#you cant have one if you dont have adhd!

[batfamhyperfixation]

Jason: *just vibing, thinking his thoughts*

Bruce: What?

Jason: What do you mean what?

Bruce: You were smiling

Jason: Am I not allowed to be happy?

Bruce: You are, but that was just, like, an evil smile

Jason: *offended, turning to Dick* Bruce thinks I have an evil smile

Bruce: I don't think you have an evil smile, just that particular smile looked evil

#neither were smiling after this #based on the exact same conversation i had with my mother (ft. my brother in the place of dick) #incorrect batfamily quotes #jason todd #bruce wayne #dick grayson #idk why so many adults have a mistrust when it comes to me being silent #they all think im plotting something like dude im just thinking about hyperfixations im not doing anything #like my mom and my grandma both say to my face that they get uncomfortable when i stop talking for a while #ive had my brother come home saying past teachers apparently used to say that they could never tell what i was thinking cause apparently #they thought i had an evil smile too but dude you all were the ones that told me to shut up and the ones that got me in trouble for talking #so i dont know why you get upset when i stop talking like dude i got adhd i have 2 modes 'say every thought in my head' and 'dont say any #thoughts im having out loud' like adhd means I cant filter my thoughts so it is all or nothing so you cant be mad at both states #sorry for that rant #anyway thought that this interaction would fit well with bruce and jason

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[autisticlee]

that feeling when you get advice from someone who you know is well-meaning and has good intentions....but it's just the most allistic, neurotypical, and/or abled advice you have ever heard and completely invalidates the point you're trying to make about why you struggle to do the thing in the first place.

they're telling you to "do it in this specific way that is completely opposite of how you physically/mentally work" for example, make eye contact/read people's facial expressions and intentions! but you're autistic. initiate verbal conversation and don't be shy! but you're nonverbal or semispeaking. get out of the house more and participate in these physical activities! but you're physically disabled. Just Be Yourself! but you have DID/OSDD/other personality disorder. etc.

i'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help. I appreciate it, really. but it's all things i've heard before and none of it helps me specifically. I have tried (maybe even still try out of habit) and learned I can't just do those things. they don't work for me or cause more issues. practice isn't the issue. not everyone can simply willpower through everything. but thanks for trying 😔✊️

#autistic #autism things #autism #actually autistic #adhd #audhd #neurodivergent #disablity #disabled #too tired to tag other thinhs sorry thats all you get #lee rambles #that feeling when you also just have to pretend to accept their advice and move on because people get so upset when you dont take it #i lesrned if i tell people their advice doesnt suit me and my unique circumstances then they feel bad that they didnt help #they want you to do it anyway. even if you cant. pretend you do or say thanks and move on. but it gets annoying hearinf the same stuff #over and over. more expectations on you. more pressure to do things in ways everyone else can but you cannot... #when will the advice be lee shaped? when will it be just for lee and consider all my circumstances? #why is telling the person giving advice their advice wont work fkr me bad? why cant they change their advice to fit the issues i face? #when im asked for advice and someone hits a deadend while working it out i try to help solve that so they can find a way around #but everyone else expects me to grow a bulldozer out of my head and ram the wall down instead of helping me work around it #i crush their fragile ego by saying their advice doesnt work and they get upset instead of adjusting it to help solve the specific problem #its exhausting because they become one of the many problems i have to deal with then 😒 #no im not “making excuses/dismissing you/not trying” im trying. your advice sucks try again. and my problems are valid!!!!!! accept it!!!! #anyway. genuinely appreciate people wanting/trying to help but sometimes its such inappropriate advice i dont know how to respond

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[abstractlesbian]

Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.

#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online #on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating #but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence #i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were #being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations' #not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities) #in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking #i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc #→ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that → realize thats not fair to them → realize thats not fair to myself #→ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them → get along better and maybe make a new friend! #sorry i am rambling #idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this #social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future #but im also like ready to have this persons back #me 🤝 them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across #and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc #not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!! #lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying #but not harmful #thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life #just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy. #or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly #again like only for shit that's not harmful obv #i need to shut up and go to bed

[hella1975]

something specifically shitty about IN THE MOMENT as the conversation is happening knowing you're in the wrong and you're being a cunt and continuing to do it anyway

#like yeah im being a bitch. im lashing out because of an insecurity. i dont know how else to be though #hiiii im dadposting again <3 i feel bad bc YES i have so so much bitterness towards my dad #but he is genuinely a nice man. like i had this thought the other night that he is such a good kind soft man. he just isn't a good father #and the tragedy is he COULD HAVE BEEN if he'd just SHOWED UP but he DIDNT and that's that im twenty childhood's gone #we're never getting those years back my brain has developed without a need for him and now im angry. whatever #but he's still good. he's still kind. so he'll do stuff to try help me and i just am so horrid about it #and i FEEL myself doing it i literally have a voice in my head going 'i know you've interpreted this as him condescending you #but you know that isn't the case so stop lashing out' and i literally CANT because id rather be angry than insecure #bc it all goes back to pride and shame with me EVERYTHING always does #like im so convinced my dad thinks im stupid and useless and can't do anything myself at my big age etc #which is why im SO hard on myself when shit goes wrong like not just bc of my dad like i have a general fleabagesque position in my family #of being the trainwreck one that fucks up all the time so when shit goes wrong (like my rent or my walls) it hits me 10x harder #than it logically should bc i can just FEEL my dad and sister going 'yeah well that's hella for you' #and my dad got the autistic ticky boxy numbers brain neurodivergence and i got the adhd scatterbrained neurodivergence #so for admin stuff he tries to PARENT me bc he's my DAD but i just completely reject it even though i KNOW he's not being mean #like he literally just said to me in his nervous as fuck voice bc he doesn't know how to talk to us #'remember to sort phone chargers out because the sockets are different in america' that's it. that's all he said. just looking out for me #tell me why i BARKED OUT 'i KNOW dad it's MY TRIP stop hounding me about things ive got it sorted' #in the SHITTIEST tone you ever heard. ugh i cant even be too angry at myself bc he has blame here too but it's a shitty feeling #to know i always have that propensity for cruelty even now. idk. im just thinking thoughts idkkkk hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii #hella goes home

[bunnyb34r]

Having to explain to my mom that 5min crafts is a content farm/what that is. That sure they have some genuine hacks, but a lot are genuinely dangerous and bad

It's like I'm not trying to be the parent, but I've been on the internet daily since I was 9 years old and you respectively have only been on it for maybe 8 years? Consistently? And only on Facebook. Like man the shit I have seen has aged me a lot more mentally than I care to admit.

It's so hard too bc I know I should like a know it all/conspiracy freak when I tell her not to get a reddit bc she's gonna get sucked into a WS cult and get radicalized, or when I tell her Facebook reels is the same as tiktok. Which she has continuously forbade me to have since it came out (bc evil chinese company. It's okay when it's an evil American company though). That she needs to be careful and not just believe whatever she sees, but it's like for once I DO know more and I DO need to be the adult.

Like I remember having so many fucking talks to get her out of that SAVE THE CHILDREN shit and debunking the wayfair shit, and the Hillary Clinton shit, and all this shit. I constantly am telling her "nope that's antisemitism in disguise, heres why" ab stupid theories and shit and why they're harmful and it's like I want to fucking scream

Idk where I was going with this but like god I'm tired

#and she gets mad when im 'parenting' her and its like well then fucking use your brain!!! think before you share shit! ask questions!!!! #had to explain that the reason jfk had a diff coffin on air force one wasn't like a body swap but bc the first casket wasnt secured right #and the man was LEAKING in the fucking casket and they had to get a clean easier to transport one #that it was his family that didnt want it open not the gov like the man had half a fucking head at that point!! what did you expect?! #and then shes like well how do YOU know all this shit. how do you know YOURE right and Its like bc i check my sources?? bc i know how to?? #bc i actually use my brain and dont sit in a digital echo chamber validating what i want to hear #thankfully we dont actually get fox in our house somehow (god probably) and we dont have cable so she cant watch fox & friends #but Facebook is it's own fucking up hill battle and it's like go back to playing 1010! and shit on your phone instead #and she stays on Facebook for that dopamine hit and its like i know you have adhd and your dr doesnt believe you but for godsake #i stg she's the reason my body hair is still turning white. it initially stated bc my dad was causing us so much fucking stress and then #it lessened a bit but now im finding more and more like my body is eating the pigment sgdgdgdgd #im gonna go gray by 35 i stg i have ONE white hair on my head and have gotten several on every part of my body like eyebrows and armpits ect #the funniest is leg hair like oh okay go grandpa #ANYWAYS im tired and i guess i needed to get this out #marquilla

[qt-qtoey]

.

#yea. as i suspected. probably auadhd #i dont think ill even try to go for a diagnosis because adhd one has been bad enough with everyone saying 'you cant have adhd bc you had #good grades' #yeah and you know how hard i had to fight my brain for it??? #in other news my psychiatrist dismissed my concerns again by saying its just depression #i know what depression feels like????? ive been living with it (and medicated) for more than 10 years now... why cant they just listen #sorry a bit tmi but im just frustrated #feeling like giving up sometimes

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[silverislander]

i have 7 assignments, total, left in school. once i finish those i'm going to be done- i graduate in may which is WILD to think about. i just have to fucking do them

#im not getting anything done today so far and its like. midway through the afternoon already #and i realized how close i am to graduating and how i have no idea what comes after that and now im just kind of directionlessly panicked #which is. really helping the situation as you could imagine /s #im really close to finishing a couple of things rn. could get at least one done today #i REALLY need to get to work on my essay bc that largely determines whether i get honours and im pretty behind schedule on it #and i havent looked at at least one final assn and i do NOT have much time left to start it. its not small #theres barely any time left in the semester at all #i just need to finish Smth today #levi.txt #i cant make myself do anything and im panicked abt that which makes it impossible to do anything #and taking breaks makes me feel guilty AND panicked so i cant even reset w a short break and come back #my parents Consistent response to my anxiety has been. poor at best. and they dont believe i have adhd at all #so if i talk to them abt either of those things they get upset w me and claim i just dont want to take their 'advice' so i cant be helped #and the advice is shit like 'dont feel that way' and 'simply go do your work' #like. i talked to my mom abt how stressed i feel bc im behind and her response was basically 'thats what you get for falling behind' #i havent seen my friends in a while either or at least not in an environment where we can actually hang out and talk #idk man. i just really wish i could stay in bed and watch a show and not feel sick bc of how anxious i am abt it all #i want to write again. i miss it a lot i havent been able to write in months now

[ibrithir-was-here]

.

#i know part the reason im feeling unmoored is that my ADHD brain hates having to deal with my crummy management painting the apartment #and not responding to texts about how mu h longer it will take #and my room and schedules are all askew because of it #and also im on my period #but man i just feel really unsettled latley #like not spooked unsettled but like...unmoored yeah #im 30 and i really dont know what to do with my life #and its harder now to have hope for the future #im not despondent just...empty feeling #my religion i loved so much turned out to be untrue #the person i loved so much turned out to not care about me #as a romantic interest or even a friend #and both have really made me feel like i just cant trust anything or anybody in any real way #like in a deep You Are My Safe Place kind of way #im rambling sorry #will probably delete later #it really is probably just my period and my apartment being a mess thats screwing with me #and i really just want a real hug #and i dont have anyone nearby i can get one from and have it mean something #so im rambling at tumblr to make myself feel better

[taikk0]

JUST SAYING ONCE I LEARN TO PRONOUNCE MY T'S PROPERLY ITS OVER FOR YOU BUTTNUGGETS

#IVE ALWAYS PRONOUNCED T'S WITH MY TONGUE AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT ITS BEEN THAT WAY FOR SO LONG #BUT ONE DAY. I WILL PRONOUNCE MY T'S SO GOOD YOULL THINK IM A WHITE PERSON #WHAT SUCKS TOO IS THAT IM BILINGUAL WHILE ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE I SPEAK TAGALOG MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE OF MY ENVIRONMENT SO I- #-HAVE NO PROPER WAY OF PRACTICING IT BC FILIPINOS PRONOUNCE T'S DIFFERENTLY BC OF THE LANGUAGE AND UNLESS IM IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING- #-SETTING THERES NO WAY IM GONNA BE ABLE TO PRACTICE CONSISTENTLY 💔💔 #even worse i slur over my words all the time. i have a stutter. i have VERY frequent voice cracks and when i try to suppress them i sound- #-ver odd. PLUS ADHD #idk if adhd might be one of the causes or of it gets added to the pile but dude i actually need help 💀💀 #but another problem is i dont think anyone would see the point in it #i communicate just fine its just that i have so much trouble communicating verbally (vocally?) in a way that isnt unnatural and in a way- #-that properly articulates what i want to say and how i say it. often i have so much trouble showing varied emotion to prove a point when- #-im referring or talking about something that isnt reactionary #LIKE DUDE WHY IS TALKING SO HARD 💔ALL PEOPLE CAN TALK WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH ALL PF THIS THIS SUCKS #which might be why i prefer writing what i want to say bc unlike talking the way i speak has nothing to do with it. i get given time to- #-think. and with an adhd brain writing what you want to say is so much better because typing it out involves the conscious decision to- #-type it all out and it acts as a filter #BLEFGGGH SORRY I KEEP BLABBERING ON THIS WSS SUPPPSED TO BE A SILLY LITTLE POST IDK WHY I WENT HAM IN THE TAGS #anyways umm yeah i dont like talking. i like communicating and maybe socializing tho. but not talking. does that make sense??? #there r also times where i straightup cant speak at all. i want to speak and i want to say things but my brain feels too busy or ig blank- #-but not empty and i cant form words or sentences and all i have are thoughts and feelings #anyways i think asl is neat and i want to learn it not just for my benefit but also for accessibility #also filipino sign language if im up for it #man there is something wrong w my brain 💀 #mikyomix rambles #yeah this one was a true ramble but only in the tags

[bl00dw1tch]

Got my end of the month burst of motivation to get my shit together and did 10 push ups

#horse.txt #and some squats and some stretches. but wow those pushups did me in #funfact last time i weighed myself i was actually Under 100 lbs! one of the most disheartening things #'you never go out you dont have any friends why dont you ever go out to meet people??' i could be stuffed in a bag and carried away on foot #i am like flat stanley. i could be blown away by a stiff breeze. and i also just dont have a large appetite? #funfact 2 one of my biggest insecurities is that when i order small portions of food or salads that ppl will think im dieting or have an ED #neither of which are necessarily a Bad thing but ppl do sometimes start to. treat you certain ways over it #either theyre the woke type who start looking at you all pitiful or they start griping to you about their own weight problems in some way #worse in the rare blue moon where ppl with ask me how i stay so skinny. bitch i have adhd i forget to eat Constantly. im starving #its on accident but shit i cant just say that to ppl lol so its always just 'haha my metabolism 🤪' which they sometimes STILL DONT ACCEPT? #LIKE AS AN ANSWER? THEY'LL JUST ASK AGAIN LIKE IM KEEPING IT A SECRET?? #vent // #not really it kinda came out of nowhere honestly #sigh #very frustrated with myself lately in case yall haven't noticed! #god i need to get laid

[aropride]

Will never ever forget the time i was 16 and i opened up a bmc fic bc i was making my way thru the entire boyf riends tag (unsuccessfully, but i did succeed with another ship) and it was a fic about jeremy coping with ptsd by writing absurd amounts of fanfic and i dont think id ever felt that type of deer-in-headlights mirror-held-up-in-front-of-me feeling from a fic in my fucking life . i will be thinking about that forever.

#text #And then i ignored the feeling of course cuz i was like well yeah im traumatized but i dont have ptsd #(??? idk why i was so insistent on this) #(i definitely did have ptsd) #AND LIKE. i dont remember the fic super well but i do remember sitting on my couch reading it like oh god. is that why i am like this #opening my notes app to my 92 wips #with like 30 kle.insen smut fics all with 'explicit consent' in the list of tags id use if i posted it.................... #GO TO THERAPY MAN #KL.EINSEN FANFICTION IS NOT A COPING MECHANISM.......... #me 16 not knowing i had a dissociative disorder : damn i cant remember half the year. i need to write 135 fics right now #my brother in christ you have ptsd unmedicated adhd and algebra 2 homework #i literally did not do my alg2 hw that entire year btw. not one single time. hw wasnt counted in our grades so i didnt do it #mirror tag

[machinedramon]

legit wondering if when I start going to the doc for all my physical shit I should ask abt who I should see abt maybe getting mood stabilizers

i'm sick of this unending cycle of getting eight million ideas and scrambling from one to the next before burning myself out on all of them and falling into a depression and hating myself for not doing any of the eight million things I was excited about

#i am losing my fucking mind here i cant fucking take it anymore #i dont think im bipolar i just think the adhd takes the wheel and fucking floors it #i dont have delusions of grandeur (not more than a flight of fancy that i know is unrealistic anyway) or like. euphoria. #i also dont not remember stuff from from those surges of inspiration #i mean i might forget something but thats bc i got distracted and my brain dumped it to focus on New Shiny Thing #this is the equivalent of my 2AM mental breakdown so bear with me here i am Going Through It when i should be sleeping #also it feels like theres shit crawling on me and there isnt but i cant sleep bc i am ITCHY WHY AM I ITCHY WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THIS #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #fun fact: the sensation of shit crawling on you is called formication #which is really fucking funny #like i understand its from formica meaning ant but it is literally one letter away from fornication #anyway doing my usual webmd doom spiral and guess what gets formication as a symptom sometimes: bipolar disorder #im gonna laugh if i get a bipolar dx but it doesnt seem right #all the other options were autoimmune disorders like parkinson's and MS and fibro and RA #which. i might actually have rheumatoid arthritis. but the others? theyre scary. i dont wanna deal with that. #i dont even wanna deal with RA lets be real #farmer voice: i was just fine before i went to the doctor and now all of a sudden ive got an immune disorder #wait i dont think parkinson's is an autoimmune disorder thats a neurological condition #ok carry on #more fun facts since i am now down a wikipedia rabbit hole to distract myself from my itchy self #the process of ur limb falling asleep and going numb is called obdormition #then when the feeling starts coming back the pins and needles feeling is paresthesia #formication is an uncommon kind of paresthesia #obdormition is our funny word of the day and i look forward to telling someone about it randomly or for it to show up in a crossword soon #bc u know how u find something new and suddenly it's everywhere? #yeah. i get the feeling thats gonna happen here.