#you don't need a label for ''i have trust issues'' or ''i struggle to experience attraction because im traumatised'' you need a therapist

[quinton-reviews]

What advice would you give to someone considering making video essays?

Don't be weighed down by the expectations of others. It seems these days there are now too many people assuming that if you want to make something labeled a "video essay," you have to match a certain style or tone. In many ways, it's overbearing - if you make something that has too many skits, too many jokes, that doesn't have a strong thesis outside of "this thing is bad", people say you're "failing to find a point." But if you put weeks of work into the filmmaking process and you want to call it a documentary, it feels limiting to have people insist that it's just a rant video instead of something more.

In truth, I recommend just trying to make *videos* first and trying to find your voice. No one starts off on YouTube being totally original, but as you learn the craft you will find your own brand and style. I think it is important for smaller creators to experiment, in spite of keyboard warriors being obsessed with the idea of everything under the sun needing to be new.

Starting off, your biggest struggle will be finding contentment in the experience of making videos - finding your closure. If you don't have an audience watching your stuff right away, spending weeks working on a video with 0 views can feel pointless and frustrating. Without finding a resolution for each project, you'll start to wonder why you're doing it.

So instead, find a friend in your personal life who will watch the videos with you. Make content for you and the people you know, and find contentment in that experience. And when you start to grow and gain real followers, pivot your style to match that new status quo.

Creating content for YouTube is a process of throwing things at a wall until something sticks. The big secret is the moment something sticks, you drop everything you're working on and do *that thing* five more times. This helps build trust in the algorithm and helps build your brand to new viewers finding your content. But don't write yourself into a corner - allow yourself to experiment and evolve even as you're finding success. If I didn't do that, I'd still be making drama videos about LeafyisHere. I'd be burnt out, miserable, and bitter. But because I allowed my style to evolve with my own tastes, I now am at the highest point in my career (to the loud annoyance of many people online).

But the biggest advice I can give is that if you think being a YouTuber will solve any issues in your private life, it won't. That's the biggest mistake I made starting out, I thought having this parasocial connection with other creators would fix my loneliness and anxiety. It didn't, in fact, it made things worse; and I am the only person to blame for that. I quickly learned that the most important people in my life still were (and still are) my real-life friends - people I go to bars with IRL and people I chat with on Discord - and not other creators. Sure, having this mindset has made me more isolated in many ways, but honestly I think that's the way it has to be for someone like me.

Final piece of advice - create your YouTube channel with a secret email you never post about online. It makes it much harder to dox and hack you. Peace out!

#youtube #youtube advice #quinton reviews

[system-of-a-feather]

don’t really know how to phrase this tbh, but do you have any advice for improving “awareness” (in quotes bc it’s close to what I mean, but brain is too foggy to figure out a more specific word/phrase)??

I’m the primary host for us, and I really struggle to recognize a) when others are in or near the front with me, b) when another part is exerting passive influence, and c) who other parts (especially in/near the front) are. everything asides from full possessive switches always feels very blurry and I have a hard time distinguishing myself from the other parts. I think this is in part due to the way that our DID hides itself and our amnesia (by giving me partial/vague memories and making it feel like I was the one active in them) but it makes recalling things very confusing (and pretty distressing if I realize that I wasn’t in the front for as long as I thought I was), especially when we’ve had non-possessive switches and/or co-con and/or passive influence.

so far, the others are helping me practice recognizing co-consciousness and passive influence by giving me a “nudge” at which point I’m supposed to try to identify who is in/near the front with me. but it’s still a big struggle and it’s been really frustrating, so I’m looking for suggestions on improving that skill, hopefully to a point where I don’t need to be promoted to realize that I’m not alone in the front.

and you’re a blog that we generally trust for info, so do you have any pointers?? (or do you know of anyone else who might be able to help??)

(~ @wondering-phenomenon)

I am assuming you mean "prompted" not promoted XD

I will be honest, our system is considerably "overt" and we have primarily possessive switches (even when we co-con / co-front) and so this realm of things is one aspect we don't have too huge experience with compared to systems that have it as their main form of switches. I'm not 100% sure what kind of switches they tend to have but I know they've talked on similar issues, so I'm gonna @l0st-identity to see if they want to / have anything to say on this / have any other blogs to redirect towards.

With that said, a lot of my experience with this comes from within our subsystem which deals with more non-possessive switches and a lot more confusion of parts (and parts assuming themselves to be other parts), which while different, is a similar frame work from MY experience that I'm using to suggest some things that might help.

One thing that has helped me in identifying me VS not me when parts are similar is to change perspective a bit. Rather than trying to be aware of when "I am not me", try to be more conscientious of when you ARE you - and by that, I mean answering the question of what situations and traits and behaviors make you feel the most you. You can approach this in a "what makes me who I am, how would I describe myself" manner if that's easier (which it tends to be for white and western (/neutral) cultures - if so then its a good place to start, the question is hard to answer so meet yourself where you are) but I think its best done by focusing on just how you feel when operating in the world and learning the general resting state / vibe that "you" settle in. I personally find labels and attaching descriptive labels to an identity tends to be limited in the long run, but thats more so a philosophical ideal preference on my end.

The better you know who YOU are as a part, the easier it is to tell when something isn't quite right. Sometimes if you are struggling in figuring this out, if you have a close person around you who you trust, you can also ask them for feed back and to keep an eye out to help point out things that might be different between parts and/or prompt you to just check in with yourself.

Additionally, its less long term helpful and maybe not hte most productive to long term healing in terms of DID but it can be helpful in the getting through the early stages of DID, which is to just think of things that you know you are ABSOLUTELY not, things you do not at all see yourself doing, and locating the oddities and incongruence between how you see yourself and some of your behaviors in the past to kind of see if there are any odd trends that stick out. It might results in an increase of tension between parts and alter differentiation, but in my experience, to get through the stabilization phase, alter differentiation and some level of tension pulling tends to be part of the process.

Additionally, you can also ask if other parts in the system that are more familiar / better at identifying this could write down some notes and pointers as to how they can tell next time they are out.

Your own parts are often some of your best teachers in my experience.

I had another in mind but I forgot it (honestly probably a few others XD I'm getting tired fight me /lh /j)

Also its kinda silly, but a thing I just do regularly throughout the day as a system that tends to usually have a pretty high co-fronting / co-conning ability is that sometimes I just internally call out and just wait to see if I hear back from anyone.

At this point when it comes to driving (I'm honestly easily stressed by driving due to OCD and dissociation, but at this point basically everyone elsei n the system is fine driving or enjoys it) I call out just about everytime "OK whose gonna drive" and see who speaks back.

Not always will parts respond, especially earlier in recovery and healing and communication work, but its always worth a try in my experience

OH I REMEMBERED IT

It sounds kinda silly as well, but if you notice something feeling off, sometimes I find myself "zoned out" and then as I hear whatever part is in the front wondering if they are me, I click back in and go "WAIT A MINUTE IM ME" and I don't really know if theres any advice I could give REGARDING that but it is a relevant point that might have something to it XD

Oh and in the end of it, per my usual motto, when it comes down to DID, try not to stress too much about figuring things out. Unless people are getting hurt or drastic issues are coming out in the lost time / time you aren't fronting, its not something that needs to be blown up and awareness will general build with time. It's not something you need to focus too much on to be able to slowly develop. As long as you intend to reach out and connect and try to be aware, that should be more than enough to keep you on a good track to increasing awareness as it is. Being kind to yourself and lowering your stress levels to the best of your ability can help a lot in lessening confusing symptoms cause ironically being stressed out makes you dissociated which makes both you and your symptoms more confused / confusing.

#alter: riku #ask #asks #advice #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[misscammiedawn]

When you tag as #dawnposting or #cammieposting, is that like the difference between top/bottom posting? Or am I totally wrong there?

I have long feared the day I would need to explain this. I knew it would have to happen, even if I put in my quick explanation in my Masterpost.

The last time I had spoken on this topic on Twitter I got some severe anon hate for it and it did a little bit of harm to me. I would prefer not to emulate that experience. It was discomforting.

I shall post the easily digestible short version here and then a long version under readmore.

Quickly spoken, yes. That's correct. When I type from the perspective of a somft sweet morsel who yearns I am Cammie Posting. When I am posting from the perspective of someone who likes to pull hair, bite necks and listen to a partner whimper against me as my lips brush their earlobe and I order them to BEG. - That's Dawn Posting.

Then there's Camden Posting which could easily be renamed BPD Posting.

But I guess we have the long version under readmore...

So let's talk dissociative disorders and "plurality". With the caveat that I still consider myself a pwBPD with mood swings that happen to have easily definable names and behaviors.

I am no expert and though I have plural friends, I distance myself from the plural community and their resources because I refuse the label. I find it a complicated relationship and the syscourse does me more harm than any amount of external acceptance, which my brain would reject as bias, could ever do.

So... I 100% have BPD. That's TRIPLE confirmed at this point. BPD is on the dissociative disorder spectrum. It doesn't matter if you're using DES-II, MID or the interview. BPD is there.

...and therapists just... don't seem to ever give folx with BPD a test to see where they are on that spectrum for some reason? Despite Identity Disturbance and Dissociation being 2 of the 9 criteria. I suffer both. Unambiguously. That I know.

Dissociative Experience Scale rates between PTSD, cPTSD, BPD, OSDD and DID. There is so much more to these things than just "multiple personalities" (there's somatic experiences, amnesia barriers, fugue experiences and so much more) and I'm not about to go sharing my physical symptoms because it's none of anyone's business and I hide that shit from people I live with. But I am aware of the depths of this thing... even when parts of me insist otherwise.

And the cause is known, too... Regardless of where on the scale I land, I am on that scale.

So the question is. Do I count as OSDD-1 on top of or instead of my BPD? I do not know. I have expressed as much as I am able to my therapist and they are monitoring me. But they refuse to talk to me about it, likely for fear of shifting the results. I refuse to chase up on it because, plainly spoken, it near about broke me to raise the topic once. I am not going to force myself to talk about it again.

An issue with it is though that it's a covert illness and fights to keep itself hidden. 80% of the time I think I am an attention seeking monster who deserves to be exposed, hurt and exiled. I hate that I indulge in this delusion and just want my therapist to say "YOU ARE FAKING." And be done with it. Luckily I'm presently in that 20% sweet spot and intend to do everything in my power to not delete the post once shared.

So, if I am so defensive and in denial, why am I having myself checked up and utilizing tags which seem to imply I have decided I am?

...and that... is a question that most of me is still struggling with. However, the long story short is, someone I love removed my ability to run from it.

I beg indulgence in not going over the childhood stuff. The earliest signs. I cannot even tell those I trust half of these things and I surely would not care to introduce them to the zeitgeist.

What I shall say, starting in my early 20s, is that I am, as a human being, TERRIFIED of sex (I'll leave it up to your imagination as to why) and I was married in an apparently cishet relationship with an allosexual for 11 years (my journals and a surprisingly large stack of evidence suggests. I was quite aware of my transgender and asexual labels even that early, but I hid them from myself and my partner. Which--- given all I am typing, sounds familiar).

Now here comes the complicating factor that not even my therapist knows how to navigate around. The reason I don't enjoy talking about this stuff and avoid the plural community. HYPNOSIS FETISH PERSONALITY PLAY.

It is so easy to type "I have never had sex outside of an altered headspace". It's so easy to type "My first hypnotist was an abusive asshole who developed entire headspaces for me to inhabit in order to serve him and one was a demure submissive gentile girl and the other was a firm and bold dominant who was unstoppable and he kept me in those headspaces for 7+ years, programming switches to keep my "normal" self unaware of my activities." It is easy to type "I taught my wife how easily and readily my brain can and will switch into "character" headspaces and so in order to have sex with a partner who was incapable of doing it, we worked together to summon our tabletop characters from my soul for kink purposes"

It gets complicated when I try to take those things in the past and apply it to Out Of Scene stuff. It's important to bring it up. I think the fact that I have no memory of engaging in sex with my partner over the course of our 11 year marriage is a VERY IMPORTANT THING to bring up in these discussions. But it was self-inflicted. So...

To put on my educator cap for a moment, I shall remind that this is why one must practice safety when engaging in physical or psychological edgeplay and perhaps you should, as a traumatized person, avoid abusing loopholes to trick their way into doing things that regularly would cause them to completely shut down. Heavens the younger version of myself was a stupid child. But she loved her wife. She wanted to be the person that she needed to be. She was willing to literally cast herself aside in order to do that.

Now, outside of scene, well? Was I fine? Was I rigid and firm and knowing who I am?

No. I had already mentioned Identity Disturbance, remember? I have journal entries from 2003 where I say that I "play myself as a character", I have ones from 2005 where I equate the idea of a voice in my head having the scent of lavender and my mother's voice... and while dating and married I had a soft and sweet affectionate mode "Kitty". It's what she called me. The immature and silly little girl. Nothing like the firm and hard boss who existed at work where I ran a market and handled a staff. Miss Manager, as a friend referred to her as.

Then you have me. The one who has an insatiable hypnosis fetish while dealing with a fear of sex. Someone who wants too pin people down to beds and hear them whimper when the very thought of doing that elicits such shame that I collapse in on myself and try to delete my accounts. I shamefully admit I have succeeded more times than I care to count.

Incidentally the existence of journals going back to 2003 offers some mild evidence of its own. Especially the huge gaps where I had deleted chatlogs and entries and pushed things away.

Sad to say I am hardly the healthiest or most adjusted human.

It's interesting to read my journals from the era of my divorce. There are so many obvious signs of it. Moments I was in "flow state" and was the person I wanted to be for a little bit, or the moments I got a sudden rush of Power and used it to control someone I was flirting with.

Within my marriage, I was well and truly hidden and any attempt to step outside of the bounds of the relationship was to be treated internally as cheating, shameful, awful. Outside of my marriage it was freeing, liberating. It was exploration of my new found ability to interact within fetish communities, my new found comfort within my gender expression and as that comfort grew, my ability to do what I do grew.

And so ignorant of my circumstances, I, collectively, began to rely on "me" - in plural terms "Camden started wanting to be Dawn". And that isn't how any of this works. I would soon find out I couldn't just activate what, at the time, I called "Strong Mode". It doesn't just turn on when I need it to. It needs to happen naturally when the mood and vibes are right. But I was growing closer to Sleepyhead and she had a way of drawing it out of me so I was starting to get comfortable doing that. Being that. Becoming that. Not via a hypnosis scene, as would happen in my marriage, but just by intention. Internalizing that those characters were me and I am capable of doing what they do.

Incidentally I have chatlog from that abusive hypnotist who turned me into his recruitment doll. My typing style shifted when I was "in character" and it matches how I present now. Which was truly terrifying to recognize, particularly as decades had robbed from me memories of the shady depths of which he had pushed me in that arrangement.

There had been so many reactions of "wait, I could do that?" Even in the early days. I do not understand how abilities that only exist in one headspace work, but I also know I lost my ability to run a movie theatre a lot. But surely I was just tired, or distracted or having an "off" day.

Any time I was struggling against it I simply rationalized. When I ended a fun evening with my friends and realized how much of an immature and playful idiot I had been the entire night I would be flooded with shame for how I had acted. I would often complain that no one got to see who I am in an empty room because once other people are there I "turn into a completely different person"

Which, again, is just BPD. That's BPD. I'm describing BPD.

Which brings us to the Acceptance Arc, where I stop hiding behind BPD and start accepting that I may be fractured.

I had started dating Daja this year. I have enough knowledge at this point to be able to predict myself. So when setting boundaries, warnings and limits I discussed heavily and openly the bounds of my, then diagnosed, BPD and how my moods change at random.

Because the mood shifts are something I had internalized by this point. I knew that I would just become emotionally disengaged from a scene at random. I was inconsistent. Unreliable. Dare I say "broken".

I warned her that during a scene I was topping I could lose "that energy" and just disengage and that it wouldn't be her fault. It just happens.

When we met and had started play, our friendship was at least 11 years old, she took care and attention to watch me in my different "Modes" and she had not just recognized them but she could see the differences. When and where the shifts occurred. How it impacted me to be called by different names at different times.

There had been moments in the proceeding years where Sleepyhead had accidentally gotten it right and it made me giddy. Moments where I noticed myself acting "In a mood" while driving and needed to have myself "pull the breaks".

But this was the first time someone looked in my eyes, saw what was happening in my head and commented on it for me. During a scene with Dawn, Daja reached out and brushed her cheek tenderly and the emotion melted as a shift in tempo occurred and she knew before anything was said that I had "lost" myself and was in a different place now.

That weekend she paid attention and learned me in ways I honestly feel undeserving of. It seems unfair to rely that heavily on another person. But no matter my mood, no matter my manner; she SAW me. Called me by my name(s) and... suddenly I couldn't hide anymore.

How can you tell that feeling that wells in your heart when what's happening inside is what's seen outside? Up until then I just felt insane. The incongruity was just part of being alive.

When I am in a certain headspace, I am consumed by self-doubt and paranoia. I know myself to be delusional. Irrational. Manipulative. Thus I cannot trust myself and if I cannot trust myself I trust everyone else and go with their views of me. Which fits in with the BPD catalogue, anyway. I adapt to my surroundings. Become what I am perceived to be. Because I need other people to perceive me in order to be.

So... I try to mirror someone who holds a mirror to me? I can't escape what I see and what I see is contradictory and it is pleased to hear its own name and it wants things which it knows it cannot have.

...and that makes things tough. Because now here I am, slowly accepting myself as a fractured individual. Someone who compartmentalized her sexual desires vs her fear and hatred of sex. As someone who yearns to be cared for vs someone who has experienced homelessness and refuses to allow ourselves to rely on another person in order to survive. As someone who wants to push people away vs someone who wants to hold them close. As someone who wants to die vs someone who wants to live. As someone who wants to live openly and embrace the term plural vs someone who wants to repress it and reject it and hide.

I keep telling myself I am not allowed to openly "embrace" myself until I receive a diagnosis and my present therapist seems rather uninterested in exploring the possibility. They gave me a DES-II and did not even comment on the results. I feel toyed with by someone who refuses to engage or educate, as if I am stuck with a caseworker whose job is to report to insurance so I may get my surgery and medication. It is frustrating.

I use the tags because I know the joy I feel when Daja calls me by the right names. I use the tags because I do not want to feel like the actions and opinions of myself as Dawn should impact the way Cammie is perceived. I use the tags because it flies under the radar and lets me express without stating a truth. I use the tags because I like to know Daja can see me, even when I post online.

And to be honest? I wrote all of that above because I'd convinced myself no one would click the readmore and I'd be safe just pretending to be "Sub, Domme and Mentally Ill" tags.

Anyway. I shared way more than I'm comfortable with. I'll suppress the urge to delete it after I press post.

Update: Hey! I'm not ready to talk about it publicly but you'll never GUESS what I got diagnosed this year >.>;;;

#dawn asks #bpd #watch me post my trauma in public #mental health topics #personal #like EXTREMELY personal #hypnokink #did

[mbti-notes]

I was recently abandoned by five friends. I did nothing wrong, but they found me burdening because I was going through a miscarriage and labelled me as a 'slut'. I felt overwhelmingly betrayed and was cynical and depressed for a long time. What would you recommend for me to reconcile and come to terms with the situation. What should I do to restore trust and develop Fe again?

[con't: I am an INFJ. I think my Fe is very unhealthy because of what I have experienced. I am cynical, cold and more manipulative. Moreover, one of my friend's is a ISTP who ghosted me and just told me they don't want to care because they found feelings to be almost physically uncomfortable. I understand that I should move on, but I learn a lot from that friend and I want to know what I can do to reach out to this particular friend again.]

You seem to be describing resentment. Resentment is meant to inform you of when you've been treated unfairly, so it's normal to feel resentful when you've been betrayed by someone close to you. It's quite understandable to have difficulty coming to terms with cruel treatment. However, getting stuck in resentment means that something deeper is going on.

Emotions should die down naturally as you get more distance from negative events. Life goes on, and you reach a point where you have to make a choice to move on or keep the resentment going. Many people choose to keep indignation alive and burning, fueling bitter resentment, and perhaps stoking it into full blown anger. Why make this choice? Ego protection. Perhaps the bitterness allows you to stay distant and safe from others. Perhaps obsessing about victimization allows you to claim the moral high ground to judge and condemn the perpetrators. Perhaps the anger affords you the illusion of power to avenge the wrong. Perhaps ruminating on hurt feelings reinforces your belief in a "just world" and how you didn't "deserve" to be hurt. Regardless of how exactly you go about protecting the ego, none of these strategies will lead to real closure, because you are actively keeping the wound open, bleeding, and throbbing.

Betrayal is unexpected, so it certainly stings when it occurs. That sting becomes hurt and continues on when you refuse to accept the reality of what happened. Ego protection is all about hiding from the hurt so that you don't have to face the truth of why you feel hurt. For FJs, being betrayed feels like rejection, which is a very deep issue related to Fe development. It is common for Fe-Ti to interpret rejection as proof that one is inadequate, inferior, unacceptable, or unworthy of love. No one likes to feel worthless, so questioning your worth is a painful experience. It is far more palatable (to the ego) to focus instead on blaming people for putting you in this painful position, for "causing" your pain. Trying to disown your pain means that you relinquish the power to end it, since you have placed the responsibility on others to end it (i.e. waiting for an apology). You haven't yet understood the truth that your pain belongs to you because the hurt arises from your own struggles with self-worth.

Fe development problems are closely tied to lack of proper boundaries between self and world. When "me" is defined as "we", it is a sign that Fe is immature and subconsciously self-sacrificing, which creates unequal relationships. Resentment is a common FJ defense mechanism because it is a quick and easy way to reclaim power in an unequal relationship through shifting blame. It feels comforting to protect the ego, whereas it feels very difficult to confront the deeper underlying problem of overvaluing others, undervaluing oneself, or worse, completely losing the "me" to the "we".

Mature Fe recognizes each individual's value (including one's own) and what they contribute to the "we". In other words, every "me" needs to be properly attended to for the sake of creating a better "we". A person's value comes from how they make decisions, whether they do what's right, and how they develop their potential for contributing something positive -> your self-worth is entirely in your own hands. When you are able to stand confidently in the truth of your own value, in the truth that you have done nothing wrong, what can anyone say or do to hurt you so deeply that you feel destroyed? That kind of hurt only comes when you are unsure of your own value and worth, and the judgment of others shines a light on the true extent of your insecurity. Is it really others' fault for simply revealing what is already there? Resenting others shoves your insecurity back into the dark for a short time, at least until the next betrayal. But hiding from your insecurity means that you hand over the means to control you. The more you fear being hurt, invalidated, or rejected, the more your every action is merely a reaction, until you no longer understand the concept of free will. How can you live your life well when you're no longer in control of your decisions, when all you know to do is bark at everything that dares come near you?

A healthy relationship cannot be one-sided, plagued by mistrust, and full of harmful behavior. If someone chooses to harm you, what does it mean? It means that there is something wrong with their morality. But is their morality your responsibility or any kind of statement about you? Well, when you can't tell the difference between "me" and "we", then boundaries get crisscrossed and you start to blame people for not living up to your expectations (as though it's their job) and/or blame yourself for being naive or stupid, etc etc. This kind of critical judgmentalness is what feeds Ti loop. We are all capable of bad moral judgment, right? "To err is human", but people often forget the second half, "to forgive, divine". Blame isn't about understanding what people need to make better moral judgments, which might actually make some difference. Blame is only about making yourself feel better at someone else's expense. How can you stand proudly in who you are when you can't help but get triggered to strike back and cause more hurt?

Remember that the purpose of Ti loop is to convince you that you don't need to look at YOUR problem of fuzzy, violated boundaries between self and world. Ti loop keeps you stuck in your insecurity by putting it on something else. Being stuck, what other option do you have but to passively sit there and resent everyone around you, which never resolves anything and only causes more relationship problems? It is an ineffectual attempt to reclaim self-worth because it is ultimately based in deception. You will never find true strength by hiding from your weakness. Strength is found in confronting weakness. Ti should be helping you critically assess the situation to see what needs to be done about it, what needs to be learned from it, or what needs to change in your approach - no matter how hard it may be. But you won't be able to use Ti properly when all you really want is to hide from the truth.

Mature Fe knows the right criteria to use for choosing friends. It is generous and fair in its judgment. There is no ego involved and no forcing of anything. When there is a real possibility of salvaging a relationship, you humble yourself, open your heart, reach out, and fully commit to repairing what was broken, making up for mistakes, and atoning for harm inflicted. But when two people are proven to be incompatible, it is better for everyone, especially you, to leave the relationship through empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. Carrying the burden of hurt, bitterness, resentment, anger, and/or hatred with you throughout life is only going to slowly destroy you. A person who knows their true worth would never hurt themselves in that way.

#infj #infj relationships #auxiliary fe #tertiary ti #ti loop #boundaries #resentment #blame #anger #betrayal #forgiveness #self worth #rejection #closure #ask

[welcome-to-green-hills]

Hi Mystery, I hope you're doing well. Maybe you could help me with an issue? I've been struggling with my gender for a while now, and nothing I research really feels like me. I'm mostly comfortable being a girl except for my chest. I hate it and want top surgery. when someone mistakes (I used to have short hair) or 'misgenders' me as a boy I get excited and euphoric. I have for years. I still want to do things like dress like a girl, but I also want to dress like a boy. I don't feel a strong enough connection to either gender to consider myself fully one or another. Does this mean I'm genderfluid? genderqueer? Am I demi-gender? Am I just Non-binary? I've been frustrated for so long trying to find something that fits how I feel. I know people often say "you don't need labels, just be you" but I do need labels. They help me organize myself. They help me find people who are just like me. I know you probably don't have all the answers, but if you have any advice or if you could point me in the right direction I would really appreciate it. Lots of love.

Hey there, Darlin’!❤️✨

I’m happy to see you! I believe that this is a very important question. I’m very honored that you trust me enough to have this conversation with you.

First off—breathe in, breathe out. Know that it’s okay to not know. This is your life… your identity. Please know that you don’t have to have an answer right away. You don’t need a label right away. The glorious thing about behind human is that one can grow and adapt over time. We think, we learn. Opinions and mindsets change over time. That is evolution of how we comprehend. You don’t have to choose something right away and stick with it for the rest of your life. You are allowed to have that flexibility to be open and take bits and pieces that help identity You.

I do, however, understand that it’s important to have a base to work and build a foundation upon. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. I understand that we love organization. Humans have been known to notoriously and psychologically catalog and organize people and things into categories (Branan, 2010). It just makes us happy and makes our lives easier in understanding where we fall in this crazy, crazy world. It helps us find our people, as you mentioned. A support group when we need it.

I’m very conscious of there being struggle in trying to research. It may feel impossible to even begin researching a topic that’s so vast. Let me assure you in knowing that it’s okay to have a vast topic and narrow it down. That’s usually how it works. We already know that we’re flexible; we’re okay with being referred to as either gender. We do, however, know that we lean more towards the possibility of exploring being genderfluid, demi, genderqueer/non-binary (I’m lucid of this being an umbrella term), gender neutral, and many more. Let’s continue to focus more towards flexibility and experiment with that.

There are over 65 different genders, identities, and pronouns to use in the world—that’s a lot of ground to cover. I can only imagine how stressful that is. If you’re asking me to tell you who and what you aspire to be, then I’m afraid that I can’t answer that. And I’m sorry for such. I wasn’t asked to label you, nor do I want to. I do not wish to be the one to tell you that you are gender “A” and only gender “A” when you are not given a voice. My best advice here is to allow yourself the freedom to try some pronouns out. Perhaps neopronouns. Neopronouns could be xe/xem/xry, ze/hir/hirs, ey/em/eir, fae/faer/faers, and many more listed in the graphic above. The good thing about these neopronouns is that they go beyond the general he/she/they pronouns. They’re flexible enough to be fluid or neutral that you’d be comfortable and happy to be referred to as. Try a couple and see how you feel. And know that it’s okay to take on more than one! The important part here is that you have something that makes you feel happy.

Know that you don’t need to be 100% feminine to enjoy feminine things. You’re allowed to wear dresses and skirts if you identify as a boy, you’re allowed to own and frolic in pink lacy things if you’re non-binary female Demi-female. Girls can wear tuxedos and bow ties… and I love me a good bow tie to wear with my blazer. You can do just about anything, really.

Now, let’s cover a temporary solution to gender dysphoria. I call this “temporary” due to not knowing what level we are at spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you live in the United States, Target sells fantastic and quite comfortable binders that you could try (as I’ve been told by an employee). They do come in different skin tones and fits that give you the support that you need. If you can’t afford one, or want to keep on the down-low of now having that purchase shown on your banking account, there are a couple of techniques that you can try with a pair of pantyhose or even a cami/tank top. When it comes to researching the possibility of finally doing top surgery (yay! Celebrate! Rock on with your bad self, Poptart!) definitely consult with a physician that you 100% trust. And make sure that your insurance company, if you do have insurance, can find a way in helping you cover the cost.

There are some other resources to check out as well, such as the Trevor Project for both consultation finding support groups, It Gets Better Project on their website helps as well with consultation and support groups for people of all ages. It may take some time to find a place, and that’s okay. You’re more than welcome here to visit and ask questions. You’re safe here, I promise.❤️✨

I hope that this helps. And please, if anyone has some more tips to help, reblog and pour your heart out. I’ll reblog your post for everyone to see.

Stay safe, everyone. You matter❤️✨

#mystery anon #off topic #I am an anthropologist #I am an archaeologist #I’m very happy that you trust me enough to have this conversation

[gumussercvi]

𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒.

→ First of all, I need to say that I am neurodivergent. I am very straight-forward in my way of speaking, will need to ask specific questions to better understand things, I struggle socializing, and probably will miss unspoken social rules that I will be unaware of. I would appreciate a lot the fact of talking to me about anything that I might have said or done that bothered you; misunderstandings and issues that arise can be resolved.

→ Following me just for the sake of gaining my attention, interacting with my blog such as liking my posts… will gain you getting soft-blocked. It comes across as attention-seeker and leaves unwanted notifications, something that I do not want. I check blogs first before following, something that I do in wanting to write / plot with you.

→ Do not follow or engage with me if you are under the age of eighteen; I want to make sure everyone has a safe online experience. If I find out you lied about your supposed age, you will be hard-blocked. No buts. I am old enough to interact with people of my own age, not minors.

→ Do not drag me into drama, personal callouts or vague posts about third parties. It is something that I absolutely try to avoid on my RPC experience, as real life is overwhelming enough. I can lend a listening ear / safe space for you to vent if we have talked enough and I feel like we have a certain level of trust.

→ Telling me what to do with my characters or knowing details about their personality / life that I did not divulge beforehand on our threads is something that I dislike. These actions are called godmodding and meta-modding; I will warn you on a private message that it is not okay to do that and that you would need to edit your reply.

→ Mature themes can be written in my portrayals, I certainly won't be writing smut in my blog. A fade to black will be enough. It will be labelled as NSFW, and triggers will be asked beforehand / tagged accordingly in my threads.

→ My blog will be single-ship regarding couples for my characters. I do not mind having multiple romantic ships with different people, and having a good time exploring dynamics and tropes with my character. Shipping is something that I enjoy greatly, but I don't believe much in chemistry-based shipping; I am most comfortable with pre-arranged ships. Platonic and familial - like connections are more than welcome.

→ My activity will be slow / sporadic, depending on my energy or desire to write. Roleplay is not the only thing I do to distract myself, and with my disability, I get tired more easily. Please do not rush or pressure me into replying; I am already aware that I have to write replies, and will annoy me the fact of having someone hovering over me. Some days I might be more active than others. Discord can be shared upon request.

[osmiabee]

The day this website realises that labels should simply be a way to describe an overarching theme of a persons lived reality rather than shoehorning every microscopic detail of a persons life into a different pseudoscientific term as a way to seek ~validity~ from strangers online is the day I'll know peace

#not to invite disc horse in the year of our lord 2020 but bruh #i be out here... seeing things... and i just dont care for it?? #contrary to popular belief there are a lot of ways to be a lesbian actually #you can be ace you can be non-binary you can be a questioning wlw that only wants to date women at the moment while you figure it all out #because ultimately it just has to be a theme of your lived reality like actual real life stuff that is happening to you #being like ''i think this broadly describes my current situation pretty accurately'' is like.. as far as these labels should go #you don't need a label for ''i have trust issues'' or ''i struggle to experience attraction because im traumatised'' you need a therapist #i say this from a place of love as a deeply traumatised dyke with a therapist #big up halima #but seriously dont stagnate because you've defined yourself into a tiny box because someone on the internet said it was valid #also while we're here and youre reading these tags like what the fuck set her off it was the lesbian masterdoc discourse #the fact that it explains experiences that also apply to bi women is not biphobia #its a facet of the fact that women experiencing attraction to women have shared lived experiences #there isnt some hard line to cross with lesbians trying to recruit and convert innocent bi girls to be evil dykes its just not happening #if bi women read it and go OH SHIT THATS ME IM DEFINITELY A LESBIAN thats cause for celebration #if they read it and go OH SHIT ME TOO but also I don't fully relate and I'm still bi then fuck yeah thats fine #like literally nobody is forcing anyone to read it #shared experiences... are normal and good actually #also while were here #gender non-conformity or being transfeminine or non-binary does not make you immune to being a lesbian #dont make me tap the sign #but like in all seriousness lesbian is such a good term with a rich history of gender non conformity and inclusivity #and its our responsibility as a collective to emphasize that the community can and does include transfeminine and nb identities #because it literally has in the past its a really recent modern change if you look historically #half the reputation is just straight up lesbophobia i cant even lie #but also a collective effort to be openly intersectional can only bring good things #wow this went off on a tangent #but also theres so many microdefinitions drawing these hard weird chopped up lines across the community #and it makes me sad #so stop it.. just fuckin live your life... and get a therapist... can be related i just think therapy is good anyway bye

[raavenb2619]

Hi! I've been trying to figure this out for a long time now and it still confuses me a lot, so: how do I know if I'm arospec or if I just have commitment/trust/intimacy issues? I believe my experiences with romance would fall into aroflux and/or lithromantic, but I'm too young to be sure of anything and my feelings could be affected by thousands of things! I know that I don't really need to stick with a label for the rest of my life and that it's okay to be questioning, but discovering the cause of my (probable) aromanticism would help me a lot.

Well, for starters, being aro and having commitment/trust/intimacy issues aren’t mutually exclusive. Some aros struggle with those, but others don’t, and some alloros struggle with them, while others don’t. Furthermore, if you don’t feel comfortable with commitment/trust/intimacy right now (or ever), that’s fine; some people might see it as an “issue” with an obvious “cause” that needs to be “fixed”, but that “fixing” usually involves amatonormative and anti-aro behavior, so take that “advice” with at least a mountain of salt. 

With regards to age, I’m always skeptical of the argument that someone’s too young to know their feelings or orientation, especially if it’s something they’re thinking about. (After all, who says that straight kids are too young to know they’re straight?) Plus, we have some science that suggests that people on average first feel sexual attraction when they’re ten years old, and if anecdotal evidence is anything to go by, that’s probably about when people start experiencing romantic attraction. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. 

#ask #anon #original #questioning #questioning orientation #questioning aspec #questioning aro #questioning aromantic #Anonymous

[intersex-support]

not a question, but some insight about being intersex via my personal experiences with questioning + acceptance that i hope helps somebody else (feel free to delete this if it's not appropriate for the askbox):

without sharing too many specific personal details - it was easy for me to tell from a young age that I wasn't like other peers my age in regards to appearance, and it became even more apparent as i went thru puberty. I had heard the word intersex a few times as a young teen and always felt a draw to learn more because it sounded like me, but pushed the idea away bc i was under the impression that you can't (and shouldn't want to) know anything unless a doctor tells you. growing up in a poor family and never having reliable access to medical care, that wasn't really a possibility for me, so i just....ignored it as much as i could.

the older i got, though, the more impactful it began to be on my life. disabling issues with my physical health that were always present grew worse and worse over time. once puberty hit i couldn't look at myself in mirrors, i showered in the dark, i dissociated every time i was alone with myself because i couldn't confront my own body. of course, school sex ed was never any help for me there, either. and my parents couldn't be trusted with anything, let alone conversations as heavy as that.

it wasn't until I was 20 that i heard the word intersex again, and I finally opted to look into it. i felt like i HAD to. and I'm glad i did because the more research i did, the better i felt about my body. my mindset slowly shifted from "okay, variation is normal, even with perisex people." to "okay, i don't look like perisex people at all. I need to do more research." and finally, to "i think I'm intersex. i have to talk to someone about it."

i hesitantly brought the idea up to my close ones, after a few months of research. i didn't want to just Call myself intersex yet, but I needed affirmation that if I was, the people in my life would still love me. (in hindsight, I feel like reaction is more indicative than i initially thought.) I'm lucky that the people close to me were supportive of the possibility.

about a year after that point, a lot of extensive research, and a lot of re-assessing my own feelings (ie asking myself questions like, "why am I scared of the answer? what am I hoping for?" and "what would knowing I'm intersex change about the way I view my body + myself in relation to my life/goals/aspirations/relationships/identity?" so, yknow. heavy shit.) I've come to the conclusion that I am, without a doubt, intersex, because 1) My body does not look or behave the way perisex people's are expected to, and there is not a single cause of this that I could find that is more likely than me being intersex. 2) the struggles I have faced, in my research (which is always ongoing), seem to line up with that of intersex people's. 3) I feel, deep in my soul, that being intersex is the right way to label my experiences. this one is much more nebulous than the other two, but I still consider it important, because I don't believe any amount of medical or physical evidence in the world would be enough to make me accept that I am different. It is only through the support of both my loved ones + the larger intersex community that I have been able to feel like I understand and can finally accept myself.

I feel as though it's less like I spent a short amount of time questioning my being intersex, but rather that I've spent my whole life questioning it, just without the proper resources and words to articulate and understand my experiences. I don't know that a year + few months of extensive research would be enough in anyone else's eyes. I still haven't had the ability to talk to a doctor about it, and I am honestly scared to try considering the very few but very upsetting past experiences I have had with doctors. But I've lived in my body my entire life, so I know it best. I feel comfortable with myself finally, I can accept my body finally, and I think the only reason I am able to say that today is because I have become comfortable using the term intersex to describe myself. Being able to say "I am intersex," is a source of power, comfort, community, and self-acceptance for me. Without the word intersex, without the knowledge that my body is not wrong or shameful, without the knowledge that I am complete and loveable as I am not in spite of my body's differences, but because of them, I would not be able to accept myself at all. I would still be in constant turmoil over my body and my inability to accept it in a world full of people who look nothing like me. That is why I consider myself intersex.

I hope this helps somebody else, but if this feels out of line / off topic, I apologize. thank you for reading ❤️

This is definitely not off topic. Thank you so much for sharing this was really thoughtful of you! I’m so happy for you and the things you’ve figured out for yourself.

#mod stev #asks #long post #💞💞💞

[poetic-beats]

Re: Self Destruct, I just wanted to say that you are a lovely person, and your diagnoses and destructive patterns do not define you. I hope you hold onto hope and keep growing; you are worthy of good things. I don't know if this helps, but I've been happily married to a woman with BPD for over a decade now, and while it hasn't always been a bed of roses (I have my own issues too), there is so much more to us than our fuckups. It's a bumpy road - don't be hard on yourself for falling sometimes.

For a decade? You managed to make it work? Thank you for this. I have been with my fiance for 5 years this October. He also has his own issues Asperger’s & some other stuff.  I just..I keep failing. I have a major MAJOR fear of abandonment like major and something happened in our past to sort of make it more valid but not valid. Like it’s not valid but in my head my bpd says oh because of this it’s valid. I don’t know it’s just I do things that I shouldn’t horrible things...like invading his privacy and It is SO horribly wrong and I know that.  But it’s like I get this thought in my head and it niggles at me day after day after day and then I have real life things that have happened that sort of make it more real in my mind as actually being a thing that could be true.  And because I’ve had things in my past to do with lies and such I am SO so horribly paranoid about being lied too and the thing is it’s not about how big or small the lie is I just need complete honesty and not even the average person is honest about EVERYTHING...but I...I’ve always been this uber honest person to the point teachers used to continually say at parent’s evenings sometimes Erin is too honest for her own good. I think it’s also tied in with my anxiety that causes major guilt around lying for example when I hid my self harm I actually never lied as soon as I was asked if I self harmed I told my parents I broke down and told them. I couldn’t lie. There has been few occasions where I’ve lied. Like obviously I’m not talking about the tiniest white lies saying you’ve done a chore and you haven’t. I mean more important lies than that but yet ones apparently most people find small but to me they aren’t and I have major issues around trust fear of abandonment and it all comes down to having open honest discussions. The issue is because of my partner’s trauma in his past he suffered major abuse and because of his Asperger’s he shuts down he’s not communicative in anyway possible. I imagine being married to a woman with BPD for a decade you’ll understand we can be very emotionally charged and we need that constant validation and when we notice ONE tiny thing off that most people wouldn’t think twice about we instantly jump to paranoia and that’s me. I struggle with his Asperger’s coping mechanisms and such because I am the pure opposite. He can’t talk about his emotions easily and me...I am a ball of emotions that never stops talking. I can’t always get that emotional needs met but at the same time he will go out of his way to put ME first my emotional needs first and I know I cannot ask for more. I just feel like I do these things because I am scared and I feel like I don’t know I don’t know why I do this. Why I invade his social media why I do this stuff. Like why? It’s like I want to find something to upset myself over OR it is like the paranoia takes over in my head and I just...it is all I can think about so I just..spend hours down a rabbit hole and betray his trust for nothing...for what...my stupid thoughts in my head.  I’ve been trying so hard to get past this and I HAVE been making good progress. Like I’ve been doing good but it’s like when I do relapse into old behaviours it’s just so SO bad. There is so much stuff about people with BPD being abusive etc etc and I am so afraid of being what people expect.  I am also fighting to get therapy and treatment. I noticed I was doing better but it seems that when I am under stress the BPD gets worse and idk sometimes it is so hard to do all of this without self harming without i dont know.  I don’t know how to get past my self destructive behaviours. I thought I was doing so much better and then I go and fuck everything up. It’s not fair on him regardless of the past I shouldn’t be doing that you know. I SHOULDNT and I just feel like everything people label borderlines as right now. How do you ever get past your wife’s fears of abandonment? The paranoia? The need for validation which can become too much for some people?  Obviously she might not be the same as me there’s 9 criteria we only need 7 to be diagnosed maybe she doesn’t experience these things the way I do but if she does please reach out to me again and just..how..how did you guys make it work?  Sometimes I feel like I’m doomed to the symptom that says borderlines often have SHORT LIVED relationships.  even though we’ve been together for 5 years nearly I feel like one day it’ll be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak and he always says thats not how it is hes in this with me for the long haul. But man my mind is SO fucked up right now. I just...idk. Thank you though. I’m gonna keep reading your message over because it is very comforting to see someone whose maintained and has a good loving relationship with someone with borderline for a decade that...just thank you for reaching out to me.

[thelegendofclarke]

People have been saying Sansa tried to force her sister to conform to traditional femininity. Do you know any specific examples of this? I don't remember her ever telling Arya she should wear dresses or embroider or anything like that. Other people like Septa Mordane, Catelyn, even Ned imposed that on Arya but I don't remember Sansa aggressively doing it. She did wish Arya was more like her, but Arya wished Sansa was more like /her/ and Arya isn't vilified for that, so it's unfair that Sansa is.

Ooohhh Anon haha, you are getting into one of my literal least favorite topics here on the lovely tumblr.com: Sansa vs. Arya and the “Sansa Bullied Arya” Discourse™.

I have seen sooo many posts calling Cat, Septa Mordane, and Sansa sexist/misogynists/bullies, ect. I haven’t really seen any of regarding Ned tbh, but I am sure its out there. I try to stay away from it because god I just really hate it, its so terrible and most of the time it makes me so uncomfortable.  I have never seen anything productive ever come from it. 

I didn’t get into the fandom here on tumblr until after I had read the books… I was honestly shocked at how much fandom fixated on this particular issue, and also how polarized the discussion was. We could talk for hours and days and years (because trust me, people have) about the instances where Arya clashes with other characters over the particular issue of femininity. But a vast majority of the time, it either starts as, or turns into, pitting the Stark sisters against each other and/or vilifying one of them and victimizing the other.

Honestly though, I think the issue more comes down to this: how much are you willing to hold these specific characters responsible for the society that they were born into? And how willing are you to blame or vilify them for perpetuating that society?

Westeros is a rigid patriarchy, that is absolutely no secret. Conformity to traditional, prescribed gender roles are all these people know. The discussion around Sansa is the one that usually makes me the most uncomfortable because at the time of most of events most of the discussion is centered around, Sansa is 11 years old. Idk about any one else, but when I was 11 years old I was in the 5th grade and we were doing that paper mache volcano science experiment where you made it ~erupt~ with baking soda and vinegar. I was not exactly interested in questioning prescribed gender roles or dismantling the patriarchy yet. As far as Ned, Cat and Septa Mordane go, I am more willing to hold them more culpable for their criticisms of Arya. But holding Sansa as an 11 year old to the same, and sometimes even greater, levels of culpability than full grown adults in the same situation is something I struggle with.

Sansa and Arya clearly do not have a perfect relationship, and often times its downright acrimonious; but imo, it’s also clear how their relationship became that way. Arya’s feelings of resentment of Sansa are understandable, because Arya has been criticized and degraded and made to feel inferior because she cannot, and does not want to, fit into Westerosi social norms and mores; everything from her looks, to her inclinations, to her hobbies, to the way she prefers to dress has been labeled “abnormal” and “unladylike.” Sansa’s inability to understand Arya is also reasonable because Sansa sees her role and what she’s been taught to do and to be as natural; she doesn’t think to question the way things are done or the people teaching and praising her. Sansa can’t relate to or sympathize with Arya’s frustrations any more that Arya can relate to or appreciate Sansa’s interests. They might as well be speaking completely different languages

Both Sansa and Arya were screwed over and let down, time and time again, by their society and the adults in their lives who created and encouraged miscommunications and hostility between them. Sansa and Arya could possibly have had a much more amicable relationship without, just for some examples, the influence of Septa Mordane, who fostered much of the resentment between the sisters. Or Ned, who held them to such different and inconsistent standards and expectations. Or Cat, who tried to hold Arya to Sansa’s example which Arya views as an impossible standard to reach. Or all three adults using comparisons to Sansa as a mechanism to shame and criticize Arya, making her feel insecure. However, all three adults are still operating in a patriarchy and they are (however unfairly) trying to teach Arya to do the same. For Septa Mordane that was her entire job description: to teach young girls to be Good Ladies as defined by patriarchal standards. They simply don’t know any other way to be. And they also know that not only failure and refusal to comply with, but downright rebellion against, said standards won’t make Arya’s life any easier going forward. Yes, there are notable exceptions in canon like Brienne of Tarth and the Mormonts; but they are just that: exceptions. Conformity and compliance is the rule.

So if you need something/one to vilify, vilify The Fucking Patriarchy tbh. It is Westerosi society, and its so deeply and violently indoctrinated patriarchal standards and values, that causes so much tension in these particular instances and between these characters. Sansa and Arya are children who are products of (and also at the mercy of) their environment. But if you get rid of the pervasive, toxic sexism and misogyny that dominated Westeros, their childish sibling arguments would not have progressed and would have been resolved or forgotten probably as quickly as they started. And in many cases, the cause for disagreement or hostility wouldn’t have even been present at all. 

#seriously it is my least favorite fandom debate by far #i hate it so much #got for ts #asoiaf for ts #sansa stark #arya stark #fuck the patriarchy #alys answers #anonymous #alys meta

[nemesis-nexus]

Full Flower Moon 2019

HAIL NINHURSAG, Great Mother Earth,Grand Creatrix and Healer! HAIL ENKI, Lord of the Sweet Waters, Wise Father and Protector! You who know best in ALL situations, hear us! We know that life is a journey, not a destination and that journey can take us literally anywhere mentally, physically and/or emotionally. As we go through childhood we learn from all kinds of sources; our parents, our friends, our teachers and even clergy. Many of the things we were exposed to were supposed to build character, but some things were also destructive and intended to erode us mentally and emotionally until there was nothing left! We experienced several happy gains and we also experienced heartbreaking losses. All of these things were meant to steel our nerves and strengthen our resolve to move forward no matter what!

The struggles faced as teenagers, often dismissed by adults which is why many teens stop talking to adults to begin with, were very real to us no matter how trivial they may have seemed to them or anyone else. These issues often included things like arguments with friends, not getting asked to the dance, not getting along with a teacher among other things. Failing to understand that these things, while not usually life-threatening, can be very emotionally charged and therefore can build or erode trust and the ability to open up, leads to a teen feeling there is no point in talking about things that are much more serious because who’s going to actually take the time to listen to them anyway ESPECIALLY if they have a hard time articulating their thoughts in the first place?

While they may be young these days teenagers are also coping with a variety of problems including relationship issues such as physical and emotional abuse, sexual assault and even rape in some cases. Drug and alcohol addiction to deal with abuse of all types at home, bullying and other forms of social and peer pressure or to self-medicate in an attempt to mask mental illness issues such as PTSD, Anxiety, Depression and more serious ailments including Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder and even Body Dysmorphia so as to avoid being labelled “crazy” or “unstable” should they seek help.

It's easy enough to spot a whiner because they can't ever STOP telling anyone and everyone who will listen about their problems, however, someone who is actually dealing with a serious issue such as Suicidal Depression or coming to terms with their sexuality are MUCH more likely to NEVER open up due to fear of being judged and stigmatized, instead they will act like everything is OK so as not to inconvenience anyone else.

This often ends badly which is why it is necessary for society to evolve and cast aside the negative stereotypes regarding drug and alcohol use, mental illness, sexual preference and lifestyle choices, especially with teens because more often than not it is the SILENCE that kills them, not the drugs and alcohol or the mental illness in and of itself! Father we ask you to embrace all those who are fighting for their own survival and to hold on ESPECIALLY tight to those who are battling the enemies inside their own spirits that no one else can see!

If we are lucky enough to make it to adulthood, that's when the fun REALLY begins. We get to know who our friends actually are per those who choose to keep in touch with us after graduating high school or if we make even the slightest lifestyle change such as coming out or choosing to party less.

In many cases people drift apart and that's alright too as those who are meant to stay in our lives will find a way to be a part of them or if they wander, will eventually wander back. Those that aren't, won't and that's all there is to it! We must always remember to NEVER make ANYONE a priority in our lives if we are not even an OPTION in theirs!

Also in adulthood we experience much more devastating losses such as foreclosure on a home, loss of a parent (equally devastating for a child), loss of a child and/or loss of a spouse. These things can greatly change a person's outlook on life if they don't have the mental or psychological strength to cope or at the very least a person or people to help them deal with the loss. Father we ask that you be with all those who are going through the motions of grief and loss, help them to push on through and emerge stronger in Heart knowing that their loved ones will always be there and in Spirit knowing that YOU will always be there and as such we shall never face anything alone! AVE DRACONIS!

As we transition from our teenage years to adulthood we gain more technical freedoms such as the ability to obtain a driver's license, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and also to enlist in the military. When I think about the ages of those who are able to legally do any of the above, it makes me wonder who determined the logic behind them! I mean you can get your license at 16 but you can't smoke until you're 18; you can't drink alcohol until you're 21, but you can enlist in any branch of the military at 18. So you can operate a potentially dangerous machine at 16, you can smoke cigarettes and go to WAR at 18, yet you can't drink until you're 21? It seems to me that any ONE of these things has the potential to be fatal so why not just regulate ALL of them to 18 when one is a LEGAL ADULT, it makes more sense to me!

Yet another part of life is trying to see it through other people’s eyes. When I think about all the children born with horrific diseases such as cancer, HIV and those born with severe mental and/or physical disabilities, I am reminded to always be grateful for my own health no matter what issues I may have because to see a child at 7 who is fighting for their life not only not give up but have such a positive outlook on life no matter how dire THEIR circumstances may be makes one realize that our attitude towards any situation can be what makes or breaks us and that we too need to keep moving forward with everything we have no matter how difficult!

When I think of all the soldiers past and present, who were willing to sacrifice it all for people they will never meet, it reminds me that sometimes in life it is not only necessary, it can be VITAL to put others ahead of ourselves even if it means that life as we knew it may change forever! When people think about the military, more often than not they ONLY think about Washington and scandals such as Abu Grahib, they very seldom think of those soldiers on the front lines who enlisted NOT for the glory, the notoriety, the medals or commendations, but because they cared more about those they left behind than they hate those who they went to fight against!

These soldiers more likely to suffer from PTSD, Depression and Suicidal Thoughts because of what they have seen including their friends and in some cases their FAMILY getting killed in front of them, things they may have had to do to survive and things they may have to do because they were ordered to even if the one handing it down ALSO knew it was the wrong move. In many cases when they return stateside, they face foreclosure on their homes, ridiculous wait times to be seen by a doctor, even being abandoned by their own family because their stress and anxiety issues became too much for them to handle. Suicide among Veterans should NOT exist or should be minimal, they should NEVER feel that they have nowhere to turn ESPECIALLY when it comes to their mental health! That the government has allowed the VA to languish to the point that some Vets have given up completely is UNACCEPTABLE!

Mother, Father we ask that you guide all those who fought bravely in a war zone and made the ultimate sacrifice as well as all those who physically came home but whose Spirits were so ravaged that they couldn’t deal with it across the Great Divide to sit and feast at your table side by side with all the Warriors who came before! Let those who died in war be free of any confusion, anger and denial regarding their crossing and those who lost the battle in their own Spirits of any guilt that may have followed them back home and let them once again know peace! AVÉ NINHURSAG! AVE ENKI!

Now is the time of the Full Flower Moon when the last frosts are melting away and all the beauty of Nature really begins to burst forth in the form of wildflowers and lush greenery! Trees are near full blossom, animals rouse from hibernation and begin to seek out their mates and the hustle and bustle of the Natural World resumes activity at full throttle! It is during this time that we also need to pay attention to not only the Earth but the Sky as well! One of several reasons why the Human Race has devolved in many ways is because we got complacent! We used to look to the Stars and dream about life beyond them, now we can barely sustain our own ecosystem! We used to be industrious and create ways to protect necessities such as our water supply and our soil from being destroyed, now we are all too willing to dump toxic waste, coal mining and medical debris directly into the rivers and tear Mother Earth’s flesh apart with drills which have created a rise in seismic activity and compounding this by sending sonic blasts to locate oil deposits in the water that are known to kill and maim marine life!

Now more than ever we ALL need to wake up and realize that for all the fighting and squabbling over such petty issues such as religious differences and financial status, what are we really accomplishing besides expediting our own deaths Physical, Spiritual and otherwise? NOTHING. THAT IS WHAT. Let’s for the sake of argument say that everyone respected each other regardless of religion, sexual identity/preference, ethnicity, race or physical appearance - THAT ALONE would save MILLIONS of people from being cast out by their families, tortured by their government or marked for social persecution by any religious sect!

As for money, humans place so much value on IT instead of EACH OTHER that they allow themselves to be blinded by it! They oftentimes also use it as an excuse to treat others as though they were beneath them as well as demand preferential treatment, but what would happen if all that money were to disappear as though it were never there in the first place and they, unable to prove who they are because their entire fiduciary Identity were erased, were forced to live as those they mistreated?

People seem to forget that in this age of reliance on technology and with cyber crimes such as Hacking and Identity Theft becoming more and more common, a situation like that is VERY possible thus they need to step back and take a moment to understand that it is not and should not be the amount of paper or coin one possesses that make should make them worthy of being treated like a human being but the fact that they ARE a human being no matter what their socioeconomic status is and what they do to pay their bills!

Glorious Dragons who oversee All, the world is in need of a serious Spiritual Healing! It is beyond imperative that humans learn to balance technology with Nature as the two were never meant to be mutually exclusive, in fact the reason we have the intellect we do is so we can use it to utilize technology for the protection not only of Natural Resources but OURSELVES as well yet we have allowed our own egos, self importance and greed to overpower our better sense and the results of that corruption is all around us!!!

Two years ago I had the opportunity to travel to Europe and I’m glad I did! One thing I noticed as I walked around Amsterdam, Holland and even as I sat looking out my hotel room in Mönchengladbach, Germany I can’t help but notice is the differences in the landscape, the verdant green of the trees and grass that are not ornamental but were never disturbed even as the cities grew around them and the quality of such things as a simple meal!

I had some of the most delicious scrambled eggs I EVER tasted in Hoofddorp, Holland and what was it that made them better? Superior chickens? No. The fact that they’ve never been on antibiotics to fatten them up faster and they’ve never been factory farmed? Absolutely! The water is crisp and clean, even from the tap! It’s disheartening to know that our government allows our soil and water to be compromised and claims that it’s in the interest of JOBS and MONEY as though EITHER is going to matter if we are all DEAD due to the chemicals that are poisoning both!

I think one of the reasons that people are so willing to let the government get away with so much is because it is easier for people to rant, rail and blame the government for the state of the country rather than take responsibility for their own actions, from electing the officials to office to the policies they make that we do nothing to stop because we are too busy being blinded by empty promises and official stories to accept reality! The reality being that the government doesn’t give a damn about the people and most governments never will! In fact it is my contention that 75 - 90% of politicians who run only do so to have power over the people, not to help the people in any way, shape or form!

I think the other reason is because we have become so Spiritually disconnected that we allow things to happen here because we have been convinced that things will be better on the “other side” the problem with this is that in order to GET to the “other side” we have to DIE first so where does that leave us HERE while we are ALIVE? Better question, where does it leave our CHILDREN and our CHILDRENS children? We need to stop acting as though we are the only generation that matters and start looking towards the future generations and realize that the Native saying “We do NOT inherit the Earth from our ANCESTORS, we BORROW it from our CHILDREN” is true because what the future generations will end up with will be determined by what we leave them!

We are not here to trudge through life under someone else’s heel until the Reaper claims us; we are here to live our lives on Earth while keeping our eyes to the Sky and our hearts untethered and boundless across the Astral Plane! We are here to grow and evolve with the Natural Order of things, not to remain stagnant, stationary and unmoving! When we disconnect from the Universal Qi or Energy that connects ALL life, the effects are drastically clear, we are unable to relate to ourselves nevermind anyone else. It is this disconnection from our own Humanity that leads to ignorance, fear, hate, violence, war, rape, abuse of substances as well as ourselves and loved ones and can even cause nations to go war with each other! When we lose sight of what is really important in life, we lose sight of everything and that puts us and anyone who relies on us for guidance on a path of destruction that the higher up the political or social ladder a person is, the more potential that person has to create a situation that ends in mass casualties!

Mother, Father, we ask you to draw your swords and strike down all those who callously disregard their Natural Duty as a HUMAN BEING to safeguard our environment so that we don’t end up KILLING the very thing that is KEEPING US ALIVE!

We ask you to rein down Justice upon those who would KILL in the name of shameless GREED, who would LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL from those who barely have anything as it is just to fill their own pockets!

We ask you to raise your shields to protect those who are powerless against their abusers, to protect the most vulnerable amongst us from be taken advantage of or harmed in any way be they human, animal or part of the flora and fauna! !

To cover those who are still fighting with honor and courage on the front lines so that they may come home alive and guide those who lost their lives across the Great Divide so they may take their rightful place by your sides!

To shelter those who physically came home from their deployment, but are STILL fighting the war in their heads! Help them find their way back to themselves through you so that they may continue to live as a whole person!

We ask you to Enlighten the so called powers that be as to who the true power is on Earth and that would be THE PEOPLE! On the same token REMIND the People who REALLY has the power and that would NOT be the officials who NEEDED them to be elected to their offices in the first place! We ask that you continue to keep the watch over us as we continue to rise up and push back against those who would dehumanize any of us for the sake of selfish gain especially those who would destroy the ecosystem in pursuit of it!

Mostly we simply ask that like you always keep the watch over us, help us to help ourselves as we continue to grow and evolve! Be with us as we find our way and aid others in finding theirs! Help us find the Door, but make us Walk through it alone so that we may become stronger and able to learn all lessons no matter how harsh or hard! In short we ask that you don’t change anything you have done as far as being our Blessed Mother and Father, we only ask that you help us to help ourselves so that we may spring forth and stand tall like all the Flowers in your Garden!

I am including in this sermon alongside my own prayer, the lyrics to Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation; I have loved this song since it came out in the 1990’s and I find it to be more relevant than ever, NOT just regarding race relations but regarding relations of ALL kinds across the board from personal to professional, political to Spiritual, we have grown so far apart as a HUMAN RACE that we NEED to come back together if we have any hope for a viable future ESPECIALLY much further down the road!

“With music by our side

To break the color lines

Let's work together

To improve our way of life!

Join voices in protest

To social injustice!

A generation full of courage

Come forth with me!

People of the world today

Are we looking for a better way of life?

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Strength in numbers we can get it right,

One time!

SAY IT

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

This is the test

No struggle, no progress!

Lend a hand to help

Your brother do his best!

Things are getting worse,

We have to make them better!

It's time to give a damn,

Let's work together come on, yeah!

People of the world today

Are we looking for a better way of life?

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Strength in numbers we can get it right

One time!

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Are we looking for a better way of life?

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

People of the world UNITE,

Strength in numbers we can get it right

One time!

SAY IT!

We are a part of the Rhythm Nation!

-Janet Jackson (“Rhythm Nation”)”

“’Seeds of Wisdom and Determination’

Plant the seed even if no one should notice,

It will sprout through the mud, a beautiful lotus!

No matter how far down we are buried,

We will arise, no need to be hurried!

For everything happens in Nature’s own time,

The secrets locked within, all reason and rhyme!

The Stars above are Eternal, their Wisdom is vast,

And we stand to learn from their far reaching past!

We are not here by accident, not here by chance,

We are here as a result of Mother and Fathers dance!

For loved us they did and love us they still do,

They’ve stayed by our sides always tried and true!

Now is the time for us to show them how far we’ve come,

By stepping up to the plate and reversing the damage done!

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth every minute,

To save the whole world and everything in it!

The responsibility is not theirs, it is our own,

To take heed of the weakened structure that is our Home!

We can do this; there is still time to come together,

To embrace and revere every Sister and Brother!

That doesn’t mean that we will always get along,

It is through compromise we will remain strong!

So raise up your chalices and toast to the Family,

Remember we are ONE even though we are MANY!

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INSENCE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In Diabolus Nomen Nos Fides! AVE SATANÍ!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In Satan's Name We Trust! HAIL SATAN!)

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ IGIGGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

AVÉ THE GREAT SERPENT OF WISDOM!

HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss

[whisperedawakenings]

This is really difficult for me to talk about because I'm actually pretty embarrassed about it but I get jealous very easily and I'm fed up of it. I don't know how to deal with it and it's unfair on my girlfriend because she feels like she can't do anything because she knows it'll upset me. I just want to learn how to not get so jealous all the time because it would make us both happier. I know it's a strange topic but any advice would be really appreciated! Thank you!!

This is not a strange topic at all, you’d be surprised how many of us go through some jealousy issues. 

A key ingredient to genuine happiness is gratitude—being happy with what you have. A key ingredient to being miserable is coveting what someone else has, and thinking you aren’t enough.

Identify the situation that’s triggering your feelings of jealousy. When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing and we fear that he or she will reject us. Since we feel threatened that our partner might find someone more attractive, we may activate jealousy as a way to cope with this threat. We may believe that our jealousy may keep us from being surprised, help us defend our rights, and force our partner to give up interests elsewhere. Similar to worry, jealousy may be a “strategy” that we use so that we can figure out what is going wrong or learn what our partner “really feels.” We may also think that our jealousy can motivate us to give up on the relationship—so that we don’t get hurt any more. If you are feeling jealous, it’s important to ask yourself what you hope to gain by your jealousy? We view jealousy as a coping strategy.

Similar to other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to focus only on the negative. We interpret our partner’s behavior as reflecting a loss of interest in us or a growing interest in someone else: “She finds him attractive” or “She is yawning because I am boring.” Like other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to take things personally and to mind-read negative emotions in other people: “She’s getting dressed up to attract other guys.”

Recognize that uncertainty is part of every relationship.

Like many worries, jealousy seeks certainty. “I want to know for sure that he isn’t interested in her.” Or, “I want to know for sure that we won’t break up.” Ironically, some people will even precipitate a crisis in order to get the certainty. “I’ll break off with her before she breaks off with me!”

But uncertainty is part of life and we have to learn how to accept it. Uncertainty is one of those limitations that we can’t really do anything about. You can never know for sure that your partner won’t reject you. But if you accuse, demand and punish, you might create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Examine your assumptions about relationships

Your jealousy may be fueled by unrealistic ideas about relationships. These may include beliefs that past relationships (that your partner had) are a threat to your relationship. Or you may believe that “My partner should never be attracted to anyone else.” You may also believe that your emotions (of jealousy and anxiety) are a “sign” that there is a problem. We call this “emotional reasoning”—and it is often a very bad way to make decisions.

Or you may have problematic beliefs about how to feel more secure. For example, you may believe that you can force your partner to love you—or force him or her to lose interest in someone else. You may believe that withdrawing and pouting will send a message to your partner—and lead him to try to get closer to you. But withdrawing may lead your partner to lose interest.

Sometimes your assumptions about relationships are affected by your childhood experiences or past intimate relationships. If your parents had a difficult divorce because your father left your mother for someone else, you may be more prone to believe that his may happen to you. Or you may have been betrayed in a recent relationship and you now think that your current relationship will be a replay of this.

You may also believe that you have little to offer—who would want to be with you? If your jealousy is based on this belief, then you might examine the evidence for and against this idea. 

Learn to gradually trust your partner.

One of the hardest but most important things you can do is try to stop overanalyzing every single thing your partner does and just learn to trust them one step at a time. 

Lengthen the leash and allow your partner to enjoy their own life even when you’re not around to watch over them. Keep in mind that this person loves you and cherishes your relationship. And if they haven’t done anything to make you doubt their devotion to you, then why should you doubt how much your partner loves you?

Build your self-confidence.

If you want to stop jealousy from controlling your life, try building your self-esteem. The most effective thing to do is to ACT like someone who already has confidence. The “fake it ’til you make it” approach sounds hokey, but it really works.

When you can build your confidence from within, you’ll find yourself feeling much less jealous, because you KNOW you’re a worthwhile person and you don’t need to feel insecure.

The best part about gaining confidence? You don’t have to go through the awful process of comparing yourself to other people anymore.

The truth is, comparing yourself to other people is a waste of time. You don’t REALLY know what’s going on in that person’s life, you can’t see their struggles or their pain, so all you have to go on is how they look to the outside world – which is easily faked.

When you stop comparing yourself to other people, you begin to feel much better about yourself, because you’re not holding yourself to an impossible standard.

Use effective relationship skills.

You don’t have to rely on jealousy and jealous behavior to make your relationship more secure. You can use more effective behavior. This includes becoming more rewarding to each other—“catch your partner doing something positive.” Praise each other, plan positive experiences with each other, and try to refrain from criticism, sarcasm, labeling, and contempt. Learn how to share responsibility in solving problems—use “mutual problem solving skills.” Set up “pleasure days” with each other by developing a “menu” of positive and pleasurable behaviors you want from each other. For example, you can say, “Let’s set up a day this week that will be your pleasure day and a day that will be my pleasure day.” Make a list of pleasant and simple behaviors you want from each other: “I’d like a foot-rub, talk with me about my work, let’s cook a meal together, let’s go for a walk in the park.”

Jealousy seldom makes relationships more secure. Practicing effective relationship behaviors is often a much better alternative.

I applaud you sir, for taking the time to recognize the negative behaviors that you need to work on to improve your relationship. Practice on using these tips together and your relationship will begin to flourish. 

[dpdr-dreams]

hi, i was wondering how i can get diagnosis independently such as online or something because im finding it difficult to tell m y parents about my symptoms. im regularly dissociating and nothing feels real and im constantly suicidal and have intrusive thoughts and do impulsive things like harming myself,,, i need answers

HI anon ! Thank you so much for your ask !

depending what you want from a diagnosis will depend where you go. I’m glad you're talking about your worries about parental involvement into your health, as i actually was referred without parental involvement at all to my child and adolescent mental health service (uk mental health system) ! be it from the issues being sources from home/ worried about parents potential negative outlook to treatment or diagnosis/ family circumstance which can in turn result in a difficult treatment process as you can already be maybe experiencing , but i strongly still advise if there’s a way to educate (if its not a case of safety or worsening mental health obviously) parents, family or gradually open debates on general mental health or provide a way for any parent or carer to then be in a better mindset and moral position to help you when you may need it most or support you along treatment, and if this is not possible find friends you can be open with or a teacher, therapist, social worker/counselor, just someone you can trust ! :). some adult try to think of (especially their) children in the best light so mental health issues can be a little confusing and feel most helpful cover it up (till its over) kinda thing (which any professional will tell you ‘off the bat’ is not how it works with mental health, brain is an organ that requires care on top of that body part being also linked up to your whole body, so is a priority and no care can make things much worse) especially very confusing for a parent or someone who has never experienced dissociation before. thats my step one, step two is back to thinking who to ask! so, for example, if your looking for help with your symptoms or a treatment path, but step one if family isnt working out right now or you don’t feel now is the right time (which i understand, and agree with you if thats your choice trust me aha) i would recommend counselors that can work into your school schedule with our disrupting a school timetable and take notes of symptoms and then transfer them to a phycologist that can privately come in for you to meet with you outside of school, remember often admitting discomfort around parental involvement is often respected and makes things easier! if your not at school or uni/college a local church or temple will have someone you can talk to and they tend to be a lot more private with information, as they won’t, have a name and document attached to you like in a school setting, but can be a more lengthy wait to meet a genuine diagnostic phycologist who can recommend you then for dpdr treatment as unlike a school there’s no laws ensuring time limits for waits, but i can almost guarantee they will know your local centers or services specific to you too during that wait.  ,or if you’re rather looking for the validation of a diagnosis and less of a treatment (which i do not recommend without then digging further for treatment after diagnosis as of the serious nature of dpdr) making appointments with your doctor and use key symptoms and words, bring up dpdr prior if possible, on phone or email etc and prepare your doctor to learn about dissociation before appointment as they will be a general practitioner and likely not even be aware of dissociation so dont let this hold you back from receiving help., use bus routes and learn your transport to your doctors and work out how to get there by yourself or with non-family related transport like friends etc. if being physically present for an appointment doesn’t work discuss with local church/temple or school to write a recommendation for as you said ‘online’ are “skype”/video call or “phone based” therapies and appointments which my university has and i believe is a method being implemented universally around the world atm, although I’m not sure how comfortable most diagnostic doctors are with creating a fully diagnosable profile of a person without seeing you interact in real terms with them and talk face to face but this can help create a profile, speed up the whole process, as less in centre time for a doctor to schedule and limit total of parental questioning visits out of the house without an excuse if your a bad liar like me aha. if your still worried about your privacy? discuss legality of search up on your age and information sharing laws of where you live. but this should in no shape of form limit your ability to get support when you need it, so don't let fear or other people come between you’re health and especially with what your describing its critical to find treatment as soon as possible as it can have longer lasting and faster recovery from damaging symptoms. so step three you’ve found the path of entry to a doctor best suited for you, create a list of symptoms, as i know i certainly dissociate during a session and can’t imagine the bravery it takes to make that first jump for you so to avoid your dissociation limiting your treatment again ill reiterate, use keywords, key symptoms ideally in perspective to how its effecting the main “three life indicators” social life, work and school life, and day to day routine functioning and use depersonalisation and derealisation, dissociation, etc as this helps your doctors more than imaginable in figuring out what’s going on in your head, remember  even the experts aren’t experts  and will need your guidance sometimes to reach a conclusion to help you or recommend you to the right people for you, be honest!. some resources to help you find some words that will ‘click’ better with a doctor and other help dpdr related->  (http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociative-disorders/dissociative-disorders/#ddd). as i know with my doctors at least they we’re very confused initially and then extra time had to to be spent on rewording my experiences to what they were taught as they were not very well working with dissociative disorders but of course had the basic training as a phycologist. dissociation is terrifying as im sure you know so i recommend finding grounding or ‘time slowing’ techniques that help to slightly regaining enough time to prevent impulses taking over your ability to control your own bodies actions. its key to not panic during dissociation and sometimes sit and accept the sensations even if quite violent or sensory distressing, gaining control when your not there to be in control is something i combat every day and it can feel scary but certain techniques like going limp or short term solutions to keep you from harm is important right now till you get the support you feel you need. i also recommend discussing medication before talking any as many effect dissociation and should be taken into consideration which many doctors forget and EMDR is the best and latest treatment for chronic dpdr ! so make sure this is mentioned in your first appointment as to put you on the waiting list asap i write a bit more on it here -> and dpdr in general to help you or anyone your talking to to understand it all a bit better ive written and used external information to help me put this page together https://dpdr-dreams.tumblr.com/about%20dpdr  

although treatment can vary too , remember they will be trauma-related treatment rather than only grounding technique worksheets as your symptoms are 24/7 dissociation,( some suffer from off and on anxiety induced moments of dpdr , so dont let your doctor confuse these things and put you on the wrong care programme) the treatment list will be, CBT, talk therapies, medication for other emotional health issues you may also be experiencing, but the most important treatment at the moment  for dpdr is EMDR, so as of your long lasting sensations i’d say it would be best fighting for that care plan :).

again if its more you feel you struggle abit to talk with parents but are able to if possible persist! and educate! u can use some of the information i provided to help you make your point to your parents if that’s easier or write down how you feel or the symptoms of a real illness you’re experiencing to your parent, find a way if possible! :)) 

if you feel you need a sense of validation of dissociative experiences i recommend DES like tests online as they’re linked to most clinical tests and can help you label your illness to yourself as it is common in dissociation to feel confused over it all as of the nature of dissociation-> http://www.traumatherapyboulder.com/mental-maladies-and-the-history-of-the-dsm/treatment-of-ptsd-dissociation/the-dissociative-experiences-scale-des/

and of course if you are in a state of crisis or need someone externally to have a talk to about what your going through which i know can happen so easily when dealing with such persistent and uncontrollable illnesses here’s a mix of phone, text and live chat spaces to help you when you need-> 

  The Trevor Project Call 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST)

Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741 (24/7). Our trained counsellors can discuss anything that’s on your mind. Free, 24/7, confidential.

thanks again for your important ask :) sorry if it was wordy and general or was a bit of a word jumble.of course i have experience with it so if you have more questions, or later questions at any point after you found your pathway and/or plan for care i will be willing to be more specific as i dont know your country and its laws of practice of course, and stay safe anon, seriously hope you the best ! x

#dpdr #dissociation #derealization #depersonalization #my asks