#you dont have to make a post justifying yourself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

httpsleclerc · 5 months

Text

a villa in biot

summary: Charles and Gasly!reader are in love with the one thing they can't have - each other.

w/c : 1.6k

c/w : terrible ending? nothing, I dont think there actually is any

Charles wasn't quite sure when he had fallen in love with you - But he knew he shouldn't have. You were like a forbidden fruit for him, dangling in front of him, something he could touch, hold, smell, but never have for himself. It was cruel. It was so cruel that you just so happened to be his best friends younger sister, and his younger brothers best friend.

You had all grown up together, Charles and Pierre having done karting together for many years, you had been on family vacations together, he had watched you grow from a shy young girl, attached to her brother at the hip, to a confident young woman, who admittedly, was still attached to her brother at the hip. He found it unfair that you had to be Arthur's best friend and not his, maybe that would make his love for you more justifiable - but how could he tell his younger brother that he was truly, madly deeply in love with you?

To cut a long story short, he couldn't.

He didn't want to hurt you or Arthur, he didn't even know if your feelings were the same as his, and he couldn't face the embarrassment of it all if you didn't. So he had to try and move on. However, as hard as he tried, he couldn't. Everywhere he went, he was looking for you. He dated girls that looked like you, down to a t, but they didn't have your infectious laughter, so he looked for girls who shared your laughter, but they didn't look like you. It was impossible to find you in all of the girls he dated, so he eventually gave up, accepting that he could never have the one girl that he truly wanted, as much as it broke his heart to accept.

As it came time for your annual family vacation with the 3 Leclerc boys, you found yourself newly single, breaking things off with your boyfriend of 3 months due to the fact that he was nothing like how you thought he was - you thought he could fill the Charles shaped hole in your heart. You hated yourself for wanting him, he was your best friends older brother, and your older brothers best friend. As much as you wanted him, you remembered the promise you made to Pierre, that you would never go near any of the people he raced against, especially Charles.

You sighed as you sat on your suitcase, forcing it shut and having Arthur zip it shut for you, he shook his head as he grabbed your hand and helped you up onto your feet.

"How much did you pack, we're only going for 4 nights?" Arthur asked you with a chuckle, looking at your suitcase and then you as you shrugged with a grin.

"Just because you're a guy and can fit all of your things into your backpack, some of us are actually civilised," You jokingly critiqued your best friend, who feigned offence at your 'mean' comments. "And anyway, I wasn't sure on outfits so I had to take two options for at night, I'm probably gonna be in a bikini for most of the day anyway." You told him, acting as though your explanation was the most common knowledge thing on earth.

"I'm going to go out on a crazy whim and suggest that you haven't shown Pierre your choice of bikini's, because he was not happy when me and you went to Ibiza when we turned 18 and you were like, half naked," Arthur reminded you, your joint 18th birthday trip to Ibiza had been eventful, with Arthur getting so drunk he forget where your hotel was and you, even drunker, had to try and find him through his Snapchat location.

"You weren't complaining that week, Tutur," He shook his head at your comment and put your suitcase on it's wheels, saying that he would carry it down the stairs for you. You also knew that Charles wasn't complaining about your instagram pictures that week, since he was the first person to like every photoset that you posted.

Charles watched as you leaned against your brother, your face illuminated by the orangey-red glow of the fire burning in front of you, a half glass of the last of the limoncello in your hand, which Pierre took from you, despite your protests.

"It's late and you're already drunk, take it easy," He gently scolded you, since he understood that maybe you were drowning your sorrows following your recent break up. Pierre huffed as he stood up, placing the glass on the table beside him. Soon after, Pierre called it a night for himself, placing a kiss on the top of your head and jokingly telling you that he'd know if you drank the rest of the glass of limoncello - Lorenzo and Arthur followed soon after him, leaving only you and Charles in the living room of the Villa you had rented in Biot. Charles shifted to sit beside you, his heart racing as he realised just how close the two of you now were.

"How's your boyfriend?" Charles asked you, watching as you nervously fiddled with your hands and the ring on your finger, one that Pierre had bought you for your 21st birthday a couple of years ago.

"I broke up with him," You deadpanned to Charles, any semblance of a filter you had disappeared completely when you were drunk. You looked up at him, a flicker of desire burning in your eyes. "He wasn't who I thought he was. How's your girlfriend?" You asked him, noticing the way his eyes flicked away from yours.

"We broke up, same reason as you," He told you. The two of you sat in silence for a minute, you leaning into Charles' embrace as he put his arm around you. "Who did you think your boyfriend was?" Charles asked you, his voice dropping lower than you had ever heard it. You licked your lips, your breath shaky as you looked up at the Monegasque driver.

"I thought he was you, Charles," You admitted quietly, having no time to react before he leant into you, pressing his lips onto yours in a passionate kiss. You leaned into his kiss, your hands snaking up to the back of his head, hands entangling through his brown hair. Then you suddenly sobered up. Oh God. You were kissing your best friends older brother. Your brothers best friend. Oh God.

Oh fuck. You abruptly pulled away, unable to look at the middle Leclerc sitting in front of you. "I um," You stuttered over your words, the words which you wanted to say but couldn't force out. "I should go to bed, goodnight Charles." You didn't mean to be so abrupt and harsh with him as you stood up, wobbling a little as you made your way into yours and Pierre's shared bedroom, your aforementioned older brother already asleep and hanging out of the single bed in the opposite corner of the bedroom.

You and Charles managed to get through the rest of the vacation without many hiccups, the other 3 boys on the trip putting your strange moods down to your respective recent breakups. Upon yours and Arthurs return to your shared apartment in Italy, you realised that you were lying through your teeth to your best friend, about how you had all but confessed to Charles how much you loved him, and your heat of the moment kiss with him.

And you almost forgot about what had happened in the villa in Biot.

Then he was at your apartment, his eyes rimmed red as if he had been crying, looking pitiful as he sat on the couch.

"Charles, what are you doing here?" You asked, dropping your bag beside the sofa and sitting beside him, unsure of what to do to try and comfort the older Monegasque. He sniffled as he shook his head, looking up at you as he stood up. "Charles?"

"What?"

"What is going on? Why are you here?" You stood up and faced him, looking up into his eyes as he looked down at you. "Tell me what is going on. Please." There was a tense silence as Charles looked away from you, shaking his head as he pulled back from you.

"I need to know, Y/N," He was almost pleading with you, but you didn't know what to tell him, you didn't know what he wanted from you, what he wanted to know. You shook your head with an exasperated sigh.

"You need to know what, Charles? I don't know what you want from me," You were growing increasingly frustrated. He grabbed your hands, and you locked eyes.

"I need to know. Do you love me?"

You went silent, it was like all the air had been sucked from your lungs, and your brain was no longer processing anything. What did you tell him? Would you be honest and admit your undying love for him? Or would you think of your friendship with Arthur, and your promise to Pierre?

...

"I love you, Charles."

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula 1 #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x you #charles lechair #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x female reader #Charles Leclerc angst #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc #pierre gasly x reader #Pierre Gasly x sister!reader #lorenzo leclerc #ferrari

436 notes · View notes

elliespeach · 10 months

Text

tear you apart | ellie williams

˗ˏˋ"if your friends won't watch over you, i will." ´ˎ˗

pairing ellie wiliams x fem reader synopsis ellie owns her own vinyl store and the day you wander in changes both of your lives forever. she quickly becomes infatuated with you, desperate for your love that she believes is meant to be. when things in your life begin to spiral, ellie is there to catch you, but you'd never suspect she was the reason you fell in the first place. heavily heavily based on the book/tv show "you" on netflix wordcount 4k warnings gosh where do i start, stalking both cyber and in person, ellie is obsessive, manipulative, a gaslighter, a pervert lowkey, possessive and easily jealous, she breaks into readers apartment and goes thru your stuff, shes also so delusional like top tier delulu, shes based off joe goldberg so i mean put the pieces together. this is all from her perspective, most if not all of the inner monologue is ellie's thoughts about you, the italics is verbatim what she is thinking in that very moment if that makes sense. like joe, all of her actions are justified in her mind, and she doesn't see anything wrong with them. reader has a dysfunctional family. pls lmk if i am missing something! authors note hi hello hi, i have been so excited to post this!! just wanted to clarify this rn, i am bringing in a LOT of elements from the book and show, especially in this part, if it seems very similar thats why. i don't plan on following the plot line for season one, but i needed a good base to jump off of, dont hate me. n yes, readers best friend is shauna from yellowjackets i couldn't help myself. i needed a girl group, sue me. cat is apart of this girl group, not ellie's ex along w dina, also not ellie's ex in this au lol

fuckin’ trash, ellie thought to herself, looking over the torn up vinyl in her hands. the guy who returned it obviously had no fucking clue how to take care of something. especially something so needing of love. she placed the vinyl down on the counter beside the register before stepping into the back of the store, grabbing her tools of restoration. as she rummaged through a drawer, the familiar bell rang from the front door indicating a new customer, but she ignored it and continued searching for the sandpaper she always left laying around somewhere. the last drawer she opened was the winner, taking her supplies, she emerged from the small room into the front of the store, the beads in the doorway swaying as she walked through them.

thats when her eyes found you, examining the vinyl left on the counter. you hadn’t noticed her yet, too engrossed in the mishandled vinyl. she watched you for a moment as you looked it over, tracing the scratches that lined it. to ellie, you looked to be the definition of a nice girl. sporting a flowy sundress that laid just below your ass. nice girl who likes attention, she thought to herself, looking you up and down from afar.

she played it cool, keeping her eyes on the sandpaper and cloth in her hands as she made her way back to the counter. you finally took notice of her when she stood in front of you. “oh, hi,” you smiled brightly, to which ellie looked up. “whoever handled this vinyl should be in jail.” a sense of humor, ellie smiled at you, letting a breathy laugh fall from her lips. and an appreciation for vinyls, rare.

“a life sentence, for sure.” she spoke, and you laughed. a laugh that was genuine, not forced by politeness.

“can you point me to where i could find a david bowie album, ellie?” you asked sweetly, and she had to remember she wore a name tag. flirting with me and you like david bowie? ellie’s grateful its a tuesday afternoon, the store is dead. giving her more time to talk with you. you, who seemed to never stop smiling at her.

“against the wall,” she pointed. “third box from the left.” she lets you wander over yourself, taking the time to admire the way you carry yourself. you had a pair of red, heart shaped sunglasses resting on your head. ellie could tell you liked to pay attention to details, it was evident in the way you matched your sunglasses to your dress, and she wondered just how many pairs you owned. both short dresses and uniquely designed sunglasses together. her head tilted at the thought, switching her over chewed gum to the other side of her mouth.

you rifled through the box as ellie’s gaze pierced your back, although you were seemingly unaware. david bowie, she thought again. not another stuck up gen z who only listens to who is in the top one hundred, no. no, you were special. ellie put her focus onto the vinyl in front of her, slowly dampening it with the cloth before grinding the sandpaper over the scratches. but she kept you in her peripheral vision and she couldn’t help but notice you were struggling to find a specific one, or at least it looked like it.

“need help?” she asked you, keeping her voice neutral.

your body turned to face her, meeting her eyes and a faux pout on your lips.“i think the only one i want isn’t here, or i’m seriously blind.”

ellie chuckled, coming out from behind the counter, “my money’s on blind, just organized this box a few days ago.”

you huffed lightly, standing to the side while she approached you and the box. “i can’t find the rise and fall of ziggy stardust, it’s one of my favorites.”

of course it is. ellie barely looked in the box before she saw the album, pulling it out and holding it out for you. “i’ll book your eye appointment,” she said with a light grin.

“ugh, my hero,” you gushed, taking the album from her hands gently. i’ll always be your hero, but something tells ellie that you didn’t really need her help to begin with.

“c’mon, i’ll ring you up,” ellie led you back to the register and you placed the vinyl down on the counter lightly.

“promise i won’t do what that guy did,” you joked, reaching into your bag for your wallet.

ellie almost wishes you would. you’d come in a few days later, apologizing for being so clumsy but asking if she could fix it for you. of course, she would say yes. how could she say no to someone like you? “you couldn’t if you tried, pretty sure he did it on purpose.”

“what makes you say that?”

“just a hunch,” ellie shrugs, scanning the barcode on the vinyl.

“maybe his dogs got it, or worse, his kids.” you kept eye contact as you spoke, which shocked ellie. a lot of people would break away, divert conversation, maybe even stay silent all together. but not you.

“if that guy had kids, i’d feel bad for them,” to a lot of people, this comment would rub them the wrong way, and ellie internally cursed herself for saying it. you’re a sweetheart in her eyes, someone who wouldn’t think things like that, but again, you laughed. the transaction was almost over and she was grasping at straws, so she kept going. “guys like him blame everything on everyone else, i wouldn’t be surprised if his kids actually hated him but,”

your head tilted, waiting for more. to ellie, it looked like you were hanging onto every word she said. and she relished in it. “–thats only if someone wanted to have kids with him, which i highly doubt.”

“from what i’m hearing it doesn’t sound like anyone would want to,” you’re trusting my judgment. ellie’s lips curled up with your words, and she bagged the vinyl in a plastic bag. you handed her a credit card, which was decorated with flowers along with your name. and you want me to know your name. you could’ve used cash, the vinyl was less than twenty dollars. but no, ellie knew better and she knew you better. your eyes found the scratched up vinyl yet again, “but you can fix it?”

ellie swiped the card against her own wishes. she’d give you the whole store if you asked with that pretty smile. “it’ll be back in the box within the hour, why? you like pink floyd?”

“yeah, for the most part. i haven’t listened to that album yet,”

“i can put it on hold for you.” ellie rushes out, and she feels like she came on too strong. you could easily listen to it on spotify but she reminds herself that you’re in her store for a reason. you probably own a vinyl player, an older model you got off of facebook marketplace because the newer ones don’t match your personality. maybe a pioneer or a yamaha, and now shes thinking about how you probably dance around your room listening to music. your response breaks her from her imagination.

“that’d be great, thanks ellie,” but she can see it so perfectly in her mind, you’d wear a big t-shirt and a dainty pair of underwear. twirling and spinning about, the t-shirt riding up as you did and as you stood in front of her in that short dress her mind seemed to unravel and she had to clear her throat.

“anytime–” she tacked your name at the end of her words with a smile, handing back your card which you very quickly put in your wallet. her eyes glanced down for a split second, admiring how the dress pushed your tits together before bringing them back up to your face.

“aren’t you going to tell me to have a good day?” you teased much to ellie’s enjoyment, reaching out for the bag she was holding for you.

“have a good day,” your fingers grazed hers, and ellie knew it had to be on purpose. a flirt, and a good one at that.

“you too, ellie. i’ll be back for that album.”

you left the store as quickly as you came, taking your sweet vanilla scent with you. ellie thought about your interaction all day, it consumed her walk home and when she entered her small apartment she fell to her couch and opened her laptop.

plugging your name into any and all social medias was easy, who could forget a name like yours? all your accounts were public, and very quickly ellie could tell just what kind of person you were. the sweet girl who loved vinyls who had an addiction to posting online. your twitter was filled with random, obscure thoughts and always with a hashtag at the end of them. from time to time you’d tweet about where you were, and ellie tsk’d out loud to herself. anyone could find you within seconds, you need to be more careful. you seemed to tweet about everything in your life and ellie refreshed the page, wishing to see a post about the cute girl in the vinyl shop who helped you find your favorite album.

yet, there was nothing. and for a moment it hurt her, but the more she thought about it, it was better you didn’t post about her. that means it was real for you, hope remains.

facebook provided the basics of your family, although the account was inactive. but your parents who divorced a few years back seemed to only post about your younger siblings, leaving her to wonder if they didn’t approve of your lifestyle in the city. she stalked their pages like it was her job and at this point it felt like it was. she discovered that your two younger siblings went off to college out west and your parents even sold their home to be closer to them while still living separate lives. ellie felt pity for you, how could they just leave you behind?

your instagram feed was an aesthetic one, pictures posted solely to appease your followers. a pretty sunset here, a mirror selfie there, a quick post about the food from the restaurant just down the road from ellie’s shop. there were also posts about your own art, colorful and detailed, just like yourself. a painting you did was the last thing you posted, but this one wasn’t like your other ones, it was black and white and had a lonely floating balloon in the center and the borders were lined with overlapping words. ellie could make out only a few of them, ‘melancholy’, ‘nobody’, and ‘distress’.

there were lots of group pictures of you with friends. ellie could see you looked more authentic than them, who all seemed to resemble something out of a factory for young adults. you were a pearl in a sea of clams.

out of curiosity, ellie brought herself to your friend’s pages as well. she needed to see the types of people you spent time with, seeing if they were someone she would approve of for you. one friend made an appearance more than others and she assumed that was your so-called best friend, a spunky city girl named shauna. her own instagram was like an influencer’s guide to posting online, and she seemed like someone ellie would avoid at all costs. shauna’s posts of you always had you in the background, or if you were directly in the frame it was a candid where shauna looked better. she's making herself look better at your own expense, can't you see that?

your other friend’s social media were bland and unhelpful. ellie brought herself back to the task at hand. she typed your name into google and watched the loading screen. your name brought up a string of links all connecting back to your art pieces you’ve submitted to local papers and art galleries. an artist in new york city, aren’t you ambitious. maybe your parents didn’t like the instability of being an artist. but yet, you still pursue your passion. its admirable.

what also popped up was a white pages link, with a few clicks, and a small charge to her credit card she found exactly what she was looking for. there wasn’t much she could do with your phone number, texting you would be creepy. there was no way for her to explain how she got it, so the next best thing was your address. which, lucky for ellie, was only six blocks from her own.

if she could find it this easily, she needed to make sure that no one else did. which is how she found herself standing across the street from your apartment, peering into the windows that had no blinds, no curtains, no protection from the outside world. you were on full display for all of new york. first thing were doing together is buying you blinds. you were lounging around on your coach, scrolling through your phone and periodically shifting in your spot to get more comfortable.

it was dark now, and again, luckily for ellie, someone standing on the sidewalk of new york wasn’t a weird thing to do and no one paid her any mind. for days she would stand in the same spot, studying your movements throughout your apartment. sometimes you would go to bed on the early side, but most nights you were fully awake, sipping something out of a purple mug which she could only assume was coffee, and drawing lines on a canvas.

everytime you would take a break and scroll through your phone, ellie would refresh every social media, waiting for a post. your fingers danced on the keyboard and after a few refreshes on ellie’s end, your twitter had a new post.

@yndoesartstuff: if anyone has tips on how not to procrastinate finishing a wip, please enlighten me

if you just put down your phone, i’m sure you could get it done.

one night she watched as you dipped your wet brush into the purple mug instead of the designated paint water cup. they didn’t even look similar, but ellie laughed to herself while you groaned, tossing your head back before getting up to dump the liquid out of the mug. this would also be the first night ellie gawked at you while your hands dipped below your shorts, she quickly looked around. no one else seemed to notice that you were pleasing yourself with your own gentle hands and her eyes found you again, sprawled out on your couch.

your back arched, obviously hitting your sweet spot and ellie swallowed hard. blinds. were getting you blinds.

some days, ellie was too busy with the store to watch over you and she hated herself for it. too tired to walk the six blocks and instead just looking over your social media again, looking through your friends posts to see if you’ve been up to anything. you had never come back for the album, which ellie had finished nearly two weeks ago now. but tonight, as she locked up the store she knew she was going straight to the sidewalk adjacent from your apartment.

when she arrived at her usual spot she saw you through the windows and you looked too well put together for a night to yourself. you were dolled up and ellie liked to imagine it was for her, you’d leave your apartment and head to the store for the album you said you’d come back for weeks ago. but her hope was squashed when a cab pulled up outside your apartment and a woman who looked way too old started to walk up the steps to the building and entered the main door. ellie had been here enough to know the general look of your building's inhabitants, and this woman wasn’t one of them. maybe someone's mom, maybe she's visiting a friend. she can’t be here for you. no way.

but through the windows, with no blinds, she saw you open your door for this woman and welcome her into your home. your mom. it has to be. ellie’s eyebrows narrowed when you pulled this woman into a hug, then pulled back and let your lips kiss hers. okay, so not your mom. who the fuck is this?

ellie, whose eyes were going from her phone to the big windows of your apartment, began to search through your online presence and found no traces of her. this mysterious woman who, now, you seemed to be having a highschool make out session with on your couch, was all over you, touching you, kissing you, and worst of all, pleasing you. that sweet smile that had previously been for ellie, was now for this woman and it made ellie’s stomach turn. but she didn’t leave, instead watched while the two of you began to peel each other's clothes off.

were getting you blinds and were getting rid of this woman.

the next day while she opened up her store, she couldn’t help but think about you and this woman. she was frustrated, of course. but she couldn’t blame you, obviously this woman was prying on your weaknesses for her own pleasure. taking advantage of you. it sickened her, and she had to know more. she had been through every following list she could think of and still, this woman was a mystery. and as she refreshed your twitter (a new hobby of hers), a new post popped up.

@yndoesartstuff: lunch date with @shaunamavisxx never felt so right – at hoppers tavern

seeing that, ellie locked up shop way too early. it was fairly easy to make her way into your apartment, all she had to do was play the part. “sorry, my girlfriend hasn’t given me a key to this door yet,” she said with a friendly smile to your neighbor, who out of the kindness of his heart let her into the building. she waited until he was in his own apartment before picking your lock.

it smelled like you once she stepped inside, and she let the aroma fill her nose as she walked around. it was messy, canvases piled up everywhere along with dirty paint brushes. clothes lined your floor from the bedroom all the way to the kitchen and she had to force herself not to clean it up for you. she examined your paintings up close, admiring how the strokes on the canvas looked. she noticed you draw a small bird in every corner, the bird is plump, uncolored and holding a small twig. it was your signature, and it matched you so well. but, what she really was after was your laptop, she found it sitting on your unmade bed.

no password? she was shocked, and made a mental note to tell you that you needed to secure your devices. it’s almost as if you wanted her to search through it to get to know you better, and ellie did just that. it was linked to your phone and as she went through your messages they all seemed to be relatively normal. for someone like you, at least.

loads of messages from a group chat labeled city gals, and she knew it wasn’t you who had named it being as you were funnier than that, and less basic. scrolling up, all the conversation in the chat was merely nothing of note, no mention of this woman to your friends which ellie found odd. maybe just a hookup? but even then, wouldn’t you tell your friends?

ellie could gauge your friends' personalities through the texts they would send, shauna was most definitely the unnamed leader of this group, probably also the one who named the chat. her texts were mostly about planning activities, meanwhile the others just tacked on with fake enthusiastic responses. even yourself.

leaving the group chat, she continued to scroll down your messages and found an unsaved phone number which seemed to be the winner. you don’t have her number saved, this is good. a lot of your texts to her went unanswered, left on seen and only responded once you’d ask for her to come over. that usually generated a reply within minutes from this woman, who ellie still didn’t know the name of. it angered her even further, realizing she was just toying you along. only using you for your body when you were so much more than that.

ellie jotted down the unsaved number into her notes app, saving it for later when she could find out just exactly who this woman was. it was clear from the texts that she wanted nothing to do with you, and you still kept texting her like a sad puppy. it was pathetic, really, but ellie didn’t judge. she knew that your attention seeking habits were brought on by your dysfunctional family, she just wished it was her on the receiving end.

she found herself in your emails and saw you had an abundant amount of unread ones. it was a lot of spam and a waste of time, so she moved on. she decided it was best to go into your search history, restaurants, art galleries that allowed online submissions, sometimes even silly questions that ellie would most definitely answer for you if you asked.

“how do magicians do their cutting in half tricks?” you would ask her from the couch while ellie made you both dinner.

she’d call out from the stove, “there’s a fake table, the girl puts her legs through that. the legs you see on the other end are fake, baby.” and you would giggle sweetly as you always did, thanking her for being a know-it-all.

but as she continued to scroll further and further down your search history, she saw that the day you two had met, you googled “vinyl stores near me” and ellie’s was the first to pop up. she thanked every star in the universe for such a coincidence, but the more she thought about it, it couldn’t have been a coincidence because to her, it was always meant to be.

suddenly your laptop dinged and a new message appeared at the top from city gals. it was shauna and she was proposing a night out and it didn’t take long at all for the rest of the chat to respond.

shauna: drinks at our favorite spot tonight?

dina: totally what time

shauna: like 8 ish?

cat: sounds good to me

shauna: im with our heavy drinker, she says yes too!! see u guys then

dina: hangin w out us :( rude

cat: yeah wtf

shauna: oh hush its no biggie, we’ll see you guys tonight

ellie sat back as the texts rolled in, heavy drinker? ellie didn’t like the sound of it, and your friends seemed to think it was funny. bet they don’t even watch over you when you’re plastered, leaving you alone where anyone could hurt you. a few clicks on your instagram and she found a group mirror picture in a dirty bar bathroom, and the location clear as day at the top of the post. she confirmed it with a few other pictures and a deep dive of your twitter. gotta stop putting your location everywhere.

ellie knew your lunch date with shauna would be ending soon and you’d return home to start getting ready for the evening. she shut your laptop down, placing it exactly where it was on the bed before and started towards the door to leave. as she was on her way out, a bright red thong caught her eye. it was so carelessly thrown between the couch and the table next to it and she stuffed them into her pocket before locking the door behind her on the way out. she knew you’d never notice, your apartment already looked like a tornado had been through it seven times over.

she played with the string of fabric in her pocket as she walked down the sidewalk back to her place, contemplating the night to come. if your friends won't watch over you, i will.

read part two here :)

#ellie williams #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams au #modern!ellie williams #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader

755 notes · View notes

ghostcrows · 7 months

Text

We just are not ready yet to switch to a harm reduction frame of mind like the constant back and forth of whether mental illness is "an excuse" or not really proves that. Like there is such a need still for someone to be innocent and someone to be guilty and therefore for somebody to be good and somebody to be bad. How can any conflict ever be resolved under that lens. I dont know. This deeply frustrates me. How can you go back to "this is your personal responsibility alone" when you also talk about how individualism is a farce and how systemic and rooted these problems are on Top of the biological components. Which Is still not to say "mentally ill people can never ever hurt anyone on purpose and since it was by accident you have to forgive them immediately" but it's also not to say, y'know. "Just get a therapist and take your medicine and shut up and stop being a bad person of your own volition"

It's like, we forget, the apology and the forgiveness are between the people in the conflict first and foremost, and it's about how they deal with it, not whether we think one person or the other is more justified. Everything is not an Am I The Asshole post you know

We have made this like. Torturous spectacle of the act of apology and remediation and accountability where it feels like every word has to be so calculated. Because if it's not, like. You aren't doing it right and you don't really mean it and you're not really sorry. Don't explain too much or too little, don't talk about yourself too much or too little, don't say the words "I'm sorry" too much or too little, if a disorder was involved in your behavior don't bring it up because it isn't relevant

Goddamn I meant to draft this but ok

Yeah I didn't finish my thought but this stuff just makes my head spin

200 notes · View notes

remcycl333 · 6 months

Note

“whenever you are not imagining well or feeling well, you are simply not imagining what you want. give yourself EXACTLY what you want. don’t care about what the world would think of it.”

I have a question about this because its something I’ve thought of since i saw the original. What if what you want is bad? Like p*dophili or murder (just examples of things that are like. Objectively bad)

here's a quote from at you command by neville goddard that kinda explains that!!

as i talk about in this post, we don't really desire physical things. our inner man is the one who desires, and our inner man only desires feelings. so when you desire something "bad" such as killing someone, you aren't really desiring killing someone. maybe, as neville says, you just want that person gone and the only way your limited outer-man can think to achieve that is by killing them. or maybe you want payback or revenge, and that's why you think you want to kill someone. but there's ways that you can satiate your inner man and give yourself the feeling you desire that isn't doing as something as awful as killing someone (or some other crime). you can give yoruself the feeling of freedom or control or justice or superiority over that person in your mind, or even forgiveness. your inner self is always desiring a feeling, and the limited outer-man is conditioning that desire and thinking they can only achieve that feeling by doing something awful.

as for pedophilia, i dont pretend to know a pedophile's innermost desires or the way their mind works. maybe they want control? power? love? to be wanted? i have no idea. but at the end of the day, their inner self is desiring a feeling, and their limited outer-man has wrongfully decided that the only means in the 3d to achieve what they want is to ... prey on children? idk how to word that. either way, the true desire is not to be a pedophile. that's just the only way their limited minds can think of to get the feeling they want. i hope this makes sense 😭

pedophilia and murder and other things akin to that are wrong and objectively bad. and no one truly desires those things. they simply desire a feeling and have wrongfully decided the only way to achieve the feeling they want is to do awful things. i hope u guys dont read this as me justifying or defending them at all bc im not 😭 im just trying to explain that no one's inner man truly desires stuff like that and you are not entitled to bad things such as that. it's obviously a sensitive topic but i hope i've provided some clarity!

#asks

120 notes · View notes

pastadoughie · 4 months

Text

i love when i tell people 2 think critically abt shit and then they make a response where they dont and are misinterpreting me and ignoring half the shit i said, and then i explain the issue again and my issues with theyr response and then they continue to misenterpret me and literally ignore entire paragraphs of my response, and act like im attacking them for giving like, the most polite critisism ever

"i love being able to mute posts" sorry that i reblogged you once and calmly explained my points im sure your notifs must be just such a mess, me saying my opinions is clearly attacking you, you being completely unwilling to engadge with my critisism of your ideas totally doesnt prove my point at all, me saying that people should engadge with experiences other then their own and that sexism is bad is me "projecting my damage onto others" and not just a normal opinion, you are always right by default and if somebody points out a flaw in your ideas thats because they are attacking you and you dont need to listen to that ever

listen, if someone is pointing out a way that sexism presents and you see yourself inhibiting those behaviors maybe your gut response shouldnt be to try and argue that that brand of sexism is reasonable actually

me saying that having a bias against men is misandry is not me "assuming everybody thinks the same way as me" that is the definition of misandry, that is WHAT THAT WORD MEANS!!! you having a different justification for misandry doesnt make it not misandry i am begging people on tumblr to learn what words mean

you acting like im attacking you and harrassing you for expressing an opinion in a polite way is just a way for you to justify throwing away my opinion and not self reflecting, that is not productive discourse, you do not care about bettering yourself as a person or examining your beliefs at all, you want to be "the correct one" in an arguement

its immature and stupid, you want to look like youre smart and better at reading comprehension then everybody else, and that you never believe anything wrong or bad but you lack any of those qualities, its trying to imitate the look of a debate without any of the critical thinking skills or reading comprehension

#the beast speaks #god forbid i say that sexism is bad and that you should work to be better as a person #retchid opinions

59 notes · View notes

snekdood · 10 months

Text

so many ppl online are like “hahah yeah guillotine” but i really doubt the majority of ppl saying that could actually stomach it.

#and also: no its not normal to desensitize yourself to gore. idc what you say ✌️#ik we're all 'jail is bad' but ngl. since a lot of the ppl oppressing us in power are specifically positive about jail #i think itd be waaay more fun to throw em in there so they can get a taste of their own medicine lmao #bc idk about yall but i think they should face a myriad of consequences before they get the luxury of sweet release #everyone gets ta kick em in the nuts once dhjbsfdvhgfdgshv #maybe giving in too much to the punishment shit? maybe #i just feel like the guillotine is. too good for them.#then again. it might immediatly purge whatever demon is posessing them lol #but also you know how i feel about this shit where it can spiral out of control and ppl start to think its fine to kill average citizens #and then we become no better then the cops #bc tbh feeding your bloodsports desire with blood is not good. lets maybe not just. normalize that shit #so maybe locking them up is the better solution 😌#/jk bc tbh idk what is a good solution since im worried a lot of ppl in our movement just uhm. really likes bloodsports #and does really get off on punishing ppl #which will make them want to do it more once we have no more oppressive ppl to kill.........#and will make up reasons to kill average ppl... probably informed by callout posts dsjhbsdvghb #all ill say is this; remember kids- dont become like your enemies and do what they would do.#because soon the line will blur between who is the real bad guy when you have so much blood on your hands #+ you'd literally be giving your enemies a justified persecution complex. soooooooooooo...

0 notes

communistkenobi · 11 months

Note

there are things you cant change and you shouldnt hurt yourself trying just to please other people. and that's okay as long as you're respectful about it. i dont like dick and i probably never will and that doesn't change how i treat trans women with no bottom surgery nor does it make me see them as anything other than women and if that makes you see me as a transphobe then there's nothing i can do about that 🤷‍♀️ there is never a situation where its ok to pressure people to have sex in a way they're not comfortable with and if you cant understand that then idk man get better soon

I told you to stop replying to that post but if you want to do this out in the open then sure we can do that

your claim that “conservatives tried to force me to like dick” is based on an essentialistic, extremely transphobic and patriarchal understanding of what a penis is. Conservatives don’t want you to “like dick” they want you (and all trans people) to remain in the closet, get heterosexual married, be Christian, and make babies. That’s not a command to “like dick” that is a demand that all people conform to white western cishet gender norms, and conflating the two is fucking transphobic! You are imbuing a particular body part that people have with deep political, social, and sexual meanings, and those meanings are deeply transphobic in general and transmisogynistic in particular. “Liking dick” or “not liking dick” is not a coherent or useful way to describe a person’s attraction to an extremely broad range of people. If someone said “I’m only attracted to people with vaginas” that would be an insane and obviously transphobic statement because it means that there is some level of sexual interchangeability between cis women, trans men without bottom surgery, trans women who have had it, and certain types of intersex people, and that there is something fundamentally different with people who have a penis that makes them essentially unattractive.

“Genital preference” is an extremely loaded and fraught term. It is the site of particular types of sexual violence against trans women specifically. It is based on the assumption that attraction to the rest of a person’s body and their genitals can be fully disconnected from one another, that genitals hold some essential quality that can be judged on an attractiveness scale regardless of the bodies they’re attached to, that what genitals a person has prescribes a very specific and narrow set of sexual acts that can be engaged in. This is transphobic rhetoric, full stop.

And for the last fucking time I’m not “pressuring” anyone into having sex with people they don’t like. Nobody is telling you to “hurt yourself” into liking a penis. You are getting ridiculously angry at a random trans person online describing the problems with “genital preference” as a framework and spouting virulently transmisogynistic rhetoric to justify said anger. The things you have said and are saying to me right now are insdistinguishable from the transphobia cis people spout, even the progressive ones who say they’re supportive but they just can’t get past how disgusting and unattractive our genitals are. You are having a temper tantrum about the simple claim I made that transphobia is deeply bound up in how people view sex with particular types of bodies, and your reasoning for why I’m wrong is “well because I feel like it” so why should I take anything you’re saying remotely seriously?

I’m done replying to you. Fuck off

#asks #transmisogyny tw #transphobia tw #even old new york was once new amsterdam

132 notes · View notes

rhondafromhr · 4 months

Text

More ideas/headcanons for the ‘Nerds Corruption AU’

Link to the original post for those who aren’t familiar: https://www.tumblr.com/rhondafromhr/738012368733356032/dont-get-me-wrong-i-love-max-redemption-arcs-in

-The LIB adopt their human forms after the first time Max, Steph and the nerds summon them and RELENTLESSLY make fun of their true/eldritch forms. “our real forms would melt your minds” yeah sure whatever you need to tell yourself Pokey

-Tinky tries to use having Ted in the bastard box as leverage against Pete, but he just doesn’t care because that’s not his brother, it’s some other Pete’s brother from another timeline so it’s not his problem.

-Once everyone in the group starts acting like an agressive bully the way Max does, Grace finds herself attracted to all of them and has a crisis over it.

-At some point Max tries to apologize for before (“sorry for bullying you guys all these years, you never deserved that, everyone we’re currently bullying does but you didn’t.”) Now that they’re all literal monsters too they just dismiss him like “don’t apologize, we get it now, the power trip is fucking awesome!“

-Max’s signature move of using anti-bullying slogans to justify and get away with bullying is their favorite. They always tell Max how smart he is for coming up with it.

-They decide Kyle can date Brenda now but plot twist! Brenda leaves him for Ruth. Ruth taunts him for this every chance she gets and purposely makes out with Brenda in locations where he’ll have to walk by. Cue Kyle sobbing in the bathroom while Jason comforts him, leading to one of very few sweet, wholesome scenes we get in this universe.

-Ruth is confident enough to perform now, which obviously means they need to sabotage the lead in The Barbecue Monologues so she can take the role. They either just straight up intimidate them into quitting or frame them for vandalizing the school and get them expelled.

-One day Pete randomly remembers the time Brad Callahan pantsed him and he and the rest of the crew just drop what they’re doing to go beat him up. When they get called into principal Blim’s office they tell him they did it because Brad was picking on Hannah Foster earlier (“what do you want us to do? Stand by and do nothing? Being a bystander is just as bad as bullying, we learned that at the anti-bullying assembly!”) Brad has been known to do that so he believes them and lets them off with a warning. When word gets around people actually do mess with Hannah a lot less.

- (already mentioned this in a separate post but I’ll put it here too) after graduation Max, Steph + the nerds run an anime/comic book store together and Richie’s the only one who knows or cares about any of it. He’s rude and condescending to customers, everyone else is not knowledgeable and completely unhelpful, Grace tells every customer they need to go read a bible instead. They have like 1.5 stars on yelp but stay in business because the next closest similar store is in Clivesdale so nobody’s going to go there

-At some point Linda Monroe comes in and sees the gang being rude to Becky Barnes, so of course she takes an instant liking to them. She becomes an investor in the store and sort of a mother figure to all of them. She encourages their bad behavior, giving them tips for manipulating people in a more sophisticated way. Max and Steph get especially attached to her (the three bond over their dad issues) and they go to her house once a week to drink wine and and hear all the hot gossip about Linda’s rich frienemies.

-When Roman finds out about Linda’s new investment he comes to check out the store and he’s as icy towards her as usual. True to form, Max, Steph and the nerds say the rudest, most out of pocket stuff to him (Richie goes after his appearance HARD, not realizing the irony that he looks pretty similar) and eventually he storms off. Linda’s touched that they stood up for her. She cries and tells them how proud she is. Max and Steph cry a little too because this is the first time a parental figure’s ever told them that. After this they become obsessed with impressing Linda so they can hear it again.

-Grace babysits Linda’s kids sometimes and Linda pays her an outrageous amount due to being so out of touch with regular babysitting rates (“it’s one banana, what could it cost, ten dollars?” energy). Grace refuses to babysit for Tom anymore because he can’t match these rates. One night he can’t find any other sitters, so he tries to cancel on Becky but she suggests they spend a night in with Tim instead, leading to some nice family bonding (okay there can be one more cute wholesome moment, I’ll allow it.)

-They’re rivals with Frank Pricely. They hate him because Toyzone cuts into their merch sales. He hates them back for stealing Linda, who used to drop thousands per week at his store. They always scheme to screw each other over. Black Friday doesn’t happen in this timeline solely because they pay Lex to destroy the entire shipment of wiggly dolls. This is also what gets them on the LIB’s radar, Wiggly is absolutely furious.

- (This one relates to the popular “Paul is Richie’s uncle” headcanon) At some point, Paul is at his wit’s end with Richie and makes him move out in the hopes it’ll force him to reevaluate his life and stop being so awful. He doesn’t just throw Richie out, he gives him a timeline and helps him find a place. But he’s not sure if he did the right thing. He mentions this to Ted at work and Ted says his parents did the same to him and he’s totally well-adjusted. Paul just gives him a look and says “Ted…no.” This is the catalyst for him getting involved with the group and eventually getting his own corruption arc.

-After moving out, Richie becomes roommates with Max and Ruth. Steph and Pete have a luxury apartment together downtown (Solomon pays for it because he can’t deal with her anymore and wants her out of his house). Grace has a two bedroom apartment to herself - she had a roommate at one point, but they got fed up and left. Luckily she can afford it with her cushy babysitting gig.

#npmd #nerdy prudes must die #npmd corruption au #max jagerman #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #ruth fleming #richie lipschitz #grace chasity #linda monroe #lords in black #wiggog y'wrath #nibblenephim #pokotho #tnoy karaxis #bliklotep #paul matthews #ted spankoffski

40 notes · View notes

sincerely-sofie · 23 days

Note

you shouldnt need some get-out-of-bigotry-free card from your religious doctrine in order to be a good person. thats not how good people decide things. good people do something to help rather than explain how theyre definitely not associated with bigots because of the fine-print.

do you even care about all the injustice and pain and murder in the world because of christian hatred, or do you think is all a rules-game and we all get to go to a morally-acceptable afterlife in the end? do you give a s*** or are you going to keep making excuses for yourself so you dont have to re-examine what you believe and why?

you cant excise out the hatred and shame from any of it. every institution in the world was built on that- the original intent of god or jesus or whoever the f*** doesnt matter, because thats lost. it has been for a long time.

you want to believe in god? or a doctrine of harmony and acceptance and justice? make one up. you can do a better job.

This was quite the message to wake up to. I'm sorry for taking a while to respond, I wanted to give it as much care as I could while also being punctual in my response, and those are some tricky things to juggle. I'm putting the rest of this post under a cut for those who'd like to avoid this discussion.

I'm assuming you're responding to my previous posts where I talked about my being Christian and my perspective on people's divine right to choose the way they live and believe, and answered some responses to my initial points. But I'm really confused as to what “get-out-of-bigotry-free card” you're referring to. Are you talking about how I described agency? That wasn't intended to be seen in any way like you've described it. I also didn't ever boast about being a good person as this message seems to imply. I try to be a good person, but I don't wave it about on a flag to brag about.

I'm sorry if this is presumptuous to say, but you're coming at me with a very hostile, angry tone while assuming many things about what I've said and who I am as a person. I'm sorry that what I've said has clearly hurt you in order to have gotten this reaction, but I'm a human being as much as you are. If you are hurting, I want to talk about that hurt in a calm way. We don't need to sling curse words or accusations to do so.

For the first point of your second paragraph— do you even care about all the injustice and pain and murder in the world because of christian hatred, or do you think is all a rules-game and we all get to go to a morally-acceptable afterlife in the end— yes, I do care. It disgusts me that people have warped a message of love and charity into something so repulsive that they can use to justify acts of malice and hatred. Christian hatred is a fundamentally vile phrase to me, because Christianity is defined in my religion as “taking upon you the name of Christ”— which essentially means striving to live to be as much like Jesus as possible. Jesus wasn't hateful. Jesus wasn't cruel. Jesus was shown a woman who was set to be stoned to death and told the people who brought her forward to mind their own business and think about their own lives, then bent down and offered her compassion and comfort. As for myself, there's circumstances in my life that prevent me from doing much concrete advocacy for many causes, but I speak and vote where I can to make the world a happier place, protect people's rights, and defend them against predatory behavior. I'm unfamiliar with the phrase “rules-game” and couldn't find a definition for it, so I can't answer that portion of your question directly, but I believe that the afterlife is fundamentally morally acceptable, yes. I wouldn't be following a religion that I found immoral on a doctrinal level.

For the second question of that first paragraph: I'm not going to use the same phrasing as you, but I do give a hoot. I also didn't try to make any excuses for myself. I'm confused as to where you felt like I did so. I do regularly consider my belief system and why I believe it, as well as consider the journey I've taken with my faith. I've identified myself as an atheist and an agnostic at various points in life before coming back to Christianity. To put it in a nutshell, I've done a lot of thinking on the subject throughout the years and have grappled with a lot of things about my religion that I didn't understand when I was younger, until I got a better recognition of them. I am not a blind follower of my faith.

You said “you can't excise out the hatred and shame from any of it. Every institution in the world was built on that- the original intent of God or Jesus or whoever(…) doesn't matter, because that's lost.” I don't think we'll agree on this point, because we're coming at this from two very different worldviews. My church doesn't believe humanity is a gaggle of kids that God left in a hot car in some cosmic parking lot. We believe in God communicating with people throughout every era— He's still talking to and guiding humanity. We call ourselves the restored church because we believe in continuing revelation, that God isn't done revealing the Gospel to us in its entirety. We've got the fundamentals, yes, but we're still learning the deeper stuff, and God is here to hold our hands along the way.

The fact that there is any hatred or shame involved is not something God wants for us. That's something that came into religion from humans, because we're mortal, and we have vices, grudges, flaws, and temptations. We're not perfect, and we bring imperfection wherever we go. That's why we have God directing us to try and improve constantly— to turn the other cheek and remove the beam from our own eye before commenting on the mote in our brother's. We're on individual paths to God, and it's not any one person's place to judge another's life. That's what God's here for, and He's the only one qualified to do it by virtue of knowing us so well that He recognizes the struggles and reasonings behind where we unwillingly fall short. He also recognizes when people act with intentional malice even where we wouldn't see any, and is able to judge accordingly.

Judging by your final paragraph— you want to believe in god? or a doctrine of harmony and acceptance and justice? make one up. you can do a better job— if I'm reading this right, you believe the concept of God is fundamentally discordant, unaccepting, and unjust. We're coming at this from opposing worldviews if this is the case, and aren't going to agree. I believe in a God who is kind and wants to see us succeed. It doesn't seem like you feel the same. I'm sorry, but I don't have much else I can say on the subject. I won't change your mind when this seems like a very vital facet of your belief system, if the conviction you write with is any indicator. You won't change my mind when a caring, present God is something I've experienced so frequently that I can't see the world through any other lens.

I'm sorry that what I said previously seems to have hurt and upset you. It wasn't my intent. I hope that this response is able to communicate that along with my perspective.

#sofie answers asks #swear warning

22 notes · View notes