#your life will be terminated in 30 seconds

[earthtooz]

x : COUPLE HUNDRED MILES :*+ﾟ

in which: you're a few minutes away from boarding a flight when an unexpected mikage reo appears and spills his heart to you.

warnings: 1.4k words, swearing, gn!reader, reader sits on reo's lap towards the end, fluff, previous rejection turned romance, bad writing :P, reader and reo are uni students and 20-ish

a/n: this was me practicing to get back into writing bc i am approaching sem break soon and have a lot of things to get out on my plate... but this was also me... being absolutely in love with reo... so... enjoy!

in a few minutes, you’ll be boarding a flight that takes you abroad for six months.

six months of not seeing your friends or family physically, six months of immersing yourself in a new culture, and six months away from the country where you confessed your love to mikage reo, only to be embarrassingly shut down.

boarding passes and passport in hand, you cringe at the haunting memory once more, but the overhead voice of the airport speakers pulls you out of your misery to announce that the boarding for your flight was open.

remaining rooted to your seat in the terminal, you calmly watch as other flight-goers scramble to be the first ones in the line. being apart of the rush was never something you preferred, always lagging behind to find your seat over 

you never really liked being apart of the rush, preferring to lag behind and find your seat whilst everyone was sitting down rather than joining the uncomfortable push and pull of airplane aisles. 

the queue moves at a moderate pace and when there’s only 30 or so people left, you grab your luggage to secure a spot. 

but, a yell of your name reverberates through the airport and you, like many other shocked passengers, turn around to see where the commotion was coming from… only to see reo running right up towards you.

the other passengers didn’t gasp like you did, didn’t have their hearts plummet to the ground like yours did, and most certainly didn’t feel the bout of panic that rammed into you like a bullet train.

what did you do in a past life to deserve this?

you had confessed your pure-hearted, genuine affections for reo only to be met with the stinging palm of rejection slapping you across the face. when he told you that he liked someone else, and in the next breath asked if you could stay friends, the only response you had was to mutter a pathetic ‘sure’ before turning on your heel and walking away from the boy you’ve been longing after. you’ve been ignoring reo since, avoiding him where possible, pretending like you didn’t see him when your paths crossed, and perpetually ignoring all texts of his. 

now he manifests right in front of you, having followed you all this way to the airport. this six month cleanse was not starting off on the right foot. 

he’s red and sweaty and empty handed and you’re wondering when you’ll be able to stop seeing mikage reo as a gift from the heavens. it’s unfair for him to look good whilst puffed out, but you think that’s what makes him all the more unreachable.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you hiss. 

for a second, you don’t think reo will reply, too entrenched in the idea that this person in front of you is nothing but a trick of your mind. karma for running (more like flying) away from your problems.

against the haziness of your mind, this reo responds. “i need to tell you something.” 

“could you not have texted?” you gesture to your phone for emphasis. “what could be so important to make you run all the way out to an airport? and how did you make your way into the terminal?”

“because i’m catching a flight.” 

you raise an eyebrow.

“-to your heart.” 

“don’t joke around with me like that,” you mutter, a stupid smile making its way to your face, causing you to hide your giggles behind your hands. you still have the capacity to take his jokes lightheartedly. reo thinks that is a good sign. “why are you actually here?”

“because i’ve realised something.” 

“what does that have to do with me?” 

reo inhales sharply before exhaling a quick “i like you too.”

your mouth drops. reo shifts his weight between his feet awkwardly. the person behind you in line with his wife and kids coughs awkwardly and you grab your luggage and reo and pull them both to the side, face hot. there’s only a few minutes before your flight leaves, but there is a disaster on your hands and a whole lot of questions you need answered.

“what do you mean you ‘like me too’?” you ask, any hostility previously in your tone disintegrating as you meet reo’s gaze. he looks at you like he’s never seen anything more beautiful. 

“it means that i like you, and i think we should go out.”

“but… why the change of heart?”

he rubs the back of his head awkwardly, “because you ignored me for three weeks and i didn’t like it. i didn’t like not being able to talk to you and not being around you.”

“what about the person that you liked before?”

he cringes at the mention of them. “let’s not think about that, i’ve moved on.” it sounds like there’s more to the story than reo’s letting on, but you don’t pry, not yet at least. “all that matters is that i like you- a lot, and i would like another chance if you’d allow me.”

“i… don’t know,” you murmur, watchful of the gate and how little people there were left in the queue, meaning that you should probably get a move on if you didn’t want to miss your flight. “you know what, we’ll talk about it when i land-”

“-i have two first class tickets.”

“what.”

he shows you the boarding passes proudly, splaying them out to reveal that there was, indeed, two first class tickets. 

“so… you… bought- hold on, you weren’t joking and the flight you need to catch is mine? how did you-”

“-i worked my magic,” the purple-haired winks at you, shooting an arrow straight through your heart. damn his boyish charms. 

“that’s not at all a good answer!” you hiss. “reo, please tell me you’re not getting on that flight.”

“i am.”

“university starts in a week!”

“and?”

“i’m- what do you mean, ‘and’?”

“and? i’ll be back in time for it to start. you matter more.”

you huff. “you’re not getting on that flight, reo.” 

he smiles at the roll of his name off your tongue. “but i am.”

“no you’re not.”

“well you can’t stop me.”

you deflate, dropping your shoulders. he’s right.

“besides, can you really say no to first class?” the purple-haired waves the tickets in front of your face and you have half a mind to push them out of the way. 

sparing a glance over to the gate, you realise just how little people are left in the line, leaving you no choice but to agree. stupid reo and his negotiations. you look back at him. “you didn’t have to do that, i would have been fine in economy.”

“yeah but i would not have, and first class would be a lot better with you in it.”

you push his shoulder lightly. “spoiled brat.” 

“maybe, but you like this spoiled brat, and we’re going to miss the flight if we don’t hurry so,” he gestures to the gate, “after you.”

“you’re ridiculous,” you murmur fondly and he grins charmingly. “we’re definitely talking about this later.”

“we’re going to do a lot more than just talk, c’mon.”

EXTRA SNIPPET:

“so you’re going to stay the week with me as i settle in for exchange? our semester starts next week, are you sure you’ll be back in time?” you ask, halfway into the flight. reo had decided to invade your pod and now made himself comfortable with you sitting on his lap. you can’t decide whether you like how comfortable he is with you (you like it; a lot).

reo has always been touchy with you, even when you were ‘just friends’. draping himself around you, holding your hand to ‘keep them warm’, and offering piggy-back rides were normal, but now that it was established that you two will be something more than just friends, his affection truly has no bounds.

“even if i’m not then what’s the harm? some of my classes are online and don’t mark attendance,” the purple-haired hums, taking a sip of the cup of coffee he ordered.

you sigh. “you’re horrible.”

“maybe, but we’re young and we deserve to live a little.”

“true.” 

“and what if you meet someone there? i can’t have that happening. i need to establish myself as an oligopolist- market dominance in the sea of potential competitors.”

the purple-haired stares at you expectantly, and you’re not exactly sure how to respond to his sudden spiel apart from a helpless: “i can’t believe i like a finance bro.” 

for whatever reason, he giggles. “i can’t believe you like me.”

© EARTHTOOZ 2023, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

#reasons i like this: #NONE #reo mikage x reader #reo x reader #mikage reo x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #reo mikage #mikage reo #reo fluff #reo x reader fluff #blue lock

[ryanstillwrites-if]

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” - Mitch Albom

On a Wednesday morning, you leave your doctor's office with the diagnosis of an inoperable brain tumour and the knowledge of an estimated four months left to live.

Suddenly left without any direction in your life, you find yourself in a support group for the terminally ill. Where you expected to find sadness, melancholy and a looming sense of dread at thought of a fast approaching death - all the same feelings you harbour - you find smiles and laughter instead.

You're drawn in by the people you meet there, curious and confused by their carefree attitudes. They're kind to you, they take you in, they turn your frown upside down - literally and figuratively. And just when you think you might be beginning to accept your fate; they decide to throw all caution to the wind and whisk you away on the adventure of a lifetime.

You don't know what will come of the next four months but with your new friends at your side, you're excited to find out. After all, this is the only life you've been given, and though it may be ending soon; you might as well live it to the fullest.

More Than Me is a story about love, friendship, found family and acceptance. It will deal with heavy topics such as death and illness, and may be uncomfortable for some readers. Viewer discretion is advised.

Demo: Chapter One, Part One • Character Descriptions

Customise the main character in appearance, gender and personality

Meet and befriend a cast of characters, five of which you'll be able to pursue a romance with

Experience a new world as you road trip cross country with your new friends

Live your live to the fullest while you still can

Adelaide Scholz - 29 • F • RO

A bit rough around the edges, Adelaide is a personality that takes some getting used to. Sharp tongued, self deprecating and blunt as baseball bat, Adelaide always has something to say - most times at the annoyance of others. But a stage 4 lung cancer patient such as herself doesn't have the time nor patience to care what anyone thinks of her. With her leather jacket and a carton of cigarettes in her back pocket, doomed to forever be unlit, she's ready to see the sights and if need be, kick some ass. She'll try, at least.

Hayden Della Rocca - 31 • F/M • RO

Hayden is probably the happiest person you'll ever meet, despite their failing heart. Diagnosed with cardiomyopathy just shy of graduating university, they've been on the transplant waitlist ever since but they haven't let that stop them. Having been cooped up in their studio working as a freelance artist, they're now ready to take on the world, pacemaker and all; and heaven help you if you try slow them down.

Gabriel Torres - 30 • M • RO

There's not much to say about Gabriel, mostly because no one knows anything about him besides his chronic liver failure. He's silent and mysterious but he's always happy to spare a smile if he catches you staring. Though preferring to keep to himself, he's more than willing to share his secrets as long as you're willing to listen.

Jordan Michaels - 32 • F/M/NB • RO

Your support group's therapist, somewhat unwillingly dragged along on your adventure. Very straight-laced and a stickler for rules, Jordan fears the worst the second they agree to join you. Now the designated driver and parent of the group, Jordan tries their hardest to keep everyone in line. But despite their initial reluctance, they'll learn to let loose and finally have fun; so long as everyone takes their meds.

Mavis/Maverick Chen - 31 • F/M • RO

A quirky and eccentric bartender you meet on your journey. Longing for a change of scenery, they jump at the offer to join you. Beyond their eccentricities - somehow both charming and strange - they fit in surprisingly well among your group, bringing new life to the party; pun intended. They help open your eyes to new experiences and hey, if all else fails, they can at least make you a mean drink.

Kade Weston - 22 • M • Non-RO

After being in remission for almost four years, Kade is forced to step back from medical school when his leukemia relapses and hits him hard. Unwilling to endure chemo for the second time, he is all too happy to pack his bags and hit the road. It’s clear he’s running from his problems, in spite of all Jordan’s hardwork, but maybe this trip is exactly what he needs. But whether he finds acceptance or continues running to the very end, he knows all of you will stand by his side.

Margaret Evans - 84 • F • Non-RO

A sweet old lady who’s always willing to lend an ear, share a story or offer one of the many caramel sweets she keeps in her purse. You’re shocked to discover the secret wild side she keeps beneath those wool cardigans and breast cancer diagnosis. She’s the ultimate wing woman and, though you hate to admit it, a better dancer than all of you combined.

#more than me #twine #twine game #sugar cube #interactive fiction #intro post #interactive novel #if wip

[americascomic]

Hello. I sat here for a good 30 minutes trying to think of best how to ask this question without giving the online version of an annoying exposition dump, so I hope this somewhat makes sense: I’ve found myself, increasingly, having conversations with the more tenderqueer-esque queers in my life surrounding slurs- specifically slurs like faggot and tranny. I’m a trans guy, and I was told by another trans guy of the genre of person i just mentioned that only gay men can reclaim the word faggot, and trans women can reclaim the word tranny. I thought this was a stupid and gatekeep-y idea, and told him so, but i have been genuinely wondering if this is just a manifestation of terminally online induced queer infighting or a form of ignorant transmisogyny on my part. Is tranny a slur directed at and only to be reclaimed by trans women? Or is it just another tick in the barrel of a long line of slur speciation discourse?

I think the short answer of who can say what slur is "this is terminally online bullshit"

And my second answer is "this is a conversation that mostly people under the age of 30 have, and people mostly online have." I think the age is important - it's feels like it's a developmental phase a lot of queers go through, where they negotiate their identity." So, like I'm patient (if a little irked) when I see it on my feed. Or hear some dipshit socially awkward t-femme at Bluestockings rudely chime in to a conversation I'm having with a friend.

and I sometimes put it as a hypothetical;

I'm telling you right now, as a trans woman, in my lived experience, people of your exact intersecting identities are only allowed to say the word "tranny" on a Tuesday and "faggot" on a Friday. If you forget, remember 'tranny' and 'Tuesday' starts with 'T' and 'faggot' and 'Friday' starts with 'F'

Like, that's absurd for me to ask. And so I think that kind of forces the thought that at the end of the day I'm the one asking it. There'll be no consensus on this issue.; you have to decide for yourself whatever or not to respect one point of view over the other.

We say "listen to black people" but I had this moment in my life where IRL I did a call-out of Nazis in my community and a Black friend told me that I was talking over people of color and another thanked me for speaking up in a way that they wouldn't be listened to. Who is right? Neither. Both. You have to decide for yourself and have a strong sense of race. Same with interacting with our own queer community.

Who can say what queer slur where and when is a thing that can never be litigated online. It's such an interpersonal person-to-person thing. There's no pundit square that can fit all slurs and all identities and all experiences.

in the case of the teen in the previous story who told me not to use the word "tranny," I immediately retorted that people say that word to me on the street and spit at me, which means they recognize it as a thing of power and so I will use that power. And I don't think she'd ever had copped to it, but I think changed her mind because she was saying "tranny" over the next months.

I think for some of this shit, us trans women policing who can say "tranny" is us just doing a proxy war for transmisogny. Like, we get transmisogny in our community, an AFAB person queer person of some type who could probably leverage their privilege against us says "tranny," I can see it irking some. But, have you met a trans woman? Everything irks us. We're reprehensible.

And, I think in terms of your conversation and your friend. I dunno, I think of who-gets-to-be-lesbian discourse. I see so many people online twist in the wind trying to justify to others that they're a trans masc lesbian, or a non-binary lesbian or a bisexual lesbian and I'm kinda sitting there on my ass wondering why they're trying so hard to get probably the dumbest people online to justify our identity. Like, we're hear, we're queer, get used to it. I sometimes feel of the matter that we're all a mass medium as one and just going about shit without apology as a way to force people to confront our humanity.

Iffen you want my personal feelings on the matter, you're just as impacted by the codified violence of the state that's imposed on us and so we're all faggots at the end of the day. But the t-girl sitting next to me might feel differently, and you have to negotiate with that. Sometimes times calls for moments of respect and sometimes it's a matter of saying "fuck it" and doing the thing you know how it is.

If you would like, I can draw you a card that says "Amber, a hot trans woman, says I can say 'faggot'"

Finally, I'll say I wrote a couple paragraphs for you so I'm going to force you to return the favor and just challenge you to sit on your ass and ask yourself in honest ways what the word means and what it means to you and what's beautiful and what's ugly about the word. That - an internal process - a lot more valuable thing worth to litigate then everybody in-community being cops to each other.

And then after that, I always like to challenge people to look beyond the debate. This post I made on the matter is about a dead trans teen. It's nice to debate words, but it's also nice to look out at our wonderful, annoying community, name problems we see that creates material struggle, and then imagine solutions.

#asks #slur discourse #tenderqueer #trans #queer slurs

[munsons-walkie]

Couple of Freaks

Eddie munson x fem!reader

Summary:

You never thought you would end up anywhere after high school. After your first year at college going down the drain, your mother kicks you out. You end up moving to Hawkins to live with your aunt and cousin. Quickly you learn the town isn’t what it seems, learning of the events that happened the past summer. Finding romance along the way was just an added bonus

flirting, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, mentions of eating disorders, drug/alcohol mentions and use, mentions of suicidal thoughts, fix it fic, takes place beginning of the school year for season 4, swearing, classic case of nerds nerding out

AO3

Chapter 1

Your leg had been bouncing the moment your plane took off. Anxiety had been running through your veins ever since you got off the phone with your Aunt Claudia two days ago. Picking your life up and leaving absolutely everything you knew in your small hometown to move to middle America in the even smaller town of Hawkins wasn’t exactly on your bucket list.

Your Angel of an aunt is letting you stay with her to help you get up on your feet after your failed attempt at college life and getting kicked out of your mother’s house.

You threw your future away! You threw our future away!

Your mother’s voice kept ringing in the back of your mind after you had told her you couldn’t take it anymore. The sting of her words hurt, but the sting of her hand hurt more. Your fingers found your cheek to run the phantom bruise that has since faded.

You closed your eyes and put headphones on to help ease your mind. Your plane ride is only about an hour and a half but the past 10 minutes felt like an eternity. You turned your head to the window as Stevie Nicks’ voice carried my thoughts through the clouds you passed.

*********

Getting off the plane seemed so much easier than getting on. This is it, you thought to yourself, I’m finally free .

You took a deep breath as you walked down the terminal to get your bags. Headphones around your neck as you took in the sounds of the airport.

 “Over here, honey!” You hear Aunt Claudia’s warm voice rise above the crowd. You turn your head and see her waving one hand, the other holding a sign saying “Welcome home!” written in big bubble letters, with your little, well not so little, cousin Dustin holding the other side and waving his free hand as excitedly as his mother.

You could feel your cheeks heating up slightly at the attention it drew from people passing nearby, but the embarrassment passed when you saw their smiling faces and couldn’t help the smile that broke out across your face and waved right back at them. Dustin came running over right away to help with your bags. It had been about 3 years since the last time you saw him, he had grown so much since and it made your heart warm to see him with his braces, knowing how upset he was for feeling different. You gave him the biggest bear hug, surprising yourself with how you didn’t have to bend over, him finally being the same height.

 “Hey, bud,” You said as he pulled away.

 He calls your name excitedly, “I’m so excited you have no idea, I can’t wait for you to see everyone and to meet the Hellfire club and-“

“Dusty, how about we let her relax first before we show her anything.” Claudia chuckled as she interrupted what you can only assume would’ve been a very long list of things to do.

 Your aunt engulfed you in the warmest hug you had in what felt like years. Your body let out a deep sigh as she rubbed your back, not saying anything for a solid 30 seconds before pulling away. She gave you a knowing smile as she looped her arm in yours.

 “We do have to get home now hun, I did make dinner to celebrate!”

***********

When you pulled up to the house, a station wagon was parked on the street. You weren’t even fully parked when 3 people walked out of the garage, your mind trying to wrap around the height of these boys. You’ve been close with Dustin and Aunt Claudia for years, visiting every few summers up until the summer before sophomore year of high school, so you recognized the faces.

 Mike, looking much taller and leaner than you had remembered, still picturing him at 10 just wanting to show you the toad he and Dustin found that day. Lucas not only looked tall but looked like he started to work out, much different than the little kid who would make fun of Mike crying when he fell down from his bike. You remember there being a third friend, Will but he didn’t seem to be there. You mentally marked that as an “Ask Dustin later” tab and filed it away. Friendships are always changing when you’re still young, especially starting high school.

 You saw Nancy, Mike’s older sister, walk over to Claudia to give her a hug. You two would always spend time together whenever you would visit, helping you both escape the boys when they got too much to handle. She came over and gave a big welcome hug.

 “It’s going to be so nice having you back around with these guys, you have no idea how it’s been dealing with teenage boys.” She lets out a small laugh as she lets you go.

 “It’s so good to see you guys! You all have no idea how much I’ve missed you all.” You walk over to the boys and give them a group hug. Surprised again at the fact that your head was now at their shoulders.

 “Uh, boys could you help with these please?” Claudia asked as she opened the trunk, each boy jogging right over with no questions asked.

 “The room down the hall, this way!” Dustin called leading them into the home. Nancy and you shared a glance and couldn’t help the laugh that broke from you. You followed them inside, remembering that you don’t want any teen boys going through your bags.

******

After the welcome they gave you, you couldn’t wait to take a hot shower and wash the last of the east coast off. Everyone helped put your books and cassettes on the shelves of the bookcase Claudia placed in her guest room- your room- for you. After a couple of hours, the group left to let me get settled. You pulled out your favorite coconut shampoo and conditioner from one of the bags followed by a vanilla-scented soap. As you was about to head over to the shower, Claudia knocked on the open door frame.

 “I know you’re still processing everything dear, but I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk I am always here.” Your aunt looked at you with a hint of sadness in her eyes. She was always the type of mom to never understand why others would treat their own children like options, being such an amazing mother to Dustin. Your mind drew the similarities between her and your dad, her brother.

 You fixed a smile on my face, trying to help her to not worry more than she already has, “Don’t worry Claudia, I know.”

 She stood for a few seconds before nodding at you, “there are towels in the closet right next to the bathroom, let me know if you need anything else.” She smiled as she walked away.

You quickly got yourself situated before hopping in the shower. You turned the cold faucet to the hottest setting, then turned back a bit remembering you don’t need to burn the feelings away like you used to anymore.

 Now I’m safe, I'm safe, you reminded myself twice before turning to look in the mirror.

 It was already fogging up but that didn’t stop you from being able to see the circles under your eyes, the skin almost looking purple. Your eyes looked flat, very dull in combination with my tired face and hair was pulled tight into a ponytail. You stared at yourself until only your silhouette in the fog can be seen. Undressing quickly, you took your hair down, the ends just hitting the middle of your back. As soon as the water touched your skin you let out a sigh, the feeling even reaching deep enough to feel it in your bones. You threw your head back and let everything settle.

*********

 Your cousin called your name as he came down the hallway, “Please pick me up today! It’s getting so cold outside and Steve drives like a grandma!” Dustin whined behind you as you ate cereal at the table.

 It’s been a week since moving in. You were able to find a car for pretty cheap across town, having more than enough money saved up from odd jobs back home while you were still in college. That didn’t stop Aunt Claudia from offering a million times to pay for it, though.

 “Dustin it’s the middle of October of course it’s cold out,” you munched on honeycombs slowly drawing out the anticipation, “so, of course, I’ll pick you up.” Turning to smile at him.

 “One of these days I do need to meet this Steve guy, he sounds like your second mom.” You chuckled as you finished the bowl and walked it over to the sink.

 “God he's going to hate hearing that when I tell him. And I have Hellfire today so you can get me around 5 pm! Thanks!” Dustin, always on the move, spoke as he finished grabbing his things for school and waved goodbye.

 You watched him out the window as he hopped into Nancy Wheeler’s car, she gave a honk, you waved as you watched them drive away. Taking a deep breath, you go back to your room.

 Sprawled on your desk were different flyers for available jobs in the area. Two piqued any interest, the Family Video, and the local diner. Both are good places to really get to familiarize yourself with the people in town.

******

“I’m sorry dear, that position has been filled as of Monday.” The waitress at the diner told me as she finished cleaning off her table. 

Since Monday? I only saw the ad out yesterday on Tuesday? You thanked her for her time anyway and marched back to the car.

 Glancing at your watch and noticed it was almost 2 pm. Still too early to get Dustin . 

As if it was summoned, your stomach rumbled, reminding you that you’ve only had some cereal this morning. Deciding you were embarrassed enough by getting turned down for a job at the diner, you backed out of the parking lot and drove around town.

 You quickly found a slightly crowded McDonald’s. There was a giant black van parked over the lines with a few guys standing around it, their music blasting with the side of the van open. You parked two spots down from them, not wanting to get noticed by anyone. Quickly grabbing your purse, you get out of the car and head towards the glass doors. As you reached the door, however, it swung out, nearly missing your nose.

 “And I’m telling you that I have an awesome campaign idea! It’s going to-“ a guy in black jeans, a leather jacket, and the same shirt Dustin was wearing this morning bumped right into you. “Oh Jesus, I’m sorry!” You sputtered out taking a giant step to the side, feeling nervous about such an attractive guy seeing you be a spaz.

 “No, sorry. I uh…clearly wasn’t paying attention. The door m’lady.” He held the door open and did a small awkward bow at the waist. His long hair flipping over as he did so. You let out a small laugh and offered a quick thanks before heading in and ordering.

 Is Dustin friends with someone like that? You glance out the window, waiting for your burger and fries to come out while sipping on some sprite. They were still out there, all of them chowing down and talking animatedly. They remind me of some of the guys I was friends with back in New York, you think as your eyes stay on them. You were a little surprised to see anyone like that, especially the long-haired one, in a small town like Hawkins. 

Watching him closely as you waited, you noticed he moved around so much as he talked, the eyes of his friends never leaving his performance. You shook your head away as he turned around and almost saw you being a creep.

 After you grab your food and head back to the car, there’s a small chill in the air but the sun is still strong enough to sit outside. You jumped onto the trunk of the car and dove into your fries. The music from the van, you could hear it perfectly as Judas Priest, got turned down just a bit and your could sense a stare or two. You tried to ignore it, knowing full well that everyone in town knows each other and you’re the new shiny object.

 You took a bite of your burger and moaned a bit. God, has it really been that long since I’ve had this? You wonder to yourself as you savor the taste. Your mind going back to the east coast and your controlling mother. She never wanted to be embarrassed by her family so she made you and your dad do everything perfectly, eat perfectly, work perfectly, and even tried to get you to join ballet to be her perfect little dancer. Thankfully you were deemed too old at the time to start dancing with anyone in your age group. 

Your memories bring you back to when you were a freshman in high school, your dad snuck you out one night and went to the closest McDonald’s and pigged out. Don’t tell your mom, she’ll kill me. You smile as you remember you and your dad sharing a laugh. 

 “Eddie c’mon! I can’t have Mrs. Allen give me detention for the third day in a row dude!” One of the guys called out as the long-haired one threw his food away.

 “Gareth, honestly, you need to take it down a notch or two. We still have a good 15 minutes to get back.” The long-haired one- Eddie - snickered as he threw open the van’s driver-side door. You turned your head to the sound of the door slamming and was met by big brown eyes staring back.

 “Play something besides Judas Priest next time!” You call over to him, taking another bite of your burger. His eyes went wide for a moment, his face slightly dumbstruck.

 He quickly fixed himself and called back, “Anything for you, sweetheart!” He winked as he pulled away. You rolled your eyes and kept eating, a soft smile on your lips

 With the van gone the parking lot was too quiet, you quickly finished your food and decided to go over to the Family Video to see if they were hiring.

*****

“Yeah! Hell yeah! I-I mean sure, definitely.” The guy behind the counter tried leaning on the surface and missed, quickly shooting right back up nice and straight.

 “Really? That’s great!” You smiled back at him. Finally, a job to keep yourself busy again, you enjoyed the week of getting used to your new life but your mind would often drift back to what you left.

 A girl walked out from around a stand, and she rolled her eyes at the guy. She walked right up and leaned against the counter, “Can you start Monday? We open at 11, that is if bozo over here isn’t late from his dates the night before.” She made it a point to bite the words at him, a teasing smile on her face.

 “Oh, c’mon that was one-“

 “three times dingus!” He stopped as he was doing the math in his head.

 You enjoyed their banter going back and forth, honestly seeing yourself in between them trying to soothe the situation, “Monday works perfectly!”

 “Great! Well anyway, I’m Robin and this thing here is Steve.” She introduced herself and Steve with a flick of her wrist.

 “Dustin’s Steve?” Your mouth spoke faster than you could stop yourself.

 “Oh my god this is great, even new people in town know your best friend is a freshman!” Robin laughed as Steve shot her a glare.

 “Oh no I didn’t mean-I’m his cousin.” You tried explaining, feeling yourself fail slightly. Then a lightbulb went off over Steve’s head.

 “You’re Henderson’s cousin? You are…wow you are not how I pictured,” you crossed your arms in his direction and cocking your head, “oh god no! I didn’t mean in a bad way I guess I just-I….I just pictured Dustin but like, as a girl.” Both you and Robin shared glances at each other, dumbfounded and bursting out laughing.

 “Yeah ok, laugh it up. We’ll see you Monday.” He called as he walked away towards a customer by the back wall.

 “I’m so happy to have someone else here with me to deal with that, I’ll see you Monday!” Robin patted your shoulder as she went to ring someone up, you waved at them both with a laugh still stuck in my throat. Glancing down at your watch, 4:45. With a close of the car door, you drove over to the high school.

 ******

  That same black van was parked in the lot, you noticed as you parked nice and close to the doors on the side of the building like Dustin said to. There weren’t many cars in the lot, maybe a few teachers and little clusters of cars grouped together by friends in clubs. There were still a few minutes to spare, so you put your dad’s favorite Led Zeppelin cassette in the radio and it picked up in the middle of the last song that was playing, “Black Dog.” A nice hum through the speakers.

 You hopped out of the car and sat on the hood, taking in the sight of the school. Memories of the past hit the front of your head.

  2 years ago

  Your mom had made you walk home again, she found a candy bar wrapper in your room during her weekly inspection and freaked out. 

  “ I will not have a fat daughter! You are grounded for the week, no friends, no phone, and no dinner.” She threw your door closed and locked it from the outside. 

 You felt like such a prisoner in your own home, your only comfort in the room being a small corner in the closet that your mom always overlooked. Dad’s favorite band shirt was nicely tucked away there, and all of the cassettes the two of you bought together. You were sick of being treated like this, being a senior in high school and still having a bedroom stuck at 10 years old. 

 You went to my closet and dug out his shirt, his smell was still there after the two years he’s been gone. Your mom got bad after he left, promising you he would find somewhere for the two of you. Your mom got worse after he died on his way to pick you up. 

 “I’ll be there in two hours kiddo! Just you and me, away from this mess!” He called from a truck stop. You had your bags together and were practically jumping around the room. Two hours came and went. Then suddenly another hour passed and another. 8 hours passed and you got the knock on our door. Police officers told you and your mom how he was killed in an accident not even 45 minutes away from there. 

That  was the first night I tried to take my own life. He promised a better life and he just….left.

 You heard Dustin call your name, then heard the slam of heavy doors behind him. A giant smile across his face as he raced right over. Hopping down, you put your arm around his shoulders. Behind him were Lucas and Mike and…the guy from McDonald’s.

 “Hey again.” He nodded towards you.

 “Oh hey.” You spat out.

Oh my god, you mentally slapped yourself, stop being a spazz!

 Dustin quickly looked between the two of you, confusion was written across his face.

 “I ran into him at McDonald’s,” you explained before he even asks.

 “Oh ok, well this is Eddie, and Eddie this is-“ 

“Are you listening to Led Zeppelin right now?” Eddie jumped over to the open window, his head moving in time with the music.

 “Oh yeah, you like them?” You let go of Dustin and turned toward the long-haired metalhead.

 “Oh great here we go,” Mike whispered to the boys.

 “Are you fuc-do I like-yes!” He stuttered and spun towards you, his eyes lighting up, “that’s so badass Henderson, you didn’t tell me your cousin liked good music!” Eddie wrapped Dustin in a headlock.

“Ow Ow! I didn't know! Oww!" The two roughhoused a bit longer before Eddie let go of Dustin and gave him a pat on the shoulder, both of them laughing.

 "Alright Dust, we should get going. Mike, Lucas do you two have a ride?" You looked toward them as they shook their heads no. Meaning they were going to definitely ask you for a ride. With a sigh and an eye roll, "Get in the car losers. Eddie, it was nice seeing you again." You smiled at him as you started making your way to the driver's side.

 "Yeah-uh...Hey maybe we could-you could I don't know, maybe come to a Hellfire meeting next week?" Eddie's hand scratched the back of his head as he walked backward in front of you.

 "Well...I start a new job on Monday," you start and chew your lip for a moment thinking, "so I don't really know my schedule yet. Rain check?" You opened the door as he nodded.

“Yeah cool, rain check! Alright then, gentlemen I will see you same time and place tomorrow." He saluted them and turned to wink at you before sauntering back to his van.

 You pulled out of the parking lot with the boys and start heading to Mike and Lucas's street, with Dustin navigating....badly.

 "I don't think I've ever seen Eddie get that nervous before." Lucas commented as you were yelling at Dustin about how "the tree with the birdhouse," wasn't the best description to go off of when driving in a town you’re not familiar with.

 "I don't think he's ever invited a girl to Hellfire either." Mike also pointed out.

 "He probably invited me because he knows how much of a nerd my cousin is." You pinch Dustin as he called a "hey!"

 "Where did you get a job? You told Eddie you start Monday." Dustin asked as he rubbed his arm where he might be getting a bruise now.

 "With your second mom at Family Video," you slyly comment, parking in front of Mike Wheeler's house, earning a laugh from the boys

#eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington #robin buckley #dustin henderson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #joseph quinn #80s #stranger things fix it #eddie munson fix it fic #hellfire club #nancy wheeler #eddie munson x reader

[writingquestionsanswered]

hi!! i'm currently writing a story which revolves majorly around time travel, specifically to the past. however i'm facing a problem of not being able to describe it properly, i don't exactly know how to write about it. do you have any tips that could help me? thank you!

Trouble Describing Time Travel

I'm making a leap here in assuming that when you say "I'm having trouble describing it," the "it" in question is time travel. If you meant something else, please feel free to resubmit with clarification. :)

Time travel--in terms of traveling back to the past or forward to the future--is a fictional concept that has appeared in storytelling for centuries. It has been depicted a million different ways... some characters travel through time in a "time machine," like in The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, Hot Tub Time Machine, Back to the Future, Doctor Who, and Timeless. Some people travel backward or forward in time by stepping through some sort of time portal, such as in the Terminator universe, Outlander, Mirai, and Kate & Leopold.) Some people travel via a special device like a clock or a pendant. In Somewhere in Time, the main character used self-hypnosis to travel to the past. In Octavia Butler's Kindred, the main character is pulled through time every time something particular happens in the time she's linked to.

My first point is that how you describe time travel depends first on the method you use... are they using a time machine? A time portal? A time travel device? Something else?

My second point is that how you specifically portray and describe time travel through that method is entirely up to you. Since time machines, time portals, time devices, and other methods of time travel aren't real, there's no right or wrong in how you portray them or describe them. It's entirely fictional. As long as you make it make sense in your story, that's all that matters.

Your job as a writer is to use your imagination to envision the circumstances you want to illustrate. You may look to other stories for inspiration and ideas. You might even find that inspiration in real life. Either way, the functionality of time travel in your story, and how you specifically describe how it looks and feels to the characters, is entirely up to you as the writer! Have fun with it! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[eoieopda]

hello! i have a song for the game. Thank you for doing this!

I really like Anywhere by Rita Ora and Namjoon.

thank youu x

oh this was such a cute song! 10/10

listen here

ft. boyf!joon, a whole-ass adventure across Europe in the span of 30 days, reader getting zooted after consuming the tiniest bit of an edible.

just take me anywhere / take me anywhere / anywhere away with you

Until now, every bit of your month-long trip across the European continent had gone according to plan.

Well, plan was generous.

Apart from identifying locations in each of your favorite books; purchasing all necessary travel tickets; and making hotel reservations, there had been no real plan. It was simply you and the best boy, taking in whatever sights you could. Good wine, even better cheese, and perfect company.

You’d left Korea on the first of November, landing in London and staying for two days. The turn-around was almost as quick as the Eurostar, projecting you onward over the rails to Paris. Most of those four days were spent nudging Namjoon along through the Louvre, wondering if he’d ever willingly leave. Begrudgingly, after several hours, he did — no assistance from security was necessary.

The first of your horrifying, turbulent, rickety, budget flights — in a tin can with wings — had delivered you to Barcelona. The second carried you to Milan, with your death grip on Namjoon’s hand lasting for the duration of your time in the air. After train rides from Milan to Rome, then Rome to Venice, a bus had carried you off to Salzburg.

When you’d found yourself in those living, Sound of Music hills, you didn’t even have to ask. Namjoon — without question or comment — joined you in spinning like a fool until you both dropped dizzy in the grass. Maybe it was the altitude, but you could’ve sworn the “I love you” he‘d murmured in that moment hit a little harder than usual.

A train to Vienna, a bus to Budapest, then — gulp — another panicked flight; this time to Kraków. Two days there, then — with a whine and several glasses of its homophone, downed quickly at the airport bar — a fourth flight to Prague. Shortly after, you’d boarded a train to Berlin.

By your fifth low-cost, high-anxiety flight, Namjoon had discovered an antidote. If you were at least as high as the plane itself, the creaking of that tiny, shaky hunk of metal was significantly less upsetting. It was fitting, after all, landing in Amsterdam while still floating off one (1) quarter of an edible.

God, what a light-weight.

Your incessant giggling had been overpowered by Namjoon’s, though he was stone-cold sober — just thoroughly amused. There, the two of you realized you’d made a mistake: the phallogical museum you were fascinated by was in Iceland, not the Netherlands.

On the subsequent train ride to Bruges, you’d vowed to hit the world-renowned dick museum on your next trip. Your current trip was now at its end, leaving you to scurry off to Brussels for a commercial flight back to Incheon.

Unfortunately, inclement weather had grabbed Belgium in a chokehold.

With your backs pressed against the wall, you and Namjoon sat weary on the floor near your gate. Your respective legs were sprawled out in front of you. Head resting on your shoulder, Namjoon spent a large portion of your wait in the liminal space between the dream and waking worlds.

If there had been any local hotels available for the night, he might’ve actually gotten some proper rest — in a bed, but likely still using you as a pillow. Instead, you were stuck where you sat: huddled together in the same terminal you’d been in for many, many hours.

Languidly, you traced mindless patterns into the denim fabric holding onto his quads for dear life. You sighed through a frown as you glanced down at him, “I’m sorry we can’t seem to get home, love.”

Too tired to move, Namjoon merely mumbled from where he’d nestled into your side, “Home is anywhere with you.”

#jade’s drabbles #jade’s requests #1k drabblepalooza #knj #bts #bts army #bts rm #bts namjoon #bts kim namjoon #bts fluff #bts drabble #kim namjoon #namjoon #bts imagine #bts scenarios #namjoon imagine #namjoon scenarios #namjoon fluff #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon x y/n #boyfriend namjoon #kim namjoon fluff #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon x you #kim namjoon x y/n #namjoon drabble #kim namjoon drabble #chimmisbae

[howtodrawyourdragon]

Burdened With Purpose

Chapter 1 - Prologue

Tagging: @evilwriter37 @cabeverian

Summary: A Httyd fic based on the world of Portal/Half-Life.

The world has been ruined, torn apart by robots who intend on replacing all life on Earth, but humanity isn't done yet. Astrid lives in the village of Berk, one of the last few human settlements alive. Hoping to find something to strengthen their defenses, she goes out to find a way and stumbles upon an old research facility that may have everything to do with the state of the world.

Warnings: Mentions of terminal illness, a dying character

Ratings: Teen and Up

Words: 1 050

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Characters: Hiccup, Viggo

Pairing: Vigcup

Author's Note:

Sometimes I think of creating an AU based on the world of Portal, but never really got it off the ground. That is until I imagined some of the drama I could write and now here we are. Very excited for this one!

Same rules apply here as with Just a Kid. The rating and tags will change as the story progresses.

Enjoy! :)

-XOXOX-

Viggo Grimborn despises the way his body has turned on him. He should still be in his prime, he’s barely halfway throug his 30s. Yet, he sits in front of the fireplace dressed in his warmest clothes with a robe on top and he’s still cold. The dark circles under his eyes have deepend, he’s lost weight and his dark hair is showing signs of gray. Grimborns don’t tend to gray so early in life.

And he’s wheezing. Coughing and wheezing because his lungs have been utterly destroyed and he has no one to blame but himself.

It hurts to breathe.

With shaking hands, he grabs the pill bottle on the small table next to him and takes two pain killers. They’re strong, it’s double the right dose, but Viggo is far beyond caring at this point. Then he grabs his glass of port wine to wash it all down.

What a wreck he has become. The media and the newspapers wonder why there hasn’t been a public sighting of him for months now and he can’t stomach the idea of coming clean.

He’s sick and that’s a private matter.

A door opens and closes softly, but those hurried footsteps are barely muffled by the thick carpet before a hand quickly grabs Viggo’s glass from him. Unfortunately, those pills are already long gone.

“Viggo, how many times do I have to tell you not to take your medication with alcohol?!” The sickly man looks up to his partner and finds Hiccup glaring down at him, his glass in hand and other hand on his hip.

Viggo huffs and dismisses the lecture.

“What does it matter?” He asks. “I’m done.”

Just a week ago their private phycisian told them the terrible news; he’s terminal. He probably has only months.

Months Hiccup would very much like to have with him, which they can’t if Viggo continues to wash his pills down with a strong drink instead of water.

“You’re not done. Who knows, there could be a way to help you tomorrow or a week from now. We don’t give up!” Hiccup wastes the drink, throwing it in the fire. It fuels it, makes it grow bigger for a second before it returns to its original size. Viggo considers it a good metaphor for his anger. Hiccup stands there, rubbing his temple where a stress headache brews.

“Reckless,” Viggo shakes his head.

“I remember when I took you on exactly for that recklessness. And your unorthodox, brilliant brain, of course. In a mass of researchers and interns and people calling themselves the future of science, you were actually promising,” he reminisces with his eyes closed.

Viggo can’t say he has loved anyone before he met Hiccup. He was just 18 years old then, ahead of everyone else with a head full of ideas no one wanted to listen to and yet with a fire that would burn them all down. The day they met, he knew he had to have him by his side. It’s been two years since then and just a month after their wedding, they were told he was sick.

Viggo opens his eyes to look at him, watches as he appears to stare into the fire deep in thought himself, fist to his chin.

They’ve called him a gold digger and a boytoy. He’s been sneered at and his father refuses to talk to him. For what other reason would he marry a man much older than himself if not because he’s either scheming or too naive to think for himself?

But Viggo nows better. He knows him intimately. Hiccup was the only person in the entire world worthy of being his equal and he still proves that every day.

Not even Ryker is in his life anymore. And once news of his death reaches him...

“Hiccup, my company…” The man has to swallow. He wishes his lungs would stop burning with every breath. Wishes he didn’t feel so weak, he would yank the young man into his arms and carry him to bed if he had the strength.

Instead, he can’t even sit in a way he considers dignified anymore.

Hiccup turns to him, his features soft and worried. He steps closer, sitting down on the cushy arm chair on the other side of the small table and takes his nearest hand. “Don’t worry about any of that right now. You need to think about yourself.”

Instead of listening, Viggo continues.

“I won’t make it. When I’m no longer here-”

Hiccup takes his hand back and shoots up, refusing to hear another word.

“No! You’ll be just fine!” He argues. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if his husband were to die on him.

“I won’t! And we both know it!” Despite the wheezing, Viggo manages a hard tone.

“When I’m gone. I want you to take over from me. The company and all its assets, both liquid and otherwise, will be yours. Every patent we own will be yours. I can trust no one else with them.”

“You’ll make it,” there’s a crack in Hiccup’s voice. “You’ll make it and you’ll finish your last project and then it won’t be your last anymore because there will be others.”

Viggo is too tired to even shake his head at his stubborness. How can he make him so angry, yet so infatuated with him at the same time? He’s the only one who has ever made him face the fact that love truly does exist. And the way his body used to melt with his when they were still capable of making love made him believe there was such a thing as the divine as well. But his mind, the hours spent together working with him, competing against him, those were the times when he truly felt alive, happy.

Viggo’s body is dying. His very last project was secret even to Hiccup and at this rate, he’ll never see it finished.

Unless… Yes, his body is dying, but that doesn’t mean all of him will be gone. His legacy will continue and Hiccup will be burdened with it.

“My company is yours,” he repeats once more. “You’ll take over.”

“No,” Hiccup crosses his arms, stubborn. “I’m not going to take over.”

“And you can’t make me.”

#httyd fics #httyd movies #rtte #race to the edge #au #alternate universe #portal au #portal/half-life au #hiccup haddock #viggo grimborn #vigcup #my fanfics #burdened with purpose

[harlowarchives]

jack: you should do one where they haven’t seen each other for ages because he was on your or she lives in a different state and they spend the whole day smutting 🙈

❝ side 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐄!

hello my babies! how do we feel about my new theme? im trying it out if i don't love it i'll switch back so please enjoy this story my 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐲 𝐚𝐬𝐬 anon requested i love you 𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒! 7̲ ⁺ ☽ ᵎ

↳ listen to side piece ( 2nd half ) by jack harlow, so anxious by ginuwine & in the morning by j cole.

𝐁𝐄𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐄. this is smut, public sex included as well as a few other kinks. you have been warned!

jack!reader!smut!

You sat in an empty airport your heart pounding in your chest, and your anxiety was starting to build. You fidgeted with the keychain on your suitcase, you let out fast shallow breaths tapping your foot against the marbled floors of the terminal. Your face instantly lit up seeing a Life 360 notification from Jack, you were so excited to see him but also incredibly nervous he's made you feel that way since the day the two of you had met. ‘I see you’ Jack texted as you frantically looked around seeing a tall curly headed man across the room it didn't register for a second so you turned around then a smile spread across your face you ran towards him sinking into his arms as he lifted you your legs harnessed around his waist “Babe!” you squealed placing kisses all over his face & neck “I missed you so much, boo.” You smiled as he palmed your ass grinning “I missed you more Y/N, you look so beautiful right now.”

You knew exactly what he was getting at, you could hear your heart in your chest. Your ears were slightly hot, he sat down so you were now on his lap “I'm so ready to lay in the bed oh my god!” You said exhaling, “Don’t think you're getting any rest looking like this, Y/N.” You groaned while he trailed kisses down your neckline “I'm serious, baby I'm fucking you senseless as soon as we get in the crib, I don't even think I can wait that long.” Jack wasn't even joking but you knew that, “I'm not stopping you, J.” You looked at him unzipping “I've been thinking about you & that dick since I left, I have no panties on no bra hardly anything, fuck me.” You felt his bulge harden in his sweats, one thing about the two of you was that you both had insane sex drives that's why your relationship had never lost its spark the two of you knew how to keep your relationship exciting, fucking in the airport was perfect for both of you. Jack’s hand slipped under your sweatshirt massaging both of your breasts neither one short of attention, he rolled up your sweatshirt & began sucking your breasts. You moaned your breathing heavy, his tongue swirled around your areola.

Jack now had lowered his pants & yours, his member was inside you. You bounced on his dick over & over on the brink of an orgasm. After about 30 minutes the two of you were ready to cum “Whew shit, Y/N you gon let me put these babies in you?” Jack whispered pulling your ear toward his lips, you nodded eagerly then you felt him release inside you. He knew you weren't on birth control & he wasn't wearing protection either so you had just committed to something in the heat of the moment, you got up then on your knees.

» 𝟎𝟎𝟏. later!

After you & Jack’s airport ménage, you were sitting in the passenger of his Mercedes blasting music. You wore matching neutral outfits, Jack wore a light brown casual pants suit & you wore a brown above-the-knee dress Jack had chosen. You were going out to dinner tonight as he had promised, you'd arrived at the restaurant. Jack walked around to the passenger seat to help you out as pedestrians watched in awe, he led you into the restaurants where you were directed to a secluded seating area. For hours you & Jack talked about everything how you wanted your futures to look & the most important thing of all living situations “Y/N I don't wanna do this anymore.” Jack blurted confusion plastered your face “No! Baby, this long-distance shit I mean.” He laughed rubbing your thigh “I want you to move in with me, I can't stand not waking up to that face every morning & that ass cooking at my stove. Showering with you, movie nights. Being 24 hours away isn't right.” Jack emitted.

A smile spread across your face, you placed your hand under the table and pulled your underwear over your thighs down to your feet you placed them on Jack’s lap watching him look down & turn completely red. “Check, please!” He called out smiling at you.

Now you two were in the elevator of his penthouse, his fingers thrust inside you as you run sloppy lipstick kisses down his neck. The elevator door opened he brought you upstairs to his bedroom to his king-size bed where he laid you out pulling off your heels & gown, and pulling his shirt over his head along with his pants. Jack came up to you on the bed & pulled your legs toward his length fucking you in missionary because he loved to see your face while he destroyed your insides, your hands were glued to the bedpost as he thrust inside you. You wailed feeling his dick dig inside of you, you honestly couldn't remember how you slept alone or didn't wake up to his handsome ass face, going without this dick for months didn't make sense.

Seven hours later you & Jack were knocked out cold after multiple rounds and orgasms. You felt the bed shift signaling that Jack was awake, “Did I wake you up? I know your a light sleeper I'm sorry baby.” He whispered, “Wasn't you boo, I'm hungry.” Your stomach growling you stood up walking towards the kitchen as he followed behind you. You pulled down a box of cinnamon toast crunch pouring it into your bowl then his. “Are you coming with me to the studio?” he smiled “Obviously, does everyone know I'm here?” You questioned, “Nope, it's a surprise.” He smiled. “I'm glad you're here though, I couldn't work without my muse.” He grinned “Oh? Well, trust I have more inspiration to give.” You teased as he furrowed his brows putting his spoon in his mouth “We’ll see.” Jack set his bowl down then lifted you & set your body on the counter. You gasped as you felt him pry your legs open “Jack-” you muttered feeling his head between your thighs, he placed his tongue between your lips, swirling his tongue around your sensitive clitoris. You placed your hand on his head gently tugging at his curls and running your hands through his hair, he pulled your legs off the counter and closed the bedroom door behind him.

𝐒𝐎 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐝𝐨? lmk.

🏷️ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ⁱ : @lexxlovesjack @iknowdatsrightbih @iheartharlow @livsters @honeyharlows @killatravtramp @jackmanduh @itsyagirljaz

#fanfic #harlowcomehome #urban wyatt #jack harlow #clay harlow #jack harlow smut #jack harlow fanfic

[queenofcoquette]

terminally online- consequences & tips

i want to preface by saying too much of ANYTHING is a bad thing. i’m not trying to shame people who use the internet a lot. the internet is a neutral thing- it’s all up to how u use it. now that so many people are getting internet access at such a young age it’s leading to negative effects and social media addiction. 

what does it mean?

a terminally online person is someone who spends a lot of time online and begins to lose touch with reality. 

effects

there’s two main dangers. first off, if social media is a mirror to society that it’s a distorted one. to put it simply, the online and offline world are VERY different. when you’re chronically online you might sometimes forget that certain things that take place on the internet don’t go on in real life.

the second issue comes when it consumes your life to the point where your offline life suffers. such as your physical health (not being active), your mental health and your social skills.

can lead to a distorted view of the world

can hurt social skills

can have a negative effect on mental health

can have a negative effect on physical health

dealing with this

be mindful of your screentime. the first step is just acknologing whether you think your screentime is a problem or not. for a couple of days monitor how much you’re online. i know school requires being online so that doesn’t count, on a free day how much time do you spend online on average?

notice the effects that high screentime has to you. when i began to cut back my online use i first noticed how high screentime was negatively impacting me. before you start to make a change you need to know WHY you want to make this change.

make small adjustments. when you’re changing your lifestyle it’s important to start small and be consistent. maybe spend an hour in the morning before you go online, or spend 30 minutes before bed being offline. something that is attainable for you, and something that’s a small adjustment. 

try new hobbies. finding new hobbies to pursue offline is the biggest step. find things you can do without being online, that way you’re not bored when you’re not using the internet.

slowly cut back on online use. as time progresses continually lower your screentime until it’s something that’s beneficial for you. 

conclusion

ultimately it’s important to cultivate balance in all aspects of life. this applies heavily to the internet. the internet is fun, and i love it a lot, but it’s important to recognize that too much of anything is a bad thing. we need to create healthy boundaries when it comes to our online use, and make choices that are beneficial to our mental and physical health.

#that girl #that girl 2023 #self improvement

[manonamora-if]

February Check-In

From here on out, we should be back on track - IRL be damned (crossing fingers with that). Unless someone throws another wrench...

Anyway, let's not think about the bummer stuff...

Here's to a hopefully "normal" month with stuff actually being checked off a list!

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

IF Events in the Next Month

Plan for the next month

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head over to itch.io!

January Progress

Welp... there wasn't much of a list in the January Check-in, since it was the retrospective, which included the yearly plan. Still, I did make a mini one on itch. Put together we'd get:

Still play more IF and maybe review. ✅

Finish the edits of Harcourt Ch5 ✅ and coding ❌

Fix one of the semi-completed games: ❌either the Egg parser or TRNT (and make it a proper parser)

Complete the Seed/Shuffle-Comp entry✅

Honestly, not bad... The first one, obviously is done and dusted. IFDB says I posted 60+ reviews in January - covering the Short Game Showcase, the ShuffleComp, and the Recipe Jam helped quite a bit. And that also meant... I'm 3rd in the Reviewer ranking! Only 100 more to second place...

MelS and I finally stopped playing ping-pong with the editing of Harcourt (later than we wanted...), and I'm currently sitting down to edit the whole maze. I had hoped to be done by the end of this month, but it wasn't feasible... It was close - I only have half a dozen passages to code, to check it works, and do the formatting. I used to laugh at his complaining of working all the rooms for this maze (because he chose to do that many), but now I'm the one suffering... Don't do mazes... Or don't do 30+-room mazes... (I'm not joking here) Also: If all goes well, March/April should be editing of Chapter 6, June/July coding of Chapter 6 (+ re-edits of previous chapters), August/September beta/edits, October? completed game.

As for the ShuffleComp, I made it realllll close to the deadline. But (not so) strangers in the night was completed just in time! Aaaannnddd, got 1st place in the Use of Songs category! Yay me :D Also submitted to the SeedComp! and the Zach Jam.

As for fixing the parsers.... whomp whomp, didn't manage that.

Buuuutt:

I made another parser! Not Another Sad Meal is a slice-of-life cooking sim of easy difficulty (and clickable elements for help!)

Also made a Zine! CTRL+SHIFT+ZUT+ALORS Lost content meets weird technology. I probably will never make this game, but you can use it as inspiration if you want!

And spent a few days working on a collaborative virtual card for a friend. While that will never be made public (for obvious reasons), You can find the basic interface [here].

Also won kuddos of best puzzle for An Eggcellent Preparation (even though it kinda broken)!

So yeah... not huge updates for projects, but some good progress and a few mini-new games. I'm not expecting people to check those out... But it would be neat if you did!

What’s happening in February?

There's always something happening in the IF world. I don't think I ever find all that happens anyway... but. Here's the ones I know!

The Queer Vampire Game Jam ends in about three weeks. Got a vampire/human story with a LGBT+ cast? Then this is the event for you! (unranked) Also they are doing a fundraising/matching donation with submissions!

Obviously @neointeractives got you covered for Valentine’s with the Smoochie Jam: it’s all about kisses, love and romance (unranked) - Be also on the look out for the next Neo-Interactives mini-jam which is happening mid-March.

The SeedComp! (Sprouting) ends at the end of February. Come transform someone’s idea or asset into a new IF game! See @seedcomp-if for more info ;) (ranked)

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2024 se termine dans un mois! Viendez faire des histoires en français!! <3 (ranked, duh)

The Spring Thing is waiting for your intent to participate until March 1st! After that, the submissions are due in April (also ranked)

Got a cool talk idea regarding Interactive Fiction, narration, or gameplay? Consider submitting a proposal for this year’s Narrascope! They are still looking for people!!!!

Note: @neointeractives will have jams all year long. One a month/or so. And the next Planting Round of @seedcomp-if will start as soon as the results are dropped.

The PLANtm for February

Shortest month, and one busy months in events (I'm at the head of two... what am I DOING WITH MY LIFE....)... So much to do, so little time. But also, ONE EXTRA DAY THIS MONTH! :D

What are we hoping to do this month?

Play more games! Because there are a bunch of jams happening and a backlog of games I'm trying to clear. Also I want to get to that second IFDB spot! (1st won't ever be attainable...)

Finish the Code Ch5 of Harcourt. This is attainable. This is doable. I will finish... because I am already 80% done. MelS is working on Chapter 6 for this month - hoping to have a rough draft for me to check too by the end of the month...

Finish fixing The Roads Not Taken. This is your month. I swear I am manifesting it hard. This is happening. I will finish you. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you....

Jam Entry number 685470w8698... probably. Maybe do a Queer Vampire/Smoochie Combo. Maybe even a French Comp game?

ALSO: I will probably do an another AMA mid-Feb.

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

New year, new list. A more feasible one, according to January-Me.

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent - this year should be it - for real)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm getting ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

#dev log #progress #update #check-in #february planning #AMA incoming yall

[nordleuchten]

Do you know if Adrienne was mad at Lafayette for his affairs?

Dear @mxtallmadge,

I think that “mad” is the wrong word and that “disappointed” is a better fit. That being said, there is little to no written record left by Adrienne concerning her husband’s affairs (that I do know of). She was very private in that regard, so everything is either circumstantial evidence or speculation.

When we look at La Fayette’s affairs, there is plenty of discourse with whom, why and when he had an affair. In an early version of his memoirs there are some allusions to his affairs so we can be certain that there were some. The passage was removed form the final version of his memoirs. Anyway, there are two women histories are convinced La Fayette had affairs with - Diane de Simiane and Aglaé, comtesse d'Hunolstein. But even with these two, there are people who argue that an affair never took place.

We will come back to these two, particular Diane de Simiane, but we first have to take in the context of the time to understand how Adrienne must have felt about La Fayette’s affairs. Because the thing is, theirs was an arranged marriage in 18th century France and they were part of the nobility. Affairs were not uncommon, in fact, sometimes not having an affair was more uncommon than having one. That is not to say that these circumstances make it easier, if you love your partner the way Adrienne loved La Fayette. But she probably was not surprised, after all her own father, uncles, the King – they all had affairs. Her father even boasted that his mistress had formerly been the mistress of Louis XV.

Second, Adrienne had never to fear that La Fayette would abandon her. She was his wife, mother of his only four children, there were no illegitimate children. He loved her and although he strayed, he always returned. There was never any sign of contempt, of displeasure with her, there was no talk of a divorce or a separation. In fact, La Fayette refused to remarry after Adrienne’s death. Again, this not necessarily made Adrienne feel better, but she had at least never to worry that La Fayette would not return. For him his affairs seem more like adventures and less like true romantic affairs. La Fayette wrote in his Memoirs (Vol. 1):

I shall spare you also the confession of an unedifying youth, and even of the story of two romances dedicated to beauties who were then very celebrated, in which my head had a larger part than my heart. The first, scarcely begun, broke against the obstacles of jealousy with which I collided head-on. The other-in which I wanted at first to triumph less over the object herself than over a rival-I pursued, despite long interruptions, on every possible occasion. Our relationship went from esteem all the way to the contrary sentiment, and was finally terminated by a catastrophe unconnected with me. It is more pleasant for me to speak of the tender and stable affection that I never cease to feel for the woman whom I had the good fortune to marry.

Idzerda Stanley J. et al., editors, Lafayette in the Age of the American Revolution: Selected Letters and Papers, 1776–1790, Volume 1, December 7, 1776–March 30, 1778, Cornell University Press, 1977, pp. 3-6.

La Fayette’s affairs (that we know of) and also the occasional flirts later in life were mostly marked by being short and very passionate (to the point of being childish.)

Adrienne most likely learned to accept and live with it, knowing that her place was still secured and that La Fayette spend more time with her and the children than with his mistresses.

But I promised you to come back to Aglaé and Diane. In Virginies Memoirs of her mother there is a letter published, written by La Fayette to one of his closest friends (and at that point also his in-law), Latour-Mabourg. The letter was written in January 1808, shortly after Adrienne’s death and gives great detail about Adrienne’s last days. There are two little passages that are interesting in the context of the question:

She [Adrienne] said to Mme de Simiane: “I was going to have a malignant fever, but I shall be well attended to, and shall get the better of it.”

And the second one:

“The last day she [Adrienne] told me: “When you see Mme de Simiane, give her my love.” Thus her heart was all life when her poor limbs were already numbed by approaching death.

Mme de Lasteyrie, Life of Madame de Lafayette, L. Techener, London, 1872, pp. 397-432.

We can see from these accounts that Diane was around Adrienne and the La Fayette’s in general during this time and that Adrienne did not seem to mind. Diane was a friend of the family, she was close to Adrienne’s aunt, Madame de Tessé and probably also to one of Adrienne’s sisters. But Diane was not only with the La Fayette’s during Adrienne’s last days, she also spend some considerable time with the (extended) family during their exile in Danish-Holstein. She most likely was a guest at Anatsasie’s wedding. In the Memoirs of Adrienne’s sister Anne de Noailles, Marquise de Montagu, we can read that:

Eine Freundin der Gräfin Tessé, die Marquise von Simiane, entfloh mit einem falschen Paß versehen und auf ihrer Reise von einem alten Jakobiner, einem sogenannten Freunde des Herrn von La Fayette, behütet, aus Frankreich; sie kam gegen Ende des Winters [1797/98] nach Witmold und war nicht wenig überrascht, hier, wo sie die Leutchen ziemich traurig anzutreffen wähnte, bei ihrer Ankunft von nichts Anderem als von Heiratsprojekten [the marriage of La Fayette’s oldest daughter Anastasie with Charles Latour-Maubourg] und einer Kindstaufe [The Marquis de Monatgue, Adrienne’s sister was pregnant] zu hören.

Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 203.

My translation:

A friend of the Countess Tessé, the Marquise de Simiane, escaped from France with a false passport and protected on her journey by an old Jacobin, a so-called friend of M. de La Fayette; she came to Witmold towards the end of winter [1797/98] and was not a little surprised to hear of nothing but marriage projects [the marriage of La Fayette’s oldest daughter Anastasie with Charles Latour-Maubourg] and a child's baptism [The Marquis de Monatgue, Adrienne’s sister was pregnant] here, where she thought she found the people rather sad.

There is a second paragraph in the same book:

Frau von Montague, ihrer Entbindung nahe, half ihnen [Adrienne’s children], die glorreichen Wunden ihrer Mutter verbinden; dann, wenn diese Pflicht erfüllt war, beschäftigte sie sich mit dem Brautschatz, mit der Haushaltung und dem Gute [Witmold], gehend und summend; “rund wie ein Thurm”, aber unermüdlich. Man konnte nicht umhin, sie zu bewundern und doch über sie zu lachen. Frau von Simiane, die zugegen war, behauptete, sie würde sicherlich in einem jener großen Schränke, die sie in jedem Augenblick aufmachte, niederkommen.

Marquise of Montague, Anna Pauline Dominika von Noailles, Marquise von Montague – Ein Lebensbild, Münster, Aschendorff, 1871, p. 205.

My translation:

Madame de Montague, near her confinement, helped them bind up their mother's glorious wounds; then, when that duty was done, she occupied herself with the dowry, with the housekeeping, and with the manson, walking and humming; “round as a tower”, but tireless. One could not help admiring her and yet laughing at her. Madame de Simiane, who was present, said she would certainly give birth in one of those large cupboards that she opened at every moment.

You see, La Fayette’s affairs, in the context of their time, his behaviour and the reactions of his friends and family are quite nuanced but I hope I could shine some light in the topic. I hope you have/had a great day!

#ask me anything #mxtallmadge #marquis de lafayette #la fayette #adrienne de lafayette #adrienne de noailles #diane de simiane #virginie de la fayette #anastasie de la fayette #marquise de montague #french history #history #letter

[scoups4lyfe]

PART 2

Out of all of Ian's songs, "So Beautiful" is one of my absolute favorites, especially the MV because of [again] the visuals and how accurately they convey what being Bipolar is like or what going through an episode is like.

Often I have the hardest times knowing I'm in an episode (until it's escalated significantly) because I go from being "unable" or "meh" to being able, and --like the quote above;

I can't tell if I've entered into a mood episode, or if I'm generally just having a good day.

You'll see this in a lot of my journal entries, but lack of control is major when (in my experience) it comes to being Bipolar.

Having no control over your own mental stability is "maddening"...for lack of a better term.

Around three years ago, I watched SKAM France and began to wonder if I was Bipolar.

Seeing Eliot, all I could think was: "Yeah that's me."

But since I didn’t know if I actually had it — I started mood journaling — and eventually I went to a psychiatrist (don’t get it twisted, I went for depression LOL — and because I was seeking to find an ADHD evaluation), and yeah. I was diagnosed with both ADHD and Bipolar.

Now — you might ask: “How can you NOT know or realize you have bipolar disorder?” And ohooooo my friend, let me TELL you.

— Depressive Episodes—

In Bipolar (though no one experiences it the same way — it’s a spectrum, but there are some general commonalities), there tend to be more depressive episodes than manic or hypomanic episodes.

“Although mania and hypomania specifically identify bipolar illness, depression is of major concern in patients with bipolar disorder, because depressive symptoms are far more frequent than manic symptoms and most suicides occur during the depressive phase.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1324957/)

In this academic article about the burden of bipolar depression within bipolar disorder, it shares studies particularly on how Bipolar

Depression significantly impacts Bipolar patients.

People with Bipolar usually seek help when they’re in a depressive phase; and are therefore often misdiagnosed as MDD — Major Depressive Disorder. The problem with this is that MDD treatment, usually going onto antidepressants, can send the Bipolar patient into acute mania, mixed states, and/or rapid cycling states. (I will define these in a second.)

...

“Bipolar disorder has a negative impact on virtually every facet of a patient's life, with depressive symptoms having a particularly strong effect on patient well-being. Depressive symptoms predominate over hypomanic/manic symptoms in the courses of both bipolar I and bipolar II disorders. In prospective studies of the natural history of bipolar disorder, bipolar I patients reported experiencing depression for 31.9% of weeks and hypomanic/manic symptoms for only 8.9%, whereas bipolar II patients reported depression for 50.3% of weeks and hypomanic/ manic symptoms for only 1.3%.”

“Similar findings on the prevalence of depressive symptoms were reported in a study of 258 outpatients admitted to the Stanley Foundation Bipolar Network. Approximately 25% of these patients reported being ill for more than three quarters of the year, with a mean of 214 days depressed, and 40% were intermittently ill, with a mean of 120 days depressed. An overview of findings from the Stanley Foundation Bipolar Network concluded that, despite treatment, bipolar outpatients remain significantly affected by their illness, with depressive symptoms posing a greater problem for effective treatment than mania.”

“Over 60% of patients in the Stanley Center Bipolar Disorder Registry were unemployed, despite the fact that 30% had completed college.”

“Termination of mood stabilizers may also have negative effects in patients with bipolar disorder. In published studies of patients with bipolar disorder who discontinued lithium treatment, suicide rates rose 20-fold and affective illness recurred in 67% of patients during the first year after discontinuation of lithium. Termination of treatment with other mood stabilizers, including the atypical antipsychotics, may be associated with negative outcomes.” 

These are quotes taken from the same source quoted above in red.

[Right.]

So — for me, since my onset of Bipolar was around puberty (late middle school; early high school), added in with the emotional dysregulation of ADHD, my mood episodes were something I had gotten used to, and that I thought were normal. (LOL.)

Plus, I didn’t realize or know what hypomania and mania was; ergo—I only really recognized the major depressive episodes. “Ah, everyone gets depressed <33.” ←My bonkers thought process.

I didn’t realize my intensity of depression was something that people didn’t normally experience — in fact, I remember talking to my little sister, and she told me she barely ever got depressed, and when she did it was just for a short period of time. The ‘surprised pikachu’ meme would be apt here, LOL!

My wake-up call that it wasn’t normal was a tv show (SKAM — the french one; though I have watched the OG one.) that had an accurate portrayal of Bipolar Disorder in one of the main characters. The way they went from happy elation; that flirty feeling of being on-top of the world, to the fall into a major depressive episode.

That depression was all too familiar to me. Literally looked the EXACT fvcking same.

...

Three best portrayals of what my sudden depressive episodes look like: 

[1] Mr. Robot — Eliot bawling his eyes out in episode 1. (20:00 Minutes in Timestamp) 

(Link clip example here)

[2] Eliot Demury — Skam France (And Even — OG SKAM)  

[3] Ian Gallagher, Shameless (U.S)

— (Linked clip example here)

...

I don’t know how to exactly describe it. Sometimes there’s just this overflow of emotion that makes me either cry or laugh or both. But mostly….it’s the apathy. Nothing matters. Nothing. The reason I don’t really care anymore about others’ opinions is because once I felt that apathy — that feeling of emptiness; of not caring — because life was nothing; I was nothing. So anyone’s negative opinions of me didn’t matter, I didn’t care about myself, so whatever they said ‘was probably right’ ←in my head; but it was as good as dust to me because nothing and no one could beat the hate I had for myself, OR the sh*t I was telling myself.

It’s fvcked up, I know. Even more fvcked up — is that there would be days I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. I would lay in bed. I wouldn't eat, it would be rare if I got up to use the bathroom— and any responsibility I had, I would not attend to — and you couldn’t make me. I would sleep 17-18 hours a day. Tired of everything, I would have no energy.

I ended up losing a lot of weight in college because of this LOL. I also fainted because of this (rip). When I could function enough to eat, go to class, I would still be empty and fatigued. I would go to class, eat, and then spend the rest of my time sleeping.

Even in high school, I would have an exorbitant amount of “sick days.” And when I did go to school, when I got home I would do my (1) chore and then sleep. School, chore, sleep. School, chore, sleep. It was to the point that my parents thought I was on drugs because all I would do was sleep. LOL.

And that depression would last for months. If it lasted two weeks or less that would be lucky. Anyways, there was a period of time (a few months after I graduated college) that I was normal. I felt normal, I acted normal, I had normal amounts of energy.

I remember telling my friends that (because I made a psychiatrist appointment) I wouldn’t tell them (the psychiatrist) about my depression because “Bah, it’s not that bad. I can sleep it off 🤪.” Anyways — I suddenly (and for no reason) fell into a depressive episode, and when that hit I was like, “Yeah I need to go tell the psychiatrist and get this figured out.”

I actually started treatment for depression before ADHD. And my depression was so bad, the antidepressants just barely made me functionable. Literally could not tell if they were working and my depression was that bad, or if they genuinely didn’t work. Anyways; yes they WERE working, my depression was just that bad. LOL.

(TW: Suicidal Ideation)

When I get low like this, if I start spiraling (which often happens) I get to the point where I think, constantly: “I don’t want to wake up anymore.” Sometimes I would even pray not to wake up anymore. I had crippling fatigue — so there was no energy to hurt myself. Which is why most of my mixed episodes are so dangerous.

Mostly though, when I’m down / dipping, I sleep. I just let myself do nothing, and sleep. Until it leaves, however long that may take.

I've talked about my experience being manic a few times.

Here I talked about being euphoric

Mania Episodes

I have had both euphoric AND irritated mania. And I have got to say — I liked the euphoric one; but FVCK the other one. 

Mixed Episodes

Ok. Mixed episodes — where one has energy (manic symptoms) but irritation or depression / fatigue (depressive symptoms); basically it's a mix of both mania and depression.

For me — this is when I get into the most dangerous states.

Most of the time I’m so tired it actually hurts. It feels like the fatigue is killing me; like I’ve sunken into the dark circles under my eyes. Except the moment I lay down? BOOM! Wide fvcking awake.

The fatigue doesn’t leave, nor does the pain, but there’s this energy buzzing through me and it quickly turns into irritation because all I want to do is SLEEP, but I can’t! I fvcking can’t; and it kills me.

Theses are the times where any passive suicidal ideation become more active thoughts. Mostly about prescription drugs and overdosing. (Or things like drinking windex.)

Anyways —

I don’t ever act on these thoughts because I do like living (thank you very much >:o ); but that doesn’t mean those kinds of thoughts don’t happen. In fact ---a whole spiraling intrusive thought chain decides to party in my head until I DO fall asleep, or find something to distract me. (Not a fun time.)

First — let’s just get this out of the way; Bipolar — aka the episodes, whether depressive, manic, or mixed — , are not caused by purely external events. It’s literal chemicals in the brain playing limbo with your mental health.

Now, can external events trigger an episode? Absolutely.

In fact, sleep is one of the strongest triggers for people with Bipolar disorder.

And I quote:

“ — It is essential that people with bipolar disorder practice good sleep hygiene. Ideally, you should go to sleep and wake up in a regular, predictable pattern and avoid activities that interfere with this schedule, including staying up late, drinking alcohol, and consuming caffeine. In order to promote a restful and regular sleep, create a ritual for yourself to get your mind and body prepared for bed. If you struggle to sleep, be sure to talk to your doctor about it so you can identify whether these sleep disturbances are a symptom of a mood episode and gain control over your sleep cycle before it triggers mood switching.”

— bridgestorecovery.com ‘Understanding Bipolar Disorder Trigger And How to Prevent Them’

I have stated this before here and here

But blackouts can happen when you're in a manic state; these last few months I've had at least three black outs, spanning from a day, to a couple of days.

/End of part 2 <333 /

[Prev] [Next]

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] , [8], [9]

And of course the MV:

Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

#part 2 #after this i'll liveblog some more #lmao #seeing as it's 10 minutes from midnight #my thougts #bipolaire #bipolar disorder #manic depression #actually bipolar #mental health #neurodiversity #neurodivergencies #dpr ian #dpr we gang gang #christian yu #fvcking moodswings ⚡️✌️ #a scoup of life 🔫🦆 #Youtube

[lazyyogi]

What is your view on microdosing psychedelics for i/ medicinal effects like treating depression or just using it as a mood enhancer?

Psychedelics are a broad subcategory of hallucinogens that I think is difficult to comment on as a whole. However, one psychedelic I can comment on in particular is psilocybin.

I don't doubt that in the next ten years or so, psilocybin will be part of mainstream medicine.

Just recently I saw a presentation about psilocybin for terminally ill cancer patients at a conference in my medical field. This wasn't microdosing but rather a six hour guided "therapeutic experience," aka tripping, on full dose psilocybin. It dramatically reduced the anxiety and the fear of death for the patients as well as improving their quality of life.

What's more, the effect of a single session was found to endure for years.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've done shrooms and yet the first two times really were life-changing for me. So this enduring effect makes sense in my own experience as well.

It may be that microdosing is another form of effective treatment for things like depression. However, like any medication that may be advised by the medical community, it does need rigorous study in order to identify its appropriate dosing, scheduling, and adverse effects.

As far as mood enhancement goes, if we are talking about simply how to feel better in your daily life then I would recommend non-pharmacologic interventions first. Daily meditation would be the best way to go about that. Eating well and regular vigorous physical activity also really helps. It sounds probably stupidly simple but it's true.

One reliable way in which I always feel amazing is to do like 20 minutes of cardio, take a steaming hot shower, and then step out of the water stream and turn it cold, dunk each of my limbs and then go fully under the stream for like 30 seconds, and then end the shower. Afterward, you feel both invigorated and incredibly relaxed. Then I like to sit for a meditation session.

That's more like the stuff Wim Hof teaches, which is pretty good imo.

Just my two cents overall!

LY 😁

[colorisbyshe]

I love when people who claim to be pro-choice start quibbling about when abortion stops being okay to appeal to anti-choice fucks. Like, "Oh, nooo, abortion at this point is bad! We can agree on that point, so let's compromise and find a point where we're both anti-abortion together!"

There is no point in gestation where abortion is wrong. Your own bodily autonomy never becomes murder. Just as refusing to donate your kidneys to a fully fledged, fully formed human being isn't murder, refusing to donate your uterus, nutrients, blood, life to a baby isn't murder.

I understand that as we get later into a pregnancy, the more iffy it may *feel* but the point remains the same. And I don't think we even need to get into appeals to emotion by going "Well, any pregnancy termination after *x amount of weeks, months* MUST be a wanted pregnancy, so we should feel bad for whoever is seeking to end it. It must just be about the carrier's health or maybe it the pregnancy is no longer viable." The reasons don't fucking matter.

There are some people who want to end their pregnancy the second they find out but find out late or need time to raise money or need time to get away from an abuser. There are people whose circumstances change--not just health circumstances, either. There are people who simply change their mind.

And they all deserve to exercise bodily autonomy to end said pregnancy.

But if we want to avoid later-stage terminations, make abortion free. Make all prenatal care free, too, so that health issues can be caught earlier and wanted pregnancies are more likely to be carried to term. Make sure there is a way to access abortion everywhere, not just one place per state. Make pregnancy tests, including early pregnancy detection tests, free and more widely available. Make birth control and plan b more accessible (and more well tested, funded, so that ALL people who need it have access to something that actually works for them and aren't hindered by weight limits).

Codify more maternal leave. Codify pregnancy leave and better protections for people who can't work while pregnancy. Financially support pregnant people. Financially support new parents who shouldn't have to work while wearing post partum pads. Support PATERNAL leave as well, so parents who just gave birth aren't forced to effectively be single parents right out the gate.

Like... the solution to "Oh no, abortion after X point feels ICKY!" is not cutting off abortion access or saying "Only if you're gonna die" or whatever. It is making early abortion more accessible. It is making birth control more accessible. And it is making it so that people who WANT pregnancies but cannot afford them can actually afford them.

The number of abortions after 20, 30 weeks will never be zero. And that is fine. That is not a moral failure, no matter the reason they are happening. But if you're really gonna stress about them... this is the path to reduce those numbers.

#terminating a pregnancy at different points looks different #doesn't mean e have to wring our hands about the 'whys' of it all

[shamelesscloudbeliever]

The Silencers

(Part Two )

With the grace of a trained ballet dancer the alluring woman sitting down rose up from the chair, her eyes and gun never training away from Adams. Despite his desperate situation and being in fear for his life, Adams couldn't help but notice how the woman's black leather pants seemed to grip her magnificent legs like a second skin. “Good, now we all know why we’re here don’t we Mr. Adams, or can I can call you Scott” she asked contemptuously. She continued, “ Our employer has decided that it’s time to terminate you, with extreme violence. “So be a good boy and sit down at your computer, call up all the files you’ve compiled on our organization, transfer them onto this tablet", Fontaine said pointing to a sleek state of the art black iPad Air on Adams's desk, "so we can kill you and be on our way” Adams walked slowly towards his desk, turned around and now for the first time saw the second woman. A stunning blonde, slightly younger than her accomplice, early thirties, dressed in a black leather mini dress so tight, that it appeared to Adams as if it had been sprayed onto her body, her impressive legs in expensive silk black stockings, the look completed by a pair of dominatrix Versace fire engine red PVC thigh high spiked stiletto heel boots, Adams noticed that she hadn’t been bluffing about her weapon which he saw she held expertly in her right black leather gloved hand, she had also come prepared, her gun also held a suppressor.. The blonde smiled slyly at Adams, a smile that said “ you're ours now darling, to do with ANYTHING we want to ”. Adams knew he was powerless. He knew what this organization was capable of.

Adams sat down at his desk and decided he wasn't going to make it easy for his captors, “if you’re going to kill me anyway, which undoubtedly you are, why should I hand over the files, screw you, you bitches!” he said defiantly. The two women reacted in a way Adams never considered, they laughed at him. “Screw us darling, I’m sorry but you’re not our type, besides a threesome with us has a completely different meaning” laughed the lithe blonde, obviously savoring every moment of her and her partner's domination.“We thought you might resist us that so we took a little precaution” the black haired woman said as she reached into the pocket of her jacket , and took out an iPhone, she dialled a number and waited. After about ten seconds she handed the phone to Adams, all the while her blonde associate covered him from ten feet away with her gun. “ Hit the video call button and put it on speaker so we can all hear what you say” the black haired woman ordered Adams. He did as he was told. Within seconds he was shocked to see his wife , obviously terrified , bound to a chair. Two people, obviously women, brunettes both, but wearing masks to disguise their faces held guns either side to her head. “If you don’t do exactly as we say your wife will be dead in sixty seconds and as you will know from our previous work, we are extremely good at what we do” the blonde assassin said. Adams’s head slumped in defeat, “how do I know you won’t kill my wife as well” he asked. “As you can see, our associates are wearing masks, there would be no need to kill your wife as she can’t identify any of us, you have 45 seconds or you BOTH die, clock is ticking honey” the black haired hit-woman said threateningly. “Scott, please do as they say” his wife pleaded over the phone.

“ 30 seconds” the blonde gunwoman said.

“OK, I’ll do it “ Adams said. Both women now stood together, six feet away from his desk, their guns pointing at his body. The blonde woman spoke, “if we even think you’ve withheld one file on your laptop we’ll make you watch your wife’s head being blown off, understood”. For the next two minutes, Adams called up and transferred every file and back up file he had complied on this gang, six months of painstaking work now in the very hands of the criminal organization he vowed to defeat. All proof against these women lost forever. Adams knew they would be free to carry on their nefarious exploits without fear of being caught. Both women smiling as they watched the transfer of information. Finally the iPad Air displayed the message "transfer of files 100% completed". After what seemed an age, a woman’s voice from the phone was heard. It was Adams’s wife, her voice now calm and strangely authoritative thought her husband.

“Is it done” she asked. “Yes darling” her husband replied. Adams was shocked by his wife’s reply, “I wasn’t speaking to you sweetie, I was speaking to Fontaine and Alexis”. The black haired woman smiled and said , “it’s done Samantha, everything that links us to the murders over the past year is now in our hands, and our hands only, your plan worked perfectly darling”. “I don’t understand” said Adams. “ No you don’t do you?” said the blonde. “and please let’s not be so formal, my name is Alexis Masterson and this is my, ahem, colleague Fontaine Case” she said pointing at the black haired woman,” and we are associates, or should that be accomplices of your wife” Alexis said laughingly.. Suddenly everything fell into place and Scott Adams’ world fell apart. Samantha Adams spoke again . "For the past year I've been eliminating rival criminals so as to take over the entire West Coast“, now if anyone wants to being their cocaine, guns or whatever into LA they have to use our supply lines or else"." Last year we made over 2 billion dollars from our Mexican Cartel friends alone"." If it's any consolation Scott, you're about to be murdered by my two best hitters, just ask the Russian mob or the three recently murdered SWAT Commanders they killed, Fontaine, Alexis, you know what to do ladies, and one more thing make it bloody I want to send a message to Scott's friends in the FBI, oh and Scott darling consider this a divorce", and with that Samantha Adams hung up without a second thought.

Her husband's fate sealed.

#female gangsters #hitwomen

[linahopeeeee]

So Far Away 01

Masterlist

✨Pairing: Yoongi x reader (brothers best friend)

✨Summary: When Namjoon finds out that his father cheated on his mother years ago and had a child he makes it his mission to fulfill his fathers dying wish and meet his long lost sister and form a relationship, he doesn’t however expect for her to fall in love with one of his best friends along the way.

✨Words: 1300

✨Notes: chapter 2 will be posted either Wednesday night or Thursday morning so please look forward to the next update😊

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“Does mom know?” Namjoon angrily asks his father. The man in question just guiltily shakes his head no as he looks down at his hands that sit in his lap.

Namjoon is quiet for the next few minutes, still trying to process what his father just told him.

Recently his father had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and for the past couple of weeks been quite sick.

This morning namjoon got a call from his father telling him he wanted to talk to him about something very important, and out of all the scenarios he envisioned in his brain none of them could have prepared him for what he was just told.

“Namjoon, son-” his father had started before going quiet, still trying to find the right words to say. “There’s no easy way for me to say this so I’m just going to say it” another pause.

Namjoon throws a questioning look towards his father but stays quiet, waiting for him to tell him whatever he had to say.

“A few years after you were born I met this woman and we soon became friends. It started off innocent but quickly became something more. For the next year me and her got closer and eventually the relationship became physical.” He tells him and Namjoon feels himself getting angry.

“No, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her, figured that if she didn’t know she wouldn’t be hurt” he tells son who only scoffs in return.

“You didn’t want to hurt her?” He asked in disbelief, shaking his head. His entire life he’s looked at his parents marriage as one that he wanted to follow.

He wanted to fall in love the same way his parents did, he wanted him and his wife to still be madly in love even 30 years later. He wanted to be the only person his wife wanted to be with and vice versa.

But to sit here and find out that it was all just a lie? That his whole life was a lie. And now he has a random sibling somewhere in the world that he hasn’t met is beyond crazy to him.

“why are you telling me all of this?” He asks “why not take it to the grave?”

His dad sighs deeply, because truth be told, that’s the same question he’s been asking himself. Why? Well the answer is simple.

“I’m telling you because I want you to find her, I want you and your sister to have a relationship.” He finally says and namjoon looks at him like he has two heads or something.

“Why would I want to find the person who almost ruined our family?” He questions, bewildered.

“She didn’t almost ruin anything” he says honestly. “I did, I choose to sleep with her, I was the one who initiated the relationship. She didn’t know I was married when it started and I should’ve told her but I didn’t.”

They’re both quiet for a few moments. He takes his sons hand in his, squeezing tightly for a second.

“I don’t want you to hate your sister, or her mother. If you want to hate some-” his sentence is cut short as a fit of coughs force there way out of him. He’s out of breath and namjoon wants so badly to be upset with his dad.

He wants to hate him for what he’s done. But looking at him laying in the hospital bed, he just can’t.

He squeezes his dads hand back and forces and small smile. “I don’t hate you” he tells his father honestly. “But I’m disappointed. I’ll try to find her and I promise you that we’re going to form a relationship.” He says.

They talk for a while more as namjoon tries to get information about his sister or her mother to help him on his journey to find them.

It’s an hour and a half later when he’s walking out of the front doors of the hospital and heading back in the direction of the dorm, mind cloudy.

~~~~~~~

“I’m so ready to go home” you tell your best friend, Logan, the two of you had a closing shift at the movie theater in your small town. It was now close to midnight and you bed was calling your name.

“Same, I’m so happy I’m off tomorrow cause if I had to clean up another popcorn spill I was going to lose my mind” she says and you laugh, throughout your entire shift she kept messaging you telling you how there was a million pieces of popcorn that she had to clean up.

“At least you didn’t have to clean the mens restroom” you say, a shiver runs through your body at the memory. Why were men so gross?

The two of you cross the street and take a seat at the bus stop, checking the time on your phone you see that you still have at least 10 minutes before the bus is supposed to arrive.

You and Logan have been friends for forever. Both of you were the new transfer student at school during 4 grade and instantly gravitated towards each other. Before you knew it she was your best friend.

The sound of her ringtone pulls you out of the mini daydream you we’re having, J-Hope’s voice blaring through the speaker since she insisted on having his verse from Cypher pt3 as her ringtone.

She answers it and it’s her mom, asking when she was going to be home. You quickly put your face in the camera, saying hi and starting your own little mini conversation with her.

A few minutes later the bus pulls up and you both head straight towards the back, taking your seats.

“Wanna spend the night?” She asks as the two of you walk the couple of blocks to your street. You nod your head, already pulling out your phone to call your mom.

“Yeah, let me just call my mom first” you say, phone already ringing.

She picks up on the second ring “hey, can I spend the night at lo’s?” You ask, knowing she’s going to say yes.

After you get the confirmation the two of you walk up the driveway leading to her house.

“Pizza?” She says throwing you a shirt and a pair of shorts to sleep in, you don’t even reply, instead moaning loudly at the thought of a hot slice of Hawaiian pizza, as you rub your stomach.

She rolls her eyes at your dramatics before pulling out her phone and dialing the number to your local pizza place. She orders your regular, two pizzas. One and regular boring pepperoni and the other a Hawaiian for you.

You take a quick shower so that she can take one too before the pizza comes.

“Have you checked your email today?” She asks, walking out of the bathroom, shirt drying her hair. Your eyes widen as you remember that you did not in fact check your email today and you were waiting for a very important email from one of the colleges you applied for.

You quickly rush over to her desk, opening up her laptop and logging in to your email, eyes scanning for a email from the school when your eyes land on one email in particular.

“DNA test?” You question to yourself. Why the hell would you need a dna test? You quickly click on the email, reading the contents with wide eyes, mouth open wide.

“Hey is everything okay?” Logan asks concerned, walking over to where your sitting in front of her desk. She reads the email from over your shoulder, gasping loudly.

“What the fuck” you both say at the same time

Next

#bts #bts fanfic #min yoongi #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #bts x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x y/n #eventual smut #brothers best friend