the-last-modernist

[the-last-modernist]

So thoughtful.

#cats #white cat #sweet baby

[the-last-modernist]

How do you deal with the loss of a cat? A cat that I've had my entire life died nearly a year ago and I still can't move on. Life without him is so weird and uncomfortable. Do you have any advice?

I just lost my cat of 18 years a few weeks ago so I searched for answers myself. I visited my therapist a few extras times and she recommended this article as well to read.  

Coping with Pet Loss 

by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

Anyone who considers a pet a beloved friend, companion, or family member knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss of that friend. Following are some tips on coping with that grief, and with the difficult decisions one faces upon the loss of a pet.

1. Am I crazy to hurt so much?

Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve!

During the years you spent with your pet (even if they were few), it became a significant and constant part of your life. It was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don’t be surprised if you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship.

People who don’t understand the pet/owner bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don’t let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.

2. What Can I Expect to Feel?

Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions:

Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet’s death-the “if only I had been more careful” syndrome. It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed your pet’s life, and only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.

Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone. It’s hard to imagine that your pet won’t greet you when you come home, or that it doesn’t need its evening meal. Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new pet for fear of being “disloyal” to the old.

Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who “failed” to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving your grief.

Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow.

3. What can I do about my feelings?

The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don’t deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them.

You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify them.

Locking away grief doesn’t make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don’t try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet’s loss actually means to you.

Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.

4. Who can I talk to?

If your family or friends love pets, they’ll understand what you’re going through. Don’t hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings with another person is one of the best ways to put them in perspective and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.

If you don’t have family or friends who understand, or if you need more help, ask your veterinarian or humane association to recommend a pet loss counselor or support group. Check with your church or hospital for grief counseling. Remember, your grief is genuine and deserving of support.

[the-last-modernist]

For Captain Bubba.

This song felt specific to and conscious of his circumstances, and how we all wanted him to be happy and well.

[the-last-modernist]

It hurts 💔

[the-last-modernist]

Sharing this with hopes that it brings some comfort 💞

[the-last-modernist]

Currently volunteering a 3hr shift to the Pet Loss Support Hotline at MSU CVM. I am a firm believer that our ‘pets’ are a part of our family and if you are grieving, struggling to cope with their loss, then there should be someone there to help you. Tonight, that might be me!

If you or anyone you know is struggling with the loss of a pet and feels like they need someone to talk to, there are options!

The Listening Ear 24-hour Crisis Hotline: [phone]

The Iams Pet Loss Support Resource Center: [phone] [M-F 8-5]

WSU Hotline: [phone] 

Until April 20th, 2017 MSU Pet Loss Support Hotline: [phone]:30 pm - 9:30 pm EST [T,W,Th]

[the-last-modernist]

reminders for those grieving a loved one:

+ it’s okay to have happy days, you’re not doing a disservice to your loved one by being happy.

+ the grief process is not linear. you will have good days. bad days. okay days. you’ll start your day happy and end it sad...or the reverse. be gentle with yourself. you’re doing great so far.

+ you’ll be reminded of your loved one. those memories may make you feel an incredible amount of emotions, from happy to sad.

+ it’s okay to feel nothing. to feel numb. you won’t always feel like crying or laughing. some days, you’ll feel apathetic. again, that’s okay...that’s normal.

+ keep their memory alive by remembering the good ole days with them. watch videos, look at photos, tell stories about them with your friends/family.

+ it’s okay to not want to talk about your loved one or look at old photos/videos of them. sometimes, it can be tough to remember the good times, because they make you miss them even more.

+ it’s okay to cry. it’s okay to sob. it’s okay to feel low. it’s okay to feel empty. it’s okay to feel anger. it’s okay to take time for yourself.

+ guilt is a normal part of the grieving process, but don’t blame yourself. or do your best to not blame yourself. you did the best you could. it’s not your fault.

+ lean on those around you for support. and support them as well (if they’re affected by the loss). talk to a therapist. find a grief support group.

+ don’t compare your grief to others’. your emotions and grieving process are valid, and should not be compared to those who are grieving as well.

+ it’s okay to feel angry, but do not take out your pain on other people. channel that anger into something healthy — like painting or running/exercising. if your anger becomes too much, i urge you to seek counseling (as it’s completely normal to).

+ know that you will heal. one day, you’ll have more up days than down days. you’ll smile more. you’ll feel like yourself again or a better version of yourself.

[the-last-modernist]

grief, i’ve learned, is really just love. it’s all the love you want to give but cannot. all that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and the hollow part of your chest. grief is just love with no place to go.

-1:25am

[the-last-modernist]

“And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more of a tendency to look for people who live by kindness, tolerance, compassion, a gentler way of looking at things.”

- Martin Scorsese

[the-last-modernist]

Nick Drake photographed by Julian Lloyd, 1967

[the-last-modernist]

songs to make you nostalgic for a time you didn’t live through/will never understand

✰ the beatles // mother nature’s son, hey jude, yesterday, norwegian wood, in my life, dear prudence, blackbird, across the universe, the long and winding road

✰ bob dylan // visions of johanna, don’t think twice it’s all right, farewell (witmark demo, 1963), mr. tambourine man (witmark demo, 1964), to ramona, my back pages, she belongs to me (solo acoustic demo), desolation row, a hard rain’s a-gonna fall, boots of spanish leather, one too many mornings

✰ caetano veloso // araçá azul

✰ creedence clearwater revival // have you ever seen the rain?

✰ chet baker // i fall in love too easily (vocal version)

✰ cat stevens // where do the children play?, how can i tell you, the wind

✰ dave van ronk // hang me, oh hang me; dink’s song

✰ donovan // catch the wind

✰ emitt rhodes // lullabye

✰ erik satie // gymnopédie no. 1

✰ françoise hardy // mon amour adieu, suzanne

✰ fleetwood mac // landslide, songbird

✰ joan baez // it ain’t me babe, blowin’ in the wind

✰ john lennon // look at me

✰ joni mitchell // cactus tree, a case of you

✰ john coltrane & johnny hartman // my one and only love

✰ led zeppelin // going to california, that’s the way, bron-yr-aur, ten years gone, the rain song

✰ nick drake // which will, place to be, fly

✰ oscar isaac & marcus mumford // fare thee well (dink’s song)

✰ peter, paul, and mary // where have all the flowers gone, 500 miles, don’t think twice it’s all right

✰ phil ochs // there but for fortune

✰ pink floyd // wish you were here

✰ roy harper // goldfish

✰ sandy denny // who knows where the time goes?

✰ simon & garfunkel // april come she will, for emily wherever i may find her, kathy’s song, the only living boy in new york

✰ sun kil moon // ocean breathes salty

✰ stan getz, joão gilberto, & astrud gilberto // the girl from ipanema

✰ van morrison // into the mystic

✰ the zombies // the way i feel inside

[the-last-modernist]

“I danced myself out of the womb Is it strange to dance so soon? I danced myself into the tomb But then again Once more…” - Cosmic Dancer

[the-last-modernist]

The world is a much sadder and emptier place.

[the-last-modernist]

Just give me one thing that I can hold on to To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

John Prine, 1946-2020. You will be missed. 

[the-last-modernist]

When I get to heaven, I’m gonna shake God’s hand

Thank him for more blessings than one man can stand

Then I’m gonna get a guitar and start a rock-n-roll band

Check into a swell hotel; ain’t the afterlife grand?

And then I’m gonna get a cocktail: vodka and ginger ale

Yeah, I’m gonna smoke a cigarette that’s nine miles long

I’m gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl

‘Cause this old man is goin’ to town

[the-last-modernist]

“I like missing you so hard because it makes me feel strongly that you are not a dream, you are real, you are living, and I’ll meet you again.”

— Simone de Beauvoir, from a letter to Nelson Algren featured in Transatlantic Love Affair: Letters to Nelson Algren

[the-last-modernist]

Tufts University, Massachusetts