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#you’re not alone
my-autism-adhd-blog · 1 month
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You are not alone as an autistic person if…
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Neurodivergent_lou
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starrylevi · 10 months
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“Are you okay?” Levi asks you.
“No.”
“I know, you don’t look it. What’s wrong?”
“Everything is wrong, Levi. I’m exhausted…I wonder what it’s like to have a brain that functions the way it’s supposed to.”
His eyebrows furrow slightly. “Your brain is fine.”
“But that’s the thing, it’s not!” You say exasperatingly. “It’s wired differently and so it makes everything more difficult. I switch between three modes: Not wanting to exist, Surviving, and Beyond Surviving. Guess how much time I spend in each mode?”
Levi doesn’t say anything in response. His expression shows more concern than confusion this time.
“Fine, I’ll tell you. Most of my time is spent surviving. Some of my time is spent not wanting to exist. And just a little of my time is spent beyond suriving…what kind of life is that?”
Levi’s eyes look at you with sadness. “Not much of one, to be honest…but it’s yours and you only have one.” He counters.
“Well, I don’t even know if I want it half of the time. Y’know, someone told me that life is basically climbing mountains. You climb a mountain, which represents a challenge or obstacle, once you get to the top you enjoy the view for a moment…then you climb back down and do the same thing all over again. Rinse and repeat.”
Levi seems to identify with what you’re saying and he knows you’re frustrated right now but he needs to keep you from spiraling. He’s not letting you give up. That’s not the way. “It’s what we have to do, Y/N.” He says gently.
“And what if I don’t want to do anything? What if I don’t want to climb fucking mountains? What if I don’t want to constantly be challenged and given obstacles? What if I just want to sit at the top of the mountain and just be?”
Levi knows these feelings all too well…he’s wrestled with them a few times throughout his life but he’s continued to push through because that’s what you just do. And you’re going to do the same even if he has to do the pushing for you. You snap Levi out of his thoughts with your next statement.
“It would be so much easier if I just…”
“Stop.”
“But-“
“Stop.” He repeats sternly, his steel eyes boring into yours.
You grunt angrily. “You’re not even real, Levi!” You yell out at him. You’re not angry with him. You’re angry at the world, angry for the universe and your parents for putting you in this predicament, angry for placing you into a world that doesn’t accommodate you. “You are a 2-dimensional character I use to cope. There’s no way for you to actually soothe or help me. You. Are. Fictional.”
Your words don’t seem to phase him. He shrugs. “I’m real enough.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I’m real enough to you. Y/N. You are the one who brings me to life. You are the one who decides how real I should be. What does it matter if I’m not a real person?”
“It’s silly.”
“Who says it’s silly?”
“I don’t know, a bunch of people.”
“Well, fuck all of those people then. Just fuck them.” He states as if it’s obvious.
You sigh. “It doesn’t work that way, Levi…”
“So make it work that way. No one else is keeping you alive but yourself.”
“And you…” You say softly.
Levi shakes his head. “I don’t do anything. Like I said before, you’re the one who does the all the heavy lifting. I exist because you want me to. I function the way I do because you want me to.”
“So I control you?”
Levi rolls his eyes at that. “Don’t be a brat. What I’m saying is I’m just an outlet for you.”
You pause, thinking of his words. He’s not wrong. He’s just a character but he’s also not just a character because of you. “I wish you were real.” You admit sadly.
“I wish I were real too…for you.” He sighs as he runs a hand through his raven hair. “But it doesn’t matter if I’m real or not. I still occupy your brain. I still make you happy, that’s all that matters. As long as you let me live in your mind, I’m always going to be here for you.
You nod, not saying anything further.
“Okay?” He asks.
“Okay.”
“Good.”
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ourautumn86 · 4 months
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if anyone is ever going through a hard time with mental health please know i’m here for you and you can talk to me! i know how hard it is to deal with it. you’re not alone. you’re loved. 🩵
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dragonairice · 7 months
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Been having a bad week. Can you guys Reblog this with nice things in case anyone else I also having a bad week.
I’ll go first
When the sun rises it slowly paints the sky to a lovely blue as the day begins and maybe it’s worth waking up every morning just to see that
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It truly breaks my heart not being able to watch the QSMP awards. Technically I could but I can’t support this event in this context.
When Q talked about it after the streamer awards, I was soooo excited and now I just feel like I’m missing the party of the year.
Anyone here feeling the same ? (Probably French as well 🥲)
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aniah-who · 5 months
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No matter what season I may find myself in—
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In the valley, low
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Or on the mountain, high,
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The Lord will be with me there.
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fxingdead · 1 month
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Not all man but most women. NOT ALL MEN BUT MOST WOMEN! I have never met a women who has never at least had one story to tell about how they been sexualized, sexually assaulted, sexually harassed or raped. Not all men but most women.
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mariposas8494 · 3 months
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It’s not a personal failure 🫶🏻
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dragonsarecool123 · 11 months
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When I first found out about the terms aromantic and asexual I was 12, but even then I knew that they fit me. Finding the terms was easy, accepting the fact that I was aroace was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I was in denial for about half a year, I kept telling myself that there was no way I was aroace and I was just a late bloomer, but after a while I started to realize that even little kids get crushes even sometimes when they’re in kindergarten, which meant that there was no way I was a late bloomer.
Then came the grief, most of my friends felt really happy and relieved once they found out they’re sexually; but honestly I was upset that I would never feel the things that every media source, every relative, and even some of my friends had told me I would, kinda like I was grieving the life that I would never live.
After that came the anger. I was mad at everything to do with love, I stopped watching shows and reading books with romance in them, I purposely avoided any space where I’d find couples and when I did see them it would ruin my day; but I was mostly mad at myself, I was mad that I couldn’t feel what I had so desperately wanted to feel my entire life and thought that maybe I could force myself to like someone if I just focused hard enough, but i couldn’t do it and it really made my hate myself and my sexuality. Eventually, I started to accept it, I stopped avoid couples and started watching shows and reading books again; and instead of hating myself I started to do more research and feel proud of my sexuality. I came out to my close friends and they took it really well and completely accepted me, which really helped me to improve my mental state and how I felt about myself. As time went on I became more comfortable with myself and I came out to more and more people until basically everyone in my life knew. I still have bad days but they’re getting better and reducing in number every day I keep going, and even when I have one I know I have a strong support system in place to keep me afloat.
I decided to share my story on here because I wanted to let every A-spec person reading this to know that your not alone and it’s ok to grieve or be mad, but you have to keep going and working every day to move forward because it’s going to get better, and one day you’re going to look back and be so proud of what you overcame to get where you are.
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81buttons · 1 month
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and she has some anger issues
She’s so me
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samxcamargo · 1 year
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Book: The Pain of Healing 💛
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soulinkpoetry · 7 months
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When the inner child feels unheard, unnoticed, unloved, it will keep interfering between you and your true self. When you spend the time to heal their wounds that’s when your true self can come out.
.
.
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feltpoetry · 2 years
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“waiting for what? i’d like to know.
it is august.
my life is going to change. i feel it.”
raymond carver
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larkintheferal · 3 months
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I never thought I would cry so much watching a movie. Nimona is crazy insane and there’s a pile of tissues beside me while I’m in my bed at 2am. But in all seriousness, Nimona hit that crying function.
ANNND YOU’VE GOT TO WATCH IT
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fleursanna · 1 year
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to all of you who were once left behind, who never got included in that group chat, who were misunderstood, the one that stands quiet in a corner just nodding and smiling, who never feels like it’s the right time to talk so never does… i love you, and i’m here for you.
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