#you can ignore there tags i just want to scream into the void

[shellyseashell]

.

#i really hate writing breath of life sometimes #no ever rebloggs it #like. the last two chapters have barely (or no) notes that aren’t mine #and I know the people on my tag list have been active! #it’s literally the entire tlc fandom #and I really love this fic #but with no one writing it I might just start the rewrite I’ve been thinking of #because I could make it a lot better #but I love this version and want to finish it #I never finish any fics and I want to know I can do it #but if only one person on ao3 consistently comments it really sucks #I know oc fics aren’t that common in this fandom #I think I have like. the only one #but people HAVE liked it #and I hate that no one is reblogging it anymore because I feel like I’m screaming into a void #and it kinda makes me nervous to publish other fics since a majority of them are oc fics #anyway #if you see this #ignore me #or go read breath of life #I’m kidding I’m kidding I’m kidding #kind of

[fuck-customers]

Huh. It worked.

So, I'm unbelievably burnt out at my job but I guess a tiny part of me either still cares like 1% or is OCD because there are certain things that drive me absolutely up the wall and I really, really want them changed/fixed. But each time I bring up suggestions to my managers, they swiftly ignore me.

Just to be clear, the suggestions are "hey maybe we should have price tags on the products that we're selling in the store. I'm willing to take the time to tag things if you could provide me with the machine that prints the tags. Customers complain to me every shift about our products not having visible prices." Or "hey whatever happened to the price scanners? We used to have them on the main aisles and then one day they disappeared. They weren't malfunctioning before that. And if they were, why weren't they replaced? It's been years. Customers hate having to track one of us down to price check something." Or "hey our online inventory is completely inaccurate and it makes finding products difficult for us and customers. Is there any way to fix this? Can we employees be doing something?"

Of course I get brushed off or told some vague bullshit like "oh corporate made the decision" "it's up to corporate" with no further explanation.

HOWEVER.

I realized my manager was paying attention to some reviews because she had us change some things based on some survey. Like greetings. I figured out that we had receipt surveys. (we have never been required to push these and only management can read them, so there was no reason I would know about them before this) I tested out ny theory by artificially tanking our greeting ratings and my manager almost immediately was on us to greet every customer. I realized I could use this to my advantage and make complaints/constructive criticism as "the customer" (nothing obvious that would come back to me. I'm not stupid. It's not like I'm leaving reviews that say "give OP a raise! They're the best!" I'm not that stupid)

And you know what? It's slowly working. I had heard many customers complaining about the lack of price tags, so some "customers" complained about them in the reviews and a few weeks later, my manager was tagging everything in the queue line. I'm currently still working on getting the entire store properly tagged and getting the godawful music they play on the radio changed. (Ok fine, that one's for me, I can't stand that garbage, specifically Lovefool by The Cardigans. It's a mediocre song on its own, but I am not exaggerating when I say it plays at minimum twice an hour- I counted) But it's fucking working. No one is more shocked than me. Because my main motivation when starting this little project was to prevent myself from completely losing my mind and also screaming some of the things I hated about the store into the void and would you fucking know it? The void is responsive.

HEY! I like that song. I know Malwart got rid of the price scanners around the store to force customers to download the app. And are even making some self checkouts pay to use by making them only available to Malwart+ subscribers.

-Rodney

[the-kr8tor]

Hii, this is my first time requesting, but I had a cute fluff idea I wanted to give.

I really wanna see hobie and Crowely having like some kind of truce. like for example, reader is busy with work or wtv, giving neither hobie nor crowely any attention, so they kinda join forces to get readers attention and its all cute and stuff. Yk just something light and sweet.

Hope you like this ❤️

Thank you for the request! Any request with the cats is a favourite of mine 🥰 hope you like it!

Pairing: Hobie Brown x gn! Reader/ Spider-Punk x gn! Reader

Word count: 1.1k

Tags: no use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, FLUFF

The cats are based on this fic

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

Hobie watches you from the bedroom's doorway, hands on his hip, sighing deeply. You look up from your laptop propped on your knees, the blanket providing a thin barrier between your legs and the warmth of the computer. Your back aches from the position, the pillow you use to prop yourself up is not helping your posture, you hear your neck creak when you look at Hobie through tired eyes.

"You okay?" You say, throat scratchy.

"Am I okay? Love, you've been in the same position since I left, did you even take a break?"

Crowley appears behind Hobie's legs, meowing in agreement, he's been trying to get your attention since you sat down. But alas you need to finish this paper before midnight or your grade will tank. You've only taken a few five minute breaks for when you absolutely needed to, like when you need to feed the cats, go to the bathroom, and scream into the void, (aka your pillow)

Crumpet and Teacup gave up seeking your attention hours ago. Tea has never left your side though, curling herself next to your warm laptop. You can see a glimpse of Crumpet lounging in her cat condo through the open door.

Crowley has been an absolute menace, crawling over your laptop, making you guiltily move him away. He paws at you, meowing for a second of your attention. You give him quick pets, but that seemed to not be enough for him.

Now Crowley has an ally, Hobie tilts his head at you questioningly, Crowley copies his movements, making you raise your brow. Sometimes you think Crowley is actually a human trapped in a cat's body. His action makes you go back to your little conspiracy theory.

"Did he just copy you?" You ask, bewildered.

"You're avoiding the question," Hobie takes a few steps towards the foot of the bed, leaning with both hands over the soft mattress. Crowley does the same, swiftly jumping next to your covered feet. He meows loudly. "Your lips are bloody cracked!" Hobie squints his eyes, looking at your dry lips, you would've gotten flustered with his staring but his concern makes you look up at him apologetically.

Crowley looks at Hobie for a second before squinting his emerald eyes back to you. He clearly agrees with Hobie.

" 'm sorry, I did take breaks, promise! I just really need to finish this before the deadline, I'm only a few words behind the word count needed" you bat your eyes prettily at Hobie, his eyes soften, you slyly smile victoriously.

Crowley seems to notice Hobie falling for your tactic, he puts his paw over Hobie's hand, looking up at him. They have a silent conversation, you question reality, maybe you are severely dehydrated. Crowley has never initiated touch towards Hobie, he never even goes near him, always staring at him with narrowed eyes and an angry mewl.

You notice they're in a truce. Hobie nods his head at Crowley while the demon spawn looks back at you, adorable face looking down smugly. You look at them confused at what they're planning.

"You said you're only a few words behind, right?" You nod, fingers itching to type again, Hobie continues "it's only half past nine, you have enough time to complete it. C'mon stretch your legs for me" Hobie moves to your side, trying to flip away the blanket, but you stay glued to it. Teacup stretches next to you, ignoring the conversation before going back to sleep. Sometimes you wish you were a cat instead.

"I can't, I still have to proofread and edit it" you pout your lips "I'll stretch after" you cup his jaw, pressing a sweet kiss on his lips, Hobie completely melts at your touch. Crowley looks at him judgingly. If only cats could roll their eyes, Crowley would be rolling them right now.

"Fine" Hobie sighs, giving up "but you need to drink some water, yeah? I'll bring it to you" he stands up, Crowley stares at him, meowing softly, he swears that was a scoff. "Don't look at me like that, you would've fallen for it too"

You barely registered the interaction, your attention now back to your work, the words swirling around, typing up a storm.

Hobie brings you a glass, you quickly gulp it down, going back to work, sparing only a quick thanks to Hobie. The faster you finish it, the sooner you can get back to your boys.

Hobie lays down next to you a few minutes later, now in clean and comfy clothes. He doesn't want to bother you while you're focused so instead of cuddling, he sighs, bringing his long leg over yours, closing his eyes, waiting for sleep. Well if you can't beat them join them right?

Crowley has one last idea to get your attention. As you type away, you don't notice the black void walking between you and Hobie, he curls up next to his neck, purring loudly. He waits for you to notice.

Hobie savors the rare affection from Crowley, knowing that it's him right away through his familiar purring that he only hears when Crowley cuddles up next to you.

Hours later, You still haven't noticed them, hands almost cramping, you finish the final proofread and edit, sending it a few minutes before the deadline. You smile and stretch your aching back and arms, closing the laptop victoriously.

You look to your left, Teacup still asleep, spread out over your blanket, through the open door you see Crumpet take a stroll in your flat, you tilt your head at what she's doing up this late. You gesture for her to get in bed next to you, she happily trots up, jumping to your right, you follow her movements. She lies between you and Hobie, mirroring Tea's position.

You glance up at Hobie's sleeping face, the sight takes your breath away, Crowley sleeps peacefully next to Hobie's neck, curled around himself. Hobie's face is right on top of Crowley's fur, snuggling into him.

You clutch your chest at how adorable the scene is, you quietly take your phone from the nightstand, making sure the camera's shutter is on silent and the flash off. You must've taken a hundred pictures of them, you have a huge grin on your lips, eyes sparkling, finally they've warmed up to each other after months of them bickering (mostly on Crowley's part)

You sigh longingly wanting to be a part of their little cuddle pile. You realize you can, so you take your devices over to the side table, slowly and quietly sliding down to lay next to them, careful not to wake them. Looking at Hobie's face, you can't help but press a quick kiss on his forehead, wishing he has a good dream. You close your eyes, content.

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

Thank you for reading! Please consider reblogging if you enjoyed it ❤️

#request done #hobie brown x reader #spider punk x reader #the kr8tor's creations #hobie brown #spider punk #spider man across the spider verse #x reader #atsv fanfiction #atsv fluff #atsv fanfic #atsv hobie #atsv x reader #fanfic #hobie brown fluff #hobie brown x gn!reader #hobie brown x you #spider punk x gn! reader #spider punk x you

[writingwithhana]

HOW TO BREAK YOUR READER: EP 1

✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧✮ EPISODE 1: HOW TO BREAK YOUR READER BY A FIGHT

TAGS: @chocobeese @reyna-obsessed (if you want to be added, plz dm me or send an ask. if you want to be removed, dm me or send an ask.)

*taps mic* Hello, writer friends! Thanks for being here today <33 welcome to the first episode of HOW TO BREAK A READER. Today, we will be exploring how to evoke emotions from the reader, by having a fight between two characters.

I have decided to effectively break it down into these pointers–

1-> BUILDING UP TENSION TO THE FIGHT

Before we give the shock, we want to give them the fear. when two characters the readers extremely love, and also ship very much (it could be a platonic ship as well) start to have small little bickers. if your ship is an enemy to lovers, your reader wouldn’t suspect much, so you have to show how upset it makes your character. 

you want them to avoid each other, reducing screen time of the characters together that if the reader doesn’t pick up on it, let some of the side characters to. show how your character replays the small bickers a lot, to show the affects. and if your novel is a romance novel, its a good time to start your side story while your character avoids the love interest, or show them bumping into each other and ignoring each other.

2-> THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THOSE 2 CHARACTERS.

Having a fight between your characters has to be unusual, taking the reader aback. Having two characters who already hate each other fight may give some emotional satisfaction or the signal for the readers to kick back and eat popcorn, but we’re looking for tears. 

The best thing to do is to go ahead and give a fight between two people who usually get along. and ‘get along’ can’t be just mutuals, it should be two people who have a deep and happy relationship, and also extremely close. bonus points if one of them is the person who is the most optimistic of the bunch. 

fights should be unusual, now we have the shock factor. The shock has started, and the tears will follow.

3-> THE EVENTS OF THE FIGHT

Here comes the big break. the fight. Now this is where you have to make everyone crack into pieces. there has to be tears, and each one of the characters shouting about their feelings. if it’s a physical fight, add some emotional narrative such as:

Bob slammed his knife into Josh’s stomach, plunging through the flesh. This wretched creature–always thinking he’s the best–

You have to make sure the reader sees both sides of the story by the characters yelling, and maybe some child or innocent character tries to break the fight up. if the characters ignore the child, let them continue, with occasional interferences. There has to be someone holding someone back, and some people cheering on the fight. There has to be tears in their eyes. You have to show the cracks in their voices.

The best way to end is one character just leaving, and the other still angry, and too emotionally charged to care. that’s it, your fight’s over (its a cliche way though) or, both of them scream about something close to the character, and it makes one character freeze. That they just give up about the fight. such as:

“I wish I never met you!” Alessia screams into the void. Silence. Only the heavy breaths of Nathan echoing through the air. Nathan freezes, and like a movie, he starts replaying again. Alessia’s breath catches as his fury morphs into sadness.

“Okay.” And he leaves the room.

“We’re done!” Alessia calls, anger filling her blood once again. How can he just–turn her back on her? This is all his fault–

There is no response, just the nasal sniffles from Gianna.

( a weak example, but I don't do romance 🤡 )

4-> CONSEQUENCES OF THE FIGHT

it’s over. you have cracked your reader, but now you want them to cry. you don’t want them to talk for days, the side characters giving dirty looks, and the character crying because they messed up. you want regret and remorse.

it will hurt the reader more if the pair had some plans ahead and one character goes and waits for them in the venue, but the other never comes. and then perhaps another fight for that. That is the confrontation. All of this is optional, of course. there are two paths:

A. THE CHARACTERS NEVER TALK AGAIN.

Easy. Make them ignore each other, and the book ends, with remorse and regret, it never gets past the finish line. You can make this part of the personal growth of the character, developing a bit more.

B. THE CHARACTERS MAKE UP.

This. for this, I suggest a confrontation of the two characters once again, or one character begging the other to just talk to them, or one character getting hurt and–

There are many options and choices you can make. But overall, this should give some distress to your readers, as well as some sadness. Maybe even some tears.

That's it for today. Thank you for joining us on this episode. See you in the next one!

#how to break your reader #episode 1 #write with hana #writing help #writing advice #writing community #writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writers and poets #writerscommunity

[wildlife4life]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @spaceprincessem @exhuastedpigeon @spotsandsocks @devirnis @lover-of-mine @sibylsleaves @hoodie-buck @loserdiaz @daffi-990 and @ladydorian05 Thank you all so much! I look forward to all your fics!

Alright, so yesterday I asked basically for permission to work on my Halloween fics instead of NFL Buck and many of you said to do it. So just for a short time, I will be pausing on NFL Buck. I promise it is still being worked on a bit, but most of my concentration will be on my Halloween fics, which I really hope I can actually get done before Halloween.

Also, I cannot promise that I will be posting much more for tag games this weekend. My daughter is having minor surgery on Friday that we are going out of town for (hospital where I am was a year out), so I will be making most of the weekend taking care of her. I will try my very best to post something, but no promises.

Now that I've caught ya'll up, I know I mentioned a possible werewolf buddie fic. Well that is not this today. Instead I am bringing back Jigsaw Buck, my serial killer fic based off the Saw films. Previous post can be found here.

Warning below the cut. Description of grotesque death and also Devon's suicide. ENJOY!

Pretending to care, to have those emotions that make him approachable and later ignored, is hard work. Buck slipped just a little once.  After losing Devon on the roller coaster.  Of course, Buck wanted him to fight for his life, to see how much better it could be after the game was won, but in end, it wasn’t enough. And that was on Devon. But his old fire captain somehow took his quick acceptance as a form of shock and sent him to department therapy. Buck hated therapists. They were of the few who had the power to peer past the layers, rip off the masks, and see the twisted bloody hunk of flesh that resembled what remained of his dead brother-in-law. Cold with no emotion to be found; just the void that demands the retribution of others. Thankfully (and somewhat unfortunately), Dr. Wells was too distracted by the shiny layer that is firefighter Buckley to actually do her job.  Sadly, she abused the small amount of power she held in her delicate, manicured hands and tried to sexually exploit the man she was supposed to help. When Buck dug around a bit and found her many other victims, well it was a good thing Dr. Wells had such a precise schedule. It was almost too easy grabbing her in the blind spot of her office’s cameras. Too bad the therapist spent most of her given time, screaming that she did no wrong. That those she exploited wanted what she forced upon them, that she didn’t abuse the power she held. And when those last few precious second ticked away, Buck stepped into the room, saddened by her reluctance to take the second chance, learn her lesson. “Game over.” He told her bluntly then turned away, unable to witness his masterful contraption drill into her skull. The whirring tool flung ringlets of bone, blood, hair, and brain matter across the room and onto the floor. The key to her freedom, sat unused in a box just a mere two feet away. The price…a single hand, relinquishing the power she held in it and a tool of her neglect.

Dr. Wells isn't the first or the last of Buck's victims. Spoiler: Eddie will be a subject to Buck's games as well. Mwhaha.

Tagging (no pressure): @callaplums @elvensorceress @eowon @rogerzsteven @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @thekristen999 @theotherbuckley @wikiangela @giddyupbuck @watchyourbuck @buddierights @cowboy-buck @jesuisici33 @fortheloveofbuddie @forthewolves @try-set-me-on-fire @eddiediaztho @eddiebabygirldiaz @thewolvesof1998 @lizzybizzyzzz @shortsighted-owl @homerforsure @monsterrae1 @911onabc @adiazhalloween @housewifebuck @honestlydarkprincess @bvckandeddie @arthursdent @glorious-spoon @bigfootsmom @athenagranted @rainbow-nerdss @gayhoediaz @gayedmundodiaz

#wip wednesday #tag game #my wip #halloween fic #911 abc #911 show #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #dr. wells #serial killer buck #jigsaw buck #detective eddie #gore #saw movies #blood

[gardenerian]

new to this amazing fandom and imposter syndrome is raging thru me. any advice on how to take the plunge and create? or do you think all the well known creators here are already established?

what makes a fic great and a 'classic? regular updates? being active on socials? i posted once and was basically ignored so im scared now and in my head.

sorry for all the questions

× imposter anon

hey there 💓 welcome to the fandom! this is a brilliant, silly, LOVING place, and i am so glad you're here! i'm sorry you're feeling a bit unsure, ty for coming to chat with me 🫂✨

first, i'll say that NO, i don't think there's a cap on creators here. what i love about this fandom is that it's constantly growing and evolving - almost like it's breathing? there are new people who have just binged the show, fans who are reconnecting, and goobers like me who will never let go 😇 no matter what, we are here to gobble up words and art and thoughts and FRIENDSHIP!

honestly, i think the trick for me was connecting. i joined shameless tumblr in 2019 and screamed into the absolute VOID before i started interacting with others. once i started reaching out and talking with others, it was easier for me to share my writing or find the encouragement to start making gifs. there is a BIG focus on community here, and i find that people are so eager and generous with their energy. we WANT to cheer you on and champion your work! we WANT to beta and read and give advice/tips/love.

so i would say not to be shy (easier said than done, i know!), and to share your beautiful self! a lot of users have tracked tags, which is a good way to share and connect. i track #gardenermel (sometimes i am bad at looking, but i'll always get there!), and i'd love to see what you've been up to. and there are many others who love to see creations this way! if you feel comfortable, you can reach out via asks and strike up conversations! all of my friendships here started this way.

there are plenty of ways to get started! fandom events are especially useful for trying things out. depending on what you'd like to create, you could check out @galladrabbles @gallacrafts @gallavichmeta @shamelesscreatorsnetwork @gallavichprompts... there's a yearly @spicygallavichcollab and all kinds of events hosted by @gallavichthings. honestly, the list goes on! these are excellent resources for sharing creations, and a great way to meet members of the fandom.

there's also a host of discord groups associated with some of these initiatives! check out the blogs for links. plus, the big ol' gallabitches server (18+). you'll find a lot of us there, and it's a lovely space to chat about your creations (and everything else!).

as for fic classics, i think that depends on who you ask! there are certainly some fandom staples, but what's great about this space is the WIDE range of interests and ideas. people have put these guys in every single situation, and we continue to be fucking psyched about it. as long as ian, mickey, and the whole damn gang feel true to themselves, i am (generally) fucking here for it. i don't post regularly AT ALL, but i still find that people are so lovely when i do. there's no race to be won here, fandom is about ENJOYING yourself. so i say: please keep trying! drop me a link! i don't catch everything and i WANT to see what yall are doing!

i hope this helps, even in some small way. i know coming into a new fandom can seem daunting, but we're all here for the love of it, and it's so fantastic to keep sharing it! 🍅

anyone else have thoughts? i love you!

#like for me personally #ignoring things is not ever what i mean or want to do #i want to hang on like a barnacle to everything yall create #so please please keep sharing! #throw it in my face!! let's go! i love you! #mel answers

[anonymityisfunwriter]

Two Sides of The Same Coin - Epilogue Pt. 1: "Long Story Short"

"Long story short, it was a bad time. Long story short, I survived..."

Pairing: Sunshine!Reader x Grumpy!Bucky Barnes

2 Years Later...

"Wow..." you awe, leaning over the railing at the very edge of the canyon. "I guess it's called the Grand Canyon for a reason."

Bucky chuckles, rolling his eyes affectionately, but joins you on the very precipice. It was an incredibly warm day, but he loved the unbothered, peaceful look on your face as you looked over the canyon. 

You turn your head away from over the railing and look at Bucky. "Makes me want to scream into the void, you know?"

"So do it," he shrugs nonchalantly. 

"No!" you exclaim, jolting back from the railing with an incredulous expression. "We'll look like crazy people."

"I think you forget that people already look at us like that."

"No, they don't," you scoff, slapping his shoulder.

"Metal arm?" he says, lifting up his arm that glints in the intense Arizona sun. "Lady who singlehandedly took down a government facility."

You suck in a breath as your jaw drops at Bucky's brazen comment. Even though a lot of time had passed since that whole incident, no one ever really talked about it. And for a moment Bucky thinks he took it too far. But then you start laughing, "Oh my God, we are the crazy people."

"Your boyfriend is a super soldier staring machine and you think knocking a building down makes you crazy? Sticking with tin man makes you crazy," Sam mumbles, standing on the other side of you.

"Ignore him," you chuckle. "He's just cranky."

"If I'm cranky it's because I just drove halfway across the country watching the two of you make eyes at each other. It's adorable- and absolutely disgusting. And you made me sit in the back."

"You could've stayed in the car," Bucky points out, side-eying Sam. 

He couldn't really be mad, even annoyed at Sam. Sam was doing the two of you a favor by tagging along and was generally being a good sport about driving across the country with the two of you. 

Even though he wouldn't admit it, by being here Sam was making both yours and his life a whole lot easier.

In the weeks leading up to your trip, Bucky tried talking you out of following the rules and leaving Sam back at the Compound. But in spite of them loosening their vice-like grip on you, you tried to avoid pissing off SHIELD whenever possible. It was already lucky that you three all got to take time off for your second vacation in a year, you didn't want to push it. 

"You dragged me along on this road trip- the second one I've been forced to endure because of you two. And you're just going to leave me in the car?"

"Of course not," you assure him.

"Yes," Bucky replies simultaneously. 

"I hate you guys."

"But you love us," you counter with a wide grin. 

"Yeah," Sam begrudgingly sighs. "Most of the time."

You spend a few hours there basking in the dry Arizona heat. The three of you hiked one of the trails around one side of the canyon, and enjoyed the unbothered pace and generally relaxed nature of the day. And as you watched the sun set once again at the edge of the canyon, you screamed into the void. And you were right, it was a lot of fun.

"You sure you don't want anything?" you ask, stopping at a little store to get some treats and drinks after the long hike. 

"I'm good," Bucky says, pecking your lips. 

"Can you not do that when I'm right here?" Sam whines from the backseat.

Purely out of spite, Bucky does it again, leaning over the console to peck your lips, only this time purposefully dragging out the kiss. You playfully push him away, turning to Sam. "Sam? You sure?"

"I'm fine. Thanks for remembering that I'm still here."

You roll your eyes and step out of the car. The two men watch as you walk into the store. And as soon as you enter, Sam punches Bucky's arm. "Why didn't you do it?"

Bucky remorsefully sighs, fully knowing that this question was coming. "It wasn't the right time."

"And when exactly is the right time? You've been carrying that ring around for months already. You're just lucky I can keep a secret. If Steve finds out, this whole thing is a moot point."

He shakes his head, "I don't know! It just- it has to be perfect."

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were having second thoughts. Or stalling," Sam quietly accuses.

"Second thoughts about her? Never. Stalling? Eh... It just needs to be right."

"She's not going to say no," Sam states, answering Bucky's silent worries. 

"She could."

"She loves you. And if you ever tell anyone I said this I'll deny it, but you're perfect together. Compliments of Sam Wilson matchmaking."

Bucky turns away from the steering wheel, his eyebrows pulled together in clear objection of Sam's revisionist history. That's not at all the way Bucky remembers that happening at all. "I believe for the first six months we knew each other you threatened me and warned me not to flirt with her."

"Reverse psychology- people always want what they can't have," Sam convincingly lies, knowing that he meant every single one of those threats. 

"Whatever you have to tell yourself," Bucky snorts. 

Sam shakes his head, throwing it back as he slumps back into his seat. "I can't believe we drove across the country for you to chicken out. Again."

Bucky shrugs, "It's on her bucket list. It's one of the only things we haven't done."

"I'd ask what else is on the list, but I don't think I want to know."

"Don't be sick," Bucky chides, thought a wry smirk pulls at one side of his mouth. "But yeah, you probably don't want to know."

Sam gags dramatically. "I'm going to take away my blessing if you don't stop talking. And if you don't stop chickening out."

He lets out a long breath and nods, silently agreeing with Sam's vague threats. "It just has to be perfect."

-

"Hey," you hear Bucky call from the doorway. 

"There you are. I haven't seen you all day, I missed you!" you exclaim, sitting up on the blanket you'd laid out in front of your garden. You three had only been back a week before Bucky was needed on assignment. He'd been gone almost the entire day. "How was your mission?"

"Good," he shrugs, doing his best to feign nonchalance. "Just a little tired. Come nap with me?"

"Sure," you smile, folding up your blanket and walking toward the door. As you start to walk alongside Bucky, you immediately notice the nervous expression on Bucky's face. "Are we going to talk about what's wrong or would you like me to pretend I don't notice yet?"

"Pretend you don't notice," he chuckles, wiping his palm on his pant leg.

"Okay," you nod, intertwining your fingers with him. "Well, look at this, Peter sent me a bunch of memes. People on Twitter are pretty funny, you know?"

"It's funny until Sam starts posting things that he shouldn't," he grumbles, remembering the day Sam 'accidentally' posted a picture of you and Bucky.

It was a sweet picture, you and Bucky were sitting on the couch and you laid on top of him in a koala bear hold. You remembered that day well. You were just coming back from a particularly difficult and long mission, so it was nice to come back and be reunited with Bucky. Unfortunately, Sam snapped a picture of that reunion and posted it online, confirming your relationship to the public. It was almost a year ago and they still bickered about whether or not it really was an accident. 

"You're still mad that he accidentally outed us?" you chuckle.

"Was it an accident if he did it completely on purpose?"

"Well look at this one," you say, walking next to Bucky down the hall to your room. You point at the screen. "This one's you. The caption is Bucky Barnes when he's happy and Bucky Barnes when he's angry. But it's the same picture!"

"Hilarious," he grunts, knowing exactly how much the public loved to tease him about his grumpy disposition. Multiple times he'd seen people refer to you two as a real life 'grumpy sunshine' couple. Which, admittedly, was true.

He tried for the most part to be a good sport about the whole thing. It was to your benefit anyway, the public loved you. They liked your sunny demeanor and willingness to share little snippets of your life as an Avenger.

And it was another way for you to get more leverage on SHIELD. With the occasional remark about how you technically weren't an Avenger but a SHIELD asset, and a couple words about what exactly that meant, people started taking your side. And Bucky knew better than most that the court of public opinion mattered. And right now, you were winning. 

"I will say, I'm not sure I like it when people take pictures of us walking down the street. It's not my fault I'm expressive, they always get me at the worst times."

"And by expressive do you mean how you make weird faces?"

"I do not!" you scoff, playfully pushing his shoulder. 

“Do you remember the day we met?” Bucky asks, dramatically pivoting the conversation as he opens the door to your shared bedroom. As you walk in, he's careful to block your view into the actual room. 

“Feeling sentimental?” you quip, placing the blanket on the small couch.

He huffs in amusement, still blocking your view as you take your shoes off and place them at the door. “I want to show you something.”

“Okay.”

“It’s just in that book right there,” he says, nudging his head to the bookshelf to the side of you. You spot the book slightly sticking out of line from the rest of them. You grab the book and open it to the page being held. When you open the book, you see a blue flower perfectly pressed between the pages. 

“Is this-” you quietly gasp, gently stroking the pressed flower.

“That flower you gave me that very first day? Yeah,” he replies.

You turn around, still staring at the flower in the book. “I can’t believe you kept - James?” you ask, seeing him down on one knee, holding out a ring. Though your eyes don't leave his, in your peripheral you can see your room covered in rose petals and sunflowers, dim lights strung around the entire room. “What are-What are you doing?”

“Please tell me you’ve seen a proposal or something because I’m kind of worried I’m looking like an idiot,” he anxiously chuckles, though he knows that you've watched enough romances that you know exactly what he's doing.

“I have,” you whisper, frozen in shock.

“Okay, good,” he exhales in relief. “I'm not really good with words, so I thought I'd show you how much you've always meant to me. I kept that flower because I had this gut feeling. I trust every single gut feeling I have, Doll. Every single one. My instincts keep me alive, and I had this feeling like I couldn’t just throw that away. Like every freaking fiber of my being was telling me that this was important. That you were going to be important. I just didn’t know that you were going to be the most important person in my life. And every day, I wake up so thankful that you are. That you decided to stick with me, that you saw the real me even when I was being a grumpy asshole.”

Through the tears, you chortle, “You made it so easy to love you.”

“No, I didn’t. I really did not make it easy, but you stayed anyway. And I always want you to stay. You make my life brighter, after being cold for so long, you bring so much warmth and I never, ever want that to go away. I want you with me forever. Marry me. Stay with me forever.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he chuckles.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

Bucky doesn't get the chance to say anything else before, he hears on the opposite side of the door. You're pretty sure the familiar voice is Steve. "Did she say yes?"

"Of course she said yes," another voice whispers, this one you're certain belongs to Sam, "But did she?"

-

“Sam,” you interject, taking a deep breath to try and remain calm. “You can’t be James’ best man.”

What followed the proposal was something you never anticipated. Things were quiet in the Compound for a few days, but the peace didn't last very long. You and Bucky made it abundantly clear that you didn't want a big event- nothing of the sort, just a simple ceremony with the people that were closest to you. You'd moved slowly your entire relationship, but this was something that you and him were both eager to do. Something quick and simple- those were your only wants. Or at least what you thought you wanted.

Your small ceremony was then commandeered by your fellow teammates.

In their defense, it only took a slight nudge in that direction and a little bit of convincing on their part.

And they didn't hold back on their meddling and persuasion methods, like them telling you how after everything you two had jointly and individually gone through you both deserved an actual celebration. Or that it could be so much fun, and how they could collectively take the brunt of the planning. 

You were won over by Wanda's wistfully descriptions of a beautiful ceremony and her endless talkings about what kind of wedding dresses she thought you would love. 

Bucky was won over by Steve's incessant ramblings about this being the start of your lives together that it should be a moment that you'd look back on over your lifetime together. 

You remembered that conversation with him very well:

"Ugh...finally," Bucky sighs in relief, hearing the door click open and shut. Though he's laying on his stomach and his face is flat against his pillow, he sticks out his arm to reach for you.

You chuckle, lazily padding toward your bed. You, like Bucky, are absolutely exhausted, and ready to crash after your days long mission with Nat and Wanda. As you make your way to your bed, you haphazardly drop your gear on the floor leaving a trail for you to pick up later.

You sigh deeply, crawling into bed right beside Bucky.

"They didn't let up, huh?" he mumbles, turning away from his pillow toward you. He lifts one of his arms to allow you to curl up next to him as you throw the comforter over the two of you.

You shake your head before resting it on Bucky's chest.

"Steve either. And now Tony's joined in too."

You took a deep breath, wondering how exactly how to tell Bucky that somewhere in the weeks of badgering and long conversations, they'd won you over. They had a point, you didn't have a normal life, you didn't have a childhood or a first day of school, or anything that vaguely resembled a normal milestone, but this was something that you could have. And you could have that with Bucky.

You waited for Bucky's normal quip about how the two of you could just elope or go to city hall without telling anyone. It could be a legally binding ceremony too now that SHIELD had given you an ID. Of course that ID was more for optics and to appease those around you, while still remaining nothing more than SHIELD property. 

You kept waiting for Bucky's snide comment, but it never came. You looked up at him and saw a conflicted, pensive look on his face. "Everything okay?"

"What if-" he starts, letting the words trail off as he shakes his head like the thought isn't worth finishing. 

"What if?" you urge, tracing lines in the palm of his hand. 

"I mean, would it be so bad?" he coyly asks.

Your fingers stop in their tracks as you look up at him. "James, do you want to have a wedding?" you quietly ask, carefully watching his reaction.

"No," he reflexively replies. "But also not no? Ugh...I don't know those little shit-heads are really persuasive."

"It could be fun," you offer, resuming your little tracings. "The whole ceremony, reception."

Bucky grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his own. "Oh my God, they talked you into it too?"

"They're really convincing when they want to be," you chortle.

"Trust me, I know," Bucky scoffs. "The entire way back Steve and Tony were talking my ear off about this being the start of our lives together. That it should be special. That we should do it right. I almost threw myself out of the plane."

"With a parachute this time?" you knowingly ask.

Bucky chuckles, knowing that of all things you were a real stickler about his safety measures- or lack thereof. "Yes, with a parachute this time."

"Good," you huff. "They did it on purpose, you know? Divide and conquer to get what they want."

"Meddling assholes," Bucky grumbles. 

"Well, it's not a bad strategy. It worked, didn't it?"

He looks down at you with a warm smile, "So we're doing this? Having a real wedding with the black tie, the ceremony, we're really going to do it?"

"Yeah, I guess we are."

And that's how you found yourself here.

This wasn't even your decision to make, but that certainly didn't stop Steve and Sam from trying to force you to force Bucky to pick a best man.

And when he refused, and was now admittedly ignoring them, they didn't hesitate to use you as a liaison for Bucky- and maybe to sway him one way or another.

No matter how many times you told them it wasn't up to you, every time they saw you they were relentlessly pleading their cases. His mouth drops a little. “Oh no, Steve’s got you on his best man campaign too? That stings-”

“Can you please let me finish?”

“Fine,” he huffs in annoyance.

“Nat and Wanda explained to me that apparently someone’s supposed to walk me down the aisle - that normally it’s someone’s dad that gives them away. And you know that I don’t have a dad, but I don’t think I’d be here if it weren’t for you. So I want you to do it.”

Sam's annoyed expressions drops immediately as he gestures to himself like he can't quite believe what you've just asked him. "You want me to walk you down the aisle?"

"I know it's not the same as being James' best man-"

You're cut off by the sight of Sam starting to fan his face. “I told myself I wouldn’t cry. I told myself I wouldn’t cry.”

He abruptly stops fanning his face, throwing his arms around you in a bear hug. 

"I won't tell them if you cry," you mumble into Sam's shoulder.

"Thanks," he mumbles back.

-

"Okay, I'm here. I'm here!" Sam exclaims, running in from the large entrance.

"Where the hell have you been? We're supposed to start in like 5 minutes."

"35 minutes," Sam corrects. 

"What?"

"35 minutes. Not 5. We lied before so you'd be on time for once in your life."

You angrily gasp, "I don't have good perception of time! I've told you that like a million times."

"Exactly. And now we're all nice and early. And no one has to worry. You look beautiful by the way - Bucky's a lucky man."

"Thank you," you huff, still slightly annoyed that they lied to you. "I can't believe you guys lied to me."

"I have something for you," Sam states, completely ignoring your irritation and pulling out a file from behind his back. 

"Do we need to do this right now?" you ask anxiously, gesturing to the large wooden doors. "We're kind of in the middle of something."

"It's important," he says, pushing the file towards you. 

You sigh and nod, taking the file from him. The file in hand, you notice the SHIELD stamp on the manila envelope and you stop reading immediately. “They’re giving me a new handler again?” you meekly question.

You didn't hear much from SHIELD these days so long as you didn't do anything too defiant, so when you did it always made you a little uneasy.

“Why don’t you open it? Read the whole thing," he urges.

“Is it bad? If it’s bad I don’t want to open it.”

“You think I’d give you bad news, on today of all days?”

You take a deep breath and relax your tensed shoulders. “I guess not.”

“Just trust me. Open it.”

You open the folder to see a slim stack of documents. The first one with your name and birthdate on it. “What is this?”

“A birth certificate. A social. Your very own bank account. Everything you’re going to need.”

“Everything I’m going to need?” you echo.

Sam shrugs, feeling himself choke up. “Everything you’re gonna need to be on your own. Or with Bucky, I guess.”

“I don’t understand,” you exhale, fighting the tears welling in your eyes. 

“As of yesterday, you are no longer a SHIELD asset. You are officially your own person. An Avenger if you want. A private citizen. Magician, maybe?”

“You’re not my handler anymore?”

“Nope. You’re officially a fully functional, productive member of society.”

“So I’m not going to see you anymore?” you ask more out of fear than actual rational thought. 

“Well, you’re not getting rid of me that easily," he scoffs playfully, though you can hear the undercurrent of emotion in his voice. "You’re just your own person now. You’re free. You can make your own choices, live your life however you want to. Even if it is with that idiot. You don’t need me anymore.”

You throw your arms around your mentor. “I’m always going to need you.”

"Alright," he forcefully exhales, trying to shake off the emotion. "You've got that idiot waiting for you."

"Why do you keep calling him an idiot?" you chuckle, trying your best to blink away the tears. "He's your best friend."

"And because he's my best friend, I can say that he's an idiot. Anyway, today my loyalty is to you and only you. As a getaway car, if you want. If you want me to threaten Bucky and kick his ass. Just say the word. Whatever you need."

"Just walking me down the aisle will do, thank you very much."

"Then let's do it."

It all sort of blurred together after that. Walking down the aisle to Bucky. All the people you'd come to love surrounding you in a small ceremony. The wide, goofy-looking grin on Bucky's normally stoic expression.

The only thing that remained perfectly clear were the vows you exchanged as you stood right in front of him. 

Holding his hands, you spoke first, "These last three years I've had to learn so much. So much that sometimes I feel like my head's just going to explode. And something I've always liked to believe is that somewhere out in this big, wonderful world is another part of you- that somewhere there's your other half waiting for you. I've always thought it was just so pretty to think that all along there was an invisible string that tied you to me. And you and me? I know you like I know myself. There's this book I read, and the quote goes, 'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.' Or like Sam once put it, two sides of the same coin. I'm so lucky that I found my other half in you. That all this time I had someone who understands me better than I understand myself. And if I had to do it all again, I would because in the end, it brought me to you."

"And that's what I promise. I promise that I'll sit with you in the trenches, to show you the good even when you can't see it in yourself. And to love every part of you, even the parts that you don't like. Just you and me forever."

Bucky took a deep breath, both out of nerves and the raw emotions of hearing your vows to him. As if you know what he's feeling, you gently stroke the back of his hand with your thumb. He smiles and then begins speaking, "I'm not like you. I don't see the magic in the world. I don't believe in some epic destiny or fairytale happy ending. At least, I didn't. And I was perfectly fine, I really believed I was good on my own, that I was better off alone. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough, or maybe I'd given up, but I never saw you coming. And I'll never be the same. And I can say with absolute certainty that I never thought about another person in the world that would know me like you know me. I've lived a lot of lives. Done things that I'm not particularly proud of. And there were so many days that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. And you've turned me into a person that I actually like. You saw that in me when I couldn't even see it in myself. You're the brightest, warmest person I've ever know, and to know that you chose me, there aren't words for how that feels. Actually there is, it feels like peace. You feel like peace."

"Our lives are not peaceful. We both know that, so that's what I promise today, to be your safe place. To be your home. And even when everything feels like it's falling apart, I will be there. And I promise that as long as I'm here, you'll never have to be alone again."

You remember blinking away the tears welling in your eyes, the feeling of Bucky sliding your wedding band down your finger. Saying your I do's. 

And then hearing, "You may kiss the bride."

He wasted not a single second, cupping your cheeks and pulling you in a sweet yet breathtaking kiss.

It was just you and him forever.

And you couldn't have imagined it getting better than this. 

Next Chapter

"Two Sides Of The Same Coin" Chapter List AnonymityIsFun Masterlist

#anonymityisfunwriter #anonymityisfun #grumpy sunshine trope #grumpy x sunshine #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #x reader #inspired by taylor swift #reader insert #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes au #long story short

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Matters of the Heart

Pairing: Best friend! Yeonjun x gn. reader

Genre: Fluff; Angst; Maybe eventual smut (I'm not sure about this, but if my bestie wants it, I might add I lmao)

Content Warnings: University au!; mutual pining; our main leads being stupid; I haven't planned smut for this one, but it might well turn suggestive

Word Count: 1.96k words 

Mellow speaks: The first part is here!!! I honestly can't believe I came up with this idea in a dream lol. I'm enjoying writing it, so I hope you guys look forward to more parts!! 

Tagging: @sweethyuka @yedamology @enhacolor @axartia @hyunsuksmygod @yogurteume @duolingofanaccount @zurimochi @yogurteume @blahbluhblahbluh @yeonyeonyeonjun @yjs6x @silent--cry (this one's for you my love)

(Taglist is open!! Send in an ask/dm to be added, or simply comment under this post!)

Next》

You're back at last, and despite having had been away for months on end, it seems that the campus you had come to adore over your years as a student hasn't changed one bit during your absence. No, it's still the same, buzzing with people both known and new, some roaming across the gravel and others seated at the benches. The fro-yo shop at the left-hand corner catering to a whole line of of expectant customers, and the sound of Kai's voice, slightly off-note on purpose to "attract listeners" (his own words, not Taehyun's) filtering through the speakers and telling you it's time for the radio's afternoon show. Yeah, everything's the same, and boy are you glad to be back.

Don't get this twisted though. You were more than grateful for the opportunity of going to Australia for the exchange programme, and you're even more grateful as you think back to all the interesting stuff you learned and all the sweet memories you made during your stay. But that doesn't mean you didn't miss being back home in Seoul, didn't miss your weekly trips to the fro-yo counter just to get a student discount. Didn't miss seeing Beomgyu being weird in class, or didn't miss sipping on your latte with Taehyun while judging Soobin as he tried to ask his crush out (something he finally did manage to do while you were away, much to your dismay). 

And most of all, it definitely doesn't mean you didn't miss a certain someone, because you did. You did miss him, much more than you'd care to admit. The late-night and early morning video calls weren't nearly enough to fill the void that having to navigate your days without him had left inside your heart, and it's no lie that right now, you're counting down the minutes till you can meet him again. That's the thought you have in mind when Kai's voice breaks you out of it, a giggle to be heard from the tiny intercoms spread throughout the balconies and roofs of the buildings.

"You're favorite boy Kai is back!," his high-pitched tone carrying through the air as a groan from Taehyun follows soon after, their wordless banter making you let out a chuckle. "Some things never change," you mutter to yourself, tuning in to the news segment just so you know all the juice before stepping back into college life. But what you hear instead is nothing short of a scream of excitement, a gasp slipping past your lips at the suddenness. 

"Now as you all know, our lovely Y/N, the heart of our campus, has come back from her trip to Australia. And as her best friend, I think it's my duty to-," Kai says all to happily, only to be cut off by Taehyun's panicked voice as he says something that makes you raise your eyebrows in surprise. "I'm sorry for that Yeonjun. Everyone knows Y/N's your best friend, Kai was just being stupid. Ignore him,"his words bleed through, the mention of a particular name making your ears perk up. 

Yeonjun. Choi Yeonjun, the clueless campus heartthrob and your best friend since first year of college. Despite being a year elder to you, his annoyingly adorable ways did help him wiggle into your life, and eventually, your heart. You hadn't planned for it to happen, but how could you not melt when he was always popping up by your side at random times, just to "steal you away" and take you to his spot, the small room on the rooftop which he claimed to have discovered. How could you not melt when he was always there to stop people from waking you up when you fell asleep in the library, threatening to blast them off to space if they ruined your nap.

Yet, all you had thought of it was a simple crush, confident that it would go away when you left for your programme. But as your eyes scan the grounds and halls for any signs of his mop of hair (which you know from all the selfies is blue now), you're not so sure anymore. Because how can you be when the past few months, the only thing that's been keeping the homesickness at bay has been his constant words of encouragement, his efforts to sneak in a "Good morning" and "Good night" every day without fail, despite it not being an obligation. 

Yeonjun has been nothing but supportive of your effort to broaden your horizons, and he's been telling you the same thing over every text message and through every video call, day in and day out. He didn't need to put it into words, it was plenty evident from the way he told you he said "I miss you" but never lingered on that thought too long, afraid of making you change your mind. And if you had expected the softness in your heart to go away as the skyline of South Korea had receded into the distance, his actions and gentle sure did prove you wrong. 

That's why, here you are now, letting your feet carry you through the corridors of the university, your eyes peeking into every nook and cranny in the hopes of discovering the person you're searching for. Your best friend, after all, is the person you want to meet first  "He was supposed to meet me near the archway," you mutter to yourself, shaking your head a little as you continue down the halls, turning up no luck in the cafeteria or even the dance room, the two places you know he loves the most. Except......

"Of course!," are your words at the very next moment, your hand flying to your forehead as you think of the one place he can be. Before you know it, you're jogging, your feet slapping against the hard ground as you make your way towards the gymnasium hall. Why, you ask? Because in case you've forgotten, that's the building whose top floor happens to be the home to the radio room, the place where you had, quite literally, run into a wall during your freshman year, on your way for an interview.  

The wall in question, rather obviously, was the toned chest of none other than Yeonjun, the hottie who was notorious for being absolutely in the dark about how he made head turns and hearts ache with a simple smile of his. That was your first meeting with him, but by no means did it become your last, the stars aligning in a way to orchestrate meeting after meeting. Soon enough, he was your co-host on the morning show, the sleepy expression on his face as he walked into the station with a boba in hand making your cheeks flush every morning. 

To put it short, it was bit too adorable for you to handle. His hair a little messy from the shower, and his cheeks still puffed-up from the late-night snacking, something he had told you quite early on was his favorite pastime. And that wasn't all he had told you either, his witty oneliners and quirky, completely random thoughts always managing to catch you off-guard as you got ready for another "Wakey wakey" over your mic. But your chemistry with him was undeniable, the Y/NJun duo quickly becoming a fan-favorite. And with that, blossomed the beginning of a beautiful friendship with the man you had affectionately come to call "Jjun." 

The rest, as they say, is history, your mind swimming with memories that threaten to make you smile and weep at the same time. "He must be in there," you think to yourself, turning the last corner between you and the gymnasium. But the very next moment, you're suddenly stopping, skidding your feet against the gravel as you let out a gasp. It takes you a minute to process the sight in front of you, your eyes scanning over the giant blue and pink banner that welcomes you back. 

That's not all that's waiting for you though, because right under the banner, stands a whole group of people, the figures of most of them rather easily discernable as they face away from you. That is, until one of them, one with a fading blue haircolor, starts to turn around, the smile that you've missed so much finally greeting you in the face. And then, you're running again, actually dashing this time, your form throwing itself at Yeonjun as your arms get wrapped around his shoulders, his own snaking around your waist. 

Next thing you know, he's lifting you up, laughs to be heard from everywhere around you as he spins you, his own laughter rumbling through his chest. It's in that moment that you notice the tears that are now streaming down your cheeks, the months of being away from him hitting you like a truck. Everything fades away into the wind, only Yeonjun and you being left behind, at least in your mind's eye. It's just the two of you, perfect like always, not needing anyone else.

When he puts you down, it's like you can't being yourself to tear your gaze away from his eyes, his head bent slightly as he looks down at you with the softest expression on his face. "Hi," is all you can say, finding yourself at a loss for words the longer you stare at him. It's hard to fathom that he's finally there, finally in front of you, and not just waving at you through a screen. This moment is perfect, and you don't want it to break. Ever. 

Except it does, a giant Soobin lurching in to steal you away, hugging you super tight and crying about how he missed you. It's not like you can bring yourself to be mad at him though, because you did miss him too. After that, it's an slew of hugs and kisses and shouts of "Welcome back." The kisses, of course, are from Beomgyu, your eyes voluntarily flicking over to the eldest among you to gauge his reaction. 

But he's not there, making your scrunch your brows in confusion for just a second until Taehyun pulls you to the side, complaining about everyone, especially Kai. And all you can do is laugh at that, your heart warming at getting back all the things you missed so dearly. It's mid-laughter that you hear Yeonjun's voice cut through the air, your head turning towards the sound as yet another gasp slips past your lips. A huge cake, bearing your face, is what greets you, a grinning Yeonjun looking at you expectantly. 

"Surprise," he whispers, smile widening as your eyes move from the cake to him and back. After what feels like an eternity, you finally manage to squeak out a "I- Jjun-," only to be cut off by a feminine voice. "It's so nice to meet you at last, Y/N," a girl comes into view, his voice warm and his smile friendly. But she's someone you don't recognize, aside from the fact that she seems a couple years younger. "I've heard so much about you from everyone, especially Yeonjun," she quips, sticking a hand out for you to shake.

But you only look at her in confusion, your face morphing into one of perplexity when she links her arm with Yeonjun. "Your Yeonjun," your mind says, though he's not really yours to keep. Not yet, anyway. Seeing you zoning out, your best friend is quick to spill out an introduction. "Y/N, meet Sara, a freshman and my-," he begins, but it's the girl next to him who completes the sentence, saying something that you're not sure you hear correctly.

"His girlfriend." 

Girlfriend. Yeonjun has a girlfriend. That's when it all comes crashing down. 

#yeonjun #yeonjun fluff #yeonjun angst #yeonjun scenarios #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun x reader #txt #txt fluff #txt angst #txt scenarios #txt imagines #tomorrow x together fluff #tomorrow x together angst #tomorrow x together scenarios #soobin #soobin angst #soobin fluff #soobin scenarios #soobin imagines #soobin x reader #taehyun #taehyun fluff #taehyun angst #taehyun x reader #taehyun imagines #taehyun scenarios #beomgyu #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu x reader

[meraki-yao]

You don't have to post it if you don't want to, you can also block me or delete it's ok, I just need to vent because this situation is hitting rock bottom and I can't stand how people don't want to see the problem:

In short: there is a video of the q&a where the female producer gets Casey pronouns wrong when talking about them. It's totally ok to point this out and give respect that Casey deserves BUT who was given the main blame? Taylor obviously, despite him also using the right pronouns during the panel, is guilty of not correcting the woman in front of everyone so he's bad again.

But this time we're not talking about that handful of idiot Nick fans, we're talking about the rwrb fandom that says they love him so much but once again for the umpteenth time they threw him under the bus without thinking twice even though he had no fault. And it will be the third time that the same fandom has exaggerated something against him, subsequently causing serious problems ( like racism and homophobia and doxxing which took place in december where everyone then washed their hands of it pretending nothing happened and they did nothing wrong)

And I'm so tired of reading that we just have to ignore that social because that social is the most active and followed and we know Taylor a few days ago saw stuff and posted and today Casey saw and posted a story. That social causes damage and everything they bring there is seen and affects all of them. So no it's not enough to ignore and put our hands over our eyes and just talk about how beautiful the sky is and I'm so tired and sad and heartbroken because every day even unconsciously they make it more and more evident that there isn't the same affection and respect for both, it's not true, one will always be seen with a critical eye "yes you are beautiful, perfect, so sexy, wow how beautiful these photos BUT you are a bit problematic, BUT you should be better than that, BUT you should learn better, oh disappointed but not surprised" and it is obviously always the poc man who has to be better who has to do better even when he does absolutely nothing wrong.

And this comes from the people who say they follow him and love him. It's no longer possible, that man has been attacked every single day for months, now he must also fall into the transphobic category because he didn't correct another person in front of everyone even though HE had used the right pronouns. But do we realize that this shit fucks up your mental health in the long run? But why doesn't anyone realize how serious the situation is? I cannot take it anymore and I feel like I'm screaming into the void and witnessing the moment when everything will get worse and fall apart and then we will be here sad because it didn't have to go that way for him

…Woah.

Jesus Christ what the fuck.

Okay um, here we go. This is a monster of response to write but here I am.

I’m gonna start by saying I am not a direct witness of any of this. I didn’t know about the misgendering issue during the Q&A, I didn’t really notice it when I watched the Q&A myself yesterday. I’m not on twitter and I don’t follow or look at Taylor or Nick’s tags. All insults I seen regarding the boys are either from assholes trying to bother me or from people who want to talk about the phenomena, both in my inbox.

Regarding misgendering Casey:

Firstly I’m gonna state the obvious and say of course it’s a bad thing to misgender someone. Don’t do that

However I will also say this.

In regards to the extent of reaction: it’s not always done in malice. And in this case, I think it’s a genuine slip up, which happens. I had to consciously remind myself to deliberately use the right pronouns after my friend came out to me as non-binary. I had to correct my friend using the wrong pronouns when talking about our mutual non-binary student. It’s not ideal, but it happens. It’s not mean, it’s just careless. And please note that I’m not saying it’s ok to misgender someone, no it’s absolutely not but I also don’t think this case calls for a big reaction.  If someone maliciously, deliberately, publicly and repeatedly misgenders someone, that’s problematic, that should be called out by the masses to this extent. This, we should acknowledge, make a note, and move on. I think there’s some cases where the reaction to certain issues are massively disproportional, this is one of them.

In regards to Taylor not correcting Sarah and being targeted for it: Firstly, Taylor didn’t misgender them, Sarah did. Taylor used the right pronouns. In fact when they hung out in New York last August, Taylor used the right pronouns on his Instagram story. Secondly, he might not have picked that up. Thirdly, even if he did, it’s awkward to suddenly cut off a monologue, let alone one from friend or not, is someone on a higher level than you, to correct a mistake that doesn’t directly affect comprehensive. Fourthly, bystanders are encouraged to step into situations, but they’re certainly not obligated to. So placing the blame or putting so much blame on Taylor is ridiculous and unfair.

In regards to Casey’s Instagram story: I understand where the connection comes from but honestly… I think there’s also a possibility that that’s just a post that Casey saw and wanted to share without reference to this issue. They don’t have Twitter, and it’s been several days since the screening. Truthfully, everyone involved seems really friendly with each other, and how this very project is advocating for LGBT rights, I don’t really believe that if they were aware of the misgendering, they wouldn’t apologize to Casey.

So replying to the “You don’t have to post it…” anon, I agree that putting any blame on Taylor is kind of ridiculous in this case, just like what happened in December. I think there’s a portion of “fans” that are fucking around with this and genuinely hurting him, but there might also be a portion of people who have a problematic/complicated perception of this type of situation, and it’s not targeted specifically towards Taylor. Either way I disapprove with what they’re doing, but here’s a hypothesis.

Regarding the damage these stuff causes:

I’ve addressed the insults thrown at Taylor multiple times by now. And I kind of agree with “I hate that there are idiots…” anon that really disgusting insults thrown at Nick tend to be overlooked, it’s not like there’s no Nick haters, there is. But because of the inherent racism, attacks on Taylor are much more obvious. Either way it’s cruel and disgusting and the boys don’t deserve to be thrown insults like that, nor do they deserve to have people enact cruelty in their name. Rarely is anyone deserving of that, and in the case of these two boys who have been proven to kind and wonderful people, it’s definitely wrong.

I’m tired of reading and seeing these bullshit on social media as well, which is why I actively avoid it, but “You don’t have to post it” anon, I definitely understand and share your worries of this fucking up the boys mental health.

But the sad truth is that we can’t decide what he can see and what he can’t. We’re just gonna need to trust him, to believe that he knows how to regulate the exposure of response he gets, that he knows what comments matter and what don’t, that he knows how to take care of his mental health. He actively avoids twitter, so I think he has an idea on what he can engage with an what he shouldn’t. Same goes with Nick, all we can do is believe he knows his mental health and how to regulate it. Meanwhile, those of us who aren’t assholes, we’ll show them all the love we have for him. I think public figures all struggle with this to some extent, so when they stepped into this career, I believe they saw this as a possibility, so they’re prepared to some degree. That doesn’t make any of this okay, but again, ultimately, we’re not people directly in their lives. We can’t do anything else practical.

Ultimately I want to say, be kind, compassionate and considerate. We can’t control what others do, and truth be told when it comes to the majority of the haters, I don’t think calling them out will change anything. They have their mind set. So the best we can do, is manage and control what we say and do, and to some degree, what we see and engage with.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #casey mcquiston #anon ask #answered #oh god this took a lot out of me

[whyshedisappeared]

How do you stand this website being so evil and ignorant and blind to reality? Every day I feel like I block dozens of people, and I've lost a ton of followers (not that they're really a loss, antisemites and terrorism supporters gtfo, BUT the depressing part is having to know that many mutuals and followers were antisemitic and full of hate all along). It feels hopeless and I want to delete.

thb I feel like im screaming into a void. the only people who interact with my posts about the war are Israelis and Jewish. and even they only like them and don't reblog.

I feel like im just surviving one hour at a time.

as to your original question, first of all I filtered the tags free pal*stine and pal*stine. i don't know how long you've been here, but I've had this account since 2012. I've been here during protective edge, during the almost war in 2021. I'm honestly used to the feeling of being isolated and called a monster because I don't want to die. I've had more than one person I thought were my friend essentially ask me to justify my right to live and when I didn't beg them to believe me that I'm not a monster and I actually support hamas and blah blah blah they blocked me. I lost over 200 followers, I blocked even more.

I see people wishing soldiers death knowing that my little brother is in the south, keeping people safe, having to lay on the ground more times than I would like to think while missiles shoot over his head. to the point that while on the phone with him there were missiles launched, he saw the trajectory and said "oh there's an alert in tel aviv" and 10 seconds later we saw tel aviv in the alarm list.

I'm going to my 6th funeral tomorrow, where two girls from my choir who lost their dad. I went to a funeral of a 23 yo childhood friend who was killed in kfar aza. another of a 25yo big brother of another childhood friend who was killed in gaza. to one of a 23 yo old guy who was with my brother in the volleyball team and my brother couldn't go so we went for him. to one of a 23 yo girl who went to the party and helped my brother for years with his bagruyot. to the funeral of an honorary uncle whose sister and her husband were murdered (to the point their limbs had to be gathers and they could only be identified with dna) while protecting their 21, 19, 16 yo kids safe. their kids lied in their parents' blood for 10 hours under the bed waiting to be rescued.

if people refuse to believe us, if they believe hamas are justified in their actions, I don't want anything to do with them. I'm ashamed of ever thinking they were nice people I wanted to interact with. I don't want them on my dash, or my blog, or anywhere near me.

I post so much about the war to force people to see the truth. and I will never be quiet about it. the youngest child kidnapped is no longer 9 months old, he's 10 months old. how can a baby be an occupiar? support an apartheid? support genocide? forget the fact that it isn't the truth. how can a 3 year old be a bad person? she's 3. if you can justify hamas' actions, I don't want anything to do with you.

I sometimes go to specific tags if I need to escape a little and I'm seeing a little too much about the war. I don't always have it in me to go and block and deal with it. and to be honest, I found who my real friends are and i learned about some new people who see the truth and it's great to know who the people I can trust are.

unfortunately the truth of being an Israeli jew is having hypocrits wish you happy Hanukkah and then when it actually matters, when your life is on the line (literally) wish for your death and celebrate it. the joys of being so detached from here that you don't even realise these are real people living through the most extreme life or death situation and you have the luxury of giving people lectures as if you know anything because you read a cute little 3 word comics on Instagram so now you consider yourself an expert.

all of this is to say, moderation is key. fuck nazis and I wish everyone who support hamas a miserable, sad (and long) life. use this as an opportunity to learn who your real friends are and fuck the rest of them. they aren't worth your time and effort, when all they wish for is your death.

#personal #ask #anonymous #asks like these are the reason im happy i turned anon back on #this came out longer than i expected and is probably not very coherent but im too lazy to read through this and make it make more sense

[voulezloux]

annual writing self-evaluation

thank you lou @nouies for the tag! having to do self reflection is hard yall

also i wrote this on a google doc so ignore the fact everything is properly capitalized

1. List of works published this year:

One chance (kiss him you fool)

Nights like these

Your right now, your forever, your last call, your whatever

Defying stars

Always had that heart of mine

Part time soulmates (full time problem)

It’s the summer of our love

If it feels like love (then it must be love)

Make my wish come true

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Defying stars! I’ve always wanted to write a marching band au and i finally got to do it. I’m also proud of part time soulmates (full time problem) because it was so much fun to write

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I am not very happy with how one chance (kiss him you fool) turned out. I had so many idea for it and none of them came to fruition. I wish i spent more time working on it and i wish i could describe things better than i can

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

From part time soulmates (full time problem)

Harry nods, continuing his tirade on a table. “Why don’t you want to bond?”

Louis freezes mid throw. “What?”

“You said you didn’t want to bond when we first found out. What makes you not want to bond?” 

Louis throws the plate on the ground. “That’s a bit personal, innit?” He laughs. “My mum.”

The air is filled with a sad smell, obviously coming from Louis. Harry resists the urge to wrap his arm around the omega, to comfort him. His stomach is turning in a bad way, and he wants to take back the question. 

Before he can, Louis continues, “My mum was bonded three times, twice it failed. Watching her go through the pain of breaking a bond was awful, and I had to protect my siblings from seeing the worst of it. I always…” He sighs. “I always thought I’d be an alpha so I could control when I would get bonded. But then I presented as an omega and I, I don’t know. I guess everything changed and I didn’t want to go through the pain an omega would have to go through if a bond was broken.”

Harry is left speechless, and it’s harder now to not want to console the omega. “Louis…”

“No, don’t do that,” Louis points the plate in his hand he was going to throw at Harry. “You’re not about to feel bad for the poor omega who has trauma. You’re going to smash this plate and you’re going to be mad.”

I always love strong, independent omega louis and this is by far one of my favorite examples of this

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I always love when people respond to my author’s notes at the end. Idk it makes me feel like people actually care about what i’m writing and i’m not just screaming into the void. I have a lot of issues with feeling like my works are liked and/or loved and that people care about what i’m writing, so when people read and respond to my author’s notes, it makes me feel seen.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Whenever i get close to a deadline, i start panicking even if i have the fic most of the way finished. So, deadlines man.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I wrote two rare pairs this year and one of them included ryan ross! Writing ryan was a challenge since i’ve not written anything that wasn’t larry or phan in years, and i’m very happy with how that fic turned out.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I have no idea. Someone tell me how i grew as a writer bc i’m los

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Hopefully more fics that are of my own will (meaning non fic fest fics, all but one of my fics this year was a fic fest fic, and the one that wasn’t from a fest was an exchange). I have ideas that have been put on the back burner due to fic fests.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

All of my friends, but especially rei (they don’t use tumblr anymore). I met rei during phandom big bang one year (they were my beta) and, even though they are into kpop and i’m into 1d, rei always listens to my coked up ideas for fics i wanna write and even the fics i read. Love you bro (even though you won’t see this) (jk i'll show this to them)

Bonus mentions for fandom friends are lou (@nouies) and andi (@tommokat). Lou because she is a wonderful person and always gasses me up when needed and andi because she lets me bounce ideas off of her and helps me with my fics.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Yes! Defying stars i stole a lot of things from that fic from my real life in high school. Biggest example from that fic is the marching band show from my freshman year, which was also called starcrossed!

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Do not get discouraged if a fic you are excited about doesn’t perform well with readers. Fic in it of itself is self indulgent and as long as you like it, it’s worth writing. If people also enjoy it, then it’s a bonus.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m writing in my first ever 1d big bang! I don’t want to give out too many details (it involves a non conventional character and i’m deathly terrified of backlash) but it’s a labor of love. I’ve been wanting to write this kind of fic for a long time and i’m glad i have an opportunity to write it.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read!

@tommokat @larryatendoftheday and @alwaysxlarrie

*All answers should be about works published in 2023

#o posts #my fic #thank u lou for the tag! #self reflection is hard but i enjoyed it

[shadikaofdune]

Okay so I think I've probably managed to keep this out of the main tags... just screaming into the void here...

If you want to hear me being Absolutely Filthy And Weird about the Gom Jabbar test, scroll below the pictures!

This boy was just dragged out of bed, in the middle of the night... no idea wtf is going on, how important it is, how long it's going to take... for the sole purpose of Experiencing The Pain Box. Which I can only imagine is the Worst Pain A Person Could Ever Undergo. All while a person with essentially magic powers who you've never seen in your life threatens to murder you.

That has got to do a number on you, psychologically and physically.

Imagine he was already uncomfortable, pretty full, planning on sneaking off to pee as soon as he's done with whatever weird little talk he's being forced into... and he's faced with This instead.

Not knowing whether acting like anything's wrong would count against his being deemed to be human... and he can't really move much anyway for fear of being stabbed, or use his dominant hand... but wetting himself, giving in to that bodily impulse, doesn't seem very human either does it... but the pain is so bad...

How does he react? How long can he hold out? I feel like no way he's making it out of this dry... just leaks a bit more every time it gets worse until he's absolutely flooding...

(Yes, I am probably ignoring how prana-bindu works. No, I don't care, lol).

#Whump #Omo #Omorashi #Fear Wetting #Gom Jabbar #I dithered about posting this for SO LONG #It's lived rent-free in my brain pretty much ever since I first saw the movie #Share And Enjoy #Or write it #Please #Elderly plot bunny free to a good home

[anangelcalledinquisitor]

I posted 13,563 times in 2022

That's 5,076 more posts than 2021!

260 posts created (2%)

13,303 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zaidnovi

@ebonykain

@theluckythreeleafclover

@dgcakes

@ibijau

I tagged 2,597 of my posts in 2022

#the inquisitor speaks - 184 posts

#holding the world - 148 posts

#my writing - 106 posts

#moon/sun/reader - 92 posts

#raising starlings - 81 posts

#talking about my writing - 40 posts

#fnaf moon - 32 posts

#svsss - 31 posts

#fnaf security breach - 30 posts

#fnaf sb - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#because some things i get flustered about writing and i don't know if you're ever like stop looking for ten minutes this part's embarrassin

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I hate it when you’re trying to write something and you only have like... a passing knowledge of the thing you’re writing?  and your brain screeches to a halt and like...

DOES DJ MUSIC MAN HAVE A FUCKING VOICE???  I can’t watch any more video playthroughs because someone else controlling the camera tends to give me motionsickness...  Can anyone just answer this question for me?  I don’t want to play tonight (because I’ll be here all fucking night) and I want to finish this chapter so I can go to the zoo tomorrow without feeling guilty, and this scene won’t... leave... me... alone...

@twinanimatronics @dana-chan-the-control-brain @femme-enby (I don’t know who all might be able to answer this and/or might be awake, you can ignore my screaming into the void

91 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#4

I read your fic today and I just ADORE IT.

So I made you some doodles...hope you like em!

This one is based off that "husky saying no" tiktok. Because I think the further along Y/N gets, the more his security protocols demand he guard her instead of the Pizzaplex.

Bonus doodle:

See the full post

114 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#3

Me: I'm just going to finish Security Breach and see how it goes from here.

Me: oh i can explore a little better now with the mods! Let's get a good look all around the daycare, for science.

Me: OH NO THERE'S AN ELEVATOR IN THE DAYCARE! I made my YN take the stairs their whole pregnancy for no reason...

Me, sees the elevators are all out of order: .... That tracks.

124 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

#2

To my writer moots (and artist moots and all ND folks too), I'm just curious if I'm weird about this:

Does anyone else take screenshots of the nice things people have said about your stuff, to like read later, especially when dealing with feelings of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and the feelings of "i should just delete all my stuff online, it's all terrible and no one actually likes it and no one has said anything because they're all too nice about it"?

(but then i reread comments and like??? That many people can't be wrong, right??? And these are just the ones on the final chapter, not including the ones on any of the other 25 chapters)

See the full post

124 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Precious Time (future scene for Holding the World, my indulgent FNAF Security Breach AU with a pregnant reader and super sweet boys). This picture is going to be in a future chapter, and a version of it is in the Bad Ending that i posted, though in that version, Sun cut moon out of the picture. I might do both, haven't decided yet. Sitting at work, i can sort of work on writing but some of it just has to wait until I get home.

(bald Moon bald Moon bald Moon bald -)

146 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Oh wow I post a lot

[animatorweirdo]

Good morning/evening! It's muffin anon. I feel bad for leaving you guys hanging with the tortuous ending of the last story and so here is the second part. Enjoy!

You hear a knock on your door. You were tired and didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment, so you pretended you weren't home. But the guest was persistent and kept knocking for half an hour. Unable to ignore it anymore, you go and open the door to reveal a very old friend.

"Gandalf," you say, your voice cracking from all the nostalgia. Gandalf smiles and says,

"Would you happen to have a room for a very old friend?”

“Of course, of course! Come in!”

And you show Gandalf to your guest room. As he settles he tells you about what you had missed after coming back. You listen him eagerly even though you already know everything. Though there was one thing missing. He never really told anything personal about the company or the friends you made in Middle Earth. You don’t pay too much attention to it midst your exictement in seeing him again. After some time, he tells you the reason he risked coming here again.

“Sauron is gaining in power and soon, the free peoples of Middle Earth will fall to his domination. I am trying to find ways to keep him from getting the One back, although,” he pauses here and looks you straight in the eye. “I cannot do it alone. Will you help me, my friend as you have helped Thorin and his company all those years ago?”

You agree without thinking it through, for a few years back home felt void of any meaning and fulfillment. You were eager to return to your friends in Middle Earth however changed they may be. Once he heard your confirmation, he without any warning immediately sent forth a wave of light just like the first time. This time you were not afraid or confused, you simply embraced the light and expected to wake up to the sight of Gandalf just like the first time. Only you wake up to the sight of Saruman with his face way too close to your own.

You scream, trying to get away but Saruman binds you to a chair and walks in circles around you, interrogating you for information about the One and what is to come. You refuse to tell him anything for as long as you can manage. But Saruman’s power as a Maia and as an Istari was more than you could handle. So in the end, Saruman managed to enter your mind. He started to go through each and every memory you had from your birth to the moment you were introduced to The Lord of the Rings.

At that, he slowed down and took every word in as he read the books with you. You kept screaming and trying to get him off of your mind, but it was in vain. He was too powerful.

Until the doors of your torture chambers were flung open by none other than,

“Gandalf,” you breathed, your voice shakey and weak.

Your sight blurred and hearing lessened as Saruman’s hold on your mind was gradually weakened. The last thing you saw before passing out of pain, was the blurry image of the two wizards one white and the other grey, fighting.

Wow, I never thought I would be able to write something of this length, in English nonetheless. I think I want to post these on my own blog as well. Would it be okay with you? I will definitely tag you. Part three will come but I know not when. Totally not because I was writing this instead of studying trigonometry.

Nice... you have me invested 👍 And seriously, your English is good. And please do tag me. btw I should be preparing for a presentation, but instead, I'm here

I am now curious what will Saruman do with the knowledge he has since he technically read the future from reader's mind. So there's definitely gonna be some changes in the timeline, isn't there? Ooh, now imagine what will happen if he tells Sauron all what he knew.

[azhdakha]

No moral judgement implied, I'd like to neutrally ask a question about a sort of inconsistency I've noticed in the way you talk about the aggressor in Ukraine-Russia and Palestine-Israel conflicts. When speaking of Russia (which I do not support, and I will denote a clear reason in a few sentences), you use the lower case r, I've seen tags such as "Russia is a terorrist state" and the like and are invested in sharing posts about Ukrainian culture. When talking about Israel, I've noticed no such thing, despite the fact the fact that Israel, as far as war crimes go, is the objectively more terroristic regime than Russia is. In general, I've noticed that people are able to separate Jewish culture from Israel, which I personally am very happy about, but any Russian opposition / resistance seems to be met with mockery or be completely ignored, and any references, at least back in 2022, to Russian culture were considered in poor taste and tone deaf in the "current circumstances." I definitely am no fan of Russia or the sentiments of its people, and while I'm Australian, I can trace roots from either side of my family to indigenous Siberians. However, this to me seems like a slight level of hypocrisy. I've visited Russia before and I have friends living there, and the disparity of the way our Western society seems to treat people who would sit in lawn chairs and watch children be bombed for entertainment, Israelites, and you can even find a video of them doing it, versus a massive amount of people living under an authoritarian regime for arguably 500 or so years, who, correct me if I'm wrong, don't have a lot of sway on the political direction of their country, -- the disparity of that is absurd to me. I'd like to ask your opinion on this, because from what I've gathered you live in Russia, are pro-Ukraine, I think? pro-Palestine, but have a really strange investment in Israel, so it'd be curious to hear if you've ever thought about this. Sorry if this was a bit long-winded aswell, I tried to explain the way I view this as thoroughly as possible.

Okay, ask No. 2

It's alright, I understand.

I'll try to explain. First of all as you noticed, I used to be a zionist for a while. Mostly because I got my info from some of my friends who were also zionists. They had their own reasons mainly because of antisemitism they and their family went through and also - a common phenomenon among russian opposition - they needed a place to go when leaving Russia and Israel is one of the easiest one, because they welcome you there, you don't come as a rightness immigrant and you don't need to survive as a refugee. Does this excuse their zionism? No, obviously not. But that's the reasoning I can provide you. That's also something I was baffled and dissapointed very much about: the overwhelming support of Israel among ru opposition and among Ukrainians. But that's whole another issue.

Later, as I saw everything that happened in Gaza, spent some time communicating to Israelis and Jewish people from the human rights organizations, listened to what Palestinians said, read some history, I was just disappointed overall. I didn't let go of the idea that Jewish people have a right for self determination, I'm still convinced that they do and I hate when people say things like "Why do you even want a country? You are completely fine in the countries you lived in and after WW2 there wasn't really any antisemitism" to Jewish people. That's not true? But at the same time I cannot be okay with the treatment of Palestinians, I cannot be okay with murder, displacement, constant deliberate human rights violations. Like, this is not how you get your self determination? Just because you were oppressed, doesn't mean you are allowed to oppress someone else? And I often feel like I screaming into void when I try to talk to zionists who totally convinced that they are the victims in this situation and all the deaths of Palestinians are "well, it's sad, but what can we do" as long as it's required to eradicate hamas. While at the same time their own leaders and even regular citizens say they aren't after hamas, they want to erase Palestinians from this earth, they still believe in the fairytale that this is about hamas and they're the main victim here, as if they live in a parallel reality. I guess, I saw too many dead and disfigured bodies of kids, you know, when you see a parent holding torn parts of body that used to be theis child, it's hard to stay unbothered. Can you imagine that youre holding a piece of you parent, sibling's or child's body? How can someone's determination be at this cost? What kind of safe refuge it is if you need a mamad, an iron dome and live in constant war with your neighbors. Something defintely went wrong here. Thats what made me change my mind.

Now, coming back to your question. I am not insisting on the separation of Israeli citizens from Israeli government in the way that they're good fine people who are against the actions of their government. I am insisting on separating Israel from Jewish people and Judaism. I don't think I need to explain that, do I? Where I do insist on separating civillians from military and government is when it comes to violence and murder. Comparing to Russia there haven't been any case of mass attacks and murder of russian civillians by Ukrainian army or insurgents. Wether you like it or not, hamas did kill civillians. Just because idf did that too, doesn't mean that hamas didn't kill anyone or that it was majorly idf, unlike what too many prefer to think. Recently there was an info piece about a number of idf soldiers in Gaza killed by their own. I cannot remember exactly if that was 20 people out of 150, or 20%, but I assume the ratio of civllians that died at the hands of idf on October 7th and at the hands of hamas is about the same. So, if Ukrainians or anyone else start mass murdering random russian civillians, I'm not going to support that either. I don't know for how long have you been following me if you did, or how deep did you scroll through my blog, but I write several times that I don't understand and cannot support those who claim that all russians are guilty equally(guilty, not responsible), or that every russian citizen met abroad should be ostracized, bullied have less rights just because they're from russia, regardless of their position. I remember how I saw a post about a russian primary school kid being bullied in school for their nationality and the comments where "We should bully them until they hang themselves". Like what the fuck is that? Ofcourse I'm not okay with that and I don't support that. People are not guilty for being born in this shithole.

At the same time yes, I'm being more harsh towards russian people than towards anyone simply because that's my responsibility as a russian to criticise my country and my people. As a citizen I'm directly responsible on my part for what my country is doing. I am living here, I face alm the consequences and I deal with all the pro-putinists. I also deal with russian colonialism and other oppressive policies not only as a russian, but as an Indigenous person. You don't imagine how exhausted I am from this country and it's people. You mentioned Israelis brining couches to watch shelling of Gaza and cheer for the death of Palestinians. Have you seen how was that used? "They deserve to be killed, they're all monsters, even civillians". Is that okay for you? Also, do you think russians are different? Go on any pro-russian war reporter and you'll see thousands of russians cheering on "kh*khols" dying. Not soldiers. Civillians, kids. What do you think I feel when at a family union I have to listen to how Ukrainians have always been inhumane and abnormally cruel or savage? There are much more similarities between Israel and Russia than you think. That's why I'm so frustrated that so many Ukrainians support Israel. You think russians are unable to protest? Ohsalome here on tumbkr once made a post about what the reality of russian protesters actually is. Yes, the repressive government is a problem. But indifferent citizens are a much bigger problem. If you want to know how Israel treats its protesters, look up Frey Israel, who dared to speak against the attack on Gaza and the next day an angry mob gathered at his house. Or how police detains people for a wrong opinion online. Ofcourse, in Israel it depends a lot on wetuer you're Jewish or Palestinian. But please, stop buying the Israeli propaganda that they're a democratic state.

I also understand that the situation for israelis and russians isn't completely the same. Russians in Ukraine don't need that land. They have a whole country to live in. They didn't go through Holocaust and antisemitism, they didn't come as refugees. Jewish people in Israel did. Does that give them a pass for oppressing and displacing Palestinians? No. But this is an inevitable fact that you have to consider when you tell them to "Go back to where they came from". More than a half of Jewish israelis were born there, they don't hold a dual citizenship. There are also Jewish prople from Islamic countries. How do you imagine them going back? Again, not an apology. This is definitely not "Well, they will suffer, so let's leave the status quo, Palestinians may continue to suffer tho". No, that's not how it works. That's simply an argument why you can't just tell all israelis to go back where they came from and the issue will be solved. This is the same conversation I had with our native peoples on the subject of decolonization. I have posted on here that I came across very radical religious and conservative groups among my own people for whom decolonization means returning to the traditional society with religious law system where native people will have a privilege over everyone else. For them human rights are a colonial western value. So all those right we, leftists right for, to them are a colonial western value. Does this sound like a decolonization you'd want to happen? This is why I don't like when westerners are so delulu about decolonization. At the same time, there is the opposite end of the problem that zionists see any armed resistance from Palestine as inherently terrorism and enemy. We had a secular PLO, it sort of died out, now hamas and alike groups are basically the only ones that fight for Palestinians against the occupation regime. Do they have much choice of wether to support them or not? They don't. That'd be great if Palestine had another Yasser Arafat. But how can one emerge when these people are more busy surviving than thinking about politics. This is what several zionists fail to understand. For them, if hamas surrenders, it'll be peace and safety. For Palestinians that doesn't guarantee any safety and any peace at all.

Inevitably we come to the fact that there will be a resistance, there will be a fight, the will be violence. At this point as you might have noticed I support Palestinian resistance that is armed and that is ready to fight its oppressor. I do not support murdering the unarmed, I do not support war crimes. And I do understand that in order for a justful, democratic state where everyone will be equal to emerge, Israelis should also stand up against the regime and side with Palestinians. This is why I support so many Israeli human rights organizations. This is why I try to speak out against antisemitism in the pro-palestinian movement whenever it occurs.

Okay, it got really long and probably boring. I hope I made it clear about my "hypocrisy".

#azhdakha replies

[grimweaver]

Skyrim Dragonborn story and asks thingie that @lucien-lachance tagged me for a long time ago. I tag... um... I dunno lol Ethaniel LaChance is the son of Malkhai (Ale'Zandre) LaChance, The Hero of Kvatch, and Lucien LaChance, the Speaker of the Dark Brotherhood. Prior to the events of Skyrim, his wife and children were murdered by a Thalmor mage he could not identify, and Malkhai had gone missing. Hungering for revenge, and sure that the Thalmor had something to do with his mother's disappearance, he was determined to hunt the Thalmor down to the very last one, and save his mother if his suspicion about their involvement in her disappearance was correct. He managed to slay quite a few very powerful and skilled Thalmor, but there was one mage that proved to be too powerful for him-- he was defeated, strung up, and sent out to Helgen to be executed. ((blablabla--dragon showed up, "oh my there are dragons coming back to Skyrim--aaah!"--fire, blood,death, escape blablabla))

He's had the Blood of the Wolf since conception, but never considered becoming a full-fledged werewolf until the Companions' tantalizing promise of power that could give him the extra edge he needs to defeat his sworn enemies.

Soon after Ethaniel and Aela become lovers. Though Ethaniel becomes the Harbinger, though he always went to Aela for her advice before making big decisions for the Companions.

A voice begins to call to Ethaniel, usually at night. He dismisses it as the wind whistling through cracks in the home. Eventually, it gets the point he cannot ignore it any longer. He doesn't tell Aela that he is hearing a voice, just says he feels a calling to the north. He thinks he recognizes the voice-- but it couldn't be! He's been dead nearly two-hundred years! (no, I'm so not taking this from Frozen 2! This happened in my head before that movie existed!)

The voice leads him to a house in Windhelm, where he finds a boy named Aventus, doing some weird summoning ritual. He thinks Ethaniel's the Listener and tells him he wants an abusive woman at an orphanage killed. Ethnaiel, having soft spot for kids, does this for him (Blablabla, past the okay but kind of bleh parts of the questline, bla blabla) is reunited with Shadowmere, and then... given a scroll that summons an assassin spirit from the Void that Astrid does not name. She just says he was a great legend of his time (Player does some internal screaming and fangirling because she knows... AAAAAAAAAAH!) But Ethaniel, not realizing who the spirit is, is not anxious to summon him. He saves it for a time he might need help.

Ethaniel returns to Whiterun, tells Aela and the kids they adopted (Lucia and Aventus) that he has restored his family home in Falkreath (Not the Falkreath home you are thinking of, the one I made in Creation Kit that is still a WIP like everything else I ever started!), so it is safe and comfortable for them to live in. During the move, they are attacked by Thalmor. There are so many of them that Ethaniel thinks this is the best time to summon that "Spectral Assassin" (more internal fangirly screaming). The Spectral Assassin makes a dramatic appearance-- the entire area is ignited with red Void fire, which only consumes Ethaniel's enemies and doesn't even singe a hair on his or his family's body. Out from a portal leaps a human figure that wastes no time slicing and dicing through the Thalmor, like it was personal... BECAUSE IT IS EHEHEHEHEHEE! Then, when everything clears, Ethaniel approaches the spectre. He can make out the details of the spirit's face as he gets closer, and when he thinks he recognizes him he is moved to tears. "Father??" He cries The spirit smiles, nods, then says "I live... again." (AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!) There is no mistaking. Though many imperials of his time sounded like him, for some reason, his had a distinct, gravely purr. It rolled like thunder, and had the power to chill as it turned bones into jelly.

"It is you! It is you!! FATHER!!" And they hug! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Not many huge story bits I can think of past this point, except they do find Malkhai and all three of them destroy the Thalmor embassy. Ah, quality family time! Oh, and yes, there's the rest of the DB questline and the main questline, he says "screw you" to the Blades for asking him to kill his dragon friend, they kill Alduin, the end Wait, there is no end, cause Skyrim keeps going ON and ON and ON

Asks:

1. Favorite Tavern: Dead Man's Drink in Falkreath.

2. Favorite Drink: Hot white chocolate with orange/cranberry cream

3. Travel Companion: Lucien LaChance ("Da"), Aela ("

4. Wealthy or not?: Yes, but he doesn't flaunt it in any way, and most of it is spent on the home and warrior stuff.

5. Worships the Aedra or the Daedra?: Daedra, specifically Hircine.

6. Biggest Fear: Death of a loved one.

7. Pet Peeves: Snobbish and racist people.

8. Do they like being dragonborn?: Yes

9. Favorite faction: The Companions

10. An object of sentimental value: The enchanted black cloak that belonged to his father before he passed (the second time). It has a powerful quieting spell that helps him sneak around undetected, and it will not reflect any light so it's always pitch-dark-- very useful for hiding.

11. Hobbies: Cooking, woodcarving, leatherworking, singing, and playing the lute.

12. Favorite city: He hates cities. He prefers small villages, within heavily forested areas, like Falkreath.

#skyrim #lucien lachance #the elder scrolls #the elder scolls skyrim #storywriting with a head cold which feels like I had one imperial stout