#you live out of state i have No Reason to believe theyre doing drugs
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delusion? maybe? 11/20 4:44am
i've come to the very rational decision that nothing really matters. ant not in a nihilistic " i should kill myself there's no point in this life" sort of way. more so alluding to the fact that this could all very well be an illusion, a simulation, something that was created just to let things play out. to be frank, we could all be in a sims 4 game right now, being controlled, or even npc's just being side characters in someone else's story. every experience that i've ever gone through lives in a memory. then in turn, a dream. something to look back at but never a state that you can change or something that can be brought back. in these same ways, stories that have been told to me by others live in my head. i could just be partaking in some sort of delusion that kicks in after a certain point of night after not taking my medication properly but at least now i can experience this side of my mind. the way that everyone takes everything so seriously pisses me off. i understand that everyone has their own personal moral compass and such but theres a certain point where you just need to live life, ya know? or else, you'll end up as an angry old person who is upset at the fact that they never got to fully live. yes, i will make out with random men at parties, partake in premarital sex, get my heart broken, do drugs, drink, but thats just what i feel makes me feel at the moment and i have no shame in any of my habits, regardless of what is pushed upon me by those who are too scared to follow my footsteps. why fear anything when there is joy and purpose in everything. i could sit back in my room, never leave, and box myself into myself to cope with the fact that things could go wrong sometimes, or i could live my life as its my last (maybe im at the end of my karmic cycle who knows) and just live for self sustenance and pleasure. i love being myself, making my silly little mistakes, writing about how i see the world, laughing, releasing, and having fun. all that goes well shows you the pleasures that life has to give and all that goes poorly can teach you something. this is why i keep moving through life. yes, my mental disorders can take a hold of me and i could just kill myself because of a deep set hatred of my place in this world, or i could just keep going because why not? im a strong believer that everything, yes everything, happens for a reason. while it may not be apparent in the moment that it fills your body with a warm feeling or when it rips your heart out of your chest, eventually you understand. this is what i try to remind myself in these moments. we are put on earth for whatever reason there is, so might as well enjoy the time you spend here. be kind to the earth, spread love, have fun, etc. there is nothing like the feeling of kissing someone for an extended period of time. the way that you are in your own head but also in such a close proximity to someone else. how the thoughts race through your head about how you're kissing them, what you think theyre thinking, being the the moment in general. being a girl in this life was such a blessing. the emotional depth i was blessed with is so nice. i can feel things, way more deeply than they should ever be felt. emotion in its purest form. i've been told many times that i am a healer. that i've been placed on this earth to help people and while it can be draining, to think that i can be that kind of support for someone. even if after i have given my healing, they feel as if they have no use for me and leave, at least i can say that i helped them in the way they needed. its now 5:38 and while im not tired i feel as if anything that i write from nowon will not be productive so i will stop here, but if youve stumbled upon this i hope some of the points i brought up spark thought within yourself.
xoxo cathy
#late night thoughts#delusione#i'm so fucking tired#i should sleep#yawn#girl blogger#female philosophy
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Imma sound so mean and like a shit friend but just a random vent and idk why i am sending it you sorry @_$;$;
but two of my friends are like WE GOT MUGGED and i was like hmm sure you did cuz they said the muggers were two guys wearing yellow hoodies and ski masks and they were armed
And i just kind of dont believe them and then my friend was like wow literally traumatized and i was like growl no thats my brand
N then also im mad theyre hanging out w ithout me
But anyways they refuse to report it to the police (acab buT when there are people with guns atacking teenagers i think that someone needs to be aware of that)
I just
Confusion
im still trying to be supportive but they like praNk a lot so its hard to trust esp something like this
thank you for reading ! I hope you dont think im an asshole although i might be so uh
Lmfao girl whoever you are idc i love reading random stories from people who for one reason or another think im the one who should receive said stories
Anyways the fact ur friends r saying they got mugged by two ppl wearing the same hoodie/outfit is so weird lmfao like who’d they get mugged by, the da vinky twins? But yeah idk if they prank a lot (and assumingly prank more serious stuff if u rly think this could be related to their pranks) that would definitely make sense why they wouldnt report it to the police, and like yeah i get acab like im fully pro blm and i believe in acab too but like if that happened to me im still going to report it to the police??? Like there’s only so much you can rly do as a civilian living in a police state, you can educate urself and choose to do things like not call police on nonviolent domestic situations, drug overdoses/public intoxications, homeless folk not bothering anyone, ect (just like avoiding them as much as is possible and safe) and you can fight for your beliefs via protest, but if a crime happens to you in that nature you rly have no option but to report it, ESPECIALLY if said crime was deeply traumatizing or financially troubling. Ur friends sound kinda,,, not great ima b honest esp w the possessive stuff
The “hey wtf thats my brand” part is a mood tbh tho. Anyways obviously im not going to get the intricacies of a situation based upon an ask or while im tipsy but like I understand where you’re coming from and i dont rly think yr an asshole. Pls keep in mind i am tired and drunk lmao so this is kinda sloppy but it still reflects how i feel based upon this one anon
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A brutal childhood, a traumatic marriage, decades of racism: the singer has overcome it all on her way to the top. She lets rip about the people who have wronged her and the self-belief that sustains her.
It is a rainy Thursday afternoon and Mariah Carey is talking to me from her home in Los Angeles, her voice coming through my laptop. Is this the real life or is this just fantasy? (Sweet, sweet fantasy …) “Hello, good morning, good afternoon, this is a little unusual,” says a gravelly voiced Carey. You’re telling me, Mariah.
We are talking by video chat, but – as specified by Carey – without the video turned on, so it is pure chat. Despite her ability to hit the high notes, Carey has always described herself as an alto. Yet even taking that into account, her voice today sounds pretty husky. Is she feeling OK?
“It’s 6am here, and I’m awake in the bright light and it’s fabulous and I love it,” she says and makes an exaggerated groan.
I’m sorry you had to get up so early for this interview, I say.
“Well, darling, then let’s not book interviews at 6am if you’re worried! But please, it’s not you,” she says, and indeed it isn’t. The time and date of our interview have moved around so many times to accommodate Carey’s ever-shifting schedule that, for a while, it looked as if it wouldn’t happen at all. But at the last minute, it was decided we would talk at 6am her time, which I was promised would be fine because Carey is a self-described “nocturnal person”, so that would be 6pm for her. Alas, for reasons too complicated to get into, for one night only, Carey was a non-nocturnal person, so now 6am is just 6am.
“Typically I would have been working [all night] until now, but we had a situation and I couldn’t. Then I tried to get some sleep, but actually I watched the interview I did with Oprah. But it’s OK, it was just one night [of no sleep] and here I am,” she says. You don’t become one of the most successful singer-songwriters of all time – she has sold more than 200m records, and only the Beatles have had more US No 1 songs – without being a trouper.
Carey, 50, has spent lockdown with her nine-year-old twins, Monroe, named for Carey’s hero, Marilyn Monroe, and Moroccan, named partly for one of her favourite rooms in one of her houses, the Moroccan room, “where so many creative and magical moments have happened, including Nick presenting me with my candy bling”. Nick is Nick Cannon, the twins’ father, and “candy bling” is Carey’s term for her engagement ring, which Cannon hid inside a sweet before proposing. Carey liked Cannon’s proposal so much that she even wrote a song about it, called Candy Bling. The marriage proved less enduring and the couple divorced in 2016.
“Honestly, I don’t miss anyone outside, so I don’t care about lockdown,” she says with a throaty laugh. “But it’s difficult for the kids, because they’re used to three-times-a-year Disney World moments and stuff like that, and that’s just not the current state of affairs.” It is not. So Carey is conducting the promotional tour for her memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey, from her kitchen table, and if she has her way – and who would dare to argue? – this will be the last round of interviews she ever does.
“No offence to doing interviews, but what would be the point? I can’t articulate it better than I already have [in the book]. From now on, I’m like, ‘Please refer to page 29,’ you know what I mean?” she says. Carey’s deliciously shady put-downs are legend: her “I don’t know her”, when asked almost two decades ago about Jennifer Lopez is still the internet’s most beloved diss. Speaking of Lopez, her name is notably not in Carey’s memoir. Instead, when recalling the hoo-hah that led to their fallout, when a sample Carey had planned to use on her single, Loverboy, appeared on Lopez’s I’m Real, Carey refers to her as a “female entertainer (whom I don’t know).” So is her official position still that she has never heard of Lopez?
There is a pause, then stifled laughter. “Oh my gosh, can you hear that music in the background? It’s Sam Cooke! It’s fantastic!” she giggles.
Not only has Carey not heard of Lopez, she cannot even hear questions about her, it seems.
Carey’s memoir is about a lot more than score-settling (although she makes time for that, too.) “I don’t think anyone could have known where I was coming from, because I was always very, I don’t know if it was protective, but I was cryptic about the past, let’s say,” she says. No more. The youngest child of an African American father and a white mother, Carey was three when her parents split up. Her childhood was threaded through with neglect and violence, not least from her older siblings. When she was six, she says, her older brother knocked her mother unconscious; when she was 12, her older sister allegedly drugged her and left her with creepy men.
“I think my staying up all night started from having such a dysfunctional family. Oftentimes, whoever was in the house was doing whatever it was that they were doing, and that felt kinda unsafe to me, so I started staying up,” she says. Another legacy of this time is Carey’s obsessive adoration of Christmas, because her childhood Christmases were so miserable. When she wrote the monster hit All I Want for Christmas Is You, she wanted, she says in her book, “to write a song that would make me feel like a carefree young girl at Christmas”.
As a child, her biracial identity made her feel she did not belong anywhere: she was so self-conscious about not being black enough that she wouldn’t even dance, as she associated that with black culture; meanwhile, white girls at school taunted her with the N-word. In one of Carey’s – and my – favourite chapters, she describes how her mother did not know how to look after her young daughter’s textured hair, so it was often matted. Carey would look enviously at the white women in shampoo adverts on TV with their flowing hair. “I am still obsessed with blowing hair, as evidenced by the wind machines employed in every photoshoot of me ever,” she writes.
One of the most painful moments in the book comes in 2001 when Carey is having what the press described as an emotional breakdown. (Carey writes that she did not have a breakdown, but “was broken down by the very people who were supposed to keep me whole.”) During this episode, she rages at her mother, who calls the police. The police take her mother’s side: “Even Mariah Carey couldn’t compete with a nameless white woman in distress,” Carey writes. Is that how she experienced it at the time, or is that how she feels generally, that not even she is safe if a white woman complains?
There is the briefest of pauses. “Those are my words, so please refer to page 29,” Carey says.
Race is very much the running theme in Carey’s memoir. This might come as some surprise to those who know her solely from the mega pop hits such as Hero and We Belong Together, as opposed to the more revealing songs, such as 1997’s Outside, which addressed her feelings of racial ambiguity (sample lyric: “Neither here nor there / Always somewhat out of place everywhere”). “I can’t help that I’m ambiguous-looking,” she says, “and most people would assume that it’s been to my benefit, and maybe it has in some ways. But it’s also been a lifelong quest to feel like I belong to any specific group. It shouldn’t have to be such a freaking thing – and please edit out the fact that I said ‘freaking’. I’m not very eloquent right now.” I ask if she was at all influenced during the writing of her book by the rise of Black Lives Matter. She dismisses the question: “Interestingly, this book predates everything that’s happening now, and the book just happened to be very timely.” In other words, Carey hasn’t caught up to the times, the times have caught up to Carey.
Despite her omnipresence over the past three decades, it is possible that you have not thought about her ethnicity. This, Carey says, has been part of the problem: from the start, she was marketed by “the powerful corporate entities” in a way that played down her racial identity. What made this even more complicated for her was that the most powerful corporate entity in charge of her career at the beginning was her first husband, Tommy Mottola, then the CEO of Sony Music.
Carey’s discovery by Mottola is the stuff of music industry legend. The then unknown aspiring singer gave him a tape of her music at a party in 1988. Mottola tracked her down, signed her and, a few years later, married her. She was 23 and he was 44. Within just a few pages in her memoir, she goes from wearing her mother’s busted shoes to work to living in a $30m mansion with Mottola, which she decorated with enthusiasm: “Though by no stretch do I like a rustic look, I do have a preference for tumbled marble on my kitchen floors,” she writes. Adjusting to the high life was not difficult.
The hits – I’ll Be There, Emotions, One Sweet Day – were unstoppable. The Mottola-Carey marriage did not fare as well, imploding in 1997. Carey expands at some length on her previous allusions to Mottola’s controlling tendencies, claiming he would spy on her and that she was effectively a prisoner in the house. In his 2013 memoir, Mottola admits his relationship with Carey was “absolutely wrong and inappropriate” and adds: “If it seemed like I was controlling, I apologise. Was I obsessive? Yes, but that was also a part of the reason for her success.” Carey points out that she went on to have nine hit albums without Mottola’s controlling obsession. She writes that Mottola tried to “wash the urban” off her, recoiling at Carey’s increasing leaning towards hip-hop and collaborations with African American artists such as ODB. “I believe I said ‘urban, translation black,’ just in case anyone thinks I don’t know,” Carey corrects me. Does she think that was just for commercial purposes, or was something else going on with Mottola? “In my opinion there was a lot of other stuff going on there,” she says.
It must have been pretty upsetting to revisit that period during the writing, I say.
“Yes it was traumatic, but was it harder than some of the other things I’ve gone through? Maybe yeah, actually,” she says with a rueful laugh. “I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from the damage of that emotional abuse. But in my school of thought, you have to be a forgiving person.”
Carey is extraordinarily honest in her memoir, but the book is almost as striking for what she does not include as what she does. A lot of attention has focused on her confirmation that she did, as long rumoured, have a fling with the former baseball star Derek Jeter (“I’m not being shady, but he had on pointy shoes,” she recalls a little shadily of their first meeting.) But there is no mention of other boyfriends, such as her former fiancé, the Australian billionaire James Packer.
“If it was a relationship that mattered, it’s in the book. If not, it didn’t occur,” she says.
But you were engaged to Packer, I say.
“We didn’t have a physical relationship, to be honest with you,” she says.
And that is that.
Carey’s singing voice made her famous, but her penchant for being thrillingly, hilariously high-maintenance played its own part in shaping her legend. On an episode of MTV Cribs, she explained that she had a chaise longue in her kitchen because “I have a rule against sitting up straight”, and she has talked about bathing only in milk. Does she think she is high-maintenance – and, if so, does she think it is because she came from nothing?
“You know what? I don’t give a shit. I fucking am high-maintenance because I deserve to be at this point. That may sound arrogant, but I hope you frame it within the context of coming from nothing. If I can’t be high-maintenance after working my ass off my entire life, oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t realise we all had to be low-maintenance. Hell, no! I was always high-maintenance, it’s just I didn’t have anyone to do the maintenance when I was growing up!” she says and cackles with delight.
By now it is almost 7am for her and she is wide awake. I tell her I enjoyed all the references in her book to her enjoying “a splash of wine”.
“Oh, do you? Do you love a splash for yourself?” she asks, pleased.
I do, but I was intrigued by her description of a night out with her friends, including Cam’Ron and Juelz Santana, when they were all “high” on “purple treats”. What were these “purple treats”?
“A legal substance in California known as mari-ju-ana. It’s called purple because that’s the particular weed they liked,” she says.
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And did she like it?
“Are you enquiring for yourself or are you asking if I enjoyed it?” she says, mock coy.
I am asking if you enjoyed it, Mariah.
“No, I hated it,” she deadpans, then laughs. “I’m sorry, but it’s obvious!”
I have been interviewing famous people for a long time, but talking with Carey is the closest I have come to how I imagine it would have been to spend time with Bette Davis or Aretha Franklin. There are lots of ridiculous modern celebrities, but Carey is not like that. With her mix of slightly self-parodic ridiculousness undercut with no-messin’, true-to-herself honesty, she is a proper grande dame of the old school. A diva, in other words. It is a term she has laboured under throughout her career, and it is unlikely she will escape it, even if people now finally know where she is coming from. Does she mind the D-word?
“No! Who the fuck cares?” she laughs. “Honestly! ‘Oh my God, they’re calling me a diva – I think I’m going to cry!’ You think in the grand scheme of things in my life that really matters to me, being called a diva? I am, bitches, that’s right!”
The Meaning of Mariah Carey (Macmillan, £20) and The Rarities (Sony Music) are out now.
• This article was amended on 5 October 2020 to clarify that it is in the United States where Mariah Carey is second only to the Beatles in terms of having the most No 1 singles.
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You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but what's up with the Courtney Love controversy? Why are people accusing her of manipulation or whatever? I'm totally new to this discussion
hey darling!! no worries, I love discussing Kurt & Court bc theyre my surrogate parents and they emotionally raised me when I had a difficult relationship w my Mom and Dad, plus I’m named after Kurt and he’s part of the reason I realized my ~gender~, so needless to say I have a surplus of information on them. Plus their music fucks. anyways, this is gonna be a masterpost-
my credentials(sources I have taken my information and formed my opinion on Kurt & Court’s relationship from if u need to look into them):
-Heavier Than Heaven(Book by Charles Cross, authorized by Kurt’s estate. Charles Cross is a well known grunge/music historian and has literally devoted his life to researching and writing rockstar biographies, including several on Nirvana. One of my favorite books ever.)
- Montage Of Heck(Documentary on Kurt’s life. Produced by his daughter, Frances. I have some heavy criticisms of this film and of the interviews in it, but it does have some reflections on Kurt and Courtney’s relationship that I think are important.)
- Hit So Hard(a documentary on Hole’s drummer, Patty Schemel. Minor discussions of Kurt and Kurt and Courtney.)
- Verse Chorus Verse(Fan-made documentary series on Kurt’s life, widely regarded by Nirvana fans the most in depth play-by-play biography that exists- and it’s free on YouTube, which is lit.)
sources I don’t pull from, but many younger Nirvana fans do(the people who buy into the conspiracies generally):
Kurt and Courtney- A documentary made in the late 90’s under the guise of biography, but is actually about the conspiracy theory that Courtney killed Kurt. I saw it when I was a new fan and I literally laughed out loud from how apeshit it was.
Soaked In Bleach- ‘Biopic’ about Courtney killing Kurt. I haven’t seen it but straight men who think Courtney is ugly take it more seriously than the Bible. Very little truth ever goes into these theories, besides maybe names and dates.
Anything Hank Harrison(Courtney’s father) has to say- He wrote a book on the subject. He also gave her acid and lost custody of her when she was three years old. He’s a shit parent and I doubt he’s actually seen his daughter since the 80’s.
Anything Buzz Osborne(Kurt’s friend, singer for the Melvins, a band Kurt looked up to in Montesano) says- I think Buzz’s opinion is taken way too seriously by a lot of the fan base, I read an interview of his criticizing Montage Of Heck because Kurt ‘didn’t really have a stomach disease’ and was just lying about it to get high, and also about how he hated having to see Courtney naked, and made a good long point about how disgusting her body is. IOn top of all that(none of which really has to do with critiquing the film...?), he mocked Kurt and called him a loser for committing suicide. I don’t care what your opinion on his stomach, his wife, or his music is, that shit is callous and idiotic, but totally reflective of the 70’s and 80’s mentality regarding the mentally ill. He’s part of the legion of pretentious punk dudes who *kind of* knew Kurt, who think Courtney’s the one who ‘corrupted’ him, which brings me around to answering your question.
So, there’s this idea regarding Kurt and Courtney’s relationship, which is pretty similar to the one surrounding Sid and Nancy’s(or at least used to.) Courtney is the whiny, annoying, petulant bitch who attached herself to the first trophy she could find, and through her terrible manipulative personality kept him with her and kept him from getting better. In this mode of thinking, She’s also the person who ‘started’ him on drugs, and in a few people’s eyes, the person who ‘forced’ him to have Frances.
The reality of the situation, as I see it, as someone who’s gone to pretty decent lengths to inform themselves on the subject, is that Kurt and Courtney’s relationship was toxic: But the toxicity was mutual. This doesn’t mean they were a “problematic” couple, or that they were abusing each other, or even that either one of them was ‘evil’, it means that they fell deeply in love as young trauma survivors with substance abuse issues and huge ambitions. That’s a lot to put on any relationship and it’s a lot to talk about, so I’m gonna split this into categories of complaints that you’ll hear pretty routinely as a new Nirvana/Hole fan.
1. “She got him into drugs!”
Courtney started on heroin in the late 80’s in L.A., when she was still playing with Sugar Baby Doll(her band with Jennifer Finch and Kat Bjelland). Kurt, as said in Heavier Than Heaven, tried heroin for the first time around 1988-1989(I don’t remember exactly.) At the time, he was still living with(though I don’t believe they were still dating) Tracy Marander. Because he was destitute, he didn’t have enough money to start forming an actual habit until Nevermind started gaining speed, and by the time he and Courtney started dating(they met a couple of times and phoned a couple of times before cementing a relationship) he had been taking it for a while. That’s the thing I think people look over when it comes to Kurt- He was embarrassed about his addiction and he hated the physical side effects, but he loved heroin.
Courtney says in Montage Of Heck that she had both tried and kicked heroin by the time she met Kurt, but I think the Heavier Than Heaven description is probably more accurate: That she did heroin socially, and her addiction worsened after the two of them began living together because Kurt was(in her own words) ‘obsessed with oblivion.’ She also said in Montage Of Heck that his dream was to ‘Get to three million dollars and become a junkie.’ She’s stated several times that her drug problems came out of a need for ‘comfort’, and Kurt was into getting so fucked he couldn’t do anything else(also confirmed by his friend, Dylan Carlson, who was also into heroin and did it with him often.)
On top of that, Courtney was the one who orchestrated interventions for Kurt, went through the process of reviving him when he’d overdosed, and broke his syringes/scared off his dealers to try and keep drugs away from him as much as possible. At one point, she even made a rule that no drugs were to be done in the house- So he started renting motel rooms and doing them there. It was she who was the head of his final intervention before he went missing.
If anything, Courtney is the person who tried her hardest to keep drugs away from both of them. Considering how much people still talk about her doing heroin while pregnant(which occurred very early on before she was aware of her condition), Kurt is the person who struggled the most to stay off drugs during her pregnancy and after Frances’ birth, even going so far as to hide in the bathroom from her while she was struggling with morning sickness so she wouldn’t know he was getting high.
2. “She manipulated him into dating her/marrying her!”
Here’s the thing about Courtney; She is an enigmatic, entertaining, talented, maternal individual. Here’s the thing about Kurt; He’s a shy, quiet, non-confrontational guy with mommy issues. There’s been a lot of discussion on how Courtney was ‘obsessed’ with Kurt, and how she wouldn’t rest until she pinned him down: That’s untrue, or at least it reads less like crazy-bitch-steals-rock-god and more like cute-singer-has-crush-on-fellow-cute-singer. She was really into him, but when she met him she was still dating Billy Corgan, which deterred her from pursuing him until that relationship(basically) dissolved. When Kurt met her, he had just gotten out of a relationship with Tobi Vail, which most likely fell apart because she refused to be what Tracy Marander had been for him. She wasn’t interested in caring for him and she wasn’t interested in a full-time monogamous relationship. She was working too hard at her own career and was way too involved in the burgeoning riot grrrl movement to worry about looking after Kurt Cobain. That just wasn’t going to work for him.
Kurt was a big believer in the nuclear family model, he was very monogamous, and besides that he lacked the ability to physically take care of himself. If he wasn’t living with a partner who would clean up the house and remind him to wash his hair, it just didn’t happen. He was chronically ill, depressed, and he’d spent most of his adolescence AWOL from anyone who would actually raise him, so Tobi’s rejection deeply hurt him for a number of reasons- While Courtney, the opposite of Tobi in a few key ways, was exactly what he wanted. On top of looking like the archetypical punk girl, “I was attracted to her because she looked like Nancy Spungen,” she had a maternal streak (In Montage Of Heck, when he’s found sitting beside her while she cuts his hair, and, typical for people living with Kurt, mentions that she cleans the house because ‘nobody else fuckin does.’) Early on in their relationship, Kurt had a meltdown and begged Courtney to come to his apartment. She did, and looked after him the rest of the night, a pattern which would become common for them, and was stated by her half sister to be the ‘original strain on the relationship.’
Besides her mothering elements, Courtney was brassy and loud, and her presence allowed him to be less introverted and freer with himself. She was an ambitious young musician who shared a similar childhood to him, and had the same yearning for a safe home life that he did. She was well-read and artistic, and introduced him to the literary side of music creation, which he hadn’t explored yet. After spending a night on the phone with her, he went around telling everybody she was ‘the coolest girl in the world,’ and broke off another burgeoning relationship with Mary Lou Lord on live TV after spending the night with her. The famous quote, “Courtney Love is the best fuck in the world.” is in fact real. And yeah, he could’ve handled that one better.
The attraction was mutual, and I find it hard to believe that Kurt was ever forced into anything romantic with her based on how well she suited his tastes.
3. “She used him for his fame/money!”
As stated above, Courtney was attracted to Kurt before Nevermind was even recorded, and if she wanted to marry a famous dude right out the gate, at the time they met there were plenty of people who were way more famous than Kurt. In Heavier Than Heaven she mentions really liking their song “Dive,” and later in life she mentioned hearing “Sliver” and being impressed with Kurt’s writing abilities. Both of those songs were released a solid two years before Nevermind. She was interested in Kurt because he was cute and talented and she was savvy in the music scene, meaning that she kept up with underground bands.
Now, a point of contention between Kurt & Courtney was their different attitudes towards fame. That is entirely true. Courtney wanted to be famous, enjoyed celebrity, loved attention, and could handle touring, press, and the craziness of success. She was very charismatic, very physically strong, and let’s face it, definitely an attention whore. Kurt liked being praised, he liked being successful, and he definitely had a thing for attention- But he hated pressure, he had inferiority issues, he didn’t know how to handle his life being pried into all the time, and he wasn’t strong enough to do massive tours. Courtney just didn’t understand that, which is pretty common if someone doesn’t share your same mental illness/physical illness: Touring hurt Kurt’s stomach, it worsened his anxiety and emotional instability, it wore his body out, it didn’t agree with him. He loved playing live but couldn’t handle the mania or the travelling, meaning he didn’t mind blowing off huge tours that would bring in loads of money. Courtney, who did feel envious and intimidated regarding his success, would get angry at him for that- She didn’t want him to blow off massive paychecks and press coverage because it’s not what she would’ve done. I definitely side with Kurt on this, nothing is more frightening and frustrating than people trying to force you to do things you can’t handle health-wise. Courtney, being naturally business-oriented, was also aware of how things appeared to the public, and definitely cared about their image more than Kurt did- One of their fights revolved around her nagging him about how important the “Heart-Shaped Box” music video would be for him, and how he should look good. He reacted by stubbing out a cigarette on his forehead and saying, “Do I look fucking good enough for you now?”
So yeah, Courtney, like a lot of people in Kurt’s life, was all about furthering his career and success. A lot of people read that as her being money-hungry or manipulative, in my opinion it’s just a natural response from a person who’s spent their whole life trying to be a success and wouldn’t really get there until 1994. I think some of it was envy and I think some of it was her using him a little vicariously, neither of which are healthy but neither of which are malicious, either. She wanted to be a rockstar, she was ready to be a rockstar, she wasn’t; He thought he’d wanted to be a rockstar, he didn’t really want to, he was.
4. “She emotionally abused him!”
I hate to say this because I love Kurt so much but, as someone who’s been through a codependent relationship where they were bailing water out of a sinking boat, Kurt’s behavior throughout their marriage set off way more red flags for me than Courtney’s did. I don’t think he was actually abusive, but I do think he was a little too underdeveloped and unresolved to be married to someone. He had to grow up slower than everyone else because he missed out on having concrete mature influences, which Courtney did as well, and like I said earlier I think a lot of their problems came through a lack of adult communication skills. Both of them were really jealous people: Courtney couldn’t stand Kurt talking about Mary Lou Lord or Tobi Vail, Kurt was completely convinced that Courtney was cheating on him with Billy Corgan(even going so far as to talk to their lawyer about a divorce shortly before he died.) This was the catalyst for a lot of mind games and unnecessary drama, especially coming from Kurt.
Kurt couldn’t handle conflict. He was really passive aggressive, and would do things to purposely piss Courtney off or communicate to her that he was displeased. While she was trying to stay clean he would declare that he was going to do drugs in the apartment, when she started talking to a psychic to help her with her problems he mocked her and put her down, when she staged his final intervention his entire argument against rehab was that she was just as ‘fucked up’ as he was(she had already agreed to go into rehab, though whether he was aware of this or not I’m not sure.) He made his first suicide attempt by overdosing on Rohypnol on their wedding anniversary because she took some pills and fell asleep and he decided that meant she wasn’t interested in him anymore. I’m not arguing that that’s an irrational response to your partner getting stoned and falling asleep, especially when he’d apparently set the night up to be as romantic as possible, but the overdose put him in a coma and sent Courtney into hysterics.
Her mental health began to decline due to paranoia that he’d end up dead, and her weight dropped due to the added stress. As someone who’s been through a pretty similar situation to that and exhibited the same symptoms, I can tell you that it is never okay to use a suicide attempt to deal with a perceived injustice from your partner. By this time, Kurt was facing either getting clean or dying, and his behavior was very depressed and erratic, so there are explanations for the way he was acting and I don’t think he was trying to manipulate her with a threat. Despite my understanding of that, there is nothing more exhausting than being the caretaker of someone who is hellbent on never getting better. I can’t imagine being the caretaker of someone who won’t stop until they’re dead, and I do think at that point it would’ve been better for them to separate.
But that isn’t to say Courtney wasn’t toxic herself, I’m not trying to paint a wholly negative image of Kurt here. I’m merely trying to stand in the way of Nirvana fanboys who have no grasp on the more sickly sides of his personality, and give Court a bit of a break. Definitely, she struggled with her jealousy: As stated, she never wanted his ex girlfriends mentioned around her and would tear them apart if they were. She was ambitious and career driven, which eroded a lot of her platonic relationships/working relationships as well her marriage to Kurt. She was one of the people who was pushing him to recover in time to play Lollapalooza, and she was one of the people who pushed him into his last stunted tour before his death. She weaponized his relationship with Frances in ways that I and most people agree are gross: She told him he should be playing massive gigs to support his daughter(though their medical and legal bills were big they were hardly poverty stricken), and admitted in an interview later that she called him in rehab once to tell him he’d dropped Frances on her head(She mentioned during this that Frances was wearing a furry hood, and that he didn’t hurt her. In my opinion he was doing his best by even trying rehab again, and that he was already so worried that he was a terrible father that it was just cruel to make him feel worse.)
She has a tendency to be self-obsessed, and to put her own self interest before people she cares about, even if she regrets it later. She struggles herself with mental illness and addiction, both of which tend to give a person poor judgment regarding the people they care about.
Once again, Courtney and Kurt weren’t a healthy couple, but it wasn’t because they were evil or abusive towards one another. They cared for each other deeply, they had a very pure devotion. Underlying all this nastiness were two people who prayed together, wrote together, fantasized about a Valentine’s Day wedding, and faxed each other R-rated love letters like modern versions of James Joyce and Nora Barnacle. During one of his more successful stints in rehab, Kurt wrote Courtney love letters every night(though he did decorate them with blood, wax, and semen.)
They had some serious therapy they needed to attend, the both of them. But 90% of these demonizations of Courtney are either untrue or blown out of proportion.
#aberdeen spoken word#ik this runs on so much but i love talking abt this shit and i didnt#want to spend tomorrow editing bc i have other shit i need to do so#have a basically unedited essay on my parents fndndfn
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They Say That Discrimination Is A Thing Of The Past
A few times I’ve had a white person (BTW I’m a white male) say that a black person claiming discrimination is merely playing the race card or the victim card to cover for their own inadequacies.
They say that the reason the black person didn’t get the job or the apartment or whatever almost never had something to do with discrimination, that the real reason is that they just weren’t good enough, and that their claim of racism is nothing more than a phony excuse, a scam to blame others for their own failings.
If their opinion is challenged they usually say something like, “Oh, come on. There isn’t any widespread discrimination any more.” Maybe they add, “The Civil War was over a hundred and fifty years ago. They need to get over it.”
It’s All Their Own Fault
Sometimes these white people will continue with something like, “If they would only stay in school and stop having out-of-wedlock babies and taking drugs they wouldn’t have these problems.”
Sometimes, if the white person in question is really feeling talkative, they’ll ramble on with something like, “The real problem is that those people don’t want to work hard” or “Those people just aren’t as smart [as white people].”
I’ve been thinking about this “There isn’t any wide-spread discrimination anymore” idea and I asked myself, “What do white people really think about black people?”
What A Lot Of White People Really Think
Well, all white people aren’t the same so, I amended the question to “What do a lot of white people really think about black people?”
What’s “a lot”? 20%? 35%? 50%. I don’t know.
My guess is between 20% and 35% on average depending on where you live. Mississippi is going to be different from Connecticut.
So, for the purposes of this column, when I say “a lot of white people” I’m going to go with a 25% nationwide average but clearly that’s just a guess.
The Dog Whistle Is More Common Than The Bullhorn
I don’t often hear blatant racist statements like “White people are genetically smarter than black people” or “White people are a more genetically advanced species than black people,” probably because I don’t generally listen to people like David Duke or Iowa Congressman Steve King.
Most of the time, white people’s racism is of the “dog whistle” variety — it’s code where the words say one thing, but which other racists recognize as meaning something else.
Some people think that Trump’s tag line “Make America Great Again” is just a slogan, but a lot of white people translate it to “Make America White Again” meaning “We need to stop catering to black and brown people. They’re mostly losers sucking up our tax dollars and getting a free ride. We’re going to get rid of food stamps and Medicaid and we won’t let any more of them into the country.”
Gestures Instead Of Words
Dog whistles can be gestures as well as words.
There’s scene in an NYPD Blue episode where Andy Sipowicz is talking to Vince Gotelli, one of the old-time night-shift detectives.
Believing that Sipowicz is as racist as he is, Gotelli wants to say something about a black person and not be overheard so he runs the palm of his hand down in front of his face. Andy doesn’t understand and Gotelli says something like, “You know, shades” and he again runs his palm in front of his face in a gesture supposed to signify people with dark skin, “behind a shade.”
A lot of white people flat out believe that black people aren’t as smart, hard working, decent or honest as white people. To then, that’s just a fact, but they hesitate to say it out loud. Instead they express this opinion in different subtle but significant ways.
Subtle Discrimination
Who You Hire
Suppose one of these white people is looking for a new primary-care doctor. You read them the website particulars on two candidates, Walter Hawkins, Iowa State University Medical School and Robert Phillips, Yale University Medical School. Hawkins has five years experience and Phillips is the deputy head of the department with ten years on the job.
Naturally, they pick Phillips, but then they get a look at the candidates’ pictures and discover that Phillips is black and Hawkins is white. Suddenly, Hawkins is their guy.
“Why?” you ask, “Because he’s white?”
“No,” they’ll tell you. “I just think he looks more like a real doctor.” Or, “He seems nicer.” Or, “He looks like someone who knows what he’s doing.”
They aren’t going to tell you that the real reason they switched from Phillips to Hawkins is that they think that black people are less intelligent than white people; they think that Phillips must have gotten into Yale on a quota, and that people helped him and covered for him because he was black, because, in their mind, how else could a black man graduate from Yale Medical School?
No, they won’t say that out loud, unless they think that you’re just like them. But they absolutely believe that black people just plain aren’t as smart as white people and that a black man couldn’t possibly be a really top-notch doctor.
And they will look you right in the eye and tell you that they aren’t a racist.
“I don’t have anything against anybody,” they will insist. And they would think that was true.
Who You Rent To
Take two resumes, identical in every way except that the picture of Robert Phillips on one of them is of a white man and on the other he’s a black man. Now, have Mr. Phillips apply to rent 100 AirBNBs as a white man and 100 as a black man.
You will find a significantly higher rejection rate for the black Mr. Phillips than the white Mr. Phillips.
A Harvard Business School study (Racial Discrimination in the Sharing Economy: Evidence from a Field Experiment) found that people whose names are perceived to likely be black find it 16 percent harder than whites to book lodging on Airbnb. They found that some Airbnb hosts would rather their properties remained vacant than rent them to a black guest.
Personally, I think that Airbnb applications with actual pictures showing black versus white guests (as opposed to hosts merely inferring race from the applicant’s last name) would have black rejection rate differentials much higher than 16%.
I’m sure you would find the same thing in tests for renting an apartment or applying for a job interview.
A lot of white landlords and employers will decide that while the white Mr. Phillips looks like a wonderful candidate, the black Mr. Phillips somehow just doesn’t measure up.
“I’m not a racist,” they will swear to you. And believe it.
The Stereotype Racist Pictures That Pop Into Their Heads
I wrote a column about the little stereotype pictures that pop in our heads when we hear a word or phrase e.g. “Las Vegas” or “Wedding.”
The Pictures That Pop Into Our Heads. When I Say “Welfare” “Illegal Alien” “Businessman” “Drug Company”
For a lot of white people the words “black man” will pop up a picture of a person selling drugs on an urban street corner or a manual laborer pushing a mop or a junkie passed out in an alley or a pimp covered in bracelets and gold chains.
You think I’m making this up?
Racism Masquerading As ‘Just Being Careful’
Why do you think a white woman tried bar a black tenant from his own apartment building?
Because in her mind a black man could not possibly earn enough money to be able to afford a luxury apartment. She was convinced that he must be a criminal who was there to steal, that he couldn’t possible belong there.
Why do you think two white security guards kicked a black man out of the lobby of the Double Tree Hotel where he was a registered guest?
Because they were sure that he must have been a pimp or a drug dealer or a homeless person who intended to sleep in the lobby.
In their minds a black man couldn’t possibly afford to stay in a nice hotel because when they see a black man the pictures that pop in their little heads are of pimps, drug dealers, drug addicts, homeless people and raggedy poor people.
A black, female Yale University graduate student fell asleep in her dorm’s common room and a white, female student called the police with the complaint: “There’s somebody here who is where they’re not supposed to be.”
Why did she think that? Because in her mind black people couldn’t possibly belong in a Yale University dorm.
In Indianapolis a white, female off-duty police officer and a white, female apartment-house manager evicted a black tenant from the complex’s swimming pool even though the manager knew he was a tenant and he had the key to his apartment with him.
In Memphis, a white manager of an apartment complex called the police on a black tenant for wearing socks in the pool.
In North Carolina, a white man demanded identification from a black woman at a private community pool and called the police when she refused.
In South Carolina, a white woman attacked a 15-year-old black boy at a neighborhood pool, telling him and his friends that they had to “get out.”
This is just the tip of the iceberg. These incidents go on and on and on.
Why A Lot Of White People Assume A Black Person Doesn’t Belong Around Them
All of these people saw a black person in a place they thought a black person “didn’t belong.” Why did they think that a black person didn’t belong there?
Because they thought that black people were too poor to qualify to be in such a nice place. Or because they thought that black people were likely dirty, lazy, dangerous or criminal and they didn’t want “people like that” around them.
My opinion is that few of these white people would admit to being a racist any more than the white person who wouldn’t accept a Yale-educated black doctor or a white homeowner who wouldn’t accept a black person as an Airbnb guest wouldn’t admit that they were racists.
They would just say that they were being careful because unknown black people are more dangerous or untrustworthy than unknown white people.
They would tell you that they just wanted to protect their property and white tenants are generally more law abiding, careful and drug free than black tenants.
They would say that they just wanted to keep out trespassers, and because most black people can’t afford the nice places used by white people, they were more likely to be trespassers.
They would just tell you that they wanted the best professionals they could get and white doctors are, of course, smarter and better than black doctors.
Yes, You Are A Racist
Then they would look you straight in the eye and solemnly tell you, “I’m not a racist. I’m just being careful because black people really aren’t as smart, honest, trustworthy, law abiding, clean, and decent as white people. That’s just a fact. Recognizing that fact doesn’t make me a racist.”
Yes, it does, it really does.
So, don’t tell me there isn’t widespread discrimination in America.
It’s just gone underground. It’s language is just now more often spoken in code and with winks and nods.
But it’s there all the same in every little, bigoted picture that pops into a lot of white people’s heads whenever they see a black man who is someplace they’re sure he doesn’t belong.
— David Grace (www.DavidGraceAuthor.com)
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1-100 TELL ME ALL
Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well
1. What is you middle name?
Jesse
2. How old are you?
22
3. When is your birthday?
dec 9
4. What is your zodiac sign?
sagittarius
5. What is your favorite color?
purples
6. What’s your lucky number?
9
7. Do you have any pets?
no
8. Where are you from?
bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia
9. How tall are you?
5 something
10. What shoe size are you?
7?
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
3 that i actually use
12. What was your last dream about?
i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post
13. What talents do you have?
i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline
14. Are you psychic in any way?
well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there
15. Favorite song?
for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I took all the colours
16. Favorite movie?
spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.
17. Who would be your ideal partner?
someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much
18. Do you want children?
not RIGHT NOW
19. Do you want a church wedding?
i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.
20. Are you religious?
yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings
21. Have you ever been to the hospital?
yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?
i got a parking ticket
23. Have you ever met any celebrities?
no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them
24. Baths or showers?
showers.
25. What color socks are you wearing?
alien socks that are green and black
26. Have you ever been famous?
no. what does that even mean !!!!
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?
yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them
28. What type of music do you like?
stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?
no
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out
31. What position do you usually sleep in?
i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin
32. How big is your house?
BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people.
33. What do you typically have for breakfast?
on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this
34. Have you ever fired a gun?
HELL no.
35. Have you ever tried archery?
in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.
36. Favorite clean word?
i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.
37. Favorite swear word?
bitch. its really fun to say.
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.
39. Do you have any scars?
yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
i believe so...
41. Are you a good liar?
yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.
42. Are you a good judge of character?
NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents
44. Do you have a strong accent?
i dont know how to answer this
45. What is your favorite accent?
idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them
46. What is your personality type?
that.... INFJ. see. psychic
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
one of the gay jackets
48. Can you curl your tongue?
dont think so
49. Are you an innie or an outie?
innie
50. Left or right handed?
left
51. Are you scared of spiders?
depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free
52. Favorite food?
tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish
53. Favorite foreign food?
idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.
54. Are you a clean or messy person?
clean
55. Most used phrased?
“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot
56. Most used word?
I
57. How long does it take for you to get ready?
a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min
58. Do you have much of an ego?
i do, but i hide it.
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.
60. Do you talk to yourself?
yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work
61. Do you sing to yourself?
nah
62. Are you a good singer?
no. i can sing and it sound okay. nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.
63. Biggest Fear?
someone dying, natural disaster, new illness
64. Are you a gossip?
maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?
i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those
66. Do you like long or short hair?
BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot
67. Can you name all 50 states of America?
fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.
68. Favorite school subject?
ART ART AR T
69. Extrovert or Introvert?
introerverte
70. Have you ever been scuba diving?
no
71. What makes you nervous?
people who are not Definitely Cheerful
72. Are you scared of the dark?
no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL
74. Are you ticklish?
depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.
75. Have you ever started a rumor?
i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?
maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok......
77. Have you ever drank underage?
no
78. Have you ever done drugs?
no
79. Who was your first real crush?
someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE
80. How many piercings do you have?
two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries
81. Can you roll your Rs?“
hell yes
82. How fast can you type?
so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast
83. How fast can you run?
IM VERY FAST
84. What color is your hair?
orange
85. What color is your eyes?
green
86. What are you allergic to?
im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives
87. Do you keep a journal?
yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures
88. What do your parents do?
my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky
89. Do you like your age?
sure
90. What makes you angry?
everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger.
91. Do you like your own name?
YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
yeah, i want a boy a girl
94. What are you strengths?
my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles
95. What are your weaknesses?
the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea
96. How did you get your name?
i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”
97. Were your ancestors royalty?
no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school
98. Do you have any scars?
weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon
99. Color of your bedspread?
pink, white, blue
100. Color of your room?
white
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demon!jihoon
a/n; very much inspired by jihoon's demonic lenses he wore here?? and this prompt!i would also like to thank @hwinkinghwi for the demonic(?) moodboard hehe,,,happy early halloween!
jihoon is one of the most cunning demons
he would actually use his ungodly looks to his advantage to get his way
almost everything his goddamn face will make people give in/compromise
sometimes he uses his evil to help kids out
like, he sees a kid being bullied at a playground or something, he would give retribution by shoving sand down the bully's shirt??
(i have no idea how demons work so please spare me)
but other than that jihoon is pretty cynical
when he disguises himself as a mortal, he looks normal, until you look at his eyes,,,
theyre a light blue
they arent even contacts, like theyre just his eye colour
people just believe his lie that those are prescription contacts LOL
jihoon is being notorious for the senior who uses his looks to get through anything and everything
but not his grades lmao
so he's two years older than the kids taking their college entrance exam
basically he just wasted 2 years of his life in school
but he just wants to live off fellow demon!seongwoo,, so he just, doesnt study and goes to school
but seongwoo found out about it,, and made sure jihoon spends his legit last year in high school or jihoon would be ugly in his next life LOL
you're a senior in high school, trying to make the best out of your dying grades
you do know jihoon, but avoid communication as you're an angel
like legit,, angel
you were an angel thanks to your mother, who was involved in the heaven
and she wanted you to live a sin-free life as much as possible
ok now back to avoiding jihoon
why avoid communication?
for a simple reason;
you had a crush on him
and the rule of thumb your mother bestowed upon you was
"you can date anyone but demons"
and you were well aware jihoon was a demon, as your halo(which was invisible to the eyes of mortals) were blinking whenever jihoon would be near you
and you just didnt like the idea of dating a handsome asshole
fun fact: jihoon used to be an angel until he was involved in the 101, which made him evil
you knew jihoon relatively well due to the fact he used to be an angel
he was your childhood friend
always protecting you and looking out for you
your crush on him developed even before he became a demon, and didnt falter even when he wasnt a angel
but the both of you grew distant as your mother would warn you not to play with fire
you were taking a media studies elective as a subject and there was a coursework you had to do
which involved acting w a partner of the opposite gender
and to your luck, jihoon was the only student in the class who took media studies
not knowing anything between the both of you, your teacher assigned the both of you as partners LOL
to make things worse, the story was
romeo and juliet
how ironic lmaoooo
meaning, you had to kiss jihoon
or rather, jihoon had to kiss you
because your teacher chose the last scene, which had the least lines, for the both of you to "ensure your distinctions"
and the both of you just had to bite the bullet and take it because you'd want to graduate from school quickly and attempt to wash the sins of kissing jihoon away by doing more good things in college
while jihoon just wanted to get this thing done and over with
you told your mom about it, she was okay with it, but she still warned you not to fall for jihoon
though, your dad is a demonxangel
its a given that you and jihoon had to stay after school to run through the script
and every time you and jihoon renact the last scene, your breath hitches in your throat and you hiccup
or on days where you just burst out laughing and accidentally spit on jihoon
he actually wasnt that mad about it because 1. he knew how hard it was to keep one's composure in a kiss scene WITH THEIR CRUSH
2. he just thought you were cute
despite jihoon not kissing you for practices
which you were thankful for or else you cant sleep at night
until,,, the day of the assesment
everything went fairly smoothly, and the dreaded kiss of life was very soon approaching you
you thought jihoon wouldnt kiss you like he did in practices
bitch you thought
he kissed you on the lips and you were trying your best not to shoot your eyes open in shock
and of course,, the kiss of life received a standing ovation from the teachers who were really impressed
because most students dont actually kiss lmao
so you had to drag jihoon aside after yhe assesment and he had that stupid smile on his face
"cant you see i like you???"
you were stunned and also happy
but you had to keep your promis to your mom
"im sorry jihoon, i cant be your girlfriend"
boy he was shocked because he was never rejected
"why?"
"because," you bit your lip, contemplating wheter to tell jihoon
"because??"
"angels and demons cant be together," was all you said before leaving jihoon hanging
you and jihoon never talked until,,, halloween
which, you decided to go as yourself to your friend's halloween party at universal studios
you wore a plain white dress,, and wore a halo headband
pretty basic and simple but you really didnt care and just tried to dress nicely
apparently her parents rented the whole theme park for a private party lol
your friend was asking why you didnt bring jihoon along as your "plus one"
and you just shrugged,
"shit happened and we arent really talking anymore"
she got the hint immediately and stopped mentioning jihoon
meanwhile, jihoon was also dressed as himself
his hair was dyed a lighter blonde and wore a v neck black button up w ripped jeans,,,,,, and wore a choker on his neck too
basically all-black and looking good as heck
when he arrived every girl turned their heads and were shookt
like he barely needed to do anything to look THAT good
"a demon" was what he replied,, but he was laughing inside as people dont know his real identity
he was just enjoying the atmosphere of halloween where people dressed up and didnt care if their make up was shit,, its halloween anyway
he was just chilling and walking around w fellow demon!baejin when he saw someone carrying a girl in a white dress,,,
and that girl in a white dress seemed too familiar...
that when it clicked and he had to abandon baejin to save you
when he stopped the figure holding you, he ripped off its mask and revealed someone he wouldnt expect
lai guanlin
"guanlin, what are you doing?"
"i..i can explain--"
"explain what? drugging y/n and bringing her somewhere to hurt her?!"
at this point jihoon was really really angry, his irises turned red
"who made you do this?”
“i can’t tell you--”
“im severing all ties with you if you dont tell me.”
“okay okay! seongwoo-hyung made me do it,, he just wanted to mess with you. nothing poisonous was fed to y/n! i swear!”
jihoon could only sigh and roll his eyes, as he motioned guanlin to come closer to him
and when he did, he twisted guanlin’s ear, making the younger groan in pain,,, while still holding onto you LOL
“help seongwoo-hyung again and not only your ears would be red,” jihoon snapped, as guanlin helped to load you on jihoon’s back
jihoon was contemplating where to bring you to,,, in this state where you were fast asleep
he decided to bring you back to your home
of course, with you on his back was pretty crazy
people were staring at him, thinking that he got a girl drunk lmao
but some people were noticing how cute he was and he’d just blush and try to hide his face??
meanwhile you were still sleeping, and jihoon made your head lean on his shoulder
and it was quite a scene bc a literal angel leaning on a literal demon’s shoulders??? p sadistic but cute at the same time
he knew the exact route to your house because it was almost like muscle memory,, he always came over to your house during the weekends when the both of you were childhood friends
when jihoon knocked on the door he was pretty nervous to how your mom would react
“y/n youre--jihoon?”
“sorry you have to see this, but y/n got drugged by someone... i saw her and i had to save her”
“ah, i see...” your mom was weirdly happy that no one but jihoon saved you??
“her room is the last bedroom to the right...” your mom pointed, “i think you should stay over, it’s quite late.”
“but i don’t have any clothes...” jihoon smiled nervously
tbh how is he not tired after holding you for so long;)
“its fine! daniel has some clothes he cant wear anymore, you can use those.”
casually slips in olderbrother!daniel
jihoon was reminded of the times where your mom would take care of him p well, he was so touched that her heart didnt change over the years despite being a demon himself
“thank you mrs y/l/n, please rest early too!”
thats when your mom muttered something about him calling her mom
“excuse me?”
“yeah i will sleep soon, when daniel comes home.”
as jihoon entered your room, it was clean, and like a typical teenage girl’s room, with fairy lights and wall decorated with polariod pictures
after he settled you on your bed, he looked around your room and spotted a picture of the both of you amidst all the polariods
it was the both of you during your freshman year,, he took you to smoothie king because you were having a bad day
he smiled, but then sighed at the thought that your mother didnt allow you to date demons
but she was liking him so much she wanted yall to get married right there
all he could do was kiss your forehead and ruffle your hair
when he was about to leave he felt something tugging on his arm
“don’t go...”
you were sleeptalking lmao
jihoon hence slept at the side on your bed, while holding your hand
the next morning, you woke up to a weight on your hand, and you saw a blonde head
you were surprised so you screamed
and you woke jihoon in the process
“w-what”
“what are you doing here?”
“well...” jihoon scratched his head sheepishly
“...”
“what-- y/n! i know im a demon but no, i would never do that”
“then?! what are you doing here, in my room, in your...outfit”
“because you told me to stay??” jihoon raised his eyebrows
shit he heard that, you cursed internally
“but thank you for saving me.” you blushed
“that’s it?” jihoon smirked, “no thank you kiss?”
“what?why?”
“because you are mine.”
shit i cringed so hard but smth jihoon would say tbh
“but my mom--”
he then interrupted your words with a kiss, which worked
“i can bet you my life saving that she is peeping at us right now,” jihoon whispered
and yes she was, peeking at the both of you and you could see her punching the air in victory
dating demon!jihoon is just like dating a huge fluffball
and takes revenges on your behalf if anyone dares to hurt/offend you
but sometimes hes hella r u d e
like randomly flipping his hair and winking
and whenever he trips,,
“i think i fell for you”
like p l e a s e s t o p
still has the innocence in him despite being a demon
like lighting up in front of candy
and buying you stuff in a non-evil way
your mother openly supports your relationship with jihoon
like
“yes yall my son in law is jihoon,, isnt he handsome??”
and you had to shut her up everytime she starts talking about jihoon
sometimes you wonder if she forgot that youre her child and not jihoon
overall, a relationship most wouldn’t expect but still ship together
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A Rhetorical Analysis of The 1975's, "If I Believe You"
The 1975 are an English pop rock band formed in 2002. The band consists of Matthew (Matty) Healy, Adam Hann, Ross MacDonald and George Daniel. They created their second album, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It, which featured the song I will be doing my rhetorical analysis on called, “If I Believe You”. The song tells the listener that the band members are adamant about their atheist beliefs but question their opposition to faith.
In order to understand how an artist connects their art to their world view is essential to understand how such perceptions were formed. It is important to note that each member of The 1975 had their own authentic experience, however their divergent paths of life have all connected in their appreciation of the connection of art and theology. Matty Healy has an interesting relationship with God, one which has transformed the vision of the entire band. Healy is known for being a staunch atheist, but one may not assume this by listening to reoccurring themes in the albums released by The 1975. Healy, and all other members of the band, were raised in the upper and middle class. Despite an obvious presence of privilege, the band members are known for diverging from their parents’ expectations. The band members found themselves to be part of a more alternative crowd and found that they learned more from art and literature they found as they had life experiences than they did in the classroom. While it might have made sense for young privileged boys to have strong religious affiliations, those never really formed for Healy nor did they evolve for the other members of the band. Instead, the band members found legitimate appreciation for the art associated with religion and the history of religion itself. Although the band members are not religious themselves, they recognize the importance of religion and often adopt religious morals and mentalities to incorporate history into their art.
The band states right off the bat that they are missing a purpose in life like a missing puzzle piece. “I've got a God-shaped hole that's infected and I'm petrified of being alone now, It's pathetic”. They wish they had religious faith in order to fill that whole/gap and cure the sadness within them. The band chose to write this piece in order to ask God or Jesus or whatever higher power there may be, whether or not their blind faith will bring them happiness.
The 1975 wrote this song with a soul purpose to describe and criticize. They describe a way they are feeling whether that be lost or sad and then criticize the higher power for making them feel that way. They then ask God if they do begin believing in Him, will they finally feel whole. The entire song is based on their confusion as to why they made them this way (without faith). “I mean if it was you that made my body you probably shouldn't have made me atheist.” Their strict describe and criticize arrangement of text makes the reader question their own faith or lack of.
The 1975 has a pattern of consistently arranging their songs in a way which manage to convey emotion while telling a story. “If I Believe You” is the perfect example of how The 1975 manages to connect their story, their morals, and their art all in under seven minutes. The band uses a problem and solution pattern of organization. They strategically set up the lyrics by first explaining that they feel an emptiness, like something is missing in their life and they believe it is God. Then throughout the song they ask if they begin believing, will this emptiness fill. I believe the band arranged the song this way in order to first relate to others who can’t seem to trust blind faith. Then eventually relate by naming common instances when people seem to think about God and a higher power in their life. They mentioned doing drugs and then seeing God.
The group uses formal language to describe their story to the listener. The sentences are simple yet precise and proper. The band uses vocabulary words like consciousness, revelation, atheist and petrified. The band grew up in a very posh area in England and were educated accordingly. The band uses exclamatory rhetorical language in the song. Sentences like, ”Showing me consciousness is primary in the universe and I had a revelation!” and “I mean if it was you that made my body you probably shouldn’t have made me atheist!”, draw great emotion out of the listener. Matty (the lead singer) screams these lyrics with such intense passion that it’s impossible not to listen. He wants the reader to pay close attention to his words.
For most of their songs, The 1975 use extravagant shades of neon pink, purple and blue in the background of their live music sets. They did not make a music video for their song, “If I Believe You”, but when playing live sets, they use only a white background screen and white lasers. This is to symbolize the light you are supposed to see when you die and go to heaven. This contrast perfectly encompasses the importance of this song to the band. By diversifying their live set with the inclusion of this song, The 1975 elicits a more emotional response from the crowd and creates an unshakable bond with their fans.
For almost all of the songs featured on the album, the group uses rhetorical devices to emphsize the messages they are trying to put out. Below I have mentioned a few within, "If I Believe You".
Epithet – “God shaped hole” (This demonstrates what they are missing. They use this instead of saying “God is missing from my life”)
Anaphora – “If I'm lost then how can I find myself?” x9 (They repeats this 9 times because they are unable to figure out the meaning of life without God and although they are expecting an answer after repeating it so much, they never get one.)
Hyperbole – “I'm broken and bleeding and begging for help” (This is them saying theyre in pain and their feelings are hurt)
Epizeuxis – “It's just like I lost my head (lost my head)” (Emphasizes their inability to think and sort things out for themselves)
I must also mention that I believe their major audience is supposed to be God (which I found to be obvious) and other people struggling to find faith. The reason this song connected with me so well is because I too am struggling with a purpose. As of now, I am on this Earth to make bonds with other humans. But the voice in the back of my head always thinks, "What if there is a God and youre wasting your time?"
Lastly I'd like to talk about appeals used in the song. Some may argue that the group used ethos but I believe they focused on logos and pathos the most. Actually, It is possible to say the band used logic the entire song. One may infer the they themselves were doing their own analysis while writing the song. An analysis is defined as the separating of any material or abstract entity into its constituent elements. The band new exactly who their audience was, what message they were trying to put out and how they were going to organize it. They walked through their process of feeling alone and tired, questioning whether or not having faith in God would mend their emptiness. Pathos on the other hand is defined as the appeal made to the emotions of the audience and elicits feelings that already reside in them. If God was listening to the song, I feel as if He may feel remorse for the band and guilty for causing so much confusion. As another member of the audience, I related to the lyrics. I have also always struggled with blind faith and not being able to understand what I am missing in order to fill the empty spaces.
I have added a link to the actual song with lyrics attached. Please let me know if you two have related to it or if you have any contradictory statements!
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HoXPoX Liveblog: Powers of X#5
Keeping it going with PoX5! As Always; The Link vuv
Continuing the HoXPoX readthrough with Powers of X#5! Cover's another Savage Land variant the character drawing isn't AS extreme as the last one, tho the women are still preternaturally thin and Jean's boobs have that unnaturally robust&high tacked-on look so common to comics :T
Opening X Quote: "they will think we are doing one thing, but the truth is we are doing something altogether different". DECEPTION!!! I'm wondering when Moira's gonna come back into this story given her disappearance from the middle books.
X0: The XMen, Dallas TX, Year 1. Xavier's talking to Forge aboout making the mind-copying upgrades to Cerebro. SUMMARY TECHNICAL DIALOGUE my favorite owo owo owo There's talking in a room filled with this cool Ocean hologram and I love it.
(also they're not using the awful color scheme of 80s&90s Forge, which I thank them for -____-)
Here's a question: is there any discourse out there abt how MUCH LIKE Forge Solid Snake looks? Cuz they look father and son :| :|
AAAUUUGH This Maniacal Xavier face has slain me! I will Share It uwu:
GAAAAAAH LOOK AT THIS MANIPULATIVE NERD!!! i love him uvu uvu uvu
Infopage on Cerebro 7.0 Most of it's just worldbuilding technical summary, but there's an interesting tidbit that Xavier has replaced his own "self" with a previous "copy" twice. Wonder if we'll learn about those instances :?
AHHH Also: Moira's in a No Place(basically Krakoa pocket-planes that are undetectable&impenetrable). Wonder what she's up to?
Cut to X1 Year 10, the Louvre. Mags and Xavier are confronting Frost over something infront of the Winged Victory of Samothrace, no time to go into the symbolism of that just now. The questionable motivation and involvement with the Cult of the Great Gods seems telling.
there are more basic lvls to it tho: Nike's in the background, Xavier looking at it, when he asks her to help them form a government for Krakoa; the implication, he's looking/considering their victory, is obvsl. It's above him as he explains his drug masterstroke to her.
There's an interesting thing here where Mags is positioned as the mid-point/referee/border btw Emma and Charles. When X mentions the nation of Krakoa, she turns to Mags as someone she trusts to be the "voice of reason" against concentrating mutants in one place(risking Genoa)
idk how common it's been leading up to this series, but I like how HoXPoX recognizes the recklessness danger Xavier's maximalist dedication to Mainstreaming sometimes puts mutants in.
to be clear XMen villains positions were often explicitly and cartoonishly villainous and self-serving(for instance Hellfire was long just cartoonish mutant supremacist aristos, much like Mags), but this reimagining along more preservationist lines allows it to be a real argument
Like: theyre positing a Frost for whom the Hellfire Club/Corp was a way to live unseen among humans, wielding power in a way that could carve some safety out for some mutants. I think that's a bit charitable given the clear class elements of Hellfire's role in the canon but still
"This is that day youve been waiting for/to make right what went wrong" they say, Nike behind Mags(he'd just told Frost abt their repop plans; signaling he'd convinced her to listen?)
!!This is interesting: She asks how it's going to be different than all the other times, Mags says "let us show you" and presents one of the Krakoa flowers... but it's in something which looks A LOT like the "Seer Self" of the elder from PoX4!!
Cut to Later, Krakoa XD She agrees to help. The negotiate terms. Xavier takes a VERY WEIRD adn formal supplicant posture that I dont know how to describe but it, again, reminiscent of dance, I'll show you:
They offer her control of the Krakoa drug trade&the legitimate face of their diplomacy in exchange for two governing seats and bring Shaw back into Hellfire to run covert ops, Frost's face is Priceless:
an infopage on the initial gov-structure of Krakoa, "the Quiet Council" it DOES NOT seem like a great system AT ALL; twelve person unelected council, half of the membership secret, Krakoa itself only gets one seat/vote though technically two in its "faction" with cypher.
Honestly this seems most like a cabinet without a head of state? Of the members we know, each is head of a particular department or major faction(X the Xmen, Mags the brotherhood, ect) Seems guaranteed to encourage factionalism, backroom conspiracism, and opacity
Cut to later that year, Xavier offering citizenship and safety on Krakoa, various cuts of "villains" hearing his offer telepathically(including a p cool redesign for OmegaRed and his allies), ending somewhere which looks like its underwater(Atlantis?).
Yup it's Namor(who I guess is a mutant now?? Wasnt aware of that). Namor rejects the offer, and questions Xavier's sincerity in belief in mutant(and X's own) superiority(as Namor pegs the reasoning behind Krakoa).
I know I keep saying this but the supremacist vibe of all this is disquieting. You can be right abt mutant persecution without ALSO being right that mutant life is "more valuable" than others, esp when "value" is just an utterly noxious moral standard to begin with.
Cut back to X3 Phalanx presents its terms. The elder is destroyed. The Librarian has Questions, asking Nimrod to extrapolate what's going on(Nimrod believes Phalanx has agreed) Nice joke here: "primordial Kirbons" for Jack Kirby. Paying him would have been better :T
The gist: Blackholes are a gigantic networked Machine-Brains, Phalanxes are created by this to hunt for societies worth adding to its intelligence, the Phalanx as agreed to incorporate them but needs energy to do this, it will eat the entire planet to power the transfer. Oops.
Another infopage of Society types, this time universe-spanning. Adding Titans(singularity intellects), Strongholds(allied titans fighting to consume others), and Dominions(allied strongholds which are effectively gods) All transcend time(interesting implications re Moira)
Another interesting bit: Dominions are noted as fearing Galactus and The Phoenix as possible threats. The Phoenix of course can use human-mutants as hosts.
Hmm, it ends with a Namor quote. Interesting...
That was a Good and Dense one ^v^ I'll have to think about it for a bit, but I'm getting the feeling that, basically, the Mutants are working on a way to achieve the same sort of "transcendence" as the machine-society path, but their own way, and mechsocs fear this(Phoenix).
Also I'm curious how the Celestials fit into all this. Mutants are the result of thier experimentation, so could it be that they are a sort of forerunner of a biological second option to the more common machine-ascendancy, which mechsocs wrok hard to prevent arising again?
The idea being that there are at least two paths to "transcendence"; one biological,communal, andindividual-preserving through pseudomagical "mutation"/self-directed evolution/cybernetics, and the more common machine-intelligence-consumption route.
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The Facebook page dividing Aussies
On any given day, Rick Furphy and Geoff Rissole are public enemies number one and two in regional towns across Australia, from Broken Hill to Port Pirie.
Those arent their real names. They use pseudonyms, partly for their own protection from hordes of parochial locals theyve infuriated and partly for the fun of the mystery.
The men operate the viral Facebook page Sh*t Towns of Australia, which reviews and ranks the countrys worst locales on a range of criteria.
They have built a huge following over the past year a mix of amused readers and furious locals of the latest target of the mens unique blend of observational wit and downright slander.
Were just a couple of mates with a sense of humour who started a Facebook page that accidentally became popular, Furphy told news.com.au
We dont do it to offend people but its a bonus.
We love it when the anger is funny. A lot of the angry messages include hilarious insults or bizarre spelling and grammar. Those are our favourites. And theres always something funny about someone blowing their top over a little joke.
Were not so keen on the angry gronks who make violent threats or the nannas who just get sad.
The latest review put Nowra in the firing line, describing it as a township founded by a convict and populated by packs of deadsh*ts and f***wits.
media_cameraIt's about to go down in Nowra.
Despite being the South Coast regions commercial and administrative centre, Nowra is somehow completely devoid of jobs, leaving its residents with nothing to do but biff shopping trolleys into the river or get in a glass fight at Posties, the review states.
It goes on to talk about the tourists who flock to the area from Sydney and Canberra who neglected to do any research as well as the various parents of Nowra and their distinct aesthetics.
The saltwater Shoalhaven River acts as a moat for the flog-filled North Nowra and Bomaderry, shielding them from the bogan scum on the wrong side of the bridge.
East Nowra is the shining turd in the Nowra toilet, while Worrigee is also sh*t mainly because its next to East Nowra. If youre looking for a sh*t suburb, you simply cant go wrong in a town whose only purpose is making Wollongong look good.
media_cameraThe local correctional centre in Nowra.
As often happens, the page has been bombarded with furious comments and messages from loyal locals since it went live.
There are the simple declarations that Nowra is a good town so f**k off to an invitation to meet at the local McDonalds to square up the 2541 boyz gonna sort ya out der lad.
A lot of people seem to like the page until theyre on it.
I think its also a case of people who dont know what the page is all about, who only see what we post when they or one of their friends is tagged on it, Furphy said.
It does go right over some peoples heads.
What exactly makes a sh*t town? Furphy insisted thorough research is conducted before a location makes it on the page.
We use a combination of notes from our own travels, information sourced from the internet and info that followers send us, he explained.
We are doing a lot of research, but we get a huge number of suggestions and requests from followers too.
Our requests list is so long now that well never get through it, so each week we try to pick out a town that has had a few requests and has something unique about it. We try to cycle through the states a bit too to spread the love.
media_cameraPort Pirie is a frequent target of the pages attention.
But there's one particular state that seems to be well represented, he admitted. And it is one of the selection criteria.
There are a few clear signs of a sh*t town, Furphy said. Drugs. Unemployment. Pollution. Still having a video store. Being in Queensland.
The page was spawned from a similarly successful endeavour of Furphy and Rissole across the ditch Sh*t Towns of New Zealand. It resonated so well they decided to turn their attention to a larger market.
So, are they Kiwis then? Furphy is decidedly coy on this.
While we are intimate with both countries, we feel its best to keep our origins and place of residence vague because a) it allows us to retain our pages objectivity when reviewing towns, which we take very seriously, and b) it winds up Baby Boomers in Broken Hill with conjoined Facebook accounts.
We feel that it wouldnt matter either way. After all, all the best Aussies are Kiwis Crowded House, Phar Lap, Barnaby Joyce
media_cameraThe review of Casino didn't go down well.
The very first Aussie spot to be reviewed was Townsville in north Queensland because, as Furphy pointed out, it has both town and ville in its name.
I believe our verdict was sh*t, he said. In Townsvilles case, being named after a slave lord was a big minus. Towns was a notorious blackbirder, as was Mackay these guys are still celebrated with statues and city names in Queensland.
The success of the page has been swift. The men will release a book in November Sh*t Towns of Australia via publisher Allen & Unwin featuring reviews, bonus material and a selection of the best angry responses.
media_cameraTownsville was the first town reviewed by the page when it launched a year ago.
Despite some of the fierce backlash he and Rissole have copped, Furphy said the pair had no regrets about any of the towns theyve attacked.
Not at all. We put a lot of thought into our reviews before posting them and make sure were happy with each write-up. Occasionally, peoples comments or reactions make us realise that a town is even grimmer than we realised and that we should have gone harder, he said.
When asked if he had a favourite sh*t town, Furphy couldnt pick one, saying it would be like naming his most-loved child.
But lets face it, Port Pirie would be up there, he said.
media_cameraLoyal Broome folk took exception to the review about their little slice of Aussie heaven.
Port Pirie has a permanent spot on the weeks list of top sh*t towns that Furphy and Rissole compile. Perhaps thats why locals have directed the most fury at the page out of all the locations to have been profiled.
In terms of outrage, Port Pirie would have to be up there along with Alice Springs and Mount Isa. Grafton also elicited a lot of outrage but for the opposite reason the locals reckoned we werent harsh enough, Furphy said.
For those upset about the treatment of their town, Furphy is sympathetic. And he has a message of reassurance.
Wed just like them to know that our work is thoroughly researched, and we wouldnt call a town sh*t unless it were most definitely sh*t. We are just reporting facts. But if they would like to send us an angry message, they should feel free! They might even make our next book! he said.
Originally published as The Facebook page dividing Aussies
https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/technology/the-controversial-facebook-page-dividing-the-nation-sht-towns-of-australia/news-story/73a2c4f226d94926bf1ae7ef959cb241?from=htc_rss
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terrarianresh
I know i’ve sent you like 4 things in the past 24 hours, but this is what I’m going to say for my english presentation and i’d like you to give some feedback (anyone else who sees this can too)
The reason I’ve chosen to do communications, is because communications has a diverse cast, featuring people who suffer from mental illnesses, and instead of representing these in a negative light, instead they are shown as the main characters of their stories.
for example, i will begin with case 1. case one features three characters, frances elsner, henry elsner, and nancy elsner, formerly nancy o'connell (was that her name?)
the case begins with henry’s childhood. he experienced abuse from an early age from his mother, frances. due to frances’ achromatopsia, she couldn’t see colour, and it was quite hard for her to live on her own.
as soon as he could, henry married his childhood friend nancy, who had synesthesia. nancy found that henry’s voice was black and white.
previously, the story stated that nancy killed henry when he tried to run due to an emotional dependency on henry, and noticing how easily he managed to cut frances off from his life, fearing that he would do the same to her.
then, after a while of being teased by the radio, hearing the black and white of henry’s voice, hung herself.
however, ghost is changing the story, due to the fact that it sounds like nancy’s emotional dependency and mental state is the reason why she killed henry, and that she’s “crazy lololol”. instead of henry managing to cut frances off, frances plays a literal game of telephone with the couple, telling nancy that henry is contemplating divorce due to her clinginess, and telling henry that nancy is dangerously clingy and overbearing.
this causes awkwardness between the two, which eventually becomes too much. henry runs, this time his plan thought out, leaving a note behind for nancy so she knows why he’s run.
however, nancy doesn’t understand how frances had used her year of “nice mom treatment” as a coverup for her atrocities and took everything out on herself, further believing what frances had told her.
while out on his “vacation” henry gains the confidence to call frances out, and frances lets something slip, so henry immediately returns home. this is where either nancy could have hung herself, or she could still be alive.
case 2 features 2 main characters, kennith and stephanie. following with the cast having a diverse amount of what would be considered “problems”, kennith has bpd, abuses alcohol and drugs, self harms, and due to the fact that he’s gay in the 1970s and 1980s, suffers from a lot of bullying. stephanie, who doesn’t have this veritable plethora of problems, is deaf, and became so progressively through the course of high school.
case 2 begins with kennith performing the COLORBARS broadcast, a broadcast specifically designed to brainwash america using finely tuned frequencies and pulsating imagery, something that is actually possible.
prior to this, kennith and stephanie’s friendship turned sour after miscommunication on both their parts, and due to the fact of stephanie being kennith’s fp, and him being dependant on their friendship, turned him to do the broadcast.
since stephanie’s deaf, she isn’t affected by the broadcast, and she tries to get help for kennith.
the broadcast lasted for 24 hours, and kennith had originally planned to perform mass suicide, making everyone in america kill themselves due to the fact that no one seemed to care about him, even making people watching the broadcast experience these emotions.. however, as the hours ticked past, kennith became unsure of himself, and eventually ended the broadcast by slitting his own wrists
unfortunately, by the time stephanie had gotten help to him, he was dead.
now i’ll reach case 3. case 3 features 3 characters again, bri, avery and simon.
bri is an autistic, nonbinary lesbian, who’s special interest is photography. avery, is a bisexual black teenager and is going out with bri (after bri offered to teach her about photography).
now, you’re probably expecting simon to have some sort of complex mental illness, but…
he doesn’t.
hes just a bigot
case 3 begins with bri, posting edited images of herself and the area around her onto a forum, where she gets harrassed for never posting actual pictures of herself.
simon, being a hacker, hacks into her webcam and takes pictures of her, before posting them on the forum.
bri gets excessive amounts of harrassment and hate from this, and she completely cuts off from the internet, locking herself in her room and eventually starving to death.
avery, being bri’s girlfriend, finds out about this and contacts simon, knowing him to be the one who posted the pictures of bri.
they agree to meet atop a tall building, and they try to have a civil discussion about what had been going on, however, simon being like that had brought a gun, and when avery reached out as she was getting angry at him, he shot her.
she grabbed hold of his shoulder before falling from the building, dragging simon with her, to their deaths.
then comes case 4. case 4 features just one character, known around the fandom as [Spoilers]. Spoilers is cynical, sarcastic, bitter and spiteful, and occasionally goes into periods of intense dissociation and numbness. they are revealed to be the Storyteller, the one who had created communications as entertainment, however, the audience was really the ones who made the story come to life. Their motives for this are unknown, perhaps to raise awareness for people living with mental illnesses and those minority groups who are often oppressed, but that cannot be confirmed.
HEYA first of all sorry that i was offline, i was spendin yesterday w my qpp!!!! :00
second of all, this is rlly good!!!!!! there are only a Few small errors i spotted:
- bri is nb and uses they/them pronouns, plus theyre biromo and not sure abt their sexuality!!!
- avery is a lesbian who also isnt sure abt her sexuality
- bri also gets Doxxed tm by simon i believe!!! dont trust me Fully but from what i can remember :00
otherwise this looks rlly good!!!! the things i mentioned are Small Details which i only know bc Hyperfixation™ but otherwise this is lookin rlly rlly good!!!!!! :00
#text#submission#ableism ment //#death ment //#self harm ment //#murder ment //#suicide ment //#abuse ment //#long post#communicationsbyghost spoilers#communications spoilers#spoilers
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38 years later
200 things you can put in my ask
200: My crush’s name is:
Lacey😛😍
199: I was born in:
1999
198: I am really:
short, tired, sarcastic, idk??
197: My cellphone company is:
verizon
196: My eye color is:
blue/grey
195: My shoe size is:
3 in kids, 5 in womens
194: My ring size is:
i have no idea, probably small but not too small cause i got far fingers
193: My height is:
5'1
192: I am allergic to:
sulfa drugs and grass
191: My 1st car was:
dont have one
190: My 1st job was:
waitress at a local restaurant
189: Last book you read:
King Lear in school but Clockwork Princess for fun
188: My bed is:
my favorite and super comfy and my best friend literally comes over just to nap in it
187: My pet:
2 cats, 1 dog
186: My best friend:
Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Katie, Kristy, Annabelle, Kyle, Hailey, Stevie, Bea
185: My favorite shampoo is:
Suave Ocean
184: Xbox or ps3:
xbox
183: Piggy banks are:
idrc about them??
182: In my pockets:
dont have pockeys rn
181: On my calendar:
nothings
180: Marriage is:
in my future
179: Spongebob can:
idrc cause idc
178: My mom:
is my favorite person
177: The last three songs I bought were?
Wasted youth by fletcher
In too deep by the sweeplings
Is there somewhere by halsey
176: Last YouTube video watched:
“50 things about me” by Nina Jablonska
175: How many cousins do you have?
A shit ton
174: Do you have any siblings?
1 sister and 1 brother that ive never met
173: Are your parents divorced?
No and i never see them getting divorced. Theyre honestly the only reason i still believe in love
172: Are you taller than your mom?
We’re the same height actually
171: Do you play an instrument?
Nope
170: What did you do yesterday?
Went to school, studied, talked to Lacey, went to sleep
[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight:
i dunno
168: Luck:
yes
167: Fate:
yes
166: Yourself:
lmao no
165: Aliens:
yes
164: Heaven:
i think
163: Hell:
yes
162: God:
i believe in something
161: Horoscopes:
im not sure
160: Soul mates:
yes
159: Ghosts:
yes
158: Gay Marriage:
duh
157: War:
i dont really know
156: Orbs:
yes
155: Magic:
yes
[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses:
hugs
153: Drunk or High:
high
152: Phone or Online:
depends
151: Red heads or Black haired:
dont care
150: Blondes or Brunettes:
dont care
149: Hot or cold:
cold
148: Summer or winter:
summer
147: Autumn or Spring:
autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla:
depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches
145: Night or Day:
night
144: Oranges or Apples:
oranges
143: Curly or Straight hair:
honestly dont care
142: McDonalds or Burger King:
burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:
milk chocolate
140: Mac or PC:
PC
139: Flip flops or high heals:
depends
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:
sweet and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi:
coke
136: Hillary or Obama:
OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA
135: Burried or cremated:
buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live
134: Singing or Dancing:
dancing
133: Coach or Chanel:
dont care
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:
who are they?
131: Small town or Big city:
small town
130: Wal-Mart or Target:
how bout kohls
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:
adam Sandler
128: Manicure or Pedicure:
manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time
127: East Coast or West Coast:
only ever been on the east coast so idrk
126: Your Birthday or Christmas:
christmas
125: Chocolate or Flowers:
chocolate
124: Disney or Six Flags:
disney!!!
123: Yankees or Red Sox:
how bout Orioles
[ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War:
i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother
121: George Bush:
gross
120: Gay Marriage:
Gaaaaayyyyyy
119: The presidential election:
grosser
118: Abortion:
no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice
117: MySpace:
never had one so idk
116: Reality TV:
can be entertaining but usually really dumb
115: Parents:
i love them more than anything
114: Back stabbers:
fuck you
113: Ebay:
sketchy
112: Facebook:
people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central
111: Work:
dont have ajob but am trying to get one
110: My Neighbors:
since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright
109: Gas Prices:
way too fucking high
108: Designer Clothes:
dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there
107: College:
start it in 5 months :(
106: Sports:
love em but suck at em
105: My family:
my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot
104: The future:
scares the fuck out of me
[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone:
a few ninutes ago
102: Last time you ate:
few hours ago
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:
about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym
100: Cried in front of someone:
a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend
99: Went to a movie theater:
two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good
98: Took a vacation:
2-3 years ago
97: Swam in a pool:
2 years ago i think
96: Changed a diaper:
never
95: Got my nails done:
little over a month ago
94: Went to a wedding:
last summer
93: Broke a bone:
never
92: Got a peircing:
last spring
91: Broke the law:
never i think?
90: Texted:
about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey
[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most:
My lunch table
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:
my cats and my moms hugs
87: The last movie I saw:
i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:
getting the fuck away from this place and these memories
85: The thing im not looking forward to:
graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever
84: People call me:
elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy,
83: The most difficult thing to do is:
move on and let go
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:
nope
81: My zodiac sign is:
pisces
80: The first person i talked to today was:
lacey or bea idrk
79: First time you had a crush:
kindergarten
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:
no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:
i have no idea
76: Right now I am talking to:
Lace💜👑
75: What are you going to do when you grow up:
homicide detective or BAU
74: I have/will get a job:
soon hopefully
73: Tomorrow:
school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep
72: Today:
school, test, painted, studied
71: Next Summer:
senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends
70: Next Weekend:
Stevenson university visit
69: I have these pets:
2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver)
68: The worst sound in the world:
hearing people chew or breathe hard
67: The person that makes me cry the most is:
my ex
66: People that make you happy:
my friends and parents
65: Last time I cried:
last night
64: My friends are:
the only reason im alive
63: My computer is:
a Windows something
62: My School:
sucks
61: My Car:
doesnt exist
60: I lose all respect for people who:
judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice
59: The movie I cried at was:
if I stay and hunger games trilogy
58: Your hair color is:
dirty blonde/ light brown
57: TV shows you watch:
criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo
56: Favorite web site:
tumblr
55: Your dream vacation:
a lake house
54: The worst pain I was ever in was:
recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes
53: How do you like your steak cooked:
medium
52: My room is:
messy but my favorite place
51: My favorite celebrity is:
jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson or Noel Fisher
50: Where would you like to be:
childhood
49: Do you want children:
yes
48: Ever been in love:
ye
47: Who’s your best friend:
the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea
46: More guy friends or girl friends:
girl friends
45: One thing that makes you feel great is:
gaining more flexibility
44: One person that you wish you could see right now:
jarred
43: Do you have a 5 year plan:
not really
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:
sorta
41: Have you pre-named your children:
yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan
40: Last person I got mad at:
my dad
39: I would like to move to:
maryland or deleware
38: I wish I was a professional:
dancer
[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy:
gummy bears and kit kats or smarties
36: Vehicle:
jeep Cherokee
35: President:
OBAMA
34: State visited:
Florida
33: Cellphone provider:
dunno
32: Athlete:
Misty Copeland
31: Actor:
Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher
30: Actress:
Jennifer Lawrence
29: Singer:
Amy Lee
28: Band:
Evanescence
27: Clothing store:
KOHLS
26: Grocery store:
giant
25: TV show:
shameless
24: Movie:
thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang
23: Website:
tumblr
22: Animal:
monkey
21: Theme park:
disney
20: Holiday:
halloween
19: Sport to watch:
allstar cheerleading or soccer
18: Sport to play:
soccer
17: Magazine:
dont have one but if i did i guess people?
16: Book:
WAYYY too many
15: Day of the week:
wednesday
14: Beach:
bethany beach
13: Concert attended:
evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit
12: Thing to cook:
grilled cheese
11: Food:
cheeseburger
10: Restaurant:
green turtle
9: Radio station:
106.5
8: Yankee candle scent:
i dunno
7: Perfume:
hollister or ed hardy
6: Flower:
rose
5: Color:
purple
4: Talk show host:
my girl ellen
3: Comedian:
john Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger
2: Dog breed:
golden retriever
1: Did you answer all these truthfully?
Yeppers
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Boredom Leads to Trouble:
What is boredom? Who is more at risk to experience boredom? Is there anyway to prevent boredom? Boredom is a common feeling, feeling unsatisfied by an activity or interest in it. Everyone one time or another will experience boredom but adolescents will frequently experience boredom because even though they have more freedom to choose what to do, they are still learning about who they are and what their interests may be. Even though boredom is most often thought of negative terms, however it can also be a catalyst for self-reflection and change. I believe boredom leads to trouble because the adolescents want something to do or feeling of emptiness; loss of interest in an activity. Because whether from emptiness or entrapment, boredom begins as state of disinterest that becomes painful the longer it is protracted; and the longer it is protracted, the more risk there is of impulsively seeking troubling measures for relief—like the various forms of escape, excitement, substance experimentation, or even rule breaking. Boredom is common complaint among children and adolescents. In some cases, they may complain of boredom when theyre uncomfortable dealing with their thoughts or feelings. Boredom is therefore a vital problem for the moralists, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it- By Bertrand Russell.
Boredom is most often thought of in a negative term, but however it can also be a catalyst for self-reflection and change. There are seven reasons being bored is good for us. Get creative, research suggests that a fifth of us being bored can make us more creative because it can give us the time and space to develop creative ideas of the Imagine if variety. Problem solve, in 1981 the link between problem-solving and boredom was discovered. It can help us by slipping into a trance-like state which provides free reign for our subconscious. Self-reflection, research shows people who are more prone to boredom are also more likely to engage in self-reflection. Boredom allows us to sit back and think about our current state in a way that being occupied and engaged does not. Be selfless, in a study back in 2011, boredom can inspire people to be altruistic, empathetic and to engage in selfless tasks such as giving to charity, volunteering, or even donating blood. Slow down, research from the University of East Anglia suggests looking at natural environments provides stimulation that does not require a focused attention. Break the cycle, research shows we get a dopamine hit each time we experience something new. With our fast-paced and constantly changing world that we view through our phones and devices means we have become accustomed to this dopamine hit but we need more and more to achieve the same satisfaction. And to take a time out, being bored gives us the time out from constant buzz of activity and allows us to enter a state of mindfulness, to appreciate where we are and who we are as well as to reflect and stop the roller-coaster that our lives seems to be on.
Even though boredom is most often thought of in negative terms, however it can also be a catalyst for self-reflection and change, I believe boredom leads to trouble because the adolescents want something to do or feeling of emptiness; loss of interest in an activity. Whether from feeling emptiness or feeling entrapment, boredom begins as state of disinterest that becomes painful the longer it is protracted; and the longer it is protracted, the more risk there is of impulsively seeking trouble measures for relief- like the various escape, excitement, substance experimentation, or even rule breaking. Boredom and Depression have been associated with destructive behaviors and negative outcomes. One study shows that high school students, found that 35 percent that was surveyed appeared to suffer from apathetic boredom. Apathetic boredom is those who suffer will tend to have much lower levels of arousal; a feeling of helplessness and even depression can be symptomatic. Another example is a kid decides to explore their house because of boredom and then Bam! Their parents begin to yell at them because maybe they broke something, or they went into a room they were not supposed to go into. A survey was conducted by The National Center on Addiction and Substance abuse at Columbia University and they found that high stress teens are twice as likely as low stress teens to smoke, drink, get drunk and use illegal drugs. Also they found that more than half the nations 12 to 17 year-olds, or 52 percent, are at greater risk of substance abuse because of high stress, frequent boredom, too much spending money, or some combination of these characteristics.
The most important reason I believe boredom leads to trouble is because he adolescents want something to do or feeling of emptiness; or the loss of interest in an activity, this is because boredom is a common complaint among children and adolescents. In some cases, they may complain of boredom when theyre uncomfortable dealing with their thoughts or feelings. As the teenage years unfold, boredom can become The Devils Playground when troublesome choices for coping with tedium and monotony are made. At the age of 9 to 13 years-old, the young person begins pushing against and pulling away from parents as the adolescent separation from childhood begins. They will detach from childish ways and will want in order to proceed more independently. One example is they will say I no longer want to be defined and treated as just a child.
They will want more privacy and prefer the presence of their friends then parents who they now find boring for example. Another example is they will start to disconnect, without the traditional interests to rely on, how is He/She going to fill themselves back up with on Identity, meaning, purpose, direction, and even pleasure. What causes boredom? The experience is different for different people. It may occur due to inadequate rest or nutrition, low levels of mental stimulation, lack of choice or control over your daily activities, lack of diversified recreational interests, poor perceptions of time, loss of interest, confusing instructions, fear of making a mistake, repetition of the activity for too much time, and lastly feeling unable to try new approaches to the activity. To prevent or manage boredom try keeping record of the circumstances in which you or your child becomes bored, note the time of day, the place it happens, and the activities preceding the boredom. Make a routine task more interesting for instance try to see how fast you can complete the task, break down the larger tasks into smaller ones, and create a list of activities to try when boredom strikes. If your child is the one feeling bored, then create the list together.
So it is clear that although boredom is most often thought of in negative terms and however, it can also be a catalyst for self-reflection and change, I believe boredom leads to trouble because the adolescents want something to do so they go out and find destructive activities or they are feeling an emptiness; lack of interest in an activity, for two main reasons. First, whether from emptiness or entrapment, boredom then begins as a state of disinterest that becomes painful the longer it is protracted and the longer it is protracted, the more risk there is of impulsively seeking troubling measure for relief for instance the various forms of escape, excitement, substance experimentation, or even rule breaking. But the most important, boredom is a common complaint among these children and adolescents. And in some cases, they may even complain about being bored when they are uncomfortable dealing with their thoughts and their feelings. The most total opposite of pleasure is not pain but boredom, for we are willing to risk pain to make a boring life interesting-By Peter Kreept. So, what is boredom is good for us it can also be the cause of teens seeking out destructive behaviors and getting into trouble.
Work Cited:
"Boredom Quotes (525 quotes)." Goodreads | Meet your next favorite book. Web. 8 Sep 2019. .
Mann, Sandi. "7 reasons why being bored is good for you | Express.co.uk." Latest UK and World News, Sport and Comment | Express.co.uk. 4 Apr 2016. Web. 8 Sep 2019. .
McGauran, Debbie. "9 Anything But Dull Facts on Boredom – ActiveBeat." ActiveBeat | Your Daily Dose of Health Headlines. 18 Jan 2016. Web. 8 Sep 2019.
Neal, Rhome. " Teen Boredom, Destructive Behavior - CBS News ." Live, breaking news today: Latest national headlines, world news and more from CBSNews.com and watch the CBSN live news stream 24x7. 18 Aug 2003. Web. 8 Sep 2019. .
Pickhardt, Carl E. "Adolescent Boredom | Psychology Today." Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. 25 Aug 2014. Web. 8 Sep 2019. .
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7.37am 26 July 2017:
“You’re drugs have fucked up your attention to detail”
This is a typical statement made by my AVH’s. This may well be true, or may not be, but what I get out of it is that this is just
more criticism.
02nd August 2017 2039:
?FM: is anyone getting hurt
s: no, not as far as I know
FM?: why is this happening
s: because for once, and probably the first time, I would not do as you demand
PW: you think we don’t exist don’t you
s: yes, I think you don’t exist
PW: You will find out that we do
S: well won’t that
At approximately 3am on the 13th Sept 2016, Pam was being raped and assaulted, so I drove there at approx 100km per hour in each street and sat out front of her house. Immediately as I turned the engine off, 3 cars arrived.
One pulled into a driveway 35m down the street the house number was 121 or 123 pam’s street (for some reason my note said TA 121/123). I know this because it sat in the driveway for a while, and after I sat for about an hour or an hour and a half, I drove down to get its rego, and it had gone in/up the driveway behind fence gates and parked, so I couldn’t get the rego. I think it was a morone red Corolla hatch.
The car that arrived immediately as I turned my engine off was a white Hyundia hatch/wagon BX66PD. The third car went 120m dfown the street and I couldn’t see it properly
17th August 2018 0057 hours
Entered the Muriel St car park of Hornsby Westfield, and there were two vehicles parked in the southern bays opposite Extreme clean. One was a large SUV type white station wagon CHR047, possibly Nissan or Toyota, the other I didn’t see properly, other than it being a two door sporty looking car, white also I think (but am unsure). My suspicion was aroused because they both left the parking bays and exited onto Muriel street as I was collecting my ticket from the machine to enter the car park (going to Hobbysew to collect cigarette buts). The larger white SUV looked similar to a car that boxed me in last Sunday 12th when I was visiting the adult shop to return 2 DVD’s as I stated I was going to (to try and get a result). The driver looked similar as well. Tall in thwe seat, very short balding hair, clean chaven, around 47 – 50 years old.
I have no problem with this if this is the bikies, and caused no problem the previous Sunday. But if I am supposed to behave in a requisite manner, thenI would wish that they don’t leave butt flag me down and say what I am supposed to comply with, or whatever purpose they have in being ahead of me and knowing where and when I will arrive at any particular location.
from:
Scott Stewart <[email protected]> to: [email protected],
Alexandra Tintner <[email protected]>,
[email protected],
[email protected]
date: 19 Jun 2019, 01:46 subject: Times Up – Future Violence In Normanhurst mailed-by: gmail.com
Righty right Boys.
It’s me again – Scott James Stewart – serial number 008, maturbator and schizophrenic.
I’m fucking sick of hearing about you in my mind (through you associate I am led to believe)
IF YOU DON’T SHOW UP AND FUCKING FIGHT, i’M GOING TO DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION, AND HOPEFULLY SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS.
Unit 5
29 Denman Parade,
Normanhurst, nsw, 2076
Or you can just reply to this email, or better still, if you have any balls at all, call me on
(02) 9989 8752. But you fucking wont, on the basis of some junkie like excuse.
If you attempt to get me sectioned, I will call the cops, and a few others, and exploit a weakness I have discovered in your organisation. Please check the addresses at the header of this email.
https://freemason-absolute-leader-declared.webnode.com/
http://be-careful-what-you-wish-for.strikingly.com
Gutless Ghost loving Freemason Cuntrs.
250719 0842
All fm? On the train going to tafe founfation skills workshop after peoole going on down the rear units and david recording me from outside my door
Scott did u log out
No
Well what r u goong to do about yr venterlinm paymemts
Theres notng i can do
Ur wrong
I disagree
How long will it take to prpve yr right
I already jave que a bit of wvidemve to prove im right
What do u think of farah
I think so highly of her, that i believe yr earlier claims. Out of this world nice
What should i do abouf julia
Mot what u said u r doing to me. Ask the bandidos.
U just lost.
M u did
S: well at least ots not for the earleir behaiour error made
Actually it is
Well whata that got to do h farah?
J: Im not daying anymore
S: ok . Bet u do
Fm: what is going on scott is that garah will mot talk to u anymore
S shame
Fm: what dou think of that
S there can only b 2 reasona for that
M: theyr right
S > i couldnt hear them?
Fm: did u take drugs this morning
S unfortunately yes, i did
GMA : wjat do u think about drugs
S they destroy lives
Fm: female scotty stewart. What did mark kelly think
S i have no idea. (They do!!)
Fm: what do u think farah thinks
I wouldnt have a clue (they do!!!)
Scott – why wont anybody tell i the truth
Becaise they camt know id whateber its is the truth. They camt know if its a lie…. wwhatever u r refering to
0906
M: what will happen to farah
S she wiil get eaten
M she already has
—–
? Class cleague: do u like me?
S i like everyone
? Cc u wont
ReplyForward
[email protected]
bcc:[email protected],
[email protected],
[email protected]
date:3 January 2018 at 21:38
A Humble Request From A Challenged Person
mailed-by:gmail.com
Good evening,
Sorry to bother you. My name is Scott James Stewart, and I you will recall my apologies for contacting previously. As you will recall from some of those emails, I am schizophrenic, and astoundingly, your club has become involved the maintenance of my continued good health .
I have developed a very effective psychosocial treatment of my phenomenological symptoms, that provides me with great relief. It involves quotations (what I call 1st person transcripts), of the Auditory Verbal Hallucinations (AVH’s) I experience irregulalrly, that are a common feature of the condition.
It really is the most amazing thing. All I have to do in order to maintain my good health is when the voices start talking (as they do occasionally) is undertake to write down the time and date, and as much of the exact first person quotations of what I hear as is comfortable, and things improve.
Inexplicably to me, they consistently include your clubs name, and allege to be some of your members who are also Freemasons.
I thought that since I publish this material, it would be ethical, to inform you of the work so that you may respond to the statements and request omissions if you choose.
https://evidenceortruth.wordpress.com/
amazingschizophreniavoices10.wordpress.com
(I am in the process of organising investigative health research in collaboration with Sydney University (Francesca Coniglio) and The Palmerston Clinic (Hornsby Hospital – BGr Dinah Bennet), and will soon be expanding the knowledge of this efficacious treatment approach to other individuals who are subject to AVH’s).
Regards,
Scott”
********************************************************************************************************************************
5) I discovered the hacking of one of the blogs within two hours and so deactivated both before they would have read them, so they also received inactive links as you did.
6) I wrote an brief introduction of my full name name and an ezpression of respect on the Rebels MC 1% Motorcylist Facebook page: (https://www.facebook.com/onepercenterbikers/)
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(13:56)
My name is Scott James Stewart. I spent at least 13 minutes trying to find a less public way of introducing myself, and I apologise, but this was my result. I am a respectful, and honest individual, who may or may not come to your attention, perhaps again, nd congruent with my integrity efforts, I wanted to introduce myself to your esteemed club (despite the fact that the Police I talk to recommend that I should not do so). Having said this, I offer my introduction to you with special recognition of your affinity with those men whose PTSD you effectively treat through your strong and reliable friendship. Great men in my opinion. Should we ever meet or talk by chance or fate one day, I would be pleased to be able to immediately state, that I introduced myself to you on the 17 January 2018 on a Facebook page (though in gossipy world, others might say 16 January 2018 at approximately 7.30pm. No matter. My respect never changes).
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6) I have over the past year quite a few hacks on several duplicate blogs publishing the same Auditory Hallucinations statements. I did not even expect anyone would read them. I am compiling some substantiated evidence to facilitate an authoreatitive investigation that can indisputably attribute causality. I should disclose that I have unreliable suspicions of individuals, so maybe that might correlate with anything you discover if you have time to look into any of this. I am not requesting that you do. I am not scared, despite the reputation of the organisations involved. So thank you.
7) I plan to repeat this process of publishing two comparable blogs in the future, but the date of which I am ‘playing by ear’.
8) I need to also add (surprisingly) that my original crime stoppers report was to attempt to get your available resources if possible directed towards the mysterious and carefully checked disappearance of another individual who is featured in the blogs more than anyone. His name is Ron (Ronald) Thiessen, and he deserves the right to oversee the published material, but he is definately missing, he is famous and I have contacted his famous friends, and volunteer clubs etc, and the material in the blog leads me to serious concern for his safety because what is in the blog is damming and defamatory in my opinion. I have talked to your counter staff about him being missing, and read your website, but I cannot meet your seven pieces of documentation necessary to establish a formal missing person report. I can provide you with a document detailing the steps I have taken to locate him, if you are able to look into this. The most important and salient fact of this matter, is his membership of Freemasonry, which coincidentally is what links the two outlaw motorcycle clubs to the blogs, in addition to the members named, and the serious allegations made by my hallucinations against them.
My home phone is 9989 8752
My mobile (which I think has also been hacked) isa currently 0403 996 187 (probably change v. soon – I’ll let you know)
My address is
Gunyah
Unit 5
29 Denman Parade
Normanhurst, 2076.
Thank Gods for the cops
The Police Know 7.37am 26 July 2017: “You’re drugs have fucked up your attention to detail” This is a typical statement made by my AVH’s.
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84 Questions
Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.
1. Silk City, Dua Lipa - Electricity ft. Diplo, Mark Ronson.
2. Zara Larsson - Ruin My Life
3. Halsey - Without Me
4. Billie Eilish - when the party's over
5. Slipknot - Solway Firth
6. CueStack - Alive
7. Falling In Reverse - "Drugs"
8. Killswitch Engage - Unleashed
9. Desiigner- Panda
10. DJ Snake ft. Bipolar Sunshine - Middle
If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? Denmark. My family is from there and I really want to see Europe. I would go alone. Or with Danish relatives.
What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) Black sharpie.
Favourite month and why? Early October. Because I’m a spooky bitch.
Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. No.
Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. Wine bottle, pad of paper, pen cap.
What brand logo is closest to you currently? Sutter Island.
Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites? Not really a board game but i love Yahtzee.
A musical artist you love that isn’t well known? Kerli.
A musical artist you love that is well known? Kurt Cobain.
What is your desktop background currently? A sunflower.
Last person you talked to, and throught what you talked to them? My mom. I was saying good night so i was okay.
First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow? Teal.
What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? Thermostat, computer, phone.
What kind of headphones do you use? just regular ones? over the ear ones. nothing fancy. theyre red.
What musical artists have you seen perform live? Eric Burdon and the Animals, Beck, 21 pilots, Uncle Kracker, Avenged Sevenfold, Five finger death punch, Breaking Benjamin, a Bullet for my Valentine, Korn, Stone Sour, Ded, Yelawolf. Skillet, Bad Wolves, Nothing More, Dream Theater, Pop Evil.
Does virginity matter to you? Nah.
What gaming consoles do you or your family own? Lol none really. Might have an old ps2 somewhere. Oh and a wii.
What pets do you have? What are their names? My dog, Daisy died when I was 17. We never got another.
What’s the best job you’ve ever had? I’ll keep you posted.
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? McDonalds.
What magazines do you read, if any? Woman’s Health sometimes. Or weed magazines. or Rolling Stone.
Inspiration behind your URL? No clue where it came from tbh.
Inspiration behind your blog title? sameeeee.
Favourite item of clothing? A baggy tee.
Are you friends with any exes? HELLLL NOOOOO.
Name at least one book you loved as a child. Any junie b jones book.
What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) US Midwestern English.
What email service do you use? G-mail.
Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? Danish flag, Marvel poster, Nirvana poster and map of the world.
What’s your favourite number, and why? 19. My b-day and I just like it.
Earliest moment in your life you can remember? i remember a little bit from the cruise i went on when i was 3.
What did you have for dinner yesterday? scrambled eggs.
How often do you brush your teeth? i try to every day. some days depression gets the best of me.
What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? Don’t really have a favorite tbh
Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? nopeeee.
If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? pb & honeyy.
What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? MARVEL.
If you could study anything, what would it be? Witchcraft and voodooism.
Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) sometimes liquid lipstick if i did my face that day.
How would you describe your sense of humour? Dark, a little cynical. Random.
What things annoy you more than anything else? LOL that list is entirely too long.
What kind of position are you in at the moment? Sitting at a computer.
Do you wear much jewellery? No.
Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) Idk all those people and I’m not looking it up. But stupid fucking Donald Trump is the god damn president of the United States. LUCKILY it’s his last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own? idk.
What do you carry your money in? my black and white polka dotted wallet.
Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? most of the time yes. with traffic/construction? NOOOOOO.
Longest drive you have ever been on? However far it is to go from Michigan to Florida.
Furthest away from home you have ever been? Florida loloolll
How many times have you moved house? none.
What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? a rug, a box, piano bench.
How many devices do you own which can access the internet? three.
Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? lol yep.
Is there anything that always makes you sad? duh.
What programs do you currently have open? this and youtube.
What do you associate the colour red with? blood.
Last strong smell you can remember smelling? weed.
Last healthy thing you ate? broccoli.
Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? coffee, about 2-4 cups.
What do you associate the colour blue with? water.
How long is the closest ruler you can find? 12 inches.
What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? hot pink thong.
When was the last time you drank water? earlier.
How often do you clear your browser history? not often enough haha
Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? absolutely.
Ever written fanfiction for anything? no.
Last formal event you attended? Idk if i ever have. A wedding?
If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? October 31st. Obvious reasons.
Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? countrysideee.
Roughly how many people live in your town? 10,000.
Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? yes.
Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores. Any thrift store/magick store.
Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? yes. some samsung galaxy something idk. i want a BETTER smart phone.
What is your least favourite colour, and why? probably white. its just not a flattering color on me.
How do you spell grey/gray? greeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.
Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) Man in a suit looking out a window, his reflection in the glass. You can see him looking at a perishing city.
What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? -no comment-
How many posts do you have? like 200.
How many posts have you liked? too many.
Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? lil bit of both.
Do you track any tags? nope.
What time is it currently? 1:32 am.
Is there anything you should be doing right now? prbly sleeping. finishing my wine. other than that? no.
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5/1
was right ashcroft - was right to be worried - it was about usattys and killing my case. the fbi is obligated to defend the doj when it has obtained a judgement - if the matter is pending the doj will argue to uphold the judgement - in the regular appeal process - this is not complicated - it is the way its supposed to be - but everything seems upside down in my case - gop args wits are treasonous - natsec risks - a counterintel inv takes place - lasting many years - they get nothing - which brings us today - the ashcroft bedside - the firing of comey sends shockwaves through fbi - and doj - thats why - agag and card want to blow up my case and need ashcrofts signature - hes drugged up and in a hosp bed - ashcroft tells agag & card to get the sig from comey - hes designated comey as interim ag - the context is - ashcroft is not in the hosp for the flu - i think he may require surgery - its pancreatitus - i think hes under a lot of medication and they need to take the thing out or something - note esp the rel b/t card and rove - and goodling - sampson etc. - agag is not a great legal mind right - and rove is pulling strings at doj - and its obvious in the names of the replacements - you dont need to be a sleuth or a legal scholar - note the rel between the fitz inv - and kjell - and cellini - springfieldconsulting - think about the timing - all this stuff is happening at the same time - it has all passed now - the truth of the situation has been concealed and those that might say anything have met with lots of bad luck - unfortunate things of a mysterious nature - kind of like me -
5/3/19
We have wisc - badgers - the nra speech - in his speech a couple days ago - quoted on this page - it was mentioned - the dems - the opposition - the people that are not us - have - this or that - cant remember what the first part is - but trump at some point says - we have wisconsin - in the context of the speech it is implied to mean a reference to winning the state of wi - in the 2016 election - hes saying - scoreboard - im winning wi - what hes really saying is - we - you and me - the people in this room - are going to prevail in the conflict regarding my case - the rico trial scrp - the counterintel inv - doubling down on the rico case - what hes saying is we are going to win - we are going to defeat dennis delaney and anyone that would want to help him - because we have wi - badgers - mi - thats what hes saying - thats what i took from it and i dont think im wrong - thats exactly how the people in that room took it - what that means is that hes saying im willing to use mi in a judicial conflict - in a purely partisan effort to derail the case - and to put pressure on delaney - to concede and claim that all the chem and wasted time has been all one big misunderstanding - not going to happen - im not going to concede - hes saying he will use mi to prevail in a legal conflict he already lost - a trial based on the notion that mi was being misused for political reasons -
Joliet jake - scc - criminal record - chad jacobs - dont know that guy - never met this guy - claimed link to consent - jacob engels - jake as consent - ie how is everything - i found out when people run a background check for employment reasons - my name came back as a felon - have talked about this - its possible this is just a typo or something - bad luck - worth noting though - the jake thing is a strawberry link - winston - from what i understand - winston attys may sometimes be referred to as strawberrys - dont know anything about this - regardless - the thing about the criminal record - the county bldg - the jail - scrp - winston - thompson - chigop - thompson alums - greco baise vala - possible that defs claim at trial chad jacobs is link to consent - if so - ive never met that guy - never even seen him - they knew theyd lose -
Take article from todays globe - police ot and judge says - why not charge as rico - this sounds like rico - the judge is saying - i hear cases charging rico that dont sound this good - if shes saying this out loud - in public - after hearing the facts of the case - and shes questioning why the case isnt plead as rico - literally questioning the prosecutor - and he stumbles - and can only say the facts dont support it - he must be implying facts not offered into evidence that are exculpatory - which should have been mentioned - either way - defs claim I shouldnt arg rico - doj shouldnt charge rico - defs arg doj should not pursue the rico from my complaint. First response - theyre biased - second - its in my complaint - third - they win - fourth - they dont try to argue - they knew theyd lose - all this arg is after the fact - defs say lets solve this thing in court - until they lose - now wh says - lets do this thing in public - what hes saying is - no here on delaney - fudd - no hurry - indefinite detention - the dems should stage an intervention -
And note the art re insys - exec charged criminally for opioid case - bribes docs to rx known addictive substance - xa cocaine on garbage bags - doj - someone said i couldnt buy my food - and see cocaine on the floors and walls in jail - thats why i couldnt feel my hands and feet - and then they want to claim im an addict - balzekas - lots to talk about here - chant - angels - just trying to help people - vala - ni - see remarks re wi - chants of trumpence - rinkman - dennispmoore - wpp - that dude is in the power business - being able to fuck up my life - makes him look good - note links to thompson alums - chigop - greco baise vala - chamber - the chants of trumpence is a reference to clockwork orange - angels - good samaritans - xa sembler seed - addiction frame - cheney comment re spkr -
Unite the right - no here - needletrades - cellini busted - xa - cellini vala - rivkcs - karl kemme - cletus - clute - hecla - galv ports cleat - longies - ierc - ororke - obscene phone calls - gwb admin - perry homicidal threats frame - agriculture - ecole - agricolae - ffa - farm bro - fibro - farm chem - glyphosate - xa op - cunningham - heffe ron - cifa - usattys - mcds - ronde santis - swimmers - sharktopus - lincoln era gop - roddavis lincoln historian - ala - chamber ic - sd mitrovich - cits club - rudy davenport - no hurry - dennis consents - no one is making us stop - he will have to live like this until he gives up his case - until he gives us what we want - wes barr - tr sembler - bully -
5/4/19
Txgop - cornyn - cruz - tx22 - perry as agdir - agricolae - kid rock - duane johnson - i was put in jail on a charge of burglary - specifically breaking and entering - b & e - xa bennis elaine - b&e - benny and the jetts - pope benedict - ace lebrity we can get behind - dutton bonilla - sylvester lanning - thompson - edgar - reineke - thompson alums links to edgar - greco baise vala - richardhart - cellini - celletti - 404th chem - karl kemme - tx is usarec - tx22 - deps - galv - vester - rocky - sere guy - laffers - houpd - complaint sent to homicide - they knew i wasnt a terrorist - nix alums and political opponents of lbj - txgop - my moms family is related to lbj johnsons - i think - note also my dads family is somehow linked to wp - not by blood - my dads mom remarries a guy that has a son that worked at wp - dont know anything about my dads dad - for that matter dont know anything about grandmothers husband in chi - when i visited - all i understand is what other people seem to imply - indirectly - i think some of that talk is overstated - be that as it may - i believe that is the basis of the shark smear stuff - what thats hiding is the attack on me linked to opposition to txdems and the wp - nix fans dont like wp - txgop dont like fans of lbj - they can fuck with me and its like retaliation for the impeachment of nix - and txgop hates txdems - i honestly dont know why the people doing this to me are doing it - it doesnt matter - they are not being honest about how it started - I have been as honest as i can possibly be - it is the defendants that have continued to be completely dishonest about what has put us in this situation - the fact is they are simply unwilling to admit that what they have been doing to me is wrong - this thing has been going on a long time - longer than it should - longer than it needs to - i am committed to speaking out against the untruth of the defendants - I dont consent to addiction frame thing - its an excuse to browbeat me into giving up my case - whos extorting who - that fig leaf is getting smaller - i honestly dont know how thing ends - the people doing this to me will be exposed for what they are - understand that - lanning and rock - vest - galv - 123 oclock - sleep deprivation - haley - barber - schaive and a herr cut - ronde santis - hefferon - james elmer mitchell - sere guy - spk - spkattys - clute - cletus - herschell krustovsky - krusteil - steil - scso - sideshow bob - night mgr - 3d shift - they put me in jail - cleat galv ports - tx might muffler - cand was usmc - nabors - xa ed smith is tx - regional - and note link from delay to shim - shim factory work in tx - actually sent on job at shim factory - xa charlotte job in cape - halliburton in galv - cheney - scooter - razor scooter - schaive and a herr cutt - crazy pete hoekstra - zito link to ovp - cellnet - meters - bunn - sangamo meters - the nix link - targeting me is seen as payback for impeachment of nix - nix alums - cheney - rummy - copeland - fox ailes - simpsons - team mack - lemon tree - san clemente - while at loft - link to san clemente - loft girl - loft was radicalization frame - terr frame - xa bunn in oc - bunn at nursing home mulvaney - the 2franks - mcds poison is real - note mcds links - and execs - go away - legoland - judgement against mcds carlyle held in esgrow - remititur - schaive and a herr cutt - leggo my eggo - whos extorting who - the stuff on sere guy - rach - 123 oclock - happy days - political campaigns - advertising - wpp - pr - elections - burson - altria - winston - thompson - note esp what happened with judgement re tobacco - politics and doj - see how that works - same thing has happened to me - note slugger in the ussen - and rauner kingmaker - mel sembler - seed - addiction frame - chants of trumpence - kurtz is new guy at usccb - wojcicki is at sherriffs - cle wife picks austin as adj gen - hes ierc - ierc - airc onditioning - rett - atl - airborne - sjh - spfldconsulting - shg - shgcoaches - shgfootball - chi mckenna - big shoulders - gregory goes to dc - from atl - alton dio - stl - alton belle - saved by the bell - shs - centaurs - ackermann senterfitt - duane gibson - terry nelson - swift and blessing - kjell bc04 - ilgop - chi chamber - huizenga - servicemaster - franchises - chem - lon - wolfman - cheney - lonewolf frame - mace paolino - garbage - burson - cheney - joliet morning star - rpg gods - stl mi - 10th mi - roth dragoo - ilfopngaoi - gnuteck is right - dirt - mrt - roger stone is nix - jacob engels - bullhorn - ftl - berc - breck girl - perc - security guards - vala - perc - ierc - rice - arroz - war - sleep deprivation - night owls - hair falling out in ftl - urinary tract infection - reineke - wpp - ilgop - h/k - spflconsulting - scb - scso - rico - 1983 - equal protection - due process - 42 usc 241/242 - i was right - there are wrong - they cant admit what they did - what they are doing - they cant stop - the po is upside down on this thing - that fig leaf is going to get smaller - im making it samller - the maga hat means this - make the ag - into ga - reverse the the course of the ag - flip the ag - blow up my case from the inside - like tobacco -
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