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#yu sifeng
ladynamie · 2 months
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Love and Redemption 琉璃美人煞 (2020) | Episode 56
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mlc-melons · 10 days
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Cheng Yi and crying scenes
Estelle Chen: Cheng Yi laoshi is the only man whose crying scenes i have analyzed 😂 before filming Mysterious Lotus Casebook, i was analyzing his other dramas with my besties and saying, “this person, how come his veins suddenly stand out? how come he looks like he's in so much pain and suffering? how come his crying scenes have such a strong sense of fragility and brokenness?”
i kept playing and stopping to analyze why he could be like this. from the bottom of my heart, i acknowledge him as an extremely good actor.
after interacting with him, i discovered not only is he a good actor, but he's also a good person. he's extremely dedicated and professional so it makes me believe that you must first be a good person before you can be a good actor. he's a rolemodel in that sense.
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Fascinated by his ability to cry in such an aesthetically pleasing way that still manages to be believable and emotionally sincere. Crying pretty + acting chops. Cheng Yi king of emotional whump.
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chengyi · 8 months
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200807 | Cheng Yi Studio Weibo
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night-rider-lily · 30 days
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Blood Spitting Cheng Yi part 2 since i feel like Love and Redemption deserved naturally a post for the amount of blood spitting in it, but ofc i had to include some other iconic Cheng Yi drama blood spittings-
gif cr: @ohsehuns
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cerulianvermillion · 5 months
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Love and Redemption is really the craziest most insane most unhinged drama I have ever seen. Like. What is even going on????? hdgfhjhdghkjhdgk ??? Yu Sifeng and Chu Xuanji are so heartwrenchingly incredible as a couple like chemistry unmatched whump level high, but also what is even going on in this show lmao??? Truly the drama of all time
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bebemoon · 10 months
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love and redemption, ep. 52 .
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tidal123 · 6 months
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The way I see Xuanji’s condition with incomplete six senses, she didn't truly lack feeling, but she had difficulty connecting to her feelings. Just like she couldn’t realize she was cold or in pain, but her body’d still shake or bleed. Remember she visibly gulped when she first see Sifeng’s naked face and later was inexplicably possessive of him? That’s her feelings shining through. Xuanji’s self development is linked to her desire towards Sifeng.
Xuanji seemed ‘silly’ when she almost went along with the playboy dude about the mirror and when she didn’t realize Lu Yanran was being sarcastic etc. That’s because she had trouble discerning her own emotions/mind-states growing up, and therefore it’s naturally hard for her to learn to discern others’ intentions, but like Sifeng said, she is not someone completely without heart or feeling, and her own will is not to be unfeeling.
Xuanji has loved and chosen Sifeng instinctually even before she fully understood the meaning of love, and no one can deny the depth of her love as it penetrates the condition that blocked her from her inner experience. Like Xuanji later said, she also fell in love with Sifeng upon first glance. She just didn’t know what it is back then. It was ultimately not one-sided.
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melodious-tear · 1 year
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hmm >:]
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murderedbyhomework · 6 months
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Ok, so I may be stupid, but I just realized. The Lover's Curse Mask is essentially hanahaki if the producers decided getting flowers was more of a hassle than fake blood. Like legit, born of (unrequited) love, can only be cured when the person you love truly loves you back and you understand that.
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hecate112 · 5 months
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I really love how si feng gets so flustered. What can I say I like ML when they get shy and flustered. But this happens when xuan ji is not aware of the effect she has on him. Like it's not intentional on her part. But imagine if it is intentional on her part, to get him all shy and flustered. It would be so awesome. I bet si feng will love that. Of course he will love that. And I would like to think that xuan ji will take so much pleasure in reducing him into a sweet and shy mess.
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ladynamie · 2 months
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Love and Redemption 琉璃美人煞 (2020) | Episode 55
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chengyi · 5 months
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190501 | Cheng Yi on the set of Love and Redemption
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lyselkatz · 6 months
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Tear-mole 淚痣
命運在今生寫下了伏筆 • 夢境般與你不期相遇 • 你留下痣在眼角標記 • 卻忘記前世的約定
Foreshadowing carried into this life by Fate - We meet unexpectedly, like in a dream - You marked me with a mole at the corner of my eye - but you have forgotten our past lives' promises
Love Like Coloured Glass* 愛若琉璃 - Zhou Shen 周深
*Another case of bizarre CDramaland translation, the drama's name 琉璃 means Coloured Glass but we have to suffer yet another tile with Love.
...☕?/commission
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ruiconteur · 6 months
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琉璃 love and redemption soundtrack translation
i was going to wait until i translated everything to post them, but then i realised that apple music only has 5/12 of the songs available 💀 anyway they're arranged according to the order they appear in on the show's baidu page
theme song: 《爱若琉璃》 A Love Like Brilliant Crystal — 周深 Zhou Shen
opening theme: 《琉璃》 Brilliant Crystal — 刘宇宁 Liu Yuning
ending theme: 《情人咒》 The Lover's Curse — 郁可唯 Yisa Yu, 阿云嘎 Ayanga
interlude: 《若就这样了》 If It's Just Like This — 何晟铭 Mickey He
interlude: 《步崖》 Treading the Precipice — 李琦 Li Qi
interlude: 《千年之恋》 A Thousand-Year Love — 双笙 Shuang Sheng
interlude: 《命中人》 The Person in My Life — 白澍 Bai Shu
interlude: 《守》 Guard — 成毅 Cheng Yi
interlude: 《劫》 Tribulation — 音频怪物 Audio monster
interlude: 《心知我意》 The Heart Knows My Desire — 王野 Wang Ye
interlude: 《愿》 Willing — 杨肸子 Yang Xizi
promotional song: 《同心而语》 Speak with the Same Heart — 袁冰妍 Yuan Bingyan
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shamera · 5 months
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NaNo day 11
Title: birds of a feather? look where it lead her Fandom: Love and Redemption Character/Pairing(s): Yu Sifeng/Chu Xuanji, Zhong Minyan/Chu Linglong Rating: PG-13 Warning: SILLY, REALLY SILLY. Fluff and romance! 8k of it. Summary: Post-canon (but pre-epilogue), Xuanji has some questions about Sifeng that need answering, and she is willing to ask ANYONE but Sifeng.
DreamWidth link for easier access
It wasn’t that her sister was acting strange, per say. 
Chu Linglong was used to her sister’s strangeness, having grown up with a little girl who didn’t seem to understand the world around her, constantly imitating her movements and actions curiously. Poor Xuanji was always called strange by the disciples, even if the title was fond and well-meaning. After all, a girl who felt no physical or emotional pain really did get up to strange things. 
But now that her Xuanji had all her senses back, now that she understood what both love and pain were, she tended to behave in a more rational manner. 
Rational to Linglong, that is. Irrational to others, who now saw Chu Xuanji as a devastatingly powerful being, both the God of War from a thousand years ago, and the Star of Mosha that could decimate the heavens. Most people didn’t mention those titles anymore, respecting her little sister’s decision to live a normal life. It had taken almost a full year for the rumours and whispers to die down, even with the help of Linglong and Minyan hunting down anyone who would maliciously spread those rumours. 
Now, Linglong found her younger sister in the sect library, sitting on the ground in her nightclothes and surrounded by scrolls and booklets, looking both frantic and disheartened. 
“Xuanji?” Linglong asked softly, paddling her way quietly across the library in hopes she wouldn’t startle her younger twin. “Are you alright? How long have you been here?”
It must have been several sichen already, judging by the mess. Linglong was only up so early because of breakfast cravings, as even the most stalwart of maids were just starting to prepare for the day. They were meant to prepare a feast for Xuanji and Sifeng’s visit, an event celebrated greatly since Linglong and Minyan moved back into the sect to help her ageing father. 
“Linglong!” Xuanji’s eyes were frantic when she saw her sister, and the younger woman immediately stood in a flurry of white robes, sleeves flailing as she stepped over the papers in her socks, making a beeline toward Linglong with such gusto that the older twin found herself taken aback. “Linglong, I need your help!”
Lately, Xuanji had been happy to live a quiet, comfortable life now that the world-ending events of the past were finally over, and Linglong felt a familiar panic set in her chest as Xuanji clung to her arms, fingers tight in the fabric of her sleeves. 
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Linglong asked, hands coming up automatically to cling back to her sister’s arms. 
“We have all this information on different yao but there’s—” Xuanji’s frown was pronounced, her upset obvious within the furrow of her brows and the sad eyes, “how come we don’t have enough information on— on—” 
“On what?” Linglong urged, skin tingling at the thought of what might be a new threat in their world, one that they didn’t have any information on— 
“Birds!” Xuanji burst out in what was almost a wail, shaking her sister. “We don’t even have— we thought the golden-winged bird yaos were extinct for years, I understand that, but we don’t even study regular birds here? Birds migrate? Should we be moving south for the winters? Am I doing this wrong? What else am I doing wrong?”
It’s been years since Linglong felt the urge to drag her sister around by the ear, but that familiar feeling was back as easy as anything. Linglong sighed, her panic dropping into mild irritation as Xuanji stared at her with wide, panicked eyes. She took a moment to pat at Xuanji’s hand affectionately, wondering why she was here instead of with her husband asking these questions instead. 
Because of course this was about Sifeng. 
“I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong,” Linglong soothed her, “but I really do think you should be talking to Sifeng instead of… researching birds? Xuanji, really. Haven’t you learned already that it’s best to just talk to him? Besides, I don’t think you need to. Hmm. Migrate. Don’t worry too much about it.”
Linglong really should have expected this, with the way her younger sister has been fixated on Sifeng since they were sixteen, going from aloof and carefree to suddenly having his name on her lips every other sentence while her eyes shone with a light that hadn’t been there before. She hadn’t worried back then, instead found it cute because she imagined nothing would come of it and besides, Sifeng was a cute kid himself who really needed to socialise with other people. 
More than a decade later, and they were back at their nonsense again. 
At last this time, Linglong learned to appreciate it better, amusement winning over irritation as Xuanji pouted and clung onto her arms, words slurred together with how fast she was protesting, talking about wanting to surprise the love her life and how she needed her beloved sister’s help to do it because he always knew what she was up to lately (and wasn’t that her own fault? Linglong could distinctly remember just last night over dinner when half of Xuanji’s conversations had been directed at Sifeng talking about every little thing she thought and saw while they weren’t joined at the hips), and how inadequate Shaoyang Sect’s library was if it didn’t include regular animals in their beastiaries, particularly the feathered types. 
“Besides,” Linglong said as Xuanji nearly collapsed in her arms, babbling about sparrows and ducks and peacocks and swans and how she didn’t really know the difference between them other than visually and what about chickens, Linglong?! I eat chickens!, “I’m sure I’ve heard father mention before that golden-winged bird yaos are more closely related to phoenixes than regular birds. Especially the twelve feathered ones… I think? Something about them being distant cousins to phoenixes.”
She might have heard that. More than that, she remembered the intimidating wide wingspan of golden fire, and the heat those wings added to the battlefield. 
Xuanji brightened immediately, eyes shining as she said, “He does run hot! I’ll go ask father, he’ll know!”
More likely was that their father would spit blood as his youngest daughter once again hounded him again for information that… Now that Linglong thought about it, it was far more likely their library didn’t have the books because their father burned them after their mother was killed. 
“Wait, wait,” Linglong said as Xuanji detached from her, already twirling to leave. She reached to yank at her younger twin’s clothes, watching as Xuanji flailed for balance one second and then turned to give her sad eyes at not allowing her to leave immediately. “Let’s not do that yet. It’s too early in the morning to disturb him. How about…”
How could Linglong defuse this situation? It took years for their father to accept the idea of Sifeng as a son-in-law, and even now it was a tentative and nebulous acceptance. But Xuanji had always been determined to follow through her strange thoughts, and Linglong was only one person, and a hungry one without adequate information. 
“I have an idea,” Linglong announced. 
— 
“Why.” Minyan announced as he was dragged into the darkened kitchen, the sun barely a hint below the horizon still. “Wife of mine, of course I will feed you anytime you want, but this…”
Xuanji was just giving the chicken Linglong was consuming a sad look, her lower lip nearly trembling as her sister continued to quickly and elegantly debone the meat. 
“Because Xuanji wanted to know about the migration of birds,” Linglong said, as if that was a normal everyday thing to bring up that required them to be awake before sunrise. 
“Flight patterns,” Xuanji said sadly, still eying the chicken even as Linglong took a large bite in defiance, staring hard at her sister the entire time. “Habits. Sifeng always wakes so early in the morning…”
“I’m pretty sure that has to do with his training and how he was raised,” Minyan pointed out. “The rest of us usually wake that early as well, except for you, Xuanji.”
Chu Xuanji, reincarnation of the terrifying God of War, slouched down into her arms on the table and pouted at them. “...I like sleeping.”
“Not to mention, Sifeng isn’t actually a bird,” Minyan continued. “You of all people should know that!”
“He’s a bird yao,” Xuanji pointed out. 
“He’s a twelve-feathered golden-winged yao, and there has got to be a better name for them than that,” Minyan mused before he shook himself out of that thought, “and that’s closer to phoenixes than regular birds!”
“See?” Linglong used a chicken bone to point at Xuanji, who only scowled at her. 
“I don’t see,” Xuanji grumbled, her voice half-swallowed by her arms as she sullenly glared at them from the mess of her sleeves. “Because there’s no books on them here! No one knows anything!”
“Why don’t you just ask Sifeng yourself?” Minyan suggested, ever the voice of reason. “If you’re wondering if he migrates, I doubt it. He grew up in Lize Palace, right? All the golden-winged yao did, and we’ve seen them at yearly events, including winters. I don’t really think he has any habits you can relate to birds, either. But if he does, then you can ask him and he'll tell you.”
Linglong took the momentary pause in conversation to shove her near empty plate toward Minyan and demand, “I want another one.”
That derailed Xuanji’s thoughtful look. “No more!”
“Quail, this time.” Linglong said gleefully, dodging her sister’s grabbing hands. “And eggs, too!”
“Of course, of course,” Minyan said, already standing to find his pregnant wife whatever she wanted to eat. 
Xuanji only gasped, as if an idea had come upon her. 
“Eggs,” she breathed out, eyes wide in horror. “Do you think Lize disciples lay eggs, too?”
Oh no, Minyan thought as he struggled between his wife’s wheezing laughter as she leaned her entire weight against him, and his own attempt to keep a straight face as he watched Xuanji raise both hands to her cheeks, the horror in her tone giving way to an inquisitive fascination that left her mouth in the shape of an ‘o’, before stretching out into a smile that didn’t bode well for Minyan’s poor brother-in-law. 
“Xuanji, don’t—” Minyan started before giving up against the volume of his wife’s laughter, loud enough to disturb some curious servants who were still waiting for them to clear out of the kitchen before they could start on breakfast. 
Sorry, Sifeng, Minyan thought guiltily as Xuanji stood in a flurry, eyes glinting with an unholy light. I tried. 
— 
“Sifeng!” Xuanji’s running steps stopped as she stepped over the door frame, her momentum helping her slide on her socks the rest of the way into the room. Inside, the bedroom was lit softly by candlelight, as the sun was just starting to shine orange in the distance, peeking over the horizon. “Sifeng, Sifeng!”
“Xuanji?” Sifeng appeared from behind a screen, already dressed for the day in immaculate dark blue robes, hair tied in place. She stopped in disappointment. She loved doing Sifeng’s hair. “What’s wrong, where have you been?”
“I—” What was she talking about again? She always felt so distracted in the same room as him, whenever he looked at her like she was the only person in the world. “I was in the library!”
“This early?” He asked, and Xuanji was once again struck by a wave of fondness remembering that had she said that to anyone else when they were younger, others would have mocked her as the worse cultivator in the entire sect, even if the words held no malice, yet Sifeng never doubted a thing about her. “Did you find something interesting?”
He took another step out from behind the screen to greet her, shaking out his sleeves, and she found herself absolutely breathless when he smiled at her. It was a soft smile, easy and full of confidence, crinkling the edges of his eyes just a bit until Xuanji wanted to reach up and poke him in the cheeks as she used to when they were kids. It was so different from the first time he smiled at her, and Xuanji remembered how his smiles used to be so shy and hesitant, like he was unused to making such gestures, and how it would stop her in her tracks entirely, emptying her mind of anything else because gosh, Sifeng had such a nice smile, didn’t he?
“Xuanji?” He asked again, stepping toward her, and Xuanji couldn’t help but give a giddy smile in return, feeling a little goofy and light as she took two quick steps to close the distance between them and reach her hands out to cup his face, pulling him down for a quick kiss. 
She could do this now, she was allowed to do this, because they were married, and Sifeng’s smiles were hers and for her, and— he was smiling when she pulled away, and Xuanji just couldn’t help it, she had to press another kiss on those smiling lips, and another. 
Yes, Chu Xuanji sighed happily as she felt her husband wrap his arms around her. This was the best morning.
— 
It was past breakfast when Minyan saw Xuanji again, humming to herself as she walked down the garden path outside, with a general air of cheer and bright smile. 
He only came to the path to pick some flowers for Linglong, but it seemed Xuanji had the same idea as she hopped from flower patch to flower patch, plucking at the brightest blooms. Luckily, she was finally dressed properly for the day, in bright pink with matching hair ribbons, outfit tied together with a thin piece of dark blue silk wrapped around her waist. 
Minyan offered a prayer to the heavens and wondered just how many apologies he owed to his brother-in-law before bracing himself and calling out to the woman, “Xuanji! So how did it go?”
Xuanji looked up, head tilted curiously as if she had overlooked Minyan’s presence in the garden entirely, and then gave him a beaming smile. “Brother-in-law! It’s good to see you on this wonderful day.”
At least her tone boded well. 
“We missed you and Sifeng at breakfast today,” Minyan ventured cautiously as he walked toward her with his empty flower basket. “How did your talk with him go? Did everything get cleared up?”
He hoped it did. Sifeng might have been embarrassed, but it was better than if Xuanji had gone around the sect asking random people about bird anatomy because she really needed to talk to her own husband. 
Xuanji’s beaming smile widened into something conspiratorial. “Oh, he’s resting! We’ll be out for lunch, I’m sure. We had a very long, hmmm, talk.”
“That’s good, that’s good.” Minyan nodded along. “So how did he react?”
“Uh.” Xuanji hesitated, and then brought her bundle of flowers up to hide half her face, although her reddened ears still gave her away. Her fingers fiddled with the flower stems as she continued, “Uhhhhh. Good?”
“Really?” He rather imagined Sifeng might not react well to the implications, but they must have resolved that early on. That was good. Xuanji and Sifeng really weren’t meant to argue with each other, and Minyan hoped they would never have to after the decade that they had. 
Besides, Linglong was happier when her sister was happy, and Minyan was extremely determined to keep his wife happy. 
But still… Minyan just had to know, because it would haunt his thoughts if he didn’t. “So he didn’t react badly when you asked if he laid eggs?” 
Xuanji gave him a blank stare. 
“Because,” Minyan continued, “you know that all Lize Palace disciples are male. Right?”
“EGGS.” Xuanji shrieked, dropping her flowers and startling Minyan back a step. “I forgot!”
— 
“Tengshe!”
The heavenly being choked as Xuanji wrapped an arm around his throat, yanking him one way and another like a child would to a doll if the child was actually a thousand year old war god who could easily destroy the realms and didn’t know her own strength, and the doll was her poor spiritual beast who happened to be the handsome and talented flying snake of the heavens. 
“Oh good, you’re here!” Xuanji announced, even as Tengshe clawed weakly at her arm, face contorting as he tried to draw in air against her grip. “I have a really important question for you!”
He hit her arm, but it was like attacking a stone mountain. Wasn’t she mortal now? How was she still so strong?!
“You can’t tell Sifeng I asked you this, either,” Xuanji continued to say, even as she swung him around. “Because I wanted to prepare a surprise for him, but then I got sidetracked, okay? And now I have so many questions! But I can’t find any books on any of them, and no one is answering me seriously, either! Linglong said I could ask Lize Palace disciples, and Minyan said I should ask Sifeng, but how can I when it’s a surprise? And asking a Lize Palace disciple just feels like cheating somehow…”
“Air!” Tengshe gasped out, both hands yanking at her arm. 
“Air? Oh!” Xuanji let him go, and then crouched down guiltily as Tengshe dropped to his knees, wheezing. “...Sorry. I got really excited.”
“You horrid woman,” Tengshe wheezed out, pointing a finger right into her face. “Why are you… why are you like this, huh? Are you actually related to Green Dragon?”
“Huh? Of course not! Or at least, I don’t think so? He’s one of the four great beasts of heaven, right?”
Of course she would barely remember the four great beasts of heaven when she managed to defeat all of them in one swing the last time she stormed the heavens. Tengshe tried to jab at her with a finger again, but then gave up as he patted his own chest instead, just glad for the air. Honestly. Both Xuanji and Green Dragon were far too similar in the way they manhandled him. 
Seeing her now, expression guileless and head tilted at him, crouched with her arms resting on her knees, Xuanji really seemed clueless. 
“Whatever,” Tengshe tried to regain his composure, sniffing and brushing aside a pale strand of hair. “I’ll let you off this time, but don’t do it again! And what question do you have for this honourable one, then? I was in the middle of something, you know!”
“A nap?” Xuanji guessed, and then laughed as he swatted at her half-heartedly. “Okay, okay, I won’t tease. But I do have a question for you.”
“Ask, ask,” Tengshe insisted, twisting his head to look at her, and then grimacing at the strong scent of wildflowers on her. What had she done, rolled in a field of pollen?
Xuanji just brightened, hunching down lower as if sharing a secret, “So your original form is that of a snake, right? Before you gained human form? Like— like Xiao Yinghua, right?”
“This honourable one is a celestial snake!” Tengshe hissed, the indignance stuffing up his throat until he deflated seconds later. He would not be compared to a common garden snake! But… it wouldn’t do to speak ill of the dead, and if nothing else, Xiao Yinghua had been a funny companion in the short duration they had been companions, and she did conspire with him when he needed someone to conspire with… 
“Yes, but yao can ascend to become celestial beings the same way humans can,” Xuanji recited, eyes glazing over in thought. “So physically, you guys should be about the same.”
“I am far superior,” Tengshe insisted with an offended sniff. “Vastly more powerful.”
“Okay,” Xuanji allowed easily. “So, like… you lay eggs, right?”
This actually drew Tengshe short, nearly choking him. 
“What?” Xuanji asked, arms extended and waving as Tengshe continued to choke. “What! I’m right, aren’t I? Both birds and snakes lay eggs!”
“Xuanji,” Tengshe said once he regained air, and it felt like she just choked him twice in a row even though she hadn’t touched him the second time. His eyes were round with disbelief, even as he pointed to himself. “Me? Does this form look like a female’s to you?”
“No?” She said, although she sounded uncertain in a strange way. “You look very handsome, I’m sure.”
He leaned forward to swat at her head, proud when he landed the hit even if she just frowned at him. 
“Men don’t lay eggs, you horrid woman,” he told her. 
She raised a hand to rub lightly at the spot he hit, frowning. 
“Surely you know that much,” he added weakly. She did, didn’t she?
“I do.” Xuanji’s words were slow and sure, but her brows were furrowed. Her mouth slanted downward in upset for a long moment, and then she tucked her chin into her arms resting atop her knees. “...I guess that makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense.”
Her quiet voice stopped Tengshe’s scathing words, and instead he sat back, uncertain himself in her uncertainty. “You guess?”
“I forget, sometimes,” Xuanji admitted quietly. “Being a man. Being a woman. It mostly feels the same to me. I just feel like me? Maybe I’m lucky that way. But I was one, and now I’m another, and sometimes I forget that everyone else only gets to be one and not the other. Sorry.”
Tengshe squirmed. “You shouldn’t apologise for that.”
They settled in silence for a long moment before Xuanji’s head jerked up and she slapped at her own cheeks, harder than when Tengshe reached to hit her previously. 
“Urg!” She gritted out, cheeks bright red with her palm prints, and then asked him, “So, then, you don’t think Sifeng…”
“How would I know?” Tengshe responded. “I’m a snake, not a bird.”
— 
“So I’m now relatively certain about one thing.” Xuanji said loudly when she went to visit her sister, bringing along a tray of tea. Linglong was now doing paperwork in bed, having eaten too much earlier and now resting her heavy belly. 
“Oh?” Linglong asked, not lifting her gaze up from her brushstrokes, her ink plate precariously close to the edge of the tray above her lap. “And what’s that?”
“I don’t think I’m getting any eggs from Sifeng,” Xuanji said sadly, and then yelled as Linglong knocked over the ink plate onto her bed in her laughter. 
“You called for me, father?”
Chu Lei raised his head from where he was frowning at his paperwork, and tried to muster his expression into something less severe as he watched his youngest daughter peek at him from around the doorway. 
“Xuanji,” he greeted, pushing to smile. He set his brush down carefully, and then waved her in. He always had such trouble connecting with his youngest, at first due to her lack of emotions, and after due to her aptitude for rebellion. Where he was once unnerved by her stares and lack of tears even at her own mother’s funeral, he later wondered if it had been a blessing when he found just how deeply Xuanji felt when her heart was given back to her. “I’ve heard you had quite the time with your sister today.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Xuanji denied immediately. “She knocked the ink plate over herself! I was just bringing her tea.”
“Is that so?” He asked. 
“It’s true,” Xuanji said sullenly, pouting. She sat in front of his desk, fingers fiddling with the pink silk of her sleeves. Chu Lei couldn’t remember that dress in particular, which meant it had to be newly bought after her marriage. 
Perhaps he was being overly protective of his first grandchild, and Linglong’s health was so delicate the past several years that he couldn’t help but be worried that Xuanji’s wild, happy movements might be an unintended stress for Linglong. 
When the two were but girls, it was Linglong who always fussed and pleaded for her younger, weaker sister. Yet now they were all grown up, and Xuanji was wild and carefree while Linglong struggled with her health. 
“Ahh.” He breathed out, smile softening into something more genuine. “She did come to me earlier. Something about you wanting to find some books in the library that weren’t there.”
Xuanji slumped her shoulders and looked down, her cheeks puffing out just slightly in a look similar to when she was far younger. Chu Lei remembered each instance of his youngest staring wide-eyed at Linglong for long moments when her sister pouted, and then looking forward again attempting to do the same thing, cute and dejected if not for her sparkling eyes that spoke of both innocence and a deeper cunning edge that alarmed him. 
She was all grown up now, but finally that sweet look was genuine. 
“I know that…” he hesitated, because this topic always escaped him. His youngest had been angry with him so long because he couldn’t find the right words for her, and he finally learned to navigate carefully. 
“Sifeng is a good child,” he said instead, rote because it was a true thing driven home over and over again, and something that could soften the edge of Xuanji’s inevitable ire. The words felt awkward in his mouth, a part of him still seething at association with yao when he spent his many decades learning and teaching that yao were things to be exterminated, and that all cultivators had one duty above all else, and that was to kill evil yao before they could destroy humanity. 
But, Chu Lei, had to repeat to himself over and over, the teachings were about evil ones. Even if his association of them evidenced yao as spirits and souls corrupted with hate and brutality (because that’s what they were), they were not… all the same. And surely, with his daughters so closely associated with a jiaoren who served heaven before, with the terrible Wu Zhiqi who was once a great general fighting against heaven but never cared to attack human… with Yu Sifeng who… 
Ahh. Chu Lei still had trouble, especially knowing that his son-in-law was a twelve-feathered golden-winged yao, and knowing that someone with those wings murdered his wife while she was running away, protecting her daughter. Xuanji claimed Sifeng found the murderer, and he saw justice done with his own eyes, but… 
“He’s a good child,” he repeated, resigned. Saying anything else meant Xuanji would just storm away, and perhaps not visit for years on end. He didn’t want that, especially at his age. It was hard for him to swallow down the protests, the admonitions, the words that would lead to berating his daughter, his daughter with endless potential, on choosing an enemy— their family’s enemy. Yu Sifeng was loyal and true, and disregarding his blood, was the best person he could have hoped for his daughter. 
Xuanji was looking at him now, a tentative hope in her eyes. 
Chu Lei hoped desperately to not betray that hope now, remembering the half year she spent away, alone, to take care of Yu Sifeng while he was comatose. Rather than rely on her family, she moved them to a town weeks away to care for him, because she was afraid her family would sabotage her and harm him. 
“The books you’re searching for are no longer there.” Chu Lei said hesitantly. He stood from his desk carefully, minding his knees, and made his way over to the shelf next to the window, mostly displaying a large bronze work that hid a compartment behind it, where he reached for several scrolls. 
Two decades ago, Shaoyang sect organised a hunt for his wife’s murderer, joining with several minor sects to call for the blood of golden-winged yaos until none were seen out in the wild ever again. He thought it was something to be proud of, to know that he had a hand in stopping those murderous monsters. After, he burned all works containing their name, hiding a sense of unease that was building in his heart. 
Even if the race survived, if he could rid the world of information on them, then perhaps the young ones wouldn’t ever turn into the blood-thirsty monsters they used to be, if only because they would never learn to their full potential. That too, was a mercy. 
There was a faint tremor in his hands as he handed the scrolls over to his youngest, who stared at it with wide-eyed wonder. Chu Lei buried his hands back within his own sleeves the moment the scroll was passed over, fingers inexplicably cold. He couldn’t admit that he spent a sichen after Linglong came to visit him staring blankly at nothing and then inscribing everything he could remember onto those scrolls. 
It sickened him that most of his recalled information was how to force a transformation, and to dissect the nearly incorporeal wings before it faded away into flames when the yao died. On weaknesses and places likely to find clusters of them, families and children and all. 
Knowing what he knew now, he would never again allow such a thing to happen. 
“It’s best to contact Liza Palace if you want anything more,” Chu Lei dismissed, unable to look straight at his daughter’s slowly growing smile. He pivoted sharply away, embarrassed. “And… if they can spare any scrolls… Shaoyang Sect’s library is lacking on a certain topic.”
He heard rather than saw Xuanji’s gasp of happiness, and then arms wrapped tightly around him, the grip strong enough to bruise as his daughter said tearily, “Thank you, father.”
— 
“I’m not sure I feel comfortable knowing this,” Linglong said as they stared at the unravelled scrolls. She had a hand under her stomach, and another covering her mouth, jaw tense with worry. She was swaying side to side as if already cradling the baby that was to come, but there was a tension to her posture as she glanced away rapidly when confronted with information on how to extract feathers— 
“...Maybe we should ask Brother Liu instead,” Minyan suggested, his voice also affected as Xuanji examined the diagrams and labels on the scroll. He had an arm hovering around the small of Linglong’s back, and was deliberately staring at Xuanji instead of the scroll. 
“Maybe we should be telling Sifeng,” Linglong suggested instead. “Where is he? It doesn’t feel right to be reading this, especially without him. I feel like we should at least let him know, or ask him what he thinks…”
“I think it’s amazing!”
“Xuanji,” Minyan exclaimed in horror. 
The woman in question had brought the scroll up to her face, nuzzling against it with a bright smile as if she could give it a hug. Her eyes were bright as she beamed up at her sister and brother-in-law. 
“Think of it,” Xuanji said, bringing up one finger. “Even the Star of Mosha couldn’t get too close to Sifeng’s wings! If the Star of Mosha couldn’t, then no one can! And,” she brought up another finger, “birds preen, right? They groom their wings, I’ve seen it! I can learn to do it, too! And maybe with this, I can get close enough for long enough to do it.”
“Oh,” Linglong’s posture loosened in relief. “...That’s a very good idea, Xuanji. That’s very sweet.”
Minyan frowned. “No, you were right before. We should tell Sifeng instead. This is about him, and we shouldn’t keep him in the dark anymore.”
Xuanji gave him a watery-eyed look, and then turned to pout at her sister when Minyan didn’t back down. “But it’s meant to be a surprise for him! I want to do something nice!”
With that, both twins turned to give Minyan wide-eyed looks. 
Minyan found himself wavering for a second, taken aback by the double attack until he wanted to just agree with them because Linglong was definitely not going to be happy with him later if he upset her sister, but… 
“No,” he said firmly. “No surprises like that. What if he doesn’t want it? And then you’ll be upset, and he’ll be upset because of that. Or worse, he accepts but hates it? Xuanji, if you want to do something like that, you’ll need to talk to Sifeng first. Or if you really want it to be a surprise, talk to Brother Liu first. Talk to a golden-winged yao first. Don’t just spring this on him; I won’t—”
Unwillingly, he stared at the scroll in Xuanji’s hands that detailed failed experiments on cutting off their wings and gulped, throat suddenly dry and painful. 
“I think your idea is good,” he relented. “But let’s start with something else first, alright? Didn’t you say— flight patterns? Habits?”
His genuine upset cut through Linglong’s frown, and she turned to her sister. “Let’s listen to Minyan, okay, Xuanji? There’s no rush.”
“Just something not as,” he made a wild gesture, uncertain how to convey his meaning, “prone to go wrong? How about flowers? You gave him flowers today, right?”
Xuanji sulked. “...I dropped all the flowers.”
Well, that wasn’t a good start. Minyan tried again, “How about cooking something?”
Xuanji hid her face behind the scroll before saying, “But Sifeng’s cooking is so much better than mine, so he insists on doing it and making my favourite dishes. And he—! He manages money better than I do, and he buys all sorts of things for me. Last time I got a really bad cut on my leg, he went to find herbs and made medicine for me. I ripped my dress, and he sewed it up for me, too. And, and… last time I made a mess, and he just cleaned everything up! I meant to do it, but he finished before I could think to start!”
Her voice was nearly a wail by the end, and even Linglong was taken aback. 
Minyan stared blankly at her. “...Is Sifeng your wife or your husband?”
“Husband, wife, who cares?” Xuanji murmured tearfully, hands grasping too tightly on the scroll. “He’s mine, but what can I do for him? The only thing I’m really good at is fighting, but he can fight, too? He’s just good at everything, and he knows everything about me, too. I just love talking to him, so I keep bothering him about everything, and do you know he’s really good at playing music? He does my makeup for me in the mornings, and…
“And what can I do?” Xuanji lowered the scroll, the upset in her voice reflected on her expression even as she tried to untangle her fingers from the scroll before she accidentally destroyed the fragile paper. She was frowning down at the ink without seeing it, flexing her hands to stare down at them. 
Chu Xuanji was the reincarnation of the God of War and the Star of Mosha, the greatest enemy and greatest ally of heaven. The one who murdered all the Asura, the last standing Asura, the demon general who stormed the heavens and the war god who protected the heavens. Yet none of that felt as important as kind, loyal Sifeng who always supported her, whose gentle and warm love melted through a thousand years of hatred and agony to redeem a soul the three realms deemed the greatest evil. Where would the world be without her Sifeng? Where would she be?
She brought him so much pain and heartbreak, and she just wanted to make up for it tenfold. A thousand times over, if she could. 
Sifeng was right. It was so hard to be human, but she wanted to be that for him so very badly. Or rather, she just wanted to be his. It was a feeling that didn’t disappear with marriage, but rather grew stronger from day to day. 
“Oh, Xuanji,” Linglong sighed, and Xuanji felt her sister’s warm hands cover her own. “You make him really happy, you know. Just by being yourself. And I think,” here, she rearranged her sister’s hands so that they were holding onto each other. “He would be happy just for you to spend the day with him. Maybe you can ask him all your questions instead. He’d be happy to answer them.”
Xuanji sniffed, and then swiped across her eyes with a forearm, unwilling to let her sister go. “That’s not a surprise, though. I do that all the time. If I could hold his hand forever and never let go, I’d do it.”
“Then there you go,” Linglong told her, swinging their hands together. Her smile was soft as candlelight, and sweet when Xuanji looked at her. “You make him a very, very happy man.”
— 
“Okay,” Xuanji said eventually as her tears dried up and she patted her cheeks in determination. “You’re right. I’m going to do just a little thing to start! But I’m going to need help.”
“Name it,” Minyan said. 
“Normally I’d ask Linglong to come with me and you to distract Sifeng for me, but…” Xuanji dragged her sister’s arm to stand where Minyan was standing, and then Minyan’s arm to stand where Linglong had been standing previously, grinning at them with her slightly swollen red eyes. 
“Distract Sifeng?” Linglong's smile grew sharp. “I’m sure I can do that.”
— 
Yu Sifeng stumbled his way back into his room hours after sunset, having spent the majority of the day assisting Linglong along with Tengshe. He was glad to spend time with his sister-in-law, and helping her with chores was no trouble at all, yet it had been a surprisingly tiring experience. He didn’t understand how she could lose that many items around the estate and surrounding forests, but then again Xuanji had always been so absent-minded, so perhaps it was an inherited trait after all. 
Not to mention, he enjoyed listening to her and Tengshe argue over proper baby care, especially since it was obvious that the heavenly snake had no idea what human babies even looked like, much less how to care for them. Still, his insistence on being right was hilarious paired with Linglong’s threats of wrapping him on a stick and throwing him into the mud. 
He only ran into Chu Lei once while he and Tengshe were carting around an old crib, and the old sect leader merely mumbled about how they were both ‘good boys’ for helping around the house before going back the way he came. 
Twice, Sifeng had been besieged by the younger disciples who wanted him to help with their training, even though he didn’t know Shaoyang forms and wasn’t sure if what he learned from Lize Palace would be compatible with their ways of cultivation. 
Twice more, Linglong begged him to make a delicacy for her cravings that the cooks at Shaoyang didn’t know, and Sifeng found himself glad to oblige. After all, it was good practice in case— 
He wondered what Xuanji and Minyan were up to, especially since he was sure that Minyan wouldn’t normally leave Linglong alone for this long, and Xuanji tended to appear at his shoulder every few minutes on a normal day. As glad as he was to spend time with Linglong, especially in recent times when she was normally swarmed with people, Sifeng found that he missed Xuanji. 
“Surprise!” Slim arms hooked underneath his own to reach up and cover his eyes mischievously, a warm body hugging him from behind. “Guess who it is!”
He would have been able to tell just by her presence, or her voice, or the calluses on her fingers, or the scent of her perfume, or a thousand different things, but Sifeng played along and gave a thoughtful hum. 
“Is it… the maid who cleaned our room?” He asked, not moving from underneath her fingers, and smiling as she pressed against his eyes and squawked in protest. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to stand a little further away. I’m married, and my wife would be terribly angry if she found us like this. She might misunderstand, you see.”
“I’m not the maid!” Xuanji protested indignantly. 
“Oh, are you not? The cook, then? I wouldn’t know why she would be here, though…”
“Not her either!”
“Are you sure?” Sifeng asked. “Really, really sure?”
Xuanji was giggling by now, pressing her laughter against the back of his neck and rubbing her cheeks against his collar before biting teasingly where his neck met shoulder. “How’s this for a clue, then?”
“Oh, you must be the dog I saw yesterday. Congratulations on cultivating your human form, but I must insist once more on the distance, since my wife—”
Xuanji laughed, loud and unrestrained, and then jumped up to hook her legs around his hips, allowing for Sifeng to slip his hands under her thighs to hold her up, steady in his movement even with her hands still pressed against his eyes. 
“Madam,” he teased. “This is most inappropriate.”
“You’re right,” Xuanji giggled out, “I didn’t think this through at all, your arms are— keep your eyes closed, okay!” He did as she asked, and Xuanji slipped her arms out from underneath his so that she wasn’t slouched over his back while he carried her, and then wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing tightly just once as she pressed a kiss against the side of his neck, and then her hands were gently covering his eyes again. 
“Sifeng,” she breathed against the shell of his ear, and he could feel the upward curve of her lips. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, puppy,” he couldn’t help the grin as Xuanji nipped at his ear in protest, and then bounced her higher up on his back for a more solid grip, walking further into the room even with her hands still covering his eyes. “Should I ask what you’ve been up to today?”
“You should always ask,” she confirmed, and then said, “no, no, stop right here. Turn left. No, not that much! Go back a bit. Yeah, that’s good enough. I’ll show you what I’ve been up to.”
With that, she uncovered his eyes and leaned forward with her arms wrapped around his shoulders, nosing against his hair before pressing her cheek against his with a smile. “Surprise.”
Their room was lit softly with candlelight, strategically placed to catch the glimmer of shining quartz netted at various heights from the ceiling, creating a prism of light as the firelight flickered. Their bed was piled high with thick blankets and soft pillows, most edged with tassels and gold or silver embroidery. Even the curtains framing the bed were replaced with ones embroidered thickly with silver thread, catching the shine of the light. There were soft furs and quilts at the edge. 
Added together, it was both too much but also suffused with a warm, ethereal shine. 
Sifeng blinked. “Did I… miss an important date?”
Was it an anniversary he forgot?
“No,” Xuanji’s voice was warm with fondness next to his ear, and he could feel her grin as she tilted her head to kiss his cheek with a wet smack. “Today’s not special, I just felt like doing something for you!”
“Thank you,” Sifeng said automatically, but still felt a bit confused. “And this is…?”
At that question, Xuanji’s tone brightened and she kicked her legs excitedly within his grip. “I built you a nest! Is it good? Is it pretty? I know it’s not much yet, but I’ll keep adding to it! It’s just the start, but when we get home again…” She gave a happy sigh, and rubbed her cheek against his. “All the furs there will be from my hunts, alright? I’ll sew the pillows and blankets, and I’ll make it even more beautiful than what we have here. Sifeng, I’m going to build the most beautiful, most wonderful nest for you. So every time you go to sleep, and every time you wake up, you’ll be surrounded by all my love for you.”
The reflection of prism light through quartz bounced around the walls, and Sifeng found himself following the beams of colour with a dry throat.The shine of silver and gold thread was almost overwhelming. With the light and the warmth of the room, along with the press of Xuanji’s body along his back, he felt the exhaustion of the day transform into something else altogether. He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was a wonderful comfort in the room Xuanji created, one that settled him in a manner he couldn’t understand. 
“Xuanji,” he breathed out, tone unexpectedly shaky and wet even as he turned his head to give her a soft smile, meeting her dark eyes. “I already go to sleep surrounded by your love, and I wake up basking in it. So long as you’re with me, so long as you’re the last thing I see before I close my eyes and the first thing I see when I wake, how could I not feel that way already? I don’t need anything else, so long as I have you.”
She leaned her temple against his, and her excited smile warmed him inside, “You’ll always have me. From this life to forever. I’m never going to let you go, not this life and not the next or the next. But for this lifetime… this time just my love isn’t enough. I want everything good for you, Sifeng. And one day you’ll see just how lucky I am, to have you to myself.”
His eyes felt hot, but his chest was warm. “I already know, because that’s how lucky I am to have you.”
Those words made Xuanji grin, and she tapped his shoulder for him to let her down, swerving quickly so that she could hug him from the front, tilting her head up to smile goofily at him. 
“Sifeng,” she said, revelling in the rumble of response from his chest, “you have to make sure no one else can sneak up on you the way I just did, okay? No maid, no cook, no dog yao. Just like you said to me before— if a man tries that on you, you have to hit them!”
His laughter was soft and so close that she could feel the sounds wash right over her. 
“And what if it’s a woman?” He teased in a low voice. 
“Hmm,” Xuanji pretended to think, but then responded quickly, “you have to hit them, too! If they try to… to hug you, or give you gifts, or kiss you, or…”
“So I respond in kind?”
“No!” She huffed at him, and pulled back an arm from where she wrapped it around his back, forming a fist to wave in front of him. “Hit them! You married me.”
Sifeng leaned down to kiss her, overcome by the happiness bursting within his chest. 
— 
The next day Linglong once again found Xuanji in the library far too early in the morning, in her nightgown and frantically looking through various books, making a mess of the place that servants only managed to clean up last night. 
She didn’t manage to voice her concern before Xuanji raised her head and zeroed in on her, nearly leaping over her books to cover the distance between them in a handful of steps, grabbing onto Linglong’s hands urgently. 
“Linglong, Linglong,” Xuanji breathed out, hair a mess of wisps and tangles, eyes feverishly bright, “I have the best idea. The greatest. But there aren’t any books in the library I can use, and I need your help!”
Before Linglong could offer her help, Xuanji continued, “I need Sifeng to give me an egg, I need to figure out how I’m getting an egg from him! Tengshe says he doesn’t know anything, but—”
Linglong looked heavenward, pleading to the gods to give her patience, and then decided that there were just some things she couldn’t help her cute little sister with. “...No.”
No, she wasn’t going to be part of this anymore. She was far too pregnant and far too hungry to be compassionate toward Xuanji’s harebrained ideas. Not at this hour of the morning. 
This time around, she shook off Xuanji’s grip and walked right out of the library, closing the door on her twin sister.
Let someone else deal with this for today.
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tidal123 · 6 months
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At that moment when Sifeng was injured at the gate of Buzhou mountain, being held by Xuanji in her arms, he was so so happy. He finally got what he have craved for and couldn’t get for so many past lifetimes: Xuanji’s love. Sifeng went in from the start with full knowledge whom Xuanji is, what she went through; he didn’t dare to ask for much in return for his devotion, just being remembered by her was enough for him. Yet she casted him aside time after time, focused on other goals, leaving him in desolation. Now finally, seeing the tremendous pain, the overflowing tears in her eyes, he knew without any doubt how much, how deeply she has cared for him and loved him, more than he ever dared hope for. It was a smile of finally being loved back by the one he loved more than anything else. It was a satisfied-beyond-words smile. It was not just selfless, nothing simplistic like that. At that moment, the elation of getting her love even soared beyond the acknowledgment of how much pain Xuanji must be in, something that’d normally concern him immediately. So it was, indeed, a very selfish smile, the selfishness only such stubbornly-strong unwavering unconditional love can be capable of. And that’s why Sifeng is so compelling. He is very alive and real and warm-blooded, not-at-all a piece of cardboard-cutout.
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