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yutasbellybuttonpiercing · 8 months

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Soulmatch™ — App-grade your love life!

(new picture bc this is the renjun i imagined in this)

pairing: huang renjun x reader

au/genre: smut, humor, fluff, angst, strangers to enemies to lovers...?, non-idol!AU

characters: huang renjun, f!reader, best friend!jaemin, best friend!haechan, friend!chenle, renjun's parents

word count: 24.807 words (oh my god)

general warnings: mentions of cheating, men being dudes and dudes being bros, lack of communication, haechan is a milf hunter, trust issues, insecurities regarding relationships, hook ups, smoking, alcohol, mentions of vomit (nothing graphic or detailed, literally just the word), mentions of erectile dysfunction (???), emotional manipulation..? past na jaemin x reader, implied past huang renjun x wong yukhei / lucas, toxic masculinity, daddy issues, haechan and jaemin talk very vulgarly and do not know boundaries, mentions of virginity, crying, heartbreak, author makes use of their limited knowledge of tarot.

smut warnings: ...hate sex...?, unprotected sex (nuh-uh!), fingering and brief oral (f receiving), face-fucking, switch!renjun, switch!reader (?), pet names, a lot of imagining sex, brief choking, mentions of anal, creampie.

synopsis: Renjun is a hopeless romantic, his goal is to meet his perfect match by the end of the year, maybe even his soulmate. The perfect solution: an experiment for finding love through an app. Renjun doesn't care who it is, as long as they're a perfect match, he thinks. But then you show up...

a/n: i really love this so much. it's a bit different from what i usually do bc it has a real storyline! it's complicated (not really)! i really poured my heart and soul into this. i love renjun so much. argh! also, why do my endings always feel rushed???? help???

taglist: @she-is-dreaming @nctzennikki09 @babyjenono @noonaisreading

"Why the fuck do they need information on my favorite toys from ages five to ten?" Renjun groans, rubbing his temples before quickly grabbing ahold of his phone to facetime his mother. The ringing sound of his phone had always managed to annoy him, and he wonders whether there'd be a section in the forms where he could put that down.

Staring at himself on his screen, he fixes his brown hair. It had gotten quiet long over the past few weeks since his last haircut. Admittedly, he hasn't had the energy to leave the house, really, thankful for his freelancer job that allows him to work from the confines of his own four walls. Although, he'd thought about growing his hair out anyway.

Finally, his mother answers the phone.

"No, it's Renjun... No, turn the TV down! Down! Lower the volume," his mother shouts, not at him, but at what he could only assume is his father, judging by the Jackie Chan movie playing in the background, that after all these years, he can identify by the sounds only.

"Hello, Junnie," his mother finally addresses him, a gentle smile on her face, a harsh contrast to the annoyed frown she'd thrown at her husband earlier.

"Hey, mom," Renjun says, tapping on his own video so it would fill the screen instead of his mother's.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, fine. Uh, listen. Do you remember which toys I liked when I was 5?" Renjun finally lets his hair fan over his forehead in peace, getting frustrated that it's not staying in the exact place he wants it to. He's only talking to his mother anyway. That woman'd wiped his ass a few years back, so why bother.

"What an odd question," she grins, briefly getting distracted by something happening behind her phone which she shoos away with her hand and a tight lipped frown that disappears as soon as he lays her eyes back on her son.

"I just need to know. It's really important."

"Okay, let me think. I believe you liked this one thing- this squishy" – her hand squishes the air in front of her phone – "what is it called?"

Renjun can hear his father's voice from behind the phone, "what? Plushie?"

"Yes! You had a plushie that you really liked!"

"A plushie..." Renjun mumbles, filling the letters into the field, "what color?"

"It was a cow."

"So black and white?"

"Those are the usual cow colors."

"Okay. And when I was six?"

"Honey, what do you need this for? Is it still this love calculator thing? You know I read that article about it online-" His mother raises her brows in concern.

"Yes, but I didn't want to say it, because-" Renjun's words get cut off by his father's obnoxiously loud voice as he yanks the phone from his mother's hands, his big head coming into view and Renjun has to immediately roll his eyes.

"That's nonsense, son, and you know it. Anyway, when will you come by again? I bought steak. You know no one can make steak like I do!"

"Yes, I know. I won't be able to make it any time soon, though." Renjun sighs, fingers fiddling with a loose string sneaking its way out of the couch cushion.

"What if I told you we had some fine wine?" – "Stop dragging our son into alcoholism," Renjun's mom finally wins the phone back, but Renjun can still hear his dad's laugh in the background.

Renjun huffs. "So? Year six?"

"Honey, I'm really not sure. You've had a fire truck phase, then enjoyed dinosaurs, then couldn't get enough of those collectable horses. You were a very diverse kid with so many different interests. I don't think you can categorize that or sort it into years. Just say that you liked all kinds of toys–"

"Even girls' toys!" His father laughs.

"Alright," Renjun sighs, pressing his lips tightly together before wishing his mother a good night and ending the call.

"All kinds of toys..." Renjun mutters to no one but himself as he types his answer into the box, shaking his head. He's been filling out these forms for days on end, and slowly he starts believing his parents' words that it's just nonsense.

But it is his only hope.

_____

"A what for what?" Donghyuck asks, mouth as full of burger as Renjun's own, hence why he couldn't understand him the first time. Renjun holds up his hand, chews aggressively, then swallows hard.

"An experiment for finding love," he explains a second time, and the crease in between Donghyuck's eyebrows only seems to be getting deeper with every word that leaves Renjun's lips.

"What the fuck is that?" Donghyuck asks (assumingely, Renjun still can't understand him over the huge bite of patty and bun inside of his mouth).

"You give a whole bunch of information about yourself to the scientists, and they use some software to find your ideal partner," Renjun explains briefly. There's a bit more to it than just that, but he doesn't want to overwhelm Donghyuck's brain while he's eating.

"Pff, okay?" Donghyuck says, a few crumbs of- whatever that had been only mere seconds ago flying out of his mouth and directly onto Renjun's forearm. The older contorts his face in utter disgust, shaking the sticky pieces of food off of his skin.

"You're a pig, Donghyuck," Renjun states, wiping the spot with his napkin because he can still feel Donghyuck's saliva on himself.

"I might be a pig, but at least I got game." Donghyuck finally swallows, grinning proudly with a small piece of lettuce stuck in between his teeth which Renjun has yet to decide telling him about after that insult.

"You don't have 'game'," Renjun spits, fingers motioning quotation marks, "you just have low standards. You'd fuck everything that bends over in front of you."

"That is not true!"

"Need I remind you of what happened with Chenle's mom?"

"She is a milf!" Donghyuck whines, letting his hands weakly fall down onto the table.

"Whatever." Renjun sighs. "Point is: I'm not lacking game, I just want to wait for the right person."

"Alright, two explanations, same outcome: your dick is dry as fuck," Donghyuck nods, pointing his fry at Renjun before he drags it through his vanilla milkshake and stuffs his mouth with it. Renjun presses his lips together, frowning slightly as he imagines the taste of that. "So when are you getting banged?"

"I don't want to get banged, Hyuck," Renjun answers, fingers coming up to rub at his temples. He knows he's lying, Donghyuck knows he's lying, so why did he lie? "There is more to it than sticking my dick up a hole."

"Just any hole? You didn't specify that it should be a pussy?" Donghyuck's eyes widen and he stops his motions. Renjun watches anxiously what a large amount of time Donghyuck's been holding a new fry into his milkshake for.

"I didn't. I don't care."

"You'd shag a dude?!" Donghyuck's shrill voice attracts the eyes of several people sitting around them.

"I don't know why you needed to let everybody know about that," Renjun say through gritted teeth, "but yes. I don't mind."

"I didn't know you were bi," Donghyuck finally sucks the fry into his mouth, then cleans his fingers with his tongue.

"I'm pan."

"Same thing."

Renjun opens his mouth to protest, but he's honestly a little drained to dispute with Donghyuck right now. Wow, what has he become...

"So, when are you finding real love, then?" Donghyuck tries again, empathically sensing that he just scratched at Renjun's teasing-limits and should therefore tone it down a little before he loses a friend.

"I finished filling out the forms a couple of days ago. They have to analyze it and then find someone in their data base. I'm not sure how long it's going to take," Renjun explains, losing a tad of hope with every word at the realization. It's probably going to take forever.

"Okay, then what do you say: one last time going out on pussy hunt with the boys?"

_____

Renjun realizes that this is not one of his proudest moments as he stands leaned against the bar. On the outside, he might look cool and relaxed (or at least that's what he strives for), but he's honestly close to being shit-faced and needs the bar for not losing his balance. Admittedly, it's been some time since Renjun's last time out and he's been a bit nervous.

"This is great, huh?" Chenle says next to him, cool as ever as he leans his back against the bar, keeping his balance with only his forearms. Renjun envies him.

"Totally," Renjun retorts sarcastically, but Chenle doesn't seem to pick up on it.

His other friends had already abandoned him, always with a dirty grin as they got dragged away by a pretty girl. Renjun just can't get behind this whole thing of hook-up culture. Why would you want that when you could- never mind, Renjun understands why people hook up. He really shouldn't judge other people when he's the one who signed up for a love experiment.

"So I heard this is going to be your last time going out with us?" Chenle asks, then takes a sip from his beer bottle. Renjun likes hanging out with Chenle, but the younger's busy schedule doesn't offer much time for friend activities. Chenle is generally laid back and doesn't judge others. Well, not really, he just likes to tease, but generally speaking, he is a good person to open up to.

"Yeah," Renjun answers shortly, not in the right state for a long conversation.

"Because of that love app?" Chenle asks, and Renjun briefly looks over at him to see a teasing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah," Renjun repeats in defeat.

"I think it's cool," Chenle says, corners of his mouth turning downwards making him look impressed, but Renjun doesn't seem convinced. "You know, real love. It's rare these days, I think it's admirable. Really."

"Thank you," Renjun says, a gentle smile on his lips. "Hyuck's been teasing me a lot for it, but I just.. don't like this hook-up culture. I want to settle down."

"I get you, man." Chenle nods, clinking his beer bottle with Renjun's glass that contains the last few drops of a cocktail, then empties his bottle. As if on command, a girl leans against the bar next to him, whispers something into his ear while tugging at his sleeve. A grin forms on Chenle's face before he turns to Renjun.

"Sorry, gotta go. She says she needs Daddy." Chenle winks at Renjun who gives him a combination of a genuine chuckle and an awkward smile in return, then waves at Chenle's figure getting dragged towards the restrooms.

Renjun sighs, then his eyes scan the crowd. It's stuffy, the fog machine on a too high setting making it hard to even make out faces. It also feels hot, no wonder considering the amount of bodies dancing and sweating to the sound of the music, and the entire atmosphere feels too uncomfortable to find someone he could- sleep with. All of his friends are gone anyway, there's no way they could check if he got with someone or not. Sighing once again in defeat, Renjun decides to call it a night. He steadies himself, then tumbles over to the door, pushing it open to be hit by cool air. He immediately feels like he's drank 2 glasses of alcohol less than he actually did.

"Cigarette?"

_____

"This is not something I want to brag about," Renjun says the noon after, his butt placed on a chair in Donghyuck and Jaemin's man cave. It's actually just their shared home, but judging by the looks and smell of it, Renjun cannot not call it a man cave.

"Couldn't get it up?" Jaemin asks, an understanding nod moving his head. The younger looks messed up, respectfully, his hair tousled and eyes still not completely adjusted to being awake, the size of the cup of coffee in his hands an indicator of how he's feeling right now. Donghyuck really doesn't look any better, his body leaned over the table with his forearms supporting his weight.

"What? No!" Renjun shakes his head with a frown. He really loves his friends, but sometimes he wonders why he's even friends with them.

"Did you puke on her?" Donghyuck covers his mouth with his hand. Yeah, Renjun wonders in times like these.

"No."

"Did she puke on you?"

"No! There was no vomit involved," Renjun explains, eyes widened in alarm. This conversation slowly but surely makes him wonder how his friends' hook-ups tend to go... not that he wants to know, considering all this talk about throwing up.

"Then why are you not sharing every single detail?" Jaemin grins, scooting his chair closer to Renjun until he's uncomfortably pressed up against his cheek, reeking like coffee and sleep.

"Because..." Renjun frowns in defeat. "Because she was gone this morning."

"And? What, are your balls itchy?" Donghyuck raises his brows.

"What? Why would my balls be itchy?" Renjun whines, finally peeling his cheek away from Jaemin. "She didn't give me an STD, nor an UTI. W-we used a condom, I think."

"You think?" Donghyuck laughs, straightening his back from being leaned over the table for too long. "Did our Renjunnie hit it raw?"

"Honestly, I don't know why we're talking about this?"

"Did her pussy grip you too tightly to pull out?" Jaemin asks, nodding understandingly while padding his shoulder, "happens to the best of us."

"You're a maker, Renjun," Donghyuck adds.

"First of all, I don't know what that means. Second of all: the sex was fine! Great even-" Renjun tries to defend himself and his hook-up, even though he's not entirely sure why, considering she, well, left without a trace.

"Did she smell good?"

"What, her vagina?"

"Everything."

"Uh- yes? She used perfume, and everything else smelled healthy, I guess. But what I'm trying to say is-"

"Jaemin you bastard! You really have a problem, fucking panty sniffer!" Donghyuck laughs loudly, making Renjun instantly aware of his own hangover.

"Sue me," Jaemin leans back grinning, hands coming up in faux defense.

"It bothers me that she snuck out without even saying anything!" Renjun shouts, palm coming down on the table top with such force that both of his friends jump. It goes silent for a while until Donghyuck opens his mouth once again.

"I understand, man." He leans forwards, placing a palm on Renjun's shoulder. "That was really disrespectful of her." "Not cool," Jaemin chimes in supportively. "But look on the bright side: you'll never have to see her again."

"I guess that's true," Renjun mumbles, "but-"

"But?"

Hesitantly, Renjun looks into Jaemin's face, then into Donghyuck's. "It was really good."

Chaos breaks loose, both of them cheering loudly. Donghyuck begins laughing until his knees hit the floor – an impressive action considering the amount of alcohol his system has to fight – and even Renjun manages to crack a smile.

_____

"Jun, you might wanna see this," Donghyuck proposes hesitantly from the other room. Renjun, already annoyed about having to make his way all over to the living room and abandoning his brewing tea, sighs. What in the world could be important enough to summon him from the kitchen?

"Can't it wait?"

"Believe me when I say you might wanna see this."

Renjun aggressively throws his hands in the air for no one to see, he can't live in peace for even a second with this guy. Still, he stomps over, standing in the door frame with furrowed brows and crossed arms. "I swear if this is some stupid shit again-"

"It's your dating app."

Renjun rolls his eyes, "they've been sending useless messages for the past four months, I don't fucking care."

"It says they found a match." Donghyuck finally looks up from Renjun's phone, eyes wide and mouth shaped into an 'o' form. Renjun's own eyes bulge out at the preposition. "What?!"

He stumbles over, ripping the device from Donghyuck's fingers and holds it close to his face. Indeed, there's the notification. They found them. They found someone!

"Man you should really get your eyes checked if this is how-"

"Shut the fuck up, I'm the happiest man alive!" Renjun beams, smacking Donghyuck in the back of his head without lifting his gaze from the screen. Donghyuck mewls, and it sounds a little too much like a moan, but everybody knows Donghyuck is a little pain slut, so Renjun pays him no mind.

Renjun instead klicks on the notification, the application he hasn't visited in over half a year popping up slowly. There it is. The moment Renjun had anticipated for such a long time. He's a little disappointed that he can't visit this person's profile or anything, but he quickly forgets about it as his eyes land on a button that spells: 'send an invitation'.

"Hyuck, you have to go," Renjun announces, causing Donghyuck to lift his head, gaze drifting away from his own phone screen to look at Renjun perplexed.

"Eh?"

"Leave! I have to get ready," Renjun whines, peeling Donghyuck off of his couch by his wrist. Donghyuck complies balky, but lets himself get pushed out of the front door that Renjun closes in his face immediately, then rushes into the bathroom.

The invitation was sent for tonight, 8 pm. That means he has four hours to get himself and this shit hole he calls his home ready, and the task seems nearly impossible. That is until he finds himself, embarrassingly out of breath, ruffling his hair one last time in front of the mirror by the front door before the doorbell rings. He made it just in time.

His hands shake as he presses the button that opens the door, and a little harder even as he grips the handle to open the door to his apartment.

"Get a grip," he tells himself quietly, then puts on a smile as he listens to the footsteps climbing the staircases. His heart beats rapidly against his ribcage as his eyes focus on where is soulmate is going to appear in the next few seconds.

There, a foot comes into sight, followed by...

"You?!"

Silence.

"Hi?"

"I'm gonna need a minute-"

After splashing cold water in his face in the bathroom and pulling himself together, Renjun comes back to find you sitting on his couch, looking a little nervous, but generally contained and not as bothered by this disaster as Renjun. Sitting down, Renjun watches the arms move slowly over the face of his antique clock that with every passing second omits an obnoxiously loud ticking sound that is only overshadowed by the thick tension hanging in the air. Every once in a while, his gaze traces your form on the farthest end of Renjun's couch, staring blankly at the wall.

"Why did you sneak out?" Renjun puts his thoughts into words, eyebrows scrunched together in a mixture of anger and disappointment.

"It was just a hook-up," you turn your head to whine at him, "I don't know why you're making a big deal out of this?"

"Because it-" Renjun starts, but then decides that he'd much rather not appear pathetic in front of you for moaning about that being his last sexual encounter before formally agreeing to wait for the one.

"Alright," you sigh after a while, "I'm sorry, alright?"

Renjun clears his throat and nods, "okay. Thank you."

"I'd much rather talk about the important things right now," you say, turning your entire body to sit cross-legged on the couch facing Renjun. You take a deep breath before opening your mouth again. "I'm just going to say what everyone here is thinking: the app obviously made a mistake."

Renjun's eyebrows fly upwards as he blinks once, very slowly, "excuse me?"

"Yeah. I mean, no offense, but you're obviously a softie! And I like tall men,-"

"I don't think I'm getting this right, you fucked me before?!"

"Yeah, it was fine for a night, but-"

"And why am I a softie- or, first of all, why is that bad? We both did the experiment, we're both looking for a perfect match, or am I wrong?" Renjun did not even notice getting up from his place on the sofa, or when he started pointing an accusing finger at you.

"I don't know, you take it so serious-"

"And you're being a real bitch right now." Renjun furrows his brows even further as you get up as well to stand right in front of him, your pointer finger pushing into his chest.

"I do not appreciate you calling me that."

"I have done nothing wrong, I cleaned this whole place, and even when I realized that it had to be you, of all people, I was willing to work with it, but right now, I just want to..."

Renjun realizes how close you are to him right now, he can smell your perfume, the same scent you'd worn the other night. Even if it was whole while ago, he still remembers the dusty note that now once again tickles his nostrils, immediately taking him back to that night.

"...kiss you."

Renjun hasn't even closed his mouth before your lips press against his, your passion wild and untamed as your bodies press closer, your hands immediately going to his hair, gently pulling so it stings at his scalp as Renjun's own hands roam over your form to settle on your waist and ass.

His head is clouded, his mind hazy with the feeling of you against him. He's a little embarrassed of your affect on him, immediately growing hard in his pants as soon as you hump yourself against him, content sighs flowing from his mouth into yours.

It's hectic, hands touching everywhere at once all of a sudden, fingers clutching clothing in an attempt to rid the other of them, limbs tangling as Renjun moves the both of you to the nearby bedroom.

You somehow manage to peel yourselves out of your clothes, Renjun can feel how wet you are for him, and though he's so focused on only you, he can't help but comment spitefully, "you prefer tall men, huh?"

"Fuck you," you gasp before kissing him again, and Renjun does not quite know how to feel about this, maybe it's bad, maybe it's good, but he assumes that this type of behavior should not make his tummy fill with butterflies. It still does.

Renjun lines himself up with your hole, then thrusts forward. He doesn't take his time to prep you like last time, he finds that if you want to act like a bitch, you should be treated like one. He's also very perplexed that he's thinking like this, he never has, but he guesses you bring this side out in him.

You cry out in pure bliss as he stretches your walls that are struggling to take his size, your eyes rolling back at the overwhelming pleasure. Renjun's thrusts are quick and hard, ramming his tip against your spot in a way that makes you see stars and your thighs shiver around his waist.

Your orgasm approaches fast, almost embarrassingly fast considering you made such a fuss earlier, Renjun admits to himself, feeling proud as he pushes you over the edge with ease. The moans tumbling from your lips are nothing short of pornographic, and Renjun does not have it in him to shut you up for the sake of his neighbors.

Instead, he pulls out, then quickly replaces his cock with his fingers, pressing them upwards repeatedly to tickle another quick high out of you. His eyes are on you the entire time while yours are closed, assumingely overwhelmed with how good he's making you feel.

Once you writhe from overstimulation, Renjun removes his fingers as well, licking a fat stripe over your cunt before turning you around and pressing your face into the sheets.

"I'll show you how much of a softie I can be," he grunts before pushing in once again, his hand pressing against the back of your head as he crashes his hips into yours with such force that the bed frame penetrates imprints into his wall. Your moans are muffled, and Renjun decides that he'd much rather have his neighbors hear how good of a fuck he is, so he grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks you up.

"Oh God," you whine, back arching beautifully to take even more of him, and Renjun suppresses a coy grin at the fact that he's able to destroy you that easily.

"Hm? Not so soft now, huh?"

"I'm gonna cum again-" you announce, hands gripping the sheets as you try to ground yourself, to just take and take and take what Renjun gives you, and soon after he can feel you clench around him as another orgasm takes over you, leaving you weak and shaky.

"Too much?"

You shake your head, but Renjun pulls out nevertheless. "Get on your knees, I want you to suck me off."

Never in his life has Renjun seen someone hurry off a bed so eagerly. You open your mouth compliantly, like a well trained slut, and Renjun can simply push his cock between your lips and fuck your mouth. "Tap my leg when I should stop."

You nod quickly, then relax your jaw for him to use you. Renjun loves this sight of you. He remembers what you looked like when you came over, with pretty makeup and perfectly styled hair – and now everything's ruined, your hair messy and tangled, your makeup smudged by a mixture of tears and spit. Renjun loves how hazily your eyelids flutter as you try to look up at him, eyes seemingly focussing and un-focussing, more tears welling up in your eyes before they trickle down your cheeks, spit coating your chin as you gag a little.

Renjun believes he could get used to this.

_____

The sun tickling the tip of his nose is what wakes him up the next morning. With a groan, he tries to adjust his eyes to the bright light shining into his bedroom – the downside of having a bedroom that faces east. Once he realizes where he is, the memories of last night come flying back to him. He has to find his arms to be much emptier than when he went to bed the night before. He sighs, a hand coming up to run over his face. Honestly, he didn't even have to check the rest of his home to know that you snuck out again.

A mug filled with coffee in hand, Renjun lets out a shaky sigh. It stings, he's not going to lie, but maybe you have your reasons, maybe something came up, maybe you need time to think. Or maybe you just hate him and only want to use his desperate state of romanticism and body for your selfish nature.

This assumption is neither proven to be false nor correct when his doorbell rings a couple of months later. In the meantime, Renjun had done nothing but sulk, try to pull himself together, work non-stop to get you out of his mind, realized it's not working and went back to sulking, then the cycle repeated itself. He hadn't even updated his friends about the encounter for a lack of energy, basically. His apartment is a mess, empty to half-empty boxes of takeout littered all over the place, bottles with a last sip left left and right that Renjun trips over every few hours only to curse loudly and do nothing to clean them up afterwards. Basically, he's living like Donghyuck and Jaemin right now.

His feet drag him to the door. "Hello?"

"They're threatening me."

Renjun, without even having heard it twice through the speaker, recognizes your voice immediately. And before he knows it, his finger presses the button that opens the door with a buzzing sound. He curses at himself, panic arising as he listens to your heavy footsteps climbing up the stairs to his apartment. Once you step into sight, Renjun loses his ability to talk. Why do you have to look gorgeous? Why does he want to get on his knees and eat you out immediately? Why is he so weak?

You take fast steps and invite yourself into Renjun's home as he does nothing but take a few careful steps back. You then lock the door as you check the hallway behind the door through the peephole for any potential threats.

"Who?" Renjun finally gets out.

"The app developers," you mumble before retrieving from the door.

"Why?"

"They know I left, now they keep threatening me."

"I doubt that," Renjun frowns.

"Look!" You push your phone into his hands. Renjun curiously scans the last notifications the app sent you.

How did it go? Did you find your soulmate with us? Please rate us in the app store.

Hey! We found your soulmate! Now all you need to do is rate this experience.

Your soulmate is happy to have you. Thank you for working with us, please leave a rating in the app store.

Rate your love experience now!

Renjun snorts.

"What?" You watch him with furrowed brows and crossed arms.

"These are hardly threats."

"They just keep coming, this has to be a threat. Haven't you gotten any?"

"I don't know, I don't have the app anymore," Renjun mumbles.

"Right..." you say, finally taking a first look around the place. "And what happened here?"

"Stop judging me!" Renjun turns his back to you while crossing his arms. Of course he hadn't had the time to deep clean his apartment when he was busy sulking and writhing in self-pity for the past months. And, to be fair, it was all your fault!

"Alright, maybe they're not threats, per-se. They still made me feel bad..."

"Oh?" Renjun turns back around, eyebrows raised. "It has a heart?"

"Ha-ha," you deadpan, but Renjun can't suppress a smile as he makes his way over to the kitchen to grab himself something to drink, and you kicking your shoes off, and then following him on track like a lost puppy.

Renjun opens the fridge and pours himself a glass of the fruity water he's prepared a few hours ago (not because he felt like it, only because he was afraid the remaining fruit his mom brought over because she coincidentally happened to be in town a few days ago would go bad if he didn't use them). He lifts the glass to his lips and takes a refreshing sip.

You watch him set the glass down on the counter. "Aren't you going to ask me if I want something?"

With a hint of playfulness that he does not want to give away under any circumstances, Renjun scoffs, "yeah, as if I'm going to be nice to you after the stunt you pulled. Twice." Renjun holds up two of his fingers to highlight his words.

Your brows furrow as you open your mouth to complain, but you must have realized he's right, so you shut it again, turning into a cute pout instead. "I'm sorry. It's just- it's hard-" You give up and press your lips together tightly. "Can we- start over?"

"Oh? From what point?" Renjun raises his brows, lifting his hand to count with his fingers, "when you abandoned me the first time? When you insulted me? Or when I fucked you so good you couldn't stop drooling on the sheets?" He smiles in victory at your shocked expression. "To which I could also add: the first or the second time." He wiggles two fingers in front of your face with a smug smirk.

"I wish I could say this behavior of yours irritates me to the point where I just want to give up, but you're kind of hot looking all messed up and heart-broken because of me while sporting that victorious grin," you say and step towards him.

"Ah, really?" Renjun's confident shell starts to crumble.

"Why don't we start from the beginning?" You stop right in front of him, and Renjun has to press his ass against the counter to keep that little distance that allows him to breathe. Amused, the corner of your mouth twitches, then you extend your hand as your gaze bores into his.

"Hi, my name is ____ and I would love to suck your cock."

Renjun hates the way his breath hitches as he carefully shakes your hand for a reason he is not aware of. "I-I'm Renjun," he simply says, and the playful smirk on your face widens as you pull your hand out of his to lay atop of the waistband of his sweatpants. Renjun hates it even more that he feels his blood that just milliseconds ago thumbed through his ears now rushing downwards awakening his cock.

"Do you want me to suck you off?" Your voice is bittersweet as you bat your lashes at Renjun who gulps before breathing out a "yeah".

You smile, fingers untying his sweatpants before you push your hand inside to feel him up. "So hard, all for me? What a good boy you are, Renjun."

Renjun bites down on his lip, face contorting in pleasure as he feels you feel him up and down, his hips push forward involuntarily. Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you just be- less enticing, less hot, less able to turn his brain to complete mush every time he sees you? Renjun knows where this is going, you're going to give him the best, most amazing, jaw-dropping, eye-rolling, toe-curling head of his life, and then you're going to walk out that door as if there aren't still drops of Renjun's cum trickling down your esophagus.

Just as your hands leave the inside of his pants to pull them down his legs, Renjun grabs ahold of your wrists. Your eyes widen in surprise.

"No," Renjun catches your gaze that holds a whole lot of insecurities in them, or so he assumes. "I am not letting you touch me until I know you won't leave me again."

The look in your eyes tells him that something about this interaction hit a nerve very deep down, so he tries to lighten the mood with a light joke and a careful smile. "At least take me out on a date before you use me."

Jackpot, he realizes, as you scoff and pull your wrists from his grasp. "Alrighty then, what do you want to eat?"

_____

The wideness of his eyes expands exponentially with every word you tell the guy behind the counter of the nearest Subway who prepares your sandwich. He could mouth along your order because, even up until the sauce, it's identical with his. Hence, all he tells the guy once he's finished is "the same". You seem not to notice – or care – and the quick walk back home is quiet despite the tornados of thoughts winding through Renjun's mind. Is this how the app worked? Match people with similar taste in food? Though he doesn't remember putting his Subway order in when submitting his forms.

Arriving at home, you ask Renjun to put on a show to watch while eating, and when he plays his all time favorite, Modern Family, you announce that that's your favorite as well.

Renjun watches, half in awe and half scared for his life, as you practically inhale the foot-long sandwich in front of his eyes, and he feels his heart thumb just a little faster seeing you all domestic like this; not dolled up, and not with his cum dripping from some part of your body, just you being you. Apparently, he likes you more than he likes to admit, he's afraid.

"I think I'm going to delete that app as well," you announce as you wipe the remaining sauce and crumbs from the corners of your mouth.

"How so?"

"I have you now, don't I?" You shrug, placing your plate on the coffee table in front of the couch. Renjun's heart jumps at your words, then sighs and happily sinks deeper into the comfort of his chest.

"Does that mean- I mean-" But he is shushed by your finger pressing against his lips, that makes his eyes widen.

"Shh, baby boy, don't ruin it." You say, then get up.

"Where are you going?"

"Will you calm down? I just want to pee!" You whine, then march off towards his bathroom, and Renjun wants to punch himself in the face for watching you go with a smitten gaze, but he can't help staring. You're just too gorgeous. He loves the way you're so relaxed and funny, sighing lovingly as he admires your beauty coming back from the restroom to sit down next to him with a thud and a weirded out expression on your face.

"Why are you looking like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like I just took your virginity in a field of dandelions."

"I am not!"

"Whatever. Can we fuck now?"

The little hearts circling around Renjun's heart – metaphorically – shatter. "Are you being serious?"

"I hate to admit this too, but you're pretty good at what you're doing."

"I am more than just a toy for you to use!" Renjun argues, setting his plate down on the coffee table next to yours. Anger is visibly written all over his face, and you seem to finally get the hint that he's serious about this.

"Alright, then. What do you wanna do instead? Cuddle?!" You suggest, and although it does not seem like this is a legitimate offer, Renjun takes it.

"Yeah, for example!"

And that's how your back ends up pressed to his front as you watch TV, not without a last roll of your eyes, of course, and while Renjun affectionately plays with your hair, he has time to relish in the feeling of being loved for the first time since forever, even if he had to threaten you with deprivation of sex. Later, you even fall asleep in his arms, in his bed, and when he wakes up the next morning, you are snoring soundly besides him.

_____

"Do you want to meet my friends?" Renjun asks casually over the steam evaporating from the hot coffee mugs on the breakfast table. You have half a Baozi in your mouth, and Renjun can only guess your next words as they come out.

"What? Why? Are we getting married?" He assumes you say.

"No, I just thought, you know, since things were getting serious-"

"We are?!" You muffle with wide eyes.

Over the past days that you'd spent at Renjun's place without missing a single day (except for the 4 hours when you went to get your stuff... 4 hours that drove Renjun insane with fear that you wouldn't return), Renjun kind of started to wonder what it is that you're doing for a living that you can just disappear like that without anyone wondering where you are, but he noticed that you do not like to talk much about yourself. All he knows that your interests and taste are, quite frankly, scarily similar to his own. He assumes that you are just careful when it comes to opening up to people, so he is more than thrilled when he finds you next to him every single morning and decides that there will be a time and place for you to bond over deep talk.

"Calm down, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that we've been hanging out a lot and I think it would be... fun?" Renjun suggests carefully. A weight lifts off his heart as your wide eyes shrink back to their normal size and you take your time to chew and swallow before your answer.

"Okay." And then you stuff the other half of the steamed bun into your mouth.

"Great! I'll text them!"

"Today?!"

"We really have to stop talking about this while we eat."

"It's okay, do it whenever, honestly." But only muffled sounds and a few crumbs come out.

"What?"

You roll your eyes dramatically, then point yourself.

"You?"

You nod, then point to Renjun. "Me?"

Then you squiggle your pointer and forefinger in a way that resembles a pair of legs – "go?" – you nod, then point downwards – "here?" – you shake your head – "today?" – you nod frantically and press your pointer finger to your thumb – "okay?"

You finally swallow. "Man, I said it's okay if we go today."

"That was absolutely unnecessary. Now go get ready, I'll text them."

_____

"Where is your other half?"

"Probably inside of someone," Donghyuck says about the lack of Jaemin at the table, but his eyes are intensely focused on you. You on the other hand seem to have found great interest in your fingernails and refuse to take your eyes off of them. "Yo, is she shy or something?"

"I'm not," you say, your eyes snapping up to gaze at Donghyuck who looks a little taken aback. You smile sweetly, then reach over the table to shake his hand. "I'm sorry, I was just a little distracted. Hey, I'm the girl that Renjun fucks."

Renjun chokes on his own spit, and Donghyuck snorts loudly. You lean against the backrest of the McDonald's seat and grab Renjun's hand to hold. Renjun, finally recovered from his near-death-experience, can't believe what's happening as his eyes zone in to where your fingers intertwine with his. It even makes him miss that that was a complete lie since the no-sex-until-i-know-you-won't-leave-thing is still on the table.

"So, how is he? In bed, I mean?" Donghyuck folds his hands beneath his chin and leans forward interestedly.

"Oh, he's great, really! He doesn't look like it, but he has a lot of stamina. And, to be fair, he's not the biggest, but it gets the job done nicely, I especially love it when he-"

"Can we not talk about my dick in a McDonald's?! Please?!"

"Oop, looks like we hit a sore spot-" Donghyuck remarks.

"I am not insecure about- you know what? Fuck you. Go get the food, it's ready," Renjun snaps and pushes the receipt with the pick up number on it into Donghyuck's hand who throws you another knowing look before strolling off to get the food.

"I will not apologize for-"

"You're holding my hand," Renjun states.

"What?" Your eyebrows contort in confusion.

"My hand, you're holding it," Renjun says, lifting both of your hands into your line of sight to prove his point.

"Yeah, so?"

"I like that."

A genuine smile spreads over your face and you bite your lip, maybe to suppress it, but Renjun saw it, and look down at your lap. Donghyuck appears again, tray in hand, and Renjun would've missed your quiet whisper of "he likes that" if his entire world wasn't revolving around you right now.

"What are we talking about?" Donghyuck grins as he slides back onto his seat, immediately pulling a fry out of the box and dunking it in his milkshake. Renjun, still in awe that you're holding his hand, immediately notices how your face contorts in disgust.

"Why the fuck are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Dipping your fry."

Renjun watches with heart-shaped eyes how Donghyuck's mouth opens and closes for a lack of a proper response, because – shit – that is exactly what he's been thinking for the past five years.

"Because I like it?"

"Alright," you shrug, then attend to your cheeseburger. Renjun mirrors your action, lifting the top half of the bun to peel the single slice of pickle off the surface before sticking the burger back together, not noticing how you do the exact same thing until Donghyuck points it out.

"So? That's what it's like when you found a match. Another great advantage is having only one partner whom you engage in sexual activities with. Ah, by the way, how is your itchy sack?"

"Good one, babe," you compliment as Donghyuck's face falls onto his BigMac, and Renjun could not feel any better at that exact moment.

"Sorry I'm late!" The voice of no other than Na Jaemin appears behind Renjun only to reveal said man seconds later as he flops down next to Donghyuck, forcing him to squeeze further against the wall. Donghyuck complains, but no one pays him any mind.

A heavy grin adorns Jaemin's face, an expression Renjun's grown to know like the back of his own hand over the past years. Jaemin's post orgasm glow is so bright and blinding that Renjun's sure he must have just gotten a blowjob in the McDonald's bathroom. His tongue slurps parts of his McFlurry off his spoon. Renjun watches as Jaemin's gaze runs over to you, and as if someone's flipped a switch inside him, Jaemin's smile drops. If the sudden silence wasn't so ear numbing, one would've heard it smash to the ground and shatter into pieces. Even Donghyuck has stopped munching on his food to scan the situation, the end of a fry sticking out from between his lips.

Renjun's heart stops, then starts thumping up his throat as he slowly turns his head towards you, and this exact process repeats itself as he sees how pale you've gotten. Your eyes are trained on Jaemin, and Renjun can see you gulp once before you suddenly get up, the legs of the chair disgustingly scratching over the floor, and leave the fast food restaurant with hurried steps.

Despite desperately wanting to know what the fuck just happened, Renjun hastily gets up to run after you, calling out your name, once, twice, but when he reaches the doors, panting breath creating soft clouds in the cool air, you're out of sight.

_____

Ah, what a great morning. That is what Renjun would have thought if it was opposite day. He is devastated. You are nowhere to be found, the apartment empty since he returned and he still regrets not asking for your number sometime during the past days, though there was no need since you'd spend all your time at his place anyway. But now you're not. You're gone, and Jaemin refuses to let him in on what exactly happened between the two of you that made you leave the place in a hurry, only for Renjun to find Jaemin gone as well as soon as he returned. He only found Donghyuck sitting at the table, dragging his last fry through the milkshake. They finished their meal in silence.

As the doorbell rings, Renjun falls off the couch, scrambles up and runs to answer the door. It's not you, though, it's Donghyuck, who for once decided to be a good friend and check in on Renjun, even though the latter would rather just lie down in a puddle of his own tears, and sob.

"I'm sorry, man," Donghyuck says, dragging Renjun into his arms for comfort. Renjun simply sighs. The warmth of Donghyuck's hug does actually help ease some of the tension in his heart, and when they part, Renjun invites Donghyuck in for some tea.

"Do you know what happened?" Renjun asks as he hands Donghyuck his mug.

"Not a clue. Jaemin hasn't even been home. I have some theories, though." Donghyuck takes a sip and curses after burning his tongue.

"That are?" Renjun is actually relieved to have someone else break their brain over this situation that is not him.

"Number one: Jaemin is her lost brother."

Renjun blinks.

"Number two: Jaemin fucked her mother and destroyed her parent's marriage."

Renjun raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, number three: Jaemin fucked her mother and is her father."

Renjun raises a hand to slap him.

"Okay, okay! Sorry. Number four, and this actually goes two ways. Four point one: They fucked and she is the one girl that broke Jaemin's heart and made him this way."

Renjun does not like the sound of that at all.

"Four point two: They fucked and Jaemin broke her heart and that's why she can't commit."

"I hate all of your theories with my entire being," Renjun admits, "Do you have one that does not mean something bad?"

"Um..." Donghyuck thinks for a while that, admittedly, lasts too long for Renjun to relax, "Jaemin once saved her cat and she never got the chance to thank him because- he fucked her mom- I'M SORRY that's all I can think of."

Renjun sighs. "I don't know. I just wish she would care about me enough to just talk to me, you know?"

"I don't think that's the problem," Donghyuck suggests and Renjun looks away from his steaming mug and at Donghyuck instead. "I think she cares about you a lot, but there seems to be some sort of past trauma that makes it hard for her. I mean, I'm not a specialist since you" – a glaring Donghyuck points an accusing finger at Renjun – "refuse to update me about every little thing like I asked you to, but I don't think this has as much to do with you as you think."

"I've never thought about it that way," Renjun admits, and a little weight drops off his heart at the fact that he is possibly not at fault, and neither are you. "Thank you, Hyuck, honestly."

"No biggie." Donghyuck shrugs with a smug smirk. "You can pay me back in kind."

"What do you mean?"

"A smooch." Donghyuck puckers his lips, but at the same time, the doorbell rings a second time that day, causing Renjun to jump and run towards the obnoxious sound. This time, it really is you.

"Can we talk?" You ask as you stand in his doorway, and Renjun can't do anything but blink in awe because, honestly? He thought he'd never see you again.

"Um, not to be rude, but we're kind of in the middle of something here," Donghyuck says with his lips still puckered for Renjun to kiss. Renjun, without taking his eyes off of you in case you'd vaporize once he looked away for even a split second, ushers Donghyuck to leave since, "he was on his way out, actually."

Not without throwing a little tantrum, Donghyuck lets himself get pushed out of Renjun's apartment. Renjun whispers another 'thank you' and blows him a kiss before closing the door in Donghyuck's face.

_____

"I didn't know you started smoking again," Renjun comments as you sit on his sad excuse of a balcony.

"This is for the vibe," you say, and blow the smoke into the air. "And maybe I had a drink."

"Okay."

Silence.

"This is really scary for me," you admit, and Renjun assumes that you're talking about opening up.

"You can trust me, I'm not going anywhere," Renjun assures, placing a careful arm around your waist and a kiss to your temple.

"Jaemin was my first love."

Renjun gulps. He feels a little part of his heart break off and shatter against his ribcage, leaving a stinging pain behind. Great, so you know Jaemin, and not only that, he happened to be the first one you've ever let into your heart. Renjun assumes that it's been a couple of years since then, but knowing Jaemin, he couldn't possibly be the best first love, or a good one even. Don't get him wrong, he dearly loves Jaemin – in a platonic way – but the way he treats girls is not something he should be as proud of as he is. But maybe he hasn't always been like this. Maybe you were the one to make him like this.

"Go on," Renjun finally coughs out. His hands feel a little shaky, maybe even a little sweaty, and he feels the need to wrap them around the metal railing separating him from free falling to his death.

"It was back in school. I fell for him immediately. He made me feel like the only girl in the world."

Renjun dares to look over at you to watch you sigh, dragging on your cigarette once again. You look incredibly pained, and as much as he wants you to shut up because it seems to be hurting not only him, but you as well, he needs to know.

"Well, that was until he took my virginity. Never saw him again after that until," you pause, clear your throat and take a deep breath and continue pressed with your eyes closed, "until today."

Renjun takes a minute to calm down his mind from running thoughts on overspeed. "I'm- so sorry that happened to you. I wish I could say he's not like that anymore, but... well, his moral compass enhanced a little... um..." Renjun removes his hands from the railing, wiping them on his jeans, then turns to you. "Look, I can see why you wouldn't want to hang out w-"

"No," you interrupt him, dragging on your cigarette once more before carelessly flicking the bud onto the streets below, then you turn to him, take a careful step forward and take his hands into yours. "I trust you. I want you to be the right one. I want you to break this pattern, I want you to change my future."

Renjun does not know how to respond. There's a part of him that wants to pay Jaemin a visit and punch him, but he knows better than to start a physical fight with Na Jaemin, the local gym's best customer. And besides, what would it matter? It's not like violence would change anything. "May I hug you?"

You nod, and Renjun wraps his arms around you to pull you into his chest. His chin rests in the crook of your neck, breathing in the sweet scent of your shampoo, and he is not sure whether it's a good thing that he falls for you more and more every second he spends with you.

_____

Renjun decided that it would be best not to see Jaemin for some time, mostly in favor of his own well being considering that Jaemin would dominate him if it ever came to a physical confrontation. Instead, he focuses his energy on making you feel loved and protected, and makes sure he never gives you the impression of leaving you. He mostly enjoys the quiet nights with you, creating as much physical contact as possible without being uncomfortable, and freely talking into the rise of the sun.

Renjun learned that it's only been you and your mom, most of the time, since your dad cheated on her when you were still a child. Then, as soon as you turned eighteen and got your first real job, your mother left the country. Not without saying goodbye, but apparently, she made it clear that she didn't want to stay in contact. Ever since, it's only been you. You'd always been by yourself, having to care for yourself, working hard to make enough money to be able to afford rent and food. In a way, you had raised yourself to be independent, and your past encounter with Jaemin must have just intensified your bias not to trust men after what your father did to your mother.

Still, that's all Renjun knows about you. And after 3 months of living together, he kind of wishes to know where you live – well, when you're not living with him – what you do for a job, if you have any friends for him to meet, but all he knows is your zodiac sign. Although, he calms himself down by telling himself that you need time to build up trust. After everything that's happened to you, Renjun is the last person wanting to pressure you.

It's only that one particular conversation with his friend Donghyuck he doesn't seem to be able to let go.

"How long have you been living together?" Donghyuck asked as he ripped a small piece off of the bread in his hand to throw it into the pile of ducks gathered in front of them at the pond at the local park. Donghyuck loves to go there to feed the ducks, and Renjun almost found it cute until Donghyuck told him the real reason behind his regular visits to feed the ducks at the pond: picking up girls.

Donghyuck swears that this is the perfect way to get a "chick" (his words, not Renjun's) to fall for you. Either they love this sweet, domestic side of a man who is soft enough to go feed ducks in his spare time which inevitably makes him boyfriend material, or they're there with their kids and- Renjun can't recall how this was different from the first thing. He only remembers thinking that Donghyuck has a weird obsession with older women, and the freudian curiosity in Renjun kind of pushes him to find out more about what that's about. Maybe another time.

"Almost three months," Renjun smiled widely, ready to spill information about all the great memories he had made with you over the past 11 weeks, like when he accidentally sent the pizza delivery guy to the wrong address or when the both of you giggled too loudly at a YouTube video until his downstairs neighbor knocked at his door and begged for you to shut up (admittedly, there's not much going on), but Donghyuck interrupted him with his hand hitting Renjun square in his solar plexus.

"Three months?! Woah, get it champ! How often do you do it?" Donghyuck asked, completely ignoring the way Renjun had to fight not to double over and slide face forward into the pond.

"We-" Renjun coughed and was finally able to stand up straight again. "We actually don't have sex at all."

In hindsight, Renjun's knowledge of physics and anatomy make him doubt the reaction he remembers, but he vividly recalls Donghyuck's eyes to drive out of his skull as he jumped about 3 meters into the air. Summarized: Donghyuck was a little surprised!

"Um, well, I didn't think it would hit you this early, but there are ways, man." Donghyuck patted Renjun's shoulder brotherly. "I still have a few pills at home if you want to try them. I get them from this one guy, and they're worth every penny, let me tell you-"

"I do not suffer from erectile disfunction," Renjun clarified and Donghyuck quickly shut his mouth, blinked a few times, then began to defend himself about how he doesn't need them to get hard, just to stay hard longer or whatever.

"Anyway," Renjun side-eyed Donghyuck as he finally stopped talking, "I just... don't want her to leave me again."

"Ah, that's how the land lies," Donghyuck grinned, "but buddy, it's been months, don't you miss it?"

"Not really," Renjun lied without cause.

"Don't you miss the way it feels?" Donghyuck leaned closer, warm breath tickling Renjun's ear and neck, his voice getting whiney and full of lust as he explained the warm, wet feeling of a-

"Okay, maybe I do!" Renjun said in defeat, holding onto Donghyuck's hands to stop them for making lewd gestures.

"Then there's nothing stopping you. Well, except for the fact that it's very weird how she just lives with you. Doesn't she have a job? Does she pay rent?" Donghyuck frowned at Renjun with raised eyebrows.

Renjun squinted his eyes at him, frowning as well. "Where is this coming from?!"

"I'm just saying, you should ask her about that." Donghyuck shrugged and poured the remaining bread crumbs from his paper bag onto the ground, causing ducks to zoom out of the water and gather around their feet.

"I don't want to pressure her. You know how hard it is for her to open up," Renjun reasoned, but Donghyuck seemed to be having ulterior motives, throwing a wink into the direction of a middle aged woman with a stroller. Renjun watched for a few moments as Donghyuck pressed his tongue into his cheek smugly, then shouted "just gave him some relationship advice while feeding the ducks", and how the woman chuckled and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, then decided he's seen enough.

Sadly, turning off one's ears had not been invented yet, Renjun thought as he stepped away after patting disinterested Donghyuck's shoulder as goodbye, still hearing Donghyuck ask her about the child's father, how come such a beautiful woman doesn't have a strong man at her side, and what she's going to be doing tonight.

_____

"Baby?" Renjun enters the living room to find you sitting in front of the couch on the carpet, carelessly browsing through a magazine with your playlist randomly playing tunes in the background.

"Hey!" Your eyes light up as you see him. Renjun sits down beside you, a slight smile on his face as he takes in how beautiful you look tonight, just like all nights.

"What are you up to?" He asks, curiously leaning forward to be able to look at the magazine as well.

"It's just a women's magazine, it's like fashion and make-up trends an stuff," you explain briefly still scanning through the pages before your eyes light up once again as you turn to look at Renjun.

"What?" Renjun chuckles nervously, but simultaneously loving the look on your face.

"Could I.. do your make-up?" You ask straightforwardly. Renjun's eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise, mouth shaping an 'o' as he looks up thinking about it briefly. He's never gotten his make-up done before, and although the thought had never occurred to him before, it does sound like a fun couple's activity to do together that could lead to excellent bonding time. Therefore, he smiles and nods at your request.

Renjun coos at how you get up to grab your make-up bag with a slight excited jump in your walk, then watches how you lean down to fish it out of your bag, gulping hard and averting his gaze as you so carelessly present your ass to him. The conversation with Donghyuck still playing in his mind, he realizes that, apart from wanting to know more about you, he really does miss being inside of you physically.

Before he knows it, you're back on the carpet next to him, opening your bag to reveal the endless depths of its contents, various pencils and brushes, tubes and bottles that Renjun knows close to nothing about.

"What do you want me to do?" You ask, and Renjun smiles contently.

"Whatever you want, I'm yours to play with," he confirms before realizing the ambiguous meaning of his words. He still means them, in both ways.

Although, you do not seem to be catching on, shuffling to sit in front of Renjun instead to have a better look at his handsome face. "Your skin is pretty, so let's skip foundation," you decide and Renjun's smile grows at the implied compliment. Instead, you brush his messy bangs out of his face to be able to get a better look at his eyes.

"Can I do your eyeliner?" You ask, gazing deeply into his eyes, and honestly, you could've asked him to jump out of the window and he'd respond with the same breathy 'yes' he did just now. Especially now after you've climbed into his lap for better access.

"Okay," you giggle, now a black pencil in your hand, "look up!"

Renjun does his best to follow your orders, but the eyeliner feels very foreign on his eyes, and as you ask him to look down next, he is met with your cleavage greeting him, and he has to concentrate on not popping a boner instead.

After a while, you lean back, admiring your work as Renjun blinks a few tears away.

"You look pretty," you admit, handing Renjun a little mirror to see for himself. And as he catches his own reflection, he must admit that you're right. He does look pretty, but honestly, he could've looked like trash right now and he'd still do this over and over again just to be close to you.

"Thank you, I agree!" He smiles, handing you the mirror back.

"How about lipstick next?" You suggest and Renjun's eyes immediately dart down to your lips, remembering the last time his own lips touched them for longer than a quick peck, and longing for that feeling. So instead of answering, he nods, trying his best to conceal his nervousness.

A lipstick in hand, you get comfortable on his lap again, seemingly either ignoring or not caring what your shuffling does to him, then attend to his lips. Renjun's now able to watch your face closely as you apply the tinted product onto his lips, falling in love with the way you look when you concentrate on something.

Your gentle fingers tap the lipstick onto his lips, spreading the color gently to create a faded look, but Renjun doesn't really care anymore. His eyes keep focussing on your lips, yearning to taste them again, and he feels like it's showing with the way he keeps leaning in closer.

His heart skips a beat as he looks up into your eyes again to see them already looking into his, and he doesn't even have to say anything before you close the gap in between your mouths and begin kissing him gently, leaving one, two, three kisses on his lips before drawing back to look into his eyes again.

No words are exchanged, it's just him who leans in this time, breathing in deeply through his nose as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. He completely loses himself in you and the slow song playing in the background. Your lips feel heavenly, and Renjun admits that it's really been too long since the last time he got to taste them.

Your hands stroke over his body just as his do to yours, gentle moans fall from both of your lips as you carefully grind down against Renjun's prominent bulge. It doesn't take long for him to turn you around, gently laying you on your back to the soft carpet, caging you in with his arms and deeply gazing into your eyes. You strip each other of every piece of clothing, taking your sweet time to show the other how you feel, and as Renjun finally enters you, he feels like this is where he belongs.

_____

"Hyuck, I'm telling you, it was absolutely fantastic," Renjun beams, hands in the air metaphorically mimicking a large object to visualize how much fun he's had with you the night prior.

"I'm guessing the rule of premarital abstinence is off the table?" Donghyuck teases, face mockingly serious, though a brow sneaks its way upwards to hint at his playfulness. Renjun presses his lips together, hands sinking to the table.

"You are just jealous that woman in the park only wanted you to be her new babysitter," Renjun shoots back.

"That's what her mouth said, but do you know what her body said to me about thirty minutes later as I rammed my dick in her?" Donghyuck crosses his arms, pressing his tongue into his cheek smugly, and Renjun just stares blankly ahead, right through Donghyuck's insufferable ego as if it was see-through and not as solid as concrete. Donghyuck leans forwards, forearms holding his weight hovering over the tabletop.

"Ah, fuck, you're so big, Donghyuck. Please, d-don't tell my husband. H-he really can't find out that you're making m-me feel so much better than him, ugh, God, I wish you were the father of my children," Donghyuck moans, high pitched and fake like a porn star, and Renjun snorts, laughter that threatened to come out winning the battle against his muscles, and he's sure he spit on Donghyuck in the process. Payback.

"Sorry," Renjun says and doesn't mean it, "have you talked to your therapist about this 'Mommy'-thing?" Donghyuck sighs and rolls his eyes.

"It's not a 'Mommy'-thing. I don't want them to be my mom, I don't want them to pack me a lunch box and sing me a lullaby," Donghyuck explains.

"Then, what?" The corners of Renjun's mouth twitching downwards, threatening another wave of laughter to burst out with vigor.

"Older ladies know what they want in life. They went through labor and stuff and mostly already found a man, so when they want me, I feel good. Also, they know how to please a guy, you know?" Donghyuck says, and Renjun's eyes are about to pop out from the sole pressure of trying to keep his amusement from spitting Donghyuck in the face again.

"Alright, then, if my love life is so laughable, why don't you give me some insight on how great your girlfriend's cunt squeezes around your dick?" Donghyuck crosses his arms, meaning to sound petty and passive-aggressive, even though Renjun knows that he is eager to hear every little detail.

"Does everything have to be this graphic with you?" Renjun contorts his face in faux disgust, but huffs out a chuckle, not ready to admit that, in all honesty, Donghyuck's words sent him right back to last night when you came around him, milking him for all he's worth.

"It does. Whether you like it or not, this is what you signed up for when you started calling me your friend. Now spill," Donghyuck raises a threatening finger.

"I don't know if I'm comfortable giving out information to fuel your next wanking session with my girlfriend," Renjun notes, but continues to spill the details nonetheless. "So, all in all, very romantic until I was like 5 seconds pre-orgasm and 'Jopping' started playing."

"Did you-"

"I did nut to 'Jopping'."

"I guess you were really jumping and popping," Donghyuck examines, then thinks a little longer, "I guess you were a big boy throwing three stacks."

Renjun looks at him, lips turning into a thin line before he slaps his thighs and gets up. "I think I should go?"

"I guess you really made it bang," Donghyuck says and gets up as well, following Renjun into the hallway with quick footsteps. "I guess you really made the crowd go wild in a small room."

"Stop!" Renjun begs, giggling nevertheless as he slips his jacket on.

"I guess you really got that glow."

"Donghyuck!!" Renjun shrieks, not even fully slipping into his shoes before he grabs his bag and opens the door, Donghyuck behind him clutching his stomach laughing. Though, Renjun gets surprised by someone already standing outside the door, the grin immediately falling off his face as he sees who it is.

"I guess it's in your- " Donghyuck starts, but the second he sees the person in front of the door, his laughter dies down, "... nature."

"Hello, stranger," Renjun says sarcastically, squinting his eyes at Jaemin who simply gulps. It's not like Jaemin to not say anything, or to not smile. Renjun immediately feels a little sorry, but at the same time, he doesn't.

Jaemin simply nods before squeezing in between Renjun and the wooden door frame, kicking his shoes off hastily and hurrying past a flabbergasted Donghyuck towards his room. Renjun's eyes follow him disappear, and when he hears the door to Jaemin's room close shut, he feels reminded of how things really started going downwards as soon as you crossed paths with Jaemin again. Of course it bothers him knowing one of his best bros 1) had his dick in Renjun's girlfriend and 2) broke her heart and scarred her for life. What bothers him almost more is how things went well, they were okay, but now Jaemin needed to show up again and make Renjun question everything he's built with you.

What if Donghyuck is right? What if it really is weird that you keep staying at his place? Why is there never a place you have to be? Admittedly, Renjun had pushed this uncomfortable feeling of something being off with your stay to the very back of his brain, not wanting to destroy what you have, not wanting to waste his last chance for love because of something as insignificant as 'oh no, my girlfriend won't leave and I also don't want her to', but suppressing worries is never the answer. No matter how far you push them away, they always resurface to bite you in the butt. And sometimes they bite you in the butt in human form with a perfect, pearly-white set of teeth and eyes that seem alarmingly less sparkly than usual.

Renjun decides that he has to get a grip. He's been so blinded by love, or whatever it is right now that's surely developing into love, that he just let you step into his life, ruin one of his dearest friendships and keep eating the contents of his fridge when he's not home. All this, he tells himself on the way home, passing by a group of guys hanging out in the park together drinking. He sighs. Wasn't it always bros before hoes? Pals before gals? Homies before blow-me's? Does that still apply when the homie is in the wrong?

_____

"Darling?" Renjun whispers as he enters your (at this point) shared home. The lights are turned off, your figure nowhere to be found. Renjun sighs, slowly unties his shoe laces, takes his sneakers off and places them by the door carefully. He realizes most of his shoes are carelessly thrown all over the place, and so are yours. After the sixth pair he's carefully put into storage, he realizes what he's doing.

"You stupid gremlin, just ask her. Stop wasting time," Renjun tells himself, finally taking off his jacket and hanging it up.

"Ask me what?"

Renjun swears his soul leaves his body for a good 10 seconds before he can breathe again. Your silhouette stands in the doorway to his bedroom, the light of the lampposts outside shining on your backside, hugging your curves and making you look like an angel. Renjun curses his artistic eye in moments like these.

"You scared the crap out of me," he giggles, a little intimidated and, truthfully, freaked out at the way you just stand there, seemingly faceless because of the darkness.

"Aww, I'm sorry," you say, and approach him, hugging his cool figure into your arms. Hesitantly, Renjun hugs you back. Something inside him tells him that you're hiding something. "Where were you so long?"

Renjun breathes in slowly, then out through his nose. "Just walking around, needed to think." He's telling the truth.

"Are you okay?" You pull back, looking at his face gently illuminated by the moon. Very lightly, Renjun can make out the lines of worry on your face. He lets out a shaky breath.

"We need to talk."

Another layer of clothing lighter, Renjun sits down on the bed next to you, sweatpants and a white shirt replacing his earlier clothes that kept him from freezing in the cool weather of an early October. The expression on your face is unreadable, though you look not happy, but rather full of worry, sadness and a pinch of anger.

"Okay, this... this is not an easy thing to ask," Renjun finally starts, hating the tension that's so thick one could cut it with a knife.

"Please, um-" you stop him before anymore words can leave his mouth, glossed over eyes finding his gaze and the sight makes Renjun's heart ache. Never have you looked so raw, so fragile, so... broken? "Let me say something first, okay?"

Renjun nods, sucking his lower lip into his mouth to chew on it. His heart beats fast, the sight of you in front of him almost making him forget why he marched through the streets of this town for hours with no physical goal, but only to make sense of the mess clouding his brain.

"I don't know... what exactly you're going to ask me, but-" you halt and stare downwards into your lap where your shaky hands are nervously fumbling with each other. "Whatever it is, whether you want to break up with me, I just want you to know that-" you gulp, voice shaky, "that I've never felt loved in my life except for when I was with you. You really showed me what love is, Jun. You made me love you. So, um..." you breathe out shakily, two tears rolling down and falling towards your hands as they reach the apples of your cheeks. "Thank you for your time and efforts. You really are the best person I've ever met."

_____

"You are fucking weak!" Donghyuck scolds, a little less playfully than usual.

"You don't get it, Hyuck. You weren't there. The sight would even have broken your sad excuse of a heart," Renjun defends himself.

"Excuse me? Just because my heart has Milf-shaped holes in it doesn't mean I don't feel empathy!" Donghyuck throws in, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Renjun feels a little less confident in his decision of letting you be than a few minutes ago. "What did you ask instead?"

Renjun bites his tongue. Admittedly, a day later, the decision doesn't seem as logical as it did hidden under the secure blankets of a dark night. "I asked if she wanted to meet my parents?"

Donghyuck laughs out, once, and very loud, then turns his body to Renjun and places his hands on the older's thighs. "And let me guess." He raises his eyebrows in amusement. Renjun is not amused. "She was like: 'oh my God, Junnie! Why didn't you just say that?' And playfully slapped your arm, and you somehow ended up with your dick so deep in her you could feel hear stomach acid."

"Ew, what the fuck?" Renjun's eyes widen, eyebrows furrowing, his mouth agape in horror. "Y-you know that's not how the female body works, right?"

"How would I know?" Donghyuck retorts, shrugging.

Renjun groans in frustration, hiding his face in his hands. Donghyuck is right. He shouldn't have let you off the hook so easily. He has the right to know! He deserves to have all the answers to his questions. He is honestly one incident away from making an AITA post on Reddit.

"Hey, hey," Donghyuck gently removes Renjun's hands from his face, letting his hands linger on the older's wrists, "don't beat yourself up, Jun. It's not your fault. If the pussy is tight, the pussy is tight, and there is nothing we can do about it. She's in your head, while you should be in her head – literally."

Renjun rolls his eyes.

"No, for real, though." Donghyuck softly slaps the back of Renjun's birthmarked hand. "Women have a different kind of power over us mortals." He looks deeply into Renjun's eyes. "You really like her, don't you?"

Renjun nods. "I might even use the other L-word."

"Okay, here's the thing," Donghyuck announces, now taking both of Renjun's hands in his, cheesily interlocking their fingers which Renjun chooses to ignore, "meeting your parents is great. I mean, inevitably, they're gonna ask her about her job, won't they?"

A spark of hopeful light appears in Renjun's eyes. "You're right. Thank you, Hyuck."

"Kiss me, then," Donghyuck says and winks. Renjun forcefully pulls his hands from Donghyuck's grip. "In your dreams."

"You don't wanna know what happens in my dreams, my dear Renjun," Donghyuck smirks and Renjun decides that this conversation has to end here.

"How are things with Jaemin?" He therefore asks, leaning back in his chair to create a bigger distance between him and the lecher.

"He's in and out, mostly when he knows I'm not around. I think I'm going to trap him later today when he comes home, and make him tell me what the fuck his problem is," Donghyuck explains matter-of-factly. Renjun admires Donghyuck for his confrontation abilities. Of course, Donghyuck is not as in the middle of all this as Renjun, but he himself would've dreaded running into Jaemin randomly in the hallway, would probably put a tracking device on Jaemin so he can properly avoid him, and – Heaven forbid – would not try to corner him and make him spill. Renjun really hates confrontation, he always has when it comes to people he's close with, that he likes, or rather: that he's afraid of losing, and this is probably one of the reasons why he finds it abnormally hard to tickle the kind of information out of you that he needs to sleep peacefully at night.

Either way, Donghyuck will get Jaemin, and his parents will get you, and Renjun gets all the information he needs without having to put in even an ounce of effort. Slowly, Renjun realizes that this is not that great of a foundation for a good relationship, platonically or romantically. Yeah, admittedly, he feels a bit like a wimp.

_____

Renjun's heart beats up his throat for no apparent reason, except for the fact that he's currently standing in front of his parents' house, having just pressed his finger into the button for the doorbell seconds prior. On his other hand: you, dressed up nicely as if you're trying to impress his parents, inevitably leading to a new hatch of butterflies dancing around in Renjun's stomach. He also quite enjoys the way your palm is a bit sweaty as you cling to his hand, proving that you're nervous, which means that you care. Renjun really likes imagining that you care.

"Son!" Renjun's father opens the door and pulls him into a strong, manly hug, his dad's large palm coming down on his back to knock the air out of him. Seconds later, the hug is over, and Renjun's father examines you.

You smile sweetly, holding his hand out for him to shake. Renjun's dad raises his eyebrows, grins, then shakes your hand aggressively. "Son, I gotta say-"

"Please refrain," Renjun pleads, and pulls you into the house. You both take your shoes off and enter the living room containing Renjun's mom who quickly fluffs out the pillows, then turns to you.

"It's great to meet you," she says, shakes your hand and throws Renjun a wink. Renjun cringes. He really loves his parents – well, his mom first and foremost, but yeah – but they have a disgruntling tendency to embarrass him. His mother, the social butterfly she is, immediately picks up a conversation with you and, to Renjun's upmost joy, you seem thrilled about it, your eyes sparkling as you talk to his mother. It's good, don't get him wrong, but beyond the surface, it's bad. There is a reason Renjun brought you here, well, not that it's the sole reason, but Renjun still needs to find out what it is that you do for a living, and when he gets blinded by this mind-numbing feeling of being absolutely in love with the way you get along with his mother, the dearest woman in his life, he will forget about it.

Hence, he excuses himself to see his father in the kitchen, preparing the food. Not that any of you or his mother would even notice his absence as Renjun's mom is already on her way to the shelf in the corner to pull out photo albums containing Renjun's best and worst memories growing up. But even as he stands in the kitchen, his gaze darts over through the open door to investigate your figure hunched over the printed stages of Renjun's puberty, giggling wholeheartedly over his mother's remarks about all of his friends in the past. His mother has always been good with names and faces.

Even later at the dinner table, Renjun is not able to concentrate one his father's cooking, or the light conversation taking place over the amount of food on the table that could feed an entire baseball team for three weeks. There is only one single thing on Renjun's mind: what is it that you are hiding?

Thankfully – might it be the telekinetic bond he has with his mother or just simple human interest – Renjun's mom, after a minute of silent munching, pipes up and throws the question into the room.

"Our Renjun worked hard to be a freelancer," she chuckles and briefly touches Renjun's forearm resting beside his plate, causing Renjun's ears to pipe up and his eyes to widen. "What is it that you do for a living?"

Renjun feels as if time stops, presumably because it does take you a little while to answer. You visibly gulp at the question, eyes avoiding every person at the table. "Well," you begin, then look up at everyone. You blink a few times and wet your lips before continuing. "I recently lost my job and am looking for something else at the moment." Your gaze catches Renjun's who can't hide his surprise. "Which is why I am extremely grateful for Renjun being there for me right now."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Renjun's mom comforts, a sad look on her face.

"It's okay. I mean- the firm had to ax jobs because of insolvency, so there wasn't really anything I could do about it." You nod to yourself. The following awkwardness lies heavily in the air, and before Renjun's father can even think about bringing alcohol to the table, his mother pipes up once again.

"Don't worry about it, dear. You are still young, there will be lots of job opportunities in the future, I'm sure of it," she smiles encouragingly and you manage to send a slight smile back. "Which reminds me!"

This time, Renjun's mom playfully pinches her husband's shoulder who dramatically mewls at the action. "We were just your age when we met!"

"Oh, really?" You smile widely, interested in the story Renjun's mom tells next, going into almost every detail regarding their first encounter. Renjun, having listened to this exact story countless times, relaxes in his seat. He feels a bit bad that he basically forced you to reveal this probably embarrassing detail about yourself in front of his parents the first time you meet them, but a much bigger part of him is just relieved since, basically, this explains it all. Maybe he should feel a bit used, a bit hurt that you didn't trust him enough to share this detail of your life with him, but on the other hand: he is just glad you're not secretly a serial killer or do porn. Not that there's anything wrong with that, he'd just like to know.

In the midst of his mom's speech, he catches your eyes and sends you a gentle smile which you reciprocate. His hand gently squeezes your thigh under the table, and he is pleasantly surprised as your hand finds his, casually interlocking your fingers with his and putting them on display on the table top.

"Well, good thing you met him before the year ended," Renjun's mother finishes. Renjun's eyes almost pop out of their sockets. Why would she bring that up?

"Why? What's happening at the end of the year?" You ask curiously.

"Christmas!" Renjun says, a bit too loud maybe, since all eyes are on him all of a sudden. "You know, cuffin' season. Heh..."

The day ends pleasantly. Renjun has to fight both of his parents off as they try to make you stay over night or "at least for another shot". Oh no, he has to get you home and, to be completely honest, right into his bed, or preferably the closest surface to the front door that you're willing to take him on. Not even the little remark his mother had whispered to him as he was waiting by the door for you to finish up in the bathroom can make him want you any less right now: "I'm so sure I know her from somewhere."

_____

Days pass and Renjun is on cloud nine. Things are going absolutely great with you, you do fun stuff together, and Renjun can have his little daddy moments every once in a while when you ask him to help you with your job search. He feels giddy all over when he goes to bed, and possibly even giddier when he wakes up to you soundly snoring in his arms. Life is perfect.

But Renjun wouldn't be Renjun if he didn't worry about something, and this time it is the last obstacle to overcome for this to be the absolute perfect relationship: you have to vibe with his friends. Well, first of all, he himself has to start vibing with all of his friends again. He has not seen or heard of Jaemin since he met him that day, and Donghyuck had either forgotten to corner the younger male, or forgotten to tell Renjun about it (classic Donghyuck).

Hence, Renjun calls Donghyuck (so he can't forget to respond to his messages) and makes a plan to meet. Said meeting actually occurs on the same day since Donghyuck feared Jaemin would flee the country if they didn't hurry.

About an hour later – and don't ask him how he convinced you to do this (he might have been using the short post-orgasm timeframe to suggest it when your mind was still cloudy and you were grinning like you were out of your mind) – you appear in front of Donghyuck and Jaemin's apartment.

Before Renjun can even reach out to ring the doorbell, Donghyuck rips open the door, shushes the both of you and hurries you inside. Shoes off, you all meet at the stinky kitchen table and Renjun is reminded of his first encounter with you that he had spilled about at this very table. He finds it a funny little memory.

"Jaemin is in his room," Donghyuck whispers and Renjun can smell the garlic fried chicken he must have had earlier in his breath.

"You didn't tell him we were coming?" Renjun whisper-shouts back and purposely avoids looking at you because he already knows of the disapproving stare the back of his head is receiving right now.

"One: he just had a girl over, and even though I seem like the type to barge into a room that reeks of sex to witness Jaemin balls deep in a chick, I've seen enough of that. Two: if I had told him, he would've possibly taken off no questions asked," Donghyuck reasons and Renjun has to, once again, question why Donghyuck always has to verbally visualize all the tmi details of his speech. Renjun turns to look at you, and you look unsure. Although you had voiced your concerns on the way here, and Renjun had to make you promise not to bail on him, he gets where you're coming from.

Taking you aside (turning around since Donghyuck is openly swiping on his tinder right now that Renjun knows he hasn't set an age limit to) he asks, "Are you okay with this?"

You take a deep breath before nodding. "I want to do this for you, Jun."

Renjun has to ask himself when he started to connect the feeling of love with the desire for sex because why is the first though that comes to mind to bend you over the sticky counter and have his balls slap against your thighs? On that note, he also should stop hanging out with Donghyuck so much if this is how his mind describes sex...

Instead, he presses a kiss to your lips, and apparently Donghyuck's forgotten about his rule of being quiet because he 'ooohh's and laughs dirtily. Renjun simply pays him no mind, unlike you who raises a questioning eyebrow.

"I say I go in first, prepare him for what's to come, and then get him out here so we can all talk," Renjun suggests and everyone nods in agreement. "And Donghyuck-"

"Hm?"

"Leave my girlfriend alone while I'm gone." Renjun squints at Donghyuck.

"I'll try my best." Donghyuck winks at him before brushing his tongue over his front teeth and then biting the air in your direction. Renjun cringes.

"I can defend myself, don't you worry," you confirm with a smile and Renjun wants to kiss the floor you're walking on. Well, maybe not this floor since he is sure that ketchup stain by the fridge has been there since they moved in and got McDonald's on the first night.

"Oh, you know martial arts?" Donghyuck questions with raised eyebrows and great interest.

"No, but I can aim for your balls!" You explain, nodding excitedly.

"Be careful, he might enjoy that," Renjun comments before leaving towards Jaemin's room. He can hear Donghyuck silently arguing his statement in the background before promising you that he would not enjoy that, even though everyone present knows that's a lie. Renjun giggles one last time before turning the corner and stepping into the narrow hallway leading to Donghyuck's and Jaemin's bedrooms while wishing they would open a window every once in a while.

The few steps to Jaemin's door seem endless, especially as Renjun walks past Donghyuck's room that he had forgotten to close the door to, greeting Renjun with the pleasant sight of a fleshlight. Renjun whines quietly, but realizes nonetheless that he is happy to be Donghyuck's friend. He might be disgusting, but it's actually kind of funny.

So, without proper preparation of what to say, Renjun arrives at Jaemin's door. His hand hesitates in front of the "alpha male", "gym bro" and "Fortnite" stickers on Jaemin's door before he actually manages to knock.

The second Jaemin takes to offer him to enter stretches like gum.

"Did you forget something, bunny?" Jaemin asks as soon as the door opens. Renjun is greeted with the sight of Jaemin's massive back facing him as he sits at his desk, an online poker game decorating the large screen in front of him.

Given the nickname, Renjun doubts that Jaemin has any clue that it's him in his room right now. He tries to think of a cocky answer, but he has never been the spontaneous type, so all that comes out is "call me bunny one more time and i might kiss you" and Renjun has no idea where that came from. Still, it does the job of making Jaemin spin around in his chair, eyes wide in shock as he sees Renjun (and not bunny) stand in the doorway.

It's been a while since Renjun's seen Jaemin, and that might be one of the reasons why he finds himself staring at the younger's chest muscles for a bit too long for it to be a coincidence.

Once he's managed to peel his eyes off of Jaemin's nude upper body (he is glad he's wearing boxer shorts, at least) he aims to say something again since Jaemin's sure taking a long time to respond.

"Good day, sir," Renjun says and frowns at how awkward he is. Finally, a chuckle escapes Jaemin. Renjun also isn't sure why he's being so nice to Jaemin. Last time he checked, he was furious and wanted Jaemin to suffer a pussy-less summer. Maybe it's because everything else is perfect right now, and he doesn't have it in him to feel angry anymore.

"Hello, Jun," Jaemin finally says before getting up and wrapping his meaty arms around Renjun who experiences a weird mixture of relief, a spark of arousal, and the feeling of being crushed to death, so he just gently pads Jaemin's body in return. When Jaemin finally lets go of him, holding him by his shoulders and gently shaking him, Renjun reminds himself of all the disgusting things in this room alone so he can stop finding his best friend hot (namely: the dead cactus by the dirty window, the trash can that's spilling over with used tissues and condom wrappers, the countless empty bottles scattered around the place, most of which still containing an unnaturally colored fluid and some of which sporting little white clumps, the pin-up-girl-posters, the old gym socks all over the floor that he can smell from here, and the thick layer of dust on- basically everything Jaemin doesn't touch every day). It helps.

Jaemin steps back, opens a window and lights a cigarette.

"So, uh," Renjun starts, "don't freak out."

Jaemin nods and smiles.

"But I'm here with," Renjun halts to force down a smile and fail, "with my girlfriend. And don't feel pressured right now! It's all good. But we.. we came to talk things out."

Jaemin is not smiling anymore, but nods nonetheless. Renjun feels a bit bad, a bit selfish, even.

"Would you, uh-" Renjun scratches the back of his head before stepping towards the window as well because the distance is making him feel a lot more awkward "Would you mind telling me what happened? Back then?"

"She didn't tell you?" Jaemin questions, and Renjun is trying his best to decipher how Jaemin is feeling right now. Is he upset? Does he care?

"She did, but... I wanted to hear your side of the story. You're my best friend, after all," Renjun admits, eyes wandering around the room awkwardly before looking at Jaemin again. He is a bit glad his fingers find an old gum wrapper on the window sill to fiddle with. "I know it probably didn't feel like that for you in the past weeks. I'm sorry. It should've been bros before hoes but-"

"I know, you're a hopeless romantic, Jun," Jaemin reasons, "no need to apologize. I guess I just didn't like getting confronted with my ugly past."

"I get that," Renjun says and smiles slightly. Next thing he knows, Jaemin's pressing a kiss to his forehead. Renjun turns beet red within seconds. "Stop it, idiot, I have a girlfriend."

Jaemin laughs loudly. "What, am I your gay awakening?"

"You know very well who my gay awakening was." Renjun thinks back to his high school days, especially that one kid, tall, handsome, loud and a little stupid. Oh, meow, his first love.

Jaemin ruffles his hair. "So, my side of the story, huh?" He leans on his forearms and looks out the window, blowing the smoke into the cold air. Renjun, already shivering a little, wonders how Jaemin's not dying from the cold right now. "There is not much to it, really. I was a horny teenager, she was a pretty girl. It was not cool of me to just – y'know – hit and run. I have learned since then. Girls know what they get themselves into when they hop into my bed, I make it very clear."

"Very noble of you," Renjun says, and he hopes it doesn't sound sarcastic to Jaemin's ears. This might not be Renjun's preferred lifestyle, but to each their own, who is he to judge? "I'm just hoping this won't stand between us."

"Oh, don't worry. I won't fuck your girlfriend again," Jaemin promises, snapping the bud of the cigarette out the window.

"Not what I meant-" Renjun says, but is honestly a bit relieved to hear that. Well, he's pretty sure you wouldn't cheat on him, and he knows that Jaemin has about 200 other options just off the top of his head, but it still feels nice to be reassured. "So, are we good?"

"We are so good," Jaemin announces with a grin, pulling Renjun into another rib-cracking hug. This time, Renjun actually manages to hug him back. He loves Jaemin dearly (platonically), even though he's a real pig at times. Renjun daydreams a bit more about how much he loves his friends before Jaemin detaches himself from Renjun to announce that they should probably head out so he can apologize to the real victim of all of this. Renjun swears he's going to twist Jaemin's nipples until they fall off if he goes out there to meet you without putting a shirt on first. Jaemin laughs, slaps Renjun's back so hard the air gets knocked out of his lungs, then complies and slips into the next best sweater.

Renjun sighs as he realizes the writings on it. Better than nothing, he guesses.

He isn't really surprised as they enter the kitchen to find Donghyuck flexing his very little gain of biceps in front of you and you booing at him with your thumb pointing downwards. Once you notice Jaemin, Renjun notices how you tense up a bit, and he immediately comes rushing to your side to feel you slightly relax with his arm around your shoulder.

"Long time no see-" Donghyuck squints at the lettering on Jaemin's sweater, "orgasm donor."

"Might have not seen you, but I definitely smelled those stinkers you leave in the bathroom for me to find," Jaemin responds. Renjun is a bit surprised to find that this whole situation must have affected Jaemin enough to not even interact with his platonic soulmate in the slightest.

"You make it sound like I don't flush," Donghyuck mumbles, but it goes unnoticed since Jaemin has now turned to you.

"I want to apologize, which I should've done way sooner," Jaemin starts, and the tension in the air is scaring Renjun a bit. "I was young and a total dick, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry."

No one says anything, not even Donghyuck, who has an opinion or at least a thought on everything. It is quiet for a good while, and Renjun fears that you are not ready to forgive Jaemin, which, in all honesty, is fair, given you've lived with the trauma he gave you for years now. Renjun has tried fairly often since he found out what you went through, but he can't imagine how he would've reacted (and lived on) if his first love (who took his v-card) just left without saying anything. (He had to move to fulfill his dream of becoming an idol a year later, sadly, but they're still in touch, on and off. This also makes his encounter with you on the living room floor the other night a bit ironic, but that is besides the point right now.)

Finally, you breathe in. The anxiety in Jaemin's eyes tightens. Everyone is holding their breath.

"I forgive you." You reach out and shake Jaemin's hand. Hell breaks loose in Renjun's chest because, wow, what did he do in his past life to deserve such luck. He is so happy, he smooches your cheek. You giggle, Jaemin smiles and Donghyuck hollers in the background. This little party goes on for a moment before the atmosphere relaxes again. Donghyuck pipes up again to fill the silent moment with an unnecessary comment, "is it just me or does this situation call for a gang bang?"

"Donghyuck, I swear to God, I am going to stuff you head first into Jaemin's nut-napkin-trash can and send a picture of it to your mom," Renjun hisses, but Donghyuck seems unfazed.

"Nothing she hasn't seen before." He shrugs. Renjun decides not to question it.

_____

Renjun's life is so wonderful, he wishes someone would write a story about it. With him by your side, you actually managed to get a job which occupies you half of every other day. Although, you still live with Renjun, which he doesn't mind at all. He loves having you come home to a freshly cooked dinner, to then snuggle on the couch until you either fall asleep or start diddling.

Renjun likes when it's the second option, just like tonight, where he's seated on the floor in front of the couch with your legs draped over his shoulders as he eats you out slowly and softly. Your gentle gasps are music to his ears, the prime time movie playing in the background long forgotten and tuned out as his attention is fully on you.

The slight tugs on his hair make his stomach churn with desire, hands and mouth suddenly too eager to keep his teasing manner up as he moves up to kiss you instead. You giggle into the kiss at his fiery passion, suggesting to take things to the bedroom instead.

Renjun does not need to be told twice as he pulls you against him, making you chuckle even more, and moves you to the bedroom.

Your back hits the mattress with a soft thud as you smile excitedly at Renjun who comes climbing over your body to be at eye level with you again. His hands find your hips, caressing their way upwards while pushing the silky fabric of your shirt up in the process, allowing your braless chest to meet his hungry eyes. The rest of your clothing follows suit, Renjun feeling the flame of lust relight once again as his bare skin touches yours.

"Can we try something tonight?" You suddenly whisper, gaze trained on Renjun's face waiting impatiently for his answer. With his mouth slightly agape, he nods. His eyes jump to where your hand is suddenly touching his, following as you move it upwards to your neck, gently wrapping his smooth fingers around it and applying pressure.

Renjun gulps in awe.

"Press here when you push in," you say, eyelids fluttering as you mimic the action with your fingers against his. Renjun nods carefully, pupils blown probably as wide as yours with lust and desire, heart pounding in his chest as if it was the first time all over again. He will always feel like this around you.

Finding your entrance, Renjun coats his tip with your essence, teasing your awaiting body for another moment or so until his tip catches at your hole. He remembers your words, the grip of his fingers tightening around your throat as he slowly pushes forward, length sinking in slowly.

He's not even all the way in and he can already feel you clench around him, walls hugging him as if they're afraid of letting him go, hole almost fluttering at the feeling of being choked. All that paired with how heavenly you look wrapped up in ecstasy, pretty moans flowing freely only impacted by the way Renjun restricts the flow of air into your lungs and of blood into your brain.

Renjun loves you. He is so deeply in love with you he feels like he could laugh and cry simultaneously, stomach tickling with the all too familiar butterflies every time you look at him. He can't ever get enough of you, he needs you close to him. Never is he going to let you go. He will fight for you, whatever that might mean.

"I'm so in love with you," Renjun can't hold back saying, gently gaze caressing you lovingly. The slow pace he sets makes both of you see stars, length dragging along your walls perfectly to bring you to your shared high.

And it's probably this what makes it sting 100 times more the next morning. You were up early to go to work, kissing Renjun's forehead goodbye as he was still idling sleepily in bed. His mind is still groggy when he peels himself off the sheets and picks up his phone for the first time that day, weak hands struggling to remove the charger. Although, all sleepiness is wiped from his body the second he looks at the screen.

The pretty lock screen picture he has showing you during golden hour is hidden behind a bunch of messages that came in over night. But Renjun is not interested in the four messages he had gotten from Donghyuck ("TW: dickpic", a photo, "can i send it like this or does the slit look off to you??" and "or is it just me?????") or the Instagram reel Jaemin sent to the group chat with the message "me when i was in renjun's gf ha haaa" and Donghyuck responding with "clean".

What makes Renjun's heart drop, beat 20 times its usual speed and then drop again is the following E-Mail notification:

Dear Renjun Huang,

we feel the need to inform you that during our yearly check-ups, we noticed that there has been an incident with your account. Unfortunately, it seems like there has been a mistake made on the company's side regarding your profile.

It seems that someone has hacked into our system, gotten to your private information and pretended to be your Soulmatch™.

We dearly apologize for this mistake. To protect your safety, we have now deleted your account and all private information regarding your person. Please get in touch with us if you want to press charges against the intruder.

Of course, we will pay back the amount you have spent on our Premium Love Package immediately.

Again, our deepest apologies.

Sincerely,

The Soulmatch™ Team

Renjun is not sure how to react to this. Immediately, he checks the app, but he is logged out already. He tries to log in, but his profile is nowhere to be found.

Putting his phone down, he falls onto his back. His mind is racing with thoughts, but they do not seem to make any sense. Someone pretended to be his soulmate? He has never gotten any matches except-

Except you.

Was this... all a hoax? Were you not his soulmate? Have you been lying to him all this time? Why? What does this even mean? How did you do it? And most importantly, what is he going to do now?

Before he knows it, tears start pooling in his eyes, and soon after they drip hotly down his cheeks.

You lied to him.

Have you just used him all this time? Is everything a lie? Do you even love him back? Where did the lies begin? Does he even know who you are? Is this why you've been so secretive about every single detail of your life? Because everything is just made up?

And he just let you. He put up with all of it because he is a pathetic romantic who believes in soulmates. Because he is so desperate to find love. You lied to him with every fibre of your being. And he kissed you. He made love to you. He held you and comforted you. Hell, he even let down his best friend because of you. How could he have been so stupid?

Renjun simply has no words. And he doesn't think he has anything to say to you ever again. He just wants to know why, and how, but he doesn't want to ask you because you're going to lie your way out of it anyway, no?

Shaky legs allow him to get up and walk over into the living room where all your stuff is scattered around.

He is so stupid. He let you live with him. He trusted you without question.

And you used him.

He never wants to see you or any of your stuff ever again, he decides as he kicks against your backpack leaned against the couch, wincing in pain immediately as the contents of the backpack appear to be much more solid than he presumed. His hands grab ahold of his injured foot, causing him to pathetically jump around on one leg until he gives up and falls onto the couch. Wow, he can't even have his dramatic meltdown without being an embarrassing idiot.

The next few hours he spends mostly crying or angrily pacing around. He's thrown all your stuff into a corner and covered it with a blanket so he doesn't need to get reminded of how he's just a pathetic loser every few minutes, although it doesn't help.

He is not sure whether to be upset about the fact that you can't use your phone at work or not, he only knows that by the time 2pm comes around (the time you get off work) he starts to panic.

He is not going to face you. Not now, not like this, preferably not ever. He debates if he should call you, but knowing how easily influenced he is, he'd probably let you lull him in again. No way is he going to face you, nor your voice, nor your texts. All that's left to notify you that Renjun wants you out of his life immediately is a handwritten note to leave while he goes and takes a walk, and hopefully by the time he comes back, you and all your stuff are gone.

Unfortunately, before he can even get a pen and a piece of paper, he hears the keys jiggling as the door is being unlocked. Renjun briefly debates whether jumping out the window would hurt less than this encounter.

"Honey I'm h-" your face comes into view, and Renjun feels his heart beat up his throat. He feels so uncomfortable, so bad, so stupid, so pathetic. "What's wrong?"

Okay, great. It seems to be written all over his face how his morning went.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" Is all he gets out, cringing at how shaky his voice is, how weak and cracked it sounds after he's dramatically sobbed for a good half of his morning.

"What do you mean?" Your brows contort, and Renjun is glad that he for once does not feel any sexual attraction to you while you're fighting. This was too much.

"Maybe how you lied to me about every single aspect of your life?"

"Huh??"

Renjun wipes his face with one hand. "Didn't know you could hack."

The utter confusion on your face turns into an expression of shock, fear even. "Oh God, oh God."

"That's right, now you remember," Renjun says passive aggressively.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," you say, not meeting Renjun's eyes as you hold your stomach.

"Listen. I'm not going to scream at you. I just want you out. Out of here and out of my life," Renjun says and is surprised at how calm he appears.

"No, no, no, please. I can explain-"

"You can explain all you want, how can I ever believe something you say ever again after all you did was lie? Do you even love me?" Renjun raises his voice against his own better judgement, tears appearing in his eyes once again, but he doesn't let them spill out. He can't give you that kind of satisfaction.

By now, you're kneeling on the floor. The one and a half meters separating you from him feel endless, you're crying restlessly and Renjun doesn't even feel a pinch of empathy for you.

"I do! I love you, please, Renjun, please, you're all I have," you beg.

At this, Renjun feels his heart shatter a little more. Maybe he does have a bit of empathy for you. At the same time, a new wave of anger arises.

"I trusted you. I gave you everything. And you just- you lied. All you did was lie!"

"That's not true! I-" you suddenly crawl over to him and Renjun takes a step back. "I promise. I love you. Maybe the beginning was- fucked up, but everything after that was sincere! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please!"

At this point, the gates of pride can no longer contain Renjun's tears and he breaks down as well, his knees hit the floor in front of you and he begins sobbing. "How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," is all you reply, hands reaching out to touch him, and he flinches back, but somehow still lets it happen, lets your arms wrap around him and burry your face in the crook of his neck as you pathetically whimper into the fabric of his shirt.

Renjun follows suit. Of course, he hates you right now, but a very big part of him is in love with you – or rather with the version of you that you made up (???). Not listening to the part of his consciousness screaming at him to stop, he wraps his arms around you as well, crying wholeheartedly against your shaking body.

He has no idea how long you sit there, his legs have gone numb at this point, everything hurts, and then you finally speak up.

"I can explain. It's not good, it's not nice, it's no excuse, but I at least want you to know the truth and not whatever truth you've made up in your head."

Renjun nods. He shouldn't, but he wants you to tell him what really happened.

He also hates that you know him so well.

You somehow find yourselves on the living room floor a few minutes later. Renjun's brought two bottles of water to hydrate after that crying fest out there.

"So, the app," you start, not meeting Renjun's eyes in the slightest. "I used to- work for them."

You take some time to let that sink in. Renjun decides he does not want to respond until the end.

"There was a huge data leakage, and I thought I had it under control, but turns out I didn't, which is why I had to meet you to get you to delete your profile- it's complicated. Or maybe I just made it complicated. But that is why.. you got that weird match. Usually, you can visit that person's profile, but obviously I couldn't have you see it was me because of- our previous encounter, which by the way wasn't planned! It was really just a coincidence!"

Renjun is unsure how this is making him feel.

"Anyway, so I came over. You went to the bathroom and I deleted the app of your phone. Silly me apparently forgot that i had to delete the profile, which is why I came back. I didn't plan for us to hook up again- or whatever. I just needed enough time to delete your profile, which I fucked up. This is already bad enough, but it gets worse."

Renjun does not like where this is going.

"Obviously, I got fired. And you know my situation by now, this was literally all I had. With what I had saved, it lasted me about half a year until I had no money left, I had no idea what to do. I applied for jobs everywhere, but no one was willing to hire me after finding out why I got fired last time. This is where it gets really fucked up. I'm sorry."

Your nervous fiddling makes Renjun believe you, even though he is not sure if he should.

"I- thought that... oh, God, this is so bad."

"Just say it," Renjun says and is not really surprised by how dead inside he sounds.

"Well, I thought that maybe if I like had sex with you again, you'd let me stay with you? I really don't know what the plan was, but... literally you're the only person I knew and... I don't know, I just thought- I guess I didn't think. But then you said you didn't want to have sex anymore, but wanted me to stay anyway- so I... used you... I mean, I still... liked you? Obviously, or else I wouldn't've slept with you.. twice! I mean- God, I'm such a horrible person.."

Renjun doesn't have to say anything to that.

"Well, and then things went so great – except for the Jaemin thing – and for the first time ever, I felt loved? Because I was? Literally, half the time I wished I would've stayed the time we first hooked up so we could have a normal relationship that isn't based on me trying to save my ass and using you... But everything was so beautiful. You made me feel safe, and I pretty much forgot about the app. I really just enjoyed being with you. I enjoyed falling in love with you. Even meeting your parents and friends, how you sorted out the Jaemin thing for me..."

Renjun believes you are genuine.

"That's it... I think.. I just- I'm sorry... I shouldn't have lied to you.. I should've just been honest from the beginning and said I made a mistake or whatever but- I don't know, I didn't. I guess I was scared? I don't know.. But please, I need you to believe me when I say everything after that was real. I love you. I like you, everything about you, and not only because you're kind and offered me a home... basically, no. I like you for you. I love you. Even if you-" you choke up briefly "decide that you don't want to be with me anymore, I just need you to believe me when I say... that I truly love you. I never lied about that, ever. Not once. And I wouldn't in a million years."

"Is that all?" Renjun asks after a minute. You, looking at him for the first time, nod. Before his heart can start beating again, before the butterflies can come back, he needs to remind himself that you used him. You used him and you lied.

"I mean, this is a lot," Renjun starts. You suddenly seem to be unable to look at him anymore. "I feel- actually I don't really know how I feel, but thank you for.. being honest, I hope?"

"I promise."

"I'm going to be honest, I feel... betrayed?"

"Rightfully so."

"I need some time to think about it... Is it.. okay.." Renjun rethinks his decision of asking you beforehand, "I'm going to need to take a walk.. clear my head, make up my mind. I'm not going to ask you to stay, but I'm also not asking you to leave. Do what you will..."

"I understand," you nod, and Renjun gets up. "Wait-"

Renjun halts and turns around to look at you getting up from your place on the carpet. "This might be.. wrong? Toxic? But... can I... if this is the last time I can... if you decide to.. not be with me... can I kiss you one last time?"

Renjun feels his throat close up at your words. Either you're a really, really good liar or you're being honest about your feelings. His breath hitches, his heart performs summersaults in his chest, and his voice trembles, "you can."

Carefully you lean in, slowly pressing your lips against his. There is not much going on, your hands gently hover on his shoulders, barely touching him at all, and your lips just stay still against his. Still, Renjun feels like a thousand silent words and a million hidden emotions clear up as his eyes close to feel you against him. His breath is shaky, he feels himself getting hot as more tears well up behind his closed lids. He really doesn't want to let you go.

As you part from him, his lips chase you for a split second before he realizes what he's doing. "I should get going."

"Be safe." You nod again and Renjun hears the threatening tears in your voice. God, how badly he wants to believe you.

'I love you, I love you!', his heart screams at him to scream at you, but he doesn't. Instead, he steps out of the room, grabs his keys, slips into his shoes and jacket, and heads out without looking back.

The cold air hits his face. Yet, unlike in the movies, he still doesn't feel any clearer. He still feels used and betrayed, he still feels like shit, but he knows he loves you. But is that enough of a reason to forgive you?

He tries to be logical, debate his options, but he can't focus. All that swirls around his brain is how your lips felt on his, and he wonders if kissing you was a mistake. This stupid, romantic mind of his...

Inevitably, after walking around the neighborhood for a good hour, thinking of nothing and everything, he decides that maybe he still isn't in the right mind to make a decision on his own. But who is he going to ask? Fucknut #1 and Serial-Fucker #2? Definitely not.

Therefore, he is glad his mother answers the phone after the second ring. Immediately, she knows something is up, and Renjun repeats the things you have told him (with less sexual details, as to be expected) to his mother who listens patiently.

Except for a "that's where I know her from!" and a short explanation how she saw a picture of you amongst your colleagues when she read that article about the love app, she just listens. Maybe he should've asked her about it back then, about the article. Maybe none of this would have happened. But then, he wouldn't have you in his life.

When he is done and asks for advice, she appears calm.

"Oh, Junnie. Love can be a funny thing. See, when I met your father, it wasn't easy either. Both of our families were against us, our lives were so different from each other, and still, there was so much connecting us that it had to be fate. I know it's hard to trust after something like this, I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, but you're a smart kid, you'll know what's right."

"But what would you do? What do you think?" Renjun asks.

His mother sighs and chuckles slightly. "Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic like you are, but... people make mistakes, Junnie. The universe brought you together so many times, I think it's fate. I don't know if you should forgive her, but I know I would."

"You would? You don't think I'm crazy? You don't think I'm letting her walk all over me?"

"Not that this should matter, but you haven't been completely honest with her either if I remember correctly?" His mom reminds him, and Renjun suddenly feels a bit lighter.

"The psychic," he mumbles.

"That's right. She told you you were going to be alone forever if you didn't meet someone by the end of this year, and that's the reason you signed up for that app in the first place. And a part of me believes that that's the reason why you even let her stay with you, why you were so willing to ignore all signs that something was up. Maybe you already knew?" His mother suggests and Renjun doesn't like it one bit how similar they are. Or maybe he does.

"How do you know me so well?" He whines, feeling a bit more confident about letting that kiss linger in his mind for so long.

"I raised you!" She chuckles and Renjun can feel himself smile. He thanks her again before ending the call before turning on his heels to head back home. God, he only hopes you're still there.

______

When Renjun unlocks the door to the apartment, his hands are shaking. It took him a good three attempts to finally get the key into the lock. Admittedly, he is nervous because, well, for obvious reasons, but he also isn't sure if you're still there. Your past of skidaddling when things get serious gives him every right to feel anxious as he listens for any signs of you still being around as he takes of his shoes.

He doesn't dare call out for you, instead he begins searching the place. He's not sure what's going to happen when he finds you since, well, it hasn't been nice of him to just leave you behind, but what was he going to do?!

His search is pointless, he realizes as he steps out of the last room, the bathroom, and you're not there. Honestly, he wasn't really confident that you'd still be there, but he had hope. What raises his eyebrow is that your stuff is still there, no longer cramped into the corner he threw them in a few hours ago, but neatly sorted and packed in case this was really the final day of your stay. But, point is: it's still there. Now why in the world would you head off and go your own way and leave all that behind.

It's then when the door is unlocked once again, your figure slipping in, red and puffy eyes meeting the puzzled Renjun standing in the hallway.

"Y-you're back," you deduct correctly, taking off your shoes and stepping inside.

"Sure am." Renjun isn't sure why he still sounds so pissed when he is here to forgive you. On a second thought, maybe he's too quick with it? Should he really listen to his mom and just- forgive you? Just like that? Oh, he already knows Donghyuck is going to put out a whole speech about how Renjun is "high on pussy" and "not thinking straight". But... he wants to. He wants to forgive you. He wanted to from the very first moment he saw that weird E-Mail. He just couldn't. And now he can... can he?

"I just went out to get your favorite snack from the little store down the street.. I thought it might... make you feel better," you finally reveal why you left the apartment and Renjun's heart jumps. "I dunno, I just- wanted to do something nice regardless of your decision." You nod to yourself.

Renjun just looks at you as you are unable to meet his eyes.

"They didn't have it, so I went to the other store, the one by the subway station, and they actually were out of stock, but I begged the guy to go check if they had some left somewhere," you inform him, shyly looking up at him, "my current state must've convinced him it was urgent." You smile weakly and motion to your face.

Renjun can't keep his strong demeanor up any longer. Two big steps (wow, he has to inform his doctor that his legs must've grown a few centimeters) and he's right in front of you, cupping your cheeks. "I love you," he simply says, your face so confused that you can only stutter a few syllables before Renjun crashes his lips to yours.

And, God, does it feel good. Honestly, he has so much more time to actually think about what you did, and what it means in the future, but he needs you here with him, right now, always and forever. Sure, it's going to take a bit for him to built his trust again, but for now, he doesn't actually care.

"I love you too," you manage to breathe out when Renjun parts from you.

"I realized a few things. And I may have been a bit dramatic? But, well, I also have a confession to make."

_____

Renjun pushed the admittedly tacky (and stereotypical? Renjun did get slight cultural appropriation vibes) curtain aside to slip into the dimly lit room, although once he entered, the aura of the room changed his mind completely. It's not that he had a sense for spirituality, but he has always been deeply interested in the matter, which made him glad his mother suggested to try it out once.

So this was it, Renjun's first Tarot card reading.

The lady had been super nice, Renjun could tell by one single glance she was competent and very able to perform this life changing reading for him.

"What question brings you here today?" She asked, shuffling her deck of cards which Renjun could not take his eyes off.

"Ask about your love life!" His mom urged beside him, giggling like the sunshine she is, and Renjun chuckled quickly before averting his eyes to look at the lady in front of them.

"Just- my future? If there is anything important I should know?" He decided since that would not exclude his mom's interests.

"Very well," the lady nodded and began shuffling the cards quicker, her hands rushing until one card fell out.

"Ah, The Fool," she explained, and Renjun frowned. His mother couldn't contain a chuckle. "Do not worry, dear. This is no description of your self. Instead The Fool can symbolize new beginnings. There is most likely change waiting for you."

Renjun felt his heart beat up his throat in a positive way, making him giddy to find out more. The lady shuffled her cards some more until two cards fell out at the same time.

"Here we have The Ace of Cups, upright, and The Lovers. There appears to be a new relationship waiting for you, a romantic one."

Renjun gently elbowed his mom next to him who seemed as erratic as he was right now.

"Oh dear, The High Priestess in reverse... this new relationship might be full of secrets, which can be good or bad, exciting or dangerous," The lady deducted, and Renjun gulped.

As she started shuffling again, three cards sprang out of the deck immediately, making even Renjun feel the urgency.

"Two of Wands, The Hermit, The Ace Of Pentacles," the lady read out, sounding worried.

"Why? What does it mean?" Renjun asked, worry also evident in his tone.

"Two of Wands might represent the urgency of this. You have to take action soon, or else – here comes The Hermit – you may find loneliness. The Ace of Pentacles shows us the time frame: one year. I get the strong feeling these cards are telling you to hurry finding that love, or you might be alone forever."

_____

"So basically that's why you've been this patient with me?"

"Basically," Renjun responds, feeling a bit bad about it, "I feel like I should've told you sooner?"

"Jun, don't worry. You're not the one who messed up here. If anything, this makes me feel a tiny bit better about how manipulative I've been..." You admit, frowning.

"Well, I'm not the only one calling the shots here," Renjun summarizes, "so I'm asking you: Do you still want to be my girlfriend?"

"Are you joking? I feel like you are," you say, a wide grin spreading over your face.

"Nope, I'm super serious," Renjun chuckles and pokes your shoulder for reasons he is not aware of.

"Wow, and here I was contemplating to offer you anal to make up for it," you joke (?).

Renjun blinks at you, his smile falling into a crooked smirk at the proposal of your kind offering. "I mean... is the offer still on the table?"

"You are such a man," you pinch him, but do not reject the idea.

"What if we did it right now? Right here?" Renjun suddenly grabs your waist, pulling you closer to his body and starts kissing your neck. His tone (hopefully) brings across that he's joking, that you obviously won't do it right now, but not never either, if you're still up for it.

"You'd be the first," you chuckle before kissing Renjun's nose.

"Stop making me hard," he mumbles before attacking you with more kisses. "I know it's only been like a few hours, but I missed you so much. Let's not fight ever again, yeah?"

"I agree," you say and Renjun pulls back to look at you. Maybe this is silly, maybe he forgives too easily, but it just feels right. The look in your eyes is so genuine, as was the offer of doing butt stuff, that Renjun is just pretty much sure that this was this one big thing every relationship has and now it will only get better.

"Or is there anything else you need to tell me," Renjun teases.

"Not a thing, you now know everything there is to know about me, which, admittedly, isn't that much.. do you have a confession to make?"

Renjun thinks for a second. "Well, just this one thing. Remember when we went to Jaemin's to talk things out? He was practically naked when I went in there and I may have stared a bit until I remembered that he is disgusting."

"Oh, word. His chest is super-"

"Hey." Renjun furrows his brows half playfully joking, half dead serious. "I get to say that. You don't."

You mimic zipping your mouth shut, locking it and throwing the key away. Renjun laughs and takes your hand in his to hold. "So, all this talk about anal and Jaemin... why don't we take this to the bedroom?"

"You really won't let this go, huh?" You smirk. "I'd say: what comes around goes around. Whatever you do to my butt, I'll do to yours."

"I believe I have never loved you more than right now," Renjun sighs before kissing you once again, on the mouth this time, and he feels like time stands still and rushes past double it's normal speed. His hands wander over your body, taking everything in, feeling you against him because you are his, once again, finally. Your hands are as excited touching him, and it dawns on Renjun that you're probably not going to make it to the bedroom, which is fine since he owns this entire place anyway (it's a rental, but you get the point).

Both of your clothes are off in no time, leaving Renjun's hands to freely roam over your naked skin, and it feels just as exhilarating as if you'd never had that fight. That stupid, stupid fight, right now, Renjun can't even remember what it was about, but that could partly be because of the lack of blood in his brain. His heavy erection is currently pressed heavenly against your lower stomach as you make out wildly, and Renjun can't even think about the usual foreplay he finds so important as you start rubbing your wetness all over him. He just wants to be in you, be connected to you, feel all of you against and around him, have the both of you desperately grinding and panting against each other.

Although, he feels kind of more dominant today, maybe there is still a very slight aftertaste of your betrayal lingering and he feels the need to show you that he can be in control over you if he wants to, or maybe he just feels extra manly and prideful today after you did everything to prove to him that you want him in your life. He decides that being on top would be enough to satisfy that need, so he gently pushes you back and lays you down on your back.

His tip brushes over your clit and you whine, a sound that is music to Renjun's ears, and when you speak up and practically beg him to just "put it in", who is he to deny you that wish?

Aligning himself with your hole, he gently pushes forward, allowing his tip to disappear between your velvety walls, and he loves how your eyes roll back and you gasp at how good he feels.

"Only the tip and you're already drooling," he observes, biting his lower lip smugly before pulling back out and repeating the action of fucking just the tip into you several times before giving in to your quiet pleas and pushes all the way in.

You choke on your moan at this, eyes glazed over with lust finding Renjun's under eyebrows furrowed by pleasure. Renjun can already feel you pulsating around him and God does that stroke his ego.

Although he decides he could be having more of an effect on you right now, so he places your legs on his shoulders instead of around his waist, and practically folds you in half to open you up for him so he can fill you deeper, so deeply his tip grazes at your cervix. To intensify your pleasure, his fingers come up to rub at your wet clit, three fingers massaging the nub in quick circles, the wetness allowing him to glide over the surface perfectly.

And your body seems to agree. In no time – Renjun's sure he must've set a new record – you announce that you're ready, seconds away from reaching your high, and Renjun thinks twice about letting you taste it. Well, you did kind of fuck up, but fuck it. Renjun loves the look on your face when you cum just too much to deny you it, instead spurring you on by telling you just how good you are for him, what a perfect girl you are and how much he loves having you cum on his cock.

Seconds later, you orgasm, clamping walls choking his dick in the best way possible, the look on your face and the moans sounding from your throat so pretty that Renjun feels like he's fallen in love all over again. When you come down, he praises you and kisses you, never missing an opportunity to tell you just how perfect you are.

"More," you whisper to him, eyelids heavy as your blurred view tries to find Renjun's eyes, and he briefly chuckles before granting your wish.

"Greedy are we?" He sets a faster pace this time, balls slapping against your ass where your wetness had already dripped down and probably seeped into the couch. Renjun feels so good, so happy, so fulfilled, and he is once again reminded why it was the right decision to forgive you. He is such a man, he thinks, and is reminded of a few minutes ago when you said that to him.

"Can you turn around for me, baby?" He asks, suddenly in the mood to watch your ass as he repeatedly disappears into you, and you comply, allowing him to pull out before getting on your hands and knees. Renjun grins seeing your beautiful ass in front of him, he gently slaps it two times before gently pressing on your back to get you to lie down for him again, though this time on your stomach. He enters you again, filling you up perfectly once again, like you were made for each other, and he puts his entire weight on you to be able to still whisper in your ear.

His fingers find your hair, not to pull, just to be there so you feel it, and as he rams himself inside repeatedly, he mumbles the dirtiest things to you, about how well you're taking him, how beautiful you look underneath him and how much he just loves to fuck you. And yes, he even goes into detail (damnit Donghyuck) about how perfectly tight you are for him. A hand sneaks between your body and the couch, fingers quickly finding your clit again and you whine.

"'s so good," you say, voice trembling, "love you s'much."

"I love you too, baby," Renjun responds, grinning ear to ear like a maniac because he just loves this effect he has on you. This might just be a fantasy, but he's sure he's the only one who could ever make you feel this good. And admittedly, even right now when you're not doing much except take it, you make him feel just as good.

"Fuck, I think I'm gonna cum," he grunts, and you whine, cunt clenching around him at the mere prospect of him reaching his high.

"Me too, God," you manage to bring out.

"Where do you want it?" Renjun asks. Although he already knows your answer, he loves hearing you say it.

"I-inside, please," you mewl, arching your back a bit more to give him perfect access, "cu- cumming, cumming, cumming."

And just as you orgasm around him, walls wrapping around Renjun's cock impossibly tight, he follows suit, pressing his hips against your ass to fill you as deeply as possible. He pushes in a few more times to really get it all in there, have all his cum so deep inside you'll still feel it the next day.

"God, fuck, I love you so much," he pants, now a little exhausted as the adrenaline washes off. He pulls out, allowing you to turn around on your back and smile at him. God, he loves seeing you fucked out like this.

"I love you," you reply, then your nose scrunches and Renjun remembers that, when you shoot cum inside someone, it's going to inevitably drip back out, and he doesn't have to ruin his couch any more than he already did.

______

Renjun's arm is draped over your body, cuddling and talking in bed after the intense 4 rounds you just had, and maybe Renjun should've seen it coming, but honestly? How could he? So he jumps as he hears the doorbell ring.

"Who the fuck..." he mumbles as he gets up, puts on some underwear (at least) and stumbles to the door.

"Tell them to come back tomorrow, I'm not done with you," you giggle behind him as you slip into one of Renjun's shirts and a pair of panties you find laying on the floor. Renjun grins and throws you a wink before turning on the speaker.

"Hello?"

"Congratulations!"

"What the fuck are you asshats doing here?" Renjun groans and hides his face in his unoccupied hand. You have stepped over and are now pressing your ear against the speaker to be able to listen as well.

"We heard the news and came to celebrate?" Jaemin says.

"Actually, we didn't know how it went so we brought booze either for celebrating or for condolences. We took a wild guess," Donghyuck adds.

"How do you even-"

"Your mom told me."

"I don't think I appreciate you being involved with my mom..."

"Your words, not mine. Now open up."

"We're not exactly... dressed appropriately," Renjun informs and he can hear Jaemin howl and Donghyuck laugh.

"Let us in, we'll give you 2 minutes," Jaemin says.

"As if I'm going to believe you'd be passing an opportunity to barge in and see my girlfriend in her undies," Renjun says.

"Open up!" Donghyuck pushes.

"We just fucked four times!" You chime in, and Renjun isn't sure why you needed to clarify what didn't need to be clarified. Especially since, except for a few cheers that die down quickly, it's silent for a good 20 seconds until Donghyuck informs you that the old lady living two floors below just came home and most definitely heard that.

"Just let us in," Jaemin shouts right into the speaker and Renjun has to hold it away from his ear to not go deaf.

"Are you okay with this? I'm sure I could make them leave... somehow..."

"Sure! I could take two more," you joke and Renjun squints at you, making you teasingly roll your eyes. "Kidding."

"Okay, give us a few," Renjun says and just hangs up before they can complain. You both run into the bedroom and get changed into relatively acceptable clothing and Renjun has the decency to at least open a window to make the strong smell of sex lighten a bit before he checks in with you again, then opens the door.

Donghyuck and Jaemin's hollers can be heard echoing through the hallways until they finally show up at Renjun's door step.

"Nice work, man," Jaemin compliments as he sees the state of your still slightly tousled hair, and pats Renjun's back. They take off their shoes and let themselves in. While Jaemin stores the alcohol they brought in the fridge, Donghyuck skips into the living room to occupy Renjun's phone charger.

Oh, no. The living room.

Renjun darts after him, holding onto the door frame to not fall from the immense speed of his sprint, but it's too late. Donghyuck is already grinning at the used tissues scattered around the place and Renjun's underwear dangling from the uplight.

"You really are just high on pussy, it seems," Donghyuck teases, clearly hinting at how Renjun forgave you too (?) quickly. "You're not thinking straight. Or too straight..."

"You don't even know the whole story," Renjun defends himself while crossing his arms.

"Don't worry man, I'm not judging. I feel like this is the right thing for you," Donghyuck says and Renjun is surprised at his choice of words... such a... lack of disgusting-ness? Donghyuck even trots over and places a brotherly hand on Renjun's shoulder and gives him a smile.

"Thank you," Renjun says and means it. Donghyuck takes a few steps back, bows, then his eyes lock in on something on the floor.

"I think I'm taking these with me," Donghyuck announces before bending down further and holding up your panties with his forefinger.

"Don't you dare-" Renjun warns, but Donghyuck already started pushing the fabric into his pocket.

"Take it out," you say, suddenly appearing behind Renjun. Donghyuck seems taken aback, especially as you step over and grab his hair. "Give. Them. Back."

You pull hard, only once, and Donghyuck moans, but complies, and Renjun is party impressed and partly enraged.

"Starting without me?" Jaemin grins as he, too, has appeared in the room by now.

"Guys, I think we need some boundaries regarding my girlfriend," Renjun hisses through grit teeth. You agree, finally letting go of Donghyuck's hair who falls to his knees. Jaemin shrugs and sits down on the couch just as Renjun stuffs the used tissues into his pocket.

"What do you say?" You address Donghyuck who whines out a pathetic apology. You grin. "Sorry, this is kind of fun," you whisper to Renjun.

"I mean if you want to, you could talk like that to me every once in a while-" Renjun mumbles back, immediately feeling you cling to his side.

"Yeah?" You bite your lip.

"There was some talk about boundaries?" Jaemin recalls and you back off a bit. "When I can't have it, at least don't rub it in my face- unless you're going to literally rub it in my face-"

"I swear to God-"

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layuhsblog · 20 days

Note

lucas x male reader?

story: m/n gets kidnapped by a mafia group, and their leader, yukhei, wants the money that the former's family owes him - it doesn't come, as they don't care about m/n.

this makes yukhei have a change of heart.

(lucas is not really a jerk, he's just trying to do his job)

Hii, I made it into a chaebol m!reader x mafia leader! lucas fic,

hope you don't mind. I've never written mafia au. So this is pure shit I'm really sorry. I'll rewrite it and make it better once I have more experience.

Thankyou for requesting and reading it. ALSO- this was an amazing request. Renegade is such a bop and he LOOKS SO FUCKING HOT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Thankgod there are still Lucas stans on Tumblr.

Anyway hope you tolerate this fic T-T

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN BTW!!

dk the word limit prolly 1k words

warnings: kidnapping, stockholm syndrome???, soft boy mafia lucas, angst, fluff?, small mention of religious trauma, family's a bitch, drugging, panic attack, hyperventilating, thoughts about death, mentions murder, daddy issues?, death, swearing, badly written threats, winwin is a dick but he loves you :), Lucas being HOTTIE MAFIA LEADER OOF, kissing.

To myself- Lucas x M!reader

Coming out to your orthodox religious family was not easy. On the surface the media thinks you're this wholesome rich family but the truth was much deeper and darker than it appeared.

You were sitting in a bar drinking away your problems when you were approached by a cute gentleman.

"Hi, rough day? May I buy you a drink?" he smiled at you

you tiredly sighed,

"If you're trying to get me into your bed, not happening."

He chuckled,

"Let me just buy you a drink, I'll walk away if you're not interested." You scanned his face, not so discreetly.

He looked cute and shy..you didn't see anything shady about him. You cautiously eyed his again and nodded. He showed a toothy grin at that.

"I'm Winwin by the way!"

"___" you replied and for the first time that night showed a slight smile.

A few hours had passed and Winwin started to grow on you, a couple of drinks more and your eyes started getting droopy.

Before you could call your driver to pick you; you passed out.

When you woke up, you had no idea where you where. Immediately you sat up and met with a throbbing headache. When you tried to get up, you realised your hands were tied. Panicked you screamed and screamed for someone to help you. You screamed till you lost your voice, and burst out crying. You had no idea what happened to you, what they'll do to you or if you'll even get out of here alive. All those thoughts became too mouth and you felt a bitter metallic taste in your mouth as your throat ran dry. You couldn't breathe. The worst of all, the room was empty except for a clock in it, it had been a long time since you were here and you were almost sure no one was looking for you.

"Ya done screaming or should I give you more of a reason to cry about?" You did not realise someone else was in the room with you. It was Winwin. Your heart sank.

"Y-you! What have you done to me!? Let me out! P-please." The last word came out as a weak plea and he laughed at your pathetic state,

"Can't, boss' orders. Yknow if he hadn't told me to bring you to him, I'd might as well taken you out on that little date." He winked at you and you were filled with disgust as fresh tears threatened to spill out from your eyes.

Your chest, throat, stomach everything hurt. You felt like you could throw up any minute.

It took you 15 minutes to calm yourself down all the while Winwin was looking at you with an amused look on his face, watching your every move like a hawk.

You were just blankly staring at a wall. The worst that can happen is they'll kill you. Who cares if you die?

Five hours had passed since then and you were doing nothing, feeling nothing so you closed your eyes and tried to sleep on the dirty floor. Winwin stepped out of the room to call someone, he did not realise the door is not soundproof. It sounded like he was threatening someone, probably your family you presumed.

"We have your son motherfucker. If you don't fucking pay us back you'll find his body in your front gate. Have fun when the headlines say 'L/n Family's Youngest son found dead on their door. It'll be fun seeing police raid your family seeing all the black money you have." he laughed

"Do what you want with him. You can't hurt my business. You're a nobody." and he heard the beeping of the phone.

The door, half broken and rusty slowly creaked opened and the fear you felt when you first came here returned. Winwin stood up straight and greeted the man. He had long black hair, his gaze cold, almost predatory.

"Did you hear back from those bastards?" he spat out, glaring at Winwin.

There was an awkward silence from his side and he eyed him and looked back at you. Immediately understanding what it meant, you weakly laughed.

The whole situation was so funny to you when it finally clicked.

You came from a famous family full of businessmen. People so influential that every move you made had to be absolutely perfect- however to them, you were far from it. The first shock came to your father when you were fifteen years old and told him you wanted to be an artist, that you had no interest in the business. Second and the final straw was 2 days ago when you came out to him and he disowned you.

To think such educated men could have such shallow ideals.

You remembered your mother, how loving she was. If she were here she'd definitely accepted you. You remembered how she told you crying how all this success was a lie and she wanted you to stay as far away from it as possible, afterall you weren't like your father and brothers. You remembered how you saw her that night for the last time. You remembered how you heard them fight in the other room, your brothers had left the country to pursue their studies. You remembered how you heard her scream but your door was locked from the outside. You remembered vaguely seeing a blood stain in the carpet which magically disappeared the next day. You remembered the police labelling the case as a suicide, how there was literally no evidence found- how each and every corner of the house was checked except the locker your father held the keys to.

The realisation made your blood run cold.

Your father had borrowed a large sum of money from someone years ago to start his business. He always assured your mother he'd paid them back. The situation in front of you made it clear that your father has always been a selfish bastard.

The thoughts, the questions, the suspicions hit you like a train wreck and you started laughing loudly. Both men looked at you puzzled.

"I cannot, that fucker- no one's coming for me, he killed her and he'll kill me too. I'm gonna die here anyway. That's so funny. Its always been fucking money. It's more important to him than fucking accepting his son and supporting his wife." You said between your laughs as tears spilled through your eyes

The man knelt down, his eyes softened a bit, voice comforting yet distanced, he motioned Winwin to get out of the room and spoke,

"Hey, calm down. You're not gonna die here. I'll take care of him. I'm sorry I involved you into this. I'll let you go. Just an advice, don't go back there. Get your own place, you have a chance to disappear from his life. Take it. I'm Yukhei by the way, you can call me Lucas." he smiled a bit.

You blinked in confusion, looking for any signs of humour in his words but there were none. He sounded genuine. It puzzled you how he could switch up so quickly. It made you curious to know more about him. Lord have you gone insane.

"What if I don't wanna leave. What if I want to help you get rid of him?"

And he only smiled.

"I'm not alien to murderer, rich heartless fathers." he joked,

"And I thought I was unique." he laughed at your comment. He has a nice laugh. You thought. You wanted to hear it more. Its funny to you how you feel safer with a literal mafia leader than you've ever felt with your father.

You talked some more, growing fonder of him each passing second. You realised he's not as cold as he appears. He was just doing his job and truthfully your father was just a huge dick. He has such a bright smile. His eyes had this spark when he was talking about the people he works with. He was making your heart beat faster.

He took you to his room, gave you clean clothes to change into and made you eat.

"You know, Winwin likes you- he felt bad about whatever he did." you nodded as he continued, the room suddenly felt hotter than it was as he leaned closer,

"Too bad, I want to keep you to myself" He whispered in your ear before he held your chin and connected your lips together.

#nct dream #nct dream fluff #nct fluff #nct 127 #writers on tumblr #nct #kpop #lucas wayv #lucas wong #wong yukhei #wong yukhei fluff #lucas wong fluff #lucas wong fic #lucas wong sm

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lattaeyongs · 2 years

Text

a collection of all my works! includes those made on my other blogs.

[BLURBS]

[all]

[most popular]

sorted by: member

taeil, johnny, taeyong, yuta, doyoung, ten, kun, sicheng, jaehyun, jungwoo, yukhei, hendery, xiaojun, yangyang, shotaro, sungchan, mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

[FICS]

Johnny Suh

two tickets to paradise | best friend!johnny, vacation (resort)!au, summer!au, fake dating!au, best friends to lovers!au, fluff, slight angst

↳ word count: 14.8k

↳ after your fiance leaves you at the altar, you’re devastated – but not devastated enough to cancel your honeymoon. instead, your best friend johnny accompanies you, and you start thinking that your fiance wasn’t right for you after all.

Mark Lee

reunion | barista!reader, exes to lovers!au, angst, fluff, smut

↳ word count: 7.4k

↳ Suddenly Mark Lee, your high school ex-boyfriend, is back in your life, and you’re not so sure that it’s a bad thing.

Huang Renjun

the trojan horse | royalty!au, historical (late 1700s)!au, arranged marriage!au, heavy angst, fluff, smut

teaser (unofficial; 100+ words) teaser (official; 1.7k words)

↳ word count: 19.6k

↳ In which the boy you fall in love with isn't who you think he is.

Lee Jeno

summer of love | ‘90’s!au, brother’s best friend!au, summer!au, neighbor!au, slice of life(ish)!au, fluff, slowburn

↳ word count: 15.2k

↳ The summer of 1997 was a weird time. As a person living in the modern era, you’d completely forgotten what it was like to live in the ‘90’s. In May 1997, you listened to the Backstreet Boys, flipped through TV Guide, and had an answering machine which seems so archaic now. But that isn’t the only reason why the summer of 1997 was weird. That summer was the time you fell for your brother’s best friend.

[SERIES]

sugar | ceo/single dad!jaehyun, secretary!reader, fluff, slight angst, smut (in some parts)

pt. 1 | 4k words, fluff pt. 2 | 14k words, fluff, slight angst, smut

↳ They say it’s lonely at the top, especially for Jung Jaehyun, owner and founder of Jung Industries. As a single dad who just wants to be the best father to his daughter, he realizes that you make his life a little sweeter when you’re by his side.

[EDITS]

eclipse: the first mini album | taeil & haechan, edit, mini album!au

ridin' as a netflix movie | edit, netflix!au, streetracer!dreamies

markhyuck as james bond films | edit, james bond!au, movie!au

nomin as james bond films | edit, james bond!au, movie!au

nct 2020's resonance as a netflix tv series | edit, netflix!au, mystery

random (but cute) texts with boyfriend!jaemin | text au, edit

boo's and spirits | paranormal podcaster!renjun, spotify!au

[MOODBOARDS]

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #nct fluff #wayv fluff #nct scenarios #masterlist #lattaeyongs

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neokwxn · 2 years

Text

my nct recs

key - [🦁] oneshot, [🐯] headcannon, [🐻] reactions, [🐶] short series, [🦊] series, [🐱] smau series

nct

none yet !

nct 127

🐯dates with nct - @lemon-boy-stan

nct dream

🐯common phrases in relationship - @yongislong

wayv

none yet !

moon taeil

none yet !

johnny suh

none yet !

lee taeyong

none yet !

nakamoto yuta

none yet !

qian kun

none yet !

kim doyoung

none yet !

ten lee

none yet !

jung jaehyun

none yet !

dong sicheng

none yet !

kim jungwoo

none yet !

wong yukhei

none yet !

mark lee

none yet !

hendery wong

none yet !

xiao dejun

none yet !

huang renjun

🐱best friend - @yuitaru

synopsis: as your best friend, renjun's been putting his feelings for you on the back burner, but what happens when his friends think it's time for him to confess after a drunken confession?

genre: smau, idiots to lovers, crack, fluff, slight angst, slice of life, (barely) university!au, parallel universe (based in let's fall in love! universe)

warnings: lots of swearing, mentions/threats of violence, mentions of bodily fluids/functions, references to let's fall in love!, my broken humour

🐱crush culture [renjun x gn!reader ] - @suhnshinehaos

synopsis: yn has always flirted with huang renjun. but they do that with literally everyone else too, they couldn’t possibly be serious about pursuing him, right? on their final year of university, yn is determined to show that they are. with all the walls that renjun has built around himself, will they be strong enough to succeed in tearing them down

genre: university + student council au, fluff, angst, pining, humor, slice of life

warnings: swearing, food mentions, suggestive humor

lee jeno

🦁social casualty [jeno x f!reader] - @mayaflowerxs

synopsis: Jeno doesn’t understand why he has such strong feelings for you, but he does. He also doesn’t understand why you try so hard to be someone you’re not. And you, well you don’t want to become just another student at school, no. You want to stand out, to be someone’s option for once. Most specifically, Jeno’s option.

genre: fluff, humour, angst

warnings: Slight Smut at the end! swear word usage, break ups, rejection, self consciousness, ‘unrequited love’, friend zoned , Jeno is a love sick pup, reader is afraid of confrontation, misunderstandings and mean girl alert

lee donghyuck

🐶blood red [donghyuck x reader] - @neonacity [chap 1] [chap 2]

synopsis: You’re a forensic psychologist assigned to one of the country’s high-profile criminals. You want to unravel him, but he’s set on catching you in his web instead.

genre: thriller, smut [only in a scene], angst (?), fluff (if you squint?)

warnings: crimes, blood, weapons, toxic dynamics, psychological themes, personality disorder, mental health disorder, dissociative identity disorder, alcohol use, smut (protected sex, humping, intoxicated sex)

na jaemin

🦁nighted [reader x vampire!jaemin] - @neonacity

synopsis: no official one, but basically just follow reader through their life as a hunter (?)

warnings: blood, violence, mentions of weapons and death. Age gaps though there is no underage romance that happened, reader goes through different ages throughout the story.

liu yangyang

none yet !

osaki shotaro

none yet !

jung sungchan

none yet !

zhong chenle

none yet !

park jisung

none yet !

#nct smau #nct fluff #nct poly #nct reactions #nct series #nct au #nct imagines #nct masterlist

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jungwooisms · 2 years

Text

hwarang | kun

ACT III - THE END

pairing: qian kun x female!reader genre: historical au, fluff, angst, supernatural members: moon taeil, lee taeyong, nakamoto yuta, li yongqin (ten), jeong jaehyun, wong yukhei (lucas), xiao dejun (xiaojun), wong kunhang (hendery), huang renjun, na jaemin, lee donghyuck (haechan), osaki shotaro, warnings: crass humor and language, blood, violence, injuries, alcohol, major character death, minor character death, war, historical inaccuracies for the sake of plot progression word count: 43.2k it is important to read the prologue & act i & act ii first to understand the context of this! i can’t link it here but it’s on my masterlist!

June 7, 665 – Seonggwa Inn, Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla By the time that the Hwarang finish following King Munmu of Silla to Ungjin, they find themselves holed up in Seonggwa Inn, a relatively spacious lodging, as their king speaks of a treaty between his kingdom and the Tang. With each day, the Hwarang hope that the potential of invading Goguryeo due to their aiding and abetting with the now quelled Baekje forces becomes a reality.

Silla hadn’t lost the conflict with Baekje, without the aid of the Tang the story would be entirely different though. Yet, with their aid, it had begun to expose several rifts in both the Crown and the Hwarang in favor for or against the additional help.

The recent attack on Taeil’s life, as well as Yongqin’s illness, has confined both of them to staying with Doctor Namekawa Yasuo to treat them. So, while they don’t remain at the newest Hwarang headquarters, they still reside within Ungjin. Although present in spirit, some of the men have begun to notice their rather large absences…

“He’s probably just run off to not have to deal with this shit,” one of the warriors guffaws at the thought of Taeil not returning. A few others around him return the sentiment.

“He’d never do that,” a serious voice responds, you turn to see Jeno looking angrily at the group, “All of you are complaining instead of focusing on the work we have ahead of us.”

Normally such insubordination from a lower wang-do was met with harsh consequences, yet things had changed since coming to Ungjin.

“You all have too much to talk about, go sharpen your swords or train,” Yukhei adds to Jeno’s proclamation.

With grumbled acceptance, several of the Hwarang run off.

“I can see where they’re coming from… They’re tired, I suppose,” Jaehyun huffs out, shaking his head as he watches the other scurry away. “We’ve been sitting here without orders for weeks.”

“True, but I mean… What else are we going to do while Munmu’s off kissing up to the Tang?” Yukhei frowns, moving his head from side to side to crack his joints.

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Jaehyun retorts, “These men were ready to die for him not too long ago, I’m pretty sure they just want to run out the loyalists and Goguryeo soldiers just like we do.”

“So…” Jeno murmurs, “What’s going to happen now?

“Taeil’s stuck in bed. Even if we wanted to run after the traitors, we’re not going to be able to touch them if we leave too late,” Yukhei sighs, his shoulders slumping. “Future’s looking pretty dark if we’re looking north… Maybe we oughta head to Jinro-dong again…”

“Jinro-dong?” Jaehyun’s brow furrows at the mention of the nightlife district, “Really? In a time like this?”

“Of course you idiot,” Yukhei scoffs, “Times like this are when we need to party hard! Gotta lift our spirits somehow!”

“Huh,” Sungchan, who’d been standing in the courtyard along you all quietly, asks, “Does anyone know where Yuta is? I haven’t seen him around lately…”

“He’s off helping Namekawa,” Jaehyun explains, “We still have a lot of injured men after the last fight.”

You frown, not saying anything. Memories of the peaceful times back in Seorabeol are like a candle flickering in the wind, one breath away from turning it all into smoke. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if they really had happened at all.

June 18, 665 – Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla When you hear footsteps walking up the entranceway of the inn, you think it’s just another Hwarang returning from town until…

“Hello,” a soft voice greets, “It’s been a while.”

“Oh,” Your eyes widen upon looking up from your work and finding Kim Jungwoo standing before you. “Jungwoo… What brings you here?”

“I've come to discuss a few important matters with Kun, would you mind taking me to him?” He asks as his shoe slowly taps at the gravelly rocks underfoot.

Sometime after you lead him to the Commander’s quarters, murmurs of conversation suddenly become exclamation.

“Are you sure?!” Kun says angrily as you peer into the room.

“Yes,” Jungwoo nods solemnly, eyes trained on the floor, “Supposedly, an urgent matter has arisen, meaning he cannot meet with us.”

“… No.” Kun frowns as he shakes his head, “We need to talk to him. I don’t care how. If we don’t, we’re stuck here. I’ll go.” And with that, he storms towards you, toward the exit. He doesn’t acknowledge you as he goes, only looking as pensive as ever as he leaves the compound.

“Did something happen?” You ask Jungwoo, who’s gaze had risen to watch the Hwarang leave.

“Kun had planned to meet with a member of the king’s council today, but I’d been informed that the man hadn’t planned on showing up, so I came to notify him.” Jungwoo explains quickly.

The Commander has been attempting to gather council support to try and speed up the process of invasion, however their unwillingness to try and sway the king’s favor has led to them not entertaining Kun’s initiative means.

“Do you think they’re just waiting until Tang makes a call?” You question timidly.

“Whatever the case, the King has instructed me to not make any rash decisions,” Jungwoo hums, “Honestly, in times like these, I am a little envious of Kun as he can do as he pleases… Anyway, I will be leaving now. Please send my regards to everyone.”

“Oh, of course!” You say as you begin to walk with him towards the entrance. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t offer you more courtesy while you were here.”

Shortly after Jungwoo leaves the inn, a familiar figure approaches you to ask a question.

“Is the Commander inside?” Shotaro says as you stop outside the front door.

“Ah,” you shake your head, “You’ve just missed him, he’s stepped out for the time being… Did you have business with him?”

Shotaro’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “Wow, ever since we’ve gotten here, he’s been working non-stop.

“I know… I seriously wonder how he finds the time to sleep, if at all.” As far as you know, Kun should be suffering in agonizing pain during the daytime due to his condition as a Fury. However, seeing him work as tirelessly as he does, one would have no clue of his affliction at all.

“Are you okay, Shotaro? You look a bit more gaunt than usual…”

“Ah… Well… Ever since Minhyung passed away, I’ve had a lot more work to do.” Shotaro smiles sadly, “But he left it to me, and I’ll be damned if I dishonor his memory by messing it up. And seeing how far the Commander’s pushing himself for us, it wouldn’t feel right if I just sat around here all day, you know?”

“I see…” You know exactly how he feels, yet he’s actually in a position to contribute. Unlike Shotaro, there is nothing you can do for Kun, even though you yearn to be involved and do whatever you can to help.

“Well,” Shotaro nods briefly, “I’ve got plenty more to do, so I’ll be on my way.”

“Of course, please be careful.”

“By the way,” he’d begun walking before stopping himself, “There’s been a lot of killers on the street recently, looking to test their swords on a living body. Don’t travel alone, okay?”

Later that night, you’re waiting in the empty common room for the captains to return, sitting idly as your fingers tap atop the table you’re seated at when Na Jaemin comes strolling into the room.

“Evening!” He greets cheerily, moving to come over and sit beside you.

“Hey Jaemin,” you say politely, peering around him to see if anyone else has followed in behind him. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Yukhei and Jaehyun took the men to Jinro-dong, and, if you can believe it, they left me behind to house-sit.” He sighs out, resting his head on his chin, “I’m not their maid, you know. They can’t keep giving me this kind of bitch work… Well, I guess it’s nice that they’re acting like usual. To me, I mean. Like nothing ever changed.” His laugh sounds small in the empty hall.

“That reminds me, do you know where Taeyong is?” You tilt your head inquisitively as you ask. “Did he go out somewhere?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin sits up, nodding his head, “He went out on patrol.”

“Patrol?” You furrow your brow, “But we’re not in Seorabeol any more… No one’s asked us to keep peace in Ungjin…”

His face grows solemn, as if he’s quietly searching for words. “… He’s been acting weird lately. Like, today, soon as the sun went down, he said he was going on patrol. I asked if he wanted me to go with him but he said he’d be just fine on his own.”

“I’ve heard that there’s been a lot of killings at night recently, maybe he’s going out to try to learn about who or what’s causing it?” Taeyong may not have the same authority here that they had in Seorabeol, but they do still work for the Crown. Perhaps Taeyong’s just trying to protect Ungjin, regardless if he was asked to or not.

“…Well, if that’s the deal, then good.” Jaemin doesn’t sound fully convinced.

Just then, the door opens once more and Kun comes inside quietly.

“Good evening, Commander,” you greet him with a small smile.

“You’re still up?” His face is pale, but his tone is sharp. As you watch him, you can see that it looks as if he’s struggling to stand. He shakes slightly as he moves, and you get the feeling that if he were to let his concentration slip, he’d just simply collapse on the floor in front of you.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” You already know his answer, but you can’t help but to ask.

“No,” he shakes his head, “Just stay put, and stop thinking about that.”

Even though everyone else is working themselves thin, barely sleeping or eating, all you can do is sit around, useless.

“Hey… Don’t give me that look,” he says, noting your expression.

“I’m sorry!” You say quickly, only realizing after you’d spoken that you’ve only made things worse. And apologizing makes you sound all the more miserable.

Kun nearly chuckles, “You don’t need to worry about us. Just… go make some tea, alright? Your tea isn’t that bad, I guess.”

“Okay!” You rise to your feet, “I’ll be right back.” Your feet carry you to the kitchen, a slight smile curving along your lips.

You return to the common room some minutes later, a tray with three cups atop it, along with the hot teapot steaming into the night.

“I couldn’t find any yakgwa to go with it… but I was able to sneak a few of Taeil’s old snacks…” You say as you set the tray atop the table.

“It’s alright,” Kun sighs, now sitting down at the table. “I have to get back to work as soon as I drink this anyway.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Jaemin frowns worriedly, “You’re a Fury now. You should be sleeping during the day and working at night.”

Kun doesn’t answer, just chooses to sip at his tea for a long drawn-out moment. “When we were leaving Daegaya, Taeil said something to me. He said that if he were the King, even if he only had two hundred men, he would continue to push forward for the legacy of our Kingdom, and if he failed? Gut himself like an honorable warrior.” He huffs out a short laugh, “Now he’s stuck in bed, shot in the shoulder. He’d die for any one of us, and we all know it. Sure, I feel like shit, but that doesn’t mean I get to rest.”

The prospect of handing over a fully-functioning Hwarang back to his friend brings a gleam to his eyes. If the rest of the men are worried because their leader has been wounded by a coward's arrow… Kun is buoyed by the fact that Taeil is still alive, and that he has the courage to do what other leaders will not. He finishes his tea quickly, returning to his room with only perfunctory thanks.

Yesterday, his light had stayed on late into the night. Today, you’re sure, will likely be no different.

“I’ve got an anxious feeling about what’s ahead…” Jaemin says after Kun’s left, “He’s a Fury, but it doesn’t look as if he’s started to feel the bloodlust yet.”

“Bloodlust?”

“When you become a Fury… Something happens to you and, well, sometimes you really, really want to drink blood. Like, you need to,” he explains slowly, “It hurts, and not like how it hurts when Jeong shoves a practice sword into your gut. You want to die, just because that’ll make the pain stop.”

Your mouth hangs open. Kun already looks terrible, if unbearable pain is suddenly added to his already long list of burdens… “Is there any way to do anything about it?”

“Well, if you drink some blood, then it goes away almost immediately, but… only for a while.” Jaemin sighs out, “And the longer you go, the more painful it gets. At first you only need a little blood to feel better, but after a while you need more. And pretty soon you’ll need a whole lot before you feel better again.”

You sit there at a loss for words. Furies truly do seem like the monsters from legends.

“What about you, Jaemin? Are you…?”

“Come on,” he closes his eyes, unable to look at you, “You can’t ask me that.” After this, he makes some manner of excuse and shoots up. He departs from the common room quietly, leaving you alone with your thoughts of the commander. Is he really okay?

Lost in thoughts, you stumble upon something—your father had done research on the Furies. Perhaps he’d left something useful behind at your home… or the one that used to be yours. It’s already too late to visit… And finding an escort will be troublesome enough…

June 25, 665 – Toehwa-hyeon, Kingdom of Silla The following day, you leave a neatly written note behind at the inn for anyone who may be curious as to where you’re headed. It had only taken you a week, maybe less, to return to your home on the main roads… And it should take about that time to return.

It seems as if no one’s visited the home in several years, everything covered in a thick layer of dust. You hum to yourself, perusing the shelves and drawers for anything denoting your father’s research on the Furies. Hands brushing off a few books, you scan their contents only for them to reveal some barely legible scribbles that would take you forever to decipher.

‘No…’ You shake your head, this is the least you can do for the Hwarang.

After searching through several more books, you sit on the floor, sighing heavily as your eyes fall to the unkempt floor. Have you been foolish enough to think that this would work? That waltzing in, finding these secret documents and solving the Hwarang’s plague would be easy?

You frown, needing to rid these thoughts. So, you continue to flip through all the books and papers you can lay your hands on. As you skim through a large sheaf of papers a small stak falls onto the floor, dust flying upwards as it lands. It appears to be… some kind of formula?

“Huh?” You murmur, moving to place down the stack in your hands, reaching for the papers at your feet. Studying it, you realize what you’ve found. It details a mismade concoction your father had made after working with the Hwarang that could stop Furies’ bloodlust for a time. Maybe you’ve found something useful after all?

July 1st, 665 – Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla You arrive in Ungjin just as the sun settles beyond the western horizon, and as you enter the Hwarang’s compound, you’re met with Jaemin and Taeyong. Their backs turned to you, you call out to them to make sure they can hear you.

“You’re back?” His brow raises inquisitively, as if he’d not known if you were coming back. “It’s dangerous out there, you know. You shouldn’t be out at night all by yourself.”

“I meant to come back earlier… The roads were… I lost track of time, is all,” You say quickly, trying to change the subject. “Anyway! I have something for you!”

You reach into your bag, procuring the medicine you were able to make from your father’s old supplies.

“What’s this?” Taeyong questions as he looks over the powdery substance.

“It’s medicine to suppress bloodlust! I went back home and found instructions on how to make it,” you nod enthusiastically, “It should make the pain go away, at least for a little while.

His gaze looks from the medicine to you, biting his lip coyly before looking into your eyes, “Thank you, but no. Your gesture is certainly appreciated, but it isn’t needed.”

“Huh?” You say, unable to stop the exclamation from leaving you, “Wait, but… without it…”

“You are not one of us, so to you the bloodlust may seem odd, or wrong.” He gingerly hands the powder back to you, “However, the more one tries to suppress it, the greater the pain becomes. This medicine would be a minor reprieve… nothing more.” Before you can say anything else, he nods to you, “Excuse me. I must leave for patrol. Good night.”

You wonder what he’s to do about his bloodlust without the medicine as you watch him walk briskly into the night. To not only acknowledge but accept this insatiable craving as a part of one’s life seems… beyond you. It’s now that you remember Seulgi’s warning of the Hwarang’s Furies murdering people on the streets to test their strength… Had they been feeding off of innocent lives?

“I’ll take that,” Jaemin says, looking down at the medicine.

“Oh!” You nod, handing it to him, “Of course.” He stuffs it into his pocket before staring at where Taeyong had just disappeared. “I’m going on patrol with him. If he… does anything weird, I’ll stop him. So don’t worry, alright?”

“Alright,” you nod quickly, “I’m counting on you, Jaemin… Is the Commander inside?”

“Yeah,” the Hwarang nods, “he came back earlier this evening, but he locked himself in his room. Not a peep from him since.”

“Oh…” You hum, “I’m going to check on him then.”

Jaemin and you say your quick goodbyes, and you make your way inside of the inn towards Kun’s room. You hope the wave of anxiety you feel is a needless one, but you have a very bad feeling as you call out to him from behind the door of his room.

A knock, “Are you in there? I have something for you…”

Nothing. “You’re about to turn away, assuming that he’s asleep when—

Kun cries out in pain, sounding as if he’s struggling for air.

“Commander—I’m coming in!” You blurt out, opening the door and running inside quickly.

Kun lays bent over his desk at the back of the room, sweat pouring down his face as his teeth squeak horribly as he grits them. His hair lay a stark white, his eyes, when he opens them to look at you, are a harsh crimson.

“Are you okay?!” You say as you rush to his side.

“You idiot.” He groans, “Just shut up.”

“But—”

“This’ll pass… any time now… Don’t get all worked up over nothing! Leave it.” He wraps his arms around his shoulders and squeezes until his knuckles turn white as he glances up at you. His breath comes out in pants as he shivers violently.

It’s Kun’s personality to refuse any show of pain, or any emotion at all—or at least to show as little as possible. For him to be like this…The pain must be unimaginable. Is this the bloodlust that Jaemin spoke of?

You pause, knowing that he needs blood but that’s… A frown as you think of the medicine, but again, Taeyong had said it was a temporary solution. Should you give him your blood, then?

There isn’t any time to think of this any longer. It’s not the best plan, perhaps, but you cannot bear to see him in pain any longer. Besides, this is one way that you can help.

Kun shakes fiercely as you gaze upon him in horror. Saying nothing, you draw the blade at your waist.

“What the hell are you—?!” Kun’s eyes go wide as you slide your finger along the edge of the blade, a bead of thick blood forming over the cut.

“Please drink my blood,” you offer your hand to him, “It’ll make you feel better, right?”

“I can’t do that!” He refutes, his clothes drenched in sweat as he shakes like a leaf in the wind. If he had the strength you’re sure he’d try to knock your hand away.

“Don’t worry about me,” you insist, unable to watch him suffer any longer, “Please…”

Though he’s trying to resist, his eyes are locked on your finger, to the blood dripping to the floor. He balls his fist tightly, but he cannot resist.

“You’re an idiot,” he murmurs, reaching out for your hand, “A girl shouldn’t hurt herself for a man’s sake…” Then, he brings your fingers to his lips, you wince slightly as you feel the soft caress of his tongue on your cut. Then, the gentle pressure of his teeth and lips as he sucks, drawing a few more drops out and into his mouth.

“I’ll be fine,” you promise, “I’m a Demon. I heal quickly.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he frowns, “Demon or not, you’re still a girl.” By now, his breathing has already begun to calm itself; through his hand on your wrist, you can feel him stop shaking as well. A few moments later, his grasp on your wrist loosens and he slips his hand away.

The cut on your finger has already healed. The split in the flesh heals before your very eyes as you stand there quietly, Kun wincing.

“I’m sorry for being so forward…” You apologize, returning your hand to your side.

Kun takes a quiet breath and shakes his head, a sense of calm seems to emerge from him, “This isn’t the time to be pretending that I’m fine. I know that. If I want to make sure that Taeil succeeds, then I don’t have a choice. I have to become a monster.”

Absently, you move your fingers to the wrist he’d taken when he drank your blood. A peculiar feeling lingers on the surface of your skin, almost as if you can still feel his warmth there.

September 10th, 665 – Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla Even after the events of that fateful night, Kun had pushed himself just as hard as he had before; he still continues to visit the council members whenever he can find the time. Eventually, that work does pay off, and he’s found himself in several meetings with the King’s closest men.

Between his demanding schedule and Fury-related difficulties, you know he must be miserable, but you know that he’s determined to give Taeil his fight. This alone seems to drive him forward.

It’s a cool evening when the doors of the compound open and Moon Taeil walks confidently into the Hwarang’s main hall.

“I apologize for worrying you all,” he smiles, scratching the back of his head.

“Welcome back!” Both Sungchan and Jeno say excitedly, “We’re happy you’re back with us.”

“You flatter me,” Taeil laughs, “But in all seriousness… Thank you. I am truly grateful that I am able to join you all again.” His eyes scan the room of men, nodding as he does, “I’m sure you’re all wondering what’s next. First, we’ll head to Hanseong. We’ve been ordered to take the city.”

Prior to this, you’d heard that Taeil has almost been promoted to a position outside of the Hwarang, while Kun has basically taken over Taeil's old role as Chief.

It’s a momentous honor to have been bestowed, although you can see that some of the men are hesitant to find cause for celebration.

“Hey, Moon,” Yukhei says from his seated position, “Who came up with the idea of us sieging Hanseong?”

“Kim Yong, why?” Taeil looks at him quizzically, “Is that a problem?”

“This guy is rumored to be a pacifist,” Yukhei pushes, “Why does he want us to go to war?”

“Besides,” Jaehyun adds, “I’ve heard that the King is perfectly willing to just go along with whatever the Tang forces want. You don’t think Kim feels the same way?”

Taeil crosses his arms before he speaks, “Wong, Jeong, these are direct orders from the King’s council. It’s true that the King is following the influence of the Tang, but to be fair, he owes them a great amount of debt. However, if we can take Hanseong, then perhaps he’ll see that he won’t need to rely on their aid as much as we drive out Goguryeo. This isn’t just a matter of winning and losing; the men in charge are saying that we are a force skilled and dedicated enough to capture Hanseong.” His voice sharp, domineering, “Isn’t our duty as warriors, then, to give all we can to this fight? Don’t you agree, Yukhei?”

“You’re going to gloss over it like that?” Yukhei scoffs, “I’m a captain of the Hwarang, but I’m not your retainer.”

Looking upset, Taeil moves to speak before Jaehyun interjects, “Yuta… what’s your take on all of this?”

“I will do whatever is commanded of me.” He says simply.

All eyes turn to Kun, who’s been observing the amicable commotion before him quietly, “We should round up more men if we’re to go to war. If we do well in Hanseong, I’m sure the Crown will send us even more men. As far as Kim goes… Doesn’t matter how much he hates war, I’m sure he knows that you cannot avoid it.” His head shakes as he sighs out, “I mean, if he refuses Tang influence at this point, what’s the point of staking out Goguryeo? What’s the point in seeking out revenge?”

“I guess you have a point,” when Kun had put it that way, it seems like Yukhei has nothing more to oppose.

“Shall we head out for the mountains near Hanseong and prepare for night raids?” Taeyong asks.

“The Fury Corps aren’t going this time,” Kun states, “You’re staying here.”

“Why?” Taeyong frowns.

“If the King does send us reinforcements, I can’t afford to let them see you.” Kun adamantly shakes his head, “There’s going to be significantly more men in Hanseong, you’ll get spotted. Then what’ll be the point of having a secret division?”

“But—!” Taeyong begins to retort until Jaemin stops him.

“The war’s only just begun… We shouldn’t be in a rush.”

You see Kun and Jaemin exchange a quick look. They must have realized how Taeyong would react and spoke of this beforehand. To you, at least, there seems to be a silent agreement.

“Alright then, everyone return to your rooms. We have some time before we leave so make sure you get your affairs in order,” Taeil stands as he addresses the room.

And that’s that. The captains soon leave for their stations, seeking to brief their men and prepare for battle. Only Kun remains behind, mumbling something to himself as he sifts through the massive stacks of paper and maps before him.

“Are you sure it’ll be okay?” You ask timidly as you approach him.

“Hm?” He glances up to you, “What will be okay?”

“This war… It’s not going to just be one battle, is it?” You frown, “Wouldn’t it have been better to take the Fury Corps along?”

“Oh.” He sighs, “That.” The map in hand set down, he glances at it before looking back to you, “Remember what that Sooyoung girl, or whatever her name was, warned us about the Furies killing people?”

“Yes…”

“Well. I think it might’ve been Taeyong.” He says shortly as your mouth flies open.

“What?!”

“The Fury Corps is our ace in the hole,” he continues, ignoring your short outburst, “but I can’t have them murdering people in the streets to satisfy their bloodlust. During the fight in Seorabeol they used silver arrowheads on the Furies, which made them essentially useless. Until we can figure out how to counteract the silver problem, I need to have Taeyong stay here. Jaemin will… keep an eye on him. We also may need them to collect arms for a counterattack.”

A counterattack… Does that mean Kun is planning for a possible loss in Hanseong?

“This next fight is going to be a big one. We probably shouldn’t take you, but… If I leave you here, Donghyuck might decide to try and steal you away again. So, I’m taking you with us, but you need to watch yourself and stay out of trouble.”

With the nervous knot slowly forming in your stomach, you nod, “Okay…”

October 31st, 665 – Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla Today, the Hwarang leave for Hanseong. And as you enter the common room, you take note of the different outfits the men have donned.

“You’re up early,” Yukhei muses, beckoning you over.

“Your clothes…” Your brow furrows at him, “Are you really Yukhei?! What are you wearing?”

“The Commander ordered us to dress in Tang clothing when going into battle from now on,” Yuta explains as you look over his new uniform as well.

You look at the Commander, dressed predominately in black, his new outfit giving him an elegant look. It suits him well, he looks almost as handsome as an actor. You can’t help but stand there and admire him for a moment.

“Something wrong?” Kun asks as he notes your prolonged gaze, “…Do you think I’m wearing it wrong?”

“Hm? Oh. No. No, definitely not.”

He laughs, “You’re strange.”

“Hm,” you shake your head and your eyes fall on Taeil, “Why aren’t you wearing Tang clothes?”

“They’re just so… heavy.” Taeil explains, “I can’t stand how the shoes are made either. I wouldn’t feel like a real warrior dressed like that. I suppose I’m being childish, but that’s my right.”

“You’re fine,” Kun smiles, “It’s not like you’ll be out on the front lines. You just have to act dignified in front of the men. Your presence alone is enough to inspire everyone.”

“You’re going to make me blush,” Taeil sounds flustered before speaking to the men, “Well, let’s go then! To Hanseong!”

November 11th, 665 – The Road North, Kingdom of Silla/Goguryeo And so, the Hwarang are headed north. During the journey, Taeil splits from the main group to visit his hometown somewhere east of the border. And after several days of his absence, the men begin to worry.

“Where is he?” Yukhei notes as the men stop along a rocky path, his eyes looking up the walkway and behind to where they’d come.

“It seems as if the Chief hasn’t caught up with us yet…” Jeno trails off, a frown of worry present on his lips.

“Still? How long is he going to sit around that inn getting drunk?” Yukhei says impatiently.

“Well, he probably hasn’t been home in a while,” Jaehyun snorts, “Probably wants to show off how successful he’s been. Not to mention he probably wants to visit his wife and daughter. He hasn’t seen them in a long time.”

“Show off, huh?” Yukhei shakes his head, “We’re marching to war. You really think this is the time for that shit?”

“He’s gone to see if the rumors of people wanting to join us were true, if they are, he needs to assess their abilities,” Kun interjects. “What better way to get to know new soldiers than by sharing a drink with them?”

“You have a point… but…”

Kun’s eyes narrow and Yukhei looks unsatisfied as the commander mutters to himself, “If we had gotten enough men before we left, then Taeil wouldn’t be out there right now.” His words cut the air like a knife.

The Hwarang had made a name for themselves in Seorabeol, but their notoriety can only carry them so far. You no longer have the luxury of interviewing potential recruits and taking the best ones; now, you need to offer incentives of alcohol and money to attract them. You know Kun would have rather cut off his own arm than stoop this low, but he has no choice.

From down the path, you can see Yuta rearing towards the group atop his horse, stopping shortly before you and leaping off, “Commander, I have something to report—The enemy has called reinforcements to Hanseong.”

“What? How did they know we were coming…” Kun frowns, “We’ve got to relay this to Taeil as soon as possible.”

November 14th, 665 – Outside of Hanseong, Kingdom of Goguryeo It’s some time before the Chief receives the message and returns to the main group of Hwarang. Long enough for the news of the enemy threat to spread and causation for some to panic. Nearly fifteen hundred of the men you’d left Ungjin with desert, reducing your forces to a mere two thousand. Jaehyun and Yukhei seem only more cautious at this, both advising retreat. But Taeil decides that the Hwarang will form up for battle and fight until the bitter end.

Now that the Crown had given him direct orders, he said that there cannot be any hesitance.

“I’ll call in reinforcements from Ungjin,” Kun frowns, “One thing for sure is… We cannot afford to lose this. Make that damn clear to the reinforcements, we can’t afford to have any more deserters.”

“Of course,” Yuta nods, turning and jogging off to join the rest of the men.

After giving his directions to the last of his men, Kun looks to you.

“Go back to Ungjin with someone. This place will turn into a battlefield soon enough, and you should be somewhere safe.” The tone in his voice shows no room for you to question his call.

“I’ll stay here…” You eventually conclude, “I can’t run away to somewhere safe while everyone else is off fighting. I’ll stay here to watch over the Chief until you get back.”

Kun grimaces, “How? You can’t swing a sword to save your life, and I don’t think you’ve got the guts to kill a man. You’re not a soldier.” You’d expected him to say as much, but you’re not going to back down easily.

“It’s true that I’m not very good with a sword, but… I can still be his shield. Any small wounds I sustain will heal quickly enough.”

“Why are you doing this? No one’s asked you to,” Kun stares at you, seeing that your resolve isn’t shaken.

“I know I may be out of line when I say this, but I know that we can’t lose him. Not now.” You insist, “I’m sick and tired of always being protected, I want to help!” You’ve been with them long enough now to see how much Taeil means to Kun and the rest of the Hwarang. If you go back to Ungjin and Taeil dies… Just thinking of it makes a cold chill crawl up your spine.

Kun chews his lip thoughtfully for a moment, and his hard, piercing gaze never seems to drift away from your face. Refusing to break his concentration for a long moment, he sighs.

“If you’re really that serious about this, then I’ve got an order for you,” he crosses his arms, “As a member of the Hwarang.”

“What…?” Your eyebrows shoot up.

“You’re going to guard Taeil personally. Stay by his side and give him anything he asks for.” After awaiting your baffled response he continues, “…And?”

“Yes! Sir!” Without thinking, you straighten up and nod vigorously.

“I will protect him even if it means my li—” Before you can finish, Kum cuts you off with a sharp expression.

“There’s one condition. You can’t die.” That isn’t the sort of thing you’d expect him to say. ‘Be careful’, maybe, but not ‘You can’t die’. “And don’t do anything stupid, like being his shield, or whatever bullshit you were saying. I am not ordering you to die.” He gives you one last pointed look before turning to gaze bitterly at the walls of Hanseong in the distance.

“If our enemy this time turns out to be a bunch of amateurs who’re just hoping to kiss some ass with their king, we might have a chance,” he muses. “If it’s not… That’ll be a different story. I’ll try and get back as fast as I can, but if something happens before I do, I’m counting on you and Yuta to make sure Taeil gets away clean.” Kun then looks back to you, “And none of this shield shit. You escape with him. Die, and I’ll make sure you regret it. Understood?”

You feel a cold sweat on your back as his words sink their way into your skin. You’d seen others fight for their lives in battle many times, but this is the first that you’d actually be joining. Will you really be able to protect Taeil? Will it even be possible to evade your enemies, let Taeil escape and survive?

Perhaps Kun notices your sudden fear as he lets out a short, bitter laugh, “Hey. Take out your sword.”

“Huh?” You ask, stunned for a moment by the strangeness of his request before complying and unsheathing your blade from its scabbard.

Kun then moves to swiftly remove his from his hip, taking his steel and tapping it against your own. The clear tone they make draws goosebumps from your arms.

“The third rule of O Gye is to trust your friends and treat them sincerely…”

“O- Oh…” You furrow your brow. The O Gye is the set of principles that the Hwarang have followed since their inception, why is he…

“You’re a Hwarang now… Well,” he chuckles, “I suppose you’d be a Wonhwa, wouldn’t you? Regardless, this is proof.”

“Proof of what?” You ask as he smiles gently at you.

“That I’ll come back, that you can trust that I will return and that I can trust that you’ll survive too.” He lowers his blade, slipping it back into its sheath, “So you believe me, and you wait. And don’t die.” His words are confident, and listening to him, you feel as if they somehow have bolstered your spirit tenfold.

As someone who prides himself on being a Hwarang, you know these words, the O Gye, mean a great deal to him. You have to follow through, you can’t break this newly formed promise with him.

“I understand,” you nod, “I will protect the Chief and I will survive.”

November 27th, 665 – Outside of Hanseong, Kingdom of Goguryeo Slowly, the Hwarang find themselves driven into a stalemate. Taeil had done his best to try and tell the men they were to slowly siege the city, to draw them out and have them surrender on their own terms to protect the area around Hanseong from becoming bloodied with battle. Unfortunately, one of the new recruits had cried out that he was a Hwarang and slain a Goguryeo soldier.

That was the spark that set the pile ablaze. The bulk of the opponent’s forces turned out to be men who’d come from the hardened battle lines of Goguyeo’s northern fronts, meaning they’d been in near constant battle with the Tang for years. It quickly becomes stalemated as the days progress. Taeil has no choice now but to retreat until forces from Ungjin arrive.

“We have to go!” You cry out as Taeil emerges from his tent, “If we don’t, you’ll be killed if Goguryeo breaks through our lines!”

“My men are still fighting out there!” He states firmly, “I cannot run away and leave them, I will not leave them behind!”

“Even if we lose this battle now, we have reinforcements coming later, and as long as you’re safe, there’s still hope for the Hwarang—” You insist as you walk with him, “We can regroup and fight back later!” You reach for his hand, pulling him as hard as you can toward the path away from the city.

Taeil looks across the battlefield at his men, hopelessly entrenched in lines that will never break or push through. The smell of death from both allied and enemy corpses stings your noses. Looking at him, you can see tears well up in the corners of his eyes. He lowers his gaze, murmuring something as Yuta returns from the front lines.

Yuta’s steely expression is colored by streaks of mud and grit from the battlefield, “Are you prepared to leave?” He notes the bags around your and Taeil’s backs, “Good. Let’s go.”

“Let’s go quickly…” You say, urging Taeil forward.

“Right…” He sighs out and begins to walk once more.

Running into the nearby forest, you escape into it under the cover of the quickly encroaching night.

“We’ll be in Silla territory soo,” you say as you look at Taeil, “Hang in there.”

“Right…” He sighs once more.

Perhaps it’s because you’ve never seen him lose before, but this is the first time you’ve seen Taeil so… drained.

“I’m sorry for being so, um, forward…” He eventually says, “I let so many of my men die…”

“You can’t beat yourself up over that now.” You say, trying to rid him of the thought, “Like the Commander said, we just don’t have what it takes to beat them right now.” Your words don’t seem to reach him as he continues to stare numbly beyond you.

“Perhaps if someone else were Chief… they might still be alive…”

“Taeil…” You let his name slip from your lips, forgetting the last time you’d referred to him by his name, not his family’s.

“Who’s there?” Before you’re able to console him any more, you hear a voice coming from the brush that sounds unfamiliar to you. Peeking out, you catch the sight of a Goguryeo soldier and freeze immediately. “I know you heard me.”

Yuta, who’d been staring intently out to where the soldier stands, murmurs, “I’ll buy you some time. Take the Chief and escape.”

Nodding quickly, you and Taeil tiptoe away through the brush, trying your best not to make any noise. Just as soon as you’re able to get Taeil moving at a decent pace, a shadow leaps out before you, barring your way forward.

“I had a feeling you might be here…” The figure of Xiao Dejun murmurs before you. Instinctively, you step backwards, unease writhing in your stomach as you wonder if Lee Donghyuck is nearby.

“Wasn’t he with the Goguryeo army in Seorabeol?” Taeil asks as you slowly nod your head. “Then we can no longer escape… I need to take responsibility for the men I’ve lost. Will you go on without me?”

“What…?” You look at him puzzled, “I can’t do that!”

Dejun had remained silent for the short exchange, but now he speaks up, “Yes, I do work with their forces. But I have been given no orders regarding the Hwarang.” His eyes shift to you, “My only business here is with her.”

“Me?” Your brow furrows as he crosses his arms.

“Donghyuck is… vexed by you, and that commander of yours. He disregards the kingdom’s wishes and does as he pleases, not as he is ordered. Yeon Gaesomun is troubled, to say the least. And for now, we don’t wish to cut our ties with Goguryeo quite yet.” The light in his eyes promises violence, and his body tightens as his hand rests on the hilt of his sword, ready to make good on whatever promise he’d made. With a swift flourish, he relinquishes his blade from its sheath and narrows his eyes at you, “And for that, you must die here.”

With shaky hands, you reach for your blade, already knowing you’re no match for the Demon.

“He’s after me,” you look frantically to Taeil, “Only me. You need to escape!”

“But—!” Taeil says, panic riddling his expression.

“I’ll be fine,” you try to reassure him with a small smile. “The Hwarang need you now more than ever, you can’t abandon them.”

His mouth hangs slack for a moment, speechless. Then he shuts his jaw and draws his sword,“No matter the reason, an honorable warrior cannot run away and leave a woman to fight alone.” Despite your protest, he gets into a fighting stance, slowly closing the distance between Dejun and himself. His face calm and serene, you don’t see any hesitation in his eyes, “My recklessness has seen many of my men to their death, I don’t want it to lead another away.”

You’d seen this same expression on Jisung’s face just before he’d died on Donghyuck’s blade. Taeil’s mind has already been made.

“I am Moon Taeil, Chief of the Hwarang!” With his sword held high, he charges Dejun.

The intense force of their clash sends a shockwave rippling through the air. The clangor of metal rings out and the two part.

“You challenge me knowing that you cannot win, for the sake of someone who cannot defend themselves…” Dejun almost lets a smile creep onto the corner of his lips, “Your actions are worthy of respect.”

Taeil swings at his last word, Dejun sliding away as if he’s made of water. His hand outstretches and grabs the metal of Taeil’s blade, pushing the hilt of it into the Chief’s stomach.

As Taeil groans out, falling towards the ground, Dejun flips him around so that he slams directly onto his back.

“I’ve knocked most of the air out of him. He won’t be able to move for quite some time,” Dejun glances at Taeil writhing on the ground and then looks at you. “You’re next. Do not blame me for what I have to do.”

Raising his blade, he charges at you, kicking you in the stomach as you have no time to dodge his attack. Feeling like your whole body is about to shatter, you endure the pain just a bit more and struggle to your feet.

“You just saw the difference in our power… Are you sure you still want to put up a fight?” He asks, looking at the blade locked tightly in your grip. Noticing that you’re not budging, he nods, “Very well. I’ll humor you, then.”

Giving a huff, you readjust your grip on your sword and rush at Dejun. However, he evades your attack with no effort. You murmur to yourself how you need to change your movements, and begin to swing rapidly at him. Yet, once again, his elegant technique moves him out of the path of your blade. No matter how many times you charge and slash at him, there’s no way you’ll even scathe him. It’s not until his leg moves and kicks your arm with the force of a falling boulder that you move again.

The pain is so immediately overwhelming, you drop your blade to the forest floor, crying out in pain as you fall to the ground. Your knees skim across the dirt, digging into the earth and scraping your skin. Your brain screams at you to move, to fight, but the roar of your surely broken arm drowns it out almost entirely.

“This fight is done,” Dejun says quietly, “Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick.”

Your eyes close as you hear him approach, and a myriad of thoughts runs through you. An apology to Kun, first and foremost, he’d told you to survive and now you’re doing everything but. A tear carves its way down the side of your cheek as you wait for the blow to hit you.

“Giving up so soon?” A voice says calmly, “The Hwarang don’t stop fighting until they’re dead. The only thing on your mind right now should be how you’re going to out-think this idiot.”

That voice…

Your head raises and eyes shoot open just in time to see Kun leap through the air and land a strike with his sword on Dejun’s arm.

“You!” Dejun says as he recoils.

“I thought I’d only be fighting soldiers out here… Guess I’ll be taking care of a Demon, too,” Kun huffs, his white hair glimmering in the moonlight.

“Have you learned nothing since your fight with Donghyuck?” Dejun huffs, “A Fury is a mere echo of a true Demon. No matter how powerful you may think yourself, you cannot defeat us.”

Kun lets out a short laugh, “Never know until you try…”

“Only bloodshed will satisfy you… Very well.” Dejun raises his sword, “I’ll be your opponent.” Giving him a short nod, Dejun once again falls easily into a ready stance.

Kun’s blade flickers through the air, a little more than a glint of silver in the moonlight. Dejun blocks it with his own sword, dodging away from the attack. With his brow furrowed, Kun braces himself for the pushback that Dejun does, using the momentum against the commander to shove him back.

Kun’s face twists as his feet slide back into the dirt. Be it his Fury-born strength or his adrenaline- he surges forward after a split second, charging toward Dejun. His blade leaps forward, burying itself into the Demon’s chest. Blood flies from the gash, splashing across Kun’s face.

A startled noise falls from his mouth and he jerks back, pulling his sword from the wound. No sooner had it been out does the wound begin to close.

“Right…” Kun shakes his head, “You heal quickly, don’t you? It’s straight through the heart or not at all, huh?” His sword shines with the sheen of fresh blood, “I’ve got you figured out, though. I know how you move. You’re tough, but you’re not impossible.”

Drenched in blood, Kun looks more monster than human, his eyes wide and hungry. There’s something terrifying and inhuman about his expression as he whips his sword through the air.

Dejun leaps back, Kun’s sword almost catching his hand as he does so. Jabs and parries, feints and counter-feints… The battle flows between them like a living thing; it changes, moving too fast for any mortal eye to track. Neither of the two men show any sign of tiring as they dodge and attack in ways that would be unthinkable for any human.

Even in the maelstrom of death and violence, you can see Kun smiling.

The smell of blood hangs heavy in the air, and his grin speaks of a Fury’s lust for death.

“I never imagined a Fury could match me in battle…” Dejun murmurs as the two part, “You are unexpected. This power, though, what will you do with it?”

“What?” Kun says, confused. “Protect those I care for. What other reason could there be for wanting power?”

“Those you care for… Would you count Silla among that number?”

“No… This is bigger than the Kingdom. They can’t compare.”

Dejun closes his eyes and stays silent for a moment. What’s gotten into him? Why had he stopped fighting?

This would be a perfect time to strike, right?

Just as you think to pick up your blade and move toward him, you feel a hand on your shoulder, “Stay back.” Yuta, who you hadn’t heard return, stops you despite your protest. “That Demon no longer thirsts for blood. This battle is over.”

“Demons are not meant to involve themselves in the world of humans,” Dejun states as he opens his eyes to stare at Kun, who’d lowered his sword. “Now that you’ve become a Fury, you belong in the shadows as well.”

“Yeah.” Kun says shortly, “I’m not interested in my name being written in the annals.”

“If you understand that, I shall leave the rest to you.” Dejun shakes his head, “Donghyuck is proud, even for a Demon. If you have indeed humiliated him, I doubt he will ever forgive you. It is unlikely that you will defeat him… However, if there is something you wish to protect, then please… use the powers you’ve been granted to do so.”

In his own stoic way, Kun looks as confused as you feel. Can Dejun be trusted?

“There is one more thing I must tell you…” Dejun warns, “The power of the Furies is not magic, or a gift from the gods. Great strength, lightning speed, and mortal wounds that close themselves… This power was already within you, but had you stayed human you would have spent it in decades, not minutes. You are only borrowing these things.”

Your fingernails dig into your palms at the realization. By ‘borrowing’, does he mean that when Kun taps into the speed and strength of a Fury, he’s picking away at his future—his life?

“So you’re saying that every time I use that stuff, my life gets a little shorter?” Kun asks and Dejun nods. The commander lets out a short laugh, “Makes sense. Seemed too good to be true. Guess it’s only natural that I’d have to trade something for this kind of power.”

“Then I will be on my way…”

“Hold on. I want to ask you something.” Kun stops him before he can run off, “You sure you want to let us get away? If you don’t kill me now, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up killing your friend.”

“If you defeat him, then that was all he amounted to.” Dejun states plainly, “We Demons are not sentimental.” Then, with a last polite nod, he disappears into the night,

With his enemy gone, Kun slumps and takes a long, deep breath.

“Are you alright?” Your voice comes out quietly as you look at him.

“Fine. Where’s Taeil?”

“Over there,” Yuta gestures as Kun runs off toward the Chief.

“Are you okay?” Kun asks as Taeil looks at him wide-eyed, “Are you hurt?”

“Kun… you…” With Kun standing before him, his white hair and red eyes bright in the moonlight, he looks as if he’s seen a ghost. A Fury.

“Oh…” Kun begins but looks away, almost guiltily.

Staring at him a moment before speaking again, Taeil notes in a soft, stunned voice, “Are you… a Fury?”

“Uh, yeah.” Kun admits, “I didn’t have a choice, alright? It was for the Hwarang,”

For a moment, he sounds composed, but as you look closer you can see that he’s desperately avoiding Taeil’s gaze. Not being able to bear looking him in the eye.

Everyone is silent for a moment before the first raindrop hits you, taking you by surprise.

“…It’s starting to rain…” Kun sighs, “We need to get back to Ungjin and reorganize. We need to discuss our next move.”

“Right,” you nod, reaching out to tug at Taeil’s sleeve, “Come on, we need to hurry.” Taeil simply stands there, almost as if he’s forgotten how to walk. “Is something wrong?” It begins to rain harder yet he doesn’t budge.

Rain runs down his cheeks to his chin, or are they tears?

“What…” He murmurs, “What have I been doing…? Today I sent men—men who trusted me—into battle. They died. And I’ve made you,” his gaze flickers to Kun, “a man I’ve known for years, into a Fury. A monster…”

“Taeil…” Kun’s brow furrows at him, “What is this? No one blames you. We were able to take the city because Wen Junhui’s forces showed up— No matter how good of a tactician you are, we couldn’t have taken Hanseong alone.” He shakes his head, “I made bad calls too, and it got Jisung and Minhyung killed. We cannot change the past. What we can do is turn this around and keep fighting with our all. Besides, I don’t regret becoming a Fury.”

He laughs shortly, “Hell, I’m stronger and faster than I ever was, and I can use that to help you out. Nothing could make me happier.”

Rain pours onto their faces. Surely it’s in your imagination, but for a moment, it almost looks as if Kun is crying. Taeil stares at him for a long moment, then finally draws himself together.

“I’m sorry,” Taeil shakes his head with a small smile, “I was being foolish. Forget what I said.” Something in his voice tells you that even he doesn’t quite believe that.

December 2nd, 665 – Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla The Hwarang had returned to Ungjin. Rejoining with your friends and the rest of the men who had stayed behind feels bittersweet. Your mind often turns to Taeil, who expectedly remains disconsolate after his first defeat on the battlefield.

Even after the attempts to rouse him, he spends most of his time in his quarters, moping. The man who had come in only hours after the Hwarang had given up their position in Hanseong, Wen Junhui, would be arriving in Ungjin any day now. His victory over the Goguryeo forces had been a swift undertaking, something of a thorn in the Chief’s side.

You think of this future meeting as someone brushes past you just as you’re about to begin lighting the lanterns outside of the headquarters.

“Oh– Yuta? Are you off to work?”

The man gives you a curt nod, “When you have a moment, could you make some tea and bring it to Kun?” Without waiting for a response, he gives you a small smile and scurries off.

Yuta had never been a talkative man in your presence, or anyone’s, really. Yet he’d lately taken on a taciturn demeanor. Is he still upset by the events from Hanseong…? Or maybe…

The day after the large posse had returned to Ungjin, you awoke the next morning to Yukhei and JAehyun loitering around the main hall, their gear and belongings tucked away into haphazardly made bags.

‘We’ve made up our minds’ you recall Yukhei saying, a dimness in his voice that you would have never attributed to him prior to that meeting. ‘Our path isn’t Taeil’s. I don’t think we can follow him anymore.’

It was a blurry goodbye after that, and you suspect that you’re not fully over their departure, either. Of course, you’ve only known them for a few years, not the lifetime it seems that they’ve had with the other men.

Along with their departure, Yongqin had been moved to Sabi, a southern town known for its medicinal practices. Finding his room empty left you feeling bereft as well.

One by one, the group that you’d come to find as a second family is slowly falling apart.

As you light the last lantern you sigh to yourself and decide to go make tea, as requested by Yuta.

The tray remains sturdy in your grasp, even if you can hear the ceramic clinking against itself as you approach the Commander’s door, “Good evening, I’ve brought you tea…” As you speak, you open the door, stopping almost immediately as the gazes of Kun, Jaemin and Taeyong fall onto you.

Their conversation must’ve been important judging by the hardset lines carved into their expressions.

“I’m sorry!” You say quickly, “I hadn’t realized that you were in the middle of a meeting.” Feet trailing backwards, you’re almost out of the room when Kun speaks up.

“You can stay.”

His words halt your movement and Taeyong piques your interest as he looks back to Kun, glaring, “You cannot possibly be serious about this! Why would you halt the augmentation of the Fury Corps?!”

“I am serious,” Kun’s attention turns from you and once back to his comrade. “I will not have any more men being turned into Furies. Make do with what you have.”

“I apologize but I cannot support your decision. The Hwarang’s power is at an all time low, even if Silla is standing against Goguryeo and winning– I think that expanding the Fury Corps to keep this fight pushing forward is our only option.” Taeyong’s voice is a strained composure as he grits his teeth and continues, “Jaemin told me that Yukhei and Jaehyun have left. That is a serious blow to us, Kun.”

“You saw what happened in Hanseong– Even if we recruit more, they’ll run off on us. Wasting our effort on pitiful men like that is foolish. Would it not be better to focus on those who have abided by our code? Who understands what it means to be a Hwarang?”

Jaemin looks to the floor, his shoe gently tapping the boards underneath. He’s been silent since you arrived, but you can clearly see that he isn’t agreeing with Taeyong fully.

“You make several good points, Taeyong.” Kun frowns, his arms crossing, “If we want increased strength, the best way to attain that is through the Fury Corps.”

“Then why–!” Taeyong begins.

“There’s a problem with the Furies. A big one. We only just found out about it and our source is,” Kun glances at you briefly, “reliable.” With your eyes widening at what’s to come, you can only look at Jaemin's and Taeyong’s faces as he divulges what Dejun had told you.

“The power of a Fury comes from your… potential. The more you use it, the shorter your life becomes.”

Taeyong’s gaze, usually cool and calculating, goes awry as he processes. From his standing position he falls to his knees, hitting the wood with a thud. A surge of realization of his powerlessness registers within him.

“Yeah,” Kun’s voice falls into a somber lull, “We shouldn’t be using the Furies unless we really have to.”

After several long moments of silence, Taeyong raises his head to speak, “Then that is yet another reason why the research must continue.” He pushes himself from the floor, brushing off his knees and looking at Kun, “It is a flaw, yes, and a serious one. But with more research… We may find a way to circumvent, or even counteract, it entirely. As a Fury, you should understand.”

“This is not a request, Taeyong. This is an order.” Kun’s arms uncross and seems ready to impose his status over the other, “As your Commander, I am telling you that research on Furies will stop. There will be no more.”

Taeyong says nothing, he just glares at Kun until seconds once again turn into minutes.

“Let’s go, Taeyong…” Jaemin tries to urge him. When Taeyong turns to him, you can see lines in his face, perhaps proof that his life is already steadily leaving him.

You step aside to let them leave, and as they open the door, the figure of Taeil is seen passing by in the hall.

“Oh, Chief,” Jaemin stops, “Were you coming in?”

“No…Uh… No, I’m just out for a walk,” Taeil chuckles, “Just passing by. Don’t mind me.” A few more pleasantries were exchanged and then the sound of three sets of footsteps trail away down the hall.

You’re reminded of Kun’s presence when he sighs behind you, you spin on your heels and note that he’s looking forlornly out of the small window in his room.

“I’m sure the tea’s cold by now,” you look at the tray in your hands, “Let me get you a fresh pot.”

“No,” he stops you, gaze broken from the window and now linked to you, “I’m thirsty, cold tea’s perfect.” His hand gingerly reaches out to the tray as you approach and swiftly grabs one of the cups atop it. Kun brings his lips to the porcelain and he sighs, a distant look twinkles in his eyes.

“He’s right, you know.” Kun says as he sets his empty cup down. “Taeyong’s right. Jaehyun and Yukhei leaving… It hurt us bad.” His voice shakes almost imperceptibly, his lips curling into a bitter smile, “I had a feeling this might happen someday. It’s our fault for falling short of what they wanted. But damn, we sure have lost a lot of people. Things are undeniably different now.”

You can’t even begin to imagine what’s going through his head. He’s been working from dusk to dawn, has he even had time to grieve anyone properly? Even with the strength that his newfound Fury powers had given him, you can see the horrible toll it’s taken on his body.

“Kun…” you say softly, “you have to stop.”

“What?” His voice is much rougher than you though, giving you momentary pause.

“I’m only telling you to do what you told Taeyong to do a few moments ago. Don’t use your Fury abilities unless it’s an emergency.”

“Why should I listen to you?” His expression questioning.

“Well… You turned into a Fury to save me from Donghyuck, you wouldn’t have had to unl–”

“This again?” He sighs, “Look, I said I chose to do it. I wasn’t forced.”

A pang reverberates around your ribcage, “When you say things like that, it only makes it worse. If you’re in pain, just say so. Don’t you wish you’d never become a Fury?”

For a moment, the room is quiet, and then Kun begins to laugh. “I just can’t win with you, can I? You really are from the countryside.” Another chortle before he continues, “I can’t remember if I’ve told you this before– Anyway, I am the adopted son of a sixth rank noble, I hardly knew my birth parents. I was raised with the noble’s son and daughter, Hoseok and Joohyun. You kind of sound like Joohyun. Yongqin’s sister Cheng sounds the same way too. When you go off, it’s like I’m being scolded by my family. Makes me feel like I have to listen to you.”

You’d never heard him speak of his childhood like this before. It’s surreal in a way.

“If what Dejun told us is true, then as long as I don’t use my Fury powers, I’ll be alright, right?” His lightheartedness flees slightly as he huffs out a puff of air, “If it gets bad I’ll let you know. Stop worrying about me.”

He’ll likely keep most of his pain to himself– that’s just who he is, but if he really means what he’d said…

“I understand,” you say with a nod, another thought beginning to bubble to the surface. “So… What will happen to the Hwarang now?”

“Well, we need to get Taeil to snap out of it, but after that, we’re heading north.”

“North? You mean back to…”

“Yeah, back to Hanseong.” Kun cedes with a sigh, “The Tang forces may have saved our asses up there but it doesn’t mean that they don’t want every man they can take fighting alongside them. Some of Namekawa’s men are stationed there too, hoping to round up some men and head to Bakjak. We’ll try to pincer Pyongyang and take those–” Suddenly, Kun’s body contorts and hunches, his hand grasping at his now heaving chest. His eyes wide in pain, sweat begins to pour from his head and he mutters out through clenched teeth, “Fuck, fuck–!”

“Kun?” Your mouth lays agape as the hair on his head turns an alabaster white. It’s bloodlust, you’re sure of it. “You need blood…” The sentence isn’t a question, and you react almost instinctively, recalling what you’d done for him before.

With unsteady hands you reach for the blade at your hip, laying its cool edge on the palm of your hand before his hand grasps around your wrist. Trying to pull away, you're met with a fervent shaking of his head.

“I’ll do it,” he murmurs, straightening himself to the best of his ability. Kun moves around you, standing behind you as he loosens your collar as the night air hits your neck followed by his fingertips. Seconds later you feel the kiss of a cold blade against your neck before feeling it slide against your skin. You try your best not to wince but the air makes the cut sting.

The cold is eventually replaced by the warmth of his face as his lips fall onto the cut. Heat raids your body, never before had you been this close to a man before. Nerves make your body twist to try and look at him until Kun’s hands grab your shoulders.

“Don’t look,” his voice low, husky. And you nod, not particularly sure that you want to see him in his Fury state. Those few words– a last, strained defense of his wounded pride– tear at your heart, and a knot gets stuck in your throat. For his sake you try and calm your nerves, although you can still feel your heart racing.

“I’m sorry… I can’t afford to lose it right now.” You’re unsure if he’s saying that to calm himself or calm you.

“Of course…” Your voice leaves you quietly, “You don’t need to hold back, I want to help in whatever way I can.”

In the days you watched both Minhyung and Jisung die, you’d find yourself inundated with near tortuous regret. There had been nothing in your power you could do for them. Ever since those fateful days it has been your resolve to help the Hwarang after they’d aided and sheltered you for so long.

Kun’s grip tightens on your shoulder, and a wave of emotions washes over you– guilt, disappointment, anger, regret– and you soon realize that they are not your own. They’re his.

Eventually he lets go and steps away from you.

“I’m sorry for doing that…” His hair back to its darkened state, he can’t seem to meet your gaze.

“It’s nothing,” you insist, adjusting the collar of your outfit that he’d shifted aside, “See? The cut’s already closed up.” Seeing his still-stolid demeanor, you continue, “I’ll be staying here for a while longer so please, if you need anything, just let me know.”

“So I can just drink your blood whenever?”

You nod, “You can.”

Kun cracks an eye open and gives you a small chuckle as he shakes his head, “Shouldn’t say things like that. Someone’s gonna use you up and throw you away.”

You know he’s joking, but there’s a part of you that feels if it were he that used you up then it wouldn’t be that bad.

April 7th, 666 - Hanseong, Kingdom of Silla Sometime after the incident between Kun and you, you begin to move northward, back to Hanseong. Nearly a month after its liberation from the Goguryeo forces, the Hwarang settled on a private estate just outside of the city’s walls. Taeil had been reluctant to return to the battlefields, but after several conversations with Kun, he’d become convinced otherwise.

Until the preparations to siege Pyongyang were in place, you would be set up in Hanseong to train. Yuta had gone to a town some ways south to train in Tang weaponry with one of Wen Junhui’s assistants, Hao Chujun. Taeyong and Jaemin had left with the Fury Corps along the naval route to Bakjak as they were not permitted to travel to Hanseong.

“Do you know where the Chief is?” A voice calls out to you, and you turn to see Jeong Sungchan standing there, his eyes wide.

“I think he’s reading in his room,” you have to think of when you last saw him. Weight shifting from foot to foot you try not to look concerned, “Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing in particular, but…” There’s a peculiar expression on his face you can’t quite grasp. “I can’t shake this worrying feeling like he’s lost the will for us to fight again since the last time we were here…”

“Hmm…” You purse your lips, “I don’t think that’s the case. I can’t say that he’s completely lost his will to fight.”

Sungchan is hesitant to respond as he stays quiet, eventually speaking again, “You’re probably right, huh? I mean, Commander Qian is still giving his all for him. I’m sure he’ll return to his old self soon enough.” With that, Sungchan quickly scurries off, racing back into the depths of the manor.

As you watch him, you can’t help but let his words sting you a little. Taeil certainly had lost some of that ambitious fire he’d always had in his eyes as of late. If he wasn’t holed up reading in his room, he’d spend time in solitude out in the garden. Yet, you hold on hope that his confidence had deflated only a little after the battle in Hanseong.

Prompted by the meeting with Sungchan, you decide to pay the Chief a visit a few hours later.

“I’ve brought you some tea,” You say quietly as you slide open the door. Taeil sits behind his desk, nose buried in a bound novel, and he greets you with a smile. “What are you reading?”

“Oh, this is Jemangmaega,” he lowers the book, closing it but saving his place with a scrap piece of parchment. A collection of poems but more critical than that if one reads further into the text. I practically know them by heart now, but with each time I reread them I find I learn something new.”

“When I was younger I wanted to be just like Kim Yushin– he fought for others, more so than just himself,” his grin lasts for a moment before fading, “But I suppose dreaming about being a great commander doesn’t just make you one… I wish I realized that a bit sooner.”

“What are you talking about?” You tilt your head, “You’ve only just begun.”

“... How’s Kun?” He asks, not seeming to have heard your prior statement.

“I think he’s in his room writing something.” You state, “Probably writing orders for Yuta, he’s off with Hao Chujun in Kyeju, you know.”

“Ah…” Taeil sighs, “I keep giving Kun so much to do.”

“I don’t think he’s pushing himself too hard,” you say quickly, “And nothing makes him happier than being able to help you. That’s just the kind of guy he is.”

Taeil chuckles at that, “You’ve turned out to be quite a page to him, haven’t you? I think you know him quite well by now.”

“You think so?” You feel your cheeks warm at his certainty. “That’s right… I was supposed to be his page, wasn’t I?”

“To be truthful, I never thought that you’d be with us for this long…” Before you knew it, the two of you had begun to reminisce about your time in Seorabeol. Back then, you never could have guessed where fate would take you. There have been constant challenges, but you thought that’d you’d eventually return to your lives in the capital.

“I know things will work out. The Commander will get us through this.”

Taeil responds with a melancholy laugh, “Don’t you think you’re asking quite a bit of him?”

“... What do you mean?”

Before Taeil has any time to answer, the door opens with a snap, Shotaro and Kun briskly walking inside, their faces tense and drawn.

“We have to go. Now.” Kun says sharply, “The place’s surrounded.”

“There’s two, maybe three hundred of them out there. We came in through the back so they wouldn’t see us,” Shotaro says solemnly.

“If it were only twenty or thirty then we could take them… But we don’t have time to call Yuta and his men. Guess we’ll have to come up with something here. You two take Taeil and go on ahead,” Kun says quickly.

“What?!” You speak up, “Not even you can take on that many people. And it’s still daytime…”

“A majority of the soldiers out there are archers,” Shotaro says as both you and he move toward the door in an effort to block it should Kun try and get out.

Taeil, having been in quiet contemplation since their arrival, speaks out, “You needn't do that, Kun. I’ll go and have them take me to their headquarters.”

“What the hell?!” Kun shouts out incredulously, “You might as well just paint a target on your chest!”

“I won’t introduce myself as Moon Taeil of the Hwarang, of course,” Taeil sighs as he rises to his feet, “I’ll tell them that we’re soldiers here to just secure the location. At any rate, it should buy you enough time to get away.”

While you and Shotaro lay shocked into silence, Kun doesn’t relent, “Listen to yourself! You really think they’ll let you waltz in and fuck with them like that?! You know how they work! There’s no way in hell that those bastards don’t hate our guts! They won’t believe that shit about us being soldiers for a second!”

“Well, even if I do get captured, I have the status of a Lord. They can’t just kill me.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Kun’s face is a near vibrant red at the moment, “You think they’ll give a shit about a title you have from the Kingdom they’re against?! You go out there, you’re signing your death warrant. You really think I’ll just let you do that?!”

No matter what the Commander yells at him, Taeil’s expression doesn’t change.

“I’ve made my decision. Nothing you say can convince me otherwise.”

Kuns fists begin to shake by his sides. In all your time with the Hwarang, you’ve never seen either of them act like this before.

“No! No! What the hell are the Hwarang going to do without their Chief?!” Kun shouts, “You’re coming with me even if I have to knock you out and drag you along! You have a responsibility to the Hwarang! You don’t get to die and run away from that!” He’s screaming at Taeil, his white knuckled fists now gripping the front of the other man’s robes and his eyes red with held-back tears.

Yet his fury and pleas break across Taeil’s impassable calm like wind against a mountain.

“This is a direct order!” Taeil says sternly as Kun’s hands drop from his robes, “You will go to Kyeju to meet with the rest of our men. The two of you will accompany him as well.” Kun stumbles back a step or two at the force of Taeil’s voice.

“You’re going to tell me what to do…? What the hell is this?!” Kun asks near incredulously.

“Aren’t your Chief’s orders absolute?” Taeil asks with a tilt of his head, “You’ve ordered men to kill themselves, or to become Furies from disobeying that rule. Are you somehow an exception? Is that the sort of warrior you want to be?”

Kun says nothing.

As long as he’d been commander, Kun strove to lead by example. He lived by the O Gye and demanded that others do likewise to groom the Hwarang into true warriors. There’s no doubt Taeil had counted on that fact. He meant to do it to keep Kun alive.

Taeil looks to you and Shotaro, stepping a few paces in your direction, “I want you to leave with Kun. If you take too long, they’ll attack and my surrender will mean nothing.” He gives you two a small shove to get you moving, Shotaro turns to look at Kun.

“Commander… Let’s go.”

He only stands, chewing his lip, until Taeil lays his hands on his friend’s shoulders, giving him a warm smile.

“Hey, Kun… Let it go. Let me go.” Taeil says softly, “You’ve run yourself ragged trying to earn me the status and fame that I wanted. You even turned yourself into a Fury… It kills me to see you do all of these things for me… I’m not worth it.”

Kun doesn’t meet his friend’s gaze, he instead blinks rapidly, trying to hold back tears, and stares desperately at the floor. Then he swallows the lump in his throat, his voice tight and strained when he speaks, “I– If I do this, then what have I been fighting for all these years? I became a warrior, served our Kingdom… I won numerous battles and killed men… All because I thought you’d be there at the end with all of us…”

“I’m sorry,” Taeil’s voice reflects the softness of the other’s, “I brought you here, I did this to you. Thinking back on it, it was all sort of a dream. We weren’t real warriors yet but we strapped on our swords and went to work.” His voice is warm, but that seems to make it even more difficult for Kun to let go.

The room is still before the commander speaks, “Osaki… Send a message to our remaining men. We need to secure an escape route.” His gaze then falls to you, “Stay here. Once we’re ready, I’ll come get you.”

“Okay,” you nod quickly. And with that, Shotaro and Kun leave, and Taeil and you are alone once more.

“Take this with you,” Taeil says as he begins to reach for something in his robes. After a moment, he hands you a small cloth bag, it clinks as it rests in your palm.

“What is it?”

“Money. To help you escape. I wasn’t able to do anything for you. This is a token of my appreciation, for all you’ve done for us. Please, take it.” His warmth still lingers on the fabric of the bag, you feel a lump rise in your throat. “You still have time. I’ll tell Kun. Once you get away, go somewhere safe and look for Doctor Namekawa… Just forget you had anything to do with us. Marry someone you love and live a peaceful life. Find happiness.”

While you appreciate his kind gestures you cannot find it within yourself to follow his guidance, “No, I won’t run. I want to go with Kun. I’m… I’m his page…” Your teeth catch your lip, afraid that if you say any more you may cry. Instead, you look up to Taeil and do your best to smile.

His eyes are warm as he looks to you, “Our Commander’s been blessed with some great friends. I’ll be counting on you, then. Take care of him for me.”

Eventually, Kun and Shotaro return. They gather you and the rest of the men in an outer courtyard on the premises, including Jeno and Sungchan.

“What?!” Jeno shouts, “We’re going to leave Chief behind? Is that true Commander?!”

“Chief’s orders,” Kun says sternly, “You’re all going to escape this place and I’ll be right behind you.”

“If he just surrenders, then his cover will be blown immediately!” Jeno insists, “At least here, I could remain by his si–”

“I said, ‘Chief’s orders’! Or do you have shit in your ears?!” Kun snaps, “Don’t you dare put Taeil’s efforts in vain with your stupid suggestions!”

Jeno looks as if he wants to respond, but instead he looks down as he tightens his fists and shakes.

Just then, Sungchan says, “I’m going to stay. I understand they’re the Chief’s orders. However, as a warrior of the Hwarang, I cannot abandon the Chief.”

“Jeong Sungchan!” Shotaro raises his voice, only to be interjected.

“Sungchan you bastard…” Kun frowns, “You really want this steel in your gut right now?”

“No! It’s not like that,” Sungchan’s eyes burn with intense vigor as he glares back at Kun. “I understand you, more than anyone else, want to remain here. But the Chief entrusted the Hwarang to you, which is why you can’t… So that’s why I want to protect him in your stead, Commander!”

Kun curls his lip, staring at him for a long moment before unsheathing his blade at his hip.

“Commander!” As the exclamation leaves Shotaro’s mouth, Kun points the tip of the sword toward Sungchan’s throat.

“You said you’ll protect the Chief, right?”

Sweat trickles down Sungchan’s reddened cheeks, “...Yes, I will.”

“Then you’d better keep your goddamn word. No matter what, your eyes don’t leave Moon, got it?”

Sungchan’s eyes grow wide, trembling for a moment but soon after brim with a fiery determination, “Yes, sir! I, Jeong Sungchan, promise to protect the Chief's life, no matter the cost!”

It seems as if he’s convinced Kun, as the latter returns his blade to its sheath. “Let’s go.” His words are curt as he nods quikly before leaving the residence behind.

In a short while, Taeil and Sungchan will hand their terms of surrender to the Goguryeo army. You find yourself looking back over your shoulder many times as you run. Soon, Taeil will surrender to his enemies. Perhaps, you think time and time again, if you turn around now, you can rescue him,

Shotaro seems to feel the same way, but Kun never once turns back.

April 7th, 666 – The Road South, Kingdom of Silla You run and run through the forest to Kyeju. It doesn’t matter how quickly you get there– it’s not soon enough to bring back an army to save Taeil.

“Are you alright?” Shotaro asks as he falls in step by your side, “We can rest if you’re tired.”

“I’m alright,” you shake your head, “I can keep going.”

Kun, with his back to you, says nothing, but you can feel each pained step he takes away from his friend.

The sun begins to dip towards the western horizon and night starts to fall when your party is stopped by a group of Goguryeo soldiers.

“You there! Stop!” One of them commands, his hand already hovering over the hilt of his sword, “Where are you headed?”

Kun only frowns and makes his way to walk past the soldier.

“He said to stop!” Another soldier yells out, “Goddamn it, are you more of those Silla guys?”

“Hold,” the first man pauses, “I’ve seen him before. You’re that bastard from the Hwarang, aren’t you?”

“You mean those guys that offed Suh?” The soldiers around them begin to scramble for their weapons.

Unfortunately, they aren’t fast enough for Kun. His hair snaps white and he shoots forward, toward the soldiers, sword in hand. His strikes are so fast and elegant that the eye barely even has time to perceive what happened before the two men fall dead.

“Wrong day to fuck with me, boys.”

A volley of soldiers rush forward, as well as a few arrows loosened in his direction. One of the arrows pierces his shoulder and Kun cries out, swiftly pulling it from the wound. It immediately begins to close as he smirks at them, “That’s how it feels getting shot, huh? Not as bad as I thought.” His gaze sharpens on those left before him, “This is nothing! This doesn’t even come close to what Taeil’s going through!”

Kun launches himself at the nearest of the soldiers, his sword already in motion and his face twisted by grief and anger. Even without Fury powers, Kun and Shotaro could have made easy work of this small troop of men… But rage and frustration boiling over since you’d left Taeil had erupted in a torrent of violence.

“You can’t use your powers–!” You call out to Kun, trying to stop his relentless assault.

“Shut up!” He snarls at you, “Stay out of this!”

He knows what he’s doing, but he’s far past caring. Kun leaps from tree to tree, his sword flashing like lightning. Every time it moves, a life ends. Rage, anguish and an unrestrained thirst for blood radiates from him like heat from a blaze from a fire. Blood soaks his face and hands. Still, he cuts and cuts, never satisfied.

You see Shotaro and Jeno sweating as they stand silently, watching Kun fight as a Fury. They’re mesmerized and you can hardly blame them. Every swing of his sword spills a man to the dirt. He looks like a monster. At last, the only man left alive is Kun himself.

Silence falls over the forest once more, save for the birds that have restarted their chatter,

“Shotaro… Jeno… Go see if there’s any more of them.” Desperate to distance themselves from the bloodshed, the two depart quickly after Kun’s orders. “You. Go with them.”

Normally you would do as he’d asked and followed after them but now…

“What?” Kun turns to you, noticing your hesitation, “I gave you an order.” His words cut like a knife but you don’t move.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

“I am your commanding officer. I am giving you an order.” He sounds angry, as he oft does, but just behind that there's a deep, miserable sadness. If he doesn’t stay angry, you feel, he’d probably be crying.

“I promise I won’t get in your way, but please, just let me stay here with you.” There’s nothing you can do for him, but you cannot bear to leave him alone.

He turns his back to you– to everything, his face hidden. You have no idea what expression he’s wearing.

You search yourself for something to say, something to ease him, but you find nothing within yourself to better him. And, after a few moments, he speaks.

“What the hell did I do… all of this for?”

How can this be the fate dealt by the god for two men so honest and determined? It just doesn’t seem fair…

“Was it just so I could give Taeil to those bastards? I busted my ass to give my friend to the enemy?” His voice trembles with every word, the weight of it all still resting heavily on him, “I was going to make him important. Help him carry himself to his family’s standards. I wanted to see him fight in the kind of battles they wrote about. Like a true warrior… I wanted to see just how far the owner of a school in the sticks could go.”

You’re not even sure if he knows that you’re still here. If he does, it seems as if he no longer cares.

“I thought we were shooting for the same dream. Long as it was for him, I felt like I could do anything. So what the hell am I doing here, alive, while he’s… he’s god knows where?! After all that self-righteous preaching, what did I do?! I turned around and left him to the wolves! He… I’m just like the king. Soon as things get dangerous, I turn tail and leave better men to deal with the mess! God damn it! Why am I alive?!”

It tears you apart to hear him lament his inner machinations aloud. You find yourself stepping forward, wrapping your arms around him, pressing your face against his uniform.

“Taeil said… I mean, after you’d left, I told him that you’d figure it out,” you say softly, “and he said that I was asking too much of you.” Tears run hot down your cheeks, “It’s not your fault, you can’t blame yourself… He didn’t want you to die. That’s why you’re still alive. Just… Please don’t blame yourself.”

Kun listens, saying nothing. Or perhaps he didn’t even hear you. Why do words feel so powerless when you need them the most? What good are they if you cannot comfort someone at their lowest?

“He did this to save me… but what the hell am I supposed to do without Moon Taeil of the Hwarang? The dream of helping him is what brought me here in the first place.” Kun’s shoulders shake, “Now that dream has left me… I don’t have anything left. I’m nothing.” He gives a short bark of humorless laughter, “Seriously Moon… Stop giving me all the shitty jobs.” His voice chokes on a sob and falls silent.

April 10, 666 – Ungjin, Kingdom of Silla The days that followed were somber, and eventually your group returned to Ungjin before regrouping with Yuta in Kyeju. When you arrived in the city, Jeno mentioned he was going to visit a friend of his, and left. However, you think Jeno’s just trying to be considerate and give Kun some space.

Arriving back at the compound, you’re shocked to see none other than Li Yongqin waiting for you.

“Evening,” he says as you walk inside, “Who would’ve thought you guys would ever come to visit me?”

“Nevermind that you should be in Sabi– why are you up this late? Just look at you,” Kun frowns, crossing his arms.

“I’m a bit tired of sleeping alone, you know?” Yongqin muses, “At this rate, I’ll never get a chance to shine again… Seems to me it’s time to join you guys.”

“The hell you won’t! What makes you think you can hold a sword with that body?” Kuns words cut through the air.

“Come on, cut me some slack.” Yongqin snorts, “I’ve been feeling great lately. So…” As he begins his next statement, he turns to cough into his fist. The fit doesn’t relent until he crouches on the floor, coughing painfully with strained breaths.

“Are you alright, Yongqin?” You ask, rubbing his back as he tries to catch his breath. Under your palm, you can feel the bones of his back. At first glance, he may look to be improving but he’s lost a lot of weight and it’s almost painful to look at.

“See?” Kun turns to look down at him, “What’d I tell you? Why don’t you admit you’re sick for once, and take it easy?”

Yongqin bites his lips out of frustration, grimacing at the thought of admitting his weakness, he sighs deeply and rises to his feet, “So, how’s Moon doing? Too busy to visit me again?”

You flinch at the mention of Taeil, which causes your body to jolt unexpectedly. Kun, however, is unfazed by the question.

“He’s a little preoccupied at the moment.”

“How’s his shoulder doing? Isn’t it tough for him to be up and about?”

“That was a while ago. He’s fine.” Kun says, “He may not be able to wield his sword but, well, with his promotion, it’s not like he’s charging from the front lines anyway.”

“Spare me,” Yongqin waves his hand, “You’re bragging about his promotion like it’s you out there and not him. But… that’s good to hear. Taeil’s okay then.” The Hwarang seems to have eased down. It looks as if Taeil’s well-being is the only thing keeping Yongqin invested in his own health.

“Look,” Kun states, “I promise I’ll bring him next time. Just sit tight, okay?”

“Sure, I’ll wait. But I’m not holding my breath. You’ve always been a bad liar, Kun.”

“Who the hell are you calling a liar? I’ve never lied to you about Taeil.” The tone of their conversation sounds like their usual banter, but you can understand why Jeno may have been inclined to step out. You begin to gather that there’s much for them to reminisce on, so you take the chance to sneak outside.

Cool nighttime air whispers against your cheeks as you gaze to the stars hanging above. It seems like tonight would be the final farewell between Kun and Yongqin, you need to let them have this moment to themselves. Being an outside observer to the intimacy of their conversation tells you this, at least.

In the midst of your contemplation, you think you see Jeno speaking to someone in the distance. You know he said he’d been planning to meet a friend in Ungjin but you don’t recognize the figure.

“Are you sure about that? You’re the Commander’s acquaintance, aren’t you?” You hear Jeno speak to him as you slowly approach. “You’re already here so why don’t you stop by?”

“I think I’ll pass on that.” The person says coolly.

“Why?” Jeno questions further, “This may be the last time we step foot in Ungjin.”

“Wasn’t Taeil just arrested by Goguryeo soldiers in Hanseong?” The person murmurs, “I don’t know what I’d say to Kun in a time like this, knowing what everyone’s been through and all.”

Jeno’s head suddenly hangs, as the words from the conversation penetrate and resound around his head, “You don’t need to mince words. Just, you know, tell them how you feel… talk about what you’ve been up to, or what you’ve seen. Isn’t that good enough?”

“Jeno…” For a brief moment, the stranger looks unsettled by the suggestion. However, he takes a deep breath and continues, “But I was never one of the Hwarang. I just happened to be around when the newer group was established.”

“Then why did you paint them as Furies?” Jeno frowns, “If they didn’t matter to you anymore, then you wouldn’t go through the trouble of drawing that? It’s not like it’d make you any money.”

“Well…” The other stops.

“So, are you absolutely sure there’s nothing you’d want to say to the Commander, Colonel or Jaemin? You’re positive?” Jeno lists off the names of the Hwarang, only making you question the stranger yourself. Is he a friend of theirs? Perhaps Jeno had met with him to bring him to your side?

Whatever the case, the stranger’s countenance gives the impression that he’s reluctant to be involved at all.

As you’re thinking of this person, a voice speaks up behind you, “You should go and talk to Yongqin while you can.”

Kun. You hadn’t heard the door open, much less his footsteps approach.

“S- Sure,” you say quickly, spinning on your heels and walking into the house from the darkness.

After making smalltalk for a while, Kun rejoins you and begins to say his farewell to him, “We’ll see you later, Li. Don’t trouble Namekawa too much.”

“I never do,” Yongqin shakes his head, “The man just worries too much.”

“Forever the smartass,” Kun rolls his eyes jokingly, “Whatever the case, we’ll be on our way soon.”

“Leaving already?” Yongqin asks, eyebrows raised.

“Goodnight, Yongqin. Please take care of yourself.” You say with a small smile and begin to turn to leave.

“Hey,” Yongqin calls out to you, “Can I have a word?” He beckons you over with a gentle gesture so you walk to him.

“Is something the matter?”

“I know he won’t admit it, but Kun looks like shit. Are things at the front going bad?”

If you speak too carelessly you can give away information– information that can easily hurt Yongqin, so you fall silent.

“Here’s the thing: I don’t like that man at all, and quite frankly, I can’t give a rat’s ass what happens to him. But… I want you to be by his side. If he goes down, then the Hwarang go down with him.”

“I understand…” you murmur out before Kun butts in.

“Are we done here? Time to get going.”

He doesn’t ask a thing about your conversation as he begins walking briskly ahead of you on the darkened streets. Watching him make that promise of bringing Taeil the next time he’d see Yongqin… it seems as though that burden of promise, and the potential of it being left unfulfilled, weighs heavily on him.

Suddenly, he stops in his tracks.

“You should go on ahead and go home.”

“Huh?” You pause yourself, “What do you mean? What do you plan on doing?”

“I’m going to speak to the Goguryeo forces in Hanseong,” he turns to face you, “And I’m going to personally ask them to release Taeil.”

“You’re going now?!” You sputter, “I thought you said they can’t be reasoned with?”

“If we can’t get results, then I can’t say we’ve done everything we could.”

“It’s not safe for you to go there! They could capture you at any moment!” Frantic energy runs in your voice, “If they take you like they did Taeil…”

Yesterday this idea would have been preposterous to Kun, what happened to mak him change his mind?

“So you’re telling me to my face that this decision is a mistake?”

“No… No I’m not saying that.”

“Then what is it?” He snaps, “If you have something to say, just say it.”

“Stay strong.” You raise your voice, nearly shocking yourself, “You of all people know what needs to be done.”

“I decide on what I do. It’s not your place to say.”

“I understand, but what will you do if you’re arrested by the Goguryeo army?”

“So what if I am?” He frowns, crossing his arms, “Sitting here and talking about ‘what-ifs’ isn’t any better than taking action.

“So you’re going to let Minhyung and Jisung’s sacrifices go in vain?!”

“What do you know?!” He explodes, and you have to stop yourself from taking a step back.

“E- Even I can understand a little!” You refuse to let your convictions amount to nothing. With a heavy heart you continue, “I was there when they gave their lives for… I saw it with my own eyes. Both of them loved the Hwarang. And they trusted their commander! If either of them saw what I am now, it would crush them.”

“Crush them, huh?” At last, he seems to let go of a bit of the tension in his shoulders. They relax slightly as he looks off into the distance. “Do you believe it to be the survivor’s duty to carry on the will of the deceased?”

“I think so.”At least that’s what it feels as if you’re doing now. The reason you can’t back down, even if Kun feels compelled to yell at you, is because you know Jisung and Minhyung would have done the same.

“Damn, guess this means all I have to look forward to in life is shouldering more burdens until I die.”

“Kun…”

He shakes his head and gives you a short, melancholic smile, “Sorry for yelling at you. You were right. You did know. There’s no point in me being irrational when our situation is already grim, huh? It wouldn;t look too great if there’s nowhere for the Chief to go when he gets out eventually.”

With that last statement, you see that he’s finally regained his composure, and you respond in kind by calming down, “I know I told you to stay strong, but please, don’t push yourself too hard. I noticed you’ve been running around during both day and night time.”

“Where do you have all this time to show concern for every person you meet?” Kun sighs out, “Once we leave here, if you so much as collapse on the way out, I’m leaving your ass behind. Brace yourself.”

“Okay!”

You’re happy to have gotten through to him, even if it was just a courteous gesture. He begins walking again and you run right behind him, doing your best to keep up with the swiftness of his pace.

At the entrance of the city, you regroup with Jeno and Shotaro, the two greeting you quickly.

“Commander, I need to speak with you urgently,” Jeno says, looking frigid as he approaches Kun. “Please let me petition for the clemency of both the Chief and Sungchan! Surely the Goguryeo forces understand what killing Moon would detail. If we work hard, I’m sure we can find people to cooperate with us. So please–”

Kun stares at Jeno, who’s bowed over in a sign of respect, and seems to take his suggestion into consideration.

“...You beat me to it. I was going to say the same thing.”

“Commander! Then–”

“Osaki, I have a favor to ask you. Take her and head to Kyeju first.”

“What?!” You gasp out.

“We’re going to continue our fight for Taeil’s freedom. Your presence here is only a burden for us right now.” Earlier he’d given you the same instruction, albeit with a far more aggressive tone. But this time you can tell thoughtful consideration went into it.

You’re worried, of course. But there isn’t anything more you can argue.

“This is an order from your commander. We’ll meet up again soon so get out of here and stay sharp.”

It felt strange to part from them, as if some piece of yourself is now missing– but you don’t have much time to harp on it as you meet up with other troops in Kyeju.

You’re worried about what’s to become of Taeil, but perhaps because the situation seems grim, no one has brought it up.

May 1st, 666 – Outside of Kyeju, Kingdom of Silla Kun soon rejoined Shotaro and you as you resided in Kyeju, only after he’d settled his affairs for Taeil’s freedom in Ungjin first. Yuta had taken the main body of Hwarang soldiers to Koksan and then onto Bakjak to keep an eye on the Fury Corps. You have just left the small town with Wen Junhui’s men to hop onto the route to follow after him.

After a while, you manage to meet up with some allied soldiers, but many of them look at you with a strange mixture of curiosity and fear. It’s unpleasant, to say the least.

“Those are the Hwarang, right? The murderers?”

“Yeah, noble dogs that kill men for no reason– even their comrades! Best not to look at them for too long. You never know what might set them off.”

It isn’t difficult to hear the gossip that floats through the ranks.

“They sound like a bunch of old wives spinning those stories!” Shotaro scoffs, turning to look at Kun, “Want me to keep them quiet for you?”

“No.” Kun shakes his head, sounding more irritated than usual, “They want to talk, let them talk.”

“Are you alright?” You ask as you walk along, “You don’t look too well.”

“I’m fine.” He says but he clearly seems otherwise. His skin is a pale color, almost blue, and he looks exhausted. Marching during the day is hardly a pleasant walk for a Fury.

Taeil is clearly at the forefront of his mind. And although you hate to admit it, he has a good reason to be on edge.

“Excuse me, could you let me pass? Ah– apologies, oops…” Someone moves towards you from the back of the column of men, pushing his way through the rest of the marching soldiers.

“Hello,” a man, no older than Kun, steps forward and offers a bow, “Are you Qian Kun? I’ve heard a great deal about you and the Hwarang.”

“Who the hell are you?” Kun asks, puzzled.

“Pardon my rudeness, I’m still not fully functional with the language– my name is Wen Junhui, one of the commanders of the Tang forces. I’m sure I’ll be talking with the Hwarang a great deal in the future. It’s nice to meet you.”

It’s strange, for the man who claimed to command the infantry of men, he looks more like the son of a wealthy merchant than a soldier.

Kun snorts under his breath and turns away, leaving Junhui to look on for a moment longer.

“Do you have business with Kun?” Shotaro asks.

“Ah, yes. I was hoping to hear stories about the Seorabeol attacks from the Commander of the Hwarang himself.”

“Sure you wouldn’t rather hear some ridiculous rumor from a drunk soldier?” Kun bites, “Seems like everybody here loves to gossip.”

“I apologize for them. We’ve been far from home for a while and they’ve only grown more undisciplined as time progressed.” Junhui shakes his head to continue his original plan, “At any rate, I came here to give you an overview of how our forces are being deployed. We have five thousand soldiers in the advance guard, main body and rear guard. As the highest ranking officer–”

“Wen Junhui… The Wen Junhui who took back Hanseong a few months back?”

“That’s me,” he smiles.

“And you lost it.”

“Yes, well… I suppose I did. It was a misstep of my forces and I take full responsibility for it. But I assure you that we will be taking it back, and keeping it this time.”

Kun looks as if he’s just swallowed something rotten. He’d only just lost his Chief and it seems as if this newcomer’s trying to force himself into Taeil’s place. No one, no matter the skill, can replace his friend. Still, Junhui seems to have been expecting to be rebuffed, and continues, showing no sign of being put off by Kun's behavior.

“The advance guard is made up mostly of men from the Silla army. The rear guard, however, is composed of men from Tang. I’m thinking of promoting you to Deputy Commander in order to lead the advance guard. What do you say?”

“Why?”

“I have experience leading my men. And am I wrong to think that the advance guard would take more kindly to a fellow countryman than an outsider?” Junhui speaks plainly, “Besides, there isn’t anyone on our side or theirs who hasn’t heard the name Qian Kun. I can’t think of anyone better suited.” His copious praise does nothing to thaw Kun, they just stare at each other for a few awkward moments.

It’s painfully clear that the two of them don’t see eye to eye, and it cannot be a worse first impression.

“Well,” Junhui claps his hands together, “I suppose I better be on my way. We’ll talk later, and go over some more in-depth plans.” Their conversation ends as one-sided as it had begun, and the Tang general disappears into the swarm of marching soldiers.

Later that night, your group camps a short distance away from the rest of the force. Kun, sitting by the fire’s edge, beckons you and Shotaro over, “We need to talk.” The main bulk of the Hwarang forces are with Yuta heading even more northward, meaning that the only people in the camp were you, Shotaro, Kun and three dozen more Hwarang. “Remember what Junhui told us earlier?”

“About taking command of the advance guard?” Shotaro inquires, “What of it?”

“I’ve been thinking about what I want you guys to do. You can’t be in the advance guard, so I’ll have to send you off to fight with the main body or the rear guard.”

“So this means you’re going to take his offer?” Shotaro shifts as he speaks.

“Yes. You were in Seorabeol. You’d be a good commander for men who’ve never seen a real battle.”

“But…” A frown carves itself on the younger’s lips. Kun’s reasoning makes sense, but it doesn’t mean he has to like it. It feels as if Shotaro had grown attached to the idea of fighting in the same unit as Kun. Perhaps the commander is insensitive for either ignoring this sentiment, or not acknowledging it at all.

Shotaro sighs, resigning himself into a period of deep thought, looking up to Kun’s gaze, “Understood. Whatever you order me to do, I’ll do it. But first, I want you to tell me something. This doesn’t mean you’re planning to disband the Hwarang, does it? If I fight in this, it’ll be as a member of the Hwarang.”

It seems the two of you feel the same way. Kun’s hope may be flickering but yours isn’t.

“Fine. Whatever.” Kun seems disengaged.

“I should also point out that I think commanding soldiers is a little more than she can handle.” Shotaro adds, glancing over to you, “She doesn’t belong on the front line. She’s a page, not a soldier.” He rises to his feet, dusting the dirt from his knees, “Anyways, I’ll go and tell the others what you’ve decided.”

Kun and you are left alone with the crackling fire as Shotaro jogs back to the main encampment. He sighs and his shoulders drop. Suddenly he looks very, very tired.

“Why did you try to order us away?” The question leaves you before you can think it through.

He doesn’t answer, only tilts his head to look at the flecks of starlight dappling through the trees above. As the melancholy silence speaks, you nearly regret asking the question before he laments, “If I knew Taeil was coming back, then I could go out there ready to give my life to win. Just like Minhyung said– Taeil and I were the Hwarang. With him gone, there’s no way in hell I can carry all this on my own.”

When he normally speaks to you, he is oft cruel and rude, you’ve never heard him sound so defeated before.

“Yukhei was right, wasn’t he? Remember what he said when we decided to attack Hanseong? He said there was no way in hell Kim Yong would fund us without some sort of hidden agenda.” Kun huffs, “He was right. So was Jaehyun… You know who was the first to petition for a settlement between Goguryeo and our forces? Kim Yong.”

“...What?”

“He wanted to showcase our defeat as costly and an expenditure of life and resources. Make it abysmally clear that the war is funded on blood, and to keep his own money in his coiffers.” He laughs despondently and kicks at a rock by his foot, “Damn it, how couldn’t I see that coming? If I thought about it, that would’ve never slipped past me. I was desperate for Taeil to be off fighting big important battles, winning all sorts of glory… But I let it all blind me, we were played and Taeil lost his spirit…”

The Hwarang had put their lives on the line for the Kingdom. How could the King just let them be pawned around?

“Noble or commoner– we all busted our asses to get where we are. Aren’t warriors meant to be the masters of the battlefield? What the hell have we been fighting for this entire time? Is anything I believed in still true? We believed that we were fighting for something, so no matter the shit we had to crawl through, we did it. Turns out it was just a trench that just circles itself. What are we supposed to do now? What the hell am I supposed to believe in?”

Every word of his punctures you with pain. But the kingdom had betrayed them, their trust. The war had changed and it feels as if the Hwarang had been tossed aside. All that the Hwarang had done is fade away, what could Kun do to fix it?

“You lost what you believed in,” you say quietly, “They think as long as you’re there to lead, they’ll be fine and refuse to show fear in front of you. They want you to see the kind of men they are, which means they’ll fight to the death if you tell them to.” If anything, you want to soothe his wounded soul a bit. “But if someone were to ask why I’m here… I’d say it’s because I believe in you.”

Perhaps that’s the wrong thing to say, all you’ve done is give him something more to worry about.

Kun looks at you, but for once the light in his eyes is soft, “You’re right. If you lose sight of something the only person who can find it again is you. Besides, we’ve got a big fight coming up. Guess I should be thinking about how we’re going to win that, not whining about my problems.” With a small smile, he turns back to the stars.

You fall silent again, cicadas fluttering and chirping through the night being the only cacophony of sounds around you.

“Are you really going to stick around?” He asks. You know he wants to go alone, but you can’t go with Shotaro, you both know that.

“Yes, I am.” Perhaps you don’t know how you can help him just yet, but you can hardly leave him alone.

“Fine. Just stay out of my way.”

“I know.” You sit there in the silence of night, you’re just about to return to your tent when he groans out in pain. Almost immediately you know what’s happening, your fears confirmed when his hair begins to turn white at the roots. Quickly you scramble to your feet, urging him to his and leading him to the shadow of a large tree where the nearby soldiers won’t be able to see him.

“Damn it,” he curses through clenched teeth, “Why now?!”

With shaking hands you reach for your collar, and as he grasps your intent he grimaces. Kun takes a hold of your shoulders and roughly pulls you toward him, seconds later you feel a dull sting on the back of your neck and then the hot trickle of blood.

His warm breath comes in pants across your bare skin, but after a time his ragged gasps for deliverance begin to steady. And slowly, his grip loosens. Then, without a word, he pulls away from you.

“How long do you plan to keep letting me do this?” He mutters, as you turn to him, worry in his eyes.

“Forever,” you say simply, “As long as you need me, I’ll be here.”

“You’re a stupid woman,” he sighs, “And I’m a man who’s lost sight of what makes him human. How can you just let me cut you open like that and drink your blood? What the hell are you thinking?”

“It’s alright, Kun. I really don’t mind.”

There’s nothing for him to say to that.

The next day, along the route to Hanseong, the news breaks.

“So, Goguryeo forces are pulling out of Hanseong?” Wen Junhui frowns, “That’s… unexpected.” He and Kun stop to talk over the news and their next move.

“Unexpected? They’re cocky bastards that think we won’t try to retake the city.” Kun scoffs, “It’s the most opportune moment to take it back.”

“I’m not against going into battle,” Junhui states, “We are leading an army, after all. But the main body and the rear guard are still on their way. All I’m asking is that you wait until they catch up with us. Attempting to lay siege to the city with the men we have is folly beyond folly. We should–”

Kun sighs, “This isn’t a theoretical scenario from one of your war manuals.”

“Sun Tzu isn’t just a war manual. The highest form of generalship is balking enemy plans; the next best in preventing enemy junctions,” Junhui argues, standing his ground, “After that, it’s attacking armies in the field, and the worst of all is besieging walled cities. Therefore, we should only lay siege as a last resort. Attacking head-on is foolish. If you’re determined to be foolish, the best you can do is make sure your army is in the best condition possible and–”

“Though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays! No kingdom benefits from prolonged warfare!” Kun offers his rebuttal, “Remember that one? He’s saying that it might get messy, but it’s better to end your battles quickly. Taking your sweet time just comes back to bite you in the ass.”

“Qian… Don’t do that.” Wen Junhui’s brow furrows, “I’m not asking you to wait long. They should be here in just a few days.”

“And we’re just meant to sit here twiddling our thumbs until the Goguryeo army shows up?” Kun frowns, “If they catch us unaware then we’re screwed, no two ways about it.” He must sense that he caught a nerve in the other as he pushes ahead, “You want to miss this opportunity, fine. I’ll just take the advance guard and capture Hanseong myself.”

“That’s suicide!” Junhui shouts as Kun snorts derisively. He clearly has no intention of taking his opinion.

“I guess we’ll see. I’ll take Hanseong by tomorrow.” His lips pull back from his teeth in a feral grin, and he looks off in the distance toward Hanseong.

He isn’t being belligerent. He’s being reckless. With Kun like this, can you really win?

April 13th 666 - Hanseong, Kingdom of Goguryeo Hanseong is in turmoil. Your forces neared three thousand, while Hanseong’s barely had a thousand. And although the Silla forces easily outnumber your opponents, the guards are able to use their fortifications to great effect, fighting you to a standstill. Arrows fly, swords clash, and men scream in pain.

“We can’t keep this up,” Kun sighs out with crossed arms, “This is as good a time as any to attack the enemy lines.”

“Attack?” You look toward him in disbelief, as a nearby soldier cries out, “Their fortifications–”

“Can fall.” Kun says flatly, “An arrow or two won’t kill you.” The men around him are stunned into silence, never having imagined they would receive orders like this. Their commander, however, just stares back coldly. “What the hell did you come here to do? You’re here to fight a war. If you’re prepared to fight, you should be prepared to die. Am I wrong? So, when I give the word, you’re going to charge that line!”

The men before him pale, and many tremble. Eventually, one of them snaps, “I can’t do it! I don’t want to die here.”

No sooner had he turned to run, does Kun’s sword flash in the daylight, striking the soldier dead. The men watching swallow thickly. For a few moments they stay utterly silent. Commotion breaks out shortly afterward.

“What is this?!”

“Is he crazy?!”

Kun lets his cold eyes slide slowly across their ranks, and slowly the mumbling ceases, “Anyone else want to run? If you’re too scared to fight, go ahead. Be my guest. But anyone who runs will die by my hand. So either I kill you… Or you take your chance out there. Up to you.” With one final scowl, he turns back to the battlefield, taking off across it.

He runs through the throng of bodies and hail of arrows, falling upon the men defending the main gate like a vengeful god. His sword drips with fresh blood, you stay in the shadows of the treeline waiting for him to return.

Shotaro runs to the commander, grime and blood smeared across his face, “With another push we should be able to take the gate!”

“Great!” Kun shouts, “I believe in you Osaki!”

As Kun effortlessly slices through the enemy, the mood among his men begins to change. A ripple goes through them, a surge of newfound energy to fight. You can’t hear him from the distance, but he shouts something over his shoulder and his soldiers fight with intense vigor.

And soon after the sun passes its zenith, the city gates open, the news of it spreading like wildfire.

The Silla forces sweep into the city soon after, finding relative ease when liberating the streets. Kun glances at you with a grin as Shotaro runs up to him.

“Commander! The men we sent to the town head’s home ran into trouble!”

“What?” Kun almost sounds confused, “We haven’t seen any real resistance so far.”

Shotaro shakes his head, “I’m unaware of the details. Should I go see…?”

“No. I’ll go.” Kun stops him, “I’m leaving you in charge here.”

“What would you like me to do?” You ask.

“Come with me,” he says simply, “Don’t want you wandering around. Might get hit by a stray arrow or something.

And thus it was decided. You quickly follow after Kun, and even upon approaching the building, you can tell something is wrong. Inside, your men are dead on the floor, their bodies laid out like the spokes of a wheel, and at its hub… Lee Donghyuck.

“What are you doing here?” Kun asks, more nonchalant than you’d have thought. “Decided you’d take a vacation? You do know there’s a war out there, right? Or maybe you’re just hiding out here, hoping you won’t get hurt.”

“We were acting under orders from the King.” Xiao Dejun, whom you hadn’t seen upon your arrival, speaks out, “We are here to deliver a secret message. We did not expect to be drawn into battle and we certainly did not expect to encounter you here.”

“Huh,” Kun scoffs, “Gaesomun yells jamp and you leap. You sure are dedicated.”

“Well, I didn’t think I’d see you again so soon, Qian…” Donghyuck leers with a snide grin.

“And I didn’t think you were so anxious to get your ass beat again. Don’t worry though, I’m happy to oblige.”

Donghyuck grinds his teeth and draws his sword at his hip, “Killing you will erase the humiliation I suffered at your hands. You and your dogs have been a thorn in my side since Wonweol. Today, I will have my revenge.”

“... Sounds as if you’ve got this covered,” Dejun sighs, stepping back once more, “He’s all yours.”

Kun just as easily draws his sword, “Guess the face wasn’t enough, maybe if I take an arm you’ll get the message.” He soars across the room at Donghyuck, their blades rattling against one another as Donghyuck block’s the commander’s strike. Then, the demon pushes back and Kun is thrown across the hall.

“You’re not getting away,” Donghyuck says coolly, his hair turning stark white, just as Kun’s had done at the beginning of the battle. In the blink of an eye, he leaps after his opponent, whipping his sword in a quick slash. Kun brings up his blade at the last second before the strike could wound him.

“You’re slow,” Donghyuck taunts, “Your movements lack finesse. Don’t tell me that killing humans has tired you out? Last time you said you were a Demon…” Their blades locked together, Kun’s begins to shake under the pressure of the other’s force.

Donghyuck’s right, though, Even with his Fury abilities, Kun is slower than before, too unfocused.

“Ah, I see,” the Demon’s eyes flicker to the open door for a moment, “The sun’s still out. You don’t like it much, do you?” He chuckles, “Don’t worry, I won’t go easy on you just because you’re weak. After all, a warrior always gives all he can, no matter the situation. That is your code, isn’t it?”

“Damn you!” Kun jumps backwards, but not fast enough to escape Donghyuck’s blade. It arcs down across the Hwarang’s chest, blood erupting from the gash and splattering to the floor. Kun drops to his knees, skidding across the hard wooden panels panting heavily as blood blooms across his robes and pools on the floor below him.

Agonizing seconds pass as both you and he wait for the blood to stop, yet it continues to fall through his fingers clenched to the robes hanging from the wound. “What the hell is this?!” Kun asks through clenched teeth as he stares daggers at Donghyuck standing before him.

Donghyuck laughs, almost as if Kun had told him a joke, “What’s the matter? Not healing like you should? This,” his wrist flicks upward to show off his blade, which almost looks to be faintly glowing, “is Hwangun’s Blade. It’s been passed down through my family for generations, but… no one had ever thought to test it on a Demon. This is an excellent chance to see what it can do. And you know what? I can use it to put down a fake Demon.”

He smirks, giving the impression that he’s figured this victory is a foregone conclusion.

“You must be pretty desperate if you’re willing to grab your family’s magic sword. Really need something like that to take on a fake Demon?” Kun gives his own taunting laugh, but Donghyuck’s grin doesn’t falter.

“You humiliated me for the first time in my life. Nothing is too much if it will send you to hell.” With another flick of his wrist, Donghyuck sends droplets of gore spraying down onto the floor, “Your abilities can’t heal any wounds from this blade. You became a Fury to defeat me, but now that sacrifice means nothing.”

“So, tell me if I’ve got this right. All I have to do is avoid getting cut by that thing? Hell, before I became a Fury, all I did was dodge swords. This’ll be easy.”

“Does your impudence know no bounds?” The Demon scoffs, “Fine. I’ll put your short lived defiance to the test.” His blade shimmers a blue-white and seems to shiver with his murderous intent. The air is thick, feeling like a struggle to just breathe.

Donghyuck slashes downwards toward Kun, who’s able to dodge out of the way in time, bringing up his own sword to strike back. But when it arcs upward, instead of hitting flesh, Kun’s sword cuts through air. In tandem with the strikes, Donghyuck moves too fast for the bare eye to see, Kun’s margin for error becoming slimmer and slimmer. With another dodge, the Demon slams his riposte into the Hwarang’s shoulder. Kun’s robe is torn away, displaying a fresh wound.

“Good… You’re overthinking on how you might kill me,” Donghyuck smirks, “But I want to see more. I want to see your face when you realize that you can’t kill me and that I will win!”

Blood pours from him, but Kun brings up his sword to catch Hwangun. Teeth clenched, you know that he’s lost far too much blood to carry on for much longer. Donghyuck kicks Kun back and as he does, the commander’s hair returns to its natural hue.

“What the hell?!” Kun cries out, still in a defensive stance.

“Reached your limit, I see,” the Demon chortles, inching closer, “Even a false Demon is better than this pathetic existence! You might as well be an insect.” His laugh echoes through the hall, gloating over the near unconscious Kun, “I want to hear you cry! Scream! Beg me for your life! You and your filth have stood in my way for too long. I’ll kill you and the Hwarang!”

Kun’s head twitches, “Kill…the Hwarang? You?” It’s almost as if he’s keeping himself upright with sheer force of will at this point. “After we left Taeil and the Hwarang fell to me, I felt like there was no way I could do all that by myself. I was just about ready to give it up.” Suddenly, the hair on his head shifts back to its demonic white, “...But now, when you say you want to erase everything we did… I’ll be goddamned if I let you destroy the Hwarang!”

Ichor continues to fall from him and you know that if he’s to continue like this he’ll most certainly die.

“Kun, no!” You cry out, “If you don’t stop you’re going to die!”

His eyes flick to you and you can already see the resolution in his gaze, then he gives you a grin before looking back to Donghyuck, “You really think I care about how much of my future I’ve gotta burn to get this bastard? I can’t let him kill me here. I can’t let this bastard and his damn sword get the best of me now!”

Relaxed now, Donghyuck speaks once more, “You’re practically dead already. What do you intend to do? This charade is pathetic.” Almost lazily, he swings his sword again.

Kun cries out in pain, not having the strength to lift his sword entirely to block the blow. Then Donghyuck’s sword slams into his right shoulder. Kun’s clothes are soaked in blood, his skin the color of parchment.

“I hoped you might be entertaining, but I suppose it’s time for me to say goodbye now. Shame you don’t have enough energy to talk. I miss that dry wit,” Donghyuck sighs, “What’s the matter? Can’t hold your sword anymore? Where’s that warrior spirit?”

Even though he struggles to draw breath, Kun musters what little strength he has left to reach for his sword. The point of the blade tips and weaves in the air as blood pours from his body, but he stands. Donghyuck lifts his sword slick with the commander’s blood, and smiles.

“At last! I can kill you with my own hands and erase the humiliation you gave me!”

Before he can land another blow, the building shakes as an ear splitting crash barrels through somewhere on the estate. Smoke rapidly fills the room, making it hard to see.

“What is this?!” Donghyuck spits, distractedly turning from Kun to find the root of the interruption.

“Fire! Fire!” Cries scream out from deep in the building, and you can ascertain that one of the trebuchets aligning the fortified walls had been turned against the city for some reason or another in a last act of defense.

The fire from the lit fodder spreads quickly, roaring around the room and licking at the sides of the hall. Black smoke pours into the room, irritating your eyes and throat. Even as the room plunges into a near unbearable heat, the two men don’t lower their swords.

It’s only when the ceiling begins to give way does Donghyuck remark, “Damn it, this place is falling apart.” Not wanting to endanger himself, he shoves his sword back into its scabbard angrily, glaring across the smoldering wreckage at Kun. “I’ll let you go this time. We’ll finish this duel another day. And you will die.”

He disappears shortly thereafter and you run to Kun, “Are you alright?!”

Waxen skin and face writhing in pain, he doesn’t respond as he drops to the floor. And as he does, the near forgotten Dejun walks toward you from his corner, unbothered by the flames around him.

“The Demon clans no longer intend to involve themselves in your governmental squabbles.”

“Why?” Kun asks, sweat beading on his forehead.

“We owed favors to Goguryeo. We feel those have now been repaid.” Dejun shrugs, “Besides, even you must know that they will soon fall, regardless of the efforts of my kin.”

You spot a bitter smile creeping along Kun’s lips, “... Yeah.”

“And I suppose you intend to watch that ship sink?” Dejun asks, “Silla never gave your Hwarang the recognition it so desired, and pawned you off when they had nothing to lose. Why do you still fight?” The truth of his words drive a knife into Kun’s heart, and you see his face fall.

“We’re knights of the Crown, we fight for them no matter what, right?” Kun says with ragged breaths, “What I’m fighting for now isn’t Hanseong or Pyongyang, or any of those bastards that call themselves ministers. What I– no– What we’re fighting for is the bond in our hearts. The bond that we joined the Hwarang with.”

His hand clenches to his chest and he lets out a small ‘fuck’ before continuing, “It’s not easy, not by a long shot, but… I’d feel like a real asshole if I died before Taeil came back.”

Dejun closed his eyes while Kun spoke, he now stands silent, “If Donghyuck chooses to involve himself with either of you again, he will have betrayed the moral code that binds all of our kind. He will no longer have the support of the clans. He will be on his own.” He looks to the building around him, “I imagine this will be of little concern to him, but I ask you to hear his mind when he next tries you, he is not doing so at the behest of the Demon clans. He is, I fear, your problem now.”

Then, he turns and disappears. As you look to where he once stood, you hear Kun thud to the floor, collapsing from relief or exhaustion, you cannot tell. But, he’s fallen unconscious, and if you cannot escape soon, you’ll burn to death.

“Hello?! Are you here?!” A figure bursts into the hall, shrouded in smoke but with a voice you recognize.

Shotaro had come to the rescue in your most dire hour. He quickly helps you lift Kun so you can shoulder the weight of his body together as you leave the estate.

Hanseong, the town Kun had fought tooth and nail to overtake, only remained in Silla custody for a few days. As an army of Goguryeo soldiers came within the following week to recapture the city, leaving your commander’s mission for naught. After the battle, Wen Junhui’s army, along with the remaining Hwarang, set off to Koksan. Kun had somehow miraculously survived, but by no means has he recovered. For days he drifts in and out of consciousness, settling in at a small residence in Kyeju for him to recover.

April 20th, 666 - Kyeju, Kingdom of Silla Since you’d arrived in Kyeju, you’d buisied yourself with taking care of Kun. As a Fury, most normal means of healing and medicine have little to no effect on him. So, most of your nursing consists of fervently hoping that his natural strength and tenacity would bring him through. Fortunately, your prayers begin to pay off and in time his wounds begin to heal.

Although those made by Donghyuck’s blade did not do so easily, or quickly. You find yourself thinking of the battle of Hanseong. After watching Kun, many of the reluctant soldiers came around to clash swords with the enemy. They had told him it was an honor to fight alongside the Hwarang, for they were true warriors.

You replay that fated battle several times over the course of your day, you’re just about to do it again as you open the door to Kun’s room, set to change his bandages. Yet, you don’t have the chance, as when you peer in, you see him sitting at his desk. He’s healed enough to move and speak without pain, but he’s still meant to be confined to his bed.

“You shouldn’t be up,” you say quickly, walking inside and shutting the door behind you, “When I said you were healthy enough to get up, I didn’t mean you were healthy enough to work!”

“It’ll be only a minute,” he murmurs, looking over a few papers before him, “I’m going back to bed as soon as I finish this.”

“You nearly died! You need rest!” You rush to him, setting the bandages down on the tabletop.

“Died?” He laughs once, dryly, “Me? Hah. That was nothing. Barely a scratch.”

“Barely a– Do you know how long I’ve been taking care of you?!”

“Fine, fine,” he relents with a sigh. “Just a bit more reading, it’s all I ask.”

You sigh too, reaching for his blanket he’d strewn aside when he awoke. Moving to stand behind him, you drape it over his shoulders, “At least let me put this on you. You’re going to catch a chill.”

“Hm, I’m sure even if I said I don’t want it, you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“I’m glad you see how this works,” you say with a smile, “Now, as soon as that’s done, it’s straight back to bed.”

At last he turns to look at you, his face quirked in a small, bitter smile, “Alright, fine. Sorry for the trouble.”

“Huh?” You stare back at him intently.

“Guess I should be thanking you and Shotaro, huh? Well… I appreciate what you did. Thanks.” His thanks are rarely unaccompanied by cynicism, sarcasm or outright derision but this is different. Noticing your baffled expression he speaks again. “Something wrong? Did I say something funny?”

“Oh! No no no,” you quickly assure him, “It’s not that.” It’s more you’ve never seen him act so nice.

After that, you leave him to his work, checking back an hour later to make sure that he’s asleep and not working himself to the bone. Once doing so, you return to your quarters for another few, quiet hours, before a visitor arrives in the night.

“I thought I’d come and pay him a visit…” You hear the voice of Wen Junhui speak out as you approach the common area, you also note Shotaro standing next to him.

“He’s resting at the moment–” You begin, but stop when you hear movement behind you.

“Sir–!” Shotaro says, rushing to Kun’s side, “I’m glad to see you standing! For a while, I really wasn’t sure what was going to happen.” His eyes begin to tear up and he blinks rapidly to clear them.

“C’mon, don’t give me that,” Kun gives a short laugh, “You really think I’d die so easily?”

“I’m sorry sir, you’re right,” he rubs his hand across his face awkwardly, trying to brush away the tears that refuse to stop forming.

“Kun,” Junhui says solemnly, “I’m going to be honest with you. You fought like a Demon back in Hanseong, I’ll give you that. Morale is through the roof. The whole army won’t stop talking about you. But your actions were dangerous and idiotic,” the once calm demeanor of the general turns angered. “You are a commanding officer, not a soldier! You don’t belong on the front line!”

“General Wen, he’s only just recovered… Don’t you think you’re being a bit too harsh–” Shotaro tries to quell the other’s discontent.

“No! I’m going to give my piece, I won’t let him slide out of this one!” Junhui shouts, “Listen to me, Qian Kun. Combining our men isn’t just about new clothes and new titles, we have to change about how we think about war. We have to learn new tactics. The commander charging at the front of the army does not show that we are improving our strategy!”

Flustered at this point, Junhui struggles hard to keep his composure, “If the soldiers are the hands and feet, then their commanding officer is the head. Without a head, the body is a useless mess! This war will be lost if we succumb to our own pride!”

Kun’s eyes go wide. The words similarly mirror one of the last things that Minhyung had said to him. Keeping his head on so that the body can move forward…

“Minhyung’s ghost back to haunt me,” Kun sighs out with a weighted smile, a faraway look in his eyes.

“Is something funny?” Junhui frowns, “This is serious! Don’t you understand how worried I was about you? Hell, how worried the whole army was about you?!”

For a few moments, Kun simply stares at him.

“Say what you want!” Junhui stands his ground, albeit a bit taken aback at the commander’s attitude, “It won’t change my mind!”

“You’re right, Wen. Sorry for worrying you.” He follows his surprisingly genuine apology with a similarly surprising bow.

Junhui has clearly prepared himself for a variety of reactions from Kun, but this had been none of them. For several moments he stands there, too flabbergasted to speak.

“My apologies to you too, Shotaro. I hear you helped carry me all the way here.”

“Oh no!” Shotaro shakes his head, “No, it was nothing. Anything for you, sir.”

June 19th, 666 – Koksan, Kingdom of Silla Summer blooms from the remnants of spring in full fury. Rumors and news about the intense fighting floats in and out of the town, and you grow uneasy thinking about the loss of lives on each side. In the subsequent weeks following Wen Junhui’s visit, he’s once again able to take Hanseong and keep a steady hand over keeping it in Silla's grasp. And although he hasn’t completely healed, Kun has decided to leave Kyeju as soon as he is well enough to march with Junhui who’s now stationed in Koksan.

The way there seems longer than you'd ever thought possible. At last, you’d caught up with the main body of the Hwarang.

Yuta’s at the door to greet you the moment you arrive at the estate.

“Commander,” Yuta says with a small smile, “I’m grateful to see you alive.”

“Glad to see you’re alright too, I hear you’ve been doing well.”

Although Yuta looks relieved to be reunited with Kun, he frowns and rubs his hand to his forehead. Perhaps fatigue from the battles occurring is beginning to get to him.

Kun looks past him to the people standing behind him, “Jeno, Sungchan, nice to see you’re still around. Was starting to get worried about you two.” Despite their commander’s voiced appreciations, both wear glum expressions.

It’s Sungchan who begins to shake before breaking down into tears, his voice quivering violently, “You entrusted me with Chief’s safety, b-but– I wasn’t strong enough! I couldn’t protect him!”

Although hearing his words, you cannot get yourself to grasp their meaning. For him to be this distraught can only mean one thing.

“We have been told that at the end of last month that Taeil was… beheaded in Pyongyang.” Yuta steps in after Sungchan fails to compose himself, being ushered aside and consoled by Jeno.

‘Beheaded.’ You swallow at the word. Taeil had been killed like a common criminal, and you know it would have been pure humiliation for him.

“Hm, didn’t even let him kill himself,” it almost seems as if Kun had expected this. His voice is controlled and unsurprised, but within his eyes you can see a bottomless, yawning despair.

“It’s my fault he died!” Sungchan exclaims, “Please commander, I deserve to die as well!”

“I as well!” Jeno adds, “I begged you to let me fight for his freedom, but I– I wasn’t successful! I’m a failure!”

“You idiots! Look around you,” Kun frowns, “There’s no goodman way we have a single Hwarang left to spare! If you’re so prepared for death, then don’t give me your cheap words. Prove yourselves on the battlefield!”

The two fall silent after a quick, “Yes sir.”

Later that night, both Taeyong and Jaemin come to visit Kun.

As members of the Fury Corp, they had been resting when you’d arrived earlier in the day.

“Your arrival has the men in something of an uproar,” Taeyong muses, “It woke me somewhat earlier than usual.”

“I heard you got hurt pretty bad, Commander. Didn’t think we’d see you again so soon,” Jaemin says, almost scanning for wounds on the elder.

“Well, I couldn’t just sit on my ass once I heard there were battles happening all over the place,” Kun says, sounding calm and relaxed. You know that isn’t how he’s feeling on the inside though. If you have been feeling depressed since learning of Taeil’s passing, you cannot begin to comprehend how he must be feeling.

“We should be on our way then, our work begins at night, after all,” Taeyong notes and begins to head for the door. Jaemin nods and heads after him before Kun speaks up.

“Jaemin, do you think you can tell Yuta to come by?”

“Huh?” Jaemin looks back, “Uh, sure… I’ll go and get him now.” Before he leaves he says one more thing to Kun, “I know you only just got here. But you should really rest tonight.”

With both of them gone, the room falls into an awkward silence. Kun hasn’t told you to leave, but it seems unlikely that he’ll start talking to you either. Just as you’re about to break the quiet, Yuta opens the door and steps inside.

“I heard you had business with me. Can I help you?”

Without even waiting for him to settle in, Kun says, “From now on, I’ll be commanding from the front line.”

A strangled gulp treks down your throat as he says this out of almost nowhere. If he were to fight on the front line, the violence would be intense and he still hadn’t fully healed.

“Do you intend to die in battle?” Yuta asks simply.

“No,” Kun shakes his head, “I won’t go out that easily. You’ve been out there. Only right for me to take that burden off you, right?”

His presence would raise morale among the men but if he died, the Hwarang dies with him.

“You raise an excellent point, sir. If you mean to take my place, however,” the air grows thick as Yuta’s hand falls to his sword, “I must ask you to defeat me first. If you cannot best me, then only death awaits you on the front lines.”

“Getting a little full of yourself without me, huh?” Kun’s lips turn upward into a grin as his sword slides from its scabbard.

“You shouldn’t be doing this!” You cry out as Yuta’s blade is also released, the blade glinting in the glow of the lanterns.

“Stay out of this!” Kun says and locks eyes with Yuta. Seconds linger as they remain unmoving, just then they leap towards one another, swords struggling against one another. After a bit, Kun is thrown backwards to sprawl across the floorboards.

“What?!” He looks surprised. Even only partially healed, he still has far greater strength than a human, and he isn’t the type to go easy on a friend.

“This war is not so easy that you might rush to the front line without your full strength,” Yuta says and as you look back at him your eyes grow wide.

“Yuta…” With his now reddened eyes and white hair, there’s no doubt that he’s a Fury. “You drank the pimul?”

“Don’t worry about me, I made my own decision.” The simple fact that he’s decided this path says more about the battles he’s been fighting than words ever can. Yuta looks to Kun, who’s rising to his feet, “I understand why you wish to fight, that is why I cannot allow you to.” He straightens himself and sheaths his sword, his hair returning to normal. “Perhaps you might be able to forget your pain in the midst of battle, but I cannot afford to let you do that. You cannot be permitted to turn a blind eye to our problems.”

Kun slowly puts his sword away, “Because I’m the Chief now?”

“Because you’re the only one who can unify the Hwarang.” After hearing that, Kun sighs, only allowing Yuta to continue. “Leave the front line to us. You, Kun, should remain here and plan our strategies.”

“Fine. The front line’s yours until my wounds heal.”

An honest, “Thank you” leaves Yuta, and then he turns to you. “I’m leaving him in your care. Don’t let him out of your sight until he’s healthy again.”

You nod and give him what you hope to be a reassuring smile. He inclines his head to you, turns to Kun to give a short bow, then leaves. As soon as the door closes, Kun’s face darkens and his brows draw together.

“Damn it… He’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t trust me and thinks I need you as a babysitter.”

“He’s just worried about you, that’s all,” you try to justify Yuta’s actions.

Kun gives a bitter laugh, then stops suddenly. He gulps out a noise and clutches his stomach in pain, his body and hands shaking as his hair and eyes begin to change color. With the bloodlust taking hold, he begins to groan out in pain.

“This way,” you quickly take his arm and lead him to a room off of the main hall. In the open, anyone is privy to catch him.

As he settles in the room, you set out towards him, and he has a look in his eyes as if he already knows what your next move is. You tug at your collar, loosening it like you’d done before. He leans toward you and you feel a sharp prick on your neck, you stay as still as you can as he bites down onto you. His hot breath panting along your neck, drinking slowly as he begins to calm.

Eventually, he pulls back. There’s pain on his face but not from the bloodlust.

“This can’t go on forever…” His face turns upward into a half sour smile, “You. Me. This war. Everything…”

“Kun?” His eyes are distant and he doesn’t seem to hear you. You can’t describe it but something feels strange, wrong, even.

September 6th, 666 – Koksan, Kingdom of Silla By the time Kun’s injuries heal, it’s early autumn. Battles still rage along the fronts, and Silla inches nearer and nearer towards its goal. Kun hasn’t received any orders of late, but you feel that that’s about to change when you hear Shotaro storming down the hallway.

You’re settled in the main room with Kun, Taeyong, Jaemin, Jeno and Sungchan when the doors burst open, Shotaro shouting, “I have news from Wen Junhui! He says were to launch an offensive against Pyongyang.”

“Pyongyang? That’s the capital….” Jeno says seriously, glancing towards Kun.

In other words, this may be the push to finally close in on Goguryeo.

“What now then?” Sungchan looks to Kun as well.

“We’ll need to get there as soon as possible. No doubt Junhui has some elaborate plan to route out their forces.” You haven’t seen Kun this excited in a while, and the others in the room pick up on his energy.

“Our ships have already been sent to Ongjin, they will be able to converge on Pyongyang once the situation up north has settled.”

“Then I should go to Ongjin first,” Taeyong says, “We should establish a stronghold for when the main body of men arrives.”

“Isn’t it a bit dangerous to have our representative be someone from the Fury Corps?” You postulate to the group.

“My father’s family is from Ongjin, you know.” Taeyong says quietly, “I have a few connections there. I feel I am most suited to lead the advance guard. There’s… Something else that’s been bothering me as well.”

“Bothering you?” You question but all he does in response is nod and smile.

“Taeyong… you’re supposed to be dead, aren’t you?” Jaemin interrupts, “Seems like that might be an issue.”

“A minor detail,” he waves it off, “easily dealt with.”

“In that case, he’s probably the best choice,” Shotaro murmurs.

“No,” Kun disagrees, “The Fury Corps isn’t cut out for that. You still can’t stand up during the day.”

“It’s difficult, certainly, but not impossible.” Taeyong argues, “I don’t see any reason to just follow behind the rest of the army, and I’d be glad to push myself for this.”

You don’t doubt his ability to do that, but you do question the validity of his motives.

“There’s… a bit more to his message,” Shotaro says after Kun and Taeyong have been staring at each other for a moment. “Junhui will be leading his men to Tagok Pass in hopes of stalling the Goguryeo reinforcements. I believe he means to buy time so that our allies can sack the city without interference. But…”

“The pass is on the front line right now,” Jaemin drums his fingers along the hilt of his sword. “I understand what he’s trying to do, but I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as he thinks it’ll be.”

“That’s a good point,” Jeno sighs, “The enemy’s getting desperate, and we don’t know what else they’ve got up their sleeves.”

“If we want Junhui to come back alive, we need to send some reinforcements to go along with him,” Kun ascertains.

“I disagree.” Taeyong frowns. “If we are to win in Pyongyang, we must arrive there at full strength.”

“Are you saying we should abandon Junhui then?” Yuta asks.

“Well, if both of our forces are wiped out by Goguryeo, there is hardly any point at all.”

The men all shoot glances at one another, formulating their own thoughts and responses before Yuta speaks once more, “I will remain with Wen. Without their aid in previous battles none of us would be here. I will go to Tagok Pass. Kun, please take the rest of the men to Ongjin.”

“Yuta, you–” Kun’s eyes grow wide.

“Then I’ll go and prepare to depart.” Before giving Kun a chance to respond, Taeyong stands quickly and leaves the room.

Jaemin doesn’t seem particularly happy about the way things have gone either, and after a moment of furious thought, he stands as well, “I guess I’ll go with him. Don’t really want to let him out of my sight, you know.”

“Yeah,” Kun nods, “That’s probably smart.”

“Be careful, Jaemin,” you say as he walks past you. He gives you a small smile and a wink, then dashes out the door after Taeyong.

“Osaki,” Kun looks at the man still at the door, “I need you to go and tell Junhui what we’ve decided.”

“Understood,” Shotaro says quickly, “I’ll be off as soon as I can.”

Once he leaves, Yuta turns to Kun. Whether or not he was waiting for the room to be cleared, you’re unsure.

“Please survive. No matter what happens.”

“What’s the matter?” His brow furrows as he looks to the other, “That came from nowhere.”

“In the Hwarang, you and Taeil upheld the path of a true warrior.” Even when slanted by their own kingdom, they had never compromised what they stand for. “Our standard of truth is a banner for everyone who fights. We lead the way.”

Yuta and Kun look at one another silently, before Yuta continues. “As the man who made the Hwarang into what it has become, it must be your duty to carry that standard. Every Hwarang before you and after is relying on that.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Kun replies with his thin lipped grin. “I’ll promise you this though, I’ll stick around until the Hwarang’s dead, or I am.”

“Thank you, Chief.” Yuta smiles, eventually turning to you, “I leave Kun in your care.”

The words are few but hold great emotion behind them, “We’ll be fine. I’m sure of it… After all, I don’t think he could die even if someone killed him. I’ve seen him on the verge of death many times, but he always pulls through. So,” your jaw locks and you look directly into Yuta’s eyes, “Please don’t die, Yuta.”

The battle at Tagok Pass is sure to be an intense one. Many lives, you’re sure, are going to be lost.

“I won’t die even if I get killed?” Kun’s eyebrow piques, “That’s quite a statement. If you’ve got time to worry about me, maybe you oughta be worrying about yourself too, Yuta.” He’d said it as a joke but there’s no mistaking his underlying sincerity.

“I won’t die easily either. After all, I will be fighting in the name of the Hwarang.” Yuta says calmly and then addresses you, “Thank you for your kind gesture.”

And so, you accompany Kun to Ongjin. He’s still gravely concerned about Yuta, thus he’d ordered Shotaro to remain alongside him at Tagok Pass. LEaving them both turns out to be much more difficult than you’d imagined. All you can do is pray that they survive, and that you will meet again someday.

December 1st, 666 – Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla As winter takes hold, the cold wind blows down on the main body of the Hwarang as they arrive in Ongjin. The trip had been impeded by several small snowstorms, but now upon your arrival a new problem is encountered: Taeyong and the Fury Corps were nowhere to be found. Jaemin, too, had been unheard from.

From the townspeople in Ongjin, you hear disturbing rumors that murder has been on the rise in recent weeks.

Upon reaching the regional minister’s house, you’re met with a man who splits a grin as soon as he sees Kun. “Long time no see, Qian. How are you?”

“I’m glad to see you’re doing well, Xu.”

Later on, you learn that this man is Xu Minghao, the Tang navy’s second-in-command. When the Yamoto forces had fired upon Sabi some years earlier, Minghao had been in command of the Tang ships that aided the Silla forces on land. While Kun hadn’t been at the battle, he was able to speak with and befriend the man when he visited Seorabeol some weeks later.

“Have you already heard about Taeil?” Minghao frowns,as Kun nods. “I apologize for having been unable to help. Your kingdom has truly lost a great man.”

“He would’ve been happy to hear you say that,” Kun says with a bitter smile, “But he wouldn’t want us to stand around crying about him. He’d want us to get to work. Can you give me a rundown of what we’re working with?”

“Unfortunately I don’t have the greatest news,” Minghao says, “While we’ve secured the city, there is something… wrong occurring. I have requested a meeting with the newly implemented officials but I haven’t received any form of response. To top it off, there’s a suspicious group of men running around Ongjin. Well, there are rumors, at least.”

“Suspicious how?”

“Well murders have increased, and a few rumors report the assailiants running back to the minister’s home.”

Suspicious men running around, possibly murdering civilians… Taeyong and the Fury Corps unreachable… It isn’t hard to put two and two together.

Kun and you lock eyes, no doubt thinking the same thing.

“If this continues we may become sidetracked here from our main goal,” Minghao states, “Perhaps if we could arrest these murders and restore peace in this area…”

“Minghao, think you could leave the murders to me?” The other man opens his mouth to protest, but something in Kun’s gaze makes him change his mind and he nods.

“Alright, I’ll leave this one to you. No more questions from me.”

Once Minghao returns to his men, you turn to Kun, “Do you think it’s Taeyong…?”

“Can’t say,” Kun sighs out breathily, “You heard the same things I did. No way to know for sure but if it is… I’ll have to kill him.”

“Kun…”

“He got pretty freaked out when he heard about where a Fury's power comes from. Might be he’s pretty depressed right now. Maybe crazy.” He shakes his head and looks to the minister’s house, “Strange things are afoot in Ongjin. We can’t be careless.”

December 2nd, 666 - Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla The next day, Kun begins his investigation. Despite your attempts to convince him that he still needs rest, not the stress of a murder investigation, he presses on. And so, that is how you find yourself lounging around the rooms the Hwarang are occupying while Kun goes off on rounds with the rest of the men.

You’re engrossed in reading over some medical papers Namekawa had left you with when you receive an unexpected visitor.

“Where were you this whole time?!” The papers drop from your grasp as Na Jaemin steps into the room, “We couldn’t contact you, we were all so worried…”

“Do you know where Kun is?” He doesn’t answer your question, but rather jumps straight to the chase.

“He’s off doing rounds at the minister’s estate…”

“Ah,” Jaemin looks a bit crestfallen, “Can you give him a message for me? I can tell you everything since we got here. Just make sure you pass it on to him.”

You gulp, waiting for him to open up. “The minister isn’t being cooperative. Chances are they're being pressured by the enemy somehow. At least that's what Taeyong thinks. So, we looked around a little more and while we were doing that we found out that Heo is actually here.”

“What?!” You cry out at the unexpected revelation. Your father had been forced to do research on the Furies by the revivalists before the war broke out, or at least that's what you thought.

“Yeah… and… he seems to be leading a unit of Furies for the Goguryeo forces.” Jaemin frowns, “Well we figured we could just let that slide so we started watching their Furies, you know, where they go and stuff and well… I saw Taeyong meeting with Heo.”

Jaemin explains that Taeyong told him they'd be more likely to get spotted if they moved together and went off on his own. This is pretty peculiar on its own but sometime after they split up Jaemin witnessed Taeyong meeting with your father.

“I don’t know anymore… I don’t know what Taeyong is thinking.”

“It doesn’t mean that Taeyong is connected with Goguryeo, does it?” Your brow furrows.

“If that were the case then there wouldn't be a need for him to lie to me though, right?” Jaemin says frustratedly, “Doesn't act like he's got any plans to contact the rest of the Hwarang. I just didn't know what to do…”

You’re not sure what else to say and just before you open your mouth you hear a commotion happening at the entrance of the building. The door to your room is kicked open and several strange men suddenly leap inside.

“Who the hell are they–?! Shit!” Jaemin shouts as they unsheathe their swords and lunge after him. He dodges the attack easily drawing his own sword as he moves. He strikes out at one of the men before he has a chance to recover. The man laughs and the spot where Jaemin had struck him is beginning to heal immediately. Suddenly, the man's eyes begin to grow a deep crimson you understand what you're up against.

“Furies…!”

“Get behind me!” Jaemin reaches out and grabs your wrist, pulling you backwards.

“Now, there’s no need for that,” a new voice says from the entrance. You feel your eyelids footer incredulously after hearing a man's voice. It's familiar… nostalgically so.

“Father?!” You’re frozen in place as Jaemin continues to fight the Furies.

“What the hell!? Who are these guys! It's broad daylight! How are they moving swiftly?!”Although he's Clearly they're superior regards to swordsmanship, he's outnumbered and the daylight had weakened him. He's slow and his strikes are unsure.

Your father maintains his cool composure, and he mutters under his breath as he observes the events, “Aren't they wonderful? Furies no longer restrained by the cycles of day and night.”

“You…” You stare at him, mouth agape, “You did this?”

“Of course, my child. I am unsure if the news has reached you yet but I was captured by the Goguryeo Army, and in this captivity I continued to research the pimul.”

“Father– you need to stop them!” You look to your friend fighting, “At this rate he’ll–”

Heo Jinsang’s eyes widen as if he’s only just remembered and he looks over to Jaemin with a smile. “Ah, yes. I don’t know how to thank you. Without you, it would have taken much longer to find my daughter.”

“You followed me?!” Jaemin spits through grit teeth.

Ignoring him, your father looks back to you and speaks with a soft voice, “I’ve come to get you. At last, we’ll be able to restore our clan.”

“Clan…? You mean the Heo family?”

“With these superior Furies, restoring the glory of our clan will be child’s play.” Heo laughs, “Once the kingdoms bear witness to the potential of these breakthroughs, they cannot ignore us! We can even wipe out the Demon clans who rejected our plea for help, avenging our kin!”

“You’re planning on using Furies to restore the Heo lineage to power?”

“Yes, I am. Everything I have done was for you.” His voice evokes the same tone he had used to speak to you when you were a child. You shake your head to combat it and his eyes narrow. With a few swift footfalls, he closes in, “You’ve been with the Hwarang for too long. They’ve corrupted you.”

No… It isn’t you who’s changed, it’s your father.

“Goddamn it! Get off me you bastards!” Despite being out of breath, Jaemin manages to swipe at the Furies with his sword, giving himself space. However, no matter the amount of wounds he’s able to inflict on them, they heal immediately.

“Father…”

“If we just sit down and talk this through, I’m sure you’d understand.” Your father’s face lies in a stony demeanor.

“I–!” Before you can say anything else, he drives his fist into your stomach. Stars leap before your eyes, the world grows dark and you slip into unconsciousness.

When you awake, you’re in an unfamiliar room.

“Where…” Your hands gripping your head as you sit up, “Where am I?”

“You’re at the minister’s estate.” A voice says before you and you widen your eyes.

“Taeyong?!” You cry out before noticing the figure next to him. Beside him stands your father.

“What’s going on here?” You say as you scramble to your feet. “Why are you two together?!”

“I met with Heo secretly here in Ongjin, and we’ve agreed to work together in order to do Fury research.” Taeyong explains, resting his arm on the hilt of his sword.

“Then… You’re working with Goguryeo? You’ve betrayed Silla… Betrayed the Hwarang…”

“Is that what you think?” Taeyong raises an eyebrow, “Interesting…” Explaining himself had never been one of Taeyong’s strong points.

“How are you feeling, my child?” Heo asks sympathetically, “I apologize for the rough treatment. I hope you aren’t too hurt.” His tone is intimate and caring, you feel yourself wavering towards the father you used to know.

“I suggest you make no attempts to escape…” Taeyong says calmly but with more intimidation than you’d seen from him before, “We could make that difficult. In any event, it was reckless of you to bring her here, Heo.” He glances at you before continuing, “Kun is no fool. Her disappearance will surely mean that he will be onto our plans. I expect him at any moment.”

“You told me that if I wanted to know where my daughter was, I just had to follow Na to the Hwarang.”

“Yes. I did.” Taeyong’s lips curve into a frown, “But I never suggested to kidnap her. Alas, what’s done is done. No point arguing about it. We need to be thinking about what this could mean, and plan for it.”

“I’m sure the Furies I left to deal with Na will return to the estate soon, you needn’t worry about the future.” Heo shrugs.

“What did you do to Jaemin?” Your voice nearly breaks.

“I doubt he survived. After all, I did bring quite a few of them.”

Your whole body shakes. You want wholeheartedly to not believe it, but the Furies that your father had brought were unlike any you’d ever seen before. Jaemin had already looked pale and weak even before he’d started fighting…

“You just have to assume I’m dead?” A voice says from the open doorway, “C’mon, that hurts my feelings…” He’s leaning against the frame and someone brushes past him, glaring at Taeyong and your father.

“You alright?” Kun asks as he looks at you.

“I am!” You nod vigorously and he lets out a snort of laughter.

“How did you find us?!” Heo asks incredulously, “I’ve made so many improvements on my Furies. How could you have destroyed them all?”

“Improvements? If you say so, but if you want to take out the Hwarang, you’ll need about ten times what you sent.” Kun smirks.

“I figured you’d be here soon,” Taeyong murmurs, “You didn’t bring any of the men, though… Well, I suspected you wouldn’t. Still, doesn’t it seem rather reckless for the two of you to charge headfirst into unknown enemy territory?”

“Explain.” Kun’s eyes narrow at Taeyong, “Why didn’t you contact us?”

“There’s nothing for you in Ongjin.” Taeyong says simply.

“I was given orders by Yeon Gaesomun to come here. They told me to take my Furies and kill the traitors who reside here. However, I found such a plan unagreeable when so many test subjects reside here…” Heo sighs out.

“We found common ground in our distaste for Goguryeo,” Taeyong explains, “and thusly decided to seize Ongjin for ourselves.”

“So you’re not fighting with our enemy…?” You struggle to piece together everything.

“I’m on your side, child. I have no intention of taking part in mankind’s disputes.” Your father says as he crosses his arms, “Let us bring retribution to the humans who destroyed our clan and the Demons who betrayed us. It is in our destiny to forge a new Demon kingdom with our own hands– no, we will be the only Demon clan!”

You recall Sooyoung explaining how the Heo village had been destroyed by humans. Even then, you can’t get yourself to agree with your father.

Just then, the sound of footsteps loudly resound out from the hallway. Furies pour into the room as Taeyong smiles, “Ah, they seem to have noticed our intruders.”

“Hey–!” Kun’s eyes widen as he notices their faces, “They’re the Hwarang’s–!”

“Not only does this castle hold the remnants of Goguryeo’s Fury army, but also of the Hwarang’s Fury Corps.” Taeyong crosses his arms, “All of the Furies that exist in both Kingdoms are gathered here.”

Red eyes surround Jaemin, Kun and you. No humanity resides in their gazes.

“Please give us your help,” Your father calls out to you, “We need you to lead us. You must command the Furies and restore the Heo clan.”

But you don’t care about restoring the clan. You don’t want to create more Furies so that blood can drive them mad. You don’t want to see more suffering.

“Father… you’re wrong.” Heo’s eyes go wide when you speak. “Building a kingdom on the corpses of others isn’t right! I can’t agree to it!”

Human or Demon, every life is precious. Just because your home village was destroyed doesn’t mean you can oppress humans.

“I believe Heo was saying that he’d be willing to assist the Hwarang.” Taeyong interjects, looking at Kun. “What do you think, Qian? Would you like to lead this army of Furies against Goguryeo?”

“You know the answer.” With Kun having been against Furies from the very beginning, you doubt he’s changed his mind about them.

“So I suppose that ends our negotiation.” Taeyong sighs, slowly drawing his sword from its scabbard. “Very well…”

You stiffen, yet Kun doesn’t move towards his own blade. He remains still, cooly contemplating Taeyong. Almost as if someone’s dumping white ink on it, Taeyong’s hair slowly changes to white and he raises his sword.

Instead of swiping at Kun though, he cuts down a Fury standing nearby him.

“All a Fury exists for is battle, and now we’ve taken that away from them…” Taeyong shakes his head with a sigh, “The least I can do for them is let them die here, in battle.”

The room falls silent. Then it explodes in noise– the enraged cries of the Furies and the rattle of swords being drawn.

“Jaemin–” Kun says quickly.

“I know!” The younger shouts and drops into a fighting stance, slipping his hand around the hilt of his sword. A grin splits on his lips as his hair turns white, “Taeyong, this is way too badass for an old guy like you! Why didn’t you tell us?!”

“Well,” Taeyong chuckles, “as they say, to fool your enemies, you must first fool your friends.” Their swords whistle and spark through the air, Fury after Fury falling before them. “Besides, doesn’t the hero’s right-hand man make the best villain?”

Kun responds with a bark of wry laughter and draws his own sword in a flash of silver light as his hair turns white as well. The men get into their stances and face the Furies as Furies themselves.

“The hell are you talking about?” Kun says with a grin, “Still means the hero gets stuck cleaning up the damn mess.”

As their three swords spin and hiss through the air, blood gushes and spatters, painting the walls of the estate a deep red. Wave after wave conquered, they drown their foes in a sea of blood. You notice that your mouth has gone dry, your hands beginning to shake. In the corner, you spot your father sitting down.

“Everything you told me was a lie?” Heo asks Taeyong. “You said you wanted to do more research on the Furies in the kingdom of Demons… Why?”

“I saw the end.” Taeyong answers, “I was trying to discover a way for Furies to live past their… limits. Our short lifespans made me impatient. To continue my research I even dirtied my hands.” Every suspicious thing he had done had been in the service of a single goal: saving his fellow Furies. “We have no future as Furies. You know this as well as I do, Heo.”

“No matter how resistant you make them to sunlight, they will push themselves too hard, and their lifespans will shrink and the bloodlust will drive them mad.” Taeyong confirms the truth you’d all suspected: there is no way to save the Furies. “We are a mistake: a failed experiment. Furies are not something that should exist in this world. Let’s end this.”

Taeyong’s true intentions leave you surprised, as does his admission that the Furies are a failure. Is he right? Can they not be saved? Has all hope been lost? You let your mind drift for a moment, and then you see a shadow move in the corner of your eye– A Fury only feet from you, his eyes red and mad with bloodlust. You reach for your sword but it’s too late.

Before your hand even touches the hilt, you see the Fury’s blade sweeping toward you. Blood splashes down onto the floor before you, but it isn’t yours. A figure standing before you had taken the blow in your stead.

“Father?!”

The Fury pulls back for another swing but then it freezes, gurgles oddly and slides neatly in half, a blade glistening in the center.

“Turn your back on us in a fight, will you?” Kun spits as he looks down to the halved Fury, “Idiot.” He shifts his eyes up to your father’s wound, and you see his face twitch. Immediately, he moves closer and turns his back to the two of you, sword held at the ready.

“Are you… alright? Are you hurt anywhere?” Your father asks as he turns to look at you. There’s blood splattered all over his chest. The wound, now that you can see it, is undoubtedly a fatal one.

“Yes, yes. I’m fine. I’m not hurt at all,” you say quickly. His hand reaches out and grasps your shoulder, he falls to his knees and you follow after him. Quickly you lay him on his back, clutching at his hand.

“Our research was a… failure. I knew there was no future for the Furies…” He murmurs out as tears begin to well in your eyes, “But I couldn’t give it up… I wanted to bring back your clan, your family.” Ever since you were young he’d always tried to do what was best for you. “It seems my fate is to die with the Furies… I have committed terrible sins. This is for the best, please, don’t cry.”

You nod your head knowing that if you’re to open your mouth the tears would never stop. He gives you one last smile, sighs a calm breath and is gone.

After what seems like an eternity, you look up. The battle is over. The Furies that came to fruition by the Hwarang and your father lie dead, scattered around the room.

“Kind of a waste, isn’t it?” Taeyong says as he looks at the bodies, “That many Furies could have been awfully useful… The Hwarang could have used these men.”

“You don’t win battles by thinking you’ll lose them.” Kun says.

“Well, you don’t win by thinking you’ll win either,” Jaemin snorts with laughter, then coughs to cover it up.

It’s true, the Hwarang had lost a lot of Furies but their unity had grown stronger.

“Ack–!” A sudden burst of pain wipes the grin from Jaemin’s face. Taeyong, too, has doubled over in agony. Their hair which had returned to normal goes back to stark white.

“Looks like we’ve reached our limit,” Taeyong says through grit teeth.

Dejun’s words suddenly flash to you. The Fury’s power isn’t a gift from the gods. You’re only borrowing life that you would spend decades on.

Jaemin sees your eyes go wide and gives you an awkward sort of laugh, “We were some of the first Furies.” They’d been in more battles as Furies than anyone else, and all of the strength and healing they’d enjoyed ate away at their futures until there was nothing left.

“Did you know…?” The question leaves Kun as a whisper.

Taeyong smiles and then gives a slow nod, “What warrior doesn’t know his own body?” His legs suddenly shake violently and he falls to the floor, Jaemin soon following.

Kun drops to his knees and takes both of their hands in his own.

“Kun… Do you remember?” Taeyong remineces weakly, “Back when we were at Moon Hall, we would spend all night talking.”

“Yeah,” Kun nods, “We would say that Taeil would never be content with being just the heir of a small school. We promised to do what we could for him…”

“Who would’ve thought he would leave this world before us?” Taeyong frowns and his voice grows quiet, “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but without you, we couldn’t have built up the Hwarang.”

“Same goes for you too…” Kun says with a small smile, “You were the one that always calmed me down whenever I’d start a fight with Yixing.” He’s doing his best to act tough so that Jaemin and Taeyong won’t worry.

“Looks like we’re taking the lead this time… Don’t be in too much of a hurry to catch up though, alright?” Jaemin adds in a bright and kind tone, “I mean, you barely had any time to rest since you joined the Hwarang.”

Kun just nods.

“I’m having a hard time buying that ‘yes’. You’re a little too short-tempered to keep a promise like that…”

“Shut it, you little brat. You really think I’m gonna take that crap from you?”

Jaemin’s face relaxes as Kun snarls back at him. Even in this moment, Jamein’s tender and kind for the benefit of his Chief.

“You must go south.” Taeyong suddenly says. “Heo said he used water from Tamna when he was refining the pimul.”

Your eyes widen– perhaps there still is hope. Maybe, just maybe, there’s a chance something south can repair the curse of the Fury to these men. Taeyong’s last words are the fait muster of hope for the fate of the Furies.

“Kun… Don’t… don’t lose sight of what matters, alright? Being reckless doesn’t work out so well.” Jaemin’s voice has grown rough and raspy. Kun’s knuckles whiten as they tighten around his comerade’s hands. But with a sound like sand pouring over a stone, their hands crumble into ash. In moments, they are no more.

“Kun…” You call out but he doesn’t answer. He only stares, silent, at the twin piles of ash that sit where his friends were only moments before. There aren’t any tears in his eyes, but even so he’s somehow crying.

You’re not sure how long you sit there before he stands up. The room that includes only you two is devastatingly quiet.

“Let’s go.” He says quietly, his voice curt and clipped. Yet, when he turns to you, his eyes suddenly go wide. “Hey, no crying.”

You nod, trying to stop, but it’s no good. The tears don’t pause, regardless of how much you wipe them away. In one day– an hour– you’ve been forced to say goodbye to Jaemin, to Taeyong… and the father you haven’t seen in over a year.

December 17th, 666 – Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla The events of the magistrate’s house resonate with you for a while, and after some time has passed you find yourself alone again, standing in front of the estate. Wisps of snowflakes fall around you, wind hitting your cheeks and chapping your lips.

“They sure took their sweet-ass time,” Kun quips as he exits the front gates of the building. His worn expression indicates a worried tiredness.

“Hello,” you greet him, “How was the meeting?”

“How? Hmph.” He shakes his head, “Those idiots north of Pyongyang don’t like any of the plans we’ve proposed, even with Junhui and I poking around as often as we are. Apparently with the incident here and continuing at Tagok, Munmu doesn’t trust us yet to act. That’s the bullshit they relayed! Can you believe that?”

Kun paces the front gate, arms crossed and breath puffing in the air, “They act all high and mighty on their capital in the north, but pussy out when it’s time for the final push. It’s pathetic, Munmu hasn’t done shit and is relying on the Tang for everything.” He frowns, “Whatever. Let’s head back to the inn, the sun’s really beating down today.”

“Okay…” A cloud of frustration seems to follow you as you return to the inn, most notably in Kun. “We’ll be there soon enough, hang in there.” His skin looks pale and watching him in silent agony makes your heart ache.

“Don’t worry about me,” he sighs, “How about you? Are you holding up alright?”

“I’m… fine. I mean, I’m pretty resilient.”

“How can you say that?” He lets out a dry laugh, “You stay up all night just to tend to me…”

“I’m tough.” You smile back, “When you finally fall asleep, it gives me the peace of mind so that I can rest easily too.”

Kun’s lips curl and he doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer. Instead, he just stares at you. He turns his head gradually to the hues of red and orange covering the winter sky in the distance. You follow his lead and look towards the horizon.

“Huh…?” Your vision suddenly blurs.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” Kun’s right next to you, but yet his voice sounds so distant.

Before you know it, your body collapses to the ground.

“Hey!” Kun shouts out, “You alright?! Hang in there!”

When you regain consciousness, you discover yourself tucked snugly in bed.

“About time you woke up,” Kun says as you look around the room. “Do you know where you are right now?”

“Ah! Kun…” Once you realize that it’s him, you snap out of your daze. “I’m sorry, I–”

“You idiot!” He shouts, causing you to jump. “If you weren’t feeling well, you shouldn’t have gone outside. You should’ve rested!”

“I’m sorry…” It feels as if a stone has dropped into the pit of your stomach as he scolds you, and you can only look down at your hands.

“Uhm, well… I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on you,” Kun sighs. “You’ve barely had any chance to rest, especially after what happened with your father’s passing… I can’t really be surprised that you would push yourself to act like everything’s normal.”

But he’s lost people too, and if you’re suppressing how you’ve been feeling you can’t imagine the turmoil happening within him,

“Until further notice, you don’t have to join me when I meet with members of the war council. You’re going to stay here to rest.”

“What?” You shake your head, “No, I’m fine. Today was just a lot to handle. So, please… I’ll be careful. I won’t let this become a problem again in the future.”

“Why? Because Taeil, Minhyung and Jisung asked you to watch after me or something?” His head tilts, “None of the men who died for us would have wanted you to look after me at the expense of your own health.”

He does have a point. But that isn’t the only reason you’re still here.

“I… I want to be by your side, Kun.”

“Yeah?” His brow furrows, “Why’s that?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?” I, um…” You can’t continue. Of course, you know the true answer but to admit that is a bit too much. There’s no way you can tell him your feelings. Suddenly, the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

“Well, fine. Whatever,” he waves it off, flashing his usual sense of detachment, muttering to himself, “If you don’t want to tell me, I don’t care.” Caught up in his own thoughts, he mutters something shortly, “You were close with Namekawa, right?”

“I wasn’t close with him… My father was, though.” You admit, “However, he did watch after me frequently.”

“I see. He’s a good man, but I just can’t seem to put my full trust in him.”

“Okay…?” You can’t quite grasp the point Kun is trying to make.

“If anything happens while we’re out here, I want you to find him and stay with him.” Kun states, “Even if Goguryeo catches you, they won’t touch you as long as you’re with him.”

“What? Why would they–”

“Look. When you’re at war, you can’t just prepare for victory. Gotta consider your defeat as well.” Kun crosses his arms, “I’m sure Doctor Namekawa will show up here any day, so when that happens…” He falls silent. After a while, he shakes his head tenderly, “Nothing. Forget it. I’m just rambling.”

In the empty space of your conversation, you try to sift through what Kun’s trying to say. All you can do is pray that this brief, peaceful reprieve will prolong itself for a bit longer.

December 21th, 666 – Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla In the following days Minghao and Kun make another trip to the war council stationed in the minister’s home. Although they hope their audience with the officials will be fruitful, it turns out to be less than eventful.

“Yeah,” Minghao sighs, “It’s no use. The water’s going to be frozen over soon enough, I get that. But waiting until it thaws in the spring…”

“It’s idiotic,” Kun agrees. “Guess we should kick back and relax until then, huh?”

“Even if you’re joking it’s not funny.” Minghao frowns, “We’re only giving them more time to reinforce Pyongyang.”

“Sure,” Kun says, “But it’s not like they’ve got anyone else to come in and save them. They’ll be holed up in the city, waiting for a reprieve. If they’re smart they’d have surrendered by now.”

“Knowing Gaesomun, it’s not like he’ll have a shortage of ideas of how to turn this around. For fuck’s sake he killed their last king to wrest power from him. I suppose we’ll refrain from making any rash decisions until we reunite with Li.”

December 26th, 666 – Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla You find Kun in his apartments when you approach him, “I hear our forces are gathering in the north of the city… Are we leaving?”

“The Hwarang serves two things:” he sighs, “the King and the Kingdom. That hasn’t changed.”

“The Hwarang shows the way, right?” You point out.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? All this time, we had those lords and ministers looking down and judging our actions. Now look at us.” You can almost recall Taeil’s grin as Kun smiles.

“Well, that’s one more reason not to die, then.”

It’s a burden on him, undoubtedly, but Kun has seen many of his friends lay down their lives for the Hwarang and what it represents. Knowing what it had meant to them, he can’t allow himself to die.

“As long as the men believe in what we stand for, I can’t let the Hwarang die.” The doubt you’d seen in him weeks before is gone. He’s accepted his place at the head of the Hwarang. “I have to protect them.”

He looks over to you, his gaze warm, it makes you feel better than you have in a while. Just being next to him is enough to make you feel like everything is right in the world.

December 30th, 666 – Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla A few more days pass and the men you’d left to go to Tagok Pass finally reach Onjin. Unfortunately, bad news comes with their victory over the pass.

“Yuta has fallen in battle,” Shotaro reports, his head bowed, “His last words were ‘Leave the rest to Kun’...”

Ever since this war started, you’re unsure of how many times you’ve seen this expression on a warrior’s face. You bite your lip until it almost bleeds.

Kun puts his hands on Shotaro’s shoulders, giving him some words of encouragement, “I’m sorry I put you through that, Osaki. I’m just glad you made it back alive.”

Shotaro’s eyes grow wide and he looks overcome with emotion, “Th–Thank you sir!”

Jaemin and Taeyong lost their lives in Ongjin, and Yuta at Tagok… This means that Kun is the only Fury left among the Hwarang.

“It’s been hard already, but I’m pretty sure things are going to get worse,” Kun crosses his arms, “You’ve all fought enough, so…”

Shotaro sets his jaw and looks back at Kun, “I’ve given my life to the Hwarang, it just hasn’t been lost yet. We’ll follow you to the end of the world and back, sir.”

“Me too!” Jeno says firmly, “I’ll follow you all the way!”

“Let me accompany you, no matter where it takes us!” Sungchan adds.

“You guys…” Kun’s almost at a loss for words.

“We want to fight as the Hwarang, not as foot soldiers of Silla. We want to fight for the justice we believe in.” Shotaro smiles at him reassuringly.

You’re sure that if Taeil were alive, he’d be crying. The Hwarang united in body and mind. A great happiness wells within you and suddenly you can’t hold it in any longer. Tears spill forth from your eyes.

“... Idiots.” Kun’s face twists into a sneer, but there isn’t any hiding the warmth in his eyes as he looks out over the men. They know the coming battle will not be an easy one, but there is no doubt in their mind: their place is with Kun and the Hwarang.

January 7th, 667 – Ongjin, Kingdom of Silla Ultimately, it is decided that Minghao’s fleet will head to Cholsan while Li’s army will march to Yangdeok. In the cold of winter, you leave Ongjin and head into the surrounding forest.

You’re only a few minutes walk in when Kun stops you, “I can’t take you this time. You stay here.”

“What?” You stop in your tracks, “But why? Where is this coming from?”

“There’s going to be a lot of fighting. You should get away from that. No reason for you to stick with us anymore, right? I know Taeil, Jisung and Minhyung asked you to take care of me. But I’m sure you’ve fulfilled your promise in full. If you were to die in the mess of this war, then I’ll be the one that gets scolded by them in the afterlife.” His voice quiets, “I think it’s time you are released from us.”

“No!” Now that your father’s passed, there isn’t anything to justify staying with the Hwarang but… Your heart yearns to be with Kun.

“Donghyuck’ll probably be coming after me soon, but I can take him. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“That’s not it!” Once again you find yourself almost yelling. “I don’t want to stay just because I think I need to be protected from him!”

He sighs, looking as if he’s dealing with a fussy toddler. “Come on, don’t be like that… I can’t make you happy.”

Your eyes go wide, your voice shaking when you speak, “... I don’t need to be happy. All I want to do is fight alongside the Hwarang. I want to follow the same path you do.” There was never an ulterior motive for staying alongside him. “Please, I’ll do whatever you tell me to.”

“Well, I’m touched that you feel that way, but I want you to be happy. Without being with us.” He isn’t saying this to just make you feel better. You feel the sincerity behind his words. And you’re happy to know he cares, but it pains you just as much.

“These are orders from the Hwarang’s Chief.” He looks you in the eye, his voice flat and cold. “You would impede the function of the Hwarang, and therefore will not accompany us to Pyongyang.

The air is sucked from your lungs and your heart skips a beat. You feel the blood drain from your face and your hands begin to tremble.

“You’re a woman, and you deserve to have your own life. I can’t let us tie you down anymore.”

Hearing that, all of the power in your body leaves you, and you fall to your knees in the snow underfoot, “Kun… Please wait…” You want so badly to scream this at him, but your voice no longer feels like your own.

“Take care. That is all.” The minute he turns his back on you, you know it isn’t good. It’s clear that he really intends to leave you behind and you can’t even lift a finger to stop him.

He’s getting further and further away, his footsteps crunching in the snow. It was him who you’d been running after since the battle in Seorabeol… A man that, up to now, was working on chipping the distance between you, bit by bit.

“I don’t want this!” You scream out, forcing your voice to be heard. But Kun walks as if he doesn’t hear you. “Qian Kun!” Even calling out his name doesn't make him stop. And eventually, you can’t see his back anymore.

Minutes pass and you remain in a defeated stupor on the ground. It feels as if something inside of you has crumbled. You’ve been chasing after Kun this whole time… but he’s someone who only moves forward. His whole life was lived by keeping his pain sealed away, but never once did he leave you behind. He would always give you the chance to cling onto him.

Now you understand that there aren’t any more chances to gather yourself, or run after him, or any other childish endeavor to bring you closer. He has deemed no further use of you and severed the ties that burden his duty.

“Ah… Excuse me…” A quiet voice speaks up behind you, and you turn to see who it is. “I’m sorry but I heard everything,” Wen Junhui inches toward you, “I apologize for eavesdropping, but there didn’t seem to be a good moment for me to admit I was here.” He coughs awkwardly and hands you a small piece of cloth to wipe your face.

He waits for you to calm down before he begins to speak again, “You want to stay with him, I take it? Then… Will you wait for us? We’re settling down in Yangdeok before our attack on Pyongyang… So, can you wait until then?”

“What do you mean…?”

“Once we’ve settled in, I can send for you. I mean, I can hardly leave you crying here alone!”

“General Wen…” Your mouth hangs open.

“Oh, you don’t need to thank me. Once you get to Yangdeok, I’ll assign you to Qian. It won’t be easy work, but at least you’ll be with him.”

February 14, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla You get your summons right after Yangdeok falls to Junhui’s forces. Yangdeok, to the Silla and Tang armies, has been seen as Goguryeo’s last city to topple before moving forth to Pyongyang to its west.

“It’s good to see you again!” Junhui calls out to you, waving his arms in the air to summon you closer.

“Thank you so much for arranging all of this,” You say as you gather your bags together and walk over to him, “And congratulations on your victory here.”

“My victory is a bit of an exaggeration,” he says, “Qian put in a lot of work too. As soon as we finished deciding on the new council, I sent for you.”

“The new council?”

“Yeah,” he nods enthusiastically, “With the effort going to close in soon, we decided to pull our forces together and combine the northern armies and southern armies to collapse on Pyongyang. Xu Minghao is our general now, he knows enough about the Silla and Tang armies to combine us together.”

You learn that Junhui has been elected the Army Minister, and Kun has been named the Assistant Army Minister.

“You had to wait a while, I understand.” Junhui frowns apologetically, “Was it too long?”

“It could have been shorter,” You say halfway joking and halfway serious.

Still, the fact that they’re this close to pushing inward says something to the end of this war. Despite the losses you’ve accrued, this is a glimmer of hope.

“Ever since we got to Yangdeok, Kun’s been… different.” Junhui notes your confused expression and continues, “He’s nicer to the men, which is good, but he spends too much time locked away in his room. Says he spends most of his time in deep thought and won’t let anyone come by.” He sighs, shaking his head, probably wondering what to do with the man before reaching into his pack and removing a piece of parchment. “I think he needs you,” a smile graces his lips and he hands the paper to you.

“Me?” You question, taking it from him.

“This document officially appoints you to your position. You can get the details after you give it to Kun.”

It takes a while, but you muster up the courage to go into the main hall of where the leaders of the army are staying. Yet, Kun isn’t among them, he’s in his room, alone. After inquiring about where his room is, you find yourself standing before it.

You take in a deep breath and rap your hand against the door several times. After a few silent seconds, a tired voice drifts out, “I’m not attending… This isn’t the time for a party.”

Without saying anything you push open the door. Kun turns toward the door, preparing a half-hearted tirade for whoever had decided to intrude on his solitude. When he sees you, the words freeze in his throat.

“Reporting as ordered, sir.” You say, standing straight, “I have been assigned to serve as Assistant Army Minister Qian Kun’s page… by Army Minister Wen Junhui.”

His mouth works soundlessly for a moment, finally closing with a snap. He stares at you incredulously for several more seconds before frowning, “It’s a mistake. I haven’t been told about this.”

You pull out the letter that Junhui had given you and hand it to him, “I received these orders from him earlier.”

Kun’s hand snatches the letter and he scans the page rapidly, his frown deepening with each line. When he finishes he shoots you a sharp look and thrusts the letter back into your empty hands, “No. Take it back. I don’t approve of these orders.”

“I understand…” You sigh out, looking at the paper now in your grasp before tearing it into pieces.

“What are you doing?” His eyes widen in shock.

“I don’t care if you won’t approve these orders,” you let the pieces fall to the ground, “I shouldn’t have relied on them in the first place.” You hadn’t taken the letter because you wanted to be in Yangdeok, you accepted Junhui’s help and came here because you want to be with Kun. That’s all that matters. “I came here because I wanted to. I want you to let me stay. Here. With you.”

It’s his choice.

“Not fair for me to be the only guy with the luxury of a girl for a page. Especially when I’m sending men off to die.”

“Is… Is that why you left me?”

Kun falls silent and shifts uncomfortably.

“Stop this!” You find yourself yelling, and Kun looks equally surprised. “You always do this! You decide you can’t do something, then you make up all the excuses you need to justify it! You say you’re doing it for my feelings without even knowing my feelings!”

When he’d left you behind, he said that he couldn’t make you happy– that you should go on and live your life. But he is what makes you happy, and you want to live your life with him. Now he’s trying to push you away again so that he can bear this burden alone. You can’t let him do that.

“You take on so much and you won’t let anyone help!” Tears sting at the corners of your eyes as you try and make him see the errors of his ways.

He crosses his arms, “That’s my job. If I can handle it, then it’s my responsibility to!”

“What about the people who have to watch you do this?!” You’d watched him torture himself this way for far too long… Every hardship, every burden, is his and his alone to suffer with. And you haven’t been the only one to witness this. “I can’t let you do this to yourself! I want to be here for you! I want to help you! What else am I supposed to do?!”

With a sigh he falls silent, “I give up.”

You blink, furrowing your brow as you have no idea what he’s referring to.

“Can’t fight a country girl… Better to just listen to them, I guess.” His voice is gentle as he looks up with a wry smile. You then find his arms wrapped around you. As unexpected as it is, you let yourself sink into his embrace. He holds you tightly, almost as if now that he finally has you, he doesn’t want to ever let you go.

“Ever since you left…” He murmurs before pausing, and you can sense him trying to organize his feelings. “I’ve figured some things out,” he squeezes you a bit tighter, “you… supported me. Guess that’s the best way to put it.” As he speaks, he sounds slightly bewildered, as if he can’t believe what he’s saying. “When you’re not here… It’s hard for me to deal with it. All of it. Life, I guess.” With each word, your heart swells warmly in your chest. Each word descends like the snowflakes outside, gently gathering in your heart.

“You saved me,” he whispers and you feel the warmth of his body touching every part of yours. You’re sure there’s tear stains on his uniform from where you’ve been pressing your face into his robes. “... Do you think the Hwarang still stands for what it means to be a true warrior? Have I done what I was supposed to? Have I led us down the right path?”

You nod, “The soul of the Hwarang that our friends believed in is alive in you. In fact, I think it’s stronger now… We’ve been through a lot but it’s brought all of us together.”

His lips curl into a smile, “Hearing you say that makes me happy. The men that the Hwarang have left are true warriors. No more need for the iron fist.”

Everyone in the Hwarang now has the unity of vision that brings the clarity of purpose, hopefully meaning Kun’s burden will lessen a little.

“Well,” you say, “from now on, please don’t try and hide your problems from me. I’m here to help you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

He’s silent now, but his arms stay wrapped around you. You feel his hands grasp at your robes as his voice is barely above a whisper, “Stay with me…”

February 15, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla The next morning, you’re greeted by familiar faces waiting for you in the main hall.

“Long time no see!” Jeno smiles, “We were eagerly awaiting your return for a while now.”

“Jeno, Sungchan…” You smile back at the two.

“How was the dramatic reunion?” Sungchan pushes eagerly.

“What do you mean?” Your eyes widen, unable to answer him with a straight face as his face blushes with color.

“Well, ever since Commander– er Chief– left your side, it looked like he just sank deeper and deeper into depression,” he says quickly, “It just made us realize how much he needs you by his side.”

“And now the two of you can be together as much as you want to be!” Jeno adds.

“Ah,” you feel heat rise to your cheeks, “Yes, well, I’m sure we can.”

“Oh?” You hear footsteps coming from down the hall, “I thought I heard a familiar voice. So, you’re in Yangdeok too…”

“Jungwoo!” Your eyes widen at the familiar face, “You’re safe!”

“Indeed,” he smiles weakly, “Sadly, I was injured in combat against some of the Goguryeo forces.”

“He was appointed as the Infantry Head of the Kyongjong Unit during the last meeting,” Sungchan says quickly.

“Really? That’s fantastic news! Congratulations, Jungwoo.”

“Thank you, but I don’t know how much I’ll be able to accomplish in this state, unfortunately.” You glance down to his bandaged left arm before looking back up to his face. “But for now, I am here, and all I can do is fight until the end beside Kun.”

“Jungwoo…”

“If there’s ever anything you need from me, don’t hesitate to ask. I will always support you and Kun.”

“Of course,” you smile at him, “Thank you.”

February 25th, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla As Kun’s page, you spend every day assisting him in his duties. Since your arrival in Yangdeok, he’s seemed much more at ease during the daylight hours. Your job sees you spending more time around him than you ever had before. He’s actually begun treating you quite nicely.

You feel a little bad that you’re getting spoiled, but whenever you’re around him, your heart pounds.

On one afternoon, some days after you’ve settled in to Yangdeok, Junhui comse to visit Kun in his quarters.

“I’ve made tea,” you say as you set down the tray in front of the two sitting figures.

“Thank you,” Junhui smiles, gingerly picking up one of the cups before him and looking over to Kun, “Your assistant here is quite something. Tell me, where did you find her?”

“Well,” Kun leans back in his seat, “I think some big shot wannabe had her sent over here without my permission. You know anything about that?”

“Oh, I was doing it for your sake, you know. Although, I’m a bit jealous now” he sighs, “A cute, dedicated, efficient page… What man could ask anything more?”

“No, I’m… um….” You say quickly, frantically busying yourself with your tea.

Kun glances at you for a moment, then back at Junhui, his face calm and serene, “I agree… So long as she sticks with me, I don’t think I’ll ever need any other page.”

You nearly drop your tea at his statement. Junhui also looks surprised, but raises his cup to his lips to hide it.

You look for words to say but you can only hear the blood rushing to your head and feel your heart pounding in your chest.

“I, ah, didn’t think I’d hear something like that from you, Qian…” Junhui muses, “I’d want a wife like her too.”

“Well she’s mine.” Kun says simply, “You’ll have to find one of your own because there’s no way I’m letting her go.”

Junhui laughs, “Now you’re just rubbing it in.” You feel your face growing hotter by the second.”Well, with Kun in this sort of mood, I suppose I shouldn’t stay too long, hm?” With one last grin to you, he turns to Kun. “So, back to business… Do you think they’ll be mobilizing?”

“Yeah,” Kun nods, “As soon as the snow melts.”

“Well, if you think so too, then we should prepare to mobilize.” Junhui sighs, “Minghao says it will be a few more weeks before his ships can set out from Ongjin.”

“There’ll be a fight once they reach Pyongyang’s harbor, that’s for sure,” Kun nods, “There’s no way they’d let us take that easily.”

“Of course,” Junhui agrees, “We’ll need to reconvene to see what troops we can send to aid the navy.”

“Huh,” Kun muses, “Gotta admit, before we came here, I never thought you and I would see eye to eye.”

“I know, right?” The other smiles, “I was taken aback by you the first time we met.”

“And I was with you.”

Junhui laughs, “Well, I wasn’t born into a family of warriors…”

“Hey, me neither. My family were merchants from Tang before I was adopted.”

“Yet here we are, commanding respect as true warriors…” Junhui nearly marvels at the fact, “A man can only be judged by the path he walks, not the name he bears, nor the house from which he comes. We chose to fight for what we believe in. That path led us here. That’s all there is to it.”

Kun and Junhui are two very different people, but listening to his passion as he talks resonates with you as well. You were born into a family of Demons, but here you are. All your life, you thought you were human. Nothing more, nothing less. But the truth in this discovery gave you life beyond you thought you were, and they accepted you.

“Our ambition will never waver. We’ll fight to the end like we promised to.”

“Thank you for your time,” Junhui says, setting his cup down. He nods to you and Kun before standing and excusing himself from the room.

“They’re already going to fight?” You ask as you begin to clear the teacups.

“Come here,” Kun says, reaching out and taking your hand in his. He stands, gently pulling you towards the door outside. The wind is frigid, without your thick coat on it cuts you straight to the bone. “See that plain down there?” From the higher vantage you have, you see the rolling hills pour down into a sunken valley that spans as far as the eye can see.

“We’ll go down the plain and attack Pyongyang from there. Minghao’s ships will come from the west and attack by sea. And if all is communicated correctly, the forces up north will converge on the city at the same time as us.”

“Then we’ve got to make sure we plan all of that out correctly, right?” You ask, “Sending troops in waves would only give them time to prepare for the next one.”

“Yeah,” Kun smiles, “If we can take Ajinham before they can fortify it well enough I’m hopeful we can end this before summer hits. The battle in Pyongyang will be my last. It will be the last place I draw my sword as a warrior.”

“Kun…” You’re desperate to talk about anything else.

No sooner do you step back into the inviting warmth of his apartments does his expression suddenly shift. He lets out a grunt as you watch his Fury nature forcing itself to the fore. His hair shifts hue, his eyes turn red.

“Don’t worry,” he assures you weakly, “I’ve been doing pretty well since I got here. Looks like my body’s getting worse. Hope it’ll hold up until spring ends.” Does he mean that he’s ready to throw away his life so long as he lives to fight in one last battle?

“Please don’t say that,” you say, “Didn’t I tell you why I’m here?” Unfastening your collar, exposing the flesh of your neck, you step towards him, “Please don’t say you just want to live until spring. I need you to live longer than that. Much longer.”

“You’re a scary woman, you know that?” He smiles, although the pain twists it into a heart-wrenching grimace. His hands clasp your shoulders, and you feel his lips brush against your neck. “I haven’t tasted blood in a while,” Kun murmurs.

“You haven’t had any since you left?” His silence answers your question, “Why?”

You feel as if you know the answer, though. If he only cares about his body lasting until spring, then he likely hasn’t been taking care of it.

“I suppose my blood must taste awfully good,” you chuckle, “Because, you know, I’m a Demon. In fact, it must be so good that you don’t want to drink anyone else’s blood.”

He lets out a snort of surprise, “Well maybe you’re right…”

March 2nd, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla You find Kun at his desk, his eyes fixed on a stack of documents, and you muster a troubled smile at him. This has been a familiar scene for whenever you find him, as it seems his work ethic is the same as it ever had been.

Even if you are worried that he’ll start to find you obnoxious, you place his teacup beside him as he writes furiously onto a piece of parchment.

“The hell’s this?” He asks, not looking up from his work, “Don’t remember asking you for tea.” Kun scrunches his nose as he finally looks up to you as you flash him a bright grin. A sigh escapes him, “Don’t worry. I’m not tired. In fact, I’m starting to think I’m cut out for all this bureaucratic crap.”

“Well, it’s true that your duties here in your office are very important, but…” You hum, “It’s not like I can imagine a job or position that you wouldn’t be cut out for.”

“Of course you can. I hate public speaking, and even worse, I hate having to deal with emotional bullshit.” You suppose for him, a loathing profession never had gotten in the way of completing his duties. You’re certain that he has a knack for public speaking, let alone balancing the emotional stress that comes with managing a large group of soldiers. “So, it looks like I have to thank Minghao and Junhui for stomaching all of that shit so that I don’t have to.”

You chuckle at him, “Yes, but in return, you’re the one who’s in charge of managing all of the subordinates. Right?”

“Eh, win some, lose some. They’ve been calling me a Demon for so long, it’s kinda been throwing me off.” He shakes his head, “Hell, I don’t think you could pay me enough to bark at those idiots, or act like the Demon I used to.” His warm eyes glance toward you with an exceptional gleam, and it’s like he’s a completely different person from the man you met all those years ago in Seorabeol.

It’s true– Kun is no longer the Demon Commander and it seems like he’s discovered an inimitable truth: the practice of self-love is deeply fulfilling.

“What’s the matter?” His gaze narrows, “Do I have something on my face?”

“I was wondering when people started calling you a Demon.”

“I guess it’ll come up sooner or later… Don’t get too excited, it's not that interesting…”

March 19th, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla Before Minghao’s fleet is launched from Ongjin, a group is splintered off from the main army in Yangdeok and sent to the navy to aid in their future attack on Pyongyang. Jeong Sungchan had volunteered to go and you received word on the thirteenth that the fleet had left port to set the offensive in motion.

On the night of the news’ arrival, Kun holds a meeting into the late, late hours of the night.

“Our meeting is over,” Shotaro says as he exits the meeting hall, looking to where you’ve been sitting patiently.

“Thank you for telling me, Shotaro,” you smile up at him. “I’m planning on bringing Kun something to eat, would you like anything?”

“Oh no, I’m quite alright.” He says glancing back to the room, “Although I think it best for you to hold off on your plans for now. I don’t want to worry you but Kun’s been in quite the foul mood after tonight’s meeting.”

For Shotaro to be in such a dour mood must mean that whatever they'd discussed in there must have been truly serious.

“It can’t be that bad, I’m used to being scolded…” You raise your head high and stand before his door. As you let yourself into his room, you see something that stops you dead in your tracks. Kun isn’t sitting in his usual spot. Instead, he’s sitting on the floor with an apprehensive expression. “I=I’m sorry. I, um, heard your meeting ended. If you’d like something to eat I can bring something up soon. What do you say?”

“Don’t want it. Not hungry.” He’s curt, and you can tell he’s irritable.

Although whatever was discussed in their meeting had been left in the meeting room, you can tell those heavy thoughts still swirl around his mind.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” You ask him.

“I don’t know how many times I’ve heard you say that,” he sighs, “I seriously have nothing to ask of you. Sorry for taking things out on you.” Now he turns his head upward to look at you with a sad smile, “When we first men, it drove me mad thinking that you and I couldn’t relate to anything at all. But now that you’re here, I can truly say that it makes me happy to have you here with me. I mean it.”

“Kun…?”

“You’ve kept your eyes on me this whole time… Ever since we were in Seorabeol, in fact. If I think about it, you’re probably the person who’s seen me at my lowest.” He lets out a dry laugh, “It’s ironic, isn’t it? Thanks to you, I can remember. The weight of my burden… The reason every one of our friends sacrificed themselves. If it’s something as simple as rushing straight in, I can just handle that kind of stuff myself. But having you here with me as someone to talk me through doing something stupid make me think twice. You’re my rock.”

He moves to his feet, walking over to the window cracked open to let cool air into the room, “Putting my life on the line isn’t something I have to think about, but it’s all about knowing the timing. You’ve helped me to come to this conclusion.”

“Then if my life’s purpose is to be there for you, then nothing could make me happier.”

Another laugh, “I’ve only caused you trouble. It’s too much of a burden to put on the shoulders of a woman like you.”

“I won’t let this bring me down… I’m your rock after all.”

“I see…” He hums, leaving the windowsill and slowly begins walking toward you. “I’ve changed my mind. I could use something to eat. Preferably your cooking.”

“Oh? Is there something in particular you’d like?”

“Surprise me,” he smiles, “Just make sure it’s good. Cook like the fate of the Hwarang is in your hands.” It’s as if the realization of your connection hits you suddenly, and you can’t help but grin madly.

With the threat of war looming on the horizon, you can sense that Kun’s mind will struggle to find itself at ease in the coming days. You take solace in knowing that you can give him just one moment of reprieve before whatever’s to come.

March 15th, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla Several days later, the town begins to welcome springtime. As you all had long anticipated, Minghao’s ships make port in Cholsan but stay docked until given the word to advance on their enemy. Being a key member of these discussions of when to push forward, Kun is often pulled away from the Hwarang’s compound and Yangdeok in general, to a secret meeting place where it is believed all high ranking members of the Silla and Tang debate. You, on the other hand, have been ordered to remain in Yangdeok, the only thing you can do is wait patiently for his safe return.

The day that the men stoll back through the door is a happy one; Kun, Jeno and Shotaro stepping inside from the warmer day.

“I’m so glad to see you all safe…” You aren’t sure what catches hold of you, but as soon as you catch site of them, you feel your heart begin to swell and tears begin to prick at your eyes.

“Such a crybaby,” Kun chuckles, “You know, pretty soon you’re going to dry up from all the tears you’re losing.” Despite his words, he stands next to you with a warm greeting.

“Have you heard from Sungchan?” You look at Jeno, “I know the ships arrived in Cholsan a few days ago…”

Suddenly, everyone’s expressions drop.

Jeno furiously bites his lip, “We received word that the troop of men he went with to Cholsan were ambushed somewhere along their route… There haven’t been any reports of survivors.”

An altogether completely different emotion washes over you, the tears justifying themselves. This has been the first time since arriving in Yangdeok that you have to surrender yourselves to the news of another lost comrade, and your vision blurs for a moment.

“Sungchan had been dealing with the guilt of being unable to protect Taeil for quite some time… If I recall,” Shotaro closes his eyes, “it was his wish to greet the Chief with his head held proudly when he crossed over into the afterlife. Sungchan didn’t die a coward, so I believe that at the very least he accomplished that.”

Later that afternoon, as the sun begins to transition into red and orange hues, Kun summons you to his quarters. The light filters in on him as he sits at his desk, looking up at you as you enter.

“You’ve got time,” He says quietly, “Get as far away from here as you can. I can send you with a merchant’s caravan, I’ll get everything worked out. You don’t need to woot about a thing.”

You understand immediately what he’s trying to do. Kun knows the loss of war- does he not want you to get mixed into the crossfire?

“You can try and convince me all you want but I won’t budge… I want to stay. With you,” you say softly. Knowing everything he’s gone through, why would you leave him now? Besides, you’re sure if you hear of his passing in some far off, distant place, it would surely break you in two.

He lets out a breathy laugh that almost sounds more like a sigh of relief, “I figured you’d say that. You’re a real strange one.” You watch his eyes flick in miniscule directions as if he’s coming up with another plan.

“You’re worried about me, right?”

“Of course.” He says immediately.

“Well if you’re worried about me, then don’t let me out of your sight, okay? It’ll be your job to keep me safe.” You smile at him as his eyebrows raise in surprise. “And you can’t do that if you’re dead, can you? So, survive. To protect me.”

“Don’t worry too much about it,” he smiles at you, “I can’t let you die before I do.”

April 19th, 667 – Yangdeok, Kingdom of Silla By the first of the month, you get news that Goguryeo is expecting the assault on Pyongyang. They began reinforcing their walls and reports say that many of the cityfolk fled the city in a want to not get caught in the fighting.

Xu Minghao reunites with his fleet in Cholsan, Junhi leads the men who have been assigned to navigate Kangdong Pass to reach Pyongyang, while Kun has been assigned to the men at Haegok Pass. You accompany Kun where you wait for the enemy’s resistance.

Even though the snow has long since melted, the weather still gets quite cold at night. To rouse the men, Kun has brought several large jugs of yakju.

“The battle’s going to start soon,” he says as he pours the men cups of liquor, “I’ll be counting on you guys. We can’t afford to rest, unfortunately, but I figured you could have something to warm you up. I’d like to give you guys as much as you want, but we don’t know when those bastards are gonna show up.”

After he’s emptied the supply, you and he walk together back to his tent.

“Kun, are you alright?” You ask, rubbing at your nose so it doesn’t begin to run.

“What do you mean by that?” He turns to look at you, the empty jugs clinking together in his hands.

“You’re not drunk, are you?” You look at the aforementioned jugs.

“That’s it?” He laughs, “I had one cup, I can hold my liquor, promise.” The smile slips from his face and he looks off into the distance, “They’re almost like kids to me. Not much I can do for them personally on the battlefield, seems like a little yakju is the least I can give them.”

The two passes are the last line of Goguryeo defense before the city itself, this would be an important undertaking to take these points if the Silla-Tang plan is to go smoothly.

“I’m sure they understand,” you nod, setting down the jug you’re holding beside his tent.

“You always say what I want to hear,” he says softly, setting down his next to yours.

April 30th, 667 – Anjinham Fortress, Kingdom of Silla With the warming weather, comes battle. Junhui and his men are routed at Kangdong, letting Kun’s forces push through with concerted effort towards the fortress at the mouth of Haegok Pass. Beyond these walls and field beyond is where the final battle will take place.

Everything has gone well, just as Kun had predicted all those weeks ago. Before the night ends, Kun requests your presence in his quarters.

“Are you going to be up for much longer?” He tilts his head as you approach, “You should sleep soon, there are long days ahead.”

“I know,” you have to try and stifle a yawn, “but… “ As the days press on toward the final assault on Pyongyang, days like this in relative closeness to Kun become more and more sparse. All you want is to cherish every moment with him while you still can, so you linger for a moment longer. Before you’re able to finish your thought, a visitor arrives.

“Chief, are you here?” The muffled voice of Jeno speaks out.

“Yeah, I am,” Kun responds, “Come in.” As Jeno enters you look to him, Kun questioning, “What’s the matter?”

“There’s something that just couldn’t wait, something I need to give you, Kun.” Jeno says, his hands fumbling with a rolled up scroll in his hands. He holds it out to Kun, “Here…”

When Kun realizes what he’s looking at, his eyes grow wide and he stares intently at it. “Did… Did Kunhang draw this? Why are you giving it to me?”

“When we were in Ungjin some time ago I went to see him…” Jeno confesses, “And that’s what I told him, I told him to show all of you where he’s been… To show you the life he’s led and experienced. And so, not long ago, he sent me this drawing. As soon as I saw it I thought it best to give it to you.”

“I’ll take this,” Kun says after a moment, solemnly smiling at him, “Thank you, Jeno.”

Without another word, the younger one turns with a bow and leaves the room. Kun gives a curt smile, exhaling as he plops back into his chair.

“What was that all about?” You ask, looking at Kun reviewing the drawing, “What is that?” The minute you see it, the vivid brushstrokes on the page evokes a small gasp and a feeling of magnificence from you. “A Fury…?”

Painted onto the scroll is the depiction of a Fury, complete with white hair and crimson eyes. Within those eyes, however, is none of the murderous rage you’ve come to expect in Furies. A peculiar kindness is imbued into them, “Who is this?”

“Well, this was the Chief of the Hwarang, but that hasn’t been in a long, long time.” Kun guffaws, “The bastard would get into skirmishes with merchants, nobles, and commoners. Then go partying in Noseo-dong when he was finished. His name was Zhang Yixing. When he was still kicking around, I don;t think I ever got a good night’s rest. Always had to get into some bullshit.”

Everything he describes to you about Yixing seems incongruent to the kind-looking image of the man on the page.

“Actually, funny to think about it now, but I remember spending every day thinking of ways to fuck with him. Then, he told me something… ‘If you want any chance of pushing Taeil to to the top, you need to become the ‘Demon’ you were born to be.’” Kun hums, “And I took his word for it, then I took his life when it seemed being a Fury was too much for him.”

“Pushing Taeil to the top…” You can’t begin to imagine bearing the responsibility of killing the man who was supposed to be your leader, and you realize how dire those straits must’ve been.

“I have a feeling that night Yixing knew, somehow, that I was going to take his life.” Kun’s eyes are locked with your own for a minute of dull silence before falling back to gaze on the drawing. “Strangely enough, the same look he gave me as I killed him is the one drawn here.”

“Huh?” The man you see on the page looks so warm and gentle, and in no way did you interpret his expression as belonging to someone expecting to meet their demise.

“You know, come to think of it, I could probably credit the bastard for giving me the kick in the ass needed to get my shit together.” Kun smirks, “If I let the Hwarang half-ass their way to power, who knows what kind of shit Yixing’ll have to say to me in the afterlife.”

When it comes to people who’ve made a considerable impression on Kun, Taeil is one of the first people to come to mind. Yet, it seems as if Kun holds a special place for Yixing as well, and you can hear the admiration.

“I don’t know what the hell fate’s trying to tell me,” his arms cross, “but he visited me in my dream last night.”

“What kind of dream was it?”

“Well, we weren’t speaking to one another,” Kun nods down to the painting, “But he seemed at peace, not too unlike how he looks on this… It was like his eyes were telling me to let go. Let go of the pain, the burden…”

May 8th, 667 – Ajinham Fortress, Kingdom of Silla As the men come in and out of the fortress, Kun is dead set on making sure everyone and all equipment is up to par for the days ahead. A certain group of incoming soldiers does catch him off guard–

“Hello, Chief!” Shotaro greets with a smile.

“Everything’s going to plan,” Jeno smiles as he bounds up alongside him, “We’ll have the city in no time.”

“I’m glad to see you all safe…” You sigh out in relief.

“Of course they are,” Kun says, looking at the pair, “The battle’s not even started yet.”

“It’s nice of you to be concerned for us,” Jeno blushes sheepishly.

“I’m glad you’re doing well too. How are things with you?” Shotaro asks.

“Great,” you shoot a glance at Kun, “He’s allowed me to stick around as usual. I’m not sure if I can live up to the bar you set, but I’m doing my best!”

“Nah,” Shotaro shakes his head, “Nobody can do what you do.”

“He’s right,” Jeno nods fervently, “The only person in the world that can defeat Kun is you.”

“Knock it off, guys,” Kun chuckles, “This is all going to go to her head and then I’ll be the one to deal with it.”

“Apologies, sir,” Shotaro says, “It can’t be helped.”

After some time, Kun fixes his gaze on Jeno, “Thanks for stopping by with the painting.”

“There’s no need to thank me, I’m confident that Kunhang is happy you have it.”

“Hmph, maybe it’s time for me to stop being such a hardass all the time.” Kun nods, “Hey, I’m leaving the rest to you.”

The words don’t register for Jeno at first, and he blinks incredulously with a nervous chuckle, “...Um… What do you mean by that?” Kun smiles back kindly, staring back at Jeno with eyes that brim with warmth. After a second, Jeno perks up and his eyes widen, finally realizing what he means, “Understood. Please leave everything to me.”

Kun nods curtly, perhaps satisfied with the confidence in his reply, “Osaki, do me a favor. Can you call Junhui? I have some words for him.”

A few minutes later, Shotaro returns with Wen Junhui at his side.

“Sorry for taking so long to get here… They put up a hell of a fight at Kangdong,” Junhui apologizes.

“We split our forces, we got screwed a bit because of it but we brought it back in the end.” Kun nods slowly, “All that matters now is concentrating our men on the front gates of the city.”

“We’ll take it no matter the cost,” Shotaro nods firmly.

“As long as we fight under the Hwarang banner we’ll fight to the very last man!” Jeno says quickly.

“Don’t say shit like that– Did you already forget that Junhui’s in command going forward?” Kun frowns.

“I’ll raise the Hwarang’s standard for this battle. Then everything should be fine, right?” Junhui asks, “So long as it’s up, I don’t think I could falter. I’ve lost a few battles here and there, sure, but I’ve never given up on the spirit of a warrior.”

“Hah,” Kun smiles at him, “Now the Army Minister’s superstitious? You need to get your act together, Wen.” That’s when you realize that all four of them are smiling. “We should get going,” Kun looks to you, “the men aren’t going to move themselves.”

“Alright…” You say, looking back to the other men, “I’ll see you all again soon.”

As you’re walking away, Shotaro shouts out, “I’m entrusting you with Kun!”

Ever since the war had begun, you’re unsure of how many times people have said this to you. You turn to look over your shoulder at him, “I’ll do my best! I’m ready to lay down my life just like anyone in the Hwarang!”

“You don’t need to risk your life,” Shotaro shakes his head as you turn fully to look at him, Kun continuing on behind you,, “I want you to protect Kun’s heart. He’s a strong man, but he hides behind that strength and he suffers alone. He needs someone who can look past that, and be there to support him. I believe that someone is you.”

To stay by Kun’s side and support him is all that you want… “Can I really do that?” Soon you’ll be plunged into a violent and bloody battle. How much help can you be to him in the middle of a war?

“What are you talking about?!” Jeno saysm “No one else except for you can do it!”

“Kun trusts you more than anyone else,” Shotaro smiles.

“Alright…” No one else can stand by him in the days to come. You nod firmly and wave to them one last time before rushing back to Kun’s side.

May 10th, 667 – Ajinham Fortress, Kingdom of Silla You’re sitting quietly in Kun’s study when he suddenly says, “We’re going to attack tomorrow.”

“Right…” You nod slowly. You’ve been on Pyongyang’s doorstep for weeks now, the battle is inevitable. When the sun rises the next day, the area will become a battlefield.

“Are you sure–”

“Yes, I’m going to stay with you.” However the battle ends, you intend to be there with him when it does.

“I need to stop letting you say it all the time…” His expression is solemn, but his lips are pressed tightly together and you can feel his hesitation. Kun’s eyes stare back into yours.

“Um…” The silence drags on and on.

“More than anything else, I want to keep you safe.” His voice is low, quiet, “I’m… I think I’m in love with you.”

Your mouth hangs open, the question you had intended to ask now forgotten. You’ve loved Kun for some time by now, and in the past months you’ve begun to realize how much he cares for you as well. For a moment, you think you’re heart is going to stop.

He gives you a crooked smile, reaching out to close your mouth, his fingers lingering under your chin, “I thought I could just die as soon as I’d done what I had to do for the Hwarang.”

The words linger in your ears and you can feel just how much has been weighing down his heart. It seems as if he’s trying to assuage your anxieties as he speaks in a soothing tone, “I mean, it’s not like I had a death wish or anything. I just… wouldn’t have anything to live for anymore.” His hand drops from your chin and into his lap, “So long as I led the Hwarang and made them into what they were meant to be, what did it matter if I lived or died? … But now I’ve got a reason to live.”

You feel your shoulders relax from a tension you didn’t realizing you’ve been holding.

“Because you’re by my side… It gives me a reason to keep moving forward.”

“Me…?” As you struggle to comprehend your worth to him, you squeeze your fists together.

Kun reaches out and embraces you, holding you tightly without saying a word, he opens his mouth as if he was going to say something, then closes it. There isn’t a need for words in this moment. At last, his stubborn heart opens, and through his lips pours out what it has long kept hidden. His touch is gentle as ripples on a lake but when you kiss, you feel within him a passion that burns so hot it could put a forge to shame.

And though that feeling fades as your lips part, the love that flows between you remains in your heart.

“Continue to stay by me,” he says softly, pressing his forehead against yours, “I won’t let you go even if you want to, so be prepared.”

“Of course, Kun,” you respond quietly, his hand raising to brush away the tears you didn’t realize were falling.

May 11th, 667 – Ajinham Fortress, Kingdom of Silla Once the first and second wave of Junhui’s troops leaves, Kun decides to travel with the men stationed in the third group.

“You’re coming, right?” Kun asks you as he walks to you, the reigns of his horse in hand as it trots alongside him.

“Yes!” You nod and he grins back at you.

The two of you gallop through the valley, moving at an incredible pace.It seems to be going well until something impacts Kun’s body, the horse, surprised by the sudden jolt rears up and throws you to the ground. Rid of its frightening burden, the horse bolts.

You’re fortunate to have landed in a small area of brush, only a few small scratches littering your body. “Kun!” You cry out to him, crawling across the ground toward his body, your own bruised and aching. The soil around him is staining red, more blood than you’d seen over the course of your time in the Hwarang.

Terror grips you and you can hear blood hammering in your ears.

“Kun!” You call out to him again, shaking his body as you call his name again and again.

“Hm?” His brow furrows ever so slightly. A normal human would have died from this– but his Fury blood is keeping him alive, if only barely.

“Say something!”

His eyes open to thin slits, “Are you alright?” Near dead and undoubtedly in serious pain, and his first thought is about your safety. “We’re in trouble if they come back to finish the job. We need to get out of here and wait for this to heal.” He struggles to his feet and begins to walk, blood dripping down the length of his body.

“Stop!” You say and haul his arm around your shoulder, and he leans against it gratefully. Scanning over the vicinity, you cannot see any enemy soldiers. Perhaps they’d seen you fall from the horse and assumed you’d died.

Nudging Kun, you push him to move into the brush away from the open air. In the forest you find a grove and settle down, “Kun, are you okay?”

He rests under the trunk of a large tree, a steady flow of blood leaving him. One might guess him dead from his pale complexion, “I guess so…”

“We need to do what we can to stop the bleeding…” It takes a sheer force of will to stop your fingers from shaking as you carefully peel off his clothing. Revealing his chest, you see two arrow punctures, one near his heart and one on his stomach. “This is horrible…” You murmur, thanking whatever deity’s out there that the archer had missed his heart.

You do what you can to staunch the bleeding, but without the proper tools you can only minimally patch him up, “As soon as you’re able to move again, we need to go back to the fortress.” With no response you call out to him again, “Kun…? Can you hear me?”

“Urg, yeah…” His breaths are heavy, “I don’t know if I can go back out there on my own yet.”

“Okay!” You say, knowing you need to keep him awake. “Shotaro and the others have everything under control. They’ll be waiting for you.”

“Damn r-right they will…” Sweat pours from his forehead, “They’re not Hwarang for nothing… We can;t waste too much time though, we– we have to come back and cover them while they take the gate.”

“You’re right… you’re… You’re going to make it,,” however the spots where he’d been shot don’t look like they’ll be closing any time soon. Had they used silver arrowheads? “Kun…?” His eyes close you begin to panic, “Kun!”

“Goddamn it… S-stop making a scene. I can hear you, alright?” His voice is barely above a murmur– it’s practically a wispy breath.

At once, a sense of clarity washes over you– he’s a Fury. “Kun. You need to drink my blood.” Without any doubts, you move your blade to your wrist.

“Stop it!” The force of his command startles you, and the blade drops to the forest floor. In his condition, he shouldn’t be able to scream this loudly.

“Why–?!”

“Spare me,” he says through grit teeth, “I’ll be okay. I’m not going to let this crap kill me… This isn’t the end, I told you that. You’re… you’re the reason I’m alive. I’m fine, I won’t die here.”

“I don’t believe you.” You frown, “I believe that you want to live and don’t plan on dying here. But you’re not ‘fine’!” He blinks incredulously, perhaps taken aback by the intensity of your glare. “So, I’m mot taking your word for it. You always put up a wall and pretend everything is ‘fine’ even when you’re bursting at the seams!”

You’re determined to get your way just this once. And maybe this time, you’ve gotten through to him.

“Some lady you are…” He chuckles weakly, “I’m starting to second guess why I fell for you. Ugh, this is why they say women from the countryside are trouble…”

“Look, I promise you can give me grief for this later, but for now, please…” Before you finish, Kun closes his eyes in silent resignation.

“Do as you wish…” He leans gently against the tree carefully. You pick up your blade, running it across the length of your wrist.You put your lips against the cut, sipping in a large gulp of blood without swallowing. You then lean over, pressing your lips against his and let the blood flow into his mouth.

Perhaps its his Fury instincts kicking in that allow him to accept the blood as readily as he does. You repeat the process of this blood transfer over and over again. You’re about to do it one more time when his hand reaches out to stop you.

“That’s enough,” he says calmly, “I’ve stopped bleeding.” His cheeks, once pale and pallid, begin to show color once more. “You’ve gone and hurt yourself for me…”

“It’ll heal soon…” you say, hiding the cut with the sleeve of your robes.

“What kind of absolute idiot would ever allow the woman he loves to hurt herself for his sake?” He sighs out, “Try putting yourself in my shoes for once.” After all of that trouble, the first thing he does is scold you… You can’t help but burst into laughter.

“What kind of absolute idiot would ever want to watch the man she loves suffer?”

“Oh, shut up…” He says as you continue to laugh.

After another handful of minutes he brushes himself off and rises to his feet.

“We’ve got to get going,” he says, pulling his robes back together. “Let’s head back to the fortress. Oh– and by the way, I’d prefer the next time we kissed to taste a little bit better than that did.” He chuckles as you help him start walking. His body isn’t great, but it’s enough to get you back.

Once you get back to the fortress, you’re met with a startling site. Perhaps you hadn’t noticed them bloom, or they’d come into their own while you were away, but the azalea bushes surrounding the fortress have sprung to life.

Their petals dance in the sunlit breeze, fluttering like small butterflies. The area is empty, the men away fighting at Pyongyang…

“Kun, how are you feeling?”

He forces a small grin. As a Fury, he should be fully healed by now. Dejun’s words about the Fury’s borrowing their power from their future lifespan suddenly comes to mind. You slowly begin to panic, becoming paralyzed with dread over the implications of this realization. Is this the end for Kun?

He breaks the silence, interrupting your anxiety, “You don’t look half bad surrounded by flowers.”

“You really think so?” You muse, “I’ve alway thought they really suited you, though.” Each falled blossom is strikingly beautiful in defiance of the tragic end they’ll surely face.

A strong gust of wind blows through the clearing. And then, out of nowhere, a figure emerges from the treeline.

“So, you were alive…” Lee Donghyuck’s eyes fall on Kun and his mouth curls up into a smile.

“Why…?” Your voice breaks and the Demon only laughs.

“This man is an affront to my honor.” He says simply, “I’m here to put an end to all of this.”

The last you’d seen Donghyuck, he warned you that he’d return. You didn’t think that he would forsake his clan and travel all the way here just to fight Kun.

“I’m surprised to see you make it this far,” Donghyuck mutters. “Impressive, for a fake. I heard your pathetic friends got their asses kicked until it was just you standing. I’m not sure if being born into a warrior family… Or hell, even being born as a Demon, could help you survive the embarrassment of failing as often as you fools do.”

It’s strange… his tone is as derisive as usual, but his words are almost compliments. In some way, he recognizes what Kun’s been through.

“Didn’t think you’d come all the way to Pyongyang.” Kun crosses his arms, his voice still a bit raspy. “What were you gonna do if I ate it already? You would’ve wasted your time.”

Donghyuck’s face screws into a twisted grin and he draws his sword.

“He’s hurt!” You cry, stepping between the two men.

However, Kun puts his arm in front of you and moves you, “Step back. He’s thrown everything away to come fight me, right? It’s only polite of me to accept the invitation to fight a warrior of his quality.”

Donghyuck practically abandoned his clan. This, up until now, seems to be his entire lids, just for the sake of defending his honor.

Kun and he are two different men in almost every way, but perhaps they share a warrior’s pride.

“I’ll be fine,” Kun tells you as he reaches for his sword, “I won’t die. I already told you: I have a reason to live.”

If he fights Donghyuck, then surely by then his life’ll be up. Even if you can convince him to run, then everything he’s stood and lived for will be destroyed. But you can’t stop him.

“...I’ll watch, then. I believe in you.”

Kun’s smile is fleeting like the blossoms scattering at your feet.

“Furies are only imitations,” Donghyuck says, brandishing his sword, “The more you use those powers, the shorter your life gets. You’re nothing compared to a pure-blooded Demon. You are destined to wither and die. You’re no different than these,” his show skids across the ground, swirling the azalea petals around.

“A man’s gotta protect the people he cares about. It’s not so easy to be a warrior, didn’t you know?” His tone indicates that he’s speaking seriously, but a sardonic grin dances along his lips. Watching him now makes you see just how much he’s given, every drop of sweat, blood and tears in his life to protect the ones he loves.

“Perhaps the name of ‘Fury’ no longer suits you.” Donghyuck says, his gaze narrowing, “The life you strive to live is not that of a fake.” There’s no hint of contempt left in those red eyes of his, full of confidence. “You are a Demon.”

The man who takes so much in being a Demon calling a Fury, a ‘fake’, a Demon… For him that’s possibly the highest compliment he can ever give.

“I take back all the crap I gave you for being a fake. If you’re really ready to take on the life of a Demon, that means you must have a Demon’s name. I name you… Dùjuān huā jīngshén.”

You think back to the first night you met Kun, his hair whipping around his face as snow falls around him like these monstrous azalea blooms do… It seems almost as if the name had been chosen long, long ago; so perfectly befitting of him.

“Thanks, I guess, but I’m not doing this so you’ll call me a Demon, you know.” Kun’s mouth quirks upward into a smile as he slides his sword from its sheath. With a sigh, his body shivers and suddenly his hair is white.

“Can’t play long, though. That a problem?”

“Not at all. I’ll kill you with the first blow.”

The air is tense between the two; not a soul can come between them. A wind blows up, casting scores of petals into the air. Between the two combatants, there’s a brief moment of stillness. If only for a second, their swords meet. The two trade blows that thunder through the field around you, slashing with their full body weight.

Donghyuck’s sword passes within a hair's breadth of Kun, but the Hwarang had found his mark.He buries his sword deep into the Demon’s heart.

“There’s still something I’ve got to protect,” Kun murmurs slowly, his voice full of confident authority, “I can’t lose, not even to a Demon.”

Donghyuck gazes up at the clear blue sky, and you can almost see a faint grunt creep onto his face.

His lips move, “If my end were to be met with the blade of a Demon like yourself… Then I have no regrets… I have lived my life with honor, and I die with the same.” Donghyuck’s eyes are free of hostility, if anything, he seems at peace. To die in a duel against a foe he respects… “You’ve defeated me. Now you must live out what you have left, Qian Kun.”

Those are his last words.

Kun draws his sword from Donghyuck’s body as it falls, dropping the still bloody sword back into its scabbard, “... I will.” Then his body trembles for a moment, and he gasps before falling to his knees.

“Kun!” You shout and run to his side. As he lies on his back, you take his hands into yours, “Please hang in there!” Your desperate screams reverberate around you, but Kun can only manage an uncertain lip curl.

“Man, you always have to cry, don’t you?” Kun smiles up at you, his voice weak, “If you don’t get thicker skin, there’s no way you’ll be able to handle being married to a warrior…” He winces with near every word and your heart clenches at the pain he must be in.

“I only cry because of you… And besides, being married to a warrior doesn’t make you impervious to watching the person you love get hurt.” Teardrops stream down your cheeks, dripping down on his bruised face. He reaches his hand unsteadily upward to wipe your flowing tears, kindly running a finger across your cheek.

“D- Don’t worry… You won’t ever have to cry on my behalf again. Just let me spend whatever time I have left with you beside me. I want to enjoy it…” Kun’s eyes quietly shut. You hold tightly onto his blood soaked body, hugging him closely as the blood seeps into your robes. Bright blossoms dance cooly around you as you look to the sky.

June 15th, 667 – Toehwa-hyeon, Kingdom of Silla Kun never made it to the gates or siege of Pyongyang. He never saw the fall of Yeon Gaesomun or the Unification of Silla. You hear later that it was Wen Junhui who brokered for a sated peace between Tang and Silla, at least for the time being.

The Tang reclaimed Minghao and his ships as soon as they could, returning him to their capital to bestow honors and titles on him. Somehow, Shotaro made it through the battle, despite having been on the front line. When you asked what he intended to do, he laughed and said he’d probably open a swordsmanship school in Seorabeol. Jeno, on the other hand, was entrusted by Kun with the Hwarang, returned to Seorabeol to try and rebuild what men they have left. As for Jungwoo, before the battle of Pyongyang, took his own life with a concoction of opium. You suppose he would have seen his life as forfeit if he couldn’t continue being a warrior…

From the stoop of your home, you watch the blooms of flowers lining the road before you, recalling everything that had occurred up north.

How many men had given their lives for what they believed in…? Perhaps most of all, you remember the time spent with Kun. Every time you come across an abundance of them, they remind you of that dreamlike spring, so far removed from it, you’re left to wonder if you really had spent all that time with him.

“You really like those flowers, don’t you?” A voice murmurs out from beside you, a mass of warmth pressing against you as another body squeezes into the doorframe.

“Yeah.” Neither the Yuchae nor the sansuyu can compare. “I like them because they remind me of you.”

Kun looks at you in a serene contemplation for a moment, then lets his grin spread across his face into a smile, “Well, I like them too. They look good on you.” His voice, soft and quiet, throws your mind into chaos.

“Lately, I’ve been worried about the end…” He hums, noting your confusion, “I never get bored when I’m with you. Sometimes, I wish I could live forever.”

As a Fury, Kun has spent his future in exchange for power in the present. How much he’s spent, you don’t know. His life could end tomorrow. If he could live forever, then that fear of the unknown will disappear.

“It’d probably be an easy way to go… to accept that I’m used up and wither away. But there’s no need for me to ask for an end. Since I want to live, I'll fight for survival. That suits me better.”

“I don’t want to be apart,” you say, your hand holding onto the sleeve of his robes. “I want to stay with you for as long as I can.”

He chuckles, “You cry so easily, I’d feel pretty bad if I left you behind.”

“Oh…” Tears had begun to run down your cheek without you noticing at first. You blink in surprise, but that hardly helps. You raise your hand to wipe them away but he grins and stops you.

“I’ll get them for you,” he says softly, gently drying them with his fingers. “It’s my job to help you.”

“Then it’s my job to support you too.”

“Of course, who else could fit that role aside from you?” He murmurs with a smile, “No matter what I do to drive you away, you won’t go. You even followed me to Pyongyang. I lost to you… and I don’t think I can ever win.”

You want to hold on to this moment of him, the memory, for as long as you can.

#nct fluff #nct angst #nct smut #kun x reader #kun fluff #kun angst #kun smut #wayv fluff #wayv angst #wayv smut #it's here :)

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xuxibelle · 1 year

Text

7 Minutes in Hell (version 2)

Pairing: Wong Yukhei (Lucas) x Reader

Word count: 2,255

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, kissing

Summary: A girl gets talked into going to a party and a new version of 7 minutes in Heaven is played.

“No, Lex! I’m not going,” you told your friend for the third time that day.

“But why, Y/N, you need to let loose and have fun,” she whines as you roll her eyes at you.

“You know as well as I do that he will be there and I refuse to be in the same room as him,” you explain yet again. She crosses her arms as she sits on the vanity in your room.

“Y/N, please. I don’t want to go alone,” she begs you with puppy dog eyes. You let out a heavy sigh as you flopped back on your bed and stared up at the ceiling. You really didn’t want to go to this party.

“Why can’t you ask Sarah? Or Jenn?” you ask her as you lean up on your elbows to look at her.

“Because they have boyfriends and they are going on a double date to the movies tonight,” she explains.

“Of course they are,” you roll your eyes. “What do I get if I agree to go?”

“Anything you want,” she smiles widely at you.

“You’re gonna regret telling me that,” you laugh at her. She shrieks in happiness before jumping up to wrap you in a hug.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she says excitedly.

“Yea, yea, whatever,” you say sarcastically. “Let me go so I can get ready then. She moves off the bed and you take the seat she had on the vanity, preparing to put on your makeup. Your hair was already straightened from doing it earlier in the day so that saved you some time. “Could you get me an outfit from the closet while I do this, please?”

“Sure thing,” Lexi smiled as she stood up to go to your closet. “What do you wanna wear? Dress, skirt, shorts?” You thought about your options before deciding.

“Let’s go with the black sundress with the cut-outs on the side,” you tell her. She pulls the dress out of your closet, walking up behind you with a smirk on her face.

“Trying to impress someone?” she asks.

“Nope,” you say, popping the p as you apply your lip gloss and smile. You pull off the clothes you are wearing and slip the dress on over your head. “Ready to go?” She nods her head emphatically with a wide smile. “I’m so gonna regret this. I can already feel it.” You follow her out the door and walk the three blocks to the party. Neither of you wanted to drive because there would be too many cars there anyway and you would also be drinking so walking home would be safer. You took a breath and smoothed the front of your dress down. “Fuck me, here we go,” you said to yourself before you walk in the door behind Lexi. The house was packed, as usual. You glanced around seeing the normal people, smiling at a few that you knew before your eyes landed on the group of friends that you wanted to avoid. “Ok, Lex, I’m going the other way, You can come with me or not,” you tell her as you start to walk in the opposite direction. You reach the kitchen and find a vast selection of alcohol and beer. You decide on just straight liquor. You were gonna need something that would hit you hard in case you had to deal with him tonight. You downed half of it before looking at Lexi. “Dance?” you asked her. She nodded her head quickly, smiling. You two walked back the way you came to the living room and made your way to the dance floor. You and Lexi dance together for a bit, cups in hand, until you feel a pair of eyes on you. You look around and see him smirking at you. You roll your eyes and glare at him before turning back around. Before too long a guy comes up to Lexi and begins dancing with her. She looks at you with questioning eyes and you smile at her letting her know it was okay to go have fun. You didn’t want to stop her from having a good time just because there was someone here you were trying to avoid. You take a big gulp of liquor from your cup as you continue dancing by yourself, determined to still have fun. You close your eyes and dance along to the music, swaying your hips to the beat, getting lost in the rhythm. You feel a pair of hands on your waist pulling you back against his, the silver of his rings cool against your skin. You smile to yourself as you dance along with him, leaning your body back against him, eyes still closed. Lexi watches you from across the room with a smirk on her face, waiting for you to open your eyes. You turn around in his grip and put your arms around his neck, cup still in one hand, resting your head against his shoulder. You feel his hands grip a little tighter, pulling you closer before sliding up and down your back and resting on your ass. You can feel his breath fan across your neck sending shivers down your spine. Across the room, Lexi is laughing to herself, fighting whether or not to come tell you to open your eyes, but you soon enough do. You bring your cup down to take a drink as you raise your head and open your eyes and you’re met with the pair of deep brwon eyes you’ve been wanting to avoid all night. You breathe in a sharp gasp as your free hand pushes him away as quickly as you can. “What the fuck, Lucas?” you shout at him as he just smirks at you, biting his lip.

“Problem, Y/N?” he asks with a smirk.

“Fuck off, Wong,” you say to him through gritted teeth.

“Come on, love, you know you were having a good time,” he winks at you. You glare at him once again and toss your drink on him before storming through the living room and to the kitchen. Lexi found you rather quickly to make sure you were okay.

“You ok,” she asked.

“You saw?” She nodded her head yes. “This is exactly what I was trying to avoid,” you tell her.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I really didn’t think he would bother you,” she told you. You shook your head.

“Don’t worry about it,” you tell her. “You go have fun. I’m good.”

“Y/N, I can’t just leave you now,” she says looking at you.

“Lex, I swear. I’m good,” you promise her.

“How about you come downstairs with me? They’re about to start a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven,” she smiles at you.

“Sure why not,” you tell her. “I’ve already done one thing I never wanted to do.” She laughed as you followed her and the guy she met downstairs and took a seat in the circle that was forming. Much to your dismay, Lucas was already there. He looked over at you with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “Why the fuck am I still here?” you whispered to Lexi.

“Because you love me,” she tells you sweetly with puppy dog eyes making you groan.

“Okay guys, This game is played a little differently,” a guy you don’t know starts talking. “We all write our names on a slip of paper and put them in these bowls. Girls in one, boys in another. When it’s your turn, you pick a name from one of the bowls of your choice. You don’t look at the name. You hand it to someone else. You have a designated helper you might say. They lead you to the room blindfolded and then they find the person on the slip of paper. Cool?” Everyone agrees and you just curse under your breath. A few people go before you, including Lexi to which you were her helper and she will be yours in return. Now it’s your turn. You stick your hand into the bowl of guys' names, swirling them around a bit and pull out a slip of paper before handing it to Lexi. You bite your lip as she slips the blindfold over your eyes.

“Good luck,” she whispers.

“I swear to God it fucking better not be him,” you whisper back before she takes your hand and leads you through a door to sit on the edge of a bed. You take a breath and let it out slowly before you hear the door open and close again. The only part that sucked was that the other person didn’t have to be blindfolded. The bed dipped as he sat beside you and you felt your heart speed up. He took one of your hands and kissed the palm of it, making you bite your lip before resting it on his shoulder. With his other hand, his thumb and forefinger gripped your chin, turning your face, pulling you to him and pressing his lips to yours. You slid your free hand up his chest into his hair, tugging on it, making him smile against your lips. He turned his head, deepening the kiss, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip. You moan into the kiss, giving him the entry he was looking for as he slips his tongue in to glide against yours. His free hand goes to your waist pulling you closer as he leans in towards you, pushing you to lie backwards. You scoot back a little and lie back, never breaking the kiss. Leaning on one arm to hold himself up, his free hand on your waist scratches at the exposed skin in the cut-outs on your dress, causing you to moan against his lips. He pulls back from the kiss and makes his way down your jaw, leaving kisses down your neck, nipping at the skin along the way. “Fuck,” you curse, tugging on his hair as he leaves a particularly harsh bite to your neck and you arch your back. His free hand runs up and down your side to finally pull your leg up and rest his hand on your cheek. Suddenly the door opens and you hear Lexi’s voice.

“Okay, Y/N, time’s up. You can take the blindfold off,” she says. You bite your lip as you reach up and slowly pull the blindfold off. You blink your eyes a few times, letting them adjust to the bright light before you look at the guy in front of you.

“Mother fucker….” you just stare at him. You’re not sure what to do. He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, and neither does Lexi. “Get the fuck off of me, Wong,” you say as you shove him for the second time tonight. You rush out of the room and up the stairs to go out back trying to hold back the tears at least until you are alone.

“Y/N,” you heard Lexi call.

“Let her go,” you heard Lucas tell her. “She needs to right now.” You make it out to the back deck without the tears spilling over and you take a seat off to the side in the shadows. You watched as people flowed in and out of the house. What the fuck just happened? Why didn’t Lexi stop it? Why did she let him in? What was going on in your head? You set your elbows on your knees and put your face down in your hands and sighed heavily. To be honest you don’t even remember why you even hate the boy to begin with. It had just been going on so long that it was second nature to you. You heard slow footsteps coming near you and you could tell they weren’t Lexi so that could only mean one person.

“What do you want, Lucas? To embarrass me some more?” you ask him sarcastically. He takes a seat beside you.

“Of course not. That was never my intention. I wanted to see if you were okay, Y/N,” he tells you softly. Your head flies up to look at him.

“What?” you ask confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You seemed pretty upset, so I wanted to make sure you were alright,” Lucas explained. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“Why do you care?” you spat.

“Because I like you,” he admits.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” you ask him with your eyes wide. Lucas reaches for your hand, taking it in his.

“I said, I like you, Y/N. Is there a problem with that,” he asks you.

“Aren’t we supposed to hate each other? Isn’t that why we were never friends?” you ask.

“At first, maybe, but I realized that was childish and I’m my own person. If my friends don’t like the girl that I like, then that’s their loss,” he smiles at you and you feel your stomach do a flip. What was happening? Was this really happening?? “Can we get out of here?” he asks.

“That’s a little forward don’t you think, Wong?” you say with raised eyebrows. He laughs and shakes his head.

“No, no. Not like. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” he explains with a smile. “I just thought we could go somewhere less crowded and noisy and we could talk. Maybe sort out our differences?” You looked up at his brown eyes and you had to admit, he was pretty gorgeous.

“Sure,” you said with a smile. “We can try to do that.”

@shyboyjeno

#wong yukhei #lucas wong #yukhei #lucas #lucas wayv #wayv lucas #wayv yukhei #nct lucas #nct yukhei

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misojunnie · 2 years

Text

THE ENEMY ZONE - lyy.

the second installment of the angst archive.

prompt 13. “did you just forget about me or something?”

⋰˚☆

inspired by @peakwak on tiktok (bicker pov series)

genre: childhood frenemies!yangyang x fem!reader, high school au (ft. xiaojun)

warnings: lots of bickering, substance use, insecurities, not much else, brief description of gore (from horror movie), universe era wayv, held back ten

featuring: nct chinaline + aespa’s karina

playlist: summer by the volunteers, as it was by harry styles, now or never by halsey

taglist: @msxflower @enhacolor @hiqhkey

network tags: @nctcreations @ficscafe @k-radio @kflixnet

word count: 30.3k

yangyang lacks the courage to tell you he really wants to be with you.

[more below the cut!]

⋰˚☆

It all went back to that day in third grade. That fateful day when Liu Yangyang, the snotty idiot who lived a house over, smashed your face into your birthday cake just as you were finished blowing out the candles. Your brother laughed at you too, that asshole. With clumps of red velvet and cream cheese frosting stuck to your cheeks, you sobbed until his mother had to come pick him up and make him apologize the next day bearing a box of ferrero rochers as compensation for the emotional damage.

It was certainly the worst memory of your life. Ever since you could remember, Yangyang had always been the cause of your worst memories: when he beat you in the election for class president in eighth grade and put extremely sarcastic apology chocolates in your locker, when he found out you had a crush on his friend Yukhei and told the whole school the next day, or when he stole Chenle’s favorite set of crisp neon highlighters and put them in your desk. You got detention when the teacher found out.

Even last week, he snuck outside and dumped hot sauce into your morning coffee perched on the windowsill facing his house. You learned to never put your mug anywhere near the windows after that.

Liu Yangyang was the bane of your existence. And the worst part of it was that he was your neighbor. You could not escape him, quite literally, and he didn’t seem to want to leave your life anyways. In short, with him around, there was no peaceful way to live your life. It was almost as though he made it a daily goal to disturb you.

Of course, there were some days where he wasn’t so bad. Three years ago, he ordered you jjajangmyeon and had it delivered to your door when your parents weren’t home, and he knew you didn’t know how to cook. Albeit, that was the last time you could remember he was sweet to you.

Even now, TV blasting some obscene horror movie out his windows, he was an annoying presence in your life. Not enough to be a bully. Maybe just a mosquito.

You groaned in annoyance, slamming down your laptop on the cushion of the coach next to you as you stood up, stomping your way over to the window and leaning off the window sill. The night breeze was soft on your face, and you could see Yangyang sitting on his couch inside, curled into a little ball underneath a blanket as he watched the rapidly flashing TV with rapt attention.

“Turn down the fucking TV, nerd!” You yelled out the window, attempting to be heard over the loud screaming of the girl on the screen who appeared to be in agonizing pain as the antagonist ripped out her intestines. Yangyang slipped a piece of popcorn into his mouth, reaching for the remote and silently turning the volume up. You huffed, and a satisfied expression passed over his face as he snuggled deeper into his blanket. His cozy position pissed you off. You reached your arms through the window frame, slowly climbing out, wearing only your thin pajamas that did nothing to protect against the cold wind. Upon seeing your exit, Yangyang paused the show and ran over, severely alarmed.

“The hell are you doing? Go back inside you little creep.”

“I’m the creep? I’m not the one who watches a girl get murdered every other night.” He rolled his eyes, leaning his elbows against the window frame while you dusted the dirt from your shorts, now safely on the ground.

“Maybe I’m imagining it’s you.” “You’re a very scary person.”

“I know.” He said with a little smile that made you want to slap him across his face. When neither of you moved, he flicked your forehead, making you gasp and grab the sore area with a scowl. “What’re you still doing outside?”

“I’m not going inside until you turn the volume down.”

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged. “If you wanna stay outside in the cold by yourself, that’s your problem, not mine.”

“I will talk over the entire movie.”

“I can always shut the window, dumbass.” He said, before slamming the glass in your face, going back to his nest of blankets and laying down comfortably.

You supposed you could have gone inside at that point. After all, his window was shut and the sound of horrific murder wouldn’t be as loud, likely quiet enough for you to study in peace, maybe even read a bit after with the sweet, sweet sound of utter silence. But this was Yangyang you were talking about. Hell would freeze over before you let him live peacefully. Plus, you could still hear the screaming through the glass, and that was enough of a reason to keep bothering him.

Not a minute passed before you began to rap your knuckles on the window. He didn’t pay attention, and you sped up to double time, wrists beginning to hurt from flinging your fists back and forth for so long at a time, and after multiple minutes of glass rattling knocking, he sat up and opened the window again.

“What. The fuck. Do you. Want?” He staggered his sentence exasperatedly, and you flicked your fingers towards the remote in his hand.

“Turn down the TV.”

“You’re welcome to join me if you don’t like hearing it from across the street.”

“As if.” You scoffed. “I’m trying to study, so I’d appreciate it if you’d spare me some silence for a few minutes.” He pondered dramatically, hand on his chin before sighing and strumming the windowsill with his long fingers.

“Yeah, I suppose I could do that for you.” Your eyes widened in surprise. This had to be the first time in years that Yangyang actually agreed to do something for you, anything at all. It was nice. Suspiciously nice, and it made you admittedly uncomfortable.

“Are you serious?”

“I look serious, don’t I?” The answer was undoubtedly yes. You narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously, before making your way back to your window.

“Alright. Thanks then.” You said dubiously, and he gave you an angelic wave before disappearing into his living room, snuggling below the blankets once again.

Yangyang didn’t lie. Once you were safely through your window —you found that getting back inside was a much more complicated ordeal than getting out— you sat down with a warm cup of tea and your laptop, ready to crack down on your chemistry homework with some serious grit and determination.

A few minutes later, the screaming was back. You could hear laughing from the house over as you grit your teeth painfully tight. You leaned outside the window, but you saw he had beat you to it, head poking out the window with a shit eating smile.

“You said a few minutes.” And then he slammed the window shut.

You ended up calling the police. There was a mysterious screaming coming from the house over and it just wouldn’t stop, you told them, and a squad of policemen arrived at Yangyang’s door shortly after 11 pm, ready to catch a serial killer, not a 5’8 teenager in red sheep pajamas clutching a glass of milk in his right hand and a snickers bar in his left.

Did you almost get him arrested? Yes. But was it worth it to see the look on his face when the officers knocked him down and pinned his hands to his back? Also yes.

That’s what you get for not turning down the TV.

⋰˚☆

As usual, there was a knocking upon your front door at 7:30 am. No, it wasn’t Yangyang, but your best friend Karina swinging by the walk you to school like usual with a croissant in her hand and dark circles under her eyes. She didn’t bother to listen to your morning greeting, just stepping inside, seeming like she might nearly pass out with a mouthful of flaky pastry.

“Give me coffee.” She deadpanned. It wasn’t a question, but a demand, and one that you had gotten used to quite quickly. You reached for the steaming pot on the coffee maker and Karina’s favorite mug: with the blue hearts, of course.

“I assume you didn’t sleep well?” You chuckled, handing her the cup of steaming coffee, and she sipped it without a change of expression.

“When do I ever?” She asked rhetorically with a sigh, downing almost the entire cup in one go and slamming it down on the counter like a shot cup. “Hit me again.”

“You’re going to have a heart attack. C’mon you caffeine freak, let’s go.” You said, taking the mug from her painfully tight grip and setting it down on the table, before you looped your arm through hers and led the comatose girl out the door.

“I’m going to kill Hendery next time I see him.” She said suddenly, and you rolled your eyes at the familiar name. Hendery, Karina’s loving but very odd boyfriend, always seemed to cause problems one way or another.

“What’d he do this time?”

“He keeps taking shit from my closet, and he thinks I don’t notice. It’s so stupid, why does he think I don’t see him? He tried shoving my shirt under his hoodie, and when I asked him why he had a bulge under his shirt he said, get this, that he was pregnant. I’m breaking up with him.”

“Rin, I’m sure he just wants something to remember you by.” You said, rubbing her back and attempting to soothe the girl, who looked at you like you just told her the sky was purple.

“I’m not dead, y/n.” Before you had a chance to give her a proper snarky response like she deserved, a 5’8 thunderstorm of a boy ran out of his front door and headed for you like a missile, hands outstretched and ready to attack, maybe pull out a bit of your hair if things went his way.

“Y/n Qian!” He screeched, landing on you before you got a chance to try and run away. He lifted a fist, then realized he wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do once he was on top of you, simply holding the fist in the air threateningly without much action behind it. “You called the fucking cops?!”

“You deserved it, you little freak!” You said, and clearly you had more inspiration to use your fists than he did, slapping him away and escaping from his grasp. “Next time, maybe pipe down the agonizing screaming when it’s almost midnight!” Karina helped brush the dust off your uniform, not even phased by the fighting.

“I almost got arrested.” He pouted, brushing off his own blazer with a petulant frown. “One big guy knocked me over and pinned my hands to my back. It was traumatizing. You’re lucky I’m not suing for intentional infliction of emotional distress.”

“I know, I watched the whole thing.” You said smugly. “The sheep pajamas are adorable, by the way.” Yangyang’s eyes lit in flames, and he scrambled to grab you.

“You little-” You grabbed Karina’s hand and ran, laughing as the boy failed to try and keep up. “Y/n! When I get my hands on you-”

“What happened this time?” Karina asked flatly, Yangyang’s voice fading as he struggled to run after you, and you shrugged nonchalantly.

“He wouldn’t turn the TV down.”

“Of course he wouldn’t.” She exhaled exasperatedly, assisting you in running away, hands clasped together as the two of you flew down the street, hoping to reach the school before the fiery blond did.

It was safe to say that Karina was very used to your bickering.

⋰˚☆

“So, when you’re calculating the cosine of an angle, you have to remember that the cosine is equivalent to the ratio between the adjacent side to the hypotenuse-”

“Y/n.” A voice whispered from behind you, and you inhaled sharply at the interruption, trying to focus on teaching the confused boy in front of you.

“We can see that the hypotenuse is equal to 35.4 so-”

“Y/n” He whispered again.

“So if the adjacent is equal to 12-”

“Y/n!” He whispered more urgently this time, and you let out a slow exhale, attempting to ignore the hissing boy.

“Uh, I think someone’s trying to get your attention.” Xiaojun said quietly, pointing to Yangyang, hanging off the edge of his chair behind you and leaning as close as he could to your table without physically touching it. Upon Xiaojun’s comment, you reluctantly whipped around, tongue poking into the side of your cheek with annoyance.

“What do you want?”

“Can I borrow a penci-”

“No.” You cut him off immediately, tossing a crumpled paper at his face, which made him scrunch up his nose, picking it up off the floor and throwing it at the back of your head as he rolled his eyes.

“Please, I left my case at home.” He begged.

“Sounds like a you problem.”

“C’mon, you almost got me arrested this morning, you owe me.”

“I don’t owe you shit.” You said with finality, and he seemed to give up, sighing and turning around in his seat to bother one of his seatmates —you didn’t get why he didn’t ask them from the start— and in turn, you went back to your tutoring.

“You almost got him arrested?” Xiaojun asked with wide eyes, and you sighed.

“It’s a long story.”

“This is a long class.” You flicked him in the forehead, which dampered the anticipating grin on his face.

“Answer the problem, then I’ll tell you.”

“Yes ma’am.” Xiaojun said, pulling out the pencil from behind his ear as he gripped his note cards seriously. A few seconds into the problem, he paused, hand hovering over the paper and only a few marks on the page from the lead of the pencil. “I may need some help with that.” He scratched his head cluelessly.

“You definitely need some help.” You said, turning the page so it faced you both and pointing to a variable with your pencil, slowly teaching him the equation.

A few minutes into your session, Xiaojun pressed a bit too hard on the page, the tip of his pencil snapping as the bits of lead scattered across the page, staining the white paper a dark gray. He sucked in a breath between his teeth.

“Fuck, I forgot my pencil sharpener.” He groaned, and you reached into your pencil case, removing a pencil and handing it to him like it was nothing.

“Here you go. I have a spare.” His eyes lit up gratefully.

“Thanks, y/n.” He said with a smile, getting back to the page, and you waved off his thanks casually. From the seat behind you, Yangyang tugged his lower lip between his teeth, bending his head down and attempting to focus on the page of problems before him, yet he found his mind wandering.

“So she did have another pencil…”

Lunch rolled around before you had time to properly finish working on your homework, and you and Xiaojun parted ways, the latter with somewhat of a more refined understanding of the material than he had when he first entered the classroom. Satisfied with your tutoring job, you exited the classroom ready to meet up with your friends for a peaceful lunch. Your mom had packed bibimbap for lunch today, your favorite, and you couldn’t wait to eat it.

The birds were chirping, the breeze was soft and gentle, and it felt nice on your face. Even your teachers had been more gracious than usual, sparing you from the daily 3 page trigonometry packet with the excuse that summer was coming soon, albeit it was likely just because they didn’t want to grade anything. Today was undoubtedly a nice day, and you couldn’t wait to sit at your favorite spot for lunch, under the biggest willow tree on the edge of the courtyard, with your friends and enjoy the winter day. Nothing could spoil your good mood today.

Except for maybe one person.

“Lend me the notes for Chemistry, will ya?” Yangyang yawned, his delicate hand hovering over his mouth, the corners of his eyes watering as he rested his elbow on your shoulder, following while you walked.

“Why should I?” You scoffed, and he did that stupid pouting face he always does whenever he wants something from you, bottom lip jutting out and eyes wide.

“C’mon, please? I slept through fourth period and nobody woke me up.”

“That’s your fault for watching horror movies until the ass crack of dawn.”

“Oh, so you were paying attention to me?” Yangyang wiggled his eyebrows, and you grit your teeth. “God, can you just leave me alone? I’ll never love you back. This is a romance destined to fail. I’m afraid I can’t reciprocate.” He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically, and you slapped him on the arm aggressively, making his skin prickled. “Ow!”

“In your dreams, idiot. Go find some other poor, unsuspecting victim to get your notes from. I’m not giving shit to you.”

“But I want your notes.” He said, continuing to follow you like a lost puppy, even when you got to your meeting spot under the willow tree. Your friends waved, having anticipated your arrival but rolling their eyes when they saw the boy trailing after you.

“Ay, scat, you twat.” Ten said, waving Yangyang off with one of his hands, nails painted a bright red and rings scattered across his fingers. “We want a peaceful lunch.”

“I’ll scat when I feel like it, Mr. Chittaphon.” The younger boy said, crossing his arms as Ten leaped up defensively, but Sicheng put a hand on his arm and pulled him back down. “I’ll talk to you later about the notes.” He turned his attention to you.

“Or you could not.” You groaned, sitting down, but Yangyang blew a sarcastic kiss and walked away, hands buried in his pockets as you skittered to the best spot under the shade, resting your head on Karina’s lap, despite the glare Hendery gave you.

“Jesus, he’s a bother.” Ten grumbled, now spread out on a gingham picnic blanket with a sandwich clutched in his hands, his grip on it so tight, it was obvious he was imagining the dusty blond’s face on the bread. “I don’t see why you put up with him.” “It’s not really like I have a choice.” You sighed, rolling off Karina’s lap and onto your stomach, kicking off your shoes and letting your feet rest on the dewy grass. “I live next to him, after all.”

“You live next to him?” Xiaojun piped up with wide eyes, and you suddenly became aware of his quiet presence, clearing your throat and suddenly wishing that your feet weren’t so bare and exposed.

“You must be new here.” Ten said nonchalantly. “That reminds me, who is the cutie with the blue hair?” At his comment, the cerulean haired boy stiffened up.

“This is Xiaojun.” Hendery said, pushing him from the back, making the awkward Xiaojun stumble forward slightly, and he seemed to retract like a crab out of its shell, legs tensing up and crossing. He had never seen so many eccentric people in one little space before. With the combination of Ten’s spiky turquoise hair and dog collar, plus Hendery's strange extrovertism and terrifying customer service smile, he was beginning to regret sitting with the group until you waved sweetly.

“Yeah, n-nice to meet you guys.” He said, waving back.

“Don’t ask him if he’s single.” Karina threatened Ten, who shrugged and went back to eating his sandwich. “He just transferred from China, so don’t try it.”

“Ah, so he’s fresh meat.” Ten said, rubbing his hands together. “Welcome to hell, buddy. You got lucky, you just found the most tolerable group of people in SM High.”

“Tolerable is one word.” Xiaojun laughed nervously, and Hendery pinched his cheek before laying down on Karina’s thighs happily.

It didn’t take long before everyone split off into their own conversations, Karina and Hendery bickering about whether a butt was one or two things —he said two and she said he was stupid—, and Ten seem preoccupied with trying to cling onto Sicheng, who harshly rejected him every single time. That left you and Xiaojun, sitting a few feet from each other awkwardly, not sure what to say.

“Sorry about them.” You laughed gracelessly. “Uh, you might be better off moving to a different friend group if you don’t want to be looked at sideways.”

“I don’t mind. I think I’ll get used to it.” Xiaojun said sweetly, and you swore your heart skipped a beat when he looked at you like that, eyes crinkled into crescents and a soft smile on his pink lips.

“I hope so.” You cleared your throat, looking away, and he looked down awkwardly at the broken contact. “Uh, did you finish the homework?”

“Thanks to you. I should really start paying for the tutoring.”

“No need. I’ll gladly do it for free.” You said, and his cheeks flushed red slightly, fingers twiddling with each other in his lap nervously.

“I appreciate that. Me being new and all, sometimes it’s a bit hard to adjust. Thanks for making that easier.” A smile broke out on your face before you could stop it, and your annoyance from the day dissipated in an instant at the sight of his soft grin.

“Anytime.”

⋰˚☆

Jealous was a good word to describe Liu Yangyang. What’s his was his, what’s yours was his, everything was his, and he didn’t like to share. He may seem cute, but he guarded his belongings like a feral animal at the slightest threat that they might be taken away. You found this out in fifth grade when you threatened to steal his new air Jordans, and he grabbed a fistful of your hair and wrenched like his life depended on it.

Which is why he wasn’t very pleased to discover that you hadn’t had much time for him lately. Not that he wanted to hang out with you. He simply found that having less time to annoy you meant having less fun.

“Lemme get one of those.” You whispered quietly, pointing at the bag of fruit snacks in his hands silently to prevent your request from being detected by your drawling teacher. He held out the bag to you, but before you could get one out of the bag, he snatched it away with a smug look on his face, tossing another of the delectable fruit gummies in his mouth with a satisfied pop. “Asshole.”

“That’s what you get for not lending me your notes.”

“You’re still stuck on that?”

“When have you known me to let go of a grudge?” He had a point. You leaned back in your seat, arms crossed as you let out a frustrated little huff. He took notice of your pouting, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, you’re not actually annoyed, are you?”

“Who says I’m not?” Reluctantly, and after a bit of thought, he finally held out the bag to you with a serious look in his eyes, pressing his lips together. An excited look passed over your face, hand extending to reach for the bag.

“Thanks-” He snatched it away.

“When hell freezes over.” He munched. God knows how much you wanted to punch him sometimes.

Just as you raised your hand to give him a well deserved slap on the arm, a smooth voice interrupted from the seat over, quietly whispering as he leaned in.

“Hey, do you have the notes from last period? I missed the lecture because of orientation.” Xiaojun whispered, and you looked up mid-motion, slowly bringing your hand back to your side with a sheepish smile.

“Ah, yeah.” You reached into your bag, removing a firetruck red notebook filled with post its and doodles made with pen, flipping halfway through the pencil covered pages before handing it over. “The next four pages.”

“Thanks.” Xiaojun said with a smile. “We still on for tutoring today?”

“Always.” You gave him a thumbs up and he happily flipped through your notes, jotting them down in his own notebook silently.

“Hey.” Yangyang nudged you in the side, and you sighed at the sudden intrusion. Mood killing seemed to be Yangyang’s specialty as of late. “How come you tutor him but not me? I have worse grades.”

“Is that something to be proud of?” You raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. “He just transferred. He needs help adjusting to the curriculum.”

“But you do it for free.”

“Xiaojun doesn't need to pay. You, on the other hand, would have to lasso the moon for me to tutor you. Pay attention and you won't need my notes.” You said, flicking him on the forehead and pushing him away.

Yangyang wasn’t jealous. Yangyang wasn’t jealous at all, at least that’s what he told himself whenever you didn’t have enough time for him.

⋰˚☆

“I’m not sure I understand this formula.” Xiaojun said, the tip of his pencil tucked between his lips in the corner of his mouth. “What’s this variable stand for?”

“The length of the horizontal major axis.”

“I thought that was b?” He said, visibly confused, and you chuckled under your breath, leaning a bit closer to the paper, and to the blue haired boy, to get a better view of the problem that was confusing him so badly.

“No. When you’re using the formula for an ellipse, you have to put x-h to the second power, over a squared.” You explained, hand on the paper as you demonstrated, your thighs touching lightly. You barely noticed that you were practically glued to each other’s sides until Yangyang cleared his voice loudly from behind you.

“If you could refrain from clinging onto him, he might understand the work better.” He said, dropping a ball of crumpled paper onto your hair, which you yanked off and tossed to the ground, rapidly pushing away from Xiaojun, the latter looking very surprised.

“Piss off. Like you’re one to be talking about understanding work.” You scoffed, tossing an eraser at him, but he caught it before it could make contact, curse his reflexes.

“Your loss of a perfectly good eraser.” He shrugged indifferently, turning the eraser over in his hands and giving you a smug smile. “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome.” You simpered facetiously, and he turned back to his seat, but not before sticking his tongue out at you childishly. “Christ…” You groaned, rolling your eyes and turning back to your tutoring sessions.

“Why does Yangyang bother you so much anyway?” Xiaojun asked curiously, leaning it to prevent the younger boy from hearing his inquisition. You weren’t really sure you had an answer for him. Your bickering with Yangyang had gone on for as long as you could remember, ever since he was old enough to formulate proper insults and you were old enough to summon up a comeback. Neither of you questioned why you didn’t like each other, you just didn’t: simple as that.

“Because he’s an asshole.” You said simply, which was essentially the short version of your internal monologue. “And he likes to make me mad.”

“You seem to like to get mad.” Xiaojun said, and you glared at him fiercely as he raised his hands in silent surrender. “I just mean- I don’t know what I mean.”

“He doesn’t like me.” You said, wielding your pen like a weapon as you shook it matter-of-factly. “So he decided to annoy me. There’s no reason.”

“It doesn’t seem like he doesn’t like you.” Xiaojun said, and you narrowed your eyes, raising your eyebrows like a challenge to his statement. “I think he rather likes you, in fact. What kind of person would spend all their time thinking about something if they didn’t like them?” His question made you wonder. Was he right? Did Yangyang really just annoy you because he liked seeing your reaction? Did he maybe not hate you as much as you think he does?

You shook your head, banishing all thoughts from your brain as you tapped on the paper with your pencil.

“I’d rather not think about Yangyang liking me. That’s a pretty scary thought, you know.” Xiaojun shrugged, his eyes lingering on you for a moment, even though you had already looked away, before he turned back to the assignment.

“Y/n!” Xiaojun yelled after you as you rushed out of class, not wanting to be caught by a particular dusty blond who would insist on your help. Xiaojun caught up to you, trying to match your quick pace. “Let’s have lunch.”

“I thought you didn’t want to sit with the others?” You laughed. Xiaojun hadn’t joined your lunch group after a particular incident with Hendery a few days previous. It wasn’t a great story, but let’s just say it involved a violation of the poor boy's backside. Seems Hendery found a new victim to his pranks once Sicheng got used to them.

“I’ll get over it soon.” He laughed nervously, subconsciously rubbing his ass. “But no, I meant just the two of us. There’s good hot pot down the street, I thought it might be nice to relive my time in China for a while.”

“I love hot pot!” You exclaimed excitedly, digging through your pockets for your wallet. “I'm happy to go, if I have the money.” Xiaojun waved you off.

“It’s on me. Consider it payment for the free tutoring.” He flashed a charming smile that made your heart speed up to double time.

“If you’re sure.” You said, slowly putting your almost empty wallet back into your pocket. Not that you’d admit it to anyone, but you were running short on funds recently. Maybe you’d think about taking up Yangyang’s offer to tutor him.

“Come on,” He said, gently taking your wrist and pulling you along. “I’ll show you where it is. It’s not far.”

When he touched your skin, a tingling feeling went straight through your nerves and up your spine. You could smell his green tea hand lotion from a mile away and see every strand of cerulean hair poking out from his shaggy bangs. He smiled softly at you, pulling from the front, not paying attention to anyone that watched you exit. As you passed your typical eating place, you could’ve sworn you heard Ten wolf-whistle, but you walked past without paying any attention. All you could see was the boy before you, and how magnificent he was. Maybe you had spent so much time craning over your schoolwork that you became numb to how beautiful he was, because you were suddenly wondering how you had spent so many hours sitting within a one foot proximity from him when he had a gaze like that. In fact, you could begin to feel your palms get sweaty from the contact, and you lightly wrenched your hand from his. He didn’t seem to react very strongly.

It didn’t take much time before you were off campus and clear of the security guards, only the two of you to pay each other company on the short walk. There was a pleasant breeze, cold wind sweeping through your hair and clothes, leaving you a bit chilly and wishing you hadn’t worn a tee shirt in the middle of winter, silently cursing your brother from taking back his old jacket —and your current favorite one— the minute he got home from college. Xiaojun seemed to notice the way your teeth chattered, looking around for something to do. He himself was only wearing a thin button up, not much to offer unless he stripped, so he did the first thing he could think of. He took his hands in yours, cupping them together and breathing into them, the heat warming your palms and sending a shock up your spine. You sure didn’t feel cold anymore, your cheeks the temperature of Florida in summer.

“Are you cold?” He asked with concern, your chilled hands still grasped in his, and you shook your head feverishly.

“N-not at all.” You stuttered, and he nodded, letting your hands drop but not separating them, tucking both of your hands into the pocket of his baggy pants. Neither of you spoke about the arrangement, simply walking in silence. Suddenly your tongue felt a bit too awkward to sit comfortably in your mouth, and all the questions you wanted to ask were stuck in your throat, swallowed up before they could see the light of day. So you settled on silence, walking hand in hand and wishing that the shop would show up soon, because you didn’t want him to feel how clammy your hands were adn your speedy pulse pounding in your wrist.

“Ah, we’re here.” Xiaojun said with a smile, releasing your hand, and you let out a silent breath of relief at the lack of contact, although your hand felt significantly more lonely than it did a moment before. You mirrored his smile, setting your hands down on the back of a wooden chair and lowering yourself into the seat comfortably.

The restaurant was small, albeit comfortable. It was cozy and homey, the walls covered in movie posters and little vases of a single daisy on every table, the crystal reminding you of the vases your mother used to keep around the house.

“It’s nice.” You breathed, your breath no longer visible in the air. “And warm.”

“It’s my cousin’s.” He said suddenly, and your eyes snapped to him in surprise. “I suppose I forgot to mention it. I came to live with him after I moved to Korea.”

“Why did you move to Korea after all?” You asked curiously, and he took a seat across from you, sitting down with a little sigh.

“I wanna be a singer.” He said nonchalantly, and your eyes lit up in excitement.

“You can sing?!”

“A-a little bit.” He stammered, clearly flustered by your enthusiasm. “Most of my family are singers. I’m actually the worst one.”

“Gosh, I’m sure that’s not true! I can already imagine you on a stage. You have to sing for me sometime.” You said with finality, extending a hand, and after an awkward moment of silence, he laughed. A tinkling laugh, probably the first genuine laugh you had ever heard from him. It sounded like bells from heaven.

“Sometime, I’ll sing for you.” He agreed, shaking your hand with a small smile.

“I look forward to it.” You grinned coyly, and he rubbed his lips together, subconsciously touching his cheeks to see if they were as warm as they felt. “I suppose there’s a lot I still don’t know about you, isn’t there?”

“I think you know more than most.” He chuckled.

“Well, I want to know more.” You said, resting your chin on your hand. “I think you can make it big as a singer here. You’ve got the charm, the personality, and I’m sure you’ve got the skills.” Heat rushed to his cheeks, and he rubbed his hands across them a second time self consciously.

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” It felt like an eternity since you had sat down, and both of you were anxiously waiting for a waiter to come and break the awkward silence. When no such person came, Xiaojun clicked his tongue and turned his head towards the kitchen in the back of the restaurant.

“Xiao Zhan!” He practically screamed, and a crashing sound came from behind the scenes, making you giggle. Xiaojun cleared his throat, turning around with a flush on his cheeks, slightly embarrassed from his show. From the back came a quite tall man with sleep in his eyes, yawning and ruffling Xiaojun’s hair upon his arrival.

“What?” He asked, and Xiaojun smacked him on the arm.

“God, you do know you have a job, right?”

“And you don’t, so mind your own department.” The boy tutted, pulling a notepad out from the apron around his waist. Xiaojun seemed quite put out by his comment, and you laughed at the fluster on his face. “Whaddya want?”

“Sichuan hotpot, and daojiao meatballs.” Xiaojun said, and Xiao Zhan jotted down the order on the pad, tucking it back into his pocket thoughtlessly.

“For the girlfriend?” He asked before yelping, and you swore you saw Xiaojun swing his foot at him under the table, which made you snort.

“We’re sharing.” He said through gritted teeth, and Xiao Zhan gave him a dirty look before disappearing into the back. “Sorry about him.” He said apologetically, and you shook your head, biting back a laugh.

“It’s alright.” You fussed. “He seems like a nice guy.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you spent an hour with him.” Xiaojun joked, and you giggled lightly along with him. The tension had eased with the promise of food, and you found it a lot easier to get along with him when your homework wasn’t in front of you. He was sweet when you tutored him, but he became a different person when he was off campus, and you liked how much more free he seemed, released from the burden of social pressures and being the new kid. It made you wonder how much you didn’t know about him when he wasn’t trying to learn how to do math.

It also made you wonder how you didn’t notice how pretty he was until now.

“The service here is hella slow.” A voice yawned from a few tables away, and you startled, not sure how you didn’t realize the restaurant was occupied by customers other than yourselves, but when you saw the familiar face lounging at a table in the back, you felt your blood boil.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Yangyang?!” You yelled, standing up, your chair crashing to the ground from your abrupt movement. Xiaojun stood up with you, hands out as he attempted to sooth you, but he was rendered wordless, unsure of how to do so. “God, can’t I go anywhere without you following me?!”

“Jeez, not my fault you chose my favorite hotpot spot to eat at.” He shrugged, and Xiaojun noticed he was with two of his friends that you recognized from class. Jun something and Chen, but he didn’t have time to remember properly. You, on the other hand, had eyes clouded with red that could barely register the two sitting beside him, eyes trained and focused on the blond who seemed intent on ruining your life.

“God, you’re so annoying.” You grumbled, before sitting back down, frustration clear on your face, and what you thought would be a peaceful lunch was ruined. Xiaojun leaned in a little closer as he put his hand on your shoulder to soothe you.

“Don’t let him affect you.” He whispered furtively, blocking your conversation from the nosy boy a few tables over. “He wants to see you get mad. Just take some deep breaths and pretend he doesn’t exist.” A part of you wanted to tell him that you didn’t need to be coached and talked to like a toddler —you had been putting up with this for years and you knew how to handle it— but the other part of you knew he was right. So you listened, taking a deep breath or two before putting a relaxed smile on your face.

“I’m fine.” You said, and Xiaojun grinned along with you, leaning back into his seat and continuing your conversation as if nothing had happened.

You found that Yangyang, although he threw dirty looks at your table for the whole meal, didn’t bother you. Not once did he throw a deprecating comment your way or beg for help with school. He didn’t make fun of you from afar for being all over Xiaojun, he even hit Chenle’s shoulder when he tried to make fun of you for not having the money to pay for the meal, and that your boyfriend had to pay for you.

Maybe Xiaojun was right. Maybe all Yangyang wanted was to make you mad, and if you deprived him of that reaction, he would stop. Maybe it was exactly like your mother told you when she warned you not to let bullies know they upset you. None of it really mattered though. The only thing you could think of was how satisfying it was to frustrate him the way he frustrated you.

⋰˚☆

Wednesday night rolled around, and Yangyang was preparing for his habitual horror movie night, which seemed to be occurring much more than usual as of late. A bowl of popcorn the size of his head in his lap, and a full 7 liter of Coca Cola on the coffee table, he was fully prepared to cuddle into his couch and lose himself in the gory goodness of a proper horror film– at least until he heard a knock on his door.

You didn’t want to knock on Yangyang’s door. In fact, despite living just across from him, you were hoping you could live the rest of your life without laying a finger on his snobby, two story house that he practically owned from how often he was home alone. But here you were, standing on his doorstep with a coat up to your chin, breath cold and wispy in the chilly night air, a plastic bag in your hand as you waited for the little brat to open the door so you could go home and enjoy a cup of hot cocoa and a drama before bed.

The door creaked open slowly, his delicate hand gripping the handle, standing at the top of the stairs while you stood at the bottom. Decked out head to toe in fluffy blue cloud pajamas, it made you wonder how many matching sets of fuzzy pajamas he had stored in his closet. You held out the bag silently, and he stared at it like it was coated in acid, and might melt his hand off if he touched the surface of it.

“What’s that?” He said skeptically, taking the bag from your hand and peeking at its contents dubiously. You shoved your hands into your pockets immediately upon relinquishing the bag.

“Stir fry.” He looked at you with wide eyes, opening the tupperware inside the plastic and taking in the fresh aroma of the still-warm food. “My brother made it. He thought you might be hungry.”

“And you willingly delivered it?”

“Hell no. He made me.”

“And you didn’t spit in it?” You cocked your head, giving him a mysterious smile, and if he didn’t think you spit in it before, he definitely did now.

“Why don’t you find out?” He shut the lid of tupperware with a doubtful look on his face, slipping it back inside the bag and holding it behind his back like you might try and take it from him. He looked you up and down with narrowed eyes, halfway expecting you to start laughing and pull a cake out of your enormous jacket and smash it into his face: maybe with a camera filming. But you did no such thing, just silently waiting for a reaction at the bottom of the staircase with your hands in your pockets.

“Thanks.” He said after a moment of thought, and you shrugged.

“I didn’t make it.” As you prepared to take your exit, he took a few steps down the stairs, stopping you in your tracks. “What?” Even after coming after you, he didn’t say anything for a minute, mouth just opening and closing like a fish.

“Come inside.”

“What?” You scoffed. “No thanks, I’d rather go home.” His moment of indecision seemed to melt away, the good old Yangyang coming out to play as he pouted, leaning against the door with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Come on, we can study. Bring your notes and I’ll share my popcorn.” With that, he retreated inside and slammed the door. You sighed, shoving your hands into your pockets again and walking home. You would never understand him.

A few minutes passed after your return to home when the blond peeked his head out the window, watching you sit down on your couch and pull out your laptop.

“Y/n!” He screeched, and you rolled your eyes, standing up to shut the window with a sarcastic smile. He groaned in annoyance, making his way to the front door and approaching your window. He didn’t bother to rap on the window, taking advantage of his height to slide the window open from the outside and clamber inside, his upper half peeking into your living room by the time you reached him.

“Go away.” You hissed. “My brother just came back from college. He’s sleeping.”

“Fuck your brother.”

“That’s an odd command. You might want to get some of your kinks checked out.” He glared at you, his body from the torso up still through the window.

“Come on, I seriously will fail Chemistry.”

“Again, not my problem.”

“Please? I’ll pay you.” He begged, hands together and threatening to slip out once both hands left the windowsill.

“Y/n?” Your brother called sleepily from the staircase, rubbing his eyes tiredly, and you looked up in surprise, hands instinctively reaching to push Yangyang away from the scene, which conveniently meant pushing him out the window.

“Yes?” You asked innocently, a loud ‘oof!’ sound coming from behind you as Yangyang hit the ground roughly, and you slammed the window shut. Your brother rubbed his eyes again, staring at you questioningly and trying to peek over your shoulder to see what was happening outside.

“Everything okay?” He asked suspiciously, and you nodded with a very wide and very fake grin stretched across your face.

“Just peachy, Kun. Go to sleep.” You said, releasing your grip on the windowsill and hurrying over to him, ushering him back up the staircase as he tried to protest. Once he was safely shut in his room, although not willingly, you rushed downstairs and peeked out the window to see a heap of limbs collapsed on the floor. You bit back a snicker, not very well, and called out to the fallen boy. “You okay?”

“You bitch.” He spat from the floor, attempting to collect himself and stand up, grimacing at the feeling of his sore limbs. “I can’t believe you pushed me.”

“Relax, it was like five feet.” You snickered, and he glared up at you indignantly.

“I don’t even want the notes anymore.” He brushed himself off and got to his feet, striding back to his house —more like stomping petulantly. You rolled your eyes, knowing he was going to be in a horrible mood the next day if you didn’t chase after him. He truly knew how to get what he wanted.

“Wait,” You said, snatching your notebook off the table and climbing out the window after him, deftly landing on your feet. You figured it was faster than going out the front door, and the latter would surely arouse your brother a second time, which would also arouse many questions about why you’re trying to leave the house in pajamas and a coat at nearly midnight. “I’ll give you the stupid notes.” He turned slowly at your words, his fast pace coming to a stop as he stared at you, watching as you walked over with your hands in your pockets.

“This isn’t a prank, is it? I might not look it, but I’m actually quite sensitive.”

“You do look it, and no, it’s not a prank.” You rolled your eyes, climbing the steps to his front door and gesturing to the door. “Are you gonna let me in?”

“I guess I could.” He muttered, letting you through and into his living room.

It had been quite a long time since you were in Yangyang’s house. The last time you could remember was in 6th grade, when his mother invited your family over for their annual dinner party around Christmastime. Yangyang dumped pickled herring into your purse and you shoved his face into the platter of rosolli. Safe to say you were never invited over after that.

His house was still as nice as you remembered. Not enormous, but quite spacious, it was decorated with vases of flowers and pieces of artwork that looked like they cost more than your tuition. The couch was covered with fuzzy blankets and a bowl of popcorn, the coffee table holding a few remotes and a 7 liter of Coke that you assumed was for the boy’s movie night. He flopped down onto the cushions, the tupperware in his hands and sufficiently reheated, and when you stood frozen he motioned for you to follow him. You slowly sat on the couch, somewhat afraid that you might break something and his parents would never let you back inside. Although that would give you a nice excuse to avoid tutoring their son.

“It doesn’t matter if you break anything.” Yangyang derided, reading your mind. “We can get another one if we really need to. Mother won’t mind.”

Oh the life of the rich.

“Right.” You said awkwardly, attempting to get comfortable, pulling a blanket over your lap. “I brought my notes. I thought we could start with lesson four on-”

“Movie first.” Yangyang dismissed, picking up the remote and clicking a few buttons. You scoffed, leaning back into the couch silently and not trying to protest, which was a first. You tried to keep Xiaojun’s tactics in mind, to just take a breath and ignore him. You weren’t giving him what he wanted, no, you were just smarter than to fight with him.

The movie started up, a terrifying film called Midnight about a deaf girl who discovers a serial killer’s identity. This one was certainly going to give you nightmares: you could still see the smile on the killer’s face every time you closed your eyes. Luckily the actor was ridiculously hot, so that did well to dampen your fears, at least slightly.

You let out a gasp when the serial killer swung his ax mere centimeters from the girl’s head, and you swore you almost jumped up off the couch from the suspense. Yangyang watched you from a few feet over, amused at how seriously you were taking the movie and wondering how he didn’t know you were such a horror wimp.

“That’s so scary.” You whispered as the girl ran to hide in the bathroom, and he only decimated the door with his ax, leaving her no place to hide. “Imagine, being chased by someone with an ax. That’s terrifying.”

“It’s not real, y/n.”

“It could be, though.” You said, obviously frightened, and he chuckled under his breath. Something about the way you stared at the screen, enraptured with wide eyes, was somewhat… cute. It took him a moment to realize what he just thought, and he stuck his tongue out at his own gross actions. How could he think that? How could his brain actually form those thoughts, about you, no less? He wasn’t paying attention when the killer came on screen, joyfully chasing after the girl on the street, only seeing the way your eyes widened. When he brought out his ax again, you screamed, and before he knew what he was doing, he clapped a hand over your mouth. Both of you stared at each other in shock of his action, a foot or so apart. He cleared his throat, pulling his hand away and covering his own mouth sheepishly.

“It’s late. Try not to scream.” He muttered, and you nodded silently. You could still feel the print of where his hand was on your mouth, warm and burning.

The movie finished in silence. You were too petrified to speak —and too polite to scream— and Yangyang felt a bit too awkward to make conversation.

“It’s over.” He sighed, feeling as though the movie might never end, clicking the power button on the remote and powering down the TV. As the screen went blank, he suddenly noticed that you had been quiet for quite a time. “What’d you think-” He cut himself off, immediately quieting down when he noticed the way your mouth opened in deep breaths, eyes closed and leaning against the cushions with your head back. Soft snores escaped your mouth, and for a moment, Yangyang considered taking a photo, but he pushed away the mischievous part of him and left you be. Pulling a blanket over you and propping your head up on a pillow, he clicked off the light and retreated upstairs to get some sleep. He would need it.

The morning was going to be hectic.

⋰˚☆

You woke up in your bed, kicking the blankets off of you as you wiped the drool dripping from the right corner of your mouth. You had just had the worst nightmare. Yangyang, dressed in cloud pajamas and a balaclava, had chased you down the street with a scythe yelling out chemistry formulas. You shook off the odd feeling your dream had washed over you, looking around your bedroom. Your walls were a pale blue, a lamp almost the height of the ceiling towering over your figure, and vases of flowers were on the table in front of you. You didn’t have a coffee table by your bed. But you weren’t in your bed, you realized, sitting up ramrod straight on the couch in alarm. No way you had just spent the night at Liu Yangyang’s house.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Yangyang said, wandering into the living room with only a pair of plaid pajama pants and one sock on, a bowl of cereal in his right hand and a toothbrush in his left, making you wonder if he was attempting to eat and brush his teeth at the same time. “You looked dead when I woke up, but you were snoring so at least I knew you could breathe.” He said, and you tossed the remote at him, bruising his bare chest as he yelped and covered it protectively, dropping his toothbrush.

“Why didn’t you wake me up, stupid?!” You yelled, fretting and attempting to check the time on your phone, which you now realized you left at home. “Class is probably going to start in five minutes and I Kun doesn’t know where I am-”

“Y/n.” Yangyang interrupted with a skeptical look, picking up his toothbrush from the floor and looking at it sadly before continuing. “It’s 7:30 in the morning, and you are aware you live one house over, are you not?” Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment, and he smirked at the fluster in your expression.

“I-I know.” You said indignantly, trying to regain some of your pride. “Kun’s probably worried about me.”

“Well why don’t you scurry a few meters down the street and tell him not to get his knickers in a twist?” Yangyang rolled his eyes, dropping his now-empty bowl of cereal into the sink when a knock came from the door. He approached it, peering out the peephole and sighing. “Speak of the devil.” He unlocked the door, swinging it open to reveal a rather frantic boy in his early twenties with dark blue hair and a panicked expression.

“Where’s y/n?”

“Good morning to you too, Mr. Qian.” Yangyang said tiredly.

“Do you know where y/n is? Go ask your mom.”

“Your sister is right here, if that’s what you’re looking for.” Yangyang said, stepping aside to reveal you waiting in the back with a sheepish smile, waving slightly before tucking your hands behind your back.

“Y/n?” Kun asked, shock evident in his face as he took in the sight of you. “What the hell are you wearing?” You looked down, not quite sure why he was asking until you saw your thin tank top and lacy shorts, the pajamas you had worn under your coat before you came over, the coat you had worn all night. You glared at Yangyang, who just shrugged with a coy smile.

“You bastard. Where’s my coat?”

“In the closet, dork.” He sneered, and you pushed past him to the front closet, snatching your jacket and covering your body up insecurely.

“Y/n.” Kun said with a warning tone, motioning for you to follow him, and you obeyed, not wanting to upset him any further. He led you out the door and you meekly trailed after him down the steps, lips pressed together tightly. Yangyang leaned on the door frame, a smug smile on his face as he watched you go, one hand cupped around his mouth while he yelled out.

“You’re not staying for breakfast?” He called. You turned around to flip him off, to which he just blew a kiss, which you ignored. God, he knew how to drive you insane.

“Y/n, what the hell were you doing spending that night at Yangyang’s house?” Kun asked, shutting the door behind you and watching as you went to the kitchen immediately, pulling out a piece of bread to eat it untoasted. You were starving.

“I fell asleep while we were,” You hesitated to tell the truth. “Studying.”

“Is that what happened?” Kun asked skeptically, arms crossed over his chest. “And he didn’t fall out of the window last night?” Fuck. Yeah, he knew. “Y/n, I want you to be honest with me.” He leaned in, putting a hand on your shoulder and sighing. “Are you dating Yangyang?” You almost spat out the bread you were eating.

“What?! Of course not!”

“Well, what else am I supposed to think? He crawls through your window at midnight, and now you’re spending the night at his house? I mean, I thought you didn’t like each other but I guess anything can change-”

“This isn’t a romance novel, Kun.” You bit back. “I don’t like Yangyang, and I never will. We’re not dating, I just fell asleep after we watched a movie.”

“Oh.” Kun said, crossing his arms with a relieved expression. “Well, if that’s all, then go get dressed and I’ll drive you. We can’t have you going to school in a tank top and a thong.”

“They’re mini shorts, Kun.” You spat, wrapping the coat further around you and running up the stairs, hoping you had enough time to pick out a proper outfit before school started. As you disappeared up to the second floor, Kun stood by the base of the stairs, thinking hard before cupping his hands around his mouth.

“If you are having sex with him, use protection, okay?”

“Kun!”

Not thirty minutes passed before a knock came on your front door. Still in the middle of applying your mascara, you rushed downstairs to answer if before Kun could yell at you, and lo and behold, guess who was at the door?

“You take a long damn time to get ready.” Yangyang deadpanned, already dressed in a burgundy hoodie and baggy gray sweats, bangs fluffy and shaggy in his eyes.

“Nobody asked you to time me.” You said sarcastically, not inviting him in but not denying him when he stepped through the door frame, hands in his pockets and waiting on the doormat so as not to sully your hardwood floors with his shoes.

“I’ve been waiting on your doorstep for almost twenty minutes. Hurry up.”

“Why don’t you just go on without me.” You retorted, and he rolled his eyes, huffing in annoyance as he grabbed hold of your arm and pulled you through the door, barely giving you time to snatch your backpack and phone off the shelf by the exit. “Slow down, will you?!” After a moment of walking, he released your arm and walked by your side in silence.

It was uncharacteristic of Yangyang to ever be quiet, much less in your presence. He always had a witty remark, always had a one-liner or a gesture that would annoy you so he could keep your conversation going back and forth like pinball. But here he was, hands in his pockets, walking beside you like you hadn’t spent the past 9 or so years bickering with him nonstop. He seemed peaceful.

“You know, I’ve been thinking a bit about that boy in class,” He started, taking his hands out of his pockets to brush hair out of his eyes, breathing out wispy strands of white fog escaping his mouth as he looked up at the gray sky. “Xiaojun, is his name?”

“Yeah.” You answered suspiciously. “What about him?”

“I think his cousin’s hotpot is pretty good.” He said. Dead silence, at least until you laughed, the sound echoing through the empty street. “What?”

“That’s all you wanted to say?” You chuckled, your laugh visible in the air from the heat of your breath. “You sound so somber today.”

“I’m just thoughtful.” He pouted, shoving his hands back into his pockets. “Is it bad to be thoughtful?”

“I reckon it’s better than not.” You said, laughs beginning to fade as you walked, school in sight, both of your hands in your pockets. Silence washed over the two of you, and you suddenly found that Yangyang was a bit more bearable than you thought, albeit his silence was beginning to concern you. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I borrow your chemistry notes for fourth period?” There he was. You thought you might’ve broken him.

“There you are!” Xiaojun yelled, running over to the gate as you and Yangyang finally reached the school. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“What’s up?” You asked, taking a few steps ahead of the boy beside you. Xiaojun approached the two of you, slowing his pace and looking Yangyang up and down suspiciously, eyes narrowed.

“Not much,” He continued after a moment. “Mr. Choi is assigning a pop quiz in third period for our last unit. Don’t ask how I know.”

“You think you’re ready?”

“I could use a quick review.”

“Well,” You said, swinging your backpack around to the front and digging through it for your notebook. You pulled it out successfully, holding it up with a smile. “I think we have time to go over the text.” Yangyang watched the two of you chatter, watched as you slowly migrated closer to Xiaojun and split off from the blond haired boy, walking across campus like he had never been there in the first place.

And boom, just like that, your moment of closeness was over before it started.

⋰˚☆

Xiaojun had finally decided to return to your friend group, physically recovered and no longer emotionally traumatized. Under the willow tree, everything felt comfortable. It was your group’s little safe haven, a shady wonderland of tolerable people, good food, and good laughs: you found it was your favorite time of the school day, when you could go out and sit with your friends for lunch.

“Ah, the fresh meat is back!” Ten exclaimed, welcoming Xiaojun with a pat on the back that felt more like a slap, and made him lurch forward. “Got over the dong chim?”

“I don’t know what that is.” Xiaojun said, his hand instinctively moving to cover his backside, and you leaned in to whisper the answer. “Oh. Yes, I suppose so.” “You’re lucky I’m feeling gracious today.” Hendery said peacefully from his usual position, head on Karina’s lap and legs spread out across the grass serenely. You and Xiaojun sat down at the edge of the shade, dropping your things onto the dewy grass and kicking your shoes off. Xiaojun seemed to gravitate in your direction, and as far as possible away from Hendery’s fingers, which were laying on the grass.

“Thanks for that.” Xiaojun said sarcastically, but the slight smile on his face contrasted his facetious tone. At least he seemed back to enjoying himself. Karina leaned over to you, taking a roll of kimbap from her lunch and shoving it between your lips.

“Eat. You look like hell.”

“Thanks.” You scoffed between bites, mouth full and chomping on the bite of food, which was admittedly quite delicious. “Didn’t know I looked that bad.”

“You look fine.” Sicheng said, smacking Karina lightly on the back of the head and wincing when Hendery responded by tapping his shoe not-so-lightly against the space between his legs in warning. “Just like you’re lacking sleep, that’s all.”

“I stayed up watching Midnight last night.”

“You’re kidding.” Ten scoffed, taking another bite of his sandwich. “With who?”

“Who says I didn’t watch it alone?” You challenged, and almost everyone in the group gave you a knowing look, with the exception of Xiaojun who just looked confused by the entire conversation.

“C’mon y/n, we all know you’re a coward when it comes to horror. Watching that alone would be suicide for you.” Karina said matter of factly, popping her lips with satisfaction before chomping on a bite of kimbap. You rolled your eyes, still not answering and turning your focus onto your bag of lunch, still clutched in your hand.

“What are we eating?” A raspy voice said, one that sounded a bit too familiar for comfort. You tilted your head up to meet the eyes of Yangyang, who was holding a lunchbox in one hand, the other shoved deep in the pocket of his sweats.

“God, not you.” Ten sighed, eyes boring into Yangyang’s head, but he paid no mind, just looking at you expectantly and waiting for you to answer his question.

“Congee and chicken.” You said exasperatedly, tearing apart a piece of steamed bun to eat with your porridge and bracing yourself for the inevitable request or teasing remark he would have for you. But, to your surprise, he had none, simply making his way next to you and laying down on his stomach, letting out a satisfactory groan once he was comfortable. The rest of the group whispered to each other upon his entrance, but he only looked up at you to gauge your reaction.

You were staring at him like the gum on the bottom of your shoe began to talk.

“You look like shit.” He commented, noticing the dark circles under your eyes and turning to his lunch box, searching through what he had packed in the morning.

“Thanks. That’s the second time someone’s told me that today.” You said, glaring in Karina’s direction, and she only shrugged with a small smile. “I didn’t sleep well.”

“What, did the movie freak you out?” He snickered, but let out a loud ‘oof!’ sound when you smacked him on the back. “Coward.”

“Dude, shut the fuck up.” You hissed at him. The rest of the friend group looked between the two of you in shock, Hendery’s mouth gaped open like a fish and Karina looking at you like you just ran over her dog.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Ten laughed in disbelief, shaking his head like he didn’t understand what had just been said. “You guys watched Midnight, together?” Yangyang just scoffed, jabbing his thumb up at you as you stammered.

“As if y/n has the balls to watch it alone.” You hit him again.

“I don’t have balls, you overgrown zygote, and maybe if you used your brain once in a while you’d realize that not everyone likes watching people get massacred.”

“Lemme get some of that.” Yangyang ignored your comment, pointing to the bun in your hand, doused in congee and sesame oil.

“Fuck no. Get your own.”

“I only packed white bread, y/n. White bread. I have nothing in my fridge.”

“Sounds like that’s your problem.” You denied him, but when he gave you the stupid face he always did: eyes large and lower lip jutting out petulantly, you rolled your eyes and shoved a piece of bun in his mouth. He chewed with a smile, flashing a thumbs up before turning back to his lunch.

Ten looked horrified, pulling the rest of the group together while you weren’t paying attention, his voice lowering to a whisper.

“Is Liu Yangyang really eating lunch with us?” Karina asked in disgust, and the rest gulped, watching you two eat and bicker with bated breath.

“I can’t believe he had the balls to come over here.” Sicheng spat. Xiaojun was quite confused. All he had seen Yangyang do so far was fuck with you once in a while during class or beg you for notes, nothing that bad, but he had never seen Sicheng spit before so he figured it must be a pretty serious situation.

“This is a code red.” Ten said gravely, using his lanky arms to pull the group into a huddle. “We can’t let Yangyang sit with us. Our reputation will be ruined!”

“I’m pretty sure our reputation is worse than his.” Hendery mused, but went silent when Karina pinched his thigh. “Right. Code red.”

“Yeah. Code red.” Xiaojun echoed, still not quite sure what was happening.

“I’ll talk to y/n about it another time.” Karina said, and the boys nodded, backing away before you could catch onto their plotting, but luckily you were too immersed in your bickering to take notice.

⋰˚☆

“You seem oddly cheery today.” Karina said suspiciously. A week flew by like nothing and she barely saw you with your nose out of your textbook, and eventually she had decided to drop by your house in the morning to see what was going on with you, only to find that you were in a better mood than she had seen you in years.

You tucked one hand into the pocket of your hoodie with a soft smile, staring up at the cloudy, gray sky and letting the breeze graze your face. You were always fond of cloudy days. They always seemed so serene, sunshine was overrated.

“I suppose I have been happy lately.” You pondered, taking a sip of your coffee, which you had decided to take a-la-carte that day. “Not sure why.”

“I could take a guess.” Karina said under her breath, but you didn’t catch her comment, just sipping on your hot drink with foggy eyes. “How’s Yangyang?”

“How the hell would I know?” You scoffed incredulously.

“You’ve been seeing him a lot lately.”

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, there was truth to her words. Not only was Yangyang beginning to lower his average bitchiness levels when you were around, he no longer had any teasing comments of immature pranks to throw at you. He had even begun joining your lunch group on a semi-weekly basis, and the group had adopted him more easily than you thought. Hendery was already preparing to toss his backpack into the river that runs through the courtyard, so you assumed they had taken a liking to him. Yangyang had changed, that was undeniable. You just weren’t sure exactly what changed him, and why.

“I still don’t like him, Rin.” You protested, and she gave you a knowing look.

“It’s okay to say you’re friends now. I don’t think anybody will believe you if you say you still hate him the way you used to.”

“Yangyang might be part of the group now, but I’ve hated him for years. That’s not going to go away in an instant.” You said, and she shrugged, figuring it was easier to agree now and argue later. Speak of the devil, a flurry of skinny limbs and denim came running down the concrete, coming to a screeching stop once it reached you.

“Ladies,” Yangyang said playfully, bowing and tipping the navy trucker hat on his head gracefully, a bag of fruit snacks in his hand. “What are we talking about?”

“None of your business.” You said, planting your palm on his face and pushing him back a significant amount. “Go away.”

“Aw, c'mon. You’re not still mad because I beat you at call of duty, are you? It’s not my fault you��re shit at games.”

“What’d you say?” You exclaimed, turning around to flick him in the forehead. “I’m not shit at games, you’re just a cheater. Literally everyone knows you cheat.”

“Your mom.” He tossed a fruit snack your way, which you caught with a scowl.

“What?” Yangyang laughed at your confusion as you reached for his face, attempting to flick his forehead a second time. Karina sighed, watching the two of you bicker like usual, although even she could tell there was something different about it now. Something in the way he laughed, no longer menacing but only amused, something in the way you chased after him with a smile instead of a scowl.

Things were changing, and Karina knew you two would be the last to know.

Xiaojun looked exceptionally pretty that morning. I mean, Xiaojun always looked pretty, but something about the way the soft gray light hit his features, his hair shaggy in his face and his lips pursed in concentration made your heartbeat speed up irrationally. The library was practically empty, most of the students spending their free period messing around or being around their friends, but the two of you sat silently together to finish your homework, and what might be your last tutoring session in a while. It made you sad, the idea of not spending your usual hours with Xiaojun, and as far as you were concerned, you were going to drown yourself in his beauty for as long as possible before the two of you inevitably had to end your studying.

It took quite a while to realize, but you knew you were harboring feelings for the boy. And every day that passed, it became increasingly harder to pretend you didn’t, harder every day that you had to sit across from the beautiful boy for hours at a time and tutor him on things you could care less about. You gulped, hoping the saliva would satiate the fire inside your stomach, which it didn’t.

“I’m confused about this one,” Xiaojun started, the tip of his pencil, the one you lent him with pink hearts and a white sleeve, prodding between his lips. “‘Find the exact value of the expression sin (arccos ¼).” He read the question aloud, hands gripping the sheet of paper as he squinted to make out the words. “Wouldn’t it be the negative square root of 15 over 4?” You rested your head on your upturned palm, tongue poking in your right cheek as you watched him squint. Squinting wasn’t cute, it wasn’t cute at all, but for some reason the way he narrowed his eyes and peered at the paper in annoyance was so undeniably adorable. “Y/n, are you listening?”

“Huh?” You startled out of your reverie, lifting your head off of your hand and clearing your throat. “Uh, yeah. That’s the right answer.” Xiaojun pumped his fist in excitement, a smile on his pretty face, before he lifted his hand to you. Unable to suppress a matching smile, you high fived him, taking careful note of the way he intertwined your fingers and set your hands on the table instead of letting go. You had to tell him. “Um, Xiaojun?”

All the resolve you had melted away when he looked at you with questioning eyes, wide and wondering. You cleared your throat a second time, rubbing your lips together tensely and wondering how you could convey what you were thinking.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but,” You started, and you could see the cogs in his brain turning rapidly, his hand slowly pulling away from yours. Despite the slight heartbreak you felt when his hand left yours, you grit your resolve and gathered your courage for what you were about to say. “...I like you.” He bit his lower lip tightly. “I like you a lot, and I’m not sure when it started, but I had to tell you.” He didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity, and you felt like the silence was killing you.

There weren’t many students in the library, but the few nearby were listening with just as much interest as you were, including a black haired girl one table over.

Finally, Xiaojun opened his mouth to give you a response, and you felt like your heart might burst from the suspense.

“I’m sorry y/n,” Your expectant expression came crashing down. “I just don’t feel about you that way. I’m really sorry.” You pushed back the feelings that wanted to erupt from your chest and spill out your mouth like a river, just gritting your teeth in a forced smile and nodding your head. “We can still be friends, right?”

“Of course we can.” You said nonchalantly, and luckily Xiaojun didn’t seem to see through your facade. “Really, don’t take anything I said seriously. I’m sure I just mistook friendship for something else.” Xiaojun had a tense expression, but he sighed and nodded anyway, a small smile on his pretty lips.

“I think I should get going.” He glanced at his phone. “Class is starting soon, and I promised Ms. Kwan I would get there early to review my trig packet.” He collected his supplies in one sweep and shoved them into his bag, eyes lingering on you when you didn’t follow. “You coming?” You shook your head, tugging your lip between your teeth.

“I think I’m gonna finish real quick. You go ahead, I’ll see you later.” He hesitated to leave, but when he saw the shining droplets threatening to fall in the corner of your eyes, he left, knowing the least he could do was spare you the embarrassment of seeing you cry. Once he was gone, the tears that were precariously perched in your eyes fell, streaming down your face like waterfalls as you sniffled. It was embarrassing, to be crying in the middle of the library over a boy who only thinks of you as a friend, especially when your best friend was sitting a table over, and she had definitely seen and heard everything.

Karina rushed over to you as soon as Xiaojun was out of sight, pulling you into a hug and wiping the stray tears from your cheeks, letting you sob into her sweater, mouth parted in silent cries.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” She whispered, using her back to shield you from the curious students sitting a few tables away, reaching her hand back to flip them off, which quickly convinced them to stop staring. “I’m sorry, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“I-it’s not his fault.” You sniffled, but you knew it was Karina’s duty as your best friend to be pissed at anyone who breaks your heart, or at least that’s what she thought. “I guess I just misread things. I really thought he liked me.”

“We all did.” Karina said sympathetically, patting your back gently and soothing you until your sobs began to quiet down. “It’s okay, love. It’s okay.”

“Y/n!” A voice yelled from the entrance, before being scolded by the librarian for being too loud. Karina cursed, using her sleeve to try and conceal your puffy face from the incoming boy, hands on his hips and a bag of fruit snacks in his hand. “Hey, did you know that Mr. Kang is dating one of the student teachers-” he cut himself short, freezing in his tracks when he spotted your puffy, red eyes, and the tear stains running through your makeup, mascara streaks going down your cheek. “Are you okay?” He asked urgently, pulling out a chair next to you, all intent of gossiping out of his mind the moment he saw your distressed face. He reached out a hand, which Karina slapped away quickly, contempt evident in her expression. “What happened?” He asked, and Karina looked at you for permission, which you granted with a nod.

“Her crush just rejected her.” Karina said quietly, giving you a gentle rub on the back when you choked up at her words, more tears spilling from your eyes.

Something in Yangyang’s eyes shifted, and he opened his mouth and closed it, not quite sure of what to say to make you feel better. Before his mind could think of what to do, his body made the decision for him, reaching out a hand to pat the top of your head. You looked at him with confused eyes, wiping your nose, but despite your questioning gaze, he just stroked your hair, before offering you the packet of gummies in his hand. You took the bag from him, staring at it blankly before a little chuckle escaped your mouth. You looked up at him gratefully, and he met you with a soft smile.

“Thanks.” You said softly, wiping the tears from your eyes as he watched awkwardly. After you had sufficiently collected yourself, he held out his hand for you to take, which after a moment of reluctance, you did.

“Class starts soon. We should go.” He said, testing the waters, and you nodded, standing up using his hand to assist you, and brushing the tears from your shirt. Karina stood with you, watching suspiciously as Yangyang helped you walk to class, hand still clasped with yours. You looked back to see if Karina would follow, and she wiped the frown from her face, replacing it with a grin.

“My class is on the other side of campus. I’ll see you at lunch!” She said cheerily, and you gave her a thumbs up and a small smile. When your head turned back around, she sighed and picked up her bag, readying to leave for class.

“Something about him is different now.” She murmured, pulling her backpack over her shoulder and exiting the library with a thoughtful frown.

⋰˚☆

Xiaojun didn’t come to sit with the group at lunch. Neither did Karina and Hendery, the latter of which had to drive his girlfriend to her dentist appointment while her parents were out of town, and once Ten and Sicheng realized they would have to eat lunch alone with you and Yangyang, they promptly split up to their respective other friend groups, leaving the two of you alone under the willow tree.

“Some friends.” You muttered under your breath, taking notice of Ten and Sicheng chatting up their friends Jaehyun and Jungwoo across the courtyard, and Yangyang chuckled at your bitter tone.

“What, you don’t wanna be left alone with me?” He asked, feigning offense, already flopped on his stomach and comfortably with his shoes off.

“Hm, not really.” You teased, lowering yourself onto your stomach with him before opening your lunchbox. In all honesty, you could care less about having to eat alone with the blond boy. You were just relieved that Xiaojun had decided to dine elsewhere, not sure if you could handle an entire hour of pretending that everything was okay. Your chest was aching like you hadn’t felt in an eternity, and it was a harsh reminder that high school romances aren’t always like the ones in the novels.

“You okay?” Yangyang asked, nudging you in the side, and you faked a smile.

“Just fine.” You lied through your teeth, peeking into your lunchbox to see what you had packed for today. You didn’t have time to make lunch that morning, leaving the task up to your brother, whom you weren’t sure if you trusted the task to.

And for good reason. Inside was a single tangerine and a bowl of rice. You were gonna kick his ass when you got home.

Yangyang noticed the way you shut your lunch with a sigh, taking a peek into your bag and furrowing his eyebrows when he saw your weak excuse of a lunch, but switching to a bright expression when he had an idea.

“You have a tangerine?” He asked with lit up eyes.

“...Yes?” You said skeptically, and he held out his hand for it, which you reluctantly handed over. He dug his fingers through the outer layer of vermillion, pulling off the peel bit by bit while he hummed.

“Mind if I take your tangerine? I’ll share.” He offered, still peeling, and you looked over to see what he had packed, expecting nothing better than your own lunch based on his reputation. But to your surprise, inside his bag was a full spread of rice, tangsuyuk, cauliflower stir fry, and even a container with two freshly made mooncakes and a steamed bun. It was stunning, and definitely past his cooking capabilities.

“Did you make that?” You asked in disbelief, and he scoffed.

“Me? C’mon.” He laughed and you pressed your lips together so as not to smile. “My mom came back from her business trip in Taiwan and made me lunch. She told me to share it with my friends. She’s getting used to cooking Korean food. No more schnitzel, I guess.” He joked, and you snorted. You noticed a small purple orchid tucked in the corner of the lunchbox and you cocked your head with curiosity.

“Orchid?”

“My mom’s favorite flower.” Yangyang shrugged, taking it into his hands. “She puts one in here when she gets a chance. To remind me of her, or something.”

“I love orchids. They’re my favorite flower.” You commented, watching fondly as he stared at the orchid as though it were his own mother in his hands.

“You can have it.” He said, passing it over to you tenderly, and you nodded in appreciation, tucking the fresh flower behind your ear delicately while he tried not to look at your face. With a pop, he opened the plastic container and ripped apart the bun, handing half of it over to you.

“Thanks.” You said appreciatively, taking the bread from his hands and swiping it through the sauce of the stir fry, tucking the bun into your mouth until your cheeks looked like that of a squirrel’s while you chomped. Yangyang bit back a giggle at the sight, finding it oddly adorable. “What’re you laughing at?”

“No, nothing.” He dismissed quickly, picking up a piece of tangsuyuk and tucking it into your mouth before you had even finished chewing your previous bite.

“I can feed myself, thank you very much.” You said defensively, wiping off a bit of sauce that was sticky on your lips, and he pouted, a coy grin evident under the sulking.

“Well, that’s no fun.”

Silence washed over the two of you as you chewed, the occasional mundane topic passed from mouth to mouth before fading to background noise, both of you seeming to be unable to hold a conversation. Something was heavy in the air, and the obvious elephant in the room was blocking up Yangyang’s throat, and he wanted nothing more than to just ask the obvious question, but he found himself unable to, not wanting to upset you. This upset him even further, because since when was he unwilling to upset you? For a moment, he tried to summon up the courage of a past him, clearing his throat to gather your attention.

“Y/n,” He started hesitantly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“If it’s about what I think it is, no.” You said immediately. He huffed, reachin for his last ditch effort, pulling out the last container from his lunch and offering you one of the two mooncakes. You watched him warily as he extended the treat towards you, and you shook your head, but he held out his hand, unwavering. As much as you wanted to resist, the mooncake looked delicious: a caramel brown color, the top intricately stamped and soft in his hands, surely stuffed with some kind of filling like lotus seed or salted egg yolk. The last time you had one of Ms. Liu’s mooncakes was fifth grade, when she brought a case over as an apology on Yangyang’s behalf after he poured neon green hair dye in Kun’s shampoo. Yes, Yangyang��s contempt sometimes even extended to your family. But his mother’s soft mooncakes were so delicious, they almost made you forget the horrid color of your brother’s hair.

You gave in, taking it out of his hand with a roll of your eyes, and he smirked at his triumph, resting his chin on his upturned palm, elbow buried in the dewy grass.

“What do you wanna know?”

“Karina said your crush rejected you…” He trailed off when he saw the way your jaw tensed. “Was that Xiaojun?” You didn’t answer, taking a bite from the mooncake and chewing silently for a moment, which he took as a yes. His suspicions were confirmed when you nodded, sighing quietly.

“It was nothing, really. I just… I misunderstood.” You mumbled, and strangely enough, something in the boy felt a bit of distaste for the blue haired guy who broke your heart, Yangyang reaching over instinctively to pat your head again.

“Hey, he’s missing out. Imagine how many free tutoring sessions he could’ve got.” Yangyang snickered, and you reached out to smack him, which made him wince. “Hey, that’s actually a good idea. Y/n, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Very funny.” You bit back, but you had to admit, his joke lifted your mood. Something about Yangyang, his bright smile that shone like a thousand suns, his eyes that shone when he got excited —or maybe the way he never took anything seriously— was somewhat refreshing. “Only if your mom makes me mooncakes.”

“Sounds like a deal.” Yangyang said with finality, extending his hand for a shake, which you blew off with a scoff, slapping his hand away while he pouted.

“Shameless.” Ten shook his head, watching from the picnic tables as you and Yangyang bickered, the proximity between the two of you slowly shrinking with every snarky remark and giggling session.

“I don’t think it’s like that.” Sicheng defended you, and Ten simply continued to wag his head, turquoise bangs flowing like waves in a teal sea. “You saw Karina’s text, didn’t you? She just got rejected, by Xiaojun of all people. She doesn’t like Yangyang.”

“No, but he might like her.” Ten said, resting his chin on his palm. “Just because she likes Xiaojun doesn’t mean something can’t happen.”

“Karina’ll beat the shit outta Xiaojun later. He better watch out.” Sicheng sighed, reaching into his bag for a bottle of water.

“Speaking of, I haven’t seen him at all today.” Ten mused, wondering when the last time he saw the cerulean haired boy was. “Have you?” Sicheng went over his schedule, usually seeing Xiaojun between periods or on his way to the bathroom, but Ten was right. He was nowhere to be seen. Sicheng screwed the top off of his bottle, taking a thoughtful sip before shaking his head in confirmation.

“No. Didn’t see him once.” Ten furrowed his brows.

“Where is Xiaojun?”

⋰˚☆

Winter was finally ending soon, the sun peeking from its shelter behind the clouds and warming your face. The seat by the window was always your favorite, ever since you were a kid, the bay seat covered in cushions and positioned so that the sunshine hit at just the right angle, reflecting into rainbows off of the dangling crystal your mother gifted you years ago.

The only downside was it faced Yangyang’s house. As a child, you despised him even further every time he ruined a moment in your favorite seat, yelling profanities out the window, tossing mudpies through the sill, or shooting nerf bullets at the crystal like it was a hanging target. But as of late, the days by the window became more bearable until it was back to being your favorite spot —and that Saturday afternoon you felt as though it would be the perfect nook to read a book with a warm cup of tea.

You barely made it to page 16 when there was an interruption.

A loud banging sound came from somewhere in the vicinity, and you looked up in alarm. Kun wasn’t home, he hardly was on Saturday as it was his designated day to go out with his college friends for a drink and some board games. Your eyes narrowly scanned the room, only for the banging sound to come again, this time clearly from across the street, particularly the window that faced yours.

As suspected, Yangyang’s head poked up from under the windowsill, hair mussed and wide eyes, panic clear on his face.

“Y/n,” He mouthed quietly, and you attempted to ignore him, looking back down to the pages of your book. “Y/n!” He whisper-yelled it this time, and you shut the book with an annoyed snap, head turning in his direction.

“What?” You hissed.

“My sister’s home.” You didn’t remember much about Yangyang’s sister, other than her being a lot more tolerable than him. She was sweet, with dark hair and a kind disposition, always willing to talk shit about her little brother with you when he wasn’t around, sometimes even bringing white rabbit and tamarind candies over to your house when she brought them back from her trips. As far as you could recall, the last time you had seen her was when you were thirteen, as she spent most of her time away at college or on trips back and forth from Germany and Taiwan.

“So what?” You huffed, and he gave you an urgent look, jabbing his thumb to the background of his house, and you could see an unknown male figure striding through the living room, cracking open a can of Cola before disappearing.

“She brought her boyfriend back from Germany. Apparently she’s been hiding him for years.” He looked back at the man’s receding figure and scowled. “The fuck is she even doing with a German guy?”

“Aren’t you from Germany?” You snorted, opening your book again.

“Yes, but I’m not white.” He glared at you.

“Leave the poor guy alone.” Yangyang clicked his tongue, reaching out his window to rap his knuckles on the outside of the wooden windowsill, pulling your attention away from your novel.

“He calls me squirt, y/n. Squirt. That word isn’t in the bible.” You just rolled your eyes and tried to focus on your novel, but the words just blended into one mess, and you found yourself unable to concentrate. “I need you to get me out of the house.”

“Can’t you do that yourself?”

“She wants me to help her unpack, and I’m not allowed to leave until I do.”

“So just help her unpack then.”

“C’mon, y/n.” He whined, hands gripping the bottom of the windowsill and his entire upper half already out the window. “You know I hate packing.” It was true. Just a year previous, he had practically manipulated your brother into packing for him when he needed to take a trip with his father back to Taiwan. Kun came back into the house quite put out, and with a permanent scowl on his face. “Help me out, please? Just once.”

You knew it wouldn’t be just once, but you caved anyway. You couldn’t say no to him when he made that stupid face and did his whiny voice. Without a word, you shut your book and moved from the window, and from the expression on your face, Yangyang immediately knew he succeeded, running back inside and waiting for you to rescue him from his sister’s condescending boyfriend.

You rapped your knuckles three times on Yangyang’s front door, the white wood almost shaking in its frame from how hard you hit it. It took over a minute for anyone to come to the door, and you were mere seconds away from barging in and slapping some sense into the blond when it creaked open, someone unexpected behind it, Yangyang’s sister opening it rather than him. She looked different, the tips of her dark hair bleached a dusty blond that almost matched her brother, and you noticed she had grown a bit taller than the last time you saw her, hand resting on the door as her eyes widened at the sight of you.

“Oh, y/n! Gosh, you look so much older than the last time I saw you, I almost didn’t recognize you.” She said cheerily, and you found it hard to frown when she smiled so widely. She surely had her brother’s smile. She looked you up and down, taking in the height you had gained and the way your figure had filled out more, your features more mature. She reached into the pocket of her sweats, pulling out a few white rabbit candies and dropping them into your hand. “Remember when I used to bring these? It’s been a long time, huh?”

“It has.” You said fondly, tucking the candies into your jacket.

“So, what brings you all the way over here?” She joked. “Is Yangyang bothering you again?”

“Actually, I was wondering if he was home.” You said with a gritted smile. “We’re supposed to get ice cream and see a movie.” You said. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but nonetheless, she turned back to yell her brother’s name. Before the first syllable was even uttered, Yangyang came running from behind the couch to the door, a big smile on his face and his shoes already on and ready, a hoodie thrown over his head.

“I’m home.” He said breathlessly, extending his hand for you to take, which you subtly rejected. Despite the rejection, he reached down and took your hand, not asking this time, and you held back a snarky comment to keep up appearances.

“Wait,” His sister laughed, almost in disbelief. “You two are going to see a movie? Together?” When you both nodded in unison, she raised her eyebrows. “Are you serious? Are you dating each other?”

“No-”

“Yes-” You said at the same time, both of you glaring at the other at the contrasting answers. You shook your head in defiance, but he just raised your knuckles to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss on them before pulling you closer to his side, his hand releasing yours and instead snaking smoothly around your waist. “Yes. We’re dating.” You didn’t have the courage or mental clarity to protest, still focused on your racing heart and cursing at it for beating so damn fast.

“Alright, well have fun.” Yangyang’s sister gave a look of disbelief, before shutting the door without another word. Once the aperture was closed, you swatted Yangyang’s arm, prying the other one off of your waist.

“What the hell was that?” You hissed quietly, so as not to alert his sister.

“You think I want my sister to think she’s the only one in this family that pulls?”

“Isn’t she?” You retorted, and he frowned petulantly, pulling you away from the door in fear his sister might hear. “When’s the last time you had a girlfriend?”

“Hey, I’ve dated around! Ask your little friend Winter.” He smirked, watching your face twist in disgust.

“You dated Winter?!” You gripped his collar, and he laughed, attempting to get you off as you made your way down the street in quite a disorderly manner, one of Yangyang’s knees extended to push you away and one of your hands on his chest, the other gripping the neck of his tee shirt.

“Y/n, let go of me!”

As promised, the two of you made your way to Yangyang’s favorite ice cream parlor, one where he apparently knew the workers and could get a good discount on the frozen treats. You never rejected a discount. You insisted he pay to compensate you for helping him get out of the house, and he insisted you tutor him in Chemistry in return. In the end, you got what you wanted after a few pulls of his hair.

The two of you stood on the black and white tile, Yangyang begrudgingly clutching his wallet and your eyes shining over all the flavors in the display case.

“One scoop of strawberry cheesecake and another of whatever she wants.” He grumbled, handing a few bills to the parlor employee, who you recognized to be his friend from class, one that always hung around him but seemed to have a bit more sense than the rest of his immature friends.

“So, this is how you’ve been spending your time avoiding us?” Renjun said skeptically, snatching the bills from Yangyang’s hand and shoving them into the register, not giving him any change although he owed him some. The brunette reached a hand equipped with a scooper into the case of ice cream, a cone in the other. “I thought you just had an STD or something, but turns out you were actually spending time with her. Who knew Chenle was a prophet?”

“Chenle can shove him and his stupid prophecies up his ass.” Yangyang said, snatching the scoop of strawberry ice cream from Renjun’s hand. “It’s not like that.”

“Yeah, sure.” Renjun rolled his eyes. You weren’t entirely sure what you were talking about, and why they thought Chenle was a prophet, but your current focus was choosing the right ice cream flavor to suit your fancy. Yangyang nudged you in the side, and you were brought back to reality, straightening up and pulling your face away from the ice-cold glass container.

“One scoop of mint chocolate.” You said meekly. Typically, you had no problem fucking with Yangyang’s friends, but something about Renjun’s ice cold glare and pursed lips made you shy away. The exasperated boy scooped out your order and handed it to you with a stony expression, and you took it out of his hands, careful not to make eye contact with him even though his gaze didn’t move from you, even when Yangyang pulled you through the door and into the cold air outside.

“Sorry about him.” Yangyang said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he tugged you down the street. “He can be a bit suspicious of others.”

“Well, you’ve probably complained about me quite a bit. I could see why he wouldn’t like me.” You laughed, and Yangyang raised his brows like you had just proposed a challenge.

“Oh yeah? You think you don’t do the same? I got glared at for weeks after I started sitting with you at lunch. Not to mention the bowl of soup Karina threw at me.”

“Touche.” You said, smiling from the mere memory of your best friend dousing the dusty blond in hot vegetable soup. He had peas in his hair for the rest of the day, and you didn’t know if you had ever felt more satisfied. “You deserved it, though.”

“I definitely didn’t.”

Ice cream dripping onto your sticky fingers and the air reddening your cheeks, you strolled through the city aimlessly, with no real destination and no goal along the way. Well, maybe you had no goal, but Yangyang had one in mind: get to know the girl he’s known for years but despised for just as long.

“So,” He began, licking the remnants of the ice cream from the bottom of his cone. “Have you ever considered tutoring officially? There’s a lot of desperate students who need help, you could make a lot of money that way.”

“I couldn’t keep up.” You shrugged. “I get good grades because I want to, but I don’t really enjoy school work. I don’t think anyone does. Especially chemistry.” You stuck out your tongue at the thought of your piles of Chem assignments just waiting at home to be completed before the school week started again.

“So what do you like?” You had to think for a moment to answer his question; what did you like, really? You had never really been asked the question before.

“I like modern art, I like to read but only period pieces. I like acting in plays sometimes, but only with other people. Sometimes I try to paint when I have free time.” You looked up at him, watching his attentive face with narrowed eyes. “Where is this coming from?”

“I can’t wonder?”

“You never have.” Your words were true, he had never really cared before. There was no reason why he should —and Yangyang himself didn’t quite know why he did— but he wanted to know. He wanted to make up for all those years of bickering and tension, and maybe a part of him wanted to be friends with you at the end of it.

“I’m sorry. For never caring.” He apologized, your eyes widening with every word. “I should’ve tried to treat you better, even when I was younger.”

“I’m sorry too.” You sighed. “We were just kids when we started fighting, and I should’ve realized that it was childish to hold a grudge. You might have started it, but I’ve continued it for years now.” You chuckled, and he joined you. “I’ve known you longer than most of my friends, actually all of them, but we never learned about each other. Isn’t that kind of fucked up?”

“Very fucked up.” He agreed. A moment of silence washed over you like a wave, but it wasn’t tense or painful like you thought it would be. It was sweet, and soft, and gentle like an ocean breeze, and something was different about the way Yangyang looked under the light of the afternoon sun, and you weren’t sure what.

“Well, better late than never, right?” He smiled, lips turning up in the corners until his teeth showed, and you grinned at the mere sight. Your hands were inches away, and you swore if they touched your heart might burst out of your chest.

“Yeah, better late than never.”

⋰˚☆

There were two reasons you were scared to enter school that day.

You might have to see Xiaojun

You might have to see Yangyang

Seeing the most wonderful boy who broke your heart a mere weekend after he rejected you would be humiliating, and you weren’t looking forward to inevitably running into him in the multiple classes you had together. Second of all, you weren’t sure how you were feeling about Yangyang. Something in your relationship had changed: you weren’t sure when, and you weren’t sure how, but your heart beat faster when he was around, and you no longer had distaste when you saw him. In fact, seeing him made you, although you would never admit it, happy. But it didn’t matter. You had to figure out how you felt about Xiaojun before you could worry about whatever you were feeling for your neighbor.

Which is why you were going to muster up your courage and find Xiaojun before he could find you.

He wasn’t anywhere, which was odd. Typically, you would see him on the way to class, or scrawling down some messy notes in fourth period, or eating lunch under the shade of the willow tree with his feet resting on Ten’s backpack despite the older boy’s protests. On a normal day, you couldn’t avoid Xiaojun, but today didn’t feel like a regular day. No, it felt odd, and maybe that was because Yangyang was following you around everywhere you went.

“Is there a reason you’re practically glued to me right now?” You sighed, and Yangyang dismissed your comment with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m wondering what you’re looking for.” You ignored him, hoping he wouldn’t catch on to your search as you peeked around the corner to check for a cerulean head. Yangyang leaned in close, hands on his pockets and resting on the tips of his toes until his nose was mere inches from the back of your head. “So, what are you looking for?” “Your mom.” He frowned.

“C’mon, let’s get lunch! I’m tired of walking around the hallways.” He yawned, a loud yawn that reverberated against the tile and bounced off the walls. “Hey, you want to get hotpot? That Xiao Zhan makes some mean meatballs.” Your eyes lit up as an idea passed through your head, and a sudden urge made you pat Yangyang on the head lightly, mussing up his messy locks of dusty blond while he watched you with surprise.

“That’s a brilliant idea.” And with that, you jetted off, attempting to remember the way to the hotpot restaurant while Yangyang hesitated to follow.

Did his heart always beat that fast when you touched him?

You burst into the shop like a hurricane, a very meek Yangyang following you with his hand clamped protectively against the left side of his chest. Xiao Zhan, who was previously peacefully working at the counter, looked up upon your entrance with recognition in his eyes, standing up to assist you in finding a table.

“Ah, Xiaojun’s girlfriend.” He said, nodding his head to a table in the back with two menus in his hand. “You’re back. I was wondering when you’d show up.”

“I’m not his girlfriend.” Your cheeks felt like summer, even in the cold, and you slid into the booth with Yangyang by your side.

“You wouldn’t think that if you lived with him.” Xiao Zhan said skeptically, pulling out a notepad to write down your order and assessing the boy beside you. You weren’t sure what to make out of his comment, but it had to be a good sign, right? “Is your new fling?”

“This is Yangyang. My neighbor.” You stressed the last word, but Xiao Zhan looked nothing but skeptical.

“Oh, that’s right. You’re the little brat that was yelling at Junnie the last time you came in.” Yangyang scowled, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. It was safe to say he likely didn’t enjoy the nickname. “Whatever, I could care less. Just try not to break my cousin’s heart.” You could feel anger bubbling up in your chest, but before it could rise to your throat, a voice interrupted.

“You should tell him not to break hers.” Yangyang said defensively, and you looked at him with shock and pride. Xiao Zhan looked at both of you questioningly before blowing off your comment and walking to the back, not bothering to take your order. It didn’t matter. He already knew what you wanted, maybe more than just food.

“Thanks for that.” You said quietly, and Yangyang shrugged.

“It’s no big deal. But god, it just pisses me off to see him talk to you like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like Xiaojun wasn’t the one to hurt you.” His eyes pierced into you like a sharp knife, and you found yourself unable to look away, wrapped up in his intense gaze. You didn’t even have the strength to contradict, to tell him that Xiaojun didn’t mean to hurt you, something in his eyes telling you to be quiet. To stop apologizing.

“Yeah.” You said, snapping out of your reverie and giggling quietly. Upon your change of tone, Yangyang smiled, his arm slowly creeping around the back of your chair, your thighs centimeters from each other, threatening to touch with every screech of the chair and every minor shift you made.

“Your meatballs.” Xiao Zhan said tiredly, eyes lingering on Yangyang’s arm inches from being around you before sliding the plate of food onto the table and striding away without another word of greeting or parting, and you reached for your chopsticks, snipping the steaming meat with the utensils.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” Yangyang said suddenly, standing up and sending his chair scooting backward. “Be right back.” You nodded, surprised by his sudden declaration, taking a few bites once he was out of sight and unable to complain about you not waiting for him. You could sense a pair of eyes on you, a certain brown pair that belonged to Xiaojun’s cousin lingering at the edge of the kitchen, elbows on the counter and gaze unwavering. Once the lock of the bathroom door clicked with finality, he approached your table, sliding into the seat across from you. You tried to eat in silence, suppressing your curiosity, but you found yourself unable to appear unbothered.

“Where’s Xiaojun?” You asked, not looking up from your appetizer.

“Home.” Xiao Zhan said simply, and you glared at him, clearly seeking more. “What do you want to hear? He has a cold.”

“A cold.” You said skeptically, and he shrugged. “Is that what he told you?”

“Hey, if he doesn’t want to go to school, that’s none of my business.”

“It kinda is. You are his guardian, after all.”

“Look, Xiaojun’s having a hard time right now. Being sick in the head is just as concerning as being physically sick. Who am I to force him to go to school when he’s not ready, just because you want to see him?”

“I don’t want to see him.” You said stubbornly, and he raised an eyebrow. “W-well, I don’t mean it like that…”

“He’s homesick, and sick with a few other things.” Xiao Zhan sighed, picking up the half full platter of meatballs and standing from his seat. “Wait for him.” His last words seemed to hold more meaning than they appeared to, and you gulped upon his sudden order, poking the inside of your cheek with your tongue. He didn’t wait for a response, just disappearing into the kitchen, precisely in time to avoid Yangyang as the latter left the bathroom.

You didn’t know what to think. Wasn’t high school supposed to be full of teenage romance and comradery? So far, it had only caused you strife.

The blond boy stood stock still in front of the table, damp hands at his sides slightly outstretched as he stared at the blank surface.

“Where’s the meatballs?”

⋰˚☆

“It’s fifty two.”

“It’s fifteen.”

“Yangyang, it’s fifty two.” You sighed, and the boy pouted stubbornly.

“It’s definitely fifteen. I double checked my math.”

“Double checking is useless if you're stupid.” You snapped, pulling the paper from his hands and going over his work. “You forgot to use the inverse function. How’d you forget to use the inverse function?” Yangyang grabbed the homework back from you and slammed his head down on the desk, letting out a low groan against the laminated wood, his cheeks flattened and deflated.

“This is absolute hell.”

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted me to tutor you.” You snickered, easing the paper out of his hands and looking over it. “Hey, go get snacks from the vending machine. I don’t think we’re gonna get through this session without some fortification.” Yangyang sighed, lifting his head and digging through his pockets for his wallet.

“First ice cream, then this? You’re gonna run me dry.” “Hey, I’m tutoring you for no charge. Be grateful.” His eyes lit up, and he grabbed your hands immediately, holding them close as he stared at you with wide eyes.

“You mean it?”

“Yes, for free. Now go get snacks.”

“Yes ma’am!” He exclaimed, running down the hall to find the vending machine among the empty halls, night beginning to fall over the campus as students dissipated from the school. Once he was gone you shook your head with a fond smile, turning back to his assignment and attempting to figure out what he had done horribly wrong in his equation, waiting for the snacks that Yangyang was retrieving.

A minute went by. You figured it would take him a while to find the nearest machine, it was surely no problem. Three went by. You knew that it would take some considerable thought to choose which snacks to buy. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen, and now you were starting to get concerned. It couldn’t possibly take that long, not when you knew for a fact that the nearest vending machine was one right turn away and Yangyang always bought chocolate chips and cheetos. You stood up from your seat, chair screeching back as you got to your feet, wrapping your jacket a bit tighter around your waist as you left the room.

“Fucking stupid thing-” You heard from down the hall, and you rolled your eyes. “Stupid ass vending machine-” A bang cut off the end of Yangyang’s angry sentence as he kicked the machine, then prompt gripped his foot in pain, folding in half and holding it to his chest in a position that looked both challenging and painful.

“Is there a problem?” You said in amusement from a few meters away, and he dropped his foot, eyes widening as he straightened up immediately.

“N-not a problem.” He stammered. “The stupid fucking machine just took my money.” You got closer, arms still wrapped around your waist, reaching down to the slot for the snacks and looking through the glass to see inside. A bag of cheetos, tteokbokki chips, chocolate turtle chips, and a can of coke were all crammed up, perched precariously against each other but somehow lodged firmly in the top of the opening.

“Did you try ordering something else?” You laughed, and he froze. You dropped a quarter into the opening, pressing down on the lit up buttons and ordering a bottle of water. It dropped, knocking all the snacks apart and the full order came crashing through the opening, dropping neatly into the slot, ready to consume. You leaned down at the same time Yangyang did, both of your hands reaching for the snacks inside.

Your nose was mere inches from his, and you could feel his breath on your face, the proximity between the two of you so small it made your heart feel like it would explode out of your chest. You thought he would back up, put some distance between the two of you and maybe give you his signature sneer, just to confirm that he didn’t give a shit about you, that he didn’t want to be close enough to touch you. But he didn’t.

Instead, he leaned in.

Your lips crashed, and soon the snacks were forgotten. You closed your eyes, his already clamped shut as he circled an arm around your waist, the both of you straightening up to a standing position. You snaked your arms around his neck, one of your hands playing with his shaggy hair as he smiled into the kiss, holding you like you would shatter if he released you. It was rushed, full of released tension and unspoken feelings, things you wanted to say but never could. He parted your lips for only a brief moment to whisper quietly,

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Then he dove back in, and that’s when you realized you might’ve liked him longer than you thought.

Neither of you gave a shit about Trigonometry anymore, or the abandoned snacks, only focusing on the way your lips fit like two puzzle pieces slamming into each other on the wrong side, until they finally turned a few degrees and fit. You and Yangyang fit, you finally fit, and you couldn’t be happier.

Your back hit the vending machine as Yangyang pressed a hand against the cold glass, forcing all the space between you out as he tangled his free fingers in your hair, lips tracing against your own before moving to kiss your jaw. You thought your heart might’ve stopped when he ran his lips down your jawline, peppering sloppy kisses across your skin. In all your years, you thought you had kissing experience, but now you were beginning to think you had never really been kissed at all.

“Yangyang,” You said out, a choked giggle escaping from between your swollen lips, and he released his other hand from the glass to caress your jaw lightly, touch soft and gentle with a smile equally fond on his face. “I cannot believe you just did that.”

“We, y/n. We’re in this together, right?” He asked softly, pressing his forehead to yours, and you pecked him on the lips. He looked more beautiful than you had ever seen him before, the washed out white light of the hallway illuminating his skin, eyes wide and glossy, his lips plump and swollen from all the contact. His hair was swept away from his forehead and jutting up sporadically, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah. Of course we are.” You said before giggling uncontrollably, and he separated from you, giving you a questioning look. “I’m sorry. I’m just so surprised.”

“About what?” He said, a hand still hesitating on your waist like he didn’t want to truly let go of you, fingers fisting the fabric of your shirt tightly.

“Well, out of everyone,” You pressed a hand to his cheek, running down his jawline with a smile, and you swore you saw hearts in his eyes. “It ended up being you.”

“And that’s a good thing, right?” He asked, worry evident in his eyes, and you wanted nothing more than to confirm to him how much you liked him. You never thought you would like him this much.

“A happy ending for an ironic story.” You confirmed, and he beamed, kissing up and down your cheeks with excitement, in a way that made you uncontrollably grin.

“I never thought my first kiss with you would be against a vending machine.”

“Oh, so you imagined kissing me before?” His cheeks flamed as you simpered.

“Shut up.”

Yangyang took you home that night, or more precisely, drove you home, although not in a car. Nine years of knowing the boy, and you had no clue he could ride a motorcycle. When he reached your doorstep, you parted with a sweet kiss on the lips and a soft goodnight whispered under bated breath, and you found you didn’t mind getting along with Yangyang for the time being.

Of course, Kun had his suspicions when he heard the roar of a motorcycle from outside his window at 9 pm, and that you coincidentally decided to suddenly arrive home at the same time Yangyang parked his Yamaha Vmax. But he let it go, assuming it would be best to wait ‘til the morning to interrogate you about your relationship.

Life was sweet. Maybe the bickering had stopped you from seeing that.

⋰˚☆

“Y/n.” Karina said, lounging on the couch with a glass of Sprite in her hand, head dangling off the edge of the cushions. “Why is Yangyang your lock screen?” You froze mid motion, about to pour yourself a bowl of jiujiang from your brother’s liquor cabinet. You continued, figuring you’d need the bit of alcohol to get yourself through this conversation. You usually had Yangyang as your lock screen when you were alone and with him, a photo you had taken when he was swinging at the park down the street, a bright smile on his face and his feet kicking in the air as he waved at the camera.

“I like that photo.” You said simply, hoping the lame explanation was enough.

“When’d you take this?” Karina asked suspiciously, sitting up and staring a bit closer at your phone until you reached over her shoulder and snatched it from her.

“None of your business.” You snapped, shoving the device into your pocket before she could inquire further, and realization flooded her eyes, mouth gaping open in shock.

“Y/n!” She screeched. “You’re not dating Liu Yangyang!” You clapped a hand over her mouth, pulling her head down and looking around in paranoia.

“He might hear you.” You hissed. “He’s right next door.”

“Y/n, please tell me you’re not dating Yangyang.” She said, voice muffled, and you looked away, releasing her mouth and taking a spoonful of rice porridge.

“Don’t tell anyone.” You ordered. “I’m not actually dating him. He never asked me to be his girlfriend.”

“But you go on dates?” You nodded. “You hold hands?” You nodded. “You kiss each other?” You hesitated this time, but eventually nodded, and Karina exhaled through her nose. “Then you’re dating. God, I knew this would happen.”

“We’re not dating.” You said stubbornly, putting the bowl to your mouth and abandoning the spoon, just slurping the rice porridge off the edge of the cup.

“Y/n, I’ve known you for years. I can tell when you like somebody, and you like Yangyang. Probably more than you know.” You scoffed skeptically at her statement, but she shrugged and leaned back. “Best friends see things you don’t, you know. I can tell.” She insisted, and you took another sip of the porridge indignantly. But her words got you thinking, maybe Karina was right. Yangyang hadn’t left your mind since that night two days previous when he kissed you, and the butterflies that filled your stomach when he entered your mind were anything but platonic,

Maybe you liked Yangyang a little more than you thought you did.

March was almost over, the last week of the winter ending and the new season approaching, something even more worrisome coming with it: prom. Weeks passed, the 31st creeping closer with every day, and yet, Yangyang never asked you to be his girlfriend. You never asked him what you were to him, what was happening between the two of you. You had seen that line, the “what are we?” spiel in an endless amount of movies, shows, and shitty romance novels, and you swore you wouldn’t open your heart to the boy before he opened his to you.

Maybe there was a part of you that was afraid he would abandon you after that night at the vending machine, that he would write it off as a mistake —or maybe, in a horrible twist of events, check something off his bucket list— but fortunately enough, the kiss seemed to be on his mind just as much as it was on yours, if not more. He never kissed you in front of your friends, he was waiting for approval on that front, which you weren’t sure if you were ready to give. The sight of you and him merely getting along was enough to make Ten heave up his lunch, so public displays of affection were almost entirely off boundaries. But the occasional moment when nobody was looking during a Chem lecture, when he had a chance to pull you into the corner of the cafeteria before the lunch rush, or when Ms. Choi forgot to lock the classroom door, he’d plant the biggest kiss on you and hold you like you were his world. It was nice. Maybe too nice, because you sure as hell weren’t used to it yet.

Going from tossing food during conversation and dumping chili paste in each other’s morning tea to kissing and holding hands between tutoring sessions was beginning to give you whiplash. He also hadn’t asked you to be his girlfriend yet. If you were being honest, you weren’t sure if you were happy about that or not.

It didn’t matter to you. It was only week 1 of kissing Liu Yangyang on the regular; you were sure you’d get used to it at some point, and who knows, maybe one day the two of you would be one of those couples that caused envy wherever they went, the type that did facemasks and went to movies just to ignore the screen and stare at each other until their eyes went dull. You had time, time to learn to love Liu Yangyang and time to wait patiently until he told you he wanted to be with you.

You thought you had time. Until Xiaojun came back to school.

“Can we talk?” There it was, the infamous line. Xiaojun had popped out of absolutely nowhere, backpack half across his shoulders, hair mussed and free from its usual neat style. His bangs were drooping slightly in his face, the blue washed out to a lighter teal with a tinge of chlorine green, and he had dark circles under his eyes that looked like they carried the weight of all his thoughts. He looked like a mess, a beautiful mess, and you were absolutely not ready to talk to him.

The rest of your friends had their mouths agape at the sudden reappearance of what was now widely known as your “highschool sweetheart”. Ten had a look on his face like you had just slapped him across the cheek, and Karina seemed seconds away from murder, eyes dark and arms crossed, likely to hold back whatever violent move she was thinking of pulling.

Yangyang looked upset. Very upset, flecks of white sparkling across his worried eyes, and you could feel his fingers begin to intertwine with yours where the others couldn’t see it, hidden under the fabric of his hoodie sleeve.

“I don’t really want to talk.” You laughed nervously, and Yangyang’s hand squeezed yours tightly for a brief moment. It was true, you didn’t want to talk. Not because you were angry, no, you weren’t so immature as to get mad at being rejected. You were scared. Scared of what he might say and what it might make you think.

“Please, y/n.” His voice dropped an octave and quieted just as much, low enough for only you and the person next to you to hear. “I need to tell you something.” Yangyang was a second away from interrupting. He didn’t want you to go, he didn’t want you to admit that he had someone in his life who would take his place, who could convince you that he wasn’t good enough and never would be. Yangyang had spent enough of his life being hated by you, and he couldn’t stand another year, another day, another second.

“Fine.” You said, and Yangyang’s breath hitched in his throat. Don’t go, he wanted to scream, but you gave his hand an affirming squeeze before standing, brushing off your shirt and following the blue haired boy who had already begun to walk, seeing where he would take you. Hendery cupped his mouth to cheer, but Sicheng tugged his arm down before he could utter a word. Yangyang bit his lip, cold and empty hand coming to his side and slipping into his pocket.

All he could do was wait.

Xiaojun walked for a few minutes in no particular direction, seeking anywhere secluded and private enough to have a proper conversation. You followed silently, afraid that if you spoke you might ruin whatever peacefulness was left between the two of you. Maybe, just maybe, you could be friends again. You just had to hear him out.

Xiaojun wrapped a delicate hand around the doorknob of any empty classroom, turning the knob and walking inside, waiting for you to enter before he shut the door behind you. He locked it, which was concerning, but you tried not to think much about it, watching from beside the door as he leaned against an empty desk. Silence passed between the two of you like waves washing over a worn out shore, before he cleared his throat and mustered up the strength to speak.

“I’m sorry.” He started, and you looked away. “I’m sorry for not considering how you were feeling, and I’m sorry for being so painfully oblivious. I’m sorry for embarrassing you, and I’m sorry for making you tutor me for free when you probably had better things to do. I’m sorry for making you spend time with me.”

“There’s really no need to apologize.” You said timidly. “I don’t care that you rejected me. I’d rather that you’re honest with me. It’ll hurt less in the end.” Xiaojun shook his head, and you thought you could see tears welling up in the corner of his eyes, although maybe that was just your imagination.

“I wasn’t honest with you.” He admitted hesitantly. “I didn’t take the time to think about it, because I was so confused. I was confused why you, such a wonderful, friendly, intelligent person, would give a shit about me.” You wanted to interrupt, but you could tell from the serious look in his eyes that he needed to finish saying his thoughts aloud. “When I came to Korea, I didn’t know anyone other than my cousin. I thought people wouldn’t like me, that I would stand out, or that maybe my dreams were stupid and I would never be good enough to make it here if I couldn’t make it in back in China.” He finally looked up from the floor, and you could feel his eyes on you even if you didn’t see it. “But you told me I could do it. You wanted to know about me, you tutored me when I was struggling because you understood me.” You moved from your place by the door to sit on a desk across from him, and he made eye contact, serious and full of drowned emotion. “You were the first person I met here that treated me so kindly. And I took advantage of that.”

“No, you didn’t.” You tried to defend him, but he shook his head yet again.

“I did. And those days I spent at home, trying to get you out of my head, made me realize something.” He put a hand on your arm softly, his eyes watering with shimmering tears in his ducts. “I really can’t live without you.” You stuttered, unsure of what response to give him, what to say to assure him that you felt the same way. Your heart was betraying your mind, and instead of telling him it would be okay and you could still be friends, you set your hand on top of his, eyes shining. That one movement triggered something, and Xiaojun leaned forward, putting one hand on your cheek and the other reaching for the table beside you.

You kissed before you could properly think about it. You didn’t want to, but you wanted nothing more, and as horrible as you felt, a weight had been lifted from your shoulders the moment his lips touched yours. He sighed into the kiss, pulling you closer, limbs entangling on top of the desk as he pulled you to his side. Maybe a minute passed, maybe two, but you finally summoned the will to pull away, panting and your lips swollen from his on top of your own.

“Is something wrong?” He asked with concern, putting his hand on top of yours, and you shook your head, unsure of what to say or do.

“Nothing wrong.” You stammered. “I-I just…” What were you supposed to say? Wasn’t this exactly what you were looking for those weeks ago, when you told him you liked him in the middle of the library for everyone to hear?

Xiaojun depended on you. You were his safety net, his escape hatch for when he needed a taste of home and someone to tell him everything would be okay. You were his home in a place far away from home.

“I’m glad you told me.” You said finally, and he grinned, a grin that knocked you off your feet. After so long, he was just as beautiful as he was when you first met him, and you found your heart speeding up the same way it did when you told him you liked him. You had hoped that maybe something would change, that after a week of not thinking about him, you would stop liking him, that these confusing feelings would go away and you could live your life as friends and nothing more. But when he smiled at you like you were his whole world, you came to a painful realization.

You couldn’t just be friends with someone who smiled at you like that.

⋰˚☆

You tried your best to keep everything that had happened in the classroom a secret. You straightened out your hair and clothes in a hurry, attempting to look presentable, and applied lip plumper so you’d have an excuse to tell Ten when he would inevitably ask you why your lips looked so swollen. When Xiaojun tried to hold your hand on the way back, you politely told him you weren’t ready yet, and he gave you a confused look, yet respected your wishes and let go.

Turns out your efforts were all for naught, as Yangyang was nowhere to be seen when you exited. Karina, Hendery and Ten were the only ones left, laying on their stomachs as Karina painted Ten’s nails a fresh new shade of green, Hendery left to his own devices and one second from spilling purple nail polish all over his hands.

“Where’s Yangyang?” You asked immediately upon arriving to the spot under the willow tree, and the three looked up with surprise at your abrupt comment.

“He and Sicheng went to get snacks from Jaehyun’s table. You know Yuta will give Sicheng anything for a hug.” Ten said. You sighed in relief, dropping onto the picnic blanket spread across the grass. “What about you two?” He wiggled his eyebrows, and you glared at him fiercely. “Did you make out- make up?” You slapped his arm as punishment for his very obvious comment. “Freudian slip.” He shrugged, and Karina gave you a suspicious look. Xiaojun reached for your arm instinctively, but you nudged him with your foot, his hand slowly coming to rest on the blanket instead.

“Yeah. We made up.” Xiaojun said, clearing his throat, and the other three looked at you with some kind of disappointment, going back to painting their nails.

“Boring.” Ten yawned, and you rolled your eyes.

“Ignore him.” You said quietly to Xiaojun, and he nodded, hand sneaking to yours under the blanket in a place where nobody could see, and you felt nausea rush through your stomach at the deja vu.

You didn’t see Yangyang for the rest of the school day. Even when Sicheng returned to the group with an armful of snacks brought straight from Canada by Mark’s father, and the group ravenously destroyed them, he didn’t show up, not even when Sicheng brought out the cheetos. You thought for certain he had some kind of cheeto radar, and if the cheesy snacks couldn’t bring him back to the picnic, you figured something must have happened to keep him away. He didn’t offer to walk you home like usual, and you took the route back to your house alone, cardigan tightly wrapped around you to keep out the chilly wind, nose running from the sudden rush of cold. You were suddenly wishing you had brought a thicker jacket to school that day, as home was still almost a mile away and the sky was turning more and more gray by the minute.

Even a day later, he was still missing. Another day passed, and Yangyang still wasn’t in class. He wasn’t in class all day, and you beginning to wonder if he had somehow found out about your conversation with Xiaojun by some cruel twist of fate, and was skipping school to avoid you. But he didn’t come the next day, the next, the next, or the one after that, and you were no longer concerned about him avoiding you, you were wondering if he was still alive. Yangyang might not be the best student, but he never skipped class; his parents would kill him if he did. So for him to be missing from attendance for four days straight, it wasn’t a common occurrence.

Xiaojun still hadn’t taken a step back from the first time he kissed you, seemingly just taking more steps closer to you instead. What had started as innocent quality time and tutoring —which you had finally reinstated— ended up turning into make out sessions in the janitor’s closet and dates to wherever you could manage. One day, he took you to the ice cream parlor without you knowing, and you swore Renjun had murder in his eyes when he handed you a cone of mint choco. Since then, you tried to avoid the places Yangyang had taken you before.

You had to tell Yangyang now. As soon as you got back from class and your regular tutoring sessions, which took longer than expected, you were going to march straight over to his house to break up with him before your relationship even started, even as much as you didn’t want to. And so here you were, standing at his doorstep with your knuckles hovering over the hardwood, ready to tell the boy that you couldn’t be with him anymore, if you weren’t even together in the first place.

To your surprise, the one behind the door wasn’t Yangyang, but his female counterpart, standing in a fuzzy pajama set with a bottle of coke in one hand and her phone in the other. You figured that fluffy sleepwear must be a fondness that runs in the family.

“Oh, y/n!” Yangyang’s sister exclaimed, opening the door a bit wider after seeing your familiar face. “I would invite you in, but our house is a bit of a war zone right now.”

“Why is that?” You asked curiously, and the mere question seemed to tire her out as she rolled her eyes and jabbed her thumb at the background of the house.

“He’s got cholera, God knows how.” She said exasperatedly, folding her arms. “Me and Stefan are staying out of his bedroom for now, while he quarantines.” You assumed Stefan must be her new German boyfriend, and nodded, stomach sinking with every word she uttered. “Apparently cholera requires a week of quarantine, which seems excessive for a bad case of dehydration.” She rolled her eyes, and you felt your breath hitch. A week? That explained why he was missing for so long, but prom was in four days, and you barely had time to tell him before it came around, if he came back to school in time for the occasion. “He’s feeling a bit better, but he still can’t leave. I had to screw his windows shut after he tried to sneak out.” She shook her head, but seemed to realize she was babbling, clearing her throat in embarrassment and covering her mouth with her fist. “Um, is there a message you wanted me to give him?”

No way. You absolutely could not break up with Liu Yangyang through his sister.

“Nothing.” You lied. “Um, just let him know I hope he feels better soon. Can he still text or call?” She shook her head.

“No, and it’s driving him insane. He left his phone at school and none of us are allowed to get it.” You nodded. You supposed you would rather not talk to him over the phone regardless. Karina had been broken up with over text in 10th grade, and she tossed a porcelain vase out the window when she found out. You’d rather not have that happen, or worse, considering your house was within easy reach.

“Alright. Tell him I hope he gets healthy soon.” You said despondently.

“I’m sure that’ll make him feel better.” She said with a knowing look and a wink, disappearing back behind the door.

You supposed all you could do was wait.

⋰˚☆

“I’m breaking up with Yangyang.” Karina's eyes widened from the other side of the phone, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.

“Are you sure?”

“Xiaojun and I,” You hesitated to finish your sentence. “When we made up, he kissed me.” Karina let out a squeal, and you clicked your tongue at her disapprovingly. “Rin, that’s not a good thing!”

“I think it is!” She defended. “You’ve liked Xiaojun since you first met him, I can tell. Forget Yangyang, that boy is golden. Sweet, caring, affectionate, and now he’s relatively smart now that you’ve tutored him. Not to mention he’s insanely hot.” You pinched the space between your eyebrows pensively. “Are you still meeting up?”

“Yes.” You said reluctantly. “I’m basically cheating on Yangyang.”

“Well, a bit. But you’re planning to break up with him, right? I mean, he hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend.”

“I just have to wait until he gets over his fucking cholera, then I’ll tell him.” You rubbed your temples. “This is stressing me out, Rin. I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you think Xiaojun will ask you to be his girlfriend?”

“I don’t know.”

“Prom?

“I don’t know.” You repeated through gritted teeth. “It’s four days away, and I have no idea what the fuck to do. What if Yangyang asks me to prom?”

“Tell him to fuck off.”

“That’s mean, Karina.”

“Isn’t it meaner to ignore him?” She had a point. Wasn’t it a bit more cruel to let him wonder, than to tell him you didn’t want to be with him? Was it true that you didn’t want to be with him? Everything was confusing, but you knew one thing: you didn’t want to hurt him. While it was inevitable, the least you could do was make it brief.

“I’m going to tell him as soon as I can see him again. Once his quarantine is over, I’ll do it. I’m going to end things with Yangyang.”

It had been seven days since Yangyang had abruptly gone into quarantine, and you had been rehearsing how to break the news to him.

You found that you no longer wanted to go out anymore. Every time Ten wanted to go to the ice cream parlor, you found yourself unable to face the server, when Sicheng suggested you take a trip to the mall, you couldn’t help but think of when Yangyang had taken you shopping to get a dress for your date on the weekend. And more often than not, you caught yourself thinking about him when you were home alone, sitting on the couch with nothing to do but stew in your thoughts, as you were now.

Your reverie was interrupted by a sudden ring of the doorbell, the reverberating chime startling you out of your thoughts and bringing you back to reality. Kun wasn’t here to open the door, so you mustered up the energy to stand up and do it yourself, desperately hoping it wasn’t Hendery asking to go on a double date for the fiftieth time. The door creaked open, revealing not Hendery, but the last person you wanted to see while in deep contemplation.

“Oh, Xiaojun.” You said in surprise, nervously smiling when you saw the giddy boy, who seemed to be holding something rather large behind his back.

“Hey.” Xiaojun said breathlessly, and he was panting like he had ran across town, a bead of sweat decorating the baby hairs on his forehead and matting them down to his skin. Your eyes drifted down to the large, white object concealed behind his back, which seemed to stretch almost as tall as him and was so wide it peeked a few inches out from behind his figure on both sides. He looked around your house, checking the background for something you weren’t sure of. “Is your brother home?”

“He’s out with some friends.” You said vaguely, the side of the door still clutched in your hand tightly like you were holding onto a life raft. You were afraid to let him, afraid of what might happen and the guilt you would feel when it was over. Luckily, he made no advances, just puffing out his chest and setting his jaw.

“Well, then I guess there’s no time like the present.” Xiaojun said, taking a deep breath to steady himself before pulling the object from behind his back, which you now realized was a sign, and you studied the text on it with wide eyes containing both utter horror and pure joy. “Y/n Qian, will you be my date to prom?” He asked with scrunched up eyes, a wide smile on his face as he presented his sign to you with one hand and a rose in the other, the sign handwritten and sloppy, with paper hearts pasted all across the border. ‘Y/n, will you accept this rose and go to prom with me?’, it said, and you couldn’t help but laugh at the bad Bachelorette reference, a hand over your mouth. It was ugly, it was the last thing you wanted, and it was the happiest you had ever been.

“Xiaojun,” You said in disbelief, taking the rose from his hand and holding it tightly to your chest, the damp, red petals leaving wet prints on your shirt. “Wow…”

“Is that a good wow, or a bad wow?” He asked hesitantly, and let out a breath of relief when you laughed loudly, a big smile on your face.

“A good wow.” You affirmed. He watched you expectantly, waiting for your answer, and you knew you couldn’t stall forever. You wanted to say yes, you really did, but some kind of guilt settled itself in the bottom of your stomach, pooling there comfortably, not seeming like it would leave any time soon. After everything that had happened between you and both boys, you weren’t sure where your heart belonged. But all you knew was Xiaojun was more than a friend, and the thought of him being any less was nothing but devastating. “O-of course I’ll go to prom with you.” At your words, his eyes widened in surprise, and it made you wonder if he thought you would say no. He dropped the sign, leaping forward to wrap his arms around you and plant a massive kiss on your cheek, making you giggle and pull him inside, hoping that nobody had seen.

“Would you be my girlfriend then?” He asked hesitantly, fearing a rejection, but you nodded softly, making him drop his head in relief. “God, that makes me so happy.” He said contentedly, face resting in the crook of your neck, his nose grazing against your skin as he spoke into your shoulder. You shut the door behind the two of you, making sure to bring the sign inside, and chuckled at his tight embrace, not daring to move him. You pressed a soft kiss to his temple, the most easily accessible body part, and smiled.

“I’m so happy that you asked me.” You confessed, and you could feel him grin against your skin. “One problem.” He stood straight immediately, head coming up from your shoulder with a concerned frown on his face.

“What?”

“I don’t have a dress.” He relaxed visibly upon your joking statement, a hand tracing your cheek as he pressed a kiss to your lips.

“We’ll fix that, baby. Don’t you worry.”

⋰˚☆

That morning, you slept straight through your alarm. The minute that Xiaojun parted from your house with a sweet kiss and a wave goodbye, you had called Karina to gush over the sudden proposal, and upon hearing the news, your best friend had screamed and insisted she come over for a celebratory sleepover. You woke up with a missing best friend —who had gone home to get a fresh pair of clothes and pick up Hendery in the morning— and a mere ten minutes before class started, with barely enough time to get ready, much less walk to school. You forced your exhausted and very hungover brother to drive you to school, making it there just in time to catch your friends at the gate, with only a few minutes before the morning bell would ring.

“Hey!” Hendery yelled when he saw you, the group lingering outside the front gate on one of the stone ledges in front of the entrance. “Where’ve you been?”

“Overslept.” You panted, having ran the last two blocks after you felt unsafe with Kun at the wheel, which wasn’t a very normal occurrence considering he was quite the driver. Karina and Xiaojun gave you a knowing look, the latter grabbing your hand and pecking a kiss onto your cheek. Ten watched the action with an expression like someone had just slapped him on the face, Sicheng looked rather unbothered, and Hendery immediately leaned in to get all the information from his girlfriend, who jabbed him in the side with her elbow.

“Well that’s new.” Sicheng said matter-0f-factly.

“I didn’t tell you?” You tittered, fidgeting with your free hand, the other still clasped in Xiaojun’s. “We’re dating.”

“I fucking knew it!” Ten exclaimed, slinging an arm each around your shoulders. “So, when did this happen?” “We talked last night.” Xiaojun clarified, and you squeezed his hand with a smile. “I think we figured a lot of things out, and I told her how I felt. I also asked her to prom.” He pressed a chaste kiss to your temple that made your heart burst out of your chest.

“Oh, did you?” Hendery asked with a smile, raising his brows. “I’m surprised Liu Yangyang didn’t beat you to it.” In a second, the mood changed, Xiaojun’s expression immediately turning stony as you looked down at your feet. Karina nudged the boy in the side again, a bit harder this time, and he looked around in confusion. “What?” “You dumbass.” Karina mumbled exasperatedly, clapping a hand over his mouth. “You wanna go inside, guys? Class is gonna start soon.” The others nodded, and you silently thanked Karina for saving you a very awkward conversation, grasping Xiaojun’s hand and walking with the group to your next period.

“I have to go.” Xiaojun said, his fingers releasing from yours, hands separating slightly. “My first period is across campus.” It was odd, that when you were seeing him before, the last thing you wanted was to hold hands. But the thought of letting go, letting him leave, made you scared. It was day eight of Yangyang’s absence, the day his quarantine was over and he could return to school as normal, and you were absolutely not prepared to face him. You kept a hold on his hand, still looking at the floor, and he sighed, pressing his hand softly to your cheek. “Hey, don’t worry. I’ll see you later. Maybe we can go shopping for matching prom outfits?” You smiled at the proposal, and he grinned. He caressed your skin soothingly, and you wondered how he was always capable of making you feel better when you needed it. “I’ll see you at lunch, baby.” And with that, he was gone, walking away with a soft smile on his face and a wave, which you returned. You were alone again, absolutely not ready to walk into the first period where Yangyang would undoubtedly be sitting in the middle of class with a bright smile and a kiss ready to be planted on your cheek.

And for the first time in weeks, you’d have to pretend you didn’t want to kiss him.

Maybe you had done something right in your past life, because Yangyang wasn’t in class. You weren’t sure if it was a blessing or curse, but out of sight, out of mind. Maybe it was a blessing that he had gone missing from prom, and you could enjoy the highlight of your senior year without him weighing on your mind, or the fear of running into him among the bustling crowd. You decided to focus on getting outfits for prom instead, a thought that made your heart race and your cheeks warm at the mere suggestion. Just the mental image of you and Xiaojun walking into prom with a matching suit and dress made you drop your head to your desk, trying to hide the fond smile that stretched out your cheeks. And so the day flew by, your head consumed with conversations with a blond and shopping with your boyfriend, whichever came first.

“You seem spaced out, baby.” Xiaojun said, waving his hand in front of your eyes, watching you with concern. You snapped out of your trance, blinking hard.

“Ah, sorry.” You stammered as you tried to process what he had just asked you. He seemed to read your mind, repeating his question again for you to hear.

“What do you think?” He asked, stepping back a few paces and doing a playful twirl. He had picked out a pretty dress, holding it up and showing it off, excited for your response. “Do you like it?” It was almost floor length, a lovely shade of emerald with a golden leaf design wrapping across and layers of tulle stretching from the midsection and reaching to the floor. It was pretty, but something about it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. You pondered his choice, before shaking your head, and he pouted.

“Something isn’t right.” You mused, and he walked back to the racks of dresses petulantly, shoving the dress back on the hanger and onto the organizer. Your eyes searched the rows upon rows of fluffy fabric for something that caught your eye, anything, until you found it. The dress.

It was sitting at the end of the racks, shoved into the corner and partially hidden behind a poofy black number. You reached for it, taking it off the hanger with a smile. It reached the floor, pleated sheer fabric laying on top of a silky crimson red, a corset-like bodice on top with and off the shoulder neckline decorated with pearls and two thin bows. The color was like deep plum wine, and the sight of it was purely breathtaking. It was exactly what you were looking for.

“This one.” You said immediately, holding it up to your frame with an endeared grin. “I like this dress.” Xiaojun’s eyes raised, looking you up and down before pressing a kiss to your cheek softly.

“If you like it, I like it.” He said with a smile, taking it out of your hands. “I didn’t know you liked red.” He cleared his throat and jabbed his thumb to the other side of the store, containing masculine formal wear. “I’ll go find a matching suit.” He expected you to follow, but you stood stock still, deep in your thoughts, and so he left without you. Xiaojun was right. You didn’t like red, you didn’t like it all, so you hadn’t a clue why you chose the dress with the color you liked least.

How annoying. You just had to pick a dress in Yangyang’s favorite color.

⋰˚☆

Prom was upon you. Your nerves were shot, you could feel your hands trembling and you felt unsteady in your heels, like they didn’t fit your feet quite right and you might tip over if you took a step. You thought this must be the closest feeling to the few moments before your wedding, and you hoped you would have a bit more composure when that moment eventually came.

You thought you looked pretty good, if you did say so yourself. Karina certainly did, dressed up in a satiny light pink dress with a low neckline that was likely to make Hendery’s eyes pop out of his head. If you knew him, and you did, he would drop to his knees. You only hoped your boyfriend had as good of a reaction to yourself.

“You look fine.” Karina insisted, tugging you away from the mirror by the arm. “Better than fine, in fact. You look gorgeous.” She smoothed down a stray strand of your hair and tucked it behind your ear with a smile. “The boys will be here soon. We should get going, hm?” You nodded, intertwining your hand with hers as you made your way down the stairs to see your brother sobbing, a camera in his right hand.

“God, my little sister is all grown up.” He cried, throwing himself onto you, and you pushed him off, brushing off your dress.

“Don’t! You’ll get tear stains on my makeup.” You said, nudging him in the side and eventually pulling him into a hug when you saw the saddened look on his face. “I’m not that old, Kun. Just wait until I get to college.” That made him cry harder.

You and Karina left your wailing older brother behind when you heard the doorbell ring, the both of you looking at each other in excitement before dashing to the door, both of you tussling over the doorknob. You got a hand on it first, swinging the door open to reveal the two men standing behind it, stunning smiles on both of their faces and neat suits on their bodies. Karina flew to her boyfriend, and he watched her with wide eyes, taking in her appearance in shock.

“Holy shit, you look incredible.” He said with a gaping mouth, and she tapped his chin with her manicured nail, a fond smile on her face.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” The couple giggled, beginning to chat, but you and Xiaojun had yet to say a word to each other, still staring at the other from a few feet away, your hand clutching the door knob for dear life.

“Xiaojun.” You said breathlessly.

“Y/n.” He answered in response, seeming just as stunned.

He was the prettiest picture you had ever seen. Dressed in a blazer with black lapels and a deep crimson body, he looked like someone had dragged an angel down from heaven, hair styled neatly, a few stray strands of blue hair dropping onto his forehead adorably. You wanted to brush them away, but after a moment of thought, you decided you liked them better like that. “You look… beautiful.” He seemed to be at a loss for words, and your cheeks heated up at the way he shamelessly checked you out. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“You look amazing.” You said in response, leaning forward to peck his cheeks, and you were certain his face darkened a few shades of pink. “Ready to go?”

“Always, m’lady.” He offered his arm, and you took it, curtseying playfully, ready to go to the car and have the best time of your high school life.

“Alright,” Kun said, and you rolled your eyes, preparing yourself for the embarrassing lecture he was likely to give next. “I’m not gonna say don’t drink, because there’s no way in hell I’m going to stop you, so just don’t black out. I don’t even want to think about you having sex, but use protection, and if they start some orgy shit, y/n you better call me-”

“Kun.” You said through gritted teeth, and he raised his hands in protest.

“I’ve barely started!”

“Can you please just drive?” He sighed, snatching the car keys from the shelf by the door, gesturing for you to exit the front door, and the four of you rushed outside, running in your heels and dress shoes, huge grins on your faces as the spring wind from outside rushed through your hair and clothes. “Get in. I know you like it when I drive fast, so I will. Just for tonight.” He warned, and you slapped him on the back gratefully with a grin. The group jumped into Kun’s Range Rover, and he stomped on the gas, speeding down the street and off into the night sky, the street stretching down like it would drive into the horizon and up to the moon.

A door opened with a creak, black and newly polished shoes clicking across the street with every step as they approached your doorstep. One knock, then a second, then a third, with no answer. A click of the stranger’s tongue sounded across the empty street.

“Where the hell is she?”

⋰˚☆

Prom was everything you expected. Bass boosted music that shook your heart inside your ribs, crowds of dancing students dressed to the nines, and the mix of perfume and alcohol all through the room, the parent chaperones hardly caring about the not-so-subtle alcohol consumption happening amongst the students. You were so excited and terrified you could barely breathe, but the gentle hold of Xiaojun’s hand on yours kept you grounded, and you took a deep breath to steady your racing heart.

“You okay?” Your date asked, leaning in to reach a bit closer to your ear, and you smiled, pecking him on the cheek with an assuring nod.

“Just excited.” He rubbed thumb over the front of your hand. “I can’t believe high school is almost over already. I feel like it went by in a flash.”

“Me too. I really didn’t get enough time to spend at this school. But at least I got to spend my first and last year here with you.” He whispered in your ear, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush of warmth at his complimentative words.

“I’m glad I got to spend it with you too. It’s just the beginning.” You pecked him on the cheek, and you saw his face warm up, a slight pink tinting his skin. Maybe the idea of spending the rest of your time together, maturing together, didn’t sound so bad. Just then, a flurrying presence and his very tired companion made their way over to you, the former wearing a loud embroidered blazer with nothing underneath and a pair of shorts that reminded you of a British schoolboy. “God, those two.” You tutted, but your smile betrayed you.

“What the fuck is up?!” Ten yelled over the music, and Sicheng shook his head disapprovingly. “You guys look ugly as hell.”

“Thanks, Ten.” Karina deadpanned, straightening out the skirt of her dress.

“What’s with the hair?” You laughed, and he reached up to tousle the newly dyed locks on the top of his head, now closer to a buzz cut than ever, the roots still a light shade of turquoise and the tips a sulfurous color of vivid yellow.

“You like it? I got Yuta to bleach it last night.” He said, clearly proud and puffing out his chest. “I think yellow is my color.”

“You look stupid.” Hendery said, whacking the back of his head and upturning up his messy style, which Ten glared at him for.

“That’s what I said.” Sicheng sighed, pushing the older boy out of the way. “But he wanted to bleach it. Yuta is a horrible influence, so he was happy to do it for him.”

“Yuta is more fun than any of you guys.” Ten bit back, but you all knew he didn’t mean it. It was hard to get affection out of him sometimes.

“I’m surprised you came, Sicheng. I thought you’d want to stay home.” Xiaojun commented, and the others seemed to agree silently with nods.

“He’s my date tonight.” Ten said proudly.

“Only tonight.” Sicheng cursed at Ten with his eyes, and the senior finally shut his mouth with a roll of his eyes, gripping Sicheng’s wrist and pulling him onto the bustling dance floor, a look on the latter’s face like he wanted to throw him out the window. You were on the fourth floor, for perspective.

“C’mon losers! Let’s dance!” Ten yelled to the group, and with reluctance but a fond smile, the four of you followed, losing yourself in the crowd and intense beat of the music, your hand still firmly intertwined with your boyfriend’s.

After half an hour or so of dancing, you were fully tired out. The banquet hall your school had rented out was three times the size of the gymnasium that usually held all the school dances, but it could barely contain the population of your school. Finding it difficult to breathe in the crowds of teens in flowy dresses and sharp tuxedos, you pulled yourself to the side by the drinks, hoping to get a quick breather before you were undoubtedly pulled back to partake in a slow dance with Xiaojun.

Your heart had hardly beat this fast in your life. The idea that all your time in high school was ending in one mere night was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, and the energy radiating from the hall was enough to take your breath away. You walked off to the side, where couples were sitting at table and chatting —or alternatively, eating each other’s faces where the chaperones couldn’t see— and took a few deep breaths to regain your composure. From the crowds of students came an angelic face, hand outstretched and with a very concerned expression.

“You okay, baby?” Xiaojun asked soothingly, reaching for your hand, his fingers running over your own. “You seem a little stressed. You wanna go home?” You shook your head adamantly, lifting his hand and pressing a chaste kiss on his knuckles.

“I’m fine, just a little headache.” You assured him. “Keep dancing. I’m going to get some water, I’ll be right back.” He watched you with worry in his sparkling eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asked in disquietude, and you nodded. He pulled you into a soft kiss, his arm circling around your waist gently, the other free hand running up the side of your face to cradle your cheek, his thumb rubbing against your jawline. If you felt a bit dizzy before, the kizz made your head spin, and in a nice way. “Promise you’ll let me know if you need anything? The minute you want to go home, we can.”

“I promise.” You said with a gentle peck on his cheek, and he couldn’t hold back a smile. It was almost as if Xiaojun made it his goal to make you wonder how you got so lucky, every single day. “Go back and dance.”

It took a few minutes of insistence before your overly concerned boyfriend would leave your side, retreating to the dance floor with his eyes over his shoulder, finally turning back to your friend group when he realized you weren’t looking at him. You, meanwhile, just wanted to get some water and maybe an Advil if you got lucky and found someone with meds on them.

“Y/n?” A voice called from behind you, and you froze up at the familiar sound. It was too early, it was too soon, and it was altogether the wrong night. You prayed you heard the person wrong, and it wasn’t exactly who you predicted, but when you turned, your fears were confirmed by the blond standing six feet behind you.

His hair was styled neatly, half brushed back and the other half lifted a bit more and draping onto his forehead, a red suit made of a shiny fabric adorning his body, along with a corsage of orchids in his hand.

He remembered your favorite flower.

But that wasn’t what stood out. Despite how ethereal he looked in the moonlight that peeked through the skylights of the hall, his face lit by a pool of silver light, all you could see were the growing tears in his eyes.

“Yangyang-” You started to begin, but he cut you off without saying a word, simply shaking his head as tears began to fall from his eyes, despite how much he wanted to hold them back. He didn’t want you to see him cry: he didn’t want you to see how much you meant to him and how much he didn’t want to lose you. Maybe the past few months had made him soft, but he didn’t want you to see him vulnerable anymore.

“Did you just forget about me or something?” He asked, and his voice cracked at the same time that your heart did, and you felt a pang of guilt and sadness go through your chest at the sight of his teary face. “I… I guess I was wrong to try and start over.” He tossed the corsage to the ground before you could muster the strength to respond, turning on his heel and storming out of the hall, pushing past the hoards of students in the way to get to the exit and barging through the main doors. It took you a moment to regain your composure, and your sense, and before you knew it, you had picked up the edges of your skirt and dashed outside, your friends watching with concern and confusion from the dance floor as you burst through the doors with your skirt flying around you like a thunderstorm.

You had to catch him before he got too far, and you didn’t know why.

“Yangyang!” You screamed after him. He was still in your sight, storming off but only a few paces ahead of you. He was walking fast, but not fast enough, and maybe something in him was hoping if he walked slow enough, you’d be able to catch up with him and throw some excuse at him, telling him how you needed him back and you were sorry. But you didn’t get the chance, your red shoes tripped you up, the blade-thin heels tilting to the side, one snapping off as you dropped to the ground, tripping over your own feet and slamming into the concrete, the gravel scratching up your knees and surely your dress as well.

You groaned, getting to your knees and pushing your face off the concrete, hairs flying out of your neat do and matting to your forehead. You held back your tears, concentrated on catching up to the boy currently attempting to escape you. Brushing off your clothes, you winced when the time came to sit up, but you were startled by a pair of arms hooking around your waist and pulling you to your feet. Yangyang stared at you for a moment after helping you up, before breaking eye contact and pushing you away roughly with a stream of curses.

“I can’t believe this.” He muttered angrily. “I want to help you. I want to be with you, and I don’t want you to be alone, even after what you did to me. Why? Why do you do this to me?” He yelled, grasping your shoulders in his hands and shaking you. “Can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?! Can’t you get out of my head and out of my life?!” Tears streamed freely down your face as he jolted you aggressively, a whimper coming from between your lips. “I won’t let you run back to me, you know? When he breaks your heart! And he will, because he doesn’t know you like I do! Why wasn’t I enough for you? Did you just think you could move on without me?!” He let out a huff, before letting you go and you stumbled a few steps backward, fearful he might try to get ahold of you if you said anything in response. He waited silently, not breaking eye contact this time, and you shied away from his gaze shamefully. “Do you have anything to say?”

“I was going to tell you…” You mumbled, wiping the tears from your eyes, and he let out a scoff, anger and disbelief mixed in his tone.

“I never should’ve gotten close to you.” He stormed away, and this time, you didn’t have the strength to chase after him

And that's how your love story with Yangyang was over before it started.

⋰˚☆

The worst part was that he was right all along.

Five months after prom, Xiaojun broke up with you. It was nothing personal, he simply needed to focus on his career and his college was almost on the other side of Gyeonggi-do. He didn’t want to be that far away from you, especially when you were the longest relationship he had ever been in. He decided in the end it would be best for him to break up with you before either of you could hurt each other. It was selfish, but sometimes you wished he had asked what was best for you before he decided.

It didn’t matter. He always bought the wrong brands of body wash, never remembered your coffee order, and got roses for your anniversary instead of orchids like you kept hinting. He tried his hardest, but he didn’t know you. Just like Yangyang said.

He still texts you every day without fail. He always told you he never wanted to drift away from you. Once a month, you tried to meet up for coffee and a quick chat, and you found that after a few months, he ended up remembering your coffee order after all.

It took you a long time to get over him. Xiaojun was your first love, your first real one anyway, and every time you thought about his face, you got a sick nostalgic feeling in your stomach, like listening to a song with good memories but missing the times you used to listen to it freely. He was a song you wouldn’t forget, but a part of you wanted to. It took Kun months to get you to go out with friends for the first time, and after two years, you still remembered his face every time you entered the ice cream parlor on the corner of your street, or when you spotted a red suit in the display window at a boutique, or when you started tutoring your college classmates.

A few years passed, and you finally began to see him as a friend instead of an ex lover. Karina told you that was a good thing, but a part of you missed the comfort of regret and sadness. But eventually, your heart no longer ached when a notification popped up on your screen with his name across the bubble, or when he greeted you with a smile and an iced americano in his hand ready to catch up on each other’s lives.

“The peaches are great this season.” The old woman at the weighing station assured you as she handed you back your bag of produce, weighed and ready to purchase. You nodded politely, bowing shallowly before tucking the fruits into your basket and moving on to the bakery section of the grocery store.

A wide selection of food greeted you upon your arrival. Flaky pastries, honeyed confections and mousse covered cakes with strawberries and chunks of chocolate. You grabbed a green tea bolo from the back of the rack, remembering how much Xiaojun liked them and hoping it would still be good by the time you saw him later in the week. Out of the corner of your eye, hidden in the back and concealed behind all the delectable treats was a stack of mooncakes, small and golden brown with a pattern stamped onto the top. A flood of memories entered your mind, and your hand reached for one, when someone’s arm slammed into you from the side, seemingly trying to reach across you.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” they apologized, but froze when they caught sight of your face. You were equally shocked, arm still frozen in place and outstretched over the racks of pastries, your limb started to tremble from the tension. “Y/n?”

“Yangyang?” You asked in wonder, finally resting your arm at one side and tucking your basket behind your back, suddenly a bit embarrassed of the simple outfit you had worn, not thinking you needed anything more than pajama pants and a cropped tee to run a quick errand. “Hendery told me you went back to Germany.”

“I did.” Yangyang said. He looked just as he did back in high school, his hair still the same bleached dusty blond, this time a few shades closer to platinum. His style still hadn’t changed. He was wearing the same old hoodie he had back in 12th grade, gray with fading text, a flannel on top and headphones dangling from around his neck. You could faintly hear the bass coming from them as he stared you down. “I decided I wanted to come back. Thought I might see some old friends.” The comment felt oddly aimed at you, and you nodded with your jaw set and tense. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

“With your family?” You shook your head, reaching for a mooncake and dropping it into your basket. You had figured he would have left the conversation by now.

“I moved out. Thought college life might be better if I didn’t live with my parents. I’m roommates with Sicheng now.”

“Karina?”

“She’s in Seoul studying for her masters.” You said, looking down.

“Uh, how are the others anyway?”

“Hendery’s studying mechanical engineering in Seoul. Ten went to a liberal arts school in Gangwon, and Sicheng goes to my college. We try to meet up every once in a while, but they’re pretty busy. Other than Sicheng, I don’t get to see them very often.”

“Oh.” He sounded rather disappointed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, not sure of what to say to soothe you, and if you needed soothing or not. “Well, let them know I send my regards when you see them again. It’s been a long time since I saw them last.” You nodded.

“I’ll tell them.”

There was an elephant in the room that neither of you necessarily wanted to address, but you could tell the blond boy before you clearly wanted an answer. He cleared his throat, hand over his mouth to muffle the sound.

“Are you and Xiaojun-”

“We broke up.” You said quickly, and he nodded awkwardly. Oddly enough, he didn’t seem smug, or angry. He just seemed a bit uncomfortable, even a little bit relieved to hear you were no longer seeing your highschool sweetheart. Maybe because he was the other one.

“It’s alright. I’m not seeing anyone either. College is easier without relationships.” He said gracelessly, and you found he was still as bad at comforting as he was years ago, and the thought made you chuckle.

“I suppose so.” You said, and he turned away, dropping a few mooncakes into his pocket before tapping his foot against the tiled floor.

“Uhm, goodbye then.” He bowed his head slightly, before jetting off to the cashier, dropping his things onto the conveyor belt, eyes lingering on you to see if you would follow. With a sigh, you moved on to the condiment section of the store, plugging in a pair of headphones and tucking your free hand into your pocket. Who knows, maybe you’d see him another day, walking to campus, getting ice cream with friends, or grocery shopping like he was today, but you’d let fate decide that for you.

You were tired of chasing after him. Plus, you were out of soy sauce.

⋰˚☆

─ back to the archive.

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