#you hear 'and of course I forgave [the german shepherd that bit me]' and realise that her fear and pain has been invalidated

[seeminglyseph]

aw shit spirit halloween is on instacart. I want all the foam swords and daggers and funky drinking utensils.

#I'm actually looking to see if I can get someone to pick up a couple copies of 'wreck this journal' from chapters #my mom's really reluctant to push too much and make anyone feel uncomfortable so we've been kinda hovering #but I think if I get some journals that are meant to inspire creativity or vent feelings would be good #and just saying 'hey I got your kids some journals 'cause this year has been hell and they could be fun' #i basically journal with this blog but it is not a good idea for kids to do something like that #it's not even a good idea for me to do it honestly I just have a compulsion lol #but I KNOW that journaling is really good for dealing with things and a journal that's fun to play with might be good? #there are a few more in keri smith's series that look like they'd be interesting for inspiring creative thought #starting with wreck this journal will probably be best to see if they like it at all? #maybe I can find some fun novelty pens so it seems more fun to play with #it's kind of funny that they're in this middle age where if you get them crayons and a colouring book they'll be offended #young enough kids and old enough adults will receive colouring books with glee but at 10 you're embarrassed to be associated with kid things #I have to restrain my desire to just be like 'hey I think I would have liked these 80 things as a kid here' #and then run off into the woods like some kind of horrible idiot #talking to my mom about we had a kind of 'when you know you know' conversation about like... being able to tell #in this care being able to tell when a child (especially daughters) are in tense home lives and put their needs aside to avoid problems #when you know you know #like you remember saying the same things and dismissing the same feelings #you hear 'and of course I forgave [the german shepherd that bit me]' and realise that her fear and pain has been invalidated #because you know describing a traumatic event and framing it as your problem. I've been in enough therapy to know I do it and why. #but I am worried about being paranoid. I do not think they live in an abusive household. but I do feel like divorce is hard? #and being in a single parent household where the parent is working hard labor and is tired and stressed for totally understandable reasons.. #can still be super stressful and it's like... I don't want the dad to think he's doing a bad job #i just want them to feel like in an emergency they can knock on our door you know? #I think it helped when his son stayed with us while he took the daughter to the hospital... I was up all night anyway #though he just went to bed and fell asleep. it probably means at least a little he felt safe enough falling asleep? #honestly in general I just wanna help people and in front of my eyes there's something I can do? #and I do keep thinking things like 'what if someone had seen me? what if someone had helped?' #and like there's not a lot that could have been done the world was different then but.. that just means NOW is different #and NOW I know what it looks like and I can do something...