#you guys are hilariously bad at advertisement

[lousypotatoes]

The Sun's In My Heart

Warning! This post contains murder, mentions of sex, and lots of cussing. If any of these make you uncomfy, please read with caution.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

"Hey Vaggie?"

"What do you want?" Vaggie said.

"Do you and Charlie have a second?" she asked. "Me and Alastor made something that we think could help get more guests for the hotel."

"What exactly did you and Alastor make?" Vaggie asked, eyeing Y/N suspiciously.

"Find Charlie and find out," she giggled, walking away. "We'll be downstairs."

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"They'll be here in a minute," she said as she walked down the stairs.

"Ah wonderful!" Alastor said. "Thank you for telling them, dear."

"It's nothing to thank me over," she waved off, walking over to stand next to Alastor. "But you're welcome."

"Alright," Angel Dust said from the couch. "What's the deal with you two? You fuckin' or what?"

Alastor didn't say anything, but Y/N saw that his eye started to twitch, his smile becoming more forced.

"It's nothing like that Angel," she awkwardly laughed. "We were just really close when we were alive,"

"You're not doin' a good job of convincin' me, toots."

"Oh my Satan, how many times do I have to explain it to you?"

"This will be the last time, dear," Alastor said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Unless our friend wants to hear his screams broadcasted to all of Hell."

Before Angel Dust could reply, Charlie came downstairs, dragging Vaggie by her hand.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to see what you guys made!" she gushed, sitting on the couch. "Thank you guys so much for taking the time to make whatever it is,"

"You don't have to thank us, Charlie," Y/N said. "Besides, it was Alastor's idea to make the whole thing."

"Yes, but you also had part in making it," Alastor said.

"Can we just watch whatever it is now?" Vaggie asked, annoyed.

"Oh, right," Y/N said sheepishly, turning on the TV.

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"So, what'd ya think?" Alastor said, turning off the TV after the commercial ended.

For a moment, Charlie and Vaggie didn't say anything, they just had looks of confusion and shock on both their faces.

"I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?" Vaggie said angrily.

"Hey, we worked hard on puttin' that together!" Y/N said, putting her hands on her hips.

"It's good," Charlie said, a fake smile on her face. "Alastor, Y/N-I mean," Charlie couldn't find the words to say.

"Do you not like it?" Y/N asked.

"No! No!" Charlie exclaimed, waving her arms around. "It's amazing! Thank you both so much for making it, but um..maybe the tone is a bit off?"

Neither Alastor or Y/N said anything. Vaggie continued to glare at both of them angrily.

"We want people to want to come here," Charlie continued. "This makes it look...umm-"

"Bad," Vaggie interrupted. "The word you're looking for is bad."

"We made it like that 'cause we thought it was funny," Y/N said, glaring at Vaggie.

"Hilarious is a better term for it, my dear," Alastor said, tilting his head.

"It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point!"

"The commercial explained all of that," Y/N said.

"It didn't explain any of it!" Vaggie said angrily, crossing her arms.

"Vaggie is right," Charlie said. "The commercial was to let Sinners know we are trying to help them."

"Well, my dear," Alastor said, running his fingers across his cane. "I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show. The proper medium to express oneself! But you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement, so we had a little fun with it." he finished, smirking.

"Oh, fun. You had a little fun with it?" Vaggie said, standing up. "Well, this is not what we want representing us."

"You said you wanted help," Y/N said, a small frown on her face. "This is us tryin' to help."

"Well then try harder," Vaggie said. "When you two showed up, both of you said you would help run the hotel, instead you're mocking us! Nobody's going to want to come to a place where two powerful Overlords think is a big waste of time!" she finished, sitting back down, scowling.

"Just be grateful we're actually trying to help," Y/N said as calmly as she could, taking a seat next to Angel. "You know what people think of this place. They all think it's the most stupidest idea ever. At least you have people like me and Al wantin' to help."

Before Vaggie could respond, Angel raised his gloved hand from the couch.

Vaggie turned her attention to him, "What?"

"If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?" he said, all four of his hands pointing to himself.

"Angel, you're a porn star."

"A famous porn star," he corrected her, putting his legs on Y/N's lap. "I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' down these walls to get in."

"We are not filming a porn as a commercial." Vaggie said. Charlie just looked concerned.

"Why not?" Angel asked. "Sex sells, don't it? I swear, you film a threesome with mister fancy talk creepy voice and miss dommy mommy vibes and me, you'd be rollin' in participates willin' to stay at this tacky hotel."

Blushing, Y/N immediately pushed his legs off her.

"Gross, Angel,"

"Haha! Never going to happen!"

"Angel," Charlie began, smiling awkwardly. "I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but- I don't want to exploit you in that way!"

"Oh, please, baby," Angel waved off. "This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got stamina, I got the legs, I got the lung capacity-"

Y/N walked over to Alastor as Angel continued to talk about his body.

"Told you she wouldn't like the commercial," she muttered as Charlie's phone began to ring.

"All that matters is that it's entertaining, dear." he said. "Everybody likes a good laugh, don't you think?"

"Hey, I have a question," Angel said, interrupting Y/N and Alastor. "Why can't you just make people stay here babycakes? Since you're so powerful and all."

"I can," Y/N said, her eyes glowing red for a split second. "I just don't feel like doin' it."

Vaggie scoffed.

"What about you freaky face?" Angel asked

"Oh, trust me, I can!" Alastor said ominously, his antlers beginning to grow.

"Why do you think I'm here?" Husk called from the bar.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fuck's bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcin' me?" he said as he cleaned a bottle.

"I like being forced," Nifty said, popping up from behind the bar.

"Keep that to yourself, Niff,"

"What, you don't love being here with me, Whiskers?" Angel teased.

"Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat!" Husk threatened.

"Kinky. Come one keep talkin' dirty."

"Angel, let Husk do his job," Vaggie sighed. "And no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to."

"I'm choosing to be here, and I think it's all stupid." he said. "We're in Hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?"

"Well maybe it doesn't have to be."

"Nobody's made it out Vaggie," Y/N pointed out. "How do we know getting redeemed is even possible?"

"We just have to try," Vaggie said. "It doesn't mean it's not possible."

"Hey," Angel said, putting his hand on Vaggie's shoulder. "Whatever means I can keep crashin' here rent free. Crack is expensive."

"I've been meanin' to ask, Al," Y/N said quietly. "Are you here to get redeemed?"

"Heavens no!" Alastor chuckled. "I'm simply here for entertainment!"

"Explain more, please," Y/N said.

"I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly!" he exclaimed. "Isn't that why you came here?"

"A little bit yes, but-"

Before Y/N could finish, she heard Vaggie and Charlie.

"But-But the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-"

Charlie cut off Vaggie "This is the perfect opportunity, Vaggie," she smiled. "I could get Heaven on board with my plan."

"Charlie hold on-"

Charlie ignored Vaggie. "There's no way I can mess this up!" she said, pacing all around the room. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!"

"It's just a meeting," Vaggie groaned.

"When I speak to them, I'm going to change their minds and touch their hearts, or whatever angels have, actually."

"This could be bad," Vaggie said.

"Vaggie, it's gonna be alright!" Charlie said, taking Vaggie's hands and spinning around. "Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell!"

And with that, Charlie bolted out the door.

Everyone but Husk and Vaggie crowded around the door.

"She's halfway down the street," Y/N called out, giggling.

"Is she-?" Vaggie started

"Oh, she's dancin'," Angel finished, taking a drink of his booze.

"Ugh, no!" Vaggie groaned.

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Y/N was currently sitting in her room, going through paperwork of all the demons she killed. Something about seeing the number of lives she took away really boosted up her ego.

Going through the paperwork, she remembered the conversation she had with that woman on the phone before Alastor came in and brought up the idea for the commercial.

Remembering it, her eyes glowed a dangerous red. She was going to hunt down this woman, and she was going to do it now.

She opened her bedroom door and strode out, giving out a dangerous energy that even Angel and Vaggie knew not to mess with.

"I'll be back soon, Vaggie," she said, knowing that Vaggie wanted to ask. "I have some business to take care of, I shouldn't be gone long."

"What kind of business, hm?" Alastor suddenly asked, startling her. "You seem to be in a rush."

"It's something that I want done and I want it done right now." She said. Alastor saw the dangerous glint and his grin grew wider. "You're welcome to join me. Or not, I don't care."

Wanting to see Y/N in action, Alastor nodded eagerly. "Alright then,"

Y/N smirked. "I suggest you find another to keep up with me,then," she said in a way that caused Alastor to get goosebumps. "'Cause I'm not walkin' to my destination."

With that she walked out the door and unfurled her wings. Alastor was amazed on how big her wings actually were. He wanted to touch them.

"Y'know, it's quite rude to stare."

Alastor blushed, not knowing that Y/N saw him staring.

"My apologies, Y/N," he said, his eye twitching in embarrassment. "I'll meet you at our destination,"

"How do you know where I'm goin?"

"I have my ways."

Y/N grinned. She liked this side of Alastor, and she liked it a lot. She wanted to see this side of Alastor more often.

"Good luck keepin' up,"

As soon as she finished her sentence, she shot up into the air, flying gracefully. Alastor had never seen anything like this before, she was so beautiful and graceful, just like she was when she was alive. But something about seeing shoot up in the sky like that made something stir in his heart that he hadn't felt in a long time. He smiled genuinely, then melted into the shadows, following Y/N as best as he could.

As Y/N flew over Pentagram city, she tried to smell out and hear that bitch as best as she could. She had never done this before but decided that she wasn't going back to the hotel until that woman's head was off her body.

Flying past The Vee's Tower, she finally found her target. She didn't know how, but she just knew that it was her. The woman was walking out of the tower, a coffee in her hand and texting on her phone.

Swooping down, Y/N grabbed the woman and flung her into the wall of a nearby alleyway. As soon as Y/N landed on the ground, Alastor materialized out of the shadows, his grin wider than ever.

The woman's eyes were closed "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU A-?" she screamed, but as soon as she saw Y/N and Alastor in front of her she stopped talking.

"Is this the business you had to take care of?" Alastor asked, leaning on his cane.

"Unfortunately, yes," she said, not taking her eyes off the woman.

"I'm assuming this is has to deal with the services you offer?"

"No, she just really fuckin' annoyed me," Y/N said. Her eyes glowing red, she walked over the woman. "No wonder you're so stupid. You work for the Vee's don't you?"

"If you kill me," the woman said meekly. "They'll come after you."

Y/N laughed. "They won't do anything," she grabbed the woman up by her throat. Alastor was watching intently. "You think I'm scared of the Vees? Sweetie, it's the other around."

One of the woman's arms ripped off. The woman screamed in pain.

"This is what happens when you piss me off, do you understand?"

The woman nodded, tears streaming down her face.

"I don't think you do," Y/N said

She summoned an angelic knife and pushed it straight through the womans throat. The woman gurgled but died quickly.

Alastor stared at Y/N with wide eyes. He had never seen anything more attractive.

"Did you enjoy watchin'" Y/N asked cockily.

"Immensely, my dear," Alastor breathed out. "I wish I would of saw you like that when we were alive.

Y/N giggled "So do I. Now we should head back to the Hotel," she said, dusting off her pants. "I'd hate to attract an audience."

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Back at the Hotel, everyone was sitting on the couch, Vaggie pacing in front of them.

"Okay, so Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial." Vaggie said. "One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. Alastor, we need a camera."

Alastor snapped his fingers and a camera from back when Y/N was alive popped up in Vaggie's hand.

"A video camera," Vaggie said.

Alastor hummed in dissaproval, but snapped again. The old camera disappeared and a modern video camera popped up in Vaggie's hand.

"All right! Let's do this!" Vaggie said, pumping her fist into the air.

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"And....action!"

Y/N watched as Vaggie recorded a scene of Husk and Angel at the bar.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel," Husk said, the script in front of his face. "Can I help you with anything?"

"I've been a bad boy," Angel said suggestively, climbing onto the bar. "And I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place...on the path to redemption!"

Seeing Husk's face made Y/N feel bad for the cat but also giggle.

Husk rolled his eyes and groaned. "Well, you come-"

"Oh yes!" Angel interrupted.

"-to the right place."

"Cut!" Vaggie cried out. "Okay Angel, I need you to be less horny, if possible. And Husk, could you maybe not have the script in front of your face?"

"I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!" Husk said, throwing the paper on the bar.

"We could improve this shit, babycakes," Angel purred. "Rawrr~"

Husk pushed Angel off the bar. "Whoops,"

Vaggie sighed. "Husk, come on!"

Y/N went back upstairs, killing that woman made her tired and she wanted to take a tiny nap.

"Not going to watch them down there?"

Y/N jumped and saw Alastor standing in front of her.

"Jesus Christ, Alastor, what is it with and scarin' me all the damn time?"

Alastor chuckled. "I can't help it, my dear. "You're too easy to scare."

Y/N scoffed and continued to walk to her room. Alastor followed her.

"I'm way too tired to argue with you right now,"

"Maybe you should get some rest then, dear,"

"I was on my way too when you scared me,"

"Am I annoying you?" Alastor asked, still following her.

"A little bit, yes," Y/N mumbled, as they reached her room. "I know Vaggie wants me to film a part, so could you maybe wake me up?"

"If you need me too, then of course,"

"Thank you Al," she smiled genuinely. "And thanks for comin' with me earlier. Usually, I like doin' stuff like that by myself, but you added somethin' nice to it."

"If anything, I should be thanking you," he said. "You put on quite the show for me today. I applaud you. I'll leave you to rest now."

Alastor melted into the shadows, leaving Y/N flustered and grinning cheesily. He was just like how he was on Earth, despite the psychopath tendencies, she liked that part of him too. She went into her bedroom and flopped onto her bed, sighing happily, her dead heart beating rapidly in her chest.

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Y/N woke up from her nap to a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

The door opened and Alastor stepped in the room. He smiled genuinely when he saw Y/N in her sleepy form.

"Vaggie wants you downstairs," Alastor said quietly, an amused smile coming to his face.

"I'll be down there in a minute," Y/N said groggily. "Thanks for wakin me up, Al,"

"You don't have to thank me," Alastor waved off before heading out the door. "I'm glad you slept well, my dear."

After he left, Y/N got out of bed and straightened out her outfit and her hair before heading downstairs. When she got down there, she saw that the whole downstairs area looked like a set from a movie. There were lights and cameras everywhere, and everyone besides Alastor was dressed in outfits from the time you and Alastor were alive.

Y/N was impressed.

"Alright everyone!" Vaggie said as soon as she saw Y/N. "Let's make a fucking commercial.

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After all of them were done filming for the commercial, they sat around or on the couch, waiting for Charlie to come back, and for the commercial to air.

Y/N heard Charlie come in through the front door. Vaggie heard it to, getting up to greet her.

"Charlie!" Vaggie said, hugging her. "How did it go? Did they listen?"

"Oh, uh...They sure did..hear it! But um-" Charlie said.

"Oh! Come here!" Vaggie exclaimed, pulling Charlie towards the couch. "We have something exciting to show you!"

"Alastor and Y/N pulled some strings and it's about to air," Vaggie said as her and Charlie.

"We pulled a few limbs too," Y/N giggled.

"Wait? The commercial?" Charlie said, confused. "You all made a new one?"

"Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do say so myself," Angel said, grinning.

"That's...amazing," Charlie said, her eyes sparkling.

"Shh! It's starting!" Angel shushed.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hot-" Vaggie said on the TV before the signal got interrupted.

"Oh, what the fuck?" Y/N said in anger. Everyone reacted the same way she did.

A news broadcast came on.

"Breaking news in Hell today!" Katie Killjoy said on the TV. "We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before."

Hearing those words, Y/N's eyes widened in shock and fear.

"Do you know what that means Tom?"

"No, what does that mean, Katie?" Tom Trench asked.

"It means we're all royally fucked!" she answered, her neck snapping.

The camera cut to the Extermination Day timer, the numbers going down from 358 to 176.

"Wait...what? Why!?" Angel exclaimed.

Everyone in the room besides Nifty had looks of shock and confusion on their faces. Even Alastor didn't have his usual grin on his face.

"We are so fucked," Y/N muttered

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sorry it took me so long to upload, i've been really busy lol

angel dust and husker are my spirit animals

stay safe and drink lots of water <33

xoxo, Izzy

Taglist 💋

@maksdust @trippoverrt @slytherin4ever @lucifers-silhouette @a-small-tyrant @leviwife1 @mo-0-o @cutiebimbo

#character x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor altruist #alastor x reader #alastor altruist x reader #angel dust #husker #nifty #vaggie #charlie morningstar #adam #lute #katie killjoy #tom trench

[the-archetype-of-civilization]

More little things I noticed in my third rewatch of ATSV.

-SPOILERS AHEAD-

There was a moment that confused me where Spot was robbing the guy of the ATM and he was setting down some cans for (seemingly) no reason. He was actually placing the ATM on top of the cans so he can roll it out.

I can't confirm if this is what was actually there, but when Uncle Aaron was telling Miles they "gotta roll," there was an acrylic stand of Spider-Man there that looked like Miles Morales Spider-Man (color and all).

When Miles was swinging through 42 NYC, there was an advertisement for "Vulture" something, I'm assuming a company. Messed up.

When Miguel first introduces himself by ramming into Vulture, Gwen gets to the spot and does this really slick landing animation where she kinda just gracefully brushes against the bannister briefly before landing on the ground.

42 Rio being given more hours at the hospital shows just how bad 42 New York has gotten without a Spider-Man. Terrifying.

I think I may have pointed this out on a previous post, but 1610 Uncle Aaron had a lucky black cat while 42 Uncle Aaron had a lucky white cat instead. I also like the parallels of Peter being tied up against a punching bag by Miles in ITSV while Miles is tied up by Uncle Aaron in ATSV.

I find it hilarious that Miles STILL doesn't know about ComicCon and didn't bother to look it up since ITSV when 42 Rio brings up "ComicsCon."

When Hobie is blocking off Miles from walking through to Miguel and Miles bumps into him, there's a tiny skull that appears when they make contact. It might just be a punk thing, but I wonder if it's an omen for the bad thing that's ahead of Miles.

Lego Spider-Man's vocalized "boop boop"s killed me.

I love the reveal when Miles realizes he's in the wrong universe, the camera pulls into his face and twists slightly. Obvious but nonetheless cool film styling of "his world is spinning" aside, I love that it feels like a 40's/50's kind of thing. Like this is something that you would see in The Twilight Zone, it nails the old comic book-y vibes too.

42 Miles' facial posture has his head up high and his chin slightly jutting out and up, like he's this "in-charge," cold, dignified superior while our Miles has his chin straight, sometimes pointed down and his head straight, showing he's trying to appeal to his humanity and trying to be humble and unassuming. It's awesome details like this that I love.

Hearing Spot say that he couldn't get a job because of what happened to him at that deli really hurts, honestly. Even if, in a way, he himself is partially to blame, it sucks that he has to resort to this. And the way he says it, almost in a "well, I can't do anything else so this is the only thing I can do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" kind of way is really saddening, like he's trying to take it in stride and as a matter of fact. As awful as Spot becomes, I still feel bad for him.

Miles has a "#BLM" pin on his backpack. I'm sure people saw it already and it's probably a given, but in a world where media is trying to appeal to as wide of an audience as possible, it's nice to see the studio make a clear stance with a character that absolutely fits the bill.

That title drop for Earth 42 when Uncle Aaron tries to dab up Miles going into slow-mo with the music subdued was dope as fuck.

Miles throwing his arms up when asking when his dad dies ("When does it happen?!") is so on-point and well animated, it feels like something every New Yorker would do (I would personally know, since I am one).

When Gwen asks Jess if she ever made mistakes, Jess' reply, saying "yeah, but I got over it," is pretty toxic. It feeds into Gwen's need to avoid her problems rather than address them and face them, and I think that's why she probably chooses to avoid discussing things about Miles to him directly.

That look of disgust on Miles' face when he's being surrounded by Spider-People ("What is this? Some kind of intervention or something?") was so real.

The long silence between Miles choosing to go into the portal to follow Gwen is so good, I love when the movie speaks for itself rather than the dialogue. You can see the hesitation in Miles' eyes and face and then his determination as he jumps headfirst into the portal. A great character scene and fitting transition into the next act.

The album cover for the soundtrack is so good and comes from the scene where Miles goes into the portal. It feels like a mix of something from a Golden Age comic book cover, Miles' hand opened out towards the camera like he's being thrust into another world. And the colors of the portal and transition to Mumbattan are gorgeous. Fills the 40's/50's vibes I was talking about earlier, too.

Jeff's toast is really well done and I like how heartfelt and real it feels. Makes his anger, unfortunately, justified on Miles, even if Miles was trying to do the right thing for him and Rio in the end.

"I was just cool the whole time" is such a boss line, I love Hobie.

Miguel casually (almost lazily) swinging around rescuing civilians at the Guggenheim whilst talking to Gwen about a serious conversation is unironically cool. And it fits to his character, he's probably done it so many times that it becomes child's play in the end.

"I ain't got Scooby-Doo, mate."

How does Hobie know that Miles should use his palms for those powers? Curious.

"But now...I'm not afraid of anything." I love Miles so much, he's grown and become so strong not just for himself but for others. He's the best Spidey. Full stop.

I love the reversal of reflections for Gwen. At the beginning of the movie, she's in her casual wear but with the reflections always showing her in her Spider outfit. At the end, she comes home in her Spider outfit but with herself in her casual wear in the reflection instead. She started off alone in the world as Spider-Woman and ended feeling like Gwen. Her arc was completed and she's facing herself, the real Gwen Stacy and not Spider-Woman.

I felt bad that the deli clerk got bonked by the bat :( But, at least he's all right.

Miles saying "Don't do that" to the kid licking the subway window is real. That shit is nasty, the windows are the least clean parts of NYC's subway.

I love that both Gwen and Miles use comically deep voices around their respective dads. It's cute.

When the police officer was saying "I think we found our sign" when Gwen webbed them up, George's silent head turn with unamusement was awesome.

I will not have anymore George Stacy slander. Yeah, he made a bad call in seemingly arresting his daughter, but he QUIT his job for her. He loves her that much that he quit being, not just a police officer, but a CAPTAIN, for HER sake.

Speaking of which, when George had his gun pointed at her before she unmasked, he had his gun down the whole time after she unmasked, even while he was re-relaying her her rights. And when she tries to approach him, his gun flinches up a bit but stops.

"Can you go easy on the penguin?"

This is actually a follow-up post, since I said before that I might make another. This movie is too much for me and I love taking it apart.

Edit: I'm sorry for the constant updates and changes/revisions, but I can't stop thinking about this movie.

#spider verse #spider man #across the spiderverse #spider man atsv #spider man across the spiderverse #spider man across the spider verse #atsv #across the spider verse #miles morales #spot #the spot #uncle aaron #aaron davis #rio morales #miguel ohara #gwen stacy #peter parker #peter b parker #hobie brown #jessica drew

[hetalia-club]

The Cold War era was honestly the cause of so many hilarious things that sound fake but are 100% real. It’s one of the reasons the Cold war is my favorite history era. (I know a lot of horrible stuff happened in that time but let’s focus on the goofy stuff okay?)

Top funniest moments include:

1. Russia thought that they were building a top secret office in the center of the pentagon and pointed nukes directly at it but KGB spies confirmed it was actually a hot dog stand. 2. America was going to nuke the moon as a fuck you to Russia. But decided that might be a bad idea.

3. America had a plan to strap listening devices on cats and turn them lose in Moscow and try and get them to sit in windows and listen in on conversations but then after sinking 2 million into the plan someone was like. “but how do we get the cats to do that...” and they threw that idea out the window.

4. After a big ‘ol woopsie Russia ‘accidently’ ‘allegedly’ almost nuked the USA because someone read the screen wrong and said that the US had fired 5 nukes onto Russia and they were on the way. Luckily the guy in charge was like ‘nah, that ain’t them they wouldn’t do us like that.’ He basically diverted a nuclear war on a ‘gut feeling’. Because the computer systems said it was a go.

5. America built a bunch of rail ways that went nowhere and spent a ton of money on advertising for them basically saying how important that these railways were. They let the info slip to Russia incase they did nuke them they would nuke the useless railways. I can’t decide if that’s a 200 IQ plan or stupid. because Russia of course took the bait.

6. Russia at the same time had the exact same plan and built a couple fake cities in Russia and let some advertising slip about how cool and groovy(it was the 60′s) and also very important these cities were. America of course took the bait. EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD THE SAME PLAN!

7. Russia commissioned America to make fake maps and the only difference was that Russia was bigger on the map than usual. Wow amazing truly astounding.

8. The time America tried to train bears to fly planes... Because they thought it would be super sick and the Russians would be so jealous of the bear pilots. Didn’t work out. 

9. Russia tried to use psychics yes you read right the were looking for someone with psychokinetic powers to train to divert missiles. Yes really, they were doing this. America got so jealous of this that they wanted their own super hero program and they also started looking for someone who could make objects float and also read minds they sunk about 20 mill into that one.

10. (don’t remember who) In the 50′s the current leader of Russia came to America for a meeting which was in California. He toured the Hollywood studios ad really really wanted to go to Disney Land like so fucking bad. The current president of the US was like ‘dude that is a horrible idea you are the leader of Russia you can’t just go to Disney. He flipped his shit he was so fucking mad. He was like ‘why can’t I go? Is there some secret launch base there? Is there something I can’t see? This is so stupid I want to go!’ he even threatened to unalive himself at one point. I don’t think they ever did let him go because they would of had to empty the entire park for him because it was a crazy security risk for him to even be on his GT of Cali in the first place. Apparently the CIA agents with him had a 70+ page book on how to keep him safe. Frank Sinatra was even there to try and keep him happy. though i don’t exactly remember how he got roped into being there.

That is just 10 things there is so much more. So much bonkers shit. I didn’t even get into things Germany and England did. 

#hetalia #hws russia #hws america #alfred f. jones #ivan braginski #I'm tagging this as Hetalia because it is funny to think of in in a Hetalia scenario and also because I'm a hetalia blog

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

tEaM cAp BaD, tOnY gOoD

The fact that takes like this are still being spewed 7 years after Civil War maddens me.

OMG where do I even start... You know, maybe this is the result of the MCU not knowing where they stand in regards to heroism. In the past we used to watch superhero movies that were very clear on defending the heroes and keeping the villains accountable, but for some reason the MCU seems to enjoy questioning their heroes and framing them in a negative light while justifying the bad guys - so I'm not surprised to read these takes.

OP says "Hydra didn't hide themselves after the reveal". Uh, yes, they did, actually. And with good reason. If you have been infiltrating an American intelligence agency for decades and you're finally outed, why exactly would anyone go out there and happily advertise they're Hydra? That... makes no sense.

I honestly have no interest in talking about "Did Wanda and Pietro know or not?". I'll just leave this here.

In the same comment OP shows his anger at Wanda for not facing any consequences for her actions, he defends Stark "not selling more weapons" as enough accountability for his. So he can spend his whole life willfully ignorant of where his wealth is coming from, he only decides to stop selling when those weapons kill Americans (he didn't give a fuck if they hurt other people), he can literally tell the government to suck it when they request his tech (which I'm okay with, but damn, nice display of hypocrisy right there when these stans claim the heroes are awful for not signing the Accords in CW)... and all this shit is enough for Stark to be off the hook?

They want Wanda, sometimes even Steve, to be jailed and punished but when it comes to Stark, if he pouts for a while they call it a day and that's enough accountability for him 🤦‍♀️

OP's line about Edith is even worse: "Edith is designed as a planetary defense system." I always think of Zola's line in TWS whenever I read a take like that one: "HYDRA created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security."

More control doesn't equate more safety, it tends to cause the opposite thing, actually. But of course NWH never addressed the morality of this device so many fans think its existence okay. If they had handled it like Nolan did their ideas would be different. Edith is another Project Insight and Stark was still defending this "control is safety" years after CW 👇

That's Hydra rhetoric. I couldn't care less if it's a so-called "hero" saying it, that line could be said by Zola or Red Skull or Rumlow, that's how messed up it is. But all of a sudden it's Stark saying it and that makes it okay?

OP: "Steve Rogers [...] solves problems by punching things [...] He has no fucking idea how to handle a situation involving a bioweapon or a terrorist." Tell me you don't understand Steve's character without telling me you don't understand him. This stan is one of those who thinks Steve is just a buff guy with no brains who can only punch his way out of things, which is hilarious because he has been shown to be the exact opposite of that.

A guy who figured out how to take that flag from Camp Lehigh, who could easily tell he was being deceived after being defrosted when that Shield woman approached him in the med bay, who figured out Loki's sceptre worked like a Hydra weapon (linking the space and mind stones & how they worked), who knows military regulations well enough to know where a building is built in the wrong place, who can figure out he's going to be attacked in an elevator after only a few seconds...

Sure, he only knows how to punch things 🙄

#anti tony stark #steve rogers #team cap

[cosmicanamnesis]

everybody loves a(n as yet untitled) coffeshop au pt. 2

[part 1] [part 3] [part 4] [read on ao3]

“You’re late,” Keith said as Steve came in.

“What? No I’m not,” he said, confused, and pulled out his phone to check the time for good measure. “Yeah, I’ve got like, two minutes.”

“Yeah, I know. Hurry up, though, I need to take my break.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

He quickly hung up his coat in the break room and pulled his apron on so he could take over for Keith before he got yelled at some more. The second he was at the register, the door chimed.

“Hi, welcome in- Oh, hey Eddie. You… Hang on, don’t you normally come in, like, three hours ago?”

“I did, you just weren’t here to see me,” Eddie smiled, hands shoved deep in his pockets. 

“Oh, um. Alright. What can I get you, then?”

“Just a small hot chocolate. Um… Did you know you’re wearing the wrong name tag?” He tapped his chest a couple times in the same spot Steve’s name tag hung on his apron.

“Huh? Oh, yeah!” Steve laughed, grabbing a cup to make Eddie’s drink. “I’m covering for Robin right now. We started doing this thing, ages ago, where if one of us covered for the other, we’d uh… We’d swap name tags. It’s kinda stupid.”

“That’s hilarious, actually,” Eddie chuckled.

“Yeah, we have fun with it. It’s funnier on her than it is on me though.”

“Oh, cause Robin is a kind of androgynous name,” Eddie guessed.

“Yeah, and Steve really isn’t. So, hot chocolate, huh?” Steve asked, changing the subject. “Didn’t expect that one to be yours.” He passed the drink to Eddie at the end of the counter. Eddie smiled, almost laughing as he took it.

“Yeah, I’m not really a coffee guy. Shocking, I know, based on the,” he gestured up and down at himself. He always dressed more or less the same, with big heavy boots and ripped jeans and an old leather jacket with a denim vest on top, covered in pins and patches advertising bands that Steve had never listened to. “Y’know, all of this.”

“Yeah, you don’t really look like a hot chocolate guy. So the whole huge order, that’s for everybody else in the tattoo shop, yeah?”

“Ah huh. I just started apprenticing there, which means I’m the store gopher.”

“The store what?” Steve laughed. Eddie smiled and sipped his drink, still standing at the pick up counter. Fortunately, there was no one else in the cafe.

“Gopher. Like an errand boy. Y’know, hey Eddie, go for coffee, hey Eddie could you go for lunch, stuff like that. Gopher.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever heard that before. That sounds like a pain in the ass.”

“Eh, it’s not so bad. I should probably get back, though,” Eddie said, tapping the counter. “It was good to see you, Steve. Got kinda worried when you weren’t here earlier.”

“What? Why?”

Eddie turned back to him, walking backwards, and shrugged. “You’re my coffee guy,” he said simply.

“Well, just a heads up then, I won’t be here at all tomorrow either,” Steve smiled. 

“Alright, good to know. See you around, Stevie.”

Stevie?

“So did you get his number yet, or what?” Keith asked, coming back up to the front.

“Shut up.”

“So, no?”

“Isn’t it, like, unprofessional for you as my boss to be asking me that?”

Keith just shrugged and started wiping down the counters. The bell on the door rang again, drawing both of their attention as Eddie ran back in, drink still in hand. 

“Wait, if you’re free tomorrow-” Eddie slammed his hand down on the counter to stop his momentum as he caught his breath. “Do you want to come to a party tomorrow night? It’s not a huge thing, but my band is playing and it’s like, a bunch of their friends, so it’d be cool to have somebody else I know there.”

“Oh! Um. Sure?” Steve said, trying to ignore Keith staring at him. “I didn’t know you were in a band, that’s really cool.”

“Thanks," Eddie smiled like he wasn't actually expecting a yes. "Here, can I put my number in your phone?”

“Yeah, of course!” Steve opened his phone and passed it over the counter.

“Phones are supposed to stay in the break room, Harrington,” Keith deadpanned. Eddie, apparently only just noticing Keith, giggled quietly as he added himself as a contact and handed the phone back to Steve.

“Okay, for real this time, I gotta get back to work. Just text me so I’ll have your number!” Eddie called, again walking backwards out of the cafe. As soon as he was gone, Steve immediately headed back to the break room to text him. He burst out laughing halfway there. 

“What’s so funny?” Keith asked.

“Look what he saved himself as,” Steve passed Keith his phone to look at the new contact.

hot chocolate guy

“You want to kiss him so bad, it makes you look stupid,” Keith said, ever unimpressed.

“Appreciate the support, Keith,” Steve said sarcastically, ducking into the back.

He shot a quick text to Eddie as promised and immediately texted Robin after. He didn't expect a reply, assuming she was on her date, but she answered within seconds.

Got his #

who

Eddie, the guy none of you like.

WGAT

WHAT*

FR???

Yeah, he invited me to a party. Apparently he's in a band.

oooo sounds like a date ;)

Stop it. It's not a date. 

could be a date ;) ;) ;)

Stop.

"Steve!" Keith yelled from the front. "Quit texting your boyfriend and get back out here! And leave your phone in the break room this time, please?"

Steve huffed and slipped his phone back into his coat pocket so he wouldn't have to listen to it buzz on the table his whole shift.

"I was texting Robin, actually," he said, coming back up to the front. "Dude. There's no one here, why the rush?"

"I like making your life hard," Keith shrugged.

The next time Steve got a chance to look at his phone, he had a text back from Eddie, two from Robin, seven from Chrissy and one from Dustin for some reason.

hot chocolate guy:

Hey, it's Steve!

hey there coffee guy

Robs:

Stop.

you love me

warning: i told chris so she might blow up ur phone

Chrissy (work):

Oh my god Robin said you got whats-his-face’s number??

And he asked you out?

And he's in a band? That’s so cool!!

I take back what I said about not knowing what you see in him. 

I do NOT take back what I said about him being weird though.

Oh Keith made you put your phone away didn't he?

I ask as if you could respond if the answer is yes.

Lil Buddy:

hey Steve, what are you doing tomorrow night?

He decided to respond to Dustin's message first.

I'm going to a party. Why?

oh, that's cool. we're throwing a party at the house too, I was going to ask if you wanted to come but if you're busy then don't worry about it.

Let me find out what time the party is, I'll see if I can swing by your place too!

Honestly I'm not sure how long I'll be at the other party, I'm only gonna know the guy who invited me.

who invited you?

Just a regular at work.

the one you have a crush on?

Oh, fuck off. But yes.

;)

Stop. God, you've been spending too much time with Robin.

sounds like a you problem.

Steve rolled his eyes. He loved the kid but god damn was he a handful. He decided to move on before he got sucked into the text-based slapstick comedy that was a drawn out conversation with Dustin Henderson.

He moved on to Chrissy's messages.

Haha, yeah, I did. Don't listen to Robin, he didn't ask me out. He invited me to a NYE party.

How is that not him asking you out?

Because it's not a date!

;)

Jesus Christ, is Robin paying all of you to do that?

Do what?

Nevermind.

He'd see Robin later so he didn't overly feel the need to text her back, instead opting to stare at Eddie's text trying to think of something to say that didn't make him sound desperate or insane. It wasn't going well. Every time he got a free minute, he would type something, stare at it for a while, and backspace the whole thing. By the end of his shift, he still hadn't texted him back.

He and Keith had managed to get the whole cafe clean and ready to close without anyone coming in right after they finished cleaning the espresso machine, which felt like a miracle, and they actually got out on time. As he walked back to his apartment, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out to check quickly as if it were an emergency. It was from Eddie. A somewhat blurry photo of Steve, taken from inside the tattoo shop. Another message popped up as he looked at the image.

saw you :)

Haha, hey. Yeah, I just got off work. Sorry I didn't reply earlier, my boss made me put my phone away.

rude ass

Tell me about it.

so the partys tomorrow at 7. no dress code so just come as you are. i can come pick you up

If anyone asked, Steve wasn't blushing, it was just cold. 

You don't have to, I do own a car. I just live so close to work it's not worth it to drive.

good to know. but apparently the neighbors get mad when theres too many people parked on the street so were trying to carpool as much as we can

also its gareths turn to drive the band van and his driving scares the shit out of me

Steve laughed to himself as he climbed the stairs to his third floor walk-up. He didn't know who Gareth was, one of Eddie's bandmates he imagined, but he had friends like that too so he understood. He let Max drive his car one time and one time only, and in her defense they did all get home in one piece, but never again.

Haha, alright, you can pick me up then.

:)

He dug his keys out of his pocket and let himself into the empty apartment. It was a tiny little two bedroom thing, but it was just him and Robin living here, so they didn't need that much space. And despite being a walk-up, it was actually pretty nice. The living room had big windows, they had a balcony, they couldn't hear their neighbor's every move through the walls, it was great. 

He tossed his coat over the back of the armchair in the living room, which was the chair's sole purpose, and flopped down on the couch. His phone buzzed in his hand. Text from Robin. 

omw home, bringing a friend

if you don't want to hear anything you can't unhear then leave

Gross.

you've been warned. eta 15

Steve didn't really have anywhere to go on short notice. He had half a thought to text Eddie to see if he would be off work soon, but thought better of it. He didn't want to freak the guy out. His phone buzzed again. Speak of the devil and all that.

wyd

Trying to figure out something to do to get me out of the house in the next 15 minutes. You?

getting off work

why do you need to be out of the house in 15 minutes lol

Robin's bringing her date home. I don't want to listen to… Whatever they end up doing. 

i thought you were dating robin?

Nah, we’re super platonic. We just live together.

oh

wanna hang out?

Apparently Eddie didn't have the same reservations that Steve did.

-------

Well. That blew up.

Howdy? I'm Lichen. I shipped Steddie so hard it brought me out of a several-year-long writing dry spell. I have this fic in progress and a oneshot series that's like. Halfway done? But I am on AO3 as Lichen_Not_Moss and I've got a few complete fics up right now, so far all for Stranger Things

Ode to the Dungeon Master - <1k words, angst, not Steddie

I'll Come If You Call - 4k, angst, Steddie-adjacent

Brown Eyes, I'll Hold You Near - 132k, all over the place, longform Steddie fic

Tagging (everyone who replied to part one, whatever you asked to be tagged or not:)

@original-cypher @avacrebs @dangdirtydemons @rainydays35 @changenamelater @phantypurple @alienace @renaissan-vvitch @krazyperson @dreammetheworld08

#steddie #steddie fic #stranger things #stranger things 4 #text

[matchalovertrait]

"So, I bumped into Alfonso Alto the other day and I gave him a piece of my mind. I know you guys have to keep things civil because it 'looks better' and whatever. However, I don't really care. Maybe my image is all I cared about in the past, but there are more important things to me now. I loathe that man for what he did."

"Thank you, but you really didn't have to do all that. We're trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have faith we will all come out okay in the end."

"But how can you stay optimistic? Why are you still nice to me? I'm furious at Alfonso, but I haven't been a saint to you either."

"Yeah, honestly. I don't think I deserved all those snide remarks you've made. Consider yourself lucky that you had the decency to at least be kind to my children. If you crossed that line, then I would've said something to everyone."

"And I apologize. You really didn't deserve any of that. My behavior and attitude towards you were the last thing you needed. You were just a young girl."

"Yes, I was. I was new to this country. I was scared and alone. I was so happy when I thought my new friend group was only made up of genuine, supportive people. Why do that to me?"

"You want the truth? I was envious of you. You had so little but you were still so much happier than a lot of people. Then, you got pregnant from a one-night stand, and I was ready to celebrate! I thought surely that was the thing that was finally going to bring you down-"

"Really? What kind of backwards thinking is that?"

"Hey, I'm explaining here. Anyway, then I saw what you and Erick had. The relationship between you two was still so strong despite being just friends, and that bothered me so much. Hector and I have been in a loveless marriage for decades now. I know he still loves Lucia."

"That's awful, Hilary. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, it's not all that bad.. We do make a powerful team in the wedding industry. Speaking of which, I come with an apology gift!! Our wedding venue needs a reliable partner, a baker like you. You'll bake things, obviously, but also you'll organize the cake tastings, serve the cake at the weddings, yadda yadda. Best of all? You're basically advertising your bakery every time you go to the venue."

"Hilary, that sounds amazing and all, but aren't weddings usually on weekend nights? I spend that time with my family. And cake tastings are probably during the week, so your customers are going to have to come over here. I have a business to run."

"OUR customers. Look, Noemí, I think it's worth considering. We'll work on it. The kids are getting older now. Maybe they could help out every now and then too."

"No, I want them to focus on being kids.. but, yeah. Thank you for coming to me with this offer. I think I might take you up on it. I'll let you know."

"Perfect! There's no rush. Am I forgiven, then? Sorry, I don't apologize oft- hey, wait! I did it again. Look at me."

"Thank you, Hilary. All is forgiven.... buut I'll forgive you even more if you help me set up my store right now before it's time to open. You did take some of my time."

#hilary laurent #noemi alegria #tjol challenge #tjolc gen 1 #tjolc #the joy of life legacy #joy of life legacy #the joy of life challenge #sims 4 #sims #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 screenshots #the sims #the sims 4 #alegria legacy #matchalovertrait

[kinsey3furry300]

My (very late) take on Ricky “Jupe” Park from Nope.

So, when I was a small child, my sister and I were taken to a local museum by my father and it was a wholesome and fun day out for all the family EXEPT FOR THE BADLY TAXIDERMIED WHALE SHARK HANGING FROM THE CEALLING MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT THING?! It was huge, it looked and smelt terrible, the room was poorly lit and crowded and decorated to look like the bottom of the sea and you had this thing with it’s huge open maw hanging right over you all the time. I distinctly remember that I couldn’t look. I could not look. Between the, the ocean episode of walking with dinosaurs, the underwater segment of myst, and fucking books like this that were everywhere in the 90’s!

Fuck you Nigel Marven and Jasper James, Fuck you.

…both me and my sister developed a lifelong fear of being eaten alive by giant, aquatic-type monsters. And because it was advertised and a film about a brother and sister fighting off little green men, and not advertised as a film where 40 people get fucking vored by a flying Portuguese man of war, me and my sister saw Nope together in the cinema and ohhh boy 1, did I catch shit from her about it, to this day, and 2, while I love that film, it scared the shit out of me. It scared me so badly I tried not to think about it until I plucked up the courage to re-watch it this weekend.  So I’m a little late to the party, but speaking on behalf of people terrified of being gobbled up by ever-present sky-sharks (you know they’re there prove me wrong!), I’d like to talk about Jupe.

How was this not a best Supporting Actor win? Give him all the awards!

I’ve seen a surprising amount of commentary say that he’s an idiot for endangering and getting all those people killed, and that he deserves his fate, and while there is a little element of truth to the first part, I can’t fathom the second. One, no, no one deserves that and two… Do, do you guys know how story strucure works? Jupe is a foil for OJ. His life and arc mirrors OJ to a surprising degree: they’re both people of colour working in a white-dominated Hollywood system who have been held back by, or are stereotyped because of, their race. They both witness “a bad Miracle” that’s starts with a strange popping/crunching noise (the balloon for Jupe, Jean Jacket regurgitating indigestible items above them for OJ), that results in death, where a seemingly imposable thing happens (a coin falls from an empty sky, a shoe balances perfectly on one end) and where they are spared death because they don’t look the danger in the eye (Jupe has the table cloth between him and the chimp, OJ looks around whereas Ottis senior looks up and so is hit in his unprotected eye), and are traumatized. Both deal with the trauma badly, and surround themselves with constant reminders of it (Jupe’s Gordy shrine, OJ’s horses and ranch. I mean he keeps the fucking coin!). Both try to commodify and sell their trauma for fame and fortune (the paid tours of the Gordy shrine, getting that “Oprah shot”). Both also want to use Jean Jacket to reclaim the heritage that the film and TV industry has taken from them (OJ wants to save the ranch and memorialize his family’s role in the invention of film, Jupe wants to be remembered for the Starlight Lasso and not just as that Asian kid who survived a chimp attack, for taming the beast, not just surviving it). Both unwittingly train JJ to attack humans (Jupe by teaching it to associate people and music with food, OJ by putting it off horsemeat by feeding it a decoy). Both are a bit greedy, and kind of disrespectful to the dead, and nether Get Out (couldn’t resist sorry) when they should. Both put their family, friends and strangers in danger to get their payday, and both get at least one person killed doing it.

So why does the film kill Jupe and his family in such a hilariously awful way, but spare OJ and Em (and Angel: we love you Angel)? What’s Jupes fatal flaw, that greek tragic hubris that dooms him and that separates him from OJ? Why is he the one who gets vored by an angry stetson? Is it a eat the rich narrative? A critique of the idea of Asian Americans as the “Ideal minority?”. Is it killing off the comic relif, or just done for shock value? No, I don’t think Jordan Peele would be that heavy handed or un-imaginative. I think it’s something far more clever.

It’s this: from an early age, Jupe was trained to perform, whereas OJ was trained to handle performing horses. OJ thinks about how to safely provide the spectacle, whereas Jupe was trained to be the spectacle. OJ communicates with Angel in clicks and gestures without realising: OJ’s internalised how to talk to horses, how to use body-language. But Jupe...His plan, upon finding out that there’s a UAP flying around his home is to build and stage and make it into a rodeo attraction. That’s not a sane person’s reaction, that’s how Homer Simpson would try and Monetize first contact with alien life. That’s how Peter Griffin or BoJack Horseman would treat ET…. That how a 90’s sitcom character, who never got over that one role, would treat the situation.

Every time a name is mentioned in the chapter titles of Nope, the living being it refers to dies… except the title card “Lucky.” The horse (so long as the final shot is real and not Em hallucinating) lives. It (and OJ) makes it out. But then again….

Jupe probably thought of himself as Lucky, after the Gordy incident. He was probably told time and time again that he was Lucky, until he internalized it. He learnt the wrong lessons from the experience, he learnt that he not only needed to perform, but that he was special. “You’re’ chosen.” He learnt that he needed to perform, to be a spectacle, to survive a horrible industry that swallows people whole and chews them up and spits them out and occasionally has animal control shoot its stars dead if they go of script. He was conditioned, and trained, from an early age to treat everything that ever happened to him as part of a performance, until he can only talk about his own trauma in terms of how good the SNL take on it was.

And like every other trained living being taken from their natural habitat and forced out on stage as spectacle in this film, his training fails him at the worst possible time.

He’s “Lucky”, and he’s tragic, and he’s just another victim of spectacle, and that’s the scariest part of the film. ...Other than the FUCKING MURDER PANCAKE IN THE SKY OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?

#nope movie #nope jordan peele #jordan peele #jupe from nope #Ricky Jupe Park #Steven Yeun #Jupe is my woobie and i would fight god for him #but i'm not fighing Jean Jacket sorry bro nope nope nope fuck that #nope spoilers

[blazehedgehog]

Thoughts on the twitter clones popping up because El*n is destroying twitter? Hive was hilariously shortlived. But do you think Mastodon, Cohost, or Bluesky have what it takes to replace twitter?

I think a lot of them are dumb and greedy. The way people so willingly flock to anything even remotely promising is depressing, even when it's a pretty much open fact that monsters are behind them.

Like, Threads. Threads sucks! It's by Facebook! You know, Mark Zuckerberg, the dude who literally had to go before congress and explain himself because they were stealing and selling so much of your personal data without your permission? Because, by the way: That's not supposed to happen. You're supposed to care about that. You can't just be like "oh well they have my data already, may as well ignore it". That's a bad thing to just let happen!

This is the guy who invented the "pivot to video" concept that decimated an entire industry of writers who were now expected to produce videos, all because Facebook was dramatically faking viewership numbers in a bid to lure in more advertisers. He runs a site that was proud to accept and promote insane fringe theories and undoubtedly contributed to the attempted coup of the United States Government on January 6th 2020. That Facebook. That Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah. They're behind Threads.

Or what about Bluesky? Everybody hated Jack Dorsey when he was running Twitter, so much so that they basically forced him out of the company. Now he's behind Bluesky, a website that is literally just Twitter 2, which openly admits he's feeding and selling all of your personal data to machine learning databases (like ChatGPT or Midjourney).

They also openly have settings for whether or not you want to see racist and bigoted content, which actually means being a Nazi on Bluesky is totally okay! They're going to welcome those people with open arms! They're just going to give you a setting to hide them instead of, you know, eradicating them off the platform like cockroaches. But it means Bluesky allows them, marks them, and lets them freely indoctrinate more people into becoming literal murderers.

Remember Hive? Remember how many people FLOODED to Hive and it was discovered they had an eensy weensy teeny tiny security flaw that allowed anyone to both edit and delete any post on the entire platform? Hive said they were going down "for a couple days" to fix it and ended up being down for six months. Also, the developers behind Hive actively hid their identities this entire time! Even before they were popular! There was no way to be sure who was EVER running that service! People were joking that it was a CIA operation! Who knows!

People are trading one dumpster fire for another with these places. You might be escaping the stupidity of Elon Musk but you're still digging deeper, not out of the hole. Every single option is going to lead to more regret and misery eventually.

Even Cohost isn't perfect! And I like Cohost! It's a lot more like Tumblr used to be in the early days. And Cohost is a lot more grassroots than any of these other services, they're a lot more open with whether or not the service is going to survive, but that's also because they respect the poster, respect their data, and just want to make a cool place to hang out at. Out of all the places to spring up during Twitter's death march, Cohost is where I've been posting.

But I heard someone say that Cohost is a very "holistic" approach to posting, and that's true. It's the social media website version being a vegan. It's all kale and chia seeds.

Cohost has no recommendation algorithm. It does not tell you who is following who. It does not offer numbers to tell you how many likes or shares a post has, or who liked or shared it. Everything you do on that site exists in a near-total vacuum unless you specifically put in the work and go looking for it. On some level it's admirable, because they don't want people developing the same competitive, toxic habits of only posting to "do numbers."

But also it sucks because, like, there's no way to identify and reference notable posts, nor see who your mutuals are. The only way to find friends through other friends is if they share one of their posts. And once a post falls out of favor, it's basically lost in the void to all those except a chosen few who remember how to speak its name.

But the vibes at Cohost are... good. I guess. It feels much more like everybody knows everybody. One good post will come across the feed and it feels like the whole dang website shares it that day.

But I would like a little bit of numbers. As a treat. Just because we can subsist on tofu does not mean we do not also deserve a nice, juicy hamburger too.

There's also Mastodon, and I have a friend who really liked Mastodon and wanted it to succeed, but I also heard it described as "the linux of social media" and that's exactly why I'd never use it as my primary platform. It's supposed to be decentralized, making it more diverse and easier for sub-communities to exist within the network, but last I checked, it just made it a pain in the ass to actually follow people that were on different networks than you.

Each one had a different compatibility song and dance you had to do in order for you to follow them from your network. Didn't like it. The whole federated platform feels like slightly too much work to use.

I will probably keep posting on Twitter until the last ember burns out. But I am believing more and more that what Elon is doing to Twitter is deliberate murder in order to deplatform his enemies. He's an idiot, don't get me wrong, but he's also doing things that are deliberately malicious "for the lulz." I'm sure he thinks he can rebuild Twitter into whatever he wants because he's just that rich and smart so he's willing to gut it from the inside out first.

#questions #Anonymous #twitter #cohost #bluesky #mastadon #hive #threads #tumblr

[nieves-de-sugui]

BL/QL Ask Game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank yo to @waitmyturtles for the tag!! I love these games. I'll try to be nice ❤

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL I do not pay enough attention to music in the show that I watch to be able to answer this question. But I guess it would be that time they used the german national anthem in a show? I can't remember which but it was so random xD

Most cringe-inducing line (cute) Holy guacamole.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad) My brain does me the favor of erasing these inmediately from my memory. But I'm pretty sure there have been a few recently. Anything relating to "little me"s in BL makes me cringe.

Most stupid decision made by a character Since I can't rememeber well bad stuff from plots of past shows I'm gonna try to recall the last few I was watching. Mmmmm. For Jaab to kiss Jane and then never adress it properly

Worst plot line Either the amnesia in Minato's Laundromat or the fight between Punn and Ashi in Be Mine Superstar

The most problematic show you've watched TharnType? I feel like there's been worse but I can't remember if I watched them or not...

A show people love but you find bad I generally agree with the mainstream consensus. It is very rare for me to dislike something that is generally liked. Oh I know! About Youth.

A show people find bad but you will defend Utsukushii Kare. It might not be the most unpopular but I've seen a lot of people not being able to enjoy it and I will defend it until I die

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it Dangerous Romance. It hasn't ended, I know. It's not amazing, it could've been better, it was false advertisement, but I'm enjoying it a lot :)

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated Future the series. Morbid curiosity is what we should call it

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny Wedding Plan xD

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character Remember me...

A bad show that you would still recommend My day xD It's hilarious

The character that ruined a show the most The main guy in Future the series. I couldn't, how tf did I watch that?

Most awful character that you hated The fucking ex in Mr Cinderella

Most awful character that you loved Aoey in Lovely Writer

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like Jaab in Step by Step

A hero that should have been a villain I can't think of any

A morally bad character you're into Ray

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into Don't kill me but... Boston. Like, yeah I love what he's doing as a character and all that but I'm not particularly liking him too much xD

The show that disappointed you the most MODC. No show has wrecked me like that so unpromptedly ever before and since

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons I don't think I have a worst one, I generally move on when I don't like a show. But if I had to chose I guess What The Duck?

Tag time! Let's get to know people! @aspaceformyself @xagan @cangse-sanren @dribs-and-drabbles @emotionallychargedtowel @mikuni14 @troubled-mind @wanderlust-in-my-soul and whoever wants to do it :)

#tag game #fun stuff

[evanescent-art]

We don't ship tododeku because "it's gay" like some of you dudebros like to say, we ship it because it's a relationship built from the ground up on a foundation of mutual respect, honesty, self care, and trust.

No, we don't dislike Ochako because she "gets in the way of our ship". We don't like her because she's an underdeveloped character that was put on screen as eye candy and has hardly any genuine, deep development for herself other than "I like the main character".

No, we aren't being "toxic shippers" unless we are going on other people's posts to spread hate and advertise our ship. Which, we don't do. As a matter of fact, I find it hilarious that we're the toxic ones, yet you guys are under every single post saying "Deku is straight" to people who are minding their own business.

You guys just love to paint us shippers in a bad light when we really aren't the problem. Just say you're homophobic and go.

#there i said it #anyone got a problem? good. #i said what i said #stay mad #romance #books #art #author #artist #my hero academia #bakugou katsuki #magic #tododeku #anime #love #izuku midoriya #shoto todoroki #quirks #rant #lgbt #lgbt pride #gay #homophobia

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

WIP Wednesday-Cooking Channel AU

Alternatively called ‘Daya and Willow (figuratively) roast Bosco’s lack of cooking skills’

“What do you want me to bring to the Deja’s dinner party?” Bosco asked as she looked at the text invite on her phone.

“Some nice napkins would be good,” Daya responded, not looking up from her laptop.

“Maybe some extra Tupperware too,” Willow added from the recliner, looking through the Netflix menu.

“I meant as in food.” Bosco said with a sigh, “I can’t just show up to a potluck with decorative napkins and call it a day.”

Her two roommates looked over to her spot on the couch, “It’s better than giving our friends food poisoning.” Willow said.

“I’ve never given anyone food poisoning, thank you very much.”

“Only because Kerri realized that the chicken you made was still raw and nobody wanted salmonella,” Daya said as she closed her laptop. “My sister said that Jo-Ann’s has some seasonal napkins on sale this week, maybe bring some fake flowers too,” she said with a smirk.

“You two are hilarious,” Bosco sarcastically said, sitting up hoping to be taken more seriously. “I’m not that bad at cooking.”

“We barely trust you alone with the toaster, and the microwave is still questionable,” Willow said, settling on an old thriller movie.

Bosco thought for a moment, watching the beginning of the movie absent-mindedly. It’s not that she always hated cooking, she just never needed to learn how to do it. Her parents taught her sister, Irene, how to cook but she was never interested in joining.

As she watched the killer in the movie take its first victim, a realization hit her.

It’s never too late to learn, and the internet was right there at her fingertips.

After the movie was over, Bosco snuck off to her room and told her roommates that she was going to bed early. “I have an early shift tomorrow, and I need sleep.” Luckily Daya and Willow didn’t ask any questions and told her goodnight.

Pulling out the laptop she rarely used and settling herself on the bed, Bosco stared at the Google homepage. She wasn’t sure where to start for her search, maybe cookbooks? Or watch the Food Network? She had no idea how other people taught themselves how to cook.

A couple of hours into reading some unhelpful articles of easy beginner recipes and advertisements for meal delivery kits, Bosco’s eyes grew tired and she needed a break.

The living room was dark again as Bosco entered the kitchen for a quick snack before trying to tackle Google again. Settling on a couple of pieces of cold pizza and La Croix, she made her way back to her bedroom but bumped into a taller body in the hall.

“Shit, sorry.” Daya was holding her phone horizontally and pulled out one of her Air Pods with her free hand, “I was watching this YouTube video and didn’t hear you come out.” she explained but got Bosco’s attention.

“Wait, YouTube?” she asked. It was somewhere she usually used to listen to true crime videos as background noise, but maybe it could help her now.

“Yeah, I found this guy that does these video essays that are like five hours long about-” Bosco stopped paying attention to her roommate’s long explanation as she quickly said that she needed to get something done.

Searching through the recommended channels, Bosco narrowed down the different videos that popped up as she ate.

Some of the people in the videos talked too much and didn’t show much about cooking. Others were recreating food from different movies and TV shows and made it look too complicated.

Growing tired of clicking through all the videos and trying out different channels, Bosco let the videos play on autoplay as she lay down and pulled the computer on her chest.

Her eyes grew more and more heavy, and just as she was considering going to sleep, her thoughts were burst by peppy instrumental music, followed by two meows before the actual video played.

A young blonde woman appeared on screen in a clean, but small kitchen. She had baby pink utensils and pans displayed behind her as she spoke to the camera.

‘Hi everyone, and welcome back to my kitchen! My name is Jasmine, and today we are going to make some lemon chicken with orzo pasta. We’re going to be making my usual creamy sauce to go with this. But if you need a refresher on anything, you can find my Basically the Basics series in a playlist on my channel.”

Learning the basics was probably a better place to start. Bosco paused the video and clicked on the channel, and there was a pink banner that said Jasmine’s Kitchen in bubbly font with two drawn cats. Jasmine’s profile picture was her in an apron with printed cats, posing with a mixing bowl and smiling.

Bosco found this girl in the video cute, so she wouldn’t mind learning from a pretty girl on how to cook.

#jasco #wip wendesday #cooking channel au

[bearmemesreviews]

FoTw: SDMI - Battle of the Secret Fright Hound

Yeah, you read that right, and no, there is no episode actually called that. You see, the next few episodes couldn't produce enough material to make separate posts for them - especially when compared to the college episode - but I felt like giving you all a gift with an extra-long review covering the designs and stories of the next three episodes. Battle of the Humungonauts, Howl of the Fright Hound, and The Secret Serum. Let's call this the Break-up trilogy.

In these episodes Shelgma finally breaks up and created the first fracture in the group, leading to the hilariously f*cked up and nonsensical plot point of Shaggy picking his dog over a human girl woman.

This sounds like a progressive plot point for a Family Guy episode.

Let's get into this.

Backstory (Part 1): A giant ape-man interrupts the sheriff and mayor's (Fred's Dad) date at a tiki bar by destroying the locale, a scathing critique of Polynesian Appropriation in western media. This draws the gang's attention, which is necessary as Velma has reached her breaking point when it comes to Shaggy's inability to commit. She makes an ultimatum, alongside with Scooby, that Shaggy needs to pick one of them already. Fun fact, this is the first episode where the gang officially calls themselves Mystery Incorporated in the story.

Fred attempts to mend the cracking group dynamic by getting everyone uniforms, much to the group's embarrassment. As the group investigates, it's soon revealed that there are two Humongonauts - one red and another green.

As the Humongonauts continue to wreck different buildings in Crystal Cove, the gang first suspect an escaped Ace Attorney character named Rusty Gnales as the man in the mask. The gang hits there first snag however when the next Humongonaut attack targets Rusty.

With help from Mr. E, Velma puts together how to draw both Humongonauts to the same location. Once the two encounter each other, they duke it out before finally landing into a trap.

First Reveal: The culprits are first seen on-screen when they are unmasked, but both characters were revealed previously through their advertisements! A really cool way to give the answer away without making it too obvious. The Humogonauts turn out to be Max and Jax Minner, twin brothers who were both circus strongmen before entering the Insurance business. They were rivals since one of them transferred to a rival circus, the Humongonaut costumes actually being leftovers from one of their previous acts.

As rivals, they targeted buildings insured by the other to ruin their sibling's business - and Velma got them together by insuring an abandoned dock under both companies.

Design(s): The Humongonauts are two giant humanoid creatures believed by the sheriff to be aliens. Obviously based on the hokey costumes of B-Movie Monsters, the Humongonauts share the same design but with different colors. Despite their large size, they are rather squat proportion-wise, with elephant-like furless legs and gorilla arms. Their faces are orc-like, with wavy boyband member hair and goblin ears.

Interestingly, their biceps and abdomens are hairless like their face, but they also have small scale-like details. Speaking of their faces, there are markings going around their temples and over their eyes that almost resembles a domino mask - though they don't meet in the middle over the bridge of their human noses.

Overall, I find them charming and serviceable, but not that interesting in the long run. I love how they look like heels for a local hometown wrestling tournament who are clearly just there to get beat on by the town's golden boy.

Final Score for The Humongonauts:

2/5, not too interesting but fun bad guys of the week.

Backstory (Part 2): While the last episode had Shaggy avoiding the conversation entirely, this one tackles it head on before leading us to the infamous break-up scene. Before we get there, we must first deal with the Terminator homage sharing the love triangle's screentime.

A rabid and powerful dog has begun a series of random attacks, the first of which being the tour bus Velma's mom drives. Its collar gets left behind while escaping, one remarkably similar to Scooby's. With this evidence the Sheriff decides to detain Scooby-Doo in a mental hospital/prison made specifically for intelligent, and very dangerous animals.

One such case being Professor Pericles, the talking German parrot/mascot for the old Mystery Incorporated. Pericles disposes of the guard for a minute to give some esoteric warnings to the gang, right before Mystery Inc checks up on Scoob to reassure him that they are indeed planning on solving the mystery.

Their first suspect, a boy named Jason, is considered since he's a whiz at robotics and has a crush on Velma. However, he proves to have an alibi and kicks the gang out of his house after they accuse him.

The scary dog then targets the gang, and later on Scooby himself, afterwards. The final showdown begins at the Animal Asylum for the Criminally Insane, where the guards go all out on trying to stop the "Fright Hound". A fire then starts, melting away its fur to reveal that it was a robot all along.

The robot dog then chases Scoob and the gang when they escape the asylum, following them into an abandoned factory where a Forklift-certified Scooby tackles his shadow head on. With the help of the dangerous machinery surrounding them, they proceed to brutally wreck the robo-dog until it stops moving.

The gang then spot the true culprit controlling the machine, before snatching them up with a crane. With the mystery solved, Shaggy reveals that he ultimately chooses Scooby-Doo after realizing how important he is to him.

Velma takes this badly.

Also, the bird breaks out of Arkham Asylum.

Second Reveal: The true culprit is actually Mrs. Wyatt, Jason's Mom. It's actually never even made clear why she did it like this, since attacking Velma's mom did no favors for her son's relationship with the gang. She used her experience with Military-Grade Robotics to create the Fright Hound to help protect her son in a weird, slightly incompetent way.

Design(s): The Fright Hound begins as a large dog the same breed as Scooby, with similar features as well. It's eyes and muzzle, however, are more realistic when compared to Scoob. Its eyes glow red, and long fangs jut out of its mouth past its heavy jowls.

It looks even cooler when its false skin melts off, revealing a terminator-like endoskeleton in the shape of a ferocious dog. Oddly enough, it also looks a bit like a giant robot rat. I really love this design, especially its second form, and it can look legitimately frightening in some shots.

Final Score for The Fright Hound:

5/5, it's motives leave a lot to be desired, but you can't say it isn't an awesome freaking design. So cool.

Backstory (Part 4): Our final episode for this review begins at an auction ran by Daphne's Mom, Nan Blake. It's interrupted by a Vampire who proceeds to swoop in and steal a painting that nobody else wanted.

The episode follows the fallout of Shelgma's breakup, Velma still peeved off over getting second place to a dog. This causes the boys and girls to split up momentarily before the Vampire's crime spree draws them back together to the same clues. Daphne and Velma begin to track Nan Blake's movements, as Daphne's mom has begun sneaking out late at night.

With a little forceful help from Mr. E and his assistant, the gang soon realize that the Vampire is actually stealing ingredients for an Eternal Youth Potion found in an old magazine.

Using this knowledge, they eventually capture her before she can acquire the last item on the list - Daphne being convinced that it's her mom as a real vampire.

Right before she can drive a stake into the Vampire's chest, killing her mom regardless of her undead-ness, the Orlokian removes her mask to avoid dying a painfully brutal death at the hands of a Prep.

Third Reveal: See that vampire-looking lady next to Daphne's Mom? Yeah, that's Sheila Altoonian and she's the Vampire. Resentful of Nan's natural beauty, she attempted to create the potion to avoid aging despite its dubious origins.

Yeah, everyone in the fandom agrees this is top 3 weakest motives in the series.

Design(s): I actually really like this design! It's almost like a Comic Book Villain whose a Vampire, like Morbius, and it fits the show much better than glitter boy. She's a pale bald woman, with features reminiscent of Count Orlok - the best one to do it since Big Drac.

She has an interesting costume, consisting of a heavily modified cape and full bodysuit that cuts off at the elbows and knees. Her cleavage is on full display, and her collar, like all good vampires, is popped open way wide. She wears a black choker and her eyes glow purple.

Her cape and suit are actually structured, in-canon, to use the same physics a Flying Squirrel uses to become airborne. Thus, she could fly and swoop around large, enclosed areas like a real vampire could.

Final Score for the Vampire

3.5/5. Not too original or complex, but I love its sleek design and campy appearance - I feel like a Drag Queen could probably elevate this look further though. Otherwise, a Flying Squirrel Countess is hard to dislike even with a bad motive.

#bmoreviews #bmoreviewsmysteryinc #mystery incorporated #scooby doo mystery incorporated #scooby doo #humongonauts #vampire #fright hound #late but I hope it's length makes up for it

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, what does everyone else do when there’s really depressing news on a weekend that’s painful and triggering and makes them want to distract themselves with the very silly other things? Does everyone else make a second edition of their thing that was originally meant to be a relatively short compilation but got out of hand and became a feature film?

The original version started out as a way to collect clips from various Bugle episodes in which John Oliver talks about the harrowing experience of existing on the same plane of reality as Sarah Palin, because I thought his absolute devastation about that was funny. But as it went along, I added some Daily Show clips, and then I added pictures over the audio, and then I added some video over the audio, and then next thing I knew, it was 74 minutes long. I had accidentally made a documentary/romcom about the story of John Oliver and Sarah Palin. A story that Andy Zaltzman, at one point during the documentary, acknowledges is like a romcom, and they suggest it’s like John Oliver is living the Groundhog Day movie. So that became the title of my, I’ll say it again, feature film. I called it A Groundhog Day of Hatred.

Today, I needed a distraction from the fact that everyone in the world is a terrible person, so I updated it. I added onto the end a clip from last summer’s Last Week Tonight, and a clip from last week’s Strike Force Five podcast, as both of those had not aired when I originally made this last year. It now runs at 119 minutes. Getting to the point where if this were a real movie, it would be too long.

Here’s the shiny new one, in all its glory. A Groundhog Day of Hatred, second edition:

Okay, that would be a bit of a weird thing to do with my time today, but not that bad. You know what would be worse? If in my search for distractions, I'd created a romcom-style movie poster for it:

Look, I'm being self-deprecating about what a colossal waste of time this was, but I also think this is fucking hilarious. That poster might be the funniest thing I've ever made. I will draw your attention to the top of the page, in which I chose to advertise the film with a pull quote from Richard Ayoade (whom I remembered today was John Oliver's best friend at Cambridge, and God, fuck that guy). Richard Ayoade really did write that exact thing as a pull quote, though in reality, of course, it was for Graham Linehan's book. I think we should all start a trend of quoting that Richard Ayoade statement but pretending he was talking about something besides Graham Linehan. That is a good bit, everyone get on board with it.

There is also a pull quote from the excellent @lastweeksshirttonight, who really outdid themself in capturing the style of bullshit faux-academic language in things like that.

The picture in the bottom right corner also appears in the video itself, and I was so proud of myself for finding it last year. In one of the Bugle clips, Andy Zaltzman talks about opening The Daily Mail website and seeing a picture of John Oliver and Sarah Palin on the front page. I searched for ages to find that picture, knowing I had to put it in the documentary, as visual accompaniment to the part of the audio where they talk about that. After literal hours and hours of searching, I finally thought to use the Wayback Machine, where I spent another hour trying various dates from the week before that Bugle episode aired, before I finally found it, halfway down a page that was actually a link away from the main page. But it was worth the effort, because I managed to find a picture that perfectly encapsulated the spirit of my documentary.

It has all the elements of a great film. It has anger, confusion, one man's descent into darkness. It has a battle for the soul of a nation. It has an educational element about a period of American political history. It has some tasteful nudity (audio nudity only, no visual nudity, that's what makes it tasteful). It has a star-crossed relationship. It has a harrowing journey with a note of hope at the end, followed by an epilogue. What more could you want?

It has one part where Andy Zaltzman makes a somewhat less-than-ideal comment about how she can't be VP because she has five kids to raise. In his defence, he was trying to point out the hypocrisy in someone preaching family values and then taking a job that stops them from raising their family, and I've heard Zaltzman point out that exact hypocrisy in male politicians as well, so this wasn't a specifically gendered comment. But still, I thought I'd acknowledge that it doesn't come off great when someone says something like that about a woman in the public eye. You live and you learn. You cannot hold people to everything they said in 2008.

I do think this is a genuinely interesting relic of a bygone era in American politics, when this sort of ludicrousness seemed shocking and worth being horrified about, rather than totally normalized. So my film has value as an archive for posterity. I shall premiere it at Sundance next year.

[ottiliere]

by: lindsay dane davestriderdeathcult4568 and lucy ottiliere

prefacing this by stating the obvious but i know this guy. like this archetype of individual is just so absolutely a guy that exists in droves this guy crawls out of spawnpoints in dirty smokey rooms in literally probably the same apartment complex i live in i think its hilarious and basically am fully qualified to be writing about him. he hasnt known anything better than any of this, probably doesnt think it exists, and more than likely doesnt deserve to experience any of it.

like a solid 30% of this guys conversations with any underage person he's around in public are trying to get them to dip. everyone says he smokes and hey you know what they're probably right but he absolutely dips more than he smokes and he absolutely does classique peer pressure on high schoolers to take some if hes ever in a situation where one is stuck with him. as previously addressed he likes skoal. because the packaging looks like shit. if he does smoke he rolls his own.

terrible skin has not used sunscreen a day in his life spends a lot of time outside in the open sun and totally looks like it you know what this looks like if you know what this looks like. once he thought he had skin cancer and he cut it out himself. it was probably just a mole or something. part of the reason his hair is so stringy and thin is because he doesn't take care of himself, part is because his scalp has been sunburned to shit. the hat isn't an ego thing he isn't insecure about this he just likes it. important to note seriously this guy is basically psychologically incapable of being embarrassed self conscious or ashamed of anything.

absolutely does speed absolutely does speed i no longer have the image of the fucking milk gallon jug of whatever psycho shit that was being advertised at truckers but i think this guy puts it in his cereal for breakfast. does not sleep longer than 20 mins or so at a time, he gets true rem sleep once a week or something maybe. like the idea of having worked as a trucker in the past, that line of work would suit him.

ketamine………like sure coke absolutely coke, but ketamine…….could see it in him to do ketamine. more importantly meth. absolutely meth. maybe not super often when he's younger, but that's where he's headed. i imagine in his early 30'sish is when he gets really bad about this specifically. this is the time shit stops being fun for him fullstop and all of the shit hes been gnawing on psychologically speaking to keep himself from going apeshit gets boring. parallel to canon he was just not supposed to live this long. so he implodes. and does a lot of meth. becomes completely incapable of caring for himself and spirals. you've seen that.

thinks conspiracy theories are funny, so he pretends to believe them. when he's younger this is kind of interesting in a way, because it's easier to tell sometimes that it's a joke of a kind to him. as he gets older it's less easy to tell, and more concerning. i'm not talking about cute conspiracy theories btwlike im thinking like 4chan coffee enema jewish tummy worm removal shit like this guy is unwell.

probably indifferent to weed. its whatever. smokes absolute mid dogshit ass weed from a ass trashcan. says it has no effect on him. it mostly doesnt but thats probably because its dogshit weed.

have a very specific vision of his body type i think it was REREREDACTED who drew the like closest possible but still significantly less repulsive vision of him. he's not filled out buff he's stringy and kindof shredded which is entirely a different thing and altogether much more diseased looking. even resting you can see the outline of muscle under skin NOT because his muscles are oversized just because there's so little between it and the skin. his eyes are sunken in. i imagine that hes one of those dudes whos absolutely partially deaf but somehow hears fucking everything. average height.

[CSA cw] hasnt done anything ever at all for a bit. it's all 100% genuine. that said i feel like a lot of the sexual abuse he does is so outright and casual that it's almost comical like if your older brother gropes you walking down the hall what do you even do about that. it was only a second so OBVIOUSLY for the lulz right.

[CSA cw] this is also obviously a conditioning thing but first and foremost it is miserable. also important to note i dont think it is INTENTIONALLY a conditioning thing. i dont think he is a groomer in the manipulative or the "aware of what's going on" sense. i think the most manipulative things he would do would function similarly to all the little inside jokes of his existence; they're not manipulations, they're not jokes, they're pure expressions of himself. i think his self awareness is inverted; instead of covering him like a blanket, it acts as a foundation for a more direct understanding of self. and the foundation is cracked why did anyone stop saying biatch that shit is so funny sorry im listening to a song the way mac miller says biatch is so funny and awesome. bringing this back.

i don't think he talks really at all. i think he avoids talking at all hes really into pointing and grunting in various tones but hes the type who would feel it in his throat the day after if he held a proper conversation with someone. theres just a lot about social interaction he thinks he isnt a part of. it isnt that he doesnt observe it or isnt aware of it but similar to his counterpart he just cant bring himself to think of any "rules" as applying to him. on a level that is pure subconscious he cant fathom that he is a human at all, so any self interpretation or self expression of course will be influenced by this.

doesn't sit still ever, even when he does. twitchy fidgety and easy to frustrate. i envision him as being violently ocd basically, to an extent that makes him kind of cartoonish. like he doesn't have severe ocd so much as he exemplifies the effects of long term severe ocd when it's left untreated; he's like this with all the symptoms he manifests because when i write him and think about him im working mostly conceptually. hes a good representative character and i think hes at his best when this is the role hes filling.

like to think that his indifference and lack of connection to anything of any meaning in the world has been almost lifelong. the result of neglect and abuse itself, sure, but more importantly i think he is like this because he is drastically understimulated. there's nothing to do that interests him, no one worth talking to, nothing. not just a sadist but a compulsive one. i imagine that at some point he has seen someone OD. was not his fault but he was just not all that affected by it; thick skinned to the point that it's concerning. avoiding saying things like psychopath here because i feel like that doesn't quite suit what i'm getting at. he is, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, extremely unselfaware. so much of what he does is route action, muscle memory with no conscious process to it. even the performance of self awareness is nothing.

this is a big part of how i see him as a sexual predator specifically. it is just something he does compulsively, a repeated whim he follows. there's not a lot else to it. at least not in his mind

should go without saying but any "irony" playing he does is basically bullshit nothing to mess with people. like of course it is. there is virtually nothing genuine to be found 300% of his goals are to fuck with people; likes feeling smart and one upping others, likes feeling socially dominant, isn't smart or in possession of enough capital to ACTUALLY engender these feelings so he makes do with bad stupid elaborate jokes. its a craft

i kind of enjoy him as this backgroundless enigma i will be honest. like he turned out so revolting and who knows why. that's not my business. he functions better as a concept made manifest. it mirrors canon ofc but it also makes him horrifying by way of how can this happen. the same way people wonder about this shit in real life and it can simply never be answered no one will ever know.

although… the most important part of bros history to me is, specifically, the decline of his mental state due to cal. overarching view of his upbringing is that it would've been dismal and cal the telepathic puppet who spews garbage into his brain 24/7 does not a good man make. i base this off a very specific character study by the meat machine on ao3 that goes into this very concept. mind-blowing for both of us. the magic of cal on his brain… kind of can't resist thinking about it. like HOW did the decline happen. literally brain poison i imagine it functions similarly to how people fall into holes of like. suddenly doing a ton of hard shit and the next thing you hear theyre believing birds are spies and shit. schizophenic in nature. hes so misdiagnosable but the truth is there's just something wrong with him and there's nothing even to do about it. he's doomed to be this way forever. COSMIC ALIGNMENT. the burnout from this if he doesnt die super young would be insane like just horrifying absolutely miserable. thinking about the state hed be in at the point dave makes his very smart adult man exodus back home that he handles so well. like. nightmare.

#bro strider #opining #light csa mention #<- this is about dave. as a heads up #i have marked the paragraphs accordingly if you wanna skim them #drug use

[rumbleonthemill]

I’m laughing so fucking hard right now, I can’t even tell lol

it’s just hilarious

I turned away from fnaf+ at the moment, when I saw that phisnom is just one of those people, who trash on game franchises they actually have ZERO real interest in, for fun and to get viewers.

if you don’t like something, don’t play with it, avoid it mayybeee?!.....

like, why would anyone in their right mind would go and trigger themselves, if they KNOW from the start, that they are going to have a bad time???

I mean it was advertised as this, lol

but nah, they love to give courage to haters, hate moves the world, it seems!

by the way, I shared this for the lulz, I don’t care about getting blocked, it’s nothing, but funny to me.

first kane carter, matpat, now this idiot is doing this “ah yes hn is trending, lets hate on it amirite huh???” shit. bro, if you act like a 5 year old, then....what do you expect.. I can’t take their project seriously anymore.

this was the comment which triggered them btw:

I stand by this, if you fucking hate something by default, then don’t spend 5 hours playing with it. ignore it. move on.

edit: btw guys, I shared it for the lulz. you don’t have to reblog or anything, I just had a good laugh. 

.......

https://mobile.twitter.com/pastraspec/status/1616528207196422155

I think I will just add every toxic ass person to this post, because they don't even deserve to get their own. Just wanna warn people to not fall into the same pit as I did, when I literally expressed my love for something.

Reacting to his people's comments; yes, people are allowed to dislike HN. But when they literally just start trashing on someone because they like something, then their opinion just as their personality shrinks in my eyes to 0. You know when did I experience such a behavior? In elementary school, my classmates behaved like that. They were 8 yo.

I keep myself to what I said. If you start playing with a game with the mindset of "bruhhh this game is awful because all my friends say so" then nothing on earth can change your mind. And if you make fun of people whose opinion doesn't match yours, then you'll literally look like a mentally 5 year old. How could I take these people seriously. They encourage their followers to hate on something they were never forced to interact with.

#phisnom #joke #fnaf community #pastra #people who hate on something for no reason #these people are totally hopeless no matter if ur nice with them or not

[terezis]

I'm so glad you gave an honest opinion about Atlas Paradox. It was advertised like crazy to me and I kept considering until eventually my library got it. I did not enjoy, but it seemed so popular? I kept thinking maybe I just needed to give it another chance

LOL i got on goodreads after i finished to look at other peoples' reviews and was like, did we even read the same book???

for me it wasn't even that it was forgettable-bad, or like eh, probably needed some rewrites, it was like, i am mad reading this, this book is making me angry, that's how much i hated it LOL.

like even if u put aside the weird, pretentious way everyone talks for no reason, even if u put aside the fact that every character is hilariously dislikable (not even in a fun way, i LOVE villains, these guys WISH they had an ounce of vriska in them) or that the big reveal of the book fizzles out immediately with no tension or intrigue,

even if you somehow manage to put aside the fact that it seems like the book should be building to the obvious revelation that "hoarding the sum of human knowledge for the 1% to use to rule the world is... bad" only for the characters to explicitly and canonically decide that capitalism is good because i personally benefit from it,

PUTTING ALL OF THAT ASIDE... it just had no heart. it was about nothing. the book was not remotely interested in any of the things it was saying, or could say. it wanted to be deep and meaningful so bad that the characters just kept saying "deep" things with no context or relevance, like stuff you would find on a 2011 tumblr blog but without any zest or earnestness. it made the idea of a magical library of alexandria tedious and boring. i'm mad again. LOL

#maybe the second book addressed the 'is hoarding wealth... bad?' thing but reading the first one i rly doubt it #like ALL THE SET UP is there to the point where i was SURE that's where we were headed #but nobody EVER questions ANYTHING even after getting coerced into this cult #everyone else is like ugh what a pretentious nerd laaame when libby wanted to know WHAT WAS EXPECTED OF THEM IN THIS CULT #Anonymous