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z-is-very-tired · 10 months

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A list of good birthday things

Because I once was 15 and we did not think I'd get this far

Too much money spent on the perfect joke for the cake

Acceptance of the gifts my friends want to give me, a goal I have crawled toward for years

My first gender affirming haircut, and people who love me after

Not being sick anymore (last week sucked)

Feeling better (I am kicking a depressive episode)

"You look like the depression has evacuated your body; you can't stop grinning", my roommate says

Long conversations about spiderman with new friends

New friends

Clean sheets

Work I love doing

Getting that chore done that I've been putting off

A tote bag that says "I crochet so I don't choke people; save lives, send yarn"

The most pleasant conversation with the edible arrangements delivery driver

Pineapples that look like sunflowers

Finally putting the patches on my vest

Clean sheets

A clean shower

Feeling clean after the shower

7-11 delivered at midnight

Slow, quiet, alone days

Grief that sits like a book on a shelf

And Missing you right now in particular.

Joy so unbridled that could set fires and raze civilations

Birthday lunch dressed like a funeral party

Every person eager to tell me happy birthday first

My mom, waiting to call til after lunch, so I can sleep in

No longer needing to sleep through the day

The grief, which sits on the shelf, like a notebook I no longer feel the need to open daily

The shelf, filled and re-filled with so many other stories

A life lived as voraciously as my reading habit

A reading habit that has me losing track of time in the bathtub

Which I get from my dad, he thinks.

New living things, for the shelf

A new record, to add to the collection of things related to the Crow,

The Crow, also known as That Which Kept Me Alive eleven years ago.

Realising that was eleven years ago.

A celebration of the lives of other people.

A coworker who asks how I am doing, and when I say "good", smiles and says "that's the first time I've heard that from you".

Saying "I'm good", instead of "I'm alright".

Knowing that even when it is painful, I am full of:

Life

Living

Alive

#z writes #z poetry #grief #birthday #implied past #suicidal ideation

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perfectquote · 6 months

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How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

S. Z.

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stay-close · 2 months

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How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

S. Z.

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surqrised · 2 months

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How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

S. Z.

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thehopefulquotes · 5 months

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How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

S. Z.

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thoughtkick · 6 months

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How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

S. Z.

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lifeinpoetry · 6 months

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A book that doesn’t mention my language or my country, and has maps of every place except for my birthplace, as if I were an illegitimate child on Mother Earth.

Borders are those invented lines drawn with ash on maps and sewn into the ground by bullets.

— Mosab Abu Toha, from "Palestine A–Z," Things You May Find Hidden in My Ear

#quote #mosab abu toha #poetry #things you may find hidden in my ear #out of my collection #calibre seems to have lost my highlights from april and i've not been able to read in months so i'm at a loss #palestine a–z

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journalsofanaesthete · 2 months

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I think the best thing that our generation has normalised is having "online friends" . The bond created with these people is not based on their looks or their status but on the basis of their likes, their personalities, their favourite fandoms and their interests. You might have never shook hands or hugged them but still you are more comfortable telling them about your stupid mistakes and stupid jokes. The best thing about these friends is you don't have to meet them regularly to keep your friendship alive. And it's also the worst part not getting to meet them regularly or even once a week or once a month. From meeting them in the comment section of a meme to listening to their rants to updating them about our lives, online friends become our forever friends. It's a different kind of friendship but it's the cutest no pressure of any sort just two people sharing bits and pieces of their lives with each other and supporting each other.

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maihonhassan · 2 months

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Who called it "𝙀𝙮𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙩" and not "𝙖𝙚𝙨𝙞 𝙪𝙡𝙟𝙝𝙞 𝙣𝙖𝙯𝙖𝙧 𝙪𝙣 𝙨𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙩𝙞 𝙣𝙖𝙝𝙞."

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simplyyearning · 7 months

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the singings of the greek chorus

The Tragic Hero Upon Reaching the End of the Script Realizes He Has Been Dead the Whole Time - Joan Tierney // Revolutionary Girl Utena (1997)

#my obligatory utena post to signal my return to tumblr #rgu #poetry #web weaving #parallels #fate dooms you #z

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polskie-zdania · 9 months

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Z nią to jest tak, że w zasadzie trochę prześlizgnęła mi się przez palce. I zanim zapytasz, dlaczego do tego dopuściłem, odpowiem, że dotarło do mnie, że miałem ją w rękach, w momencie, w którym się z nich wysunęła. Wtedy jeszcze nie wiedziałem. Nie wiedziałem, co mógłbym jej zaoferować, bo wszystko, co miałem wydawało mi się mało wartościowe, więc wolałem nie dać nic. Onieśmielała mnie. Zadawała dużo niewygodnych pytań i rozumiała jakby zbyt dużo. Powodowała we mnie emocje nie do końca komfortowe. Chciała prawdy, a ja byłem w stanie dać jej wtedy tylko pokolorowaną półprawdę, którą dosyć szybko wyczuła. Chciałem, miałem nadzieję, że dźwignę, ale jednak nie dźwignąłem. Brakuje mi jej głowy. Brakuje mi tych trafnych spostrzeżeń i uważnego obserwowania świata. Tak, mogła być moja, wiem o tym. Ale nie jest i już nie będzie. I nie wiem czy to kwestia przegapienia szansy, ona po prostu zasługiwała na więcej, a ja nie byłem w stanie jej tego wtedy dać. Czasami staje mi przed oczami i wtedy potrzebuję chwili, by się rozpłynęła. Faktycznie po kilku minutach znika, ale przez te kilka minut nieprzyjemnie ciśnie mnie w klatce. Nie lubię gdybać, czy mogłem inaczej, bo wiem dobrze, że nie, ale czas mija, a żadna nie formułuje zdań tak jak ona. Jej przemyślenia były jak wielkie kolaże, które mógłbym oprawić i powiesić sobie na ścianie. Pewnie trochę będę sobie ją wyrzucał już zawsze. Jestem do bólu racjonalny, ale są takie sytuacje, w których armia racjonalnych argumentów przegrywa z kretesem. Mogła być moja... Nienawidzę, kurwa, tej myśli.

Marta Kostrzyńska

#cytat #cytaty #po polsku #polski #poezja #polskie-zdania #polskie zdania #polskie-zdania.pl #książka #książki #marta kostrzyńska #martakostrzynska #poem #poetry #uczucia #emocje #blog z cytatami

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perfectquote · 1 year

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How a person reacts to your sadness says a lot about how long they're going to be in your life.

S. Z.

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stay-close · 3 months

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It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine.

Mark Z. Danielewski

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zeb-z · 4 months

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demon girl tina who shaves her horns down, who tries to be everything a demon isn’t. never angry, never pressed, sweet and easygoing. perfect in every sense of the term. who’s traumatized from purgatory, who’s afraid of losing what she loves as much as she’s afraid of being shunned by who she loves for what she is. for all the imperfections that fracture her perfect image. who craves trust, a place to belong, the secret of who she is just bubbling under the surface, shaved down and hidden just underneath the cat ears she wears.

human girl bagi who embraces imperfection, who loves with loyalty and longevity. who would go to the ends of the earth for her loved ones, knowing their worst sins, their terrible crimes, and going I will love you anyway. I will be there for you anyway. who’s best friend is a demon, who she knows is a demon, who she met at his worst, and wouldn’t let him go through it alone. who understands the importance of secrets, which means she knows the value of honesty, and is ready to lay out all her truths once she cares about someone enough, trusts them enough.

tina getting flighty and nervous when she’s told that it’s love what bagi feels - not because she doesn’t feel the same, but because she does, and it’s all she’s ever wanted, and isn’t that just terrifying? because she doesn’t think she fully deserves it. not yet at least! and she doesn’t want to lose it. imperfect, clumsy, secretly a demon tina, still processing purgatory and everything that came before, so afraid because she believes she can’t measure up. once she’s worked on herself, once she’s perfect, she says. once she stops panicking at purgatory flashbacks, once she stops losing her temper, once she can provide stability, once she’s shaved her horns and they stop growing back - then she’ll be ready. as soon as she’s made herself into something easily lovable.

bagi listens to tina as she spills some of this to her, under the moonlight along the beach. not quite all her worries, but some, just like she had given not quite her whole heart, but a part of it, in that room that represents bagi’s mind. and bagi doesn’t press for more than what she’ll give, because she cherishes what has been given already, because she’s in no rush and has no where else to go, because above all else, she’s in love and willing to wait. and in the meantime, she’ll reassure tina that she doesn’t want perfection - she just wants tina the way she is.

#dude the build up to this date didn’t disappoint holy shit #the comedy of bad and dapper. the way some of that transitions into more serious moments because of tina hiding her demon nature #tina wanting to give bagi perfection and bagi just wanting tina. bagi wanting to give tina the world and tina just wanting bagi. Man #and the silly little play pretend with Richas that ended up being poetry. their secret is they love eachother. that they’re terrified of #losing this. of losing eachother. of not giving enough. the moon will keep this safe #and. tina promising to protect bagi for the rest of her life. knowing she’s effectively immortal and bagi….isn’t #also smth about how it’s human mortal bagi willing to wait for demon tina. idk something is there #there’s poetry and rhymes and endless things to take from this date tonight tbh but I can’t connect it all rn #but my god they cooked #mcyt #qsmp #q!tina #q!bagi #teaduo #z speaks

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surqrised · 3 months

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It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine.

Mark Z. Danielewski

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perfectfeelings · 11 months

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It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine.

Mark Z. Danielewski

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