the-most-beautiful-broom

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

i, like, can't even with this place (a spider-man and jumanji au)

ARE YOU READY TO SAVE THE WORLD?

Seek your legacy and leave your mark on the map in JUMANJI! Experience thrilling, cinematic storytelling and blockbuster action set pieces! Travel alongside Dr. Smolder Bravestone and his band of intrepid explorers to save the heart of Jumanji and restore the Jaguar Stone!

JUMANJI includes critically acclaimed, globe-trotting adventures, remastered in stunning detail with improved visuals and framerate. Some features may require an account and are subject to terms of service and applicable privacy policy.

THE GOAL FOR YOU I'LL RECITE IN VERSE Я̷̘̀Ǝ̴͙̿Ƨ̸̦̍T̷̹̕O̵̹͘Я̸̳̄Ǝ̸͗ͅ ̵̻̈́T̷͈͋H̶͇̀Ǝ̷̖̑ ̴̘͐Ⴑ̴̲̂Ǝ̷̻̊W̸̰̎Ǝ̸͇̀⅃̸̰̎ AND LIFT THE CURSE IF YOU WISH TO LEAVE THE GAME YOU MUSTƧ̴̣̎Ả̸̝V̸́͜Ǝ̸̱̿ ̵̞̐Ⴑ̸̳̒U̴̝̐M̶̲̍Ă̴̯Й̸̢Ⴑ̵̱̚I̷̢̕ ̶̘͆Â̵̧И̶̨̑ꓷ̵̤͛ ̸̼͂Ɔ̴̙́À̶̢⅃̴͖̊⅃̶͔̀ ̷̛̥Ô̵̰U̴͇͆T̵̺̆ ̸̧̒Ȋ̷ͅT̷̜͌Ƨ̷̪̕ ̸͔̇И̶̖͂À̸̰M̸̧̊Ǝ̶̧̍

(So, yeah. MJ's thinking she should have maybe read the terms and conditions on this one.)

read chapter one on ao3

#spiderman #spiderman fic #spiderman au #michelle jones #betty brant #ned leeds #jumanji au #y'all my computer and phone had forgotten tumblr logins bc i'm never on #but i resurrected to tell you about this fic bc it's everything #and the author doesn't have a tumblr so

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

about to use the last week of quarantine to crank out the remaining fics I owe @t100fic-for-blm and the ever-so-patient donors! wish me luck

#bellarke #memori #murven #ps do people even read these ships anymore #i sure hope so bc I have half a dozen to write

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

Auntie Mame

My goal is to be that rich single aunt that flies everywhere, wears designer clothing and brings expensive gifts to her less successful family… in other words my goal is to become Auntie Mame.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Auntie Mame (1958) with Rosalind Russell. No matter how many times I watch this movie there are three aspects that captivate me every single time - the art-deco apartment, the wardrobe, and Auntie Mame’s joie de vivre.

In short, Mame is an unconventional fun-loving socialite from the roaring 20’s who is left to care for her nephew Patrick after his wealthy father dies. Conflict ensues when the executor of his father’s estate objects to the aunt’s eccentric lifestyle. Once Patrick arrives at her penthouse she makes it her mission to instruct him on the finer points of life:

☓ How to make the perfect martini: “Always stir, never shake. Bruises the gin.” Who needs a butler when you have a child who will politely ask guests: “Would you like an olive? Auntie Mame says it takes up too much room in the drink.” Hashtag preach.

☓ Partying. Growing old should not impair you from throwing wild parties and waking up at noon.

☓ Razor sharp wit. Why hold back your remark if it’s funny and true?

☓ Travel, always travel. The eye has to be trained and you train it by traveling from an early age. Everything has to be lush and extravagant.

☓ Eternal joy - live live live! If after watching this movie it doesn’t make you want to refuse to play by the rules and blaze your own trail, I don’t know what will.

Personally, Rosalind Russell spoiled my chances of enjoying anyone else in this role, but if you’re ever bored you should watch the 1974 version with Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur…I mean, Bea is sort of everything.

#this film is everything

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

When Harry Met Sally (1989) + letterboxd reviews (insp.)

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

MANNY JACINTO for Sharp Magazine (2021)

#OH MY GOD #when is top gun coming out #I need it #also a rom com with him #pls #who do I need to bribe

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

#I literally love him #I too would pay to hear that angelina Jolie convo

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

Where's the spirit essay jojo

oh you mean the essay about how spirit untamed is legitimately the most evil thing i have ever seen and knowledge of its existence caused me to question whether humanity can truly be redeemed? you mean that essay? i need you to understand that i think dishing on children’s media is stupid. children, and young girls especially, are constantly derided for what they like. i’m not here to do that. likewise, i’m not here to dish on sequels and reboots. i love sequels and reboots. i even liked the hobbit movies. i have no taste and won’t attempt to force my taste on others. no. i’m here to say that spirit untamed is an unmitigated crime against both god and man in every way a piece of media can be because it attempts to build on the unparalleled masterpiece that came before it.

and i know i’m right. i’ve never been more right. what the fuck is spirit untamed, you ask? here’s a trailer. you’ll note they turned off comments. every official iteration of this has comments turned off. what i’m about to say in this essay is very much fellow-feeling for people of a certain age and they’ve made their thoughts explicitly clear basically everywhere this sequel film has been talked about. if you don’t want to watch the above trailer or can’t, it’s a cgi animated horse girl movie with all the horse girl accoutrements. she moves to a small town, she’s a little weird, she loves animals, she makes friends. presumably something bad is happening and she will fix it with horses and friendship. once again, i’m not here to dish on that. i love cgi and i’m a horse girl. i learned how to ride on a mustang. this is a movie about me. that’s fine. if this were the only spirit that had ever existed, it would be fine.

unfortunately, this is a sequel to a much better movie, 2002’s traditionally animated spirit: stallion of the cimmaron. when i say it’s a “better movie” i mean that i’m not totally sure two movies so different can exist in the same universe. because the 2002 movie was told from the perspective of the HORSE as voiced by MATT DAMON and it was literally about him SABOTAGING WESTWARD EXPANSION and FUCKING THE EVIL UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT and DESTROYING INDUSTRY.

there are exactly two relevant humans in the film: the colonel (he’s a colonel) and little creek (he’s a lakota boy who gets captured by the united states government along with spirit, the titular horse). i’ll let you guess who the bad guy is! no i won’t. it’s the united states government which is accurately depicted as an accessory of capitalist expansion west as represented by the railroad specifically, to the detriment of all things good. the first time we see anyone in uniform, they’re killing natives in an unproved massacre on a native village. shortly after, the colonel captures spirit, and then little creek after that. when the colonel sees little creek, he comments on his race in a way that is malicious and real, and then has him put not in the stockade but tied up where they tie unbroken horses, where they have tied spirit. the movie never attempts to sidestep what it’s depicting or saying. it says it plainly, in a way any child or adult can understand. it’s uncompromising.

honestly, i’m kind of shocked this movie hasn’t entered into the modern sphere of discourse a little more. maybe it’s because it’s unimpeachable. no one can disagree that it’s visually one of the most beautiful animated movies out there. no one can disagree with the message, because it’s so simple and true: yes, the government destroyed native populations. yes, it existed largely as an arm of capitalism to aid westward expansion at the expense of native populations and the land itself. the dichotomy of good and evil is so clear in this one and the evil is american.

this is the climactic scene:

spirit–who has just destroyed the railroad with little creek’s help–tries to escape the actual literal united states government who are trying to actually kill this horse and this lakota boy with actual guns. i think little creek actually gets shot, but not fatally. they escape together by jumping across a canyon, solidifying the eagle symbolism that the movie used repeatedly as a metaphor for freedom and the spirit of the west, but the west-west. like the actual land in the west. not whatever texas thinks it is. it ends with little creek letting spirit go (this scene apparently still makes me cry 20 years later so JOT that down) along with his own horse so they can go live in horseful peace in the (titular) cimarron, which in this movie is an effective stand-in for the unmolested west–though the area depicted is largely a fantasy mishmash of various areas.

full stop i’m a emotionally compromised about any discussion of the american west and history. it’s been most of my life and the depth and nuance is endless. we could examine the rights and the wrongs of the national park system, of preservation over conservation, over the drastic and continued and literal physical marginalization of native people and cultures. we can also get deep into wild horses in this area specifically today, how they’re rounded up, why, and where they ultimately end up. all the efficacy of that. i’ve been to more bureau of land management auctions than i can count, and even trained a few wild horses. i’m not going to get into any of that here. i just want you to know that this animated horse movie, with music by bryan adams and hans zimmer, is the closest thing we have had to a mainstream kid’s movie addressing any of it. any of the reality and any of the history.

it depicts the government sanctioned destruction of native populations, it shows how the “untouched” west was actually very much touched by native populations prior to industrial expansion west but not in a way that destroyed those areas, it critiques the very concept of taming the west, and it shows that manifest destiny and westward expansion as represented in the movie by the railroad had a very real toll on nature in and of itself and required vast fucking resources to accomplish. it even shows that they were really shitty to horses in the old west. and again, not to harp on it, but it absolutely 100% is the only mainstream animated film that shows an unprovoked massacre of a native village by the government. and it did all this no exposition, almost no dialogue at all. it just puts it on screen in stunning animation. i dare any studio to even attempt a movie like this today. no one would even try.

NATURALLY, THIS GIVEN, I WOULD FEEL SOME RESERVATIONS ABOUT A CUTESY SEQUEL WHERE SPIRIT IS LITERALLY TAMED BY THE DAUGHTER OF THE RAILROAD OWNER.

#the biggest yikes #if I watch more than 30 seconds of this movie I am crying #actual tears #ugh

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

Sky High (USA, 2005)

#this movieeeeeeee #film tag

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

2.03 | 2.14 | 3.01

#ah murph #heartbreaker gatekeeper

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

A day late to this, but thank you so much to @gansxythethird for tagging me in the new era of BFSN! I love that we’re just sharing various photos but especially flowers and such?? so many beautiful nature shots I’ve been seeing! These are from this past weekend, had a chance to finally see some friends again and get away from the city and the heat for a bit! ☕

no idea who’s interested in joining in so for now just sending a hello out into the universe and feel free to do what you wish! @the-most-beautiful-broom, @carrieeve, @burninghoneyatdusk, @kinetic-elaboration, @poppykru, @nathanmillers, and @thelittlefanpire​!

#oh I didn’t know this was a thing we were doing now?? #this is so aesthetic though I’ll defs do it next week #if it happens again? #love ya Kath!

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

the princess and the lord || a JATP x the princess diaries 2 AU for @troped-fanfic-challenge

“Your highness,” Viscount Covington says, and it sounds like a grovel. “Madam, may I introduce my nephew, Lord Lucas Patterson.”

“Your majesty, the pleasure is all mine,” Luke says to her grandmother, standing up.

Had Julie thought he was charming, yesterday? How had she been so blind, that this conniving, infuriating, thief of a man—

“And my granddaughter, Julia,” Victoria says.

Julie tips her head at the two of them, looking away almost immediately. She doesn’t think she can look at Luke again, doesn’t want to see the reminder of what a fool she’d been, not twelve hours ago.

“Julia,” Victoria says, a prompt in her voice. “Would you care to welcome our guests?”

Duty.

Julie smiles, perfect, steps forward and extends a hand to Covington. “Good to see you again, Viscount.”

“Your highness—” Luke begins.

Julie stomps on his foot.

read on ao3

#julie and the phantoms #jatp fic #juke #julie molina #luke patterson

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

JATP ROUND 4 WINNERS

Thank you all so much for voting! Here are the winners: First up is for the ‘Best Overall’ poll, where voting was based on the best combined use of the four tropes for this round + the theme!

Best Overall Combined Use of the Four Tropes + the Theme:

1st Place

Look, Steal From the Rich. Do It. - nik_knows_nothing

2nd Place (TIE!!)

born to be yours -@willexxmercer

Okay, So You're Interrupting the Political Guy Again, So Think About That - nik_knows_nothing

3rd Place (TIE!!)

the princess and the lord -@the-most-beautiful-broom

our best days are yet unknown - @aroacethetic-shitpost

Round 4 Winners: Theme!

These are the winners for the voting categories relating to the use of the theme, which was Authors Choice for this round!

1st Place

Look, Steal From the Rich. Do It. (Sci Fi/Space Western) - nik_knows_nothing

2nd Place

born to be yours (Romance) - @willexxmercer

3rd Place

take my heart (and take my hand) (Romance) - @sunsetcurbed

—————

Round 4 Winners: Tropes!

These are the winners for the voting categories relating to the use of the four tropes that were chosen for this round’s ‘mystery basket’!!!

Trope 1: Soulmate AU!

1st Place

take my heart (and take my hand) - @sunsetcurbed

2nd Place

born to be yours - @willexxmercer

3rd Place

our best days are yet unknown - @aroacethetic-shitpost

———

Trope 2: Royalty AU!

1st Place

the princess and the lord - @the-most-beautiful-broom

2nd Place

our best days are yet unknown - @aroacethetic-shitpost

3rd Place

take my heart (and take my hand) - @sunsetcurbed

———

Trope 3: Long Story Short...

1st Place

born to be yours - @willexxmercer

2nd Place

take my heart (and take my hand) - @sunsetcurbed

3rd Place (TIE!!)

Look, Steal From the Rich. Do It. - nik_knows_nothing

Okay, So You're Interrupting the Political Guy Again, So Think About That - nik_knows_nothing

———

Trope 4: Authors Choice!

1st Place

Look, Steal From the Rich. Do It. (Heist AU) - nik_knows_nothing

2nd Place

Okay, So You're Interrupting the Political Guy Again, So Think About That (obivious pining) - nik_knows_nothing

3rd Place

born to be yours (character races to catch their loved one before they leave) - @willexxmercer

——————

Round 4 Winners: Bonus Polls!

These are the winners for the bonus poll categories, Best In Character and Most Unique Pairing!

Best Royalty Idea!

1st Place (TIE!!)

Look, Steal From the Rich. Do It. - nik_knows_nothing

Okay, So You're Interrupting the Political Guy Again, So Think About That - nik_knows_nothing

2nd Place

born to be yours - @willexxmercer

3rd Place

the princess and the lord - @the-most-beautiful-broom

———

Most Unique Soulmate Idea!

1st Place

our best days are yet unknown - @aroacethetic-shitpost

2nd Place

take my heart (and take my hand) - @sunsetcurbed

3rd Place (TIE!!)

Look, Steal From the Rich. Do It. - nik_knows_nothing

born to be yours - @willexxmercer

—————— Congratulations to the winners, and thank you all so much for writing this round! The fics were all incredible and wonderfully fun and creative, we were so happy with how this round went!

#ahhhhh so fun!! #congrats to everyone!

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

Keanu Reeves as Don John in Much Ado About Nothing (1993)

#COME ON

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

"She'll break your heart, Dmitry."

"Be quiet, what do you know about anything?"

#gosh i loved this musical #mostly bc i love derek klena #but it's fine

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

#my favesssss

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

Emma, you should not make matches, or foretell things.  Whatever you say, always comes to pass! You must not make any more.

EMMA. 2020, dir, Autumn de Wilde 

[the-most-beautiful-broom]

Julie and the Phantoms | 1.03

#the first time i watched this i screamed #if only irl was this easy lol #i love them #bright forever