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#youre not childish or foolish to want and believe that these people will be happy. there's nothing more 'real' about misery than joy
greatstormcat · 6 months
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Head canons for the 141
SFW
Gaz:
* Has a bit of a temper but he keeps it in check when absolutely necessary, and appreciates the others keep him in line.
* Brave, almost to the point of foolishness at times. The man keeps getting back in those helicopters Price sends him on after all.
* Big family, has a good relationship with them, lots of sisters and he is the only boy his parents had.
* Sings to himself constantly and has a great voice.
* Has a Nintendo Switch he hides from the rest of the team, and plays Pokémon games when he struggles to sleep between missions.
* Has a skincare routine when not in the field, and doesn’t care what anyone says about it.
* Highly competitive, will turn anything into a sport. Misses gymnastics sometimes.
Price:
* Refuses to not get the job done, and will justify the hell out of doing what he sees as necessary.
* A sod for working on the principle that tomorrow’s problems belong to tomorrow, and he will worry about them then.
* Dreams of retiring to a little house in the countryside somewhere and going fishing whenever he wants. Is really frugal and is putting as much money away for this as possible.
* Also dreads retiring, as he loves his work and the Taskforce.
* Avid metal head, has been to more concerts than he cares to admit.
* Speaks to his dad regularly but they aren’t close, his mum passed away when he was younger. No other family.
* Gets on really well with Laswell’s wife and gets invited for Thanksgiving every year. Laswell tolerates this.
Soap:
* Has a big family and loves them all very much. Never misses a birthday even if he just sends a text, or asks his mum to pass a card on if he is going to be on deployment.
* Very determined and takes being told he cannot do something as a challenge.
* Loves mathematics, despises writing.
* Very good at reading people, and will use this to manipulate them if needed but doesn’t aim to hurt anyone. Has got himself into trouble with this more than once though.
* Horrendously handsy and flirty when drunk, and insists he can do karaoke, which he cannot.
* Cannot stand spicy food. Got pranked by Los Vaqueros in Mexico and spent the rest of the time there eating only freeze dried ration packs.
* Has a small stuffed bear one of his nieces gave him when on leave once that he keeps in his vest.
Ghost
* Highly observant, sees small details that other people easily miss.
* Cocky and self-confident, refuses to let his past define him.
* Has learned to sleep anywhere and everywhere, but gets bad nightmares from time to time.
* Knows his size and appearance has an affect on people and is only too happy to use that to his own advantage.
* Isn’t ashamed of his looks or scars, despite what people assume because of his mask. He likes the anonymity the mask provides so he can separate Ghost and Simon. He looks forward to one day putting the Ghost persona away for good but is happy to use it for now.
* Really likes cats.
* Plays pranks on people and lets Gaz or Soap take the blame for them as he knows no one believes he would do childish shit like that.
* Thinks Gregg’s is over rated and will argue this for hours.
* Donates to children’s charities regularly.
NSFW below the break, MNDI 18+
Gaz:
* Loves anal. He worked out how to get the most mind destroying orgasms out of you when you let him train your ass, and lets you return the favour if you ask nicely.
* Sets up threesomes with Soap on occasion and one day even suggests a poly relationship with him. Openly bisexual.
* Buys all your underwear for you, even the comfortable stuff, so he knows when he is away that only things he has chosen for you are against your most intimate parts.
* Has a free use policy with you, will do things to you in public discreetly just to see you squirming. Once pinned you up against the wall behind the pub when you went for drinks with the Taskforce and fucked your brains out. Soap was look out for him.
* Top, but will switch on the rare occasions.
Price:
* Totally Daddy Dom, will not let you call him anything other than that when you are alone. Will not answer you until you call him Daddy, and will bend you over his knee and spank you until you sort that attitude out.
* Loves to have you in his office when he can, either under his desk or bent over it. Never locks the door no matter how much you ask him to.
* Praises you so much when you do things well. Rarely degrades you unless you really push his buttons, and then gives extra special aftercare when your punishment is over.
* Very into somnophilia, loves seeing you asleep and being able to touch you when you are completely relaxed and compliant for him. Gets hard telling you what he did the next morning, might even demonstrate.
* Loves getting a slow blowjob from you in his armchair at home while he smokes a cigar and drinks a scotch. Calls it Daddy’s Special Time.
* Top only.
Soap:
* Rigger. Has a massive collection of high quality rope in every colour under the sun. Often comes back from deployments with a new tie he wants to try that he found online. Is never the Rope Bunny though as he is so particular about it and says your nots are untidy.
* Massive exhibitionist, really gets off on having Gaz or Ghost watch him doing things to you. Asks your permission to share photos and videos with friends, and loves when you post your photos online.
* Once ‘borrowed’ a set of NODs from the base so he could hunt your through the local woods in the dark for CNC. Still says that was the best night of his life, as do you.
* Has a case full of impact play toys he calls his ‘Weapons Of Ass Destruction’.
* Switch.
Ghost:
* Simon is the sweetest, most tender lover in the world and would never say a mean word or raise a finger against you. Never wears the mask at home as you deserve to see everything and he trusts you.
* Loves to watch you ride him and when you get tired will use his hands to move your hips to get that extra orgasm out of you, telling you how pretty you look all the time.
* But Simon knows that Ghost has an effect on you too. You saw him in full kit & mask once and your pupils blew wide with lust. when he made a point of leaning over you he was convinced you nearly orgasmed on the spot while cowering.
* When Ghost is brought to the bedroom he isn’t gentle, he will pin you to the nearest wall/surface and fuck you raw. Overstimulating you until tears run down your face and always telling you to give him just one more before he cums.
* Ghost will degrade you, spit in your mouth and dominate you.
* Ghost will edge you for hours and then break you to pieces, but Simon always puts them back together again afterwards with sweet kisses and praise.
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emblazons · 10 months
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Hi! I started following you recently, i love your ST analysis posts 💙 some of them have made me believe more in Byler endgame (I'm one of those people who have been "hurt" too many times) and for that i thank you.
I just read your post where you talk about why Will was sidelined in s3 and it makes so much sense. Do you think they also used that sidelining to highlight how alienated he felt during the season? It wouldn't be the first time they get meta in the show itself.
This is so kind of you to say @izzymeadows! As someone who definitely walked into "byler analysis" as a skeptic, I'm glad to hear it. If me trying to parse out what's going on in this show helps someone else's understanding of it too, I've done my (proverbial) job!
Note: for everyone else, the post referred to in this ask is here.
To your question, though: I do think that the story itself made Will "fade into the background" as a sense that he himself feels that way because of how his friends are acting, in addition to how he's just now realizing he is gay (as he's been made fun of for all his life)—its why we get these little scenes too (ones focused on Will, iconically enough) showing us that he himself feels left behind—
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—why he eventually comes to a point where he believes DnD (which are inherently/thematically tied to his relationship with Mike) and his ever-growing romantic feelings can't take precedence the way he once hoped they would—
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—and why the theme of him pushing other people (see: Mike) into this painful new "maturity" (despite Mike not actually wanting a push toward "responsibility" OR El from Will) gets explored in S4—
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—especially given how he both shrinks back in his hopes for relationship with Mike (even though they're still painful for him) until Mike himself says he wants it back...and even has a wardrobe that makes him "blend into the background" (I know people have done several analyses on this, so if you have one to link, please do).
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Now: that isn't to say that Will is happy about any of this; he still wants to hold onto his "childish" interests and be openly in love with Mike in his heart of hearts—he just thinks those things are impossible, and so tries (and repeatedly fails lmao) to let them go.
So, to your point: yes, I think that Will being "pushed back" or "sidelined" in the story is a meta function of the narrative in that Will himself is pushing himself back in order to manage his own expectations, so as not to hurt himself believing he might get something the rain fight made him feel like he was foolish and/or immature for wanting.
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Will moved back from the forefront of the story because HE believes that people don't get what they want and have to be forced to "grow up" and settle for things other than what they want (like much of the GA seems to think as well lmfao). Ironically enough though...the war between these things in Will (and Mike) is inherent to the themes The Duffers are exploring in the story—and given what we know about their value system...
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...I'd put money on the fact that Will's defeatism is going to be 'proved wrong' as we conclude his "coming of age" and the story come S5.
I hope that answers your question! And thanks again for the vote of confidence (and the ask)! :)
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lazybouquetruins · 1 year
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♡   Swords are our languages when we wanna talk♡
I sight  wiping off my tears  everyone  has put heavy weight on my shoulders i took of my glasses wiping my glasses my cheecks were flushing  i put my glasses on and got up from my bed i was wondering what will cheer me up yeah books about swords would be great i like to read them in the garden it was raining but i didn't Care i took my umbrella  and got out the sound of the rain was so satisfying while reading books i was reading but then i heard footsteps i was nervous i looked up to see a male with a green hair and 3 gold earrings.... Oh right roronoa i wasnt surprised we have met each other so much that we got used to it he looked at me his clothes were all wet from the rain i looked away so i could continue reading my book he lifted an brow with a Confused looked "arent you gonna ask me to duel or something" he said i was not in the mood to fight that Dumb pirate! So i replied with"today i thought to stop being childish and ask you to duel so buzz off" he looked at me with a confused expression  "are you joking because i think you are i cant imagine you not asking me to a duel"  this man really knew how to make my blood boil every time doesn't he? "i said i dont want to duel stupid swordman! Why couldn't you leave me alone i am busy with all people relying on me so could you leave me alone you're not helping with my troubles!" i yelled i was shocked i shouldn't have said that infornt of him  he looked at me" what did you break your glasses and no one is buying you a new one " he said jokingly  i felt tears dropping on my checks i felt mad i was quite until i got up from my seat" if you don't know anything you can't judge anything about me  you don't understand you never did because of your impetuous self! " i yelled tears were dropping  hands were shaking i was full of angry tears  i was furious how could he mock me  i gave him a hurt look" i thought you'd become better" i turned my back at him leaving to my house  i kept thinking about it all night till i fell asleep i was going to get out of the house but i saw a box "hm whats this?" i picked it up i opend it and saw strawberry cake my favorite! And a letter i opend it and started reading
Dear tashigi
I am so sorry that i said what i said i never knew what kind of pain you're going through i was Speechless when you started crying i knew i was wrong for mocking you i shouldn't have done that i apologize so much i dont know if i could face you anymore i would be very happy if you'd forgive me i was having trouble sleeping without apologizing to you i know you're very mad that i said that but i really didn't know what you're going through once i saw you enjoying a strawberry cake you'd looked like you were gonna  eat the fork on a accident of its Taste so i thought of buying it as an apology if you forgive me meet me at the 14768 park at 7:00 pm(night)
By:Zoro or How you call me Roronoa
I was astonished he was apologizing? That couldn't be zoro could it be? I was happy at least someone understands what i am going through
Time :7:00pm
I guess its time for me to go i took my bag with me i went to the park but zoro was no where to be seen  i sat on the chair and thought maybe he is just a little bit late  seconds passed to minutes to hours  it was 9:00pm i have been waiting 2 hours why did i even believe that he was going to arrive maybe he is just pulling some foolish jokes on me i was about to go until i heared someone saying my name "tashigi!!!" i looked back it was roronoa i was already pissed off but still waited for his arrival  he pulled me into a hug "i am so sorry for being late i was just  trying to find the stuff you like so i buyed all of the stuff i could think of"
He said "i thought you wouldn't come" i said while pulling him from his wrist "Lets go roronoa i heard theres a place it serves great Food we have to try it
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♡ they're so  Cute i dont know who is the artist ♡
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toxicgreenslushi · 9 months
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I didn't have enough context, bravery, or self worth to handle the situations I put myself in more gracefully back than. In some ways I still struggle with that, I want to be seen and noticed in the "right ways" the feel good ways. The ways you and other people once saw me. Or pretended to at least. But I let myself be taken over by a fantasy. A dying one. It was obvious I was beating a dead carcass with a stick over and over trying to will it back to life. Scraps for the hungry stray. Desperate for love and attention. Dropped my cool girl facade in an instant once I felt something, anything. If I was told I was wanted I believed it would always be true. How quickly those flitting desires fade when you drop your mask and show them you're like everyone else. In the sense that you are flawed and needful in some ways. But my neediness kept me trapped in a vicious cycle of going to door to door to long lost admirers who didn't admire me anymore.
And my mind would declare "Well why not? What's changed? Have I changed? Have you? Why can't it be like it was back then?".
I was indignant and surprised. No parlor trick, sleight of hand, charming demeanor, or playing the dumb doe eyed doll would win me what I wanted. It wasn't real anyways, but I thought I could will it into being. If I wanted it, if I asked for it, if it was once possible, why wasn't it anymore?
My childish mind taking over and demanding me to try again and again making a fool of myself in the process and a person to be avoided at all costs. And in the event that one of these people I once deemed a potential suitor would come around again, I would annihilate it with desperation, over eagerness, or because I knew it was a facade so I might as well have fun mangling the situation. Only the ladder is not so embarrassing.
All my vulnerability and gross revelations of wanting to know why were met with cruelty, lies, or silence. What do you expect when you went from commodity to pariah. Waist larger, questions too many, the glimmer of the aloof fun party girl fading to dust all around me.
But I'm not either anymore. Although I carry them both with me. Needful and Lofty. Ms. Desperate and Ms. Uninterested. Two sides of the same coin. Now I am just bemused and a little embarrassed for wasting so much time thinking these mortifying attempts to get someone to want or love me were the key to my happiness. These men (because they were mostly if not all men) could not make themselves happy, didn't know what they wanted, only wanted a placeholder, a sex toy, a dalliance. Perhaps once they said they wanted more or really did have some glimmer of a softness towards me. But it faded with time and the big reveal that I am not an object and I may have been needy and foolish but I am not quiet and obedient when it comes to voicing my desires.
When those desires were not met, when they gave me mixed signals, when they flat out told me "I can't give you what you want", or went off with other girls. Well someone should have told me to catch up. Logic went out the window with the baby and the bathwater back than. Now I see I was blinded by hope for connection and affection.
If it is not freely given. Do not ask. Being friendly and seeing where someone's at is fine, but do not chase, assume, wait, or sell yourself short for the potential affections or attention of anyone. Especially if all signs point to NO. If it's no, trust me, you don't want it anyways. They have nothing to offer YOU. In particular YOU. They don't want YOU. And that's okay. Now you can walk away with grace knowing you don't need them or want them if it is not reciprocated or enjoyable. There is nothing to ask for. Parting is no longer sorrow, its sweet release.
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mcdonaldsnumberone · 2 years
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can’t make you happier now
when they yearn for u most ig
gender neutral reader
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—when you love someone else
Malleus doesn’t know who he should hate most: Fate, love, you, the one who’s holding you, himself. He loves you—you, the only one who’s ever peered into the deep abyss of the conflicts swirling around in his heart like a million choruses and poems chanting all with their own desires padlocked behind the curt face he puts on for the crown, and decided that he was worthy of your time and pure affection. With you, he can be childish and demanding and unfiltered, truly relishing the liberty that being a young teenage boy should be like.
But that’s the most difficult part. That sweet feeling that flutters past his lips whenever you dance across his memories makes his heart wrench up in a way that could kill him. The shine of the night’s crown has nothing on the stifling confession that rests behind his throat: unspoken and unknown. Because he’s heir, he’s king, it’s his birthright, love was never an option for him. The most he can do to honor the love that he can never have is to let you be happy with someone else. His mouth runs dry when someone else kisses you as he should, his hands weigh emptily when someone else links fingers with you as he should, his future shadows uncertainly when he realizes that the years ahead of him are a condemnation of solitude.
Everything is too big, too ungainly if you aren’t there. The bright and excited pitter-patter of your footsteps should be echoing across the hallways instead of the lonely cadence of his own feet. When he wakes up, it’s the vast expanses of his dark sheets greet his eyes rather than your drowsy eyes and husky voice. His royal court wants to marry him off to someone advantageous, someone who would further the influence of the crown. Still, the hand he is to wed isn’t yours, the mouth he is to kiss isn’t yours, and the soul he’s to be bound loyally to isn’t yours. Not everyone has the privilege of love, but that couldn’t stop him from fiending for it like a man gone mad.
It’s only when time has passed, and someone brings the inevitable news to him that you’ve moved on, you’ve found someone else to pledge your heart and soul to, that Malleus has to come to terms with the foolish but desperate hope he had fostered for so long within the cracks of his own ribcage. Undoubtedly, a hole the shape of you has been wrenched out from his heart, the void a reminder of a longing that no magic nor royal power could ever fathom of filling back up again.
“Be happy, child of man. For me, if you can’t do it for anyone else.”
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—when you’re dead
Love is an ideal Lilia works for. A world where the fae folk and humanity can live in harmony; nature and industry, magic and might, night and day coming together without any venom in their veins or hatred broiling behind their eyes. A future like that is what Lilia has strove for for much of his life, sometimes using the blade and sometimes using the wisdom that comes with his age. He’s seen his fair share of souls and crisscrossed paths with all sorts of different people.
You’re an anomaly. You’re someone who sees his vision and wants to make it truth, as if something like peace could be achieved in the instantaneous moment that your mortal life was. Your sincerity touches Lilia’s guarded but hopeful heart, and every second that melts away with the two of you hand-in-hand, exploring every nook and cranny that love brings, Lilia affirms his duty and calling for a utopian future that much harder. For him, for his family, for you.
But nothing is meant to last forever. A bitter taste fills his mouth and hot tears prick his eyes when he recalls the light leaving your eyes, a final squeeze of his hand and a final silent plea to carry on what the two of you have believed in for so long. The winters that follow are cold—too cold without your warmth—and Lilia finally learns firsthand why people and fae alike are driven to madness with grief. What is love, if you aren’t there to share it with him? What is purpose, if you aren’t there to revel in its highs and lows by his side? What is truth, if you aren’t there to prove it to him over and over again?
Lilia can stomach any pain, but this is the one true agony he can never heal from. His body may morph and change so he can serve his liege as best as he can, but his soul remains steadfast to you. Even when you exist as nothing more than a distant memory, a lone daisy blooming amidst the battlefield, Lilia still claws at the walls and craves for your touch as if you had only left him yesterday. That is the price of love, he carves into his being, the painful reality of the sacrifice he has to make if he wants to continue marching forward with the faraway hope that someday someone won’t have to suffer in the way he is.
“If only you could see what I see, little one. The days are too long without you to fill them.”
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—when you’re separated
Silver is accustomed to a lifestyle of isolation and ostracism, to say the least. He’s the human of the fae country. Rounded ears and a mortal lifespan, oftentimes he feels like a lone star waiting to cave in on itself when time comes floating lonesomely in the midst of a rapidly evolving and expanding universe all around him. Night Raven College is a pause from that feeling. You’re human, and you’re someone who’s the same as him: isolated yet tapping into each other to find a degree of stability.
But stability is what a knight upholds, not a lifestyle for a knight himself. Duty calls, and it calls earnestly for him. You’re undoubtedly running around and exploring as you should, surrounded by those just like you, while he brandishes his shining sword for the crown that he wasn’t even supposed to be born under. What would you say to him then? Would you pity the circumstances of his birth, or would you cradle him in your arms out of empathy? Maybe you’d be indifferent or even disgusted at his chivalry, but at least you feel for him.
The Valley of Thorns is dark and strange, both home and the unknown. This place and Night Raven College are all that he’s ever known, both thorny and unapproachable in their own right. You can only soothe his pain so much when distance tears you away from him, and once your handwritten letters become more and more scarce, the distant loop of your letters and the fond signature that existed so long ago is all Silver has to console his broken heart.
You will not come to him, and he cannot come to you. He’s inextricably tied to the task of guarding his liege, and he only remains in the good graces of the fae due to his exemplary behavior. Torn between passion and tradition, Silver has no choice but to choose the only path he’s ever known, left only with earnest prayer that you’d be touched far away and visit him. But that’s a distant dream, one that he should have woken up from yesterday.
“I miss you. Every part of me misses you. If you would appear in front of me, I wouldn’t wish for anything else in this world.”
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—when you hate him
Hatred and devotion are two sides of the same coin, Sebek being the perfect example of such a concept. It takes devotion to hate, and it takes hatred to devote to one allegiance over the other. That should explain his own feelings, why he’s so repulsed by you. It’s simply because his devotion lies with the fae, who have no time for primitive humans who understand nothing outside of the world right at their nose. It’s easier to dismiss the conflict brewing in his chest as nothing more than hatred; it’s easier to ignore the elephant in the room rather than to force it out.
That would explain why your hatred for him is mutual. Even the slightest streak of green is enough to make you scowl, your hardened eyes the only mercy that ever meets his lightning yellow irises. It stabs at his chest mercilessly, but his own pride refuses to make amends with your frustration. Hatred only breeds more hatred, the only devotion the two of you hold being the devotion to see the other fall to their ruin, no matter the means or the cost.
Which is why he loves you that much more passionately. You run around his brain like you’ve enchanted him, dangling yourself like a prize right out of his reach. He’s gone far, far too far, to think that he could ever redeem himself. Where the two of you could have closed the space with a kiss, he’s filled it with spades, and in turn, you’ve returned those spades with lofty walls to protect yourself. Could he blame you? Absolutely not. But he hates you so much that he loves you, and he loves you so much that he hates you.
It scares him to think that this is all he’ll ever be to you. An ignorant, repulsive soul that makes your skin crawl with disgust. You’re his first love, the key to blooming an understanding of the world beyond his own prejudice, but he’s already pressed the mercy of your heart far too much. His hatred has bred something greater and more painful than he can handle, condemning to mourn his own foolishness and writhe in the painful revelation that the love he feels for you will only be met with the same bitterness that he had sown all over you.
“Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me, please. Not with those eyes. Not with that face.”
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randoimago · 3 years
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Sorry again for that.
Can I please requests headcanons with Jonathan, Joseph, Dio Brando, and Lisa Lisa(all from jojo) with an S/O who can stop time, but mostly uses it to pull pranks?
S/O Being Able to Stop Time but for Pranks
FANDOM: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Character(s): Dio Brando, Jonathan Joestar, Joseph Joestar, Lisa Lisa
Type of Request: Headcanons
Word Count: 662
Note(s): No worries! But yeah I'm happy with doing this for you!!
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Dio
He doesn’t quite believe it at first but thinks that vampires can exist, it’d be foolish to think other abilities can’t. So if you show him then he’ll definitely be intrigued.
You immediately lose him when you only use it for pranks. You can stop time and you decide to use this ability to pull some childish jokes?
Dio hates to threaten you (no he doesn’t) but he will because he has plans and your time stopping would be perfect for them, the thing is he needs you to quit with the jokes and do something better for him.
Of course he does find amusement with you pulling pranks on some of the stupid vampire spawn he creates, but would prefer you to save your ability for when he tells you to use it.
Do NOT pull any pranks on him with it. He views it as you using your ability against him and he will 100% hurt you as a way to tell you not to do it again.
Jonathan
Doesn’t believe you whatsoever when you mention being able to stop time. When you show him, he is stunned.
He might ask you if you are related to any of the Salem Witches from two hundred years ago. He is an archeologist so the idea would be fascinating but also a tad scary.
Him learning that you only use your time stop for pranks will cause him to feel so much relief. You could be doing so much worse but the fact that you don’t makes him feel happy.
He would only want you to use your pranks on bad people though. He doesn’t want innocent people caught in the crossfire. And as much as he doesn’t like Dio, he doesn’t want you pranking him either because Jonathan doesn’t want Dio hurting you.
If you pull a prank on Jonathan then he’ll be a bit frustrated. He’s gone through enough crap in life thanks to Dio ruining everything so a small prank from you would cause him to question the relationship. Just remind him that you love him and he’ll apologize.
Joseph
The idea that you can stop time is insane and he definitely doesn’t believe it until you give a demonstration. After that, he is all for this.
Like he loves it if you use it to trip up some jerk or draw on someone’s face with marker.
If he finds out that you pranked him with you ability then you can expect him wanting revenge as he’d start chasing you, exclaiming that he’ll “tickle you to death”
Please use it on Caesar. Joseph will beg you to use it on Caesar multiple times. The guy is a cocky prick (like Joseph is one to talk) and needs to be knocked down a peg.
Joseph would absolutely fake heartbreak and let out an “OH NO!” if he finds out that you pranked him because Caesar asked you to. Just gives him a reason to annoy the blonde as well as get you back.
Lisa Lisa
She wonders if this isn’t actually time stopping and it’s some sort of Hamon ability that lets you to move extremely faster than anyone else.
Lisa Lisa does ask you many questions about your ability because it is so interesting and she wants to explore it more.
The idea of you using your ability just to pull pranks causes her to chuckle at the innocence considering you could hurt people but instead decide to joke around.
She would love for you to use your ability when she’s training Jojo and Caesar as a way to “punish” them when they’re falling behind in training or irritate her (it’s honestly mostly Joseph that gets the pranks).
If you pull a prank on her then she’ll shake her head with a smile before retaliating. Not immediately. She’ll make you think you got away with the joke but when you least expect it, that’s when she’ll get you.
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darthkruge · 3 years
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Hello! Could you do an Anakin x reader where the reader is jealous of Padmé so goes on a walk through the night, and leaves a little trinket of hers so Ani doesn’t worry. She runs into a bounty hunter and Ani senses her danger through the force and saves her? Thanks 🥰
Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Jealousy and Rescues
Summary: Jedi!Reader gets themself in some trouble after going on a walk during the night and Anakin comes to their aid
Warnings: Angst, jealousy, torture (knives), blood, kidnapping, ends w/ fluff I promise
Words: 3.8k
A/N: Yess!! I loved writing this so much and I’m sorry it took me longer than I expected to get out. I think I went a bit angstier than your request implied but that’s where my brain was at today slfksjd! I am also rushing to post this so if there are some grammatical errors whoops
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After a few threats to the Senate, your boyfriend was assigned as Padme’s bodyguard. You knew, rationally, their relationship was strictly professional. He’d never be disloyal towards you and you did trust him. There was nothing for you to worry about. Or, at least, that’s what you repeatedly told yourself as you saw them walking and laughing together. 
Being in a secret relationship is difficult, you wouldn’t deny. Especially when your boyfriend was one of the most attractive and charming men in the entire galaxy. You would see people flirt with him constantly and there was nothing you could do without jeopardizing both of your careers as Jedi. 
You played with the necklace he had given you when you spent your first Life Day together all those years ago. Your home planet on one side, Coruscant on the other, symbolizing your past and your future -- your future with Anakin. It always calmed you; it was something you could hold and feel in public, a reminder of the realness of your hidden romance. 
You let out a sigh, dropping the pendant as you tried to shake off the unease you felt as you watched them interact. It mostly worked, too. When you remembered all Anakin had done for you, the intense moments of happiness and love you’d shared, you never felt more secure. But for some reason, as you saw Anakin lean down so Padme could whisper something in his ear, that anxious and guilty warmth ran through your veins.
You hated feeling jealous. It didn’t matter that you logically knew you had nothing to fear, the emotion remained. It embarrassed you, making you feel childish and small. It made you want to crawl out of your skin and hide away, yet simultaneously run up to Anakin and beg him for reassurance. It made you hate Padme, a woman so kind you cursed yourself for feeling that way. It made your mind run wild, conconting torturous scenarios that made your insecurities flair. 
Even though it brought you pain to watch, you had to expend great energy to tear your eyes away from them. You returned to your apartment, waiting for Anakin’s shift to be over. All you wanted was some time alone with him, to hear him tell you how much he loved you, to feel his arms around you and lips against yours. To hear him gently laugh as he picks up on your jealousy and mumble reassurances into your ear. You awaited his beautiful words that would evidently overtake your thoughts and leave you feeling secure and peaceful. 
Letting your brain run for a while, you felt yourself unconsciously picking at your fingernails and playing with your hair, doing anything to keep yourself busy. You jumped as C3PO entered your room, too lost in thought to register anyone’s presence. 
“I apologize Master L/N, but Master Skywalker instructed me to inform you that he will be working late this evening.”
You felt your heart start to pound as your eyes grew heavy with tears. “Threepio, what do you mean? Did he tell you why?”
“Senator Padme has to go to a special dinner this evening to meet with the leaders of some other planets and he must accompany her.”
“Oh.”
C3PO walked closer to you. “Are you alright, Master L/N? Should I call for Master Anakin?”
You shook your head, quickly wiping the tears from your eyes. “I’m fine, thank you.” You said, trying to keep your voice as even and happy as you possibly could. 
The droid exited your apartment as you walked onto the balcony, the cold air hitting your cheeks and quelling the hot embarrassment that flowed through you. There is nothing to worry about, you rationalized. These dinners are formalities, Padme goes to them all the time! And Anakin is just her bodyguard, he would never cheat on you! 
Even as you thought the words, you felt frustratingly unconvinced. You decided to go for a walk, the silence in the apartment that your boyfriend was supposed to be back at driving you mad. Even so, you didn’t want him to worry on the off chance he returned home before you. Sighing, you slid the necklace off and placed it on the nightstand, quickly scribbling a note that read “on a walk, be home soon.”
You pulled your Jedi robes closer around you as you walked the Coruscant streets. You had no particular destination in mind, nor did you know how long you intended to be gone for. You let your body drive you, walking around as if in a haze while using all your energy to expel the thoughts from your mind. You made random turns, walking in various directions until you felt yourself calm. 
You looked up and to your left and smiled as you saw your apartment. Anakin. You smiled to yourself and shook your head at your foolishness. You didn’t know why you’d gotten so worked up over his and Padme’s relationship; at the end of the day, he would always return home. 
 Perhaps this was why you weren’t paying attention. Or maybe it was the way you were focussed on  Anakin’s force signature, honing in on him and letting the rest of the world fade away. It could have been your exhaustion, emotionally drained for the day. Whatever the reason, you were unprepared when a dark figure jumped out of the shadows and stunned you. All you knew was that one minute you were on your way home to him and the next you were surrounded by darkness as the ground quickly caught up to you.
Anakin rushed out of dinner, feeling quite guilty for leaving you alone all day. He hated working late, especially during the few times you and him were both on Coruscant. Frequently, your missions kept you apart and, thus, the days where you were home together were sacred. He reached out to you, surprised to not feel your force signature in the apartment. 
He opened the door and was met with a darkness and stillness that immediately set him off. He pulled out his lightsaber but was careful not to ignite it just yet. He looked around and came upon your note and necklace and relief flowed through him. However, he couldn’t shake the sense that something was off. The words in your note felt clipped and cold and he knew you must not have been happy to hear he was running late. 
He walked to the balcony, trying to see you but quickly realizing the futility of the plan. He paced in the apartment, reaching out farther with the Force. Although he hadn’t completely found you, Anakin’s blood ran cold as he sensed with overwhelming clarity that you were in danger. You wouldn’t have lied to him about your whereabouts so he knew you were on foot and, thus, couldn’t have gone too far. All he hoped was that he found you quickly and wasn't too late. 
You groaned, already knowing what had happened. The Council already briefed the Jedi that there was an uptick in bounty hunters throughout the galaxy, specifically those targeting the Jedi order. You couldn’t believe you were stupid enough to walk around, unnattentive, through alleyways, at night. The bounty hunter came into your cell and pulled off her mask. Her features were sharp, her face hardened. You looked into her eyes and were met with a predatory gaze. 
“What are you going to do with me?” You almost didn’t want her to answer. 
The woman simply laughed. “Kill you, of course. But why not have a little fun first? I bet you’d look so nice begging for mercy.”
“I’ll die before I beg for anything from you.” You spat.
“I’m sure I can accommodate both of those things, sweetheart.” With that, she grabbed a knife and plunged it into your foot, anchoring it to the floor. 
You bit your lip, tasting blood as you tried not to scream. You clenched your fists, your hands shackled above your head. Your foot felt hot, the crimson blood running down its sides. Just as the pain began to numb, the woman pulled out another blade and slowly cut the bottom of your other foot. 
You screwed your eyes shut, desperately trying not to give in. She laughed at your feeble attempts before bringing the knife down. The force she used pierced through both muscle and bone and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out an involuntary cry.
Your brain was a muddled mess, tears leaking down your face as you willed your pained whimpers to die in your throat. She cut through your pants and into your thighs. With each line she carved, you felt more and more helpless. She made her incisions deep and languidly, as if pulling every ounce of blood from your body. You tried to squirm away from the blade but the twisting movements made the knives dig even deeper into your feet. 
You tried to reach for Anakin, for some reminder that there was peace waiting for you if you could only hold out through this. You faintly felt his force signature. He’s still out there. He’ll come for me, I know he will.
“Ready to beg yet, Jedi?” She cooed, the tip of her knife under your chin, forcing you to meet her eyes. 
Your gaze hardened as you thought of him. She would never take you from him, nothing could tear you and Anakin apart. Your determination remained. She’s not going to break me.
“Never.” Even as the tears ran down your cheeks, even as you felt your grip on the world weakening, you’d never meant a word more than that. 
“We’ll see about that.”
You cried out as her knife cut across your cheek. The sharp sting from the newer and shallower cuts  combined with the throbbing ache in your legs and feet. The sensation and blood loss made you dizzy. Even so, you forced yourself to remain conscious. You’d get through this, you had to. 
Anakin drove his speeder through Coruscant, following a combination of his instincts and the Force to track you down. Every minute, he felt your fear and pain intensify through your Force bond and he grew more and more desperate. By now, he knew you must have been taken by a bounty hunter, there was no other explanation. However, he was occasionally met with a spark of determination and defiance.
He smiled. Whoever had you might be causing you pain, but you definitely weren’t an easy capture. Pride filled him as he thought of your strength. You’d get through this, you had to. Hang on, Y/N, just a little while longer.
The bounty hunter had left the room a few minutes ago, probably frustrated of waiting for you to give in. She’d moved onto cutting through your shirt, your stomach and chest now littered with deep, red, lines. It hurt to breathe, every movement tugging at one of the gashes and causing more blood to ooze out. You were honestly surprised there was still blood left in you to give, as your head felt light and body heavy.
You were so weak, so dizzy that you couldn’t support your own weight anymore, even sitting down. Your head hung down, lolling unimpressively as your neck refused to cooperate. Your mind was swimming and you were delirious, half-convinced you were already dead. 
“Y/N!” 
You used all your energy to lift your head, meeting a pair of beautiful blue eyes that you would recognize anywhere. 
“Anakin,” You breathed out. “Anakin please, help me.” 
“Shh, it’s okay.” He knelt down beside you and you looked at him, immeasurable relief coursing through you. 
He put his hand gently to your cheek, careful to avoid your cuts. “Hold on, Y/N.”
Your eyebrows furrowed, confused. “Why aren’t you helping me?”
“Hold on.” The whisper of Anakin’s voice remained in the air as his figure melted away. You screamed in agony, despair clutching at your soul. You desperately looked around, willing the hallucination back to you. Even if it was a cruel trick your fatigued, weak, blood-loss ridden mind created, you wanted him back. 
“Please, Anakin, please come back to me!” You cried. You sobbed, the pain of losing him in any form impossible for you to bear. 
You begged and begged and begged, trying to will him back to you. You screamed and thrashed until your hands wore raw against your restraints, until your cuts had reopened, until your throat was sore and your eyes burned from crying. 
You whimpered out one final plea before your eyes fluttered shut, the fight completely drained from your soul.
Anakin’s heart pounded. He could feel you slipping away, your determination slowly fizzing out. He couldn’t blame you; these bounty hunters were notorious for their torture, for leaving their victims as broken shells before they were killed. He forced the image out of his mind, refusing to think of you in that position. 
Finally, he made it to an abandoned building on the edge of Coruscant. The Force had guided him here and he felt you strongly, or as strongly as he could given your broken state. He jumped out of the speeder and saw a woman twirling a knife, leaning against a wall. 
Igniting the lightsaber, he walked up to her.
“Anakin, I presume?” 
He froze but quickly regained his composure, eyeing her and trying to figure out what her motives were. 
“Don’t fret, young Jedi. They were just calling for you. Quite pathetic if you ask me.”
“If you hurt them I swear-”
The bounty hunter’s lips curled into a bone chilling smile, giving Anakin all the answers he needed. He swung his lightsaber, deflecting her blaster shots with ease. She pulled out two knives and threw one at his middle, making Anakin jump to the side to escape the blade. 
Anakin twirled the saber, once again trying to get traction. She was quick, swinging herself up onto the room of the building by flipping backwards from the balcony. He, however, was quicker. Anakin jumped up gracefully, continuing to spin his weapon and stalk her in this intense, choreographed dance they were engaged in. 
The woman sent her other knife flying at Anakin’s neck and he used his trained reflexes to catch the hilt right before it cut through his skin. Now, it was his turn to smile. He watched as her expression faltered, paying attention to her footing to sense her next move. He followed her, catching up quickly before running the blade through her, barely waiting for her body to drop before bounding off the roof and into the building to find you.
His breath caught as he took you in. Your unconscious body was limp and blood was seeping out of you. He grimaced, seeing the blades running through your feet. As much as he didn’t want you to lose more blood, he needed to remove the knives in order to carry you out of here. Your flesh squelched as he pulled the blade out as evenly as he could and a low whimper escaped your throat. 
“Y/N, Y/N can you hear me?”
“No, no, no, no, no, please, not again!”
“Angel it’s alright, I’m not gonna hurt you.” Anakin said, moving to meet your eyes.
“You’re not- this isn’t- no!” You tried to pull yourself away from him, unable to watch this hallucination falter. 
“Y/N, please, let me help you. I need to get you out of here before you lose any more blood.”
“This isn’t real!” You screamed. “Please, stop, this isn’t real! You’re not here, you’re not here, you’re gone, I’m gone, it’s not-” You continued to spew unintelligible words, tears already bubbling up in your throat. 
Anakin caught on to what was happening. “Angel, look at me. I promise I’m here. I’m real, okay? Please believe me.”
“I can’t!” You sobbed. “I can’t let myself hope again!”
“Y/N, okay, okay. Remember that necklace I gave you? It had your home on one side and ours on the other. You left it for me, a token to prove that you were safe when you went for a walk. I think you were angry with me; I was working late because I was guarding Padme, remember? It’s me, I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Despite yourself, you believed him. “Ani.” You said softly, tears coming to your eyes as you allowed yourself to have faith that you would be alright. 
“Yes, my love, it’s Anakin. I need you to be still for me, okay? It’s going to hurt but I need to get us home.”
You nodded, cries escaping you as he pulled the second knife from your foot. Your vision went white, the pain profound. Anakin gently hushed you, hand smoothing down your thigh to comfort you as he worked. He went to your restraints next, releasing your hands and watching as they fell heavily. He caught your body as it wrenched forward, making you gasp as the cuts on your chest came in contact with him.
Anakin apologized quickly, pulling off his robe and wrapping it around your body, your cut clothing offering almost no protection from the cold, nighttime air. He also wanted to help you as your body was clearly going into shock from the trauma.
Anakin placed you in his lap, holding you to him with one hand and driving with the other. For anyone less talented at riding a speeder it would have been precarious. You weakly wrapped your arms around him, too, as best as you could. 
You were in and out of consciousness the whole way back, barely registering how Anakin pulled you up and into his arms, the sway of his walking faster and more desperate than usual. He went into medbay, placing you gingerly on a bed and calling over a medical droid to determine the extent of your injuries.
Noting how empty it was, Anakin took the risk and held your hand. He knew it was dangerous, the fear of getting caught weighing constantly on both your minds. But after he almost lost you, nothing else mattered. 
The droids informed him that you had lost a severe amount of blood, but the cuts themself should heal with time. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realized you would be fine. Anakin begged them to let him take you back to your room, saying that the trauma from the torture would only grow worse if you woke up in an unknown environment. 
They allowed, so long as he made sure you were supervised and rested for at least the next week. He agreed hurriedly before scooping you back up. You groaned at the movement and he whispered a quick apology, trying to get you into your bed as soon as possible. 
He set you down, resting your back against the pillows just as you liked. You were all bandaged up and looked so fragile in your current state, a far cry from what he was used to. He hated it. You were such a skilled Jedi, he sometimes forgot that you were vulnerable, too, and this reality check was immensely painful. 
He watched over you as you slept, refusing to move for hours. Finally, your eyes opened and  you  looked at him blearily. 
“Hi.” You croaked out. 
Anakin’s eyes snapped up to yours, gently laughing from the relief of hearing your voice and its gravelly tone. He floated the cup of water by your nightstand to your mouth while using his other hand to brace your neck, coaxing you into a sitting position so you could easily swallow the liquid.
You hummed your thanks as he slowly set you against the pillows. 
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner, I should have told the Council I couldn’t do the extra meeting and just come home.”
“No, Anakin, it was your job, I shouldn’t have been upset. I was just jealous, I guess. I saw you and Padme together and,” You trailed off. It felt so unbelievably stupid now. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have left, I shouldn’t have been so careless.”
Anakin’s eyes were understanding. “It’s okay, my love. But you have absolutely nothing to worry about. The only reason I was with Padme for dinner was because the Council assigned me to. No one could make me willingly skip dinner or anything else with you.”
“I know” You said sheepishly.
“I love you, angel. No one even comes close. I promise, I’ll never leave you.”
“I love you too, Ani.” 
He carefully connected his lips with yours, hyper aware of your injuries and not wanting to cause you  any more pain than you’ve already been through. 
“Lie with me?”
Anakin nods as you scoot over. He climbs into bed and allows you to situate yourself. You eventually find a position that doesn’t put strain on your cuts and bruises and you smile, leaning your head against his chest. He gingerly puts his flesh hand around your back, looking at you to see if it’s okay. You nod reassuringly and Anakin lets his arm rest there, fingers gently running through your hair.
“I was so scared, Anakin. I thought I’d never see you again.” You say, breaking the silence.
He looks at you, silently encouraging you to go on, if you so wanted.
“I hallucinated you, you know? I thought you’d come for me. But you told me to hold on and then you disappeared.” Your voice was barely a whisper at the end, tears leaking onto his chest. 
“I’m so sorry.” Those words were all he could give. He spoke them with such meaning and love that you melted. None of this was his fault.
“I love you.” You replied, your words carrying the same intensity as his. 
Anakin brought his metal arm around, too, to further hold you to him. 
“You’re never going to lose me, okay? I will always come for you, I will always protect you. With everything I am, I will always love you.” 
“I know.” Your voice was loving and soft, exhaustion once again pulling at you.
He kissed the top of your head. “Get some sleep, Y/N. You’ll need a lot of it.”
“Hmm?” You questioned tiredly
“They assigned you to at least a week of complete rest.”
“What?!”
“Shhhh, go to sleep, angel.” Anakin chuckled. 
You huffed but nuzzled closer to him. You were too drained to fight it and too happy to finally be back in his arms. Nothing could ruin the moment.
----
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kodzukyan · 3 years
Text
talking to the moon
notes: yoshiwara au featuring samurai!baji x courtesan!(fem)reader! some fluff? angst. tw death! song recommendation accompaniments: yoshiwara lament - teto kasane & talking to the moon - kream!
wc: 2.3k
summary: yoshiwara is not meant for love, but you think it's far too late for you when you meet baji keisuke.
For as long as you can remember, your world has been seen through the bars of the harimise. A display, a product, for hours you would merely sit there and hope someone buys you.
The endlessly same scenery: the temple up north, the colorful vibrancy of kimonos, the bridge that leads southwards. Yoshiwara is always the same hustle and bustle of the lively streets. A day of ethereal beauty and strategic deceit; a night of lust and hushed promises, a so-called love that dispels with the first rays of dawn.
Once upon a time, you wanted to be someone who blooms for one person only, to love unreservedly. A childish dream to be free, to love fiercely. But fate steals your freedom and leaves you in the embrace of men who look at you as just another woman who warms their beds. Each bleak night as you look wistfully beyond the faceless man above you, the moon and stars sparkle, despite your torment, almost as if it’s mocking you for being unable to shine as they do.
With each passing day as you stare at your dull reflection in the polished mirror, bitterness seeps into your hardened heart. As your lips become redder and redder with used paint, the light in your eyes becomes dimmer and dimmer with dull indifference.
As if Yoshiwara bears your profound grief, it’s raining tonight. On such a day, you encounter him under the deep veil of darkness. His navy kimono contrasts vividly against your crimson lips, and the rosy pink that dusts his blushing cheeks gently warms your heart. He’s adorable, you think, as he grumbles and his friend nudges him towards the birdcage. Your eyes meet his, and his friend laughs and jostles him again towards you.
“Sir, won’t you please purchase me?” you smile sweetly, softly.
“I -” he starts.
“He would love to!” a new voice injects. His enthusiastic friend with blonde highlights smiles wolfishly.
“Welcome, please come in.”
You escort him to a room upstairs as the rain pours outside. When he cautiously enters your room, it is nothing like you are used to. He stands there awkwardly and runs a hand through his long locks.
“Would you like to sit? Perhaps a drink first?” you politely ask as you pat to the spot next to you.
It catches you by surprise when you can see the grays in his eyes as he looks at you instead of past you. He sits gruffly beside you and starts promptly, “We don’t have to do anything.”
You tilt your head, not really sure how to naturally proceed from here. But you've merely learned to comply, to satisfy, so you nod affirmatively and agree politely.
“In that case, what would you like to do?” you ask softly.
In a night meant for lovers between the sheets, he tells you stories of his adventures under the moonlight. You learn his name is Baji Keisuke, and he’s a samurai serving his childhood friend and the young lord of the Sano family. The one who ushered him here is one of his dearest friends named Kazutora, and they’ve been together since they were little. He loves feeling the adrenaline in his blood when he fights and often feeds stray cats because he thinks they’re cute. He unintentionally made his mom cry once when he was younger, so he swears he will never make her cry again.
He has dazzling eyes that tell no lies and an enigmatical smile that illuminates your heart, especially when he flashes his sharp canines that strikingly resemble fangs in his boisterous mirth. Outside, the continuous rain slows to a drizzle before it promptly stops. In your heart, he ignites a small spark of attainable hope.
A free spirit that contrasts very deeply against your very being. Unlike a trapped bird, he flies through the unclouded skies and undoubtedly makes life his own. His hearty laugh and vibrant eyes gently remind you what it's like to have hope beyond these four walls, to dream of a life of consuming love. You smile softly as he makes wild gestures with his hands, and you feel every insistent beat of your heart fluttering, thundering as he smiles affectionately at you.
Over and over again, he returns and buys your time instead of your used body. Time and time again, he talks naturally to you like you are someone in this world and listens to you like you are still good enough to be heard. Like the sun that melts away the darkness in your heart, your days spark a little brighter when he’s nearby. Instead of staring bitterly at your reflection as you paint your lips, the girlish dream you abandoned returns back to you.
Love whispers in your ears and knocks on your heart.
"Will you return?" you ask softly into the luminous night when he visits again. Once, twice, countless times to where you think you know him enough to remember what it’s like to love again.
As soon as the night ends, he has to leave. He will soar into the skies beyond the scope of your vision, beyond realms of the world you can only dream of because he's meant for something grander.
Still, you yearn.
"Where else would I go?" he answers as his eyes meet yours.
He clasps his rough hand around yours, eyes earnest and heart genuine, as he brushes against your knuckles tenderly. A hand full of calluses and blood, a hand used to wield swords and destructive weapons, but he cradles your hand so gently, tenderly, fondly.
"I will always come back to you."
You breathe out a quivering breath. You’ve heard these careless words countless times before from many other men, but his affectionate eyes are constantly full of genuine promises and unmistakable sincerity. You know Yoshiwara is the land of foolish dreams and lies, that Yoshiwara is unmeant for lovers.
Yoshiwara is not meant for the undeniable truth that you are irrevocably in love with him.
Still, you hope. You want to believe him, so you trust. You trust him with your vulnerability; you trust him with your heart. Under the veil of the night with the moon as your sole witness, you cut off a strand of your hair.
"For safe-keeping," you tell him as you tie your hair around his pinky, "Until you safely return."
He blinks once, twice before he smiles radiantly, fangs glinting in the light. He tugs a strand of his hair out before he clumsily wraps it around your pinky.
“There is something important I have to take care of,” he starts hesitantly. His eyes are looking into the darkness of the night, and for a moment, you can see weariness cloud his eyes. You reach to cradle his cheek, and at your touch, he looks at you. He holds your hand and presses a soft kiss on your fingertips. Newly found resolve beams through the clouds of doubt in his eyes. “But after that… Will you come with me?”
You stare incredulity at him, wide eyes carefully looking into his promising ones. He squeezes your hand as he stares anxiously back at you. The world is silent, and all you see is his gray eyes that have been your silver lining since the very first day.
He can’t afford to buy you, you know, and the fear of the consequences of running away burrows into your heart. But he looks at you, clear and open, and Heaven is in his eyes. You squeeze his hand back and bring it towards your lips to place a tender kiss on his palm. You think you’re far too ruined to be this optimistic about it, to dream of happiness like this, but you grin and nod anyway.
“I would go anywhere if it’s with you,” you smile, eyes and words honest.
He instantly breaks into an infectious grin, and he hugs you in eager excitement. “Thank you. I’ll be back by the next full moon. Wait for me,” he whispers fiercely into your hair.
You nod again as you melt into his comforting embrace. The flutters of your heart bloom into warmth in your chest, and it feeds into your heating cheeks as you hold on to him. The moon that invariably seems to look down on you, the stars that always seem to twinkle in critical disappointment softens as the lights of dawn overtake the sky.
A new day, a new hope.
He holds his pinky up, your hair tied on and your heart in the palm of his hands, as he looks at you. When you meet his eyes, the first rays of light glows behind him. He looks beautiful, angelic, and he seems so ephemeral. You hook your pinky, with his hair tied around it, with his in hopes that these fleeting moments will last just a moment longer, that this will be more than just a dream when you wake up.
A lie, a promise, you’re not quite sure which it is.
(You hope it’s a promise. You want it to be a promise.)
So, you wait. Day after day, night after night, and all the moments in between. You miss him like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky, but he fuels a fire in your heart that keeps you warm on the nights he isn’t here. It hasn’t rained for a long time now, you think, as you glance at your pinky and sunshine fill your soul. During nights, you keep your promise close to your heart as you stare at the phases of the moon. Waxing and waning, but your heart holds steady as you dream of boisterous laughter and lively eyes.
On the day of the full moon, you wait anxiously as people pass by. You’re on high alert as your eyes eagerly scan the crowd for any signs of him - his navy blue kimono, his long hair, his hearty laughter. As the blue sky turns to brilliant orange before it fades into the darkness of the night, the crushing weight in your heart grows heavier and heavier before the numbing realization that he won’t come hits you.
When the full moon peaks in the unclouded sky, only silence surrounds you. You sit lifelessly in front of your mirror at the end of the night with the full moon as your sole company. You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting here as you mindlessly keep brushing your hair.
The overbearing heaviness finally breaks your heart and breaches the dam that restrains your tears. You muffle your cries in your kimono because you should have known better, should have known that dreams are unmeant for someone like you. You glance wistfully at your pinky before you clutch it close to your shattered heart, and all the energy in your body just comes out as silent sobs. As you bury your face in your knees and hug yourself, each fond memory comes back and replays in your head.
A mistake. This is a terrible mistake because you know Yoshiwara is built of lies like these. But when you think of his sincere eyes, your heart breaks again. Baji Keisuke is many things, but he is rarely a liar. You want to believe in him, want to believe in the dream of a life with him beyond these walls.
Maybe it’s not this full moon, you tell yourself, but he will return one day. The next full moon, the one after that, and all these other ones after, you’ll keep waiting. You believe in him, believe in love, so you will hold on steadfastly, stubbornly, desperately because you don’t think your heart can handle it otherwise. 
In just another day of waiting in the similar scenery, you catch glimpses of a spark from the temple northwards. A new sight, but among the lively streets of just another busy day, it’s not a sight you focus on. The sparks are nice, though, you think as you suppress a giggle, because it reminds you of the fire in his eyes.
When it reaches dusk, the scorching winds blow from the northeast. The direction you watch him go from the confines of your birdcage, and when you still see the sparks, a foreboding feeling, a bad omen sinks into your heart as the sun falls.
The initial flare grows bigger and bigger until it bursts into a firestorm and begins swallowing the town. You run frantically alongside the chaotic crowd as the screams fill the air and fear fills your blood. You run, run, run until your legs are burning - from the fire? From fatigue? You’re not sure.
Your heart breaks with every step you take because death comes knocking. You keep holding on stubbornly because you still believe in your promise. But soon, your legs only carry you so far amongst the fleeting crowd and falling buildings and smoke fills your lungs and chokes you.
As fire devours you, you glance at the waxing moon. It ruthlessly tears through your skin and burns, burns, burns, but the pain of breaking your promise rips through your heart.
All you can think about are the moonlit nights under the same skies within the four walls you call home and the man you know as love. You think of his starry gray eyes and the promise you couldn’t keep, and you clutch your hand over your heart. Close, so, so close, but not quite another full moon yet. With sorry repeated on your cracked lips and lament in your anguished heart, your uncontrollable tears fall hopelessly.
(The news of the tragic death of a singular samurai, holding his bleeding hand to his heart, in the Battle of Valhalla never reaches you.
After all, fire travels faster than words.)
The deafening sound of crackling fire plays your requiem and ends the unfulfilled dream of love.
end notes: harimise is a viewing cage where courtesans were placed in, like products on display at shops. they sit there the whole day until someone buys them.
the act of cutting off your hair and tying it around someone's pinky is a lover's pact. basically, it's a vow of love between a courtesan and their customers, where they offer their hair, nails, and blood to seal the deal. it could be used to extort more money from the customer, but it could also just be a promise of love.
also fun fact: historically, yoshiwara did end up burning in a huge fire that originated in a temple! :")
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aphrostarot · 3 years
Text
Who Are You Pick a Pile
How are you seen by your friends, family, you, and society? How do you want to be seen and who are you actually?
Remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Do not try and force it to fit. If you would like a personal reading you can click here. There I have my shop where I offer all of my readings. Or you can dm me with what you'd like.
*Please read before you pick a pile*
I say spirit when I am channeling and writing out your readings, if you do not believe in spirit that is totally okay, this message is still meant for you if you feel that it is! Whatever you believe in is valid and you can ignore when I say spirit if you don't believe in it or, replace it with whoever you believe is giving you this message. If you have any questions or you just want to talk about this feel free to dm me!
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Pile One (Rose Quartz):
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How do your friends see you?
Three of Wands: In this specific deck the three of wands is depicted as a long journey ahead, one that you are just starting. That being said, this would mean that your friends see you as someone who is starting a journey, maybe of self-discovery, a career journey, spiritual journey, etc. Your friends see you as someone strong, knows what they want, and is driven to get that.
The Avenger: The Avenger is made, not born. Her state of mind evolved from a primal desire for vengeance - and she has the drive to carry it out by whatever means necessary. The Avenger is distinguished by her ability to weaponize her innate knowledge and her surroundings and forgoes other elements of her personality until justice is served. In revenge films, the Avenger functions as karma personified - and her payback is defined by its symbolic, poetic flourish. Your friends think you’re strong and that you are someone who has fought to become who they are and will continue to fight until they become who they want to be.
How does your family see you?
Five of Pentacles: This card represents poverty, a great loss. Your family sees you as someone who has lost a lot and is currently in a dark place, in a low. They think that you are going through a tough time. You have lost a lot and that you need help.
The Goth: The Goth lives in a romantic world of horror and death. In genre fiction, the Goth often finds herself as the keeper of a mystical secret, an explorer of unholy ground, or an unknowing link to the realm of the dead. She often makes her home in a remote, decaying property, and her solitude allows for her to fully embrace every instance of terror. While the Goth’s inquisitive nature and innate resolve allow her to stand up against corrupt forces, both human and supernatural, she may also allow herself to be seduced by dark passions. This is how your family sees you, as someone who has accepted the darkness and is not willing to come out. They also see you as someone who wants to go against the grain and does their own thing.
How do you see you?
The Sun: Happiness is the meaning of this card. You see yourself as someone who is happy, successful, optimistic, and confident. You feel like you have this warm energy surrounding you, yellow may resonate with you. You feel like you are a light in a lot of people’s lives like you are the person people go to when they need someone to brighten their mood.
Two of Pentacles: The primary meaning of this card is, balance and all things that come with it such as; adaption, flexibility, and resourcefulness. Again, you view yourself as someone who is resourceful, the person that others go to when they need help. You feel as though you have your life in check, you know what you want and how you’re going to get it. You feel like you are good at balancing things and keeping everything in order.
The Muse: The Muse speaks to the soul. In fiction, the Muse is a woman who embodies the spirit of a particular moment so much that she’s upheld as an inspiration. While the Muse may be kept as a source of personal inspiration for an artist, her life is an artistic expression in itself. She may exude an attitude, philosophy, or appearance that makes her emblematic of lifelong creative or romantic partnerships. Even if her je ne sais quoi is short-lived, her impact can be crystallized forever. You think you are the person who is an inspiration to the people around you, that people center their lives and pursuits off of what you have done and continue to do.
How does society see you?
Seven of Pentacles: This is the card of growth, of hard work paying off after some planning. Society sees you as someone who has gone through a lot and has grown from that, that you’ve planned the way you want your life to go and that you execute those plans. You do everything you need to in order to get to where you want to be.
The Spinster: The Spinster is unbothered. In romance fiction, the Spinster is a woman who has remained single past the age deemed desirable, and as such is typically childless. The Spinster’s isolation from traditional domestic roles of wife and mother makes her solitary life a source of speculation and projected anxiety. The Spinster is generally used to caution young women against the dead-end of an unmarried life, and her solitude is seen as a consequence of curdled femininity. Whether by choice or not, the Spinster has the ability to rely solely on herself. Society views you as an independent person, someone who doesn’t need anyone, someone who chooses to be single because they don’t need anyone other than themselves to make them happy.
How do you want to be seen?
The Hermit: This is the card of solitude, of self-reflection. Meaning, you want to be seen as someone who is independent, working on themselves, and growing. You may like the idea of people viewing you as a hard-working self-indulgent person, a person who keeps to themselves and has persevered through everything thrown their way. Someone who makes their life work and has gotten what they want because they worked for it.
The Earth Mother: The Earth Mother is in sync with her environment. In genre film, the Earth Mother represents a connection to the terrestrial, often by rejecting modernity and embracing life in nature. She may present as a hippie who prioritizes the health of the environment, or as the maternal figure in a commune, offering motherly guidance to those seeking a more pastoral life. She may also be upheld as a symbol of growth, harvest, or fertility, and possess a mystical connection to the secrets of the natural world. You very much may want to be seen as someone with cottage core energy.
Who are you actually?
Nine of Wands: You are someone who has a lot of emotional baggage from your upbringing or previous relationships. This makes you a people-pleaser who wants others to like you because, deep down, you feel unworthy. Therefore, you’re the type of person who others walk over and take advantage of. On the opposite end of the scale, you could be unwilling to let anyone into your inner circle. You do not trust easily and are suspicious of others. The Nine of Wands, however, is a sign that your mistrust may be justified, which is a positive aspect of the card; you’re not quick to let just anyone into your life.
The Maid: The Maid sees everything and tells nothing. In pulp fiction, the Maid is typically a meek domestic worker who peers into the daily intrigues of the family she’s working for. Be it excessive consumption, familial corruption, or adulterous affairs, the Maid is expected to sweep the scandals of the every day up and out of sight. Due to her exclusive access to people’s lives, she may often palsy as a star witness in a trial, or get caught up in a blackmail scheme. But the Maid typically represents some form of class repression or exploitation - until she gets the chance to turn the tables. You have been on the underside of life for a long time, that doesn’t mean you will always be that way, you can turn the tables after a bit of work
Pile Two (Sodalite):
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How do your friends see you?
Page of Pentacles (reversed): The Page of Pentacles reversed represents someone who is; foolish, immature, irresponsible, lazy, an underachiever, and a procrastinator. This is how your friends see you as someone who is not reliable and is childish.
The Cyborg: The Cyborg is a transgressive blend of human and machine. In science fiction, the organic, human form can be supplemented with technological enhancement. As such, the Cyborg has the capacity for mechanical perfection, working in tandem with human thought, emotion, and values. While often a figure of fear for their ability to rewrite and surpass human flaws. The Cyborg may use their abilities for destruction, but can also offer a glimpse into a perfected human being who is able to transcend human history and work towards utopic harmony. Your friends see you as someone who needs an upgrade. Someone who needs to change so they can be like the cyborg, able to use their powers to bring about harmony or destruction.
How does your family see you?
Seven of Swords (reversed): This is the card of truth being revealed, of having been manipulative in the past and now coming out and revealing that truth. So, your family sees you as someone who has something to reveal, something that you have been hiding from them.
The Headmistress: The Headmistress rules with an iron fist. In fiction, the Headmistress is responsible for overseeing the entirety of a school, typically one for girls or young women, and for managing its students, staff, and grounds. While the Headmistress is typically a strict disciplinarian with an eye for getting results, she can also function as a maternal, albeit authoritative presence. Her reputation often precedes her, and being summoned into her office is enough to strike fear into the heart of any student. Your family views you as someone who is to be feared, someone who does whatever it takes to be heard and in control.
How do you see you?
Seven of Wands: You see yourself as someone who needs to stand up for yourself no matter what, defend yourself and your territory. You may have gone through a lot to get to where you are and you don’t what to lose it. You feel like people are constantly trying to question you and bring you down, so, you defend yourself.
The Empress: You view yourself as the Divine Feminine, as someone who embraces all things feminine. You think you are someone who is loving, warm, sensual, and that you are as charismatic as you are beautiful. You defend yourself because people don’t understand the real you, in your eyes.
The Siren: The Siren’s call is irresistible. In horror and mythology, the Siren is a beautiful amphibious creature who appears as a human woman or a human and animal hybrid. The Siren typically lives with others of her kind in the rocks and cliffs of coastal areas. Together, the Sirens use their powerful voices to lure passing sailors towards shipwreck and death. While the origins and goals of the Siren vary, she is ultimately symbolic of the challenge of resistance. You feel like you are irresistible, that you are someone that nobody can resist.
How does society see you? The Magician: The Magician is someone who is; spontaneous, skillful, creative, original, someone of quick understanding, excellent reasoning, intelligent initiatives, and intellectual curiosity. This is how society views you, as someone who is extremely intelligent, someone who uses their brain and is quick with it.
The Gamine: The Gamine strolls the side streets straight into your heart. In genre film and musicals, the Gamine appears as a young, often waifish woman with a penchant for androgynous style and frank speech. Her rejection of what’s ascribed as feminine is characterized by her embrace of the masculine, opting for a short chop or pixie cut and boxy clothes, and presenting a boyish, unpolished demeanor. The Gamine may pursue an independent, bohemian lifestyle in defiance of gender expectations, but is too charming to thwart off attention from suitors from all walks of life.
How do you want to be seen?
Queen of Swords: The Queen of Swords has very high standards and can be highly critical of herself and others, she doesn’t allow anyone to use her, she puts people in their place. You want to be seen as someone who stands up for themselves and is loved but slightly feared. You want people to understand where they stand with you and to not test you or cross you.
The Coquette: Flattery has gotten the Coquette everywhere, and she has no plans to stop now. In genre film or musicals, the Coquette has a way with words and a knack for reading people - particularly people who have something she wants. She can be an adept conversationalist or an emotional card sharp, but she’ll make you feel so good about yourself you won’t even miss whatever it is you’ve handed over. You want to be seen as someone who is charming, a little intimidating but still, charming. You want people to fear you but also love you.
Who are you actually?
Ace of Pentacles: You are or are meant to be very clever and full of ideas. You are very innovative and clever and you do best with intellectual activities. You use the power of your mind to achieve what you want and need. You will apply reason and intellect to confront issues occurring in your life. You have great literacy skills and rarely lose an argument or discussion. You are someone who is very competitive and will not let go of your position easily. You love taking risks. You usually become an expert in any field you work in. A part of you is very restless and you need to be constantly stimulated. Sometimes you get lost in your head and need to be grounded. It is worth mentioning that the Ace of Pentacles represents new money coming forward, so, it is worth saying that you may be meant to make money in some way.
The Diva: The Diva has a gift from heaven that can make your life hell. In genre film, the Diva is a commanding artistic presence with an impossibly unique talent. The Diva is highly sought after and showered with praise but can become indignant and fickle when she’s not in total control of her ability. She may demand that conditions be met perfectly in order for her to perform, and storm out if she’s denied. Ultimately, the Diva needs her talent to shine just as much as the people around her, and she will do what is necessary to stay in the spotlight. You are meant to be in the spotlight, whether that be literally famous or just in the spotlight in your personal surroundings.
Pile Three (Fuchsite):
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How do your friends see you?
Ten of Wands (reversed): The Ten of Wands reversed represents that your friends see you as someone who is truly burdened by circumstances that are not necessary in your life. They think that you are shouldering too much responsibility, that you fail to delegate because you may fear asking for help or you truly believe that you are capable of handling it all on your own. They think that if you continue to go on this way, you will reach a breakdown.
Six of Pentacles (reversed): The Six of Pentacles reversed means that your friends think that you are someone who is extremely generous, to your own faults. You give too much, more than you are capable of giving. They think that you are extremely nice and caring but that you need to take care of yourself. This could also mean that they think that you are someone who gives but at a cost. That when you are “generous” it always comes with you expecting things in return. They think that you are selfish.
The Dancer: The Dancers body is their instrument. The Dancer presents a mastery of control over their physical movement and expression and is a subject of fascination across a variety of genres. In the psychological thriller, they may obsess over perfecting their performance to the point of mania; in horror, they may perform a physical expression of moral corruption; in erotica, they may move to seduce and entice. Regardless of their particular presentation, the Dancer commands attention through perseverance - their refinement of skill even if just performing for themselves. Your friends see you as someone who puts a lot of their body, as someone who works hard and doesn’t take care of themselves enough. They also see you as someone who is extremely talented at what they do regardless of whether they ask for help or not.
How does your family see you?
Seven of Swords: Your family thinks that you are sneaky, that you operate in the shadows and gather information that might later serve you. They think you may be planning to betray someone, or a group of people, in order to assure self-advancement.
On the other hand, they may think that you are trying to better your situation. They think that the people you surround yourself with may be causing you great misery, hindering your progress, or your road towards self-improvement. If that is the case, they feel that you need to escape your current situation without insulting or hurting the people around you.
The Avenger (reversed): The Avenger is made, not born. Her state of mind evolved from a primal desire for vengeance - and she has the drive to carry it out by whatever means necessary. The Avenger is distinguished by her ability to weaponize her innate knowledge and her surroundings and forgoes other elements of her personality until justice is served. In revenge films, the Avenger functions as karma personified - and her payback is defined by its symbolic, poetic flourish. When she is reversed though, that means that rather than being focused, of having the motivation to get things done, and of seeking justice you are; cruel, filled with rage, and obsessed with the wrong things. This is what they think of you. Going off of what was said above, your family thinks that your friends are doing this to you.
How do you see you?
Page of Cups: You see yourself as someone who is highly intuitive and sensitive to the entire world and various dimensions around you. You think you have a loving, gentle, and warm personality and a strong desire to be around kindred spirits, who help you to feel needed and special. You think you’re highly creative and emotional, that you can be as shy as you are desperate to avoid conflict. Although, you won’t back down from a fight if a fight is what’s called for.
The Spinster (reversed): The Spinster is unbothered. In romance fiction, the Spinster is a woman who has remained single past the age deemed desirable, and as such is typically childless. The Spinster’s isolation from traditional domestic roles of wife and mother makes her solitary life a source of speculation and projected anxiety. The Spinster is generally used to caution young women against the dead-end of an unmarried life, and her solitude is seen as a consequence of curdled femininity. Whether by choice or not, the Spinster has the ability to rely solely on herself. Now with this coming out reversed, instead of you thinking you’re like that you actually think you’re timid, full of fear, and in disarray. Yes, you think that you’re highly intuitive maybe even an empath but still, a part of you thinks that you are small and full of anxiety.
How does society see you?
Justice: Society sees you as a decent, law-abiding individual. They think you make decisions carefully, weighing all the pros and cons. That you are good with words and place a high value on education. Also that you are practical and cautious, but remain a romantic at heart.
Two of Cups: Society thinks you’re warm, loving, and sweet. That you are keen on building and maintaining strong, long-term relationships. That you will marry young and/or remain in a devoted relationship. They think that nurturing relationships are at the core of your belief system, they think you are a great friend, child, siblings, and lover. That you are a natural healer due to your ability to listen to your partners and give great advice in return.
The Cat Burglar: The Cat Burglar is at her best when you never see her at all. In genre fiction, the Cat Burglar has a knack for sneaking into places she’s not wanted and sneaking out with more than she had before. While she prefers to work in shadow, she’s also a master of disguise and can situate herself undetected in plain sight. She can also function as a lady thief, who only seeks impossibly difficult targets or the rarest of valuables, and seldom uses physical force in conquest. Society sees you as someone who is able to blend in wherever you go, but not because you are not noticed, it is your own choice. They see you as someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want.
How do you want to be seen?
The Hanged Man: You want to be seen as confident — perhaps overly so. This card can also represent indecision, and as such, you may be at risk of not recognizing these opportunities when they do come to you. Consequently, you remain forever in limbo, trapped in your indecision, your primary action being non-action. You want to be seen as the person who is extremely confident, not aware of the things around them, just happy with what they have, and happy to be where they are.
The Mystic: The Mystic is in touch with the divine. In fiction, the Mystic may appear as a visionary or prophet who receives messages from outside the earthly realm. She may also appear as a sorceress or alchemist who can manipulate natural materials for her own ends. In any iteration, she is well versed in esoteric interests and shrouded in mystery and can use her knowledge to better herself or provide guidance for others. You want to be seen as someone who can help others and who has abilities.
Who are you actually?
Queen of Wands: You are meant to be passionate and ambitious. You are meant to be quite extroverted, with a radiant and friendly quality about you. At your core, you are a highly social creature, with a natural tendency to spread happiness and joy.
You also have a high sense of self-worth and will not let others belittle you. You aspire to be successful on a professional level — and almost always attain it
The Cyborg: The Cyborg is a transgressive blend of human and machine. In science fiction, the organic, human form can be supplemented with technological enhancement. As such, the Cyborg has the capacity for mechanical perfection, working in tandem with human thought, emotion, and values. While often a figure of fear for their ability to rewrite and surpass human flaws. The Cyborg may use their abilities for destruction, but can also offer a glimpse into a perfected human being who is able to transcend human history and work towards utopic harmony. You are meant to use your abilities of spreading happiness and joy for the greater good.
Remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Do not try and force it to fit. If you would like a personal reading you can click here. There I have my shop where I offer all of my readings. Or you can dm me with what you'd like.
179 notes · View notes
Text
you're the pink in my cheeks (i'm a little bit soft)
summary: "and i know we'll never grow old together / cause you'll never grow old to me / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft"
- "monster," marceline (adventure time)
(OR: 5.4k of soft domestic lesbian!analogical, featuring lesbian!moceit, trans male!remus, trans female!roman, and Gay Shenanigans)
a/n: huge thank you to dandie for beta'ing this fic!
i just wanted to write wlw is that so wrong of me? no. no it is not.
CW: alcohol mentions, a few sex jokes, swearing, one implied instance of potential sexual activity (although it doesn't go any farther than making out; if you want to skip that part, skip the section that starts with "Did you get the right kind of popcorn?")
word count: ~5.4k
read it on ao3!!
“I think I may be going insane,” Logan says, squinting at her laptop screen. Virginia, hanging upside-down in the armchair, looks up from her phone and blinks.
“And why is that?”
“Because I am starting to agree with Rosie’s anti-Florida agenda.”
“I didn’t realize that there was an anti-Florida agenda.”
“Rosie has one, and I have always thought it facetious. However, if this laboratory does not start sending me my requested samples and information in a timely manner, I will be forced to concede that Rosie may have . . . a point.”
“You, agreeing with a lit major? I never thought I’d see the day,” Virginia teases. Logan initially resists the urge to stick her tongue out or flip Virginia off, because that would be childish, but then she remembers that Virginia does not care about her childishness, so she sticks her tongue out. Virginia snorts with laughter, and Logan feels warm, fizzy pop-rocks bursting in her chest.
Her phone buzzes next to her, and she picks it up. There’s a new message blinking for her attention on the screen.
[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
a, b, or c
[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
. . . What?
[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
*rolls eyes*
[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
i need you to make a selection, logan. a, b, or c.
[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
I am confused. What am I selecting between?
[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy
[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
Yes. I would like to know. That is why I asked you.
[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
Also, I am not a meteorologist. Or a boy.
[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
it’s a meme, i’m sure v will be happy to show you the og. but first: make a choice
[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
Option B, I suppose?
[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
vodka it is!
[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]
Wait, what?
Her phone buzzes again, another text thread lighting up, and Logan abandons the now-fruitless conversation with Jan to see that her wife has texted.
[from: soda poppy]
y is jan fillin a thermos with vodka and sayin u gave her the go ahead? >:(
[to: soda poppy]
I am unsure. She texted me asking me to make a choice between “a, b, and c” with no context given. When I eventually selected “b,” she excitedly mentioned vodka and logged off.
[from: soda poppy]
her an remy r going 2 a pta meeting tonight an i guess they’re goin drunk
[to: soda poppy]
Is that a . . . normal occurrence?
[from: soda poppy]
sadly yeah
[to: soda poppy]
Wait, is she even allowed to attend PTA meetings? You two don’t have any children?
[from: soda poppy]
she’s on the school board so she has the right 2 attend. idk if she’s supposed to or not but its never stopped her b4
“Everythin’ good over there?” Virginia asks.
“I believe I may have just enabled Jan to attend a PTA meeting drunk.” Virginia snorts, swiping at her phone.
“Good for her, honestly. The only reason she and Poppy live in that neighborhood is so that Jan can flaunt her wife in front of all the capital-s Straight people, because she’s a petty fuckin’ bitch.”
“That is a strange word choice for your best friend.”
“I hate Jan, she’s a bitch,” Virginia says, smirking fondly at her phone. Logan knows her girlfriend well enough to know that this statement is disingenuous, so she stands up, stretching her arms above her head, and leans down to drop a kiss onto Virginia’s forehead.
*~*~*~*~*
Logan blinks awake slowly, feeling for the position of her limbs. She’s on her left side, left arm tucked up under her pillow to cradle her head, wrapped in the thick comforter of their bed. Her right arm is slung across Virginia’s body, and her girlfriend is pressed up against her, head tucked right under Logan’s chin and face nestled into her neck and chest. Virginia breathes, slow and deep and even, and Logan hums, huffing out a soft exhale.
She carefully wiggles out of bed, tucking the comforter around Virginia’s curled-up form. Virginia grumbles when the cool morning air slips against her skin, because she is a foolish woman who insists upon sleeping in short shorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top no matter the current weather patterns. Logan wraps her up, making sure that she’s shifted into the middle of the warm divot of body heat, and Virginia settles in, asleep again in a heartbeat.
Logan turns to the corner chair, where her early-morning outfit is already laid out: athletic leggings, a sports bra, a moisture-wicking quarter zip jacket. She changes quietly, lights off, and tugs on a pair of ankle socks before slinking into the bathroom. Once the door is shut, she flicks on the soft lights over the vanity and carefully undoes her sleep braid. Normally, Virginia does Logan’s hair, because Logan is not good at dealing with her wavy, tangled, curly mess, but she won’t wake up her girlfriend for that. She can, at bare minimum, pull her hair up into a high ponytail for running purposes.
They live in a small town only a short walk (and even shorter bike ride) from the beach, full of little two-story brightly-colored beach cottages. Logan steps off her front porch, pulls out her phone, and quickly shoots a text.
[to: ginny <3]
I am headed to the beach for my weekly run. I will likely return before you wake up, but in case I do not: I will be back before 9 AM.
[to: ginny <3]
I love you <3
Logan kicks up the kickstand on her bike, runs her fingers over the glossy dark-blue paint flecked with white and silver and gold to mimic stars, and swings one leg over the bike seat. She carefully pedals out into the narrow road and heads for the beach. The cool early-morning air whips past her face, and she chances a glance up at the dark-blue-turning-light-blue-grey sky and smiles.
She’s always been an early-morning morning person, anyway.
*~*~*~*~*
Logan’s sneakers dig into the hard-packed wet sand along the water’s edge as she runs. Seagulls scatter in front of her, and the podcast Virginia recommended hums in her ear. The sun creeps up, up, up onto the horizon, coloring the blue-grey into streaks of brilliant pink and orange and gold, light reflecting off the water in resplendent diamond sparkles.
Logan runs half a mile down the beach, turns around, runs back to where she started and then runs half a mile in the other direction before turning around and running back to her starting point. By the time she’s bent over, hands on her knees, huffing out breath while her legs burn pleasantly, the sun has emerged fully from the ocean, and Logan is beginning to wish she had worn a visor.
She takes a moment to appreciate the sensory experiences of being on a nearly-abandoned beach: the scent of salt water, the sound of waves crashing against sand, the errant cries of gulls squabbling over fish. Their little beach is not nearly pristine enough for a tourist attraction, and too far north along the Atlantic coast to be warm year-round. Still, Logan loves it, and cannot imagine living anywhere else.
She hunts along the water’s edge as she walks, briefly, a cool-down before the bike ride home. She finds a few things worth photographing, a few crabs to shoo back into the ocean, and a few things worth gathering: an intact clam shell whose smooth curve runs unbroken from the heel of her palm to the tip of her index finger when she lays it flat in her hand, a light gray rock worn smooth by the waves that turns dark-gray-almost-black when wet, a small spiral shell that she thinks may have broken off of the top of a snail shell. Logan wraps all three things carefully in a small handkerchief from the little bag she keeps in her bike basket, pulling out her phone to note the time (8:37 AM) and the message notification flashing at her.
[from: ginny<3]
dunno why you insist on being a morning person. stop by the dunkin on your way back and get us breakfast?
[to: ginny<3]
You had Dunkin for breakfast three times this week. You should consume something healthy.
[from: ginny <3]
>:( >:( >:( >:(
[from: ginny <3]
counterpoint: you bringing me dunkin is better than me not eating breakfast at all. which is the alternative because i do not want to get up and prepare anything
[to: ginny <3]
Your womanly wiles will not work on me in regards to Dunkin breakfast.
[from: ginny <3]
bitch (affectionate)
[to: ginny <3]
Would you like me to make you breakfast on my return, beloved?
[from: ginny <3]
. . .
[from: ginny <3]
will you make me an omelette? with all the cheesy goo an shit?
[to: ginny <3]
I will make you an omelette with some degree of “cheese goo.”
Logan slides her phone into her pocket, huffing out a laugh at her girlfriend’s behavior, and hops onto her bike again.
*~*~*~*~*
“Your omelettes are always so much better than mine,” Virginia says, moaning as she sinks her teeth into an enormous bite of egg and cheese. Logan, calmly dicing bell peppers to mix into her own omelette, smiles.
“All food tastes better when it is prepared by someone who is not you.”
“You’ve clearly never had anything the twins have cooked.” Virginia takes another bite, pops a multivitamin into her mouth, and chases it down with a gulp of milk. “Besides, it tastes better because you made it.”
“I am not the most accomplished chef in the world, certainly, but I am glad you enjoy my cooking.”
Virginia laughs softly. “Lo, I like your food because it’s prepared by someone who loves me. I can taste the love in everything you make for me.”
Logan turns back to her peppers to hide her blush. “Love is not a measurable ingredient when cooking.” Virginia laughs again, louder this time; when Logan sets the knife down, she hears Virginia’s chair scrape out behind her as she stands, feels her arms wrap around her waist, feels the cool skin of her face press into her neck.
“Love you.”
*~*~*~*~*
“Stressful day at work?” Logan asks, hearing the door slam.
Virginia kicks off her flats, sending them flying into the wall with a clatter. Logan sets down her crochet project and moves toward the entrance of their house, where Virginia is shrugging off her rainjacket to reveal a mint-green Peter Pan-collared blouse and dark gray dress pants. “The stressiest.”
Logan takes the jacket and shakes it out on the tiled entranceway before hanging it on the hook. “I am sorry, beloved.”
“Lots of assessments, lots of parents who don’t understand why I’m assessing their kid, lots of parents insisting that there’s nothing wrong with their kid, or that there’s no way their kid could possibly have the deficits that I’m seeing. Like, I wouldn’t make this shit up, you know? Literally, let me help your child. You came to me, remember? I’m not in the habit of imposing myself onto people.”
“That sounds very stressful,” Logan says. She tries to picture a life where she spends all her time interacting with people she doesn’t know on a regular basis instead of her little corner of the university biochemistry lab where she only has to interact with three or four known people and her immediate supervisor, mostly by email. It sends icy fingers skittering down her spine.
“It is, I hate it. I mean, Kitty’s my supervisor until I get my C’s, so if I have problems I can consult with her, but like . . . why are people the way that they are.”
Logan stretches up and presses a gentle kiss to Virginia’s cheek. “I love you, Ginny.”
Virginia exhales and folds herself around Logan, draping her body over her girlfriend and going limp and boneless. “I don’t wanna be a real person for the rest of the night.”
“That can be arranged.”
“But it’s my night to make dinner.”
“I do not mind switching and having you make dinner tomorrow,” Logan says. “This is an acceptable deviation from the routine.” Virginia pushes her face into Logan’s neck, and Logan nuzzles the side of her head, and she sighs like the entire world has lifted off her chest.
*~*~*~*~*
(This is how it starts:
Logan, taking a class on British literature in her sophomore year because she needs to meet her core requirements. Logan, meeting Rosie, disagreeing with her on almost every single point she raises in class, hating when they’re paired up for their midterm project but earning the best grade in the class overall. Logan, seeing a text from Rosie about how her housemate needs people to participate in a research study for extra credit. Logan, making the long trek down to the health sciences building and seeing Virginia for the first time, thinking that she’s pretty and not knowing that she’ll be thinking that for the rest of her life.)
*~*~*~*~*
“Hello, gorgeous,” Virginia hums.
“Are you talking to me or to the mint plant?” Logan says, aggressively stabbing her pointer finger against the Delete key. It clacks loudly, and she mutters an insult under her breath. “I am going to set myself on fire. I swear to god, I am.”
“Obviously the mint plant,” Virginia says, turning and dropping a kiss on Logan’s head. “You okay, honey?” Logan grumbles more and shoves the laptop away from her with a disgruntled noise. Virginia moves the laptop away and leans over to kiss her forehead.
“I am trying to politely word an email whose essence boils down to, ‘If you do not send me my fucking samples in a timely manner, I am going to be forced to commit an Atrocity the likes of which this earth has never seen’,” Logan says.
Virginia laughs so hard that she sits down on the tiled kitchen floor, wiping tears from her eyes. “You are so funny,” she wheezes. Logan feels her irritation fade a little under the brightness of her girlfriend’s joy. “Let me see the email, I’m good at professional bullshitting.”
*~*~*~*~*
“Braid my hair!” Rosie says, throwing herself down onto the couch. Logan lifts her laptop up just in time to keep Rosie’s head from slamming into the keyboard.
“Ginny is your best bet for braids, Rosie. I have limited experience.”
“It doesn’t have to be fancy, It just has to be off my neck.”
Logan saves her document and sets her laptop on the coffee table, poking at Rosie’s ribs until she slides onto the floor and settles cross-legged between Logan’s thighs. “A comb and some hair-ties would be appreciated.”
“REMUS!” Rosie shouts.
“WHAT?”
“BRING ME A BRUSH AND SOME HAIR BANDS!”
“GET YOUR OWN!”
“I’m going to kill that man,” Rosie mutters, rolling to her feet. There are suspicious muffled thumping noises from the other room for a few minutes before Rosie emerges, victorious, hair somehow even messier than it was in the first place.
“You are the single loudest person I have ever met,” Logan sighs, taking the comb and the hair ties and beginning to drag it through Rosie’s curls. Rosie winces, just a little, at the pull of the comb, and Logan tries to be more gentle.
“Thank you!”
“I did not say that was a compliment.
“Hey!”
*~*~*~*~*
Logan tugs her sweatshirt sleeves down from where she’d rolled them up previously, shivering a little. Part of her wishes that she had worn leggings instead of capris as she drags the folding chair a little closer to the bonfire, toes dragging through the still-sun-warmed sand. The speaker set up on the food table blasts some sort of current pop music, and Rosie and Poppy dance around each other, chanting the lyrics at each other. They are both very loud and very off-key and, Logan suspects, fairly drunk as well. Remus is in the ocean (definitely buzzed, potentially naked) and Jan is standing at the edge of the ocean, watching to make sure he stays alive.
“Hey,” someone says, low and rumbling in her ear. Logan does not flinch (just barely) and turns to see Virginia, holding a plastic cup with a poorly-drawn sketch of the state of Virginia on it. Her hair is starting to come loose from its messy bun, and her sweater sleeves keep sliding down over her wrists and nearly dunking into her drink, and her breath smells sweet and alcoholic. When she lifts her hand to Logan’s cheek, her fingers are cool, and Logan shivers.
“How’s my girl?” Virginia asks.
“Cold,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia laughs, tipping her head back and exposing the long strip of her neck. Logan wants to lick it.
“You’re adorable,” Virginia says, leaning in and pressing her mouth against Logan’s ear. Her breath is warm and slightly damp. “So pretty, my Logan, and so smart. I bet you know exactly what chemical compounds are making the flames turn that color, hmmm?”
Logan can feel her face burning hotter than the bonfire, but Virginia just sits languidly in her lap, feet propped up on the armrest. Her toes are painted pale purple, and the glitter sparkles in the firelight.
“How many drinks have you had?” Logan asks.
“Enough to feel all tingly,” Virginia says, swirling whatever’s in her cup. “How many have you had?”
“None,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia leans her head against Logan’s shoulder, and her wispy frizz tickled Logan’s nose. She sneezes, and Virginia giggles in the high-pitched, superficial way she only giggles when she gets really, really drunk.
“You sound so cute when you sneeze.”
“I do not.”
“Of course you do,” and now Virginia is looking at her, eyes glowing warm in the firelight. “You sound cute when you do anything. You’re cute when you exist. You’re cute no matter what. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
Logan hates the taste of alcohol, but she leans in and kisses Virginia anyway.
*~*~*~*~*
“Lo.”
“Hmmm?”
“Pick a color.”
“What?”
“I’m painting my toes again. Pick a color for me.”
Logan flops over onto her stomach, staring at the neat row of creme polishes sitting on their ottoman. Virginia’s bare feet are propped up in front of them, spread apart awkwardly with neon lemon gel toe spreaders, and she studies the nail polish like she’s trying to determine which vial isn’t poisoned.
“I like that one,” she says finally, pointing to a pale pink polish the color of the flowers Virginia brought her on their first date. Virginia hums, picking the bottle up and tilting it critically in the light.
“Not the one I would have picked, but I said you could pick, so I guess we’re doing it.”
Virginia tosses some bottles of toppers (or “tacos” as she calls them, slang from one of the YouTubers she likes) onto the bed while she paints her toes, and Logan sifts through them to settle on a blue-yellow iridescent one.
“I do not know how you can get behind wearing something called a Unicorn Skin,” Logan says. Virginia just shrugs and plucks the bottle from her hand. Their fingers overlap - Logan’s warm from where they’ve been tucked under her body, Virginia’s cool from where they’ve been gripping the glass bottle. Impulsively, Logan lifts Virginia’s fingers and kisses the tips.
“You’re going to smear the polish,” Virginia mutters, even though she painted her fingers earlier today and they’ve been dry for a while. She doesn’t bother to yank her fingers away, either, so Logan kisses them again.
*~*~*~*~*
“Logan!”
Logan is fully aware that the only thing keeping Poppy from crashing into her like a floral-sundress-covered cannonball is the casserole dish in her hands. She counts her blessings and steps aside to let Poppy in.
“Where’s Jan?”
“Getting something from the car! It’s my turn to drive us home, so she brought something to drink.”
Jan primly kicks the passenger side door shut with her heeled ankle boots, a bottle of wine grasped by the neck in each hand.
“I hope you do not intend to drink both of those in their entirety tonight,” Logan says. Jan rolls her eyes and offers one of the bottles to her.
“This one is a gift for you and Ginia. The other one is for me.”
“None for Poppy?”
“Poppy is the designated driver, so she will not be drinking. And I know she already told you that.” Logan rolls her eyes, and Jan flips her off. “Are you going to invite me in or not?”
“What are you, a vampire?” Virginia shouts from the kitchen.
“Only one of us dresses like the undead, darling, and it isn’t me,” Jan calls back, stepping into the house. “Are the twins here yet?”
“They cannot attend. Remus has orchestra practice and Rosie is teaching a dance class. You already knew both of these facts, because you are in the group text.”
“I am not.”
“You responded to a message in the group thread fifteen minutes ago.”
“That was the NSA agent assigned to monitor me.”
“You are a liar.”
“What else is new?”
*~*~*~*~*
groupchat name: be gay do crime
soda poppy: hey every1! DONUT 4get to make ur bakesale goodies and drop them off at r house by 7 am on fri!
lo tide: Please use normal words. I am begging you.
snesbian (snake lesbian): then beg.
lo tide: I do not recall asking for your opinion.
snesbian (snake lesbian): and yet i give it to you anyway. am i not generous
virgin: if you don’t stop making fun of my gf i swear to god
virgin: also remus if you don’t stop changing my name i’m gonna end you
virgin has changed their name to gin(ny) and tonic!
gin(ny) and tonic: much better anyway
violets are blue rosie is me: i believe you meant anygay
gin(ny) and tonic: i said what i fucking said
ace attorney irl: you changed your name :(
gin(ny) and tonic: every day the Lord regrets giving all of us mod powers in this chat
snesbian (snake lesbian): i have no such regrets
lo tide: Can we circle back to the bake sale, please?
soda poppy: Whatchu wanna kno???
lo tide: I assume it is school related?
soda poppy: yep!
soda poppy: fundraising 4 this year’s art club field trip! since im the faculty advisor im in charge of approving and setting up 4 the fundraisers
lo tide: I see. And why, exactly, is it our responsibility to make things for this fundraiser? Should it not be the students’ responsibility?
soda poppy: they r makin stuff 4 it but also i gotta make sure some of the stuff will b edible yknow
lo tide: I see.
gin(ny) and tonic: listen i know that jan is like. a professional pastry chef an shit. but i’m not making anything fancy like a cheesecake or smthn
gin(ny) and tonic: i’m making like. fuckin brownies
snesbian (snake lesbian): smh don’t you care about the Children at all?
gin(ny) and tonic: no. they’re not my kids
ace attorney irl: i will make cookies
soda poppy: u cannot make them inappropriate shapes
ace attorney irl: :(
violets are blue rosie is me: do not worry, i will make sure they are an appropriate shape
violets are blue rosie is me: i’ll make cupcakes!
lo tide: I believe I have a recipe for lemon squares that I can make. Will lemon squares be sufficient?
soda poppy: yeah! just keep ur stuff free of common allergens like tree nuts
gin(ny) and tonic: so my plan to just yeet you a bag of reese’s peanut butter cups and call it a contribution is out then
*~*~*~*~*
Virginia throws a box of brownie mix into the cart and dusts her hands off. “There. Done.”
Logan raises an eyebrow.
“Don’t give me that look, we have the rest of the ingredients at home. We have tap water, we have oil, we have eggs, we don’t need anything else. What do we need for your lemon thingies?”
“Lemons, presumably.”
“You’re a comedian,” Logan deadpans. Virginia flips her off, and then leans in to kiss her cheek. “I do need lemons, though. Lemons, more eggs . . . I have a list in my phone.”
“What phone?” Virginia says, dangling Logan’s galaxy-patterned case above her head. “I think you’re too short for this, Lo.”
“Give me my phone,” Logan says, rolling her eyes. Virginia wiggles it above her head, laughing.
“Maybe you should give me something in return.”
“Like what?”
Virginia grins. “Like a kiss, perhaps?”
Logan rolls her eyes again, but she leans in and kisses Virginia gently, swiping her phone back when Virginia lowers her hand to cup her face. “Thank you for paying the toll, sweetheart.”
“You are ridiculous,” Logan says. It doesn’t stop her from gently kissing Virginia’s cheek before pushing the cart down the aisle again.
*~*~*~*~*
groupchat name: be gay do crime
lo tide: What time did you want us to drop off the baked goods, Poppy?
soda poppy: if ur gonna b in the area, u can just drop them off at my house!
ace attorney irl: i made some of the shapes inappropriate but those ones r 4 u and jan
soda poppy: what did u make 4 the bake sale?
ace attorney irl: . . .
soda poppy: what did u make 4 the children, remus.
ace attorney irl: nothin’ too crazy! jan had some normal summer shapes - suns, flip flops, etc. etc. used those
soda poppy: :D thx remus!
ace attorney irl: made some fishies too! but the octopi are just for u an jan.
ace attorney irl: i . . . may have painted dicks on them
soda poppy: well at least u warned me right
*~*~*~*~*
“Did you get the right kind of popcorn?” Logan asks.
“If by ‘the right kind’ you mean ‘your favorite kind,’ then yes, I did,” Virginia says, coming into the living room with a large yellow bowl full of fluffy popcorn. “What are we watching tonight? It’s your turn to pick, isn’t it?”
“Gay fish,” Logan says.
Virginia sets the popcorn on the coffee table and blinks at her. “That is . . . quite the description of Finding Nemo, sweetheart.”
“Not Finding Nemo, Ginny. Luca. It’s new, and it’s not explicitly gay, but there is a very obvious queer reading. I thought we could watch it together.”
“Anything with you sounds wonderful.”
“Sap,” Logan mutters. She leans in to kiss Virginia’s cheek, but Virginia turns at the last moment and presses their lips together.
“Are you sure you want to watch a movie?” she says. “We could just make out instead, if you want.” She pushes gently on Logan’s stomach, guiding her to lay on her back on the couch. Virginia lays on top of her, gently sliding a hand to rest warm and heavy on her stomach. She leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s neck, and then her jaw, and then rubbing their noses together.
“Tonight is movie night,” Logan says. Virginia presses their mouths together, and Logan hums, gently pressing up into the kiss. “We should be watching a movie.”
“Are you sure?” Virginia says. “I think we should pursue this avenue a little further.”
Logan squirms a little. “I - I would not - um - no, thank you.”
Virginia’s eyes, which were hazing over with something, clear as she blinks. “Okay, sweetheart.” She leans back, sits up, pulls Logan into a sitting position. “Are you alright?”
“I’m okay,” she says. “I just - I am not in the mood for that tonight. If that is okay.”
“Of course it’s okay,” Virginia says. She holds out a hand, and Logan takes it. Virginia kisses the back of it before settling herself on the couch. “I am so proud of you for expressing a boundary and telling me you were uncomfortable. I know that expressing boundaries is something that we’re both working on, and you did a wonderful job. Tell me what you want, Lo. Please?”
“I would like a kiss,” Logan says. “Just one. And then I would like to cuddle, and - and I would like us to watch Luca together. Is that acceptable?”
Virgil nods. “Of course, love. Come here, hmmm?” Logan settles next to her, and Virginia gently cups her cheek and presses their mouths together. “I love you, Logan. So much. Of course we can watch Luca now.”
Virginia lays an arm along the top of the couch, allowing Logan to cuddle up against her and rest her head on her chest. “I love you,” Logan says softly.
“I love you too, sweetpea.”
*~*~*~*~*
Logan rolls over, yawning, and feels a small weight displace itself from her thighs. She blinks awake slowly, lifting her head and pushing her curtain of curls aside to reveal a black cat mewing at her grumpily before settling into a sushi roll beside her.
“Did I wake you? I am sorry, Galileo . . .”
Galileo settles against her, purring softly, while the ash-grey cat at the foot of the bed pads slowly up to curl on Virginia’s back. “That’s your favorite spot, isn’t it, Andromeda?” The cat emits a soft “mrrrp” before settling back down to sleep. Logan yawns, smiles, and gently strokes her hears. “What should we do, girls? Shall we stay awake and be productive members of society?”
Neither cat responds, and Logan looks at Virginia. She’s haloed in the morning light, eyes tightly shut, mouth hanging open, drool leaking into a puddle on the pillow. She snores a little - one, two, three snorts before settling back into a deep sleep.
“No,” Logan decides, “we shall not.” She lays back down, gently nudging Galileo a few inches over so that she can snuggle up to Virginia. Galileo stretches out, pressing a paw directly into Logan’s cheek. Logan shoves her, and she resettles onto Logan’s feet with an indignant noise.
“You can sleep by my face when you do not kick my face,” Logan mutters, curling into her love.
*~*~*~*~*
groupchat name: be gay do crime
soda poppy: r u all comin 2 the bake sale 2morrow?!
lo tide: I was under the impression that we were only providing the baked goods. Is it not for the students at the school?
soda poppy: we got waaaayyyy more stuff than we thought so we r havin a 2nd bakesale 2morrow 4 parents an stuff!
soda poppy: we r gonna need sum help with setup though . . .
lo tide: Poppy, please do not even -
soda poppy: 🥺🥺🥺 p l e a s e
lo tide: Poppy.
snesbian (snake lesbian): logan
lo tide: If I agree to stop and pick up coffee for everyone, will that motivate you all to turn out?
violets are blue rosie is me: i’m always a slut for free coffee
lo tide: I’m sorry, where did I say that this would be free?
violets are blue rosie is me: D:<
ace attorney irl: eh i’m down for it. where you swingin’ by?
soda poppy: there’s a panera p close 2 where the bake sale is!!! it’s gonna b at the morning girl’s basketball game
lo tide: Does anyone have any issues with Panera coffee?
violets are blue rosie is me: nah. large iced coffee, add three ounces of half and half, two pumps of sugar syrup, two pumps of vanilla, and caramel drizzle.
ace attorney irl: complicated bitch much?
violets are blue rosie is me: why must the cain instinct betray me like this
ace attorney irl: the cain instinct started when we stole each other’s genders in the womb
violets are blue rosie is me: this is true this is true but you’re still a bitch
ace attorney irl: large hazelnut coffee, two sugars, please
snesbian (snake lesbian): large dark roast, black
soda poppy: medium decaf coffee, two ounces of almond milk, and two pumps of sugar syrup!
gin(ny) and tonic: large caramel latte
lo tide: You . . . are going to ride in the car with me to pick up the coffee, we can order our own coffees. I do not need your order, love.
lo tide: But I appreciate the information <3 <3
*~*~*~*~*
“We come bearing gifts,” Virginia announces loudly. “And by gifts, I mean we bought a baker’s dozen of cinnamon crunch bagels for everybody.”
“Well, there are twelve cinnamon crunch bagels and one plain bagel, bagged separately, for me,” Logan corrects, expertly balancing two coffee trays with a bagel container. “Also, we made more brownies.”
Poppy looks up from where she’s instructing two high-schoolers on how to hang a sign properly and grins, waving brightly. Jan is leaning on the table, hand on her head, sipping at a water bottle.
“Vodka or whiskey?” Logan asks dryly, handing over Jan’s black coffee. Jan blinks at her, flips her off, and drains a long swig from her cup.
“Water. Partied a little too hard with Remy last night, and now I’m hungover as shit.”
“We suspected as much, which is why we brought you an extra coffee.”
“Lifesaver,” Jan says, knocking back another long drag of coffee before taking a sip of her water bottle. (Logan suspects the bottle is actually Poppy’s, due to the sun-shiney stickers plastered all over it.) “You and Poppy both. But if you tell anyone that, I’ll gut you like a fish."
“No, you won’t,” Logan says, turning to hand Rosie and Remus their respective drinks. “You never do.”
Jan flips her off, but Virginia comes up behind her and leans her forehead against her shoulder. Logan turns, kissing her forehead, and smiles.
Life is good today, she thinks. Life is good.
(screen names!
virgin -> gin(ny) and tonic; ginny <3 = virginia (virgil)
lo tide = logan
snesbian (snake lesbian) = jan (janus)
soda poppy = poppy (patton)
ace attorney irl = remus
violets are blue rosie is me = rosie (roman) (thanks to @rosesisupposes for letting me borrow your screen name for this!)
117 notes · View notes
olivinesea · 2 years
Text
Some People
a/n: I truly have no idea what this is. Big rains and big emotions this weekend I suppose. Here we have Hotch & Vincent Perotta’s infamous conversation broken into three parts, each with it’s own Hotch thought. Some of it is story and some of it is just yours truly going off on some nonsense. There’s talk of/references to abuse but all in the past and while a bit sad (literally cannot stop myself) I think it’s overall rather hopeful. Do lmk what you think please, I’m curious and not opposed to being told I’m crazy. ~4.7k
1. Hotch & Perotta & parallels; 2. Hotch & Haley & differences; 3. Hotch & Emily & promises
You grew up in a household that looked normal and happy, didn’t you Vincent?” “Did I?” “But your father beat you every chance he got.” “He smacked me around some, didn’t everybody’s old man?” “No.”
There was a pause after this denial, the small word sinking into Perotta’s psyche. Hotch didn’t break eye contact as he felt echoes of familiar emotions radiate off the other man. He’d expected this, as he had expected the insulting response. An almost childish taunt meant to cut back, retaliation against the messenger of a truth everyone dreaded hearing: you are not normal, your life has been an oddity, an outlier. No one wants to learn that the shaky lie they’ve built their life on, their entire understanding of themselves, was so easily knocked over.
Hotch remembered when he’d first learned that it was not in fact typical to fear the sound of footsteps in the hallway. That the pain in his chest that was so intense at times he couldn’t move, was not a weak heart but a symptom of anxiety brought on by being unable to predict his father’s actions, his moods flashing one moment to the next, rising and falling with the tides of the liquor cabinet. That not every house was scored nightly by endless yelling and tears. That people found it unusual to seek comfort in the corner of a closet or under a bed, where he could press against the walls, where he could be sure to see anything that was coming at him.
He remembered how angry he felt when he found out. He was angry he had been tricked into thinking this was just life, that any wish for it to be different was only a child’s foolish fantasy, an unrealistic expectation of a broken world. He was angry that he had been taught this was love; that he was on his own to figure out how to unlearn that. He resented that there were people who’s reality had been the opposite of his own. That there were lives that never included threats or withheld meals, people who had never been made to feel guilty over their very existence. That it was possible for people to equate home with safety. It was hard to wrap his mind around, sometimes it was just easier to go back believing everyone lived like his own dysfunctional family. Every time he was reminded otherwise the anger came back anew. He’d spent so many years working out this anger on others. So many years turning it on himself. Until he forgot why he was angry, knew only that it was a part of him.
In that pause Hotch could feel the crack in Perotta’s calculated exterior, the killer’s hesitation allowing a doubt, a confusion into his mind. A maybe. Maybe it wasn’t all inevitable. Maybe there had been choices where it had appeared to be but one option. In this moment he could almost feel sorry for Perotta, learning something this difficult so late in his life. The man was being forced to face the enormity of his false beliefs while chained to a chair in a small interrogation room, no chance to escape, to privately reckon with his ghosts. In this moment, Hotch knew they had saved the missing agent, knew he could get the information he needed as the pieces of this man came apart under that horrible weight of knowledge.
Well maybe if yours had you would have learned how to fight.
He knew how to fight, probably better than Perotta himself, for he had seen both sides. Hotch had faced the fork in the road and made a conscious choice, which was more than the other man had done. Perotta had fallen into his work, twisted by unkind hands until he couldn’t see any other way, until he threw himself wholeheartedly into piling more hurt onto the world he despised. Trying to pay off the debts of his father’s malice by visiting his own violence on others. Hotch knew more, had had more time to see the world for what it was, both its cruelties and its forgiveness. He’d been lucky, he supposed, to have been forced into his own realization of his false reality, as painful as it had been to learn.
The shame had come later, when he was old enough to realize that not only was his family not like the others, but plenty of people knew of their difference. All the things he was made to do to cover up what was happening (it was his fault anyway, wasn’t it?), the contortions he performed to blend in—none of those things ever really did enough to hide it. People knew, they just didn’t want to have to see. His efforts, his mother’s efforts, did just enough to make it so others had plausible deniability, so they could say, convincingly enough, if questioned, I never would have guessed, they were such a nice family, a happy family. Enough that they could tell themselves there wasn’t anything that wrong, nothing that they could do about it anyway, all families had their troubles, right?
The worst part of learning that no, not everyone had to contend with monsters in their homes, was having to accept that the monsters were only people, too. That was the only way out, the only way to not be trapped within the labyrinth of anger and hatred, unable to forgive the world. He’d had to understand that though he had been hurt, been treated in ways no child deserved to be treated, his monsters were only human, only trying to outrun their own monsters. None of it had been set up to specifically hurt him, and likewise, there was nothing special about him that deserved it, no matter how much he’d been told otherwise. Life was being at the mercy of circumstance and no one could choose where they come from, only where they were going. He could have spent forever steeped in rage for what had happened to him, what he had been made to endure, how indifferently the world had treated him when he was defenseless.
But he hadn’t. Instead he’d accepted that kindness could also exist, that people could treat him as well as they had harmed him. He learned that he could be valued, not only for what he could do but for who he was. He chose to follow that, to believe in that even when he faltered, when things happened that made the voice of his father, forever an inescapable piece of him, snarled in his ear once more. He had chosen to believe it when, first Haley, then others, told him they loved him, even when he couldn’t feel it, even when the contrast between their love and the love he had been taught only made everything hurt more. Because of that choice he would win this fight. Because he was tethered by love he could wind his way into the minds of killers like Vincent Perotta, a parallel, an alternate version of himself, and still find his way out again.
���Paranoid personalities develop in childhood.” “You know you’re saving me thousands of dollars in therapy bills?” “You learned to take the beatings, the abuse. You learned to smile. But in the back of your mind you probably thought ‘one day. one day when I’m big enough.’ So you were bullied and abused and you became an abuser and a bully, it’s a logical progression.” “Really?”
Aaron had always had his peculiarities, little habits that made Haley shake her head, smiling to herself over her boyfriend—no, her husband’s—odd but harmless mannerisms. This one she hadn’t learned about until they had moved into their first apartment together. While she marveled over the counter space and the view of the city from the windows, he focused on one thing only. Locks. How many there were, how well they held, how many copies of the keys existed. It was hard for Haley to understand how important a simple lock was, to make sense of all the time that Aaron spent locking doors and testing and locking them again. In a one bedroom apartment, with just the two of them, she could hardly see any reason to even have the bedroom door closed, let alone locked. And yet, every night, for countless minutes, he would test first the front door and then their bedroom. To Haley, a lock was merely a formality, a step in a daily routine no different than packing lunch or greeting a coworker.
But to Aaron a lock was significantly more than its obvious function. A lock was a promise, was an achievement. It was the difference between rest and vigilance. A lock was freedom. As a child, he had never been able to imagine himself the owner of a lock, a person with the agency to close his doors and have them stay that way. Each time the tumblers clicked into place, confirming a separation of him from the unstable outside world, he felt a bubble of tension burst, like the tiny bubbles that rose to the surface of the champagne they’d drunk out of mismatched mugs their first night there. Even better was the deadbolt on their front door, a lock he could feel slide into place, a physical sensation even more satisfying than the click of the bedroom door’s lock. Through a combination of the locks and the thousands of miles from Virginia, Aaron felt like he was finally able to understand what people meant when they used the word relax.
She teased him about it, was occasionally frustrated with him when they found themselves locked out, barred by his over-enthusiastic drive to keep the world away. On those times he’d sheepishly go to the building manager and use his most charming smile to get her to unlock their door, just this one last time, I promise. It was a little embarrassing, earning him some unflattering nicknames from the grouchy manager. But she couldn’t resist how sweet the young couple was, so excited about this new chapter in their lives. And they were certainly busy, both in school and holding jobs. A little forgetfulness on occasion wasn’t a sin and she was only watching reruns of her shows anyway.
One afternoon, exhausted from too much studying, too little sleep he laid down for nap in their room, locking the door merely for the pleasure of it. He hadn’t expected to sleep more than half an hour or so, that was the best he’d been doing at night recently. Haley arrived home with barely a few minutes to change between classes and work, only to find herself barred from their room, from her things. She knocked, amused at first but when there was no response she became annoyed and a little worried (no matter how far they went, she’d never been able to outrun the fear that one day, one day, he’d be gone). She used her fist to pound on the flimsy door, barely more than a couple sheets of plywood really, a silly thing to give a lock when it was probably just as easy to knock in as not.
“Aaron! Come on, I’m going to be late!” She felt harsher words rise to her lips, her frustration and fear getting the better of her. She rattled the door handle again, hopeful that it would give in on its own. It held.
“Goddamnit Aaron!” She kicked the door, an unwise move without shoes, swearing when she stubbed her toe. She was about to call for him again when the door finally opened, Aaron’s eyes red from sleep, pillow creases on his cheek. He saw how upset she was and knew he should apologize but found himself frozen, too disoriented from being woken up by someone cursing his name. He’d been so thoroughly asleep he wasn’t sure where he was, hadn’t been sure who would be on the other side of the door. Logically he knew it was Haley, knew she had never, would never do anything to hurt him. But the fear compressing his lungs wouldn’t bend to logic. So instead of speaking, he just backed up until he was sitting on the bed, watching her cautiously as she entered.
Already pulling her shirt off, she scolded him distractedly. She didn’t mean anything by it, she was just late, just tired and annoyed. This quirk of his having risen to the level of inconvenience once again. She just needed to unload a little of that frustration on the instigator of the whole situation. But as she turned back to him, pulling her long hair out from under the collar of her work shirt, she saw he was no longer looking at her. Instead he stared down at his hands which he’d balled into fists, a failing attempt to stop them from shaking. His shoulders hunched, he’d curled forward into himself, defensive. It had been a long time since she’d seen him look like that. For a moment she was seventeen again, back in her childhood bedroom, watching him after he’d woken up from a nightmare, struggling to keep calm as he fought past the terrors in his mind.
She walked over to him, using up seconds she didn’t have, knowing this was going to make her late but knowing the risk of leaving him like this was worse. She knelt in front of him, saying his name before moving slowly to wrap her hands around his. He shuddered but didn’t pull away. He said something she couldn’t understand, his voice raspy, throat dry.
“Hmm?”
He pulled in a breath like he was unsure if he was allowed it. “I’m so sorry Haley.”
She ground her teeth together to hold back a visible reaction to the despair she heard in his voice. They’d come so far, run from the dangers of his past in every way she knew how. He seemed so happy with her, so improved. He appeared sure of himself with people, even making jokes in his own quiet way. Each day put them further from his family, from his childhood, closer to their future. The one she’d always envisioned, the one she’d wanted so intensely she was able to pull him with her towards it. She was fixated on the nearness of it and she sometimes forgot. She forgot how damaged he’d been. He was so fucking good at hiding it from her. She’d never fully seen, never fully understood what was happening to him when they were kids and now, now with all the trappings of adulthood, no longer in any physical danger, just the haunting of his mind, it was even harder to spot. She was mad at herself for forgetting, for letting something as small as running a little late be the reason he’d drawn into himself, made him feel like he needed to hide. But she knew he would only read that as anger towards him and that wasn’t what he needed. She leaned her forehead against their intertwined hands for a moment, collecting herself, making sure the words would come out right.
He was watching her, his dark eyes full of fear still too close to the surface to disguise. He was terrified of the consequences of his actions, convinced (every time) this would be the final straw, that Haley had reached her limit with him. Why did he have to lock the stupid door? Why couldn’t he be normal? Normal people didn’t do that, didn’t have an obsession with such inconsequential, symbolic measures of security.
She saw this and sighed. “It’s okay Aaron. I’m not mad at you.”
He looked at her doubtfully.
“I promise, I just…” Haley didn’t know what to say, too aware of how useless words were, how deep the pain ran that she’d carelessly uncovered. She stood up and pulled him into a hug, his head resting against her chest. She pressed her lips into his hair. “I love you Aaron.” She held him there a minute longer, hoping she could convey through stillness how much she meant it, praying that he could decode her apology from her beating heart. When she pulled back to look at him again he was calm, the scared child retreated, hidden safely again behind his perfect smile. It unnerved her, something telling her this wasn’t exactly better but it would have to do for now. She really was late.
“I’ll see you tonight,” she told him, promising herself that she’d talk to him about this later, that she wouldn’t let him brush it off, convince her once again that there was nothing to worry about. He only nodded, smiling again as she kissed the corner of his mouth.
As soon as she left he got up and checked the front door, turning the deadbolt she often forgot to put in place, trying not to feel guilty as he did. He didn’t know how to explain it to Haley, who had never used her door as a shield, had never had even that most basic barrier taken from her at times. A lock might not have prevented all the bad things that had happened to him but it would have at least slowed them down. It would have been a few extra moments’ warning to disappear. It didn’t matter that he was too old and too far away to be afraid anymore. It didn’t matter that his fears were all memories while the locks were here in the present, they still helped somehow and he couldn’t stop. He could only hope Haley would forgive him for it.
You were just responding to what you learned Vincent. When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive, violent household it’s not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.” “Some people?” “What’s that?” “You said ‘some people’ grow up to become killers.” “…and some people grow up to catch them.”
He didn’t know what day it was. Time had ceased to hold any meaning to him. Sometimes people came and pulled him in different directions, poking his unresisting arms and legs into clothing, tying his shoes like he was a child again. They tried to get him to eat, attempting a range of foods to entice him but his plates were mostly left untouched. He swallowed pills automatically, finally a good patient after so many years.
People talked around him but he couldn’t hear what they said. Sometimes a word would float above the rest, make its way into his consciousness. Jack. Haley. He knew that there were emotions he should feel. Something more he should be doing, where was his son? But then the thought would slip away and he’d go back to examining the paint on the walls.  
The only time he had any reaction was when someone sat him on the edge of the tub and tried to shave his face. He balked at the scrape of the razor on his skin, falling backwards into the tub to the sound of elaborate multi-lingual cussing. Emily, he thought numbly, only Emily knows how to swear like that.
“You absolute fucking prick,” she continued, advancing on him like he wasn’t lying half stunned in his own bathtub, blood sliding down his neck.
He wondered briefly at her worry, noting that she only used her choicest insults for when she was afraid. But there was nothing to be afraid of, he wasn’t alive so he couldn’t be hurt. Didn’t she know that? He didn’t resist when she dragged him back up but didn’t help either, ending up mildly choked by his own shirt collar.
“Asshole,” she muttered, this time holding his head in place with a fistful of his hair as she finished her job. She held a warm washcloth to the cut, “Here, hold this while I find your fucking first aid kit.” When he only stared at her she roughly grabbed his right hand and pressed it onto the cloth, holding it in place. “Stay,” she ordered. She continued to talk to herself as she opened drawers, or maybe it was to him but he wasn’t listening. Dead people don’t have conversations.
“You really want to get me in trouble, huh? I told Jessica I would handle this and now I’m going to return you bleeding and concussed. She’s going to be pissed”
“‘m not concussed.”
Her eyes left the cut where she was trying to apply liquid adhesive to focus on his. They were hazy and drifted from her to a spot over her shoulder. She had been joking about the concussion but that made her a little worried. Probably just the sedatives, she told herself hopefully. She waited to see if he’d say anything else. He hadn’t spoken in days, not since they’d found him, covered in blood, strangling a dead man.
“Do you know what today is?” Her voice was gentle, no longer baiting him.
He blinked at her slowly, eyes still unfocused. “No,” he whispered.
Her heart sank into her stomach, she’d been hoping not to have to be the one to remind him. Jessica said she’d talked to him (at him) about it just that morning.
“Aaron, it’s—”
“No,” louder this time, his voice taking on some of the chill she was used to him directing at those who most displeased him.
She wasn’t going to fight with him, not today. She finished what she could, hoping it wouldn’t be too noticeable. A dark laugh twisted through her when she noted the rest of his face—one little shaving nick couldn’t compare to the damage already done. When she tried to pull him to his feet, he shook off her hand but stood on his own and made it into the bedroom before freezing. He seemed lost, unsure where to go next. Emily came around from behind him, giving him a wide berth like she’d give a horse prone to kicking. She didn’t pause as she went to his closet, pulled down a dress shirt. Then, after looking over her shoulder at him, she dug in a drawer for a white undershirt as well. She returned and looked at him expectantly. He didn’t move.
“Arms,” she prompted.
He blinked, confused. She pointed to his collar. “You’ve got blood all over that one, you need to change.”
He flinched as she grabbed the hem of his shirt but she didn’t stop. She’d found it was best to move quickly, before he could get his mind around resisting. Before long she was making short work of buttoning the crisp white dress shirt. It took until she’d looped his tie around his neck for him to catch up, to remember that he wasn’t going along with this. Not today. He backed up but she followed, determined to be ready when it was time. She was going to do her part to get her friend where he needed to be, whether he thought he wanted to go or not. When she didn’t let up he panicked, the tie becoming hands wrapped around his neck. He pulled at it with one hand, trying to push her away with the other.
“No!” He was getting better at the word even if he didn’t understand what he was fighting against. Still uncoordinated, he tripped, just barely catching himself on the bed, slowing his fall. He managed to get the tie off and threw it, finding a few more words to yell at Emily. A fully grown man, he hadn’t thrown a fit in decades but wasn’t quite aware of how strangely he was behaving, how frightening it was. Wasn’t at all aware that he’d started crying. Emily dropped to the floor beside him as he covered his face, trying to press himself into the corner formed by the bed and the nightstand. Trying to disappear. She was afraid to touch him.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” she tried to sound soothing but she was scared by this sudden change. He’d barely seemed conscious these last few days, since he’d had to be convinced to let go of Haley’s body, long grown cold.
“Aaron, please.” She bit her lip, steeling herself for what came next. Then she grabbed both his wrists, pulling them away from his face, forcing him to look at her. Normally he would be stronger but killing Foyet had done some damage and the medications he was on were numbing his reflexes. He struggled but she held on, feeling guilty as her fingers dug into his forearms.
“Goddamnit!”
He’d gotten one hand free and in the process smacked her in the side of the face. She rocked back on her heels, glaring at him as she explored the sore spot with her fingertips. She could taste blood where the inside of her cheek cut against her teeth. It was enough to bring him back to the present. He looked at her, horrified.
“Are you done?”  
He tried to remember what happened, when Emily had gotten there. He could swear she had been someone else.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what…”
“Yeah, whatever, jerk,” she said as she stood up and offered him a hand again. He moved slowly but with far more awareness. When she reached up to hold his face, his eyes focused on hers easily. She could see he knew what was happening—what day it was and where he was going. All the knowledge he’d been hiding from was there, the panic it caused barely contained.
“You can do this,” she promised him, brushing away a remaining tear. He closed his eyes and felt the softness of her hands, the kindness she was offering him. “Just breathe.”
He didn’t deserve it.
“I was wrong, Em,” he said, “all this time, I’ve been wrong. I’ve been lying.”
She lowered her hands, linking her fingers lightly through his battered ones. “What do you mean?”
“I thought,” he hesitated, searching for the words. “I thought I was the good guy, that I was different, that I had chosen different than all these bastards we hunt down.”
He stopped and she wasn’t sure if he would continue, but she waited anyway, knowing how sometimes the thoughts came slowly.
“I’m not different though, am I? It doesn’t matter how many of them I catch, how many I help put away, it’s always there inside me. It’ll always be there, I can’t escape it.”
“Escape what?”
“What I am.”
He seemed to think this was explanation enough but she shook her head. If he was saying what she thought he was, she was going to make him say it out loud, force him to hear how ridiculous the idea was.
“I’m a killer, Emily,” he looked away, too ashamed to face her. “Inside me, under everything else, there’s just this…anger. No better than Foyet, no better than my father, no better than any of them.” Then, even more quietly, “I’ve just tricked you all into thinking I’m not.”
“Shut up.”
“What?” Before he realized what was happening she’d pushed him down so he was seated on the edge of the bed, giving her a few inches of height as she stood in front of him, furious.
“You, Aaron Hotchner, are not any of that. And you know it, you’re smarter than this. I mean, listen to what you’re saying, did you even hear that shit? You’re a fucking idiot but you are not a killer and you are so much better than those people.”
She took a breath, “This is not your fault.”
He started to shake his head, denial ready on his lips but she grabbed him by the shoulders.
“You fucking listen to me. Haley was murdered. Not by you, not by whatever insane chain of events you’ve linked together to lead back to you with your twisted bullshit logic. A literal serial killer murdered her, Aaron. His choice, not yours.” She paused to see if he was going to argue. He looked unconvinced but didn’t speak so she continued, “Even if you don’t believe me right now, Jack needs you to pretend. And I know how fucking good you are at pretend so pretend this. For Jack. And for Jessica. And for the rest of us. Okay?”
He looked at her with an expression that crushed her heart but she wouldn’t let it go.
“I wouldn’t lie to you Aaron. I’d tell you if this was your fault, you know I would. You’re still the good guy, this doesn’t change that. Don’t let him take that away from you too.”
She hadn’t let go of his shoulders and she could feel the tension in his muscles, how badly he wanted to get away. She fought the tears that had threatened to fall as she watched how difficult it was for her friend to believe what she was telling him.
“Just try, please,” she was begging now and she didn’t care.
He sighed, “Okay, I can try.”
He wanted to take it back as soon as he’d said it, thinking about all the ways he’d keep letting them down, how much simpler it would be to give in, accept his failings. But he resisted, Emily’s relief was too much to take away just then. He would compromise. Today, he silently added. I can try today.
She knocked her forehead against his, moving a little too fast to wrap her arms around his neck, losing her battle with her tears. She could tell he was already doubting himself but that was okay, she could work with that. She just needed him to be here, the rest was all a matter of time.
“You’re so, so stupid,” she sniffed, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, “and I love you.”
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stellocchia · 3 years
Text
I just wanted to analize the conversation between Foolish and Tommy for a bit because I’m still thinking about it
I did technically intend for this to be a short little thing with just a couple of my thoughts on it but... brevity is NOT my strong suit!
So I put everything under the cut and obviously it’s all about the characters.
You can find the conversation here at 02:52:55 and onwards
What is extremely interesting about this whole conversation is that Foolish is mostly unaware of what happened prior to him joining and about most things that happened afterwards, meaning he has as detached and objective of an opinion as you can get. For example Foolish doesn’t know almost anything about L’Manburg, as it was destroyed before he joined and he also didn’t know that Tommy went in the prison to kill Dream (which is why he asks how that went when Tommy mentions it). That paired together with the fact that Foolish has proven to be quite a good listener is probably the reason why Tommy felt so comfortable opening up with him.
“No what do you mean you fought Dream?” “Well you know... you’ve seen Wilbur haven’t you?” “No, no actually” (as I said, completely unaware, though he did seem a bit worried at the idea of Tommy fighting Dream)
“Ghostbur’s uhm... Ghostbur’s not here anymore” “Oh did he pack up? Move out? Got bored? He seems like a free spirit” “Yeah he moved out to this little train station far far away. There’s a little train station, you know? Right near the world border. There’s a little train station” “Oh that’s cool! I wanna see that sometimes" (...) “There’s a little train station out near the world border and Ghostbur went but he left Friend” “He left Friend?!” “But we’ll get Friend to him soon, ‘cause then they’ll all be happy”
Tommy’s way of explaining things to others is always so fascinating to me. It’s childish and charged with emotions, but I don’t mean this negatively, because it gets the point across better then any grand and eloquent speaches really could in my opinion. How attached he was to Ghostbur is also extremely sweet and this is simply his way of dealing with grief: trying to find a practical solution (he was suggested to Tubbo to wash up and now his solution is bringing Friend to Ghostbur), trying to find something he can do to make things better.
“How much can you take Foolish? Blood! Blood! Does that upset you?” (it’s nice seeing Tommy being mindful of other people’s triggers since not many people are mindful with his)
“All I know is I’m proving that bitch [Wilbur] wrong! Because he told me- he told me I’m weak” (another example that the manipulation did work to some extent)
“I don’t feel comfortable talking about that [his revival] with you Foolish if I’m honest” “No, fair enough!” (and Foolish repaying the favour right after)
“I don’t really se how this solves the problem” “Well it doesn’t ‘solve’ the problem, it’s preventing the problem Foolish, alright? Have you noticed that all the problems come they don’t get solved, do they? Ends up with some madman screaming ‘I solved it’ alright? And now- and then look at him, alright, now he’s taken away everyone’s favourite man: Ghostbur, alright? Problems don’t really get solved in this server”
So, for context Foolish was commenting on how gathering stone didn’t seem like a good solution for Tommy to prove to Wilbur that he wasn’t weak, but Tommy’s answer is about more then that. There isn’t much he can do at the moment, not knowing what Wilbur is planning, so the only thing he CAN do for now is what he was asked and, hopefully, prove himself to Wilbur so that he may be able to stop Wilbur from committing atrocities before he starts. Also the “madman” he’s talking about could be Dream (the one who thinks he is a God and actually killed Ghostbur) as well as Sam (the one who thought the prison was gonna be a solution to the Dream problem and who let Ghostbur die) or it could be Wilbur (who seems so self assured about being right on everything and is now the one who replaced Ghostbur), any of them fits. It is also true that, so far, every problem that seemed to have been “solved” turned out to be far from it every single time. That said, of course it should not be Tommy’s responsability to get Wilbur on the “right path” nor should he bear sole responsability for avoiding disaster once more, but, by now, he’s convinced that that’s not the truth, probably because he sees himself as far more sacrificable then those around him.
“Well, how do we go about changing that [problems not getting solved]?” “That’s what I’m doing” “By gathering stone?” “No what I’m doing my friend is preventing the problem before it gets out of hand like it did before, alright?” (again, it’s all about prevention now through getting Wilburs trust and maybe steering him in the correct path)
“L’manburg! This was mine and Wilbur’s na- it was Wilbur’s nation! It was Wilbur’s which makes it all the more heart wrenching, alright?” (referring to his talk with Wilbur about L’Manburg, which does make it more heart wrenching)
“Now we were okay- I was okay when we were banished and I knew that we’d get it back and we’d talk about it, right? As you said: ‘peace is the option’. But here’s the thing Foolish, Wilbur didn’t wanna do anymore talking, he’d given up with that, because some people aren’t strong enough, alright, some people stop talking. You know the phrase ‘treat others how you wanna be treated’ Foolish? That’s a very important phrase (...) Wilbur disregarded that rule. He decided that he wanted to be treated poorly so he’d treat everyone else poorly” “Why do you think that?” “Honestly sometimes I don’t really know myself”
So a very interesting thing that emerged from this conversation is that Tommy has a much better understanding of Wilbur then most people originally assumed and he is possibly the only person (in universe) who has picked up on the fact that all of Wilburs “villain speaches” and behaviours were nothing more then him treating others like he thought he himself deserved to be treated, like sh*t. It’s also interesting that Tommy relates the concept of strenght here once again both with the ability to stay peaceful and, this time, also the ability to communicate properly with those you care about (probably because this are both things he himself lacked when he considered himself to be at his worst, meaning in exile and later with Techno). It is also to be noted though that, while Tommy is undoubtedly the one person who understand Wilbur best, he is still not aware of how bad his spiral had gotten because Wilbur never communicated it.
“Now Wilbur, he was a good man- he IS a good man, deep inside him, alright?” “So you’re saying that there’s still redemption for him?” “Well he’s been a good man deep inside him, but he’s been a bad guy for a very very long time” (Short introduction to Tommy’s concept of “good” or “bad” in season 3. He has gotten a lot more nuanced over time realizing that the world isn’t simply black or white)
“You believe in second chances?” “No I don’t. I don’t really believe- I- that’s not a thing for me Foolish, is just that... *sigh* I believe that everyone has got a little bit of good in them. And I know that Wilbur had good in him” (A little bit more about his concept of morality, this time explaining that he doesn’t really believe in giving people a quantifiable number of “chances”, but more so in the fact that everyone has capacity for good, which also implies that everyone has capacity for bad, but he chooses to hang onto the first one for those he cares about)
“Now I just think Wilbur’s being a bad guy, and that’s okay! We’re all bad guys, everyone messes up. You learn the most from your mistakes” (he also moved on from the fear of becoming a “bad guy” now it seems by noticing that your mistakes don’t define you as a person and that they are opportunities to better yourself)
“He’s made sooo many mistakes, so many that have hurt so many people, but, what this is gonna be about isn’t giving him a second chance, isn’t giving him a third chance, is not about chances! Foolish, it’s about not giving up on the people you care about”
And this is the culmination of all the previous point. The idea of chances implies that you’re gonna give up at some point if the person doesn’t changes (which is a healthy thing to do, by the way, sometimes it’s better to cut people off when they aren’t good for you) and Tommy doesn’t believe in that. He believes that everyone has some good in them and perhaps, if you stick by them long enough, that good may shine threough. Now this is a nice concept in theory, but in reality if people wanna change it has to start from themselves (wether that be changing an opinion or needing to reach out for help) and it’s especially not a good idea to stick by someone if they are harmful to you. I’m sure no one likes Wilbur being in this example, so think what would happen if Tommy applied the same mentality to, say, Dream, someone who has hurt him more then anyone else and who considers him less then human (more like his propriety) and who’s most probably never gonna change since he never regretted anything he did: would you still think that the idea of “never give up on people if you care about them” would be a positive one? This sadly is an example of excessive selflessness on Tommy’s part that ends up being self-destructive.
“You consider yourself to be the ‘good guy’ or the ‘bad guy’?” “That really depends who you ask, doesn’t it? You know? You ask Dream he’s say I’m- he’d say I’m his little- I’m his little play- his little toy that he plays with, you know, it doesn’t- Foolish honestly I used to consider myself the ‘good guy’, the fucking second in command going around going ‘yeah let’s do this!’ but I- recently- this past- this past like six months or so Foolish everything got so much harder then it was before, but because before it was us fighting the bad guys and everything was so clear, it was all so clear! But it’s not been clear for so long”
A few things to unpack here: Tommy once again demonstrating quite a bit of awareness that he didn’t always have about Dream and how he now views him (this has been a gradual and difficult realization for him and it is still clearly hard for him to talk about it) and then explaining that things simply got more complicated then they once were (which is an important thing to keep in mind, because Wilbur missed all of that, he missed the world becoming shades of gray) and that he really doesn’t believe in ‘bad guys’ or ‘good guys’ any longer.
“It seems like you’ve been the hero, you’ve been the viallian, the conquerer, the saviour and, even now, I still have no idea of what you exactly are” “It’s up to you to decide, isn’t it?”
Now this can be interpreted in a few different ways. It could be that Tommy has simply given up in tring to define himself since others keep insisting in putting him into small little boxes that don’t fit him. It could be that he simply refuses the labels and leaves it up to others to decide what he is in relation to them. Or it could be something else entirely and I’m leaving it up to you to decide.
“Unlike you I don’t really have a choice. I have to try and be who I want to be, ‘cause if I don’t... very bad things are gonna happen on this server. Now Wilbur’s back Foolish I can’t- quite frankly no one can risk that, so I don’t really have a choice”
And this is how it ends on a quite hopeless note actually. By this point the responsability to solve problems has been put on his shoulders so many times that he doesn’t really think he has a choice any longer and he also recognizes Wilbur as a genuine threat to the server as a whole if left alone.
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animeyanderelover · 3 years
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Hi and Hello,it's me once again with yet another ask(I can't help myself, your writing is just so much fun to read!) I'd love to see some headcanons for the Senju brothers, Neji, Shikamaru, Sasuke, Kushina, Asura and Indra and a childhood marriage promise. The darling and the yandere made a promise to marry when they grow up. Soon after the darling's family moves away. And by the time they meet again they completly forgot about that foolish little promise. Maybe have a crush on someone else too?
Such a wide variety on characters. Oh, I’m going to have fun with this😈.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, threatening, blackmailing, bribing, kidnapping, sabotage, violence, death
Childhood marriage promise
Hashirama Senju
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🌳Hashirama is definitely the type to make such a promise to you when the both of you were younger since he had the hugest crush on you already back then. His brother probably scolded him for making such stupid promises to you. I do believe that Hashirama was, when being younger, often scolded for being such an airhead and “too nice” person. So I can see people giving him the “if you continue being such a weakling you’ll never find someone to marry later on” saying. But every time they told him this he would just give them a goofy grin and tell them that he had already found the person he wanted to get married too.
🌳Hashirama was the type to always tell you this as well, being already as a child someone who often complimented you and went on childish dates with you. And he always promised you that later on he would make sure that he would always keep you happy. He even talked about having children of your own. You found it cute at that time since the both of you had been only kids and so one you told him one day you would like marrying him too, making Hashirama blush and give you a bright grin. The both of you made on that day a pinky swear.
🌳Poor boy was so heartbroken when you left, whining and blabbering to his younger brother about how he couldn’t understand why you had moved and why you had to leave him. Had he perhaps done something wrong? If it wouldn’t have been for Tobirama’s scolding speech about collecting his shit he could have continued for hours.
🌳Hashirama never forgot you and for sure never once forgot that promise for once. In his heart he stayed as the young romantic boy who had dreamed about marrying you, his darling. The both of you most likely met after the village had been established, your family moving in there since it provided more safety. And Hashirama was so thrilled when hearing that you had moved into his village, most likely storming to see you the moment after the words “(y/n)” and “back” had been registered in his mind.
🌳Hashirama most likely needed little to no time to fall in love with you all over again, never having stopped once to not feel romantic feelings for you. And due to the promise the both of you had he honestly thought that you felt the same. He’s probably even the type to bring it up to you, telling you about that he’s happy that he could now finally keep his promise to you. But you just gave him a confused look, blinking and asking him confused from what he was talking about. Ouch. That hurt him. He probably started to bombard you with explanations until you finally did remember and told him in an awkward tone that this had been just a childish promise. Nothing more. That might have counted for you, but not for Hashirama. He had clinged onto this promise all those years and now you were telling him that this had been nothing to you? You shattered his heart in that moment.
🌳It was only after this that Hashirama started noticing how you always spent time around that guy in your neighborhood, looking awfully close to him. He hadn’t noticed before, but now that he had sobered up a bit from his delusions, seeing things more clearly. And he was more disappointed and sad than angry by this. A bit at you as well for just breaking the sincere promise you and him had made so many years ago like it had been nothing for you. And Tobirama suffered most likely from a deja vu, his brother whining and complaining with a heartbroken voice that not only you had broken your promise, but also had started crushing on another guy. And Tobirama was the one who triggered his darker side in the end, telling him harshly that acting childish and complaining like a baby wouldn’t help him. If he wanted to have you back then he should start acting on it.
🌳As the Hokage Hashirama has many ways of getting rid of obstacles in his eyes. He wouldn’t want to go to too extreme lengths. He wants in the first place to stop you from falling in love with this guy so a few rumors should do the job. He actually promised to always make you happy and knows that you’ll feel very heartbroken by this. But you broke your promise as well and he’ll make it up to you again! That should make it okay, shouldn’t it?
Tobirama Senju
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🌊Tobirama was already as a child very mature, having to take care of his older brother and growing up in a time where he was confronted with death from a very young age on. Due to this it would be more spit out in the heat of an argument with him. Tobirama might have had a small crush on you when you back then, but that’s exactly what he thought of it as well. Just a small crush. Hashirama was most likely the type to tell him often:”Bro. Smile a bit or else you’ll scare every possible future bride away. Come on! Don’t always wear this dead serious face.”
🌊Tobirama is as said above not the type to make such a ridiculous promise until triggered enough. It most likely slipped unconsciously out of him, probably after you told him from something you wanted to achieve despite being clear that you would never be able to do that. Probably even telling him that when you’re older you’ll be stronger than him. In that case he would act on his pride. And because of this a small argument started and at some point he was livid enough to suddenly spit out if you would be ever able to reach that goal he would marry you. He probably tried to take these words back, but due to your bickering of him not being able to take those words back and teasing him off not having the balls to stand up for his words convinced him in the end to agree to it.
🌊Tobirama took it a lot more better when you left with your village, standing composed. He wasn’t someone who showed his feelings openly, but from his brother he couldn’t hide the fact that he was saddened by this. And Hashirama had been the first person who had shipped him and you, often teasing him about his crush on you and causing Tobirama to snap at him to stop talking nonsense. But the small blush on his face had always told Hashirama that he was right.
🌊Tobi never forgot you. How could he if his brother continued to tease him throughout the years? Your family moved to the Leaf Village later on and as soon as Hashirama heard the news he instantly told his brother about it. And his brother was most likely also the one who pushed him into visiting you instantly after. Not like Tobirama wouldn’t have done that himself anyways since he was curious about what had become of you.
🌊Tobirama spent a lot of time with you after that, most likely because his brother had begged him to. But with time he started to enjoy your presence. You had grown into a respectful and strong person. And not only that. You had also reached your goal from which you had dreamed off since your youngest childhood days. It was probably only to that that he remembered this promise from years ago. Damn it. He honestly thought you would tease him about this, but you never did. And it didn’t take much for Tobirama to figure out that you had forgot. And that stung much more than expected. Why was he so affected by such a stupid promise which he had always thought of no importance?
🌊But that proved to be not the thing that made him seething in the end. It was the fact that you started taking a liking to someone else. Some normal citizen. Tobirama knew damn well that he looked good and many people would have gone to war to just have him come on a daily base willingly over like he always did with you. But you had never seen him in that way, had you? And that was a huge blow to his pride, knowing that you preferred a civilian over someone like him. At first Tobi tried to ignore it, but it honestly didn’t take long until he exploded.
🌊We all now by now what Tobirama will do, giving that person’s life one brutal hit after another until he’s broken everything that is there to break. I think he’ll find himself constantly irritated and confused to why he’s so angry over the fact that you forgot that promise since he himself labeled it as childish at that time. But it is probably due to the fact that you were somewhat persistent on it and Tobirama was so embarrassed after promising this that he kind of started to expect from you to keep the dumb promise he had made to you. Hopefully you’ll act accordingly after he made you remember it or else he’ll be really mad. He took this promise in the end more personally than thought.
Neji Hyuga
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🕊I can see Neji as a young child, before everything happened to him, as quite the romantic and dreamy one, just like he was when he later on became a Yandere. So it’s very likely that he made that promise to you. His father probably told him often that he wished for Neji to find later on happiness in his life by marrying someone he truly loved.
🕊And Neji had already someone in vision for this. You. He was a dreamy boy and liked telling you that he really wanted to marry you later on in his life. Even as a child he had already acted a lot to you like he did later on when he had grown up. And you were back then just a kid who had dreamed of their dream prince. And here you had a young Neji standing in front of you and telling you that he wanted you to become his bride/groom later on. How could you have said no to this face?
🕊Due to his already more delusional tendencies from a very young age on he truly was grieving after you had left, not understanding why you would leave him alone after making that promise to him.
🕊As much as Neji hated to admit it, there had been a time where he had almost forgot about this promise the both of you had made. It was after he had become more bitter towards life and his clan in general. During this time he had tried to forget about that promise, scolding himself for still thinking about that. It was just a stupid dream of him. But after his fight with Naruto he had started to believe in that he could make it happen. He could marry you if he worked hard enough, bringing him back to his dreamy and hazzy state. Everyone in the clan knew about his dream so it was no wonder that Neji was instantly informed the moment your family moved back.
🕊Neji was instantly all over you again, continuing to do what he had done all the time since the both of you had been young. Treating you like his future wife/husband deserved to be treated. In his eyes you were already his partner, the only thing that needed to be done now was the marriage. So he started one day completely casually talking with you about it, expecting you to still remember that promise and give him your opinion. So he was more than just confused when you suddenly started laughing s bit and telling him that this had been just a small promise of no importance. And Neji’s brain wasn’t able to make use of this information. You had to be confused somehow! He knew that you had meant it back then!
🕊And very soon he believed to have found the reason to why you were confused. It was because of that fool there! That guy had manipulated you into thinking that you loved them! Neji was honestly beging enraged by this, feeling disgusted whenever he saw you with them. Never once crossed the thought his mind that you just liked him. For him it was obvious that you were being corrupted by them.
🕊Never would Neji give you any fault from this. No, you’re his sweet angel. It’s the other person’s fault for coming near you and luring you away. Neji’s two main ways of handling this are blackmailing or if it can’t be helped, killing. Not only that, but due to his delusions he might even force you into a marriage with him, all whilst believing in that promise from so many years ago.
Shikamaru Nara
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🦌Shikamaru would honestly be the type to only do something like this because he thinks it’s silly and is too lazy to start discussing with you about it. I can totally see his mother as the type who would continuously tell him that he would never be able to get a girl/boy by being so unspeakably lazy.
🦌You were be the one who had to somehow spark the conversation up about this, probably asking him if he wants to marry later on. And he told you about what his mother had told him, explaining that he doubted that someone would be able to deal with him. And you disagreed with him, saying you were sure he would be later on a great guy and that you for example could imagine to marry him later. This led to a small conversation about it and out of interest Shikamaru asked you if you would promise, wanting to see how far you would go to prove your words. And so the promise was made.
🦌Shikamaru never fully showed how sad he really was when you needed to move away and told you that you were truly a drag for leaving him all alone in the village. But he also told you that you should come back soon again.
🦌Shikamaru didn’t like talking very much about you because it made him sad. He never forgot about that promise too, always scoffing when thinking about it. But the older he got, the more it popped up in his head. He couldn’t deny that he was curious if after all those years you would still mean those words. He most likely heard from Ino that you had moved back, having heard it from one of her costumers.
🦌You were such a drag to only come now back, did you know that? That were Shikamaru’s first words when seeing you again. And you told him you had missed him too. Shikamaru enjoyed it really much that you were back, but there was still this part of him that was curious about whether you still remembered that promise or not. He doubted it, but still wanted to be sure. He was smart and started indirectly a conversation about the topic marriage, pushing you into telling him about it. And it seemed like you didn’t remember. He shouldn’t be surprised. It had after all just been a dumb promise two children had made. So why did he feel so upset by this?
🦌Shikamaru was good in analyzing, quickly noticing the signs you were giving that neighbor of yours. It all told him that you liked that guy. And he found himself surprised when feeling that nasty feeling in his stomach bubbling up whenever the two of you were talking to each other. It made him feel ashamed. Was he seriously jealous of that guy? Shouldn’t he be happy for you? And in all this mess there was still the stinging pain from the fact that you had forgotten that promise and no matter how much Shikamaru told himself that it was completely okay for you to forget about this, the stinging never fully disappeared.
🦌For Shikamaru it would take the longest to give in to his darker side and even then he would try to make it as harmless as possible. Probably figuring out habits that would annoy you on that guy and pointing out things that would make him look less fitting for you. You would honestly not even realize that he’s manipulating you.
Sasuke Uchiha
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💙Before the whole massacre happened Sasuke was a very innocent child so the only chance for this to happen is before he lost his whole clan. He probably asked his brother for the first time about this, wanting to know if he had someone he wanted to marry. And these kind of conversations made Itachi often laugh because Sasuke was just too innocent to understand the whole concept.
💙Sasuke suffered, the older he got, under the pressure of wanting to be acknowledged as someone who wasn’t always seen as Itachi’s younger brother, but as Sasuke Uchiha. He wanted to be praised and looked up to and not being constantly compared to his brother. And you were the only person he truly talked about this, often looking very down when telling you how his brother could do anything whilst he was still so far behind. And to cheer him up you told him that you would choose him over his brother all the time, going as far as saying that you would even marry him later on. That promise would turn out to be the biggest mistake of your life later.
💙You were pretty much the only person who Sasuke felt like truly understood him so imagine how he felt when you needed to move. He felt like the only person who had ever loved him for who he was and had believed in him was leaving him.
💙Before the massacre happened he often felt sorrow over your absence. After Itachi had slaughtered his whole clan Sasuke wanted to focus on training, wanted to get stronger to kill his brother and avenge his clan. Revenge and hatred was the only thing he had left. Bonds just make a person weak. That’s at least what he tried to tell himself. But he knew that this wasn’t true. He wasn’t completely alone. You were still there. A bond he had never been able to break. And the loneliness inside of him combined with his possessiveness led him to searching for you after joining Orochimaru. And with his help he found you again.
💙He had never thought of that promise very much after having lost everything. He hadn’t. But somehow he had expected you to remember it. But you hadn’t. What other reason would you have to look all that happy around that other person. And that made Sasuke truly pissed off. He had expected you to keep that promise! Weren’t you after all supposed to respect him and worship him? You had always done it, encouraging him and believing in him.
💙Your crush was dead the very next day, being brutally slaughtered by Sasuke without any mercy shown. Pathetic. That person had been so weak and pathetic. What was wrong with you for falling for this guy? In Sasuke’s eyes it was obvious that you hadn’t witnessed true power yet. But he would show you whom you should give your adoration. Him. Just like you had done it when the both of you had been younger.
💙Sasuke kidnapped you shortly after, telling you what had happened to your friend and what would happen to everyone else if you would try to run away. And as soon as you started crying and begging him to let you go he asked you in a mocking tone if you hadn’t promised him to marry him? And a promise was something which was kept.
Kushina Uzumaki
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🌶Kushina was to most people only a strange girl with funny red hair. But behind that impulsive shell she had always been a very romantic girl so once you managed to get close to her she was ready to do something like this. She used to be bullied because of her red hair, hearing often comments about that no one would want to marry someone with such ugly looking hair.
🌶You were worried whenever you heard those comments, fearing that Kushina was behind that tough shell in reality hurting so you often asked her if she was alright. And when you had once witnessed someone being extremely mean, calling her ugly and that she would die alone because no one would want to be with someone like her you quickly told her, after she had snapped at that guy, that many people would love to marry someone as beautiful as her. And that’s when she told you that she wasn’t interested in marrying other persons. She wanted to marry you, the only person who had supported her and loved her for who she was. That’s how the promise to marry each other when growing up was made.
🌶Kushina threw a temper tantrum when finding out that you were moving, refusing to let go of you the last day in the academy. She begged you to not to go, but she couldn’t do anything to prevent it from happening.
🌶Being a lovestruck one she was determined to keep her promise. Later on she was indeed very desired by men in the village, but she rejected all of them. She had meant it when she had said that she didn’t want anyone else than you. The only person who knew from this was Minato, her best friend. So she found out threw him that you had come back to the village. And before he even knew what was happening Kushina had already sprinted outside to see you again after years of waiting.
🌶Kushina was so glad to have you finally back in the village and picked up where the relationship of the both of you had stopped so many years ago. She didn’t need a long time to completely fall in love with you all over again, never having forgotten the way you had been there for her when no one else had been. And she was still determined to make her promise come true. But she wasn’t a delusional, meaning she knew fully well that you might have forgotten that promise over time. So she tried to spark a conversation about it. And it was like she had feared. You had forgotten. Kushina felt pretty much devastated after this. She kind of knew that she couldn’t have expected you to remember. But the fact that she had been genuine when making this swear to you and you had forgotten that hit hard.
🌶And when she found out that you had a crush on another? Poor Minato had a hard time holding her back so she wouldn’t storm to that guy and yell the living fuck out of him. Kushina understood that you were happy and wanted to get to know that person better. And that’s when she got conflicted. She wanted you to be happy, but she also wanted to be the one person next to you that made you happy. She really tried to get a hold of her racing emotions. She really did. But the knowledge that you had forgotten the promise and now had a crush on someone else caused her heart to clench.
🌶Kushina has of course the Hokage as her friend, even though I doubt that Minato would do much against that person. He might give Kushina advices on how to make you fall out of love with them and in love with her. The thing with Kushina is that as soon as she sees that guy treating you bad or does something that gets you hurt nothing will hold her back. In the end she might startle the guy away.
Asura Otsutsuki
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🔳Come on, I even wrote in the Hc’s for Indra and Asura having feelings for their childhood friend that he would be absolutely the type to tell you that he’ll marry you when the both of you are older. But I can also see him as someone who would have skmetimes gotten the comment when he was younger that if he wouldn’t focus on getting stronger and learning to behave that he would have a harder time finding a partner. But just like Hashirama he would just tell them that he had already someone he wanted to marry.
🔳He told you most likely everyday that he would later on marry you. But he was also, even though never showing it much, very affected because everyone praised his brother and called him a miracle whilst people said to him that he was a nice guy, but should try to train a bit harder. That made him a bit insecure and also fearing that you might start liking Indra more than him. The promise was made out of his insecurities and to ensure that you would stay with him. He didn’t have anything against you and his brother having a close friendship. But that was it.
🔳Confusion, heartbreak, sorrow. That were only a few of Asura’s feelings when you had to move away. He was so not motivated without you here and for the first few days just sulked about your absence. Indra and his father had to help him getting back on his feet and continuing to train and work.
🔳The only thing that kept him motivated was the knowledge of the promise the both of you made. Indra clinged onto that promise like his life depended on it, never once dreaming about entering a relationship with anyone else. And when he heard that you had moved back he literally jumped on you as soon as he had raced towards your house.
🔳Asura is a mix made out of delusional yet aware. That means that he sometimes did play with the thought that so many years had passed by and you might have forgotten the promise. But he’s also someone who believed that this swear between you and him was something special. So you couldn’t have forgotten it, could you? So he just assumed that you still remembered and one day started talking with you about it. You might try to imagine his heartbreak when you asked him confused about what he was talking about, not remembering it.
🔳He was already on the ground because of funding that out, but you gave him the last vicious hit when you told him one day that you had started to become interested in that guy in your neighborhood. And again his father and brother had to help him getting over his depressive state, his brother having gotten a lot more harsher and telling him that sitting around and feeling down over it wouldn’t be from any use. If he wanted to have you he should get rid of the obstacle. Asura was by all means nothing like his brother. But the heartbreak over the discovery that you had forgotten that promise, the slight feeling of betrayal and the comments of his brother caused him at some point to break.
🔳Asura sees your promise from back then as something special and as strange as it sounds, I can see his brother helping him with this. His brother should learn the “proper way of pushing away competition”, in short trying to teach him some of his Yandere behavior. And Asura can get very unnerving if he wants to be because it’s something out of a bad dream if he gets angry and serious.
Indra Otsutsuki
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💜Indra doesn’t really look like the type to do something like this since he was as a kid already more grown up mentally than all the others. Not only that, but since he was a wonder child he might have heard many people telling him that he would grow into a fine young man and would have a lot of women standing queue to get the chance to marry him.
💜Indra knew that such promises were never something that became reality later on. But I can see him as someone who would do it to motivate someone. Let’s assume that you were in the same boat as Asura, meaning a hopeless case compared to Indra. You always complained about everything being so hard and tiring and that you could never do that. And when Indra told you if you would work hard enough you just told him that he could say that so easily, being born with overflowing potential and being good at everything. Sometimes you felt so pressured about being his friend and not being able to meet his standards. One day he might not want to be your friend anymore. You looked so terribly down. And that’s when Indra said that this wasn’t true and if he would have to pick someone he would like to marry it would be you.
💜Indra was sad, but accepting with the fact that you had to move away from his village. Before you left you told him when coming back you would be stronger than now so he could feel proud of you.
💜Meeting Black Zetsu and becoming more and more obsessed with becoming stronger he didn’t think that much about you anymore. He didn’t forget you, just didn’t waste that much time anymore on thinking about you. I can see Asura and you being best friends because of your similarities when you were younger so it was for sure his brother who informed him that you were back and also the one that dragged him right away with him to see you.
💜The thing that made Indra respecting you and also admiring you the slightest bit was the fact that you had gotten indeed really strong, using all those years to train hard until you had become powerful to beat easily someone’s ass. Indra had never forgotten that promise, but had decided that it had no meaning to him anymore. It was okay for him to forget it, but he realized rather quickly that you had forgotten all about it too. And for some reason he wasn’t okay with that. Why was that? Maybe because you had looked up to him so much when you had been younger and the fact that you had forgotten meaning that you didn’t hold him in such a high light anymore. That ticked him off.
💜And when that weakling came into the picture it got even worse. Indra was completely clueless on why you would take a liking towards such a pathetic loser. Your talent would be wasted with that guy! Why would you waste your potential like this? When he could help you becoming even stronger? Why not him?
💜In this version Indra is still part of the village, meaning he won’t go instantly with the option killing. Instead he’ll terrorize that person and make sure that they won’t go anywhere near you again. But it wouldn’t take much for him to kill that person if they prove to not listen to him. He would also force you into spending more time with him, training for example, and will harshly tell you every time you speak about your crush that you have more important things to do than wasting time which can be used to make you stronger with such a loser like him. But after he went rogue and took you with him he made sure to kill that guy for sure.
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pompompurin1028 · 3 years
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My favorite quotes from Dazai's The Setting Sun
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Also Happy Birthday to Dazai-sensei! I have fallen in love with his works this year and here are some quotes of his that I’d love to share! I’ll also provide a little personal thoughts and interpretations of his quotes as well.
My Personal Favourite: 
“’I wonder if there is anyone that is not depraved’ Naoji wrote in his notebook... Perhaps by depravity he actually meant tenderness” (Dazai 78)
I really like this quote as it reminds me of No Longer Human, which showcase the two sides of human beings, cruel, callous (depraved) and yet still holding a tender and kinder side to them as well (tenderness).
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“To wait. In our lives we know joy, anger, sorrow, and a hundred other emotions, but these emotions occupy a bare one percent of our time. The remaining ninety-nine per cent is just living in waiting. I wait in momentary expectation, feeing as though my breasts are being crushed, for the sound in the corridor of the footsteps of happiness.” (Dazai 98)
I feel this is so tragically true, as most of the time we don't really feel much, strong emotions and we're in a sort of limbo between feeling ‘nothing’ and ‘something’. And it seems we’re at a constant waiting for those moments in which these strong emotions strike us.
“Logic, inevitably, is the love for logic. It is not the love for living human beings.” (Dazai 62)
“Learning is another name for vanity. It is the effort of human beings not to be human beings.” (Dazai 63)
I find these two quotes intruging as it remids me of how we as humans try to explain everything with cold hard facts and science, yet it feels as if it is diminishing the life out of it as we turn these things into such. I mean even we would sometimes forget that things we learnt in textbooks in science and some other subjects were once living and breathing beings as we begin to look at them as just "facts". 
“This I want to believe implicitly: man is born for love and revolution.” (Dazai 114)
And of course I had to include Dazai-sensei’s most famous quote from this book. It’s just a very beautiful quote, love and revolution is something a lot of people may consider acts of foolishness, yet it is in these acts that you find so much passion from other people as well.
“I must go on living. And, though it may be childish of me, I can’t go on in simple compliance. From now on I must struggle with the world.” (Dazai 124)
I find this quote so powerful and hopeful, especially written by Dazai-sensei. And I love that it said that “I can’t go on in simple compliance” and instead to go in the character’s own way, and make a new way for herself.
“If it is true that man, once born into the world, must somehow live out his life, perhaps the appearances that people make in order to go through with it, even if it is as ugly as their appearance, should not be despised.” (Dazai 142)
The phrase that struck me the most here is “should not be despised”, it actually allows me to connect to his phrase of “living itself is the source of sin” in No Longer Human, and though he is critical of human nature, this quote here perhaps is showcasing the love he still has for human and its nature despite that. Kind of makes me think of BSD Dazai when he said something like humans are sinfully foolish, but what’s wrong with that?
“There was nothing of coquetry or desire in the kindness which had compelled her to throw the blanket over me. Might not the word ‘humanity’ be revived to use in such a moment?” (Dazai 164)
There is something really beautiful about the way Dazai-sensei writes about humanity, especially its rare gentler and kinder side that always gets to me. What is also so beautiful about this quote is that the same character had said “Humanity? Don’t be silly. I know. It is knocking down your fellow-men for the sake of your own happiness” (Dazai 66) and this stark juxtaposition just really got to me.
“You too, please try to continue to fight your struggle. 
The revolution is far from taking place. It needs more, many more valuable, unfortunate victims.
In the present world, the most beautiful thing is a victim.” (Dazai 174)
I really love this quote so much, the character encourages us to fight and struggle against the world despite everything she has been through. I just find this so powerful, hopeful and beautiful because she is strong enough and is brave enough to revolt against traditional values in the making of her own path to happiness. And that last sentence, also helps to remind us that it is okay to be imperfect, it is okay to have scars, we are still beautiful.
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“She’s got You Mesmerized” (C.H)
Pairing: Calum Hod X Reader
Requested: Yes!
Summary: Based on the song “Heather” by Conan Gray. You notice how Calum seems to fall for the new intern at the studio, even when he doesn’t realize it.
Warnings: The reader uses she/her pronouns, I’m sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable by that, it was not my intention at all. Angst with a happy ending. Language. Jealousy. Mentions of Cheating. Maybe some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, sorry)
Word Count: 2K
Author’s Note: Requested by the lovely @rime-warrior I hope I could do it justice 💕 There are some lyrics hiding in the story. Feedback, Comments and Reblogs are always welcome! I love to hear from you guys ❤️ You can read my other works HERE. Happy reading 🦋
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@rime-warrior: Hi! Can you please write an imagine with Calum based on the song “heather” by Conan gray :) (yes I am in my feelings at the moment)
Relationships are hard. You knew that. They can’t survive only on love, that would be foolish. No, you need to take compromise, to communicate, to have some sort of connection beyond the physical attraction and be respectful towards each other. But, most importantly, you need trust.
And you trusted Calum, you really did, with all your heart. He had done nothing but make you happy every single day for the past two years. Of course, dating a rockstar is not an easy thing to do, but despite the paparazzi, the fans and the constant going away on tour, you made it work.
You still remember the night that he made it official, when on a cold December night he posted that picture of you in his favorite and iconic hoodie “It looks better on her anyway” he captioned it.
It was not like him to brag about his personal life on social media, and the fact that he did that just made your relationship stronger from then on, knowing that you were in this together till the end of the line.
You were happy and in love. It seemed like nothing could penetrate the little bubble that you created for yourselves. Well, that was until her.
Calum texted you inviting you to the studio that day, saying that the two of you could grab dinner afterwards. It’s been a while since you spend some quality time with him since he came back from yet another very successful tour, so you accepted immediately. You got yourself ready, grabbed the keys to your car and drove, your heart already excited.
When you got there, however, all that emotion died down a little, your smile quivering a bit when you saw Calum sitting alone in a room with another girl. He was laughing at something she said, shaking his head amusingly as she placed her hand on his knee. You had a bad feeling about this. You didn’t know who this mystery girl was, but you knew Calum, and he would never cheat on you, would he?
Almost like he could sense your presence, your boyfriend lifted his gaze and smiled as he met yours through the big window of the booth. He quickly got up and ran towards the door, wrapping his arms around your waist and softly pecking your lips, making your thoughts fade away in his embrace.
“Hello, gorgeous” he hummed, resting his chin at the top of your head.
“Hey, handsome” You said with a smile, pulling away from him just enough so you could look him in the eyes “Ready to go?”
“Yeap. But first, I want you to meet someone”
Calum went inside the booth one more time and grabbed the girl by her hand, making her stand up and follow his way to you.
“This is Heather. Heather, Y/N”
Oh shit, she was pretty. A true sight for sore eyes . Her blue eyes contrasted perfectly with her raven black hair, she had curves in all the right places and her complexion seemed angelic. You weren’t completely sure if she was real or just a vision until she extended her hand towards you.
“It’s so nice to meet you!” Heather said shaking your hand. Smiling like a kid.
“She’s been helping us with the album” Calum said looking at her “She’s an amazing songwriter. Honestly, she puts all of us to shame!”
“Oh, please stop! Cal here is just being too nice”
“No, I’m not! I swear Y/N, she’s a genius”
They started laughing and you awkwardly joined in, not really understanding if there was joke.
“Well, I’m sure if Calum says it, then it must be true” You gently, grabbed your boyfriend’s hand and intertwined your fingers with his “It was so nice to meet you, Heather”
She smiled and said a little “likewise” before heading back to the booth. You and Calum made your way to the parking lot, and as you left the building you couldn’t help but comment “She seems nice”
“Oh, she is”
“And pretty”
“Is she?” Calum raised an eyebrow at you, making it seem like she just thought about it “Huh, guess I never noticed. Maybe it’s because I have the prettiest girl as my girlfriend” He smiled as he brought you closer to him, placing a kiss on your forehead, making your heart flutter.
Maybe he didn’t notice. But you definitely did.
Over the last couple of months, you noticed how Heather was always around. On the studio, on the casual hangouts, on the nights out and on every party.. everywhere you go there she was. Always looking like an angel and always hanging around close to Calum. Maybe even too close for your liking.
Calum was always very touchy with the people he liked. Always hugging and kissing his friends on the cheek, never afraid to show affection. And that is something you absolutely love about him, but seeing him being that affectionate with her made you feel uneasy.
You couldn’t help but feel a hint of jealousy every time he put his arm around her shoulders, or how she would playfully hold his hand to compare sizes. You didn’t know if you were mad at Heather for leaning her head on his shoulder or at Calum for letting her get that close. You knew you could trust him, but you didn’t know if you could trust her.
She was nice. Sometimes too nice, actually. Making you feel bad about having those insecure feelings running around your head. But sometimes you just couldn’t help but wish she’d leave for good. Still not trusting her at all.
As the days went by, you sit and watched your suspicions came true as her flirting became more aggressive towards your, seemingly unaware, boyfriend. Not even trying to hide it or pretend to have an ounce of respect towards you as she laid her legs across his lap, play ‘pretend fighting’, laugh way to hard at all his jokes, leaving lingering touches here and there or took a lot of selfies kissing his cheeks. Even the fans thought you guys were broken up at some point, but nobody else seemed to notice, especially Calum. Maybe you were exaggerating.
You were getting ready to go out tonight, the band had just released a new single that went straight to number one and they needed to celebrate it. You were putting on some makeup when Calum came out of the bathroom, already dressed to impress.
“Hey, Y/N. Could you take a picture of my outfit? Luke asked for it so he could figure out what to wear since he can’t decide”
You laughed and nodded at his request. Grabbing his phone from the nightstand, you quickly started taking picture after picture, giggling at your boyfriend’s absurd poses. It was in the middle of all that scene that he got a text. It wasn’t your intention to open it, but your finger clicked on it by accident.
Heather 🙃💕: Thnks for the hoodie 💕💕🥰 can’t wait to see you 2nite ❤️❤️
Attached to it there was a very provocative mirror selfie of her, wearing nothing more than his empathy hoodie. The one he gave to you or that you stole from him every time you miss him and wanted to feel close to him. Your favorite. His favorite. And, apparently, hers as well.
Calum noticed how your expression changed drastically in a matter of seconds. One minute ago you were laughing with him and now it seems like you were about to burst into tears.
“Love, is everything okay?” He asked, making you lift your head, breaking your trance from the screen. You were livid.
“I don’t know” you spat “You tell me”
Turning the screen to his face, Calum’s eyes widened as he saw the picture, grabbing the phone out of your hands.
“Why is she sending you pictures like this?”
“I- I-“
He stuttered, making your face fall in disappointment “Calum, be honest” You said defeatedly “Are you cheating on me?”
Calum snapped his head at you.
“What?! Of course not!”
“And you expect me to believe you?” You said, gesturing at the phone in his hand.
“How can you say that? Y/N this means nothing!”
“You gave her your sweater!”
“It’s a fucking piece of fabric! It’s just polyester! It’s nothing”
“It wasn’t nothing to me!” You cry, not being able to hold it in anymore “I just- I just don’t know why would you ever kiss me when she’s standing right there! Practically begging you to do it. I’m not even half as pretty or talented or anything to call your attention anymore”
“What?”
“Please, Calum. I know you like her better. I see your eyes as she walks by. I see how you look at her while I die inside, you never seem to notice me but you always notice her, and I know because some time ago you used to look at me the same way. You’re spending all your time with her, laughing at her jokes and letting her flirt with you shamelessly. She’s got you mesmerized and you don’t even realize it. I wish I were Heather, maybe that way you could love me back” You whisper that last part, wiping your tears with the back of your hand.
“Y/N, that it’s not true. That is not the same way I look at you at all. I love you. Heather and I are just friends” Calum said, rubbing his hand down his face.
“Does she know that?”
“Y/N..”
“I don’t feel like going out anymore” You mutter, standing up, walking straight to the bathroom and locking the door.
As soon as you closed it, Calum was banging the door on the other side “Y/N”
“Just go, Calum”
“Fucking hell, Y/N. Don’t do this!” He was getting impatient “You’re being childish! C’mon, we’ll be late!”
“Then go! I’m not leaving”
You heard him mutter a “For fucks sake” before silence came over you two, only for it to be broken fifteen minutes later by the sound of the car driving off the street. Only then you allowed yourself to cry again.
You didn’t know how much time you spend like this, sitting on the floor with your back pressed to the hard wooden door, crying until you felt like you couldn’t cry anymore. So, slowly you got up, took all your makeup and your clothes, put on some pajamas and went to bed, not sure if Calum will be back for the night. Not sure if he will be back at all.
Tears started to burn your eyes once again and you allowed them to roll down your cheeks and stain your pillowcase. Your sobs rocking you until you drifted away in dreams.
Moments later, maybe a few hours or minutes, you were woken up by a large figure laying next to you on the bed. He was back.
Calum scooted closer to you, bringing his arms around your frame and pulling you into his embrace. He hid his head on the crook of your neck, leaving a trail of small kisses down its way.
“Cal..” You whispered. Your voice hoarse from all the crying “What are you doing?”
“You were right”
His voice sounded small, broken. Not like him at all.
You turned around in his arms, facing him in the darkness “What?”
Calum let out a sigh “You were right about Heather. She was flirting with me and I didn’t notice, but tonight she tried to make a move and kiss me…” You held your breath, not sure if you wanted to hear what he had to say next “She didn’t get to do it though, I pushed her away immediately and told her to never do that again. Next thing I know I was on my way here. On my way to you”
“Calum..”
“I’m sorry, baby. I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have invalidated your feelings the way I did, I should’ve listen. You’re the only one for me, love. I only got eyes for you, always you. You’re the only one who got me mesmerized, my everything. I’m sorry I haven’t shown it a lot lately, I’ll make it up to you”
You hummed and lifted your head so you could press your lips against him. He welcomed the kiss by placing his hand on your cheek and caressing it lightly.
“I’ll get that sweater back for you, I promise” He said, kissing your forehead.
“Oh, she can have it or you could burn it. I don’t care. I have the the only thing that matters right here, right now in my arms” He chucked at your response, bringing you closer to him.
“I love you”
“I love you, more” You hummed against his chest, breaking the comfortable silence once again after a while “Does this mean that I can say ‘I told you so’?”
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yanderecandystore · 3 years
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Can I request a soulmate thingy with the bullies and delinquents?
Hi! Well, I got a little confused about your request but I think I got it, although I normally do one pair of ocs per post (or all ocs at once-) I guess I could do about both delinquents and bullies-
Especially since soulmate conundrums can be such a complex thing that it would take a long time to write one single post with every single OC lol-
Thank you for requesting!
TW/Tags: angst here and there // long as fuck // Soulmate shenanigans // not so great relationships (bullying) // cursing // delusional expectations/ideas // gender neutral reader
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
Soulmate issues lol [Yandere!Bully OC/Yandere! Delinquent OC x Soulmate!Reader - Scenario]:
🎇 Let me set the stage for a quick sec!🎇
In this timeline, let us just say that something very specific happens to make it possible for two or more people to realize that they may be soulmates (cause I don't know how else I could create this universe boo XD). I think that two people that are soulmates would not be aware of it until they would be able to see each other's birthmarks, kinda like a magical symbol that is stuck on your skin ever since you were born.
In a reality where you are aware that you have a destined loved one possibly waiting for you and that it would be treason of you to not search for them, you could imagine how high your expectations were.
Well, not only your expectations but also the expectations of the entire society surrounding you, expecting you to simply accept whoever carries the same exact birth symbol as you.
Even if having a birthmark that dictates your future love interest is a common thing in your society, it doesn't mean that people just go around showing each other's birthmarks. It's believed that there is no need to rush things and that if you did find the love of your life, it's not because of the birthmark itself, but rather the spiritual connection between you two that brought you together unconsciously.
As I said before, your expectations were just as high as your hopes, as you wished to be able to meet the person who would "complete" you, the person carrying the soul of someone that had loved you through life and death, carrying the soul of the person YOU loved through life and death!
Now, how badly can this beautiful idealized narrative go?- I mean, consider your soulmates that is.
🍒Bullies🍭:
→ Alexandra Coldwell:
Alexandra is not exactly a patient person, you can imagine that the idea of having someone that would instantly fall in love with her was a really interesting idea, almost too good to be true.
Don't get me wrong, she believed this whole shenanigan to be unnecessary and dictating. She thought it was stupid to just start loving someone she doesn't know, and it's not like she is going to kiss some stranger's ass just because they have the same birthmark as her.
Ugh, that thing almost felt like some sort of bad tattoo she should have thought twice about having. It was a beautiful symbol, an elegant C' on emblem surrounded by thorns. Doctors believed that Alexandra could possibly be the reincarnation of one of her ancestors, since her birthmark is coincidentally similar to the old Coldwell family symbol used in the middle ages.
Although there isn't any evidence left of who was the "original owner" of the birthmark, neither of the people who they were destined to be with, which doesn't really matter to her at all, since she still thinks this "tattoo" was only a reminder of something stupid that she did that she doesn't want to be a part of it anymore.
Even after knowing that the possibility of seeing her "sOuLmATe" walking around town was possible, Alexandra never really cared about finding them. She preferred to have fun with as many people as she could instead of following her heart or whatever, she doesn't need anyone after all.
That's what she thought before noticing your birthmark. That symbol, that same exact symbol was placed on your skin, on YOU of all people. She has been bullying you ever since you entered the university but she had never EVER considered the possibility of you being her soulmate.
Even so, it does make a lot of sense! Ever since you entered the institution, you two had a weird connection that kept bringing each other closer although unconsciously. It felt like somehow she couldn't stop picking on you, and to you, it felt like there was no escape from her.
And it seems that your interpretation of your situation was correct, considering that now you are apparently bound to her with the same stupid destiny tattoo or whatever-
The fact that you are the one person she is bound to eternity is extremely humorous to her at first. It's both insulting and ironic that a nerd like you got the chance in a lifetime to be her soulmate, don't you feel lucky?
She will continue her bullying because obviously this is a great opportunity to show you your place, which is by her side no matter what you say or do. Alexandra believed that this was either a well crafted joke by the universe or just a cruel punishment to her, having someone like you be tied to her by love sounds so absurd…
And pretty fitting, in a way.
As time passed Alexandra started to grow closer to you, her bullying and general mean attitude had seemed to tone down as long as it was towards you. She seemed to have found a soft spot for you in her heart, but sadly, things don't always work like we plan them to.
You were disgusted by the fact ever since you realized it, how can you be stuck with her, of all people in the entire world? The soft feeling you get when you stand next to her doesn't help your case at all!-
Why of all people here, your bully has to be your soulmate? Maybe it was foolish of you to believe that when you finally found the one and only you would feel happy, maybe it was foolish for you to believe that the person you had fallen for once would be a actually gentle and caring person.
While Alexandra tried to get closer to you, you made your best efforts to get away from her as fast as you could. You didn't want to be near your bully specially when you just discovered that the reason you have continued to endure it for so long was because of the entire soulmate thing! Curse the stupid feelings that she gives you every time she is playful or soft towards you.
If you two had known each other in different conditions, this could all be a lot easier to deal with.
→ Adrien Coldwell:
Adrien may look pretty unbothered on the outside, yet that is nothing but a facade to keep his reputation from instantly falling as he squeals in excitement. This is perfect for him.
Differently from his sister, who has a symbol that is almost reminiscent of the old Coldwell brand mark and that has granted her the "special sibling of the dual" statues, Adrien has a somewhat weird birthmark. Is quite simply a shield with cherry on top. Is simple, pretty basic even.
There were no data associating his birthmark to anyone in his family, so presumably he isn't a possible reincarnation as his sister is, which lead the family to favor her over him since his birthmark has no resemblance of anything related to the family's history or is it intriguing or fun to look at.
It's a simple mark. What's so good about it?
And that's exactly what they got wrong, it was the exact opposite of a simple mark. It had a great meaning to Adrien, it meant something so important to him that he has sworn to search for his soulmate because of it. Because no one seemed to take his birthmark seriously he felt compelled to actually understand what it could mean, and how could he use it to get closer to his special someone.
His sister seemed to be the only one who noticed how the neglect affected Adrien to the point he decided to put up a mask and hide his need for even a little bit of attention.
I wouldn't bat an eye if he was the one to actually find out about you two sharing the same birthmark first. He has been stalking you and harassing you for so long, it would make sense as to why he feels so good when he is in your presence or interacting with you.
Granted that your earlier encounters were just him being an ass and being pretty rude to you in class, but now it's different you know??
He is so glad to have found you, finally- He got too excited to even show you that you two had the same symbol glued in your skins, he just started acting differently one day.
One day, while you were at the university he literally just gave you a small gift and called you out on a date. It was pretty frightening seeing someone who doesn't smile a lot trying to express fondness through their menacing looking grin, you had instantly thought it was some sort of elaborate prank yet you couldn't stop yourself from simply following with his plan.
You just felt compelled to go with him, despite the fact he has been nothing but a childish bully towards you. You can imagine the surprise on your face when he actually came to pick you up and have a great time chatting over a simple meal at a expensive ass restaurant you could never afford-
While you were being paranoid and trying to see where the "punchline", the "climax" of his prank was, he was enjoying his time with you not even noticing the fact you looked at him with suspicion written in your face.
You ended up spelling out your confusion and distrust of his person, claiming that you didn't know what he had in-store for you, but if this was some sort of prank he should just get it done with because you needed to be back home soon.
He was so shocked at your statement that he almost felt his heart breaking at your words, the sudden realization that he hasn't shown you why he was acting so kindly towards you in the first place.
And that's when the whole night went from confusing to horrible. You felt genuinely bad that the truth about his kindness wasn't because of a genuine change of heart, but rather because of your soul connection.
But that revelation wasn't as bad as when you actually notice you catching feelings for him throughout this time he has been a douche with you. You realized the exact reason why you came here, HE had realized the exact reason you came here.
You felt yourself panicking, leaving the restaurant immediately, how can you be his soulmate even if he is such a jerk with you??
How can you tell if these feelings are due to a genuine interest or just the connection through souls?
Why does it hurt to think he is only being kind because of the effects the birthmark has on him?
Even if the birthmark represents a strong bond that can't even be broken by death itself, you felt genuinely concerned for this being a disingenuous love. Yet that brings the question: Why do you care so much? Isn't he just an asshole you met in your class?
While you left crying confused of the sudden wave of questions clouding your mind, Adrien was feeling that our void consumed him.
Apparently he was wrong about his expectations, he shouldn't have thrown a bomb at you so suddenly. Or maybe, you don't really love him at all, and don't want anything to do with him.
There is nothing left but a poor foolish man crying while making no sound in his fancy table.
🍋Delinquents🐛:
→ Jackson Macnee:
Not exactly the most obvious romantic lover in the world, Jack can be pretty "whatever" when it comes to these things. He didn't really believed in the idea of love at first sight, although he is the type to get instant crushes really fast-
Jack's birthmark it's surprisingly cool looking, a snake coiling itself on a branch. It's so funny how it looks like a natural tattoo, he even decided to not hide it at all since he liked the look of it. It's not uncommon for people to leave their birthmarks visible, but in the case of Jack he used to wear it in public as a real tattoo rather than a soulmate birthmark.
Whenever someone asked about it, he would lie saying it wasn't the real deal, and when it came to people asking "which one is it then?" he would tell them to fuck off. It's none of their fucking business, it's supposed to be a intimate thing, isn't it?
Jack believed that the symbol was something way too important to be shared out as a talking subject, so much so that he has considered many times covering his birthmark in public due to the prying eyes looking at it. Yet he wore it as a tattoo so he could find someone who would recognize it as their own symbol, and whoever didn't recognize it, didn't deserve to hear the truth.
Yeah, maybe he did take this a little too seriously. I mean how couldn't he? It's something that dictates whoever the fuck he is supposed to be with, yeah people can go around and sleep with or date whoever they want, yet he felt compelled to wait and see what would happen.
To see if someone in the crowd would recognize it and talk with him, so he could see how this whole shenanigan works. And of course, his plan did work out eventually, as he caught you staring at him for way too long.
He thought you were confusing him with someone else, but having someone like you stare at him for so long was starting to annoy him- So of course, he rudely asked you what the hell did you want.
You were surprised by the harsh tone, yet not completely taken back by it. You seemed confident that his "tattoo" was clearly the same birthmark that you had.
You… Surprised him. You were so confident and comfortable with telling a total strangeville that you two were destined to be together or whatever. It's not everyday that you see someone so straightforward, so he decided to see how far this would go- He asked:
"- And…?"
"- I don't know- I haven't thought about it to be honest-" You said looking at him deadpanned. You were telling the truth though, you didn't really expect to find not only a person with a similar birthmark to you but to legit be right about them being your soulmate. You had met so many people with the "snake coiled in a branch" tattoo that you almost thought it was some sort of joke from the universe (it shouldn't even be possible for so many people to have the same coincidental tattoo!).
You started to introduce yourself and ask for his name and where he was going- It felt weird to be receiving so much attention out of nowhere by someone he doesn't know- Well, more accurately someone he had just met but still feels like he knows for years.
If you're so interested to know him and… I don't know, do whatever soulmates are supposed to do- He can totally do that right about now-
I mean, he doesn't have anything to do right now, and although he may not show it he is kinda interested to see how this will work out. It's clear that there is something that connects you two yet he would prefer to get to know what type of person you are. Even if he is low-key already digging this nonchalant attitude from you, he is a little worried that you may be a little gremlin in disguise.
Jack acts so careful around you that sometimes it's hard to tell if he is enjoying himself or if he just genuinely doesn't trust you for some reason. Even if he is loving every second of getting to know you, the lack of affection being expressed from his part makes you question if this is really what destiny has instore for you.
Hopefully he'll be able to open himself up before you think this won't work out at all.
→ Janette Sartorius:
Janette is a hopeless romantic woman. It doesn't help that her whole entire life she grew up dreaming about this moment.
Her birthmark is simplistic yet it meant the entire world to her-. A sword stuck on a rock as the laces that decorate the sword fly in the wind. It really did look like a tattoo, some people had even questioned her if that was her real birthmark or just a tattoo she made to look cool.
To some it may seem like a cool little symbol to have on her skin, yet to her it feels like there is something more to it. A meaning, a dream, a memory perhaps?
Ever since she was young she loved the stories of knights and princesses, she started to associate that image of the sword with that dream of being someone else's knight. It was charming to her and it seemed like she hasn't grown out of that phase ever since.
The first impression is the one that lasts, right? So the only way to meet her darling is to have a big entrance. It's not like she isn't ready at any time, it's just that she hoped that for all the good luck in world to not make her look stupid infront of whoever had the same birthmark as her.
Fortunately for her, her wishes were granted as in a brilliant moment of pure fucking convinient plot coincidence as she not only managed to impress you, but to also feel like the knight she so badly wanted to be.
She got her glorious moment after defending you from another classmate that was harassing you, to which she only got to enjoy after she looked over at you and not only instantly thought you looked pretty hot in her eyes and also saw that familiar image on the back of your hand.
It was pretty much love at first sight, which was literally bound by the universe to happen. I mean, can't you see this?? This perfect scene, the fact that she didn't need to look at your birthmark to see how gorgeous you were and to even be able to help you get up-
It was perfect! It felt perfect, it was even better than what she had dreamed of. The only thing to spoil this sweet moment between soon to be lovers was the bell ringing and you turning your back and running to class after whispering a shy "thank you bye". She couldn't even say her name, or ask your name, or even show you her own birthmark!
The only thing you left was a tiny notepad you forgot to pick up. There were scribbles here and there talking about some class assignments and source material for your studies.
It felt like you were Cinderella running away and leaving the crystal heel so she could pick it up and find you later on. It made her heart flustered at the comparison, it was all coming along so well.
She recognized which was the subject that your notepad was referring to, and soon went to find your class where she could hopefully find you and give it back.
But when she reached your class at lunchtime she didn't find you anywhere inside, only a couple of your classmates were there. She asked everyone she could to see where you were, like she was interrogating them over a crime scene because of how desperate she looked.
It felt like an endless chase to find you, people had given her vague or useless information over and over again. Some were playing a prank on Janette and others genuinely didn't know enough about you to know where you could be.
From the information she gathered around, you were a silent study all day type of person. She heard that you didn't enjoy it at all but you felt the need to try your hardest to be able to pass in your exams. Janette heard that you were shy and tended to keep yourself away from genuinely getting involved with people, which led to people considering you a weirdo and to bullying you over this.
It was a terrible reason to treat someone so loveable so badly yet it didn't surprise her since the institution was an absolute mess, if delinquents like her can go around and burn shit down, then clearly that was something wrong with the educational system.
Yet she didn't give up even for a second, she needed to find you, she needed to talk with you and tell you about your destiny together (and trying not to sound so desperate as she was-). Her efforts were compensated by finally finding you and being able to give you the notepad back.
It was so heartwarming to hear you say thank you again and being able to introduce herself properly, yet there was something different about this conversation. You seemed… worried of her presence, disturbed by it, concerned of her being so close and breathless next to you.
She thought you were startled by the sudden approach, after all you were a shy ball, right? That's why- That's why you got so shocked when she said you two were meant for each other, right? That's why you seemed so surprised after she showed you her birthmark.
O-Of course you weren't distancing yourself out of fear, right? Even if your eyes look so freaked out, it was probably because of how sudden the situation was right?
You didn't actually fear her, right? She knows she can be a bit intimidating, but-
But there is no way you're afraid of your own soulmate, right? There is no way she is scaring her own darling away, that was impossible…
You didn't mean it when you said you were "too busy with studying to think about getting a relationship", did you? She- She must had heard it wrong-
What type of fuckin excuse is that?? What moron says that to a person who they're literally bonded with forever?!
Janette was visibly shaking, her expression was of pure anger which didn't really surprise you as you expected her to get mad at such a terrible excuse. You didn't lie about being busy studying, you lied about not wanting to date her because of it. You were afraid of her because of her reputation, you didn't want anything to do with a delinquent, or a leader of a biker gang, or anyone so hot headed for that matter! It was ironic how your soulmate was literally the one person you wanted to be away from, even if you did feel a little more protected in her presence.
Actually, you would be lying if that encounter wasn't so… Romantic, in a way.
Yet it doesn't help that just the idea of getting rejected is making her look so violent, she hasn't even spoken anything or even raised her hand, yet there is a clear "nope" flag hanging over her head- You didn't say no! You just- You just don't know how you feel about this, is too sudden-
You fail to find the right words to tell her and hopefully calm her down, instead you just cowardly distance yourself and slowly slipping your back against the wall so you can make yourself seem smaller, unconsciously trying to showcase how terrified you were and how you you literally regretted every word that had ever come on out of your mouth.
Of course she was mad, but more because of the situation than of you actually- I mean, she has been waiting for this moment her whole life! How… How can anyone say something like that to their own soulmate for fucks sake?! How can you not feel the same spark that she feels by just talking with you? Is she in the wrong for wanting to jump straight to the "Happy ever after" of your story together? Maybe she is coming off way too strong about this, is this why you're being so stubborn?
When she manages to calm herself before saying something she would regret it, the look that you give her tells her that she really, really messed up this introduction part.
It hurts her to think you're scared of her, yet what hurts more is the fact she almost screwed this whole up for you two, you just need… some time to know her, right? To understand her, and so she can understand you.
She'll try to comfort you, yet is clear that she isn't the best at comforting people, but- But please! Please let her try!!
Let her try to be your knight in shining armour, dearest.
Even if you don't like the idea of spending time with her, I think you don't have a say in the matter. You'll stay by her side and you will see how you two were made for each other, you'll see.
🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭
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