#~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus

[thevalicemultiverse]

Alright gang lets split up, Daphne, Velma, and I will look for old man Jenkins

while Scooby & Shaggy look for the flayed corpse of god

Alice: [tilting her head at the screen] I confess, I was never that familiar with Scooby-Doo as a franchise, but -- they don't normally go looking for that sort of thing, do they?

Victor: No, and I'm still not convinced that the flayed corpse isn't going to be some elaborate mannequin or old man Jenkins in a costume. They can go as dark as they like, it's still Scooby-Doo.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #tw: death mention #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #scooby shaggy and the flayed god #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #((when in doubt put this shit in the vampire verse #because I could see this as a Scooby Doo franchise in the World of Darkness #also sorry for the delay I got caught up in answering other stuff!)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Deb: Hello caller, you’re on with Deb of Night.

Caller: Heeeeeeey!

Deb: Who is this?

Caller: This is a dinosaur!

Deb: A dinosaur?

Dinosaur: Yeah. A big T Rex. Using the telephone.

Deb: I think you have the wrong number.

Dinosaur: Maybe you have the wrong phone.

Deb: Right. I’m gonna hang up now.

Dinosaur: Alright. just wanted to you let you know I’m heading over.

Deb: What? No, please don’t.

Dinosaur: You want me to pick up anything with my dinosaur hands? Maybe a soda pop or a movie or two?

Deb: No. goodbye.

(Ends call)

Alice: [unable to help her laughter] Oh wow -- so that's what it takes to annoy Deb into not even bothering with a snarky comment, huh? Why would someone think pretending to be a dinosaur would impress her?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #deb vs the dinosaur #~C: Alice Liddell #((Deb is just done tonight huh? XD #for extra hilarity points I can't even rule out that the caller wasn't telling the truth #the world of darkness is weird and maybe there ARE time traveling dinosaurs who love soda)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

"WILL PENSIONS CRISIS CAUSED BY GAY MARXIST MUSLIM ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FROM THE ZIONIST-CONTROLLED EU CHEATING ON BENEFITS AND BISEXUAL BLACK TRANSGENDER PAEDOS TAKING OUR JOBS CAUSE HOUSE PRICE CRASH AND CANCER IN MARGINALIZED WHITE CHRISTIAN BLACKSHIRTS?!?"

"No, but it'll probably cause hearing loss thanks to assholes like you," Alice mutters, digging around in her ear.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #pensions crisis by gay marxists #~C: Alice Liddell #((I could totally hear this on a radio in VTMB #every racist sexist transphobic anti-Semitic conspiracy theory in one neat little package #ugh)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

You ever see Toy Story and how the toys enjoyed being played by Andy? We all got stuck with Sid.

Alice: As our creator, you mean? Yes, I can buy that. [glares at the night sky]

((I do nice things for you sometimes!))

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #we all got stuck with Sid #~C: Alice Liddell #((to be fair Sid was the more realistic kid XD #but yes I am not exactly kind to my 'toys' #I like to make sure they have a happy ending at least?))

[thevalicemultiverse]

(Miss hancock was not a wrestler; actually, more of a sex appeal to keep ratings up before she emerged as Stacy Keibler. She would come out and seductively dance, do cat fights and sometimes put input on the match. Overall; someone Therese would hate.)

Alice: Ahhh, I see -- so she may have dressed like Therese, but she acted more like Jeanette, got it. Yes, Therese definitely would not be happy with the comparison then!

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #therese miss hancock voerman #~C: Alice Liddell #((ah so she was more like eye candy than an actual wrestler in the early days #I gotcha #and yes I looked up some images of her #definitely a 'Jeanette cosplaying as Therese' situation #basically when Jeannette gets control of the body before Therese can change :p)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Therese can talk shit all she wants when she literally looks like miss Hancock from WCW lmao

Alice: I -- don't know who that is, but I presume someone attractive? I mean, if that's what floats your boat, fine, but you weren't the one having to run errands for her and deal with her and sister's feuding.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #therese miss hancock voerman #~C: Alice Liddell #((I was pretty sure it involved wrestling with those initials #and I was right #I find it kind of amusing Therese apparently looked like a wrestler #she would not appreciate the comparison I am sure XD)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling them up in a carpet and burning it... you'd better make sure they're dead.

Alice: To be fair, that would kill most things, even supernatural ones, so I can't blame him for not checking. But the other hand, I know ghosts are also a thing, even if you apparently are not one, so he probably should have still been prepared for you to come back looking for vengeance if he had any inkling of the supernatural.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #make sure the beheaded burned one is dead #~C: Alice Liddell #((I mean are you sure you're NOT a ghost anon #have you even tried to walk through the walls? #I'm not saying you can't be something else weird but #'ghost' WOULD be my first thought)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

I'm not heartless! Every so often, I sneak into mailboxes and steal letters, then deliver them to my minions. That way, it's almost like someone cares about them.

Alice: [blinking] I -- see. Are you just stealing the letters randomly, or are you picking out specific items for your minions? Because the amount of "someone almost cares about you" is different between a personalized letter to someone else versus a coupon flyer to someone else.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #stealing letters for minions #~C: Alice Liddell #((I dunno I just liked the idea of this particular brand of weirdness happening in the Londerland Bloodlines verse XD #it just feels right for the Clown World of Darkness #and Alice has a point #though I'm not sure if the 'letter to someone else' or the 'coupon flyer' is the more almost-caring gift #the first is a better read #while the second is more useful #hmmmm)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Is Mortal Enemies be the correct term if both parties are undead?

Alice: Hmmm -- I guess in that case you would have to call them Immortal Enemies, wouldn't you? Or, at the very least, I would. What's the point of living forever with a hated rival if you can't indulge in wordplay along the way?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #immortal enemies #~C: Alice Liddell #((Alice will get her enjoyment out of being a vampire where she can get it #even if she doesn't really want any enemies mortal or immortal #at least none that can get to her on a regular basis)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really big frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

Alice: ...the sad thing is, knowing everything I know about the world now, I am genuinely going to be a little nervous whenever I encounter a really big frog from now on.

Victor: Me too. [winks at her] At least I know if I ever get stabbed, you're the person to go to.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #mansquito vs really big frog #~C: Victor Van Dort #~C: Alice Liddell #((you know I think I might have gotten a variant on this before? #but I'm happy enough to answer it again if so XD #also Victor please go to a regular doctor if you get stabbed XD))

[thevalicemultiverse]

“I’ll have you know I served with Napoleon at Waterloo!”

*whispers to Alice* “Yes, and we all know how that turned out for him.”

Alice: [bites back a grin, nods and whispers back] It's not exactly the best battle to brag about, now is it?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #served with napoleon #~C: Alice Liddell #((I'll take 'things which are not as impressive as LaCroix thinks they are' for $500 Alex)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Fun Vampire Fact: There is no such thing as a heterosexual vampire.

Blood is blood. Don't be a hemophobe.

Alice: *squints* Are you just making a pun, or is that genuine vampire advice? I mean, yes, gender has never factored into blood enjoyment in my experience. . .

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #no hemophobes #~C: Alice Liddell #((blood is blood #unless plaguebearers are going around making everyone sick #and that still has nothing to do with gender #I just wrote up that quest recently in Londerland Bloodlines and it made Alice really mad #so yeah)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Tonight’s charity ball cancelled due to budget for it been donated to the charity it was suppose to raise money for to begin with.

Alice: . . .I mean -- that IS a very logical use of the funds. And keeps me from having to socialize with a bunch of complete strangers, so -- good.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #charity ball canceled #~C: Alice Liddell #((felt like a decent fit for this verse #like this was a ball Alice was being forced to attend by LaCroix #but now she doesn't have to #gets to hang out at home with the people she ACTUALLY likes yay)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

(Meanwhile in England, a Tremere and a Hunter are having a debate on top of a moving train)

Kevin, the Tremere: YOUR BRAIN IS MADE OF BAD MEAT!

Big-D, the Hunter: NO, IT’S GOOD!!!

Kevin: YOU BLUBBERING BULBOUS BUMPKIN! YOU CANNOT BUY A BLENDER AT A 99P STORE!

Big-D: IN 1922, STEPHEN POPLAWSKI WAS THE FIRST MAN TO MOUNT AN AGITATING ELEMENT IN A SIMPLE GLASS CONTAINER.

Kevin: WOW, COOL!!!

Big-D: IT HAS BEEN 84 YEARS, KEVIN! YOUR HYPOTHESIS PRESUMES SUCH PLACIDITY THAT IT SPITS IN THE VERY FACE OF HUMAN PROGRESS!

Kevin: THE MARGINS ON A 99 PENCE BLENDER WOULD BE 29 POUNDS IN THE RED, YOU OIL BARREL!

Big-D: MARGINS! AND SUCH MARGINS SHOULD MARGINALIZE MY RIGHT TO BUY A BLENDER FOR 99P?!

Kevin: THAT’S NOT YOUR RIGHT! THAT’S NOT ANYONE’S RIGHT! GHOUL! READ HIM HIS RIGHTS!

DS Guy Graham, the ghoul, had been sipping on Kevin’s blood through a curly straw during the entire conversation:…Can’t you just crush things with a spoon?

Both: SPOON!?

(Big-D and Kevin start screaming at Guy as he goes back to slurping Kevin’s blood)

(Now back in LA as Alice continues to find the Ankaran Sarcophagus)

Alice: . . .so what you're saying is that my life could always get weirder and, arguably, stupider. That being said, Big-D may want a cheap blender, but I personally would be deeply suspicious of any blender that showed up in a 99p store. That thing either does not work at all or has eaten some fingers.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #Big D versus Kevin on blenders #~C: Alice Liddell #((I'm not sure what the context on this is #if indeed there is any #but I'm with Alice #never trust a too-cheap blender #just pay the extra money Big-D)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Deb: Welcome back, listeners, I’ve been keep the bed warm waiting for your return. What say we take some calls-

*knocking can be heard coming from inside the studio*

Deb: Who is it?

Dinosaur: It’s me, The Dinosaur.

Deb: I’m in the middle of a show, so I’m not letting you in.

Dinosaur: I picked up a case of Sierra Mist, I hope that’s alright.

Deb: No, that’s not alright. That is like the worse soda ever!

Dinosaur: I dunno. I think it’s pretty good..

Deb: Will you please go away.

Dinosaur: Oh come on! I rented a bunch of movies and everything. Can’t we hang out?

Deb: *sighs* Alright, what movies did you bring?

Dinosaur: Josie And The Pussycats.

Deb:…Is that it?

Dinosaur: Yeah, pretty much.

Deb: You are a terrible dinosaur.

Dinosaur: Hey! It’s hard being a dinosaur in the big city!

Deb: uh huh?

Dinosaur: I’m a dinosaur on the edge! Two days to retirement!

Deb: I’m not unlocking the door.

Dinosaur: Fine, I’ll go drink Sierra Mist and watch Josie and the Pussycats by myself!

Deb: You do that.

Dinosaur: Alright! I will! RAWR!

Alice: Okay, now I'm slightly worried about the fact that he found the studio and tried to barge into her room during her show. Especially if he truly does believe he's a dinosaur. [pause] Or is a dinosaur, because, honestly, can't rule it out at this point. I mean, I know human ghosts exist -- perhaps he's a ghost dinosaur?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #deb vs the dinosaur #~C: Alice Liddell #((Alice is a mite concerned about how this is playing out #whereas I am quite sure Deb can take care of herself #even against a dinosaur #possibly a ghost dinosaur #don't tell me if that wasn't a real thing in WoD I prefer my version)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

[thevalicemultiverse]

Simone: Force employed by man, force that enslaves man, force before which man's flesh shrinks away. From Agamemnon, to Genghis Khan, to Hitler, It is not ideas or production, but force that has played the central role, Isn't that right? Georg: Yes yes, that's right! Karl: Spot on! Simone: Good, I'm glad we agree. Now give me your wallets. Georg: How is that relevant to your philosophy? Simone: Say it's relevant of I'll kill you now! Karl: Stealing wallets is philosophy!

Alice: [stepping out of the shadows] Congratulations, you get the honor of being the weirdest mugging that I've stopped yet. Now kindly drop those wallets or I'll apply my own unique force to your body.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask) #~M: grin without a cat (anon) #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~T: Epic of the Ankaran Sarcophagus #force employed by man #~C: Alice Liddell #((you can do this the easy way or the hard way Simone #the hard way means you get a broken arm before the eventual blood draining)) #~M: with this hand I will lift your queue