taylerscars

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Call It What You Want. Midnight Eastern.

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Date someone who will date you

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...mental health

I’m going to be honest with you guys, even though this will certainly make me look weak. There’s a reason most people’s social media exhibits a distortion of their reality. We get to pick and choose what aspects of our identities is seen. To protect myself, I leave the bad out.

Being silent isn’t going to help anyone out. I’m going to break out of my safe little world I’ve created on here, and tell you a little about the reality of things lately. Well actually five months ago. Someone said “I’m so happy you’re sharing your mental health journey,” and I was embarrassed to admit that I’d already deleted it, hiding any sign of weakness. 

For the past 22 years of my life, I’ve been lucky my mental health didn’t impinge on my ability to achieve my ridiculous standards I’d set for myself. In fact, I saw a therapist for the first time in my life, and she immediately saw that I had created some sort of performance based esteem. No matter what I added to my resume, no matter how well I performed at soccer, the piano, molecular biology… nothing actually made me feel accomplished. When I graduated with my bachelors in cellular and molecular biology, I literally didn’t get even a jolt of feeling good about myself.

Now what led me to see a therapist for the first time in my life? I’m really not sure what the trigger was, but a few months after me and Ashley broke up, I started to get heart palpitations, my heart rate was consistently in the 130’s, shortness of breath, and this sharp chest pain. I thought I was stressed about my new job. But then days passed and I couldn’t get a break, I could not relax. People said, what’s on your mind, what’s wrong, Rach? I literally said there’s nothing on my damn mind. Nothing. I can’t point to something I “need to talk about, to get off my chest.” I just physiologically felt this way, and psychologically couldn’t find a cause. I eliminated caffeine from my diet. Stopped and did meditative breathing techniques. Exercised. Nothing helped. I am so lucky, so loved, so privileged, my life has been like a dream, and yet I was still completely shaken.

Regardless of the trigger, I recognized I was losing control, feeling like I was losing my mind, and, scared I might lose my job, I made a desperate attempt to stop this terrifying feeling. My only relief from the pain and heart palpitations was when I was asleep, and I was beginning to wish to be asleep more than be alive. The only time I felt any peace was when I was sleeping. But I got help. My primary care doctor saw me with only 24 hours notice, prescribed me an SSRI, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor, a type of antidepressant that can treat anxiety, and Xanax for the acute instances of panic. It was plain as day to her that I had anxiety. She took care of me. I didn’t know it could be so debilitating.

I come from a blue collar, working class family that doesn’t really talk about feelings. They weren’t much help. But after battling the acute moments, and the SSRI kicking in after three weeks, my baseline returned to normal, and I felt myself again. I’m still not sure of the trigger. My insurance is terrible and didn’t cover therapy, and I was running out of money, especially with the medications not authorized, and 10x the price other people would spend.

There was this one day where I was sitting listening to live music, on a date, good pie in front of me, hot chocolate. And my heart rate suddenly jumped to 160 and stayed that way for five hours. And I couldn’t enjoy the food. I couldn’t embrace the music. My body was in fight or flight mode for no apparent reason. And I was so horrified. I didn’t tell her. I just silently took it, let it beat me down. Counting down the minutes until I could escape, collapse into bed, sleep and get a minutes peace. Anxiety truly is debilitating, but I fought back, and I couldn’t do it alone. My primary care doctor saved my ass. I’m still on the SSRI, though I want to be off of it.

The bottom line: you aren’t alone. Even some of the strongest of us have been broken down. We all have our own battles. No one is perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with getting a helping hand.

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me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

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As time goes on, you’ll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn’t, doesn’t. Time solves most things. And what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.

Haruki Murakami (via minuty)

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taylor swift just used g2g, brb and bop in the same caption someone tell her sometimes less is more

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*does one push-up* *fergie voice* my body stay vicious i be up in the gym just working on my fitness he’s my witness

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me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

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[taylerscars]

“WHEN I’M A STAR I’LL KILL EVERYTHING”

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I fell in love “The Scars Heal In Time” when I first saw them play an in-store at Cactus Music. It was an acoustic set, but I knew they sounded good, plugged in, or not.

Tonight, was the first time I saw them play as a full band, and my admiration for them grew even more. They are heading out on tour at the start of the new year and I highly recommend you check them out.

http://www.thescarshealintime.com/home/

https://m.facebook.com/thescarshealintimeofficial

@ScarsHealInTime on Twitter

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Becoming A Rock N Roll Monk

In my efforts to better my stamina and career, I find myself becoming more monk-like. And I’m not talking about the holy, praying, create awesome Trappist beer type monk. I’m talking about the go to bed early, no drinking, no talking, and no having any fun type monk. Luckily, sex is actually good for you on all levels (safe sex of course), so at least I have something to hold onto! Ha!

I remember being the first of four bands on our very first national tour in 2006. We only had a 25 minute set, any press we got was because we as a band would seek it out and no one knew who were. So, I’d go out to the bars and do shots of tequila with my boys, wake up the next morning and do it all again!

These are good times that I look back on and I wouldn’t trade for the world. I also would never want to go back to them. I’m very proud of the empire I’ve built with my band, and have always been bent on moving forward.

Ah, so much has changed in a decade! I’ve toured the world, won a Grammy, I’ve had a few number one songs, moved out of my parents place, and life is good. The schedule has also gotten heavier over the years and with great success comes great responsibility. For all you singers out there, it’s good to get into good health habits. Your body is your instrument after all! Let me let you all in on some of my GOOD habit out on the road.

One of the things that helps my vocal health immensely out on the road, is stopping all my eating/drinking at least 4 hours before I go to bed. I actually set a timer after my last meal so I can’t cheat. This is to prevent acid reflux when I lay down in my bunk at night. If you are waking up hoarse every morning, and don’t know why…this could be a reason. Acid reflux is when the acid in your stomach creeps up to your throat, burning your delicate vocal folds. It doesn’t always feel like heartburn, and can go un-noticed most of the time. So Considering I sleep in a bunk on a moving bus, I’d rather not have the contents of my stomach sloshing around while I try to sleep.

Another rule that I’ve reinstated into my daily regimen is No drinking until the end of tour. I save the debauchery for end of tour or off tour, but even then I try to keep that “4 hours before bed” open. Yay for day drinking!

Funny, I’m typing this now actually because I broke my own rule last night, and I’m a bit hung over. I’m off tour at the moment, so I can afford a bit of crazy times… But when I got together with my vocal coach this morning to do a session, he could tell right away that my voice was dehydrated and a bit acid burnt (He always knows). He suggested that I wait till tomorrow to resume my sessions, to prevent any damage singing may do. I know, I know… Bad Lzzy.

Here’s the break down, alcohol dehydrates you, and stimulates acid reflux. Then when you sing on dry, irritated vocal folds your folds swell. When your folds swell they cause hoarseness, which makes you feel like you have to push harder to get a sound out. When You push harder, you cause fatigue and more irritation…so imagine if you have 6 weeks of touring ahead of you. You are fucked! Let me be clear that this is just what works for me personally, I know a lot of singers that party hard, and sound just fine every night. I’m not one of those people. Yes, this rule is kind of a bummer because I love beer, tequila, whiskey, wine etc., and hangin’ out with all the boys. But when I have to sing 4-6 nights a week on tour, it does NOT love me. I had to decide which is more important. Priorities People!!

Ok, Lets talk hydration. I drink 3 liters of water a day. I bought a 1liter Camelbak bottle so I could keep track, this one even has a built in straw to make choking down water a little easier. I refill this three times a day. I usually add a bit of Himalayan salt or lemon to it, to make it more interesting, and to give the water a vehicle for hydration. Himalayan salt is a good source of electrolytes and other minerals, and lemon when combined with water is very alkaline. What I mean by “vehicle for hydration” is that when you add things like lemon or salt, it actually makes the water more useful, giving the water something to piggy back off of actually keeps you better hydrated. Its science!

Another rule that breaks my heart is caffeine. No, I did NOT give up coffee; you’ll have to pry my coffee cup from my cold dead fingers. But I do limit myself to two really good cups in the morning. The caffeine rule is again, due to the acidity and dehydrating effects of caffeine. Plus if I have too much caffeine, it makes sleeping harder, which is so important for my voice!

Sleep. Yes I go to bed early, I try to get in at least 8 hours, and if I can sleep 10 I will. Sleep is the only opportunity the voice has to recover, and even if you’re used to sleeping in a moving vehicle like I am, it still is less quality then sleeping in a bed at home. So I have to go overboard, and make the extra effort to protect myself.

Here’s a very important rule in my life, diet. I’m not talking about fad stuff or counting calories, I do none of that shit. I just eat very clean. My diet revolves around quality protein usually in the form of meats and of course lots of hydrating veggies, with some whole fruits thrown in. I stay away from refined sugar, dairy (I recently discovered I have a buttermilk allergy), breads (pasta/gluten/grains), and fried foods while on the road. All of these things rob me of energy and nutrients that my body and therefore voice need to function and stay healthy. Now, of course I’m on the road and sometimes pickin’s are slim…so when I have no other choice than pasta or bread, I will pair this with a ton of veggies, but no meat, I’ve found that it’s better for my digestion. Almost like I get more out of the bun without the burger and the burger without the bun. Ha!

Here’s a basic list to summarize what I do and do not consume:

Yes:

•Veggies

•Meats and fish

•3 liters of water daily

•Whole fruits (avoid fruit juices and oranges)

•Eggs

•Nuts

•Stop eating/drinking 4 hours before bed

No:

•Alcohol

•Caffeine (limit to 2 cups of coffee in the morning)

•Sugar

•Dairy

•Gluten/grains

•Carbonated sodas

•Fried food

The goal of this plan is to reduce phlegm/mucus production, prevent acid reflux and create a healthy home for my voice so I can maintain the stamina and freedom I need to tour.

I know you’re all rolling your eyes right now and wondering what happened to the “Sex, Drugs, Booze, Party, Rock N Roll” that we all love so much…

Well, to be honest, it’s the state of the music industry. As musicians we are quite literally singing for our supper. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE touring, but the reality is that our idols from the 70’s and 80’s never toured this hard. They’d do a record, have one big world tour, maybe two then break to do another record. Today, We are touring the world for three years straight in between album cycles. We do twice the amount of work, for a quarter amount of the kickback.

So what happened to the hangovers and cocaine binges? Replaced with juicers, and masseuses. Like I said before, some singers/bands can still live out their drug and alcohol soaked 80’s fantasies while maintaining a decent living. I’m not one of them. But most of those bands aren’t the ones working at the top of their game. From my view, the small circle I see Truly making a career at this whole music thing, are the sober, songwriting, guitar scale practicing, getting a full nights sleep type Rock Stars. I’ve learned a lot from these older brothers and sisters of Rock. One of them said to me once when I inquired about his sobriety, “You know what’s more fun than getting wasted every night? Getting high off hittin’ those high notes every fucking night!” So with that I wear my “monk” badge with pride and honor, because the less “fun” I have, really does equal more fun on stage, and the continuation of the legacy I’m building. And besides, with the “drugs and booze” pushed to the side, it leaves so much more room to put the Sex back in Rock n Roll!

Love,

“Friar” Lzzy

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Dear person reading this:

If you’re looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it. This is your sign. Please stay.

The world would be a darker place without you in it.