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nicksbestie · 1 month

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I have an angsty (self-indulgent) req…

I struggle heavily with superstition and pattern-based compulsions, and I was curious if I could get a Jake or Johnnie fic where one of them sees the reader getting stuck in a harmful pattern (trying to match pain from scratches on both arms, knocking on their head for good luck, trying to avoid cracks/lines on the sidewalk, etc.)

-🫠

Summary : You struggle a lot with your compulsions and mental health, but your boyfriend is always there to make sure that you can relax.

Pairing : Jake Webber/Reader (romantic)

Warnings : Harmful pattern based actions, superstitious behaviors

Word Count : 718

A/N : i've never written anything like this req, so i really hope i did it justice! if i didn't please give me constructive criticism! my inbox and dms are open if you ever need to chat <3

Superstitious and compulsion based behaviors were a lot to deal with, and you knew that better than anyone in your personal life. You had struggled with them really badly for a long time, and it had damaged a lot of your life. You considered yourself very lucky sometimes, though, because you had a lot more support now than you did in the past, and the support system that you did have was absolutely amazing. You had two amazing best friends, one of whom was your boyfriend, and having dealt with struggles in his life, he was always so incredibly kind with you.

He was always patient, gentle, much softer than he was on camera, and you appreciated his tenderness so much. You couldn’t have imagined a better life partner than the man that you were with right now, and you truly couldn’t imagine your life without him. Having been with him for upwards of a year now, he was able to recognize when you were beginning to struggle, and always able to gently calm you down, keeping you comfortable and feeling safe. He was perfect, and was always there when you needed him, like today.

Today you were having such a difficult day, many different things bothering you and being just uncomfortable enough to cause you to become frustrated. You managed to hold it together until the evening, when you were laying down with Jake, and you automatically felt a little bit better because of the fact that you were with your boyfriend, who was your safe space and comfort person, but you were still not quite calmed down. Jake was rubbing your arms with his, you wrapped up against him, and he had no idea that he was going to unintentionally cause a near breakdown within the next couple of minutes.

It wasn’t for another few moments before one of his nails caught the perfect angle to end up scratching your arm, causing you to gasp in pain and surprise, and him to immediately panic and apologize. He kissed right over the spot that he had accidentally created, attempting to soothe it. However, with how worked up you had been from your long day, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and Jake’s heart broke when he realized there were tears forming in your eyes. He immediately wiped them away, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead, hoping on everything that you would be okay.

He hugged you tighter, whispering soft comforts while his hand was gently running up and down your arm, trying to massage the feeling of pain away, but all he was doing was making you aware of how uneven your arms felt, and he had no idea that he was making it worse until you had teardrops rolling down your face, trying to resist the urge to scratch your other arm, making it match the same pain so you could relax again. He wiped those tears away immediately as well, pressing a kiss on nearly every spot on your face, hoping to get a smile to break onto your face.

Unfortunately, after a couple more minutes of those, you couldn’t take it anymore, and ripped out of his grasp, using your own nails to run down your other arm, tears steadily flowing. He immediately grabbed your hands, pulling you close into his chest and firmly but not harshly keeping your hands away from your arm, holding you as you gave up in his hold, sobbing.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re going to be okay. It’s okay, honey, it’s okay…”

He knew you probably weren’t processing a lot of what he was saying, so he simply repeated the same words of comfort, keeping you close to him and making sure you were wrapped up tightly in his arms, pressing kisses to the top of your head. The pressure was helping you relax and was also keeping you from hurting yourself, and he stayed like that until you stopped crying, wiping your tears away with his thumbs, holding you until you eventually exhausted yourself. He was the boyfriend who could easily pick you up, helping you to bed, and holding you until you fell asleep in his arms. You knew you struggled, but you also knew that he would always be here for you.

~ taglist : @jake-and-johnnies-slut @gvf23 @maddytheweird @707xn @elliem505 @ilydeaky @maryx2xx @oobleoob @aemrsy @jasperthefriendlyghostt

~ if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here!

~ my inbox is open, come chat!

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mindfulstudyquest · 17 days

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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲: easy tips to form healthy habits ( based on this alessya farrugia video )

lately i've been having trouble being productive and finding a healthy balance between study, passions, exercise and free time. i've been searching for a long time online for advices and ideas that could help me find my serenity, and my searches led me to this. i hope you appreciate it.

pro tip do not try to improve everything all at once, you're gonna fail. just try to incorporate something small in your routine to start forming healthy habits. it might take months, but one year from now it will all be worthy.

𝟭. don't hit snooze ( ⏰ )

the "snooze" button is definitely my worst enemy, i simply don't want to get up and start a new day that will be tiring and hard, but when i realized the reasons why putting off the alarm is so harmful for me i seriously started to stop doing it. you will actually wake up even more tired and sleep-deprived after the second or third alarm goes off, since falling back to sleep after having already woken up causes your brain to begin a new "sleep cycle" that takes 75 minutes to complete, abruptly interrupting these cycles brings unpleasant side effects such as tiredness, irritability and headaches.

bonus start waking up at the same time every day, this will not only help consolidate your routine but is scientifically proven that it significantly reduces levels of anxiety and depression.

𝟮. don't check your phone (📱)

i've always spent at least an hour scrolling through social media right after waking up every day, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world. do not go on your phone for at least 30min/1h after waking up. i know it seems hard ( i have a severe phone addiction so i understand ) but i guarantee you that your days will be so much more stress free and productive. why? going on your phone as soon as you wake up gives you an instant hit of dopamine ( for more info, check this post ) that is gonna literally ruin your day, because your brain is gonna pretend more and more dopamine for the rest of the day in order to function properly.

𝟯. have a glass of water ( 🫗 )

you didn't drink for 8 hours or more so it's time to rehydrate your body. i hate drinking water as soon as i wake up so you can try adding some lemon juice to give it more taste, you can also try some herbal tea if it's winter and you don't feel like drinking cold water first thing in the morning, but avoid caffeine ( and theine ) for at least one hour after waking up. exactly like the hit of dopamine that your phone gives you, caffeine and similar stimulants will have the same effect on your body.

𝟰. have a cold shower ( 🚿 )

ok, i'm not one of those gurus who tells you to get up at 5 in the morning, take an ice bath and run 12 km before 7am, but switching to cold water for the last two minutes of your morning shower will have some benefits invaluable for you and your body. first of all it helps to wake you up, because it stimulates the nerve endings and makes the brain more active, it also helps to tone the skin and make the hair shinier. it's a difficult thing, but doing something like this in the morning will help your brain cope better with the workload during the day. it also reduces stress and anxiety, since the cold can activate the production of endorphins ( known as "happy hormones" ).

𝟱. physical and mental care ( 💕 )

take five or ten minutes to just look after yourself, do skincare - it doesn't have to be a deep session, just a little moisturizer and lip balm -, meditate, journal, cut out a few minutes from your morning routine where you leave out for a while all the negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, your body is your temple and you must treat it with reverence, your mind is your home, your safe place, and deserves your attention.

𝟲. get direct sunlight ( ☀️ )

apply some sunscreen and go get some sunlight, the benefits are so many that i couldn't list them all: i quote, production of vitamin D ( very important especially if you are a woman ), improved mood and, in general, physical and mental health, sleep regulation, improved skin. i know it's not always possible, especially in winter when there is very little sun, but for example if you have the chance to walk to school or work on a beautiful sunny spring day, take it!

𝟳. make the bed ( 🛏️ )

why should i make my bed if i'm going to have to sleep in it in the evening anyway? well, this is the mistake that i very often make and i admit that i am guilty of it. however, not making the bed is exactly the reason that pushes me to go back there immediately and sleep again. making your bed in the morning as an act of discipline will not only improve your self-esteem and make you less want to go back to sleep, but it will make your room seem cleaner and generally improve your environment, making you feel more productive and satisfied. completing that little task in the morning, even if it's small and simple, will give you motivation and will push you through the day.

𝟴. high-proteine breakfast ( 🥞 )

make sure you eat a balanced, protein-rich breakfast that will keep you feeling full until your next meal. it is useless to limit calories especially in the morning when we need an extra boost, this will only make us feel more tired and irritable and will significantly decrease our productivity.

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yanderecandystore · 8 months

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I always wonder about the bully, what would happen if s/o just moved from the school, like they can't take the bullies anymore. And when they finally find them they see s/o kissing their lover and holding hands. Bonus point if the lover said "don't worry, no one will bully you anymore i'm here" just fluff pls no bad end for the lover but i want to see the bully get pissed hahahaahha

What time is it? It's "Eat the hearts of my ocs" o'clock! But we're WEEKS late!

(I'm so sorry for the wait ;-; I have no idea when it comes to passage of time)

I want to change the request just a little bit because it's been a while but I've been referring to my bully ocs as college age/older- I know it's just fluff but I want to just add a little sprinkle of pain✨

[🚚🧳🌉] This post has something similar to that-

TW/Tags: They/Them being used in the beginning as a neutral singular pronoun, just in case anyone gets confused, you can say it was either one of the twins// they went loco while you were gone // delusional, slight victim blaming mentality, bullying, stalking, slight mentions of pain/harm, mentions of insomnia // nothing happens in this one to be honest.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Breaking apart [Yandere!Bully!OCs x Gender Neutral!Reader - Headcanons]:

🎇 Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇

It was just so sudden that they couldn't avoid it sooner- Perhaps you managed to keep your mouth shut for long enough so that they wouldn't hear the rumors of it, or since you didn't have close friends (thanks to them) no one was able to snitch on you.

Maybe you didn't even give them any hints around your social media, nothing seemed out of ordinary in your posts-

Not even the teachers seemed to know of your plans, or if they did, they made sure to keep it a well hidden secret.

The only change to your usual routine was that small yet noticeable hopeful glint in your eyes, as if something was keeping you in a good mood even while having to deal with your bully each day.

Ah, for a few days they thought that it was because of them, going as far as thinking that now was that time- Finally, finally you would have come to terms with your own feelings towards them and finally confess it for all to hear! It would be a pitiful display but they were sure it would be all worth it in the end.

You never did that, however. The day after you changed schools, so quickly that they couldn't make any plans to stop you.

Their younger self felt more insulted than anything, you dare to run away from them your entire life than to deal with your responsibilities?… It was pathetic and cowardly, from their point of view.

Then again, in their point of view you were also responsible for the way they would treat you, for the countless nights left without sleep, and for the constant paranoia that plagues them.

It was so obvious (to them) that you just didn't want to deal with the shame of liking your bully, and although changing schools was an ""exaggeration"" on your part, they thought they could deal with your lack of presence just fine.

They didn't. It only made it so much worse.

But it wasn't until later on, after years of being away from you that they would be able to understand why you left school…

Finding you by chance after so long was a miracle, to be honest! It was impressive how you managed to hide yourself online so well and ever better yet in public.

You wouldn't be able to understand the joy, the rush that runs through their veins as they see you after such a long time of no signs of your presence or of your existence! Ah, but then again it made sense, right? They were awful to you, weren't they? They didn't show you how much they actually admired you.

But they're older now! They matured! They would never act the same childish way that pushed you away in the first place!-

That's what they thought as they kept pushing people out of their way so they could follow your silhouette, desperately wanting to call for you but not having the strength to fully scream it out- Ah, wasn't this like old days? Wasn't this just like the time they would chase you? Although, you haven't noticed them yet due to the busy crowd…

It was when you finally stopped walking, your back turned to them that they finally were able to see you properly, you changed yet not enough to be fully unrecognizable- You grew yet in their eyes everything seemed to be just like in highschool all over again, but this time they promised that they would make things right!... Until they saw you hugging a stranger.

They didn't know who it was, and for all they cared it could be a friend, a family member, it didn't matter at all, all that it mattered was that they could see you again-

Yet before they could make any advance towards you, to finally speak their mind, they see you and the stranger hold hands and kiss. An innocent and very short action that to your bully feels like an eternity in Hell.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

→ Adrien Coldwell:

It's been such a long, long time since Adrien last saw you, last heard of you- In general he might as well have thought you were dead! And for the longest time, he really thought that!

So tell me, how do you think he felt seeing you in the arms of some nobody?

It's a joke, right? An unfunny prank you want to put him through, surely this isn't actually happening in front of his sleepy, barely holding each other up eyes.

Oh… Wait. You were never one for jokes, especially not with him, of course…

"... [Y/n]? [L/n] [Y/n]? It's you, isn't it? It really is you, isn't it?" Adrien's voice is lazy, tired, devoid of all that smugness and confidence he used to treat you with. He just needs to confirm that you really are here.

Ah… but when you turn around, your happy face goes back to one he recognized oh so well, of horror.

"It's you.. It is you, I shouldn't have doubted it- You've changed..! I'm… it's been so long, hasn't it..?" His sorrowful words hit you as if he was talking to a longtime friend, which you're not.

Ah, his state however… It's deteriorating. You knew who he was by his voice alone, it would be impossible to forget it after having it drilled into your brain with all that resentment and fear you harbored. But to see him in this depressed, messy state almost makes you feel pity towards him… What happened while you were gone?

That didn't matter now, however, you couldn't simply turn a blind eye to all of what he did, and all that healing you've done shouldn't be so easily broken just because he recognized you in public.

You considered your options, you could curse him off, talk to him indifferently and politely… Or simply walk away.

You didn't owe him anything, talking to him would only make you more uncomfortable than you already are- Who would blame you for not wanting to talk with your past tormentor?? You took your partner's hand and urged him to leave with you.

"Are you going already?.. I… I need to talk with you, maybe another time if you're busy.." He almost sounded considerate and respectful of your boundaries if it wasn't for his hand holding your arm and stopping you from getting away. Possessively clingy onto you almost in a threatening way.

You felt this sensation before, yet you wish you didn't. You wish you weren't as terrified as you were but as long as the situation keeps on escalating you can't help but feel more and more like you were still in highschool being helpless and scared of turning your head to face him. Like a cursed time machine, you're brought back to feeling worried of what will happen if you tell him to stop, to leave you alone! You remember how no one used to believe you when you mentioned being bullied, how no one dared to say anything because "oh well, is just the Coldwell!" As if that alone gave him rights to treat you the way he did-

But this time you weren't completely alone, your partner took his hand away from your arm- A stern look in his eyes as he lightly pushed Adrien away.

"I don't know what you want but I'm pretty sure I know who you are, and they don't want to talk with you. Leave us alone." It wasn't a threat, it wasn't insulting nor intimidating and yet it set the message very clearly: He wasn't letting Adrien enter back into your life if you didn't want to.

"Who even is this, huh, [Y/n]?" Adrien gave your partner a little slap on his hand, it wasn't clear if he felt insulted by his presence in general or by him touching Adrien without permission.

"[Y/n], this isn't funny anymore, stop ignoring me, please-" A request that would go to deaf ears, as you continued to distance yourself from him while your partner stood in between you two.

"They don't want to. I'm warning you, go away." During high school every student feared the power and status that the Coldwell family held on their grasp, everyone envied and admired their wealth, but they all knew that if you crossed their family- No one in the world would ever be able to help you stand up against them.

But today was different from those dark days where you couldn't rely on anyone, it was comforting even if a bit reckless to see Sean protect you the way he did.

Younger Adrien would have made your new boyfriend's life a living hell, he would've made sure he knew his place in the school's hierarchy… But that doesn't work anymore. He could say he would tell his mom to use her money against this guy… But that doesn't work anymore.

He watched as you held hands with the man that had stolen you away from him, unable to stop him.

Adrien watched as your partner promised no one would bully you anymore and that you were safe with him…

"... Bastard… I could have said the same thing if you would've let me finish.." Adrien stood there, mumbling nonsense that you wouldn't be able to hear anyway, saying things he knows are not true.

For now, you were happy walking away with someone who actually showed how much he cared from start to finish.

→ Alexandra Coldwell:

It's been such a long, long time since Alexandra last saw you, last heard of you- In general she might as well have thought you were dead! And for the longest time, she really thought that!

So tell me, how do you think she felt seeing you in the arms of some nobody?

Oh, this is a dream, right? She is hallucinating again, silly her, her sleep schedule has been completely changed since the day you left- Now her eyes are wide open to everything and everyone all the time! She always swears she can see you in the corner of her vision. Always there to make fun of her….

Oh wait! You're real! Right?? This is real, right? She has woken up a few hours ago, she is sure of that-

"[Y/n]??- I-it's been a long time- H-How are you?" Alex falters as she makes her way closer to you, trying to stay focused on the more urgent matter that is talking with you for once.

Ah… but when you turn around, your happy face goes back to one she recognized oh so well, of horror.

"So it IS you!! You are you! Of course you are! H-How have you been?!" The excitement in her voice is palpable, even in her current state, she still strikes you as an extrovert with a very talkative personality.

Ah… Her state, however… It's deteriorating. You knew who she was by her voice alone, it would be impossible to forget it after having it drilled into your brain with all that resentment and fear you harbored. But to see her in this nervous, trembling state is making you feel concerned for her… What happened while you were gone?

That didn't matter now, however, you couldn't simply turn a blind eye to all of what she did, and all that healing you've done shouldn't be so easy to break just because she recognized you in public.

You considered your options, you could curse her off, talk to her indifferently and politely… Or simply walk away.

You weren't actually obligated to talk to her at all… so… why not just run away? You took your partner's hand and pretended as if Alexandra mixed you up with someone else.

"Hm..??! Wait- Where are you going?! I-I really need to talk with you!" She begged you to hear her, her meek voice contradicting the desperate hand in your arm. Her nails are still sharp as ever clawing at your skin, even if not intentionally this time.

You felt this sensation before, yet you wish you didn't. You wish you weren't as terrified as you were but as long as the situation keeps on escalating you can't help but feel more and more like you were still in highschool being helpless and scared of turning your head to face her. Like a cursed time machine, you're brought back to feeling worried of what will happen if you tell her to stop, to leave you alone! You remember how no one used to believe you when you mentioned being bullied, how no one dared to say anything because "oh well, is just the Coldwell!" As if that alone gave her rights to treat you the way she did-

But this time you weren't completely alone, your partner took her hand away from your arm- A stern look in his eyes as he lightly pushed Alexandra away.

"I don't know what you want but I'm pretty sure I know who you are, and they don't want to talk with you. Leave us alone." It wasn't a threat, it wasn't insulting nor intimidating and yet it set the message very clearly: He wasn't letting Alex enter back into your life if you didn't want to.

"[Y/n]... Who is this?? Who is this- Person?! Unhand me!" Alex pushed your partner away, it wasn't clear if she was mad about his presence in general or because he was holding her wrist.

"[Y/n], please! It feels like a nightmare whenever you ignore me!-" She was beginning to cry as she whined your name, your partner standing in-between her and you didn't stop her from trying to reach you.

But today was different from those dark days where you couldn't rely on anyone, it was comforting even if a bit reckless to see Sean protect you the way he did.

Younger Alexandra would have made your new boyfriend's life a living hell, she would've made sure he knew his place in the school's hierarchy… But that doesn't work anymore. She could say she would tell her dad to use his money against this guy… But that doesn't work anymore.

She watched as you held hands with the man that had stolen you away from her, unable to stop him.

Alexandra watched as your partner promised no one would bully you anymore and that you were safe with him…

" I… I wanted to say that.. I-I would've said that ages ago if you had stayed just a little longer…" Alex stood there, mumbling nonsense that you wouldn't be able to hear anyway, saying things she knows are not true.

For now, you were happy walking away with someone who actually showed how much he cared from start to finish.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #choco stuff #yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere bully #special delivery headcanons #special delivery request #yandere bully x reader #yandere x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader

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americas-ass-writing · 1 year

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Invisible

Steve Rogers x avenger!reader (-ish)

Words: 2.2k

Summary: The newest member of the avengers feels invisible. A shitty mission and social media brings her to her breaking point. See what happens when she confronts the team.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death (briefly)

A/N: not me dipping for like two years and returning. Sorry it took me so long, I'll try to write more often now. Hope you enjoy this little one shot that was caused by me feeling invisible.

Another mission successfully completed. It's your fifth mission as an Avenger and you couldn't be happier that it's over.

Two weeks, two exhausting weeks with Hydra finding their single brain cell and not being predictable this time. But it's over now, you can return home to the tower and spend time with... no one.

The Avengers were nice, they really were. Welcoming you with open arms, always striking up conversation when you were around but you couldn't miss that no one ever asked you to spend time with them besides the team activities. They didn't mean it, you're sure of that but you can't stop the pang in your heart when Wanda and Nat make shopping plans right in front of you and don't invite you. Or when Steve and Bucky plan a little day trip and think of inviting Sam to come along but not you who was sitting right next to him on the couch.

More than once the delivery person forgot your food. Steve was always nice enough to share one of his three portions with you but not even the delivery person struck you as important enough to remember your order.

You find yourself in the hallway after the debrief. Everyone was tired, exhausted and done. Your eyes flicker over the little friend groups building to walk back to the common area together. Clint who has been shot hanging off Natasha's shoulder, laughing at something she said. Sam and Bucky bickering with Steve walking between them like an over exhausted dad. Tony and Bruce talking big ideas to improve suits, weapons and the team. Wanda and Vision lost in each other, holding hands. And then there was you. Standing in the hallway, surrounded by people, watching and still feeling utterly alone. Agents flutter around you, not even giving you a glance. Sometimes you just feel so invisible... So unimportant. Like you shouldn't even be a member of this team.

Tired feet carry you to your room, you take the route that's longer but it avoids the common area. Your heart can only take so much. And all you need right now is a hot shower, your bed and mindless scrolling through social media. You're not even in the mood to eat lunch. At least not in the common room. The stash of protein bars under your bed will have to do.

So you take a long warm shower, letting the water run over your body while Taylor Swift's voice fills the room alongside the humidity that lets the mirror fog. You dry yourself, slip into comfy pyjamas and soon enough your head meets your pillow. You breathe in the scent of home and crawl under the comforter. Finally your hand reaches for your phone. You've been gone for a while, you probably missed some things. Your phone starts up slowly and some notifications come through. You have missed emails -most of them newsletters-, a few notifications of Instagram -celebrities and acquaintances posting things- and no one reaching out to you personally. Your eyes fall shut for a moment as your heart breaks a little more. You really thought you're a decent human being... Why did no one like you? Why did no one think of you?

Your thumb hovers over the Instagram icon, trying to decide if you should open the app. With a sigh you open it, a little mindless scrolling could do no harm. Right?

Wrong. Somehow you land on the official avengers account. Your eyes scanning the pictures. There has been one new post while you were gone - a picture of the team minus you. Wasn't your portrait supposed to be posted to announce you as a new member? Maybe they had to push it back... Or maybe they didn't want you on the account. Would explain why you're the one who's cropped out of the group picture. The caption mentions something about the team answering questions soon and telling people to comment what they always wanted to know. You know that Instagram comment sections are a different kind of world. One that can be really positive or just down right toxic. Yet you still click into it, curious what questions you'd find.

Some of them ask for Natasha's makeup routine, a lot ask for Steve to finally post a shirtless picture on his account, some ask why Bucky always looks so grumpy. There's genuinely nice questions asking for self defense tips or if they can come to schools to visit kids. And then there's the comments that are just plain rude, insulting about any member of the team. And then there's this one...

Cropped the new girl out already huh? Knew that ugly incompetent chick wasn't made for this team. Good riddance.

No matter how hard you tried you couldn't tear your eyes off it. Your pupils scan over the words again and again and again. Till hot tears spilled. Till you completely lost it as an ugly sob tore through you. You weren't good enough for this team, for your family, for your friends, for anyone or anything in this world. You were invisible and you always would be.

Logically you knew that keeping all of this in and being exhausted by the two week long mission was causing this break down. If you would have told someone you felt this way, things would be different. But your emotions got the better of you. Which is how you found yourself on a very determined march to the common area. Jammies on, your phone clutched in your hand, tears streaming down your hardened face. Your brain didn't even process your way here, you just suddenly found yourself in front of the avengers who were eating dinner - without you. You're met with some concerned faces but before anyone can say anything your words cut the thick air.

"I quit." You say, voice wobblier than you intended. The lump in your throat growing by the second. "What? Y/N what brought this on? I know the mission was hard but..." before a very concerned Steve could finish his sentence you cut him off. "This isn't about the fucking mission, Rogers." Your voice is full of venom. "This is about... You know what this is about this" you wave your hand around the room. Gazes turn to confusion. "And this!" You shove your phone into Steve's face, the group picture you've been cropped out of on the display.

"A picture of us? I don't... Understand..." Steve breaks the silence after a moment. "A picture of you. You guys and oh would you look at that... A little bit of my sleeve over there." You point out. "I've been cropped out." You explain further.

"Alright firecracker you know we're not responsible for the account. That's the social teams doing." Tony jumps in. "Yeah. Yeah you're right. You know what's your doing though?" You say as you retract your phone out of Steve's face. You slide it in your pocket and take a steadying breath. "Not inviting me to join activities, not telling the fucking delivery guy that maybe, just maybe there's a new member on the team after he forgot my food for the third fucking time in a row. Skipping my turn to pick a god damn movie because you all forgot to tell me you're doing an improv movie night. Walking back from a debrief in your little groups, none of you even thinking of just waiting a second so I can at least walk with someone. Oh and this. You're having dinner, the team, and who wasn't here until she stormed in? Me." You didn't realise that your voice got louder, the frustration got the better of you. "And it's not just this. No one thinks I belong here. No one in the comments of that post, not the press... Hell, even Friday still calls me recruit. If you don't want a new member on the team just say so. I'll leave. You'll never see me again. I'll turn invisible like I always feel... Like I am." you add quietly now, not even sure if anyone but you heard it. The lump in your throat is impossibly thick and finally it completed its mission and tore another sob from you. It hurts. It hurts to not belong. It hurts to be invisible. There's a short silence before the scraping of a chair on the floor fills the air. Mere seconds later you're wrapped up in strong arms, pulling you into a much needed hug. A large hand rubs your back.

"This is... We don't want you to leave. We... I never noticed we did that... You're just... It has been so long since we added a new member... This is a bullshit excuse I know. I'm sorry." Steve mumbles into your hair. His warmth seeps into your body as your tears wet his shirt. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? You know you can always come to me to talk" he adds softly after a moment. You let out a shaky breath. And another... And another, trying to find your voice after this pathetic performance. "I..." you croak out and immediately stop. Steve's hand rubs up and down your back.

"I felt the same way." The voice of Wanda pulls your face out of Steve's chest, your watery eyes finding hers. "I joined the team after my brother died. I've always been with him. I never felt alone but... Then I did. And believe me they don't do it on purpose. They have their little groups inside of this big one and they don't immediately think about including someone new. I'm sorry that I didn't think about it." She says softly. "I always felt alone in the beginning, I never got invited to go places, the press tore me apart because this random European with weird powers was suddenly a member of the earth's mightiest heroes, the social team didn't post my introduction portrait... I also wanted to quit but... then they organised a dinner with Paprikash... They made it for me because they thought I was homesick... and I realised that they do care about me. And I promise you, we do care about you. Steve made sure to tell the restaurant twice to not forget your order today." She points to the unopened container. "And when Nat wanted to get you for dinner she heard that you were showering and then we assumed you just needed some time for yourself."

Your eyes wander over the concerned faces of the team, then back to Wanda, then to the container of food, then finally to Steve. "You told them to remember my food?" You whisper. He nods immediately.

"Not because I don't like to share mine! Because I thought you'd like yours more and it happened three times already and I..." He gets cut off as you hug him back with a bit too much force. "Thank you" you whisper before you let him go and look at the team. "I'm sorry for the outburst... I... should have said something earlier but I… I felt so invisible and it's not like many people care about me in general and then I read some comments under the post and I... My brain shut off." You look down at your bare feet, not brave enough to face any of them.

"Friday? Please call Y/N firecracker from now on." Tony was the first to speak and as you looked at him in surprise he just gave you a smirk before going back to his food. Other team members give you smiles, small nods, Clint even signs that it's all good to you.

Steve's warm hand finds the small of your back and leads you to the table, to your unassigned spot right next to him. Both of you sit down and you open your food, your heart fills as you see your order. Low chatter fills the room as you eat. Wanda invites you to go shopping the next day, Sam invites you to mario kart after dinner. You feel stupid, oh so stupid. You should have just said something earlier. This all could have been avoided.

"I know why your portrait didn't get posted yet." You frown as you look at Bucky who simply smiles. "Stevie here…" his hand falls on the shoulder of his friend. Steve's eyes fill with dread, his ears turn pink. "...knows that you weren't happy with it. So he told the social team to hold off posting it until he can sketch a new portrait of you." His lips are parted in a shit eating grin. Steve is blushing madly, trying to hide it by staring at the tabletop. His fists clenching.

"You... Want to draw a portrait of me?" You ask softly, looking at the blonde next to you. After a few seconds he simply nods, his eyes still fixed on the table. "Because I didn't like the one the photographer took?" your lips pull into a small smile as he gives you another nod. "Why would you do that?" you ask softly.

"Because he has a big fat..." Bucky starts but is quickly interrupted by a death glare of his blonde friend. The former assassin gets out of his seat and proceeds to put some distance between the two super soldiers, Steve's eyes follow him with the same warning glance.

"...crush on you." Bucky finishes and immediately takes off running. Steve's chair falls to the floor as he jumps up to run after him. Your eyes follow the two of them, Bucky's snickers and Steve's curses filling the air.

Maybe... Just maybe you weren't invisible after all.

And you knew you weren't when Steve found you later that night with the sketch of you in his hand and a confession on his lips.

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a-gil-rebel · 7 months

Text

Precision Cuts on AO3

Danny didn't know where to go at first. Sam and Tucker could only give him so much advice, so many supplies. He rubbed his thumb on the soft carpet of Sam's basement, an attempt at calming his nerves as Tucker double checked the backpack they made for him.

"Are you going to be okay all by yourself?"

"He doesn't have a choice Sam, we're too recognizable if we go with him. His parents will know where he is."

Tucker was right. He could avoid cameras, cover his face, hell, he could be invisible if he needed. But more people meant more people being looked for. At worst, a nationwide "kidnapping" scandal, and more reason for bringing him harm. He smiled, a confident bravado he was sure didn't look as hopeful as he liked.

"I'll be fine guys. I kept myself out of trouble before, I can do it again. If anything I can lay low in the Ghost Zone after I've recovered a bit."

Sam wrapped him a hug, loosening up at the sharp breath of pain that escaped. Tucker joined after a second, and it took all of Danny's remaining strength not to break down. Instead, he made sure to smile when the embrace broke. For himself or them, he wasn't sure yet.

"Tell Jazz I said goodbye, and thank you, and to be safe. I'll talk to you guys real soon okay." Danny's voice shook, and he knew he was stalling. But with sirens growing closer, he hoisted the backpack on his shoulders, feeling stiff. Some ghosts had volunteered to cause a distraction on the far side of town, but by the sound of things they must have already scattered than be caught like him.

Valarie was waiting out back. For all the times they butt heads, she couldn't help but stay silent as she got him out of town as quickly as he could.

"Be safe, ghost boy." Was the last thing Danny heard before leaving Amity Park for good.

---

The building he was squatting in for the foreseeable future had a few other 'tenants'.

"The landlord spent years making the living conditions bad enough to force us low income families out. Then bankrupted the building and bought a new one..."

In a more profitable side of town of course. They couldn't afford to move, so they just waited out the demolition the city wasn't willing to pay for, and moved back in as squatters like him. As he looked at the almost two year old in her mothers arms, he couldn't help but feel no one should have to live like this.

But what could he do? He hated how helpless he felt like this, hated hiding. Dana had been quick to invite him in when she found him nodding off in an alleyway on his first night in the city. She stuck up for him against some of the more untrusting squatters in the building, she had a good heart. She was a good mother.

Danny was lucky enough to not need to eat very often, so any food he get from handouts or shelters went straight to them and a few others in the building. He tried not to be too familiar, but they seemed nice enough for a city so ridden with crime.

But then, thats why he chose Gotham. A city full of oddballs, and just as full of vigilantes. He knew he'd be able to disappear in the crowd, and not worry about being anyone's hero. Still, he was surprised how hard it was to stay away from the crime.

If he tried to grab a snack from a convenience store, a trio of robbers-slash-kidnappers showed up to raz a Prince of Gotham, Tim Drake, only to be begrudgingly rescued by Red Hood. If he snuck into a movie for a little relaxation, Scarecrow pumped the theatre full of fear gas.

Actually, that one wasn't all bad. Apparently whatever is in that smoke was very nice to ghosts, and it was the most relaxed Danny had felt all week, even sitting invisible in the midst of the chaos as Red Robin and Orphan handled the situation.

The worst part about the constant crime was the fact his ghost sense could recognize people. Like how Red Robin was actually Tim. His senses cleared the second the gas was flushed out, and he recognized the soul he'd seen earlier in the week.

Groaning at the newfound knowledge, he walked undetected beyond the sudden chill in the air through to the walls of the theatre the same way he came, and headed home.

Using his powers drained him these days without a constant source of ecto, and his healing was still dragging its feet. Sam and Tucker had sent him with a thermos of the stuff they had salvaged from a few friendly denizens, which he was rationing out to himself un-optimistically. They'd take the time to scratch off his parents logo, which he was grateful for. Rubbing the scar on his face absentmindedly, Danny headed to his new 'home', trying to avoid any more excitement for the day.

---

Luckily for Danny, the only thing that stopped him getting home today was in the window of a jester-themed-toyshop. A $300, digital recording telescope. Mind rushing with ideas for plotting out a star map of the sky above Gotham, or recording the upcoming eclipse. His heart never stop wanting to learn about the stars, space, and the science of it all. He didn't have the cash but, well, when in Rome.

Danny stepped off the main street to wait till the shop closed, wrestling for a short while over exactly how ethical it really was. In the end, his need for hope, joy and downright whimsy overruled any guilt. He reasoned the store probably paid its employees poverty wages, considering it seemed to be a local chain.

It was always dark enough in Gotham to be night, something he hadn't been able to wrap his head around. Still, as night settled on the city and the shop clerk locked up, Danny made his way into the toyshop.

Reaching out his electrical 'field' to mess with nearby electronics, he picked his way through the store. He took his time, picking up items here and there, reminiscing about the childhood he never really had. Most of the family money went to his parents' projects, and occasionally food and clothing. Why spend it on toys for children when all the fun in the world could be had helping your parents go mad?

He was grateful in some ways to how he was raised, it drove his mind to be always looking and turning things around for answers, and his love for the sciences. But as he shuddered passing over a game of operation, he couldn't bring himself to feel remorse for escaping it all.

Focusing on the task at hand, he moved to the front window and hoisted the large telescope into his arms before turning it invisible as well. Walking a few blocks before switching back, Danny headed home, his heart filled with hope, if not a little guilt over lifting the item. He spent the night setting up his new find.

"If you're worried about the local night crew, don't."

Danny turned his head a bit quick at the woman standing in his doorway. It was Dana, up late over a fussy toddler. Danny relaxed and smiled as little Honey immediately ran over to the boxes, deciding it was the most imaginative toy possible. He couldn't help the warmth in his chest watching the child who doesn't yet know how much of life she's missing. Turning back to Dana, he asked, "Night crew?"

"The vigilantes." She nods out the window, and Danny caught a glimpse of two shadows dashing into town across the rooftops. "They aren't cops, sure. But that's a good thing in this city. They do their best to keep us safe from the worst of what Gotham offers. They aren't perfect, obviously." She gestures to the state she's been forced to live in.

"Is it true they don't have any powers?" Dana nodded.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if its a real law against Metas in Gotham, or if they just don't want to deal with the mess that is this city." She laughed, tired, and shook her head. "Even without powers, they look out for us. Especially that Red Hood, he stands up for the little guys like us against common thugs and wannabe villains."

Danny nodded in understanding, glad they seemed to have more than enough hands to hold the city together, the guilt in not being anyone's hero lifting off his shoulders.

Brought out of his thoughts at the feeling of cardboard smacking his knee, he found Baby Honey drooling on a piece of cardboard. She was pretending to be some kind of.... horse? Maybe a dog? Either way, before Dana could apologize and pull her back, he played along, slowly and dramatically falling over to his death.

Honey thought it the most hilarious thing she'd seen in her many years, squealing and blabbing about bringing him back to life. Which consisted of her punching Danny in the chest. He winced even at her tiny toddler fists, and Dana was quick to pull her away to put her to bed, apologizing.

Rubbing the scars through his shirt, Danny looked through the telescope to try to wind down as they left him be for the night.

"Dammit... is it always going to be this foggy?" He hadn't had any luck getting the telescope to see past the thick clouds, or maybe smog, that clung to the city. Giving up for the night, he curled up on his side facing the window, hope mixing with the sorrow in his chest.

---

Far away, in an unfamiliar cave underneath an unfamiliar mansion, an alarm goes off at the sudden loss of cameras in a neighborhood downtown. Whether anyone heard it before they restarted, is a question Danny wasn't even thinking about asking.

#dpxdc #Yall gave so much love to the last one I had to try my hand at an original #let me know how you think this will go #i have a few chapters planned so keep an eye out #Precision Cuts

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windvexer · 2 years

Note

hey chicken! any good tips on cursing someone?

I got a few for ya' in the old grab bag of henpeckery.

Listed in no particular order.

One is generally advised to not curse another magical practitioner, especially one who Knows What They're Doing. But if hands must be thrown, ensure you have more than a couple wards up to break malefica - and if this person is in your friend group, under no circumstances can you accept gifts or food from them (and destroy anything they have given you). Do, however, try to give them gifts and pre-cursed foods.

Giving someone a cursed object or cursed food is an excellent way to get the job done. There's something very fairy-like in the way magic can work: by accepting the gift, they accept the curse, and it circumvents many natural defenses.

Perhaps more than any other form of magic, it does to pre-divine on the matter to see what outcome will occur. I highly encourage this when the cursing is done as a form of self-defense, because sometimes some forms of malefic magic can be fuel on the fire of abusive situations. However, even a practitioner of slight power can cause serious harm with a curse - perhaps more damage than intended. It's really just best to measure twice, as it were.

As with many spells, create for yourself a little indicator that the spell has worked. For example, wear one of those brittle hematite rings. If it breaks, the spell has become manifest. This is especially lovely if the person to be cursed is outside of your social circle and you don't have access to see if your manifestation worked.

Cleverness is all well and good, as is poetic justice. A witch does well to keep in mind, however, that their natural strengths may neither be clever nor poetic, and sometimes you've got to just make due with the tools you have in your toolbox.

When casting spells on yourself or your household, targeting isn't much of an issue. You're right there, the magic is right there, and voila. However, when working on a third party - especially one that doesn't live with you - targeting becomes relevant. If gifting an object or food to your target won't work, consider doing what you can to bring your curse into their presence by whatever physical means are safe and possible. If you can't do this, see if you can obtain something of theirs to work over by use of a poppet or some other sympathetic magic. If none of this is possible, try to make a thoughtform or employ a spirit to deliver your spell (or attack them outright), but this will be hard unless you know where they live. In other words: your spell has to get to them somehow. Figuring out how to make it happen is half the job.

Depending on how the magic is worked, it is beneficent to cleanse both yourself and your casting area after the work is done. If a spell must be kept ongoing and close at hand, cover it with a black cloth (or t-shirt, or whatever) and keep it out of view to avoid having your own space polluted with unwanted energies.

If you need a specific outcome for your own wellbeing, consider employing as many spells as you require to obtain that outcome. E.g. one for binding a tongue, another for getting that person fired, another to calm gossip in the workplace, and so on.

Pay extremely little mind to people with moral admonitions, but keep their scoldings filed away. In a few months or years, in moments of reflection, ask yourself whether or not they were right.

If for no other spell, this time, write down precisely what you do. If for no other reason than to cackle maniacally as you see exactly how each little ingredient of your spell plays out in their lives.

#answered #baneful magic #curses #spellcrafting #add to masterpost

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secretsandwriting · 1 year

Text

Mate [Dewdrop]

Ghouls biology is different from humans in many ways. One of those many ways is they need a mate and if they don't find one in a certain timeframe, instincts take over and they get one. It would however be nice if said mate got a little more warning.

Where the ghouls haven't gotten a mate in time so instincts take over and the first person they see becomes their mate.

[Mountain] [Aether] [Rain] [Swiss] [Poly]

Can be read as a stand alone

The only people who knew much about the ghouls were those who interacted with them everyday. The Papas, Sister Imperator, and a few other higher ups. Most of the other staff had never even seen the ghouls in person. The ghouls weren’t quiet so you had heard them in the halls at night but other then that the only time you had seen them was in video.

It was pretty common for the sisters to gossip about the ghouls so when you heard some of them talking you just listened in as a way for a little entertainment while you did your chores.

“I heard some of the ghoul are getting to the point where they need a mate. One of the sisters said they overheard one of the Papa’s say if they didn’t find one themselves soon biology would take over and they didn’t want to have to explain that.”

“What does that mean?” Curious yourself, you paid a little more attention.

“No ones sure, but someone did say they read that Ghouls are creatures that need a mate and if they don’t get one they’ll either die or they’ll see someone and a connection will suddenly be made and that’s they’re mate unless rejected which is apparently not good.”

“I don’t know, that sounds fake but they are ghouls so who knows.”

The conversation stuck with you for the day, giving you something to occupy your thoughts while you worked. While you weren’t sure if it was true it was nice considering you were doing someone else’s work on top of your own. The flu had been going around the ministry so those that weren’t sick had to try and pick up the slack, so you weren’t finished until shortly after midnight.

The walk to the dorms was quiet, every once in a while you caught sight of another sister finishing up but for the most part no one was up and it was silent. If you hadn’t called it home for 3 years you would’ve thought it was creepy but you were immune to the building. What you weren’t immune to was arms wrapping around your torso with no warning.

Shoving your elbow back into the person's side you managed to slip out of their grip. Spinning around you were met with the faceless mask of a ghoul. He stepped forward reaching out for you so you logically took a few steps back. While the ghouls weren’t allowed to harm any of the siblings, they had before. It wasn’t often but it was still recommended that any of the siblings who didn’t regularly interact with the ghouls avoid them. Especially at night.

The ghoul let out a wounded sounding noise and reached out for you again, so you stepped back more. The cycle kept repeating. It honestly really sucked that you weren’t sure how to get to any of the Papa’s offices from here, not likely they’d be awake at this hour anyways.

“What do you want?” He stopped and tilted his head at you, before reaching out and grabbing your hand faster than you could pull away. Once again trying to get closer but seemed to accept you stepping back a little better this time.

“Mate.” Hopefully not what the other sisters were talking about but you weren’t sure, surprisingly enough he did let go of your hand when you tried to pull it away. He tried to move closer but you kept stepping back. Unsure of exactly how safe you were with him.

“Um.. are any of the Papa’s or Sister Imperator awake?” You received a nod and another step forward. “Could you take me to one of them please.” He growled at the suggestion and stepped closer, this time reaching out with his hand. This wasn’t going well. “You can hold my hand on the walk.” That got his attention. He stopped and considered for a moment before offering his hand.

You really weren’t sure you wanted to hold his hand but if it was the only way to get there then holding hands it was. He tugged you closer and started walking gently guiding you through the halls until you reached Sister Imperator office where you could hear a few voices seemingly arguing over something. The ghoul knocked loudly and the room went silent.

“Enter.” The ghoul pushed the door open and gently nudged you to go ahead of him, The sister was at her desk and the Papa’s were surrounding her and what appeared to be an ancient book. At the moment however, all attention was on you “What could bring you to my office at.. 12:45?”

Tugging the ghoul in by your hand that he was still holding, you hoped someone would understand your confusion. The silence was loud, everyone was staring at you and the ghoul attached to your arm.

“I was doing double duty today because so many are out sick and I just finished up a half hour again and when I was walking back to my dorm, he just suddenly hugged me from behind and won’t leave me alone. When I asked what he wanted all he said was Mate and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know who he is other than one of the ghouls that's currently in the ghost project.”

“So you’ve never met him before?” Sister Imperator folded her hands on the desk in front of her.

“It’s the first time I’ve even met one of the ghouls.” She nodded and looked down at the book in front of her. The papas quietly whispered to each other. “Have a seat.” She waved to a chair in the middle of the group. “As for you Dew, Why don’t you go make some tea for them? I’m sure they could use some after such a long day of work.” Dew didn’t seem sure of the idea. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep them safe and they’ll stay in here until you come back.” He hesitated for a few seconds before looking down at you, seeming to wait for your opinion in the matter.

“Tea would be nice.” He nodded “Peppermint please.” A soft rumble came from him before he left. All attention was on you again.

“Well, There’s a lot we need to talk about but due to how late it is, we’ll go over the basics and talk more tomorrow. I’m sure you’ve heard some rumors about the ghouls needing mates.” You nodded. “Well it's true. Their biology requires it and if they don’t find one in a certain time frame their instincts will take over and choose the first person they see. Now you have two options. You can accept or refuse it. I highly suggest you accept it.” She wasn’t suggesting it. “So what will you do?” Ah, the illusion of choice.

“I’ll accept.”

“Good. Ghouls need to be with their mate most of the time so you’ll be moved to his room tomorrow, as for tonight you’ll just go with him go ahead and help yourself to something from his closet to wear it won’t be a problem with him if you do. Ghouls are a bit possessive and wearing their clothes satisfies that. Ghouls are also very touchy, I suggest you get used to it… They also don’t want to cross their mates boundaries, so be clear with what you're not ok with. It will make a difference.” Her tone softened at the last part.

“Don’t worry about your work. This next week we’ll be meeting to go over some things before you start your new wor-” She was interrupted by a knock. “Enter.” Dew came in and handed your tea. “It’s late, go get some rest, don’t worry about getting up early, the only thing you have tomorrow is our meeting that will happen whenever you get here. Dew helped you up, took the mug of tea to carry it for you, and once again grabbed your hand. Waiting just long enough for you to say goodnight before pulling you out into the hall.

30 minutes later you're tucked into what looked to be a nest, wearing one of Dew’s shirts, and being held by a purring ghoul. If ghouls could purr, you really didn’t know anything about ghouls. Hopefully what Sister Imperator would go over with you next week would help because this was not something you wanted to go into blind.

_____________________________________________

While Sister Imperator did help a little bit, Copia was the biggest help. Sister told you the facts and how it worked in general, while Copia told you about Dew himself and how he reacted with certain things. You were moved into Dew’s room and slowly getting used to living with someone else.

While instincts were still high, they were starting to go down. It gave you a little more freedom to be able to go somewhere without him for a few minutes for some alone time. You had even managed to get a full half hour once.

You had started settling in pretty well despite still feeling completely lost as to what you were doing and going through but Dew was sweet, batshit insane but sweet. Since Dew was still at a point where he couldn’t be away from you for too long and you still needed to help out, you were learning how to run the Social Media for Ghost.

The other ghouls were all nice, they helped explain things a little bit but mostly just gave you the interaction you needed as Dew still didn’t want you around the other sisters for some reason. So therefore you ended up playing ghoul babysitter quite often.

Slowly but steadily you were figuring out how to calm Dew’s instincts. Any sort of physical contact seemed to ground him and on days where it was worse you used that to keep both of you sane. It was during one of those days, where Dew was sitting on a cushion on the floor in front of the couch you were on and you were braiding his hair that Aether came in holding one of the sisters. She looked terrified, probably how you looked when you went into the office that night.

“Have you been able to talk to any of the Papa’s or Sister Imperator?” Aether glared at you while she shook her head. “I can give you a little bit of information but I’m still learning myself. Just tell Aether you want to sit over here and he can sit with you and you have a good chance of it happening.”

That afternoon, you gained a new friend. One who understood what was going on. Despite the difference in time, she figured out things you didn’t know and shared them with you. She became one of your best friends.

Once Dew was finally no longer going on instinct things got… Interesting. He still needed you close, but he was trying to do it right as he said. Little lunch dates, walking you to your new office before he went to practice, bringing you your favorite drinks randomly throughout the day, little notes stuck in places for you to find. He was trying hard to romance you as close to normal as he could and it was working.

It wasn’t good for you. The hugs he’d suddenly pull you into released swarms of butterflies onto your stomach, when he’d wrap his arm around your waist and stand next to you sped your heart up more than it should, the way he tucked his head into your chest after a bad day made your heart absolutely burst with love and affection.

Dew never pushed you to tell him you loved him or made you feel pressured to kiss him. You knew he wanted it, you had overheard him talking with Aether. He was the perfect gentleman for you, except of course his normal shenanigans with the other ghouls.

One night, Dew had pulled you into his arms, his chin resting over your head, arms wrapped around your stomach, and one of his legs thrown over yours. You were wrapped in a soft but thin blanket, the fire ghoul creating enough warmth you didn’t need much covering you. He was purring, the sound had become something you needed to fall asleep.

“Dew.” He hummed, the sound barely audible above his purring. “I love you.” He froze, purr dying in his throat before coming back louder, he pulled you closer and held you a little tighter.

“I love you too.” A warm fuzzy feeling filled your chest.

“Dew… May I have a kiss?” He moved faster than he ever had when comfortable in the nest, adjusting so you were looking him in the eyes. He just stared at you for a few seconds, causing the swarm of butterflies in your stomach to grow before pulling you closer by the back of your head until your lips met. It was short, too short. Dew moved to pull away when you tangled your hands into his hair and pulled him back. That was all the confirmation he needed to devour your lips.

Check out my ao3!

#Ghost x reader #Ghost fanfiction #ghost bc #band ghost #ghost band #the band ghost #ghost band x reader #nameless ghouls #nameless ghouls x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #dewdrop x reader #ry writes

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klausysworld · 1 year

Note

hiii maybe you could do like a head cannon about enemies to lovers with klaus and they both love each other from the start just can’t really admit it and eventually when they’re alone somewhere klaus finally kisses her

Enemies to Lovers- Klaus HCs:

You and Klaus have been on opposite teams since the start. He brought nothing but havoc to mystic falls and you just wanted to keep it in one piece.

Him killing Elena didn’t overly bother you seeing as she came back, but then he turned stefans humanity off, nearly killed Jeremy and had Tyler bite Caroline in the space of a few weeks.

He was making it impossible to ever like him.

When Damon and Katherine had summoned his ‘father’ Mikael, you had sympathised with him.

When you found him crying silently on the steps of the Lockwood mansion, you quietly sat next to him just so he wasn’t alone. Without a word he leaned his head to your shoulder and you held his hand in comfort.

Since that day you both felt something for each other.

Klaus was certain that his feelings were one sided. The look you had on your face when you had seem the things he had done. He knew that you saw him as a monster and he decided it wasn’t worth trying to prove you wrong.

You noticed the change in demeanour quickly. He would always give you a look as though he were challenging you after he had done something awful.

The threatening glint in his eye as he approached you covered in blood, it was unknown whose it was but it wasn’t something you wanted to question.

That side of him you didn’t understand. The darkness swarmed around him like moths to a flame. And yet he didn’t ever look particularly fulfilled like he said he was. “Killing is what satisfies me, it’s what makes me happy, perhaps it’s just because I’m sick in the head, a thousand years can do that you know”

But he was a liar. For guilt and shame still floated within his heart whether he was ready to admit it or not. Unfortunately for him, you were still able to see some of it.

And at times you found yourself liking him more and more. Like when you had rushed to Carolines to her aid her, only to find a nervous original leant against his car

“Klaus?” You called confused and he looked to you instantly “i healed her” he muttered as he opened his car door and got in, quickly shutting the door and starting the car only for you to run and get in the passenger side. “You what?” “Get out” he demanded, his cold demeanour immediately back as he almost threw you out the car a drove off

He was a confusing character. He made it easy to dislike him.

He became ruder and snippier. Pushing and prodding and your insecurities to get a rise out of you. And what made it worse was that he always succeeded. You always bit back, yelling at him, one time he shoved too hard and you threw a book at his face, it was unexpected and hit him hard. But he didn’t do anything back, the shock was running through him as he stared at you in shock. The same surprise on your face as you hurriedly rushed out the room and back home.

He teased you relentlessly about your little outburst, always pretending to flinch when you would move your arms. He made you feel worse and you began avoiding him.

Klaus realised your distance and began making further effort to get in your way. ‘To ruin her day’ he told himself but deep down he knew that it was because he just wanted to be around you.

You became accustomed to his insistent behaviour and built a tolerance to him.

Slowly he grew a little softer when with you, even if he didn’t notice it much.

His personality was naturally flirty, it only seemed to amplify around you. But his affection also came with touchiness, and that became almost normalised for the two of you, to joke about and have a hand on one another.

When the mystic falls gang noticed they confronted you and shamed you. So once again you tried to pull away from Klaus, stand by the people you had grown up with instead of the man who had harmed them.

But he always came back, he was far too persistent and knew which buttons to press to tick you off, to have you sticking around longer

He found he didn’t care if the majority of your conversations consisted of yelling and screaming if it meant you spent time with him.

And you almost craved those moments where you would let out and all pent up emotions without judgement because who was he to judge you?

It was when he had called you in a case emergency, urging you to come to his house, did you realise how deep your feelings had grown over the months of messing about.

He was practically crawling across the floor, yelling in agony as he tried to explain the white oak embedded in his back.

The only way to finally bring him out of his delusion was to kiss him. To take his mind completely off the situation. He was mid rant about how he should never had called you, you were useless and never cared for him, he didn’t know why he even thought of you.

You swiftly reminded him why as he melted to your touch, not missing his chance to show you just how talented he could be, his hands knowing where go touch to have you moan in his mouth and cling to him by his shoulders.

When you pulled away, you both panted heavily, staring at each other with shock and…a little something else.

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glossyybabie · 3 months

Text

identity

part 19 || part 20

Summary: You can feel yourself crumbling away.

Warnings: Kidnapping. Blood and gore. A Missy-esque bit of body horror.

Word count: 1376

Notes: Applying to internships has taken up all of my time so I haven’t been able to update in aeons. I’m not even sorry.

Waking up dazed and confused was becoming a very natural feeling for you. This ceiling was a strangely common sight. The pale grey tiles felt as though they were staring back at you with a shared kind of familiarity.

You pushed yourself upright. Your body immediately put up plenty of resistance, but not as much as you’d been expecting. A morbid part of you knew that you were just adjusting. This sort of discomfort would be the new normal.

Your gaze drew towards a tray of bloodied tools, resting harmlessly against the arm of a pristine white chair. The blue latex gloves on the other armrest had been twisted inside out to avoid splattering the chair in red.

Your palms smoothed down your hospital gown against your skin. You felt no bruises, no unevenness in the form of bumps or scarring. Your skin was clear, if dull, almost monochrome. You wondered just how many basic vitamins and minerals you were dangerously low on.

You started forward on wobbly legs. Pain radiated in a multitude of areas — some areas you didn't even know were capable of being in pain. But it was easy enough to ignore. That pain wasn't too sharp or troublesome. It didn't have you doubling over. If you could walk, you were fine.

You toyed with a blood-caked scalpel in your hand. In hindsight, you weren't even sure what had compelled you to pick it up. It wasn't as if any weapon existed that was a match for Missy. And even if there was, it wouldn't be a scalpel. The fires of hell probably weren't strong enough for that bitch–

"Who? Me?"

Missy stood behind you. Just a few feet away, she was just as refined and imposing as you'd always remembered her being. Her plum skirts swished around her legs as she took a step closer. You followed the line of her vision towards the scalpel in your hand.

"Now, where exactly were you going with that?" Missy asked calmly.

When interacting with Missy, there was no such thing as a lie. Lies were for just about anyone else.

"For a walk."

Missy grinned, a sweet yet cold expression that exposed her teeth. "Sure you are, poppet. Come on, back to mummy."

She was beckoning you back, her hands open and waiting for you to take. You stared at her palms. She didn't make a move towards you. She was letting you make the next move.

You shifted the scalpel around in your hand. "Why should I?" you challenged her. "Why should I do anything you say if it doesn't matter anyway?"

Missy exhaled sharply. "Sweetheart, I can't do this with you every time you have a crisis of self. Just come over here, give me your new toy, and no one has to get hurt. Alright?"

You watched her go still. Even now, your move in this game wasn't over yet. She was giving you a rare chance to reconsider. This was her showing mercy. She wasn't hurting you . . .

Yet. But she hadn't hurt you for a year of your life, and yet she'd never created wounds that ran so deep. She didn't need to cause harm in order to hurt. She was above that.

You shook your head. "No."

Pain shot through your arm like nothing you could have imagined. Your fingers were frozen around the steel door handle. You couldn’t consciously move them. You couldn’t move anything.

All too soon, sensation returned. You jerked away and stumbled onto the floor. The scalpel in your hand scraped across your face, eventually skidding across the shiny floor to a halt and leaving a notable trail of blood in its wake.

Your face erupted in blistering pain. You let out a pained cry and clasped your hands over your nose and mouth as blood poured over your trembling lips.

Missy stooped down and pinched the chunk of mangled flesh from the floor. “I suppose I can officially say got your nose.”

You wanted to scream for so many reasons. Tears burned in your eyes. Your throat was tight, but that feeling was nothing compared to the hot, thick viscera that coated your mouth and chin. You struggled to breathe past the fluids on your face.

You started to roll onto your front, but Missy slipped the tip of her boot beneath you before you could manage. She started to forcefully turn you over, ignoring your sobbing, garbled protests.

“Come on,” Missy said lightly, kneeling carelessly in the pool of blood beside you. “Let’s see what you’ve done. Don’t be shy now.”

This was all her fault — all of this was her fault. You were so defeated. The blood started to dribble down your cheeks and through your nose where it reached your throat. Your attempted coughs resembled inhuman grunts.

Missy pulled your damp hands away from your face. She laughed.

“Oh dear. See, this is why we don’t walk around with sharp tools. It’s only a matter of time before I get bored and shock you into slicing your organs off,” Missy sighed. She toyed with the exposed raw meat of your open wound, uncaring of the way you writhed in pain and clawed at her arms, gurgling incoherent words. “I think we can do better though. Shall we go again? I’ll aim for something more substantial this time, like an eye. Ooh, maybe an ear. Your tongue, if I time it right.”

You couldn’t stop crying. You were humiliated. You’d sustained injuries to last several lifetimes, you’d been torn apart and hastily glued back together in every way possible, but this felt more real than anything Missy had hurled at you before.

This was your face. It was the only familiar sight in your reflection. It reminded you of who you truly were. And now it was as disfigured, haggard, unattractive as the rest of you. Crumbling and wasting away like a plastic-corroded doll in a charity shop.

This was the largest piece of your identity to flake away so far. And it hurt.

Missy started to pull you up. You were just relieved that she was no longer poking her sharp red fingernails into the gaping hole in your face. “Come on, that’s enough sulking,” she said impatiently. “You humans are so hopelessly hideous with or without basic facial features, so I wouldn’t worry your ugly little head about it. That’s the spirit.”

She forced you to walk towards the bed you’d woken up in, disregarding the crippling pain you were in. Your knees buckled hopelessly beneath you. Missy half-dragged you alongside her.

“And hey,” she continued, “maybe someday I’ll get bored and reattach your nose. Or a nose, anyway. That’ll give you something to look forward to.”

You choked on a gasp. Blood spurted out of your mouth, all tangy on the tip of your tongue. You tried to make the most of the sensation — it was a matter of time before Missy started focusing on new areas of your face to maim.

Your knees slammed firmly onto the unforgiving floor. The blood-loss was starting to make you feel lightheaded. The thumping against the front of your skull wouldn’t cease, no matter how much you willed it.

You tried to speak, with little success. Your words tumbled out gurgled and splattered with blood. Hardly coherent.

Missy leaned in closer, tilting her ear towards you. “What was that, dear?”

You felt sick. The way she made you feel was dehumanising. On your knees in front of her. Pleading. Begging. Worthlessly so.

You cleared the immediate blood from your mouth and sobbed. “. . . Help me, Missy.”

Missy sighed, lowering her head in resignation. “Oh, alright,” she conceded. “Since you asked so nicely.”

She lifted your limp body off the floor. You put up no resistance as she carried you the remaining distance, her arms firmly supporting your weight this time. She gently set you down and lowered your head onto a soft pillow.

She moved the tray of tools towards herself. You watched her settle down comfortably, one leg neatly crossed over the other, as she reached for a familiar silver rod. Dread settled in the pit of your stomach.

“Let me just give my cautery rod a chance to heat up first.”

#first update of 2024 is off to a strong start #doctor who #doctor who x reader #missy x reader #doctor who master #reader insert #missy #doctor who missy #bbc doctor who #the master x reader #obey your mistress

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knocktherock · 1 year

Text

on our way (chapter 1)

A/n: my first enemies to lovers, I hope you like it. It’s gonna be a whole story.

Warnings: guns, death

Pairing: Joel miller x fem!reader

Ill also be posting this on my Ao3; Flugkind

———————————

You have been roaming the ruins of the past society for years now. There had been times you were living with a group, but most of them either got split up or killed. So you started to avoid any group that had crossed your path ever since. You are pretty sure you can take onto this devastated world on your own, you know that you can trust your body and soul, you know your strengths and weaknesses.

you are currently strolling through a small town, supplies have been low for a few weeks now, you had your last actual meal months ago. Your stomach grumbles and growls every time you pass an old restaurant. Images of when times were still okay, when you were able to stroll through crowded streets and go out to eat with your friends flood your mind whenever you see an old KFC sign.

Shops have been scavenged long before you arrived there. The only thing you had found up until now was a can of peaches and corn. You are starting to worry about how much longer you could last with such little supplies.

You are walking through a gas station, the scrunchy leaves below your feet is the only sound around, which is why you keep your gun on your hip.

The inside of the station was pretty roughed up. Windows shattered, newspapers decorating the floor, pieces of glass hiding below brown leaves. You step behind the counter and crouch down to shuffle through the cupboards. There is a roll of tape, a very useful thing in times like these.

quickly, you stuff it into your gray backpack.

As you stand up, you're taken aback to find a little girl with brown hair staring directly at you, a gun trained on your position.

„Joel!“ her voice matches her young looks. You would guess her to be between the age of thirteen and fifteen.

Your veins are frozen with fear. Even though it is just a teenager standing across from you, there has to be a man around and there is a gun in your face.

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch sight of a man with tousled dark hair, a stern expression, and a peppered beard, adding to his overall disheveled appearance.

„Hands up“ the girl orders, you could tell that she is trying to seem tougher than she actually is, her slightly shaking hand is giving it away.

As you slowly lift your hands above your head, the man steps around the counter towards you. He has already eyed the gun in the front of your pants so he takes it, then pets you down to make sure that there are no other weapons on you.

You dont know if they are an actual threat because they seem more like a father-daughter duo roaming the wasteland.

„Hi“ is the only thing coming out of your mouth, which you immediately regret. hi? Really?

You study the mans face. Honey eyes are fixed on you as he stuffs your gun in his belt. The brown jacket he is wearing has dark, dried blood splatters across it. An uneasy feeling creeps up your neck and anxiety builds in your belly.

„Lower the gun, Ellie“ His voice is deep and monotone.

so its Ellie and Joel… neither of the two seem to know what to do next, so you try to introduce yourself.

„I’m y/n, I dont mean any harm. Just trying to get by, you know?“ you are trying to calm their nerves the best you can, you do not need trouble right now. Especially with the man in front of you, who doesn’t look like the nicest fella. Ellie has lowered the gun by this point.

„we are too“ Ellie nods as her eyes scan over you.

„Are you two hungry?“ you say even though you know what their answer would be, everyone out here is hungry.

„I have two cans of food with me, we could share“ your hands still up besides your head, you slowly try to lower them to reach for your backpack but Joel stops you immediately.

„Not so fast, kid“ he mutters and reaches for your backpack himself, he shuffles around in it and grabs the two cans you found earlier. Ellie makes herself comfortable at a small table nearby the shattered window, her gun is still resting on her thigh to intimidate you.

Joel tosses the peaches to her and opens the can of corn with his knife, his strong hands make it look like the knife is cutting through butter instead of metal. He stares at you with an unreadable look in his eyes before nodding to the chair across from Ellie.

„sit“ Although the demanding voice sends shivers down your spine, it also aggravates you; you don't appreciate being told what to do.

Though you resent having to comply with his demand, you do so anyway, acknowledging that you have no other options. The thought of running flits through your mind, but you don't feel compelled to do so just yet.

Joel puts the can on the table in front of you and you three start digging in with your fingers, nobody would be carrying forks around with them during the apocalypse so you’re used to eating with just your hands.

The cans are empty after a few minutes, the peach juices have dripped all over your hands and the table.

Ellie licks them off her palm and sucks her fingers clean with loud plopping noises. There is barely any conversation, so you make the first step.

„So where are you headed?“ you direct the question at Ellie because she seems to be the more friendly one of this duo

„back to our com-“

„Ellie“ Joel immediately interrupts her and shoots her a dirty look.

„What? Does she seem like a savage killer to you?“ she raises her eyebrow at him, you can tell she has the typical teenage sass in her.

„do you have a group or anything?“ she asks you with a small smile on her lips.

„No, Ive been on my own for a long time now“ you admit with a shrug, glancing over to Joel who is leaning against the counter.

„I think its time for you to go now.“ he mutters, the expression on his face hadn’t changed a slight bit since you first laid eyes on the man. A cold and calculating stare with eyes that look like they’ve never had a genuine smile reach them.

he has a kid with him, while you are a stranger. How could he be certain that you don’t pose a threat? You could easily be leading them into a trap.

Considering this you nod understandingly.

„It was nice seeing someone after a while of only runners and clickers.“ you smile halfheartedly at Ellie. The idea of having some companionship, even for a brief time, was appealing as it would have meant not having to be constantly vigilant.

You get up and grab your backpack of the ground, your glance travels up the legs of Joel who is standing only a few feet away from you. His thick thighs fit perfectly in the dark blue jeans he is wearing.

As you straighten up, you get to take one last glance at the rough features of his face before saying a final goodbye to Ellie and heading back outside.

You are now a couple hundred feet away when you hear two gunshots cutting through the silence. All of your senses immediately go on high alert as you turn back towards the gas station you just left minutes ago.

You do not know if the gunshots came from that direction, but your legs moved before you could even think about it.

Your tired and strained muscles carry you back to the building quickly but you know better than to just barge in there, you have to be quiet and slow, evaluate the situation before jumping into action.

Recalling the entrance Joel had used, you decide to quietly slip towards the building's rear door.

You round two corners before you can make out voices, there are more than two men talking, but you cant tell if one of them is Joel, because well he didn’t talk to you much.

Your hand only finds an empty space on your belt where your gun is supposed to be and you remember that Joel took it.

Fuck

What are your options now? Jump into the unknown behind this wall?

Or maybe you should just leave, they can probably handle it themselves. Thinking about it for a second, you picture the young girl who was clearly not confident in using her gun.

Ignoring the potential danger, you glance over and witness Joel lying on the ground, with a stranger pinning him down with his boot and pointing a gun at him from above. You cant make out where Ellie is, but if Joel is on the ground she probably is as well.

Another man is standing behind the counter, both strangers have their backs turned towards you, which means you could have the upper hand if you had your gun, but you dont, the strangers do.

As you take a look around to find some kind of weapon you can hear one of them talk.

„There were three of them I swear“

if you weren’t sweating before, you are definitely now.

They know you are here.

They will come looking for you any second.

Eyes moving frantically, you check again for anything that can help you right now. Unfortunately the only thing catching your attention is a broom. Not your first choice, but as good as it gets.

Footsteps approach your current location slowly.

Pat. Pat. Pat

Sweat makes it hard to have a steady grip on the broom, your breath is uneven, fear ripples through your nerves like the ominous rumble of thunder before a storm.

You level the end of the broom with your head and wait for someone to walk through the door. As you see a forehead peak past the wooden doorway, you bash the end of the broomstick forward and into the temple of the man.

He groans, falls to his knees and then face forward onto the ground. The force of your strike was enough to knock him out.

You grab the mans gun from the side of his body and step out into the open.

Since the other man is already aware of you, there's little use in trying to conceal yourself.

With a raised gun, you spot the man above Joel staring back at you.

The scene is etched into your mind's eye, like a permanent tattoo on your soul, as you shoot him down. The bullet rips through his chest, he gives of a gurgling sound as he falls backwards.

His legs keep jerking for a few seconds while he bleeds out on the floor.

Joel is quickly up on his feet and turns towards you with confusion written all over his face, then a little head pops up behind the counter, Ellie.

„That was savage!“ As if unable to contain her excitement, she jumps into the air twice, her exclamation ringing out loud and clear.

Joel on the other hand has a mixture of shock and anger on his face, as if he can’t comprehend that you are capable of the thing that just happened.

„We had it sorted.“ His muttered words are accompanied by a piercing stare that seems to penetrate your soul.

Why was he still acting like a dick?

„A thank you would’ve been cool“ You tilt your head in puzzlement, but the slow burn of anger is unmistakable as it begins to take hold within you.

Joel huffs and turns to Ellie „are you alright“

She nods and focuses back on you „thanks, y/n“ she smiles genuinely at you.

A smile spreads across your face as you lock eyes with her, sensing an immediate connection. You feel a sense of responsibility to shield her from harm and take on the role of a big sister.

„We’ve got to get going“ Joel exclaims as he shuffles through the pockets of the dead man in front of him, looking for useful things.

„She can come with us.“ Ellie says and looks at him then back at you.

„No“ short and simple. He rises to his feet, giving her a cold look. „I don't need the added responsibility of another kid. She can clearly manage on her own.“

After a heated argument with Ellie and some convincing on your part, he finally relents and allows you to join them. You need someone, you need a home. And they are heading to a town or whatever, which was perfect.

„I will stay out of your hair after we get there, alright.“ Even though you risked your own life to save his, you can feel the tension between the two of you and know that he doesn't appreciate your help.

You only get a simple nod and an „I fucking hope so“ back.

#the last of us #tlou #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller x you #ellie the last of us #ellie williams #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #enemies to lovers #joel miller smut #pedro pascal smut

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holylulusworld · 1 year

Text

Praise you like I should - Kinktober 30

Summary: Sam was there. Just in time.

Pairing: Sam Wilson x fem!Reader

Kink: Praise kink & dirty talk

Warnings: angst, mentions of explosions/characters death, dirty talk, Sam has a praise kink, implied smut, fluff

A/N: This ended up having more plot than expected. Maybe I’ll write more about their backstory one day…

A/N2: idea by anon

Words: 1,3 k

Kinktober 2022

Two years earlier, …

“OH MY GOD! Thank you so much,” you sniff as Sam Wilson, Captain America himself carries you out of the burning building. “I thought no one can hear me. The fire, the heat, and the smoke were everywhere.”

“I’ve got you, miss,” Sam says in a calming and almost soft voice. “I heard you. You’re safe now.” You hide your face in his shoulder, nodding. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I-I was working at my office. It was almost time for a lunch break, so I left my desk for like five minutes to ask my colleague if they want to order food too,” you cough, and take a deep breath before you continue. “She already ordered food, of course, she did. Shit, I shouldn’t talk bad about people in such a situation.”

“It’s alright, miss. People tend to talk a lot, or not talk at all after a traumatic experience. You can talk as much as you want to.”

“You’re very kind, and strong…and attractive. Fuck, I babbled again,” you bite your tongue, silently telling yourself to finally shut up. “Sorry. You wanted to know what happened. I went back to my office to order food. The delivery service said it will take half an hour to deliver my order. I worked a little, and answered a few emails.”

“Go on,” Sam encourages you. He still carries you, while walking toward his partner. The guy you only know from what you heard on the news. Bucky Barnes, the former winter soldier. Now the partner of the new captain. “I need to know everything you remember.”

“Okay. I wanted to write another report when I heard a loud noise. It sounded like an explosion. You know, like in the movies when a car explodes or something. Does this make sense?”

“It does,” Sam’s partner nods. “Looks like the most damage got done to the higher levels. I guess they wanted to kill the boss.”

“Wait! This was not an accident,” you gasp. “I-why would anyone want to kill my boss? This doesn’t make sense at all. He’s a nice guy, and never harmed anyone.”

“Sam, we were right,” Bucky continues, “with everything. Let’s get out of here. The rest is up to the FBI and firefighters. There is nothing else we can do, Sam. If we tell them about our suspicions, more people will die.”

“People will die,” you whimper. “Oh no. How many people died? I didn’t even ask. I was so selfish and only happy that you saved me. I’m sorry.”

“Miss, I saved you as you needed my help. There is nothing to be sorry for,” Bucky huffs as Sam jerks his head toward their car. “I know this is a lot to take in, but I think it’s for the best when you come with us for now.”

“Uh-if you say so.”

You can’t say no to your savior. If Captain America believes you should follow him, it must be important. “Sam, do you think it’s smart to take her with us?”

“James, you know why I must take her with us,” you don’t see the look Sam gives his partner. “I need to be sure we get a few more information.”

“Thank you,” you take the tea Sam offers to you. “And thank you for saving me again, captain.”

“Just Sam,” he softly says. “We need to talk some more about what happened. I know you experienced something dramatic today. I guess you have questions too.”

“You can call me Y/N,” whispering your name you look at the tea in your hands. “Your friend didn’t answer my question earlier. How many people died today, Sam.”

“Y/N, maybe we should talk about what happened after you heard the explosion. Can you tell me anything else? Did you see someone?”

“Sam, you are avoiding answering my question. I’m not some superhero, but I know you are trying to hide things from me. I went through hell today. There was an explosion, and then something sounded like gunfire. I could feel the heat of the fire get closer and believed I’m going to die. So please, do not lie to me.”

“You already heard that there was an explosion at the top level of the building. What you don’t know is that the building was under attack. No one but you and the janitor made it out alive. They went from room to room and shot everyone they found.”

“You see, we are asking ourselves how you survived long enough to call for help,” Bucky crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you with Hydra, Y/N?”

“Hydra?” you splutter. “Like Hydra, Hydra. Do you mean the organization infiltrating shield and such? I thought they are long gone.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” huffing you look at Sam as his partner seems to interrogate you.

“Is that why you brought me here? First, you save me, and then you bring me here to interrogate me.”

“Y/N, we only want to understand what happened today.”

“I don’t know,” you jump up, dropping the cup of tea. “I went to work like every day,” you sniffle. “After I heard the explosion and loud noises I grabbed my phone and raced toward the copy room. I locked the room, hid behind the copier, and tried to call the cops. After a while, the noises stopped, and then, the heat and smoke got worse. I screamed and…”

“I found you,” crouching down you pick the cup up. “Y/N, I believe you, but you have to admit, it’s…odd that only you survived.”

“You said the janitor made it out too.”

“He’s in the intensive care unit and they don’t think he’ll make it, Y/N. Sam doesn’t want to scare you, but you should know, you are wanted now. Everyone at your company was meant to die today. We brought you here to keep you safe.”

“I-I’m a goddamn bookkeeper,” you huff. “Why would anyone want to kill me, Sam? This doesn’t make sense. You are not making sense.”

“Hey, hey,” Sam brings you into his arms to shush you. “I promise we will find out what this is all about. For tonight, you should stay here. With me.”

Now, …

“Hey there handsome,” you chuckle as your boyfriend makes his way inside your shared bedroom. “How was the mission, babe?”

“Top secret, but we all came back unharmed and alive,” Sam flashes you a smile. He dries his upper body with a towel as you sit on your bed, cross-legged.

“I can see that sexy captain,” he laughs as you watch him run the towel over his arms. “You know that you are the most handsome man I ever invited to my bedroom right?”

“I hope so,” Sam hides it well, but a shudder runs through his body at your praise. “You are the most beautiful woman I ever invited to my bedroom, miss.”

“I mean it, Sam,” you roll onto your belly to get a better look at your boyfriend’s cock when he drops the towel covering his hips and crotch to the ground. “Look at my man. Hot, smart, and a perfect lover.”

Sam licks his lips. He can already feel his cock twitch as you keep on showering him with praises. “You know, if you keep on talking like that, I might have to rip that nightgown off of your sexy body.”

“What else will you do, captain,” you seductively look at your boyfriend. “I bet you want to do dirty things to me.”

“I will rip your nightgown down your body. Then I’ll have my way with you in any position. Your tight little cunt will be sore by morning,” he flashes you a smile. “I will fuck you deep and good. Maybe I’ll even cum all over your body to mark you.”

“I bet you will fuck me so good. You always do. You’re such a good boyfriend, always putting me first. In any way. How about you come over here and I’ll salute for you, captain…”

Tags in reblog.

#sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson fanfiction #sam wilson x you #sam wilson as Captain america #kinktober 2022 #kinktober day 30

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hiraeth-witch-11 · 11 months

Text

The Greed of Men Part 3

Warnings: canon typical violence

Word Count: 2100ish

Roughly 10 years ago

You often spend your free time in the closet. It is cramped and musty and dark, perfect for summoning shadows without being seen. You are ever grateful for the ability to see no matter how little light, it has kept you safe numerous times and currently allows you to see the minute difference between the shadow dagger you were trying to form and the surrounding lightlessness of the closet. Forming moving tendrils of shadow is child’s play for you, something you had perfected, at least in one tendril at a time, when you were 9. Now, at the age of 14, you are focused on forming something more exact, solid, with a clear and controlled form. So far, all you have managed to do is cut your fingertips on sharp blobs of shadow vaguely resembling triangles. You sigh quietly in frustration as you fail yet again. Maybe you need to start small, with something that can cut and be directed, even if it doesn’t have an identifiable form. You are distracted from this idea by a sudden pull in your chest.

The pull is strange, familiar in the sense that it reminds you of when you’ve exhausted yourself after summoning extensively for hours, but strange because it almost seems like it’s telling you something, instructing you to follow its tug. You follow, but only because you decide it’s time for a break, and exit your little hiding place. Once out of the closet, you open the door to the bedroom and find two small children in the hallway. Ones you had never met before, so they must be new to the orphanage.

The girl was small, even for her age. Dark brown hair was in disarray framing a dirt and tear streaked face. She fiercely clutched the hand of the boy next to her, who she had only just met, but seemed to have chosen as a friend already. The boy wasn’t as disheveled, but bits of twigs and leaves were stuck in his mop of dark curls. They were so ordinary, so in place in a country full of orphans. Except for their eyes. It wasn’t that the color was unusual, nor were they particularly large or striking. What caught your eye was how alive they were. Bright, when most of the other children had long since lost that shine of hope. You chose them in that moment. Maybe you could keep them safe from some of the horrors of the world. They had already been through so much, they deserved some peace.

“Hello malen'kiye, I’m Katarina.” You crouch down in front of them as you introduce yourself. “What are your names?”

“Alina Starkov.” “Malyen Oretsev.”

“It’s lovely to meet you Alina and Malyen. I know things are scary right now, but I’m going to teach you how things work around here. Everything is going to be okay.”

“How long have you been here?” Alina sniffles.

“2 years, give or take. That means I know where Ana Kuya keeps her stash of sweets, how to avoid creaky doors and boards, and which of the other children are actually fun to play with.”

You were still only a child yourself, at least according to Ana Kuya, but you swore you would do everything you could to keep these two safe.

*******

“Are you sure you are going to be okay, Katarina? I can skip lessons to stay with you.”

“I’ll be just fine, Alya, the Darkling doesn’t scare me.”

She still looks unsure and you stop lacing up your boots to look her in the eye.

“Moya malen'kaya sestra, there is nothing to worry over,” you tease lovingly.

“Alright, please don’t stab him,” she requests.

“You’re worried that I’ll harm your precious General? As long as he behaves, he’ll live,” you say with a smile. “Now go or you’re gonna be late.” At that, she left you alone with your thoughts as you prepared yourself for the day.

You had spent the night in her room, sleeping for only a few hours before it was time for breakfast. Thankfully, it had been sent to her room so the two of you got more time to catch up, mainly her telling you more about the last few months and you alternating between teasing her and telling her how proud you were of all she’d accomplished.

You were grateful again that you had the foresight to bring a clean change of clothes. Though little Alina had filled out since she began summoning, she was still several inches shorter than you and borrowing her clothes would have been a nightmare. Finishing lacing up your knee high boots, you began the process of placing your knives in inconspicuous spots on your person. One small dagger on the inside of each boot, carefully tucked to protect your skin. Another knife, barely large enough to truly be a weapon, was hidden in a compartment in the sole of each of your boots. One each of your thighs were your obvious weapons, a pair of daggers that caught the eye with their black handles decorated with lines of gold. You tightly braid your hair and then tuck a couple lock picks, you never knew if one day you would be in a situation where you were changed and unable to use your powers. It paid to be prepared. Another knife at the small of your back and a final weapon tucked down your bodice, a garment that doubled as light armor. It was laced with bits of core cloth you had scavenged from various dealers across Ravka.

You had only just finished when a firm knock came from the door. You check yourself in the mirror and go to open the door.

“General.”

“Ms. Starkov.” He returns your bland tone.

He takes you to the stables and the two of you ride briskly on horseback before reaching an old, forgotten well. You dismount and gesture to the ancient structure.

“Have you brought me here to throw me down that thing?” You joke.

“If only I could,” The Darkling responds with a sigh, catching you off guard.

“So, how’s this going to go?”

“I will attack you, and you will defend yourself.”

“Any rules? Guidelines and all that.”

“No, defend yourself however you are able.”

“This is sounding more and more like a murder attempt, Shadowman.”

“I’ll go easy on you.” The fucker is smirking now.

You’re about to mouth off when a thin, horizontal wave of shadow is thrust at you, forcing you to dive.

“Were you trying to fucking cut me? You absolute shit head!” You curse as you form a whip and flick your wrist, aiming at his left hand. He blocks by condensing a circular mass of shadows between you until it’s solid.

You can just barely see him through it and you watch his hands move in a way unfamiliar to you. Another horizontal slice of shadow moves towards you, this time you’re prepared and stand your ground, diverting his cut to either side of you, allowing it to pass harmlessly.

“This is you going easy on me, old man?”

“What do you think?” He asks evenly. It doesn’t answer your question, but it does help you decide to use full force with him as well.

“Fine.” You may not have the big, flashy movements of shadow summoning perfected, but sometimes bigger isn’t better. Your shadows are small and precise as you form multiple palm width cuts and throw them in his direction. He grins and disappears into the fucking shadows.

Of course he would know how to do that. It’s hardly as if you invented it, but it’s still unnerving to not be able to see him as he walks somewhere between this world and the Shadow Realm, as you call it.

You listen carefully for any sound of movement, feeling out with tendrils of shadow for any shift in the dark. You barely notice in time to duck. At least he hadn’t thrown the cut at you this time, only something blunt and solid. You drop to the ground and whip around on your knees. In a fluid, carefully practiced movement, you summon a wave of shadow and send it hurtling towards him. The second it leaves your person, you flick the daggers hidden in your sleeves and hurl them towards him, carefully aimed so they will only knick him, so long as he moves the way you predict.

The Darkling diverts your shadows, and even parries the first dagger, but the second brushes against his cheekbone and ear as it sails past him, leaving a crimson path in its wake.

You prepare yourself for retaliation, 2 tendrils of shadows weaving in front of you in anticipation. Instead, the Darkling reaches up and touches the thin trail of blood. Truly only a scratch, you hadn’t wanted to damage him, knew you wouldn’t be able to kill him. Your intention was to show him your strengths, without pissing him off too much.

“Enough,” he says calmly, though his breathing is heavy from the exertion of the sparring match. He glances at the sheen of blood on his fingers. “I’m impressed.”

“Thanks,” you say dryly. “That means so much after you tried to cut me in half! More than once. Saints, had I been any other summoner, you would have killed me!”

“Who taught you the Cut?”

“I taught myself, asshole. What were you going to tell Alina if you brought me back in pieces?”

“That you attacked me in a misplaced defense of her honor and I was forced to defend myself. You certainly brought enough weapons with you to support my story.”

“Alina knows that I always wear these. You fucking jerk! Are you still planning to kill me?” You raise more tendrils of shadow.

“To be truthful, it was not my intention to kill you today. That would be a waste.”

“And if I hadn’t known how to deflect a cut?”

“Then I would have stopped it before it touched you.”

You hadn’t thought stopping a cut was possible once it was released. You had tried and not yet succeeded, had assumed it was like firing a bullet- you can’t recall it mid air.

“What’s the verdict, Shadowman? Do I have your permission to tell Alina now?”

“If you think that is wise.”

“Speak plainly, Darkling.”

“You are aware of how Ravka and the Church view my line, yes?”

“Yes.”

“The Apparat has been spreading rumors that Alina is being held against her will. Her image is already tainted by her association with me. How do you think the otkazat’sya will react when they find out their Sun Saint grew up with a Darkling?”

“I am not a Darkling. That title is reserved for you and your line.”

“They will not see it that way. You summon shadows, you will be seen as an extension of me and the Black Heretic.”

“What do you suggest then? I hide this from her indefinitely?”

“Was that not what you were originally intending?”

“It doesn’t matter what my original intent was, she’s Grisha, she’s a summoner, she’s young. She needs me.”

“Act as her sister, her protector. I can give you a place among her guards. Wait until she has brought down the Fold.”

“Why not tell her now and have her keep it a secret?”

“Do you believe the younger Ms. Starkov to be in possession of enough discretion to keep such a secret? All it takes is one person to learn of you, to overhear a conversation or one of her thinly veiled comments, and all of Os Alta will know by week’s end. As you said, she is young.”

Alina would never willingly share a secret she agreed to keep, but she had a temper and was impulsive, often saying the first thing that came to mind. You shake your head, a what if and a maybe weren’t enough to continue lying to your sister.

“No. Taking down the Fold could take years. I won’t wait that long.”

“Understood. After the Winter Fete, then.”

“That’s on the Solstice?”

“Yes. Waiting until the Fete will allow her the time to be properly introduced to Ravka without distraction.”

You nod. “Alright, if you teach me how to dissipate a cut before it reaches a target.”

“I agree to your terms.”

“Is it public knowledge that you can shadow walk?”

“Not officially. I prefer to keep the details of my power vague.”

You hum as you get back on your horse.

“I still don’t believe you weren’t trying to kill me,” you muse.

“If I wanted you dead, Ms. Starkov, you would know it.”

If you want to be put on, or taken off my taglist, feel free to tell me!

@kayhi808, budugu, stuffyownswrld, judig92, intothesoul

#darkling x reader #alina starkov & sister!reader #shadow and bone #aleksander morozova x reader #slow burn

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weywookitswestwood · 4 months

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LAST POST OF 2023 (A disclaimer, next few paragraphs is just me talking about life in general so feel free to skip if you like to)

Hi, my name is Kay. Though many of you here know me simply as “O” (it was kind of a pun for closer moots, cuz K.O.) But I don’t mind going by either, or K.O. for that matter.

Anyways, this year has been eventful, to say the least. It had its ups and it had its downs. I’m trying to figure out what to write here, actually. Got Covid for the first time, went to MoNH for the first time in forever, got to laugh with friends, lost a loved one, celebrated my 24th birthday, did Paint Night for the first time, got up to 22 chapters (hopefully 23 soon) of a long going passion project I hope to complete in the future.

I won’t lie, this year was nowhere as great as last year, both on my platform and in person. Now I try to avoid complaining about this a lot but my Instagram account took a blow this year, whether it was due to the algorithm changing or my lack of motivation, likely both. My account is my passion, I’ve been raising it since 2016 and when it tanked this time, it was really concerning because by this time I would somehow bounce back and I never did, I still never did. I would also like to mention that it wasn’t just me that got hit, but other fellow artists as well and for those guys if you’re reading this, this is for you: Never give up on your art, your writing, or just passions in general(unless they cause harm on yourself or others). The lack of exposure can be daunting, trust me it feels terrible, but it will never change how great an artist you are.

As for my personal life, I won’t get into much detail but for those that know, a really big thing happened earlier this year and it really impacted me. It was also a reality check for my health because I wasn’t taking care of my body and I was making myself scared about it and it just felt like a never ending cycle. I’ve been trying to make healthier choices, I take meds now again for my hyperlipidemia, exercise more(which I gotta get back on since I stopped when I got Covid) and cut back my calorie intake. Not only has it dropped my cholesterol(which is the main goal) but I was able to lose almost 30 pounds since the end of May(which will also help lower my cholesterol). I’ve been treating my anxiety as well and it has been much better than it was from late October to mid November when it took a nosedive from getting sick constantly. Right now, I think I’m in okay phase of my life, just working and trying to draw and write as much as I can. I wanna thank those who stuck around this year, I wish I could’ve posted more art and chapters, but hey, always room for this year.

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kureis-writing-hell · 1 year

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YOU AND HIM - Pre-Canon Chisaki Kai x Masc!Reader

I did not think I will finish this today. I need to go to work. H.

Rating: M, Minors DNI. Nothing explixit happens but it got a sexual undertone. The reader is a hero, masc but GN. You're thinking about how you met Kai and what your relationship with him looks like.

It's my first work of this kind and tbh I'm gonna do more!

You're Kai's personal annoyance for years now. How? Why? You ask this yourself every day.

Nah, that's a joke. You're just this good in bed!

There are two ways to put Chisaki Kai in the mood and you have mastered both of them.

Honestly, it wasn't easy. You had to get close to Chisaki first, which was basically impossible. He always had that guard dog Kurono around himself back then. But you're stubborn, especially when you want something. Or someone. And if said someone had a pretty face, fluffy hair, long lashes and golden eyes you would do anything to get them for yourself.

You guess Chisaki saw a good business in you when you finally managed to corner him. He's a good head shorter than you but you can clearly remember how calm he looked back then. He was perfectly sure that you couldn't even touch him, and you knew why. You did your homework. You knew to avoid those deadly palms.

He thought he was getting an errand boy back then. A street rat who could do some dirty job for him, while he stayed behind, clean and pristine. It was a few years ago after all, Chisaki was still trying to find his place in Shie Hassaikai. He thought he's the most intelligent guy in the world too. Oh how good he looked when he found out that the truth was quite the opposite!

You played his game for a little bit. You knew you had to, otherwise you wouldn't be able to learn more about him. You discovered how much he hated quirks. You tried to figure out how far you could push him too. Despite him thinking that you worked for him, he allowed a lot, as if nothing ever could get to him. But oh, you could be annoying, back then and nowadays. It's an art you mastered perfectly.

Today you think that Chisaki underestimated you since the first day you two met. The overconfident prick disregarded you, your quirk and anything tied to you, that's why he didn't run a simple background check. It was a basic mistake, Chisaki was still learning, still couldn't figure people out that well and he was too sure everyone would follow him to be cautious. You're very glad you were the person who taught him that lesson. It's something you would never admit out loud but you wouldn't want him to get betrayed by someone worse than you.

Which you did, you guess, back then. You had your fun with Chisaki for two months then, you got under his skin constantly but slowly learned your ways around his mysophobia and aversion to quirks and other people. It was going well. You could see that Chisaki was starting to trust you. And then that annoying guard dog Kurono made his own move.

He found out, and told Chisaki, that you're a hero.

A big no no for Chisaki and you knew that. You two even fought. It was something you'd rather avoid because you knew how good Chisaki was and how temperamental he was (is) and you'd rather avoid dying. He still had a lot to learn and you were good too though. You pinned him on the ground, hands above his head and managed to hold his glare. He couldn't even hide the betrayal back then and you guess that's what pulls you towards him. For someone who wants to make yakuza great again he's certainly too naive.

You left back then, to give him a bit of space. You focused on your hero work. Except for a few petty crimes and some fights Chisaki didn't do any real harm to people, he didn't even like to use his quirk when it wasn't necessary, so you saw no point in reporting him. You still wouldn't, but for fairly different reasons.

First time you two kissed was when you met the next time. It was an unexpected meeting. You were running around on your daily patrol when you saw Chisaki, together with Kurono and some blonde new guy with glasses walk out of a shop. You stopped and glared, wondering about the new guy, and you're still pretty touchy about Shin. Chisaki saw you, at first disregarded you as some annoying hero and then obviously caught up on who's standing there.

Kurono started barking around, wanting to protect his boss like a good guard dog, but Chisaki sent him and Shin away. You were surprised that he wanted to talk. He was obviously angry when he was leading you into a more secluded alley. He kept ranting about honestly everything, keeping you confused until he focused on you again.

You're still not sure what pushed you to kiss him. Maybe you were aware that nothing could make this situation worse, so you tried to take all you could. Maybe you saw something in his cold eyes. Who knows. But you still grabbed him when he paused his rant and pressed your lips to his.

One thing you forgot at the time was his mask. You ended up kissing him through the cloth. And at the moment you thought you really will die.

Chisaki made the most adorable, surprised sound, then seemed to relax just for a few seconds before pushing you away. He immediately threw his mask off, gagged, then looked at you incredulously. What an amazing reaction to being kissed, huh?

"At least it's out of the way now," you half joked then. Then, before his dumbstruck brain could catch up you proposed a date. And then, not waiting for him to reject you, you tossed him time and place and left the alley.

He showed up - or rather waited for you to show up. It was a disaster. And your last official date.

It was also just the start of your mutual story. Chisaki still refuses to ‘date’ you, but he’s happy to moan under you every time you come around. He won’t go to a restaurant with you anymore, but, sometimes, will eat take out with you and watch a bad movie on your TV and then cuddle with you while asleep even though he refuses to admit it in the morning.

Which takes you to the substance. Putting Chisaki Kai in the mood.

Back on that date you discovered he loves to be pampered. Nothing makes him melt into your arms as well as a scalp massage, or soft praises or kisses on his neck. Neck and ear especially. He will blush like a tomato, huff at any remark about it and then lean just slightly against you, so you could continue. And he’s very… sincere in those moments. You love it. He could be a scary street thug daily, with his gang and impossible quirk, but in your hands he’s just another young adult, chasing pleasure. And he is still getting better and better for you. Bareilly a few months ago, when you were especially mushy and sweet with him, he rewarded you with riding your dick for a good portion of the night.

And oh, how beautiful he was. Muscles moving, body shaking, the little jolts and moans he made. You still can’t think about it in public.

Now, the other way to get him to spread his legs for you is a bit tricky.

Chisaki is proud. Always was. He’s often stressed and his untreated mysophobia doesn’t help. And you got a very bad, even rotten tongue. And you’re a hero! The list of your crimes against Chisaki goes on and on and so it’s very easy for you to piss him off.

It’s not that you do that intentionally too. You just tease, and you do that naturally. Then he gets mad. And then you have to act fast if you don’t want to end the night alone with a box of tissues.

You found out that side of Chisaki when you two had one of your fights. He was angry already when you showed up, in one of your secret meeting love hotels - his least favorite one. His mysophobia was acting up but he refused to tell you what happened. He was being difficult, you got annoyed, you two started arguing. It quickly shifted to some sparring and you already knew this night he will leave you alone. Then, you pinned him to the carpeted floor, right by the bed, face to the floor. You started saying some angry blabber but then noticed he wasn’t listening to you. Stopped fighting even. His eyes were focused on something under the bed, his face was pale, and you quickly checked what it was.

An used condom.

Assuming Chisaki would start puking in a second - you considered it yourself - you let him go and lifted him from the floor. The frustration was gone, you started worrying now, until you saw the tent in his pants.

How? You still wonder oh so often. Chisaki that you knew would throw a tantrum and burn the place to the ground, but it didn’t happen. Chisaki kept refusing to address the topic. You were curious but fine with it. After all, it opened a new door for you.

He loves filthy sex. There's not always a time and place for it, but when he's difficult, or when you say two words too much, you can always easily turn it sexual. You still keep testing the boundaries. For example spitting in his mouth while he fights against it makes his dick twitch and ooze precum. But talking about piss turns him off. This side of his sexuality makes him so perfectly ashamed too. He always complains about it, always refuses and fights but always lets you do your thing. And he never overhauled you before, either. Not when you made him lick your shoes, not when you pushed your cum-covered fingers into his mouth.

There’s no safe words between you two, after all. Only the risk of dying every time you push his boundaries and god, does it rile you up!

When you first saw Chisaki Kai you thought that he’s going to be a fun, little side toy. Inexperienced and vanilla. He was barely twenty then, after all. Now? Now you’re invested and excited and protective over him even.

And you fear that if he knew that, he would really overhaul you for good.

#mha #bnha #chisaki kai #overhaul #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul x reader #overhaul x you #chisaki kai x you #mha x gender neutral reader #chisaki kai x masc reader #mha x y/n #mha x reader #bnha x y/n #bnha x reader #bnha x self insert

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allamericansbitch · 7 months

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speaking of 1989... i really hate that swifties on twitter and some on tumblr are making so much of that era about taylor's eating disorder, saying that she was constantly miserable and talking about how it must be so awful for her to relive that era. in advance i'm sorry if this causes a flurry of anons in your inbox, i don't mean to start anything, i just want to share my experience and i'm not comfortable to do that on my own blog right now.

i have had an eating disorder for a few years now, but i've usually been able to keep it in check. this past year, though, i've been struggling much more than normal. i don't want to share too much but there were many times that i didn't eat anything for 48-72 hours either because of other mental health reasons or because i didn't think i deserved to, as is very common. however, this past year has also had some of the best moments of my life, largely because of the people i surrounded myself with. i made a large group of friends where i don't feel like i have to put on a fake persona to get along with them. i was able to get out of my comfort zone and go to social events and gatherings i previously would do almost anything to avoid. and in many ways, despite the struggle i had i would not want to take back this year because of how many happy moments i've had.

and i view taylor's 1989 era in a similar way. yes, she was struggling with an ED but she was also breaking records right and left with her album, moving to a brand new city, and making such a large impact on the general public as well as the music industry. she perhaps was not doing well in private on the eating front, but i am positive there were other bright moments in her personal life at this time too, that she may have not chosen to share with the public (and understandably so).

all this to say, it's very naive and harmful to reduce a person's life at any moment to the mental health struggles they are going through. as humans, we should give each other grace to be more than our lowest moments and this applies to people like you and me as well as taylor.

i really didn't mean for this to get so long, but thank you for reading and i hope you're doing well sarah 💙

YES YES YES! i've said this before and completely agree! im so sorry you're dealing with that and going through a particularly rough patch rn, sending you love and always remember to be patient with yourself.

fans have always had a very black and white view of taylor (bc they dont see her as a person, rather a character or solely a form of entertainment etc etc), so when she mentions one bad thing, they assume the entire era was miserable and a terrible experience, the whole time. not a moment of happiness or anything. which just lacks so much common sense because you can struggle in one aspect of your life but that doesnt affect all the other aspects of it. plus she has said she's struggled since she was a preteen, so she had her ED when she was in debut era, fearless era, speak now and red era, but they never said she was miserable and awful it was to relive those? so why only 1989? it just goes to show swifties always want to see her struggling in some capacity because it makes her an interesting story to them.

#answered #anonymous #tw ed

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ultramanyaoi · 12 days

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tw suicide and self harm below (don’t open if you may be triggered/ are currently struggling irl yourself, no explict photos, i am not expecting comfort and don’t need it, i’m just informing people of things)

Cannot give major updates other than nonstop stress and not having a single break in the past few days + no sleep is causing me to deteriorate in real time and I am no longer joking when I say I want to kill myself. The next few weeks are basically going to be a race of who will attempt suicide first between me and my little sister and somehow I think the guy NOT diagnosed with anxiety disorder will win! I don’t know if I can live through 4 more months in general. I have been rawdogging life on the promise of “things get better” because I have to and I always have but honestly when it’s not me living my worst year that will get better and instead having all my hard work and growth and the start of my freedom years being crushed and trampled by having to bite my tongue constantly and lie and lie and tolerate all to keep my house on the verge of peace, it’s very hard to feel like anything I’m doing is anything but absurd. I don’t know anything anymore I am tired of everyone who treats me like an object or something to be saved, who pities me but then does nothing but stir the pot and leave a mess for me. I am a 19 year old who can’t function without his mom that’s how bad it’s gotten for me. My mom left for 1 day to meet a friend (completely valid she deserves a break) and I felt like crying multiple times yesterday because I had to be left alone with my little sister 24/7 and avoid any altercations with my dad.

I’m so frustrated because I just *have* to chug through and I know it. *I* can’t afford to give up because if I just broke down and went Yea I give up I’m Exhausted I want to blow my brains out! Well that’s the end for my little sister and I can’t do that to her no matter how ambivalent I feel towards her or how my body fears her presence and despises being alone with her because of all the work it is for me. I can’t say no or stop even if my body rejects it or my mental state is incompatible. No one else sans my mom can even deal with these kinds of situations (or wants to no matter how much they claim to pity us) and even then it’s too much for us. My little sister literally only likes me as a person and I can’t afford to burn this bridge I despise.

I know I sound like a spoilt brat but I have spent every waking hour of my life lying and performing the role of a good child a good older sibling a good caretaker and I just want to be to graduate from my role. I am begging this sucking madness to end. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I should give up all the hard work I spend hiding my self harm and just bleed to death through the night. Of course I’m not gonna do that. My mom needs me and she’s basically the only person in real life I actually love and trust. That too is horribly frustrating.

It’s just all so awful and terrible. I’m not at all pretending a 14 year old having anxiety is nothing short of overwhelmingly terrible and of all places to be in to be in This House? Is much worse. It’s all just so terrible. I feel myself deteriorating so rapidly I don’t even know how to feel most of the time.

#ariel.txt

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