#you should thrive to be like

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment #so many innocent bystanders at stake #every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis #racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system #and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description #aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh #(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt. #but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.) #seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this. #the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later? #that is not cute. it is Alarming. #no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain #and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students #this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE #...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power #and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class #which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever #it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses... #anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you. #obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding #are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it #please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent #mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies #& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground #mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man

[essektheylyss]

I do think it's worthless to try to argue with the "amount of screen time = relative significance" crowd, but I really cannot stress enough how great this episode was for me personally, as an Essek stan.

I was doing the math between the mention of the war in the prelude (instead of a more general, 'since the Mighty Nein largely parted ways') and Trent saying, "Don't you want to know what I have?" and sat in my chair for ten minutes before Trent actually said it like, "Surely this man is not about to threaten Essek. That is way too much wish fulfillment for me personally. There is no way that's what he's about to say." AND THEN.

Fundamentally my opinions of an episode are not predicated on whether my fave was physically in attendance, nor even whether he was relevant, but it does show how reductive the measurement of screen time is as a metric considering Trent didn't even have to mention Essek by name to drag his living soul in kicking and screaming to briefly haunt this narrative.

#meanwhile essek is somewhere living his best life aka taking arcane measurements trying to figure out what the fuck is happening #like he's probably a little anxious but he's doing wizard things so he's thriving #critical role #cr spoilers #essek thelyss #this is partially inspired by the weird grumbling about 'wdym you enjoyed the episode if you're an essek stan you're supposed to hate it' #but especially cuz literally I don't understand how you witness 'dragged in to hang like a sword of damocles over caleb's head' #and go 'okay well he wasn't on screen so clearly you all should be bitter that he wasn't there' #like you don't have to be physically present to be relevant guys. this is narrative 101. that's what haunting the narrative MEANS. #tbf this was a low level narrative haunting cuz it was explicitly stated but like. that's more about time limitations. anyway.

[moffnat]

Do you know how hard it's been for me to contain myself?

#shut up. shut UP #i am so devoted to these two. im a writer not a gif-maker but no one wants fic of someone ELSE'S tav so #HERE WE ARE #I FEED MYSELF AND I AM BLESSED #bg3edit #gamesedit #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #halsin x tav #look i haven't giffed in like 4 years and it's all different now so these look like shit #i don't care. im thriving. my crops are watered and my tav is well-fucked #as silvanus intended #*mine #*bg3 #nsft #i should give them a ship tag too #a little moon and her bear prince #there's a reason for the nicknames fuck you i do what i want

[ride-a-dromedary]

Imagine spending a century trying to put an end to the suffering of a singular (powerful and connected to the entirety of the surrounding land tbf) fae child to rid the land of a curse, succeeding, and then being dragged to a place where literally hundreds of children are suffering and starving and dying and there's not even a pinpoint reason for it, people are just letting it happen, and then when you express that maybe that's actually kinda fucked up, being told: "Idk I think you're overreacting"

#this is about halsin in baldur's gate #BG3 Musing #if i were halsin maybe i too would seriously contemplate tearing down the establishment board by board #i'm sorry that slight change to that line saying that halsin's idea of harshly judging baldur's gate being TYRANNICAL like bro #tyrannical to whom? bootlickers and politicians that are rewarded by a corrupt system? #it's almost funny with how obtuse it is but also???? #that's why orin's thing is such a gut punch - halsin's primary concern is the life that isn't even being given a chance to thrive #imagine being the *cause* of their suffering - of their deaths #bravo orin good research skills #elves value children! they are precious and far between! of course he thinks that's fucked up!! #and he would be *right* #halsin should respond to a player saying that with a 'i pray to silvanus you never procreate' #also anyone bring up the goblin kids on this post it's on sight

[guinevereslancelot]

a koi pond for your dash:

❀ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ༄ ❀ 𓆝 𓆟 ༄ ❀ 𓆞 𓆝 ❀ ༄ ﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

#our pond thawed so i sat beside the water today and watched the fish #i wish everyone as beautiful and peaceful a moment as that today ♡ #i dont have a koi pond btw judt a farm pond that a neighbor put goldish in like twenty years ago #they thrived tho and they're pretty like koi fish #im planning to add water lilies to it this year and maybe some other pretty ornamental plants around it idk #also a bench hopefully bc rn you have to sit in an uncomfy rock lol #anyway #still a nice place to hang out im just planning to make it nicer when i have the money for landscaping #im considering adding some actual koi to it bc i read they can coexist w goldfish really well bc they're both carp #but idk i assume they eat more so maybe they would outcompete the goldslfish #also they eat the baby goldfish so maybe not :( #they should crossbreed tho #i think #so maybe i'll just grt one or two koi and see what happens #anywayyy #they're so pretty and peaceful to watch 😌 #my only complaint is its a bit of a hike to the pond #either like five minutes down a suuuuper steep hill or twice as long walking around the hill and back up by the road which is less steep #also you cant really see the pond from the house bc its far away and surrounded by dense brush #alas #these are good problems to have tho #and for safety reasons its good actually that the pond is far from the house and a bit annoying to get to #bc little kids could def have a terrible accident if it was just in the yard or something #bc its really deep #im not the best w these emojis but i wanted to make something cute

[mortysmith]

perpetually annoyed by the way newer seasons treat morty. Sorry not Sorry !

#its saauurrrrrr annoyinggg to watch like seasons 2 and 3 #where morty is actually decently capable and already exhibiting a bit of edge #and then to watch s5 and 6 just. pretend that never happened and just quietly revert morty to the wimpy sidekick in s1 #THERE IS SO MUCH ROOM TO EXPLORE JADED MORTT #i know the writers themselves have admitted that mortys development was a bit more rushed than it maybe should have been #but i feel like at a certain point you need to stick to the cards youve been dealt instead trying to haphazardly retcon character arcs #sorey to bust down a controversial opinion here but mortys inconsistent characterization makes unmortricken borderline unwatchable for me ! #like i can acknowledge things happened in that episode and emorty 💪💪💪💪 etc but #watching morty being s1 level wimpy and incapable is just. frustraing! especially when you have episodes in the same season #like s7e2 WHERE MORTY IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE! very much thriving! #i keep saying this but its just infuriating to watch rick get more development in a single episode than morty gets in an entire season

[cerise-on-top]

Hii!! :3

First of all, LOVE YOUR BLOG!!Your writing is so good!! May I request Rodolfo Parra x reader who is touchy? Like, they won’t if he doesn’t like it, but it’s a safety thing, like him being taller than me (even not by much) makes me secure, feeling his arm muscles to know he can protect me, holding his hand until he pulls away.

thank you!! :3

I don't think you understand the extent to which my Rodolfo is touch starved, he really wants a hug, and the ones that Alejandro give him don't really cut it, at all! Mans wants to be hugged and cuddled, so this is sort of just ideal to him!

Rodolfo with a Touchy!Reader

In all honesty, he’s hit the jackpot with you if you’re a touchy person. While he may not initiate too much physical touch himself in fear of coming off as clingy and annoying, he’s actually so touch starved, it’s unreal. If there weren’t some mental barriers there, then he’d absolutely love to touch and cuddle you whenever he could. Would love to kiss you, would love to hold you. He’s one of the biggest cuddlebugs on the planet in theory, but in practice he’s holding himself back due to the aforementioned reasons. However, he has no qualms whatsoever if you’re the one touching him, in fact, he’ll revel in it for as long as he can, or until you pull away. He gets a bit sad when you do, but he knows you’ve got better things to do as well from time to time.

Please do hold onto his arm when you’re walking somewhere, it makes him feel like the stronger guy out of the two of you. He just wants to make sure you feel safe and sound with him, and if he can accomplish just that? Heaven on earth, literally. Hold his hand, he’ll squeeze it every once in a while to make sure you know he’s still with you. You can even give him a hug in public where everyone can see you, he’ll shield you with his entire body and make sure to catch every single bullet that could come flying at you. While he’s not too big of a fan of kissing in public, thinking such a thing should be reserved for when the two of you are alone, he loves feeling your lips on him just about anywhere. Wanna kiss his cheek? His forehead? His lips? He’ll give you twice as many kisses back.

From time to time he might get a bit overwhelmed with all the affection, that’s when you might want to tone it down a bit. When he’s just downright pissed at someone or something, he’s less prone to being cuddly, but he’ll calm down eventually. Distract him, help him, give him some loving words, and he’ll be back to his usual self. Once he’s calmed down he might be a bit tired from all those emotions, so he might want some cuddles. Likely won’t ask for them, but he knows you’re always eager to cuddle him anyway.

While he does love holding something, or someone, when relaxing, nothing, to him, feels better than being held. That’s his guilty pleasure, being the little spoon, but you won’t catch him dead admitting that. In fact, he won’t even hint at wanting to be such, but he would absolutely never turn you down when you offer. Feeling your warmth against his back is nice, doesn’t matter if you can wrap yourself around him entirely or if you’re a backpack, he just wants to feel protected for once too. However, if something ever were to happen, then he’s the first to jump into action and beat the living daylights out of anyone who dares to intrude on such a sacred moment.

Hell, you can even put your head in his lap. He’ll lovingly stroke your back or your head, looking completely lovestruck at you. It’s a major sign of trust for him, especially when you’re slowly dozing off. Won’t move an inch if you do and will just continue to pat your hair, staring at you instead of the tv monitor. If you want, you can also adjust him so his head is in your lap instead, he would never say no to that either. In fact, if he’s comfortable enough, he might nuzzle into your hand, realize what he’s doing and get a bit embarrassed. He usually feels the need to be the big, strong man in your relationship, that he really shouldn’t be showing so much weakness, but how could he resist your tender, gentle touch when it’s right there? Showing you a glimpse of how touch starved he is is just about one of the most mortifying things out there, but he can’t help it. It simply feels so good.

He absolutely adores the fact he can make you feel safe. Again, he won’t really initiate much physical contact himself, but he will stand fairly close to you so you may, if you feel like it, just grab his hand and swing it around a bit as you’re walking around. You can lean into him, there’s a chance he might wrap an arm around you to make sure you won’t fall over. He loves that he can be your support system in a way that makes him happy as well. You get to touch him, he gets to be touched, it’s the most perfect symbiotic relationship out there.

At the end of the day, you both get to feel safe and sound with one another, because of your presence and because of your love. You protect each other and make sure the other is thriving, what thing in this world could possibly be more pure than that?

#cod #cod x reader #rodolfo parra #rodolfo parra x reader #I think I need Rodolfo to be real right about now #He has the cutest name I've ever heard and I want to give him a hug despite not being a touchy person myself #I would make him a marble cake and give it to him while it's still warm mans has been through way more than he should #Alejandro already appreciates this man to hell and back but more love definitely wouldn't hurt #I just really love the idea of Alejandro and Rodolfo being very very close #supporting each other as well as they could #and Alejandro would be so happy to see Rodolfo have an s/o who takes good care of him and makes sure he's thriving #he'd strive to be among their best friends instantly because he cares this deeply about Rodolfo #they both just want to see him smile and it's one of the purest things since Rodolfo is usually so stressed out. he deserves a break #los vaqueros are good I think I can appreciate the more ever since I started writing. I did not care this deeply for them while watching mw #wish they were real so I could befriend them hm #oh well thank you for the request! I'm always down for cute and fluffy stuff like that so this is a real treat!

[orlandospride]

the twist of fate being that spain winning the world cup was, perhaps, exactly what was necessary to happen in order to clean up the rfef, because….

they got away with it. they were in the clear. they achieved their goals of ridding the team of the ‘problem’ players, and forcing the others into grovelling, humiliating, public compliance. they had the perfect “see? we were right all along. we’ve been vindicated!” playbook in their back pocket. they had a stable enough pr stance, and world cup to parade around in the defiance of any noise around them

but they literally just could not stop themselves from being absolute weirdos for one evening. it’s incredible. and frankly, a little scary

#like it’s true that it should never have gotten to this point #and you can say that a leopard never changes it’s spots and it’s inevitable that something. eventually. would have happened #or that they were emboldened by the previous quashing of opposition and found themselves to be untouchable #and maybe the truth is somewhere in between both #and that’s kind of what is scary about it. that if this one (1) thing hadn’t happened — the headlines wouldn’t exist #they would have ridden away into the sunshine with a World Cup and continued to be who they are #and for all we know. maybe they still will. I don’t think many have faith in footballs ability to regulate itself #particularly if it’s women who are the ones being wronged #but a light has been shone on their actions and it will never be forgotten #I hope change does happen. I hope rubiales (and then vilda) never work a job in women’s football again #I hope the Spanish team go from strength to strength and I hope women across the world continue to thrive in the sport we all love

[flyingbuddiies]

the day osc tumblr stops fighting over tacomic is the day we all heal [adding my personal opinion in the tags]

#tacomic neg #adding the tags so the people im talking about can see this and actually digest it with their eyeballs #its just so tiring #why do u guys care about ship discourse so much for ships that aren't even bad or hurting anyone #please just look away and stop complaining and being unnecessarily mean to people who are doing nothing wrong #i've never seen any actual tacomic shippers MAKE them abusive or toxic or belittle other ships and be so hostile towards them #also it'll make you much happier instead of making you pointlessly mad all the time if u just stop caring #i think people should just stop fighting each other cause it gets nowhere and just makes both parties mad and upset for no reason #but the osc thrives off of negativity and infighting for some reason idk why im even saying this. im not surprised this is happening. #its been like this ever since i joined. don't you guys ever take a break instead of being so negative all the time? #its also hypocritical for reasons i've said before but i don't feel like starting anything up

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[crescentfool]

beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

#lizzy speaks #the human brain works in such profound ways i think #lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself' #it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself #you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so) #so why would you say it to yourself? #you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts. #basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in' #things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!! #and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental #i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :) #there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys- #with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend! #not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind- #not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!! #ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week! #sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth- #ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!

[ickypuppi3]

there’s something so freeing to me about the idea of billy, steve, heather and robin just fucking off out of hawkins and living in a shitty little apartment together in a city somewhere

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #heather holloway #robin buckley #harringrove #buckleway #god i hate that town #like i genuinely can’t express how much i need them out of there #fuck hawkins all my homies hate hawkins #nothing but bad vibes now #putting them in a shitty little apartment in a city #where there’s plenty of gay people #because i think they all need it #i mean billy had that #but the rest of them need it i’m telling you #i genuinely just feel like robin would thrive being somewhere with more going on #and heather and steve could do with being away from their parents #experience a little culture people c’mon #let them go into the 90’s in style #maybe it’s because i didn’t grow up somewhere like that #but it just feels stifling idk #even without all the weird shit #i would go insane after a full day there #billy was so valid for hating his life there #so true of you king #the only spin off they do should be this actually #but it’s a sitcom #then i’d watch it #jargyle have to be in it too though #ickyspeaks

[starheirxero]

Tsams Eclipse 🤝 Nightmare Sans

Being a trans metaphor

#xero says things #THEYRE DIFFERENT FLAVORS BUT LIKE #i can't stop thinking abt the post i just reblogged. nightmare saying 'you didn't kill your brother. i did.' makes me think of that post- #-about possession in the trans way. about killing your parents child to thrive on their flesh and build yourself anew. #whereas with eclipse #he's a trans metaphor in the way that he never got to be himself #where nightmare gained control over their life. eclipse /lost/ control over his life. #eclipse did not get to chose his face or his title or his purpose #eclipse only got to choose his name and he only chose it bc if he's a blend of sun and moon. what else can he be? #nightmare got to defy the villagers and bite back for the first time and taste the sweet relief of freedom #eclipse /still/ doesn't know true freedom. eclipse knows what he should be and has yet to grab ahold of it in it's entirety. #and well. they both make me absolutely derranged 👍 #xero thoughts and rambles

[welcometogrouchland]

I love it when "they should be at the club" is like, an actual character dynamic, with person A looking at person B as they work themselves to the bone/throw their own happiness away for the greater good/take on more responsibility than anyone could ever hope to bear and they're just like. Hey. You should be at the club

#ramblings of a lunatic #this is about Barbara Gordon and Cassandra Cain in batgirl volume 1 #literally babs is like cass wouldn't it be nice if you did things that normal 17 yr old girls get to do- #-instead of living and dying in your kung fu self hate cycle that will inevitably destroy you??? #and cass is like. no #cassandra cain (and bruce wayne) voice: #''everyone asks if there's anyway to stop the self sacrifice spiral never how was the spiral it looked fun was the spiral fun?'' #dick is also this for bruce but the club is less literal in that specific sense #(also this is soooo far removed from their canon dynamic. but play with me in this space for a bit- #-this but it's steph @ jason) #(like she realizes he's the same age as cass- she would not have guessed bc he's fucking huge and grizzled- #-and she's like damn. you should be at the club jason- #-just an in passing observation! arguably ribbing him about his melodramatic vengeance quest- #-that becomes a lot harder to take seriously when you remember he's barely old enough to legally drink) #(and jasons just like. what would i even do at the club steph. what part of me seems like a guy who would have fun at the club) #(Jason and Bruce are both too autistic for the club. cass is the right amount of sensory seeking autistic to get something out of the club- #-but really babs should be taking her to a mosh pit for maximum enrichment. she'd thrive) #ANYWAY. having a moment ignore me #my previously obtained ibuprofen is the last defence against me and certain doom (sore throat oof ouch) #like that meme of the soldier with knives and bombs in his back protecting the sleeping child #point being idk how long it'll last so i should sleep sooner rather than later to get the max benefits

[aborddelimpala]

Friendly reminder that your fandom experience is what you want it to be.

You can't prevent people from being assholes and drama queens, you can, however, choose the kind of person YOU want to be.

"Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive, it will take their breath away."

#fandom discourse #some people thrive in drama #avoid them like plague #for every asshole comment you see you should post 10 positive ones #Youtube

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

I have to say this because I just had a very serious talk with my bestie about weight.

When I first went to college, I was doing acrobatics four days a week and a 15 to 18 hour course load a semester, while spending six months out of the year sick or recovering from such. The bronchitis plus [whatever comorbid illness struck this time] was bad enough, but the recovery took so long because I had so little fat that my body would start eating muscle and tissue.

I had access to a school nutritionist and so I wrote down everything that I tended to eat, how often I did so. My diet was and still is semi-decent, mostly because I have enough texture issues that a lot of junk food and "unhealthy" (I say that loosely) stuff I can only eat very tiny portions of, if at all, and most meat things are completely off the table unless I make it myself.

I was and still am very high energy. I have always been skinny or slender since I started walking, had some body image issues after being sick and I could count every rib. At the time of going to the nutritionist, I was 190 pounds of mostly muscle.

She looked at me like I'd lost my goddamn mind when I said I wanted to gain some fat and I wanted to know why I just wasn't. I was a freshman. I knew about the freshman fifteen. Instead of gaining fifteen pounds, though, I lost it, and it was fifteen pounds I didn't really have to lose. I was eating something ridiculous like almost double what the average woman "should" be, calorie wise, basically constantly snacking because I was always hungry.

Two years later I was in the hospital for a month. A wheelchair for seven. Lost almost eighty pounds in eight months. Died three times.

It's five years past that now. I'll never be able to fly like I used to, but I can pick up unsuspecting coworkers and adoptive siblings again, which is great fun for startling them. I can renovate my house without too much issue. I weigh 160 lbs now, and for the first time in my life, I have fat on me, after seven years of working at it and so many goddamn catastrophes it's ludicrous.

It took me seven years to gain twenty pounds of fat. Of me actively working on it. There's no such fucking thing as "weight gain!" pills, and there's no such thing as "weight loss" pills either, and take it from an Irish woman? Starving yourself doesn't work either. If you feel good in your body, if it works for you regardless of your weight, then you're fine. The only way anything is going to change is a massive force--like illness, or amputation, or cancer, or occupation, or food scarcity.

Fat people's positive representation in media is shit, and the way that Americans, at least, tend to see fat people is shit, and I'm sorry. You are worthy of feeling at home in your body, without fear of judgement of yourself or society, of feeling good without reservation. The twenty pounds of fat I've gained has, no joke, changed my life. I don't get cold standing in front of a refrigerator, I'm not utterly terrified of getting sick again and dying of something stupid like bronchitis or strep throat. I feel good, and I hope that you can feel good too, and not continuously damage your body by yoyoing your weight with attempted diets and pills.

#idk if i should tag this tbh #its half rant because Im so tired of my best friend beating herself up #like weve been friends for thirteen years and shes broad-shouldered and fat and drop dead gorgeous and so insecure #and she does diets and shit and then gets sick and her weight is all over thr place and i just want her to be happy and healthy #and when shes got things to do she thrives. but as soon as she doesnt shes back to torturing herself. #girl you step foot in a hardware store in a bun that you took two literal seconds to do and a plain longsleeve and some leggings #and i just want to take her phone and chuck it in thr garbage can as hard as I can bc i KNOW its fuckin tiktok being fatphobic #please i just want her to be happy #and like shell get compliments from the hardware store lesbians in spite of her frankly magnificent RBF and its like she doesnt believe them