the-dark-fantastic

[the-dark-fantastic]

Happy Valentine’s day! <3

#the witcher #the witcher tv #geralt of rivia #jaskier #fanart #maxkennedy24 #shit yeah

[the-dark-fantastic]

AU where instead of trying to cure her infertility Yennefer just goes around saving random people’s lives and invoking the law of surprise bcos she figures sooner or later it’ll net her a baby. she hasn’t got one yet but she has amassed about 2 dozen dogs so she’s doing pretty well for herself.

#the witcher #this fandom #i'm dying #SO MANY PUPPIES

[the-dark-fantastic]

The Lady and The Lion

#goals

[the-dark-fantastic]

Under sea ecosystems are bullshit.

Like imagine you’re a little rabbit and you go to nibble on a tree sapling but as soon as you go to take a bite it takes off like a fucking helicopter and disappears over the horizon.

Then, before you can process what just happened, the entire patch of grass you were standing on turns out to be a fox who had turned itself inside out and you die.

#marine life #the deep #have i mentioned i really wanted to be a marine biologist

[the-dark-fantastic]

Ey yo come get your KEEEESES.

#pokemon #mimikyu #fanart #thestalkerbunny #mimikyu kissing booth #yes please

[the-dark-fantastic]

I think we all knew this was the first thing that would happen when I went Home.

And yes, that is a Lvl 100 Popplio holding an Everstone, because I am That Kind Of Person. >.>

#pokemon #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh #pokemon home #popplio #dynamax #pretty sure he's secretly a hutt #listen to that laugh

[the-dark-fantastic]

It offered me both THEORY THEORUM and SKY SKYWALKER, and I think it’s just trying to tell me I’m Space Moon-Moon.

(hits it again)

CAT ASTEROID

I guess this is where I’m going to live? I can orbit with that.

(hits it again)

VICE ANDROMEDA

This sounds like it might be a job? I’m next in line to rule the galazy! I misspelled galaxy! We’re off to a great start, my Andromedabies!

(hits it again)

ULTA NEBUCHADNEZZAR

I read this as ‘Ultra Nebuchadnezzar’ at first, and now can only assume a demon-possessed Gundam is the greatest threat to this galaxy since my accountng skills.

(hits it again)

FUSION IMPACTOR

Praise the Space Pope, at least we have a weapon to fight it!

(hits it again)

FIZZ COLLISION

Our galaxy’s most popular drink! Why thank you, I will have one. That was a very thirsty battle.

(hits it again)

PISS NUCLEON

I, uh, no, not in front of you, anyway?

(hits it again)

ORAL VENTURE

I...is it just me, or are things getting a little weird out here?

(...hits it again?)

*throws up hands* I’M DONE. SPACE MOON-MOON OUT.

I made a generator so you too can find your futuristic unisex sci-fi name.

#i didn't take screenshots of the others #because some of them happened before anal posterior #and once i hit that #there was no going back #i could but scribe the story the oracle told #you would have done the same #but i promise you #every one generated legitimately #there was actually some good stuff in there #like i'm seriously considering them for character names #so i'm not knocking the creator's time effort or concept #these were just #omg #TOO good

[the-dark-fantastic]

i’ve been seeing a lot of posts on my dash about the witcher and it looked pretty interesting to me, but when i went on netflix the description was really vague and unhelpful. in attempt to not accidentally spoil myself by looking on the web, would you mind telling me a little about it?

first of all, to watch the witcher you need to replace your expectation of “good” with “totally unhinged.”

the show is about henry cavill in extremely tight clothing, carrying around a broadsword, facing moral dilemmas, fighting monsters, and having sex. he takes a potion before every fight (which isn’t explained) and no one in the story ages (which also isn’t explained) so people’s parents and grandparents look the same age as their progeny. 

the witcher is not a monster of the week show, nor does it have a coherent ongoing arc. it is not told in chronological order. most of the things that happen are unrelated to everything else that happens. the timeline might happen over weeks, decades, or centuries, and none of that is explained. lore is told in fits and bursts and makes no sense at all. the first episode is absolutely useless and you should not judge the rest of the season based on it, but it has a great sword fight and geralt (that’s henry cavill in extremely tight clothing) talks lovingly to his horse. that’s it. that’s the show.

what is important to know is that the season is adapted from short stories set before the events of the book series. so it’s not season 1 as much as season 0, which is why it feels like nothing is connected or makes sense. it’s a primer to what i’m assuming the next season will be (and i think/hope the fandom will really take off). 

everyone seems to have boners for everyone else. most of the characters are women and they are all absolutely feral. the showrunner is a woman, and most of the eps are written and directed by women. it’s like watching a really wild fanfic come to life. what i love about it is that it’s just so fucking weird. every expectation i had going into it was shattered, and even the moments that were cheesy or boring or cringey or dumb i found somewhat endearing. now that i’m done watching it, i kind of want to watch it again, which is something i rarely do. after every episode i thought, “i really don’t like this, and i don’t want to watch anymore.” and after every episode, i clicked play on the next. 

if you like hot beefy men who are deeply misunderstood as being the bad guy but are actually good-aligned, you’ll like the witcher. if you like complicated, all-powerful, borderline-evil female characters who are greedy and heartless and have ample room for growth, you’ll like the witcher. if you like isolated men who are chased by endearing comedic relief sidekicks, you’ll like the witcher. if you like stories in which seemingly self-centered men are made to become paternal toward helpless beings, you will like the witcher. if you want to ship everyone with everyone else and be totally overwhelmed by attractive people doing attractive things, you will like the witcher. if you like catchy bops that will be stuck in your head for 87 years, you’ll like the witcher.

the only way you will not like the witcher is if you’re expecting it to be good.

#seriously this is how it got me #i'd seen just enough of the games to suspect i'd like it #but not enough to legitimately call myself a fan #and then the show happened #and i got all the books #and look at me now #alternately screaming at them #throwing them across the room #and demanding more #so the cycle can begin again

[the-dark-fantastic]

Owner sees her quadriplegic dog walk for the first time after surgery

#animals #cute animals #black dogs #my heart #the goodest boy

[the-dark-fantastic]

That Midwest feel: When the tornado sirens go off and you panic for a second before remembering “Oh, it’s Wednesday”

#first tuesday here #i grew up in a place that didn't have them #but i've always had a serious fear of tornados #and the first time they tested after i moved here #i was so scared i had to crawl into the next room to ask what was going on because i couldn't stand up #and then he's all #oh yeah they test the sirens every so often #i forgot to tell you #and i'm just like #YOU FUCK

[the-dark-fantastic]

I love Roomba and would die for her. *____*

Roomba literally just sitting in a tub of water while Pepe holds down her towel.

#animals #cute animal #cats

[the-dark-fantastic]

so its generally accepted by authorities that human ancesors didnt ~domesticate~ wolflike ancestors of the dog in the commonly understood manner, right - like, dogs werent the object being verbed upon by our proper noun; there was nothing that deliberate upon our ancestors part, at first. we simply evolved cooperatively for a long while, and the environment in which both dogs and humans existed progressively more closely together selected for certain characteristics in the dogs, and AT SOME POINT we eventually began selectively breeding them. and over generations and generations, we selected for traits we werent necessarily doing so PURPOSEFULLY. not in the style of health issues or other accidental-arrival traits; i mean there are lots of things dogs do that make them more endearing to humans and thus those aspects of dogginess have become more widespread over time.

the ability of many dogs to move their eyebrows is a good example of this - no one set out to purposefully breed for that trait on a widespread scale, and actually its an ability a lot of people probably dont consciously note. what we DO all note is how endearing a dog who can make puppy eyes demonstrates itself to be, unintentionally causing them to be very likely to have motor control of their eyebrows. another good example is dogs' unparalleled ability to understand pointing - like breeding the dog who happens to be cuter because eyebrows, easily understanding pointing is a specific trait weve just happened to select for in pursuit of broader characteristics.

and if we whisk out the cobwebs in our brains that ensnare us into the "humans are sovereign" mentality, the fascinating ways dogs have been molded by contact with humans raises a tremendous question: in what ways might WE have been molded by THEM? to pretend that dogs dont have that degree of potential influence over us means you havent been paying attention. close relationships with dogs have benefitted humanity divers times throughout history, just as they have benefitted from us. AND weve only scraped the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how dogs have changed to better cooperate with us; imagine what remains for us to discover regarding how weve changed to cooperate with them.

#animals #dogs #wolves #domestication #i am a big fan of the dogs domesticated us hypothesis

[the-dark-fantastic]

2020 is the year of the rat

rat

! rats

rat rat

RAAATS

ratatouille

A GOOD RAT!!

YEAR OF THE RAT!!

2020

#animals #cute animals #rodents #rats #year of the rat

[the-dark-fantastic]

The Shifting of the English Language

There used to be a word, now dead, now gone, and a thing we feared above all else. We used to have the word “arkto.”

And they refused to say it, arkto, arkto, arkto, for it might summon the beast itself, like a spell, like a curse. A creature with jaws and height and teeth and a voice like mountains crumbling and claws that rip apart. A thing of nightmares. 

But now we no longer use “arkto” for the bear. 

We do not fear him in the same way. As we used to lay awake in terror in our villages, in the dark, quaking for his size and bone-crushing strength. But that was then. With our skyscrapers and cars and 24-hour light trapped in stasis, we fear we will one day wake up and arkto will be gone, from the poison in the air, and the forests burnt up, and the ice caps melted into tidal waves.

And then no matter how many times we say “arkto” it will not appear again. And I am afraid. I lay awake in terror, in my town, in the dark, quaking for the size of curses we have laid on ourselves.

But times have changed before. Our ancestors feared being eaten by the large and furious things that existed on the outskirts of our imaginations, how we have shifted from conquerors to shepherds, dreaming of saving the things we used to hate. And perhaps the magic is gone. We no longer believe the bear is huge beyond belief and can be summoned with its name alone. We no longer believe it treads in the stars as the ursa major. We no longer believe.

But perhaps magic is what you make of it, perhaps we have magicians in us yet, to reverse the tides and hold each others hands and fold together new Creations to clear the air and heal the burns and change the end of this poem. Twist it, remake it, just as we have in the past from “arkto” to the bear that we now say must live, deserves to live, and we will use our tender hands to save the things that scare us and secure the lives of the things that once ate us. 

So save the bear. Save the beasts. Change the language and grow larger than our pasts, larger than our terrors, and bigger than the limits of our language.

[the-dark-fantastic]

Last of the Ice

I am cold. I am alone. I keep crying out but no one can hear me.

It’s been nights since I have seen my mother and long twilight hours. I sit and I grow hungry on this island- floating further and further away.

The wind grows warm against my fur and the sun is brightly uncomfortable. I know I must swim but I do not know which direction. I do not know if it will help.

I sit and cry out, growing weaker by the minute.

It is only in the wee hours of the morning that a head pokes out of the water. She has dark black hair that is sleek and a small pale face. Her eyes are completely black and she blinks slowly. I would call her something like one of the humans I have seen before, but she is far out among the icebergs and submerged in the freezing waters.

She speaks into my thoughts and I am too weak to question it.

“Why do you cry, little one?” She asks solemnly with her dark eyes and darker lips.

“I am forgotten here,” I saw mournfully, because I know it will not be much longer now. “I do not know where my mother is.”

The face looks left and right along the smooth ocean surface. “You are a long way from land.”

I make an anguished sound and hang my head. “My mother was tired. She did not see me float off.”

“I see,” the creature swims closer to me and I see her blue veins and webbed hands as they plant on the small piece of ice. “This is melting too you know, little one.”

I slump down. “I am too tired to swim.”

She nods and then twists around. She has a tail like an enormous barbed fish and dives away deep into the abyss below. I close my eyes and think I am finally truly lost.

I do not know how much time passes before a splash comes from beside me and a head pops out of the water with a fish between her sharp teeth. “Here.” She spits out before me and I stare at it for a long second.

I descend on the food and try not to choke on it as scarf down the scraps with barely time to breath.

“We were forgotten too once,” she says steadily as she watches me eat. “We were many. With sangs and castles and a whole world.”

I look up at her as I lick my lips and finish the bones of the fish. “But,” she continues, “We dwindled and were forgotten. Lost. I have not seen my own people in ages.”

I go closer to the edge, “that is a sad story.”

She opens her arms up wide, “Come,” she wraps her hands around my middle, “I will swim you back to wherever your mother may be and you shall at least live to hunt another day.”

I did not protest as she picked me up and put my head under her arms and started swimming me back back back towards my home.

And so the mermaid rescued the polar bear cub among the last of the arctic ice.

[the-dark-fantastic]

ladies, if he’s:

tall

hairy

shredded

has a great ass

with glowing red eyes

and is widely considered to be a bad omen due to having been reportedly sighted shortly before the collapse of the silver bridge in point pleasant, west virginia, in 1967

that’s not your man, that’s mothman

#monsterfucker #maybe not this monster #not for me #but i most definitely empathize

[the-dark-fantastic]

#finnish metal #hevisaurus