thanks i hate it
kitty - 23 - hetalia smut blog - headcanons and imagines welcomed too - 18+ - as always, requests are open. - pfp done by @cutie-cutter - Ko-fi.com/teapettyy
We looked inside some of the posts by tea-pettiest and here's what we found interesting.
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tea-pettiest · 4 hours ago
Are you super good at reading people? Like sometimes these responses you give are like you actually know the countries personally. I bet you could just take a walk and name the kinks of every person you walk past. Seems like a pretty tough superpower to keep in check 😅
hmm not in a “i have you clocked for who you really are” type of way, but i think i’m really good at reading between the lines. like, what people say have very little meaning to me — it’s all about how they say it.
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tea-pettiest · 4 hours ago
What do you think of the “meet cute in a broken elevator” trope?
I think it could be cute, but it’s considerably better when it’s sexy.
i like meet-cutes! you’re right though, the trope is better when it’s sexy.
if part of the romanticism in elevator meet-cutes is the specialness of meeting your soulmate in a place where you spend so brief a time, and in something that’s been a monotonous part of your routine since forever, then the sexiness works in a similar way, the eroticism heightened by the stringent time constraints and threat of being caught, as taking the elevator’s a part of everyone’s routine.
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tea-pettiest · 4 hours ago
Lemony Fresh fics 🍋
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tea-pettiest · 5 hours ago
Can you do a SFW and NSW alphabet for Alfred?
A = Affection is moderately affectionate; shows casual pda like handholding or a kiss here and there.  doesn’t do well with overly clingy partners.
he likes doing acts of devotion and service for his partner to show them that he cares for them.  things that make them feel taken cared of and spoiled.
B = Best friend he does better with people he mirrors, so he’s the sort of best friend that’s basically his best friend’s twin; they have the same likes and dislikes, do everything together, and can finish each other’s sentences.
he probably meets his best friend at a concert, or in the weed circle or something.  he meets them somewhere super chill where even in their outgoing nature, they seem like narcs just because they’re so reactive to everything all the time and it makes them seem childish and impatient.
C = Cuddles will cuddle but again, he can’t stand super clingy partners.  
he likes the butt pillow pose, mostly because he can’t get enough of that cake.
D = Domestic doesn’t see himself settling down at all.  if anything, he wants his life to get more exciting once he’s found his soulmate.  he feels like he’s still waiting for his life to begin.
is bad at cooking, mostly because he’ll eat almost anything, has a stomach of steel, and hasn’t had any incentive to improve his cooking skills.  he’s exceptionally good at cleaning; gilbert taught him way back when and it whipped him into shape.  his house is spotless and (somewhat) tastefully decorated.  he can fix things up without calling a repairman and can get a stain out of anything.  
E = Ending he struggles with ending relationships, so he’ll just criticize his partner (who he’s only gotten more on edge around, since he can’t stand being around them anymore) until they get fed up and leave him.
F = Fiance(e) struggles with commitment because he gets bored easily and needs something new all the time in all aspects of his life.  will probably take one or two years to get hitched with someone (the trick is lasting that long, for him.)
G = Gentle he’s moderately gentle physically and adjusts according to the feedback his partner gives him.
he’s completely tactless emotionally.
H = Hugs he doesn’t mind hugs -- again, no overly-clingy partners please.
he hugs his partner when they’re going through a rough time and seem like they need comfort but past that, he doesn’t really think to initiate.  
he gives great, big bear hugs that swallow his lover up and gather them against his broad chest.
I = I love you saying ‘i love you’ doesn’t come naturally to him at all.  it could take years if his partner doesn’t press the subject.
J = Jealousy he gets fiercely jealous really quick.
he’s openly rude and aggressive to the source of his jealousy and makes a series of inappropriate remarks.
K = Kisses his kisses are wet and sloppy.  he especially loves when his partner’s wearing lipstick and get it all over him during the kiss.  it’s like he tries to make it messier than it has to be. 
he likes when his partner kisses up his legs, starting at his feet, maybe sucking on his toes a bit, to work their way up to his, well, you know.  
he prefers kissing his lover on the mouth, where he can taste them and feel how their breath catches.
L = Little ones he’s terrible with children.  or rather, they like him, but he’s totally not ready to raise one, between his own daddy issues and his lack of accountability in the things he does.
M = Morning his mornings are super lazy; he sleeps in as often as he can and will either skip breakfast or eat leftovers.  he does well with a lower-maintenance lover.
N = Night he’s meticulous about his bedtime routine; he hates being kept up super late and can’t stand going to bed without brushing his teeth and reading a bit before bed.  he goes to bed pretty early, also.
O = Open he overshares right off the bat.  he loves being known (or known according to what he wants people to know) because it makes him feel more connected to people, which he desperately craves.  
he gives people the big milestones of his life right away -- daddy issues, super strong, needs to win everything.  boom, that about does it.  sometimes, he can come across as too aggressively himself.
P = Patience has a moderate temper.  he’s not so quick to anger but when he does anger, it’s pretty ugly.
Q = Quizzes he remembers every little thing about his partner, every detail and every single sub detail in between, even if it doesn’t seem like he does.
R = Remember his favorite moments are the ones where plans they made go awry and they make an even better memory in making do, like when they miss their flight home on vacation and take an extra week off or something.
S = Security he’s not very protective.  he doesn’t do well with weak partners, so he needs these little confirmations that his partner can hold their own -- as such, he lets them at almost every opportunity.  
when he feels he does have to get involved, it’s usually physically.  he’ll definitely throw punches on his lover’s behalf, or body block for them.
he likes to know that his partner is loyal to him past the romantic/sexual attraction, in order to feel secure.  being able to keep a cool head during emergencies and live and do mundane things with him, gives him all the safety he needs.
T = Try lets it all go, despite his bad memory.  he just struggles in investing energy into things for other people.
U = Ugly he talks loudly on his phone at very inopportune, rude times.
V = Vanity is indifferent to his looks.  sure, he has some insecurities but they don’t really affect him in any major way.
W = Whole feels 100% okay without his partner.  is the least codependent person on this planet.
X = Xtra has a really fancy shower that’s lined in stone and has heated seats.  it’s more like a sauna or spa in his home.  kiku adores it and loves to use it.
Y = Yuck alfred can’t stand pessimists.  they’re short-sighted and annoying.
Z = Zzz he seldom naps, and when he does, they’re incredibly short.  more like resting his eyes than an actual nap.
A = Aftercare: alfred struggles to fall asleep without proper aftercare.
he likes to give his lover one of his comfy, oversized shirts to put on after sex.
B = Body part: he thinks he’s got a great ass, all pert.  a real bubble butt.
on his partner, he really likes their hands, particularly their fingers.  he likes to thread his through theirs, or nibble/kiss the tips of their fingers.
C = Cum: his cum tastes great and has a lot of distance in cumshots.  
D = Dirty Secret: he has such a high libido despite how young he is because he masturbates so much.
E = Experience: he has very little experience compared to his colleagues.
F = Favourite Position: "pretzel dip”, his lover lays on their side as he fucks them, their legs wrapped across his torso and back.  the angle is terrific from here and he likes having a nice handful of their thighs and calves.
G = Goofy: is rather serious during sex because he’s not entirely comfortable with it yet.
H = Hair: shaves his face but keeps the body hair.
I = Intimacy: touching is always incredibly intimate for him.  it’s like showing someone his raw, beating heart inside his chest.
J = Jack Off: these days, he seldom jerks off, just because it takes so much to get off now.
K = Kink: slutwear.  bonus points if it’s something he can tear straight off his partner.
L = Location: will only fuck at his place, where he feels more in control.
M = Motivation: to feel something.  anything.  you’d think the intimacy he associates with touch would make this easy but it doesn’t.
N = NO: scratching.  it feels too messy and animal to him.
O = Oral: prefers giving to receiving.  
P = Pace: is a quick, frenzied, desperate fuck.
Q = Quickie: doesn’t mind quickies, but they’re not his favorite.
R = Risk:  can be convinced to do almost anything in the bedroom.
S = Stamina: has great sexual stamina but the rest of his body can’t keep up.  he tires way too easily, even if his cock is still hard.
T = Toy:  has no toys.  
U = Unfair: he keeps score in bed.  if his partner accidentally does something he doesn’t like because they want to and they forget he doesn’t, he’ll return the favor knowing full well they won’t like what he’s about to do.
V = Volume: is rather quiet during sex.  he’s concentrating.
W = Wild Card: needs to have everything he’ll need for the evening in the bedroom before fucking because he’s not going to venture out and be functional after.
X = X-Ray: is a grower.  cut.  short cock.
Y = Yearning: will pine for years, yearning in cock and heart before he finally gets a taste of the object of his obsession.  and it’s exquisite.  it’s perhaps the only thing that can keep him having sex despite the hang-ups he has with it.
Z = ZZZ: is active after sex.  he feels energized.  he could run a marathon, although that would be less fun than just fucking again.
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tea-pettiest · 6 hours ago
What is your opinion on PolUkr? I personally think Poland hella simps, similar to Lithuania for Belarus LMAOOO
i think ivan would continue to be a major point of contention in their relationship.  i think feliks would blame him for a lot of the unhappiness he’s endured in his past (and he wouldn’t be entirely wrong to.)  this would only lead katyusha to be more defensive of her brother, which would infuriate feliks further, as he’s never one to relent or surrender.
katyusha has this tendency to take care of feliks, which he loves, though he’ll never admit it.  while this is good for them initially getting together, it starts to become a growing pang in their relationship, as feliks starts to feel smothered or to take her for granted, while katyusha struggles not to resent him for making her feel like his mother, rather than his lover.
feliks is a terrific match for her in terms of her more emotional side.  she can spill her heart out as much as she wants, and feliks is always there, her shoulder to cry on, an active and engaged audience, making her feel valued and heard, rather then just shutting her down because what she’s invested in “doesn’t matter.”
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tea-pettiest · 7 hours ago
Can I get some reactions to a Nation's s/o asking them for something truly shocking in the bedroom? I'm not asking "what would truly shock this character" or for a comforting "thas ok bb i lov u anyway" I mean a relationship getting hit with some out-there kink that throws them for a loop and even makes them reevaluate their relationship
norway: it’s a deal breaker for him in the very end, although lukas has never been one to take loss easily, so it’s a deal breaker after months of arguing, sleeping on the couch, and the silent treatment.  by the time he and his partner break up, he doesn’t even have time to feel sad -- his relief is too massive and too instantaneous.  
the kink in question: mindbreak
belarus: it’s also a deal breaker for her, although much more swiftly than it is for lukas as she struggles more with staying in relationships rather than leaving them.  she’s devastated but unshakeable in her decision.  she can’t be with anyone who sets off her alarms like this and she wants to feel safe with whoever’s in her bed.
the kink in question: yanderes and violent partners
turkey: when he decided to be with his partner, he meant it.  therefore, it doesn’t matter what sort of ridiculous, bizarre kink his lover posits -- sadik will grit his teeth and force himself to behave civilly so that they can work it out.  and mark his words, they will work it out.  this is a great stretch for him but they come out the other side much stronger together.
  the kink in question: coercion and blackmail
china: doesn’t react.  there’s nothing that can phase him by now, lol let alone a kink.  nice try though.
australia: it’s a deal breaker for him.  he doesn’t feel like investing in a relationship when it’s all work and no play (or else, the play feels like more work because his lover has such tedious requests.)  he breaks it off sooner rather than later and doesn’t lose sleep over it.
 the kink in question: bird people
england: it’s a deal breaker for him, mostly because he’s barely come to terms with his own weird kinks and sexual hang-ups, let alone someone else’s.  what seems like a petty fight about sex is really about him not working through his personal baggage and therefore being unable to maintain a healthy relationship.
the kink in question: gaslighting
hungary: she won’t be in a hurry to end the relationship but it certainly is troubling to her, as sexual compatibility is a top priority.  she mulls over their relationship, trying to decide if they should split or not, and in the mean time, they only grow more distant.  she sleeps on the couch and tries to be out for work before her partner even wakes.  she doesn’t want to talk until she feels certain she has an answer to the big question.
the kink in question: exhibitionism/voyeurism
netherlands:  breaks it off.  fucking is one of the first parts of the relationship he settles into, so if this breaks down, everything else soon does too, and he knows this.
the kink in question: forced dom/sadist
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tea-pettiest · 14 hours ago
WAIT OMG!! pls put a hex on them that would be so cool ngl. i normally don’t endorse harming others but they are bothering my fav gorl and my lemony readings
😭😭😭 you’re so sweet
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tea-pettiest · 15 hours ago
With your consent, I could use my witchcraft and unleash a horrible but well-deserved curse upon antis who send you hateful messages 🧙‍♀️
HAHA approved. i can’t pass up an opportunity to be vindictive.
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tea-pettiest · 17 hours ago
now im just imagining random antis trying to cast spells and summon you to their home or something 😭
😭😭😭 i don’t make house calls unless you have nachos and beer
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tea-pettiest · 17 hours ago
waittt i have a genius idea, can i call you kittea?
lol yes
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tea-pettiest · 18 hours ago
About all these death threats, what do they think they can do about you anyway? They can't kill you by just thinking about it 🤷‍♂️ ''I'm going to burn you alive, b/witch!" how? By magically teleportation yourself right next to her and magically summon fire? they're ridiculous
HAHA I wish they could. Give me an excuse to duke it out with someone
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tea-pettiest · 20 hours ago
ok random questions, but do you prefer tea or kitty?? I’ve used both but do you have on you prefer?
haha either one works. kitty is what people call me irl and i connect it with happy memories to really good friends, so i always get the warm fuzzies when someone calls me kitty, but tea is how i've always gone on my blog, so i really don't mind either way.
one time, someone called me "ms. petty" on my blog, and that person gets all the gold stars lol.
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tea-pettiest · 22 hours ago
Antis, for some reason: HoW dARE you allow consenting adults to…to…consume SMut?! In mY WHolesOME Christian HEtalia fandom?!
Tea, just vibing and making great content: And? Die mad about it.
lol it’s just people who think they have the right to talk to me at all 🙄🙄🙄
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tea-pettiest · 22 hours ago
hey kitty! i just wanted an update on those people who were sending death threats and stuff if that’s ok. are things finally getting better?? i hope they are! <3
haha no, but thanks for checking in.
i'm a smut blog. antis will literally never leave me alone. that's just what i have to be okay with given the content i put out.
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tea-pettiest · a day ago
Do you listen to/watch musicals? If so which ones?
so, officially, i'm not a musical person bc i want theater people and musicians to stay tf away from me, and i'm also one of those ppl who's like "a BANDWAGON? i'm too COOL to hop on those!! >:(" which is funny bc once i do for whatever reason, i actually usually like the thing.
les mis and hamilton are examples of this for me.
my latest obsession has been natasha, pierre, and the great comment of 1812 because my friend showed it to me. it is the BEST musical ever and no one can convince me otherwise. i've listened to nothing else but the soundtrack to it and weezer for like, the past two months and can do a complete one-woman show of it.
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tea-pettiest · a day ago
i think that Alfred and lovino would make a super interesting couple tbh
yeah, maybe i'd hop on that band wagon if i gave a shit about shipping
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tea-pettiest · a day ago
Any characters who've had fantasies about Romano?
cuba: feels incredibly guilty about having these fantasies about someone who trusts and confides in him, but also won’t stop masturbating to these fantasies.  he only feels guilty as a result of his insecurities; really, the attraction he feels for lovino feels as natural as breathing.
in fact, he continues to have these fantasies long after he’s happily married to someone else.
it’s not that he doesn’t love his spouse, but fantasizing about lovino -- both while touching himself and when he’s being intimate with his partner -- just makes it so much easier to come.  it’s more of a testament to his attraction to lovino, rather than his lack of attraction to his spouse.
america: has fucked a lot of people but lovino’s the only one who’s ever made him come, and from this point on, lovino’s been the source of his fantasies.
alfred felt so good and relaxed after fucking lovino, that he’s certain that if he could invite lovino in for a threesome with his current partner, that they’d have no issues with jealousy.  in alfred’s eyes, lovino has this way of making people feel so good, that there can hardly be any room for bad feelings.  
when he’s really stressed, fantasies including lovino become his happy place.
he only lets himself indulge fully in the tanfasy when he’s alone and masturbating, as he feels too guilty fantasizing about lovino while fucking his partner, to enjoy it as much.  his fantasies are the typical naughty fantasies -- nothing super kinky or outlandish.
greece: he and lovino had a period where they were very close friends, and in this emotional intimacy, spurned a secret sort of physical intimacy too, that they no longer speak of.  heracles still privately laments the loss of trust built between them.
he’d be open to going back to the way they were -- to venturing back in real life where now heracles only visits in his fantasies, however he wouldn’t dare to approach the matter himself.  he’s resolved in that lovino would have to be the one to initiate.  
he will occasionally talk about his time with lovino and the lingering fantasies from that time to his other male partners who are insecure in sleeping with him, as they may not be comfortably out with their attraction to other men.  other than that though, he doesn’t like to speak about it.
canada: the lovino in his fantasies is older and more sure of himself -- still with that lovely purring voice, and the roguishly sexy manners, though his face is lightly lined with more years with which he’s made his bones, and there’s some salty and pepper in that thick, dark hair of his.  in these fantasies, matthew is still forever 22 -- and he likes this difference.  relishes it, as dream-lovino holds him down and takes him by force.  
sometimes, his fantasies are different and they take place in a distant memory of his; the one of meeting lovino for the first time.  they’re both young and matthew can recall how startlingly handsome the other man was, and how he ached to run his fingers over his fine-boned face and tunnel his hands beneath his clothes.
he also has some voyeuristic/exhibition fantasies involving lovino.  there’s just something about having witnesses in fucking such a handsome man...
prussia: lovino was the first man gilbert ever fucked, and to this day, was a major component to him coming to terms with his sexuality.  this in turn has changed the way he sees gender -- women are no longer silly, frivolous, pretty ornaments to fuck, and men are no longer brothers, that is, just brothers.  
he doesn’t tell anyone about the fantasies he still has about lovino, more so out of respect to his current lovers, as he thinks thinking of someone else when you’re supposed to be devoted to another, is the highest form of insult.
gilbert has shut himself off from the possibility of being intimate with lovino at all, believing that the other man could hardly think of him as fondly as he thinks of him.  to him, his fantasies are all he has left of feeling especially close to lovino.
finland: for a while, he denies the fact that he fantasizes about lovino, even to himself.
eventually, he comes to accept this fantasy, little by little, he feels less shame, not only about being so attracted to lovino but about being sexual in general.
he still doesn’t feel confident enough in this to confide in anyone else about them, but he writes about his fantasies in a diary sometimes, just to get his head in order.  many times, he’ll have to pause mid-entry to jerk off.
denmark: when his partner is away and he’s left to his own devices, he uses a vibrator in his ass and pretends it’s lovino’s cock.
he’s perfectly comfortable in his fantasies; he knows that he’d never cheat on his lover with lovino.  he’s aroused by the idea of the man in his bed, rather than wanting to actually sleep with him.  it’s not a fantasy he’d ever try and bring to fruition.  
most of his fantasies include some bizarre scenario where he’s shopping -- only instead of being in a real store, he’s in a store that sells lovers; they’re lined up, naked in the shop windows, available to try -- and lovino’s one of them.
ukraine: also has a weird store-type fantasy like mathias, that involves lovino as some of the merchandise.  in her fantasies, she gets to sample the men and in doing so, she tries to make them hard, to watch them grow, and thus make her decision.  of course, lovino is always the largest of them all.
katyusha strokes him, jerking him off, wanting the other customers to see that she’s more experienced with the product than they are.  she wants the in-store cameras to catch her, and she wants to imagine the person on the other end touching themselves as they watch her get lovino off.
in the store, there is a camera that projects onto a screen for the other shoppers to watch, and when it focuses on her hands around lovino’s erection, everyone gets to watch the quick movements of her hands as she coaxes him to come.  they get a close up of his seed dribbling between her fingers and the way his softening cock relents in her laxing grip.
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tea-pettiest · a day ago
Which countries can tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue?
japan: has to think hard about it but he can do it.  unfortunately, he’s not one to show off so he only does it when he gets really drunk and/or he goes out with alfred as his wingman and the other man makes him do it.
spain: can’t normally do it.  he has done it, exactly once in his life and he was blackout drunk so he can’t remember, although gilbert and francis swear on their lives that he did it.
england: can do it, but he struggles a bit.  if he gets around to doing it, he doesn’t manage until long after people have stopped caring.
greece: can usually manage it unless he gets too drunk.  he’s either in prime cherry stem tying condition, or passed out asleep.
romano: can do it perfectly and effortlessly every time.  he learned to do it young because he figured it was a great demonstration of what he can do with his tongue.
hungary: can usually do it though she’s a bit out of practice.
turkey: also alleges that he’s done it once, so he’s never been able to do it since.
canada: can usually do it although he fumbles a bit if he’s doing it in front of someone he really likes, or if alfred is there heckling him.
czechia: has only done it once under someone else’s careful instruction.  hasn’t been able to do it again since.
belarus: can do it about half of the time.  sometimes she gets fussy and tired of trying and gives up on more “difficult” stems.
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tea-pettiest · a day ago
Is there any reason in particular that America feels a certain guilt surrounding sex? I think I’ve seen you mention it once or twice.
i was thinking about how many different ways the u.s. has tried to make things more wholesome and family-friendly while not completely willing to divorce itself from the allure of sex.  in particular (for some reason) i was thinking about the era in hollywood following the golden age, when people were trying to combat the sexy precedent actresses like mae west set, by introducing baby burlesques and leaning hard into the shirley temple craze.
also, it feels congruous with his physical age to me. it’s this uncertainty that i find to be the hallmark of young people with how they self-identify -- this trial and error of what’s acceptable within the scope of who we think we are, and the way we lash out and refuse accountability when we trespass on these boundaries.
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tea-pettiest · 2 days ago
oh sorry i was the anon that wrote about you in third person! haha i didn’t realize it was disorientating, sorry about that! <3
Haha no worries! it’s not bad or anything, it just took me a sec to realize who you were talking about 😭
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