#you cant just say ‘oh i like this part but dont really like this part’

[gibbearish]

ik i talk abt high control groups kinda often but i do encourage anyone involved in discourse in any capacity to watch folding ideas' "this is financial advice" video, because a lot of what he says about the gamestop apes being a self-organizing high control group imo also explains the more toxic discourse tendencies, and i feel like most discussion around high-control groups on here focuses on the tradtional kind that has one or a few distinct leaders which makes it harder to draw parallels between the signs. so i think its important to point out that these kinds of groups can still create that same energy as a unit even if there isn't one specific person calling the shots

#origibberish #namely the signs ive noticed most over the years are obviously internal jargon‚ thats kind of a given when working with microlabels #but see also transmed/truscum/trender/tucute/acey/theyfab/transandrophobia truther/etc etc etc #ideas being boiled down to short gotchas that just get ping ponged back and forth #see The Entirely Of Any Ace Discourse Argument for that but again see 'theyre just trans mras' #and the tendancy for members to turn on anyone who steps out of line even a little #omg i cqnt believe i forgot pro/anti discourse too theyre really bad about all of these on both sides #oh or another example would be steven universe discourse #like 'it endorses letting fascists off the hook' would just get thrown around as if it was undisputed fact despite there being MILES #of shit going on in the background to get to that #anyways. yeah 👍 keeping this in mind has already made a huge difference in how i engage in online discussions #and has also been a good rule of thumb for when to Stop engaging with someone #where if theyre displaying these signs thank you i do not want to be part of this #and like yes that goes for people youre arguing with but it obviously /ESPECIALLY/ goes for people you like #if you have a friend who you feel like you cant say anything that disagrees with them or theyll freak out at you. you dont have to keep #being friends with them. if being around someone makes you uncomfortable and you constantly find yourself making excuses for why #they treat you the way they do then thats a bad sign #and like with that i really hope ive managed to yknow. create a nice space here where ppl feel safe bringing stuff up? #idk

[munamania]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay! #and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

[gifti3]

happy bday to me! 🎂🥳🎉

for this very special day i wanted to list and compare the presents and interactions i got in the mobile games ive been playing consistently lmao

under cut cause the pics are big

Time Princess A letter with 10 golden tickets, 100 stamina, and 10000 coins

Obey Me! Nightbringer 1 UR+, UR, and SSR Joker each 3 Demon Vouchers 30 Karma Points 200 AP 30000 Grim 50 Devil Points Along with a bday video, birthday calls from the characters throughout the day and a UR guarantee for a 10 pull There's half-off on Devil Tree unlocks There's also special birthday dialogue in the Surprise Guests: -- the first Surprise Guest I did gave me 30 more Devil Points -- and you can press anywhere on the boys and get max hearts :]

What in HELL is Bad They haven't implemented bday stuff yet so nothing (´。＿。｀)

Twisted Wonderland A Happy Birthday from the character you have set as your favorite card and a Tenfold Key Set (for rolls)

and last but not least.....*drum roll* 🥁🥁🥁 Love and Deepsace! Special Happy Birthdays from each guy which include them singing happy birthday to you :3 Birthday Dialogue on the home screen Presents from each one (items you can use to decorate their desks) 500 Diamonds 5 Empyrean Wishes 1 Bottle of Wishes: SSR 1 Energy Capsule: Powerful And 2 birthday stickers

#so whb is technically in last place but since its a newer game ill let it pass this year #so time princess is next in line for last place #its a fine gift but since they dont have any characters saying happy birthday it doesnt do much for me #nightbringer kinda surprised me! #i was expecting a call and some devil points #but this is a lot more then i expected :3c #also i go crazy for free UR+ Jokers #i was thinking of adding regular obey me but decided to skip it since i only really just log in for dailies for the most part #(and i dont even do that everyday if im not feeling it) #also theyre practically the same minus the calls (but i have the old ones that i havent listened to yet still) #twst was cute nothing too crazy #(thank you for ur presence lilia) #i liked love and deepspaces happy bdays from the characters a lot because they sang lmao 😭 #also i feel very special from them saying all this nice stuff about hoping that i get what i want and that i stay healthy and stuff dwsiiws #it feels like obey me has more in character interactions BUT when i think it about it more #deepspace has the models actually hand you gifts #also the moment you have with the characters feels more personal #but tbf theres more obey me characters and you do get those calls throughout the whole day! (also they give more stuff imo) #so i cant really pick which one i liked more :d #dutp #obey me nightbringer #twisted wonderland #love and deepspace #im now 26.... #oh jeez #long post #still doing the same shit i was doing in middle school uashusha (i mean playing dating games) #my personality has refined over the years tho #anyways im gonna celebrate tomorrow with my family :] #this is the end of my post tho ill probably post about the asmo phone call later

[gregoftom]

gross

#tomgreg #THEYR E SO CUTE IM GONNA actually be sick. #i hate so much tom's fuckin. laugh here bc its so high pitched and heS NOT HOLDING BACK. AGAIN. #something something he's his true self around greg something something after years of repression he feels alive again something something #schoolboy tom makes another appearance. he's so playful!!! #AND TOUCHING GREG'S SUIT AGAIN. just like the tie before in fucking UHHH i cant remember the episode. but s2 i think. #he does it really quickly though. like he remembers they're in public and he's gotta stop treating greg like they really are spouses. #and abt the next part don't worry i'm gonna be. talking. about That. but this part gets its own bit bc!!!!!! man #OH AND DONT THINK I DIDNT NOTICE GREG TOUCHING TOM TOO. TOUCHING HIS ARM UNNECESSARILY. they're so touchy here. sigh. sigh. #yet not a hug. just light touches. a hug would be too friendly. if that makes sense? these touches are more. spousal. #like you'd hug your mate at a party right. and sure you might hug a partner or spouse. but idkkk idk it reads more. #just the touchings of the suits. oh you look nice tonight dear. don't wanna spoil your pretty outfit. that'll happen later at home. GODDDDDD #BECAAAAAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAY NEXT!!! THE WHOLE. PROVE IT THING! OH HH GODDHNWEW #my head cracks open. ok okok ig ot ta go i'm going i'm fucking. bye #im so fuckin pressed about the nero sporus thing IF TOM HADNT SAID THAT BULLSHIT I WOULDNT BE THINKING SHIT LIKE THIS #i mean maybe i would BUT I WOULDNT ACTUALLY PUT ANY STOCK IN IT BC HE WOULDNT HAVE SAID IT OUT RIGHT. god. i'm in pain #lord send the plagues. end my suffering

[voidcoretxt]

but there are lots of fish left in the sea, there are lots of fish in business suits that talk and walk on human feet & visit doctors & have weak knees ...Oh Please Let Me Join Your Cult..!!! Ill Paint My Face In Yr Colours!!!!!!! (u had a real nice face, i had an early death.)

#needed to. write these lyrics out #ultimately i think i was meant 2 be some1s dead love interest they nvr get over #no matter how many better more interesting people they meet #idk. being loved like that sounds nice. likeee have dead wife flashbacks about me lol. love me love me love me #but yeah anyway. i love these last few lines of the song #before the whole the ocean washed open/over your grave part (id have included it but i think it only works like. as music. not Just words) #its really nice. like there are lotsss of fish left in the sea but also. OH PLEASE LET ME JOIN YOUR CULT LET ME LET MWE LET ME #i like it. it Gets It. #i dont believw that im capable of like. understanding art tbh im kinda too stupid. even for car seat headrest! #and the interpretations of this song that ive read online are different than mine so like. lol. ure abt to read something so utterly stupid #but its like. the desperation. you will never love me but ill do anything to change that. please. Please. #i will worship you i will forsake any and all individuality i previously had please just let me be with you. please. Please. #ya know? #i cant say ive never felt that way before. cant say im not currently feeling like this still (im working on it tho. working working working #its a nice song. i like it. #anyway. gentlemen its been a wonderful evening but sadly ive got an ask to answer so i must leave. farewell godspeed etc #we will see eachother again once i find a song i like that was made in 2007 #voidcore.txt #goddd theres so many typos in this. tumblr please let me edit tags on mobile

[toytulini]

dont get mad at me this is a subjective opinion but like. like i enjoy stardew a lot and this is by no means a criticism, more of like. just a Wish.

I want a game very similar to stardew valley in terms of play and "difficulty" but animated/artstyle like, botw.

#toy txt post #if anyone gets on my ass about this i will turn reblogs off so fast im just wishing and this isnt even hating on the artstyle of stardew #more. wishing i could further customize the house and grow crops in botw or totk #you can do more house customization in totk but its still not enough also my house in totk is like. maxmimum number of buildings #which i cant remember? but its that many of just fish ponds stacked on top of each other in a spiral and then every blood moon i get that #many free easy sanke carp #anyway the point is i really loke both games and i dont hate the artstyle of stardew. but its not like my favorite? #also sorry for making this post more disclaimers than opinion at this point i just really want to get it across that i Like Stardew Valley #and i likw the artstyle and this is not like a call to action on the dev or a demand or anything it is me daydreaming about a game that #doesnt exist. also if i had the controls i have in botw maybe i wouldnt be getting mugged in the mines so much #also im a fake gamer so i dont know all the right terms but i know there are like Other Games that have like the exploration vibe and #probably the ability to customize a house and give gifts to ppl and shit however all the ones im thinking of......... #to be clear here when i say art like botw i dont just mean like oh expensive 3d rendering and all that shit. like a little but like #CRUCIALLY. NOT AIMING FOR REALISM. it (DAYDREAM GAME MADE UP) needs to be stylized bc #listen i was being nice w the sv i dont hate the stardew valley style. im not going to be nice here: i fucking despise games trying to look #like real life and real life ppl every single one ive ever seen is uncanny valley to me EVEN DESPITE the many advancements they have made. #i recognize theyve made a lot of advancements. and i recognize this is also a subjective opinion i hold. but i just think all the ones ive #ever seen are so fucking ugly stop trying to capture the realism just lean into some stylization please im begging youuu #the worst part is there are games whos premise i would probably find interesting? but theyre so fucking ugly im not spending over $40 on #that shit ESPECIALLY if it has the audacity to be first person pov #i can maybe be tricked into it in this regard if its heavily ocean centric. i can be bribed with ocean

[justletmereadmycomics]

sometimes I forget not everybody's aro ace or aroace and I say something like "man I love [kinda kinky thing]" or something around someone and instead of being like "yeah they cool :]" the person is either like "....eXcuSE mE" or "hur hur yeah I get so turned on by that" and I just go "ah fuck ive done it again"

#justletmetalk #this is usually something whump-related too #like “hmm dont you just love non-con vampire romance” and I mean it as in like #whumpee is being drained by vampires daily and on the verge of death every second and cant think straight and when they do they hate #themself for being so weak and compliant with their 'master(s)' and maybe even hurt themself so the vampires have less blood to take from #them but its not really their fault bc they're literally hypnotized into being a pretty little pet/servant who just oh so loves master and #would do anything for their owner and they remember only parts of being hypnotized and it hurts so much to be loosing so much of themself #but the other person just hears me say “I am a walking red flag”

[devil-changmin]

again, in tags, and dec 18 tw

#i know ppl sensationalize 'let me out' way more than 'elevator' because its much more on the nose #even in the title #and like it has 2x as many listens on spotify so i know ppl are just listening to it cuz theyre like oh what is this #but bro #if depression is part of ur life experience and u listen to elevator #its like #shit #and like ive had depression for so long and it was untreated for SO long that i think it rly rly hits in my personal experience #and like jonghyun was so honest with his emotions and he felt everything so strongly #and i think a moment like let me out is much more like #thats when youre angry and fed up with yourself and with everything and you just want to be DONE youre just tired and youre like fucking le #take a break from this #but elevator is so poignant because it feels so much like the bottom of the well #like when you dont really feel anything #youre on your back in a dark whole staring at the pinprick of the sky #to the point that he's even detached from the self #he is seeing his reflection as if it is someone else #and saying how long have you been that tired? how long have you been that sad? #and to look at yourself and say 'i don't know you' but also 'you know you cant go on like this anymore right? #like bro #i wish i could verbalize like how insanely like #i mean hes an artist he encapsulated the thought in a very poignant and concise way #its just so insane to think how many people listened to those words and were still surprised by what happened #idk #anyway #i miss him

[lebrookestore]

feelings are so complex

#its funny in a way yk #because like on one end of the spectrum theres this person that was supposed to be my best frien #but she ended up manipulating me and doing some really shitty things and will be all nice to my face but talk shit behind my back #and honestly she can be a terrible horrible person and has hurt another close friend of mine really badly #and i want to hate her so badly #and i think part of me does hate her because being around her now just drains me of my energy and i suck at being fake about people #but at the same time i loved her at one point bc she was my best friend and i cant just let that go?? #and she's going through a lot so i just feel sad for her #so like i cant hate her if im sympathetic and its just weird idk man #i want to hate her but i cant #like i feel awful ab the shit she's going thru but that doesnt excuse the crappy human being she's being but i feel like a bad person #holding her accountable for that bc of how much she's going thru and like why why WHY is it like this why is it not in black n white #then on the other end of the spectrum there are feelings that like im kind of terrified off but like #i underestimated just how easily those type of feelings can blossom #is this me talking about the L word? yes. 🧍🏻‍♀️ #i thought that falling in love per se would be like. way more work way more time etc etc #but apparently not? its oddly simply? but at the same time admitting it is like oh okay what #and therefore its like u gotta take time to figure yourself and it out and then like #like you dont really realize it until you're standing in the midst of it #man i dont even know what this post is lmfao 😭 i quite frankly dont even know what im saying right now i am just putting my thoughts out #into the abyss because i gotta put it somewhere #goodbye and goodnight now #brooke rambles

[todayisafridaynight]

The bento counter clip you shared is EXTREMELY funny (if it's not a glitch I'd love to try and trigger it), but I couldn't help notice the flower petal-shaped particles in Jo's "heat trail" for the first time. I somehow managed to overlook them until now.

RGGJo also has petals in his heat trail, and personally I've always liked to link it to the fact he canonically wears perfume. What if 7Jo wears a floral scent too...? Would be neat, given I can't tell which of them is supposed to be the one with the sensitive nose lol

Jo’s counter is actually a programmed thing from my understanding: he is meant to deflect regular/MPless attacks and items, but considering most people use exclusively special attacks at this point I reckon not a lot of people catch it (and as for items, you’re either using a rocket launcher/projectile or you’re too far for him to do... that LMAO). Still, it’s going to entertain me for a while the fact he CAN just cancel your healing

And I’m SO glad you noticed the petals too! I didn’t catch that they were a thing for RGGJo as well, but I thought they were a cute detail for Y7Jo when I first noticed them a while back! It’s especially sweet if we put it in the context of a reference to him and perfume :)

#snap chats #i answer worse while on mobile excuse me but im gonna be out for a while but i really wanna answer this #ive personally adopted Y7Jo having the sensitive nose but who’s to say it cant be either honestly #which reminds me i do wanna do something silly with that fact.. #mothers day is tomorrow maybe i can think of something with flowers or something lmao #Maybe I Gave Myself A Brain Blast Actually hm... ignore me im rambling to myself.. #ill stop there for now in case i DO think of somethig and then it can be a surprise lmao #but back to the Main Discussion of the flowers i guess its a nice callback to his more ‘romantic’ counterpart so to speak #also i just love flowers. guilty as charged #Rambling Part 2 but ive somehow reminded myself of hijikata’s sword having plum petals on it.. #‘snap how did you get there’ well i was thinking about how jo uses okita’s sword in this fight and then i thought of The Mine Parallel #and i remembered hijikata evidently and i was like Oh Yeah #ignore this part this isnt anything significant just me rememberin fun facts #if youve read down here tho ill let you go LMAO ty for sendin an ask in ! #ALSO FORGOT TO SAY THIS ON THE RECENT ASK YOU SENT i totes dont mind this smaller asks in-between the larger ones ! #i always love getting asks and i love chattin so ask away as much as you like ! #ok ill let you go fr now LMAO #i hate rambling on mobile cause i cant check my tags.. lets just hope im making any sense here

[shitbrainratface]

Srry i am very chatty today but i noticed the pipeline of

I want to die -> I want to be someone else -> I want to be me with a different life -> I want the plans I've made in my life to be easier to fulfill and that I could be more sure that I even can fulfill them

to be such a huge improvement and I'm proud

/ok to rb

#i find it funny when i talk about the state i am in and ppl seem so sad #like oh you cant drive oh you cant live on your own oh you need a caregiver... i wish you a good recovery #bitch i am recovered! just because my best point is worse than your lowest point doesnt mean i havent made huge steps #or like i talk about my insecurities #and theyre like well i hope you feel better about yourself #nonono its a good thing! because I get up and I look in the mirror and I feel negative emotion and thats it #i dont insult myself i dont feel dread or suicidal about it anymore #i just feel bad! and that bad feeling doesnt even last the rest of the day - I can forget about it easily now! #like ik ''i dislike how i look'' is sad for a lot of people but like... its such an improvement from ''if i look in a mirror i suddenly #develope delusions that my appearance is causing my girlfriend to cheat on me and that everyone wants me dead'' #its honestly like... i was talking with a trans woman who was thinking of coming out and transitioning #and she was like ''but im scared that i wont like the way i look #and everyone says i will but what if i dont'' #and i told her ''you have no idea how freeing it is to look in the mirror & dislike the way you look & still be happy and proud of your #physical changes'' #''imagine seeing yourself and instead of wanting to cry and scream and kill someone you go 'eh could be better' and then feel fine the rest #of the day'' #and the best part: I fully accept that there are other people who can find me attractive now #if i take a nude and i think it sucks then I send it anyways bc hey they see something in me that i cant and thats wonderful #and she said it really helped her bc that reality seemed so much more attainable than sudden radical self love #and maybe some day i will love myyself and love my appearance but even just where I am right now I think its pretty good #just.... i can not stress how freeing it is to be okay with yourself after a life time of thinking my appearance was the end of the world #im not going to lie - i am still incredibly jealous of hot ppl especially hot ppl who get a lot of compliments #but atleast being around hot people doesnt trigger me into a defensive scared mess anymore

[bluewinnerangel]

Twitter larries are having a “discourse” or whatever its called over the fact that some larries said larries don’t like Chicago cuz they can’t make it about it about larry and then others were like thats not true people just have different music tastes. And i have say i agree I don’t like Chicago, I don’t hate it but its not my favourite. Not because i can’t make it about larry but its just not for me. People need to understand that were here cuz we like their music not just to make their songs or everything they do about each other.

Everything about this is just funny to me. Just a bigass pile of assumptions here.

Anyway track-by-track soon I hope he tells us absolutely nothing about the meaning of any of the songs <3

#I'm just seeing assumptions upon assumptions about others interpretations of someone else's work #because I saw some thread that was a theory about Chicago having to do with larry #so I'm just gonna assume that sparked it all (hey more assumptions!) #which like i totally get it if >the way people word stuff< look like theyre just set out to prove things (such as their own headcanon) #is frustrating and i think we can out those frustrations sure #but instead what i see happen is just people trying to ridicule people who share their wacky lil out there thoughts who they wanna share to #likeminded people. the ridiculing of that is also to find your peers your likeminded bullies and youre trying to say what a song isnt #which. is another interpretation and none of us know and were all wrong always even if we happen to get it right #because we dont know. we dont know them and what theyre about and how deep things run. we cant know. #the fun part is entertaining the thoughts and finding something in someone elses written out thoughts that make you think and see things in #different lights that is a positive thing to me... its about how it makes you feel and what it means to you in the end and i for #one really love it when someone takes their time to share what they see even if im like NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT theres still something there #that happens in the process that makes me like.. oh i didnt see it in that way now im also seeing it like this and that and yk just thanks

[scattered-winter]

I really wish my mom would just fucking. respect the fact that I have no desire to be religious and that I don't know if I ever will be because it feels like she's subtly trying to convince me to come back and idk. I just kinda wish she'd respect the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with it

#like. when i first left the church she encouraged me to go to therapy to Get Everything Worked Out and i did !! #i went to therapy. did all the work. took a look inside and went ''yep. still queer. still nonreligious'' #and left a more emotionally healthy + put together guy. #and when she asked me about it and i said i still was quite sure i didnt want to go to church #she was wringing her hands like ''oh...winter youre so twisted up and confused inside...you need to get all this figured out..'' #and for a while i TRIED. but eventually i put my foot down and was like. Mom. i am not confused. i am not twisted up inside. #and she looked pretty upset ans flabbergasted because HOW could HER KID possibly FALL AWAY from the church and become a HERETIC!?? #or something idk #so now we've reached a sort of impasse. where im semi happily living at home w them and not having to do religious shit #and she lets me. but idk she always brings up god and church and shit in conversation #and i dont even think she's TRYING to !! its just a really big part of her life and its important to her #so she tries to use it to comfort me or whatever. but it falls flat because its not important to Me. and she just cant comprehend that. #and idk. idk #im just rambling at this point but i also feel like. i cant really be the person i am around my family #because she's pulled me aside and made me promise i wouldnt do or say anything that could Lead My Siblings Astray #so i cant really talk about queerness. or my own experiences as a queer person. or how people should be able to choose for themselves #what they believe in. #and since im living in their house when im old enough to not be im afraid that if i break the rule she'll kick me out #and i do NOT have the money for my own place rn #and throughout it all there's this underlying feeling that she doesnt want my siblings to Be Like Me #which only reinforces the feeling ive had all my life of being the family black sheep. lol #anyway. sundays are particularly shitty in this regard because theyre Church Days. #so idk. im just thinking out loud rn #winter speaks #personal

[lunarharp]

a random draft where i was ramblingg about witch hat & art to myself for myself :)

rare time i feel like actually going off about the thing i’m having fun with right now in more detail ... but not on twt where strangers might try to discuss back at me lol sorry but that is scary. (not that you even have the room to soliloquy on there)

i love how there's characters for varying types of artists to relate to. people like agott who have been adept at drawing from a young age but feel overwhelmed by feelings of not meeting their expectations. and are driven mostly by feelings of wanting to prove their worth..

people like oru who have always been around the art but now are burnt out from commissions and wondering just what they're drawing for... and ones i relate to the most personally like coco and qifrey, who started drawing at an older age to the skilled people around them. like coco i'm so happy that i'm in the world of drawing(/magic) now and excited every day but also weighed down by fears that i'll never get to what i where i need to be after starting at this late stage and also whether i'm really cut out for this....

and like qifrey i only started drawing after a narrow escape from trauma... i started drawing to make sense of what my life is now, just as he was invited by beldaruit to become a witch because it was the only safe path he could take. (although i've not been through anything quite like what he's been through... ouagh)

and there’s tetia who just wants to draw to make other people feel happy about what she’s made, to have fun, and spread hope and happiness and gratitude. who feels so happy whenever someone thanks her for what she’s created - i understand now how it feels to want to thank them for thanking her and how making art, when you get a meaningful response, can be a truly warm communal type experience. but you do need that response - her overwhelming happiness when the dragon thing was happy and she said it was the first time she’d ever felt fully appreciated for her magic and it made her soooo happy. she had been drawing until then, but it was the last puzzle in place to make her realise the breadth of what magic can be for her.

and riche who is determined to not lose the “her”-ness from her art, doesn’t want to learn new techniques and become more regular and orthodox in style if it means she feels she’s losing something... i get that!!! precious autistic-coded child... the ways we feel about our art differ depending on our own mental landscapes. hahhhh... shirahama said she began this series because she was having a conversation with artist friends about how it feels like drawing just really is magic. i mean..... it is.

i think writing feels like magic too, and i’m glad i can do both now. any creation is total magic. i’ve drawn scenes that were in my head and that’s let other people see them and if i can trust their comments about it, has moved them in some way or at least let them imagine a scene or a situation that they wouldn’t have imagined otherwise. but it’s different from just telling someone about it. when you draw something, or write something it really exists now - outside of you. THAT’S SO WEIRD.

i liked drawing a lot of takarazuka things (before i realised i got kind of burnt out drawing all this transcore stuff that people were not exactly responding to because it’s so niche and weird lmao) but drawing fanart for something that also ONLY exists in art is so special. it’s not acted by real people. like.. they’re just little people that someone drew and now i draw them too. total magic. and she gets up and draws them every day the same as me...

i love that a manga isn’t just art, it’s storytelling too. doing both writing and drawing at the same time - it feels like such a perfect and fascinating combination of skills and facets of creation. i’m better at writing than drawing, so i don’t feel like i can express my original stories well enough in comic form just yet. but i might just get there.

the world is so confusing and overwhelming and terrible every day. only creation is something i can understand. sometimes i can’t understand it - when i feel REALLY bad, it’s definitely like, what’s the point. and i wish i had more things to experience at present than just creation - i want to be outside and just feel and be as well as create. and at some point i’ll definitely stop posting my creations online. but creating has become something that i don’t need to understand the reason for it - so at those times when i wonder what the real point to any of this is.... lately, i usually still create anyway. just as you’d still breathe and sleep even though you’re hurt and confused by the horrors of the world. it’s becoming how i express myself. i find myself drawing pretty much every day because it’s part of how i make sense of shit now and i naturally want to do it. not doing it is painful.

i hope this magic continues. i hope it becomes far more wonderful than i can even imagine from here.

and i won't lose.

#things really are different if you start drawing in your mid/late 20s or onwards. #you haven't developed your idea of yourself as an 'artist' at the time your brain was developing your identity. #but reading something that is basically saying- it's not too late and you have your own magic that only youan do... is so heartening. #also the manga is very gay. it's not THAT shockingly original and fascinating a story- but like... #i just don't know many ongoing fun series with interesting lovable characters where there are also major representations #for disability race queerness etc. #esp if tetia is trans. shirahama-sensei you can tell me... #MOSTLY IM LOSING MY MIND AT WHERE THE SERIES IS GOING LIKE I AM SCARED. my theories are dark and i fear for qifrey SOMEONE HELP HIMMM.. #ONCE AGAIN LET SOMEONE HLEP YOU YOU QUESTIONABLE AND TRAGIC GAY LITTLE SKIRT MAN #i hate that i had to just let my fic be so short. I CANT WRITE ANY MORE RIGHT NOW...i would have to make up so much plot stuff #bc orufrey CANNT happen they cant freaking KISS until so much is sorted out between them which requires the plot moving forward and.. #AUGHHH !!!! sensei please just tell me what happens please please please please please please please please please #the next chapter looks hella plot-ful but STILL..it's going to take YEARS..i just want to know if qifrey IS GOING TO SURVIVE THIS SHIT !!!! #if the brimhats [redacted] then he'll [redacted] and THEN WHAT IF [redacted] has to [redacted] I FEEL LIKE SENSEI'LL DO THAT !!! SCARED #SURELLLY she'll have [redacted] have to [redacted] but i dont think shed go as far as [redacted] ?????? #i plan to go to japan next year if possible anyway but what if it's too early for an anime-fuelled merch section in animate. please #this is like the first new and non-zuka thing i've been hyperfixated on for years. i need official qifrey and oru items. I need the items #once again i feel weird putting my personal feelings and theories on the internet to an audience of nobody but once again we will die. #am i going to be on my deathbed thinking 'oh i shouldn't have happily gone off about witch hat on tumblr that time how embarrassing' no. #do you know how worthwhile it is to enjoy something. and to basically avoid other fanworks for the most part so you're just surrounded #by your own pure and enjoyable feelings. #i actually went to a local queer art place yesterday and like. man i was very different to them but #there are people somewhat like me out there huh. somewhere. i'm going to make zines and art and express my world. even if just a bit. #literally why would you priv reblog something like this i think there is something wrong with you? i feel better about myself now #i will find the ones like me not the ones like you <3

[lttleghost]

me: I do think it's especially not great that transmasc Jesse overshadows egg Jesse since transmasc Jesse is not as canon compatible-

some dumbasses: OH DO YOU THINK TRANS MEN CAN'T HAVE COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIPS WITH MASCULINITY? DO YOU NOT THINK TOXIC MASCULINITY HARMS TRANSMASCS? DO YOU JUST HATE TRANSMASC PPL?

me: not what I fucking said

#i care about the issue that underlies this outside of Jesse he is the obly thing i feel qualified to talk abt tho #like saying a headcanon isnt as compatible with canon shouldn't be a threat #the automatic assumption kills me #especially cause its often from people who are like... they just dont want anyone to see their tboy swag icon as anything but transmasc #as if ur like... hurting them for this instead of pointing out shitty trends in fandom #oh the reasons are that any headcanon that requires Jesse to already be transitioned #brings up questions abt some characters who woulve known him before and would DEFINITELY be transphobic #also without scene alterations or added things like where does Jesse reclaim manhood/masculinity in any significant way? #this might be me personally but like #i only see him seperating from it and it hurting him #WHERES THE TRANS JOY? #and also therfore how would it be an active part of his character instead of like... something you added on #AGAIN only for a direct reading of the text #cause while i propsed added scenes in my egg Jesse reading theyre not needed really #cause it parallels his existing struggles #but I cant see where without something added that has Jesse actually like.... reclaim masculinity #transmasc Jesse isnt just an accessory #again i do not think the headcanon should be erased b/c while the fandom has made me hate it it still has value #espec if you like change canon to adress the conflicts brought up #but like... its not gonna hurt you to admit egg Jesse is a more accurate reading #you dont have to even like it more but like... dont bend over backward to deny it #meat.txt #this is my girlfriend dont touch him