thatchaotictiefling

[thatchaotictiefling]

they should invent joints that dont hurt

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they should invent joints that dont hurt

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they should invent joints that dont hurt

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True Sight

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me: how about you stop “scrolling” your “dash” and start dashing to deliver me scrolls

my useless apprentice: why do you pay the homunculus more than me

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#ooo handsome #tf2 #undescribed

[thatchaotictiefling]

Number of Goblins, ranked

One Goblin - That's just a goblin. He's probably just getting his groceries or something. Leave him alone, you asshole.

Ten Goblins -- That's a fairly normal amount of goblins. There's generally around ten goblins in any given situations. They're just here for aesthetic, so you know it's a fantasy world. Remember to tip them when you leave.

One Hundred Goblins -- Ok this is too many goblins, but this is a reasonable amount of too many goblins. Like, this is maybe an army of goblins or something? My point is that they're probably here for a good reason. Best not to mess with them, they're likely load-bearing in some way.

One Thousand Goblins -- This is probably a goblin town, in which case this is really more a case of One Human, which is a completely different list only available on goblintube. If not, all these goblins are lost. Return them to the goblin town. The orcs are worried.

One Million Goblins -- A million goblins? I'm not sure I've even seen a million things in my life , and now there's a million goblins? That's, like, all the goblins. Why are you at a convention of all the goblins? Are you a goblin? Actually, no, that would make sense. Yeah, that's probably what's going on here. Sorry you had to find out this way.

One Billion Goblins -- Ok, look, at this point you have clearly been sent to a future time where humanity is extinct and goblins have inherited the earth. I can think of no other explanation for a billion goblins. This sadly means that you're the weirdo, and you have to go be a cryptid now. At least you can find a phone and read the goblin creepypastas about you.

One Trillion Goblins -- How? What is happening? This is more goblins then there are birds, and they'll all in your house? How is your house this big? Wait, forget the goblins, how is your house this big? Are the goblins here to guillotine you? Probably! Move out of your stupid mansion and let the goblins have it, you weird rich bird-hoarding freak.

One Quadrillion Goblins -- One quadrillion? I'm only like 80% sure that's even a real number! Luckily, you won't have to deal with a quadrillion goblins for long, because soon they'll collapse together under their gravity, forming a far more manageable single planet-sized goblin. Picard's not gonna be happy about this one!

More Goblins -- Fuck off, you do not have more then a quadrillion goblins. Why are you lying? Are you worried I won't like you if you don't claim to have an implausible number of goblins? Don't worry. Your worth is not dependent on your goblin numbers. Go back to the actual number of goblins secure in the fact I love you, no matter how few goblins you have <3

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dominatrix paul revere the british arent coming until I say so. paul revere orgasm denial the british arent coming. paul

[thatchaotictiefling]

@bonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonkbonk your wish is my comand

sure german cake is good but misha has the whole damn bakery

he just got out of the shower after a hard day of work @heavytf2tummy there is something here for you too :3

bonus

#oooo nice #tf2 #undescribed

[thatchaotictiefling]

As a lesbian, I find it difficult to understand attraction to men. That being said, when I see some bara-style dilfs with big soft bellies, I can't help but feel like a warrior watching a display of martial skill from a respectable rival school. I lock eyes with the master leading his students in their daily drills and give him a single nod of undying respect, and he returns the gesture. We both understand that the difference between Dilf and Milf is a single letter.

[thatchaotictiefling]

noooo girlieeeee

[thatchaotictiefling]

buddy dawn cannot raise himself from the grave.

buddy dawn is not a chosen one.

buddy dawn is a child.

buddy dawn was manipulated by organized religion through no fault of his own, most likely since he was born.

buddy dawn had his throat slit by people he probably considered good friends.

buddy dawn is kristen applebees in a different—worse—life.

buddy dawn is dead, and there’s a good fucking chance helio won’t answer his questions.

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evrybody hate me and want me dead. except for god he said faggot! you will live forever

[thatchaotictiefling]

For every modern trans girl who wishes she could return to the days of being a sumerian eunuch temple priestess, there was a sumerian eunuch temple priestess afflicted by an inexplicable desire to play the synthesizer. These were interpreted as prophetic visions

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the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be killed on sight

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(guy stuck in a timeloop) fuckkkkk i got yesterday tomorrow

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trying something new

#tf2 #undescribed