the-badass-journal-keeper

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

good morning to angry kids who got kicked out of college, people who like the forest, young men whose mothers were murdered and have built their life plans around seeking revenge, beautiful disabled necromancers, heroes who turned into dogs, the brothers of the heroes who turned into dogs, HR workers who are slightly uncomfortable with the direction their company has gone in recent years, secret society members, demon princes, and anyone who could be described as a physical embodiment of the concept of chaos

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

taako, magnus and merle: *have to watch their friends think magnus is dead, juggling a ton of lies, getting ready to break in to the directors quarters and possibly have to face her*

barry, in the pocket spa with a mud mask and cucumbers over his eyes, sitting in a jacuzzi: wow this is the easiest infiltration mission ever

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

[id: digital lineless drawing of lup and barry in the size of an iphone screen. barry is a middle age fat white man with light brown hair and a go-tee. He is wearing a white button up tucked into bluejeans with a belt. He has his arms wrapped aroound Lup’s back. Lup is a tall, brown skinned elf with wavy brown hair tied up. she is wearing a black dress with lots of gold jewelry. she has her arms resting on barry. they are both looking at eachother lovingly. end id]

i wanted to make a new phone background for myself

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

how is it that all of lucretia’s one liners in moonlighting always the funniest fucking shit 

“oh you’re so deep in the test, you are knee-deep in test town”

“i particularly liked when you ripped the arms off that poor helpless robot” 

“here’s the problem: they just run right off the goddamn thing”

“goddammit we love domes around here”

“yes, it’s that we very quickly cut your hand off and get the bracer off, but then we attach the hand back and it’s like, not a big deal”

“are there any non terrible questions”

#ate there any nonterrible questions

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

excerpts from the journals

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

bureau of balance employees who have never interacted with tres horny boys: wow.. the reclaimers are so cool…. the saviors of our organization bureau employees who are forced to interact with thb on more than a monthly basis: taako broke into my office the other day and emptied all my staplers and sat on my filing cabinet throwing individual staples at me for five hours

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

he’s a cuddler! he can’t help it

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

How does Davenport feel about the crew demanding a delivery pizza night?

Today’s Davenport battles with rising tensions on the ship.

[image description! An achromatic panel featuring the seven birds with Davenport, a mustached gnome in the foreground talking to the rest of the crew. Davenport says, “We can’t order pizza on an empty plane! There’s no one to order from.” The crew squabbles in response. Taako, a chubby elf, crosses his arms and sticks out his tongue, announcing, “I don’t want to cook!” Next to him, a lich-ified skeletal Lup with bellowing robes rasps out, “PIBZA”. Lucretia, a human with poofy hair, leans over and says calmly, “I would murder for a slice,” while Magnus, a human with large sideburns, says softly (with feeling), “but pizzaaaaaa”. Barry, a human with glasses, turns and says, “Guys, I’m lactose intolerant.” Merle, a bearded dwarf, turns at this and waves a fist up at Barry yelling, “I don’t tolerate intolerance!” Davenport gestures and speaks over them, asking, “What do you want me to do?!” end description]]

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

the first important thing about Barry Bluejeans is that he's full of love, both romantic and platonic. the second important thing about Barry Bluejeans is that he's trapped in a self-imposed time loop of excruciating death after excruciating death and even more excruciating memory loss, which he consciously justifies to himself as the only way to search for the missing love of his life whose help he cannot save this world without, yet his motivations for self-imposing this fate cannot be examined without also examining the unshakeable guilt that he harbors over nearly destroying this world in the first place, and the way he feels he must pay penance by refusing the chance to participate in this world as a citizen. then of course the third important thing about Barry Bluejeans is that he always wears blue jeans, and that's also his last name. which makes him pretty silly.

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

Point: Barry post-Voidfishing would specifically regrow living bodies so his lich form couldn't be tracked by Lucretia, which means that he probably can't reap the same benefits by possessing a corpse — since otherwise, he'd just do that instead to keep his memories.

Counterpoint: the concept of Barry taking a mission with a random adventuring party with the hope of finding Lup, then dying while everyone else is distracted, and having to Weekend at Bernie's his own body around while trying to conceal his true nature from his teammates until they reach their destination is extremely funny.

join this thought exercise with me. Barry's just like: the map says we're only a day away, can we please pick up the pace? yeah, I know I look deathly ill, but I'm raring to go, honest! actually I think that the mold and diseased-infused air of the Evil Dungeon would be great for my condition. I think it would fix me. look, I'm a sick old man. you gotta help me reach the Evil Dungeon before I die. you wouldn't let a sick old man die with the cure in sight, would you? oh, don't worry about the bandits I just vaporized with a single word. really don't worry about all the formaldehyde I've been chugging. it's the only treatment for Miss My Wife disease, otherwise terminal — what do you mean the name of the disease sounds like static

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

i keep changing my design for lup but i think i finally settled on one i like !!

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

Can I request a Taako? Your design for him is literally my favorite

i had some requests for taako and kravitz so

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

My personal hc about why the IPRE patch isn’t part of Lich Barry’s outfit is because after 12 years his apprearence was deteriorating along with his grip on his sanity.

I mean, think about it, his whole form is made of magic and emotions. It’s just a projection and we know it falls apart when he loses it.

So the robes are just getting progressively shabbier and not particularly recognizable as anything other tattered red robes. They don’t look like the uniform of a prestigious institution, designed with deep pockets for notebooks and sample gathering from the field. They don’t look familiar or cozy. The THB don’t see them and wonder if they’re soft.

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

growing increasingly invested in the dynamic of the classic Bureau of Balance crew (Carey & Killian, Johann, Avi, Robbie Pringles, etc) all being buddies, except periodically one of them at a time will get possessed by a powerful lich who is trying very hard to pretend he's just a normal member of the Bureau like everyone else, nothing to see here.

I think Barry knows all their names, favorite foods, and interpersonal drama. after the Story & Song the Bureau crew obviously all know a weird amount about the Seven Birds' personal lives, but are shocked to discover that it goes both ways, and Barry knows just as much about them. and they just think... yeah, this might as well happen. this friendgroup was already so goddamn weird. add that lich to the group chat

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

Draw Lup getting piled on by Taako and Krav's ghost cats

Cats are trans culture sorry not sorry

#kitty!!

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

“No matter how bad things are, no matter how crummy, no matter how dark…”

[the-badass-journal-keeper]

*inhales*

*screams but softly so i dont wake it up*