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Second Week Truths and Doubts

Hello everyone! I hope you've had an okay week and if you haven't thats okay, you at least made it to the weekend. I've come back to check in with Week 2 of Year 13 and essentially rant about life.

Relationships - This week was rough. Although there weren't any big changes to my relationship, or changes that I necessarily needed to share on the entertainment, I did a lot of reflections. I had to ask myself what I was offering in every relationship I'm in, since I've been developing an odd sense of reality recently- more on that later. There were 3 things I found I did but really disliked: harmul self-loathing speech, dependancy and detatchment. My main issue was number one because a lot of the time I make self-depreciating jokes and I've only just started to realise that it can have a bad effect on those arounnd me because its not nice hearing someone you love consistently say such things.

Work and study - The work has been piling on and I'm started to get a little exhausted with keeping up. At week 2 that shouldn't really be happening, but I guess I could put it up to having an early schedule and I don't know ... going to a school 5 days a week during a pandemic. I've been starting to face my deep anxieties and began looking for a job, since everyone I know has been forcing it on me and making me feel like a lazy oaf. My use of free periods also needs discipline but I guess its not essential

Future thinking - University is very closely approaching and I think I'm on track to having a successful application.If you didn't know, my dream is to study Interior Design and persue a job in a city firm. My 5 choices at the moment are UAL, Middlesex London, UCA Canturbury, London Met and Bristol UWE. I have monthly doubts that I'm good enough for the industry but I make sure that I don't limit myself. Also, random note but I'm gonna relearn Chinese :)

Mental helath - I've definitley been struggling more than I let on and have not opened up unless I was telling a joke ... oops. However, this weeks amazing saving grace was The Black Flamingo by David Atta. One of my biggest changes to make into the new academic year was finding an axtual hobby that wasn't online. My school has a reservation system because of COVID and I took the oppertunity to find new books. I managed to finish it in a day and I totally loved it consuming my free time.

Weekly Epic Manifestation - This week I'm gonna manifest more confidence in my realtionships with teachers. I've been struggeling to even look them in the eye and I've done my fair share of ruminating over class contributions. I will conquer my negative thoughts and interact with my teachers more. This is the last time I'll be able to just go see a teacher so freely.

That's all for this week! Please feel free to check out my instagram for some of my school outfits this week. I hope you have a great day/evening or night and I love you random person <3

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