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#youre so smart wub
bowandcurtsey · 2 months ago
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Hello! If you’re not busy with other requests is it possible for you to write William, Nozel, Fuegoleon, and Yami walking in the room to see s/o or crush, who is drunk holding and expressing all their love and/or admiration to a coconut (or something else) as if it were the BC Boys. And what would their reaction to reader doing that. This is actually my first time in sending requests :’D Thank you in advance and have a great day! :)
I'm writing this today, because I was drunk this afternoon LMAO. Yes afternoon after a h2h talk with my bestie. Just thought this would be funny hehe
h/n = HER NAME
I'll do some crush scenarios and some s/o scenarios.. so the length of it might be different!
William | Nozel | Fuegoleon | Yami x f! reader
William Vangeance x s/o
You were seated at the dining table when he got home, holding a coconut, your face flushed red and your words were slurring.
"I wub you so m-much Will~" you gave a little peck to the coconut sitting at the table.
William couldn't help but blush a little, but his heart swelled with affection and adoration. The way you smiled a little goofy smile to the coconut that you thought was him, the way you kissed the coconut gently with your lips, made him want to embrace you in his arms.
And he did. You were pulled to a tight and warm embrace, from behind. Your body no longer had the energy so you just laid in his chest as you looked up at his face, his softest smiles only for you.
"I love you too, y/n~"
"Will you look at that!" you giggled uncontrollably, "the more handsome Will is here!"
You pulled his shirt closer to you, so you could kiss your man.
Nozel Silva x crush
You were at the bar, with your bestie, slightly frustrated at your crush Nozel, who seemed like a wood head when it came to matters of the heart.
"Is he dumbbb?" your slurred, "I've alweady dropped a lot of hintss"
Your bestie, who was Fue's girlfriend was almost at her limits, "Awrighty, I'm calling Fue to pick us uupp!"
Fuegoleon was a smart man. He brought along Nozel, who would have never set foot in this rowdy bar until he heard that you were there and drunk.
And there you were, your head propped on your arm, talking to a pineapple on the bar counter, "Nooozellll, why don't youuu get that I looove youuuuu?"
Nozel and Fuegoleon were just standing right behind the two of you and Nozel's face flushed red upon hearing your confession. He was embarrassed that Fuego and your bestie were here to witness this, but his heart was racing with pride.
*ahem* he coughed into his hand, and the both of you slowly turned around.
"Hi Princess," Fuego gave a peck to the forehead of your bestie, "Hi y/n! Er.. Nozel and I were just around the area when h/n called, so I thought he could help me to send you home instead"
The two of you were quiet as you rode his silver mercury eagle, you were just sitting by his side but you could no longer hold your own weight. You nestled your head onto his shoulder.
Heat rushed to his face again and he felt warm in the cool night.
"Y/n.." he spoke in a low and soft voice.
"Mhmm?" you didn't have the energy to lift up your head any longer.
"I love you too."
Fuegoleon Vermillion x s/o
He came home and found you sitting at his desk, facing the lamp.
"Honey, what are-"
"I wub you my Fue fue~" you spoke to the lamp and giggled, "you're always so warm, hehe"
His face was flushed red from hearing you call his pet name.
You propped your chin onto both your hands, your eyes almost closing from all the alcohol that you drank.
"My love," your man's warm body embraced you and carried you up, "time to head to bed."
"Hmm? I don't waaaant to sleep without Fue" you pouted, making his heart sigh at how cute you were.
"Alright," he stroked your head, "I'll take a shower and I'll join you, okay?"
After he came out from his shower, you were already sound asleep, he smiled as he thought about your lovestruck face as you stared at the lamp that you thought was him.
"what am I ever going to do with you, my love?" he pressed a chaste kiss to your cheeks, "I love you so much too"
Yami Sukehiro x crush
You came back to the base in extreme good moods, but you couldn't even walk straight, because you were extremely drunk. Yami was the only one sitting in the common room, because he was secretly worried about you.
The lights were slightly dim so you didn't really see him sitting there. You sat on the chair, trying to steady yourself before heading up.
"Hey Yyyyami~" you were looking at the watermelon on the table. Yami looked up you with quirked eyebrows, realising what was going on.
"I ruuuvvv you, I weallly weallyyyy doooo" you said to the watermelon with a serious face, your eyes trying its best to remain focused.
Yami had to purse his lips in order not to laugh, but his heart was really filled with adoration at how cute you actually looked while confessing your feelings to him.
"took you long enough to confess huh?" his low deep voice was now beside your ears.
You turned around and probed your head on your elbow, giving him a coquettish grin, "are yoou a maaaannnnn? How caan you maake a guurl confessss"
"Ouch, you're breaking my fragile heart here, " he smiled, and carried you bridal style back to your room, tucking you into bed.
He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, "can't you just wait till I properly confess to you or something, little dumbass. I love you too"
-end-
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orobris · 14 days ago
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@kyrieleisen​:
Sips on some bianca love juice-juice.
I just gotta say I'm so grateful that I've met you. You are so kind, empathetic, and understanding. You're always incredibly supportive of me and my wack plots/ideas and that's something so hard to come by these days. WHAT I'M SAYING IS, you unabashedly accept me, my writing, my art, etc., and that's something irreplaceable in a friend. You're open-mindedness makes you so easy to talk to.
I love your gil sm. My kirei and him have been through so much together!!! And I'm excited to see what the next phase of their dynamic will hold.
I wish this was more articulate but unfortunately my brain is foamy rn. Just know. I LAV YOU.
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D-DENNY MY BOY.... I’m very glad to have met you too! You indulge me with my kotogil nonsense and honestly I love your kirei! I love your non-stop adoration for his character because as someone who has a similar infatuation with a certain archer I understand! I think we as people just need to be you know.. kind to people’s ideas and thoughts and stuff! It’s not hard to just BE NICE. And that’s coming from someone with a bad personality lol. BUT AHH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THOSE KIND WORDS I LOVE U AND I’M GLAD WE GET TO WRITE TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU WRITE SO ELOQUENTLY AND IM LIKE WTFF?? YOU GRADUATED AT HARVARD WITH A MASTERS FOR AWE-INSPIRING WORDING OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I READ WHAT YOU WRITE AND IM LIKE ‘DAMN THIS SOUNDS SO SMART AND LOVELY’
and shhh. save your articulation for something that matters! I WUB YOU TOO!
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emi-bunni · 11 months ago
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Read my thoughts as I play BTD but this time it’s Sano
I just know this mf has a peanut allergy. I feel it in my BONES
AGAIN, THE MUSIC OF THIS GAME HITS
EMO HAIR EMO HAIR EMO HAIR!!
“What are you doing here alone?” I’M THE KILLER NOW BABY. >:D you gotta find the lonely ones. Be smart about it.
“I met you after all,” I am pretty amazing, aren’t I?
Med classes.... SO he has MONEYYYYY.
Woah, get a load of this guy. Cool glasses
AKIRA, AKIRA FUDO
They’re twins?? Huh.
“You’re mine -BONK-,” SERIOUSLY WHY DOES THE MC PASS OUT SO EASILY ASDFGHJKL?
“Guys I was in med bay~”
“You want to know what’s happening?” Yes, that is exactly what I just asked...
“And you won’t survive the process,” Bet
“You just happened to be alone,” WHAT DID I TELL YOU??? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!?!?! ^^^^^^^^
I do be getting sliced though.
“Have you been drinking enough water?” I STAY hydrated.
He has cold hands. Me too. Crypt keeper hands.
Mans YANKED my tendons. SIR THEY’RE NOT SUPPOSEDTO GO THAT WAY!!
“Had enough?” No yeah, please keep going. Knock yourself out.
“You can rub my legs if you want,” but In my head I said “wub my wegs pwease,” and I think I’m honestly a comedic genius.
AYEEEEEEE BUT HE DID IT!!!!!
“I’m not going to force myself on you if that’s what you’re worried about,” *ahem* feels like lowkey shade but okay.
“It’s hot as balls in here-”
“You’re very curious about me,” I’m tied to a table there really isn’t much to due, I’m tryna make friendly conversation.
HE POSSESSES THE BLUE FLAMES- IS THIS HIM?? TOYA TODOROKI
This bitch burned my skin 
Last time I tried to grit I got my guts taken out,,,, AND IMA DO IT AGAIN, *bop bop bop*
“Just your endurance as a human?” Are you impressed, I know. I’m pretty strong. Totally not afraid of bugs or the dark or heights or anything-
We gonna check on him. He could be dead idk. 
-Touch him- is you dead?
YESSSS I GET A BLUSHY SPRITE, Rire didn’t have any (at least none that I saw in my play through) so I was kinda bummed BUT YALL KNOW I LIVE FOR BLUSHY SPRITES!!!!
“I just wanted to check on you,” See I care about you, don’t kill me-
SO WE SITTING ON LAPS NOW. THAT’S WHAT WE DOIN???
“Eck” I’m more of an ACK kinda person but alright.
“Odd creature” okay that kinda hurt my feelings-
My health is high, sanity low, heart orange.  AH SHOOT AM I GONNA GET MY BRAIN STIRRED??? IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENEING 
“That’s really sweet of you,” THANK YOUUUUUUU
Nvm, this bitch just let me fall. I- MADE ME LOOK LIKE A DAMN FOOL.
Did this bitch just grab our butt?? You know like casually AND HOW HE GONNA ACT SURPRISED, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING-
He does have really cute blushing sprites though, I can’t be mad. The music changed and I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again THE. SOUNDTRACK. DOES. NOT. MISS.
Oh shoot I didn’t think it would go this way, I regret, I regret. REGRET
This bitch just pulled the zipper down with their teeth, HOW YOU GONNA DO THAT? METAL IN YOUR MOUTH, COULDN’T BE ME.
THAT’S THE SECOND TIME I’VE BEEN PENIS JUMPED SCARED IN THIS GAME, I WASN’T READY. I WILL NEVER BE READY.
But like also mc is a lil freaky freak in this one, We’re a fucking whore.
Ah, two different colored eyes. nice.
“You’re adorable,” Damn straight.
Baby, you’re gonna get pregnant- THAT WAS NOT SAFE!
I have a red heart right now, last time I got a full heart I FUCKING DIED, so I hope that doesn’t happen again.
That’s a good question, why don’t out legs work? What happened?
“You’re so weak, so fragile,” rude. “I love dolls,” Omg, and I loved to be dressed up like a doll, what is going on here??
“They don’t fight back,” Okay we weren’t on the same page and SIR THAT IS SUS, AM I GONNA DIE?
HE TRYNA MAKE US LIMBLESS???? GONNA BE OUT HERE LIKE
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NO THANK YOU ASDFGHJKL I said “No <3″ AND THEN I GOT MURKED You died: Sano broke you
I didn’t even like his lil emo ass anyways. I was just fucking with him, I got nothing to do.
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secondgenerationnerd · 2 years ago
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Here with You
Author’s note: MORE SPITFIRE WITH THEIR BABIES
“You sure you’re ok with them?” Wally scoffs at the worry in his wife’s voice.
               “Babe, I’ve handled world-saving missions and being Dick Grayson’s best friend for years. I can handle putting my kids to bed.” Wally looks at the toddlers. Jania sits on his lap as he brushes the tangles from her wet hair. Matt and Jania are enthralled in Big Hero Six, eating a last-minute snack before bedtime.  Wally kisses his daughter’s head. “You wanna tell Mommy night-night, Jani girl?”
               “Nuh-nigh, mama!” Jania blows a baby kiss at the phone.
               “Night-night, Momee!” Matty toddles over, hugging his daddy’s leg. Wally puts her on speakerphone.
               “How about mommy? Does she want to say goodnight?”
               “Good night, my sweet boy. Goodnight, my sweet girl.” Artemis coos over the phone. “I love you both so much.”
               “Wuv Momee too!”
               “Wub!” Jania snuggles to her daddy.
               “See you later, babe. I love you.” Wally tells his wife.
               “I love you more.” Wally hangs up. He picks up Matty, holding both his kids as close as he can. He walks to their room. He wishes they could afford a bigger place, but right now the two-bedroom apartment would have to do.
               “Towy, dadee…” Matty yawns, rubbing his little gray eyes. “Towy…”
               Wally settles in their rocking chair. He looks over at their overstuffed bookcase. Tired of the same fairy tales, he looks down at his sleepy kids, “How about Mommy and Daddy’s story?”
               “Momee and Dadee hab towy?”
               “Oh yes we do.” Wally smiles at them. “I met your mommy when I was 15. Your aunties and uncles were at the beach all day, but I was at school. I ran all the way to the cave, only to fall on my face in front of a really pretty girl. You know who that was?”
               “Mama…” Jania yawns, curling up in a ball.
               “So smart, Jani…” Wally kisses her head and Matty’s too. “Yes. It was mommy. She and Daddy didn’t get along at first…”
               Wall tells them watered-down versions of team outings and nights in. He tells them about their New Year’s kiss, smiling to himself. He tells them about going to college together and adopting Brucely. Even when they’re fast asleep, he tells them the story.
               Artemis arrives home a little before 11. Stupid stupid traffic. Brucely lifts his head up as his adopted mother removes her coat. She gives him a loving pet before going to her room.
               “Ba—” Her voice dies instantly. Wally isn’t in there. She tries not to panic as she goes across the hall. “Wally?”
               Wally dozes in the rocking chair. Jania and Matty are sleeping soundly in their daddy’s arms. Jania cuddles her Kid Flash plushie. Artemis sighs in relief. She lifts her daughter up first, tucking her into her crib. Artemis kisses her little blonde head. “I love you, sweet girl…”
               “Momee…” Matty mumbles as his mother lifts him up. Artemis smiles.
               “Sh…. It’s sleepy time, baby…” Artemis tucks her son into his toddler bed. She strokes his red hair until he falls back asleep.
               “Hey, beautiful.” Wally hugs her from behind, kissing the back of her neck. She smiles. Placing her hands on his.
               “Hey, Baywatch. I see that they didn’t give you too much trouble.”
               “That’s just because I’m super daddy.” They slip out of their children’s room. Wally gives his wife a loving kiss. “I missed you, beautiful.”
               “I was gone less than a day.” She places her hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. “I missed you too.”
               “How’s Will and Jade?”
               “They’re good. Lian wants to come and see her cousins soon.” Artemis presses her face into his shirt. She’s always loved the way he smells. Wind and electricity with just a touch of sweat.
               “We could always give her another cousin.” Artemis laughs at his cheeky smile.
               “We have two under two. I’m good.” Artemis gives his bottom a playful swat as she heads to their room.
               “I know, I am too.” Wally smiles. “Doesn’t mean we can’t practice making babies though.”
               “Oh, it doesn’t?” Artemis gives him that smile. The one he fell in love with so long ago.
               “Well, it depends if you want to practice, Mrs. West.”
               Artemis wraps her arms around his neck, “Actually, it depends on you convincing me to practice, Mr. West.”
               It’s old hat to them now, after being in love for 12 years and now with two children, but they still love the connection they have during sex. Artemis holds his face, needing to see him. Wally looks at her scars, now intercut with stretch marks from carrying their children. He presses gentle kisses to every inch of her beautiful skin. She finds constellations in his freckles.
               Later, Wally and Artemis lay cuddled together in bed. Wally kisses her shoulder gently. “You still haven’t talked to M’gann or Zatanna.”
               “No.” Artemis looks over at the picture on their nightstand. There had been a picture of Artemis with her former best friends. Now a family picture her mother had insisted on, with both daughters’ families, takes its place. “Are you going to lecture me about it?”
               “Nope.” Artemis looks at him, genuinely confused by that answer. “Babe. What they did was right in spirit, but wrong in practice. They violated your trust and used personal information on you. I get why you're angry. I can’t speak for what they did or understand exactly how you feel. But I love you and I support you.”
               “Where’s the emotionally constipated 16-year-old I feel in love with?” Artemis asks. Part of her is teasing, but there’s another pat that genuinely wonders when he changed into the man laying next to her.
               “He grew up.” Wally kisses her gently. “I’ve always had your back, babe. I always will.”
               Artemis turns to curl up into his chest. “I know… I know…”
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brightjin · a year ago
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tag thingie
tagged by @54930852309430 i lov u gabey
1. Nickname(s): seb, sebbie, sebbington, lord sebastian
2. Bias: cant pick one bc im indecisive so jin, momo, mingi, seonghwa
3. Blood type: idk
4. Favorite food: this is v difficult but i’d have to say raggmunkar (potato pancakes) w lingonberry jam and fried thick bacon (not british)... nom
5. Birthday: 7th of february #soon
6. Zodiac sign: aquarius + cursed rest of chart
7. Pronouns: he/him
8. Hair length: short
9. Height: 168 cm tall
10. A crush: gabey... i wub u...
11. What do you like about yourself: i’m a quick learner, i’m ambitious, i have a cool sense of fashion, i’m compassionate
12. Right or left handed: right
13. List of three favourite colors: anything purple, the blue colour the sky gets before it gets dark, emerald green
14. (Right now) eating: risotto from aldi fdjsklfds
15. (Right now) drinking: wourder
16. I’m about to: study while playing a video game. not smart of me.
17. Listening to: the magnus archives baby!!! we hyperfixating
18. Kids: not sure, i really can’t deal w infants cause sensory overload but at the same time i love the bond i have w my parents and would love to have that w my kid
19. Get married: it’d be fun i love the drama of dressing up
20. Recent phone call: uhhhh my mom i’m pretty sure, but i never call ppl on the phone
21. (Have you ever) Dated someone twice: yes
22. Been cheated on: no
23. Kissed someone and regretted it: no
24. Lost someone special: yes
25. Been depressed: yea lmao
26. Been drunk and thrown up: yes
27. Had glasses or contacts: yes im glasses boi
28. Had sex on the first date: no
29. Broken someone’s heart: yes
30. Turned someone down: yes
31. Cried when someone died: yes
32. Fallen for a friend: yup thats just the way it is
33. (In the last year have you) made a new friend: yes
34. Laughed until you cried: yes
35. Met someone who changed you: yes
36. Found out who your true friends were: yes
37. Found out someone was talking about you: yes
38. Lips or eyes: tbh both but i guess eyes?
39. Hugs or kisses: hugs
40. Shorter or taller: dont really care but taller
41. Romantic or spontaneous: are these opposites?? why is this an “or” question. u can be romantic and spontaneous. this is a poorly phrased question and i wont dignify it w an answer.
42. Sensitive or loud: uhhh sensitive
43. Hookup or relationship: relationship
44. First best friend: hampus, hes basically my brother lmao we’ve known each other since birth
45. Surgery: removed a cyst from my throat when i was 9
46. Sports I joined: i’ve tried golf, swimming (even came 2nd in a local competition!! go me), tennis and dancing
47. Do you believe in yourself: it’s difficult sometimes but yes
48. Miracles: idk maybe
49. Love at first sight: no
50. Heaven: i want to
51. Do you have any pets: chubby cat called sansa
52. Do you want to change your name: yes lmao
53. What did you do for your last birthday: had dinner w my ex friend and another person, spent the night being ignored by both
54. What time did you wake up today: woke up at 8.30 the first time and immediately texted gabey about a dream i had fdjslkfdsk
55. What were you doing last night at midnight: playin vidya game...
56. Something you can’t wait for: to graduate im SO tired of the uk
57. Last time you saw your mom: 2 weeks ago
58. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could stop procrastinating OR that i had a body i was comfortable with, depending if u can fix physical aspects or not
59. What’s getting on your nerves: why do i keep drinking venti coffees in 15 minutes and then act surprised when i feel sick for several hours
dont feel obligated to do this since its long af but im tagging @akterskeppet @agu5td @notfine-mp3 in case y’all r bored!
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crown-queen-bambee · 2 years ago
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Happy 15th Birthday to Prince Kahim and Prince Rahim of France
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Queen B: Where do I begin.....Kahim and Rahim....*tears up* I love you, you are my first borns. It was so hard to get pregnant to the point I wanted to give up. But your papa didn't let me. When we found out I was pregnant, it was the best day ever. We thought we were having one baby.....*laughs* but come to find out, the day I gave birth....here came you both. Ya'll really been through pretty much every stage of growth with your father and I. Ya'll went from apartment to palace with us. You our rocks, we love you both so much. Happy Birthday Prince Kahim and Prince Rahim 🥺.
King J: Happy Birthday, you two make me so proud to be your father. I got me two mini mes. I remember ya'll sitting on my lap in the music studio. I even have ya'll coos and giggles on my first album. Ya'll my motivation because I never knew I could be a dad. Once I held ya'll it was over, I became a big softie and got in full dad mode. Dad will always have your back. Kahim you are so athletic and smart. Rahim you are a musical genius. I am beyond proud. We love you Prince Kahim and Prince Rahim.
Princess Nahri: Happy Birthday to the best big brothers ever. I love you both, you protect me. You are annoying sometimes but I would ever change that. I feel so safe with you. You help me when mommy and daddy can not. You are both amazing. I wub chu 🥰.
Prince Romeo: Happy Birthday YAAAAAAAY. I got two big bruddas. You help me and protect and play with me. You give me froot snack and make me ice cream. I hope be like you. Wub chu 🤗.
[Royal News] - Today the King and Queen celebrate the eldest children of the royal family birthday. They are 15 years old and to celebrate they release official royal portraits of the twins. As special gifts, the officially have their own crowns, commissioned by their parents. The crowns are made of gold, rubies emeralds and diamonds. Very similar to a crown the King has. The royal parents said it is a private dinner at the palace for them following an informal party.  Happy Birthday to the royal twins.
Follow my RP on Instagram: crown_queen_bambee
Thank you to the cc creators: @bruxel-reign @batsfromwesteros
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mirrorbal1 · a year ago
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lover is my favourite Taylor album
I forgot that you existed is just my favourite mood, it makes me so happy, it’s such a positive song and sounds so simple and cute.
Cruel summer is the boppiest bop of all. It’s got that fast paced thing that makes you feel like you’re driving too fast.
Lover is beautiful, it’s amazing. The bridge is fantastic. It’s magical. It’s dreamlike from a dream.
The man takes what people spend years writing research essays on and makes it into a catchy song. It’s so smart! And good to listen to!
The archer is how it sounds when you feel lonely, it’s what it sounds like in the back of your head when you feel scared and alone.
I think he knows is a masterpiece. The vocals. The snappy lyrics. The “wub wub wub” right before the second verse. The bridge. The productions. The last choruses???? Fantastic.
Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince is so smart. Like a novel or a famous poem. Goes right for the political way in a way so smart the president doesn’t even notice.
Paper rings is a bop. It’s timeless. Could’ve been released in the 1980’s or any other time. It is amazing. It’s so much fun. I want to put on polka dotted dress and dance.
Cornelia street????? It’s amazing. Emotionally vulnerable. Beautiful production. I love it. I LOVE it. Self written masterpiece.
Death by a thousand cuts is based off of a movie and it’s so close to the movie that it feels like it was made for the movie. It’s amazing songwriting in the form of pastiche and I’m in love.
London boy is a BOP. A solid bop. Makes you want to sing and dance and jump around and fly to London. LONDON BOY I ENJOY.
Soon you’ll get better is a beautiful masterpiece. You can feel all of the emotion that she feels when she sings it. Amazing.
False god is sexy, and sensual, and fantastic. The saxophone is beautiful. The lyrics are fantastic. This song is an aphrodisiac.
You need to calm down was once described as a stomping pride anthem. And that’s the best description of it ever.
Afterglow is the most beautiful apologetic song I’ve ever heard and just wow. Hits you right in the heart. Knocks me off my feet.
ME! is my favourite Taylor song of all time and my url is literally a ME! lyric. The vocals was amazing. The production. The fact she was so happy when she wrote it and when she performed it and it just brings out the happiest in me.
It’s nice to have a friend is a poem and it’s sung and it’s beautiful. And the little plunks of strings. It’s cute. It’s how it feels to be in love.
Daylight. Daylight. It’s golden like daylight. Taylor’s best album closer of all time. And self written. Makes me so happy. Step into the daylight and let it go.
Lover is Taylor’s best album.
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Gormless Ch. 5 - Try to kill my boss? Haha you kids are alright!
A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.
I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!
The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.
For the last book check out the brainless tag.
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If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?
This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.
Last time on Gormless:
There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.
There’s a hot werewolf guy into Alexia called Channing and he’s a big jerk.  Ivy is getting married to some rich slub, even though she’s in wub with Maccon’s servant Tunstell.  Alexia just met a hot lesbian named LeFoux and wants to take her to visit her smart Vampire gay bestie Akeldama.
Chapter 5 – Try to kill my boss? Haha you kids are alright!
This chapter opens up with her seeing Lord Akeldama.  Basically they start by inviting Madame LeFoux and just catching up.  Turns out Akeldama has not seen the humanization phenomenon before even though he hella old, but his scouts discovered a military ship called the Spanker had people from the Kingair clan aboard who were humanized. We got similar info before, but there’s an implication that the humanization is traveling directly with the people of the Spanker.  There’s the implication that it’s moving north, and it has to do with the dead alpha thing.  
Something also of slight interest is that Akeldama tried to ~recruit~ Channing back when Channing was human. That Channing, so they say, used to be a charming sculptor and vampires and werewolves were fighting over him. That he went into the military/werewolfism cause it was more ~romantic.~ I think that’s all there just to put Channing back on the table as a love rival.
HE’S BAD RIGHT? BUT LIKE MAYBE NOT ALL BAD?
On one hand they’re fleshing him out.  On another hand it reeks of Marty-Stuing and it is not convincing me he deserves another chance.
Well what would make him desirable to you Faps?  Put him in an oversized sweater, with glasses, and he’s petting a cat?  
Okay okay!  My kink is valid and so is the kink for a man-child meathead okay.  I just wish my kink was more main-stream gosh.
So Madam LeFoux shows up and there is a brief bit of sassing between Akledama and her before Akeldama has to show off his aethographor.  They spend a lot of fucking time on this.  I guess this is for the folks into the steampunk aspect but like…I don’t really understand this appeal.  It basically boil down to it’s a telegraph machine but it prints letters onto metal with caustic chemicals. It has to be manned at all times, and some old ones need specific ~ Crystalline valve frequensors~ to communicate to one another but Akeldama’s LATEST EDITION doesn’t need it. I am a history nerd and reading about old machines is fascinating because you get to see how the machines have impacted the culture. I also like reading about Sci-Fi technology because either it’s cool to see what people decades ago thought was going to happen, or speculative future possibilities. In theory speculative fiction about an alternate universe’s history could be cool but this machine is just not that far removed from a telegraph machine and sounds like it’s a pain in the ass. But perhaps I’m just so spoiled by the fact that I could get a snapchat of a strange person’s butthole from Australia instantaneously without having to operate a machine the size of a room 24/7.  You have not truly enjoyed a stranger from down under’s…down under until you’ve seen it with the leopard ear snapchat filter!
Anyway he gives Alexia a ~ Crystalline valve frequensor~ with his frequency just in case.  She puts it in a pocket on her umbrella and it’s like DAMN GIRL WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAD WITH THE FACT THE THING HAS POCKETS? THAT’S WAY COOLER! (Even if impractical for regular umbrellas.)
The three of them part ways, Alexia is planning on taking a dirigible to Scotland in order to face this humanization and save her dumb-fuck husband.
Here we switch point of views to look through Lyall’s eyes. He’s tailing Alexia for reasons and some vampires are sneaking around Lord Akeldama’s place while she was visiting. The vamps almost attack Alexia but Lyall stops them with some pow pow action.  The vampires say they were just going to ~test~ Alexia and Lyall is just like haha that’s fine, go home you kids!  Also Alexia did not notice any of this.
I mean I’m kinda glad we had a bit o’ action but this was dumb. Lyall just lets these two jackoffs go after they tried to maybe kill/kidnap/whatever his master’s wife.  Also he doesn’t tell Alexia she was nearly attacked? Cause drama later on I guess? Fuck this writing!  I take back the nice things I said about Lyall!  Lyall instead just argues that Alexia shouldn’t go to Scotland. Sure Maccon relies heavily on his superpowers for everything, but not letting him know his powers are going to be suddenly taken away by a mysterious force which maybe out of his blood will definitely be fine. I guess because it’s now Lyall’s policy to make sure everybody around him, whom he attempts to protect with his life, is unaware of the danger around them. Cool, cool.
At least this time when Alexia badgers somebody about something she’s going to do, she’s right that it makes no sense why she shouldn’t. However she unwittingly has to take along a merry batch of fuckers. You’ll hear about them in a bit.
We have a big old scene where Alexia’s mother shows up and is like, “YOUR ONE SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED THE OTHER SISTER IS SO WRACKED WITH JEALOUSY SHE’S MAKING EVERYONE MISERABLE! YOU TAKE HER!”
Oh and there’s this inconsistent writing here where Alexia’s mother is passive aggressively racist toward werewolves and Scots. Yet at the same time there are lines about how pleased Alexia’s mother is that she married a Scottish werewolf.  There’s the direct line, “It was a constant source of amazement to Alexia that the only thing she had ever done in her entire life that pleased her mama was marry a werewolf.”  I think what the author is trying to say is that Alexia’s mom was happy that Alexia married a rich and powerful man, and LOOKS PAST the fact that he’s a werewolf but still kinda hates werewolves.  However they don’t bring up that her mom is impressed with all her money and power. They just keep saying WEREWOLF THIS and WEREWOLF THAT!  They made it unnecessarily muddled here and it’s confusing, annoying, and could have been easily fixed.
In Alexia mother’s defense the only thing I’ve seen Alexia do that’s pleased me, is hit that douche werewolf over the head a bunch.
So of course, Alexia’s mother won’t take no for an answer when it comes to her sister. Therefore Alexia is saddled with generic shallow, petty, bitch blonde sister #2.  Felicity, the blonde in question, agreed to this, despite hating her sister cause she knew her sister would be surrounded by hunky werewolves.  SHE GOTTA GET A HUSBAND NOW TOO! IT’S ALL US LADY FOLKS CARE ABOUT!  Due to English custom you can’t just leave your sister in your castle to have wild gangbangs with werewolves all day and night. But I mean, considering the amount of misogyny the 3rd in command is packing? Not leaving her alone there is probably a good idea. (Also I will puke blood if Felicity and Channing become an item.)
Ivy shows up at this time as well cause I mean…Ivy has always been sexually drawn to inconvenient timing.  Don’t kink-shame her!  When Ivy hears that Tunstell will be going on the Dirigible, she pouts until Alexia just let’s her go along too, cause HAHA WHY NOT AT THIS POINT!?
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(A gif of Hillary Clinton laughing and throwing her hands up.)
So she’s taking Angelique (to dress her), Felicity (to be obnoxious in the bitchy way), Ivy (to be obnoxious in the ditsy way), and Tunstell (cause this 90lb actor will protect them all.)
OH BOY WE GOT A SMORGSEBORG OF IMPENDING WACKINESS TO CONTEND WITH!  IS THAT EXCITEMENT I HEAR OR THE CRACKING OF MY OWN GRINDING TEETH!?
Say something nice Faps:
Dang I’m having a hard time saying nice things here that aren’t simply just, “Well at least X didn’t happen!”
She uhhh tried to steampunk?
I get a masochistic tickle when Alexia’s family is around.  I dislike Alexia so I like seeing her insulted, but the cartoonish villainy of her family is hilarious to me.  It’s just so spot-on, the archetypal “BASIC SHALLOW BLONDE BITCH-SLUT TO MAKE PROTAG LOOK BETTER THAN ALL OTHER GIRLS!”  However I have yet to see an author fail so spectacularly at differentiating the evil girls from the protag. “I can’t believe all my family cares about is how they look, their social standing, and men!” Huffs Alexia, as she ponders her own romantic dalliances to the king of the Universe, in her new blue carriage dress, which has SHOOK the London fashion world to its VERY CORE!
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huggableyoungjae · 3 years ago
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Getting bad scores on tests does NOT define your intelligence. Don't let your scores discourage you from continuing to learn and feeling good about yourself. There are so many ways to learn and so many different ways to be smart. I bet you know a ton about kpop, right? Just because you're not being tested on it, doesn't make it unimportant. It's still knowledge that you possess. Most of the people society views as incredibly intelligent are experts in only a few areas. You're doing great!
Hello cutie *hearts*
Thank you so much, you made me cry happily ^^ i just need to ignore my anxiety after every time i fail an exam. buuuuut at least i know now what to study more of (and actually study instead of just studying for one day …) and if i do not pass, it is ok. I just have to remind myself that and i really appreciate you for making me feel ok about it ^-^
(also, /.\ i only know got7 so i do not know much about kpop hehe *hides away in shame* but) i do no know a lot about cockatiel parrots :D
i wub you so much, thank you for cheering me up ( ◠‿◠ ) *hugs*
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caihongjuji-movin · 3 years ago
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🌼 i wub u (my three fav things abt u r: 1) ur laugh is rly pure and sweet 2) youre a very kind person but you also dont put up w any shit but in the nicest way possible and. its just goals 3) YOURE RLY FUCKING SMART i love to listen to u talk abt stuff like dinos bc u know sm abt it and its super cool to hear abt it)
KY UR SO SWEET IM TEARING UP RN.... -ur so energtic and fun!! you just give off such a pleasant vibe ! its rlly nice to hear u have a good time and talk abt the stuff you like bc ur excitement just like... radiates onto everyone else-ur a super good friend! i know you have a rlly good heart and youre rlly caring :') -ur rlly creative!! idk just seeing the simple stuff like the things u make in sims or ur drawings... everything u make always looks rlly good
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hundredbillionbottles · 4 years ago
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Now You’re a Mouse Caught In a Mouse-trap and Another Mouse Has Discovered You and Is Now Buggaring You
“Okay, now you’re a mouse caught in a mouse-trap and another mouse has discovered you and is now buggaring you.”
A big part of me doesn’t want to give any explanation or context for this quote from Greg, primary school librarian, IT guy and father of two. If you want to leave this quote contextless and go about the rest of your day torturing yourself over what in God’s name Alex got up to in Bogotá this weekend, then stop reading here and tune in next week.
Okay. So, Tejo is a Colombian game, similar to ring-toss, in which you hurl rocky discs, or ‘tejos’, at a small wall of wet clay about the size of a small door, or rather a sheet of A2. In the middle of the wall is a metal ring, and on the metal ring are four faded pink, triangular sachets of gunpowder known as ‘mechas’. You get one point for landing the tejo in the clay, three points for hitting the mecha, and five points for landing it in the exact centre of the ring. However, three points, not mathematically, but morally and spiritually, are far more valuable than five points, for a direct hit on the mecha triggers a tiny explosion from both the gunpowder and the spectators, who instinctively whelp whelps of ‘¡olé!’ and ‘¡mechaaaaaaaaaa!’ in a style reminiscent of Miis when you bowl the ball backwards of Wii Sports. Desiring a change of scene from the usual Friday night tienda, we gathered a troop to come play this absurd game. We left straight after work to grab ourselves a lane, and luckily snagged the last one available in a confined room consisting of three lanes separated only by a bench and a thin bit of fencing on each side of the clay wall, a slightly concerning amount of safety precautions for a game that is literally blowing stuff up with rocks.
We got started and mecha-shots were few and far between. In fact, it took me at least four tries to even hit the clay. However, what I neglected to mention was that one does not pay for a lane at the Tejo rink, one pays for a crate of beer. So long as you keep drinking and purchasing beer, you maintain your right to the lane. So now we can add alcohol into the equation along with blowing stuff up and throwing rocks. Yet, somehow, in a totally backwards way, the more we drank, the better we got. Halfway through our second crate, I was regularly forgetting where my tejo had landed pretty much immediately after throwing it, yet I still managed to hit three or four mechas in my intoxication. Then came Greg’s ingenious idea to throw tejos in the style of a characters: his original idea was to do it in the style of a T. Rex or a constipated rabbit. Y’know, relatively innocent, harmlessly fun concepts, which very quickly escalated into ‘George W. Bush finding out about 9/11’, ‘Theresa May having a sexual fantasy about screwing the homeless’ and, of course, “a mouse caught in a mouse-trap and another mouse has discovered you and is now buggaring you.” When I witnessed George imitating said mouse being buggared by said other mouse, I knew that this game was a piece of Colombian culture that I must bring back to the UK in July.
At some point there was some sort of silent mutual decision that enough gunpowder had been shed on this night and everyone hustled into an uber van back to the gap house, where Stephen and Dom considered the practically of climbing the roof and I talked to Greg about Twin Peaks and his days as a drum and bass skanker. All in all it was a very pleasant, friendly and funny evening.
The following day was introduced by a wash of blissful sun, somewhat of an anomaly in the recent pattern of grey skies and thunderous rain. I suggested to take advantage of the day’s brightness and warmth by visiting Bogotá’s botanical gardens. But, as is the law of sod, the black clouds followed and swelled along with our taxi, drizzling wet specs of dust on the window before unleashing the full contents of their mighty load almost as soon as we set foot in the park. We strolled about between the beds of exotic plants and admired their gradients and patterns, but at the same time we were getting absolutely pelted with rain, a combination of activities that cannot be endured for overly long. And so, though the garden was stunningly beautiful and diverse, the thunder ultimately chased us back to whence we came, and I began preparing for our night out at ‘Baum’, an electronic music club that I’d heard several, pardon the pun, rave reviews about.
Baum was good. It was okay. Not great, but fine, and I’m glad I went. It was split into two rooms: a glowing red room with a tree growing behind the decks up through the clear glass ceiling, and a dark room lit only by the electrifying LED screen behind the DJ with a ceiling designed like churning waves in a choppy sea. I spent most of my night there in the latter, where the basslines were far more stomach-shaking and face-fuzzing. However, in both rooms the music was fairly repetitive, though good, and the people were all a bit ‘too cool for school’. In contrast to the explosively energetic of previous nights out in Bogotá at Theatron, Baum seemed to attract a more ‘trendy hipster’ crowd who were all too chic and smart to be seen having a good time, so instead of blaring smiles and moronic dancing there were bookish frowns and lazy shuffling. In the end, I decided to watch the lightshow from behind my glowing eyelids and to let the bass take me on calm wave which directly opposed the image the room created through the wild sea on the ceiling.
When I got home, I stayed up for a little while longer talking with Stephen over a microwaved bowl of pasta leftovers. We talked in some detail about our time in Colombia so far and how we can cram as much of the country into our memories before our time here is up. The morning after, I skyped my friend Ellie from back home and we caught each other up over the events of the past two months. It was great to see and hear her and we talked for almost an hour and I can’t wait to see her and the rest of the Nailsea gang again. It was interesting that I enjoyed each of my conversations with Greg, Stephen and Ellie more than I enjoyed the strobes and wubs of Baum. I guess it reminded me that it’s the people you meet and the bonds you make that tie you to a place, rather than the more superficial experiences. I think I will always remember the rapturous laughter on the Tejo alley and the people that generated it. And when I do leave in June, I think they’ll be what I miss the most, a fact which will no doubt go down interestingly at my next summer extended family gathering: “so what was your favourite moment from your time in Colombia, Alex?” “Well Gran, I’d have to say the re-enactment of a mouse getting caught in a mouse-trap and then another mouse discovering them and buggaring them.”
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drzedzworth · 4 years ago
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3/3 Your art is something I've seen a few times of. Many of the kids I teach do have the same art style as you.They almost look identical......what age did you say you were?!?!? Uhhh 20?!? I hope that you did start doing vector art just a couple of months ago because .... never mind I'm sure you'll improve soon! Just where to encourage you on this blog and I hope you respond!
Oooh BoiOk, I'm just saying this Cuz I'm still uncomfortable about my age, however the idea of (old enough for XXX but not old enough to drink would give me a hint..I think, MURICA!)Could say I should still be in schoolOh wow! You teach that? That's awesome! I never really think that schools would use illustrator For me, I have little smarts, and edumacation, however, I am self taught, when I first saw the show back in 2012, or 13, I really enjoyed it^^ But then I saw..EPIC, WUB TIME!And vinyl scratch became my favorite charachter! Then I started looking into fan animations, and after a while, and analyzing it, I know what I need, so I watched tutorials on vectoring ponies, and well, it was so complicated at first, Took me about 6 hours just for the head, but then later I started doing more and moreYou wouldn't BELIEVE how scared I was with the program, I was scared for months, so then I decided to draw on paper, boy did I suck! But after drawing over 800 drawings in 2015 after 400 drawings in 2016, I then became more advanced and now..well, I'm an above amature at vectoring! I hope.But I believe once I truly am ready, then I'll be able to move unto flash and do Fan animations myself! And make this community happy again!(if not maybe MORE happy)And just imagining all the collaborations, voice actors, and artists working in the same production as I am makes me want to jump like a little girl Cuz AW MY GAWD I'M EXCITED- sorry I was speaking my mindBut I do take offenses and mean stuff to heart because of my low and I mean LOW- self esteem, but hopefully, I can at least achieve something great! Thank you for the many asksAnd I hope you have a wonderful life! Good luck! Stay safe!And thank you for the asks!^^
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Eldritch Librarians
         Dark sat upside down on the living room’s couch, fiddling with a smart phone. He kicked his feet back and forth like a fidgeting child and scrunched his face in frustration. Beams of light came in through the windows and bits of dust floated in their rays. Anti walked into the living room, munching on a flaky croissant, flakes falling onto his black t-shirt. He dusted the flakes from his shirt and the bits of croissant joined the particles of dust.
         “I made some croissants; want one?” Anti asked and took another bite. “I know they’re supposed to be flaky but I think I made ‘em too crumbly.” Dark didn’t reply and clicked away at his device. Anti looked at him and raised a brow. “When did you get a…you didn’t steal that, did you?”
         Dark looked up and finally noticed Anti and slid down to the floor, legs still resting on the couch. “Nope. Bought it.”
         Anti chuckled, and joined him in the floor, resting his feet on the couch. “Ah-huh. Did you steal the money?”
         “No, I got this tiny computer with my own money and it does too much and I can’t figure out how to do any of it.” Dark tossed it towards a window but, using his glitch, Anti quickly teleported and caught it.
         “Dark, you got an iPhone! If you look at this thing wrong, it’ll break. Let me see if I can help you with it, okay?” Anti sat on the couch next to Dark’s feet and Dark crossed his arms.
         “I just want to do a few things!” Dark sat up and waved his arms around as he explained, “I want to call and text you but no matter how many times I type in ‘Anti’ it won’t do anything! I want to change my background to something besides some stupid water drops but when I type in ‘background’ it does nothing! I want to look up porn but I keep typing in ‘porn’ and I get nothing!”
         Anti held in his laughter and looked at the iPhone in his hand. The “notebook” app was open and, written over and over again were the words Anti, background, change background, text Anti, call Anti, porn, people fucking, and lastly SOMETHING TO JACK OFF TOO I HATE THIS STUPID THING. Anti couldn’t help it and burst out laughing. Dark crossed his arms again, pouting.
         “Laugh it up, I’m a real comedian.”
         Anti coughed and subdued his laughter. “You can’t just start typing in random stuff, Dark. To text me you need to know my number. You have to change your background yourself and to look up websites you need to know their address. Here.” Anti put his phone number in Dark’s contacts. “Now when you need me just go to your contacts and click on my name! Now, what do you want your background to be?”
         Dark jumped up and plopped down hard onto the couch. “Put that thing in ‘selfie’ mode!” Dark beamed.
         Anti laughed and opened the camera, switching it to selfie mode. Dark took Anti’s hand, the one that held the phone, and held it up. “SMILE GREENIE!” They smiled and Dark clicked the shutter button. “Make that my background.”
         Anti went to the phone’s settings and changed the background to the picture they just took. He couldn’t help but smile.
         Dark marveled at his background. “Your hair’s getting’ a little long, man.”
         “Eh, if it starts to bother me I’ll cut it.” Anti shrugged his shoulders. “Now about porn…well...it’s not safe to look that up on your phone, Dark. Wait ‘till we get a computer.”
         Dark smirked and caressed Anti’s thigh. “Hm. Bummer.”
         Anti’s face blushed bright red.
         The doorbell rang and they both jumped, then looked at each other and laughed. Anti got off the couch and went to the foyer. He walked to the front door and peaked through the peep hole; standing straight at attention was a young man in a CDO jacket. On his forehead were tiny horns. Anti opened the door and waved.
         The young man saluted. “Reporting for a Mr. Antisepticeye, sir!”
         Anti pointed to himself, “Hello there. You’re looking at him, ahaha.”
         Still saluting, the young man continued, “I am Knight-in-training Sukino, here to take you on your first mission, sir!”
         “Oh.” Anti looked back to the living room and saw Dark taking several selfies. “Can he come?” He pointed back to Dark.
         Sukino stood back to attention. “I…suppose so, sir! I’ll give you a moment to change.”
         “Er, change?”
         Sukino nodded, “It’s rather cold where we’re headed, sir.”
         “Oh. Okay. Come on in.” Anti motioned for Sukino to enter and he did. “Make yourself comfortable; I’ll be back.” Anti left to the upstairs bedroom, not before saying, “Dark, be nice!”
         Dark looked up from his phone to Sukino and giggled. “Hey, horny.”
         Sukino blushed and made sure not to make eye contact with Dark.
         It didn’t take very long for Anti to get changed (though, to Sukino, it felt like it took an eternity). Anti now adorned a black beanie and black hoodie that said, “wub a lubba dub dub!” in bright green writing. “Warm enough?”
         Sukino nodded. “Grab onto my shoulders, please.” He didn’t even ask why Dark wasn’t getting into anything warmer.
         Dark groaned and got up and grabbed Sukino’s right shoulder, Anti grabbed his left. Sukino pulled a metal tube from his pocket with a white jewel at the top and flicked it. The three were engulfed in a white light and, when the light disappeared, so did they.
--*--
Northern Canada
         A bright flash of white light appeared and along with it, so did Dark, Anti, and Sukino. Anti and Sukino shivered, while the snow immediately around Dark melted. In front of them was a stories tall, massive, brick building, with “Clericus Daemon Ordinem Tabularium” carved above the doors.
         Anti smiled and looked all around. “Yay! Snow!!!”
         Sukino pulled a folded piece of paper from his pockets and handed it to Anti. “There are some documents we need you to pick up for your first mission. They’re here on this paper.” Sukino saluted and prepared the device he held in his hand.
         “Wait, why are they sending me n’ Anti up here; why not you? Or another CDO kid?” Dark asked.
         “Commander Padula wanted to start you off with something easy…and uh…we don’t really like coming up here. The people that work up here are…strange.” Sukino stuttered. Before Anti or Dark could ask anything else, Sukino flicked the jewel on his device and was gone in a flash. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Wow, I did not mean to make this that long. I didn’t want it to just be “we need to go here. Okay we’re here” but I also did mean for the this much build up ahaha. Whoopsie. Also...this is gonna be my first time RP-ing sooo, the lovely @brittany-san  and @ari-trash , TAKE IT AWAY, YA’ BAMFS! (btw, those of you that have been making OC’s and what not, I’ve talked to some of you about RP-ing, some of you have chosen to opt out which is totes fine- like I said, this is just a realm of all sorts of possibilities- you do what you’re comfortable with and I freakin’ love you ALL! This is a place to have fun, bb, YEAH!)
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Gormless Ch. 4 - Dab on them Pineapples
A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.
I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!
The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.
For the last book check out the brainless tag.
If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?
This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.
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Last time on Gormless:
There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.
There’s a dude named Channing who wants to punch and have sex with Alexia, and Ivy is getting married to some rich slub, even though she’s in wub with Maccon’s servant Tunstell.
Alexia’s hubby told her to go to a hat store for mysterious plot reasons, she brings her dopey friend Ivy.  The hat store is run by a hot lesbian and as they’re chatting BOOM an explosion! GOLLY WHAT’S NEXT!?
Chapter 4 - Dab on them Pineapples
This chapter starts off totally under described.  Basically the explosion shook the hats on their nice dangling hooks, and turned out the lights.  They don’t even describe it as unbalancing Alexia.  So the whole next bit makes so little sense.  She first reacts by feeling around for Ivy.  She finds Ivy has fainted…cause okay? Ivy is whispering about Tunstell though so she’s like, “YEAH MY FRIEND UNCONCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AFTER AN EXPLOSION IS FINE! BYE LOSER!”
She immediately starts scurrying around for that secret passage she thought she saw earlier. Finds it, goes in, and down an elevator. I just…I was so flummoxed that this was her first response?  All it would take for this to make more sense is to write, “It sounded as if the explosion happened below them, and Alexia would bet you 100 pounds that this secret passage would lead her straight to it. And what if someone was hurt down there?”
It seemed so bizarre for her to go, “EXPLOSION? I’M GOING TO MAKE A BEELINE FOR THE SECRET PASSAGE! MY FRIEND OUT COLD? WHATEVER!”
When she gets down there she finds a messy workshop, where a small explosion clearly took place.  She finds LeFoux yelling at a child and there’s a ghost lady just chilling there.  The gist of the conversation is that the child threw a rag soaked in ETHER into a huge furnace which caused the explosion.  The boy is just like, “lol it went bang.”  And Alexia thinks that’s hilarious and reintroduces herself. LeFoux has to remark that WOW ISN’T LADY MACCON SMART FOR FINDING OUT THE SECRET PASSAGEWAY? GOSH I KNOW I CONFIRMED IT TO HER MINUTES AGO! BUT SHE’S SO SMART!  The ghost is LeFoux’s aunt Beatrice, and the boy is introduced as LeFoux’s son Quesnel even though the two do not look related.
I also find it odd that LeFoux, the owner of this establishment, with a shop full of customers, just slips into the passage and doesn’t give a token, “DO NOT PANIC CUSTOMERS I’M GOING TO FIGURE OUT THE ISSUE, PLEASE STAY WHERE YOU ARE!”
Alexia praises the child for the explosion.  I can’t help but feel a bit exasperated by the book’s tone for this.  This child could have not only killed himself on a flight of fancy but perhaps a block worth of buildings full of humans in a crowded city, and the story treats it like he stole a pudding out of the fridge he wasn’t supposed to have.  But I mean, my job is to worry for the well-being of children and I have a habit of overthinking this shit so take that paragraph with as much or as little care as you see fit.
LeFoux punishes Quesnel and tells her aunt to take him away so she can have sexual tension with Alexia.  Alexia, you do not deserve the sexual attention of anybody except your dipshit husband. Leave the MacDougalls and LeFouxs for the more-deserving slutty, bisexual hate-readers okay.
Faps you realize you will never be able to have sex with a fictional character right?
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Faps why would you want to bang a fictional character in a story you don’t even like?
I HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO ENJOY HERE OKAY!?
During some mild flirtation where Alexia first realizes women are hot, LeFoux explains that Maccon commissioned a gift that is ready for her.
It’s a huge ugly umbrella that takes a page to describe just its physical appearance, which was hard to follow.  My favorite detail is,
“The handle looked like something that might top an ancient Egyptian column, carved with lotus flowers---or a very enthusiastic pineapple.”
I don’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean but with that line I have decided that the handle of her umbrella looks like this:
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(Picture of a pineapple dabbing, while wearing bright red shoes.)
And you cannot convince me otherwise.
We spend a few more pages explaining what her James Bond styled umbrella can do. Which includes:
Shoots poison darts.
Can switch between a silver and wooden tip depending on if you’re stabbing vampires or werewolves.
Can emit a magnetic field which can disrupt steam engines temporarily.
Can spray different kinds of toxic mists which can kill humans, and severely injure werewolves and vampires.  
Okay sure, she gets a proper weapon with a lot of weird uses. Sure good!
So now it’s time for me to complain about some writing choices!
Much to my annoyance, every time LeFoux smiles at all (which is a fucking lot) instead of using multiple verbs and descriptors such as, “She smiles, grins, smirks, beams, looks amused/smug/delighted/etc.” She says LeFoux ~dimples~ 100% of the time. And I’m like nobody verbs dimples that way you fucking weirdo who writes like they’re 12.
There’s also this really clumsy pointless exchange where it’s revealed that LeFoux has made special equipment for Prof. Lyall, and she remarks that he’s a curious man. Alexia says he’s not a man at all (cause he’s a werewolf) and LeFoux remarks, “I, too, am not a man. I simply enjoy dressing like one.”
….This is like super clumsy and not how humans talk at all. And there’s no reason why you need to bring that up AGAIN at all? We can tell she enjoys masculine dress because…she’s described as dressing masculine. Like….why? 
Like I know this isn’t meant to be a complex novel, but like I feel condescended to how often unimportant shit needs to be brought up again and again. UGH!
So they head back upstairs, Tunstell shows up so he and Ivy can stare longingly at each other, and OH YEAH tell Alexia Lyall wants to speak with her.
You gotta do more for me to ship Tunstell/Ivy then like show them cozy with one another and shouting in my ear about how they pine for one another.  Like maybe some dialog besides, “How are you?” “Oh I’m fine”?
So Alexia goes to see Lyall. She struts in swinging her new umbrella like HEY! HEY! ASK ABOUT MY NEW TOY!  Lyall does not.  Lyall has his issues don’t get me wrong.  But I find it so refreshing that he refuses to feed Maccon and Alexia’s shitty little egos.
Lyall says the humanization phenomenon has been ~spotted~ again and it’s moving toward Scotland, a bit ahead of Maccon, who is also heading that way.  Maccon doesn’t know he’ll be meeting the mysterious soul-sucking power soon, which could be a problem since he’s only useful in the sense that he has powers.
Alexia takes note of this, and decides she wants to have Lord Akeldama and LeFoux meet cause that would be cool I guess.  That’s where we leave off.  I’m not sure if the two are going to get along immediately upon meeting or hate each other’s guts. I hope they hate the other’s guts cause I think that would be more entertaining.
Say something nice Faps:
These chapters don’t always end and start on similar notes. So it doesn’t feel repetitive.
Lyall, while not totally free from this writing’s bullshit, helps ground this material by being a voice of sanity. A lot of authors can get caught up in HOW FUCKING COOL THEIR PERFECT FUN CHARACTERS ARE and it’s just kinda refreshing that this author has enough self-awareness to realize how exhausting and irritating their antics/personalities can sometimes be. Or in the very least enough awareness of writing to know when to slow it done and take a breather.
 LeFoux is hot.
Since I have identified her new murder parasol as having a dabbing pineapple handle, all mentions of it conjure hilarious mental images for me.  She was described as cradling it like a baby, and swinging it wildly in order for it to fail to catch Lyall’s attention.
 I also kinda like how despite getting a badass weapon crafted for her, it’s hideous.  Like perhaps it’s for the humor sake, but I appreciate we’re not just going to steamroll how cool and great Alexia is. Even though she got this super rad weapon with all these functions without having to earn it. The item does have the downside of being tacky and heavy. You know?
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huggableyoungjae · 3 years ago
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Just wanted to tell you that failing an exam does not make you dumb or stupid. In five years you will not even remember the grade you received. You are smart and sometimes when you take a test you just have an off day. Learn from your studying habits from the test and think how you can change your studying. But don’t judge your intelligence from a test, your intelligence comes from knowing and understanding things around you. You are an awesome individual and very smart 😁
Hello anony ^^
Thank you for your beautiful words ^^ I do not remember my grades from 5 years ago which was when i was in my first year of college hehe but i do remember my geometry grade in 2011, but you are right, it did not matter, it was just a grade :) plus i also learned because the next quarter i got a B haha
thank you so much cutie i wub you ! i hope everything you want comes to you soon (╹◡╹)
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