#you're just making it more difficult for us to enjoy anything bc we constantly have to be on the lookout for spoilers 24/7

[rollercoasterwords]

As a fic writer, how do you stay positive and not stress yourself out with constantly comparing?

I've been really struggling with that. I start spiraling when a certain chapter doesn't get as many comments as usual, comparing my hit counts and kudo counts to other fics, and it's really not healthy but I'm struggling with knowing how to stop, how to just be happy and proud of the response I've gotten. Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.

honestly? i know this might seem counterintuitive but my best advice in that situation is probably to stop posting for a while

like. for me the thing that helped most/still helps most when i find myself falling into the trap of comparison was taking a step back and reevaluating why i wanted to write and what i got out of writing in the first place. like, for me, the core reason i write is for the joy of creating something, and getting to share it with others is all just a bonus. but i haven't always felt that way, and it definitely took a lot of reflection and having to unlearn a lot of social messaging to get there.

i think we are all very much blasted with the message that the most important metric for how worthy art is = how big the audience looking at it is. and i think, because of the way capitalism conditions us to interact w art, it's really really easy to feel like your art is only meaningful if people are seeing it and telling you it's good. like, the focus turns to outside affirmation rather than an interior sense of worth.

but the act of creating art has merit in and of itself. art is worth something because the act of creation is beautiful and joyful, regardless of who sees or doesn't see the final product.

writing fanfiction has helped me find the joy in writing again by removing it from the sort of profit economy that conditions me to think art is only worth something if it can be sold. before i got into writing fic, i felt this sense that creative writing wasn't worth anything unless it was something that i could one day publish which really just stifled me, and it wasn't til i went "fuck it i'm just gonna write something for the fun of it with no plans to ever try and get other people to read it" that i started to really enjoy writing again. and i think that's why i tend to be really wary of anything that starts to treat fic like books or pull fanfic back into this pseudo-profit economy where worth is measured by online popularity/tiktok virality--bc for me, fanfiction is an escape from that sort of mentality.

now, i try to be really vigilant about when i'm starting to fall back into the habit of feeling like my writing is more or less valuable based on whether it gets more or less hits/kudos/comments etc. i think this winter i finally reached a point where writing fic was starting to feel too much like a job w the pressure i was putting on myself to write a certain amount of words or meet certain deadlines, so now i've just been writing without posting anything for like 2ish months and i've found it really helpful! it's good to remember that writing is fun and rewarding even if nobody is seeing it in the moment and there's not that constant feedback loop of affirmation.

and if getting that outside affirmation is a driving factor in why you're writing, and it's draining because it's driving you to constantly compare, then i think it's worth taking a step back and evaluating why you want to write and whether it's like....emotionally sustainable. there's nothing wrong with wanting affirmation and wanting people to see your work, but at least for me anytime i've prioritized outside affirmation it's weakened my own interior sense of worth and made me much more likely to burn out or abandon writing projects. it's difficult bc like i said we are all very much conditioned to prioritize outside affirmation when it comes to art, but for me reframing the way i think about what makes art worth creating in the first place has literally made my writing experience a million times better. so, the most concrete advice i have for giving yourself space to do that is just--stop posting for a bit. stop seeking an audience in any way shape or form. give yourself some time to write by yourself and for yourself, to figure out what about writing brings you joy when there is no outside affirmation and make that the centerpoint of your creative endeavors.

i think there might also be a skin on ao3 that hides kudos and hits and comment numbers, so it might be a good idea to look into that if you're really struggling to stop comparing! also, i highly recommend cj the x's video essays the kronk effect and 7 deadly art sins, as well as jamie berrout's essays against publishing if ur looking to challenge/reframe/expand/adjust the way you think about art + literature :•)

#sorry this got so long lol #but i do have many thoughts on the subject!! #i think this tendency to compare so heavily is very tied to like. an Internalized Artistic Profit Economy #or a meritocracy i suppose #where someone has to tell u ur art is good to make it worthwhile and fulfilling #but to me that isn't sustainable! bc there won't always be someone around to tell u ur art is Good #and also if u need that validation to feel like it has worth. then one person will never be enough #it's easy to become dependent on a constant feedback loop of affirmation #but if u start with a strong base of self-worth in ur art then u don't NEED that feedback loop yknow? #anyway #ranting and raving #ask

[imaginarypasta]

for your ao3 wrapped (if you want to answer), 6, 19, and 20. i read your last ask for this ask game and little maker little man was one of my favorites you've written too. i often have the same feeling with writing romantic relationships because when i write a fic for a certain ship, i think, well, this is what i think about them and can't see myself writing it any other way. hope you're doing well though! :)

hehe thank you!! i always love to talk about my fics! <3 i'm very glad you liked it! answers will be below the cut~~

ao3 wrapped asks here!

6. Favorite title you used

i did really like “little maker, little man.” i loveeeee parallelism and the repetition of sounds, i love that both have like alchemical relevance (when i was going through my alchemy notes and i noticed it, i knew immediately that it was the only possible title. i love it!), i like the way it sounds a lot when you say it, and i like the way it connects to the themes in that fic.

i also enjoyed “Blue hour” bc it’s nice and short and sort of stands out from the other ones. i know i use them all the time, but i actually kinda hate using song lyrics for fics i write (i never feel like they fit when i’m the one who chooses them) (i usually have short nicknames for them to varying degrees of descriptiveness in my files for organization that would absolutely not work as official titles and this one sort of emulates that). the last few months i’ve been trying to get away from that and i think i did a good job of it with this one! it’s appropriate for the subject material and setting & naturally i really like how it interacts with the whole time of day thing inherent in diluc and crepus’ names

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

kaeya and jean, definitely! i’m writing a fic of them now and i don’t know if it will be finished by the end of the year or i will get distracted but genuinely the last like month i’ve barely been able to think of anything else. i’m *hoping* to have at least one fic done by the end of my winter break, and i’m double hoping it’s this one so i can like. read it. alas, it’s still very early on so i kinda don’t have high hopes :p

other than that, no romantic ships specifically stand out at this point in time. i’m not actually a huge shipper generally speaking; even kaejean (and kaebedo too) are/were barely romantic in my head though whether i actually prefer them as platonic vs enjoy the barriers that stop it from being realized romantically….. i go back & forth…

i’ll most likely write more ragbros bc i don’t think i’m getting away from them anytime soon. also i have about a million ideas for them that i'm constantly itching to write

i do have a fic in the works that kind of explores kaeya’s relationships with a few different characters—namely albedo, but also diluc, jean, and (to a much lesser extent) klee (children are difficult to write though so we’ll see if she stays in). i'm thinking this is gonna be the fic i finish next just bc of how much of it is done but we will see!

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

hmmm probably I’m gonna miss your love when it’s gone. it already makes me so sad and happy and plus i have a habit where if i get a comment i have to read a fic again. also i read that one about a million times before i posted it not even for editing but just because i loved it and wanted to write an essay about the themes in it haha

#ask #i really appreciate the ask!! #thank you!

[datingdonovan]

hii !! im sending this for te ask game 🥺🥺 i dont know if it is still active, if it's not, just ignore this, dont worry :))

about my personality im a virgo sun, a leo moon and a taurus rising!! as for why my relationship failed, i was never in one or either close to being in one but i guess that i had a crush on a boy that could work as a substitute story. i liked him for like 10 years lol (i started liking him when i was 5) and i knew he liked me back but neither of us did smth about it because we were too shy :((

thank you for reading this, love! have a very good day/night and take care <33

a/n: oh my word this was difficult hahaha not bc of you but bc im dumb and it took me so long to remember the possibility of this man because I truly don't have romantic feelings for him hahaha. but I think you really could!!! so I hope you enjoy <3<3

oh my oh my. remember how you were crushing on that guy for TEN YEARS??? yeah, I've found a worthy replacement. no, im not kidding. this dude is literally my next door neighbor. yeah. im serious. and I know im picking the right guy for you because from my window I can see him walk from his car after work and get his mail every day. literally what's more intimate than that??? what could tell me more about a person than the look on his face after a long day??? yeah, the look he's gonna give YOU every day after you move in together. oh, would you stop naysaying me and just listen for one second?? you HAVE to meet... sawamura daichi

I swear this guy is gonna change your life. first of all, he's so forward. I don't think he would ever try to hide how he's feeling from you, because he's so confident and intense but like, in this boy-next-door way (and no im not just saying this bc he's my neighbor). what I mean is he's not a model or a brainiac or anything, but he's sporty and he's cute and he's good with people in a way that allows him to be firm and tell it like it is and not worry about what you're going to say back. he's not going to be shy to tell you if you're attractive to him you def will be trust me so I promise you won't be in the long agony of waiting to see if he likes you back. the man is confident and he will make it so clear I swear. but besides the fact that you won't be waiting around constantly pining and worrying about if you'll get together, I think you'd actually just really like him in general. not just because he's forward. but because he's MATURE and NORMAL. like, I feel like you're the kind of person who sorta has your own little rulebook of propriety for your life, and you'd get stressed if things didn't go according to that plan, and you certainly worry sometimes about how other people fit into that and you wouldn't want to be with someone who would go starting some ruckus and ruining your sense of having an orderly plan for every occasion. and Daichi is like, the opposite of all those fears. he's the kind of person you'd feel like you've known forever, the boy next door who's kinda like home. he's the kind of guy that would fall perfectly right into your plan without even knowing it. he's so level-headed and well-mannered, you'd never have to worry about him creating a mess in the house or making a bad impression at parties or going off the rails in some other way. like, he's so chill and stable and handles his emotions well and wouldn't hide things from you or feel the urge to leave without telling you where he's going or literally anything like that. I feel like you two would be those two peas in a pod where your friends might call you boring but you call each other safe, my rock, my home :):):) im about to blush literally. ALSO ALSO I think youre both kinda extremely hot and would really be like a dark horse power couple at parties. he would be serious arm candy to show off that would really stoke your ego and I think like, because he's so chill and mature and settled and communicative about things, you wouldn't have to feel anxiety about what he's gonna do next, and that would really really help you to just relax and enjoy yourself in his presence (at parties and like, all the time hahaha :))!! and I know he'd love your steady, kinda cautious outlook on life, too. I bet he'd love meeting someone who's a little more his speed, and who knows, his extroverted, confident self might even have some fun taking you out of your comfort zone a little :):) so what do you say, wanna meet him? like, SOON???

#ask #asks #anon #anonymous #sawamura daichi #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu!! #its that guy #hahahaha I hope you like this it was so hard to think of him but once I thought of him I was like oh yeah. he goes WELL w u imo #long post #omg sorry I get so carried away but I hope u really like <3 :):):) #you sound lovely and deserve the best im sending you hugely great thoughts your way!

[heartsoftruth]

1/Hi, I apologize in advance for this long message but I just wanted to ask you if you had ever received insults or criticisms or even guys who harassed you because you're a girl who loves football? I'm asking you this because I live this constantly. Yesterday when Barça won the CDR I was so happy so I shared my joy on my social media and I commented on some FB publications related to the match and the majority of ppl on these pages are men so I have only received insults degrading messages.

Anonymous said:2/I was told to go back to the kitchen, that I should go back to clean, that I loved Barça only for cute players or that I probably didn’t know anything about football and was probably repeating what men around me were saying to look smart,.. I will not tell you everything they told me but it was really degrading and mean, I absolutely did not say anything bad, there were comments from guys who writed bullshit on the post but no one answered them but under mine there was like 100 replies.

Anonymous said:3/And I just wrote “I’m so happy and sad at the same time, I will miss Andres so much, it will not be the same without him..” On my other comments also I received insults like "Come suck my c*ck, you will be more useful” “oh a girl trying to make herself interesting by loving football” “shut your mouth bitch it’s a page for men here, go back to cook” And all that just because I’m a girl, if it had been a man who had commented the same thing they would have agreed with him.

Anonymous said:4/It’s unbelievable that a woman can’t love football as much as a man do without being looked at or asked to justify why she really loves football because if a girl likes football it’s surely because she’s in love with the players or wants to fuck with them or that she invents it to have the attention of men, because it is impossible that a woman can really love or understand football, so when it happens I have to justify myself so that they are convinced that I really like this sport..Anonymous said:5/It’s sad that in 2018 for a lot of ppl women = cooking, doing housework, pleasing men and keep quiet. Usually I avoid going into the football debates of my male friends or those of my family because they automatically make fun of me and my opinion is irrelevant. So if you have a vagina your brain is too stupid to understand football and enjoy it? I’m tired of having to hide my passion for football because I risk being insulted. It’s sad because I know I’m not the only one who suffers this..

Anonymous said:6/I discovered football when I was a child, I quickly became a big fan, I even played it many years but growing up my dad start laughing at me and telling me that I should be more interested in girls stuff and he asked me which player I was as much in love to continue to love football like that and the men around me told me that women’s football was not real football so I should stop playing it, my mother also agreed that I should stop because she was afraid that her daughter become a tomboy.

Anonymous said:7/I was stupid enough to believe theses bullshit and I stopped playing at my club. Yes I am feminine in general, I also like makeup, dresses, shoes and stuff like that but sometimes I like to wear my Barça jersey or football outfits too and when I walk in the street with it I get glances, guys who come to talk to me or say that I’m ridiculous with my jersey, one day 2 guys even come to ask me questions on the club to see if I really know about Barça and that it’s not just to get attention..

Anonymous said:8/It’s tiring and exhausting, I’d like to love this sport without suffering all that, what’s the deal with that, it’s a sport among many, why it’s impossible to let a girl enjoy this sport without belittling her? Why is it so difficult for men to believe that we really love this sport too without necessarily wanting to fuck with players? I’m tired, it’s getting depressing and with all the insults I received yesterday I feel like I’m going to be crazy, I really wanted to cry because of my anger..

Anonymous said:9/If you or the followers of your blog undergo this too, can you tell me how you do to support it or to finish with that please? And if there are guys who follow your blog I’d like them to explain to me, if they do these things, just why ? Why a woman who loves football should deserve so much hate and criticism and why it’s as difficult for guys to accept that women can love football too? I’m really sorry again for this long message but I’m really fed up.. 😫

Heey girlie!! OMG dont apologize for the long message! I feel like you needed to vent a little and then it’s 100% better to just write it all down instead of keeping it in. and DAMN you had all the reasons to vent, because what those neanderthals wrote to you MAKES MY BLOOD BOILLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK!!!

BOOOOOILLLLLL!!!! 

Im gonna reply to the parts in parts because otherwise the answer will be an unstructured mess. 

½/3: I dont even know where to start with my first off all comment with this ask! But pffff. It;s so so soooo sad that in 2018 people like that put comments under just a very normal and very correct post. It’s also really sad because probably right now you will think twice before commenting something under a footy Facebook thing. 

AND PLEAAAAASEE! Let me know what kind of FB page that is? I am literally fuming and almost on the verge of making a Twitter account for my Tumblr page to post it on here. It’s not fucking normal that when a girl says something about football guys talk like that. It’s not and it’s not ok. 100 replies under your comment? And all like that?? Pfff. Damn. FUMINGGGGG. 

I can understand you feel bad about it bc of all these people jumping on some kind of bandwagon behind their PC’s. Insecure bunch of dicks! 

4/5: Indeed we women have to know WAAAY more about football then men, because if we dont then we’re not serious about it or only watch it for the guys. “YESSSSS!!! THATS TOTALLY TRUE!!!! I watch 90+ minutes of football just for a few close-ups of the football players I like!!!11!1 Makes total sense” said no women who watches football ever. 

6/7/8/9: aaawhh… That is so sad… :( I can’t imagine how that must have felt as a child to be doing something you love but your parents make it out to be as if it was wrong. Not every girl likes pink and barbies just like not every guy likes blue and cars/football. Indeed I also love make up and getting dressed up etc etc. But I also love sitting in a cafe and watching football with a beer or something haha. 

I never wear a football shirt on the streets - unless im going to a match or watch in a cafe - today was the first time actually in my yellow PSG shirt haha. But no one said anything to me (other than a few hey girl). But it’s sad we have to prove something to these idiots… 

I think we’ve sadly all have had an experience like that. When I was younger and asked my friend at her party (or whatever it was) to see the football score a guy was like “what??? You dont watch it? Well then explain to me what off side is?!” That was the first time some guy asked me it and I did do it, but when someone would ask me it now I said: “You would ask a guy that too who says he watches football? Nope huh? So I won’t show you either!”

In Paris also on the way to the hotel the Uber driver was talking etc etc. And we spoke about football and I said how excited I am to finally see Neymar and hope he’s not injured anymore (because at the time he was stil injured and unclear if he would play) and all that blabla. And in one moment he said (in a joking way) oh you’re only here to see Neymar other than that you dont watch it. And I gave him a reality check real quick. My friend wanted to interfere and talk over it and I was like no no noooo. Lemme say my peace. 

Or at work people know I also love Neymar and then one new colleague thought it was funny (and maybe cool in front of the other guys) to say I only watch football for Neymar. And I gave him a reality check too. 

I used to bite my tongue when it came to that, but nowadays I’m like nope. I dont watch so much football for some insecure dick to be talking like that to me. 

But theres also many guys who you can just have a normal convo with about football. Like yesterday I had one with a guy I didn’t know and he was so chill. Or when I’m in the bar watching you also have guys normally coming up like are you also this nervous etc etc. During the Euro’s too. Met many friendly people who just spoke to us about football. Ok and s

What I also think is one of the problem is because many girls indeed just wear a shirt because it looks cute (which they of course can), but it makes it more difficult for us to be taken serious. Especially with tournaments like the Euros and WC many just watch football bc it’s fun with everyone in a cafe but they have no idea what they’re watching. And end up only confirming some of the thoughts by these neathertals. 

Can I ask you where you’re from btw?And please do tell which bs ass fb page you posted this one. I would be a good thing to create all these accounts to back you up or something. 

And indeed I’m curious too how other followers react to stupid comments like that?

And keep watching the sport you love girl! I know its tough at times being doubted to often for just watching something you like but lets hope that someday no one will question why we watch the sport we love. 

#very long reply #but yeah... haha #anonymous