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inquisimer · 6 months

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i carried my own ashes to the mountains

for day 1 of @zevraholics' Zevwarden week 2023, tradition and trying new things - some pre-ship Nika and Zevran, a discussion of what will come of her return to Orzammar.

pairing: f!Brosca & Zevran word count: 1200 rating: general audiences tags: hurt/comfort, platonic relationships, fluff, a hint of pining if you squint

Nika stared at her reflection, warped and hazy in the frozen puddle outside their camp. A few hundred yards back through the trees their tents formed a half-circle around the fire. Beyond that loomed the peaks of the Frostback Mountains and within them, the gates to Orzammar.

Orzammar. Nearly three years gone since she’d left and going back now felt as intimidating as leaving with Duncan had then. Her fingertips traced over the faded brand on her cheek, newly bisected by a long, fresh scar. One of three—souvenirs from their battle with the dragon in Haven. Between that, and the weight on her shoulders, and the harsh cynicism regret had etched into her, she wondered if anyone in Orzammar would recognize the rebellious little casteless who dared defy their laws.

Part of her hoped they wouldn’t. Then she wouldn’t be alone in seeing a stranger in her face.

“Reminiscing, chapparita?”

A twig snapped under Zevran’s weight and Nika’s hand fell from her cheek as she glanced at him over her shoulder. She shrugged.

“Something like that, I suppose.”

Zevran hummed his doubt. Of all her companions, he would know. When they stumbled across his ill-conceived trap, she was still fresh-faced and sun-blind, lost without the cavernous Stone to ground her. She'd nearly shanked him in her anger. But his eyes shone with the wild desperation of someone who had absolutely nothing left to lose—he would have welcomed her blade, and it was a look so familiar that to see it in another shocked the rage right out of her.

He repaid her mercy with a curious devotion, sitting up with her through the coldest, darkest watches and fording paths when their inane quests took them through wilderness where even the smallest plants stood well above Nika's head. Bit by bit, he came to know her history, wheedling it out of her as none of the others had even tried to.

Things weren’t so different between the Carta and the Crows. Antiva's operation was larger and more storied, of course, but both were ruthless and cutthroat to a fault and you were only worth as much as the success of your last job. Nika didn't know many assassins, but she knew how they worked, and nothing builds trust like a mutually assured dagger in the back.

Zevran leaned against a tree and regarded her with a knowing look.

"You are apprehensive about returning to Orzammar."

"Am not."

He huffed, an aborted laugh that fogged the air around his mouth. "Dear Warden, there are at least seven paths that could have gotten us here sooner. And don't tell me you don't know of them," he added, for she'd opened her mouth to do exactly that. "I showed you how to read the map myself."

She rolled her eyes. "And?"

"And I think you should know that you do not need to run off into the woods with your woes." Zevran squatted at her side and tilted her face toward him with a knuckle on her chin. "You do not need to hide from me, chapparita. Not after everything."

"I know it's just..." Nika pursed her lips. "It's stupid. I just need a few moments to get it together."

"If it causes you distress, it cannot possibly be stupid."

"Yes it can," Nika grumped. "I get distressed by stupid things all the time. Rain and wagons. Broken lockpicks. Alistair."

"While amusing, this deflection won't save you." Zevran caught one of her hands and traced the calloused lines of her palm. "What troubles you so about returning home?"

"Home?" Nika scoffed. "Hardly a home. A place of origin, perhaps. But there was too much anger and never enough food to really call it a home."

"But you have family there, yes? Your sister and the young man...Lester?"

Nika's gut twisted. "Leske. And Rica, yes, they're still there. Or at least, I think they are. Some of the rumors coming up from Orzammar make me think there may well be nothing but carnage when we get there."

"Is that what troubles you, then?"

"Mmm not really. The city can tear itself to shreds for all I care, 'slong as Rica and Leske got out."

"Not worried about the city, not really worried about your family." Zevran tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Your reception upon return, then?"

Nika scrunched up her face. She really was quite transparent these days—if Behraht had been able to read her that well, she'd've never been allowed in the Carta, no matter how well Rica cleaned up. She glanced down at her griffon-stamped chestplate and sighed.

"I'm not the same person who left Dust Town," she finally said. "You know—you were there for most of the changing, the struggling, the growing."

"Not too much growing," Zevran teased, waving his hand over her head. She swatted at it and stuck her tongue out at him.

"The thing is, the time and the experience and even being a Warden—it won't matter to the people down there. You can't change your lot in life in Orzammar, so..."

She brought her fingers back to her marked cheek and Zevran’s gaze followed. "Once a brand, always a brand," she said bitterly. "I'm not even sure they'll listen to the treaties, not if I'm the one asking."

In the silence that followed, Nika stewed. She could feel Zevran considering her, but she didn’t want his comfort or his pity. Not when she had to walk back on the way the surface had changed her perspective. Not when she needed to be as cold and cruel as she’d ever been, to survive a return to Orzammar.

Gentle fingers caught her chin once more and this time the pad of Zevran’s thumb ghosted over the raised skin of her brand.

“They know you by this, as you were. But that is not who you are any longer so: have you considered…changing it?”

“How can I? It’s as much a part of me as my nose.”

“You misunderstand. I am not suggesting you attempt to remove it, anymore than I would suggest expunging your history before the Wardens.” Zevran dropped his hand to her shoulder and gently squeezed. “But the rest of you has changed on this venture. Should your face not change as well?”

Nika went very still. Her eyes darted back to the frozen puddle and the stranger reflected there. She imagined dark ink spiraling out around the blocky lines of the brand, weaving in and around the scar tissue, softening the hard border of the burden she’d worn like a prize all her life, just as this journey had softened all of her sharp edges.

In her heart, the idea slotted into place, so right that it immediately drew her out of her anxious melancholy. With eager eyes, she grabbed Zevran by the wrists.

“Can we do it now? Right now?”

A soft, warm smile crinkled the corners of Zevran’s eyes, a hint of wistfulness keeping it from catching at his mouth proper. But it swiftly gave way to his usual grin and he lifted her small frame effortlessly, swinging her onto his back.

“Of course, chapparita. We can begin whenever you like.”

#zevwarden week 2023 #zevran x brosca #zevran x f!warden #fanfic #hurt-comfort #pining #fluff #oc: nika brosca #zevran x nika #dragon age fanfic #dao #zevwarden

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imdoingaokay · 2 years

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Okay hear me out

Hero of Ferelden dies defeating the archdemon, everyone grieves, and then 10 years later, they walk out of the fade with a mark on their hand. How they came back to life, I leave it up to you. Are they just a lyrium ghost? Did Andraste actually choose them? Is it just lazy writing? And of course, how do people respond? More specifically, the people the HoF was closest to.

Alistair

Platonic: If he’s a warden, he’s a wee bit skeptical. He’d ask Leliana, but he’s technically in hiding, so he just lets his questions fester in his mind. But once Hawke brings them over, he nearly drops his sword. The two catch up once they travel to Skyhold, and when they return to the fade, Alistair is more adamant that he wants to stay behind. Claiming that the HoF “had their turn.” Of course, if this doesn’t work, and Hawke stays behind instead, he’s upset but relents when his friend explains that they didn’t want to lose them again. Alistair writes letters regularly from Weisshaupt. One explained that the HoF’s urn was unearthed and discovered to be empty.

Now, if he’s king, his first reaction is to get Leliana to get confirmation. Honestly, he could use the good news. So many things have gone wrong over the years, the mage rebellion and Divine Conclave blowing up, he thinks the messengers are fucking with him when they claim that the warden-inquisitor has returned from the dead. If the HoF chooses to side with the Templars, he doesn’t get to meet the inquisitor face to face until a while later, and until then, he doesn’t truly believe that his friend is really alive. If the HoF chooses the mages, his curiosity is peaked when he marches into Redcliffe Castle and locks eyes with his late friend. He freezes, and his little speech dies on his tongue. After regaining his senses, he tells the mages to hit the road. He knows he has to leave. But he doesn’t, instead he stays with his friend for a while, the two agreeing to meet up later. He will almost immediately wrap his friend in a warm hug and claim how much he missed them. As an added bonus: Teagan will be less of a jackass in Trespasser!

Romanced: It’s hard for him, honestly. If he’s a warden, he honestly contemplated running to Skyhold, just to see his lover again, but he knows he can’t. He doesn’t hold a sword to them when they enter his hideout, instead, he slowly walks out from the shadows and looks forward to his lover. He feels a decade younger like he’s meeting her all over again. He nearly trips over himself as they talk about Corypheus, and once they get back to Skyhold, he’s always nearby. If the HoF wants, they can start a relationship again. And honestly, Alistair really wants to. He missed them terribly, and he wants to be by their side again. When they reach the Fade with Hawke, he secretly wants Hawke to stay behind. He knows it’s selfish and against what it means to be a Grey Warden, and he will stay behind if asked, but there is a part of him that just wants to stay with his love. After he goes to Weisshaupt, he writes far more letters to his love, a few ask when they think they’ll come to visit him.

If he’s king, it changes a bit. After 10 years, he still hasn’t gotten married (if he’s the sole ruler.) And he has yet to take another lover. Most people think the same way, that the poor king is still in love with the HoF. When he hears that said hero has returned from the dead, he’s confused about why the Maker must torment him. Like with the platonic version, if the warden-inquisitor sides with the Templars, he doesn’t see them until much later, and their reunion is pretty much the same as it would be if the HoF chooses the mages, just less tension.

Alistair walks into Redcliffe Castle and locks eyes with the woman he loved more than anything else. He does his little speech, and he all but begs his Warden to stay a bit longer. If he broke up with her after the Landsmeet, I refuse to believe he doesn’t beg for forgiveness. If the two were supposed to get married, he nearly weeps, seeing his fiancée after years apart. The two need some time together, honestly. If they want, they can start a relationship again, as Alistair never really moved on. Even if they aren’t a human noble, Alistair might actually ask them to marry him. If the Warden-Inquisitor says yes, once Corypheus is dealt with, an actual wedding will occur. There are rumors of how it’s some grand scheme to give the Inquisition more power, but most people agree that this marriage is one of love rather than power. But it does have some nice benefits.

Leliana:

Platonic: When she hears about a sole survivor that just walked out of the fade, she’s curious, when she recognizes one of her closest friends she ever had… she thinks that the Maker is playing a trick on her. Leliana intends to treat the “newcomer” as a stranger at first. But when she can’t find any sort of information regarding their whereabouts, how they just appeared at the conclave (or what was left of it,) she slowly begins to panic. When the HoF wakes up and recognizes her, she panics way more. Of course, she keeps her outwardly appearance looking unfazed.

After the first attempt to close the breach, she takes the HoF aside and asks a few questions. When their friend reaffirms who they are, Leliana decides to test them. Before the attack on Haven, there is one long evening of quizzing the future Inquisitor. The questions range, starting fairly easy, but then they get harder. Questions start like: “Where am I from? Where did we meet?” and then move to questions like “What exactly happened when we met? How did I get my first nug? What was the last thing you said to me before the battle at Denerim?” Of course, as much as the HoF knows Leliana, they won’t get every question right, which actually comforts Leliana more. She still doesn’t truly accept her friend until she almost loses them again. In fact, she doesn’t leave their side until they wake up. Leliana still can’t travel with the new Inquisitor, but when the two are at Skyhold together, they are nearly inseparable. Leliana slips into a version of her older self that she had hardened many years ago.

Romanced: Honestly, a lot of it is the same. The only real difference is the intensity of her feelings. She knows that her warden had to do what they had to do, but that doesn’t ease the pain. She is more guarded towards the Warden, and hopefully, the Warden doesn’t go asking too much about it.

Once Leliana starts to quiz the HoF, the questions get far more personal. And eventually, Leliana asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?” While holding back tears. It takes some time, but Leliana is willing to start a relationship again. And if they do, Leliana finds herself smiling more often, after all, she has her Warden back. That’s all that matters.

Morrigan:

Platonic: When Morrigan offered the Dark Ritual as a way for her friend to survive, she didn’t expect them to say no. Who wants to die some horrific and painful way when they can just have sex/get someone else to have sex and have a baby? Morrigan has considered the HoF their friend, one of the only ones she had. She didn’t want to lose them. Regardless of why they did it, she leaves. And regrets it terribly. Years later, once the Divine Conclave has gone horrifically bad, she is extremely surprised when she hears about the Hero of Ferelden returning from the dead. She’s even more surprised when she gets a letter from Leliana claiming that it is all true.

At the Winter Palace, she finds herself staring at her former friend, and for a while, she’s afraid to face them. Depending on what type of person the HoF was, she responds differently to how they greet her when they inevitably see each other. She doesn’t admit it, but she prefers the angrier version of her friend, mainly because it hurts way more when her friend says nothing and merely wraps their arms around her and claims that they forgave her a long time ago. She finds herself holding back tears she didn’t know she had. Once at Skyhold, the two spend plenty of time together.

When they get to the Well of Sorrows, Morrigan has far more respect for the Warden Inquisitor than if they claim that they’ll drink from the Well, she complains very little. Of course, when she figures out that Flemeth and Mythal are the same, she’s even more thankful for her friend (especially if they killed Flemeth in Origins.) She says something about how the Warden has saved her again, and she won’t forget this. In fact, she finds herself more pressed to stay after the defeat of Corypheus. Of course, she does eventually, this time, properly saying goodbye.

Romanced: It hurts when she hears of the undead warden-inquisitor, she finds it hard to believe until she sees him at The Winter Palace. She can tell that it is her lover, however, so she doesn’t need to have someone else confirm it for her. She knows.

Of course, she has Kieran to worry about. But she’s rather shocked when Kieran takes a shine to the Warden. And it takes all the self-control she has to not start sobbing when she tells the Warden that he, in fact, does have a son. The two may start a relationship once more, but after the defeat of Corypheus, she finds herself wondering whether she will stay or not. But, seeing how happy Kieran is with his father is enough for her to extend her tenure in Skyhold indefinitely.

Zevran:

Platonic: Something in him just knew. He knew that it was really them. Zevran takes time to visit Skyhold (he is busy, after all,) but when he does, all hell breaks loose. I mean, depending on your choices in Origins, you might have the original gang back together (for the most part.)

Zevran is excited to see his friend again, but nothing truly prepares him for seeing them after years apart. He freezes, honestly surprised that his friend is actually alive. So when the Warden-Inquisitor welcomes them back with open arms, he sort of just… melts? He’s so happy it hurts.

Romanced: Unlike the platonic version of Zevran, romanced Zevran doesn’t wait. The second he hears of the undead HoF, he’s on a boat to Ferelden, to Skyhold. Once he gets there, he quietly watches from afar, observing his lover for a while. And only Leliana notices. When she does, she asks him why he isn’t going up to them, and for Zevran, it’s fear. He missed them terribly, he hasn’t loved another the way he loved them. It feels strange because he had intended on keeping it that way. Also, is it technically cheating if your lover comes back to life after death and while they were dead you fucked a lot? (My answer is no, I think it’s a grace period, but hey, to each his own.)

Eventually, he does muster up the courage to speak to them, but it isn’t at Skyhold. It’s when they travel to somewhere like the Hitherlands, that Zevran finds himself fighting a large bear alongside his lover. He’s all cloak and daggers (no pun intended) for a while, keeping a hood on to prevent the Warden from noticing his tattoo. Once the battle is over, the Warden asks their savior to reveal themselves. Zevran hesitates, but once the two see each other for the first time in a decade, it’s hard to keep them separated. Zevran keeps his suave personality, spouting some smooth lines about how he couldn’t let his Warden have all the fun, but he’s secretly sobbing inside. His Warden looks just as perfect as they did when they met. And all he wants to do is just stare at them for hours and hours, indulging himself in their presence. And they get the opportunity to do that. Just… don’t mind the loud noises coming from the Inquisitor’s room… Zevran and them, they’re… catching up.

Bonus:

Cullen finally being able to apologize to Amell/Surana

Iron Bull figuring out that the current Arishok literally loved the Hero of Ferelden.

Harding lowkey fangirling over the HoF

Sera recognizes Tabris and depending on what type of city elf they were, they go out to kill some nobles.

Fergus personally travels to visit Cousland and literally weeps at the sight of them.

Brosca/Aeducan visiting their family in Orzammar, receiving a warm welcome from Bhelen if he’s king. Rica’s ecstatic. Brosca/Aeducan meets their nephew too.

(Sorry for this post, I know it’s bad, I just can’t stop thinking about it lol)

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