#~V: Aperture Wage Slave | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thevalicemultiverse · 3 months

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🌌 How are you doing?

Forgotten Vows!Victor: [holding his sketchbook] Fine -- just working on a new drawing of a butterfly.

Secundus!Victor: [holding a caterpillar, grinning] Checking on my latest experiment! This one's part of a new strain of bioluminescent butterflies -- should glow orange instead of yellow.

Catch Us!Victor: [wiping the blood off his straight razor] Well, Alice and I just ended the life of another arse who preys on the weak and innocent, so I'm doing well, but I do need to run very soon.

Cuddlepile!Victor: [holding some popcorn] Great -- it's movie night! We're having a Ghostbusters marathon in just a moment!

Inevitable High School!Victor: [being towed along by a small pack of dogs] I may have overbooked this particular Saturday! Heel! Heel!

Aperture!Victor: [doodling unflattering pictures of Cave Johnson on a clipboard] How do you think I'm doing? Just another day in "paradise..."

Londerland Bloodlines!Victor: [looking maybe a bit too happy for someone who is licking blood off his lips] Alice just gave me my blood for the fortnight, so I'm doing wonderful, thank you for asking.

Fallout!Victor: [working on his Two-Shot combat rifle] No one's shooting me right now, and I just found a whole pack of duct tape in that house over there, so life is pretty good at this moment.

Technicolor Phase!Victor: [painting a picture on an easel] Lovely -- just doing some painting. It's a lot easier now that I can see more of the colors.

Valicer In The Dark!Victor: [studying a vial of electroplasm] Trying to figure out how I infuse this into a butterfly...if I can just crack it, I could so much good with that greenhouse down the road...

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Forgotten Vows #~V: Secundus #~V: Catch Us If You Can #~V: Cuddlepile #~V: Inevitable High School #~V: Aperture Wage Slave #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~V: Fallout Of Darkness #~V: Technicolor Phase #~V: Valicer In The Dark #answer across universes #~C: Victor Van Dort #((that SHOULD be every verse I currently have active #as you can see the Victors are all keeping busy in various ways #some more wholesome than others))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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slycooperandcarlosfox · 6 years

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Victor: We need your help!

Caroline: I can’t help.

Victor: Why not?

Caroline: It’s against company policy.

Alice: Aren't you the one who makes the company policies?

Caroline: Do I have a great job, or what?

#~t: who’s ready to do some science?#~v: aperture wage slave #Caroline #Alice Liddel #Victor Van Dort

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thevalicemultiverse · 1 year

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The Department of Pataphysics would like to remind employees that blaming "The Authors" is not considered a valid form of excuse for one's behavior. All actions have consequences, regardless of narrative.

Victor: I'm well aware it's my own damn fault I'm here -- I should have done more research before moving -- but I need to complain to someone. Who better than the person supposedly "writing" my life?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #department of pataphysics #~C: Victor Van Dort #((it feels like if any of my universes would have one of those #it would be this one #I mean I can see Aperture fooling around with metanarrative bullshit easily))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 1 year

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A most extravagent mgfm'latghnah yar (or other December holiday of your choice) to you all on the other end of the tangled web of universes! May your joys be many and your woes few!

-From the Arkham household

*Attached is a picture of Dr. Daniel, N and Dommik dressed in festive clothing outside of their cabin.*

Forgotten Vows!Victor: [staring at the card] I -- I appreciate the sentiment about joys and whatnot, but. . .what is -- what?

--

Secundus!Alice: [raising an eyebrow] Did you serve these people at the shop, or. . .?

Secundus!Victor: [baffled] I have never seen them before in my life, because, trust me, I'd recognize them.

--

Catch Us!Alice: [patrolling anxiously around their current hiding spot, because who are these people and how do they know where they sleep]

--

Cuddlepile!Victoria: [staring] Um. . .is this some sort of prank from some of your friends, or. . .

Cuddlepile!Richard: I mean, I can ask March and Dormy, but. . .it's pretty bizarre, even for them.

--

Inevitable High School!Victor: [being forced to listen to a lecture from his mother about how he shouldn't be giving out his address to random weirdos, despite the fact he's said ten times he's never seen any of these people in his life]

--

Londerland Bloodlines!Alice: . . .I'm going to say that at least one of these people is a Malkavian and hope that explains everything.

--

Fallout of Darkness!Victor: [looking left and right] Who the hell left this in my mailbox? Is this some sort of weird prank, Deacon?

--

Technicolor Phase!Victoria: . . .I mean, it's a nice gesture, but -- Emily, could you take this with you back Downstairs and get Elder Gutknecht to take a look?

Technicolor Phase!Emily: Certainly -- I want answers as much as you!

--

Aperture Wage Slave!Victor: . . .if you really wanted me to have a happy Christmas, you'd drag me off to your dimension and out of this hellhole.

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thevalicemultiverse · 1 year

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Thanks for the update. Not that I don't find the site's back end fetching, but seeing it is getting a bit old.

Victor: Er -- I'd say 'thank you,' but I'm actually in the Biology labs. You want the tech guys a floor up.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #site's back end #~C: Victor Van Dort #((not entirely sure what this is referring to #so into the Aperture verse it goes #Victor appreciates the thanks but it's not meant for him))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 2 years

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799,800 lines of code in the file, 799,800 lines of code. What's it about so edit it out, 799,799 lines of code in the file.

Victor: [after a few more rounds of this, head in his hands] If I'm convicted of murder, that will actually get me out of this hellhole company. . .

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #799800 lines of codes #~C: Victor Van Dort #((Aperture Victor having a bad day #as if the poor bastard doesn't have enough to put up with))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 2 years

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You know what else I want? I wanna see Victor and Victoria act their age. I want to see them do stupid things for the sake of being stupid. I want to see them laugh so hard it turns into either silent wheezing or something akin to a goose honk and I want them to have fun. I can die happy if that happens.

Forgotten Vows!Victor: I -- I'm really not the type of person to do stupid things just because. . .probably could manage the laughing, I am pretty ticklish. . .

Secundus!Victor: I think part of the problem is "acting our age" means different things in different universes -- and some of us are younger or older than others.

Catch Us!Victor: I can't waste too much time on frivolity, given that Alice and I are either killing more monsters like Bumby, or running from the police.

Aperture!Victor: [deadpan] Doing stupid shit for stupid shit's sake really loses its charm when it's basically what everyone around you is doing for a living. And means a lot of people die because your boss is an idiot.

Londerland!Victor: [shrugging] Suppose we could indulge in Hill Valley. . .I mean, I have no idea what I'd want to do, and I'm not sure Victoria would either, but maybe Emily would have some ideas.

Technicolor!Victor: [grinning] Having fun and doing silly things is what we all do in Wonderland, and it is wonderful.

Cuddlepile!Victor: [sulks a bit] I wish my universe was more overtly magical. I'd love to visit Alice's Wonderland, and I'm sure my Victoria would too. And Emily, Richard, Christopher. . .

High School!Victor: [raising his hand] I walk a dog for someone I've never seen and who pays me by putting envelopes of money in the dog's collar. Does that count as something stupid?

Fallout!Victor: [joking] When you say "act my age," do you mean all the years I spent in cryo? I mean, even without them, I'm probably the oldest here, I'm 27 and was just -- just about. . .

. . .just about to be a father. . .

[excuse him, he's going to turn away for a bit and try to not cry while the other Victors hover around, concerned]

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thevalicemultiverse · 2 years

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Fergus: Hey, Victor should I do sperm donation?

Victor: [face in his hand] Why not. Just don't do it inside your office.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#tw: sex mention #~V: Aperture Wage Slave #donate the sperm #~C: Victor Van Dort #((I looked up the name 'Fergus' and #yeah apparently part of this verse #so here's Victor dealing with his coworker and his love of jerkin' it off #Victor you need a raise))

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thevalicemultiverse · 27 days

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Fact Core: The difference between a crocodile and an alligator is if you see it in a while or later

Alice: ...I genuinely can't tell if you actually believe that's a fact, or if you have figured out how to make jokes. I mean, probably the former, but still.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #crocodile or alligator #~C: Alice Liddell #((I would go 'Fact Core thinks that's actually a fact' too Alice #I mean I believe it's capable of being snarky but #mmmmm *squints*))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 2 months

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Fact Core: Technically, they're only called "Rabbits" when they're still beneath the earth's crust. Once they erupt (from their burrows), the proper term is "Bunnies".

Alice: ...I'm going to accept this one just because I think it'll annoy the White Rabbit if I keep calling him the White Bunny because he insists on living above ground in a proper house instead of in a burrow.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #only called rabbits underground #~C: Alice Liddell #((*snrk* Cute one anon XD #I like it))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 3 months

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🌌

If you were to meet a higher power, something or someone that knew everything and could answer any question you had regardless of how personal or specific it is, what would you ask it?

Forgotten Vows!Alice: Could I have saved my family that night if I hadn't retreated to Wonderland in a panic after seeing Bumby and mistaking him for a monster?

Secundus!Alice: Could the accident in the library have been avoided if one of us had thought to take Dinah upstairs?

Catch Us!Alice: Why the hell do people like Bumby and Barkis have to exist?

Cuddlepile!Alice: If they had survived, do you think my family would have liked my partners?

Inevitable High School!Alice: Is our principal ever going to be arrested for all the bullshit that happens in this school?

Aperture!Alice: What's the best time for me and Victor to try and make our escape from this hellhole?

Londerland Bloodlines!Alice: ...does Victor really love me, or is that just the blood bond talking?

Fallout!Alice: Was there any chance of stopping the bombs dropping, or was nuclear war truly inevitable?

Technicolor Phase!Alice: So, why do we suddenly start seeing specific colors whenever we meet anyone important to us? And why does that have to include people who are important to us in a bad way?

Valicer In The Dark!Alice: Do you know how to fix what the hell happened to prevent people passing on, so whatever's left of my sister doesn't have to be destroyed?

#thesatiricaldemon #~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~V: Forgotten Vows #~V: Secundus #~V: Catch Us If You Can #~V: Cuddlepile #~V: Inevitable High School #~V: Aperture Wage Slave #~V: Londerland Bloodlines #~V: Fallout Of Darkness #~V: Technicolor Phase #~V: Valicer In The Dark #answer across universes #~C: Alice Liddell #((did Victor last time so it's Alice this time #probably all of them would be asking questions about their family and if they could be saved #but I wanted a bit more variety in the questions #Cuddlepile and Inevitable High School tend to be lighter in tone so I went with less-dark questions for them #and Victor being compelled to love her is something Londerland!Alice worries a lot about #(Victor meanwhile is in the background with a sign reading 'for fuck's sake tell her I love her')#(he's a little annoyed by her questioning his feelings because of the blood bond)#oh and Secundus was mostly written BEFORE A:MR came out #so that Alice has the AMA backstory so it really WAS Dinah in her verse #also no older sister #she's the odd one out these days that's for sure #but I still love her))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 5 months

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Cave Johnson: Alright, let's see what you all put in the anonymous suggestion box. "Get well soon, Doug." "Can't wait to have you back at work, Doug." "Doug, we hope you feel better." Okay. Obviously we used a similar box for the get well card collection for Doug. Which means...

intern:*reading the suggestions to the bedridden Doug* "You need to treat people with more respect." "People are afraid to talk to you." "Stop trying to control everything." "You should give out free donuts on Fridays."

Doug: I should. The worst thing is I know that I should, and I don't.

Victor: [wincing at the recitation coming over the speakers] Oh no, poor Doug...makes me glad I chickened out of putting anything in the anonymous suggestion box, at least. Look, if we need a volunteer to bring the actual "get well soon" messages to him...

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #anonymous get well box #~C: Victor Van Dort #((yeah Victor didn't trust for a MOMENT it was really anonymous #which means Doug will NOT be getting a message reading 'never darken my doorway again you prick'#Victor did write it but as stated he chickened out and tore it up instead #so lucky Doug in that one respect))

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thevalicemultiverse · 6 months

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“What are you working on?”

“Fixing Daylight Savings Time with Daylight Shaving Time!”

“Daylight Shaving Time?”

“Yes! You see, the biggest problem with Daylight Savings Time is the date always sneaks up on you. You never remember it until after it happens, and then you’re late or early. And why does it switch over at 1AM? Ludicrous! But with Daylight Shaving Time, we slowly shave away at the time difference, adding or removing a simple 19.72603 seconds after midnight each night, except -of course- the extra day of a Leap Year!”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just do away with Daylight Savings Time altogether?”

“In theory, but in practice, I’m not sure I could get everyone on board with that big of a change.”

"Honestly, I think you could get people on board with Daylight Shaving Time just because of the name," Victor admits, with a faint smile. Man, it's nice when his coworkers here at Aperture come up with something that's just silly rather than actively dangerous. "How'd you come up with 19.72603 seconds?"

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #daylight shavings time #~C: Victor Van Dort #((Victor so appreciates when it's just chill goofiness XD #and I think there has been some talk about eliminating Daylight Savings #(or just staying on it permanently and making it the new standard)#but who knows if it's gonna go anywhere #...why IS it 1 AM when the times change???))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 7 months

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Fact Core: The largest eggs in the world are laid by sharks. The largest woman in the world was laid by your dad.

Alice: ...That is -- actually a well-executed and competent joke. Maybe your forte isn't facts, but rather "yo mama' quips.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #largest eggs and largest woman #~C: Alice Liddell #((very well executed anon #I enjoyed that XD))

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thevalicemultiverse · 8 months

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carla: Hi ted, this is a bit far north for you? ted: That bloody south city is releasing citizens from that bloody antarctica bunker.

Victor: . . .that implies we have a bunker in Antarctica. Which, I'm not that surprised, but. . .is the portal technology Johnson's been ranting about lately really that good already? Because I don't believe for a second we got there by normal means.

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #bit far north for ted #~C: Victor Van Dort #((I have no idea what this might be a reference to #but it amused me to relate it back to Aperture #maybe Johnson was hoping snow worked like moon dust when it came to portals :p))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue

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thevalicemultiverse · 10 months

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Fact Core: It does matter if you’re gay, straight, or bisexual, at the end of the day, it’s night.

Victor: . . .going for the "you can't refute me if I state the bloody obvious" method of fact-giving, huh?

#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~M: grin without a cat (anon)#~V: Aperture Wage Slave #at the end of the day #~C: Victor Van Dort #((*snrrk* Victor's just like 'really?'))

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