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Deep Thoughts:

Sometimes, I sit down and start to think about life and what it could hold for me, and sometimes those thoughts make me so anxious that it feels like I am going into a panic. My heart feels constricted and starts beating faster and the rest of me gets all flustered and hot, and it really is a scary, profound concept. I know everyone says that the future is uncertain, and it most definitely is, but I wish it wasn’t to a certain extent; I don’t want to know everything about my future, but I do want to know what happens when we die. I have so many questions beginning with ‘who’, ’why?’, ‘what’, ’where?’, or ’how?’

Why have we been put on this planet? How are we even a possibility? Where do we go after death, if anywhere at all? What happens when we die? What were we meant to accomplish? Who will remember us when we are gone?

These are only a few of probably hundreds of questions that I, and many others have.

Sometimes my thought goes to, ‘were we put on this planet to solve something, and no one has done so already, and if we do solve it, what happens then? Are we just characters in the universe’s book, with a predetermined life?

I have no idea what life has in store for me, and that’s a terrifying prospect. Will I go on to make a name for myself, or will I just be a name lost to history?

To quote JK Rowling, “Death is but the next great adventure.” But is it? Is there something after death? Will my consciousness shift into another body? Will I just be lost in the void? Or does nothing happen, are we just gone forever? I know that a lot of these questions are answered through religion, and that that is why a lot of people choose to believe in a higher power, and I admit it is comforting thinking that you go somewhere after death, but being an atheist we don’t get that luxury. We get unanswered questions and uncertainty about our eminent death.

It’s a terrifying thought, that we will eventually lose the ones we love, and we don’t know what will happen to them, and it’s even more terrifying to think about that in terms of what happens to yourself.

Do I exist, to simply stop existing? Do I exist, to be ‘reborn’ to a new body? What? What happens?

I know what I would like to happen - when I die, I would like to think that I will be ‘reborn’, for lack of a better term, on a new planet, with a different life to lead. I don’t want to think that my limited time on this planet is for nothing, and only for a few short years, because let’s be realistic, the universe is billions of years old, and you’re telling me at best I might, might get 100 years of that, to live a life? That just isn’t long enough to do everything, to see everything. I don’t want to go to my death bed wishing I had more time to do everything I wish to do and have nothing to look forward to after death, I want to know that I accomplished everything I set out to do, and know that my story isn’t over, and that I have more time elsewhere to do more.

I know this topic isn’t easy for anyone to talk about, but sometimes I feel as if I am the only one who has these thoughts. Am I the only one whose heart starts beating faster and becomes anxious about the possibility of death, and its unknown? I don’t want to accept death and its uncertainty. I don’t want to know that my time in this universe was limited to a few short years and that I will be lost in it’s brief history. I don’t want to not exist after death.

The quote that hits closest to home on this topic, happens to be another by JK Rowling, “it is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” And this happens to be exactly the truth of it for me. It is hard to articulate what exactly I am thinking and all the questions that I have in regards to this topic, so I think, for now at least, I will leave it at this.

#deep thoughts #why do i exist #existential musings #unanswered questions

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Tell Me no Lies Chapter 19

TW: Kidnapping. Nothing too bad, but this chapter was really intense. This was a lot, so there should be another chapter after this.

Masterlist

“But…That’s impossible!” Aelin stammered, scrambling as far away from Arobynn as the small cars and her seatbelt would allow.

He gave her a sickening grin. “It’s quite possible, my dear girl.”

“She’s not your anything.” Rowan snapped, pulling her closer to him. 

Arobynn sneered at him, looking Rowan up and down before turning to her. “And who is he?” He purred condescendingly. “Your replacement for Sam? How utterly pathetic.”

She let out a slight whimper, leaning into Rowan’s chest. Her roommate spoke in a deep, low voice. “Don’t say his name, asshole. You don’t deserve to have even known him if he was even half as good as she says he was.”

“Shut up.” Their captor snapped, bringing his hand to rest on the butt of his gun. “You’ll be dead soon, and I’ll make it painless if you don’t speak.”

“Oh, go fuck yourself, you piece of absolute shi-”

“I will burn your eyes to cinders while she watches, and you beg and scream and plead for mercy. I can make you wish you had never been born with only my bare hands.”

“STOP IT!” Aelin shouted, dragging her hands through her hair, and shoving that horrible sense of panic that threatened to overwhelm her down. “What do you want from us?!” She snapped. She wouldn’t let that panic, that wretched terror control her again.

Arobynn began driving again, but kept one hand on his gun as a threat, and glanced at them in the mirror every few moments. “I’m here to deliver justice.” They wove meticulously through several lanes of traffic, and a sense of dread began to settle deep in her gut. “I’m here to deliver justice for what you did a year ago.” His words hit her like knives in the chest.

Discreetly, Rowan began slipping his phone out of his pocket and sent her a pleading glare, a silent urge for her to stall for time.

“What- Are you serious?!” She snapped. “This is all because of Gregori and Ben?” How he was so furious over their deaths still eluded her. He knew as good as anyone how dangerous being in a drug cartel was, and yet….he still blamed her. And, hell, it wasn’t as if Gregori and Ben were even good workers, because they were mediocre at best.

Arobynn pulled off onto an onramp that led deep into the Oakwald forest. That dread in her gut only worsened as she realized where he was taking them, to that horrid place she had nearly died with Chaol, and where she was all but certain he had killed Sam. “Yes, and no.” He mused. “While I didn’t necessarily care for those two, when you failed to save them, it was the final straw. You failed me one time to many.” Again, he pulled off the onramp onto a hidden side road, leading to nowhere. That terror threatened to resurface, violently thrashing against the miniscule control she had. “I told you that night; when they were first brought into the triage center. I told you that they were to survive, no matter what.”

“And I told you that I couldn’t guarantee that! They had each been shot multiple times-”

“That doesn’t matter!” He roared, the car swerving wildly back and forth as they hurtled down the dirt road. “I gave you an order, and you disobeyed.” Those grey eyes met hers, just as cold and vicious as she remembered.

She sighed, gathering her courage and trying to buy Rowan time. “I tried my best. Really, I did everything I could, but…they were essentially dead on arrival-”

“I don’t care. I had given you an order.” Suddenly, the car screeched to a stop, and their captor whirled around, pointing that gun at Rowan. And Aelin had never known such fear as when he was staring straight down that barrel into all but certain death. It felt as if her life had flashed before her eyes, because she knew damn well that if she lost Rowan, she may as well be dead, because he was her life. He made her want to live, to fight that darkness which was always just a whisper away.

“No, no please! Don’t! I’ll do whatever you want, I swear!” She pleaded, feeling so nauseous it was painful. “Just please, please don’t hurt him.” 

Arobynn ignored her completely, flicking the safety off with one finger. It was then that true fear began to seep into Rowan’s eyes, because there was no hesitation in those grey eyes. “Give me the phone.” He demanded. Rowan only stared him down, defiance raging in his eyes. Again, Arobynn snarled, “Give me your phone. Now.” And again, Rowan didn’t. 

And so he turned that gun on her, and pulled the trigger.

Keep reading

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Puppy attempts to reclaim bed from cat

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Bill Nye for most of his career: Imma do science for kids. Science without politics. Nice, tame science for the kiddos.

Bill Nye now:

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You know what I don’t get?  When fanfic authors apologize for long chapters.  It’s like?  You gave me bonus content, for free, and you’re sorry about it?  Bruh.  I have already named my firstborn after you.  Dude.

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I just….. *sighs* will never be fucking over ToG. Like, this series has been with me for so long, and… I just will never stop thinking about it. Sarah J. Maas is one of the very few authors who wrote a story that could 100% fully captivate me. I remember finishing KoA and feeling so hollow afterwards, knowing that that’s it. No more. (except the spin-offs that might happen.) Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius has inspired me for years, I’ll never stop loving her. No series will ever be able to compare to ToG in my opinion. It was so fucking beautifully crafted with intricate lore and subtle foreshadowing. I have re-read this series so many times, and my love for it only increases. So thank you, Sarah J. Maas, for Throne of Glass. I will forever be grateful.

To Whatever End.

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“ You do have a voice. Your voice does matter. Sometimes you have to speak out against injustice that you see even if you don’t win and you know I think that that might help someone else further along down the line so it’s important to speak out. And just that you can be a leader and you can have love and the two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

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two pure angel children who lost both their parents losing their father figure :(

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🐺Arya Stark appreciation 49/-

The GOT cast’s read of how Arya kills the Night King

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“We don’t just have a skeleton,” said one of the nodosaur researchers involved. “We have a dinosaur as it would have been.”

Known as a nodosaur, this 110 million-year-old, armored plant-eater is the best preserved fossil of its kind ever found.

Source | Source

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I’m just gonna be patiently waiting for the game of thrones season 8 fix it fanfictions because this season is a total shitshow and I’m sooo disappointed ok thanks bye

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Jon + first reunions with his siblings

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Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgement. You have a father’s love for the child, and that is useless to the cause.