#you can hear him laughing

[introspectivememories]

goddd i just know that tim never takes off that fucking necklace. and you know bear doesn't have that much money so tge necklace was kinda cheap and it wasn't anything the bear meant for tim to wear regularly it was just like a keepsake y'know? wear it on a date or a nice outing. maybe when they're both home together. but tim is practically feral over it. like straight up refuses to take it off. it's turning his neck green at this point and everybody is soo done.

#bruce who's allergic to anything under $10000000 breaks out into hives everytime he sees it #bruce trying not to gag: sweetheart what if we replaced it? bernard wouldn't even know! #tim: if you try to replace my necklace i will leak that video of you pole dancing at the penguin lounge #bruce who's had worse things leaked: do it #tim 'backup plans for my backup plans' drake: i will send talia a compilation of you drunkenly rambling about how much you love her #bruce: .... okay you win #dick gets it #your first gay relationship does that to you #bear is a little worried tho #🐻: you know you don't have to wear it right? you could take it off #tim trembling and shaking: you don't want mw to wear it? 😢 #🐻 immediately caving: no no! wearit as long as you want!! #dude even ra's gets in on it #ra's going over his master plan: so you see detective i will then- what the fuck is going on with your neck #tim seething cause he can hear his siblings laughing at him over the comms: shut the fuck up #dc #bernard dowd #tim drake #timber #timbern #could not stop thinking about the ra's scenario yesterday. kept making myself laugh

[clown-eating-pig]

Always remember that, if Jonathan Sims went from having short, serious hair to long, flowing locks over the course of tma, then at some point during those five seasons he had to have had….The Bob.

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #F.A.B. jonny #that’s what they call him #he most likely would have been in the coma tho with his funky little bob #so sad #imagine your uptight boss goes from having super short hair to being in a coma #and it’s growing out #one of the few signs of life #he’s lying there battered and bruised #you may never hear his voice ever again #but a few months in and he has a BOB #and you’re NOT supposed to laugh??? #just a little??? #I can say all of this bc I used to have a pixie cut #and had to go through the months long Awkward Length phase #and the idea of serious Jon with Awkward Length bob is SOOOO FUNNY

[sadlynotthevoid]

Okey, but, I feel like og!Cale is the type of person that, if someone tried to make fun of him for a crush, he would be like "ah, yeah, that's true" and openly admit it.

So, og AlbeCale AU where whenever someone tries to mock Cale about liking Alberu or asks him about it, he downright says the truth. Regardless of who is hearing him.

As in, maybe once someone asks if Rok Soo and Cale are dating because they seem close (in part because they're kind of close, and in part because Cale keeps knowing what he is thinking, but they don't know that's just a Cale thing). And Rok Soo is like:

Rok Soo: Nah. This guy's type are baker princes.

Cale: You got it wrong. I don't like any princes who bake, I like Alberu only.

And Alberu, who was drinking tea on the background, suddenly chokes on his cup. Which they notice, of course.

"Oh. Hey, Al. Are you okay?"

—Totally unfazed for having Alberu heard the whole conversation.

He's so shameless about it and it's completely unintentional.

He has no idea of how people treat their crushes normally nor is interested on doing the same. He knows that some people tend to get shy, but a decade purposefully acting as trash killed most of his shame— Well, at least when it is about others' opinions of him—. If he wants to do something, being laughed at is not what's going to stop him.

And what he wants is to say how adorable he thinks Alberu is, so that's what he does.

Rejection? He isn't proposing anything. He doesn't plan on dating or wooing Alberu either. It's not that he wouldn't like it, it's just that it hasn't occurred to him that that's even an option. For him, who had spent years hearing everyone say the worst of him, the idea of someone wanting him by their side is so far away that it has yet to form.

So he keeps making casual comments about how cute Alberu is when he's confused, or "his hair looks so soft, I bet it feels that way too", or "he looks so handsome when he's tricking people. I like it more when he doesn't have to, tho", while everyone else feels embarrased for it. Except Rosalyn, she thinks it's hilarious.

Of course, he's pretty much respectful about it, never crossing the line to sexual harassment. And he would stop if Alberu told him too, but he doesn't. He kinda didn't realize that was an option at the beginning and, at this point, he got used and actually enjoys it a bit (a lot).

Cale: oh, sweets! They're my fifth favorite thing in this cruel world.

Rosalyn, fully knowing what she's doing: what are the other four?

Cale, carefully choicing which cake eat first: Well— *rising a finger per item* my family, animals, Alberu and wine. In that order.

Alberu: *frowns* I'm only third?

Cale, picking a chocolate tart: Mm? I loved animals since before meeting you and, at this point, is a part of myself. The other day I saw a dog and spent two hours squatting at her side without realize. It was not a conscious decision, it was... a soul impulse, let's say.

Alberu, looking at his thighs because damn, that's a lot of time to stay in that position: Oh. Wait, you've also loved wine since before meeting me.

Cale: Yes, but drinking wine is a choice. I can live happily without it. You would be... more difficult to leave.

Alberu: *processing* (that means— can't be happy without me aksjdjsj) "blushes hard*

Rosalyn, looking at Alberu's silly fuming face: (don't laugh don't laugh) Pff—

Cale: cherry pie? *Holds a mini pie in front of Alberu*

The turn tables when Alberu realizes that Cale doesn't have resistaince against genuine compliments. He never takes fake glibbery words seriously, but if someone says the slightliest good thing about him and they mean it, he'll become a mess. He just— doesn't know how to react when someone believes anything good about him.

So, Alberu starts complimenting him seriously— as reprisal, of course ("that's just flirting, nephew. You two are flirting, stop calling it vengeance"). Small but real things, details most people doesn't notice, deeper things that he deserves to hear (because, honestly, someone should tell him how sweet he is. How considerate he is. How much he should be appreciated because he's precious. And it seems Alberu is that someone). It works everytime.

Alberu calls his smile cute once and Cale stops talking. Face red and eyes avoiding everything, he can't pronounce a single word.

He calls him kind after Cale subtly helped a strange for no reason (he's obviously doing it in a way others wouldn't notice unless they knew what to look for. Alberu wonders if this is other "Cale thing"). Cale trips and almost gets discovered. When Alberu looks at his face, he's pouting.

Curiously, he doesn't have the same reaction when he gets called smart. He just smiles a bit and sometimes puffs his chest. Huh. Still adorable, tho.

#original cale henituse #og cale henituse #og!cale henituse #og cale #alberu crossman #kim rok soo #in which cale doesn't understand crushes or dating #he just wants to be honest now he can #and alberu ends up falling for him #rosalyn is laughing in the background and eating popcorn #rok soo wanted to tease cale and couldn't #but now he has a weapon to use against his hyung-nim #the kids are the ones who called og!cale smart #he really is #he's not used to compliments #he spent years hearing the worst about himself #what did you expect #lcf #lcf AU #og albecale #ogcaleberu

[fatedroses]

-An old-timer like me.

#sampo koski #emanator of elation #hsr spoilers #? technically #digital art #hsr #honkai star rail #its old bastard propaganda-o-clock #firstly- I based this off the meteor thief set and his own color palette #secondly- just how old is this man cause he's got me thinking that he might just be -old old- #THIRDLY- #Why does he share design concepts with gallagher (the chain link on gallaghers leg and on sampo's shoulder most notably) #I think it implies that Sampo probably isnt from modern Jarilo- I do like the concept however of him being aha's oldest fool #and a part of me even wants to bet he mightve been a galaxy ranger or some other traveling faction #being brought out of his funny business retirement to beat up what I'm betting is either a lord ravager or the annihilation gang #because fun fact- if you turn the music off to hear vocals better #you can hear Aha laughing in the background of Phantylia's fight in 2nd phase #destruction and elation do not seem to actually get along that well

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a. #birdsong. #wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac- #in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really. #i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track. #and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy? #it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that. #how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love. #i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together. #i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too. #the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe. #so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc. #i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

[evilkitten3]

naruto crack au where kakashi manages to successfully drill the "never abandon your comrades" thing into team seven's heads

so when sasuke deserts naruto and sakura immediately desert with him. like he gets to the village gates and they're just waiting for him bags packed like "what took u so long we doing this or what"

he tries to get them to go back bc of course he does. "no you losers this is about me i'm going to kill my brother. also i'll have to kill my best friend for the super sharingan and you two are like the only people i talk to". but they do not listen. teamwork sasuke we will defeat your brother (OUR brother #communism) with the power of teamwork. just like kakashi-sensei said

suddenly orochimaru has to deal with three horrible little goblins with an even more codependent relationship than his old team

#naruto #team seven #orochimaru's favorite is sakura bc she's smart and respectful and gives kabuto headaches #kabuto's favorite is naruto bc he thinks he's funny #nobody's favorite is sasuke. he's fine with that tho #also sakura can still summon slugs she made a bet with tsunade ahead of time for the right to make the contract #kakashi keeps trying to get his team back but keeps approaching them one on one #which always ends in whoever he's talking to going ''i can't abandon my teammates sensei wtf'' #obito is watching all of this from the bushes and laughing his ass off #the sound five live bc. nobody bothered to tell tsunade team seven had left until it was way too late #orochimaru keeps her updated tho #every time kakashi tries to sneak in and steal his kids back oro sends him back with pictures of how they're doing #''little sakura-chan is making excellent progress with chakra scalpels! you must be so proud! oh wait'' #she hopes he dies #oro tells naruto who his parents are to spite jiraiya #unfortunately he does this when they're all still annoying little thirteen-year-old shitheads #so sakura and sasuke are both furious and don't talk to either of them for a day #they don't even know what they're mad about they're just Mad #meanwhile sakura's parents are happy to hear she's doing well and hope she writes soon #they don't. they don't really get the treason thing #team hebi/taka still forms ofc #it's an absolute disaster #sakura's a little sad when they finally ditch orochimaru bc she'd actually really enjoyed learning from him #like yeah he was an absolutely horrible human being but. she learned a lot! #he comes back later ofc #there's sorta an awkward moment when naruto finds out gaara got abducted and demands to go after him #sasuke: ok have fun #sakura: we're going too #sasuke: fuck #orochimaru: tell sasori i said hiiiii~ <3

[jaebeomblr]

JAY B DAY COUNTDOWN D-3 ✸— lullaby dance practice

#jay b #dont mind me ill gif random fave moments that make me go brrr #gotdaily #kvanity #dailybg #kpopco #kpopccc #ultkpopnetwork #got7 gifs #ceebrl #eirtual #userjoanna #jay b gifs #jaebeom gifs #.mine #era: lullaby #gifs you can hear #from the constant stomping #from bam's swEEt talk to mEEE #that makes him laugh >>>> #to ahgase nation literally wishing this cameraman for a happy healthy long life <3 still the mvp #he was chill until he wasn't #i love him so so much #my first guy my fave guy #ult to end all ults

[rickybaby]

Nate on the ESPN Unlapped podcast: “He’s got that goal, he’s got that hunger back. He’s back in a team that ultimately he feels that is home for him. You know, we talk about Charles and how close he feels to Ferrari and Lewis with Mercedes. I think for Ricciardo, it’s the same with Red Bull. He feels that’s his home.”

#Nate talking about how he’s spent time with Daniel before vegas and how happy and ‘back to his old self’ Daniel is #just yeah …. ​it never gets boring to hear that #I know the moots are currently going off at Zak brown but honestly all I can do is laugh #Daniel never once spoke a bad word about him or his team last year and hasn’t even once taken his name since he’s left that team #and yet he feels the need to constantly put himself in the victim’s role because he fucking knows what he did #every time he goes on one of those podcasts and talk about uwu how hard it was for him #I’m like whine some more you fucking bitch #anyway Daniel’s home now 🫶🏽 #daniel ricciardo #Nate Saunders

[leatherbookmark]

our flag means death S2E3: the innkeeper

#our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #shrimp gifs #it was just a very pretty scene i think #i'm laughing because i played around with curves -- as you do -- but then i had to manually bring the brightness down and make everything #more blue again because it's just better that way lol #god i'm having... so many little marbles bouncing around my head like #this post is already tagged with all the spoiler tags i think i can talk in here #the way it started i had No Inkling At All that this would be this kind of setting. so i didn't pay attention to the surroundings or all th #stuff. hell i could barely hear what they're saying because all my fancy schmancy english skills fall apart in the face of your normal soun #mixing. I MISSED THAT IZ AND ED SAID “LOVE” LIKE HELLO #but. but anyway. but. but once it was revealed that This Is All In Ed's Head. that hornigold is ed and everything is ed. man. god. #it's cold and wet and dark (ed likes warmth). ed was washed up on the shore with his face full of sand but THEN he got rescued by someone #who he hated and associated with all the pain and violence AND who then force-fed him soup so he could get better. who had pretty pieces of #glass hanging from his tent (there's no sun but the decoration itself is a promise of a pretty sighs when the rays of the sun hit #just right--) AND you can't forget the sandals. and the play-acting and aoughhhh EEEDDDDDDDD god he's so good HE'S SO GOOD #i dont think i should touch the delightful revenge scenes because they're dark as fuck and idk if the files i have are hq enough #to survive the becurvening. BUT. ed my love!!! i hope this is not where your insanities end

[youngpettyqueen]

I wish Julian and Martok would interact more cause I think they could have the funniest possible dynamic. they spent 5 weeks together in a Jem'Hadar prison I just know they have a friendship that looks fucking INSANE from the outside looking in

#star trek: ds9 #julian bashir #martok #Martok: we are like blood brothers. we suffered the horrors of the Jem'Hadar together. our bond is unshakeable #Julian: in other words we're besties <3 #Julian is the only doctor Martok will listen to and even then he only listens to him like 50% of the time #he'll ignore whatever Julian says right up until Julian gets right into his face and starts ordering him cause he's HAD IT #and then Martok laughs heartily and goes 'MAY YOUR SPIRIT NEVER BE TARNISHED DOCTOR' #and he slaps Julian on the back so hard he knocks him over #they get drunk on blood wine and belt out Klingon operas until Quark gets Odo to throw them both out of the bar #they'll occasionally talk about their prison time and everybody around them who can hear them is. so very concerned #Julian: what was my record for shortest time between solitary confinements. less than a minute? #Martok: yes they took you out and you spat at them and they threw you back in. that was the moment I knew you had the soul of a Klingon #Julian: aw <3 #Jake sitting three seats away: YALL GOOD? #Julian joins a Klingon mission with Martok and when they come back he's dishevelled and high on painkillers and Martok is carrying him #Julian: hi :) I got blown up #Martok: he was wounded in GLORIOUS BATTLE he did his ancestors proud #like hear me out. theyre besties #and its fucking hysterical

[jessieren]

Those curls…

Uuggghh I’m 💀

#shaun evans #endeavour morse #itv endeavour #you can hear his laugh looking at this #he has the cutest laugh #that smile #he’s adorable #he’s so pretty #love him #hot damn evans

[sofiiel]

Welcome to Hellfire!

Rockstar!Eddie's Halloween special.

#you can hear him laughing can't you? #eddie munson #rockstar!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie #eddie munson edit #eddie munson manip #hellfire club #demon!eddie munson #st halloween #stranger things halloween #happy halloween #older!eddie

[s0fter-sin]

reverse verse where soap takes on the mask instead of ghost. he wears his red skull mask so you can see the lower half of his face and his chin scar extends along his whole jaw to look like exposed teeth

#his chin scar is so gnarly and i think we gloss over it just a little too much #i like reverse verses but i think they can change just a little too much #like i wouldnt have soap act like ghost #if anything id have him act the same just more unhinged #hes still extroverted and will talk to people but people find him very unnerving #theres just this edge to everything he says and does that lets you know just bc hes being civil doesnt mean he wont rip your throat out #with his teeth #and hes just brutal in the field #preferring hand to hand wanting to get up close and bloody #very berkeresque where other soldiers learn not to go near him or interrupt him bc he cant always differentiate friend from foe #except for one deadpan brit who had a soldier’s eyes long before he ever joined the military #dour and depressing until he cracks a messed up joke and everyones shovked when they hear a scottish voice laugh #just soap who goes through roba and simon whos still ghost after living through his fathers abuse #just slightly less self isolating since he still has his family #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #we’re a team. ghost team

[companion-showdown]

Who is the Greatest Accomplice to the Doctor's War Crimes?

TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST

#greatest accomplice: quarters #okay hear me out #its still vicki #i know i know #but the romans okay #the tardis takes them to ancient rome FOR A HOLIDAY #they have a relaxing time in a town outside rome FOR MONTHS #before vicki is like 'Doctor i'm bored' #'you promised me adventure' #'doctor please can we go to actual rome' #'please please please' #'ian and barbara don't want to go but we can' #and then they find a dead body #and decide TOGETHER that the doctor should impersonate him #and they go to rome and vicki befriends the palace poisoner #and is roundly amused when she thinks she accidentaly poisoned nero #and then they give nero the idea for the great fire of rome #get out of their sharpish #and laugh together as they watch a city burn #if you believe the tardis deliberatey put the doctor in situations where he'll do war crimes #the TARDIS did not intend this #no way #it was all vicki and the doctor getting up to shenanagins #if you've not seen the romans you just have to trust me okay #and if you have and still want to vote tardis #just know that you are wrong #i am rooting for vicki for the whole tournament #she is THE accomplice #its not even close for me

[123pixieaod]

Inspired by this godly post which unlocked a part of my brain I didn't know existed, and solidly gave me complete and utterly brainrot until I wrote something

A thousand thanks to Lily for her wonderful help :))

"Does Kelly not mind you spending all your time with me?" Daniel asks, because she's Daniel and once she's thought something she can't keep her fucking mouth shut, even if she knows it's trouble.

Max looks up, pausing his set of weights, and blinks at her. Daniel feels her cheeks warm. One day, that mouth of yours will run you straight into trouble, young lady, her mum used to tell her, voice firm. Good girls know when to keep quiet. Daniel used to just laugh at the warning. Her laugh is loud and the opposite of quiet, but she used to know that everyone always loved her laugh.

"No," Max says after a beat and then continues lifting. Daniel hates the way her gaze tracks over him, lingering on the movement of his muscles, the ease with which he lifts the weight. Tawny hair brushed out of his eyes, cheeks dusted warm from the exertion. "Of course not."

"Why of course not?" Daniel asks. She wants to sew her mouth shut. This time, Max didn't look over as he answers.

"Kelly's very secure, she's not like other girls. And besides, she knows you."

It's strange. When Daniel was seven and Michelle eleven, they'd gone rock pool fishing. Michelle had been crouched over a shallow pool of water, her finger delicately brushing the tentacles of the anemone. Daniel had been scaling the rocks, wanting steeper, taller, more.

She'd found the shark first, nestled high at between the rocks, and for a beat she hadn't known what she was looking at. Just details, but nothing collective. Rotting smell. Shrivelled holes where eyes should be. Scales of silver lightning. Rubbery fish picked clean. The flash of bone, pearl white.

Then she realised what she was staring at, and screamed. Her father held her while her mother scolded her. I told you not to go climbing! It's too dangerous, Daniel. Why can't you just be good like your sister and stay by the shallow pools?

And then, later, ice cream. Her dad, beside her, explaining the horror away.

It's just nature, Dani. The waves wash them up, and they get stuck there. They can't get back to the sea, and then the sun dries them out.

They drown on air, Michelle helpfully pointed out, her feet kicking happily as she licked her 99. Daniel just just nodded, ice cream untouched. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the sunken holes, the rotting flesh.

She hasn't thought about that moment for years, but suddenly it washes back over her. She feels simultaneously both. The child, staring at the carcass, frozen in shock. The shark, burning up in the sun, chocking on air.

"What does that mean?" She asks, and somehow her voice is normal, is fine. She's fine. She's not a girl or a shark. She's stupid and a fool and a gawky, ugly idiot, but she's fine.

Max manages to shrug, even with the 50kg weights. "You know. Just that Kelly knows you. She knows what you're like. And she knows me too, of course."

Daniel swallows. She nods. She hates everything about herself.

"That's sexist," she forces herself to say lightly because if the silence stretches anymore, Max might notice and set his weights down and look at her, and Daniel can't bear that. She doesn't want his eyes on her, taking in every blemish and imperfection. The boyish, ratty clothes she works out in and her curls gone frizzy with sweat and her inked skin, so different to Max and Kelly's pale, perfect complexions.

"What's sexist?"

"Saying she's not like other girls," Daniel tells him, setting down the weights she been doing. Instead, she goes to grab the skipping rope, just for something to do.

Max laughs. Daniel's glad she's turned away. Her cheeks are burning again.

"It's the truth. You, of course, Daniel, are not like other girls either." He says it lightly and ends with a chuckle, as if it's all just a joke. Daniel drags a sweaty hand over her cheeks. Burning, burning, burning.

Apparently, in Max's mind, she and Kelly are the same; both not like other girls. Kelly, with her faultless makeup and wonderful daughter and classy dresses and perfect feminity. One end of the scale. Daniel, the other. Barely even considered "a girl." Always one of the boys, only woman in f1 for a reason.

"Thanks," Daniel says. She wants to make it sound humorous, like she's in on the joke too. Instead, it's too cold; muttered as if she actually gave two shits about the conversation anyway. She has an F1 season to prepare for, she's too busy to care about stupid shit like this.

There's a beat of silence as Daniel stretches out the rope, feeling the plastic flex and give. Then, Max exhaling, the gentle bump of his weights against the floor, the workout bench shifting as his centre of gravity changes. Daniel keeps her back to him, ignoring it all.

"I did not mean it as insult," Max finally says, stubborn. Daniel forces a laugh, turning to give him a smile, all teeth.

"Of course not Maxy. I get that." Voice light and blithe. One of the boys.

She thinks he'll drop it, but instead, his frown only grows. Pinched brows, thin lips, cheeks growing blotchy. Blue eyes regard her, intense and unyielding. She burns from the inside out.

"I've upset you," he says, in that blunt, genuine way only he can do. Daniel barks out another laugh.

"Don't be stupid. You're not important enough to ever be able to get under my skin." She gives him another smile with only teeth. She feels insane. Her mother tells her good girls stay quiet.

"I'm sorry," he tries again, growing frustrated now, "I did not mean -"

"I told you, you didn't upset me," she drops the skipping rope without actually using it. "Anyway, I'm bored. Wanna get lunch now? Or are you still trying to pump those muscle with more testosterone?"

Max gives her one last, searching look before standing. They're almost the same height. She wants to shrink to nothing.

"That is not how testosterone works, Daniel," he says with the air of an overworked teacher. He looks at her with a smile, uncertain but genuine. She laughs, allowing him to move the conversation on.

She walks out of the gym first but holds the door for him. He grins, relieved. His fingers skim hers as he takes it and she lets go. A chill runs through her. Cold like scales, cold like ice cream untouched.

Follow up here!

#whole lot of internalised misogyny to unpack here #in my head Daniel is looking like Tash Sultana in the music video for “Jungle” #Max just meaning :))) Kelly knows you and she knows me :))) and she knows we are both two good people who would not cheat :))) #while Daniel just going into an existential crisis of #:((( Kelly knows Max and I :((( and I am zero threat to her because I must be utterly undesirable :((( and not Max's type at all :((( #maxiel #girl!Daniel #for the first time ever lol #my fic #ending involves the tension between them growing and growing #and Kelly watches them share a podium and sees the way Max wraps his arm around Daniel's shoulder and hugs her tightly #and the way Daniel laughs so happily and loudly everyone can hear her #and suddenly Kelly realises she had been wrong and Daniel was a threat #and basically gives Max an ultimate to choose one of them and stop all contact with the other #somehow Daniel finds out and just locks herself away from the world during summer break because it's not even a question who max will pick #and their story ends with Max knocking on her door with looking annoyed with a bunch of drooping flowers #and before Daniel can even say anything he's stepping into her apartment and getting a vase from her cupboard #while complaining about how he ordered the flowers that morning but the florist fucked up his order and of course the flourists in the #Netherlands are much better and soon he will take Daniel there and pick proper flowers like tulips for her #she stares at him in pure disbelief and then starts to laugh. and Max looks over and laughs too and they're still smiling when they kiss #:))))) #apologies but I'm a sucker for a soppy cliched ending lol

[thebirdandhersong]

layers of school and family and health issues and future planning and final exam stress aside, do you ever feel like there is a long ongoing scream inside of you that seems to have no end ha haaaa

#the ironic thing i think is that i'm sitting closest to the window rn #and i can see the boy i agonized over for seven months sitting with his girlfriend #very clearly in the reflection because they're sitting behind me :) #and no matter how loudly i play my music i can still hear them laughing together every once in a while! #he told me today that the thing he asked me to edit for him just won him a scholarship and i was like congrats!! #this IS what i've become to you! editor friend who cooks and brings snacks! #and it's like. well you don't NEED me anymore. which is a silly thought because he never did need me in the first place #(and the need to be needed is a bit... hmm.... there's a lot there i do need to examine carefully) #it's not even worth talking about boy no.2 who is kind enough to break anyone's heart lollll and who is definitely definitely #and clearly in every way definitely not interested or available or anything close to it #anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay #but i think i need to take an early night :') clearly i am starting to be emotionally overwrought #it is not AGONY........ it is something quieter i think.