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Anonymously - or not - tell me what passage, fic, line of narration, or anything you remember me by as a writer.

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Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

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“May you have a life of safety and peace”, said the witch, cursing the bloodthirsty warrior.

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my arch nemesis cynthia is, of course, at the bank, because we both were sent like clockwork to pick up the checks of our husbands. she is wearing a lovely long green gown, which i know was on behalf of me, because, as my husband will tell you, our house abhors green and glamour. already the tellers look at each other under their little hats, for they love our tirades, i’m sure, although not more than i hate them. 

“oh, is that your knitting?” my arch nemesis cynthia peers her eyes at my hands. “is it some kind of… sock?” everyone knows she and i used to be close before we were married and our husbands, smartly so, have introduced us to the idea of true vengeance.

“it is a scarf,” i say. i want to tell her that when the time comes and the world gets cold it will go over my mouth and i will breathe warm air and it will fill my lungs and i will be able to run around with my love even in the dark night. “it is not,” i say, “over surprising that you should be caught unawares of a scarf,” i say, “as i’m sure enjoying winter festivities are too beneath the handsome qualities your husband prefers.” pompous ass.

the tellers pass each other eyes for now it has started and they are delighted.

my arch nemesis cynthia thrusts out her hand. a white bottle. “rat poison,” she says. “i would expect the whole town knows about your little problem.” stage whisper. “such a shame, my dear.” then she rustles her long green skirts - which i know she wore on behalf of me - and she shimmies herself out of the room like royalty. oh, she floats everywhere she goes, beautiful black hair behind her. the bottle in my palm is cold. i will devise how to get her back starting first thing tomorrow.

the week, as always, is a long week, for there is much to make and do and knit and be. my husband comes home and i love him for who he is; for he never comes home without checking the state of the house up and down. he is the kind who loves his home so completely and sets each room like a stage for a great band to come playing. i am too ashamed to tell him why so many of the rats go missing, only make him a stew the next morning to celebrate. his favorite, although not mine, i’m afraid. plenty left over.

my arch nemesis today - of course - in a green the color of rotting. a bruise is uncarefully covered on her cheekbone, so striking against all of her dainty. her husband would say it was for her ungraceful nature, and i know mine would agree. i strike first, already delighted by my master plan, shoving over our best picnic basket tied with a bow. “i made you and yours a stew,” i say, “for beneath all that you carry” all that horrible wealth of your husband  “it seems you’re getting rather skinny.” i can’t resist one last comment. “i am worried you’re about to waste to nothing.”

She plucks it out of my hand. “yes, if it weren’t for you and your husband’s dwindling wealth,” her sarcasm is biting, “i’m sure i will be nothing in, oh, 5 weeks time.” she arches a brow. “so long from now.”

“i am counting the days,” i tell her. her lips purse. the tellers behind me make a choked titter. perhaps, by their estimation, i have won this round quite completely. i go home to my husband smiling. he asks where i have been and i tell him i’ve been at the bank, but he checks anyway because i like to get up to tricks and he doesn’t like to fall for it. it is a good game we play. at night, when he is asleep, i am so in love that i must convince myself to pull the covers over my nose and practice breathing. how silly to wake him up for a young girl’s feelings. 

the first week of five: she gives me a solid, ugly ring that requires three knuckles to hold. “i feel so badly for your status, and i must remember to practice charity,” she says. “it such a small thing, but do be careful amongst all that thin pine furnishing of your house, which dents so easily.” my husband appears at the bank’s front door. just checking. so lovely to be picked up by him. at night, in a rage, i try it - beneath the table bends easily. i scuff out the scratch with walnut before my husband can see. i pull the covers over my face in bed and breathe.

the second week: i wear her ugly ring and give her more stew, this time hearty with meat. her dress is a meadow. my heart each time it sees her collapses on itself. she hands me clothes for my husband, since his wealth continues to go missing, and the charity of her heart is so loving. i am so ashamed i bury them far by the old tree, where all my shames go hiding. again, the covers. it, by now, helps me sleep. i have gotten so good at it that i can simply shimmy my shoulders to be perfectly toasty and buried.

the third week: she asks how comes my knitting. i tell her it’s nearly complete. she asks how comes my husband, whom she must know has been ill recently, and who is doing quite badly. i go home to him, shaking. even sick he is a good housekeeper, who comes home examining for dust and dinge so i do not fall behind on my chores. who checks to be sure i spoke to only him and no one more, for fear a man might snatch me. tell me, who else has a man so involved, in this day and age?

the fourth week she is envy green. i shove a whole heaping of stew at her, for now her husband has gotten it. i say it will return him to spirits, she laughs, a sudden, beautiful sound, even in the quiet of a bank. everyone stares. maybe it is the stress that is making her quite improper. i feel the same way. so much is happening and it always seems she knows. she says she heard he has left me nothing in the will, which everyone already knows. she says she doubts either of us can dig upwards from the hole we’re both in. i look at the bruise on her nose. i tell her to mind her own husband, and be careful where she goes.

the fifth week: so final. her, garishly lime green. and i in black, to pick up a check that hardly seems the effort. it will be enough to cover my husband’s funeral. she smiles at me and hands me a silver bottle. she says quietly: now that i am destitute, there is one thing for it all, and everyone would understand quite completely. it would be quiet, and quick, and complete.

it is the night of the new moon, so dark no man can see in it. i receive notice her husband has died, and i am sorry to say i find a terrible joy in it. the air has changed cold. i have left a note asking to be buried in my scarf, the last thing i have made on this earth. i go through each perfect room, but there is nothing else to take with me, for the house has always been his and his alone, and now aches to be gone of him. i would not serve as a good tender for it. having spent so many nights watched carefully, the silly girlish freedom i’d gain would surely set the house ablaze.

i follow her instructions. quick, quiet, complete.

the horrible rustling is what does it. like a million green skirts. and then it is dark, and i am in my own coffin, eerie with pine. my head hurts but i must be quick and quiet. they have listened and buried me with my scarf. i shimmy my shoulders just-so and get it over my face. bring my arms up, ugly ring heavy, and begin to hit as hard as i can, over and over, the thin wood of my husband’s favorite furniture, the cretin. it would be pine, of course - he left me no money to be buried in any nicer recourse.

the wood splits so horribly, and then it is very hard to breathe, harder than under the covers, and i have to remind myself to be patient and continue to dig upwards, while my throat closes and my heart beats so loudly and the whole thing is so heavy it is a universe. the shifting of gravedirt is loud, and loud, and i feel i will be turned into a worm, and i fear everyone has forgotten about me, or i have gotten the timing wrong, or i will really die down here in the dirt and the cold

but then her hand, and my hand, and we are both digging towards each other, and she lifts me so easily from the ground like a plucked turnip and holds me against her, us both panting and muddied. we can only stay like this for so long, here in my pauper grave, and then we are both running to the old tree where we met, and unburying a second thing; my lovely box of shame, and men’s clothes, and all of my husband’s dwindling fortune i have slowly been squirrelling away.

my love and angel cynthia, who has black hair like a curtain and a mind so fast i sometimes am in frank awe at it, who is, even now and dirty and raw: even now the only sun in my life.

like this, i a man in an almost-dawn, and us cleaned by the river, and her smiling so widely, and only a faint bruise on her, and our pasts behind us in ugly garish colors. and her delicate hand and beautiful nose and when i finally get to kiss her it feels like green feels; my favorite color, all warm and nature and sunny grace and grass and lying awake so filled with love it makes you shake.

i hold her, and she holds me, and our future is a love like a dream unburied.

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on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer” species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba™ with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship

it doesn’t have any special intelligence. it’s just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don’t have knives. it’s just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talking and then suddenly swear and clutch their ankle. knife space roomba putters off, leaving them to their mild stab wounds.

“what is the point?” asks the alien as another crew member casually steps over the knife-wielding robot. “is it to test your speed and agility?”

“no it doesn’t really go that fast,” replies the captain.

“does it teach you to stay ever-vigilant?”

“I mean I guess so but that’s more of a side effect.”

“does it weed out the weak? does it protect you from invaders? do repeated stabbings let your species heal more quickly in the future?”

“it doesn’t stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool — someone write that down.”

“but then what is its purpose?”

“I don’t know,” the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. “it just seemed cool”

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Asking BG3 characters to pick you up pads

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orpheus saying "to the world we dream about" and then turning and raising his cup to the audience when he says "and the one we live in now." fourth wall break of all time. reminding the audience that this story isn't just about hadestown, but is also about our world. stepping back into reality, just for a brief moment, to acknowledge both the joy and pain of living in that world. it is so deeply compassionate and real and it breaks my heart every time.

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💫 In Space With Markiplier (Fanart | 2022) 💫

I drew these nine scenes from ISWM for a fan project (which didn't get released yet, but might be in the future)! I was allowed to share them by now anyway, so enjoy!

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Omg hi! First of thank you for being such a welcoming blog!! I was wondering if I could request (if your comfortable) a Charlie Kelly x reader headcannons (or whatever you prefer) maybe about the reader being hired to work at the bar and he gets a bit flustered and has his usual antics trying to act cool around the reader ?? Ahh sorry if that didn’t make sence

I also was wondering if you had a master list anywhere? Hope you have a wonderful day! :)

tysm ahhh!!! i would LOVE to do this!!! i totally blanked on making a masterlist but i will definitely make one soon! if i dont have one up by the time i finish this, all my stuff is under #ollieshcs for the time being :D

- okay so id like to think you got hired bc dee is fed up (per usual) of being the only one constantly bartending and threatens to quit for the twentieth time. the ‘interview’ mostly consists of the gang arguing with each other while you sit at the booth and wait for them to ask you a question

- no one bothers to teach you anything so the first night after closing you’re just crouched behind the bar, tryna figure out where everything is. charlie walks in and you pop up from behind the counter to say hello. he understandably jumps, yelping and dropping the mop hes holding. he mumbles some excuse about how frank will be missing him, and speedwalks out of the bar. he doesnt mention it the next morning

- i feel like during one of the super busy nights, charlie joins you behind the bar to try and help out. hes mostly making up his own drink recipes but hes trying. you catch him ducking down behind the counter to take a shot multiple times. omg at one point you brush his arm while reaching for something and in a panic, he just straight up drops the glass hes holding

- i cannot stress how much the gang is making fun of him for how stupid hes acting. they clearly know he likes you so everytime the two of you are anywhere near each other, mac just starts making kissing noises until dennis tells him to stop. charlie has physically tackled dennis to stop him telling you any embarrassing stories about him

- one time you were cleaning up behind the bar after everyone was gone and charlie (in an effort to impress you) spent half an hour telling a story about the time a group of rats almost took over the bar. you mentioned smth about how cool it was that he stopped them and his face immediately flushed pink

- he is constantly trying to do tricks to impress you and theyve never once worked. tried to casually flip a bottle of whiskey which of course fell and shattered. picked a fight with dee, got decked, and almost fell to the ground

- plus he for sureee shows you all of his various business ideas!!!! hes always showing you the informercials and being all proud of himself and waiting for your reaction

omg okay this is going very long, i will shut up!! but this was so fun to write and i hope it’s what you were hoping for!! <333

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i saw you had open rq and I was wondering if you could write some headcanons for Charlie Kelly (iasip) dating someone who deals with chronic pain especially in their back and if you're okay with it maybe some platonic hcs for how the rest of the gang reacts/"helps". thank you so much!!

this is so late please accept my undying apologies my life has been hectic as of late!!! this is so sweet yes i’ve absolutely got you, i hope this is what you want <33

- he is definitely constantly trying to help you carry stuff, like literally anything. if you walk around w a drink in hand hes like “what are you doing? give me that!!!!” he just doesn’t understand and wants to make sure nothing makes it worse

- also offers to carry you places. you probably didn’t believe him the first couple times he offered, bc hes not the strongest looking guy. but one time you jokingly say yes and he just swoops you up to take you up the stairs

- always offering to give you massages but it usually means you lay on the bar and he almost lights you on fire while trying to light candles for “ambience”

- on bad pain days, hes been known to just lock both of you inside the bar’s back room so you can just relax without having to interact with a ton of people

- mac is strong as hell and has also been known to offer you piggyback rides on multiple occasions

- dennis would never admit it but he is absolutely stealing pain meds from frank and leaving them in charlies pockets for charlie to give to you

- when you’re occasionally like overwhelmed and hurting and tired of everything, dee is always the first to notice (besides charlie) and will immediately ask if you want to go sit outside for a bit or go home. she also loves any excuse to do a ‘spa day’ which just means you guys (and sometimes the reat of the gang) go to dee’s place and watch tv and nap for the whole day

- even frank has been known to give charlie the day off if you can’t seem to get out of the house, just because he secretly has a soft spot for you

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By LabradoriteKing on Pinterest

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heyyy was wondering if you did hcs and if you did could I request dating charlie kelly ones?? i cannot stop thinking thoughts

dating charlie kelly hcs!!

a/n: AHHH i love this i have so so many thoughts!! these are like my personal hcs but i still hope these make sense and i have a good grasp on his character. i think i do after watching 15 seasons multiple times but idk. let me know! thank you and i hope you enjoy it!! <33

not my gif!

charlie absolutely adores you!! he looks at you and just has absolute heart eyes

he’s also very obsessive (to a certain extent, not like with the waitress (unless you’re into that))

when you first met, god, he was so awkward. he thought he was constantly making a fool of himself but you found him very endearing :)

sometimes still can’t believe that you’re actually together

he LOVES stealing getting you gifts whenever he can

he hangs onto every word you say so he knows your interests very well. when he sees anything related to them, wether it be a shirt, a keychain, action figures, or even just little trinkets he think you’d like, he just has to get it for you

you get little gifts for him too and he loves them. cherishes each and every one

charlie’s doesn’t really like being touched but you’re definitely an exception

especially after coming home from a long day of doing charlie work at the bar. all he wants is for you to hold him and run your fingers through his hair while some random show plays on the TV

he’s the only one who ever actually does work at Paddy’s, but if you work with the gang he 100% procrastinates just so he can spend time talking to you at the bar

always trying to get you on board with whatever latest scheme him, or the gang, has because he just always wants to spend time with you. doesn’t matter what you guys are doing

dennis often flirts with you, mainly just to get on charlie’s nerves, and you always turn him down. charlie trusts you more than he’s ever trusted anyone (besides maybe Mac), but he can’t help but still feel possessive

not a big fan of PDA but will always wrap an arm around your waist or shoulder as his little way of saying “hey back off, they’re mine”

will also brush against your arm and leave just little touches throughout the day, especially when no one else is around

not that he doesn’t like showing affection in front of others!! he’s not like embarrassed or anything. in fact, he loves showing you off

he would just rather save all the cuddly stuff for when you guys are alone, away from the worries of the world

i feel like one of his main love languages is definitely acts of service.

oh you’re afraid of spiders? he’s immediately squashing them with his shoe the second he sees one in your apartment

will try to make you dinner. it usually goes fine but if he ends up burning it then, hey, it’s the thought that counts. you’re still super appreciative and give him a hug and kiss, before ordering take out for the two of you

anything he can do for you, he will do for you. even if it’s something as simple as getting you a beer from the fridge after a long day

if you’re always sleepy in the morning, he knows that about you. when you tiredly get out of bed, forced to start your day, he’ll wrap an arm around your waist and pull you back into bed. he’ll mumble something about a few more minutes and the two of you just stay in bed for a while, content in each other’s arms.

he loves to just observe you. like if you’re running around the bar, serving drinks, he’ll just watch and admire you.

the two of you absolutely adore each other. the gang teases you often but you guys don’t care. and the gang will never flat out admit it, but they’re happy for the both of you :)

little extra i think about often:

charlie has a soft spot for cats. if you happen to be a cat person too? you two are definitely going to the shelter and adopting one together

you’re content spending the majority of your time at home with just charlie and your cat. and so is he

he loves the gang, of course, but you’re his sanctuary. his safe place amongst all the chaos in his life.

spending time together on the couch, eating snacks and watching movies, with your cat cuddled up on your lap, is the perfect night to both of you <33

#I just started watching iasip with my husband and as awful of people as the entire cast is I do like Charlie

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DELETE THIS POST

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I think that Astarion would be the most tired of saving him

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Rating Baldur’s Gate III party characters by how likely they are to be able to give tav a piggy back ride:

Gale: 3/10 — the man tries, confound it. he’s a wizard, not someone who actually needs to utilize his muscles regularly, and you are shaped quite differently from a pile of books. he will apologize profusely after failing.

Astarion: 2/10 — will outright refuse unless you’re literally dying, and he can only make it for about 10 steps before balancing so that his bones up to take the brunt of the weight stops working. he will complain the whole time.

Shadowheart: 8/10 — doesn’t really get why you want to do this, but trusts you enough to let you try. can do so easily. you feel safe because you know she won’t drop you.

Lae’zel: 7/10 — can do it. isn’t used to helping injured comrades, but will help you. she will spend the entire time either in silence or telling you about the last time she had to carry a heavy pack up a mountain both ways for Vlaakith as a young girl.

Wyll: 6/10 — valiant effort. tries, but he’s just not that physically strong. will try to waste a potion of hill giant strength to make it work and will be very sweet and polite about the whole thing as long as you don’t make too much fun of him for almost dropping you.

Karlach: (2/10 or) 10/10 — sure, Soldier, so long as it’s after you meet Dammon in act 2, or your skin will melt right off. She can put you on her shoulders if you want. Or one shoulder. And it doesn’t seem to weigh her down at all. She sways when she has you on her back and can’t do her little fortnight dances. She likes the weight and the feeling of you holding her. This is the kind of stupid shit she’s missed so much.

Minthara: 4/10 — are you stupid? do you really need her to carry you? will do it. can do it. won’t be happy about it but won’t complain once she picks you up. it will happen but it won’t be pleasant.

Halsin: 10/10 — will ask you if you want him to do it as a person or a bear first. will be confused when you want elf shape Halsin to do it, but will be down for it. he gets a little winded after a while but he doesn’t complain. he just laughs about it and might shift into a bear anyway so he doesn’t drop you.

Jaheira: 6/10 — only if you’re dying. won’t even give you the option otherwise because she didn’t enjoy having to do it for her own children, much less a fully-grown adult. will only do it in jaguar form because she doesn’t want to drop you. have you thought about asking Minsc? he would be better at this.

Minsc: 9/10 — might not be the most stunning conversationalist, but will do it no questions asked. The only condition is that you must let Boo ride on your shoulder, as you are taking up Minsc’s shoulder, which is his normal spot. He might forget you’re there after a while if Boo doesn’t remind him, but he won’t do anything to get you hurt because he’s used co carrying someone much smaller.

Honorable Mentions:

Volo: -1/10 — can’t do it but will tell everyone he not only can, but has on several occasions.

Owl Bear: 8/10 — A for effort until he’s a grown up. wants you to ride on his back because you bring him treats and scritches.

Isobel: 5/10 — can’t do it, is sorry about it, but promises that her partner could do it.

Dame Aylin: 10/10 — will ask to carry you bridal style instead because it’s uncomfortable for you both because of her wings but will fly while holding you if you ask nicely.

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Inbox me (1) thing you want to know about me.

DO IT PLS