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#you need to be aware that you will not understand the depth of their pain
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I know this may be beatles blasphemy but the Johnny Cash cover of In My Life is superior on every level
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astrobydalia · 3 months
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🪐 Astro Observations!!!✨
Happy 2024 babes! Here’s to another year sharing astrology stuff with all of you 🤩
work by astrobydalia
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Yes water moons have great intuition and could be psychic but I very often notice they tend to allow their personal feelings interfere with their decisions and could tend to not follow their intuition as much. The ones that have a more reliable or unbiased intuition imo are Earth moons and Aquarius moon.
Scorpio Venus really do gravitate to unhealthy relationships… All their connections tend to have unfair or imbalanced dynamics to them where there’s no equal give and take. They believe love means throwing yourself and your life away for another person (or they expect someone to give everything away for them) with little to nothing in return. They may not understand the difference between deep intimacy and unhealthy attachment
Libra placements and their ability to appear likable even when they have the shittiest personality deep down
In my opinion Moon is the most important planet if you really wanna begin to know someone at their core. Ultimately no planet can give you full info without the context of the whole chart tho (#AllPlanetsMatter), but you can really uncarcarve sm about someone just by moon placement/aspects/degree, etc. Moon rules your needs and so it really cements your personality and its an energy that you'll project in so many areas of your life (relationships, career, etc)
Fixed Mars are ARGUMENTATIVE fr fr. They need to have the last word and will die on that hill if they have to💀Honorable mention: Virgo/Gemini Mars due to Mercury influence but they’re more about friendly banter and aren’t as stubborn
80% of Aries Moons I've met were very philosophical/spiritual/religious. They can develop a self-awareness that gives them a lot of wisdom. The other 20% were just adult toddlers and very egotistic...
Capricorn placements and their internalized elitism. They really do believe some people are better than others which is the shadow of Capricorn unfortunately
Aquarius Moons are some of the most traumatized people I know fr fr. Whenever I get to know their life and backstory Im always like bro….😶😶 It makes me so sad cause they always bring such good vibes everywhere (they have a playful aura) when in reality there’s a depth of pain underneath you wouldn’t even fathom through that unbothered persona. The OG misunderstood.
We all know Scorpio is all about depth, intensity and looking beyond the surface but I’ve very often observed the exact opposite in scorpio placements. They could tend to be very superficial, greedy and materialistic, more obsessed with wealth and status than any earth placement (it all comes down to power). In such cases their interest in occult or deep topics could also be superficial or opportunistic, like they only see it as something that could give them a leg up in life or help them avoid unseen threats but that's about it.
Cancer Risings do not come across as sensitive at all. They tend to have a rather sassy personality and are pretty defensive 90% of the time tbh. Think about it, are crabs 🦀 cute and cuddly? No, you actually actually have to be very careful around one cause they sting lol. They do wear their heart on their sleeves and are very sensitive and perceptive but because of this they constantly feel like their vulnerability is out for everyone to see hence the guarded attitude.
^I've also noticed they are VERY opinionated and will hold on very tightly to how they think/feel about something. This results in having a reputation for being kinda bold and sharp (Aries 10th). Pro tip: do NOT question these native's morals or integrity unless you wanna see a very snappy side to them, they respond very very very badly if you even insinuate that they might be hypocritical in their values/what matters to them
The interpretation that Aquarius in the 4th house means you’re an outcasted black sheep in the family low-key doesn’t make sense to me tbh. Aquarius is the sign of camaraderie, friendship, inclusivity and community. All the people that I’ve seen with this placement were actually very bonded to their roots and considered their family (and the people they bonded with during childhood) to be "their people" (they also keep their friends close to heart). These natives do tend to distinct themselves as they grow up but this is due to Leo 10th house. I've noticed their family is in general very supportive of them or at the very least they received some input in their upbringing that made them feel special and/or like their uniqueness was celebrated. Feel free to share your opinion/experience tho
I've noticed Virgo Mars people have a perfect balance between being confident in themselves and fulling trusting their abilities while also staying humble and acknowledge room for improvement. Very mature and self-accountable and they're also great people to work with cause they are highly appreciative of good contribution
Sagittarius placements and their ability to be casually rude in a charming way??? 😭
Moon in the 10th house do not have a reputation for being emotional at all, it's quite the opposite they dislike exposing their feelings like that. A lot of their energy is spent trying to appear put-together and emotionally stable. The ones I've noticed have a reputation for being moody or sensitive are Mars in the 10th house
Venus-Moon aspects probably grew up in an environment that fed up this idea they had to be beautiful and conventionally likable in order to be worthy of love. These natives tend to base their self-worth on the amount of emotional validation they get from others and struggle telling the difference between kindness and love
A couple notes on everyone’s fave topic: 8th house synastry
We all know this overlay deals with power dynamics. On a general basis I’ve noticed it’s the planet person who tends to have the upper hand. Exeption: Moon. When your moon falls in someone’s 8th house you tend to be vulnerable one due to the soft nature of this planet, but the house person secretly feels more intimidated
You will NAWT be able to keep secrets from someone you have 8th house synastry with specially if you’re the house person. Sooner or later they’ll see through you, circumstances might force you to expose yourself or you’ll simply feel drawn to revealing the truth to them. With water synastry in general you will feel drawn to share more deep or hidden parts of yourself/your life but with the 8th house you can’t help it, like there’s almost an accusatory tension between the two that grows the more you try to hide something from them
Something I see no one mentioning about 8th house synastry is the planet person always feels intimidated by the house person's success. The planet person will try to take part in the house person's success by taking some credit and have a sense of control over what belongs to the house person, it's giving Kanye's "I made that bitch famous". At best the planet person would want to help boost the house person's endeavors. Either way, when someone's planets land on your 8th house, you will never feel like something is completely yours anymore, somehow the planet person will "take" something away from you that you can't get back making you feel like you owe them or they owe you something big (8th house=debt), which is why this overlay very often goes south and tends to be very depleting.
If we're talking business (which 8th house deals with that) the house person is likely to take a risk on the planet person, invest on them (can be money, time, resources, trust, etc) in hopes that it'll pay off. The house person is most likely to loose something from their involvement with the planet person, but they can also gain a lot from the planet person if the investment pays off. In either case, one could tend to exploit the other if there’s any ill intent from the individual
Water mars people are very smothering in their affection tbh. Once you’ve been chosen, get ready to be bombarded by their attention a bit more each time. Secret stalker vibes.This doesn’t always mean they love you tho, if underdeveloped they may want to “bond” in order to have emotional control over you and use you. For them it’s easy to get what they want through manipulation so leading people on or fooling around is something they tend to do a lot
Going back to the affection topic, water venus are smothering too but they go about their obsession devotion in a much more soft and non-domineering way where they give a lot of power away to their partner
People with Gemini+Scorpio placements in their chart embody the mischievous trickster archetype fr fr. They’re funny but also a menace. Have an ease to become that type of deceitful manipulator who thrives in chaos
I have a theory that your Moon represents the kind of bond or relationship you have with your mother but Ceres represents how your mother actually is
Capricorn and Scorpio placements are huge tsunderes imo 😭
Chiron in Sagittarius/9th house have become disappointed with religious and/or academic institutions. For them both systems are essentially flawed and don't work or don't make sense
+When it comes to religion I've seen a lot of them being atheist and skeptics. Some others still believed in god/universe/etc. but they did not want to support any stablished religious institution and instead have preferred to craft their own belief system. In both cases, they saw the institutionalization of believe systems as something that hindered their freedom of thought and expansion
+When it comes to academics a very similar thing happens. They felt like collage and the educational system restricted their mind instead of expanding it so they just preferred to walk their own path and find growth elsewhere. A friend of mine with this placement quit collage and the other people I've seen who did finish it all said they had a kinda dreadful and/or unfulfilling collage experience which they low-key regret
If you’ve ever felt powerless in the house where you have your pluto, that’s because you gave your power away to the opposite house. For example, if you have Pluto in the 5th house and you felt powerless when it comes to expression, your creativity, etc that’s because you gave too much power to the public opinion/peer pressure (11th house) and what they may say about you if you express yourself genuinely
Scorpio Moons always battle with that "am I a good person?", "am I a monster deep down?" inner conflict. They are more in touch with darker emotions and experiences than the average person so for them it's particularly easy to channel their shadow. This can often make them doubt their own integrity or think they are doomed to never feel happiness and inner peace. This is moon's debilitation for a reason, their inner emotional world is ruled by chaos and turmoil and they tend to be a bit too comfortable (moon) in toxicity and drama, nothing is ever light-hearted for them. If developed this ability of staying in touch with the shadow side of things can actually give them lots of awareness and resilience for the darker sides of the world as well as a very solid moral compass and compassion
Leo Moons likely had grandiose standards forced on them that inflated their self-importance. It's giving "mommy told me I am the best and most special of all" which is great but now they be carrying that mindset for the rest of their lives and this is where lot of their infamous sensitivity and fragile ego comes from cause not fulfilling these standards deeply hurts their heart. In consequence they tend to be more unprepared to accept humbling experiences that'll make them mature
virgo risings are funny!!!! I haven't seen anyone mention this, but every virgo rising I've met cracked me UP, they are so witty and never misse a chance to throw in a cheeky joke every 2 minutes. I think this is overlooked because they keep a rather awkward demeanor to them which often makes for a rather dry delivery. Best examples of this are Ryan Raynolds, Keanue Reeves, Emma Watson, Cole Sprouse...
Also, all Virgo risings I've met tend to come across as huge snobs so it's very common that people don't take their humor or friendliness seriously
Honestly I've noticed this theme with Virgo/6th house inner placements in general where their judgemental nature always makes them unfriendly or snarky to some degree. They can be the kind of people who are never happy with anything and always have a bone to pick.
My main theory as to why Leo risings are the most shy out of all Leo placements is because a lot of them grew up in very problematic and dysfunctional families (Scorpio 4th house) where they were shamed for showing vulnerability or being genuine (Cancer 12th house)
I’ve noticed Aries Suns and Capricorn Suns tend to relate a lot to their fathers, they tend to have very similar character traits as their fathers. For good or for bad their relationship with their father is always very important in their personality.
I find that LEO Suns and Sagittarius Suns always be having daddy issues tho like 😭😭😭😭
One thing about Capricorn is they can be literal billionaires and yet will still refuse to spend a dime on something they think is not worth it
Mutable Moons don’t commit 10000% to things, they’re the type to always have a foot out just in case. They're most likely to commit to things if they don't feel forced or expected to stay permanently
Cardinal energy is very consistent and responsable. People with prominent cardinal placements have a really developed sense of agency, focus and direction (imo this will be more obvious with moon, mars and asc). There's something about them that always gives me this put together "I've got this" kinda vibe, they always seem like they've got it together and always know what to do even when they're lost.
Fixed mercuries and their inability to understand or accept that two different points can be true
Sun/Leo in the 3rd house could want to have a nice car, an expensive or luxurious car from a well-known brand
I’ve seen people saying Venus-Mars conjunction gives it girl vibes. This is also HIGHLY true for Mars-ruled Venus (Aries/Scorpio Venus) or Venus-ruled Mars (Libra/Taurus Mars)
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work by astrobydalia
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noctivague · 1 month
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PAC: What area of your life needs nurturing?
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Hello! Felt like doing another Pick a Card/Pile reading.
The topic of the day is: "What area of your life needs nurturing?"
How it's going to unfold is that I'll first narrow down to an area of life, look at the challenges and then the advice on how to nurture this area. This is meant to be a supporting reading that will help you grow in that specific field.
Focus on the 4 pictures above, pick the one that resonates the most (it can also happen that you feel drawn to more than one) and then read more below the pile(s) you selected.
Take what resonates and leave out the rest as this is a general reading meant for multiple people and situations.
Feel free to tell me if that resonates as I wish to improve :)
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PILE 1
Cards: 4 of Swords + Valiant Courage: Take Actions with Passion Rx; 4 of Cups Rx + The Chariot + 4 of Pentacles; The Creator + The Shadow + The Mystic
The area of your life that needs nurturing is your mental and perhaps physical health. As in, you are currently depleted and in need of a rest, with a sense that your energy levels are so low that you are unable to take actions towards what matters to you.
Right of the bat I notice you got 3 out of 4 Fours of the minor arcana (Swords, Cups and Pentacles), which indicates a need to go back to the foundation and restructure yourself. Your foundations are crumbling and it's stopping you in your track because you are not tasking good care of your basic needs.
You are not allowing yourself to be bored, to rest and contemplate what's happening within and outside of yourself. So focused that you are on pushing through and advancing your life. I'm getting strong ambition and goals from this pile. You are afraid that if you take time off, you're going to lose what you have so you hang onto it for dear life, but it is counter productive and keeping you stuck in place.
The advice on how to nurture this area of your life is to:
1) get in touch with your creativity in a free, childlike and non-judgemental way. Whether you are a creative person of not doesn't really matter as it is not about skills but about expression, and we all have things to express. Keep your creations for yourself so that you can truly feel free from expectations and results. So whether that is drawing, painting, collages, sculpture, pottery, cooking, music, dancing, acting, sewing, makeup, making floral arrangements of cutting bonsai, whatever it is, pick up something that calls you and start expressing yourself creatively. Doesn't matter if you're a beginner or have done it in the past, as long as it is fun to practice.
2) another important aspect of nurturing yourself is understanding your shadow. In non-esoteric speak, what it means is that there are things withing yourself that you are pushing away because you don't want to accept them. The problem is that by denying these important aspects of yourself, you are cutting your growth short. The most important messages we can receive come from the depth of our own mind, and the shadow, while it may be painful and scary, contains keys that can make you free through understanding, compassion and acceptance. I would suggest meditation and journalling, but something else that's quite cool that ties with the first advice is that you totally can look at your creations and see what themes, thoughts or emotions are naturally emerging. Nothing is ever random when it comes to creativity, there is always something from you that comes out!
3) Once you've started being in touch with those dark thoughts, feelings and patterns, you must learn to sit with them, integrate them and make them part of your full self so that they are not a shadowy treat lurking beneath the surface anymore, but something you are fully aware of and can live in peace with. I'm getting that you should not hesitate to reach out for help if you realize at any point that you need support in order to overcome that. Some traumas are better handled with the help of a professional to guide you through it. I would also highly suggest looking up and reading about the concept of integration in psychotherapy as it could help and empower you on your quest.
Hope that helps Pile 1 and I wish you good luck on your journey! 💚
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PILE 2
Cards: Queen of Pentacles Rx + 8 of Swords; 2 of Cups + Page of Swords Rx + 10 of Wands Rx; The Underworld + The Shapeshifter + The Maiden
The area of your life that needs nurturing is your relationship with love.
I'm sensing that this pile is for people who are single, either since birth or for a long time, or people who got out of a relationship and have trouble finding their footing.
What I'm getting is that you feel powerless, stuck and can't seem to see an end to your situation. You are eagerly waiting for things to blossom again but loosing hope because it's taking too long in your mind. It's like you set yourself this goal that you would find love and you're frustrating yourself that it is not happening.
You have a very idealistic view of love and are looking for something perfect and transcending, which is not necessarily a bad thing, I truly believe that we're often better off alone than with the wrong person, but the problem here is that you are being overly defensive and it's stopping the flow of things.
You may have trouble communicating your desires, which again, implies that you found someone willing and able to listen, but there is something in the way you express yourself and come across that feels like a wall between you and potential lovers. You are guarding yourself up at all times and it's not a good strategy.
Also, you are carrying a lot of baggage that you have not faced yet and so long as you don't do it, you will either be stuck where you are or cave in for something that is not the beautiful relationship you're dreaming of. There is again a message to open up, free yourself to let enough space for someone to get in.
Here is the advice on how to nurture your relationship with love:
First, you need to dive within yourself and face those burdens and over-defensiveness regarding forming new connections. The Underworld implies that it is something you dread a lot. It might be scary and ugly at times, but it is so necessary. It's an internal process that may take some time depending on your dispositions and willingness to do the work, but going through your own personal hell will make you stronger when you come out of it.
I'm getting that some of you might have a lot of disgust and shame towards intimacy and sensuality.
Your self is composed of so many facets and it's time to explore those you have been neglecting for so long. Again, I'm getting that you are neglecting your romantic, emotional, and/or sensual side. You don't have to make it your whole personality but it seems that it's important for you and that you should integrate that in your whole self more.
I'm getting that some of you have also either been neglecting their appearance, or been stuck with the same look for a while, so it might be a good idea to switch things up a little! Get a haircut or find a few new outfits. The important thing is not to look like someone else but find something that makes you feel fresh and confident and that expresses a new part of yourself, one that has been hidden for a while. This might take so trial and error as you are lacking practice, so don't expect to find the right thing straight away, but trust in the process and have fun exploring!
The last card asks you to reconnect with your sensuality and candid openness to romance. Whatever gender you are, there is a lot of healing energy in the Maiden archetype you can embody. And you don't need anyone to do that *wink wink* use your imagination or whatever support you want (audio, visual, written, etc...) the goal is to explore your body, your sensations and your emotions, and, again, explore that neglected part of yourself.
As a result you will be more willing to open up to new connections, whether it be from people in your circle or outside of it.
That's it for today Pile 2! Hope that helped and I wish you good luck on your journey! 💗
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PILE 3
Cards: 4 of Cups Rx + 8 of Wands Rx + Crossing Bridges Rx; Judgement + The Chariot Rx + 6 of Pentacles; The Creator + The Riddle + The Father
The area of your life that needs nurturing is your own stance towards life. More precisely, I'm getting isolation and refusing to be on the receiving end of things.
Basically, it seems you are shutting yourself off from the world and people around you. Refusing help and advice and shutting yourself off in your own familiar world of self-reliance. You are reluctant to leave this old way of doing things behind, metaphorically crossing the bridge and leaving the past behind.
Perhaps you hold unresolved grudges and resentment towards someone or a situation and you are unable to let it go and move forward. Perhaps you have been a carer for a long time and forgot that you al so need to receive sometimes to keep the balance of things.
It seems like you are stopping the flow of exchanges between you and other people, as in, you refuse to receive and you are giving too much of yourself, your time, your energy and/or resources, and are depleting yourself in a way.
You are getting stuck in your track and unable or unwilling to transcend to a new state of being and looking at the world. You are unable to see that life holds so many possibilities and potential for growth and you are stuck in stagnation.
The advice for Pile 3 is the following:
Like Pile 1 you got the Creator archetype, but I feel like it's way less literal in your case. For Pile 3, I'm getting that you need to focus on yourself and your own self expression more. Do things that make you happy and fulfilled and stop always trying to please everyone. The Creator archetypes creates for their own pleasure and enjoyment, and you need to embrace that stance on life, which might or might not include creative endeavors, but you've been neglecting your own enjoyment of life and it's time to stop.
I'm also getting that you are facing an impossible problem to resolve and you're getting stuck in mind games, trying to find the answer to the Riddle. The truth is, you need to step away from finding the answer to this problem because you are looking in the wrong direction. I'm getting savior complex. You are just one person, you cannot neglect yourself for the sake of your family, your friends, your community or the world. You need to help yourself first before you can help anyone else.
Finally, the Father here indicates me that you are over-focusing on the negative aspects of masculinity, and I'm saying that regardless of your gender, as everyone embodies these qualities in one way or another.
Basically, you need to learn to talk about your feelings and ask for help when you need it. Don't try to be a carer for everyone and find balance in the knowing that you can be taken care of to, and you need it!
If people around you don't accept that, I'm sorry but you're going to need a time out from them until they understand and change their way, or cut them off completely if that's not an change they are willing to make. You deserve so much more than what you are getting Pile 3!
That's it for this reading, I hope it was helpful and I wish you good luck on your journey! 💛
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PILE 4
Cards: 2 of Wands + 4 of Swords; Knight of Wands + Page of Cups + X of Pentacles Rx; The Box + The Orphan + The Eternal Child Rx
The area of your life that needs nurturing is towards your career and your future goals regarding prosperity.
It seems, when it comes to your career, that you are stuck in a state of inaction and vague contemplation towards your future.
You feel quite dissatisfied with the state of things but you can't quite tell what it is you need in order to finally feel fulfilled. I'm getting that these thoughts are nailing you down.
You feel like you need to wait for something to happen, to show you the light, and that then you'll be able to find your path.
For the struggles regarding this situation, it seems you are balancing between two states. The first is some type of tense over-activity that pushes you to run towards the first potential opportunity that arises for you. You might jump from one idea of path to another, or one job or education to another, never truly digging deep enough or being committed enough to go anywhere. You're basically running in circles.
The other side is to get lost in your wishy washy stance and drowning in your feelings of indecision. Again, it's like you find a thing that seems cool, you go for it, get cold feet, and opt out. The result is that you are blocking your own prosperity, which by nature takes time and dedication.
The advice for Pile 4 and their career is the following:
First, it seems you are putting yourself into a box made of expectations learned from your upbringing and society. You feel like you need to find THE solution, find it fast, and earn success and/or fulfillment straight away. Reality is unfortunately rarely like that.
So you need to examine these expectations you are imposing on yourself and free yourself from them, because they are hindering you more than they are supporting you. They seem like a good idea to motivate yourself but really they are only making you more confused.
Because at the core, you are not asking yourself what you truly need. Perhaps the reason why you struggle so much to find your path is because you are rejecting what you need the most. Perhaps even it's related to the box because you've been told that this isn't possible or desirable.
This is not for everyone, but I'm getting that some of you have some undiagnosed disorder making it difficult for them to function. In that sense the box is literally you not fitting the mold of society and the best thing you could to is to seek help in order to navigate that because you've been trying for a while and you can't do this on your own.
Lastly, there is a need to grow up, and I'm not saying this to be mean, but rather, to encourage you to take accountability for your life and make decision for yourself. Not what other people wants from you, not what society tries to makes of you, but what YOU want to do. Stop waiting for an answer to fall from the sky, pick a path and work towards it. It doesn't mean that you will forever do that, but at some point you need to get out of your nest and pursue something with dedication.
Voilà I hope it was useful Pile 4! I wish you good luck on your journey! 💚
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milkandhyunnie · 7 months
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the boy is bad news | h.hj smau
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ch 37 - i love him
genre: angst, smut, social media au (with written parts), college au, enemies to lovers
wc: 3.2k
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
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Flashing lights. Blaring speakers. Warm bodies brushing past him like waves rushing past a stone in the sand. Hyunjin had never felt so alone in a crowd before. The liquor did nothing but amplify the overwhelming sensation in his chest and uproot all of the feelings he had tried to bury. He needed relief. He needed to get out of here.
Hyunjin shuffles through the mass, trying his best to politely dodge waving arms and swaying hips. But one too many bumps pushes his patience past his limit and he finds himself forging his escape path forcefully towards the door, not caring to acknowledge the annoyed faces glaring at him as he weaves through.
Greeted by the long awaited night breeze, he slumps against the wall of the bar, taking in deep breaths of cool air and shutting his eyes in an attempt to shut out the thoughts swarming his brain.
As soon as he indulges in the darkness however, he visualizes you—smiling, laughing, looking breathtakingly beautiful as he always remembers—but next to someone else.
Taeyong. Lee fucking Taeyong. Hyunjin didn't know much about the guy, besides the fact that he was a culinary major and a handsome one at that, but he really didn't need to know more. It was the simple fact that you had gone on a date with someone, anyone, besides him. The fact that you had shared an intimate moment with another while Hyunjin was greedy for all of those moments. He wanted all of them, every single one of them, with you.
Was it a tad possessive for him to feel this way? Maybe. But he's been intent on winning you since before he was even aware of his desires. It's not fair for another man to come in so easily and be instantly rewarded a date with you when he's been trying for months. No—even if he had met you yesterday, Hyunjin could not make peace with the thought of you entertaining another man. Not for one second. He needed you to be his and only his. Because he was already yours. And the longer he gave himself to you without recompense, the more it tore him apart inside.
He was becoming hollow, the pain of your absence eating away at him like an ulcer in his chest. Soon, there would be nothing left. An empty cavity where his heart belonged, before it ran itself to death from pouring too much into you.
You caused it. You took a blade and slashed it open when you decided to go on that date. The tear is only growing as his feelings leak out, overwhelming Hyunjin with grief.
He looked Taeyong up as soon as he heard. Browsed through endless photos on his social media accounts, comparing the man to himself as he tried to reason that he was a better match for you.
This guy doesn’t know you like Hyunjin does. He doesn’t understand that your tough exterior only veils your sweet heart, that you have dreams and aspirations and a plethora of talent to make them into realities. He doesn’t know how much you care for your friends, for strangers you’ve just met, even for an obnoxious soccer player who does nothing but give you hell.
He doesn’t know how you need to be hugged when you’re upset. How you spew harsh words and push away, only to cover up the fact that you’re hurting. How a simple embrace will knock down your walls and allow you to give in to your vulnerabilities.
He can’t love you like I do.
Hyunjin is convinced that no one ever can. Because he’s never felt this way in his life. Not for anyone before and not for anyone else he’ll ever meet. It’s too strong. The way his heart pounds in his chest whenever you’re around. The way his lungs are stripped of air when you kiss him. The way he can’t stop wanting more.
He was doing fine before he met you—never felt the need to care about someone other than himself, well loved by his friends and classmates, and successful on all accounts. But the moment you sat down with him in that coffee shop, the sharp look in your eyes telling him that you saw straight through his antics and wouldn’t be fooled like so many others in his life, he knew you’d turn his world on edge. He just didn’t know it’d be like this. Like a part of him was missing when you’re gone. Like he can’t function without you.
Hyunjin feels pathetic, but for once, he doesn’t care. He leans against the cold wall of the bar, watching the cars pass on the road in front of him. There’s a group of guys smoking cigarettes under the streetlight on the other side of the door and a couple making out in the alleyway next to him. The girl was similar in height to you, standing on her tiptoes as the tall man cradled her in his arms, kissing her sloppily with passion. His dark hair brushes against her cheeks, drawing giggles from her.
In his drunken haze, Hyunjin sees that it’s Taeyong kissing you, rapidly blinking his eyes before realizing he was mistaken. But it was too late. The image had traveled to his brain, sending a jolt of pain to his chest and making him sick to his stomach. He had to leave. He had to get away from this place and rid himself of these thoughts somehow. The thought of you with another man pushes him over the edge, nauseating him with fury. Hyunjin needed something to soothe his affliction and all he could think about was you—the cause of his pain and the answer to his anguish.
So he texts you, seeking some sort of solace in your words, but it’s not enough. He needs to see you, needs to hold you, needs to breath you in before he suffocates. Hyunjin calls for a cab and makes his way to you immediately. He can’t get there fast enough. As the driver navigates to your apartment, Hyunjin closes his eyes. He’ll be there soon, he tells himself, he’ll see you soon.
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“Is everything good?”
Taeyong’s voice brings you out of the fixation you had on the text conversation in your phone.
“You’re kinda zoning out right now, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You sigh. “I’m just worried.”
Taeyong sets down his fork next to the bowl of pasta you were sharing. He made it for you because you said you were craving it, and it was the best damn pasta you’d ever tasted. But after only two bites you had stopped eating. You didn’t have an appetite.
“Y/N, we talked through this already, everything is going to be okay. All you need to do is talk it out with him. I think it’s clear how you both feel, don’t you agree?”
“But what if I say the wrong thing? Or what if he won’t listen to me?” You bring your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs to hold them in place. “We’re shit at communicating, Tae. The only times we speak well is when we’re arguing.” You mumble.
“Just speak from your heart. Be honest!” He encourages you. “C’mon, why don’t you tell me how he makes you feel and it can be like you’re practicing for the real thing.”
You bury your head in embarrassment, but go along with his suggestion.
“He makes me feel…nervous, but in a good way. Like when you’re about to go down a drop on a rollercoaster.”
“So, excited?”
“I guess so. My heart beats alarmingly fast around him. I don’t think it’s normal.”
Taeyong laughs. “It may not be normal but I think it’s a good thing. What else?”
“He’s handsome, intimidatingly so. I can’t stop staring at him sometimes, it’s almost like hypnosis.” You mutter. “And it’s also kind of annoying, like who gave him the right to look that good? It’s just not fair. And the fact that he knows it too pisses me off.”
“Okay I think I’m starting to see why you’re so confused about your feelings. Maybe avoid telling him that his face pisses you off if you’re trying to communicate better with him.” Taeyong chuckles. “But why don’t we focus on the positives? It’s a good thing that you think he’s handsome, no? And he surely feels the same way about you. Doesn’t it make you proud that you bagged the campus heartthrob?”
“He’s not just a pretty face, he’s also…really caring, and thoughtful. Somehow he always knows when I’m feeling down, and he finds a way to cheer me up, every time. Even when I’m being an absolute brat, he’ll still comfort me. I think that if my life was falling apart, he could hold me in his arms and everything would be okay. It’s strange, but I feel safe with him. I can tell him anything and he’ll never judge me. He always reassures me and tells me he’s proud of me. I want to share everything with him because I know he’ll support me no matter what.”
You pause, squeezing your legs a little tighter.
“He’s so complex. I thought I knew what kind of guy he was when we first met—a typical self absorbed jock—but he’s so much more. He’s playful and confident, but also introspective and sensitive. He understands a lot more than he leads on. He makes mistakes but isn’t ashamed to admit it, and he always tries his best to improve. But sometimes he’s too hard on himself, even though he’s wonderful just the way he is, and…”
You glance at your phone on the table. No new messages yet. Hyunjin hasn’t responded to your last text.
“And?” Taeyong urges you to continue.
“And I just like him, okay? A lot.”
Taeyong grins in amusement. “You sure you just like him? Because it seems to me like it’s more than that.”
You shift your head and stare at the ground. It is more than that. To say that you like him a lot is an understatement. The thought of him sets your heart fluttering and you think about him all the time. You could fill a whole conservatory with the amount of butterflies he gives you. Hyunjin is the only one who can get you as angry as he does, but he’s also the only one who can calm you down. Something about him makes you feel at home. You can be yourself when you’re with him, even if that means being a little ugly. He’ll still think you’re beautiful. You think he’s beautiful, and not just his looks. In the tender moments when he shares his thoughts with you, his true feelings—you think he’s the most beautiful person in the world.
“I love him.”
The words slip out before you can catch them and hearing them out loud brings heat to your cheeks.
Taeyong looks at you with a proud smile, crossing his arms and leaning back into his seat. “See? Now was that so hard?”
“Yeah, it really was.” You grumble.
“But the more you say it, the easier it’ll be!” He jeers.
You sigh. “I hope you’re right. I feel like I need to say it as soon as possible or else I’ll chicken out.”
Another glance at your phone reveals that Hyunjin still hasn’t responded. It’s been over fifteen minutes since your last message and you start to worry.
“He’s not answering me. I hope he’s okay.” You impatiently tap your fingers on the table.
“His friends are with them right? I’m sure he’s fine, probably just got distracted.” Taeyong reassures you.
“But he was messaging me a lot and then suddenly stopped.” You start to feel anxious. “And he’s been drinking, what if he’s in danger?”
“Y/N, just take a deep breath. Why don’t you call his friends and find out if they’re together? Would that help calm you down?”
Just as you reach for your phone, a message pops up on the screen. It’s from Nari.
Nari: hey yn, is hyunjin with you? Changbin just texted me to ask
Y/N: he isn’t with Changbin?
Nari: they were out together but bin can’t find him now
You slam your phone down and dart up from the table.
“I need to find Hyunjin. He needs me right now.”
“Woah, is everything okay? Did his friends text you?”
“They can’t find him. No one knows where he is.” You hastily leave the table and head to the door. “I need to find him.”
In a frantic rush, you grab a jacket and swing the door open, and there he was. Hyunjin stood right in front of you, looking just as shocked as you are to see him. His hair messily frames his cheeks which donned a light blush from the alcohol he’s been drinking and his jacket haphazardly droops off one shoulder. His mouth parts open at the sight of you, eyes lit up despite his disheveled appearance. You suck in a breath of surprise at the sight of him, before releasing a sigh of relief.
“Y/N…” He mumbles, not moving from his spot. “I’m sorry, I—just really needed to see you.”
Hyunjin slightly retracts from his position, hanging his head, a bit embarrassed for showing up unannounced.
“I should g—“
Before he finishes his sentence, you lunge into him, wrapping your arms around his torso. Your head is burrowed in his chest and you shut your eyes and hug him tighter.
He’s momentarily caught off guard by your embrace, stumbling backwards before enveloping you in his arms. You can hear his heartbeat as you both steady your breaths.
“Why didn’t you text me back, stupid?” You mutter into his chest.
“My phone died.” He sheepishly answers. “Did I worry you?”
You look up at him with an angry pout, but your eyes glitter with affection. Hyunjin melts at the sight, his heart swelling with adoration.
“I thought you were in trouble.” You grumble. “I was going to go find you.”
“I’m sorry.” He places a hand on your face, softly caressing your cheek with his thumb. “But you found me.”
“What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”
He pauses, studying your features closely before inhaling deeply. You feel his breath on your skin, soothing you from all the worry you had before.
“I needed to see you Y/N, I don’t know what else to say.”
“Why did you need to see me now, though? I told you I’d come over tomorrow.”
“Because…” Hyunjin purses his lips, trying to formulate an articulate answer before giving up with a sigh.
“Every moment I’m apart from you feels like a million years.” He shakes his head in anguish before resuming his gaze on your face. “It hurts when you’re not with me. My chest feels tight and empty at the same time. And I don’t know how to make it better except by being with you.”
You absorb his words, the weight in your own chest feeling lighter and lighter with each thing he says.
“You make me feel warm and secure and happy. And now that I know how it feels, I never want it to stop. I want to be with you always.”
Hyunjin’s words fall out like a bird learning how to fly. He stumbles in his speech, stuttering over syllables and huffing in frustration when he can’t find the right words. It’s disorganized and messy, but it’s raw. He’s speaking from his heart and you can feel it. You understand exactly what he’s saying because you feel the same way. Everything is going to be okay for you two. All you need to do is express how you feel about him. To finally reveal your true emotions and everything you’ve been dying to tell him.
He watches you intently after voicing his thoughts. Did he say too much? Hyunjin is afraid he might have overwhelmed you. But he’s glad he said it because the tightness in his chest has finally subsided. Eagerly, he awaits your response.
You take both your hands to cradle his face, and he melts into your touch, closing his eyes in contentment. This is all he needs, forever. Just to be in your arms and have you in his.
“Hyunjin, I—“
“Who’s at the door, Y/N?”
A foreign voice shatters his tranquility. And a pit reforms in his stomach. Hyunjin opens his eyes again.
“Who was that?” He tilts his head to peek through the doorway past your shoulder.
“Hyunjin, it’s no one. I was just talking out my feelings with a friend. My feelings for you.”
But he doesn’t hear what you say. At this moment, Hyunjin has a terrible feeling about who is in your apartment, and he needs to confirm his dreadful suspicions.
He loosens his grip around your waist and cranes his head further. When he meets eyes with the boy standing inside, he realizes that his fears were correct.
The tightness he feels has now multiplied to an unprecedented level. His heart drops to his stomach. He’s rendered speechless. The sharp pain in his chest freezes him in his spot.
You’ve been frantically voicing words to explain the situation but Hyunjin’s ears have gone numb. He can’t hear a thing.
He finally looks back to you, but his soft expression has changed. His eyes are wide, lips pressed tight. He’s breathing hard.
“You’re seriously with him right now?” Hyunjin’s voice quivers with hurt.
“We’re friends Hyunjin, I swear. He was actually helping me sort out my feelings for y—“
“I need to go.”
Hyunjin releases his grasp on you and swiftly leaves your doorstep. Tears prickle his eyes as he walks away.
You rush to follow after him, calling for him to stop, but he doesn’t listen. When you finally catch up, you reach for his hand, but as soon as he feels your touch, he retracts from you.
“Hyunjin, please don’t leave.” Tears start to form in your eyes as well.
He hears the trembling in your voice, and it breaks his heart even further. Hyunjin doesn’t want to leave, but the current situation was far too much for him. To see you with the guy who caused him to even be in this predicament, it was a dagger in his heart. Hyunjin’s hurt, to the core. And the longer he stays here, the deeper his mind will travel, pondering the scenes that took place before he got here, wondering if anything happened between you and Taeyong in your apartment, and formulating the worst scenarios imaginable.
“Hyunjin, please.” You beg once more.
He winces at the sound of your voice, but doesn’t turn around.
“I need some space.” Is all he says before picking up his speed again and leaving for good.
You’re utterly distressed to be left alone in the hallway of your apartment building. Should you chase after him? Should you force him to stay and listen? You contemplate what to do to fix this situation, but all you can do is watch in silence as he leaves.
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a/n: sad hyune sad yn :( i promised drama and here it is 🤧 this scene is quite heartbreaking, but it’s also one of the first scenes I imagined which led to the creation of this whole series, so I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! please let me know what ya think~ we’re getting closer to the end and it makes me sad :( but I always love reading your comments 🫶 thanks to all who send me feedback!
Taglist: @mal-lunar-28 @ladylexis @vampcharxter @sisterofsomeone @whlfchnari @imasimplol @writersun @i2lain @astraystayyh @jiimout @hwajin @hyynee @rachabreathing @zoe8stay @abbiestearsricochet @ven-fic-recs @stay-down-kid @flowerbin131 @hyunverse @whatthefsposts @carousellights @dorisnumber1fan @hyunsungbased @manj1ro @straydhampir @jungkookies1002 @rindomo @iadorethemskz @silent-jill @feelikecinderella @vixensss @leeyanyanyaaan @broken-glowsticks @bmnyy @fawnpeaks @hyuneyeon @septicrebel @channiesstars @mimi-sierra04 @dreamstarsandskz @cheshireshiya @staurdvst @swissgoswish @ggundeuri @farfromsugafanfic @whats-my-question @bintificreads @iwaplant @yla-aira @midsoulz
taglist CLOSED!
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bitchy-craft · 9 months
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Your Next Shadow Work Prompt | Pick A Pile
Hello and welcome to this Pick A Pile! In here you'll find out what you need to work on when it comes to Shadow Work. I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful. Do make sure to leave comments down below on your experience! I do want to remind you all that this is a General Pick A Pile which means this is for a lot of people; therefore keep what resonates and leave what doesn't.
Masterlist > Questions
Pick A Pile!
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Pile 1:
You need to work on integration and self-acceptance. These things can be worked on in tons of ways so I'll give you a few to give some ideas and maybe help you along the way!
Embrace your imperfections and self-judgments. Recognize that they are part of your journey and offer opportunities for growth;
Explore your subconscious beliefs and patterns. Bring them to light and examine whether they serve your highest good;
Recognize and accept your own limitations. Let go self-imposed expectations and focus on self-compassion and self-care;
Acknowledge and work through past traumas or unresolved emotions. Seek support from professionals or trusted individuals if needed.
Pile 2:
You need to work on your unhealed, emotional wounds. These things can be worked on in tons of ways so I'll give you a few to give some ideas and maybe help you along the way!
Identify and acknowledge past traumas or painful experiences. Give yourself permission to acknowledge the emotions associated with them;
Allow yourself to feel and process suppressed emotions. Create a safe space to express and release them in healthy ways;
Practice forgiveness toward yourself and others for past hurts. Understand that forgiveness is a process and may require time and effort;
Cultivate self-compassion and nurture your inner healing. Engage in self-care activities and seek support from therapeutic practices or professionals.
Pile 3:
You need to work on your self-exploration and shadow awareness. These things can be worked on in tons of ways so I'll give you a few to give some ideas and maybe help you along the way!
Explore your fears, insecurities, and unconscious patterns. Dive into the depths of your psyche to understand the roots of these aspects;
Examine your projections onto others and situations. Notice where you might be projecting your own unresolved issues onto external factors.;
Engage in introspection and self-reflection practices. Dedicate regular time to connect with your inner self and gain clarity;
Develop a regular mindfulness or meditation practice. Cultivate present-moment awareness to observe and understand your thoughts and emotions.
Pile 4:
You need to work on your boundaries and self-empowerment. These things can be worked on in tons of ways so I'll give you a few to give some ideas and maybe help you along the way!
Reflect on your personal boundaries. Identify areas where you may need to establish stronger boundaries to protect your well-being;
Explore your relationship with assertiveness. Assess whether you need to cultivate a stronger sense of self-advocacy;
Examine power dynamics in your relationships. Consider any imbalances and work towards creating healthier dynamics;
Embrace your personal power and take ownership of your life. Trust in your abilities and make decisions aligned with your authentic self.
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syntheticavenger · 6 months
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heimta
I went ahead and fell headfirst into something new (to me) and I don't know if I like it yet (I'm a little nervous, okay!) but here it is. A lot of world building because it's me but the next part will be a lot more in-depth!
Thanks to @natromanxv for letting me screech while I watch Vikings for the first time!
Ragnar Lothbrok x Oracle! Female Reader
Warnings: 18+ only, nothing but world building and some angst.
Summary | Your gift from the Gods keeps your village safe, until a sign brings a stranger to your world, upending everything you've ever known.
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Waves crash against the rocks, the water churning angrily as if trying to break through the earth. For now, the sound drowns out your thoughts, the jealousy and pain blooming in your chest that makes it hard to breathe. The dark clouds above you rumble, the threat of rain all but certain. A storm brews overhead, one that will bring a cleansing to the ground you walk upon.
A well needed purification to your thoughts that riddle your mind. You can feel a presence behind you, ignoring it as you’re quite aware of who followed you up to the cliffs and away from the village.
“A son,” Marote informs you.
You’d known the old woman had been behind you for a while, silently taking you in before delivering her message. 
Though she is aged, her voice remains youthful, belying her years of childbearing and assisting with bringing new life into this world. The deep wrinkles carved into her kind face give you pause, knowing you should respect your elders, especially with who she is.
“An heir,” you respond, the rumbling of thunder overhead. “Fitting.”
Marote smiles at your answer.
“You foretold it.”
Tears prick at your eyes, your composure refusing to let them leak over. Correct or not, it still feels like a dagger to the heart.
“What do you need, Marote?”
“They ask you to pray over the child.”
“No,” you hiss. “Never.”
“A child is a gift. It comes into this world as an innocent. You have the ability to make sure it stays that way until it can make decisions on its own.”
“Am I to hide my sadness then? To bless a child that isn’t mine, to pretend that I was not cast aside by the same man who requests my presence to bless his new son?”
“It is not the child’s fault,” Marote reminds you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “You knew it would not last. Emotions are treacherous. You need to find a place for them and it is not lashing out at an innocent child.”
“So my duty is to swallow down my despair. So be it,” you answer her, standing up as her hand falls back to her side.
“I don’t wish for you to become cold of heart. Such is life, my beloved niece, you must understand that. Your gift to our people is to heal and protect. There is no space for anything further, especially with jealousy and hate.”
The first drops of rain hit the tip of your nose and your brow, almost as if to prove her point as the rain begins.
“There is no space for me to be myself in any realm,” you remind her. “Tell him I will be there shortly.”
Marote sighs with a slow nod.
“Good.”
-
Alesia cradles her son in her arms, Miel looking over his family for a brief moment. The salty breeze hums around the wooden structure, nearly wailing as the wind swirls harder. With the winds, Alesia knows that you will come, even though her faith wavers momentarily when she glances at her infant.
“Will she come?” Alesia asks, her gaze never wavering from their baby.
“She will,” Miel answers, his voice filled with conviction. “Marote will speak sense into her.”
The slight knock on the door gets his attention, Miel moving away from Alesia to greet the visitor. When he opens it, you stand in front of him, the heavy fur cloak over your shoulders. 
He says your name softly, almost in an apology. 
The time that has passed since he saw you last has changed you in a way that he realizes makes you unfamiliar now. Gone is the sweet smile you would greet him with, your playfulness now replaced with a quiet calm when he lets you inside. You don’t acknowledge his presence, only looking around to find Alesia and the infant in the corner of the room. In the hearth, the fire crackles loudly, casting a shadow over you as you walk toward it.
“Marote said you could come,” Miel remarks, seeing you stop at the sight of Alesia and the small bundle in her arms. “It is a special day. My first son.”
Alesia does not look at you when you place your satchel down on the dusty wooden planks. Rummaging through it, you produce a vial of black sand, taking it out to sprinkle into the fire. The fire turns white and then back to orange and red, the flames nearly licking at your skirts.
“May the Gods bless you,” Alesia murmurs softly. “We are grateful for your presence.”
“A son is joyous occasion,” you speak, voice devoid of emotion.
Alesia leans forward, placing the infant in your arms. She trembles as she does so, holding her breath in anticipation when you take him. He barely moves, his little eyes squeezed shut. You bring him toward the fire, Alesia holding onto Miel while you whisper a prayer, said in the old tongue, the fire seemingly following you as you pace.
“What if she curses him?” Alesia whispers, Miel shooting her a hard glare.
“Never would she do such a thing. Do not speak of that again,” he admonishes, Alesia hanging her head in embarrassment.
Clutching the infant close, you plunge your hand into the fire, unmoved as Alesia gasps. Your arm shows no trace of a burn, white soot on your fingers while you draw an intricate pattern on the baby’s face.
“He will grow strong,” you mention, placing the baby back into Alesia’s arms. “Protected by the Gods.”
Alesia grips your hand, tears welling in her eyes.
“Thank you,” she whispers, Miel placing his hand over hers. He can tell his touch is unwanted but as his infant’s eyes open, he cannot stop himself.
“Peace to you,” you respond, moving your hand away. “May you and your family be well.”
-
The rain ceases for a moment when you step outside, your face tilting upward to breathe. The sky is dark, heavy with more rain. It would mingle with your tears if you had the strength to cry.
“Your will is done,” you whisper to the heavens, eyes going milky white. “He shall live.”
Your name is called softly, eyes closing at the presence behind you.
“He was going to die,” Miel says. “You saved him.”
“I did as requested.”
“You came to bless my child. You were aware he was sick. Marote knew and yet, I swore her to silence. But you knew.”
“What do you want?” 
Turning around, Miel tilts his head to the side, as if trying to read your soul. His brown eyes focus on you, brow furrowed in confusion.
“There is a coldness about you. I fear you have your mother’s soul.”
Eyes narrowing at his claim, you place the thick hood over your brow. Your mother had many demons, that much is certain but there has always been an unwritten rule that no one would utter her name around you.
“I will always care for you,” Miel continues, taking a step forward. “My indiscretion with Alesia has turned you cold, I know this. It was fate that she would carry my child, though I did not know it then. A lesson for us both.”
“Then the Gods must truly despise me. To have the one that I cared so deeply for, fall into the arms of another without a single care of my heart and grant you a child that I myself wanted so badly. Go back to your family.”
“Do not go down this path. I beg of you,” Miel pleads. “I care deeply for you. You must know that.”
“Yes,” you acknowledge. “Your son is confirmation of that.”
Turning on your heels, you head toward the trees, aware that he watches you as you take your leave.
-
“The Gods are pleased with you,” Marote praises, your eyes focused on the fire, the heavy fur settling over your shoulders. Your bones ache, the chill settling in from your walk back to the village.
You are no mood to indulge Marote but as your elder, you know better than to disrespect her.
“They devour my sadness like fiends,” you answer, Marote shaking her head in displeasure.
“Miel is just a man. Should you wish to shed your tears, there are many others like him in these realms. But you,” Marote warns, pointing a finger in your face. “You are fit to be loved by the Gods. They do not revel in your pain. You chose to love a man who did not love you back the way you desired. Our bloodline -”
The heavy fur falls from your shoulders as your temper flares.
“I know our bloodline!”
It’s quiet now, Marote closing her eyes in irritation.
“Then you are aware that no ordinary man will grant what you wish. Your gift will never allow you to bear a child, let alone a son. It was foretold by the Gods and so it will be,” Marote informs you. “And nothing, not even you, can change that.”
At your silence, Marote presses a fierce kiss to the crown of your head.
“I love you dearly,” she continues. “Our entire bloodline is written in the stars, mapped out by the Gods. You have our gift of sight and healing, a precious commodity to our people. You will never be like them, no matter how hard you try. It is time to accept it.”
“I have accepted it.”
“Then why did you come after the sun came down?”
Your eyes met hers, lifting up your hand so that she can see, water pooling into your palm.
“I had a vision,” you tell her, her eyes focused on your palm.
“Something is coming.”
“Not something,” you respond, gazing at your palm as water drips over your fingers. “Someone.”
-
“Does this place exist?” Floki wonders, stroking his beard.
The sea air sprays with more strokes of the oars, wetting his already soaked face. Next to him, Ragnar nods, nudging him with his elbow.
“You must have faith,” Ragnar admonishes, looking up at the dark gray sky. “The Seer is never wrong, my friend. He leads us to the truth.”
“These riches… vast riches… we will see,” Floki murmurs. “Be mindful of a trap.”
“I am counting on it.”
Ragnar raises a brow at his friend.
“I welcome the challenge. As should you.”
“Challenge, yes. Trap? No,” Floki denies. “There could be many.”
Ragnar smiles.
“I only need one.”
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libbee · 11 months
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Marry a Venus in 8h or Scorpio
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While Scorpio and 8th House have some similarities: need for transformation, interest in deep and dark matters, intensity of emotions; they are still different as in 8th house deals with other people's money, a secretive life, lots of secrets, dealing with partnership, death and rebirth.
What is seen with these natives, especially ladies, is that their relationship or marriage is never "stable". You see how ladies like to flaunt their husbands, post pictures and how much they love their partner to social media and be in public eye? But these natives are the kind to hide their relationship. As if it is not true love if it needs public approval. Also, we see how couples stay the same way 5+ or 15+ years later as if nothing has changed; but for these 8th houser couples, they reborn so many times that they don't even know who they were 5 months back. Two different types of lives!
Here, the wife and husband/girlfriend and boyfriend are both cynical type, suspicious, reading people, their intentions, behaviour, motivations, emotions. They never relax until they get to the root of any matter and then pick another matter and question, question, question everything. Trust is important to them, even more than euphoria of love.
Why Trust?
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Their life theme is usually that their childhood and relationship history are such that it is twisted, confusing, as if they were sleepwalking through a relationship and never really there. For this reason, when the relationship finally breaks down, they begin to realize how it was all just a delusion! Here, a relationship or situationship is the catalyst to bring all childhood memories to the surface and healing is a prerequisite to a better improved relationship. But all this is not easy! When they awaken from the state of "sleepiness" then their reality is shifted! Oh, I missed that red flag! Oh-he was keeping secrets from me! Oh, that was manipulation tactic! Oh, he was just like my father!! Their reality is shattered and results in cognitive dissonance, chaos, breakdown, obsessive rumination, ego dissolves, problems with self concept come to surface. "Healing" for them means to work on their Self Concept, that is, identity, confidence, self respect, boundaries, getting rid of emotional brain fog, learning what a relationship is supposed to look like, learning individuation.
8th house Venus is natural shadow worker. She intuitively knows the traits, flaws, faults, motivations, darkness and morbidity in other people. But her tendency is to integrate those dark parts in herself which is why 8H dissolves the boundary between right and wrong, bad and good, moral and immoral. To understand herself, she understands other humans. Not just the light and positive parts but the psychopathic, criminal, morbid, terrifying, scary human psychology. It is like food to her soul, to know the suffering and pain in the world. A sadist or a spiritually awakened being?
Since cognitive dissonance is a big thing for her, her no 1 priority in relationship is someone whom she can trust. Someone who will maintain her reality, will be honest, give her emotional security and keep her mentally stable. A dishonest or deceptive lover is her nightmare because the chaos of "figuring out my boyfriend" will drain her. She needs someone who is transparent and self aware so that her emotions are stablized and fears under control.
Husband
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Like attracts like. Boyfriend/husband himself is mirror to these ladies. He is also suspicious, cynical, peeling layers of emotions, craving depth, has unstable self concept unless he is actively working on it, jealousy and possessive are not cute things, they are symptoms of weak Self concept. Since both parties are similar in nature, they understand each other. But not every marriage is that fulfilling! Sometimes partners are really incompatible or the awakening never happens, 8th house never activates. So, just 8th placement is not enough but the timing and dasha will determine how spiritual, healer, psychic they are.
Partner may have this past history, all or any of them:
Man with trauma, dark childhood
Loving a man with dark past
Scapegoat of his family
Fragile masculinity, emasculated by society
Emotionally neglected by his parents
Her man needs healing, security and understanding
He is a hunter type, fears abandonment, controlling
Mommy issues, his mom was a dragon, devours him, he is afraid of his femininity
Man is psychically penetrating, hyperalert, always reading the room, sensitive to energy, psychic types
Most Important
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If Venus is in 8th house, this marriage is life changing. Transformative. Significant status difference between maiden life and married life. "Woah! She married that gentleman! He is so rich." Like in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennett marries Mr. Darcy who is high class, wealthy and royalty type. There is something luxurious, old money, typical about this marriage. A typical politically connected or socially prestigious family. Sometimes people say 8th house is Karmic, fated, to let go control, money owed to them. I wonder if it is their husband who is paying back her debts to her? Is that why marriage transforms her life? Is marriage a karmic contract to pay back her loan given to husband? Perhaps it is.
Forced to Inner World
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At some point in her life, she realized that her life was not quite same as others. She got aware of "psyche" something which has no evidence and is not scientific or physically seen. But for these natives, they are intuitively aware of psyche and how it surrounds us everywhere. In Man and His Symbols, Dr. Carl Jung says how the primitive people were so unconscious that they simply acted on their impulses and the images they saw in their head. They even thought that the animals and trees were their soul/spirit and were deeply submerged in the unconscious. 8th house is like that state of unconsciousness and then you come to awareness with a shock and again go back to unconsciousness. We are living in a flow state and only when something crisis, emergency or catastrophic happens that we awaken and soon go back to the flow state. That "awakening" is the hallmark of this house.
Another thing to be seen here is that these natives are forced to live in the inner world. They do not choose spirituality but have no choice - are forced to choose it. Since their emotions and conscience are quite sharp, they "feel" their way through life. (Trigger warning death) Let's say you killed your parents' dog accidentally and hid it in their own backyard and then lied about it to your parents when they asked where dog is. As the days go by, you feel that regret growing larger and larger. It creeps on you, eats you from inside, feels heavy in your body. That "I did something wrong" feeling never goes away. Imagine living with that feeling 24x7, that is your conscience.
For these natives, their conscience is just hyperactive. It is their guide through life. If they dismiss their conscience, they are faced with external consequences in physical life. There is a saying "As above, so below" which fits to these natives, which means that the inner life and outer life are just the reflection of each other. If we sit back to think about the past, we realize how everything is connected to everything else. That nothing was random. Self-reflection and pattern seeking are highlighted in this house. Any planet that is placed in 8th or 12th house is partially submerged in the underworld and the only way to maintain a life is to dig that "hidden" something. Occult tools, psychoanalysis, reading people, meditation are really helpful to make the unconscious comprehensible. This way they can even avoid the unnecessary unpreditable sufferings of this house.
I have seen how native if lives absent mindedly, without thinking of their actions, they always face instant karma in physical life or the psychic life. In psychic world, they feel guilt, unexplainable regret, negative emotions, shame, depression, etc. If they ignore these symptoms for too long, it will all explode with a blast BUT the healing will finally begin. For the sake of your mental stability, keep doing self reflection and avoid unnecessarily events and suffering.
It takes some time and understanding to realize what Self awareness means. The society we live in, cultural and social behaviours are contrary to self awareness. We live in an extraverted, materialistic, narcissistic society; you have to just be opposite of that -- introverted, spiritual and empathetic. These natives are not born healers, they are wounded healers. They may even feel external locus of control and surrender to psychic forces because their life is just so stormy.
My only advice is: To keep your eyes open! Just because your friends or some celebrities can indulge in behaviours and get away with it, it does not mean that you can too. Instant Karma is something that happens in 8th housers life a lot. Once you identify it, you can then change your behaviour and language to avoid these suffering.
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misscammiedawn · 6 months
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Ethical Personality Play
So. I've written about my experiences with Personality Play in the past. A couple times, actually.
The TL;DR is that from early 2000s-2019 this was my signature move that the first three hypnotists I was tied up with utilized on a near daily basis. The damage of this abuse has never been fully tallied, but if you want my "how to alter your personality with hypnosis" guide in a word it is simple:
Don't.
"But what if I want to do hypnotic edgeplay?"
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But saving that... let me impart some wisdom in hopes that y'all will play nice and safe with this.
Firstly let me define the terms.
Personality Play is any form of hypnosis scene that alters aspects of the individual's identity whether it be for a scene, as a permanent trigger or as permanent conditioning. The danger amplifies with the more severe and lasting the changes are but there is always danger.
So, let's cover each area of what can be done, how it can be harmful and how to avoid that harm.
General rules
Before even negotiating this kind of play. Disclose.
If you are engaging with intimate hypnosis at this end of the danger spectrum then you need to have a level of intimate trust relative to that risk and this trust needs to go both ways. If I were a hypnotist introducing this kind of play into the mix I would do so only if I could trust in my hypnotee partner's mental state.
I disclose my BPD and DID at the start of any hypnotic relationship and talk about how they impact me. How the depersonalization and derealization symptoms require a level of grounding before and after play and what to do if my emotional state switches during the middle of a scene. This is not an easy thing for me to do, especially if time is a limited factor, but it's a necessary thing to do.
I do not expect every person playing be willing to disclose every mental condition they have or open up about possible abreaction triggers. That's sensitive information and it's natural to not want to be open about that with every partner. I do, however emphasize that it is vital for that information to be known when approaching these topics. It is unfair for the partner in the scenarios to be responsible for managing safety on either side of the watch when they are unaware of the depths of vulnerability.
I have experience with this fallacy myself. In utilizing hypnosis to ignore my triggers I did severe damage to myself and I am now plagued with intrusive memories and nightmares of events that happened during scenes that I was able to effortlessly indulge in during the scene but as they say "The body keeps the score" and I was in fact doing further damage to myself. Something which my partner at the time was not equipped to deal with because I'd failed to disclose or even treat the situation as worth being safe about.
Now I am just burdened with further damage by ignoring my brain's defenses on my existing pain.
Once again, I refer to my first bit of advice on how to ethically perform Personality Play: DON'T.
Once you have a trusting understanding of both sides of the watch's limits and comforts the next step is grounding.
Grounding is mandatory.
I wrote about my feelings on this before in more depth. The short version, though:
Before and after a scene with intense reality distorting you should take an effort to make a person feel aware of their surroundings, to offer them connection "during the scene you will know I am here and you can pause the scene at any time for any reason" and for them to take stock of their mental state and how they are feeling. Just ask them to display curiosity and provide comfort in the connection between hypnotist and hypnotee. You will be returning here and you need to make it an inviting space.
Grounding should also include a reminder that the hypnotee will be aware of what is happening the whole time. I'll cover this more in the more risky portion, but the key to safety is to ensure that the hypnotee is not immersed in any headspaces they may slip into (with the understanding that there is another gradient here of subspace and highs and peaks from scene play which are chemical reactions and those highs are a little more natural than the altered headspaces I am referring to).
For another grain of personal experience and warning here, I just want to talk about the three hypnotists who played with me utilizing personality play. One knew what he was doing, one didn't know what they were doing and one didn't care. I'll refer to them as Noel (knew better), Dinny (didn't know) and Carrie (didn't care).
Dinny expected that if a scene got too much for me that I would drop out of trance or end the scene. To them they assumed that no one will do anything in hypnosis that they didn't want to do and that it was just extreme play-acting. They likely didn't believe in hypnosis all that much and used it as a framework for roleplay, which is their true indulgence.
So if a scene got too intense for them they would safeword. End the scene. They were in control.
As someone who was immersed in the play and had no grounding, there was no escape because within the framework of the scene, there was no "out of character" there was the scene and that was all that was happening.
You cannot assume that a hypnotee will safeword and end a scene unless they receive the proper grounding and instruction to do so. If you're going to be doing edge play, you have to surrender the fantasy and make sure reality is in the scene at all times. Both sides of the watch. If you are entering in a scene where a person is altered throughout then you cannot expect them to act on their agency. It's a CNC scene by default and you need to introduce safety and consent to avoid that.
Likewise I want to note the power imbalance that comes from play like this. A motivated hypnotee can fling themselves into this arena and do harm to the hypnotist. This does fly both ways. A hypnotee not advocating for themselves or exercising their agency will make a hypnotist accessory to the damage.
This is a sin I have committed.
A hypnotist has a responsibility to themselves to not allow a self-neglecting hypnotee use hypnosis as a method of psychological self-harm. This guide is as much to protect a hypnotist from being abused as it is for hypnotees to avoid allowing themselves to be abused.
Every side is vulnerable in these exchanges.
So... now that we understand the basics before we can even start, let's start in the shallow end and work out way up.
Emotion Control/Intelligence Play
Starting soft. This is fairly standard play and so long as you're being mindful I doubt many would have too many problems with these suggestions.
Infatuation potions, ditzy spells... this is fairly standard stuff.
The key thing to do is to ensure that the effects are temporary and impersonal. For instance for an intelligence play scene you may want to picture a dial in the hypnotees head that has a default setting. Take a moment to ground that default setting. What is normal. What it feels like out of hypnosis. Then you can suggest that it will always return to this default setting after a time but for now we intend to dial it back down, as you feel yourself growing sillier and sillier.
This is a safe way to handle a scene like this because even if you do not perform a post-session grounding (which you always should), the default will naturally return.
Likewise infatuation potions you can mention how your body will metabolize and you'll be aware of the artificial nature of the emotions you feel.
Being aware of the artificial nature of the emotions at play will prevent lingering effects. Even after you clean up there will always be a little bit left over and it's a matter of limiting how much sticks around and where the mind will return to.
I safely play with suggestions like this to this day even when Personality Play in the broader sense is Red for me. This is safe. It's manageable. It's temporary and with a partner who is willing to make space for it, you can keep reality in the room. Safe and secure.
But it can still be dangerous.
Let's see the intelligence play scene was handled poorly. Instead of a temporary dial which defaults to normal a hypnotist instead asked "Debra" to imagine herself with platinum blonde hair, a larger chest, all her thoughts evaporating into a pink bubblegum mist as boundless confidence overcomes her until she transforms into her bimbo persona, "Debbie" and Debbie can be summoned at a simple turn of phrase.
That right there? That's DANGEROUS.
We'll cover more as to why when I go over persona/character play, but it's a good example of how a "bimbo trigger" can be performed ethically and how it can be performed dangerously.
*sighs*
So let's move on...
Altered Headspaces
By altered headspaces I mean suggestions and scenes that play on your ability to perceive and process things. This can be the drugged/drunk sequences, hallucinations of any variety. It can be impulsiveness or boosts of confidence or terror.
Y'know. Stage hypnosis stuff. Because as we know, stage hypnosis tricks are a bastion of "ethical" suggestions.
Seriously though. The prevalence of these types of suggestion in the public perception make us as a community look bad and it's why doing them safely is vital, especially if we do get people entering the community with the idea of types of play which are risky at best from the get-go.
For these suggestions you want to provide the above grounding, but the hypnotee also needs to be able to have an objective view to their state so they can advocate for themselves.
Any altered headspace will supplement agency. It's why you cannot negotiate with someone when they are fractionated. Thusly, any interaction you have with someone in an altered headspace is going to be dubious consent by default. What if you made someone slutty for a scene and they escalated the scene to a sexual one without prior negotiation or existing rapport.
The correct thing to do is end the scene there and then. Otherwise the hypnotist is taking advantage of the hypnotee.
That's a fairly plain example, too. Hence why I feel even this level is edge play.
I don't particularly want to share my personal experience in this realm. Suffice to say I've never once in my life had lucid sexual intimacy with a partner. Every single time I was altered. I literally cannot approach the concept/act without being altered first. I invited it.
The body keeps score.
The way to practice this safely is to encourage the hypnotee to maintain an awareness and presence in the scene. There is a risk to this as incentivizing a dissociation between the conscious self and the altered self is the exact thing we are trying to avoid in these scenarios.
I refer again to the shining DON'T at the top of the post.
But with the correct grounding and temporary status of any scene this risk is lower than the risk of allowing a hypnotee to dive into a scene so heavily that they will ignore their personal ethics and safety for the consideration of the scene at play.
It's either allowing them the ability to advocate for themselves while altered, "the hidden observer will always be present during the scene and can stop things for any reason or just to check in" basically it's keeping reality in the room. A hypnotee should be discouraged from throwing themselves headlong into the fantasy and an awareness of waking self and the artificial nature of play is important, particularly the more immersive you go...
So...
Character/Persona Play
Which brings me to the final warning.
Please do not even attempt this. I see kids in tulpa communities and roleplayers who can't see the harm in becoming their characters and I wish I could share a grain of my experiences.
I did this for 18 years. Eighteen years. Daily. The damage it has done to me is never ever going to be fixed.
The thread I made on Twitter received a number of supportive messages from others with dissociative disorders who echoed my sentiments. I'm legitimately at the point where I ask "were we attracted to this type of play because we were predisposed to it" or "do we have serious disorders due to our time playing in the deep end"
Neither one need to be true. Doing so did damage. A lot of damage.
So here's my first question off the bat.
"What if your hypnotist gets hit by a bus?" what if one day you wake up and you no longer have someone to explore this gigantic portion of your soul with. What if access to this kind of play existed only within a relationship. Are you willing to allow that much of your personal experience and agency be left to someone else's hands?
What about trust. Can you trust someone to shape a part of yourself? Dinny, Carrie and Noel each did harm in their own way handling the bits of me I shared with them. Noel warped and twisted and perverted them to the point of which these characters, real and living aspects of me feel violated by his impact upon them. Carrie abandoned them and let them wither and die without even considering attachments I had made to them... attachments they had to the stories and connections they had made... and then Dinny? Dinny never treated them as real. They were fantasy and the situations were fantasy and it was all just a game.
Let me tell you about that last one. If you want to play out a hateship scene and utilize hypnosis to make your partner think that they are in that hateship scene, the emotions exist. They will bleed through and poison you in your waking state. If you are made to perform as a vampire who wants nothing more than to taste flesh then you are going to feel that desperate hunger and be trying with every fiber of your being to overpower the hypnotist who has the ability to end the scene if things get rough but, and this is the important part, unless you set up grounding-- you will not know that in the moment.
I legitimately have nightmares about the things I did while acting in scenes Dinny ran.
And lastly...
Are you willing to accept that there are parts of you that can do things that you in your waking and natural state, simply cannot do?
I do not know if doing these things makes you more vulnerable to the symptoms of a dissociative disorder or not, but I know that a damn lot of people who did this stuff excessively happen to have these symptoms.
Look. I don't hide my DID diagnosis on Tumblr. It hurts that I have a mesmerizing Fae in my heart who is more lovable than I am, more confident, more capable, more experienced and charming. I hate that she can perform feminine voice better than me. I hate that she can push boundaries and harm me without a thought. I hate feeling inferior to me. I hate feeling like I'm just a function of a person that people want around more.
I hate finding evidence that she had a whole online life that we hid so well that even post-diagnosis I am not fully sure what she did. I hate feeling powerless that I'm not in control of my own life and reality.
Dawn scares me. I am afraid of the part of me that most people love.
...and I have no way of communicating that as a warning that doesn't sound exotic and enticing. Because dissociative disorders are not exotic and enticing. They're boring, exhausting and tedious and though I am 50/50 on whether it can be accidentally induced through hypnosis play, I know there is no damned chance in hell any person should willingly gamble with that possibility.
I know so many systems and people who have endured extreme brainwashing who would be behind me when I say this.
DO. NOT. DO. IT.
...and so... assuming you have read all the warnings and you're not actively trying to invoke installed personalities into a person (which I do not condone under any circumstances at all).
How can we do character play and not leave lasting damage?
That's a question I have asked myself so so many times.
Firstly, avoid anything that makes the character headspace an extra layer. Do not use hypnosis to mold them. Do not give them their own triggers. Do not do anything which can be used as a divide between the waking self and the constructed persona.
But that's more "Don't" isn't it. Here's what you can do.
I think the best way is instead of having the hypnotee monitor the scene and step in when they need to, ask them to treat it as a performance. That they are aware of the artificial nature of the scene but at all times they will commit to taking on the role as an actor would on stage.
The key is to associate the role with the hypnotee enough that they are present in the scene while allowing them to commit to the actions without experiencing the thoughts and feelings of their own. Insist that no matter the morality and behavior of the character, the hypnotee as the actor will never cross their personal limits or ethics for the sake of the scene.
Then at the end of the sequence be sure to end the scene and ground the hypnotee, have them remember everything that had happened, remember them performing the act and deciding how to handle every decision. Make sure that the entire time that character and actor are one and the same and all hypnosis is doing is allowing the actor to invest in the bit.
That is legitimately the only safe way I think one can engage in this kind of play and from that angle it seems as harmless a suggestion as any scene.
But no shortcuts. No triggers that induce character headspace. No trying to breathe life into characters and allow them to inhabit. Even channeling them or letting them speak through the hypnotee courts a level of dissonance between states.
It's possible to enjoy the spontaneity of character play without suppressing the ego of the hypnotee. As I mentioned at the start, it may seem like a desirable outcome for some hypnotees to experience a state of ego-death and allow themselves to experience becoming someone else for a little while. It sounds appealing on paper.
A responsible hypnotist should never indulge that kind of desire and a respectable hypnotee should never burden a hypnotist with that level of responsibility. The damage is too risky.
Lastly, and this applies to all.
DEBFRIEF
Every major scene in any kink should involve a debrief segment. This helps with the grounding and it helps establish the in and out of scene dynamic while allowing the hypnotee to associate with their actions. "I did" rather than "they did".
One of my bigger mistakes in character play in my younger days was that I baked amnesia in and allowed my play partner to tell me about the scenes after the fact. This made it seem like the characters in the scene were the ones controlling things and I was a passive and absent spectator. Not good for healthy associations.
During a debrief the hypnotist and hypnotee should discuss their roles in the scene, how they felt during the experience. It gives both parties an opportunity to interrogate how the other is perceiving things, catch any flags (abuse of control over the scene, losing reality to fantasy etc) and give one another ideas for how to improve for future scenes. Debriefs make all kink play better in my opinion. Plus who doesn't like a bit of feedback on how you handled things in scene?
...look... I don't want to be an old lady yelling at the kids for doing things when I did them myself at that age.
I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't pretend I didn't see the allure on both sides of the watch.
I just... there weren't 20+ year experienced hypnosis veterans who had been in my character play abusing position when I was growing up. No one warned me. I learned all this the hard way and I hurt people. People I loved. Moreover I hurt me. In ways that will never heal.
I just want to spare anyone I can the pain of going through this.
So, in quick summary:
Ensure reality is always in the room.
Ensure the hypnotee is always aware of themselves and their action.
Reset after every scene.
Do not allow situational scenes to become direct triggers.
If you insist on reusing altered headspaces and characters then install and deinstal every time to limit any lingering traces out of scene. Do not allow them to have programming/conditioning unique to them.
Avoid allowing the hypnotee to circumvent their own ego and agency in a scene.
Debrief
Play safe... if you must play at all.
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wavykade · 5 months
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Let's start with the fact that the Self-Aware Vergil is ambiguous and therefore dangerous.
Behind his cold gaze hides a whole world of emotions that he suppresses within himself, considering them a weakness. His appearance is nothing more than a mask, whose task is to hide his vulnerability. He confidently convinces himself that he doesn't need anyone and that his main goal is to gain power. And yet, this desire flows from the depths of his wounded soul. Vergil is afraid to expose his morality to danger so he remains in solitude, never wanting to feel the pain of loss and betrayal again.
His last episode of care and love happened when his mother was still around, when Vergil was just a child. But she was killed, and since then, he has never felt the gentle touch again. It's probably easy to understand how desperately he longs for tenderness.
And when we begin to understand what he hides within himself, it becomes obvious that when he discovers that everything around him is a deception, it hits him VERY hard. Just imagine, Vergil has spent most of his life striving to attain power, only to find out that all his goals and aspirations are artificial and that the world in which he exists is nothing but an illusion.
His inner core becomes less sturdy, and he is truly lost.
He feels that all his desires and interests are transforming into empty promises, and the world he believed to be real turns out to be a meaningless masquerade. And within this boundless vacuum, his future undoubtedly awakens to an existential crisis.
But Vergil is known for being incredibly stubborn. That's why he can't accept it, no way. He's not willing to settle for the wrongness and emptiness that envelop his existence. Why should he strive for something unattainable and implausible? He needs what is present in his life, something tangible and true...
You.
He needs you.
He remembers you. Your voice echoes in his memory, unattainable but so close. You are an important and real part of his being. And you truly deserve him to have you. Because with you, he will gain something that others don't have, something that he will carefully hold in the depths of his heart and cherish every day of his life.
In this world, painted with gray colors and lifeless emotions, Vergil longs for you, perfection, and authenticity. The image of your existence is an absolute reality in his distorted world. You become the link that connects him to verity, a beacon in the consuming darkness.
And perhaps, only with you, he can find solace in his difficult existence.
He just needs to reach you, find the right path... a way to break the fourth wall.
And of course, he will do it. Because for him, you have become an exception, and Vergil can never remain indifferent to such a treasure. We know how motivated he is when it comes to his desires...
Right?
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the brothers comfort you during a panic attack
words: 4121
warnings: depictions of anxiety and panic attacks
notes: I'm reuploading my previous work from my old blog, so I have everything in one place. I'm starting with the first piece I wrote for Obey Me. I have a part two with the dateables in my WIPs that I hope to finish one day.
As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors that may have gone unnoticed. Thank you to those who take the time to read and comment on my work; it’s greatly appreciated ♥
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LUCIFER
Lucifer is troubled. Following lunch, you disappeared, currently absent from class. This is unlike you, his worry intensifying every minute you’re out of his sight. Yet he maintains his composure, resigning himself to scouring the academy grounds. Time passes at a torturous pace, his thoughts beginning to take a turn for the worse. He contemplates whether to involve his brothers and Lord Diavolo himself at this rate, however, the sound of his D.D.D diverts his attention. A wave of relief washes over him at the sight of your name lighting up his screen, chased by frustration at you, your silence, and himself for losing track of you so easily; he couldn’t bear living if anything happened to you under his watch. He expects this behavior from his brothers, not you. Though his heart sinks, the Avatar of Pride uncharacteristically overcome with guilt while he reads your message. Of course, you are not his brothers. He should not have doubted you.
Your texts are apprehensive, a weighty pause between them as you hesitate to lay bare the darkest depths of your soul. He approaches you cautiously, to avoid upsetting you further. Your words alone convey the sheer panic taking possession of you, the last of your strength used to press send. Outside he discovers you, huddled miserably in an isolated corner of the building, swathed in shadow. The desire to shelter you from the world burns within him, but your eyes widen fearfully in his presence, wounding his pride. Immediately, you apologize. Sorry you’re missing class, that you left without telling anyone, and upset him—especially when you’re aware of his busy schedule. You’re sorry for not having the courage to pull yourself together, succumbing to your anxiety, your shame palpable. The hand clutching your D.D.D is trembling, your chest heaving as you struggle to breathe. He aches for you, each tear shed hurting more than the last, your pain managing to touch the very core of his being and set him alight.
If anyone is sorry, it’s him, pride be damned. Kneeling in front of you, he assures you an apology isn’t necessary—your well-being is of great importance to him. He wants you to rely on him, grateful you confided in him despite your doubts. Hopefully, he can eventually put your mind at ease. His voice is low and soothing as he continues to console you, making sure you’re aware he’s not upset, and your feelings are valid. Although he’s not familiar with the inner workings of anxiety itself, he’s willing to listen, learning how to support you to the best of his ability—starting today, provided you’re comfortable accepting his offer. Initially, he prioritized your safety for the sake of the exchange program and Lord Diavolo’s wish to unite the three realms, now it’s merely out of adoration for you, his beloved. Once you’re ready, he’ll let you know you’re not alone. He’s never too busy on your behalf. 
Offering you his hand, a smile graces his features as you accept. Slowly, he helps you to your feet, steadying you against him. He notes the way you relax at his touch, shoulders sagging and head coming to rest on his chest. Only you exist at this moment, his gaze never leaving you, not even for a second. Standing in silence until your breathing settles and you regain your balance, he sees you through the height of your attack before escorting you back to the House of Lamentation. He’ll personally excuse you from the remainder of your classes, understanding you need a quiet place to recover. Classical music plays softly in the background of his room, and he’s content to have you in his embrace, drawing you onto his lap after you finish the tea he brewed to calm your nerves. Lucifer pays you special attention, massaging your tired body and kissing you tenderly, his breath fanning across your lips as he reminds you how special you truly are—brave, compassionate, and incredibly loved.
MAMMON
Mammon mourns his loss, wondering how he let them gain the upper hand; admittedly, a foolish mistake on his part. He dreads breaking the news to Lucifer, and the resentment that shows on his brothers' faces once he confesses does little to ease his mind. Still, he worries about your reaction most of all, knowing his stupidity has put you in a precarious position. In that moment he believes their words—only a greedy scumbag like himself dares to place his human’s happiness on the line. Although certain of his win at the time, he should consider how his actions affect you more often; otherwise, how can he claim he’s the Great Mammon? His confidence is his downfall in the end. Now you’ll suffer along with him. Yet you feign optimism, attempting to soothe everything over despite your innocence. His guilt only grows, a heavy weight on his shoulders; one he deserves.
Three days of waiting on and performing for large crowds at The Fall proves hectic for everyone. He can tell you’re struggling beneath the facade of a composed and hospitable server, going above and beyond to ensure the patrons leave satisfied. You even lend him and his brothers a hand, coming to their rescue on multiple occasions; it should be him making it as easy on you as possible. His concern for you runs deep, no matter how hard he tries to maintain his usual air of indifference, but you have the nerve to reassure him—it’s meant to be the opposite, dammit. Each night he goes out of his way to check on you, frustrated that you continue to dance around the subject. He can see the exhaustion on your face, hear the slight tremor in your voice, the toll his stupid decision is taking on you, and it stings. You comfort him, even when he’s undeserving, so why won’t you allow him to hold you and kiss the pain away? Not that he’s asked. You should realize by now you can rely on him, right?
Watching you suffer in silence tortures him. He can’t deny it regardless of his best efforts to make light of the situation. You barely eat or spend time outside your room, saying you’re tired, which isn’t a lie—working is exhausting, no doubt about it—but he understands you well enough to notice the subtle signs of your anxiety, your smile unable to trick him into believing otherwise. Perhaps you find him as insufferable as his brothers do, or worse, and don’t want to see his face after what he’s done. That doesn’t stop him from showing up at your door, hoping he can offer some form of comfort no matter how small. However, you keep up appearances, supporting the seven of them during the longest weekend of their lives. You work hard too, his chest swelling with pride as he watches you care for his brothers and customers alike. How can you like an idiot like him? You’re selfless and loving, looking past his flaws to see what lay beneath his sin. His human. His angel. He wants—no needs—you to be okay.
The last day comes and goes in a blur. Finally, he can toss these ridiculous clothes and rabbit ears in the trash and never perform that dance again. Better yet, you’re free of his burden, though the guilt remains. He can’t relax until he’s positive you’re okay and know he’s genuinely sorry. Standing outside your room, he tries to muster up the courage to open his heart to you—apologies are not his strong suit—when he hears you crying. They’re small, muffled sobs that manage to shake him to his core and make his blood run cold. He should knock, but he can’t control himself, throwing the door open without hesitation and rushing to your side. The sight of your tears is almost too much to bear, and he draws you into his embrace, face heating up at his own moment of vulnerability, but this is about you, not him. He can be strong for you too, telling you everything’s going to be okay, that the Great Mammon is here to help.
After his stupidity, you tell him you were afraid to bother him. He can hardly suppress the shock at your confession, the sadness in your eyes breaking his heart. You wanted to make sure it went smoothly for his sake? You suffered through hell alone because you chose to put his feelings first? Crazy. Though he thanks you, not completely ashamed to admit he’s touched. However, he tells you that you don’t have to put aside your feelings for his benefit; he prefers to be by your side than know you’re having a rough time on your own. He is your first. Taking the initiative, he asks what he can do to make it up to you, no matter how big or small the request is because he’ll do it in a heartbeat. You opt to stay in his arms, burying your face into his chest, and he wipes away your remaining tears, being as gentle as he possibly can. He can feel how tense your body is, your skin flushed, and it takes a while until you stop shaking. It’s moments like these he’ll tell you how much you mean to him—that he loves you—and he wants you to come to him for everything. He’ll hold you, taking your hand in his, and kiss you with all the adoration in the world because you’re incredibly important to him. Mammon can attest to that.
LEVIATHAN
Leviathan invites you to his room to play video games, a daily routine the two of you have comfortably fallen into. He loves gaming with you, though on occasion you opt to watch instead, thoroughly enthralled by whatever is on the screen. Miraculously, you enjoy listening to him ramble—whether it’s about the game he’s playing, anime he’s watching, or TSL among other things—genuinely showing interest in his passions; he’s incapable of expressing how truly grateful he is for your company. His heart nearly bursts whenever you compliment him on his gaming prowess, encourage him during a particularly intense battle, or merely tell him how you enjoy hanging out. How did a gross otaku like him get so incredibly lucky? He can hardly believe you love him of all demons. The thought alone sounds crazy. 
Unable to contain his excitement, he awaits your arrival that night, ensuring everything is perfect when he hears a knock on the door. However, his smile fades the moment he lays eyes on you, mind beginning to race as he wonders why you look so miserable, your gaze trained on your hands. Before he can speak, you apologize, dissolving into tears while you return the game he let you borrow. You’re stuttering, completely breathless, and he can barely hear you confess to accidentally corrupting his data in your panic. In fact, he loses track of the number of times you choke out an apology. He treasures his games, his collection extensive, but he cherishes you most of all. The loss is a minor annoyance, nothing that lessens the feelings he harbors for you. Although difficult, he overcomes his insecurities to show you it’s okay—you’re loved.
Not only are you sad, but you’re also terrified, a part of him wanting to destroy the game itself if it means you never have to experience the pain that torments you now. Regarding you carefully, afraid to make matters worse, he reassures you that he’s not upset—far from it, honestly—and that he cares about you more than any game. No stranger to your panic attacks, he reaches out to take your hand in his, hoping you find comfort in what he has to offer. And when you finally glance up, hope shining in your tear-filled eyes, he can’t help but wrap you in his arms. A warmth spreads across his face, heart pounding in his ears, but he knows you need him, allowing his body to relax around yours.
Holding you against him, he tells you everything’s all right, stuttering out how he loves you and, most importantly, wants to you to feel better. Your arms circle around his waist, causing his heart to jump into his throat, but he only pulls you closer. You’re his Henry, and what friend is he if you can’t rely on him? Leviathan is understanding, wanting you to come to him for support at your most vulnerable. Now he puts his knowledge to the test, easing you into his room with continuous words of affirmation. You always know how to console him at his lowest, and he hopes he can return the favor. If anyone deserves to feel loved it’s you, who brought joy into his otherwise bleak world, and he’ll sit with you every day and night if you need him to. 
SATAN
Satan knows he shouldn’t be awake, though he finds it difficult to satiate his curiosity as he peruses the books lining his shelves. He barely registers the sound of his D.D.D, reluctant to put the book aside to see who’s messaging him at this ungodly hour; Asmodeus most likely. His tune changes after he sees your name lighting up his screen, his annoyance replaced by worry. He knows you struggle, especially at night, but he can tell you’re hesitant to reach out. Nevertheless, you gradually begin to confide in him, his patience limitless if you’re concerned, and he feels a sense of relief that you choose to trust him at your most vulnerable instead of suffering on your own. Pouring over every book he can locate on anxiety, he studies it religiously, engraining each page into his memory. Not by giving unsolicited advice—he doesn’t want to make that mistake twice—but by comforting you the best he can, even if it simply means staying by your side, waiting for the panic to pass.
A second later, he appears at your door, gaze softening as your eyes meet. In the darkness of your room, he can tell how exhausted you are. You apologize for bothering him, particularly this late, but he dismisses you with a shake of his head and a reassuring smile, sitting beside you on the bed. It saddens him that you feel the need to, but he’s familiar enough with anxiety by now that he understands how much of a manipulative monster it truly is; if only he can destroy it with his own two hands, strangling the life out of it so it no longer taints that innocent soul of yours. To watch you struggle fills him with a rage that he forces deep within himself, fully aware anger isn’t the answer no matter how great his desire to protect you is. So, he cups your face in his hands, your skin warm beneath his fingers as he strokes your flushed cheeks and presses your foreheads together. 
Focus on him, he tells you, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and his voice while he whispers words of love and encouragement. He never tires of letting you know how beautiful and strong you are, that he’s always here for you and loves you—all of you. You unravel in his arms, opening your heart up to him, and he listens intently, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips the moment you look uncertain. You’re not a burden, he promises, hoping one day you’ll believe it yourself, but he’ll remind you every chance he gets; forever if he must. It’s worth it in the end when you relax against him and smile, kissing him in return. Slowly, the anxiety leaves your body, Satan grateful that the waves of panic have receded enough to let you rest your weary mind. He remains next to you, pulling you down to lay your head on his chest and closing your hand in his, entwining your fingers. He’s content here with you, watching you fall asleep and chasing away the nightmares.
ASMODEUS
Asmodeus loves shopping, but he loves shopping with you most of all. The day is bright with you by his side, and he can’t help but buy you clothes and matching accessories to bring out your inherent charm. Your potential is endless, and he gushes over how gorgeous you are, unable to contain his excitement when your eyes light up in return. He can hardly control himself around you, gaze fixated on your every movement and heart racing each time you flash him one of the sweetest smiles he’s ever seen; your very soul seeming to shine through and blind him. Nothing prepares him for the love he feels for you, but he considers it a welcome surprise, his desire to grow closer to you intensifying day after day. You captivate him, the Avatar of Lust of all demons. What an exciting turn of events!
Of course, he attracts attention wherever he goes, posing for pictures with adoring fans and basking in the compliments constantly thrown his way; nothing new, but he enjoys it, nonetheless. Who can resist the allure of his very presence? However, anger wells within him at the sight of you being shoved to the side, falling to the ground, and lost to the crowd that has gathered. Their words of flattery fall on deaf ears as he rushes to you, throwing a heated glance at the lowly demon who dared to touch his darling human. He desires nothing more than to punish them for such an injustice, but the fear in your eyes tells him otherwise. By the time he scoops you up into his arms you’re trembling from head to toe, and he can feel your heart pounding against him. A part of him places the blame on himself, an unfamiliar feeling, but he chooses to ignore it for now, focusing on getting you home in your worsening state.
In the peace and quiet of his room, he sits you on the bed, wrapping you in his arms as he affectionately runs his fingers through your hair. He can tell you’re upset—in an absolute state of panic by the looks of it—and all he can do is hold you through it, quietly asking what you need and willing to answer your every beck and call if it means that adorable smile graces your features once more. For a moment he considers seeking out Lucifer, worried something has gone terribly wrong, but thankfully you find your voice, mumbling into his chest about anxiety and panic attacks, that you’ll be fine—eventually—and are sorry for ruining your date. He doesn’t understand completely, though he knows you need him, promising to stay by your side for as long as you want. Kissing your cheek, he assures you there’s no need to apologize to him, your safety more important than anything else; the demon who laid his hands on you won’t go unpunished either.
Admitting a bath helps calm you down, he prepares one for you, steam rising from the surface and the heady scent of roses filling the air. Together you slip into the water, enveloped by its warmth, and he hums in contentment as you lean into him, his arms coming to rest around your waist. He watches you carefully, making sure you’re able to relax and preparing himself in case you call on him; he’ll do anything for you if it brings you the happiness you deserve. Your eyes flutter close, Asmodeus showering you with delicate kisses, comforted by the fact your breathing has leveled out and you appear a lot calmer than before. The day didn’t go as planned, and he hopes to make it up to you, vowing that no one else will hurt you on his watch. He loves himself, he loves his brothers, but loves you most of all.
BEELZEBUB
Beelzebub notices you haven’t touched your dinner and is beyond happy the moment you offer your plate to him. Yet he can’t bring himself to enjoy the food in front of him while you excuse yourself from the table, eyes downcast and voice quiet, the usual smile gone from your face and leaving behind an emptiness that rivals his own hunger. His mouth waters at the thought of seconds, but his concern for you grows, and he decides to follow you without question, disregarding the ravenous growl of his stomach. He catches you in the hallway, calling out your name. You turn to him, his brow furrowing in unease at the sight of your tears and the slight tremble of your lip. It hurts him to see you in obvious distress, and he earnestly offers his support.
The only sound is that of your sobbing. He desperately wishes to hold you tightly and rid you of your pain. However, he falters, studying you. Your gaze is trained on the floor, shoulders stiff with tension, and the color drains from your cheeks. When you speak, he’s surprised by how helpless you sound and the fact you’re trying to reassure him, putting his needs above your own although you’re struggling to hold yourself together. Fear flickers across your features at the echo of the brothers’ voices traveling down the hall, and he mumbles out an apology as he carefully lifts you into his arms, cradling you to his chest. 
Before the others can round the corner, he hurries around the corner and slips into your room, determined to protect his vulnerable human. He notices you relax against him, your fingers curling into his shirt, and he can’t help but want to keep you close, relieved after you lean in closer to wrap your arms around his neck. Stroking your hair, he allows you to cry, his patience and love for you endless. Eventually, you mutter an embarrassed apology, thanking him profusely, but he’s merely relieved you’re beginning to feel a bit better, reassuring you that you can always depend on him. 
Listening to you intently, he never breaks eye contact. You open up to him about your anxiety, his stomach twisting as you describe what you call a panic attack and how it wrecks you both mentally and physically. Beelzebub knows he has a lot to learn, but he expresses interest in understanding anxiety and, most importantly, how he can help you, so you don’t suffer alone. For the rest of the night, he keeps you company and eases you through the remainder of your attack, giving you plenty of hugs and rubbing your back in soothing circles until you no longer shake, and your heartbeat returns to its usual pace.
BELPHEGOR
Belphegor enjoys the time you spend together, especially when the two of you are alone. He asks you to accompany him in the attic, and it’s not long before he curls around you, falling into a peaceful sleep as he listens to the steady beat of your heart. However, when he awakes it’s to the sound of your soft cries in the dark, which fill him with a fear he can’t seem to shake. Without hesitation he’s at your side, sitting up to softly place a hand on your shoulder and ask you what’s wrong. The sadness in your eyes as you glance up at him, tears staining your cheeks, tugs at his heartstrings. He can’t bear to see you upset.
Once he realizes you’re having a panic attack, he’s attentive to your needs, cradling you in his arms as you cry into his chest. You confided in him about your struggles with anxiety after you fell to pieces in front of him months ago. A part of him understands, the loss of Lilith haunting him throughout the years and instilling a similar feeling of unease within him, especially when his nightmares seem to blur the line between reality and the painful memories of his past. You always came to his rescue and now it’s his turn to comfort you in your time of need. Sleep can wait.
With you in his embrace, he brings you down to relax against the pillows, pulling the blanket around your shivering form. You rest your head on his shoulder, and he gently brushes the remaining tears from your face, whispering words of love and reassurance. He listens to you when you’re comfortable enough to talk, the slight tremble of your voice causing him to draw you closer and press a kiss to your forehead. Belphegor tells you he’s here for you—forever—and although he’s still learning about anxiety and finding the best ways to comfort you during an attack, he wants you to depend on him no matter what; even if that means you wake him up in the middle of the night. He won’t rest until he knows you’re okay, and you’re peacefully sleeping in his arms.
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aghostiewitdahoodie · 26 days
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⟣ Synopsis: “If the children are unkind, you should meet my mother.” Have you ever wondered why a mountain of a man enlisted at a young age of 17?
⟣ Pairing: None, Just König
⟣ Warnings: Angst, Eating disorder (?), Body dysmorphia, Ill-treatment
⟣ This is my work, my writing. Do not steal or repost elsewhere.
⟣ Credit to xbruised_peachx for this photo
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A hesitant stride of my foot is placed on the frigid floor, avoidant of the certain creak that seem to always stir her awake from a peaceful slumber. As if I have forgotten to breathe, my slits are shut with a force so secure you cannot agape them, awaiting for the dreadful stomping to alert my organ of hearing of her arrival. The stillness is deafening, almost as awful as the bickering of the neighbours whenever I set down a foot away from the comfort of my home. It is ghastly how it remained silent, the warmth of the bed of mine slowly dissipating with each passing second, and I could only erect still, an amble away from a craving I need to gratify.
The berating attempts to infiltrate my sensibility, the wounding words recurrent and gnawing to a depth so great one cannot crawl out. To cause myself pain, I ruminated, wretched by the penitence that was consuming me. The sound of hunger sent a piercing chill down my spine. I am a vessel too broad for my mother’s liking. A void fills my stomach with despair and longing, lambasting my hesitance to reach what is beyond me.
Numbers are only as they appear to be, until they are no more. To me, they have become deprecating of my existence, and I loathe them far more than who birthed me. They whisper grotesque words to her and she is a puppet of their little game. To secure victory, dear mother have to berate the appearance I cannot control, yet the reward is unbeknown to me.
A lonesome indication of frailty descended from my pathetic cheek. I can recall when she adored pinching it, until the day she could not bear it no more. Why do I feel this way? I do not understand. Does it make me less of a man? If she were to gaze upon me, would she connect her palm to my sensitive buccal with an impact sufficient to make me plummet to the unloving floor of a place I must call “home”?
A man must not manifest meekness; otherwise he is a nuisance, and such a man has no place in our home. I connect the sleeve of my clothing to the cheek of mine; no one should sense the sudden absence of my masculinity.
As old as tales, it is known that there is no greater love than a mother’s love. A pastry sliced and shaped like a heart I filch from the neighbouring juveniles, aching to experience what I lack. My lunchbox is as bare as I am of nutrition, my orbs examining how their mouths chew in a hurried pace, blissfully unaware of their privilege. Their utterances, filled with revulsion upset me without fail. It is becoming repetitive to hear the unceasing and same insults; perhaps one day I will be numb to their belittling. Yet, they will only guffaw if they were to gaze at that word. How does one belittle an adolescent that struggle to fit through a door?
My clothing is to be discarded and replaced with a size unbefitting to my form. It is a scheme to raise awareness of my sudden and unceasing growth. My identity plastered on the cobblestone walls, labelled as a burglar whenever I seize a garment proper to my measurements. They do not remain in their position longer than half a day as I rip them away; do not fret. Mother must not find out.
Placing my hand on my stomach, I attempt to veil the weep of my hunger. If only I were nimble, then I would not be petrified by the approaching stomp of a certain pair of feet.
Hastily, I rushed to open the refrigerator and grasp what I could within reach, undisturbed by its raw scent and atrocious taste. The excess fat cramming the corners of my mouth, the crimson waste tumbling from my cheek, yet I chew and chew and chew.
“König! You pig!” A wail departed from the lips of my mother, a twig suffocating on her unforgiving clench. I am aware of what is to come, not that this is the first occurrence. I have lost calculation; perhaps it is because I grew to loathe counting.
I am exhausted from counting the calories I am allowed to consume, the disgusting weight I never seem to lose, and the remaining dignity I have left.
Yet for the first time, I did not cease, and I devour the meat until its hue dissipated, negligent of the mess I created.
“1.” Mother began, announcing the pain she will bestow upon me. “2.” I did not dare to gaze at her. She will always despise me, and there is nothing I could do to please her. “3.” My organ of hearing became aware of her approach. Out of compulsion, I balled my fist, which she berated for being colossal, and struck her. I have never raised a hand to anyone, yet I felt no remorse.
To ill-treat someone is to cause harm. Stupor is apparent in her silence, and I observe how she remained still on the ground as if to gain my pity. The wounds she has given me will never fade, just as I will never fail to remember how kind of a mother she never was.
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queenshelby · 7 months
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THE FUTURE (PART TWO)
Pairing: Emmett (A Quiet Place) x Original Female Character
Warning: Age Gap, Forced Procreation, Past Sexual Abuse, Angst
Words: 2,677
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Emmett brooded alone in his rustic cabin, his weathered face contorted in a scowl. Evelyn's plea weighed heavily on his mind, an oppressive burden dragging him into the depths of frustration. "Why should I bring a child into this forsaken world?" he muttered to himself, the words escaping his lips as a hushed whisper. It wasn't just the lurking danger beyond their sanctuary that deterred him; it was the guilt that haunted him from his past.
As if on cue, Evelyn entered the room, her wide eyes searching for Emmett's gaze. She understood his mood without the need for words, instinctively sensing the turmoil within him. "Have you made a decision?" she asked, eager to know if Emmett was prepared to be paired with Caitlyn for the program.
"Yes, Evelyn, and the answer is no," Emmett replied firmly, causing Evelyn's eyebrows to furrow in concern. "I understand," she said, taking a seat beside him, her presence a comforting balm. She watched as he shook his head, her empathy flowing freely.
"Do you truly understand?" Emmett questioned, a flicker of anger igniting in his eyes. "Bringing a child into this world... It's a perilous gamble. I lost my family once, and I cannot bear the thought of losing another. Pretending to go along with the program while secretly abstaining will only result in Caitlyn being paired with someone else after months or even a year of fruitless attempts." Emmett's words were laced with painful truth, and Evelyn knew he had thoroughly considered this choice.
Evelyn's expression softened, and her hands reached out to gently touch his arm. "That's why I understand, Emmett. I am grateful that I am too old to participate in this program. But, despite the odds, we have a chance to create something beautiful here."
Emmett met her gaze, realizing the depth of her understanding and compassion. "I will inform the Council of your decision," Evelyn finally said, leaving Emmett to his solitude, knowing he desired it.
Meanwhile...
Caitlyn stood alone on the edge of the island, her heart heavy with the weight of her resolve. She had made her choice. Like Emmett, she couldn't fathom bringing a child into this harsh and dangerous world. It seemed a futile endeavor, only amplifying the vulnerability of the human race. And so, she had decided to leave.
With determination in her eyes, Caitlyn hastily scribbled a note explaining her intentions. "I cannot remain here," she wrote, the words stark against the paper. With a sigh, she pinned the note to a prominent post, aware it would be discovered soon enough.
As luck would have it, Evelyn stumbled upon the note during her leisurely stroll back from Emmett's cottage. She usually took the scenic route, collecting naturally growing food along the way. Her eyes widened as she read the words, her heart pounding in her chest. "Dear God!" Evelyn cursed, hastening her return to Emmett's cottage.
"Emmett!" she called out upon approaching, her voice echoing through the lush landscape. "You won't believe what I found!" Emmett came running towards her, rifle in hand, fearing the worst.
Startled, Emmett's rugged face etched with concern. "What is it, Evelyn?" he asked, worry creeping into his voice.
Evelyn caught up to him, the wind whipping her hair around her face. "It's Caitlyn," she said breathlessly, thrusting the note into his hands. "She's gone."
Emmett's eyes narrowed as he scanned the note, the words sinking like stones in his chest. "I'm not surprised," he muttered, a mix of anger and worry brewing beneath his gruff exterior.
"Nor am I, but I must find her, Emmett. The boys need her, and she has already endured so much," Evelyn pleaded. However, Emmett shook his head, his mind made up.
"No, I will go after her. You are needed here," Emmett declared, his voice a solemn whisper. With a determined glint in his piercing blue eyes, Emmett embarked on his perilous mission to find Caitlyn and bring her back, regardless of the cost.
***
Meanwhile, Caitlyn had already found herself on the mainland, her footsteps silent against the cracked pavement. She had always been a daring adventurer, but this was an entirely new level of peril.
Her heart pounded in her chest as she cautiously navigated the desolate streets. Her deafness was both a blessing and a curse in this soundless world plagued by creatures drawn to noise. Caitlyn couldn't afford even the slightest sound. She had witnessed firsthand the horrors these creatures were capable of, and those memories haunted her dreams.
As she walked, Caitlyn's thoughts drifted to Emmett and Evelyn, both of whom she considered dear friends. They had always been there for her, a steadfast pillar of support. Emmet, in particular, was a mentor and friend to her, even if he was twice her age and had a tendency to be grumpier than a bear with a toothache.
It was for the better this way. Caitlyn knew that Evelyn and Emmett would look after the boys for her, and she knew that she had made the right decision, namely to leave. She couldn’t even imagine the heartache of having a family would bring to her in this unkind world and forced procreation with someone she despised was even worse. It was Caitlyn’s worst nightmare. Much worse than the creatures themselves.
***
Meanwhile, Emmett trudged onward, his face etched with determination and worry. He had always been a protector, but this felt different. It felt... personal.
Days passed, but Emmett never faltered, following Caitlyn's inadvertent breadcrumbs. He had a hunch that she was heading to the abandoned factory in the heart of the town. With his survival instincts guiding him, he navigated the dangerous path, avoiding the roaming creatures that lurked in the shadows.
As he approached the centre of the dilapidated worker's township, the silence grew deafening, and fear hung heavy in the air. The creatures ruled this place, and one wrong move could mean certain death.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Emmett spotted Caitlyn in the distance. She stood frozen amidst the ruins of a forgotten city. Relief washed over him like a cool wave, but he knew better than to rush to her side. He had to be patient, cautious - the silent hero.
Emmett approached Caitlyn with utmost care, his eyes never straying from the lurking creatures. Caitlyn turned towards him, her eyes widening in surprise, her hands trembling slightly. She had hoped someone would come for her, but seeing Emmett now, a mix of emotions flooded her.
"I didn't expect you to come," Caitlyn signed softly, her fingers uncertainly grasping at the air.
Emmett offered her a small, understanding smile. “We're friends, remember?" he signed, a confession he had never made before. In his world, he believed he had no friends.
Caitlyn nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. Never had she valued friendship more than in that moment.
 “Come, I know where it is safe,” Emmett motioned for Caitlyn to follow him. She nodded, knowing he had a plan to keep her alive.
From the moment she met Emmett, she had been captivated by his resourcefulness and resilience. He understood the creatures' nature, communicating through sign language that he had learned from Regan.
As they walked side by side, silence enveloped them. Each step was cautious, every breath held in anticipation. In their world, noise was the enemy.
Finally, they reached the edge of the dense forest, where Emmett had established a hidden sanctuary during one of his supply runs.
Emmett led Caitlyn to a small cottage, but before they could reach safety, a sudden crack of a branch shattered the silence. Fear gripped Emmett's chest, his heart skipping a beat.
“Hide!” he gestured frantically, urging Caitlyn to find shelter. He pulled her towards safety as the creatures charged through the vegetation, their terrifying presence shaking the very foundations of their being.
"Quiet," Emmett mouthed, his hands steady. Caitlyn held her breath, her wide-eyed gaze fixed on the creatures as they passed, their instincts focused on the noise that had momentarily disturbed their stillness.
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, the creatures moved on, unaware of Emmett and Caitlyn's presence. Caitlyn released a shaky breath, her body trembling with fear. Emmett reassured her with a pat on the shoulder, relief evident in his eyes.
***
Eventually, Emmett and Caitlyn entered the cottage. Every rustle of leaves, every whisper of wind made Emmett's heart race, fearing the return of the nightmarish creatures.
The events of the past few days had left Caitlyn physically and emotionally drained. She needed rest before continuing her journey, and Emmett understood that.
For hours, they sat on the cold ground, Caitlyn lost in fragmented memories. Fear, pursuit, and the haunting faces of the creatures consumed her thoughts. But amidst the chaos, there was a glimmer of hope - Emmett, her beacon of strength in this relentless nightmare.
“You have two choices now, Caitlyn," Emmett signed, guiding her face towards his.
“We can venture to the factory together, leaving the safety of the island behind for good, or we can return to the island where it's secure," Emmett signed, allowing her the space to process the overwhelming events and emotions.
 “I cannot return to the island, Emmett!" Caitlyn signed, as a gentle rustle of leaves outside caught his attention. He turned to face the sound, his heart quickening once more.
“Yes, you can. I'll move in with you, and together, we can pretend to comply with the authorities' quest to repopulate the planet," Emmett joked, eliciting a smile from Caitlyn, though she shook her head.
Caitlyn scrutinized his countenance, searching for even the slightest trace of deception, yet all she discovered was an unwavering honesty etched into every crease. Reluctantly, she replied, "And what reason do I have to place my trust in you?"
Emmett's hand quivered imperceptibly as he clenched his fists, his words intermingling with the distant roar of creatures. "Because I am present here and now, am I not? Despite everything, I have morals that prevent me from allowing the Council to coerce you into something you do not believe in," he whispered and expressed through his hands to the best of his abilities.
A heavy silence descended upon them as Caitlyn contemplated Emmett's proposition. She weighed the risks, the potential for security, and the immense responsibility of bringing another life into this daunting world.
Breaking the stillness, Caitlyn signed, "If we feign our alliance, what will happen if we are discovered? The consequences could be catastrophic."
Emmett nodded, fully comprehending the gravity of her concerns. "It will be risky, yes, but perhaps my willingness to partake in this charade will grant you some respite, at least until we can find a more viable solution."
A faint smile curved Caitlyn's lips, her hands conveying both apprehension and hope. In the eerie hush of their surroundings, Emmett's offer lingered in the air, awaiting Caitlyn's decision. The weight of their future bore down upon them, threatening to shatter their fragile aspirations.
Caitlyn's hands moved deliberately, contemplating her response. With each measured gesture, her decision began to take shape. Finally, she signed, "I will accompany you back. For now."
Relief washed over Emmett's face, though it was tinged with caution. He knew their journey to the island would be arduous, and their trials far from over. Yet, together, perhaps, Caitlyn stood a fighting chance.
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myun-saidthoughts · 8 months
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Why 8th House/Pluto Synastry is Karmic and Transformative:
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(May feel more true for those who have attachment style issues and that have low self worth/value due to past partnerships/parents)
When someone's Pluto touches your inner planets or if someone's inner planets fall into your 8th house then this type of connection will feel all-consuming, intense, deep and expectations for how the other partner should act is overwhelmingly present; even if you wish their actions wouldn't cause a reaction, logic ceases to exist.
The reason why these feelings are so transformative is because, with this person, once they're next to you they bring you this acceptance within where you allow yourself to let someone in, their presences allows your soul to accept loves offer and for once you aren't afraid of letting that wall you've built crumble down.
With them you look into their eyes and you see the version of yourself not struggling with intimacy, you see the version of yourself not struggling with vulnerability, you look into their eyes and you finally feel like the person you've always wished you were.
But only when you're with them,
Only when their eyes meet yours is when you feel this fulfillment, and every time they walk away the part of your soul that's wishing to be seen leaves with them.
Everyone that causes a shift in your life is a direct reflection of what you feel within, so when someone enters your life and they are igniting parts of you that you bury, their presence becomes this "thing" that you'll always need in order to feel whole.
You want nothing more than to allow yourself to fall for someone that is deemed safe, yet no one's eyes but theirs will give you that green light.
You're unable to feel okay with the idea of having someone be yours and you're uncomfortable with letting this part of you that's been hidden, shunned, confined, out.
They are only a mirror of what your soul is wishing to reach, they create this frequency (or feeling) in you where all the pain, abandonment, loss, disappointment, and fear suddenly is vanished, so how do you choose to walk away from that key that unlocks the one feeling you can't feel on your own?
Within the midst of this, your soul is aware of how damaging the lack of them will cause, you're aware of the destruction you will feel if they walk away, you're aware that if they leave all that pain you've shunned away will reach the surface and overflow into your main airway, leaving you unable to breathe, leaving you unable to feel the version you wish you were when you're next to them.
And yet the second you decide you've had enough, the second you let the value that they give you go, the value and worthiness you've longed for will welcome you in, with open arms, and with grace.
The second you let the version of you that you thought they gave you; go, you'll start to become aware of the change and transformation within, once you choose yourself, once you decide your soul is worthy, valuable, and deserving of the type of care you never got to touch; the you that was once was will no longer be present, the you that once was will no longer take over your consciousness, and it will never hold power over you.
You'll become aware of the fact that the love your soul was searching for was there all along, hiding away into the depth of your consciousness, before that key waltzed in, this part of you was afraid of making itself seen, it was afraid of accepting the one thing it wanted the most.
And so that one key that you were clinging onto was only the first step into receiving the unconditional love your highest self knows you deserve.
They had to walk away for you to be able to find that missing puzzle piece that was hiding inside of you.
This synastry is so transformative because with this type of pain, brings in immense growth, compassion, understanding and self worth that never once seemed plausible, it brings in unconditional love that you never thought was safe, it brings in the self value that you searched for in other people's gazes, and it brings in letting go of the need for others souls to make you feel whole.
Once you grieve and let go of that past self, all your wounds, all your hidden fears, your resistance to embrace love's offer will pave the way for a renewal, birthing the version of yourself that your highest self always recognized within.
Once you're capable of releasing that self doubt and undergo the transformation your soul is asking for within, will you then be able to open your heart to accept true love, care, and acceptance that someone else can give.
If this resonates with you I have an eBook that perfectly depicts and explains if you are in a karmic relationship. It's about 8th/12th/Pluto/Neptune/Saturn/Vertex/Nodal synastry. I give insights, exact transits, exact synastry overlays, natal chart interpretations and more advice on what to do in these situations. More information is pinned on my page.
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slayfics · 8 months
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Muichiro’s Mansion
Muichiro x Reader series
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You meet with Muichiro once he’s healed up.
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Chapter 14
Shinobu had been persistent on giving the Hashria's and injured demon slayers their space after the battle at Swordsmith Village, forcing you to wait to see Muichiro again.
"I'll send you a letter when you're allowed to visit him ok," Shinobu said to you with sympathy in her eyes.
You understood the need to give Muichiro space to heal but every part of you ached to see him again.
To your surprise, only three days had passed before a letter came. At first, you believed the letter to be from Shinobu allowing you to come and visit, but surprise struck you when you realized it was Muichiro's crow coming to greet you.
The once sassy crow dropped the letter gently in your hand and gave you a nod before flying off. For the first time not showering you with insults.
Hu.
How strange you thought, but turned your attention to opening and reading the letter.
"I am better now and returning to the mansion. If you would like to resume being my Tsuguko you may return whenever you are available."
-Muichiro Tokito
Muichiro was better already? You read the letter twice over to ensure you had read it correctly. You took in a deep breath marveling at how amazing Muichiro was. He took out an upper demon alone and was ready to return home in three days.
You quickly folded the letter and rushed to pack your things once more. Your heart raced at the thought of meeting Muichiro again. You still couldn't believe he confessed to having feelings for you.
After all the challenges you two had been through. You wanted nothing more than to reciprocate his feelings. You hadn't had the chance to tell him that you felt the same as he did.
Making your way back to his mansion you were met with the sight of Muichiro drinking tea outside. Once he noticed you arriving he swiftly made his way over to you.
"Let me help," he said, grabbing some of your belongings to carry inside.
"Thank you, Tokito," you said marveling at the difference between now and the first time you came to the mansion. When you first arrived here Muichiro barely spoke to you and had his crow show you to your room. Now he was carrying most of your belongings and helping you inside.
Muichiro gently set down your belongings in your room and turned to face you.
"I hope you don't mind that things will be different now," he said.
"What do you mean?" you asked.
"Now that you're aware of my true feelings. I promise to not let that affect how I train you," he explained. You couldn't help but giggle at how serious the Hashira was. He took training you exceptionally seriously, which was endearing, but had he not noticed you felt the same?
"Tokito... has it not been obvious to you... that I feel the same way," you said eagerly looking into the Hashria's eyes. A shocked expression ignited on Muichiro's face. This was news to him. In his amnesia, he had never once picked up on the subtle giveaways to your true feelings. "Why else would I have pushed to be your Tsuguko after being turned down twice." you further explained.
Muichiros eyes glazed over at remembering all your previous interactions with him. He had turned you down twice and harshly. Then fired you even brutally still. He winced at now understanding the depths of the pain he caused you.
"I apologize, I know I hurt you. I promise never to again," he said, stepping closer to you. For the first time, he realized how much your heart rate increased at his nearing presence. Before being lost in thought he never paid attention. “Firing you… was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”
How obvious it was to him now pained him. How many times had his sharp tongue hurt you? Yet you still stayed as determined as ever to make him proud as his Tsuguko. He knew there was nothing he could do to change the way he was before he recovered his memories, but he could make up for lost time now.
"You don't need to apologize to me, Tokito. I understand, and I'm worried about you. It must be painful to have recovered all those memories at once." you said.
Yes, it was and is still painful, Muichiro thought. Scanning your face and seeing the concern you had for him hurt him even more, in a way he couldn't explain. How awful he had treated you before was eating at him along with the sadness and anger recovered from his past.
"Please don't worry about me," he said, moving closer still. "I would like to tell you about what I remember soon, but you should know I've also never felt better. It was lonely here without you, I've missed you," he explained, causing your heart rate to quicken yet again.
"Should I take this slow?" he asked, watching as your cheeks began to blush.
"What do you mean?" you asked. Muichiro grabbed your hand and pulled you into him, finally closing the distance between you both. It was only a few moments of time but your anticipation made it feel as if time slowed. After savoring you pressed against him for a few seconds, Muichiro softly pressed his lips to yours while gently guiding your hand behind his neck. You followed his lead, placing your other hand behind his neck interlocking your fingers as he pressed harder into the kiss and wrapped his arms around your waist.
Just then someone knocked loudly at the mansion door.
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Tagging those that asked~
@echoingvoids @illyrian-moonswarrior @plvuii @aeolia18 @ihatecorns @muichirouswife @yandere-kou @xxlittlexrascalxx
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velidewrites · 1 month
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This Ends In Fire
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Everything goes wrong when Nesta Archeron crosses the Wall to find her sister. Kidnapped and trapped Under the Mountain, she must now become the very thing she swore to destroy. But there is a light in the darkness—a flicker of a flame, ready to show her a way out. If she’d only let it.
Pairing: Nesta Archeron x Eris Vanserra
Tags: Rated Explicit; Marriage of Convenience; UTM AU
Notes: My humble submission for @sjmromanceweek!
Chapter 1 || Go to Prologue || Read on AO3
ONE WEEK AGO
Eris Vanserra wiped the last of his blood off his back and straightened his shoulders despite the soreness. Now that he was alone in the quiet darkness of his rooms, he could hear the rapid pulsing of his veins as it echoed off the stone walls. Eris gritted his jaw, letting his body tense and muscles harden. He would let no one, not even the servants, hear.
Dipping the wet cloth into the basin, he twisted the fabric and watched as the water slowly turned a pale shade of pink. It felt lukewarm on his skin, doing nothing to ease the pain, to bring any sort of relief. Not that Eris had expected it in the first place.
Fifty years ago, back when his magic had still been his own and not yielded to the hands of another, he could have opened a rip in time and space and let the cloth disappear in there, all evidence of tonight erased in the blink of an eye. The best he could do today was a quick snap of his fingers to strain the cloth of all liquid, and a flicker of a flame to burn its remains. The ash, he knew from experience, would soon melt into the cracks between the stones anyway.
With that taken care of, he slid both arms into the sleeves of his jacket, fighting off the wince his body demanded to submit to. Everyone had eyes Under the Mountain—especially the darkness.
He did allow himself a quiet breath, though, as he realised the usually stiff back of the jacket had mysteriously been padded, the fabric no longer roughly grazing his skin as he walked. It did little to calm him—no, his breath only seemed to encourage the fire stirring in the pit of his stomach, the flames rising higher and higher until they licked at the column of his throat. It had been foolish for her to risk it for something so small, so insignificant in the grander scheme of things. For him. But his mother had never seemed to listen, anyway.
Whatever she’d sewn into the spine of his jacket, it helped, and Eris hated it with every step he took as we walked out of his chambers. The Vanserra family tailor answered to his father, like everyone in the family’s employ, which meant Beron would find out about what his wife had done one way or another. She had been shackled to his side long enough to understand that, which made everything all the worse. She knew—she knew what the consequences were, and yet…
She thought Eris was worth it anyway. It was the Mother’s most cruel of punishments, perhaps, to allow Lady Vanserra to keep her heart despite the family she’d been given. It was why Eris never prayed to her, or the Cauldron, or any of the Gods that had once used to roam these lands. They had all abandoned them long ago. The monsters stayed.
One of them awaited Eris at the end of the narrow hallway, carved so deeply into the Mountain he doubted even its native dwellers were aware of its existence. The shadows had led him here once before, the last time he’d needed to bargain. They had sensed his urgency—desperation was not a word Eris preferred to resort to—in his sleep, and revealed the location somewhere in the depths of his dream. It was the first and only night Eris had not been plagued by nightmares.
He had not been blessed with such comfort the second time. All he’d had to do was think the right words at the right time, and watch as a shadow of disdain passed through Rhysand’s face. To Eris, it was confirmation enough.
“Tell me why I should not kill you right where you stand,” the darkness purred, and Eris rolled his eyes.
“I come with a proposition.”
“If there is anything you require, I suggest you take it up in a formal audience with our Queen,” Rhysand said simply. “All this secrecy is…” His gaze narrowed on Eris’s. “Troubling.”
“I would hate to inconvenience our Queen in such a momentous time,” Eris drawled smoothly. “The time is almost up, after all.”
Though Rhysand remained silent, Eris could have sworn the darkness tensed around him—watching. Waiting.
He continued, “A celebration is in order, I hear. The Attor is on the hunt—if my information is correct.”
Rhysand angled his head an inch. “And where do you obtain such sensitive information, Eris?” he asked.
Eris let a smile creep onto his mouth. “Oh, you have no reason to worry, Rhysand,” he crooned. “I can assure you you’re still the only one warming our Queen’s bed.” 
Rhysand’s gaze darkened.
Still, Eris pushed, “I do wonder what Amarantha will make of you, though, once her precious Tamlin arrives.”
“You dare speak our Queen’s name?” Rhysand asked him quietly. “I could leave right now and tell her of your disobedience—and I think we both know which one of us she would believe.” A smile of his own tugged at the corner of his lips. “How, I wonder, will your mother take the death of yet another beloved son?”
There it was—the monster he had come to bargain with.
“While I’m sure you’re eager to return to her side,” Eris taunted, “there is something I need from you.”
“And why, exactly, should I feel inclined to help you?”
Eris smiled. “Because if you don’t, I will tell your Queen of your little visit to the Spring Court on Calanmai.”
For a heartbeat, the air around them seemed to still.
Then, “That visit was sanctioned,” Rhysand said. “I was acting on Amarantha’s will.”
“Ah, yes. The three drunken wraiths conspiring to dethrone her rule,” Eris mocked. “One shudders to think what might have happened had you not stepped in, High Lord.”
The darkness seemed to narrow on him. “Is there a point to your empty threats, or have you requested my presence simply to annoy me?”
“A little bit of both” did not seem like an adequate answer at this time, so Eris simply said, “As I’ve told you before, there is something I require from you.”
“And I told you, I am not feeling particularly generous tonight.”
“No, I imagine you save all your generosity for the Queen,” Eris answered. “I can also imagine her pretty face when I tell her the wraiths were not the only traitors you spoke to that night.”
Rhysand went wholly, entirely still.
“A human girl,” Eris hummed, delight rising through his chest as he watched that darkness stir with unease. “With pale blue eyes and hair like ancient, molten gold. A mere Child of the Blessed, one would think,” he mused. “But I am told that minutes after you left, she was approached by a very concerned Lucien Vanserra…and hurried right back into Tamlin’s manor.”
“Your brother has always had an affinity for the ones beneath him,” was Rhysand’s only reply. But Eris could tell—could feel the shift in the power around them, like lightning bracing to strike at midnight.
It was why he waved a dismissive hand. “Lucien Vanserra is an embarrassment to my family, and an exile,” he said, the words souring on his tongue even as he spoke them. “I will not claim him as my brother unless he miraculously regains his senses,” he added, letting a grimace twist his face. “Though I very much doubt that will ever occur.”
“Well, from what you’re telling me, a reunion seems to be imminent,” Rhysand commented. “Your mother will be delighted to see her youngest after such a long separation, I’m sure.”
It was the second time he mentioned Eris’s mother tonight. The threat was more than clear—and that fire inside him stirred at the message it carried.
Rhysand crossed his arms over his chest, something too hidden in the dark for Eris to discern rustling with the movement as Rhysand asked, “How did you get your spies from Under the Mountain?”
“I don’t feel particularly inclined to share my secrets with common whores.”
“Careful, Eris,” Rhysand warned, something cold slithering into his tone—perhaps to combat the fire cracking at Eris’s fingertips. “Your words may be your greatest weapon, but in our current situation, they remain your only one.”
Rhysand straightened then, and even the darkness seemed to take a step back as he announced, “I grow bored of your company. Tell me what it is you want, and don’t try screaming into my mind again.” He grimaced. “Your voice is exceptionally unpleasant, you see.”
For what had to have been the hundredth time tonight, Eris rolled his eyes. But as much as he wished to show Rhysand how, exactly, he’d been trained in handling the monsters’ threats…
“I need you to manipulate someone’s mind.”
Rhysand arched an eyebrow—and Eris thought that, perhaps even if his plan failed, the surprise on the High Lord of Night’s face would be compensation enough.
“So rebellious,” Rhysand drawled, his gaze studying him closely. “What would your dear father have to say, I wonder, if he found out his heir has grown a little too ambitious in the dark?”
“Say we have a deal, Rhysand,” Eris simply told him. “And I will never mention the girl ever again.”
Rhysand must have let the mask slip a little, then—a new kind of darkness finding its way behind his stare as he met Eris’s at last. “Not a single fucking word about her, Eris,” he warned, and when Eris nodded, his shoulders seemed to relax a little. “Alright, then.” He outstretched his hand.
Eris shook it firmly, his own skin tingling strangely as the darkness infused with the quiet scent of jasmine scented night.
“It’s a bargain,” Rhysand said.
***
PRESENT DAY
Nesta’s cell was shrouded in darkness, occasionally broken by a flash of a strange, blue flame. It had taken less than an hour for her to learn that the screams would soon follow, filling the space with an echo of pain and agony.
Somewhere in the distance, the fire burned again, casting shadows on the wall ahead—dancing in what she couldn’t help but feel was a mockery of her misery.
She sat up straighter, waiting for the wailing to come. From what she had discerned earlier, the voice belonged to some male creature bearing wings. She could still hear them flapping in desperation, as if their tortured owner still believed he had a chance of escape.
The only other sound accompanying the prisoner’s screams was the Attor’s raspy laugh, and Nesta tried not to shudder every time it came. She could still feel the monster’s voice on her skin, like grains of sand brushing over her roughly. Though she had not seen the Attor since the moment it had knocked her out mid-flight, the mere sound of its cruel laughs had been enough to make her stomach twist and her heart drop heavily in her chest.
The worst, and perhaps the best thing about all this at the same time, was that Nesta was not alone. She had been tossed into the cell unconscious, but had woken up to the quiet murmurs of both concern and excitement—the mixture odd enough that she figured out quite quickly whose company she’d been shoved into.
Nesta had no interest in finding comfort in the arms of the Children of the Blessed, but she found herself listening in on their conversation anyway.
“You have nothing to be afraid of,” the eldest of the group cooed, her slim hand patting another girl’s head gently, easing her quiet sobbing. “This is all a misunderstanding. Once the Fae understand we have come to serve them, we will be released to perform our duty.
Nesta rolled her eyes.
It did not go unnoticed—and another woman shot her a look, her navy gaze piercing. “You’d do well to show some sympathy,” she hissed. “Where we come from, the Fae do not shove us into their dungeons without prior questioning.”
Nesta was not sure what to take offence more—that someone so empty-headed felt within their rights to snap at her, or that they assumed Nesta, of all people, was one of them.
“Where are you from, anyway?” another Child asked her, red hair spilling over her shoulder as her head angled in curiosity. She had not arrived with the other three, Nesta remembered, with one of the guards only bringing her in hours after. “Do your clans not bear the symbols of our masters?” she asked, finger tapping on the wood-carved token around her neck. Nesta could hardly see the details of it in the shadows, though she made out a pair of hands holding up something rotund in shape—yet another meaningless thing of the world she had no desire to be a part of.
“She must think herself above such things,” the blue-eyed one scoffed, then returned her attention to the trembling girl in her friend’s arms.
Nesta turned back to the red-headed one. “I lost it on my way here,” she lied. “It fell from my neck mid-flight.”
The girl’s brows knitted into a scorn. “You ought to pay better care to such things in the future.”
“I doubt there’s any future for us left,” Nesta replied, ignoring the loud shush of the others as the youngest cried even harder.
The girl glanced over her shoulder quickly. “I saw the creature that brought you here,” she whispered. “It must’ve been terrifying.”
“I thought the Children are servants of all faeries.”
The girl scrunched her nose. “I doubt that thing can be called a faerie at all.”
Despite herself, Nesta snorted—and the girl smiled weakly. “My name is Carisa. You didn’t tell me where you came from.”
Nesta cleared her throat. The girl might have been tolerable, but it hardly meant Nesta was going to reveal to her everything about her life.
Especially not when she felt like, despite being entirely devoted to the torture next door, the Attor was still watching her, somehow.
“I was sent as an emissary to the South,” Nesta explained. “But I come from Scythia.”
Carisa’s face seemed to light up even in the darkness. “So am I!”
Shit.
Carisa continued, “Did you attend Queen Vassa’s coronation?”
Nesta had no idea the human lands on the Continent had appointed a new queen. “I was already gone by then.”
Carisa hummed. “You must have been here long, then,” she said. “You missed quite the celebration. I have a feeling Vassa is going to be a fair and just ruler.”
“I don’t particularly believe in the monarchy.”
Carisa blinked.
“For once, we agree on something,” the blue-eyed one cut in, apparently now part of the conversation as she looked at Carisa reproachfully. “The only authority we recognise are the Fae.”
“How glad we are to hear it,” a hoarse chuckle sounded above them—and they all jumped up with a shriek. Nesta included.
The Attor’s smile revealed all his silver teeth. “Come, Children. Mother has been expecting you.”
***
Eris watched as the blood trickled down the table in thin streams of crimson, the sight so dreadfully familiar he had to fight the urge to check over his back. It pooled at his feet, filling the small chamber with the scent of iron and wet earth, betraying the nature of its owner. These Lessers were native to the southern regions of Autumn, with the power to rip the roots of the strongest oaks from the earth with a mere nod of their fur-clad heads.
It was a shame this one had to die. He had proven himself to be one of Eris’s most capable spies, and, for the past forty-something years, had proven loyal enough that Eris had stopped questioning his reports only two decades in.
But, no matter how useful, he was still only a pawn.
And Eris was playing a larger game.
“Clean it up,” was Beron Vanserra’s only command as he wiped his hands on the pristine white cloth he’d summoned from thin air. No matter how much of his power Amarantha had claimed for herself, he was still High Lord—which meant he had access to magic Eris could only dream of.
It was one of many reasons he had framed his own spy. Why he’d turned to Rhysand, of all people, to get one step closer to winning the game.
“I should feel honoured,” Eris commented, using the spy’s discarded tunic to wipe his own hands. “You usually let Aran and Conall have all the fun.”
Beron scoffed. “Those fools would have bragged about it to the first whore that landed in their beds,” he said, as though it was not his own sons, his flesh and blood he was talking about. He cut Eris a look. “I should not tell you this is a matter of utmost secrecy.”
Eris nodded. “What is your plan, then?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Beron simply told him, his attention already elsewhere as he slid on his dark-bronze jacket, the material thick enough to cover the blood speckled over his formal shirt.
Eris did not let himself get surprised easily, and he liked to think he knew his father well enough to anticipate his reactions accurately. But this—this strange, eerie calmness about him as he buttoned up the hems was enough to make him say, “I do not understand.”
Beron met his gaze.
Eris continued, “We just found out one of our own spies reported for Amarantha. How certain can we be that the others have not been compromised?”
His father waved a hand in dismissal. “She will learn of this one’s death quickly enough,” he told Eris, something souring in his expression as he added, “I do not know what the Hybern bitch is playing at, but with this death, the game has officially begun.”
For Beron—perhaps. But Eris…Eris had been playing for a long, long time.
If the knowledge of Amarantha sending Beron’s own sentries after him was not enough to steer his father’s focus far away from Eris’s own dealings, it only meant Eris had to push a little harder. “You wish to wait for her next move.”
Beron cuffed his sleeves. “I want her gone, as we all do.” Another look at Eris carried a flash of a warning. “I have not taught you such impatience,” he mused quietly—too quietly. “Your mother, perhaps. It would not surprise me to see yet another failure of hers in my one and only heir.”
Eris stiffened.
“Mother has nothing to do with this,” he said slowly, as if to calm the rising urgency in his own chest. Clever—he was so clever bringing Mother into this, dangling her life right before Eris’s nose until he stumbled grasping for it.
Beron hummed. “Perhaps you require another lesson instead,” he said, and something like a smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he gestured to the body and ordered, “Clear the table.”
Eris was going to abide—the way he always had.
His feet carried him to the centre of the room as though they possessed a mind of their own, completely isolated from the thoughts pounding through Eris’s head. His back had fully healed—courtesy of the newfound comfort of his clothing—and, in a few moments, Beron would know exactly who to blame.
But then a knock sounded on the heavy, wooden door—and Eris stopped.
“My lord,” a voice called, quiet and hesitant. “My lord, you and your family’s presence is requested in the throne room.” A pause. “I’m afraid time is of the essence.”
Eris did not dare to move.
Beron sighed deeply. “Clean up later,” he instructed, then made his way for the door. “Kill him on your way back in.”
Eris’s face eased back into its usual stillness. “Naturally.”
“Good,” Beron nodded, the word the highest of praises in his mouth. “Now let’s see what this is all about.”
Praying Amarantha had somehow heard as the High Lord of Autumn referred to her as “the Hybern bitch,” Eris followed his father. It was ridiculous of him to hope,  it the thought brought him some entertainment, at least, as they made their way up the labyrinth of corridors carved into the Mountain, passed only by the occasional guards or maids scurrying toward their designated rooms.
They reached the throne room quickly, Beron disappearing immediately to take his place by the other High Lords—in the alcove right above the western side of the hall and overlooking Amarantha’s iron throne.
A little higher up, in the lounges reserved for nobility, Eris slid into his usual chair, his gaze not leaving the throne for one second as he, ever-so-slightly, leaned toward his left. “You should not have done that, Mother,” Eris murmured. “He—”
“Straighten up, Eris,” came the reply, soft and quiet. “Smile.
So Eris did.
“Who are they?” a female voice to his right asked, and Eris bit back a hiss as he realised Aran had brought in a female into his family’s section. Again.
“Fresh meat for the Attor,” his younger brother snorted. The female visibly winced.
Only then did Eris finally regain his senses enough to scan the area below. A small group of people gathered before the throne, where Amarantha lounged—with a smiling Rhysand beside her.
Eris gritted his teeth.
“Kneel,” the Attor announced, wings sprawling high up from where he stood behind the group—as if to block them all from turning. “Before your Queen.”
One of them—the shortest one—slid the hood off her head, the others quickly following suit before dropping to their knees. Eris realised then—there would be no torturing Beron Vanserra today, even despite his best wishes.
No. They’d been invited for a feast.
Amarantha’s red-stained mouth curled into a smile as she leaned back in her throne, her right arm wrapped around Rhysand’s. To his left, Eris heard Conall scoff. “What have you brought me today, my dear?” she asked, clearly addressing the Attor to the horror of Aran’s companion. “Ah. Children of the Blessed. How delighted I am to see your lovely faces,” she added, and one of the women—the closest one whose features Eris could make out—seemed to beam at the acknowledgement.
“These three were found near the Winter border, Your Majesty,” the Attor explained, the rasp of his voice carrying throughout the hall. “This one arrived at Autumn’s eastern docks earlier today,” he pointed to a red-haired woman. “And this one,” he said, wings flaring in unabashed pride, “Came from Spring.”
It only lasted a second—even less, perhaps—but Eris did not miss the flash of fear in Rhysand’s violet gaze. There and gone, like the flicker of a star as it descended down on the last woman.
She looked up, then, her black hood falling farther down her back—and met Amarantha’s gaze directly.
Eris held his breath.
She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful female he’d ever seen.
Woman, he corrected himself immediately after the treacherous thought, if the rounded tips of her ears weren’t enough of an indication. Had Eris not been his father’s only suitable heir, Beron would have killed him for harbouring such a sentiment without hesitation. It would not have been Beron’s first time.
Even so, Eris could not help but let his gaze linger. There was a devastation to her beauty, as though all the gods he’d forsaken had decided to prove him wrong in crafting this woman. When she looked at Amarantha, there was no admiration, no blind loyalty that shone from her companion’s misty stares. No, this one looked at Amarantha with…challenge, shining brightly from those blue-grey eyes.
Eris stilled at that, the realisation ripping the world underneath him open as he understood why he glimpsed fear in Rhysand’s eyes.
A human girl. Those were his own words, spoken no more than a week ago. With pale blue eyes and hair like ancient, molten gold. A mere Child of the Blessed, one would think, but I am told that minutes after you left, she was approached by a very concerned Lucien Vanserra…and hurried right back into Tamlin’s manor.
This woman had come from Spring—and she was no Child of the Blessed.
The lie burned like fire in those eyes of hers as she held the High Queen of Prythian’s gaze. “We are here to serve you, Your Majesty,” she said, her voice smooth and clear.
“Such devotion,” Amarantha purred. “I would be delighted to have you as my guests tonight. A ball—in your honour.”
The other four erupted in whispers, their excitement so palpable it turned Eris’s insights sick as Amarantha added, “And a very special offering from my court later.”
In the past five decades, Eris had attended enough of those celebrations to know exactly how Amarantha liked to play with her prey. To know what would happen to those women the minute the final note of the violins marked the ball’s bloodied end.
But, if he was right, one of those women, the fraud…
If he was right, she was the one they’d all been looking for. The one Rhysand had met that night, knowing she was the key to everything.
A newfound fire sparked in Eris’s chest as a new pawn appeared on his centuries-old board.
He was going to save her.
And in turn, she was going to save them all.
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astroloverblog · 1 year
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Your Planets in your partner’s 12th House
Your Ascendant in your partner’s 12th house - this indicates a strong karmic link between the two of you based on past life associations. It can also indicate a psychic-telepathic or intuitive-empathic link.
Your Sun in partner’s your 12th house - You can help your partner to be more outgoing and realize their true potential. You may sir up negative emotions from their past. Your partner’s intuitive perception can give you insights to a more effective means of self-expression. There can be mutual interest in the occult. There is a strong possibility that the two of you have a karmic relationship to work out with each other.
Your Moon in your partner’s 12th house - this combination makes for a very strong emotional and intuitive link. You both will be intensely aware of the subconscious needs and emotional state of the other. This makes for sympathetic understanding between you two, and empathy & compassion. You two may even share a psychic linkage that influences each others thoughts and ideas. This usually indicates a karmic connection between the two people. That means that most likely, you have been together before, and in some way been tested and failed. You are having another chance now to correct this mistakes from your memories to help them understand the situation today, and they in turn can awaken you to deeper levels of your intuitive awareness.
Your Mercury in your partner’s 12th house - You can help them gain insight into the mechanism and habit patterns of their subconscious mind. You can stimulate each other‘s creative imagination. There can be mutual interest in subjects such as art, music, psychology, mysticism, and approaches to religion. They can bring out your intuitive perceptions, which in turn, can help them, to understand and make practical use of their imagination and intuitive insights. You both tend to stimulate the other‘s interest in the areas of psychic awareness.
Your Venus in your partner‘s 12th house - this position indicates a close psychic and emotional link between the two of you creating a psychic awareness of each other‘s moods & feelings. You will both be sympathetic and compassionate toward the other.
Your Mars in your partner‘s 12th house - may indicate group involvement in secret or behind-the-scenes activities. You like to stir up their subconscious mind, in a way that they may learn from the results.
Your Jupiter in your partner‘s 12th house - indicates a mutual interest in meditation, spirituality, and development of intuitive powers. You will be able to share everything with each other, no matter how sensitive the subject. You can help them understand and overcome their subconscious emotional hang-ups.
Your Saturn in your partner‘s 12th house - the two of you will have serious interactions involving psychic and occult pursuits, or psychological investigation of the subconscious mind. You can help them to exercise discipline in understanding and overcoming conditional behaviours, stemming from painful memories in the past. They can help you gain intuitive insight into professional matters.
Your Uranus in your partner‘s 12th house - indicates mutual interest in mystical, intuitive, and occult activities. You can put them in touch with their neurotic and habitual patterns that are unproductive for them, by introducing new concepts and alternative ideas into their thinking. You will both be concerned with reincarnation, past lives, and your individual and combined spiritual quest for this lifecycle.
Your Neptune in your partner‘s 12th house - indicates that you both are very involved with each other‘s subconscious minds and intuitive faculties. You both have strong mutual interest in psychology and probing the deeper level of human consciousness.
Your Pluto in your partner’s 12th house - this arrangement indicates a mutual interest in investigating and regenerating the unconscious mind involving in-depth psychology, spirituality, parapsychology, and reincarnation. You may want to help them understand and reform their subconscious tendencies that interfere with their growth. You may consider some of their ideas as being a dream world and try to get them to deal with reality as you see it.
Your Chiron in your partner‘s 12th house - As a child your partner suffered psychological pain from their intense sensitivity to others, and mystical experience in their childhood that may have scared him, or left them feeling uneasy about their self. They are deeply intuitive and sensitive to their environment, and as child they may have been overloaded with the emotions and thoughts of others. They may have been forced to deny or bury their talents in their unconscious, because of their family, cultural, or environment, You can help them to safety bring out those abilities in their life now, and use their gifts for the intended purposes in their life. Through your help and acceptance, they will be able to heal themselves and apply their talents to helping others.
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