therealvinelle · 3 years
Note
I know this is like taking a bat to the beehive but... I really wanna hear your opinions on the whole... Imprinting thing
(Note before we go any further: this meta is written purely about the shapeshifting aspect of the Quileute characters, I don’t at all get into the racism in Twilight or any kind of social commentary. This is a purely watsonian meta. Others in this fandom have already addressed the racial dynamics at play, far more eloquently and knowledgeably than me. If I say something in here that’s in any way offensive, that’s not my intention and I’m open to criticism.)
Ooh imprinting.
I touch upon it here, basically I hate it.
The imprinting is part of this theme where the shapeshifters lose their free will and autonomy, and I find it tragic, cruel, and unnecessary.
First of, the fact that they have to phase at all.
They’re made warriors to protect their tribe. There’s no choice involved, only genetics and magic irrevocably changing their lives, and at a ridiculously young age, too. Sam is the oldest of them, and he is 19.
Violence is an inherent part of what they become. Their purpose is to protect the tribe, by fighting vampires. Not only is this insanely dangerous (we see Jake get so injured by a single vampire that he’s bedridden for weeks), but if they succeed, they will have killed. In the singularly brutal manner of tearing apart and burning someone who looks a lot like a human, who talks and might beg for their life, at that. And I remind you, most of these shapeshifters are literal children. They might not see vampires as people, but all the same, killing one can’t be good for their mental wellbeing. (Thought: Perhaps an argument can be made for Laurent’s death having a part in the turn Jake’s personality took? Some, though not many, of the symptoms for PTSD do fit. I don’t know enough about PTSD to pursue this train of thought, but it occurred to me just now, in particular he becomes quite aggressive and prone to outbursts after that incident, so into a parenthesis it goes)
Not to mention how inhumane that responsibility is. Vampires in the Twilight-verse are terrifying, and the shapeshifters might have the power to fight them. But (and this is where I plug one of my all-time favorite animes, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, as it asks the question “Is it okay to sacrifice yourself for others?” because that’s... well there’s a parallel to be made to the shapeshifters. It’s on Netflix!) does that mean they should? Is it really their responsibility? Again- they’re kids!
Then there’s the time Sam lost control, and accidentally mauled the girl he loved. And it’s so cruel to both him and Emily. Sam never chose to have to control himself in the first place, he never chose shapeshifting. He didn’t choose to imprint on Emily either, and he didn’t choose to lose control that day. At no point in the series of events that led to Emily being mauled did Sam have any real choice, and yet he will shoulder the guilt for what happened for the rest of his life.
These kids get superpowers, and several of them seem to enjoy being shapeshifters, but the fact remains that they now carry this huge responsibility to protect their families and homes, doing so is incredibly dangerous, they lose out on their regular lives, and they can’t opt out of it.
This all sucks, but then we get to the fact that they are deprived of their free will, as their alpha can issue an order they physically can’t break. The alpha becomes alpha because of bloodlines, not because of a democratic election. Jake got a mockery of a choice in that he could choose to become alpha himself, or let Sam continue, which was really just choosing between a rock and a hard place. There is no limitation to what this order can be, from “don’t say X to person Y” to “let’s kill someone you love”. Jake has to struggle to break that last one, and he’s only successful because of the bloodline thing letting him become his own alpha.
Oh, and there’s the massive invasion of privacy when they have a hive mind. Cool concept, less cool to have it be reality. Leah is the poster child for how a hive mind can backfire, and they can’t opt out of this.
I’m not good at gifs, but the shapeshifters just make me think of that gif of someone flicking a lightswitch on and off, “WELCOME TO HELL!”. Of course, Twilight in general is a pit of despair for everybody, so I suppose that gif really is... well it sums up all of canon.
So, we have these kids aged 19 or younger, as of Breaking Dawn they skew as young as thirteen, their lives are turned upside down by something they can’t opt out of, they must shoulder this huge responsibility to protect their homes and families from the terrifying threat of vampires, and on top of all of that, they must obey orders that are so irresistible, they can compel them to harm someone they care for.
With all of that in mind, you’d think that the shapeshifters had enough on their plate. That through all of this they would at least retain their selves, and be able to look forward to a future where they could stop phasing, and go on to live normal, human, lives.
Yeah, NOT IF THEY IMPRINT.
I’ll just quote Jake’s description:
Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the halfvampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was—my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self—disconnected from me in that second—snip, snip, snip—and floated up into space. 
I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was. 
Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing—to the very center of the universe. 
I could see that now—how the universe swirled around this one point. I’d never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain. 
The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. (Breaking Dawn, page 237)
Everything that made me who I was disconnected from me.
Jake’s love for his father, his home, his very own self, it’s all gone now. And while I have thoughts on the authenticity of this imprint, whether it was organic, the description above is apparently how imprinting feels. It’s along the lines of what Sam, Jared, and Paul all describe.
I don’t think I can put into words just how devastating I find imprinting, I think the above quotation speaks for itself. And as with all other shapeshifter things, there is no choice involved.
We see its devastating effects in the Emily, Sam, and Leah debacle. Sam and Leah were serious together, so much so that they were engaged. Sam had fallen for and chosen to be with Leah. Perhaps they would have broken up eventually, but Leah was still the choice he made. Then he imprints on Emily, and all that is for naught. He had to break up with Leah, who if she hadn’t phased never would have learned why, Emily and Leah’s relationship is ruined, and Emily must forever live with the knowledge that if Sam had his free will intact he would be with another woman.
Then there’s Jared and Kim. Kim crushed on Jared, but Jared never noticed her. The fact that they were in the same class is damning: if a boy is attracted to a girl, he's gonna notice her. Jared never did.
Quil imprints on Claire, who is a toddler. That’s just a recipe for misery and disaster all around.
And I’ve only touched the shapeshifter side of things. They lose their autonomy and freedom, but the imprintées draw the short straw too. They’re now responsible for this other person’s happiness. Sure, having someone who’ll be whatever you need them to be sounds nice (well, it sounds horrifying, but I’m playing ball) on paper, but you can’t opt out of them being like that. The imprintée can’t say “Sorry, not interested,” and she certainly can’t shut the imprinter out of her life, not without irrevocably ruining the imprinter’s life. The imprinter needs her. She’s the center of his earth now, but she didn’t choose to be.
Imprinting is a liferuiner for everyone involved.
Then we have the question of what imprinting is even for. I’m afraid I agree with Billy, that it’s for procreation. We see Sam, who was dating a woman about to phase (even if Leah isn’t infertile, she’s a warrior now. She can’t run in the woods and fight vampires, and gestate and nurse a child at the same time) conveniently imprint on her cousin, who as cousin to Leah is from a shifter bloodline. Claire, as Emily’s cousin, has those same genetics. Paul imprints on a woman from the Black family line. Jake is the outlier, but either Renesmée’s gift helped that imprinting along, or he imprinted because of the offspring they could potentially have (I firmly believe it’s the former because the latter... NOPE. Also, I can’t imagine whatever magic drives imprinting would want vampiric progeny for the future generations. Regardless of Renesmée’s person, her biology is wired to desire human blood. That’s exactly what Jake is supposed to protect people from. Bad match.).
I just.... ughhh. God, I hate imprinting so much, and on every level.
To me, everything about the shapeshifters is about free will, autonomy, and the loss thereof. And it would have been beautiful if their story was about reclaiming that, but it isn’t. None of this, with the exception of the alpha orders, is even acknowledged.
So, in summation, yes I hate imprinting, but it’s only the horror cherry on top of a very sad and problematic cake.
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siriusmydeer · 3 years
Text
breakup with your girlfriend, i’m bored.
james potter x fem!reader, platonic!remus lupin x reader, james potter x lily evans
summary: james’ journey onto finding love; just not with you.
word count: 1.9k
warnings: unrequited love, angst, swearing, crying, mentions of food, self doubt/insecurity, pining, mentions of murder, mentions of marriage and kids
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— 0:00
‘You got me some type of way
Ain't used to feelin' this way
I do not know what to say
“so, mates, i think m’finally getting somewhere with lils!” the tone of excitement thickly lacing the bespectacled boys words. “m’sure of it.” he continued, a bit of confusion in his words but still the same amount of excitement as before.
his brows were furrowed and he picked at the skin of his fingernails trying to relieve himself, further wringing his hands a few times before looking at his friends for their input.
“m’so— m’so happy for you, prongs. really, that’s great.” your voice faltering as you continued to speak, trying to scoundrel up a tone of excitement that would’ve played off well enough. instead all you were feeling stone cold truth of dejection.
But I know I shouldn't think about it
Took one fuckin' look at your face
Now I wanna know how you taste
Usually don't give it away
But you know I'm out here thinkin' 'bout it’
a fake smile plastered your face, trying to push back the tears that wanted to desperately prick at your eyes. you tried to further block them from escaping your waterline as you hear the boy jabber close to every single day about the red head he had been continuously fawning over.
the day went subsequently normal; potions, transfiguration, break period, plan pranks and dinner. but unfortunately for you, you didn’t have the privilege to share a messy dormitory with the four other boys leaving their conversations and discussions open about you and more your feelings.
“d’you think y/n was a bit off today?” peter asked abruptly from the place he sat on the oak wood floor, catching the attention of the three other boys who were seated on their separate twin beds. furthering to retain all memories of you from that day attempting to identify where you might’ve seemed ‘off.’
‘Then I realize she's right there
And I'm at home like, "Damn, this ain't fair"
Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored
“maybe a lunch a bit, she looked a little melancholy, i guess.” sirius answered this time, recalling the memory of you speaking in a very disconsolate tone. “y’think it’s anything major, or just stress?” he questioned again, beginning to worry about his close friend.
“dunno, i don’t think so.” the lycanthrope added to the conversation. he recalled james’ new confession about the red headed girl, and your extremely unhappy expressions following; of course noticing a bit at the time when it was occurring but just assuming you had a bad day with evan rosier pestering you for a date.
maybe... maybe she— but they’re best friends? his thoughts were extremely close to scrambled, remus was an observer, he was clever and sharp-witted; but this, he couldn’t figure out.
You could hit it in the mornin'
Yeah, yeah, like it's yours
I know it ain't right
“oi, y/n!” a deep voice called in the distance, putting your light jog to a stop in the middle of the courtyard leaving you to stand in the grass. swiftly turning around you were met with the taller fawn-haired boy, who looked tremendously determined.
“i’ve, uh, ‘ve got to ask you something, and it may seem foolish, but i think i just still ask you.” his voice hurried like his panting breaths from running across the school to find you, asking around the library and your dorm mates.
“yeah, moons, sure, anything.” affirming the boy who looked a bit confused, and worried but you didn’t know if it was for his sake or yours.
he grabbed your wrist in his palm pulling you on the prickly grass over to someone more private like to speak with you. “d’you— d’you like prongs? more than friendly...” the boy sputtered, further acknowledging your blown eyes like someone had just committed murder in-front of you.
But I don't care
Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored’
“i— uhm, well, that’s a bit— why d’you think— remus, what the fuck!” your words taking a halt every few seconds with a recurrent sputter trying to figure out where the question had even came from, or how he even knew.
“i saw— i saw the way you acted at lunch the other day. i jus’ wanted to know if it’s true.” he asserted, no present lingering touches of judgement in his tone.
remus knew what it was like to be judged, so whenever you had the urge to jabber out all of your problems he was the boy you had always ran too first. knowingly, or not. but he felt particularly disappointed in himself that you hadn’t trusted him with this potential secret.
‘This shit always happen to me (Yeah)
Why can't we just play for keeps?
Practically on my knees
“yeah— i do.” you admitted with a breath, guilt taking a pang at your heart. and anger taking a swig at your brain; how could you be so fucking stupid.
“remus, but you can’t— you can’t tell him, or anything.” your tone was hushed, and only meant for remus’ ears. feeling a tinge of embarrassment warm onto your cheeks, knowing someone you loved clearly didn’t reciprocate those feelings.
“i swear, i won’t. but m’here for you, i don’t want you feeling like you can’t tell me anything.” his words soft, and his tone genuine. why couldn’t you have fallen for someone like him? but instead, you crush on someone who was in love with someone else.
But I know I shouldn't think about it
You know what you're doin' to me
You're singin' my songs in the streets, yeah, yeah
Actin' all innocent, please
“c’mon, y/n.” he beckoned you to follow him, resting his arm on the curvature of your shoulder feeling his side press against your smaller one and guiding you to transfiguration with him.
why? why did you have to be so damn foolish? because it was her, with her beautiful red locks, her perfect maroon lipstick, her exceedingly amazing grades, her ability to be silly for a moment and loosen up. why couldn’t you be her? why couldn’t you have what she has.
it’s because it’s simple; you weren’t lily evans and you were never going to be.
When I know you out here thinkin' 'bout it
Then you realize she's right there
And you're at home like, "Damn, she can't compare"’
“guys! guys! she said yes!” james announced whilst scuttling across the mahogany floor of the common room. his actions at a halt flopping his body over the scarlet-red couch and a grin on his lips.
“who said what?” sirius muttered, glancing up from the map for a moment before looking back down in ascertainment.
“lily-pad! i asked her on a date and she was like, ‘yeah, fine, potter. but if you’re late i’ll kill you.’ just like that!” he pretended to play out the conversation for a moment, his thrilled movements and inflection almost animated from how happy he felt.
‘Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored
You could hit it in the mornin'
Yeah, yeah, like it's yours
I know it ain't right’
remus briefly glanced at you, concern swirling in his hazel irises, meanwhile, your eyes widened for a moment. you plastered yet another fake grin onto your lips, about to congratulate your crush on winning a date with his all time infatuation.
“prongs! oh my merlin, that’s amazing, i’m so happy for you!” putting on the best impression of exhilaration for your best friend, the act only remus could piece together and break apart.
“no way! prongs, mate, i knew you could do it!” sirius spoke, his tone fein for his best friend who had been in a pinning coma for the last few years.
‘But I don't care
Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored
With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend’
the boys continued to congratulate the boy, remus only giving him a nod and a smile. the marauders paying no mind to it and instead james merrily talking about the red head; his red head.
you weren’t his, and you never would be.
yet another realization struck you, the urge and need to move on present in your nervous system almost begging you to find someone else and to hide away from all the pain that could swallow you whole.
‘With your girlfriend
With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend
You could say I'm hatin' if you want to
But I only hate on her 'cause I want you’
you were now sat on the smooth ivory bedding that perfectly hugged your bed, remus’ body right beside yours. except you weren’t comfortable, you wanted to cry a valley of tears that could’ve lasted a life time.
“why is it her? why couldn’t he want me, am i not enough?” you spoke through broken sobs, feeling remus’ agile hands rub up and down the column of your back.
“you’re enough, y/n/n. he’s a bloody git for not seeing that.” remus spoke, sponging a kiss on your hairline. he felt the wet tears graze his shoulder, slightly contracting at the cold feeling but paying no mind to them as he comforted you.
‘Say I'm trippin' if you feel like
But you without me ain't right
You could call me crazy 'cause I want you
And I never even ever fuckin' met you
Say I'm trippin' and it ain't right
But you without me ain't nice’
“m’the bloody git! i fell in love with m’best friend who’s in love with someone else! next thing you know i’m accidentally setting dumbledores beard on fire, and accidentally spawning voldemort for christ’s sake!” your words mumbled and obstruct from the tears that had over come you.
you whipped your face free from tears for a moment, basically scrubbing the black colour of your mascara down your cheeks. “you’re not alone, you know? m’right here.” his tone, yet again, sincere.
you felt undeserving of his coddling, that your messy puppy love was so little compared to his issues. “i can tell your belittling your problems right now, you’re aloud to be upset.” he whispered, trying to assure you all he could, whilst disrupting you from your senile thoughts.
‘Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored
You could hit it in the mornin'
Yeah, yeah, like it's yours
I know it ain't right
But I don't care’
“merlin, she’s fantastic.” the brunette finished his third speech of the day on how ‘amazing’ lily is. yeah as if him pining after her wasnt enough, then what the hell was this?
the devil poking at you for cheating on your herbology test in first year, the time you accidentally tripped peter when rushing to potions, maybe it was the time you put belching power in sirius’ drink everyday for a week because he said you had a flat arse?
what the hell did you do to deserve this incessant torture that had been inflicted upon you. we’re you being dramatic? probably. but the boy you were quite literally in love with could not stop talking about how he wanted to ask another female to be with him, companionship, life, marriage, children. he wanted everything with her.
‘Break up with your girlfriend
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I'm bored
With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, baby, girlfriend
With your girlfriend’
but then again it was also extremely simple.
he just simply didn’t want you.
he wanted lily fucking evans.
‘With your girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend
With your girlfriend’
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jonsa101 · 3 years
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Episode 3x14: A Reflection of How Max Stepped Into Love After A Season of Suffering
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Gif credit @supagirl
Hey guys! I can’t believe the season finale has come and gone! I think my mind is just taking time to comprehend everything that has happened! Sharpwin is officially canon! As I’m typing this out, it feels strange writing a meta on the other side of things. Since season one, I’ve been writing metas about how these two belong together and making predictions about the trajectory of their relationship. Now, to be on the other side of things where I know longer have to do that because these two are finally together is kinda crazy. I feel so elated!
Now y’all, I’m not going to lie to you, I had a totally different meta planned out and that meta is still in my drafts. I will probably release it because it was a general review of the episode but I thought it was more important that I put this meta out first. When I was watching the finale live, I didn’t love it. I just didn’t. I loved that Max and Helen finally got together at the end of the episode but I had a major issue with how it unfolded. The issue my friends was this scene right here: 
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Baby!!! When I tell you this scene TRIGGERED me, it did! Now mind you, I wasn’t upset with Max’s storyline of searching and struggling to take off his wedding ring. It is human nature for Max to still have an emotional attachment to his ring. He’s not still grieving but essentially that ring is the only thing he has left of Georgia and represents a life he once had. Him taking it off was always going to be a monumental moment for Sharpwin and for himself. The issue that I had was Max casually telling Helen that he freaked out about losing his ring!!! To me, after the voicemail he left her, after Helen flew standby and was in a six hour flight to see him, it was an incredibly CALLOUS thing for Max to say. I know Max wasn’t thinking in this moment. I know his intentions were clearly not to hurt her but words matter and him being careless with his was a complete disregard of Helen’s feelings. She was deeply hurt and upset when he said this and rightfully so! I mean just look at her expression here:
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Helen’s entire being read like
“I can’t believe you”
And girl same, because neither could I!! He knew he fucked up and he obviously made up for it in the end but y’all when I was watching it live, everything that came after that elevator scene was was tainted for me. I had a hard time believing that Helen would let what he said slide so easily and in the moment, I couldn’t appreciate the beauty of them finally coming together! 😩 In my personal opinion, there were so many other ways that scene could have played out without Max having to literally tell Helen to her face that he was worried about his wedding ring! I know they were trying to build up to the “big moment” where he finally takes his ring off and runs back to Helen’s apartment but man, that moment did not sit right with me in my spirit! It still doesn’t and I don’t think my opinion will ever change on this.
With that said, I’ve now done several rewatches of the finale where I specifically watched the scenes after that awful moment by the elevator. As I’ve had time to reflect, my perspective has changed. I no longer view the moments after the elevator scene as tainted but as something deeply profound and beautiful. Hell, even as I reflect on that scene by the elevator, I still don’t like it, but in a way I understand it in how it relates to Max’s overall journey when it comes to Helen. To me, Max Goodwin is a man who fell deeply in love with Helen in the midst of the most complex situations and a season of him suffering. It’s been deep rooted, complicated and messy from the start and over the past three years we’ve seen Max navigate through the complexities of his feelings for Helen and the circumstances he’s found himself in on our screens. I think when you look at season three finale and specifically the journey of Max finally making a choice to be with Helen, you have to put into context Max’s history and how it influenced what that looked like. So y’all that is exactly what I want to do in this meta so let’s dive in.
One thing I think we need to acknowledge is that, even though as an audience we have loved seeing Max and Helen’s journey unfold, the road has been so TOUGH for them. As Helen said in 3x13, it’s been a fight! Especially for Max. The suffering he has endured over the past three years has been unfathomable and much of his relationship with Helen and his feelings for her have been developed under these traumatic and tragic circumstances. 
At the very beginning of the series, when Max and Helen first meet they clash but it doesn’t last for long. It’s his first day at New Amsterdam and as the new Medical Director, he wants her to stay at the hospital and treat patients instead of doing press tours. Helen on the other hand wants to continue doing press and for the most part ignores his demands for her to return to the hospital. When she finally does return, she does so because she learns that Max has cancer. This bonds them at the onset as Helen is the only person in his life that knows about his diagnosis. As an audience, when we first see them interact, we instantly saw the sparks fly between them. Their chemistry and natural witty banter made us immediately take a look at their relationship and what potential they could have in the future. Though we were shocked by his cancer diagnosis, I think the fun and lightheartedness of Sharpwin’s first interactions really masked how traumatic this must have been for Max. On the first day of his dream job, that he sacrificed his marriage for, he learns that he has cancer while having a baby on the way. Those are the awful circumstances that first bring Max and Helen together. 
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As Helen becomes Max’s doctor and he swears her to secrecy about his diagnosis, their friendship and bond grows deeper. His passion and drive to help his patients, reignites Sharpe’s love for medicine again and inspires her to put her patients first. They become vulnerable with each other more than anyone else in their lives. He confides in her about his broken marriage and she tells him that she wants a baby. When he almost dies, she becomes his deputy medical director so that he can focus on his care. All of these moments are significant to them because somewhere along the way they develop feelings for each other. They didn’t plan for it and it’s something neither of them are consciously aware of but unknowingly, they both start to fill a place in each other’s lives that was clearly more than a doctor and patient relationship or a friendship. This “place” wasn’t called out until episode 1x16 were the clairvoyant called out their feelings for each other. When episode 1x17 comes around, after a night of revelations and a scramble to get the power back on in the hospital, Helen decides to step back as his doctor. If she wasn’t aware of her feelings before, in this moment, she’s fully aware of them now. This is an effort to safeguard her heart and set boundaries because the lines of who they are to each other were already so blurred. When she “triages” their relationship Max’s reacts badly and honestly they’re both devastated and are on the verge of tears:
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As viewers, we loved this moment but when you peel back the layers of what’s actually going on in this scene, it’s gut-wrenching. The subtext is so clear here yet their situation is so complex and layered. We know for a fact that Max wasn’t trying to lose her in ANY CAPACITY. We also know that in the way he TRULY wanted her he couldn’t have her and Helen knew that too. Not when he was married, had a baby on the way, and fighting cancer at the same time. Y’all that’s hard and profoundly painful when you think about it and it makes this scene all the more tragic. 
When Helen steps back as his doctor, at first Max seems to be handling it well but as his cancer starts to get worse, he completely breaks. Like I said earlier, over the course of his cancer treatment, Helen filled a place in Max’s life that was so much more than just his doctor or his friend. So when he’s dying and no longer has the person he feels deeply for play an active role in his treatment, he lashes out. He’s dealing with a range of emotions he can’t handle or properly process. Things only get worse from there and at the end of season one Georgia and Luna’s life are on the line and Bloom and Helen scramble to save them. When it seems like everyone was able to come out of that traumatic event unscathed, they get into a devastating ambulance crash that changes everything. 
Season 2 brings another level of pain and suffering for Max when he loses his wife after the crash and is thrust into single fatherhood. Not only is he grieving but he’s also dealing with guilt of falling in love with Helen while he was married. The complexities of his feelings is something he struggles with throughout this season and it affects his relationship with Helen. At some points he pushes her away and at others he desperately needs her. Once again, Helen and Max’s relationship is caught up in the most complex of circumstances that is riddled with agony and trauma. 
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By time we head into season 3, Max doesn’t even have time to breathe or think about his relationship with Helen because they’re both thrust to the frontlines of the pandemic. 
I bring all of this up again to emphasize that there has never been a time where Max and Helen’s relationship hasn’t been wrapped up in trauma or some sort of suffering. It has always been one thing or another with them. It’s been A LOT and Max has tried to navigate being in love with Helen through his suffering and under these crazy ass circumstances. So after rewatching the finale, the questions that run through my mind are:
How do you step into love when all you’ve known for the past three years has been suffering?
How do you love openly and freely when for so long you’ve emotionally suppressed your feelings for someone because it was “wrong?” 
How do you let go, heal, and move on with your life?
To me, answering these questions is what the season finale for Max was all about. When you’ve suffered so much and endured so much it’s not easy to step into a new chapter in your life that’s hopeful and filled with love and possibilities. For Max, I don’t think in his wildest dreams that he ever imagined that he and Helen would be in a place where they could actually be together. Considering everything they’ve gone through, quite frankly it’s a fucking miracle! So when he actually makes it to the other side and not only SURVIVES but has a chance for happiness, I don’t think he knows what he’s doing. Pursuing/having feelings for Helen from a place that isn’t wrapped up in trauma and tragedy, where there are seemingly no obstacles in his way, is totally and completely new territory for Max. I think he’s clueless in how to do that in the right way and as he navigates through that, naturally there are hiccups.
That’s evident with what he said by the elevator and also in this moment here: 
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Max doesn’t have a clue but he wants to make sure that he doesn’t fuck it up because he DESPERATELY wants this! I also think there’s something to be said about how we as human beings can self-sabotage ourselves when we finally have an opportunity to get what we want. Fear, guilt, worthiness usually comes into play with that and I think for Max there was definitely a fear with moving on with his life, guilt of surviving it all and having a chance to be with the woman he’s loved for so long, and a question of if he’s worthy of actually having happiness.
Their walk in my mind perfectly embodies him self sabotaging while also trying to navigate his feelings of desperately wanting to be with her. At the beginning of their walk, you see that at one point he clearly wants to hold Helen’s hand but he doesn’t (I would use a gif here y’all but I literally only have room for 10 😩). I’m focusing my attention on Max here because essentially this whole moment between them is a part of Max’s “mini story” in the episode. The ball has always been in his court and truly what we are witnessing is his journey to step into love because Helen is ready and has been waiting on him. 
The most compelling moment in their walk scene for me was this one: 
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I find it strange for Max to walk so far ahead when he was the one who asked her if he could walk with her. My first thought while watching it live was “what is he doing” and I think Helen’s expression reads the same way. After analyzing this for a bit, I genuinely think that’s the point of this scene. Like I said earlier, Max doesn’t know what he’s doing. To be with Helen like this is, where its romantic, peaceful and drama free is probably blowing his mind and he doesn't know how to navigate this. He doesn’t know how to receive this second chance at happiness. 
The internal war of Max stepping into love or allowing fear, guilt, and unworthiness to hold him back becomes all the more evident when they get to Helen’s door: 
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He knows he wants to come in. Helen know he wants to come in too. This man literally says goodnight twice and when Helen responds with “you said that,” it perfects this scene. She wants him to come in as well but she’s not going to ask him to. In this moment, she sees his internal struggle and she knows that he has to make the choice himself on whether or not he wants to move on with his life with her.
When he walks away, for a moment that was Max choosing to hold onto the pain and trauma of his past. That was him choosing to hold onto the guilt that was keeping him from healing and moving on. With the suffering he’s been through, it makes sense. In many ways he’s been conditioned to fight, to suffer and to endure. It’s what he’s used to. But praise the lord, he thinks of the moments he just shared with Helen. 
The joy he has with just being in her presence. 
The opportunity he has to freely be with her and have a life with her after loving her for so long.
He is not condemned to a life of suffering. It was only for a season. He’s in love with Helen and wants to be with her. Like hell is he going to let this opportunity at a second chance of love and happiness slip away from him. So guys, he slips off that ring, runs back to Helen’s apartment and makes a choice to step into love. Step into this new, uncharted, chapter of his life with Helen Sharpe. 
Anyway guys! I hope y’all enjoyed this! I might be releasing one more meta but we will see how it goes.
As always feel free to reach out to me on Tumblr and on Twitter @oyindaodewale. Love you guys!
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bakugosbratx · 3 years
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Request: Hi! I was wondering if you could write a story when y/n is the crazy one and kidnaps Bakugo. Tysm ! -meena
Warnings: NSFW 18+ Content. Yandere, stalking, kidnapping, cursing, mental illness, blood, abuse, drugs, etc.
Check out my other works here
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A/N: Hmm this is a different turn of events. I love it 👀 I hope you enjoyed anon! I went a little wild with this one.
Words: 2.2k
Tags: @awilddreamerwrites @peachsenpie @miriobaby @lanarist @sickchildren @bakugousbrat @ssplague @ahbeautifulexistence @m779 @vinny-likes-to-play21
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“Dear Katsuki,
I watched you save a civilian on television today. I know it’s your job and all, but you did not have to save her. Her life is not as important as mine. Do you not cherish what we have? Am I just a nobody to you? This is my 103rd letter to you and still no response. I know your address did not change so do not give me that pathetic excuse, Katsuki Bakugo. Surely, you must remember we are soulmates. We are one. How dare you fucking forget me? I had to rip all of my posters down in a fit of rage. You know how angry that makes me, baby, but it will all be okay, because you are coming home to me. We will be one.
Sincerely,
Yours.”
You burst into a fit of giggles as you kick your bare feet back and forth on his bed. You wrote in black ink and covered the paper in orange hearts since it is the pro-hero’s favorite color. You could not help but leave precious lipstick kisses on the page. Something you always do in your love letters to Katsuki. The posters in your house are covered in them. Katsuki’s beautiful face is just so kissable. You cannot wait to do it tonight.
All you can think about is Katsuki. That is all your day consists of. Your clothing is all his merchandise and his favorite colors. You spend hours upon hours watching interviews, videos, surveillance footage of the hero. When he is out on patrol, you do your best to hide in areas so you can see the hero up close and personal. Your face just beams with joy at the mere glance of him.
You did your best to meet him several times. Any disaster there was to be had, you put on your nicest attire, do your make-up just how you think he likes, and have your hair freshly done. No better way to greet your significant other after hero work than looking like a beauty pageant queen.
Sadly, all your attempts were failures. Katsuki did not even give you the time of day. He is way too focused on beating the villains to a pulp. You did admire this about him, but your own selfish desires created hatred in you. He should be paying attention to you. Not those pesky villains.
Katsuki is sure to receive forty-five letters addressing the issue. All that he will never even skim over. This is only adding fuel to the fire.
The posters that hang in every single room in your apartment are ripped to shreds. Pools of tears covered your orbs, smudging all of your makeup. You climbed onto your black sofa, taking your left high heel and breaking the glass photo of Katsuki hanging there. Shards of glass sprinkle the couch and hardwood floor below. You don't even care for the pieces that collected into your skin. You will worry about that later.
“Fuck you, Katsuki!” You sobbed, ripping his face with your teeth and spitting out the saliva covered photo onto the litter filled floor.
“Pro-Hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamite saves another civilians life yet again, taking down another member of the league of villains who was terrorizing the victim.”
The news anchor’s words fell on deaf ears as you went to the television screen. You are captivated by your significant other’s beauty on the tv. Blood leaked from your freshly manicured hands. They are painted orange and black as always.
“Oh, Katsuki,” you sighed with a smile, tracing a heart around his face with your leaking blood, “we will be together soon. I promise, baby. I’ll take you away from this sick, cruel world so we can live happily ever after.”
You were serious that day. You planned it on your calendar. The countdown began on the night you are going to be one with Katsuki. A day you knew you both looked forward to.
“Dear Katsuki,
Did you miss me? I know I missed you. I even stamped this letter in my blood so you can have my DNA to mix with yours. I can’t wait to procreate with you. We will make such wonderful babies, don’t ya think? They will be so beautiful like you. I will be such an excellent mother. No woman can be a great wife to you like I can. Do you understand me?”
You had to pause writing as your blood started to boil at the thought. Your pen is already creating a huge ink spot from the anger consuming your hands. Small growls escaped your parted lips as you began to growl.
“If I can’t have you, no one can, Katsuki Bakugo. I am your one true love. You're one and only. And I’ll make sure that day comes. Just a few more days, baby, and we will be one.
Sincerely,
Yours.”
The day finally came. You knew Katsuki’s schedule by heart. You loved watching him do his morning routines with the security cameras you placed in his home. The poor male never even thought to check. Such a mistake on his part. It only confirmed he needed protection from the world. Only you can provide that. Sure, you may be quirkless, but no one knows Katsuki like you do. No one can love him like you. He knows this. He has to.
You drew a luke-warm bubble bath with nice lit candles, rose pedals, a few drops of your blood, and some freshly made desserts for you both to enjoy while you catch up. You are even so kind enough to fetch him a beer or two so he can relax. You know how he enjoys his alcoholic beverages after a long day of hero work.
You rested on his bed. The natural caramel scent engulfed your nostrils as you wrote letters into your notebook once more. Even when you two are officially together forever, you still love to write out your thoughts. You know he enjoys them as well.
Hours upon hours passed. Frustration arose overtime. You did not want to be angry with your spouse, but he knows better than to be home late on your special day. You have almost filled up your notepad with phrases upon phrases of ‘I love you’s’ and sweet nothings. Along with other things.
You tapped your bandages covered foot on the ground as you began to pace. “What is taking him so long?” You huffed aloud, growing more impatient by each passing second. The bath is beginning to become cold and that is just rude in your opinion. You decided to write out your emotions.
“Dear Katsuki,
What the fuck is taking you so long, huh? It’s so fucking aggervating and just plain rude. I have done so much for you only to toss me to the side like I’m nothing. Are you cheating on me? I do not tolerate disrespect, Katsuki Bakugo. You are going to make me mean and you know I hate being mean to you. You just make me jealous, baby. You know how you do that to me. Make me feel all types of emotion I can’t seem to understand, but one thing is for certain is that you and I will be together.
Sincerely,”
You did not even get to finish your final entry as you hear the front door downstairs unlock. Scrambling to put the diary away, you gather the necessary items from under the bed and wait for the perfect moment to strike. Katsuki’s natural loud ways was helping you locate his every move without even having to look at security footage.
All you have to do is be patient.
Katsuki sat on the couch, propping his sock-covered feet onto the glass coffee table and turning on the television. You allowed him some moments to get settled before gently tip-toeing down the stairs, rope, duct tape, and a blunt object ready in hand.
Just as Katsuki turned to acknowledge your presence, the crowbar hit his head, knocking him unconscious. You quickly attend to his wound — not without dropping some droplets of blood into his — so it does not get offended. You cannot have your husband getting an infection.
You tie up his hands and legs, duct tape his mouth after delivering kisses to his perfectly plump lips, and drag him to the kitchen. You did not realize how much your lover really weighed. Too much time was wasted dragging him to the fridge than preferred, but it will all be worth it in the end. You know it will be.
Katsuki did not wake up until the next day. You stayed by his side the whole time, telling him about your day and how much you have planned for you two. Of course, he needs to build his trust with you. You love a very intelligent man and the last thing you need is for him to be against you.
Slowly opening his crimson eyes, his attention is brought to a grinning you. Katsuki immediately attempts to escape the captivity he is in, but it is no use. You just had to buy special rope that cancels quirks.
“Struggle all you want, Katsuki-poo. There is no escaping me.” You chuckled, loving the way he squirmed and furrowed his eyebrows at you. All of his curses are mumbled by the tape which is probably the best considering you did not want to be insulted right now.
“When you calm down, I’ll take off the tape.” You bargained, shrugging nonchalantly as you kneel in front of the man. Did this calm him down? No. You know it wouldn’t regardless. You know Katsuki better than he knows himself yet you already want to push his buttons. The way he gets so angry turns you on and you can’t just help yourself but want more.
After a couple of hours of Katsuki complaining and you writing even more in your diary, he decided to calm down. This made you happy. You wanted to hear his beautiful gruff voice.
Grabbing the corner of the tape, you rip it off. Katsuki is already barking insults. “Are you fucking insane? Who the hell even are you? This isn’t going to end well with you, you psycho bit—“
A hard slap to his face interrupted Katsuki’s spill. Along with the duct tape you placed back on his mouth. “Such a meanie,” you pout, “and here I was about to be so nice to you.”
This cycle repeated itself for three days. You never left his side once. How could you? He is obviously in distress. He needs you by his side. He cannot do anything without you. Especially with his hands tied behind his muscular back. Katsuki finally decided that playing the game is the only way to win it.
You ripped the tape off once again. Katsuki did not even speak this time. “Did you learn your lesson?” You quizzed with an arched brow. “Y’know being a meanie is not going to get you anywhere, Katsukikins.”
“Why are you doing this?” Katsuki inquired, his gruff voice sounding so weak and hollow. You almost felt bad.
“You’re so silly, Suki. C’mon,” you brought your lips close to his, “gimme a kiss.”
Reluctantly, Katsuki did as instructed. Considering you are straddling his lap and his powers are useless, he has no choice in the matter. You loved the compliance.
“Good boy.” You praised, ruffling his messy blonde hair. Katsuki glared at you. “Will you be good and eat some food for me?”
“I don’t want your stupid ass food.” Katsuki growled, laying his head against the bottom freezer of his fridge.
“Nonsense, Suki.” You giggled, feeling extremely joyful to be with Katsuki. You bring a spoon of Miso soup up to his closed lips, “have some. I blew on it so it’s not too hot.”
“Get that trash away from me, you idiot—“ Katsuki was interrupted by a spoon entering his mouth. Though he would hate to admit this, the soup tasted delicious and he is quite hungry. He put up a fight, but allowed you to feed him properly until every drop was gone. Unfortunately, Katsuki is unaware that the soup is drugged until it’s too late.
His body began to feel numb. He did not even have the strength to ask questions as his eyes became drowsy. Soon, he is slumped over, sound asleep as you manage to drag him up the stairs and into your shared bed.
Planting kisses all over structures, you tuck him in and finish some late night entries in your diary. Skimming through them all and reflecting on how you got here now, it made you smile. Progress has been made and will continue to do so.
Signing off on the final page, you write:
“Dear Katsuki,
These past three days have been exhilarating. I see it in your terrified eyes how happy you are that I am here. I know how much you missed me. I missed you, too, baby. We will continue to grow and soon, we will have children. I even have my menstrual cycle all planned out. I am all yours and you’re all mine. Can’t you see, baby doll? We are forever meant to be.
Sincerely,
Yours.”
©bakugosbratx
All Rights Reserved
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miraculouscontent · 3 years
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where do i even begin
The focus in this episode is all over the place and also on none of the right things.
Let’s just start with the obvious: they didn’t even bother showing Alya's reaction to Marinette being Ladybug. We got nothing. Marinette revealing her identity to Alya is supposed to be a big deal, but the episode brushes it under the rug and even seems to lowkey blame Marinette for not telling Alya sooner, to the point where it outright lies and has Alya claim that Marinette’s secret was responsible for all of Alya’s Lady Wifi appearances.
It’s not like I’m surprised anymore when the show blames Marinette for like--anything, but the fact that this season seems to brag about its continuity by being on a firm timeline and then keeps going against continuity is really irritating.
And speaking of continuity, the Adrien pictures are back on the wall with absolutely no reason given. Narratively speaking, the show put them there so Alya would see them and think of bringing up Adrien to get Marinette to take a break, but the show can’t just do that if it wants to imply that it has continuity. Worse still is that this is the episode featuring “Charm Bug” (does her form have a name? I just call it Charm Bug and continue to do so), meaning that “Gang of Secrets” (where there were no Adrien pictures) has to take place before this and “Furious Fu” (where there are also no Adrien pictures) has to take place after.
At this point, they might as well just confirm that “destiny” is a real force and the ladybug miraculous is messing with Marinette’s room and twisting her emotions to make the love square endgame because--yeah, that’s all it is at this point.
The other thing is that Alya shoos Marinette away from her guardian duties so Marinette can go comfort Kagami (let’s be honest, the best part of the episode was Alya being like, “but what about Adrien?” and Marinette was basically like, “what about Adrien?”), which sounds great, but then it all goes back to Adrien, because of course it does.
Not only that, but the episode mocks Marinette for worrying about Kagami. Not only does Alya doubt Marinette’s concern, but Kagami isn’t at all affected by the break-up and isn’t even touched by Marinette’s worry.
The thing is, I get where Marinette’s coming from, because this is the Kagami who told Ladybug in “Heart Hunter” that she (Kagami) and Adrien were perfect for each other to the point where Kagami prioritized her potentially getting together with Adrien over her friendship with Marinette. Also keep in mind that Marinette is Kagami’s only friend, and it makes total sense that Marinette would expect Kagami to be devastated by the break-up.
But because it’s Miraculous, the show makes Marinette look like an idiot for being concerned for Kagami, as if saying, “Silly Marinette! Kagami’s not like you! Kagami is a strong independent woman!! You’re just so over-emotional and you were ridiculous for being sad about your own break-up! You should be more like her!”
I also don’t like it because it presents Kagami as this character who really does feel nothing due to the show not letting her. She was angry at Adrien, obviously, but she was also immensely upset and it made sense when she put so much effort in trying to get him to return her affections.
Buuuut no. Kagami is just annoyed by Marinette’s efforts to try and get her back together with Adrien (it’s not that her anger isn’t warranted, but that’s all they let her feel instead of any genuine sadness over the break-up).
And of course, there’s no mention about Marinette literally trying to help get Kagami back together with Adrien and how selfless that is on Marinette’s part. Obviously I don’t agree with Marinette disregarding Kagami’s feelings (I do hate though how the episode refused to have Kagami explain why Adrien upset her, which would help Marinette understand because she seems to think there’s a misunderstanding/Kagami doubting herself), but the episode refuses to acknowledge Marinette’s good intentions because it’s Marinette and because she’s supporting Adrimi and not the love square, so they’ll make her look as bad as possible. This led to the fandom talking about Marinette and her oBsEsSiOn with Adrien instead of saying UM HI YEAH MARINETTE IS DOING A “HEART HUNTER” 2.0??
(The show also does this consistently, by the way.)
Another thing the show won’t acknowledge is that what Marinette does with Kagami is extremely similar to what Alya does with Marinette. Alya has ignored Marinette’s agency, physically pushed her towards Adrien, and locked her in a room with Adrien no matter how many times Marinette has told her no and that she doesn’t want that.
But because it’s Marinette and because what she’s shipping is Adrimi (i.e: a ship that interferes with the love square), the episode absolutely tears her apart for it. If Alya’s meddling was treated the same way - where she’d be constantly put in the wrong and punished for it - I wouldn’t say a word about this, but we know that’s not the case from “Reflekdoll” (where Reflekta targeted Marinette and Rose of all people) and “The Puppeteer 2″ (hey, remember when Alya did all of that and then it was the museum staff who did nothing wrong who got the worst of Puppeteer’s wrath?).
And this isn’t even taking into consideration that, once again, Marinette has learned something from someone else because they were never called out or punished or learned (originally being Adrien/Bustier where she “learned” to trust Chloe and see where that got her???), and then she’s the one who gets the heat for it.
Might I also add how insulting it is that the episode before this had Marinette saying that she “didn’t want to focus on love,” and then immediately afterwards, Alya is pushing for Adrienette and the episode itself won’t let anyone shut up about Adrien?
Like, this is the episode where Marinette does guardian stuff, gets an upgrade in Charm Bug, and yet the episode hyperfocuses on Aaaaaadrien. He doesn’t even do anything; he’s just a black hole that inhales all available attention and magically pulls all the characters towards his general location.
Then the episode keeps breaking its own continuity as an excuse to make things more about Adrien and also more about the love square, like saying that Marinette carries her disguises everywhere when it’s really just an excuse for Marinette to conveniently have the umbrella so that they can recreate the umbrella scene (by the way, the line from Marinette about “recreating Kagami’s moment where she fell in love with Adrien” is both incredibly forced and incredibly obvious because we’ve never even seen how Kagami fell for Adrien).
And when you already know how the show goes, it all becomes so predictable, which is a huge problem. By the time you hear Marinette say that she “didn’t want to focus on love” last episode, you already know what’s going happen. This episode reaffirms Marinette’s crush on Adrien, which is weird because it’s not as if there was ever any doubt in the first place? The show didn’t even try to convince its audience that Marinette was actually trying to move on, which gives the scene no impact when it happens. We already know that Marinette isn’t really in denial (she’s not stupid) and is very likely saying that she’s not in love with Adrien because admitting it hasn’t gotten her anywhere and she’s repeating something to herself is an attempt to make it true (which is a common coping mechanism for people with self-esteem issues/anxiety), so the scene is just for shipping fuel.
We’ve seen future episodes that show that Marinette hasn’t made any actual progress, hence being another piece of evidence towards my theory that the show does it on purpose to get the Adrienette fans to freak out when anything happens even if it’s reversed in the end. It’s particularly frustrating because it denies Marinette of agency yet again, with her saying something and the show then going lol okay but what if--
It’s gross, and made more so by Kagami watching Marinette and Adrien from a distance and saying that they’re “made for each other.” I’ve talked many times before about how the show is too lazy to have actual chemistry between the love square so they’ll just have characters say that they’re meant to beeeeee, so I won’t go into that, but really, actually think about what Kagami’s saying here.
This is the guy that, in her eyes, abandoned her repeatedly on dates and lied in order to get away from her. She stated outright that Adrien had disappointed her to the point where all of her feelings for Adrien seemed to have completely disappeared and she didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore (at least for now).
Yet, the show had Kagami not only say that line, but told Marinette directly that Adrien was perfect for her. This means either one of two things, neither being good:
- the show intentionally had Marinette do all this so that Kagami would feel embarrassed for Adrien and thus fix all of Adrimi’s relationship problems without Adrien having to do any work to earn her trust back (notice how Adrien in this episode is an “extra good boy” this time around, probably even more than they usually try - keyword: try - to portray him)
- Kagami’s opinion on Adrien hasn’t changed at all and she’s essentially saying that Marinette belongs with this guy who has hurt Kagami, betrayed her trust, and will probably do the same to Marinette
And obviously the show doesn’t think about any of that. It just wants to push for the love square. The only reason there was any focus on Kagami at all was to have a reason to get Marinette to go to Kagami, for Kagami to get angry at Marinette because - as we all know - Marinette “has to mess up and learn in every episode,” so there’d be a reason to go to where Adrien was, and so Kagami could become the next local shipper for the love square.
Marinette didn’t even get to figure out the magical charms by herself; Rena Rouge gave her the answer. It was like the show saw her doing guardian work and shoved her out the door because the only thing she’s good for is being part of the love square. Alya gets seconds of time shown with her looking over the grimoire to figure out the trick, which makes the whole thing underwhelming and rushed when Rena comes up and tells Ladybug that it’s essentially “just been about her” the whole time, meaning it’s just the show yet again being like “see, Marinette? If you’d just figured this out bEfORe...” (note that the episode never tells Marinette that she’s unnecessarily guilting/blaming herself)
But yeah, despite the episode not giving Adrien anything to do, characters talk about him constantly, Marinette somehow doesn’t get the spotlight she needs despite getting a power-up form, and the episode feels the need to constantly railroad Marinette exactly where it wanted to go, not for her, but for the love square, which has always been about not her. It’s already bad when the episode itself is bad, but when it has so much to throw in and delivers on absolutely none of it, it just makes it all the more painful.
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nygmobblepot-trash · 3 years
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It was odd for Riddler to get visitors. He wasn't exactly popular with anyone. Oswald would show up when he wanted something and was desperate which was more often than you would hope for from Gotham's mayor/king/whatever he was calling himself these days. Gordon would show up with arrest warrants. The last group would be considered random. They would show up when Riddler got bored and let someone else take over so he could save the puzzle later on.
Riddler hadn't lost control recently... at least he thought he hadn't. He hadn't done anything since being released and Oswald doesn't believe in having to knock. So why at 10:46 pm was someone knocking at his door?
Instead of playing the guessing game, Riddler decided to throw the door open and deal with whatever or whomever was making all that noise behind it. Except when it swung open he saw no one.
That's odd.
Another mental break down perhaps?
Whatever.
He'd deal with it later and shut the door. He didn't get very far till he heard the knocking again.
Ignore it. It will stop eventually. Just distract yourself.
He looked around the room to find something fitting for the task. Which was a old torn up book hidden under the couch. He brushed off the cobwebs and collapsed on the couch.
The knocking persisted.
Riddler tried to focus on the words with all his heart but the pounding wouldn't stop.
He had enough. Please don't be Ghost Oswald, he thought as he threw open the door for a second time.
Still nothing.
He went to close the door for the second time when he felt something grab onto his arm in order to prevent the action.
Riddler quickly looked down and everything clicked into place.
He wasn't expecting a child. "Oh it's just you, Martin." He sighed happy he didn't accidentally drug himself. The calm quickly disappeared when he repeatedly his words, "Oh it's you! What are you doing here?"
Martin must have already assumed that question was going to be asked because he only had to flip to a page in his notebook and show it to the annoyed Riddler.
"Oswald dropped me off." Ed read aloud with a frown. "I doubt it. He would never leave you in my care without an hour lecture. As if I need a lecture on how to keep a child alive."
Martin gave Riddler an, 'Are you sure about that?' look.
"I forgot to feed you one time! I've gone days without eating and no one throws a fit. You go without dinner one time and I never hear the end of it!" Riddler yells as he retreats back into Ed's apartment.
Martin follows and closes the door behind him.
Riddler quickly turned around. "Oh no you don't. Go back to Oswald. I know you're lying about him driving you here."
Martin shakes his head no.
Riddler aggressively digs into his pockets to look for his phone but finds nothing. "That's odd... I had it in here an hour ago." Riddler scans the room and sighs when he immediately doesn't find it. "Once I find my phone you're gone, Buddy."
Martin shrugged and made his way into the kitchen as he was hungry. PB&J sounded real good. He had managed to find all the supplies while Riddler threw stuff around the apartment. The more the man looked the angrier he got. Now all the boy needed was a knife to put the jelly and peanut butter on his bread. He found one fairly quickly. What was even quicker was Riddler grabbing the knife away from him. He was paying attention?
"You cut yourself and i'll get blamed." The green man announced.
Martin expected to hear the knife go back into the drawer, but it didn't. Instead Riddler with a roll of his eyes quickly smeared the toppings onto the bread. When he was done he tossed the knife into the sink with a loud clank and went back to look for his phone without another word.
Martin quietly ate his sandwhich and when he was done put the dirty dish into the sink after washing it off. Like Oswald said, 'no one likes a pig.'
The boy took this opportunity to clear out any unusable pages from his notebook. He didn't see certain responses being used soon, if ever again.
"I haven't left all day. It should be here." Riddler mumbled from under the couch he retrieved the book from. After throughly checking the couch Riddler turned to the boy. "Shouldn't you be... I don't know... in bed?"
Martin shrugged knowing damn well the answer.
"Bed." Riddler commanded.
So the boy did as told... well almost. The man yelled, "not my bed," as the child climbed into his bed ignoring him.
"I'm going to kill Oswald." Riddler promised under his breath.
The boy quickly wrote in his note book and turned it to the man when he was finished.
"I don't care if Oswald reads to you. I'm not Oswald." Riddler answered coldly.
The boy scribbled down more.
"I do have great stories! Way better than any of Oswald's." Riddler hissed.
So Riddler lost again and told the boy a story. But he boy refused to shut his annoying little eyes. So he said another one, which turned into another one. Riddler wouldn't admit that the stories were infact true and about himself and Oswald.
After the 3rd story Riddler stood up. "You said he reads you one story and I have given you three. It isn't my fault you're still up, so go to sleep."
Martin quickly wrote in his notebook and threw it at the Riddler as he was leaving.
Riddler quickly bit his lip to avoid yelling at the boy and picked up to see what the runt wanted now. "...you want to know what my parents are like?" Riddler was about to tell him no when he read the next sentence, "I'll go to bed and never bother you again, I promise." He ripped the note out of the note book and placed it his pocket. "This is legal now." He sighed and sat back down.
Riddler opened his mouth to answer the boy's request but the words seemed to leave his lips.
You technically don't have parents. A voice not belonging the Riddler echoed in his head.
"Shut up." Riddler hissed through clenched teeth.
For someone who thinks he's the best of me is terrible at taking care of kids. This one doesn't even speak and you're losing it.
A pain started pulsing behind his eyes.
As Riddler grimaced in pain the boy stuck another note in front of his eyes. It read, "Is it Ed?"
Hey kid.
"Please be quiet." Riddler whisper as he put his head into his hands.
Martin upset at what he seemed to cause quickly ran out of the room. Riddler don't notice this at all. He hadn't known how much time had passed even he managed to look farther up the bed where Martin was last seen. The issue was the boy wasn't there anymore. In his place were a couple of pills and a note, "I'm sorry I bothered you, Mr. Riddler. My dad seemed more happy when you're around. I came here to figure out why Oswald and you don't get along. I even left a note for Oswald hinting you took me. I wanted him to show up and see that you do take good care of me. It's my fault that you don't see each other anymore. I refused to eat that day and you still took the blame. I'm going back to Oswald's to explain what I did. As an apology I'll give you a riddle, 'I can be a salty treat for some, and a breath stealer for others. What am I?' -Love Martin."
Riddler quickly looked at the time on his watch, it read, 1:07 am. "Oh dear." Riddler and Ed said in a worried tone.
Riddler wasted no time finding the peanut butter in a cabinet. Please don't be ruined and please be what I hope you are, he though.
Ed on the other hand was trying to calculate all the possible routes the boy could be taking.
Riddler spun the lid off and shouted, "Yes!" as he quickly unwrapped the napkin that was in the jar. It was his phone which he may need later. It was the nuclear option.
Then suddenly the front door swung open and crashed into the wall harder than it ever had.
Shit. Riddler though as he hit the floor to avoid being seen.
"EDWARD DUMBASS NYGMA." An angry mother penguin shouted louder than should be possible.
'What did I do?!' Riddler heard Ed scream in terror.
'We have to avoid him at all costs, when he's like this he won't listen to a word we say.' Riddler told Ed.
The pair listened as Oswald stomped around the apartment. Once they could hear him in the guest bedroom he bolted to Ed's room. Going out the front door would get them spotted immediately.
Riddler could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He has never moved this fast and quietly in his life, including all the other personalities. He threw open the window and leaped out of it. He fell about 6 feet before he was able to stop his fall by grabbing onto the fire escape ladder. The force made the ladder extend closer to the ground. Once it stopped a few feet above the ground Riddler let go and landed in the snow.
He didn't feel the coldness nor acknowledged it was even winter in Gotham as a voice from above him dripping with hate, "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME."
'There's no way he'll come down this way. Just go.' Ed commanded.
So Riddler did what Ed said for the first time in his existence. His mind was a blur, but that was okay because Ed was giving him directions. It wasn't long until he spotted the boy walking under the street lights on a particularly dangerous street.
"Hey! Kid wait!" Riddler yelled very out of breath. When the boy stopped and turned Riddler finally noticed how tired he was.
He was about to collapse when adrenaline shot back up his body.
"I TOLD YOU."
Riddler's eyes widden as he turned to see Oswald quite a bit off into the distance hobbling towards them. "...how?" The three questioned together.
He was running out of time so Riddler whipped back to the boy to say what he wanted to say. Unfortunately Oswald was faster and had a gun pointed directly at him.
'And you're the bad parent?" Ed questioned.
Martin quickly stood in front of Riddler to his surprise. He frantically waved his arms around and shook his head. All three men noticed the tears in his eyes.
"Martin I want you to step to the side, put your hands over your ears, and face away with your eyes closed. Do. Not. Make. Me. Ask. Again." Oswald said with a reassuring yet offsetting tone.
Martin stood his ground.
"Oswald I need to show you something, you're only making the situation worse." Riddler pleaded.
"You won't ever stop crossing the line will you? Every single time I let you live you make sure I regret it. Well not this time, old friend."
'Well we're dead.' Ed sighed.
Martin dropped to his knees with his hands together, no doubt pleading for Riddler's life.
Oswald's moved his finger to the trigger. Since he was aiming for Nygma's head, Martin wouldn't get hit. "Haven't I taught you anything? Don't be like me. Don't let anyone stab you in the back ever. I wouldn't be doing what I preach if I don't do this."
Riddler slowly moved his hand to his pocket.
'Stop you idiot' Ed screeched.
Riddler grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and held it above his head. "He thinks we aren't..." Riddler didn't know the right words, many of them made his stomach flip. "you know... a team anymore, because of him. He blames himself, Os."
"But it isn't his fault." Oswald's finger slowly backed off from the trigger. "Let me see. I doubt this will save you."
Riddler nodded and handed the note back to Martin. The boy whiped away some tears before running to Oswald.
Oswald held the note in the air under the street lamp to read the pencil words.
Ed, Riddler, and Martin watched with baited breath to see how Oswald would react.
Paying attention to microfacial expressions wasn't Ed or even Riddler's strong suit, but this time they caught everything. How Oswald bit him bottom lip as tears brimmed in his eyes. How he quickly turned his head away and blinked those tears away to avoid Martin seeing them. Ed and Riddler watched as he shook silently. Then he took a sharp breath and blew it out. "It was never your fault and it never will be. Edward is an idiot-. No we are, grown ups are. I'm sorry you had to see us flight. I promise to be better and I think me and him going our separate ways will ensure that."
Martin shook his head.
'Wow look at Oswald Cobblepot being the adult. I guess you got what you wanted.' Ed's voice still echoed in Riddler's head, thankfully without the migrain.
"You're wrong, that's not what I want." Riddler said out loud to his and Ed's surprise.
"What the hell-" Oswald started to yell again but Riddler cut him off.
"I don't think we should go out separate ways. It would be a shame if Gotham's best duo faded into nothingness. There is still greatness for us. Our story isn't done yet, Ozzie." Riddler closed the gap inbetween him and Oswald. "I'm sorry... for some of the things I did. Sometimes you deserved it though."
'Please shut up.' Ed begged.
It was Riddler's turn to bite his lip. He then took and deep breath and through clenched teeth spoke, "The truth is..." Riddler felt his face go warm and suddenly realized how terribly cold it was. "I'm happier when... you're...around...too."
Oswald covered his laugh with a cough. Ed did not follow that courtesy. 'I knew it!'
"Oh God damn it." Oswald sighed. "You're going to make me regret this, aren't you?"
"You know me so well." Riddler answered with a coy smile.
"Holy shit it is fucking cold. Can we go inside now before I actually turn into a penguin? And you..." Oswald pointed at Riddler with a smirk. "Shouldn't you hate the cold."
"Nope." Riddler shrugged as he tossed his suit jacket onto a shivering Martin. "It reminds me how I saved your sorry ass."
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angsty-omi · 3 years
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arms tonite
fuckboy!atsumu miya x fem!reader
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genre: angst, unrequited love,
cw: suggestive content, swearing, heartbreak
word count: 1.5 k
Different girl every night and no repeats; that was the rule of law Atsumu Miya lived by. Whether it was Asians, Whites, or Black girls he didn’t discriminate. If they had a beating heart and a pussy then he was set. Hearing about these conquests as his best friend, really made you think ‘wow who’s the poor that let Atsumu put his dick in that night?’ And as you would find it, soon enough it’d be you.
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Media portrayal of college students, especially in movies, falsely portrayed college students and gave unrealistic ideas of how they live. These media outlets give impractical ideas of what college students are- intense party seekers, people who have all the time in the world, or just lazy nonworking students who revolve everything around their social lives. This was, by all means not true.
You, and many other diligent college students, can attest to this. The heavy number of finals and research papers due would soon drown you in your sleep. To prevent you from feeling overwhelmed, you always went to him. The one person who could talk your ear off, which though annoying, kept your mind off things, Miya Atsumu. See, Atsumu had the ultimate college experience. The ones that occurred on screen, the ‘intense party seeking’ events where somehow your invite was always lost in the mail. Every Wednesday, you’d always fit him into your schedule for brunch, which mostly consisted of him talking about the ‘new freshman babes’ at the Inarizaki Frat House, and you lived vicariously through him, not because you were envious of his lifestyle, rather, you were just interested in what could’ve been. 
“Did you get that Y/N?” Your thoughts were interrupted.
“U-uh, yeah! Of course, I did.” You tried playing it off, but Atsumu could see right through you. He knew all your mannerisms, for example, when you bite your lip, it’s a sign that you’re prepared for a big change or if you handball your T-Shirt, you’re feeling insecure. He could tell you had something weighing in on you, but he decided to ignore your blatant lie and wait for you to tell him.
“So, are you gonna tell how you’ve been doin’?” He lightly asked. 
“Yeah, uh life has been hard for me… I guess. It’s just that- with all these finals I am feeling so overwhelmed,” you buried your face in your hands to attempt forgetting about school. Knowing Atsumu, he would just drown out your sorrow, or so you thought. You continued, “I can’t eat, sleep, or you know-,” not even acknowledging the fact you just referred about your inability to get off. Atsumu became was suspiciously quiet. 
“What,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “Nothing, Nothing,” he shook his head, chuckling.
 “No, seriously what’s so funny?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Ya’ reeeaaaallly want to know?”
“I said yes already, just spit it out,” you irritated with anticipation. 
“I could help your little issue down there,” Atsumu grinned. Studying? When has Atsumu Miya ever wanted to study with you? The only reason he got into this school was because  he was a D1 athlete. Unless, he turned a new leaf and he chose a path where you don’t slap a ball back and forth because quite frankly you thought that it was risky caree- Oh. That little issue. “You’ve got to be kidding, I would never,” you felt offended. It wasn’t that he was ugly, it was quite the opposite. He had a charming personality, while also being built like a Greek God, and with a face like that it’s no wonder these girls fall for him. However, you felt too prideful to sleep with him. Sure, you may have some underlying feelings for him that you shut down deep inside, but you didn’t want to be treated like a human toy. So, that thought was always out of the question.  
“Never say n-” He was interrupted with his corny ringtone.
“Hello?... Yeah, I’m free, right now… Alright, see you then.” 
Atsumu always did this, it was like clockwork. He’d bail on you when you clearly were in distress and he could not even prioritize time to listen. He even, left you with the check. Sure, he’d Venmo you afterwards, but it still hurt nonetheless. On the walk back to your dorm, your thoughts were full of cursing Atsumu out for always bailing on you. Holding it in for so long only lasted you so much before you exploded. 
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That night, Atsumu came over, not even expecting your wrath. 
An hour in, and he still couldn’t understand your argument. “Atsumu, if you could just.. I don’t know- not bail on me? Cause you know, it’s common courtesy!” You exclaimed. 
“Dude, it was literally just a few times, I don’t know why you’re getting so upset?”
“Upset? Upset? Upset is an understatement. How would you feel if I dropped you for some dick?”
“Like that would ever happen. C’mon, Y/N, you’re acting like my girlfriend and I’m uncomfortable.” He blurted, frustrated that this argument has lasted almost two hours. He just rejected you, and you didn’t even get the chance to even address those feelings. 
“Get out.”
“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I don’t care, get out.” You wiped a treacherous tear from your eye. You opened the door, and gestured him to leave. But, he just stood there. Moving over to him in tears, you tried to push him out. Your measly arms were incomparable to his toned abs that he’s built since high school. He grasped your arms, and for a moment you could feel his padded thumb, wiping your cheek. Your faces were only a few inches away. This was your chance to get a taste of him, before he turned into a stranger. You leaned in his lips.
The lack of return made your heart drop. You let go and rambled with apologies,“I-I’m so sorry. Look, I-” He shut you up with another kiss, more passionate than yours. “I told ya’ I could fix that little issue of yours.”
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The morning after, you woke up with your body aching in pain. Drool all over your chin, and in disgust, you wiped your mouth and skimmed your calendar. ‘The biomedical final isn’t at 10, it’s at 8-’ whispering to yourself. Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. Then, you slowly gazed at your alarm clock, ‘7:57 AM’ it read. 
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” you screamed to yourself. Without thinking, you dashed out the door and sped to the testing center. At the entrance, your professor met eyes with you. “Testing entry is closed, I thought you were better than this, Y/N.” Scolding you up and down. I only missed the final by a couple of minutes, why is she shunning me? You thought. But before you could continue, you looked down. There you were, love marks all over, in your panties and an oversized T-shirt to top it off. 
You rushed into your dorm, to find the vampire who did this to you. The universe was seemingly against you once more, because on your way over to your bedroom, you slipped on a textbook. How ironic. The loud slam woke him up, making him sit upright. “Oh my God Y/N are you okay?” He said with a concerned look on his face.
“Why the fuck are you still in my bed?” 
“Well if you wanna know the details-” He smirked, “No no no, I’m okay,” you interrupted him. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what went on. 
You felt blood drip on your upper lip. Both of you just stared in shock. Immediately, he swiped you up, bridal style, and plopped you onto the sink. He stood in between your legs, soaking your nose with numerous amounts of toilet paper. There was a comfortable silence in the air. You know, Atsumu was quite beautiful with his mouth closed. The way the sunlight accentuated his sharp features, with his eyes reflecting a shade of light hazel. In an impulse, you pecked his lips and to your surprise, he reciprocated. 
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It’s been a month since you’ve been hooking up and it’s become your new normal. As a small treat, you wanted to do surprise.
Prior to this dynamic, as best friends you always had a spare key, which his twin brother made sure of because Atsumu was forgetful. As tacky as it was, you were wearing a trench coat, that covered your bright red two-piece lingerie underneath. Silently twisting the knob, you walked into to his bedroom. The apartment was still clean, signaling that he wasn’t home. In which, gave you enough time to position yourself on his bed. After many awkward attempts of seductive positions, you chose the cross-over leg at the edge of his bed, which accentuated your hips. 
You heard his front door open, and his loud voice gave you the signal. You felt relaxed, but it wasn’t until you heard another voice. High-pitched and fruity, it was one of those voices you could tell it’d belong to a pretty girl. You panicked, and mentally scolded yourself for pushing Atsumu to go with a minimalist aesthetic for his bedroom, which left nowhere to hide for you. The knob was opened slightly, where only he could see you. Eye contact was made, and he immediately slammed the door shut. 
There was a muffled, “Hey! uh- my room is kind of dirty right now. Let’s go over to yours.” And after, hearing the front door shut, you assumed she complied. In awe, you mentally kicked yourself over and over again. You took off your attire immediately walking into your bedroom, it burned your skin with insecurities and embarrassment. So much for putting yourself out there. Although, what hurt the most was the way his eyes were full of disgust when he saw you.
That night, he knocked at your door. You opened it, thinking it was your food.
Your heart was beating rapidly, because just an hour ago you made a whole scheme of routes to take without seeing him. You coyly responded with, “you’re not my DoorDash,” and tried to close the door. But he blocked it.
“We need to talk,” he said in the most serious tone you’ve personally ever heard from him. How could those words scare you when you’re not in a relationship.
“What was that shit you pulled earlier?” He irritated. You felt so small under his gaze.
“I thought it would’ve been nice,” you mumbled. “Nice? That girl was the president of one of the most notorious sororities. She could’ve seen you.” He yelled, continuously blaming you. The way he viewed her, would never be the way he saw you. You were just a friend who needed a favor, not someone he actually wanted to pursue.
“You know what? Fine, my fault. Sorry that I ruined it, sorry that I showed up, sorry that I even planned it, sorry I ever thought that you saw me more than just a skank, sorry I even called you over that night, and finally, sorry for ever loving-” it just slipped out. His eyes widened, “Finish that sentence, Y/N. If I knew-”
“Knew what? Knew that I loved you, you wouldn’t have gotten involved? Yeah, well it’s too late. You know what? Just get out. I never want to see you again, Miya,” you sobbed, tears flowing down your face freely. Pounding your fists against his chest. His immobility gave you a small sliver of hope.
“I’m not ready, Y/N. I can’t give you what you want.” Conflicted, unbeknownst whether he was talking to you or himself. “But we can still be friends.”
That sentence was the nail in the coffin.
“It hurts to even look at you Atsumu.” Your voice cold. For someone that could read you so well, why did he think that would save your relationship? “I’ll.. be on my way then.” He slowly got up, and turned the knob. Selfishly enough, he made one more glance at you. He embraced this last glance. Did you know you were beautiful? Even with snot, running down your nose. Of course, you didn’t look back, you were too focused on biting your lips.
Atsumu’s face went pale. He knew what sign that meant. And the change was him. You were really set on ghosting him. With the door closed and Atsumu leaning on it, he couldn’t help to question why that made a pang in his heart.
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anonil88 · 3 years
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Malcolm and Marie live blog
I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.
Spoilers ahead!!
I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.
A tune indeed.
When you are high and drunk on success and
How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.
Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.
So he's pretentious and unaware.
Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.
Can this nigga stop pacing.
Also can he stop talking;
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Marie is so tired and unimpressed.
Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.
Oooo the tension and the jazz.
Title Card over mac and cheese.
Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.
Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.
John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.
Guilty confession?
He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....
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If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.
GASLIGHTER!
The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.
Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.
He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.
If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.
I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.
70s vibes! 70s vibes!
Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.
Women really are behind every great man.
Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.
Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.
She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.
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Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.
I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.
Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?
The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.
Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.
Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.
Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.
Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.
So she's conditional.
Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.
Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba
He is so hurtful.
A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.
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John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.
He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.
Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.
This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.
They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.
Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.
The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.
He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.
Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄
ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.
Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.
He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.
Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.
He ain't even ask her to read?
One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)
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You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.
Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)
But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.
To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.
Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.
CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.
I love Marie yep that was amazing.
Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)
He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.
Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.
I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.
Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.
Marie to herself and the audience:
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He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.
The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5
Oh shit this is my song,
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Ratings/overall thoughts:
Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.
Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.
Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.
John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.
Cinematography: A and a participation award.
The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.
Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.
The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.
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