the-actual-og-weirdo

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Well, I was supposed to be getting ADHD meds like 3 weeks ago, but they’re still backordered, so. Rip me I guess.

#And I can’t even get the generic #cause it’s fuckin Concerta #so the generic and brand name affect people completely differently #the generics seems to be closer to a short-term release Ritalin #than anything

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Idk if this is a mood, but

Transition goals:

Damien from Dream Daddy

Rei from Buddy Daddies

It’s all about that emo father energy 🤌 🤌 🤌

#just shitposting #transmasc #transition goals #buddy daddies #dream daddy: a dad dating simulator #honestly tho i want to be them so bad #brb just becoming an emo father of none #i guess #just thoughts

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

It’s interesting coming back to this blog after a while, because my mental health overall is just better. Like I still have bad moments, I still struggle on a daily basis, but like things are way better in comparison.

I think learning how to cope with autism and adhd has helped. Figuring out why I feel the way I do, and doing what I can to fix the source of the problem has done a lot of good.

And I think in general, getting older and caring less has helped.

I used to stress out about finding the right labels for my gender and sexuality, because I thought it would help me figure out who I am. But now I know who I am, and it doesn’t bother me very much that I might never find exact words to describe myself. Being incomprehensible is kind of a vibe anyway.

I don’t know what to do with this blog yet. I’ve started to grow past it’s original purpose. But I want to do something with it. We’ll see.

Also I still have the same sore throat from late September/early October. Which is fun. :3

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Update :p

I haven’t posted on here in a While Idk I’m just... trying to live life and stuff. My base anxiety level has been kinda high for the past several months, so when I was having ongoing, rapidly escalating anxiety attacks, I couldn’t think of any alternative reality other than one where I was actively dying. So, yeah. Anxiety’s funny that way. But I’m fine. I’m just trying to take it easy, and figure stuff out one step at a time. I’ve had a mega sore throat for over a week, with no improvement. I’ve ruled out strep throat and covid, so I don’t really have an explanation. I’m thinking I’m just allergic to my house (wish I was joking). Still have a bunch of unexplained chronic pain. Still no-energy-o’clock, 24/7. Still low-key depressed. Still super fucking Queer Cheers, lads

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Sometimes I think about how many years gender dysphoria has kept me from being myself, living my life, and doing the things I enjoy. It’s beyond painful. It’s heartbreaking. And it makes me angry.

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

One of the things I don’t talk about much is how uncomfortable it is to not have anything to look forward to, for long, long periods of time. To go through each day on autopilot, having severe anxiety attacks as I try to fall asleep. To forget what it was like to live a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, and to not know if I’ll ever stop forgetting things. To not have the mental health and strength to build a healthy future for myself. To ask myself over and over again if I really think things will ever change.

#weirdo thoughts #mental health #anxiety #dissociative amnesia #dysthymia

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

The last few days have felt like at least a week

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

crash

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Hot chocolate has done more for me than any antidepressant

#I wanna say that I probably have drug-resistant depression #because antidepressants have done jack for me #but idk #milk + dark choccy = good

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Living with your parents as an Adult With Mental Health Issues™️ sucks absolute ass bro. Like you know they’re judging you for not having a job, not waking up and going to sleep at times they find appropriate, not eating perfectly healthy foods, not exercising every day. And it’s like… be glad I remembered to go to the bathroom today. Be glad that I ate at all. Be glad that I woke up today and chose to not guilt trip myself over not being able to use spoons I don’t have. Smh

#personal #plus they don’t even do those things #like I see you #playing games on the computer and watching YouTube all day #same as me #god it’s fucking infuriating

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Having a sad Christmas

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

The fact that no one can tell when I’m crying makes me feel even more isolated than I already do. It’s like I’m not really here, like nothing I do matters.

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

I feel alone right now

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

I’ve heard that minoxidil helps facial hair growth, pre-t, so I just picked some up from Walgreens. I only have 1 can of the foam product, so I’m just going to try it on my mustache area at first. I don’t know how long it’ll take to work. I know some people get results in a month or two.

Ugh, I’m so excited!! I really hope it works!

#minoxidil #pre t #transgender #nonbinary #lgbt

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

I feel liked and genuinely cared for, at a distance and in small amounts, by my friends, my sister, and my partner. I occasionally feel liked as the person my parents think I am. But I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel consistently, deeply wanted. Maybe the hole in my heart can only be filled by something my parents should’ve given me. Maybe it can only be filled if I love myself. But I can’t love myself. No one ever taught me how to do that.

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

I made a masc-spike flag, with the agender stripes in the background

Might be genderfaun/genderfawn? Fuck, I dunno. More news at 10

#masc spike #masc-spike #masculine spike

[the-actual-og-weirdo]

Ah. Masc-spike. Got it.

Might be genderfaun/genderfawn? Fuck, I dunno. More news at 10