the-lonely-only-child

[the-lonely-only-child]

[GUY WHO IS AN OPEN, AND FRANKLY RATHER CONCERNING, BOOK]: don't read into it too much. honestly.

[the-lonely-only-child]

i saw a post on twitter by a european saying americans are fake for their random compliments to strangers and their general cheery demeanor and like no. no no no you don’t understand. if you get a random compliment from an american on the street about your outfit or whatever, that is 100% genuine. we mean it. we aren’t lying we are making a small but fleeting connection with you because our lives are shitty but the human condition is enduring. oh god i’m clutching my chest

[the-lonely-only-child]

The person next to me in the train station is eating dicks and it smells so damn good

[the-lonely-only-child]

It's dishonest work and it's a lot. And nobody needs to do it

#me with my thesis

[the-lonely-only-child]

[the-lonely-only-child]

[the-lonely-only-child]

Girldick this, boydick that, I’m hunting MOBY Dick

[the-lonely-only-child]

I got blood inside my phone charging port and now it only works 50% of the time

[the-lonely-only-child]

I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Owen?" and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Wes look at this," and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Owen," and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson's cheeks but he can't say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

#I FINALLY FOUND IT AGAIN

[the-lonely-only-child]

emailing my advisor like “hey what time are we going to have our meeting about my chapter draft on friday. also can it maybe not be on friday because it will not be done. let me know!”

#literally me #meeting my advisor like hey I’m turning it in Friday not Wednesday #then Monday comes along and he emails me like where’s the draft #teehee #i’m going insane

[the-lonely-only-child]

does anybody have a grenade I can use

[the-lonely-only-child]

it continues that nothing is funnier than young bright eyed misha collins being cast as the very first angel on supernatural and coming in hot with Acting Choices that this ancient divine being should be a little strange and offputting and then No Other actors cast as angels following suit At All such that castiel canonically just had to become known as a peculiar little freak

[the-lonely-only-child]

This is Maggie's worm collection

She loves her worms more than any other toy. She plays with them loads and carries them around the house

At night the worms have to go in a box so that she doesn't wake me up playing with them. So every evening before bed I gather up the worms, put them in their box and have Maggie say goodnight to them.

Night night worms!

[the-lonely-only-child]

Taking a 5-second break from the Bagginshield angst to bring you this meme I created after an all-nighter, enjoy.

[the-lonely-only-child]

That’s my name don’t wear it out!

[the-lonely-only-child]

it’s always “poor little meow meow” or “evil bastard” or “I could make him worse” what about men who are normal 🙄what about men who pay taxes and are well adjusted individuals and not at all insane

[the-lonely-only-child]

love how crocodiles evolved like tens of millions of years ago and then were just like "boom. got it in one. dangerous log. that's my thing" and have been kicking it ever since