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#you cant queue me im not alive
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Desperately gripping on and trying to resist the urge to abandon this blog entirely !
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kingshovelbug · 23 days
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im sorry but i need to geek out somewhere and screaming into the void on tumblr is less likely to get me flayed than on twitter, especially if i get terms wrong. plus i can do a read more and yall can click into the tech talk if you want to verse it bombarding your twitter timelines
so idk if i only liked it or if i actually put it in my queue but i saw a post that talked about a few pieces of tech that focus on user repairs and being sustainable (fairphone and frameworks laptop) and after doing some more research into what they have to offer i actually really excited that these products are finely hitting the us market and that people are moving away from the belief that super smooth streamlined glassy = the future. being able to reliably repair and keep what you have alive verse throwing the whole thing away when maybe all you needed to do is add more ram to your current laptop (something that i would do with my laptop to keep using it for a few more years if it wasnt glued shut and i was at risk of cracking the screen) or swap out a fuse.
i know big corporations dont like it but i truly do believe with how much tech we use on a daily basis that the way that we are going to be more environmentally friendly is to move back to tech that we can hang onto for as long as we can and to recycle and then reuse what we cant. like with the frameworks laptop. i saw that they just partnered with coolermaster to create a case specifically so that you can reuse you motherboard, cpu, etc and make a portable workstation. you could dual wield with the laptop you just upgraded if you want to dedicate specific tasks to one or the other. they also specifically mentioned that you could screw it into the back of a monitor and create your own all in one. guys thats cool as shit??? if you had a 3d printer and some time you could even create that yourself
on top of the actual hardware part moving to open source programs when your able. when i update my desktop i plan on running linux. it might have a learning curve compared to windows but in terms of performance??? ive heard that it runs smoother even on older machines, that its more efficient because isnt running stuff in the background that tracks your data and shit. now i understand that not everyone can do that because there are some programs that dont play nice with linux but for my needs at least it does everything i would need it to. and maybe a couple years down the road we do figure out how to run these programs on certain flavors of linux since its open source and people fiddle with it so much. (still looking for alternatives to like word and excel though, i use google docs since its free but i want to move away from them as much as i can too since they laid of their youtube music team (i believe?? it might of been a different branch) for trying to unionize)
if anyone knows of any other smaller companies that actually focus on sustainability and user repairability please let me know. theres certain pieces of tech that i think are now unfortunately behind a software repair paywall, things that used to be just machines and are gaining more bells and whistles like cars and refrigerators if that makes sense. but the more we push for these things to be repairable by us the consumers id hope that would change, or there would at least be options that dont need specific companies to repair them or else they blow up
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chaotic-on-main · 9 months
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sky my lovely!!! first off congratulations you absolute sweetie pie!! so deserved and I cant wait to watch you grow more <3
second!! im sliding a $5 across the ice cream truck counter very suavely to order a pralines and cream with hot fudge (my absolute favorite!!) I'm thinking awkward unspoken feelings friends to lovers type thing?? like how long can we ignore that we woke up in each others arms??? AGH okay I love you mwah mwah thank you
Order up!! One pralines and cream with hot fudge for Mars!
Sky's Summer and 250 Follower Event
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☾ Pairings ➼ Megumi Fushiguro x gn!Reader
☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, expletives, one bed, friends to lovers (almost), modern au
☾ Author's Note ➼ Hi Mars!! Thank you so much for sending in a request! I may be a Levi girly, but I gotta admit I had a lot of fun writing this. I definitely did not start this at 2am and decided to stay up til 5am to finish it. I'm queueing this up though, worry not. Also I realized last minute you might have wanted more of the aftermath of waking up in each other's arms so if you would like a second part to this, please let me know?? I wouldn't mind, as I have something in mind that could work. But if I had continued, it would have easily been over 5k words and I need to work on other requests LMAO.
☾ Word Count ➼ ~2.2k
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It would figure with your shitty track record, everything and their mother would do anything in their power to stop you from reaching your destination – your hometown. Due to traffic, multiple car wrecks, and now what felt like the heaviest thunderstorm known to man – you find yourself sitting behind the wheel 9 hours into what should have been a 7 hour drive. And according to the GPS display on the dash, you’re still a couple hours away from where you’re supposed to be.
Your knuckles turn white as you grip the steering wheel in distress. The rain comes down in sheets, making the wipers work overtime just to give you a few seconds glimpse at the road ahead. You sat in silence because you had turned the radio off a few miles back so you could focus. A cough to your right startles you and it takes everything within you to not swerve off the road.
“Shit! Megumi, what the fuck.” You hiss, pressing your hand to your chest in a means to calm your beating heart.
“I just coughed, calm down.” Your black haired companion mumbles, rolling his eyes at you. “You’re so dramatic.”
“Well excuse me for trying to keep us alive. If you couldn’t tell, there’s a lot of shit happening outside.” You scowl. In your high-strung concentration, you completely forgot about your best friend sitting in the passenger seat. He’s the whole reason why you’re even going back home in the first place.
One of his friends from high school is getting married back in the hometown where you all grew up. You knew of this friend by association, but that was it. You didn’t even know Megumi back then, even though you went to the same school as him. You had actually met him at the local community college before both getting opportunities in the same city post-graduation. Now that you think back on it, Megumi has been your roommate for as long as you remember.
Maybe that’s why you felt the need to help him when his car decided to take a shit, offering to drive him at the very last minute. You suppose you could have let him just borrow your car, but you were persistent to drive him yourself. You told yourself it was to make sure your car got there and back in one piece. Part of you tells yourself you’re a liar.
Megumi calls your name.
“What?” You squint your eyes, as if that would help you see what was out the blurry windshield.
“Let’s just pull off and get a motel somewhere. This storm is not letting up and it’s already so late. You need a break.”
“I promised to get you there. So I’m doing that.” You frown at the possibility of failing him.
“You’re not breaking that promise by pulling off for the night. We’ll just get up early tomorrow and head straight there.” Megumi insists.
“We’re only a cou-“
“Pull off on the next exit or I’m grabbing the steering wheel from you.” He cuts in wryly.
“Then we’d both be dead, is that what you want?” He doesn’t say anything to that. When you take a second to glance over, you’re met with a slight scowl.
“Ugh, FINE.” You get into the left lane and slow down, waiting for the next exit to come up.
.
Fortunately for you two, there are plenty of places to stay in the little area you pull off into. Unfortunately, every place you call has no vacancies due to this time of year except for a dinky little motel way down the road. It wasn’t your first choice, and you had even offered to drive down to the next exit to find something else. Megumi points out the next exit wasn’t for another 30 miles, so the dinky little motel it was.
“If I get murdered in my sleep, I want you to know it was all your fault.” You mutter to Megumi as you rip open the office door, dripping wet from just a few seconds of being out in the pouring rain.
“You can stay in the car then. It’ll save you money.” He mumbles back quietly.
“Pft, whatever.” You turn your focus to the clerk sitting at the front desk, currently blowing bubbles with chewing gum and scrolling through her smartphone. She doesn’t look up.
“Uh- excuse me?” You call out. She still doesn’t acknowledge you or your friend.
Megumi goes up to the counter and slaps a hand down onto the linoleum covered counter. The clerk jumps up, eyes wide in shock. It takes a moment for her to register there are two customers waiting for her.
“Can I help you?” She says, her tone drenched with boredom.
“Yeah, two rooms please.” Megumi says, holding up two fingers – his ring and pinky.
“Let me see.” The clerk says. She puts her phone down to click around the computer in front of her. She types a few things in, clicks around, then flickers her eyes above the screen to the two of you.
“We only have one room left.” Her monotonous voice was really starting to grate at you.
“Does it at least have two beds?” You ask, annoyance slipping into your voice.
You’re met with a shrug and a pop of bubble gum. You take a step forward, feeling the heat of your frustration simmering. Megumi holds his arm out across your chest and holds you back.
“We’ll take it, thanks.” With that, Megumi pays for it and is handed the keys in turn.
“Check out is 11am. Thanks for staying with us, or whatever.” The lady says, waving her hands dismissively before going back to her phone. If you weren’t so drained, you would have thrown yourself over the counter at her. Maybe it was due to being so drained that you were thinking of doing something so feral. Instead, you take a deep breath and follow Megumi out the door.
The rain still comes down in sheets as you and Megumi rush to grab the bags from the trunk and book it up to the second floor where the room you were staying in lies. Much to your ever growing irritation, the motel in question is one of those that have the open walkways, only the guardrail and overhang serving as protection. Not like it matters anyways, because the rain starts blowing at an angle and pelts you in the face as you struggle to make it to the room.
Your boiling pot of anger threatens to spill over when you stumble into the room behind Megumi to find that there weren't two beds – in fact there was only one. The smallest queen you had ever seen. In the grimiest looking motel room you have ever seen. Dropping your bag to the floor, you groan in frustration.
“That lady sucks.” You rub your face with both hands, pulling your cheeks down and staring over to Megumi. He’s grabbing some extra blankets and a pillow from the storage closet by the bathroom. “What are you doing, ‘Gumi?”
“Getting my spot on the floor ready.” He mutters without looking over to you. After tossing the bedspread onto the floor, he heads to the bathroom. You bound over to him quickly, only to have the door shut in your face.
“Like hell you will. Take the bed, I’ll get the floor.” You shout over the hardwood. He doesn’t respond. Instead of being a normal person who would just wait over the by the bed, you slam your fists into the door.
“You’ve been driving all day. You deserve the bed more than me.” You hear him say, muffled. You stare at the faded, thin carpet under your feet. It’s a dark burgundy, littered randomly with even darker spots. Perhaps it had been a bright red at one point?
“That floor looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since the 90s. Why don’t we just…” You trail off as Megumi opens the door, coming face to face with you. He wasn’t expecting you to be so close. You notice he had changed into dry pajamas, though you’re not sure how he did it so quickly. Nor did you see him bring clothes in with him. You must be really tired.
“Why don’t we just what?” A black eyebrow raises at you in curiosity.
“..Just share the bed.” You mumble under your breath. Turning on your heel, you head over to the side of the bed closest to the wall.
“Do what?” Megumi follows you, frowning slightly. He hadn’t heard you.
“Share the bed.” You say louder, not looking his way. In all the years you both had been roommates, sharing a bed was something that had never come up. It wasn’t needed, for obvious reasons.
“I mean, if that’s okay with you.” He replies back coolly. Your eyes snap up to his, and notice he’s watching you anxiously despite his tone.
“We don’t have to. It was just a suggestion.” You raise your hands up in defense, puffing your cheeks out.
“No, I think it’s the smartest choice we have.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Postive?”
“Just go change into dry clothes, dummy.” He rolls his eyes and walks past to his side of the bed. You trill your lips as you push yourself off the bed and into the bathroom after grabbing a pair of pajamas out of your small bag.
You find yourself on your side facing the wall about 10 minutes later. Megumi is tucked under the covers behind you, facing the window you suspect. It’s quiet bar for the ticking of the analog clock on the wall above the tv by the front door. Before getting into bed, he had made sure to lock every lock available to him.
‘Triple reassurance.’ He had said.
You roll onto your back and stare up at the ceiling. That thought from earlier today about why you were so insistent on driving him surfaces to the top of your mind. You turn your head to where Megumi currently lies, his back to you confirming your assumption from before. His black hair pools around his pillow. You think you’re the only person who has ever seen his hair down from his normal spiky style.
“’Gumi?” You whisper over to him. You’re met with silence, which means he must have fallen asleep. Exhausted from the drive today, sleep comes to you just as easily. Your last thought before falling into pitch black nothingness is Megumi's stupidly cute smile.
.
When you wake, you don’t open your eyes right away. You can already tell the sun must be up by the way your eyelids tint pink. Your eyes flutter open and you blink hard a few times to reorient yourself. An ugly navy striped wallpaper glares back at you. Where were you?
You take a second to think. That��s right, you and Megumi had stopped at a motel last night to shelter from the storm for the evening. A small gust of air blows down your neck and it takes everything in you to not jump up and out of bed. Something cinches over your waist and pulls you close and your eyes widen. Wait, Megumi.
Carefully, you slide your hand down to what was around your waist and a breath hitches in your throat. It’s an arm, and not just any arm. It belongs to Megumi – solely based off the fact he was the only one in the bed with you.
By the depth of his breaths, you can tell he’s still sleeping. Good, you think to yourself. Maybe you can move his arm off you gently and not wake him. However, when you go to wrap your fingers around his wrist, he digs his face into your hair and sighs softly. He’s pulling you in closer too, and this is where you’re drawing the line.
“U-uh Megumi.” You say. Your voice is crackly with the lack of moisture.
His breathing steadies out, and suddenly you feel him stiffen up behind you. Slowly, he pulls away and the sadness that comes with the absence of his body heat hits faster than you would have cared to admit.
“S-Sorry.” He mutters behind you, his own voice thick with sleep.
“No, it’s okay.” You squeak out. Pulling yourself out of the covers, you grab your bag and practically run to the bathroom, shutting the door behind you with a soft click.
You don’t come out for another 30 minutes, deciding to take a quick shower to calm yourself down. A few mental arguments later, you feel you can face him. This needed to be talked about. You wanted to talk about it. You take a deep breath and throw the bathroom door open. When you walk out, however, you see Megumi dressed and ready to go by the door, his bag in hand.
“There you are. Ready to head out? If we leave now, we can make it for the rehearsal lunch.” He looks up from his phone that he must have been scrolling on while waiting.
“I-yeah. Megumi, listen-“ You stop with your mouth open, ready to say what you had rehearsed in the steamed up bathroom mirror. But nothing comes out. Instead, you pinch your lips together and give him a nod. “Yeah. Let’s go."
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TBH I don't know of any other JJK moots. So if you see this and wanna be tagged in my next JJK fics, please comment to let me know?? Thank you! (I will tag @romantichomicide95 tho because I know she's a Megumi girly)
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rawr-sim · 2 months
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People you'd like to get to know better - tag!
I got tagged by my friend @calicosimgirl, who is amazing and everyone should check her out! <3
Last Song: I am pretty sure the last song i listened to was Unwritted by Natasha Bedingfield cause its just a CLASSIC and i rarely listen to new music lol It could've also been a random musical theatre song though that I've been looking at for exams and such - Have found some obscure ones but Stephen Sondheim has my heart <3
Favorite Color(s): The Maroon-y/Dark red colour you see at christmas time teehee
Currently Watching: Law and Order SVU and OC alwayssssss - Its EO time babyyyyyy
Last Movie: Twilight New Moon because the memes but also my friends from Atmos_Fierce's community (who are all amazing and please join us, we are chaotic but in the best way) found out i never watched them all and we're very slowly watching them all together again! Check out Atmos though he's amazing <3 twitch.tv/atmos_fierce
Sweet/Spicy/Savory: ooooo savory and spicy always, although i do have a dairy milk on my desk as im typing this so i suppose it's just whatever im in the mood for tbh haha
Last Thing I Googled: N.Ireland Tornado warning cause apparently that was a thing that could've happened??? we're still standing besties lol a lil wind cant get rid of us
Currently Working On: Catching up on some music exams! prepping for eye surgery this week (not very well, im freaking out guys lol) anddd just making sure we stay alive in this really FUN world we live in right now <3
I'm not gonna tag anyone specific cause I'm kinda new here so i tag EVERYONE! lol If you see this post please feel free to do this tag, I'd love to see everyone and anyone who wants to and feels comfortable to do it!
I appreciate anyone who gives me a follow or a like, truly every single one of you. I'm just doing this for funsies so the fact that anyone wants to see these sims i made is mind blowing to me LOL. The queue is all queued up for a while so hope you enjoy! In real life rn im actually on like gen 4 so its been the greatest nostalgia trip to be able to go back and see my lil Mabes and Sonny and his sidekick Dandelion <3
Once again pleasseeeee check out my friend and constant soundboard @calicosimgirl who always is at hand on discord and notifs on for me to ask stupid questions lmao LOVE YOU <3
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You know im starting to really get worried do you have to stay in that house? Is this some roleplay thing i missed in one of your posts? If not please get out or find a way to stay safe if you cant get out i know this doesn't sound genuine or whatever but i am worried and you're a constant on my dash that i dont wanna lose i dont want to suddenly realise that your blog has been quiet for a while and not know if you're even alive please stay safe
lol nah I'm fine dude my Mom can just be a real bitch sometimes, isn't the first time she locked me out of the majority of our flat either, also the worst my Mom ever got is screaming at me despite knowing I will cry (and then claim she didn't because I didn't cry when she was there because yeah as if she wouldn't make fun of me) but tbh if this is starting to happen more often I'll have to rethink the plan of moving into the flat above us becauss this is the kinda shit I won't be putting up with
also I know this is serious and I shouldn't joke about it but if I would ever die it would probably take years until someone notices lol I have like enough post in my queue for a at least a year (two or more if I would go with one post per day)
also also thanks for the concern if it would ever get to the point where I do feel unsafe I could also probably move in with my Dad or find a place to life on my own
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icyfox17 · 6 months
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1, 4, 8, 22, 26, 29, 30, 32, 35, 40, 52, 58 (It’s Golden Hour Somewhere :) and 61 (Wilbur Soot and Lovejoy!)
I know that’s a hekkin ton, so you don’t have to answer all of them XD
1. Are you an albums person or a singles person?
Albums !!! I think . askdfjksd
4. Is there a song you love but don't like its music video?
oh i am sure there are lots... especially songs from when i was a kid bc radio music always has hypersexualised music videos and those always made me feel so so uncomfy... can't think of an example rn though :0
8. Is there an artist or song that you like, despite being of a genre you don't usually like?
OOOHH HTHIS IS AN INTERESTING QUESTION HMM
Scared of the Dark by lil wayna, ty dollar sign, and xxx. i do Not like mumble rap and i really didn't like the verses but the CHORUS WAS SOOO GOUGHOGHOUGHOG EXPLODES that i listened to it on repeat and now i love the song (even tho i find the guys voice in the verse funny)
29. Songs you love to dance to:
funny you should ask that bc i have a playlist~ ... I JUST DELETED IT BY ACCIDENT FUCKKKKKK AWOFEIJAWEFLK
anyways. i will fix that later welp KFJSAKDJF
come on eileen by dexys midnight runners is A CLASSIC AND MUST BE ADDED IT'S THE BEST DANCING SONG EVER IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND EVER SINCE I READ BEES FIC HONEY AND TANGERINES IT MADE IT EVEN BETTER I CANNOT DO THIS RAHSSSSSS
disco by surf curse is another song that is just INSTANT DANCE VIBES how can u NOT dance to it
kiss goodnight by IDKHOW is another really lovely song that always makes me want to dance :)))
30. Songs you love to sing along to:
now this one i ALSO have a playlist and i will NOT delete it this time ohmgyod im actually so sad i loved my dancing playlist HELPS FDKJKJD
songs that are Simply Bangers hehehe this one's for when i just wanna shout lyrics at the top of my lungs
but for specific onesssss
Locked Outta Heaven by Bruno Mars // IT'S SO GOOD IT MAKES ME FEEL UNHINGED IL OVE IT SO MCHUH ABRKARKJWBAEKAWJKB unfortunately the lyrics make me feel Uncomfortable singing bc . major ace here woOOO but it's fine i just live in denial and try to remind myself that most ppl are actually yknow normal about sex unlike me LMAOFASJKFKJ
You Make My Dreams by Hall & Oats // literally any 80s song makes me so inexplicably happy and i Need to sing the lyrics aloud at the top of my lungs man
40. Which was the best concert you’ve ever been to?
i love ALL of the concerts ive been to but... half alive . half alive was SO FRICKEN COOL DAWGWGAOJIAWEAAEWR THE LIGHTS THE DANCING I CANT I CANNOT GET OVER IT IT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE /SRS IT WAS INCREDIBLE OHMYOGDDD
52. Do you make playlists to be listened to in a specific order or in shuffle? Or both?
so i used to. hate shuffling. bc i am very very picky about the order of songs i listen to (like when i shuffle i will just . look at the queue and edit it intensely). so i used to make them for a specific order and actually one of my favourite things to do is figure out songs that transition super super nicely into each other oguhoguhgo so making a playlist that is perfect from start to finish is my dream... however rn i have such a big?? music taste??? that the playlists are so long and curating it to be the Perfect Experience would take too much time so now i just add shit and shuffle ofssdlkfd
58. Send me a song and I'll tell you the colors it made me think of, without looking at cover arts or music videos.
well that's just kinda unfair the word gold is literally in the title HELPPP but i picture the field that's in the music video (wait help "without looking at the music video" too late for that buddy it's engrained in my memory with how many times ive watched it), like that greenish colour that's what i think of yellowish green
but okay okay im turning it on now and the colours i get while listening to it is faded pastel yellow from the guitar intro, it turns more brownish orange in the verses, DEF a deep yellow/brown when the bass comes in
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the chorus is green to me, the ooOooOOo is green and yellow to me
gosh i love golden hour
61. Make me choose between two artists/songs/albums.
ooohhh this one is hard bc like lovejoy has so much more stuff but wilbur soot changed my life
im choosing wilbur bc of since i saw vienna but do know that this hurt me asdjkfasdjkhf
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detectiveconnxr · 4 years
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Markus + The Suit That Should Have Been in The Game More Often
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astarriscus · 2 years
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BIG BRAIN BIG BRAIN omfg i just came up w/ a nice idea 😳😭 <33
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dear-ao3 · 2 years
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attention friends, romans and countrymen alike.
i have a question.
first of all, no, i am not dead and left my blog to run off of queue for the rest of time. i am very much alive, just now at home because the semester ended and i had to make the terrible trek up through the damned state of delaware to my home, which took far longer than it should because a prime truck decided to not deliver things with its promised next day prime shipping (smh jeffery put your back into it). and since i am now at home i am slightly sad because i can no longer see brad whenever i wish, nay, i cant even text him whenever i wish because he is off galavanting in some european country or other having a glorious time leaving me alone by myself with my dog and my squishmallow, which has since been named dino de vito so thanks for whichever one of you sent that one in.
but anyway.
my mother has been trying and failing to convince me to crochet something for brad for the last few months (which is really a feat because she only found out at thanksgiving that we were dating) and i keep declining because 1. crocheting takes a lot of time an effort, 2. it costs money and 3. you should wait awhile before you make someone something because there is every possibility that they will hate you in a few months and burn all of your hard work into ashes along with the polaroid pictures that you took in a five guys.
now brad and i have been dating for like 3.5 months, which isn't very long in the grand scheme of things, but we have lasted officially longer than taylor swift and jake gylanhaal did and considering she gave him a scarf when they had been dating for less time (yes i know they broke up and it was terrible and also the scarf is a metaphor for virginity and all of that and theres only supposed rumors that the scarf existed and she didnt make it it was one of hers anyway but the principle remains the same) i think that i can make brad a scarf.
now is this just to quell the pestering of my mother? perhaps. is this mostly because i miss my absolute himbo of a boyfriend and wont see him until january 27 because we have a stupidly obnoxiously long winter break? potentially. is winter break boredom getting to me? quite possibly. (seriously i have been home for less than 48 hours and have been covid tested 4 times in 4 days) in any case. i have decided that a scarf is in order.
will this cost me money? yes. but. i think that im getting paid one more time and also brad is a stubborn himbo with an unhealthy dose of toxic masculinity that manifests in him feeling the need to buy me literally everything ever (seriously one time he almost rejected the sandwich that i bought him as a thank you because he had spent far too much money on leggings that i didnt exactly need for me even tho it was literally 4.95) i think this would be nice. also we are planning to take a day trip into nyc when we get back to school and 1. it will be freezing and he has no cold tolerance and 2. he will once again insist on buying everything on said trip so the least i can do is make sure that he doesnt freeze.
i have a pattern for said scarf picked out. (and i also bought not one but two crochet hooks from michaels today but i had a coupon so it was fine. even though i haven't bought yarn yet but we will get to that.) it is very nice and i will not show a picture of it because i haven't purchased it yet off of etsy (yes that is right i am buying a pattern. i only every follow youtube tutorials or make something up but well i want it to look nice and this was a very pretty pattern. i must really love this man.)
but now. the question. the one that i said i needed to ask about 700 words ago.
is getting red yarn to make it from bad luck?
i only ask this because the scarf is red in the taylor swift song, all too well, which was referenced above, and she and joke gylanhaal broke up quite catastrophically after he stood her up on her 21st birthday, not that that will be an issue for brad and i as he will literally be in europe during my 21st birthday and would not be here regardless and also he would not have the scarf yet. but my mother thinks that he would look in "a nice cranberry red" or "a greenish blue." she is also outraged that he owns literally no colors and wants me to somehow fix that with this scarf.
these are the yarn colors that i have to choose from:
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i personally like the red one more because he has a navy blue wool coat and i think that the red would look better with it and also he would think its funny that im giving him a red scarf because of his recent taylor swift obsession but i do not want to curse us so.
who has thoughts.
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oliviamillss · 2 years
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understanding my own chart
(no sugarcoating)
sun in aries, 27 degrees, 8th house: i've never really thought of myself as an aries person, and i suppose that's what put me off astrology for a while. i think it makes sense that it's in a gemini degree, i tend to follow the gemini stereotypes. my sun in 8th house was not a shock to me. i'm a person who's extremely open and comfortable about anything taboo, and it all fascinates me, especially cults. i also have major trust issues, which also ties in within the 8h culture. i suppose the 8h'ness' is emphasised with my sun trine pluto
moon in sagittarius, 13 degrees, 4th house: i always try to make myself seem perfectly fine and happy, and wash over all my negative emotions with positive ones. i also would say my emotions are a lot, and something i find really difficult to deal with. i am the soppiest person out there, and get extremely attached to people, objects and places within a second. i numb my emotions down when they all get too much, however the slightest bit affects it.
moon square uranus, moon square venus and moon square ascendant: oh my god you can really tell one of my life's lessons is to do with emotions, cant you? these moon squares are really negative and affecting my life majorly. can we talk about moon square uranus for a second, because jesus christ my emotional unstability!! i literally don't know how i feel at a given moment and even then, it changes so incredibly quickly. im super sensitive to any emotion and it affects everything. moon square venus is messing everything up, my needs within a relationship vs my wants dont match up at allll. this aspect also doesn't help at all with me getting attatched so easily, it's like i literally need them to keep me alive. and onto moon square ascendant, why tf am i so scared of people knowing i have emotions??? im so terrified to express them, even happy emotions. i hate people seeing me have emotions, and feel extremely uncomfortable when anyone can see through the wall i create.
virgo ascendant, 9 degrees: i am the biggest perfectionist ever, with everything. i literally cannot show that i'm interested, or doing something until i'm absolutely perfect at it. i want people to view me as a smart person, and i tend to surround myself with smart people. i care about my looks so much, wanting to look so perfect, that i literally cannot do anything about them because i'm never going to be happy. having an exact lilith conjunct ascendant is helpful,, in a way, i guess the sexualisation of me increases my confidence? i told my friend that and he thought it was weird af. i saw a post the other day, so this is me confirming it, but i am so good at like faking innocence to get what i want from certain people, i fake submission to them, and i do it for the dumbest stuff, like being 1 person higher in the queue.
aries mercury, 1 degree, 8th house: i wouldn't necissarily think im the aries mercury stereotype, but i think my mars being in cancer, and mercury in 8th makes the difference. i do have quick thoughts though, it's like in a way keywords that have like huge sentences attatched? a significant amount of what i talk and think about is majorly taboo things, i'd say a significant amount of my life is about taboo things.
i also have a fuck ton of mercury aspects but i'm too tired to go into detail on these
pisces venus, 12 degrees, 7th house: i am the biggest romantic/idealist. if i love someone i sugarcoat everything, and make come up for excuses for every single red flag. if i fall for someone i am so incredibly in love with them, and all i can think about is them. i need constant attention and i need to feel loved, and im the biggest overthinker and clearly a lot of work lmao. i tend to see my crushes/partners as perfect, and 'out of a movie'. i also love being babied in a way, nothing weird, just i like being treated in a way that means i don't have as much responsibility as i feel like i do in the real world. my venus conjunct uranus makes everything difficult af. i struggle to get into a relationship, i prefer situationships, and the chase, rather than being fully committed to another.
cancer mars, 10th house, 2 degrees: when i'm angry, everyone knows it. not in a way that i express it physically, i just go silent af. literally its somehow deafening. sometimes i fake being okay, people can see through that though. i cry when im angry too, a lot lol. i'm also extremely competitive, i hate guessing games in case im wrong lol. i also have a need to know where i stand, and others stand in society. with mars square north node, i go significantly out of my way to spite people. also when i feel like im the best at something, i thrive in that situation, but if i think just 1 person is better, i hate myself for it
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thefanficmonster · 2 years
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idk if u know him but i just found out that technoblade has cancer and now im really sad but it did get me a lil curious to see a small corpse x reader scenario or headcanons where reader announces they have cancer in the midst of playing with corpse and their friends on stream?
Sorry for the long wait dear but here is your request finally fulfilled. Because of my long queue I decided to go for headcanons and I hope you don't mind. If you want a full fic of this concept don't hesitate to let me know ~ XOXO, Vy 💕
Streamer gang & Reader (Gender Neutral)
TW: Mentions of suffering from cancer, Mentions of hospital visits and hospital treatment
- You had been running late for the stream you and the crew had arranged a few days prior - Because of certain problems with the system at you hospital, you had to attend your appointment that day instead of the day before, the timing clashing a bit with the timing of the stream - You sent Rae a quick text that you'd be late for the event, hoping she wouldn't ask why - And luckily she didn't - Truth be told, it's not like you were going to extreme lengths to hide your illness, you just didn't want you friends seeing you differently - Still, however, you were planning to tell them sooner or later - You always made up scenarios in your head of how it would go and only in a few were your news accepted lightly - You hated that you had to risk all those other, far less fortunate alternatives, but it was what it was and you had zero control of how they’d react so you were practically helpless in that field - That being said, you just let out a sigh every time your mind started going down that route - “Hey guys, sorry I’m late. The hospital messed up my appointment which was supposed to be YESTERDAY. So shout out to them, you guys suck. Just kidding, y’all keep me alive.” - Your friends chuckled at your comment, paying no mind to it as anything but a joke - “Time you switch hospitals then.” Toast nudges you jokingly - “Oh trust me, bro, that would be hella more complicated than just making appointments in my local one. All my paperwork, records, medical history, everything’s there. I can just about imagine how much of it would be lost if I moved.” - Corpse scoffs, amused, “Damn, you make it sound like you’re in and out of the hospital more than I am.” - You playfully roll your eyes even though he can’t see me, “Yeah, well having cancer does that to a person.” - The call goes quiet for a few moments, making you think back to what you just said, turning pale as a ghost, all you blood running cold - “Fuck-” Corpse is the first one to speak up, “That’s fucking horrible.” - “Why didn’t you tell us?” Rae follows him up, voice equally as concerned as Corpse’s, both of them clearly rattled by your confession - As is the rest of the game lobby - You fidget with your hands, your eyes stinging with sudden hot tears that are threatening to spill but you refuse to let them - The last thing you were expecting when imagining the aforementioned scenarios was crying - You thought you had come to terms with it long ago to the point where you can even joke about it but turns out you were wrong - “I-” You begin to speak but stutter because of the knot in your throat, “I didn’t want you guys to...pity me or see me any differently. I-..I wouldn’t be able to stand even you treating me like I’m fragile and overthinking everything you say in my presence.” - Your response is answered by another moment of silence before your racing mind is put to a slight ease by Corpse’s voice travelling through your headset - “Nothing will change, Y/N.” He says, tone still shaky but at least steadier than before, “You’re still the most badass impostor among us.” He pauses, “Pun was not intended, but I truly mean it.” - “Yeah, you’re still the same and so are we, this changes nothing.” Toast says reassuringly. - “However!” Rae interrupts, causing your heart to drop, “Do you promise to never again keep us in the dark about things going on in your life? We’re your friends and we wanna be there for you, don’t keep our hands tied.” - Your heart rose and dropped yet again but did so under the effect of a completely different emotion than before - joy - The tears prickling your eyes are now happy tears, ones you hadn’t let out in years - “I promise.” You say with a sniffle, “And one more thing...” - “Yeah?” Corpse says - “Thank you.”
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Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?
ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH
uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)
so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too
another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)
as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.
then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD
i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)
in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.
i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)
anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)
uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha
ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow
BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks
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yntcdtyler · 5 years
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so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧
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i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.
so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.
we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.
so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x
okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.
so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.
AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.
i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.
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mollydollyjournals · 3 years
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Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post
I just want to drink til i pass out
9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself
Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.
But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something
10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.
I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.
I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.
10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them
10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.
I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone
11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.
"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.
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lechet · 3 years
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loki livestream ramblings
long story short: im not sold on it yet  and im upset by that 
heavy fucking spoilers
what the fuck does "reset the timeline" mean --- does this mean no ones gonna know lokis alive in the avengers
what does lokis signature look like
oh my god loki "what if i was a robot" you need to stop
why is he walking through the queue line loki please
why the fuck they calling him laufeyson
hes not wrong abt the avengers being the cause of it.  --- so??? the avengers get to fuck around with the timeline but --- but loki cant??????
oh, aw, i feel so bad when his shit doesnt work god damn it. "dont rush me" LOL STOP -- please
please stop calling him laufeyson. even he said he was "loki of asgard" still. please shut the fuck up.
lokis like "the fuck is going on now"
listen, please let me see loki being a little powerful. im tired of him being so fucking weak to be honest.
"i thought there was no magic here" "there isnt". looks like a damn star wars city.
i hate that this loki didnt go through ragnarok :////
i forgot about phil coulson
didnt he go through torture and shit by the chitarri and or thanos or whatever they were i forgot about the avengers. after falling through space?
oh wow hi tom --- what we doing,,,,,, look at u being all handsome "mr cooper" NO? --- NO??????? COOPER?????????? THE AIRPLANE COOPER??? LOKI SHOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING. IM ALREADY TIRED OF YALL. WHEN? WHEN DID HE DO THIS.  CHECKS GOOGLE. 1971??????? WHAT WAS LOKI DOING ON EARTH IN 1971???????????????? IM TIRED. THOR? HEIMDALL? THEY'RE IN ON IT??????? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. THE RAINBOW BRIDGE KNOCKED THE MONEY. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS. "LOST A BET WITH THOR". WHAT? WHAT?????
"i was standing up to make a point"
oh no another one -- oh god okay its one from avengers.
OH ???? OH YOURE SHOWING HIM WHAT HIS FUTURE WAS???? SHOW HIM RAGNAROK. SHOW HIM RAGNAROK. PLEASE SHOW HIM RAGNAROK. HES NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT BUT OKAY. aw the mama ; _; poor frigga,,,,
"and you think you send them to thor" -- "but instead you send them to ---" OH THE LIP QUIVER LOKI,,,, YOUR MAMA, OH MY GOD. SHOWING THIS MAN THAT? THATS THE PROPER FLOW OF TIME.
"you were born to cause pain and suffering and death" oh my god. mobius??? shut the fuck up???? who the fuck is this. owen wilson how dare you. are these psychopaths??????? who is the TVA??????
ofc loki got out of the goddamn room. you moron. you absolute buffoon. fuck you owen wilson. little fucking sneak thief king of mine.
RUN BASTARD MAN. MAKE UR ESCAPE. OH MY GOD
"whats ur name" "casey" "GIVE ME THE TESSERACT OR ILL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH CASEY" "WHATS A FISH?" "Shhhh!!!" "whatsafish?" "how do you not know what a fish is?????"
what really really?? casey??? youre giving the man --- in,,,,,,,infinity stones,,,,,,, what the fuck is --- we actually get a ----- USE THEM AS PAPERWEIGHTS?????? A,,assssssssssssssss???d?ddddddddddd?
his face :(
i like casey.
:( :(((( oh my god. oh my god loki,,, baby. baby no----- OH MY GOD PLAYING RAGNAROK. ODIN. oh my god loki. baby. baby please. :(((((( oh,,,, oh,,,,,, oh no and then it shows how he dies dont it,,,,,,, oh no baby boy. no dont watch you die :(((( baby n------ NO BABY,,,,, UGH. ugh.
this is like the cinematic record from kuroshitsuji, for the record.
,_, im so sorry loki.
my boy is SLICK when hes EMOTIONAL. nice. good job buddy. got your collar off. love ya sport.
"I cant go back can i" :((((
oh my god. my heart is breaking for this boy. "I dont enjoy it" im so sorry. i love him so much. im so sorry about all of this baby ,____,
i dont like this. u mean to tell me that we wont see thor and loki anymore. yall have Lost me. ugh. bless his heart.
"why me" y--
*rubs face*
what the fuck do you mean "you"
what the fuck is happening what the fuck is happening yall yall what the fuck is happening,,,,,,,,,,
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detectiveconnxr · 4 years
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“I’m wondering if maybe you’re attracted to him. If you’re imagining some family unit with him.”
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