wish it more.
natasha x fem!reader, fluff, soft angst !!
warnings: nightmares, implied panic attack, one reference to killing oneself
sypnosis: nightmares sometimes prove to be too much for one person to handle. thankfully, someone is always there to remind natasha that she isn't alone.
a/n: this is actually an old piece from abt 2 months ago !! IDK IF IT MAKES SENSE SO I'M SORRY IF IT DOESN'T... inspiration came from this song once I started listening to it once again today on a whim. It reminds me so much of natasha it hurts and I hate seeing her sad :(
a/n 2: please ignore my short rant and me posting three days in a row i'll stop 💀 my wandavision reference 😈 you could listen to the song while you read ! it makes more sense that way <3 feedback is always appreciated !
Natasha shook in a tremorlike manner in her sleep, her body heating up unpleasantly.
She hated having nightmares.
It happened every night, but she was forced to sleep every night. She had to, because of her high demanding job.
It was a pain in the ass, and she’s tried more than one method to get over it. She tried to sleep it off, meaning sleeping early for a couple of days, it only served to make her nightmares more agitated.
She tried drinking something hot before she slept, and it helped her to pass out earlier, but nothing else.
She even tried exhausting herself to the point that she had almost gotten sick. It made her feel even worse combined with the horrors of her nightmare plus your lectures on her health the next day.
You couldn’t help it. You knew why she did it. But at this rate, she might kill herself.
So, you went and told her one morning after you found her awake with deep eyebags under her eyes, which was usually the case.
She didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk.
You walked up to her and pulled her gently into your arms, and she obliged, pressing herself into your familiar warmth. It was like you to initiate any sort of physical contact with her and everyone else on the team.
You stayed there for a while, and you traced comforting circles on her back and hummed a nice song. She always loved your voice.
You pull away and a small whine leaves her throat at the loss of contact. You smiled kindly.
You cupped her smooth face with your smoother hands, and she leaned into your touch almost magnetically. She had gone beyond being embarrassed a long time ago.
She would let you touch her face as much as you’d like.
You brushed your lips across her forehead. She shivers.
“Next time, come to me.”
Your words are hushed, coming out in a whisper, as though you were afraid of rejection.
Natasha gulped audibly and nodded numbly, and you kissed her on the forehead once more before leaving for your meeting.
She watches you go with her skin tingling all over from your affections, and a light pink tint on her cheeks.
Natasha likes it when you touch her. But she still doesn’t know what to do with what you told her.
She was aching to have any kind of physical contact with you for the rest of the day, but she hated that she didn’t know how to ask for it.
You’d pass her in the kitchen and give her a soft smile, and she would hold her tongue from asking you to hug her once again.
She tried another time in the meeting room. You had been seated next to each other, and Natasha had not been able to focus on Steve talking. She noticed how close your hands were and her hand twitched to hold yours.
It didn’t work.
You realized she was squirming, and you took it as that she needed more space, mumbling a soft apology, and moving a little further away out of reach, Natasha felt like tearing her hair out.
Never mind. She could try again tomorrow.
She tried to stay up again, thinking it might help, and you found her in the living room with a movie playing on the flat screen TV. It was late, but you liked that movie.
You decided that if you can’t beat them, join them. You went over to her with a smile, and you asked her quietly if you could join her.
Natasha wasn’t really paying attention to the movie, so it seems. Her usually cold green eyes looked rather distant now, as if her mind was somewhere far away.
You call her again a little louder.
Her head snaps to your direction and you gave her a timid wave, a breath-taking smile gracing your lips. She bites back a grin.
You asked her again, and she hastily moved aside to give you space.
You sat next to her and muttered a thanks, casting over a grateful smile. Natasha nodded, suddenly remembering her goal for the day, and she realised this was her last chance.
You had made sure to sit close to her, and you put your body in a folded position on the couch, your legs under the blanket that Natasha had draped over her own body.
You were so close, and she could smell the faint smell of perfume on your bright blue hoodie, its hood had a unicorn horn on it.
She found the sight endearing.
Your hand constantly hovered over hers each time you reached over for the popcorn, and she saw how focused you were on the movie.
Natasha gulped again and stayed completely still, deciding to try to focus on the movie as well. Your calming presence and inviting warmth eventually lulled her to a light sleep.
You felt a small weight hit your shoulder and you crane your head slowly to meet the sight of Natasha Romanoff asleep on your shoulder. You smiled and a blush spread over your cheeks.
She looked so peaceful, her long eyelashes and soft snores made your heart leap from your chest. You grabbed the remote, feeling tired yourself, and switched off the TV.
Then you got up and stretched, feeling a little sore from your previous position. You bent over and picked her up bridal style.
The redhead’s eyelashes flutter slightly open by the time you were halfway to her room, and she barely registered anything that was happening.
You had noticed her regaining consciousness and you smiled before pressing a warm kiss to her forehead which she hummed at.
“Hold onto me, I’m just bringing you to your room.”
Natasha heard small bits and nodded in understanding, holding you tighter.
You opened the door easily with a kick of your leg, making sure not to make any loud sounds.
You stepped in the room and ignored the interior, knowing that you could see it another day.
You tucked the sleepy girl in her bed and lifted the blanket to cover her, and you couldn’t help but place a gentle kiss on her nose. Natasha wished she had asked you to stay but she was already knocked out.
You whispered a goodnight and left the room with little to no noise.
It was 3 am when Natasha jerked awake once more. She was sweating and unshed tears were present in her eyes. Her head was pounding with a headache from the stress her mind had been put under.
Natasha tried to remember her surroundings, but she fails and panics.
She frantically looked around for any stable thing she could hold onto before she remembered your words.
“Next time, come to me.”
Natasha stumbled out of bed clumsily and holds to the frame for a while, breathing heavily. She then forced herself to trudge across the room and make her way to yours.
She knocks fervently and berated herself for doing so. You were probably having a good rest by now.
You immediately swung open the door, much to Natasha’s surprise, although she couldn’t care less at the moment.
Your (e/c) eyes were filled with concern, and you pull her in gently before closing the door and letting her melt into your arms.
You felt her now frail body shake with silent sobs, and you brought her to your bed before settling her on it.
You sat next to her and held your arms open for an invitation, giving her space to refuse.
Natasha didn’t have to think twice before she threw herself into them. You cuddle her protectively and you held her throughout her cries.
You didn’t need to know why right now. You were only aware of the pain she was feeling.
You went about your usual routine of calming her down. Soft singing and reassuring kisses on her forehead, and it eventually worked.
Natasha finally speaks up.
“I hate having nightmares.”
Circles were being drawn on her back and Natasha responds to your touch with a happy sigh.
“Why don’t you wish them away?”
Natasha looked at you, wondering if you were as sleep deprived as she was, but you offer her a comforting smile.
“I- I don’t know how to wish anymore.”
You grunted in acknowledgement before calmly asking for permission to try something.
Natasha feels wary, but she lets you lift her up gently and position her back against your front, before wrapping your arms fully around her waist and resting your chin on her shoulder.
She felt her breath hitch. This was what she had been trying to ask for the whole day.
In that same position, with your arms still around her waist, you lifted your hands and took her own before lying them palm down against your upturned ones.
“It’s easy,” you said into her ear, and Natasha feels like a young teenager all over again, but with a stupid crush.
“Think of what you want, and if wishing doesn’t work, wish it even more,” you explained knowingly, before intertwining your slightly bigger hands with her smaller ones.
“Maybe the world is yours,” you whispered tenderly, crossing her no longer trembling arms semi awkwardly but fondly with yours over her waist, and she found that she didn’t mind.
All she could feel was you.
Sometimes Natasha wished you knew that you were her world.
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