thaswhatshesaid

[thaswhatshesaid]

40 days of dating

There are so many things I want to say. I have all these thoughts swirling in my head, and they aren’t exactly organized at the moment. I just finished reading a blog which detailed a dating experiment between two friends, close in age to myself. Although, there’s so much on my mind, I really want to share my thoughts on what I read, and how it’s made me internalize and contemplate certain parts of who I am. I relate to Jessica on so many levels. She loves love. I love love. I don’t openly admit that. I’m a pretty open book, but I get scared of rejection. I want others to see me as strong, almost impenetrable to the idea of monogamy. I realize that this can be off-putting, but it seems easier to say “I don’t want to be in a relationship” than to admit I haven’t found someone to be in a relationship with. When I love someone, I love hard, and I love quickly. I try not to be that crazy girl. I try not to text too often. I try to be perfect. Jessica doesn’t do this too much, but she doesn’t stick up for herself in fear of conflict, and reading her story made me see that it’s something I’ve got to work on, too. I fantasize of being partners in crime with someone. Finding romance between friends is my ideal vision of how I’ll meet the person I end up with. Jessica, like me, fell for her friend. Being close with her already, Tim wasn’t bashful when it came to criticizing Jessie. His words, plus Jocelyn’s (their couples’ therapist) advice, combined with writing down her own daily thoughts, created an environment where Jessica was able to be very honest with herself. It was refreshing hearing her question her motives, perceptions, and actions. It allowed me to be honest with myself. I don’t intend for this to be a stream of consciousness, but I already see it happening, that I’m saying myself and herself a bit, I don’t like doing that, but with this piece being so focused on self-realization, it would be hard to avoid. Tim questions himself, and Jessica quite a bit too. His preferences in women made me wonder if I would ever meet a guy like Tim’s standards. I realize now that it’s not about meeting Tim or anyone else’s standards. It’s about meeting your own standards, finding someone who is just as comfortable with themselves, and making something beautiful from there. He really drilled into wanting someone who loves their job. I don’t know that I love my job, but I know what work I enjoy the most and I make every attempt to find more work like that. It concerns me that perhaps I’m not as in love with my job as someone like Tim or Jessica, but I know they are not the norm. We have to make a living, and if we find the best one we can, while still following our passions, I think it’s a valid choice. Tim notes that Jessica is over accommodating. I see that in myself, as well. When I have been romantically involved in the past, and in many day to day interactions, I tend to accommodate others. I always am asking “what do you want to do?” and “how do you feel about this?” I try to stay away from “hating” on anything. When someone says, “I loved XYZ’s new album”, I typically say something along the lines of “Oh yeah? Cool!” or “Yeah, it was pretty good” if I’ve already had a listen. I don’t take the time to formulate my own opinion, and instead try to support someone else’s preferences. However, when I absolutely LOVE something, I will be the first to tell you about it. I’m learning though, that having my own likes, and just as importantly, dislikes, is part of what makes me unique, and I need to embrace that. The biggest take-away is that in the end, they both came to a conclusion that they wanted companionship, as opposed to going back to their old habits. As an independent twenty-something, I’ve learned to function on my own. I’ve almost all but given up on the idea that I could find a healthy relationship with someone who cares for me the right way. I’ve made myself so busy with work, fitness, friends, and appearance, that I dedicate almost zero time to meeting anyone new. Part of that stems from being too available in the past, letting myself go a bit, and feeling friendless after a failed relationship. This experiment made it clear that building a relationship means dedicating time to someone else. It’s hard to admit that you want more than what you currently have, that perhaps you aren’t as happy as your Facebook might suggest, but coming to that realization is the first step. What I really want is to be with someone on a level playing field. Someone who will let me keep the best parts of my independence, but offer me the ability to share those things. I want a guy that loves how much I love my friends, and I hope he enjoys their company. I want someone who understands my passion for music, and will let me chase after that. Being young and curious means needing time to yourself, and I don’t want to give that up, but I see the potential for it being better by sharing this phase, and working together with someone to find our true selves. In the end, knowing what you want is paramount. Being confident enough to walk away when it’s not right, or strong enough to put yourself out there when it is, that’s the real challenge, and I want to take that head on. What do you want?

#40daysofdating #dating #thoughts #personal statement #40 days of dating #dissecting myself #love

[thaswhatshesaid]

If Beyonce and Jay Z ceased to exist tomorrow, Tumblr traffic would decline by 78%. That’s a proven fact.

Drew Magary

[thaswhatshesaid]

#nobody said it was easy #no one ever said it would be this hard #the scientist #coldplay #chris martin #lyrics #quote #typography #raleway

[thaswhatshesaid]

#the perks of being a wallflower #emma watson #quote #stephen chbosky #logan lerman #ezra miller #paul rudd #we accept the love we think we deserve

[thaswhatshesaid]

Back in my prime #tbt #watchthethrone #tannerthanmymomsincebirth (Taken with Instagram)

#watchthethrone #tannerthanmymomsincebirth #tbt

[thaswhatshesaid]

I made a thing. Feel free to use it, just give credit. 

and yeah...I will wait.

#i will wait #mumford #mumford and sons #babel #mumford & sons #lyrics

[thaswhatshesaid]

it's probably a good idea

to go to bed, and stop looking at randos on howaboutwe.com. dern it internet, fudge me to dern.

[thaswhatshesaid]

this caption. this face. 

i can't.

[thaswhatshesaid]

I'm not like other girls, I'm not like be my boyfriend, unless you were like yeah, then I'd be like...maybe

Bridesmaids

[thaswhatshesaid]

real talk

"i used to dream every night, now i never dream at all. i'm hoping that it's cause i'm living everything i want."

#Childish Gambino #Donald Glover #real talk

[thaswhatshesaid]

#chocolatehazelnut with @diediecaptures (Taken with Instagram at Pom Pom's Teahouse & Sandwicheria)

#chocolatehazelnut

[thaswhatshesaid]

Love my best friend so much @diediecaptures (Taken with Instagram at Downtown Orlando)

[thaswhatshesaid]

sometimes, you're in the moment and you keep your mouth shut.

then when you get home, this is what happens.

[thaswhatshesaid]

my heart is literally aflutter. if you're from orlando, you should definitely check out the cd release show. 

if you could re-blog this, that'd be awesome, so more people can hear how great circus is and how fantastical the cd is gonna be. circus music = happy, so yeah. if you wanna be happy, check 'em out. 

#orlando #Orlando music #circus #thebandcircus #music #new music #indie #folk #build me up buttercup #cover #cover song

[thaswhatshesaid]

A little sumpin sumpin. #beer #lagunitas (Taken with Instagram at 903 Mills Market)

#beer #lagunitas

[thaswhatshesaid]

‘Community’ connection map.

[thaswhatshesaid]

Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, ok? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!

-Gretchen Weiners, Mean Girls.

Happy Ides of March.